#and instead of using a notes app like normal people do i chose this because i can pretend that this somehow matters
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i'm tipsy and sad and i just want to matter and not to feel like this
#sometimes my brain tries to put blame on others for making me feel like this#but it's my fault and mine only#i'm the only one responsible for thinking and feeling like this and i'm the only one who can make it stop but who doesn't do anything#it's so much more easier to whine and whine and whine and complain and cry when no one sees#and try to make excuses for not doing stuff because oh that's just because of how i feel#and i mourn all the things i lose because of this#wake up you stupid pathetic loser you're the only one who is to blame#and you should stop making fucking excuses and pitying yourself and do something about it#i'm the one who made myself lonely and boring and instead of making it better i just wallow in self-pity and feel miserable#i just want this to stop#but once again i'm too lazy to do something about it#i just want it to stop#will i even just shut the fuck up about all of this and just work on myself instead of rambling stupid shit on the internet#i don't want to write these stupid fucking posts but i guess i feel the need to get it out of me at least somehow#and instead of using a notes app like normal people do i chose this because i can pretend that this somehow matters#well newsflash loser it doesn't so learn to shut up#i wish i could#i can feel a headache brewing#falling asleep will be fun tonight#jesus i rambled too much#not that anyone will read this tho so it's probably fine#or not idk#personal
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Hi @lawonderlandwriter
I canât reply because this is side blog. Question: did you read my post? Did you read the response I gave to someoneâs thoughtful reply full of good information I didnât know? Have you looked at my blog? My Daenerys themed blog thatâs existed for months in which I am unabashedly a Dany fan? You may notice that I am a Jonerys shipper who hates the way their romance played out. You may notice that I donât like Jonsa. You may notice my posts criticizing a lot of bullshit anti-Dany talking points.
This is me. Five years ago. With my $400+ costume tailored to fit me, with my $100+ lace front wig, with my $100+ custom-made 3D printed chain. I was a show only for a long time and hated the way it ended but resisted reading the books because the things that happened to Dany were so horrible and I loved her so much I didnât want to read them in a more detailed perspective. I only changed my mind because HotD re-invigorated my interest in the series and my mental health is better now so I thought I could handle it. I loved the books so much more than the show that the I had to make a tumblr blog about it. And I chose to make it Daenerys themed.
This is also me. 6 years ago. Trying to painstakingly recreate a Daenerys-like hairstyle in my hair (which is hard when you have a normal human amount of hair and not a Hollywood wig).
Hereâs me again, 4 years ago. And how about this album of images from the past few weeks that Iâve generated using an AI app of myself as Daenerys, for no reason other than that I love her and relate to her and like to see myself as her?
This is a considerable amount of devotion across many years for a fake Daenerys fan. And for what? To what end? To rile people up on tumblr dot com? Does that make sense? That Iâd make tons of posts defending Daenerys and funnel hundreds of dollars into cosplay and maintain a Daenerys themed blog just âŚbecause? I am a PhD student who just finished my Masterâs. I do not have time to host a performative fan blog for shits and giggles. Not did I have the foresight to start my performance offline six years ago just so I could infiltrate the ranks of Daenerys fans online.
Seriously. Read my post. Read my response to the reblog on my post. And consider that âI love this character and donât want her to be a villain but have trouble believing that such a big change in her character could have just been an invention of the showrunnersâ is not a hateful stance. Someone else pointed out that the Starks and Lannisters are also called threats and if you have a look, youâll see that I think thatâs a great point and respond with gratitude and intrigue when the information is presented without hostility. If you bother to check, youâll also see that I have walked back my stance and now find it much more believable that D&D invented villain Dany because I have been given new information. Of course, you arenât required to check the notes of a post to see things like this before engaging. But when youâre going to accuse them of being a fake fan and meet them with hostility, you really, really should do a bit more investigation first.
When you reply to a post, you are directly engaging with another human being. If I had made a brief hateful post, things would be different and I wouldnât have a right to be snappy about it. But you came onto a thoughtful post about the character my blog is themed after and decided to be rude instead of considering what I had to say and giving me the benefit of the doubt, and I canât abide by that.
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Today is an okay day for me, so far. Although my sister and mother had to talk me out of my paranoid thoughts twice today, I still feel happy that I got the chance to be with them. We talked about what we want to do in the future: sing karaoke, try bowling, hope to watch a circus or a play, or visit places we would like to visit.
Listening to the sound of rainfall for a couple of minutes helped me be calm, for a moment, and my sister told me that that should be my normal/default mode, since my normal mode for a very long time would be to be anxious and to try and cut the worst-case scenario/Deja vu dreams of mine from happening. We also talked about heartbreaks, parasocial relationships, and focus more on myself for now. We talked about what triggers my anxiety and paranoia, debunked them, and finally, we talked about Telegram, debunked why seeing about it a lot is triggering my paranoia. I don't know if I recovered my account, but I still have the same number and I used my usual e-mail. At first, I don't know why it wasn't listed in my accounts file, but I think it's probably because I created one before I created the file and used it a handful of times. I tried using either on 2022 or last year to listen to news from Uk*aine but I wasn't able to because my phone couldn't update anymore, and I couldn't use the app. I saw some of the news, but I couldn't open the videos of the fight nor could I scroll on the updates from previous days. That's what I can recall about it.
On another note, I tried studying the accounting book again and I finished the current chapter I'm in, and I just took a rest before continuing with my notes for the said chapter. There are times wherein I worry if I'm absorbing the process/steps taken by the writer of the book, but I'm hoping that I do... I'm okay with memorizing stuff, but when it comes to computing, that's where I really get anxious because I dread that I won't get the right answer, just like when I took my engineering degree and I felt that I couldn't get any right answers on any subject that has to compute for something, especially the calculus subjects or the electric current one... I remember that whenever I took the electric current tests, the professor would give you 5 pts if you wrote something in the said qustion and he'd give out 3 questions all the time. One time I only got 10 because I was spacing out with the load I took on that last term...
Reflecting on the reasons why I took engineering, I wanted to follow in my sister's footsteps. I look up to her on that regard, but I guess I should've chose a business-related course instead, if I had the chance of doing so. I'm not as detail-oriented like my sister and she has the patience to read stuff 3-5 times... However, that's life and I just have to live with my decision. I'm still grateful that I got to study the subjects I took, and hopefully, I'll still be able to use them in the future.
Reflecting more on who I was before and who I am now, I was someone who was angry and harboring a lot of hate whilst I was still really young, but when I was straightened out by a parent of a busmate of mine, I changed and instead of harboring hate, I tried to be friendly with everyone. High school was the happiest time in my life, so far, because I was friends with almost everyone and I was always laughing, nobody's shouting at me at home, and life's good. When college came, I became more cautious with befriending people because once they knew where I came from, they'd berate me and be passive-aggressive towards me, and up to this day, I still haven't gotten over that... After having my paranoid bout a couple of years ago, I'm trying not to get angry or to harbor hate because I'm already paranoid, nervous, and anxious and adding anger and hate to the mix isn't good for me... Looking back, although I don't like my current situation wherein I'm normally nervous, anxious, stressed and paranoid, trying to see it on a positive light, I'm not angry nor harboring hate as I used to before. I have a long way to go, but I hope that I'll be better.
With the things I'm grateful for today, I am grateful that my family is always there when I'm having a bout. I am grateful for the rain, even though I understand that a lot of my fellow countrymen/women are having a hard time right now... I am grateful for the knowledge I'm absorbing. I am grateful for the food, the utilities, and the roof on top of our head. I am grateful that even though there are trials and tribulations in life, I still pray to God to take care of everyone and to thank Him for everything around us. Although I don't go to mass, I pray every night to Him and talking to Him like I'm talking to a friend. Somehow, after praying, I feel lighter and I feel happy.
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a shoulder to cry on [jeon jungkook]
requested
word count: 5658
genre: fluff, some angst, highschool!au, jungkook x reader
warnings: mentions of depression/mental health
authorâs notes: this turned out suuuuper long, and iâm proud of it. sorry this took so long (i feel like iâve been say that waaaay too much recently). also, i didnât go through to check for mistakes because i wanted to get this posted since itâs been quite a long time since i last posted something. thank you all for staying!!
please do not copy my work. but please like and reblog it. thank you!!!!
âand⌠jeon jungkook and l/n y/n.â the teacher finished.
you groaned loudly, causing the teacher to cast you a glare.
you stood up. âcan i join another group, mrs? please.â
âno, y/n,â she spoke sternly. âyou guys never get anything done when i let you choose your groups.â
you sighed and leaned over your desk, resting your forehead against the cool surface of it. it was bad enough that you were getting assigned this ridiculous research project for your history class, but being assigned to work with jeon jungkook, that just made everything worse.
you heard the very student that you despised from the back of the classroom. he was most likely feeling the same level of dread that you were feeling. you felt yourself tuning out the rest of your classmates, only because of how loud jungkook was while talking with his friends. âwhy does it have to be her? and why did the teacher put you two together after complaining that we never get anything done when we work together?â
you heard one of them laugh. âi donât know.â
âdonât laugh! iâm literally suffering right now and we havenât even begun.â
you rolled your eyes as you sat up straighter. you rested your chin on your fist, your lips forming a pout. you stared off into space, drowning out the chatter of students, until the teacher spoke once more, âyou guys may begin on your projects. today will be your only work day. the rest must be done outside of school. sorry for the inconvenience, class, itâs just that we have a lot to cover before winter break. iâll pass out the requirements now. donât forget to tell me what your guysâ topic is. no repeats.â
you sighed again. you turned to look around the classroom, finding students already standing up and moving desks around, greeting and conversing with their partners. everyone seemed generally happy with who they were assigned with, everyone except for you and jungkook.
you were already stressed as it was. you had a lot to do because of school, but also, your mental has hasnât been all that good. because of that, you havenât felt the strength or motivation to get anything done. youâve only been able to produce results that you felt were very poor, but luckily for you, the teachers havenât noticed that lack of effort youâve been putting into your schoolwork.
after the teacher passed out the worksheet that had a rubric as well as the requirements for this project on it, you turned around to see jungkook stand up from his desk all the way in the back corner. he was visibly disappointed, and his friends, taehyung and jimin, were laughing behind his back, happy that they werenât in his predicament.
you watched jungkook maneuver around the clumps of messily-formed groups before going over to your desk. there was an empty desk in front of yours, so he walked over to it. but instead of sitting in it like a normal person, he sat down in it reversed, his legs straddling the chair so that he could face you. he sighed, âso, partner, what do you have in mind?â
you glared at him. âlook, if weâre going to be working together for the next two weeks, let's at least pretend that we donât despise each other.â you suggested.
jungkook stared into your eyes. they were half-lidded, and with his head resting on his hand, you could tell that this was literally the last thing he ever wanted to do. and you didnât blame him, you felt it too. but he didnât have to look so bored and uninterested. it was only making you angrier. if you ended up being the only one that put in work and effort into this history project, you would not hesitate removing his name off of the presentation and taking all the credit to yourself.
âfine.â jungkook replied, after some evident contemplation. âso, your idea.â
you sighed, sinking back into your chair. âi donât know.â
jungkook removed his head from his hand, resting his arm over the desk. he crossed his arms on top of your notebook, clearly not giving a fuck, and stared out the window. the continuous bouncing of his knee made your desk wobble. could this situation get any worse?
after lots of ideas, most stupid, were thrown into the air and written down on a blank page in your notebook, you and jungkook finally agreed on an idea. âancient egypt?â jungkook suggested, âthereâs lots of things you can talk about there.â
the point of the presentation was to decide on a country from anywhere in the world and basically create a presentation on its history. it was a rather vague prompt, so students could be creative with it.
you agreed with jungkook, you were interested in it yourself. âalright. now go tell her what we chose.â
jungkook, without any hesitation, stood up from the desk and walked over to the teacherâs desk. taehyung and jimin happened to be there, so, your partner became immersed into a deep conversation with them. he didnât come back until the teacher told him to sit down.
when class ended, jungkook stood up to go back to his seat. but, you had a question for him. âjungkook.â
he turned around, looking at you with an expressionless face. âhmm?â
âwhat days work best for you?â
he smirked. âare you asking me out?â
you rolled your eyes. âno, i mean to work on the presentation.â
his mouth formed an âoâ shape. âi have dance practice mondays and wednesdays after school, and sometimes saturdays. any other day works for me.â
you nodded, jotting the note down in the corner of your notebook, on the page that had been used to brainstorm ideas for the presentation.
jungkook then walked away without another word. you sighed tiredly, staring at your note. the next two weeks were going to be excruciatingly painful.
----
when school was over, you were on your way out of the classroom when you remembered that you had no way of contacting jungkook. you dreaded going up to him and asking for his number, it felt weird to you, but there was no other way.
so, off you went. you wandered in the direction of the dance practice room. it was monday after all, so jungkook had practice. the amount of students began to thin the farther and farther you walked. the room was next to the music room.
you heard laughter on the other side of the door as you approached the room. you could feel your anxiety creeping up, making you feel worse and worse. with a sigh, you pushed the door handle down and opened the door. immediately seven faces turned to look at you. you recognized jimin and taehyung, as well as two others from seeing them in the hallways or at lunch. but the other two you didnât recognize, not that it was important. jungkook was shocked to see you there. ây/n?â he called, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
your cheeks burned as you approached the seven boys. they had changed out of their uniforms and were stretching their limbs and muscles. they seemed shocked as well.
you cleared your throat. âum, i donât have any way to contact you, a-about the project.â
his friends smiled and began to playfully hit each otherâs shoulders. you felt uncomfortable, almost claustrophobic. and it didnât help that jungkook was walking towards. he held his hand out to you.
you stared at him for a while before reaching into your jacket pocket for your phone. you quickly unlocked it and opened your contacts app, before finally placing it in the palm of your hand. you were careful enough to not make any contact with his skin.
jungkook added his name into your phone, as well as his number, then he handed it back. âthere.â he said. âtext me later if you want to meet up.â
you nodded. âthank you.â
he nodded before turning around without any second thought. suddenly, after jungkook joined back into the group, it was like you were invisible. you were completely ignored by them. they talked with each other and joked with each other loud enough for them to not hear your slow-paced footsteps as you left the room.
your mood immediately dropped as soon as the door closed behind you, lightly hitting your back. it was nothing new. you had always felt invisible to people. you had some friends here and there, but they were always closer with each other than anyone was with you. you werenât popular either, or talented. you felt like you had no purpose other than exist and do homework.
with a long, dramatic sigh, you forced yourself to walk away. you had to go home and begin homework after all.
that night, you sat in your bedroom with your laptop opened in front of you. you had made a blank document and presentation, both for the project. you texted jungkook, do you have an email? i made a new presentation.
he didnât reply immediately. it wasnât until ten minutes later that he sent you a message telling you that he had been taking a shower. then he gave you an email address. you responded, asking him if you and him could work on researching ancient egypt in the library after school the next day. he said yes.
you emailed jungkook the document, telling him on the document that it was going to be used for taking notes and copying down information, that way both of you could have access to everything. then you emailed the presentation.
since there was still this week as well as next week to do the presentation, you shut off your laptop, telling yourself that there was no need to rush anything. then you got ready for bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.
----
for some odd and quite annoying reason, the day seemed to have gone by faster than normal. perhaps it was because you had been busy with school all day, but you felt quite surprised when the final bell of the day rang throughout the building.
you packed up your materials and notebooks into your backpack, remembering that you had to go to the library. you and jungkook were supposed to get started on researching about ancient egypt.
while packing up, a loud âbooâ came from behind you, scaring you. you screamed and jumped away. you turned around to see jungkook grinning proudly. you glared at him, âthatâs not funny, jungkook.â
he continued to laugh. âmaybe not to you, but it definitely was for me and my friends.â
your eyes widened slightly as you stepped to the left in order to see around jungkook. you found taehyung and jimin peeking their heads into the doorway. they too were laughing.
you felt your cheeks grow hot and turn red. you glared at jungkook once more before angrily grabbing your backpack and placing it on your shoulder. you stomped around jungkook and flashed a glare to his friends before leaving the classroom.
âwait!â you heard jungkook say a quick goodbye to his friends before hearing the rapid pace of his feet hitting the floor. ây/n, arenât we going to the library?â
you ignored him and continued walking.
he groaned. âare you serious? it was just a small scare. itâs not like i hurt you in anyway.â
he was right. but to begin with, you already hated this boyâs guts, and were barely tolerating his presence around you. for him to have scared you like that, would have made you laugh after if it was a friend of yours, but it had been him. it only aggravated you.
but, even though you knew it wasnât a big deal, you wanted to mess with him slightly.
you continued to walk with an expressionless look, staring forward you walked towards one of the exits of the school (when really you werenât going to leave but simply take the long way to the library).
ây-y/n.â he stuttered, trying to get your attention. âare you seriously mad?â
you could tell he was slightly angry, but it was amusing in your eyes.
âare you going home? but we havenât even started. y/n, this isnât fair.â
finally you broke into a small laugh, a choking sound emanating from within your throat. you couldnât hold it in anymore.
jungkook stared at you in disbelief. his round cheeks began to redden, matching the shade of the red backpack from a student that walked past just a few seconds earlier. his eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open.
âi was just messing with you.â you admitted as you turned the corner, the exit of the school now behind you.
jungkook scrambled to catch up to you. he was embarrassed by his reaction, and that he let you do that to him. he didnât, in all honesty, expect that from you.
the afternoon slowly turned into evening. you and jungkook got a lot done, which was surprising to you. âthe teacher gave us two weeks to prepare for this.â you began, turning to jungkook with a carrot in your cheeks. âbut, weâre already close to being done. just a little more research, and then we can begin putting it all on the slides and onto index cards. then we add pictures.â
jungkook nodded, but then his expression told you he was confused.
âwhat?â you asked him, biting another carrot.
âwhy index cards? what are those for?â
you shook your head, a small smile on your face. âwe need it to present. we canât put every single detail of information on the slides, it would be too much for the class. so we do only a few bullet points here and there, and then read whatever we have to from the index cards. itâs in the rubric.â you explained to your partner, pointing to the rubric that sat at the edge of the table between you and him.
jungkook nodded in understanding. âdo you think weâll be finished early?â
you shrugged. âi donât know.â
soon, you and jungkook packed everything up in the library. it was getting late and you still had homework to do at home. you were walking away with your backpack when jungkook called your name. âarenât you going to say goodbye?â he asked, a small, sideways-looking smile on his face.
you were brought out of a small trance. âoh, yeah. sorry.â you waved, faking a smile. âgoodbye!â
jungkook waved too and heading a separate way. his footsteps faded out after a while.
for some reason, after you mentioned that you had to get home, your chest felt heavier. you loved going home normally, but today it was like you⌠like you wanted to stay in the library.
you shook your head. you werenât thinking clearly, at least thatâs what you told yourself.
you felt lonely, that all youâve been feeling recently. and as the days go by, the feeling in your chest only grew heavier and hurt you more. you missed your other friends, whom you havenât had the chance to see all that much because of you guys being in different classes and because of the project. you guys had grown apart slightly, and it was bad enough that you were insecure and had anxiety about being left alone without anybody by your side. you often questioned whether they missed you too or had become better friends amongst themselves rather than with you. all of this was messing with your head. and it significantly brought down your mood.
being around jungkook, however, you felt wanted, needed. of course it was only because of the project, but being around jungkook brought up your mood. you temporarily forgot about all the things happening in you life, all the negative things.
you sighed, pushing away the rest of your thinking. you decided to put in your earbuds and listen to music to distract yourself. then, you began walking home.
----
it was friday, a few days later. you woke up with an idea in your head. after having been thinking about jungkook, and then your own rather distant friends for the past few days, you thought that you would try to talk to them after school. you would do it before school, but they hardly showed up as early as you did in the mornings. they even sometimes come to school just before first period started.
you got dressed and ate breakfast with your family. you were slightly excited, and anticipated talking to your friends again, although you also were extremely nervous.
you and your friends used to be in the same classes, thatâs how you guys met. but then a teacher came up to you, telling you that you had been showing remarkable grades and improvement, and asked if you wanted to be moved to a higher level class. you agreed, although sometimes you wished you hadnât.
you went about your day as normal. often times you would glance at your presentation partner during class. you had started to picture yourself talking to him and laughing, the feeling it would bring you. you would feel included. but it was a silly picture.
after school, you watched as jungkook and his friends left the classroom and began walking to their practice room. you headed in the separate direction, where your friends liked to hangout at. you heard their voices before you could round the corner.
âare you guys hungry?â one asked.
âi want ramen.â
âthat sounds so good. letâs also go shopping.â
finally, after a deep breath, you stepped into the hallway, a small smile on your face. they saw you and exchanged glances. âoh, y/n.â minhee, one of your friends, said.
âlong time no see, guys.â you said with a nervous laugh. âhow have you guys been?â
yeeun replied, âgood. you?â
âgood. i was wondering if you guys wanted to hangout, since we havenât seen each other in a while.â
they exchanged glances again, and your heart sunk down to the pits of your stomach. your smile dropped at their expressions.
âum, sorry y/n. but we kinda already has plans.â minhee explained.
you had heard them just talk about it, so they were lying to you. they didnât want you to come.
âoh, okay.â
the third friend, who hadnât said a word, met your eyes with concerned and sad eyes. she was the one you were closest to. her name was lina, and she was the nicest to you. âweâre really sorry, y/n. maybe next time.â
you nodded and tried to swallow the lump in your throat. they walked around you, heading towards the doors. lina spared a longing glance at you before hurrying around.
after they left you wandered down the hall. you wanted to look for a bathroom so that you could hide and cry and scream all you want. you donât know why your feet didnât take you home. perhaps you thought that you wouldnât make it. you would breakdown in the middle of the sidewalk. or maybe it was that your parents would question why you had been crying. and you didnât feel like talking to anybody about anything.
you soon began to run, hurry to some bathroom. it wasnât long, however, before the tears fell down your face, blurring your vision. before you could even register what was happening, you were on the ground. you knees erupted into pain, and your hands burned and ached. you had tripped somehow and your hands and knees caught you.
finally, you gave up. you just cried there, your head hanging low. you didnât know where you were in the school, or if there were other students nearby.
a few minutes passed when suddenly your heard your name. it was deep, and it sounded like an distant echo in your head. then there were hands grabbing your shoulders and forcing your head up. thatâs when you caught a glimpse of them, or him. it was jungkook.
his eyes were wide, and scanning every inch of your body before coming to your face. he was very confused and worried, but why should he be worried. you and him werenât friends. you and him were simply partners.
âwhatâs wrong?â he asked, âtell me.â he sounded urgent.
you shook your head. âjust go to practice.â
âno,â he replied sternly.
you pushed his arms off, feeling a wave of anger rush over you. âweâre not even friends.â
jungkook was hurt by that statement. just from this past week, he felt closer to you. you and him had talked for hours and worked for hours on the presentation. he thought that at this point, you and him were friends.
jungkook tried not to take it personally. you were a mess and not thinking straight.
quickly, before you could stand up and leave, jungkook wrapped his arms around you. he leaned against the wall, allowing you to lean on him. your face was pressed into his collarbone just underneath his jaw. jungkook was warm and comforting. being hugged as tightly as he was hugging you was definitely something you hadnât felt in a long, long time. you needed this warmth, this security. it wasnât long before you felt yourself calming down and giving in.
jungkook wasnât worried in the slightest about practice. he had been in the room around warming up when jimin burst into the room as if he was running from something. instead, he had told jungkook that he saw his partner, you, trip and fall by the bathrooms near the practice room. immediately, jungkook ran out and searched for you.
jungkook didnât want to rush you or feel any discomfort. instead, he held you close and told himself that he would wait patiently for when you were ready to talk to him. even if you never intend to, he would be fine with that.
you sniffed, trying to keep from getting anymore snot or tears onto his shirt. âiâm sorry.â you whispered.
he shook his head, âno, itâs okay. donât feel sorry.â
you sighed. âi didnât mean for you to see me like this.â
jungkook smile slightly. he adjusted his head on top of you, pulling you closer. you sighed, feeling tired suddenly. âdonât worry.â then he paused. âdo you want to talk about it?â
you didnât say anything. you wondered if you should tell him what you were feeling, why you were feeling it. you had only really known him for a week. was it weird that you felt so close and comfortable with him?
âiâve just been feeling so lonely recently. like, i donât have anyone that i can share my problems with, or have a shoulder to cry on.â you laugh at the small irony from this situation. âiâm not close to anybody. i am always the friend that id a tag-along or a burden, like i am intruding on everyone, like i annoy everyone...â the heavy feeling came back in your chest, and you felt tears wanting to spill again.
jungkook felt slightly guilty. he didnât like that you were feeling so much pain from this. it made him want to be there for you.
âyou donât have to be alone anymore.â jungkook spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. his cheeks burned as he spoke, but the words were all true. ây/n, i can be the shoulder that you can cry on, i can be the person you confide in.â
your eyes widen slightly. you pushed yourself up, wanting to see jungkook and look into his eyes. you were surprised by his sincerity, a huge contrast to how he acted when you and him were first partnered up. then again, you acted similar. âjungkookâŚâ your cheeks mirrored his own. âyou donât have toâŚâ
he smiled. it was a warm smile, one that made your insides flip, your heart to race. âi want to be there for you.â
----
things drastically changed between you and jungkook after that moment. it was something that you felt slightly ashamed or embarrassed about, but jungkook made sure that you were never uncomfortable around him.
the saturday after your breakdown, he texted you that morning. he asked if you were okay, and if you slept well. you werenât used to it, but it was making you happier. someone genuinely cared about you and your wellbeing.
on sunday, he asked if you wanted to go somewhere with him to work on the presentation. you agreed. as you got ready for the hangout, you found yourself trying to make yourself look more presentable than usual. you put on your cutest outfit and even applied some makeup. you were feeling yourself once again, and your mood wasnât bringing you down. jungkook was really somethingâŚ
you brought a small backpack with your laptop and notes to the cafe that jungkook had told you to meet at. you were ten minutes early, but you were even more surprised to see jungkook already there. he looked surprised but started to smile. you laughed, âyouâre here early.â
âso are you!â
you and him ordered drinks and breakfast items, talked a bit, and then got started on the presentation. you and jungkook decided to divide all the slides up. you and him would present all the slides that you and him researched and worked on.
there was something different between you and jungkook. the atmosphere between and around you was different. you felt closer to jungkook, you felt like you and him had been friends for years, when it has only been a week. it was an odd, but good feeling.
----
it was the day of the presentations. you and jungkook were set to go first. you and jungkook decided to meet before school to run through it again. you werenât exactly the best at standing in front of a class and speaking. if anything, public speaking was your enemy.
jungkook laughed a bit as you paced around the table you and jungkook picked in the library. you were complaining about how public speaking was overrated and stupid. âi just donât see the point. itâs stupid, absolutely stupid. who in there right mind thought âah, letâs make students suffer?ââ
jungkook laughed, ây/n, iâm sure the purpose is to get people like you comfortable with public speaking. itâs supposed to bring people out of their comfort zones.â
jungkook, obviously, wasnât nervous.
you glared at him. âwell, i happen to like my comfort zone. itâs comfortable.â
jungkook shook his head, laughing at you. âthen letâs go over it one more time.â
you stomped over back to your chair and sat down. your laptop was open between you and jungkook, the screen showing the title slide of your presentation, labelled ancient egypt. jungkook would be leading, since he was much more comfortable with speaking in front of twenty or more students.
he read off of his index cards, greeting the class, introducing their topic, and then beginning with his first slide. you and him popcorned back and forth between each slide, presenting the information. everything was perfect, the best that it could be, but not even the practice run could ease your anxiety.
you sighed, setting down your index cards. you then glanced at the clock on the wall across the library. you had only a few minutes before the bell would ring, alerting everyone that they had five minutes to get to class.
jungkook flashed you his goofy smile. you stared at him. âwhat?â
he shrugged and looked away with a blush in his cheeks.
you eyed him carefully. âwhat?â you repeated, not caring about how the tone of your voice increased in an octave or two.
he laughed, shaking his head. his cheek grew even redder. ânothing!â
you groaned. âjungkook!â
suddenly the librarian glanced in your direction and let out a big shh!. when she turned away, you stuck your tongue out. then you began packing up everything from the table. âwell,â you spoke quietly, âi guess we should head to class.â
----
the presentation went smoothly. you prayed that the students thought that you looked confident, that the teacher didnât think you looked nervous. she would dock off a few points for not seeming confident, as if you havenât practiced presenting multiple times. your hands were shaking the entire time as you read off of the index cards, and you were pretty sure your voice was shaky. you stuttered over words a lot too, but every time you messed up and glanced at jungkook, he flashed a smile, one that told you that you were doing great and to keep going.
having jungkook made things better for you. it was like him being by your side made you more confident. it was a weird feeling. you never thought that you and jungkook could ever be friends. just last week, you and him were hating on each other.
but now, perhaps there was something deeper, something more.
after school, just after the bell rang, jungkook came up to your desk and sat on the edge of it. âwe got an a!â he said excitedly.
you grinned, feeling extremely proud of yourself.
you glanced at the students leaving the classroom as you laughed to yourself. âi was basically nervous for no reason.â
jungkook smiled at you, that beautiful smile of his. it made you insides twist and knot. âi told you that you would do well.â
âyou did. you did.â
there was a pause, a silence that followed. it was a bit awkward, and jungkook wouldnât meet your eyes. you didnât know why he was chilling on your desk, especially since the classroom was now empty. everyone else were going home. why had he stayed behind? you also didnât want him to leave.
âso, uh, how have you been feeling recently?â he asked shyly, his cheeks looking like two bright red cherries.
you knew he was silently hinting at the breakdown you had in front of him last week. since then, jungkook had included you. heâd become a close friend of yours. you even became friends with his friends. you felt wanted again, and because of that, your mood had gotten better. you couldnât be anymore grateful.
your cheeks mimicked his own as you replied, âiâve been good, a lot better.â
âdo you want to hang out?â he suddenly asked, his words on the verge of stumbling over each other.
you stared into his intense gaze. his dark brown eyes looked urgent and were full of anticipation. he was nervous you could tell.
âright now?â
âor later. whenever.â
you laughed, adoring his shyness. âof course. right now is fine.â
he grinned and stood up from your desk. âyes!â he yelled triumphantly. âletâs go!â
you laughed and hurriedly packed up your things before following him out of the classroom. the school was almost deserted, so it was a lot of fun running down the hallway behind jungkook, laughing. you were out of breath, and jungkook was teasing you about needing to run more.
----
after hanging out with jungkook the entirety of the afternoon, it soon became very late. time really flew. it was getting dark outside when you and jungkook were walking to your house. you and him were playfully arguing about how to play uno, specifically whether certain rules were allowed or not.
âno, iâve played where you could stack plus twos and plus fours.â
âbut thatâs illegal!â he argued, âthey end up with millions of cards.â
you laughed. âbut thatâs the point!â
âno! thatâs rude.â
you broke into a laugh, having to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to double over and hold you stomach. jungkook watched you with a sweet, fond smile. he shook his head, walking away from you.
âwait!â you called, trying to catch up, âdonât leave me.â you ran up to him and collided into his back, wrapped your arms around his thin, muscular torso. he stumbled forward.
ây/n!â
you pulled away laughing. jungkook then, out of nowhere, grabbed your hand, walking along the sidewalk. âi wonât leave you behind.â he said.
you were shocked. he didnât even realize that he had done so. it was as if heâs done this multiple times. meanwhile, you were trying not to make a big deal out of it. your heart was racing, practically jumping out of your chest. and your stomach felt queasy. jungkookâs hand was so warm and comforting. you were already addicted to him.
suddenly, jungkook looked at you, noticing your silence. he blushed, nearly jumping a foot away from you and releasing your hand. and your heart dropped down, feeling heavy.
you stared at him, confused, speechless.
âs-sorry. i didnât mean to make you comfortable.â he hurried to say.
you shook your head. your voice was quiet when you spoke. âno, i liked it. itâs just i was surprised.â
jungkook stared at you. it was his turn to be surprised. âreally?â
you nodded, this time holding your hand out to him. you smiled.
jungkook blushed once again before hesitantly reaching for your hand and holding it gently, as if it were made of glass and would break if he held it too tightly. you grinned happily, trying to focus your attention on the warmth and softness of his hand.
while staring at the conjoined pair of hairs, jungkook stepped closer to you. you looked up at him, blushing crazily. the butterflies were there again. you smiled, âwhat?â
he didnât say anything. instead, he leaned down and pecked your cheek. he pulled away quickly, as if he was scared to do anything more. âyou missed.â you whispered shyly, looking down.
after hearing those words, jungkook grabbed your cheeks, forcing you to tilt your head back. then, he kissed your lips. it was rather short, but you knew that there would be more to come. when he pulled away, he was grinning. âbetter?â
âyes.â
#btsboulangerie#bts#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#bts one shot#bts scenario#bts imagine#bts angst#bts au#bts fluff#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook one shot#kpop
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What do I need to know if I want to apply?
The in character rundown:
By your characterâs thirteenth birthday, theyâll wake up with either an S or a D behind their ear. This is their mark and it determines whether they are a Dominant or submissive. I chose thirteen to allow parents the opportunity to educate their children in whatever way they choose for five years. Then from eighteen to twenty-one, unless otherwise controlled by their family, everyone has a few years to explore on their own before theyâre put into an academy and told how to think. This allows for a diverse range of origin stories.Â
This is an M/s world, so all Dominants are Masters and submissives are slaves. Subs have no say in what their lives look like.Â
The traditional and most common alignment is somewhere on the scale of pro M/s. Not everyone is a monster Dom/me and not everyone uses the ability to do things against submissiveâs will, but all Dominants are privileged because of this system and benefit from it. This causes blind spots in even the most liberal people sometimes.Â
At 21, it is required by law that all people be sent to a BDSM academy (like TGA) to get their education and prepare them for society. The earliest anyone can graduate is 25, but more often people stay until closer to 30. Submissives cannot graduate without a claim. Dominants can. If a submissive is still unclaimed on their 30th birthday, they get sent to auction at the slave markets. Also, when it comes to claims being broken, the ONLY PEOPLE that can end a claim are people like the Headmaster and the Dominant that put in for the claim. There are no exceptions because this is the law.Â
From the moment a claim begins, the submissive becomes owned property and reflects on the Dominant. Dominants can also take on more than one sub in a claim, but itâs up to what theyâre capable of because it has to be approved by the HM. Many Dominants that see subs as slaves will only get in romantic relationships with other Dominants and their subs are house slaves. It is not uncommon in the outside world for two Dominants to be married, with a house full of shared slaves. Submissives cannot marry legally, they can only be claimed.
Because this is an M/s universe and sex is very open and the power dynamics are based on whether you have a D or an S behind your ear, there is not a whole lot of transphobia, homophobia, sexism, racism, or any of those other nasty things. Instead, the nastiness in this world comes solely from the M/s politics. There are a few exceptions, there are always people with contrary opinions, but the mainstream society isnât bothered about people being trans, gay, or women. Itâs being a slave that puts you at the bottom of the barrel, itâs being a slave that people have preconceived negative ideas about.Â
The out of character rundown:Â
This is a MASTER/SLAVE roleplay and the theme of the roleplay means that you canât ask to totally avoid non consensual activity, especially if you play a submissive. Anyone at Dalton and any of the staff members may order or punish any submissive character that they choose and they may do it in any way that they desire-- submissives do not have the right to consent. I will make a note on your app if you donât want to write these scenes out, that is perfectly acceptable and not at all strange. None of us have actually written out any kind of non consensual scene-- all punishments have been written as headcanons so far. But that content is part of the plot, so keep that in mind.Â
Weâre a very relaxed environment ooc here, despite the ic tension that Iâve been dropping in with group plot drops. I only have five rules about activity, including a rule on bubble roleplaying, and they are listed in the ooc discord and on an anon answer from yesterday. The activity rule is a week and Iâm not always looking at it, but if it becomes a consistent thing, you could lose your spot here. I also ask that you reply to the first starter from every new roleplayer added into this roleplay to welcome them with the eagerness to write with them that they deserve. We keep activity rolling in an incredibly inclusive way because bubble rping is against the rules- I ask that you do your best to continue and initiate conversations and paras with all characters. Of course, you can always ask for your roll back if you end up on the unfollow list for not meeting the very relaxed activity rules.Â
I have all of the plot info on this blog here, but the masterlist/bio/boarding info/info about current events are all archived from the first iteration of TGA because it ran for so long, Iâm too sentimental to get rid of it. I will answer anons here, but all acceptances, follow links, current event info, plot drops, and masterlist information can be found on @tgastaff. I also play the Headmaster and the tutor from that blog, so you can expect in character announcements and BDSM information over there too.Â
This is an open fandom roleplay now that also accepts OCs that are both based on a fandom (we have a lot of Glee OCs) or completely original from start to finish. The original TGA was a triplet roleplay, I would like to keep the idea that it was normal for people to have about three children. It makes it so that they have more than one opportunity to have the âperfect childâ that they dream about while also helping keep the ancient aesthetic I have going on. When it comes to having children, think royal families trying to continue their bloodline and take over the world. Not everyone is a triplet though, and you might want to reach out first if you want to create an OC attached to an already taken character.Â
You can ask to join our ooc discord server before you apply, if you want to be able to plot through some things with the people here first.Â
You canât just ask for a claim. *In the right circumstance*, I might consider accepting an already claimed pair but I donât really do that sort of thing here because claims are very highly regulated. When two characters that are shipping here request a claim, there is an actual process of things that the Headmaster does before he will either accept or deny it. And he can take away a claim at any time. He can also demote Dominants to the status of submissive as a temporary punishment if he doesnât think a Dom/me is owning their role properly.Â
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Make It Right
(Read on AO3)
âI donât need this ridiculous app,â Alec mutters, flipping through the start-up questions of the dating app. âI can just go meet someone if I want to go on a date.âÂ
He doesnât need to see the âuh-huh, sureâ looks of clear disbelief that Jace and Izzy are giving him to know that they arenât buying it. He doesnât blame them - the three of them lived together for years and almost all of Alecâs current friends he made through one, or both, of his siblings. But then Izzy and Clary got engaged and Izzy moved out, leaving just him and Jace; and as entertaining as experiencing Jaceâs flavor-of-the-week girlfriends first hand is, Alec just couldnât keep up the commute to his new job and live with Jace. Barely two weeks ago Alec moved into his own place much closer to work, alone. The decision was easy knowing it was only a matter of time before they all went their separate ways, figuring itâd be easier to start now and acclimate.Â
Alec thought itâd be freeing to separate himself from his siblings. Instead, all it did was make them even more concerned that he was just going to sit alone in his apartment for the rest of his life when he wasnât teaching.Â
He wishes he could say otherwise, but less than two weeks in and all heâs done is prove them right.Â
It didnât take long for him to extend his office hours at the university and make more time to volunteer at events around campus. He also spends longer on campus, staying to support some of the sports teams at home games, but he talks to plenty of people while heâs at work. He tells his siblings - and himself - that spending more time at the University is just what he has to do as an Assistant Professor to make a good impression, and swears up and down that it isnât just a distraction technique.Â
They all almost believe it, himself included.
âFine,â Alec agrees, hoping to humor them enough to get them off of his back about this. âOne week. And if I hate it, Iâm deleting it and youâre never forcing me to fill out another one of these profiles again,â he concedes.Â
Jace goes to argue but Izzy cuts him off. âDeal,â she agrees quickly. âNow, let me take a photo of you for your profile.âÂ
âWhatâs wrong with the one Iâm using now?â Alec asks, having planned on just using the same one from his Facebook on here.Â
âIf you have to ask thatâs a sure sign you need my help,â Izzy sighs. âNow, smile.âÂ
...43 minutes later, Izzy has a photo that sheâs satisfied with. Itâs a âvery casualâ picture of him sitting by the window in his apartment, in a plush armchair he got second-hand, one leg dangling over the arm while the other curls underneath him. It was horribly uncomfortable even if he manages to hide that fact from the photo itself.Â
âThere!â She exclaims proudly, putting some sort of filter on it before posting it so that none of the colors are the same as the original photo, something which he definitely doesnât understand but knows better than to question. âIâm not sure how you manage to make an exposed ankle look so attractive, but I think itâs going to work for you.âÂ
â...thank you?â Alec says, the question heavy in his voice over what he can only assume is meant to be a compliment, even if it is the strangest one heâs eve received.Â
âAlright, so what youâre going to do is swipe left when--â Izzy starts in, though Alec is quick to stop her.Â
âI said I thought it was stupid- I donât live under a rock. I know how it works.â In all honesty, he had used one or two of them in the past. But back when he was fully closeted he always just closed it in a panic the moment he even considered swiping right on an attractive guy. Also he never in a million years wouldâve told his siblings when he had them because he knew what would happen.Â
And he was right, because itâs happening now.Â
 âAnd Iâm not going to do it while youâre here. So letâs just pick a movie, and Iâll look at it later.â He turns his back to them to head into the kitchen to grab some popcorn and drinks, and doesnât even look back to check their reactions before adding, âI promise!âÂ
He hears them finally move at that, shifting the sofa so itâs closer to the table in the middle and gathering all of the pillows up into one area from their respective chairs.Â
They watch the movie, end the night early because they all have work in the morning, and Alec waits until Izzy and Jace are both safely miles from his apartment before he pulls his phone back out and opens up the dating app.Â
He flicks through the profile for a few minutes, looking at the photo Izzy chose and wondering why he couldnât just use something that didnât look staged. In fact, the longer he looks at it, the more he doesnât like it at all, and ends up closing back out of it without doing anything.Â
â...well, I only promised to look at it later.â Alec mutters to himself before setting his alarm for early enough to stop by the coffee shop on campus on the way to his office.Â
---
The line for coffee the following morning is twice as long as usual - something he shouldâve anticipated given the fact that itâs Monday and half the campus seems to need some extra help recovering from their weekends. Heâs in the process of very visibly judging a group of freshman wearing frowns full of regret as well as sunglasses indoors when a voice sounds behind him, just next to his shoulder.Â
âOh, come now, Alexander. Surely you remember those days.âÂ
Alec spins around to see Magnus Bane who is sporting yet another new jacket, this one with some sort of adornments on the shoulders paired with pants tailored so perfectly he looks as if someone plucked him off of a runway. Alec knows the jacket is new - Magnusâ second new jacket this week - because heâs spent the better part of the academic year making a mental note of every outfit Magnus wears, determined to experience just one that doesnât make Alecâs breath catch at first glance. Right now heâs 132 for 132.
Not that Alec is counting.Â
âNot really,â Alec admits. âI wasnât a big drinker.â
He shifts his gaze from the students back to Magnus to find the other Professor giving him a quick once-over as if sizing him up. âNo⌠I suppose you werenât.â Magnus says after a moment of consideration.Â
Alec is pretty sure he should be offended by that, even though he brought it up first and Magnus is only agreeing.Â
Despite his immediate crush on Dr. Bane, one which only got worse as the year went on, Alec kept (and sadly, continues to keep) his distance. For starters, he isnât out at the University yet, not to any of his students and certainly not to any of the faculty. Heâs new here and still warming up to them, careful to keep any talk of dating or relationships vague enough to not be a lie while also not giving too much away. Secondly, when Alec started Magnus had a girlfriend, and after 3 months of burying any hint of feelings he felt it was just easier to continue on that way even after he got wind that they broke up.Â
Thereâs also the small fact that every time Alec has the chance at starting something new with someone, he ends it before it can even begin. He catches himself doing it with Magnus the past few months- every time Magnus tries to extend an olive branch and be proper friends Alec practically runs in the other direction. Heâs made a fool out of himself with fumbling excuses and forced abrasiveness more times than he can count - why Dr. Bane is still so nice to him, Alec doesnât think heâll ever understand.Â
Normally this is where Alec would excuse himself, but unfortunately the line is crawling along at a snailâs pace as Magnus continues, forcing Alec into the first proper one-on-one conversation theyâve had in months.Â
âI, on the other hand, still canât get enough of a good club. I assume you havenât been to any around here?â Magnus waits for the shortest pause, already knowing the answer, before going on. âI know a few secret gems just far enough out of downtown to be mostly student-free, if youâd ever like to go sometime.âÂ
âIâm not much of a dancer, eitherâ Alec says with a shrug, missing the flicker of disappointment fall across Magnusâ face as he side-steps the offer. âMy sister Izzy says she wonât even dance with me at her wedding because sheâs afraid Iâll end up breaking her toe or something.âÂ
That startles a laugh out of Magnus and Alec smiles back at the sound of it, melodic and carefree. He finds that heâs far too pleased with himself for being the reason behind it and does his best to bite back a grin of his own.Â
âSounds like you just need the right partner.â Thereâs something undoubtedly suggestive about the tone Magnusâ voice takes at the suggestion, but thankfully Alecâs turn to order comes about right at that moment and he doesnât have time to overthink it.Â
âRed eye with one cream,â he orders without hesitation before taking a step to the side to make way for Dr. Bane.Â
âIâll have what heâs having,â Magnus orders immediately after, and Alec raises an eyebrow at that. He should ignore it and continue his track record for suffering in stoic silence, but now that heâs finally allowed himself the start of an actual conversation with the other Professor he doesnât want to stop, which is exactly what he knew would happen. Instead of speaking again, Alec compromises with himself and simply continues to look over at Magnus with a questioning expression.Â
âWhat?â Magnus asks with feigned innocence, moving imperceptibly closer beside him to stand while they wait for their drinks.Â
âYou didnât strike me as the type to drink red eyes,â Alec says.Â
âNothing good ever happened from playing it safe. Whatâs a Monday morning without a little adventure?â Magnus asks with a wink.Â
â...wait, you mean you just copied me on a whim?â Alec huffs out a laugh. âOh man, are you in for a surprise.âÂ
âIt canât be that bad,â Magnus says, though thereâs a hint of doubt in his voice now that wasnât there before as the barista calls out their orders and sets them on the counter. They each grab one, and despite his reluctance to meet Magnusâ gaze earlier Alec holds it steadily now, watching his reaction as he takes a sip of the coffee.Â
...and nearly spits it back out into the cup. âYou willingly drink this?â Magnus demands, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, face still scrunched together in disgust.Â
âItâs an acquired taste,â Alec admits, already heading towards the door. âSee you around, Dr. Bane.â
âPlease, just call me Magnus,â Magnus says, knowing full well Alec isnât going to listen this time as much as he hadnât the last dozen times. Â
Alec tries not to think too much about that little run-in the rest of the day, or the tone Magnusâ voice took that one moment, or the way he seemed to crowd Alecâs personal space. After all, thatâs just the sort of personality Magnus has, right? Alec couldâve been any other acquaintance of Dr. Baneâs and he wouldâve done the exact same thing.Â
Nothing to see there, nothing at all.Â
---
Alec is taking a quick break from grading when he remembers the app on his phone and decides to look through it for a bit to kill some time. He flips through a few photos, hesitating over one or two but finding himself slightly put-off by some of these profiles. A lot of them sound like they couldâve been written by Jace which is more than a little concerning, and when someoneâs only selling point is half a dozen photos of their abs he knows itâll be pointless to even attempt a conversation.Â
Heâs about to give up and close the app again when he sees it - or, more accurately, sees him.Â
Magnus.Â
The photo Dr. Bane has set on his profile is absolutely sinful - heâs sitting in the VIP lounge of a club and the lighting is dim but the people casually draped around him seem to almost frame him in the set-up rather than distract from him. Alec can see so much of Magnusâ chest that he might as well not be wearing a shirt - and Alec almost wishes he wasnât.Â
Suddenly abs as a selling point doesn't seem like such a horrible idea, though he knows for a fact that Magnus has so much more to offer than the impressive body layered in sheer fabric and dangling chains on the phone screen in his hands. Perhaps thatâs what makes seeing this sort of photo that much more enticing to him. And that isnât the only photo - thereâs one of Magnus lecturing, one of him at the gym, and another of him sitting on the ground surrounded by at least half a dozen cats. Of course heâs perfect outside of work, too.Â
Keeping the app open in the background Alec pulls up his contacts and, after a moment of consideration, clicks Simonâs name.Â
âHey, I have a theoretical question for you,â Alec starts.Â
âI have a theoretical answer,â Simon counters without missing a beat. âShoot.âÂ
âSay you come across a coworker on a dating app. And theyâre attractive⌠but youâre not out at work. And also acting on a crush on a coworker is only going to end in awkward disaster⌠but you want to know if heâd swipe right on you, you know, just out of curiosityâŚâ Alec rambles, letting his predicament to hang in the air.Â
âWell theyâre going to know you arenât straight if they see you on there anyway, right? I mean, you wouldnât show up for them at all unless you had your profile set to match guys, soooo⌠that catâs already out of the bag whether he picks you or not.â Alec can practically hear Simonâs shrug punctuate his observation on the other end of the phone line.
âShit. Right, well, thatâs fine. It isnât like Iâm denying it or anything.â Alec may not parade the information around but he wonât hide it if it comes up. That isnât the main issue anyway. âI donât want him to think I like him, though.â Alec conveniently leaves out the part where he does like Magnus, he just doesnât want Magnus to know. âSo swipe left, then.â âBut I want to know if heâd swipe right on me. And the only way to do that is to swipe right on him and wait to see if we match.âÂ
â...so swipe right, then? Dude, Iâm not sure what you want me to tell you to do here. I donât really have a lot of experience with those apps anyway, Iâm probably not the best person to ask. Have you tried Izzy or Jace yet?âÂ
Alec groans, putting Simon on speaker so he can go back to looking at the app again while they talk.Â
âI donât know if I want you to talk me into it or out of it,â Alec admits.Â
âAlright, look at it this way. If you swipe right heâll never know unless he does, too. And that means he thinks youâre hot too, so thereâs no harm done, just some mutual appreciation. And if he swipes left on you it isnât like heâll know you swiped right, no harm no foul.âÂ
The idea of Magnus Bane ever choosing him on a dating app - especially considering the sort of attention and responses Alec is certain that profile photo gets him - is almost laughable⌠but Alec wants to know if he would or not just the same. Even if it means he feels the need to avoid Magnus even more than usual at work afterward as a result.Â
âAlright. Iâm going for it. Thanks Si.â Alec resolutely ignores the tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, something more might actually come from this, but itâs definitely there.Â
âLet me know how it turns out!â Simon says before hanging up. Alec allows himself a moment to take a deep breath before swiping right and waiting to see if the âItâs a Match!â screen pops up. A second or two pass.Â
Nothing. Well then.Â
He reminds himself that maybe he just got to it first -- maybe it isnât that Magnus swiped left on him, but that Magnus didnât see his profile to make a decision just yet. That, somehow, is even more terrifying than the obvious option of accepting he isnât Magnusâ type. What if Magnus does the same thing, just to see what Alec did but not really interested in him?Â
 Alec is already formulating a plan in his head to excuse this whole imaginary future scenario away by saying his siblings took his phone and used the app for him when thereâs a knock at his propped-open door.Â
Alec drops the phone out of his hands and onto the floor when he looks up and sees Dr. Bane.Â
âJumpy today, Alexander?â Magnus asks, eyebrow raised.Â
âSorry. Guess that coffee earlier kicked in too strong,â Alec lies, standing from his chair to bend over and grab the phone. When he stands back up heâs positive he catches Magnusâ looking at his-- no, absolutely not. Alec immediately dismisses it, clearing his throat. âCan I, uh, help you with something?âÂ
Magnus takes this as an invitation to step fully into the room, leaning back against the wall once heâs inside. âNo. Just saw your light still on; Iâm pretty sure youâve been the last one here every night this week, I wanted to make sure everything was alright.â
âIâm good. I shouldnât be here much longer,â Alec lies, eyes darting back to the pile of essays to grade in front of him.Â
âNeed some help? At the very least I could grab you some dinner so you donât starve to death locked away in here.â Magnus makes the offer so casually but it sends Alecâs stomach into sweeping flips, finding the kindness behind the thought impossibly endearing before immediately wondering how pathetic he must look for Magnus to offer in the first place. Â
âNo,â Alec insists. âReally, Iâll be out of here in no time. Thanks, though.â Magnus hesitates for a moment before sighing. âAlright, suit yourself,â Magnus says, and Alec swears he hears Magnus mutter something about playing hard to get under his breath as he turns and heads back into the hallway.Â
Alec sinks down in his chair and lets out a sigh of relief, but when he turns back to his grading it takes twice as long to get through as he stops to check his phone every few minutes, just in case.Â
---
âHow is your back holding up these days?â Magnus asks, a strange glint in his eyes.Â
âWhy?â Alec frowns at the question. Itâs only 9 am but heâs been grading for the last two hours straight, determined to finish the final pile of essays before lunch. Reaching for the cup on his desk he takes another sip of coffee to fend off the exhaustion he feels creeping in from the combination of the late night and early morning.Â
âWell, I simply figured with the way you spend all of your free time reading books slung over that armchair so haphazardly, it probably does a number on your spine.âÂ
Alec nearly spits out his coffee. His profile photo. Of all the ways he imagined this moment of acknowledgement taking place this wasnât even an option, and he doesnât know if heâs more thankful or annoyed. On the one hand they can laugh this off and maybe, if heâs lucky, even act like it never happened. On the other hand, this is a bigger deal to Alec than it clearly is for Magnus who probably does stuff like this all the time.Â
âI suppose I should ask how the small animal rescue league you run off your balcony is faring, then?â Alec retorts, recalling the photo with all the cats. Not the most impressive comeback but itâs the best he has after being caught off-guard.Â
âAll but one of them are strays, for the record. And theyâre all doing lovely thank you for asking.â Magnusâ eyes never leave him no matter how much Alec averts his gaze and attempts to look too busy at his desk to have this conversation. When he looks back up Magnus is still in the doorway.Â
A silence falls between them when Alec doesnât reply. He actually has been busy all morning, buried under a pile of blue books to grade, which is why his phone is still in his bag, forgotten. Thereâs no longer any doubt that Magnus saw his profile, but whether he swiped right or not Alec has no idea, he hasnât checked his alerts in hours. Honestly, after the night passed and he didnât have a notification about Magnus on his app he just assumed Magnus didnât match with him, which was fine, probably for the best.Â
Or so he thought.Â
âSo, it seems like weâre a match?â Magnus continues conversationally, taking a slow step forward into the room before pausing, continuing only when Alec makes no move to stop him. âI have to admit, Iâm a little surprised...âÂ
Alecâs heart, which is beating far too fast for his own good, now feels like it drops straight into his stomach. Of course Magnus is surprised, to imagine Alec ever thinking he could match up with someone like him--Â
â...after all, youâve done nothing but shut down my attempts to flirt with you for months now.âÂ
âWhat?!â Alec sputters.Â
âPlease, Alexander, donât play coy. I havenât exactly been subtle.âÂ
âNo, you were -- I thought you were just being nice because I was new,â Alec admits, which is mostly true. Thatâs what he convinced himself of this whole time, after all; that Magnusâ particular brand of niceness happens to border on flirty sometimes, not that he ever means anything by it.Â
âIâm not that nice to just anybody, which is probably a side-effect of being friends with Dr. Fell for too long.â Magnus points out. âNice wouldâve ended the first two or three times you shot me down. This was shameless, almost desperate at this point, flirting.â Â
Alec gapes, unable to process this information. Sure, Magnus offered to grab lunch once and a while, or drinks, or-- oh. Alec just thought those were all just extended invitations so he wouldnât feel left out as the new guy. Somehow the idea of them potentially being dates hadnât even crossed his mind until just now. Every time Magnus joked around with him, all the teasing he now realizes very belatedly was actually flirting, Alec dismissed entirely. He wrote off the invitations Magnus extended him as pity, but nowâŚ.Â
âWait, you said weâre a match. You swiped right on me?â Alec says with clear surprise, finally realizing the implication of Magnusâ previous statementÂ
âWhat part of âIâve been flirting with you for monthsâ didnât register?âÂ
âPretty much all of it, clearly,â Alec says, the words tumbling out before he can think twice about them.Â
Just like that Magnus is laughing, the noise filling the silence between them, easing it. âSo you donât hate me, then? Because if Iâm being honest I was starting to get a bit of a complex about it. Iâd think all the signs were there but the next minute youâd practically sprint in the opposite direction.âÂ
âDo me a favor and please donât ever let my sister hear you say that. She doesnât need to know Iâm exactly as much of a disaster as she thinks I am,â Alec groans, considering his next words carefully. This can backfire spectacularly, whether Magnus means his end of it or not. If they end up going on a date and hating each other⌠or if Magnus is only doing this as a bet or something, to mess with the new guy...Â
But looking up at Magnusâ expression while he waits for Alec to continue, Alec doesnât see anything there but genuine interest and curiosity in his eyes. Alec lets out his momentarily held breath and decides to take one step forward this time without the two steps back in return. âSorry I made you think I hated you, itâs⌠itâs quite the opposite, actually.âÂ
There it is. He doesnât know why heâs as nervous as he is even after everything Magnus just told him, but his heart is still racing in the few beats of silence that follows.Â
âYou have a funny way of showing it,â Magnus points out, but thereâs a small smile spreading across his face now. âSo if I ask you out for drinks after work today, youâre not going to turn me down again?â
âThereâs only one way to find out,â Alec points out, the small smirk that tugs across his face appearing much more daring than he actually feels, but the laugh Magnus gives again makes it totally worth the fear.Â
âAlexander, darling, would you like to grab a drink with me after work tonight?â Magnus asks.Â
âI donât know, I do have an awful lot of grading to get throughâŚâ Alec starts, and the look of incredulity on Magnusâ face breaks the serious expression Alec tries to hold almost immediately. â...but I think I can fit you in.âÂ
âPerfect, itâs a date,â Magnus gins as he shifts towards the door again. âTry not to work too hard.â
âNo promises,â Alec laughs. âAnd uh, yeah. Iâll see you later then, Dr--â he starts, a force of habit, before catching himself. â-Magnus.âÂ
Itâs such a slight shift but itâs undeniable, and the way Magnus practically beams at Alec finally calling him by his first name at work is contagious - Alec canât keep the smile off his face the rest of the day.Â
And later, when Magnus swings by his office after classes to see when heâd like to leave, itâs the first night in weeks Alec isnât the last one there. As it would turn out, itâs just the first of many.Â
#malec#magnus bane#alec lightwood#shadowhunters#shfanficnexus#HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRI!#have some super not angsty Same Professions trope for your day <3#I hope you have the most amazing day!#elle writes a few deadbeat lines
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This was written for a @mrs-captain-evans 2,5K followers Writing Challenge. Congratulations on the milestone and hereâs for 2,5K more!
I chose âWell, this is awkwardâŚâ as my prompt because as I was scrolling through the options the scene that particular scene just jumped at me.
Summary: Twitter is a strange place. But once in a while, you connect with someone.
Word count: 3,564
Warning: mild language, 35 seconds of angst, could be less if you read it fast.
Warning2: there will be a lot of Trump bashing at the beginning of this story. If youâre offended then maybe this isnât a story you should read.
Authorâs Note:Â Â All rules regarding verified accounts and how they behave were taken from Twitter.com.
It all started innocently enough.
Chris had opened Twitter to post a video of Dodger playing with his stuffed lion, knowing his dog was a fan favorite, when Trump decided to give his opinion on a National Geographic article about Global Warming.
GOD, he was a moron. A dumb, squinty-eyed, toupee wearing, orange moron. Chris seethed as he clicked on retweet with comment and called out the man he had the displeasure of calling President.
A few seconds later his notifications started to pop up. He switched tabs to Mentions and Replies where thousands of retweets with GIFs and other memes were pouring in before he filtered the tab so only verified accounts were shown. Mark retweeted his reply, Don wrote a snarky and an awesome comeback, Ellen Page tore the man a new one and an MIT professor he met during a flight home to Boston mentioned him and your account as prime examples of the generation who could make a change. He liked some favorites, retweeted a few others and was about to close the app when a new mention popped up, this time from your account, thanking your mentor and sharing a blurb about being cool because you were now linked to Captain America.
Curiosity got the best of him and Chris clicked on your handle. The header was a picture of Diagon Alley at the Warner Brotherâs Harry Potter Tour in London and the picture to the side was of a woman dressed up as a Gryffindor student, wand, scarf and a pointed hat. He noticed you were also a verified account and your small bio read âY/N, 30something.â, âYou can be anything you aspire to be. I chose to be a nerdâ and âDirector of Media Studies at MITâ.
That is an interesting combination, he thought while looking through your latest tweets. Chris immediately found your own retweet of the orange moron and he laughed when you called him a dweeb, deeming the man unworthy of being president of your dogâs agility class, much less president of your country. You also quoted him in a series of articles that could be found at the Congress Library website and citing other articles from different countries, asking him to please trade his Rich Richie comics for something an actual president needed to know âYou know, like Obamaâ.
You had an incredibly sharp mind for a woman who spent her free time dressing up as a fictional character, he thought before shaking his head when he looked down at his costume. Yeah, better not judge.
Chris spent a good chunk of his downtime between takes that day going through your tweets. Every time his PA called him to block a new scene or to film a close-up, he would carefully lock the phone without closing the app so he wouldnât have to scroll down again.
Later that day he was back on his trailer resting, they wouldnât be going home that night till the first Thanos fight scene was over but he was now free of his Captain America clothes and could relax. He took a shower in the small trailer bathroom, put on a loose pair of boxers and picked up his phone again, opening the Twitter app, happy to see it was exactly where he left.
Chris was now looking at your tweets from two years ago. He scrolled down on some retweets, mostly articles about social media and its influence on people, thoughts about the latest Game of Thrones episode, a tweet about watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier again after the results of the presidential election and how it had changed your views of the movie and a trip to London to guest lecture on a seminar in Oxford, with a link to watch your lecture on Youtube. Â Youâre funny, witty, and after watching your lecture on Book to Movies Adaptions: Bridging the Gap in the Fourth Dimension, he realized he was enthralled not only by your pretty eyes and lush lips but also with your mind.
He saw pictures of your adopted one-eyed blue merle Cardigan Welsh Corgi aptly named Captain Hook which you confessed was rarely used because you liked to call him Hooker, calling his name out loud around Cambridge Square just to get a reaction out of people. He laughed long and hard imagining you walking up and down Tudor Street asking if anyone had seen a one-eyed Hooker prancing around.
He worried his bottom lip for a moment before closing the app and opening up Safari quickly founding what he was looking for on his saved links. A new window opened and Twitter.com was now on his screen but instead of the usual @chrisevans handle, the account belonged to @BostonBrains81.
The Patriots logo stared back at him from the top of the page and a random shot of the crowd in one of the home games stood over a simple bio: Boston. Beer. Patriots.
The account he used to interact with his friends back home, like their baby pictures, sign in to various sites and go even crazier over the Patriots than he normally would on his main.
He looked nervously around his trailer before he searched for your handle, clicking the follow button before he lost his courage.
You are now following @Y/H
Was he really going through with this? His index finger hovered over the reply button on your latest tweet, the one where he was also mentioned.
âOk Chris, you can do this.â
BostonBrains81 @Y/H youâre a lot cooler than Captain America. Wicked answer to the resident Oompa-Loompa, but I gotta ask, you think he knows how to read?
There, he did it.
_
That had been the first of the many 280 characters conversations you had with each other.
At first, you wondered if he was just a creep that followed you because Professor Travis mentioned you and Chris Evans on the same post; you had gained almost a thousand followers because of that, but they quickly unfollowed you when you didnât gush about Chris Evans or they realized you didnât actually know the actor. Not @BostonBrains81 though, he stuck around, commenting on some old articles you shared, liking all the pictures of Hooker you posted and even replied to the one where you shared his name asking if calling out for a Hooker in Cambridge had you stopped for solicitation at any point. You laughed at his joke and decided to follow him back.
The guy, you assumed it was a guy, was incredibly intelligent, always had a smart comeback to your jokes and could make you laugh in less than 100 characters. You shared most of the same views, from politics to music and books, the only point of contention was football. He was probably the biggest Patriots fan you had ever met and you being originally from the west coast was a Seattle Seahawks fan. He told you he had a working buddy who was a huge Seahawks fan as well and they had watched the Superbowl together in Arizona a few years back.
Heâd ask you for a new book recommendation every few weeks and confessed his line of work had him waiting around quite a bit. You believed he was a flight attendant because he more than once replied to you from different parts of the country. You wondered if you should let him know the location settings were turned on.
You quickly got into a routine of checking his page to see if he was online that day and a little over two months since you first âtalkedâ, you moved on to Direct Messages and conversation become more serious. Thoughts on religion, the #MeToo movement, gay rights, all were candidly discussed and you now actively sought his opinions on some of the subjects you taught your classes.
For a flight attendant, the man had some strong opinions and knew how to keep a conversation going. You chastised yourself for your classism, just because he had a blue-collar job didnât mean he couldnât have a sophisticated mind.
Some people are incredibly well educated and never set foot inside a college corridor, you remembered Professor Travis lecturing an advanced Media class you sat as his aide. Take Captain America for an example, I met the young man who portrays the superhero during a recent flight from Atlanta to Boston and I was highly impressed. He could very well be a post-doctorate student here, but he chose to follow his own footsteps to Hollywood and I thank him for it. I quite enjoy the dichotomy he brings to his portrayal of Captain America and Steve Rogers during The Winter Soldier and Civil War. If you havenât, please watch those movies as weâll be discussing them in our next class.
Professor Travis had been your theses supervisor and was one of your closest friends, even though he was thirty years your senior. The man had one of the sharpest minds you knew and his classes on Comic Books and the Juxtaposition to Modern Politics was always full, with a waiting list that never got any smaller. You usually sat those classes as his aide and he called on you often to share your views on what the media contributed to the political storm brewing on the horizon and what comic books contributed to that. Captain America had become one of Travis favorite subjects as of late, the whole Hydra and Nazis making a comeback after the last presidential election.
The fact Chris Evans engaged in politics and wasnât afraid to speak up his mind played a huge part in why you started following him after Professor Travis met the guy. Sure, the man was eye candy to your often-tired eyes but he had a lot to offer than just those huge biceps, that amazing tight ass, and that soft-looking facial hair. You got a kick of his self-deprecating humor and once or twice you had jointed down a few books he mentioned and truly enjoyed them.
It was a really nice coincidence @BostonBrains81 had read them as well.
By the end of summer you were feeling lonely and thinking of asking another professor out. You wanted a male opinion on the idea, preferably one not in the same circle of friends and your best online friend was just the person to ask.
Well, does he make you feel nervous?
No, why would he made me feel nervous? Heâs a very nice guy.
See, if youâre not nervous around him that means he doesnât make you feel anything. If you donât feel anything for the guy, why waste your time? And a nice guy? God, thatâs the worst thing a woman can say about a man. A nice guy is as bad as saying a girl is okay. Is she beautiful? Meh, sheâs okay. Does he melt your insides? Meh, heâs a very nice guy.
Seems like you gave this a lot of thought.
Iâve had more girlfriends than⌠jobs. When I broke up with the last one, I decided to wait for the right woman instead of getting into another destined to fail relationship. Thereâs no shame in stepping back and deciding youâre worthy of more than just an okay girl.
Or a nice guy.
Exactly.
Being alone is not easy though. We jump from one relationship to the next because weâre already used to the normalcy of having that steady presence in our lives. It doesnât matter if we know that person isnât right for us or they might even be prejudicial for us in the long run. The relationship fills a void we donât like, that feeling thereâs something wrong with us because we canât maintain a partner.
Who let you in my head when I wasnât looking?
Sorry for getting too deep.
Youâre absolutely right though.
Thanks for the talk, no dates with nice guys from now on.
Donât go for the bad guys either.
Well, that considerably narrows the option pool. Who am I dating then?
How about me?
Good one funny boy.
Whatâs wrong with me?
Barring the fact that I donât even know your real name and you could very well be catfishing me, not much.
Catfishing?
You know, trying to make me believe youâre someone youâre not.
.
You there?
Sorry. Yeah, Iâm definitely not trying to make you believe Iâm anyone but myself. Nameâs Chris by the way.
Nice to meet you, Chris, Iâm Y/N.
Your conversations with @BostonBrains81, better yet, Chris, were now a daily occurrence and included questions about your daily lives and personal family stuff, Chris had three siblings, the youngest had been adopted and you spent a whole afternoon discussing the effects of adoptions on both the family and the child, you commended his parents for going through the processes and he opened his heart about normalizing the girl when she first came to live with them but now she was his favorite sister and he couldnât imagine life without Shanna in it. He told you about moving away from home at eighteen to pursue his dream job, you shared how difficult adapting to Boston was at first but how you couldnât see yourself living anywhere else now. He confided in you his work had him burned out a little and how much he missed home. Since his location had been stationed in Atlanta for the past three weeks, you deduced he worked for Delta Airlines.
Hey, you there? Can we talk?
Sure, Iâm just lounging, you good?
Iâm still at work, everyone is being a dick today and Iâm having a hard time coping, plus Iâm tired and a little cranky.
Iâm sorry. Coworkers can be a pain in the ass sometimes, no matter what the field. Have you tried the exercises you told me about?
Yes. More than once. They seem to work for a while but then I have to head back in and someone else decides itâs his turn to be a dick. And now the⌠execs are here and they want to change some of the stuff thatâs already done so that means more work and more dick-headed people all around.
When itâs your turn?
Uh?
Well, since everyone is having a bad day, why canât you lash out? Be a dick too?
Itâs never my turn. Chris is always the good guy, Chris is never a diva.
You donât need to be a diva to demand respect. Demand respect while being respectful, but put your foot down. The old you get more flies with honey. Do you need to be there?
Iâm supposedly done for the day.
So go home, take a bath, sleep in clean sheets. I know how hard it is to turn off work, sometimes I stay in my office for hours after Iâm my shift, but itâs not healthy. If they truly need you, they know where to find you.
They do yeah.
Go home, Chris. Pass on the shield.
What?
Like Captain America did in the comics. Let someone else do the job.
Oh. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
I make a lot of sense when Iâm drinking wine.
So your advice comes from your inebriated mind?
Iâm hardly inebriated. Itâs one glass of wine while reading a book in the bathtub. This is my me time.
Iâm sorry for interrupting your naked me time. Thanks for the visual though, itâll help me with my own time when I get home.
Go home, Chris. Itâs the wineâs order.
You were now on a territory you swore youâd never slipped into; flirting with a stranger online. You tried to talk yourself out of it, tried to curb this insane idea manifesting inside your head and your heart, you were a scholar for goodness sake, you taught your students to never engage romantically online, therefore, you should know better.
You most certainly didnât.
Iâd like to take you out for coffee sometime, you could show me around MIT.
Maybe. When you get back from Atlanta, let me know.
How do you know Iâm in Atlanta?
Your location setting is turned on.
Is it? Damn.
Yeah, I should have told you sooner. Working for Delta Airlines must nice though.
Yeah⌠I guess. Blue collar job though.
Donât be like that, you should not be ashamed of what you do for a living. If it makes you happy, itâs all that matters.
Youâre right, Iâm pretty happy doing what I do. So, coffee?
Sure. I usually get my caffeine fix from âBean there, Doughnut Thatâ over at Arrow St. Itâs always full of students.
Smart girl, going for a place where you can find a friendly face if we donât get along.
That, and you could be a serial killer, I need witnesses to remember your face. Itâs not like I *really* know you.
I look forward to changing that. Iâll be home after Columbus Day. Could we meet then?
Yes, sure. I want to finally put a face to the man Iâve talking for the past four months. Itâs a date.
A date uh? I like that. I like that very much. I hope you like my face when you see it, I kinda have an ugly mug.
Iâm sure your face is fine. Besides, I already like your personality and thatâs the part I always have trouble with.
Checking Twitter had become your new guilty pleasure and youâd close the app with a frown if Chris didnât post anything every few days, exactly what was happening right now.
He had been offline for a whole week and you missed your usual banter, his witty sense of humor and how he took to calling you Professor Hottie. The Patriots lost the second game of the season and you wanted to gloat a little but most of all you just wanted to know if he was okay.
Biting your lip, you clicked on the direct message button.
Been a while since youâve been online, did you get lost on the way back from Boston Market?
I see that you turned off your location sharing. Was I being too stalkerish?
I guess youâre busy or maybe you just donât want to talk to me. Iâll leave you be.
Had you come on too strong? Did you sounded desperate and scared him off? You read your past conversations and nothing sounded too eager on your part, maybe he just wasnât interested anymore.
Well, that was that.
You sighed and refreshed your home page one last time, checking your latest tweets and was surprised to see a new Tweet from Chris Evans, another Chris who had been MIA lately.
ChrisEvans Officially wrapped on Avengers 4. It was an emotional day, to say the least. Playing this role over the last 8 years has been an honor. To everyone in front of the camera, behind the camera, and in the audience, thank you for the memories! Eternally grateful.
Interacting with celebrities were never really your thing but you would miss Captain America, you were sure they would have to kill him if Evans would not play the iconic soldier anymore, so you took a chance and clicked on reply.
Y/H @chrisevans thanks for making Cap cool again, you made him justice and gave the tired soldier a new and improved multifaceted personality. Weâre gonna miss him.
Satisfied with your chosen words you smiled as you hit send. You got a few likes notification right away, some of your students and MIT faculty retweeted your post, Professor Travis included.
ChrisEvans @y/h thank you. Having people like you and @TravisMIT giving Cap your stamp of approval certainly makes me think I did a good job.
Wide eyes blinked back to the screen when you read his response. He not only thanked you but for some reason he held your opinion to a higher standard? How was that possible?
Your mentions exploded with people asking you similar questions and you had to switch to verified account only to stop the barrage of notifications for new tweets coming through.
Your phone beeped with a new direct message and a small glimpse of hope that your Chris was back made you forget about Evans.
Hey, sorry for the disappearance act, work has been crazy lately. Youâre definitely not stalkerish, that title actually belongs to yours truly but Iâll tell you more over coffee. Donât ever think I donât want to talk to you, our conversations are the highlight of my days. I missed you a lot these past ten days.
You cocked your head side to side while reading the message, twice, three times, trying to understand exactly what was going on. You should be happy, it was exactly what you wanted to read after being ghosted for over a week.
There was only one problem. The DM did not come from @BostonBrains81. It came from @ChrisEvans.
You hovered your mouse over the reply button but your brain was short-circuiting. You started and deleted dozens of replies, none of them conveying what you were feeling well enough. Deceived. Betrayed.
New direct messages appeared one after the other.
        Well, this is awkwardâŚ
        I can explain.
        Please talk to me.
        Look, I was stupid for not telling you sooner but doesnât change how I feel about you. Can we talk? Please?
Youâre now blocking @ChrisEvans.
Youâre now blocking @BostonBrains81
#Chris Evans Fanfic#Chris Evans Fan Fic#Chris Evans Fanfiction#chris evans x reader#chris evans x you#mrs-captain-evans#writting challenge
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WHO DID I LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO? + YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME.Â
âI got a little something for you guys. I donât know why youâd want to know facts about me, but I came up with a few that I wouldnât have said in any of my other videos. I also saw some assumptions about me that Iâd like to set the record straight on.â
ASSUMPTION: you think you're the prettier twin
False. I may have said that at one point, but I donât actually think Iâm the prettier twin. We have our own things that make us extremely attractive, but I donât think one of us is prettier than the other.
ASSUMPTION: you never listen to the advice you give to your fans
True and false. Iâve become better at it, but Iâm still terrible at listening to advice. Iâm getting there, though.
assumption: you're the better smythe twin.
False. Neither of us is better than the other.Â
Assumption: you feel like you're compared to your brother
True. Thatâs just the nature of having a twin, though. Everyone will always compare you to someone with whom you share a face.
Assumption: you enjoy flirting with everyone.
True and false. I donât think I flirt with everyone, but I am enjoying being single.
âAnd for what youâve all been waiting for...âÂ
Iâm right handed for most things but when it came to sports, I do everything left handed.
I can speak three languages fluently and hold a decent conversation in another.
Due to growing up in Seattle, my dream was to be a baseball player because of Ken Griffey, Jr.
My least favorite Disney movie for a long time was The Lion King. It took years for me to appreciate the cartoon version of Hamlet.
I havenât watched a lot of films that seem to be the quintessential films that everyone has seen --- Ferris Buellerâs Day Off? Breakfast Club? Back To The Future? I havenât seen any of those.
My first car was a silver 2009 BMW 335i.
My current car is a black 2018 Tesla Model S.
My favorite type of food is Italian. I absolutely love pasta.
As much as I love food, I canât cook all that well. I can boil water and put the spaghetti in it, and thatâs about it. Thatâs why the Postmates app is my favorite.
My last relationship was my most serious and important one.
The first time I had an alcoholic drink was when I was fifteen or so. Terrible cheap beer. I havenât liked beer since.
If I had to choose my favorite alcoholic drink it would be red wine, though I love bourbon on the rocks.
I learned how to whistle while listening to Wind of Change by Scorpions.
I donât have a favorite TV show. Iâve watched the Sopranos and Six Feet Under and some of West Wing, but none of those are my favorite.
I love playing video games even though Iâm somewhat terrible at them. My favorite games of the past year have been Red Dead Redemption and Spider-Man.
I only watched the first Avengers because I was on a date with someone, but it made me want to watch everything else before it and everything else thereafter.
While I donât have a favorite TV show, I can say that my favorite film is Fight Club.
My feet are always cold, even in the middle of summer.
The first thing I bought with my own money was a new TV.
I donât have a normal coffee order. Iâm not picky as long as itâs mostly bitter with a hint of sweetness.
If I could travel anywhere right now, it would be the Italian Riviera or Santorini.
I would love to go swimming with sharks.
Even though I canât sing or dance, I love to do that when Iâm alone in my apartment.
For a long time, I would make sure to look exactly like Sebastian in order to confuse people because that was something that was fun for me.
While at Stanford, I got slapped at a bar because I got confused for someone else. It couldnât have been Sebastian though since, like I told the girl who slapped me, my brotherâs gay.
I want to live in France for an extended amount of time some day.
I love sweets such as whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Take that as you will.
On another completely unrelated note, I lost my virginity at age 16 to a girl from a different school but who Iâd met through someone on the baseball team. It happened at her house, in her room... and then we messed around some more in her hot tub. Thanks for the nights thereafter too, Ashley.Â
Although I wanted to go to an Ivy League school in the Northeast, I chose to stay in the west coast and go to Stanford instead.
I donât like to live with regrets, but I do have one. I like to give out advice, but I shouldâve taken some advice for my own.
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TD Clues From 9x05: So Many!
Okay guys, this isn't even going to be a details post, which is what I usually do on Tuesday. Today, I just wanted to geek out about all the Beth/TF stuff I saw swirling around the episode last night. This wonât even all be from the episode itself.
***Once again, spoilers abound from 9x05. Donât read until youâve watched!***
âYou need to wake up.â
They repeated this often and thatâs important. Even though we didn't hear this around Beth, we did around Denise. This is an edit I made during S6. Remember this? And of course Denise is directly linked to Beth.
âWhatâs your wound?â Part 1:
I have about thirteen things to say about this. Okay, Iâm exaggerating. Not that many, but I have a lot.
First, we have to examine the structure of Rickâs hallucination. Some of this isnât directly Beth related, but sheâs involved, so we need to understand the patterns of what Rick sees.
Itâs structured in four parts, and each part involves two characters, most of which are dead. Even the ones who arenât dead are âgone,â and chances are Rick believes theyâre dead. In each part, one of the two characters is the one Rick sees and speaks to face to face. The other one is unseen, but he hears their voice saying, âWhatâs your wound?â One or both characters and their deaths/disappearances are major events in Rickâs life that he feels a great deal of grief and/or guilt over. Youâll understand as I go along.
These pairs also correlate with various season on the show, though not always just one. I guess they correspond with different eras of the show.
Part 1 is the opening sequence. Morganâs voice is heard saying, âWhatâs your wound?âÂ
This is interesting because, from an audience standpoint, Morgan is not dead. But remember that Rick tried to convince Morgan to stay, but Morgan took off to Texas anyway. Rick probably feels that he failed Morgan, and I think itâs a pretty safe assumption, given the state of all the other characters in this hallucination, that Rick believes Morgan is dead.
Rounding out this pair in part 1 is Rick himself. Heâs the second half of this pair. And given that he sees himself as he was before, before the apocalypse changed him, you might say he believes the man he formerly was is dead and gone. This obviously correlates with S1 and the very beginning of Rickâs arc.
Part 2 is where he speaks with Shane. Just before he sees Shane sitting in the squad car, a womanâs voice says, âWhatâs your wound?â Itâs Lori.Â
Think about that. Lori and Shane are a character pair. And that makes perfect sense because they were paired in Rickâs life. These two represent seasons 2-3. They also represent the part of Rickâs life when he was figuring out who he would be in the apocalypse and how he would handle things. Neither of them (Lori or Shane) were very positive people or positive influences on Rick. Thatâs reflected here by Shane telling Rick to embrace violence in order to survive. And of course, Rick felt a great deal of grief, guilt, and responsibility about both their deaths.
Part 3 is Hershel. In this instance we heard another womanâs voice say, âWhatâs your wound?â Everyone in my group instantly recognized Emilyâs voice. And there was a small, strange anomaly here, but Iâll return to it in a moment.Â
So, Beth and Hershel are the third pair. They fit the pattern again. Rick felt a great deal of pain and responsibility about their deaths. They represent seasons 2-5, with some overlap with Lori/Shane. Though overall, I think they represent S4-S5 because S4 was when we saw Rick and Hershel became really close, and of course Hershelâs death was in 4x08, while Bethâs was in 5x08. Itâs interesting to me that this pair is right after Shane/Lori, because, as bad an influence as Shane and Lori were, Hershel and Beth were exactly the opposite. Rick hugs Hershel, but didnât hug Shane. He apologized to Hershel about Beth, but no apologies to Shane about anything, or mention of Lori.
The fourth and final pair is Sasha and Abraham. While still in the hospital, Rick hears Abrahamâs voice say, âWhatâs your wound?âÂ
Then he walks through the door and talks to Sasha. So once again, he obviously feels guilty about both deaths. And they represent seasons 6-8. That covers the entire show. Now weâre in S9.
Okay, I promise this is all important. So now itâs time to look for patterns. There are really only two kinds of characters here. Ones that we know for sure are dead (Shane, Lori, Abraham, Hershel, Sasha). And those Rick believes are dead, but really arenât. I know we canât prove that about Beth yet, but itâs definitely true of Morgan.Â
Incidentally, I think the man Rick was also falls into this category. He thinks the good man he once was is dead (âIâm not the good guy anymore.â) But heâs not. Also remember that in 9x04, Carol said the thing about the Saviors needing to figure out who they want to be, and I said that was a theme? This is Rick figuring out who he will be moving forward. Will he listen to Daryl and become like Shane? Or will he listen to Hershel and Sasha and keep his hope, goodness, and compassion?
But I digressâŚ
Back to the strange anomaly I mentioned around Beth. All the voices that say, âWhatâs your wound,â are named in the subtitles.Â
Except one. In Hershelâs part of the hallucination, when itâs obviously Bethâs voice, the subtitles just say, âWoman.â
This was true of the subtitles on my TV, and then the same thing ended up being true on the AMC app (where these pics are from).
(And yes, Iâm aware this looks like Iâm pointing at Hershelâs butt. Not my fault what shot thy chose to put the subtitl on. đ)
Itâs really interesting, given that the other names are given, this has to be intentional. Normally, most of the GA has no hope of picking up on this because most people don't watch with subtitles on. However, I didn't recognize Lori's voice, so even if I usually didn't watch with subtitles (which I do) I might turn them on to figure out which characters were speaking. I'm wondering if tptb were banking on that.Â
And, once again, theyâre going out of their way to not mention Beth's name. (Even the subtitles are snubbing her now!) It's weird for two reasons.Â
1) She's mentioned audibly in the show by Hershel, and we saw her body lying there, so what would be the problem with saying her name in the subtitles?Â
2) Given that most of the GA thinks she's dead, it certainly wouldn't change anyone's opinion of that. If anything, just like when she appeared in Tyreeseâs death hallucination, it would reinforce it. So why was she not named?
The only thing I can come up with is that she's still alive. Sure, Morganâs alive too, but the audience knows that. Of all the voice overs, hers is the ONLY identity thatâs hidden. So, theyâre singling her out.
Bethâs Body
So now let's talk about the part we saw Bethâs body. Guys, this is huge. Not only did we see her, which would've been a big deal anyway, but the camera focused on her for several seconds. The camera pans over Daryl, and it's obvious that it's him.Â
We also see Maggie as the camera pans across.Â
And get a quick flash of Rosita as it fades out.Â
When Rick squats down, we can see Carol and Jesus clearly.Â
Then, of course, we see Beth.
Remember, I said before that I wasn't sure if there's anyone except live characters are in this shot? Weâve now identified several deceased characters on the field. I noticed Tyreese. Others have said theyâve seen Bob and some others. Plus, when Sasha talks to Rick, she rises up as though sheâd been lying on the ground, too. So not all the bodides in the field are still-alive characters.
But.
Hereâs whatâs interesting. We donât see closeups of any of the deceased characters. (Sasha doesnât count as she talks to Rick and is therefore in a class of her own.) When the camera pans over Daryl, Beth, and Maggie, itâs almost like itâs from Rickâs POV and his eyes are sweeping over the dead. Then, when he squats down (not from his POV) we see Carol and Jesus. So, the characters we see CLOSE UP shots of are all alive on the show.
And Beth is among them.
(Although it is interesting to note that we donât see her face. Just like in Coda when they didnât show her face again after she was shot.)
We could also argue that the camera focuses for a moment on her, which is weird. Yeah, it focuses on the others Iâve named too, but why didnât it focus on other âaliveâ characters like Enid, Jesus, Ezekiel, etc. No, instead they chose to focus on Beth.
So I think itâs really interesting that we specifically get them in that order. Daryl, then Beth, then Maggie. These three characters now have a stronger connection than maybe any others on the show, with Rick gone.
My point is that one of these things is not like the other. We have Beth singled out in two ways here. One, that they didn't name her in the close captioning, whereas all the other characters were named, and 2) it focused on her, even more than it did on the live characters.
Another thing worth mentioning here is that we see blood on the outside and back of her arm. Remember THIS theory by @bethgreeneisqueen. It's his theory that when Daryl shot Dawn, Dawn semi-fell on top of Beth. And that a lot of the blood we see by Beth's arm actually came from Dawn. I think that's a super-plausible theory and I've always hoped it's true.
This is almost confirmation of that, guys. I mean, we did not see her get blood on this part of her arm in Coda. This is nowhere near her head wound. From what we saw in 5x08, thereâs absolutely no reason there should be so much blood on this part of her body.
Why are they showing us this? If Beth really is dead, and they just wanted to include her in this scene, why show us blood on a part of her body other than the one we saw in Coda? The only reason to show something like this, that we don't have an explanation for and never saw the show, is because it's going to become relevant at some point. Theyâre showing it to us because they're going to explain it to us moving forward.
Another important point? She's wearing the yellow polo. Maybe that seems obvious because it's the way any fan would recognize her, but also keep in mind that in Coda, she was wearing her grey sweater. So weâre seeing her with blood all over her arm in a place she didn't have it in Coda, and it would have had to be underneath her sweater. So, this is super significant. It goes far beyond just seeing her in the episode. There's a massive foreshadowing going on here. I can't wait to see it play out!
âWhatâs Your Wound,â Part 2:
Letâs talk about this line itself, because itâs definitely significant. This line originally came from S1. Morgan said it to Rick in 1x01. Remember, that was because he saw that Rick had a bandage on his rib cage and was afraid Rick had been bitten. Saying, âwhatâs your woundâ was Morganâs way of asking if Rick had been bitten. Of course, Rick was still pretty confused about the whole zombie apocalypse situation, so it took him awhile to figure out what Morgan was getting at.
I had to think long and hard about why they repeated THIS line so much in 9x05. I mean, yes, the end mirrors the beginning, so thereâs that. But they could have feasibly used any line from 1x01 or from Morgan if thatâs all they were going for. Two things occurred to me about this that are intriguing. Both of them relate to Beth.
1) Morgan wanted to know what Rickâs wound was. It actually wasnât a walker bite. So Rickâs answer to Morganâs question was, âitâs a gunshot wound.â Maybe Iâm reaching, but anything gunshot wound related makes me think of Beth. Especially considering that in 1x01, Rickâs gunshot put him into a 3-week coma that he SHOULD have died from but didnât. And of course there are all the other parallels of being presumed dead and left behind.
2) âWhatâs your woundâ also ties into being bitten. Again, this is reminding me of Beth because so many of us think she may have been bitten and survived a bite at Grady. (Bite/Cure Theory) Which leads me into my next point.
Grady/Helicopter Parallels:
So, we have a situation where Anne/Jadis is giving people to the helicopter people, whoever they are. And with both Negan and FG, she tried to have a walker bite them. Why would someone in a helicopter want a person whoâs been bitten, unless itâs a medical thing. Like perhaps theyâre experimenting or working on a cure? Backing this up, in my mind, is the fact that in the final shot of Rick in the chopper with Jadis, heâs wearing a canula. (The clear tube-y thing in his nose; it dispenses oxygen.)
 What that tells me is that these people not only have access to hospital-level medical care, but that theyâre actually carrying it on the helicopter with them, so that if anyone they pick up needs care, they can provide it.
Furthermore, from the conversation the guy on the walkie had with Jadis, I donât think she can be the only person they have arrangements with to trade for people. I have to wonder if the helicopters themselves fly around snatching people up, much like the Grady cops did. Iâm just saying that this situation with the people who took Rick is VERY similar to what we saw of Grady in S5. The situations in which they were taken are even similar. Even though the helicopter people kind of had to be talked into taking Rick, it was still a matter of them finding him, injured, on the side of the river, and taking him to a place where heâll receive medical care. The Grady cops found Beth, injured, on the side of the road, and took her to where she received medical care.
We also know Grady had a helicopter pad. So, is it possible the helicopter people have ties to Grady? Could Rick and Jadis actually be headed to Grady? No idea, but the parallels are there.
Coda on TTD:
I totally wigged out while watching TTD because, while talking about the end of this episode where they showed Older-Judith, Andrew Lincoln referred to that as a âcoda.â The only time we've ever heard the word âcodaâ used in the show, was around Beth. We, TD, have called other things codas, such as the codas of the SDCC trailers, or the short return of Morales. But the show has never used the word âcodaâ except around Beth. Having Judith show up there, obviously a badass, wearing the sheriff's hat and saving people? All kinds of parallels to what we think will happen with Beth. So, calling it a coda, and given that Beth wore the sheriffâs hat in 4x16, is actually a major foreshadow of Beth's imminent appearance. Andrew Lincoln called it a coda, and later so did Chris Hardwick. I might have jumped up and down and freaked out a bit.
The Songbird in 9x06:
Finally, I want to talk about an image that's been released for next week. You can watch the first few minutes 9x06 on the app, as always. During that opening couple of minutes, we see Daryl looking up at a bird in a tree.Â
As soon as I saw it, my mouth fell open. Daryl is staring at a song bird! Then @katkhaos and M-Nonny found some info about what kind of bird this was. I assumed it was a Bluejay, which is a type of North American songbird. But itâs actually an Osciner bird. The official (not scientific) name the Osciner bird is known by is The Songbird. (SOURCE)
You guys see how important this is? Obviously, we've had a lot of things that are musical represent Beth, but to actually see Daryl staring at a songbird is a huge deal!
1) The obvious thing, that Beth was the songbird.
2) All the different kinds of birds theyâve used to symbolize Beth. Let me reconnect some of this imagery for you. We saw a birdcage in Bethâs cell in 4x01. In literature, a birdcage is very often used to represent imprisonment, so I think the symbol is mostly for that. But again, the actual symbol in literature is a caged bird. It's a very common trope used in literature to show a situation where a character (especially a female) feels trapped.
So, Beth was literally the songbird who was going to become trapped. Then later, in 4x09, After Carl explored the pudding house. He opened a bedroom door and saw a birdcage with the door open, and a bird dead on the ground. Even though I didn't understand all the implications of Carl seeing it back then, (I will also address that later on) there is no doubt in my mind that this is about Beth.
Now, there's not really a whole lot of resurrection symbolism here. This does seem to just foreshadow her death. But again, because the birdcage was in her cell, and we see another birdcage here with a dead bird, it suggests that the songbird will die trying to escape her prison. Which is exactly what we saw in Coda.
So I think they sort of divided up the symbolism. In S4, we only saw evidence of her death. In a way, I think it showed that while Carl continued to be on the show, Beth would not be. Sheâd be âdead.â Not until Carl's death did we see evidence of her resurrection around him. (The Phoenix.)
Then there's all the other birds we've seen around Beth. The blue Heron, the yellow finches from the funeral home in Alone. There are all the black and white birds we seen on the show lately. And now we have Daryl staring at songbird.
So here's the thing, guys. Iâve been thinking the past few weeks that, what with Rick leaving and the time, jump, that this is obviously the end of an arc, and 9x06 will begin a new one. Because of that, we have to treat 9x05 like a season finale. Which means we need to treat the next episode, when the new arc opens, like a season premiere. In other words, everything we see there will foreshadow this new arc moving forward.
So Iâll just to say it straight out. Daryl seeing a songbird foreshadows him finding Beth in this arc.
The fact that he sees the song bird with a nest of babies also indicates that Beth may show up with children. (Beth and Daryl as protectors of Children Theory).
(And this isnât by far the only suspicious symbol in the opening minutes of 9x06. Seriously, go watch it if you can. Daryl first sees this bird when it lands on a walker stuck on a tree. Itâs a callback to the walker on the tree in 5x15, Try, which we also think is about Beth.)
Oh, but it gets even better. Yesterday afternoon, M-Nonny sent me some info about Blue birds in various world cultures. Check this out: (Itâs long, so feel free to scroll through. Iâve underlined the most relevant parts.) (SOURCE)
Tell me that doesnât prove this bird represents Beth! Itâs right there yâall! Sun, dawn, threes, happiness, hope.
So, I said the other night that Gimpleâs announcement changed everything and maybe we would see Beth in one of these other spin-offs shows or some other kind of content theyâre planning to create. Because of the songbird, I do still think weâre going to see her in regular TWD. There's too much theyâve put in the show foreshadow her return.
However, I think there's a very real possibility that we might get her back story, how she came to find TF and everything that happened between Coda and now, in a different series. If they do some sort of show that features Grady, that might be where her history comes in.
And this is a great time to reiterate what Jarod Thompson (one of the actors who played a Grady cop) tweeted. You can see the entire tweet with comments HERE.
Letâs just say that several of those commenting on the tweet and pressing him for information may or may not be in my FB group.;D I think he started to get freaked out because everyone was flipping out over his tweet and pressing him for more. He starts just saying that heâs responding to the announcement, lol. Probably scared of saying too much. But after almost four years, this is practically a confirmation, guys.
Okay. I think Iâll stop there because this is super-long. This episode gave me so much hope. She's super-close guys. I can feel it!
#beth greene#beth greene lives#beth is alive#beth is coming#td theory#td theories#team delusional#team defiance#beth is almost here#bethyl
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Connecting...
The question isnât how hard it is to start a conversation, but more to how to keep the conversation going.
It started with a discussion of one specific episode of Black Mirror. Season four, episode four. Hang the dj. The episode took concern on how people handle romantic relationships nowadays. Easy, I ainât going to spoil the episode by telling the storyline in details. Iâm just going to say that Brooker and Patten really did a great job on portraying how technologies make a big impact on our daily lives nowadays, and that also include finding the so-called âThe Oneâ. They combined a Siri-like highly intelligent personal asistance and a very comitted online dating application way beyond what Tinder could give us and made a new virtual reality with the intention no other than finding us this âThe Oneâ person. Though you have to watch the episode yourself to be able to interpret the meaning behind this rare sanguine episode of Black Mirror, I could tell you that you will still be left with bewilderment and contemplation after watching it.
Hang the dj review aside, what I meant to tell you is how this little discussion about finding the one and dating-application ended up putting my friend and I in a dare to do a blind date with random and complete stranger using none other but yours truly, the one and only, the holy grail of matchmaking; Tinder. Well, we havenât really established the rule or the punishment yet, but one thing is for sure: you canât give yourself out in any way before you actually meet the person in real life, and vice versa. So, by the time you actually meet the person eye to eye, that is also the first time you can start getting to know the other person, and again vice versa.
Though we didnât really take this dare seriously, I was so determined to turn this dare into reality, just because I have always wanted to try blind dating but never had the chance and courage to do so. If you to ask me why I wanted to do blind date in the first place, Iâd like to believe the reason is because I found human connection fascinating. And whatâs the easiest way to test this instant human connection other than a blind date? Well, that or it could be just because I watched too many The And Series videos by The Skin Deep in one phase of my life (if you havenât watched any episodes of The And Series, you should probably go to youtube right now and just click on it because IT IS LIT!) and was really inspired by it.
youtube
Nonetheless, I installed tinder on my iphone and signed up for an account. I didnât put any real pictures of me, instead I put a picture of Dr. Rick Sanchez as my profile picture. Yes! That crazy scientist from Rick and Morty. Why, you asked? I used it as a filter. Confused? Haha, please bare with these silly superstitious mind of mine. Since Rick and Morty is like the best show ever on the planet, so I thought if someone see my profile and was drawn to it, means he must be familiar with the character, means he watched the show, means he is smart and had a good taste. In addition, I also wrote this one sentence in my bio âThis is purely for my personal social experiment. If you are kind enough to help me, thank you :)â
After a number of matches, (who ever guess swiping right and left could be very addictive???) I was torn between these three guys. We didnât really talk much in the chatroom since Iâve already told them from the start that one of the basic rule in this experiment is to start digging about each other only on the first date. But the truth is I did cheated a little, or so I wanna believe, a little. One of the guy that is on my date-list were happened to be my old friend from middle school. We werenât that close back then and we never talked again after we graduated, so in my defense, we were strangers all the same. In the end, I chose him as my âexperiment-partnerâ.
Long story short, we made an appointment to meet at one mall in Bandung. He was surprised to see me (I told him already that we went to the same middle school, but didnât tell him my real name), but didnât show it much on the exterior. We talked, and talked, and talkedâit was really nice having a conversation with someone you shared a little something in common with but not too much to make you run out of topics in three secondsâuntil we unmindfully circled the mall almost three full rounds already. It was really strange because I didnât feel awkward at all from the beginning, whereas normally Iâm an awkward panda everytime I met new peopleâ(and the awkward that happened to me most of the time is not about how I act and react, but more to how I feel inside). This rare rendezvous with tinder-guy that turned out to be very nice made me think for a split second that I can do it, that I have what it takes to make acquaintances, that I can easily jump in into dating life, that Iâm capable of being an extrovert human-being.
One horror movie and another stroll around the mall later, we ended up taking a gocar home together. We headed towards RSHS because my place was near and he wanted to visit his friend who were being hospitalized there. We didnât exchange number or any messaging app id besides the one thatâs on tinder platform chatroom. So then, a few weeks after our rendezvous, I deleted my tinder account, and we never have any sort of communication again up until now.
Some of you may think that we could easily contacted each other even if we didnât have each other phone number nowadays. There are already so many social medias everywhere to connect strangers around the world, like instagram, facebook, twitter, instagramâdid I just said instagram twice?âand I know that exactly. I didnât know why he chose not to contact me, but for me personally, I wanted to make him just as my one time one place person. I wanted that affair to be my reminder if somewhere in the future I felt like I have no skill to socialize and make a connection with another human-being, I can look back at that time and place and think, if I could nailed that then I could nail just this. Moreover it was already ended with a nice note so I didnât want to ruin it. Because the real question isnât how hard it is to start a conversation, but more to how to keep the conversation going.
In your life, you will meet many people. Some you will like, others will not. Some you will instantly connect, others will not. Some connection will be strong enough it will keep on connecting in the long run, others are just weak or maybe only a surge. This connectional surge, though feels very intense, is never substantional nor steady, thus it wonât stay on connecting for more than a few hours or days. Keep in mind that you donât need to feel like you have to keep everyone in your life, because effortlessly in the end, some will stay; and the one that do, they are not the one time one place personâthey are indeed the one person.
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The Mountaineer
Iâm not sure if this blog is a catalog of my dating escapades over the years or a catalog of the most influential dating apps as time goes by, but I guess one thing stays the same, dating apps and I are perpetually on this journey together! (slow clap).
This time, Hinge is the app of choice. A little background information on Hinge, for those of your lucky enough to be unfamiliar with dating app particulars, this one has you provide six pictures as well as the answers to three questions of your choosing from a pool of questions the app provides. You are then asked your age, height, area you live in, and you can also provide some more particulars like school, religious affiliation, if you drink, smoke cigs or pot, do drugs, have children, want children, etc.
Relevant side note: Recently a coworker of mine sent me a link to an article with her subtitle âyour kinda guy.â The article was titled âI am a Pacific Northwest Man on Tinder and I will Die if I Go Indoors.â Itâs hysterical and exposing the great outdoorsman facade that can become all too trendy on dating apps.
From the article:
ââBeing insideâ is for the weak, the tired, the cold, the hungry, the âpeople with homes,â the âquaints.â Iâm not interested in those who cozy up with Netflix or enjoy going to restaurants or movies. Everything you could possibly need to survive, thrive, and entertain yourself exists in The Great Outdoors. You like sitting down on a comfortable couch? Gross. You like buying groceries in a store? Disgusting. If I am not constantly in some situation under the sun where my life is potentially in danger, Iâm not about it. I get off on adrenaline. And nature.â
âMy first three profile pics are from epic outdoor activities which showcase a level of fitness you couldnât even begin to rival. The next three pics are of the exact same thing. The next one is a total thirst trap, which means something different when youâre just dehydrated all the time. The last photo is of a mountain that really gets me fired the fuck up. My face is blurry in each shot because I am Always. In. Motion.â
Lol you get the point (check out the full article for more linked at the bottom, itâs worth it). I died of laughter while also feeling entirely seen. Iâm not a dating app girl who falls for the models or the guys on yachts who dress like fancy businessmen or have tons of photos at rooftop bars or are listed as working high-profile jobs. Ask any of my close friends and theyâll tell you that my thirst traps are the guys who seem down to earth (literally) and like to spend time outside, traveling, hiking, etc.Â
It was after reading this article that I was able to put my last date into context as to why I was so excited and why it was so terribly bad.Â
The Mountaineer liked me on Hinge and I immediately thought he was pretty cute, loved his answer to the question âIâm looking for....â âSomeone who is upfront and honest about what they are thinking and feeling,â (swoon) and his pictures, which, you guessed it.. were all outdoors.  Â
Unfortunately, he lived in Long Island and liked me about a week before Christmas, when I would be going home for about a 10 day span, and afterward he would be gone for a long weekend. We decided we would just chat in the meantime, so we did, everyday. We talked about all sorts of things, but tbh he did talk/ask a lot about hiking haha.
When we could finally meet up after almost three weeks of talking, we decided he would come into the city on a Saturday and we could hit a museum and grab dinner. I chose the Natural History Museum for us to check out because he hadnât been yet and I know it never disappoints.
The day before our date, the Mountaineer asked me if Iâll be meeting him at his train station. I live in the 150s, the museum is on 79th and his train would be pulling him into 34th. I told him we could meet at the museum since itâs in the middle. He said he didnât like taking subways alone (interesting, Mr. Adventure) so he would walk from 34th to 79th (about a 45 min walk). Then he realized it was going to rain on Saturday and said he would walk in the rain, to which I told him (trying to be an accommodating Manhattanite) I could just meet him at 34th and take the train with him up to the museum if thatâs the case.
The day of comes, itâs a bit rainy outside, as expected, and I get a text from the Mountaineer asking if we should move our date because of the rain (..really?). I basically said no but itâs up to you.
We decide to meet, I go down to 34th street to meet him. Iâm running a few minutes late and of course those are the days when train delays hit.
Me: hey Iâm on the express but Iâm hitting some delays, đIâm going to be a little late, sorryyyy
Him: tsk tsk Iâm quite disappointed already đ
Me: đđđ
Him: Oh thatâs cute, you think Iâm joking
*wow, bold double dig move for not having met yet*
Me: I can just switch to the uptown train at the next stop if youâd rather
Him: haha Iâm just messing with you. Would you really?
đ
We meet, heâs def not exactly what I pictured, maybe the 3 inch height difference than he listed had something to do about it or maybe itâs the ten minute first impression of salty remarks that he lead with... He refuses to take the train and has us walk 40 blocks up to the museum in the rain. I quickly realize that the museum and dinner plans we have might be a big mistake.
Once his saltiness simmers down our conversation gets better, and I thought maybe this will actually be a good time.
We get to the museum, and the lines are INSANE, so we decide weâll go to another one. I give two options that are close by and ask which heâd prefer. I told him Iâve been to both and donât have a preference to which he says âtypical girl not wanting to make a choiceâ (wow, okay ew) to which I say âthatâs actually not true, I chose the first museum..â
He decides on one across the park meaning another 20+ minute walk in the rain. He hops over a half wall into the park and I (not being in the parkour mood) decide I will walk to the entrance pathway about 100 feet away. He pokes fun at me and tells me to have a sense of adventure. I point out that he is wearing outdoor gear head to foot (yes, that is what he wore) and Iâm wearing normal not weather proof clothing, not ideal to be jumping into mud.Â
As we walk across the park he tells me a bit about himself. like how he doesnât actually own any casual clothing aside from outdoor gear (okay..), he didnât vote in the presidential election (a little red flag starts waving in the back of my mind), and he has kept eluding to trust issues of some sort by questioning my own honesty (red flag starts flapping harder).
He asks me a little about myself, and somehow we get on the topic of horrible dates weâve been on. He doesnât have much to say, but as this blog will tell you, I could go on for hours. I chose to share what I consider to still be my worst date to this day, last years Valentineâs Day post, Mr. Mindful (or as others know him, Touch-barrier). My biggest red flag of all was telling Mountaineer that story and having him respond with âOh thatâs it?â THATâS IT!? The guy had a gender stereotype conspiracy theory complex, swore at me via text for turning him down, divulged his dating coaches advice and said he should have broken the touch barrier sooner with me, information I learned all within a 24 hour time span. And yet the Mountaineer was more stuck on my reluctance to say - no I never want to see you again - to that guy face to face on our date, because apparently that was Mountaineerâs touch point for accusing me of dishonesty.
We get to the museum (I know... we havenât even started the actual date yet). Once inside walking around and looking at art, conversation starts to get normal again (aside from him saying that he likes contemporary art but this wasnât quite what he meant). By the end of the museum I was like okay, I donât hate this.
Then comes dinner.Â
We choose a Thai restaurant, again on the opposite side of the park. Yelp gives the location 4.5 stars but when we walk up to the door the grade sign says âgrade pendingâ (not uncommon) and he immediately looks for another place to go because I guess thatâs unacceptable. After a few minutes of standing in the cold and probably noticing my poorly disguised apathy for this problem he decides we can go there because, like I said, itâs rated well.
The hostess seats us immediately but weâre close to the door and the Mountaineer doesnât like that so he asks for us to be moved away from the door. We are then seated right behind the hostess stand and as we sit he goes âwow really?â and proceeds to be visibly and audibly upset about it for at least 10 minutes. He rants to me about how going to a restaurant isnât just about the food but about the experience and how this experience is bs. (Yes, this two dollar sign Thai restaurant weâre going to because we want a quick meal really isnât hitting my high class needs). I tell him we could take ownership and ask to move but he says no and continues to pout. As we look at the menu I notice the Mountaineer, as a non vegetarian, keeps mentioning tofu dishes and I ask why. He then bestows all of his restaurant wisdom upon me and explains how he rarely eats meat, or even seafood, at restaurants because he doesnât trust them (here we go with the trust again), and especially not Asian restaurants. He also let me know that if he ever does order a steak, he likes his steak well-done but he orders it medium-rare and has them send it back to the kitchen when it comes out to cook it longer, because if he asks for it well-done heâs certain theyâll give him a crappy piece of meat.
At this point I am on the verge of stabbing myself with the utensils in front of me but instead I order shrimp pad thai to spite him. He doesnât ask me a single question at dinner and is less than kind to the serving staff (the reddest flag of the red flags), I ask questions to fill the painful void for myself and when he asks if I want to go to Patagonia with him to look at some more outdoor gear he wants for himself I tell him I need to head home to my pup.Â
I hugged him, I left, I havenât spoken to him since and I couldn't be more grateful.
I will admit, I was a little upset when I left, partially because I had been excited about the Mountaineer for two weeks and felt bummed by my off point expectations, but even more so I was upset because I wasted almost an entire Saturday walking in the rain and listening to restaurant conspiracy theories when I could have been at home with my pup.
This date taught me (and hopefully you) two things:Â 1) You can be into Mountains without being be down to Earth 2) Never plan a multi-layered first date
Happy Love Day Everyone
<3
(For a nice complimentary laugh, hereâs the link to that brief article I mentioned earlier that was obviously written about Mountaineer and his brethren.)
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-a-pacific-northwest-man-on-tinder-and-i-will-die-if-i-go-indoors
#online dating#dating#tinder#tinder and the city#love#romance#dating apps#relationships#tinder matches#hinge#bumble#valentines day
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Hey there Jack. We know you're not as well knowledged on discord rps but we value your opinion. We're a brand new discord rp based off the tv series t@gged. In our group you get to see how social media can effect everyone, and how hard secrets are to keep. No one is safe with King Cobra around. Could we bother you for an opinion? Public is perfectly fine.
hi there @newflashhq! iâm happy to give you an opinion. you specified public as being okay, but let me know if you want me to take it down at any time.
NOTE: all opinions expressed here are mine, jackâs, belonging to jack. i make no claims to knowing what is best for every group â i only offer advice based on my experiences, what iâve seen in the community, and my personal knowledge. no one person knows what is best for you or any group other than yourself; because you were the one who put all of this together in the first place. so take everything i say as a suggestion, and remember that you have accomplished so much!!
and if you have any questions, want feedback on something specific, or want elaborations on anything said in this opinion, donât hesitate to message me!!
start: 10.59 | pause: none | end: 11.12TOTAL: HERE 13 minutes to read all pages (please donât take this as a measure of anything, I simply time myself and am a speed reader)Â
I just want to say first off I donât know the source material this rpg is based off of, so if anything I suggest or recommend contradicts with the canon please feel free to disregard it or let me know and Iâll remove it from the opinion!
So first impressions are good here!! You have a great colour palette and aesthetic going on with your background image and the relation to the plot. The banners underneath where the tags are sort of jarr me away from the content of your rpg -- it looks like stars which I couldnât find in relation to your concept so maybe change that design?? But it isnât a big enough deal to take me away from the idea in general. The custom fonts the theme uses are a bit off -- they look nice but the flowery nature of them doesnât mesh well with the concept. But thatâs a theme for you and canât really be helped. If the theme maker doesnât mind the custom fonts being changed, I could help you do that if you need! The thing that does take me some time and the change I would recommend you look at is the information in your sidebar. While all important, it presents as just a block of text that can cause eyes to glaze over. Maybe adding in some bold, italic, underlined, or different color font would help mix it up and keep it sort of fresh? That way it isnât just âtext wall here,â you know?
While Iâm personally not a fan of themes that present this kind of navigation page -- where everything is sort of in different boxes and you have a lot of imagery at once, what I think about a theme is irrelevant to an impartial opinion. So yâall definitely utilized the space given to you really well. Your links listed are important and your calendar space will no doubt fill up over time. And the graphic made about the text is really cool!!
So objectively, your Plot is good. It provides all of the information needed for someone who knows the content/source material to get a good feel for what your rpg is gonna be about. But I think my not knowing the source material is actually a good thing in this case because it means I can tell yâall that if you donât know the story, everything is⌠really hella confusing. I donât know if you wanted to market to people who havenât seen the show or leave your member base to people who have seen it, but that might be something to think about and revisit at a later date. Otherwise the length is good and I enjoy the introductory paragraph style and the summary at the bottom.
Your Rules are where Iâll be recommending the most changes. They are good, and have everything you need, but theyâre very wordy. So much of what you say in a whole sentence you could simply make a bullet point with and be done with it. Long rules are good, but when its just a simple matter of what people need to know, potential members could end up intimidated by the sight of them. Your first rule, for example: âThis group is a 21+ discord roleplay - for both mun and characters - donât apply if youâre not at least 21 years old.â That could easily be condensed into: ânewflashhq is a discord rp for muns/muses 21+â and done. Iâd say look through all of your rules point-by-point and see where you can condense them. My one big change suggestion would be the rule about being open to all genders, sexualities, and races. An easy fix would be, for example: âWe are a LGBT+ and POC inclusive group, and encourage diversity in our members and charactersâ or something of that ilk.
So while your Locations page is a good idea, I donât know if you can see a few formatting problems on your end? Overall I think itâs a great idea and provides everything potential and current members will need, so itâs a great thing. But there are some issues with the theme. Iâll include a picture below of what I mean:
If you tried to install a custom font, it didnât work and instead is showing Comic Sans. If you want that, thatâs fine! If you donât, thatâs something to note. If you want a tutorial on how to install and host custom fonts I can link you to it!! Also, your images cut off and are not the width of the description boxes they are beside. I donât know if thatâs a you thing or a theme thing, but Iâd look into it!
I like your Application a lot! Asking for headcanons tells you as admins things about that character and helps people as applicants think deeper beyond the character bio, so thatâs a great thing to include. And youâve check-marked everything I would normally look for in an app so I donât have any recommended changes here.
So I clicked on a few of your Skeletons just to see the layout and such, and again Iâm not a big fan of them but I can see why you chose it in relation to the theme youâve chosen?? And they are aesthetically pleasing but Iâm not getting a lot on the information of the character right away. But when you have more taken roles this will obviously change so Iâm not judging! One thing however: in the âInspirationâ link I think you might have some broken links, because when I clicked on one for âThe Runawayâ I got this:
âhttps://newflashhq.tumblr.com/newflashinspo.tumblr.com/tagged/runawayâ
If youâre trying to link to a new url, you need to include the âhttps://â in the link section of the theme because theyâre set to automatically redirect to a page on the current url. So switching it to âhttps://newflashinspo.tumblr.com/tagged/runawayâ will remove that problem!
Your Discord Guide is honestly so impressive and a great resource. Did you guys put it together yourselves?? Because not only did it answer my questions on how discord rps work, it also opened my mind to them because it provided a lot of information I didnât know I needed. Iâm sure it will also do that for people looking to join but hesitant because of the platform. Seriously guys, if you cleaned it up and added a few more points on an intro and went into more detail, it could be something you post on an rph and a great resource for the community. The one suggestion Iâd recommend is explaining a bit about the Instagram and Snapchat sections in relation to your discord concept, because that lost me?? All of a sudden I was like âwait thereâs stuff to do on instagram, too?â before understanding a little further down, so maybe just a quick sentence about how that pertains to the group would help a ton.
My FAVORITE THING about your rpg: probably your Discord Guide and, by affiliation, how helpful you appear to be in acclimating your members and potential members to how your group will be run. Thatâs always an important thing no matter what platform you use but with your concept it really helps.
My LEAST FAVORITE THING about your rpg: the Rules page, and thatâs just because it needs some work before looking a little more formal and accessible to anyone looking at it. I recommended how to go about changes above, but let me know if I can explain anything else.
OVERALL, my excitement would be kiddy-corner to what I know about the source content, so Iâm pretty impartial to your idea as a whole, but in terms of being a formatted rpg with information, skeletons, a concept, and a direction for your characters and members to go, youâve done everything needed and then some!! I wish yâall the best of luck going forward!!
Sincerely,Jack
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Three day itinerary for Legends of the Force and Pirates vs Princesses season @ Disneyland Paris
This is designed for people with older children or teenagers staying in Disneyland for two or three nights with no meal plan. For me, this includes a Saturday so I have planned to not get much done on my last day.
Note how I havenât left time for rides like Pinocchio, Snow White, dumbo, Itâs a small world, etc. Trust me, your teenagers will be thankful. I always was (mind that wasnât too long ago)
21-23 February 2019
Day 1
Set off from Ebbsfleet station at 10:30am
Arrive and check in before 15:00
Go to Parc Disneyland once you have picked up anything you need from the hotel shop such as autograph books, lanyards, pins and ears.
Do Indiana Jones or Hyperspace mountain
Get into a spot for the parade. I prefer the top of fantasyland near itâs a small world. Itâs less rammed.
16:30 Disneyâs stars on parade begins, lasting 15/20 minutes. Enjoy!
Do the other ride that you didnât do earlier (hyperspace mountain or Indiana Jones)
Get dinner at Caseyâs corner.
18:45 leave just before Disneyâs illuminations. You will watch this tomorrow night.
The park may be closed but your day isnât over. If your hotel has a pool, you can use this time to go swimming (pools close at 22:00)
Day 2
Begin your day bright and early. You want to be up at around 7:30 to eat breakfast either in your room or at your hotelâs restaurant.
8:15 arrive at Parc Disneyland for extra magic hours.
8:30-9:45 Ride Peter Panâs flight, buzz lightyearâs laser blast, orbitron and hyperspace mountain.
Before 10:00, get in line to meet Darth Vader at star port. This is where season of the Force really begins.
When youâre finished, probably around 10:30, go to Adventureland and ride pirates of the Caribbean
Around 12:00, grab a fastpass for Big Thunder Mountain. If the slots are still showing before 2:00, wait until later.
Now you have a character meal, either inventions or ADC (we chose inventions). Reservation for 12:30, so leave roughly 1.5-2 hours for this. Make sure you have no fast passes or lineberty meets booked for this time
When you return to the park, use your BTM fastpass and watch the âmake your choiceâ parade for pirates vs princesses.
You could also go to Aliceâs curious labyrinth if you have time, the views from the top of the Queenâs castle are stunning and you can get some excellent photos
16:30 is parade time again. Instead of watching it, you can use this time when rides and meets are less crowded to head to a show like Mickeyâs philharmagique, ride something that is usually a little more popular such as Peter Pan, or, what we chose to do here, meet a princess. Itâs all depends what your kids are into, but weâre all big princess fans here
Now it should be around 17:30 to 18:00. Go to the castle and get your perfect Instagram picture by heading around to the left. Less people take photos here so your view should be clear.
Head inside the castle and look around the gallery. Enjoy the views from the balconies and take some lovely scenic photos of fantasyland.
Now youâre going to want to go down to the bottom floor, through merlinâs shop (make a wand if you like) and down into the dragonâs lair. Take some photos while youâre in there, sheâs a beautiful piece of audio-animatronic work.
18:30 you may get kicked out of the castle if you are still here because they have to set up for illuminations. Aim to already be in a space for the show by this time.
19:00 itâs time for Disneyâs illuminations! Sit back and enjoy the show, but make sure to wrap up. It gets so cold at night, especially this early in the year
19:30 hang around for 10-15 minutes after illuminations ends. Youâll be able to get THE picture; you (and your kids) in front of the castle on Main Street, at night with nobody else around. Itâs stunning!
19:45 now itâs time for some shopping! Go to Disney village and enjoy the endless merchandise shops.
Day 3:
7:30 get up and get some breakfast. Today is your Star Wars day, youâre going to need plenty of energy.
8:00 if you are going home today, check out of your hotel now and drop off your luggage at the holding station just outside the Disneyland Park, or in the lockers in the train station. If not, just go straight to the parks as normal.
8:15 be at the entrance to the studios park ready for extra magic hours to begin.
8:30-9:45 ride anything thatâs open - rock n roller coaster, crushâs coaster, tower of terror, RC racer, etc. I recommend doing crushâs coaster first as it is the busiest of those.
9:45 book a meet n greet using the Lineberty app. We chose to do Spider-Man
Before 10:00 head to the Chewbacca meeting area. The queue will open at 10:00.
Once you have met Chewie, check show times for the first order march and the legends of the Force show. In between these, you can go on rides such as RC racer. If you like, pick up a fastpass for the tower of terror and ride it again.
Go to your Lineberty meet n greet when you get notified
Head out to the village for lunch. I recommend earl of sandwich.
If you are staying for the whole day and heading home tomorrow, watch the Star Wars projection show in the evening.
When the projections show is over, get back to your hotel and get some rest, ready to travel home the next morning
If youâre not staying, itâs probably time to catch your train now. Pick up your luggage and head on home.
Of course, you donât have to follow any kind of plan. Just go with the flow. All it really takes is Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust. Above all else, have a magical time at Disneyland Paris! â¨đŤđˇ
#disneyland#disneyland paris#legends of the force#pirates vs princesses#planning disneyland#planning a disney holiday#disney itinerary#disney bucket list#disney blog
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Crashing The Crease
So this is an original story Iâve been working on (note: itâs not done or even close and I havenât edited it much at all) but I thought that once upon a time you sunflowers enjoyed my writing so maybe you could enjoy this? Itâs a mess I know and if you want to find itâs blog itâs here. I never posted much but Iâm thinking with the looming hurricane I might spend some much needed time working on it. Figured might as well share? So here is the little intro chapter if youâre interested.
The sound of the alarm blaring jostled Melody from her slumber and she grumbled as her hand shot out and felt around for the offending hunk of blue plastic. She pushed herself into a sitting position and allowed a yawn to escape her lips as she heaved herself off the bed, unable to keep from stumbling as her feet hit the moss colored carpet. Her hands pressed down over her eyes, blocking her sight from the offending morning sun, which bounced harshly off the too-white walls. The gesture offered her one last moment of peace before she could even begin to think about putting her room back to its normal order. She made a move towards the bathroom, leaving the light lavender sheets crumpled up at the foot of her bed and the matching pillow remained hanging haphazardly off the side of her twin extra-long mattress.
Her fingers deftly pulled her mahogany colored strands through the now familiar routine of her matching Dutch braids. She examined the product in the mirror and shrugged as she gave up on making them perfect; they never were- despite countless attempts they just never quite matched. She debated with her makeup bag before she tossed it aside, forgoing the time it would take to do it, so that she could prepare herself a cup of coffee instead. Her olive toned eyes stood out she mused to herself, as they seemed to be enhanced by the deep purple bags that had taken up resident underneath. She stared at her reflection for another beat before flicking off the light and moving back into her room.
She opened her wardrobe and stared into it, unseeingly. After a hesitation and a moment of debate, she shut the doors and pulled opened a drawer, grabbing a t-shirt from the haphazardly folded stack. She pulled it up to her nose and sniffed, pleased to find it still smelled of her clean meadow laundry detergent. She pushed the drawer closed with her hip as she pulled her pajama top off and tossed it into the almost bursting hamper. She looked at the mirror on her vanity before reaching for her trusty baseball cap, which she pulled down securely over her head. The bright blue stood out amongst the monotone of her outfit and she smiled at her reflection as her fingers brushed over the brim. Satisfied with her appearance, she slung her bag over her arm and made her way out of the bathroom, back past her unmade bed and into the kitchen where she discarded her bag into the first empty chair she came across.
She moved over to the island and after making sure there was a coffee cup and fresh pod of coffee in the machine, she leaned back against the counter with her phone secured in her hand. She scrolled through the app as she half-listened to the sound of the sacred elixir slowly being poured into her favorite mug. Her finger moved quickly over the glass of her phone as she searched for any new information before she gave up and shoved her phone deep down into her pocket. She chose instead to use her time to add cream to her mug and steal an extra moment to breathe in the robust aroma. With her cup in her hand and caffeine beginning to slowly work its way into her system, Melody figured she was as ready as she was ever going to be to face her day.
Her apartment door clicked shut behind her and she unconsciously reached to feel for her keys in the back pocket of her bag. She let out an unnecessary breath of relief at the familiar feeling her small wallet, which had her room key attached. She took another deep pull of her coffee before making her way down the sidewalk and out into the chaos that was college kids scrambling to get to class on time.
Melody made her way further onto campus, stopping momentarily to study the sky that was currently blue but had grey clouds looming in the distance, threatening to douse the young adults milling about the school as soon as it was given the opportunity. She shook her head with a smile, before taking one last deep breath and heading up the three short steps, which lead to Jackson Hall, her home away from home.
The lobby was large, but filled with seats and students standing around chatting, most of them decked out in their schoolâs midnight blue scrubs. Most of them had a styrofoam coffee cup in their hand and a stricken expression on their faces; she remembered those days. She smiled at them and nodded when she passed the small group, as if the simple gesture would let them know they could do it, that they could make it if they just kept trying. Melody made her way down the hallway, and began to feel the fluttering of nerves in her stomach as she neared the familiar room. She held her hand out and let her knuckles rasp on the dark colored wood. After a grunt of acknowledgement, she shook her head with a small smile and pushed her way into the small, cluttered office space.
His desk was cluttered with various papers, some yellow, some white, and some spilling out of the forgotten manila envelopes. On his walls were posters, some of which were curling in at the edges and some were even barely in one-piece still; their entire fate resting upon a small piece of plain tape that served as their only bond. Melody shook her head again as she moved a random conglomeration of files from the one extra chair in his room so she could sit down.
âYou know, you should really think about organizing some of this. It would make life a lot easier,â Melody teased the man with a smile as her fingers ran gently over the leaves of his severely under watered and wilting fern. Her eyes met his kind grey ones and he flashed her a large smile.
âBut then how would you start the conversation every time you came to see me?â
His voice was a warm timber, a slight southern twang emphasizing the feeling of comfort to Melody. The smile he still held showed off the various wrinkles that adorned his face, many of which Melody assumed came from just the expression he was giving her now. The man reminded her of her grandfather back home, and she believed that was where the soft spot for the old man truly formed. She couldnât help but laugh when her eyes drifted downwards, landing on the bowtie proudly on display between the lapels of his brown tweed blazer.
âStethoscopes? Really Gordon?â The man let out a loud guffaw after the words left her mouth, and his hand reached up to finger the soft fabric. He made an exaggerated motion of straightening it before making a clicking noise with his tongue. His arm straightened as he pointed his bony, and slightly crooked finger in her direction.
âNow listen here young lady, not everyone remembers what I store up here like you do,â he started while tapping his temple with the same finger he had just been pointing in her direction, âI wear this to remind people just why there is a Dr. in front of my name.â
âNo, you wear it so that the receptionist has a reason to talk to you,â Melody told him while lifting her eyebrow as if to dare him to challenge her. That once again set him off and he leaned back in his chair and allowed his hands to move and cover his face as it turned a deep crimson shade.
âYou donât fool me for one second old timer. Now why donât you tell me why you called your favorite student here on a day where she could have slept in? Unless of course it was just so I could admire the new bowtie.â
He huffed as he glanced back at her and flashed her a mock scowl. He flashed her his index finger to signal that he needed a moment as he began to dig through the papers on his desk. Melody leaned back in her seat and took in the room again, and had to resist the urge to laugh when her eyes landed on the pile of dirty coffee mugs leaning precariously against the coffee pot that still had some of the warm brew heating. Her eyes flickered back to him, taking in the way his grey hair seemed to soften his rather sharp features, and how had it not been for a very similar meeting she would have never known that beneath the always pressed to perfection shirts and slacks, was one of the biggest softies she had ever met. She couldnât figure out why he was making her wait, she knew that whatever he wanted to tell her wasnât within the confines of the countless papers strewn before him, he was stalling for some reason.
âYouâre here about your internship. Iâm sure you saw you didnât make it onto any of the normal rotations and I must confess that I am mostly to blame for that,â he began as he continued to dig through the seemingly unending abyss of papers. He refused to meet her eyes, as he knew he would only find a questioning look in hers.
âYouâre the reason I didnât get any of the internships I applied for?â Melody asked unable to hid the slight crack in her voice as her mind tried to process her favorite professor standing in the way of her goals. At the tone of her question he paused what he was doing and finally looked at her, the air catching in his throat as he fumbled for words trying to explain. He pulled at the bowtie as if that would help the constricted feeling he suddenly felt in his throat. He had come to think of the young woman before him as the daughter he never had and couldnât help the sickening feeling that came with the betrayed expression that was clearly displayed on her face or the way her arms wrapped around herself.
âMs. OâBrien, Melody, I kept you out of those internships because an old colleague of mine was hoping to hire someone this year. He wanted someone who was a quick study and wouldnât be a problem with these particular,â he paused as if deliberating over the last word of his statement before finally deciding- âpatients. I told him that I knew someone who was just right for the job. You.â
Melody was thoroughly confused and her mouth opened and closed repeatedly and her eyes clenched shut as she floundered for just what she wanted to ask first.
âWhat is so special about this internship and these specific patients, Dr. Rhode?â She asked as she placed emphasis on the word patient, as that had seemed to be a qualifier for him before. She leaned on the armrest of the chair and placed her chin in her palm as she regarded the man before her who seemed almost more nervous than he had been before.
âItâs for my old friend, Stavros Mark. He coaches the school hockey team, and he was hoping that I could find him an intern to help with the teamâs doctor and the teamâs physical therapist.â
âThe hockey team? You kept me from the other internships at some of the most prestigious hospitals in our city to patch up busted hockey players?â Melodyâs voice rose with every word, her disbelief clear on her face as she stumbled to her feet and managed to knock over a stack of books in her hastiness.
âIâm just asking you to think about it. Give it a chance; I think you could learn more from this experience than you actually believe. Just go home and think about it, if you decide that you arenât up to the challenge I can still get you into one of the other programs. Plus, itâs not like you donât have an interest in the sport,â he offered with a small reassuring smile as he watched the storm brewing behind her green irises, and her mouth pull down into a deep frown. He tapped the top of his head too with the last statement as he watched her mimic the movement. His lips pulled into a crooked grin as he watched the realization dawn on her as she fingered the familiar brim of the blue hat, her Falconers hockey team hat.
âIâll think about it, but I make no promises Gordon.â She breathed out between clenched teeth as she bent over and picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. He knew what he was doing, offering up the internship as a challenge- appealing to her competitive nature; she still needed to do some serious thinking. This was her future after all.
âThat is all I ask Melody. I look forward to hearing your answer.â
#feel free to ignore#my writing#I'm 99% sure that I haven't really shared much about this here#but I may have... who knows#but why not right?#I used to think that I could turn this story into a book#that I could really flush it out and maybe even get it published#but I've realized since then that I'm not that amazing of a writer#and probably never will be#but hey#someone may enjoy it right?#so why not share it here in case someone actually would enjoy it#right?#maybe?#I don't knooooow#ignore me#read it at your own risk#kay love you bye!#(also yes it's got hockey in it-- freaking sue me lol)
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Study App Masterpost
Hi there, I'm Emily and I have downloaded about 18 billion study related apps. Every time I see a master post about study apps, I download at least half of them. I know you do that too, don't deny it. I am here for you. I am here to share with you the apps that actually work for me, instead of just taking up my storage. Here you go:
MathPapa: MathPapa is the app you need if you are poor and really need help with math. I donât know about yaâll, but I would always use Mathway. Of course, you have to pay a butt ton for all of the answers and explanations on Mathway. Insert MathPapa. Mathpapa is free, solves every math problem, and gives a full explanation on how to solve the problem. Boom.
Khan Academy: Oh my G O S H. Tell me W H Y nobody told me about this holy grail app. Because this app is so perfect. Any subject that you are struggling with? This app will help you learn it. I am horrible at math, I have had to take so many tutoring sessions, summer worth of tutoring, I almost failed Algebra I, had to skip Algebra II and take an easier math course, and then this app came along. I am retaking Algebra I and then taking Algebra II, and with this app, I think I will be able to pass it. Donât think that this app is only for math though, because it has lessons for almost every class including Arts and Humanities, Economics and Finance, Test Prep, many different types of science and so much more. Seriously, check it out.
Notebloc: This app is especially useful if you miss a day of school, or if you are going somewhere and donât feel like dragging your backpack with you (even though you need to study). You take a picture of your notes and it detects where the page is and scans it into your phone. The reason this is better than just taking a photo of notes? It brightens the image and sharpens the words to make it really easy to read. That way if you miss a day of school, your friend can send you a picture of the notes they took and you can scan them in and they will be easy to read and copy into your own journal.
Tide: Oh, helloooo concentration. I hardly knew thee. UNTIL NOW. This app is for any of you who need that background noise (like I do). This app sets up a timer (you can customize the time, but the default is 25 minutes) and plays your choice of sound. I love the sounds of a busy cafe, and they have that. The sounds also include a forest, the ocean, rain, and soothing piano. When the timer runs out, itâs time to take a break! then you can move on to your next subject with a new sound, or the same one if you want! Plus, it can play in the background so you can exit this app and it will keep playing.
Forest: As a tree hugger and phone lover myself, this app is the best for me. Basically, you open the app and plant a tree. As you study the tree grows. But do N O T EXIT THE APP. As a way to keep you off of your phone while you study, if you close the app to try to play on your phone, YOUR TREES DIE. It works really well at keeping me from playing on my phone because of the risk of heartbreak if I do.
Blue Light Filter- Night Mode, Eye Care: Anybody who studies can tell you it starts the night before. If you donât get a good nights sleep you wonât want to be up studying all day. Youâll be grumpy and irritated and stressed and more likely to have a meltdown if your studies get too difficult. Most people know that blue light is bad for your eyes, and it can keep you awake. If you have an iPhone, you can just turn on night mode and it will filter blue light. But if you have an android like me, youâll need to download an app for that. This app allows you to set a time that you would like it to start filtering the light (I chose 9:00 pm) and when you would like it to stop (I chose 7:00 am).
Shake-it Alarm: This is also a sleep-related app, but this one helps you wake up in the morning. Itâs like a normal alarm, you can set up a time you want it to wake you up, and as many different alarms you want. You can choose your alarm sound from their selection, or from your own music. I would recommend something calming. You can adjust the volume of the alarm, I would suggest loud. Then when the alarm goes off you can choose how you turn it off, and how difficult it is to turn it off. Either you shake your phone, shout at your phone, or touch your phone. Or you can hit random and let it decide. I have mine set for shake and the difficulty is normal. It takes me about 20 seconds of shaking my phone to actually get it to shut up. By then Iâm awake enough to just stay awake.
-Language-Based Apps-
Duolingo:Â I mean this one is pretty self-explanatory, right? Everyone knows about this app, and for good reason. It is a great app that can help you learn the basics of almost any language you are trying to learn.
Tinycards: Tinycards is an app that goes along with Duolingo. You just sign into your duolingo account on this app and it will give you flashcards so you can study what youâve learned.
HiNative: I donât hear nearly enough people talking about HiNative. This app allows you to select what language/s you speak, then the language/s that you want to learn, and then you will get to speak with people whose native language is the one/s that you are trying to learn! You will also be able to help people who are trying to learn your native language!!
Drops: Drops is a colorful app that helps you learn the language that you want to learn one little step at a time. You start with simple topics like food and drink and then move on to the basics of conversation.
Memrise: Honestly, Memrise is so cute. It really helps you learn whatever language youâre learning, but in a fun space exploration themed way!
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My Experience with Dating Website
So I had a recent experience with using a dating website, and I thought why not share my experience.Â
One thing to note is that genders do not matter to me, I am dyslexic, dysgraphic, have ADHD and anxiety disorder. I have a lot of knowledge inside psychology and I do not generally have a âtypeâ... Just a decent person.
So I downloaded an app, signed up, used a picture with a filter( Did not want people to recognise me out on the street), I was looking for friends, and the only description I used was: I am a socially awkward dragon-lover. I liked books, games, animals etc.
Some of the first messages I got were = hello cutie, you are cute or hello beautiful. None of them were a simple greeting and all of them referred to my exterior. Funny fact, they were all white males. I responded with a simple; hello, how are you?. and even when changing the subject they kept going back to the way I looked, instead of focusing on hobbies, interests and having a normal conversation.Â
Then came.. the gamer guys(or so they think?). They asked what kind of games I liked, which is pretty much... a lot of games. I play a lot of different games because I love experiencing new ideas, stories etc. but when I asked them what games they were into... it was OF COURSE GTA, league of legends and counter strike. And one important thing to note... I tried all those games(and was pretty decent at them), and MOST people I met who play those games... are uhh... not exactly people I would enjoy a normal conversation with....Â
A person who wrote to me(who has a lot of knowledge inside animals, and training to become a dog trainer), loved pugs. Nothing wrong with that, but I generally do not support the breeding of that dog because of their serious breathing problems. He kept insisting they were cute and I said:â I agree they are cute, but health comes first and that is why I am not fond of the breedâ. He then proceeded to accuse me of hating dogs...
At last came the... hmmm... guys trying to get sympathy from me? One of the guys suddenly(and I mean OUT OF NOWHERE) started talking about how he lost his best friend last year, and how sad he still was etc.... where I had no idea how to respond...and chose not to(that is clearly a person who seeks sympathy and not someone who is looking to make friends) Some guys just plainly annoyed me with using their disabilities as excuses for some things... funny enough they used dyslexia and ADHD... and yes... I have both. The moment they said they had it, I was like; ME TOO. I shut them up good just making them know that I had it too.Â
An important note to remember is that none of these guys had a proper job, middle of education, or future goals. One of the gamers streamed and did nothing else(not saying it is bad but no thanks for me), then there were part time jobs, and just... without jobs because they did not want to work....uhhh... yes. I am a uni student trying to make a living, and follow my ambition(despite having disabilities that make it hard)...so... yeah.
Around 10+ white guys later, a Pakistani muslim guy writes to me. Talking about how dragons are cool, but younger he was kind of scared of them. We had a normal conversation.. and science talk(I love science). After a few days we decided to meet... and he decided that we should go for a walk(IMPORTANT TO NOTE.. he did not invite me home to him or ask for me to invite him). We met at our uni and went for a long walk(park, beach, dock and subway). He was also very understanding of my disabilities, and the side effects of my medicine. He knew I loved my cat, and my bestie would always come first. One of our dates(he made food for me), and even gave me food to give to my bestie.
It has now been 6 months since we started dating, and he loves talking to my bestie, He is very respectful, not pushy at all, nice, pursuing his goals etc. So like.. he is a decent human being...Â
All the white guys who wrote to me were just cringy in a lot of ways(psychological speaking even).Â
#my dating website experience#my story time#so many just made me want to delete the app as quick as possible
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