#and in many days later she cried and cried and cried
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hauntingmiser · 8 months ago
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[ GORE WARNING AND SPOILERS FOR P4/ P4G IG idk????? But yeye ]
MERMAY DAY XXIX ?
sooner or later the investigation heard noises coming from the middle of the fog ever since teddie's submarine was put down in the middle of the fog
The team settled to go to the bottom middle of the fog and put an end to the curse once and for all
until they heard a sore throat yet horse voice calling one of their team members name........
"hₐₙₐ-cₕₐₙ....." the voice said, suddenly yosuke was shocked and questioning if he had heard this voice before and then it clicked on him, it was that girl the one that yu found when he was in his evening swim and the one that he met in June's and so after realizing that voice he shouted through the fog and called her name by the amount of luck he has
"HUH!.....S-S-SAKI!?" yosuke said stuttering his own words
she approached the investigation team and from that day forward, yosuke was all correct all along....
" 𝗛 𝗔 𝗡 𝗔 ~ 𝗖 𝗛 𝗔 𝗡 !!!!!! "
"....oh god......" yukiko feared "this can't be....right?"
" I believe so..." yosuke frightenly answered
The fog covered the team's vision, then vanishing the only to find a merzombie corpse approaching them slowly.....oh god
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It's her......
saki....konishi.....the second victim of the crystal curse of "mother nature"
what did this to her? If teddie was right about the biomechanical warfare and that means...
The investigation team had no choice but to attack her and kill her just to keep going until they find the center of the fog
#saki konishi#persona 4 golden#persona 4#konishi saki#ladies and gentlemen I give you zombie mermaid free of charge also she's a blue fish and before she was like this she was the daughter of#her father's business there was one day when her father told her to take out the trash and the trash can was at the far bottom of#and she swim with no hesitation until when she took out the trash she noticed two green crystals she decided to take a little one#for herself to show it to her father#but it was very heavy like really heavy the point where her hands got stuck in the sand and it was really bad when it decayed on impact and#mutated and mutilated her flesh into large claws#she yelled help at the stasis of her throat being on fire because it feels like the radiation is coming for her neck next#the father came in and noticed her daughter in trouble he tried to help her but he couldn't for no avail#he gave up only to get sick immediately and fall down#and in many days later she cried and cried and cried#but nobody seem to help her it was like she was chosen to be lost alone even#but I'm so sorry for your loss#she's become one of the fog now#and she's vengeful yet sad#anime and manga#mermay 2024#mermay#but at least she gets to meet her guy friend lol#also my apologies if this Lore became really bad I'm having burnout / don't feel like doing shit I apologies for being late#it pretty much shows#anyways I'll try not do anything “late to the party”( yet ) anymore so goodbye!#tw : gore#because she's a zombie!!!!!#blehh :3
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bitternace · 1 year ago
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(rock sass voice) they mean the world to me
[ID: a digital drawing of hayner, pence and olette from kingdom hearts. they are in their kh3 clothes, with chunky shadows. the background is light orange. They are shown from the thigh up, walking together. Hayner, on the left, looks at the others with a light smile on his face, he is holding a struggle bat over his shoulder. Pence, in the middle, smiles widely at olette, his left arm held at stomach height. Olette, on the right, lightly elbows Pence, winking with a wide smile. Pence and hayner wear earrings and studs respectively, while olette has a bridge piercing. /End ID.]
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noctlas332 · 3 months ago
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day 15 except i got busy with school and wasnt able to draw and had to get caught up so i drew it way later but i got caugh tup so whatever,,,
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equalperson · 5 days ago
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I fucking hate being traumatized because why am I bawling the hardest I've bawled in god-knows-how-long because someone I didn't even like that much berated Me. gasping wailing trembling and snotting over this for several minutes.
#personal#sanism#abuse mention#child abuse mention#I'm still not entirely done crying really. I'm just trying to stop and calm Myself. not doing well at the moment#because someone on the discord server mentioned trump's inauguration and I basically said 'I don't like trump either#but it's still important to keep pushing for change. who's in office doesn't change that' and he just. immediately escalated the situation#accused Me of not caring about oppression. I explained Myself further but he told Me to go fuck Myself and capped it off with#'you already admitted to being a fucking narcissist so why would i want to be around you' (exact quote BTW)#and I just can't stop sobbing. I don't know if I've cried this much since I was 13. I keep having to pause My typing because I start crying#I didn't hate him but I wasn't attached to him either. it's just that I have so much fucking trauma along these lines#so many instances of My mom putting words in My mouth. getting short-tempered with Me over benign remarks that I didn't understand#because I'm autistic. dismissing My opinions. making Me hide My feelings and issues from her#because she's made it clear that she doesn't trust people like Me#it's made Me have so much trouble handling even friendly social interaction. I've only just learned how to do that#I just can't handle having that same mistreatment forced onto Me by anyone else. especially with so little warning or build-up#and what makes Me break down even worse is the fact that I know I'll have to deal with him again#he wasn't even punished while this was happening. despite the server owner and other mod being online. the owner just said 'stressful day'#and the other mod started talking with a regular user about how it was uncalled for once he had already left the conversation#nobody even checked in on Me. even though I stayed online for a good half-an-hour afterwards. I only just logged off a few minutes ago#because the notifications from unrelated conversations started overstimulating Me#regardless. I don't even want to see him again. I don't want to be in the same server as him I don't want to talk to him I don't want to#but it's not a real formal server. it's a 'friend group.' and they've shown before that they prioritize keeping the peace#over actually punishing hostility. just a week or so ago I told them I wasn't comfortable with them using the R-slur#and someone freaked out over My complaint being 'politically correct' and left. he was brought back just a few days later. and before that#he had already derailed a previous discussion I tried to have about the word by sending gifs featuring it and redirecting the conversation#that sucked but at least it wasn't outright triggering. but I just can't stand the thought of having to be around someone#who treated Me so much like how My abuser has. that's the most I've ever had to relive My trauma because of someone else#that's the most anyone has ever mirrored it to Me. I just can't stand it but I know I'll have to be around him#I don't even know if he's gonna apologize. he's made it clear how little he thinks of Me as a human being. PLUS
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aaaaaaaaagenloser · 1 year ago
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(Tw: kinda transphobia? Use of it/its for a character who hasn’t declared what their pronouns are yet. Arguments over whether a character is a person or not; that ties into the pronoun thing here. Bonus points for descriptions of canon-typical gore yipeeee)
An update from after writing this: oh this. Got. This one got away from me?? I think I started this at 4 minutes past the hour. It is now 43 minutes past the hour. shitt.
Update; it is now 17 minutes after the NEXT hour. 26 minutes after th last update. I have seen god in the past hour and she shook in fear of both my power and audacity. I have lunch with my family scheduled in like 6 hours and I have not yet slept. This wasn’t meant to be as long as it is but I was possessed and this is the result. I may edit it and make it smoother later but I’ll make that a separate post, I want this sleep-deprived chunk of words to be here as like a monument to the fact that I could have been playing stardew valley during this time but I chose to do this instead
TLDR: long ass story ahead written by a sleep-deprived and hyperfixation-driven author. Who is now going the fuck to BED
“We can’t just keep it! What if it has a tracking device? It won’t let us fucking touch it so there’s no way of knowing it has one unless it leads them right to us!”
“Ok, I hear you but think. That hasn’t happened yet. It’s been about what, three days? and that hasn’t happened, and they haven’t been violent towards any of us at all. They haven’t tried to go back either, so there’s no risk of them telling or leading Showfall where we are.”
“Why do you keep calling it ‘they’?”
“Well they can’t be an “it” now can it? …wait.”
“Ok can we figure out the gender of the thing in the other room after we figure out if it’s a threat to us or not. It’s not even a fucking person, you remember what those things did to you back there, don’t you?”
“Those people were not themselves, they were just doing what he wanted them to do—“
“They’re not fucking people! Those things are all part of Showfall, just like Hetch was! It’s just waiting for the right time to turn us in, or pull some shit on one of us like they did before.”
“They weren’t… they weren’t in control.”
“Yeah like fuck they weren’t, I saw it fucking happen!”
“You can’t just… Ok. Sneeg. Stop. You don’t speak for me, the one who, oh I don’t know, was the one that shit happened to? They were being controlled just like us—“
“No, no, not like us. We were wandering around and not knowing what the fuck was happening. None of us knew what was happening. We just went along blindly. Those things—on purpose—dragged you to that stupid wall and sewed wires into your hands—“
“Shut up, Sneeg—“
“No you shut up! You didn’t see it fucking happen! I saw them and Bitchface literally hold you down until you passed out! They were fucking choking you, they fucking—they nearly fucking killed you with just their hands, that’s not a little suggestion in the back of your brain, that’s on purpose! That is fucking deliberate, that is a thing those machines chose to do! You don’t remember, you weren’t conscious when they fucking stapled you to the wall and strapped your head in—“
Sneeg glanced at Ranboo for a moment in-between pacing as he ranted, and the far away look in their sibling’s eyes shut them up immediately. Ranboo was still present, thank fuck, but they were looking at their brother like he was holding up a knife to their throat.
“Fuck, Ran, okay, okay—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… shit. Do you need Charlie?”
“You don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”
“…okay. Okay. I’m sorry. Do you need me to get Charlie?”
“No, I’m fucking fine.” It did not sound like he meant that at all. His voice was less steady than before. “I don’t want him to worry about our… hitchhiker. He’s worrying enough about… well, everything.”
“The fact that it’s here, so close to us is the reason I’m trying to get you to see, Ran. What if it turns on him? What if it does that shit to him when we aren’t there?”
“We will be there.”
“And when it tries anything, we can kill it?”
“Sneeg!”
“You wouldn’t kill it, even if it hurt our fucking brother?”
“Of course we wouldn’t keep them around if they did that, could we at least just… just leave it behind? …wait, no, they couldn’t take care of themselves. If we had to leave it behind, maybe we should…”
Silence lingered for a bit too long.
“We should what, Ran?”
“…Sneeg, I was about to say that killing it would be a mercy.” The Hero laughed. “Doesn’t that sound familiar?”
The Taken didn’t reply.
“We have to help them. I don’t… I don’t want to be on the other end of a mercy killing. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”
“Okay. I’m—are you okay?”
“…m fine. It’s fine. Just. Can you stop acting like they’re any different from us? Please.”
“What do you want me to think then?” His voice was softer than it had been a few minutes before.
“Just assume that they… that they were someone. Just like we were before. And they didn’t… they didn’t do anything on their own, it was all Showfall.”
“Okay. Fine. Let’s assume they were controlled, they didn’t mean to, so on and so forth. Why haven’t they talked yet.”
“I don’t think any of the drones even could talk. Wait, should we really be calling them a drone—“
“Shut the fuck up, Ranboo, we have got to figure out what to do with it. It probably doesn’t even know what is happening, what the fuck does it matter what we call it.”
“It matters to me! Do you want me to call you by your title? Do you want to call me by mine? …No? Then why are we treating them like all they are is what Showfall made them? We had lives before, we were someone, so they must have been too. They might not realize it, or… or act like it, but they used to be someone. They are a whole person, Sneeg. We have to help them, we can’t just leave them behind because that would mean we are giving up on someone just like us, and we cannot give up on each other. They… they would have hurt us by now if they were going to. And Showfall hasn’t found us since… you know, which means there aren’t any more trackers.
…okay, Sneeg?”
“…okay. If it,” he sighed at the look Ran gave them, “if they try anything, we have to leave them behind. I’m not letting a dumbass puppet be the reason we get taken back.”
“If they—ok, whatever, you’re not understanding. You can’t say one of us somehow wanted to be controlled, and they’re a ‘puppet’ but those rules don’t apply to the rest of us—“
“There is not an ‘us,’ Ran! That thing isn’t like us!”
“Guys?”
A sleepy voice shut the two of them up instantly. They had a split-second conversation with their eyes before looking to their brother. ‘We aren’t done talking about this’ ‘You’e absolutely right, so later?’ ‘Later.’ ‘We’re telling Charlie nothing happened?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘Ok good plan.’
“Why are you two fighting? I’m tired, can we please go back to sleep?”
“We weren’t fighting, we were…”
“…talking about plans for tomorrow. And you can go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want to be by myself.” Charlie looked at Sneeg pointedly, who sighed to Ranboo with a playfully annoyed expression.
“Well I guess I gotta go be a teddy bear again.”
“Have fun”
“Absolutely not.”
Charlie punched Sneeg in the shoulder lightly for that, who just giggled in response and led his little brother back to their room.
Which left Ran by themselves.
Some nights, he would join them, but some nights Charlie couldn’t stand to be anywhere near Ran, and the three of them had made a silent mutual agreement that Charlie trusted Sneeg more than he did Ranboo.
…Ranboo was okay with this. He wasn’t hurt by it. He didn’t cry on the nights he slept by himself.
He didn’t wish he could be the one Sneeg comforted sometimes. They were just fine.
They were fine, which is why they went to the living room where their… well. Their hitchhiker? They weren’t exactly a brother, or a sibling, more like a fourth wheel on a tricycle. Or a flyaway hair. Okay, maybe Ranboo needed to get tbr fuck to sleep, alone or not.
But he found himself in the living room, where their hitchhiker slept. Or, didn’t sleep, as they seemed to not need to. They would sit on the couch and stare idly at the tv. That was what had started the whole conversation with Sneeg in the first place; Ran wanted to leave some kind of entertainment for the fourth person so they wouldn’t be made to sit in the dark for hours. Sneeg took this remark as a perfect opportunity to explain all the reasons why the former drone should be abandoned, but Ranboo would have fucking none of it. Maybe the couch potato (shit, he really needed to come up with a name for them—) didn’t seem to sleep, barely ate, and stayed still unless actually verbally told to move, but they were still a person. Ranboo was sure of it.
Their hand wandered up to the fresh scabs where their mask had been. The fourth person had a mask, one that hadn’t been touched. Despite usually staying still, the person—(Ranboo thinks they might just call this person Couch for now. Maybe it’s not accurate, and they’re tired, but it’s something. C, for short.)
C would back away any time the others would try to get near them. And they did in fact try, but despite how creative or sneaky they got, C always ducked away. It reminded Ranboo of the drone who had followed them with a camera, always one step away and never letting the Hero get too close.
The mask turned to Ranboo, who stared back quietly. C hadn’t talked at all, so Ranboo didn’t expect them to suddenly start now. He wasn’t even sure if they understood what was said to them, but Ranboo wanted to try anyways. Better to be polite.
“Do you like the show that’s on? I think it’s called Lucy, or something. I don’t know, Sneeg said it was funny. And it didn’t seem, uh- scary or anything.”
The mask didn’t speak.
“If you want to change it, the remote’s right there, um, I showed you how to use it before. And there’s like, instructions drawn on there. You can thank Charlie for that one.”
“I think I’m going to head to bed.”
“Fuck it, can I stay here?”
The mask still didn’t speak, but the head hidden behind it tilted a bit at the sudden change in tone. Ranboo took this as an absolute win.
“So I just. I don’t want to be by myself. And I don’t think you sleep, I mean if you just sleep when everyone else is asleep that’s cool, but also if so how do you even? function? on that much sleep? It really isn’t that much but to be fair you don’t do much so maybe you don’t need it. …do you sleep sitting up? And just somehow wake up when we get close? I know, um. Sorry about that, again, we were just worried your mask had a tracker like mine used to.”
Ran laughed nervously. “I think I did convince them that it doesn’t, so that should stop now. If um. If we make you uncomfortable you still don’t have to be touched, it’s, it’s fine.”
Other than the head tilt before, there wasn’t a reply.
“Okay, since. You can’t talk, I’m just gonna… I’ll sit down beside you. On the couch. And if you don’t want me to be that close you can uh- you can leave. Or like, get up, and then I’ll leave. This is the only room with a tv, so I’ll let you stay here, but I can’t tell if you want me to be here or not, so. Okay, sorry, I’m rambling. Just… move if you want me to leave, okay?”
Ranboo waited for a response that didn’t come, then sighed. “Okay.” He kept his hands up and open while sitting down, waiting for a few moments before tucking his feet under himself to get more comfortable. “I’m just gonna stay here, okay? Like I said, just move if you want me to leave.”
The mask had tracked them to where they sat now, but the person—C—didn’t make a move to leave. Ranboo turned their attention to the tv, keeping an eye on their couch partner in their peripheral vision. During a moment of audience laughter in the show—I Love Lucy, they remembered—C turned their head back to the television as they had been before Ranboo walked in.
Seeing as how C (they needed a better name than that—) didn’t speak, this was the closest Ranboo could get to being told “you can stay here.” So they did. A few episodes later, his head was on the arm of the couch and his eyes were closed.
Five turned its attention to the Hero, who was now asleep. He had said it was a person, which was almost hilarious. And the Taken and the Hero seemed to think it couldn’t talk? They had to know it needed to be given permission first: any handler of a Drone or Prop knew that basic rule. It would wait until permission was given: it knew how to obey. It wasn’t meant to speak to a superior unless it was told it was allowed. It would wait.
…in the meantime, it studied its handler, the Hero. The other Actors, their two other handlers, called him ‘Ranboo’ but Five knew that wasn’t his actual label. The Hero was his character in the last show, and so that is who he was. Five didn’t know if Actors had a number, but he had been called the Hero in the script, and so the Hero he will be until the script changes.
It hoped to get new instructions, a new script for itself, something, soon. It was tired of simply watching the Actors go about their incredibly off-script show. It was sometimes told to participate, and since no other superiors were nearby, it had to obey its current handlers. But it was told to participate, to stir eggs, to help clean the kitchen, to attack small webs in corners with a stick with soft spikes on the end. Those sorts of things weren’t it’s usual directive, and so it found itself…
It didn’t resent its handlers. They were doing their best, and they at least knew that they were meant to give it orders. It simply wished they were familiar orders. It wished the Hero had told it to play dead, or play chase, or play camera, or caught, or prop. It would even listen if it was told to power down until needed. At least then it wouldn’t have to be conscious in this boring and unfamiliar set.
.
Y EA I know they probably don’t like tvs. Shhhhhh. I didn’t think about that until like. I had already written the tv part. At this moment it is 55 minutes past th hour and I want these characters to go the fuck to sleep so I can go thr fuck to sleep /lh
And yeah Five only uses “he” for glran. That is intentional. It’ll be talked about and shit later. Something about being put into a role, something about showfall being transphobic, something something I want to go to bed
Powering down = “sleeping” for a drone. Different but similar. I’ll explain how it works later?, anyway The others hav e told Five to “sleep” but it doesn’t understand because it is only ever told to “power down” so it’s like error.sleep_not_found and it stares at them like “bitch you said the wrong. Thing. You’re supposed to know how to control me so you don’t want me to power down I fucking guess” and it’s gonna be really funny after that miscommunication is taken care of.
If you remember the Five Gets A Cold And Wants To Throw Hands With Everyone post, this is wayyy before that. These motherfuckers are fresh out of showfall. Don’t ask how they got a house. I’ll figure it out
I am! Tired! I’m not proofreading this!! Goodnight please give me your thoughts if you have them. I need to know I didn’t sacrifice tbis much sleep in vain /nf /lh (I appreciate words but you are Not required to give them. Love you have a good nigt/p)
#five the genloss blorbo#let’s not talk about how many tries it took me to spell unobserved. let’s simplynot#update like 5 years into me writing this: i also cannot spell the word peepohe it would seem#that. that was meant to be the word People. you can see m#h my point stands#it is late as fuck yet I Have to make this. it has to exist so I must make it exist#I’m hamilton writing like I’m running out of time but I’m writing g#writing 51 essays in which assorted characters get the physical and/or emotional shit beaten out of them#and me running out of time is running out of sleepy. I am a sleep y man#take a break and get away says my pillow. I am Hamilton my pillow is upstate and this goddam mess of a short story I am trying to write is M#this story is Mariah Reyndolds leading me to her bed .#I haven’t slept in a while and I’m hyperfixationed on Hamilton so that metaphor makes. 0 sense#if you’re reading this far I’m so sorry. have a cookie! and fun fact an old lady held my hand and s#she said my (Very Androgynous!!) haircut is perfect. she used those words#i almost cried right then and there. genuine compliments from people make my fucking day . ok I need to go back to editing thisthing now#I wrote it. changed a plot point. started to rewrite it. changed ANOTHER plot point#so now I’ve got several s#several layers of Oh Shit I have to untangle#im. making my own goddam escape au apparently????? it won’t make any fucking sense but I will explain it later.#and! feel free to ask questions!’ and tell me if it make’s absolutely 0 sense#I do in fact want to be able to tell the story in a way you will understand. so ask questions! give a feedback! /gen /pos#I accidentally. deleted a tag so whatever I was going to say is fucking gone now. oh I think I memerbr#they are out of character ye. I’m sleepy and I’m making their escape au up as I go.#so far I have 1) the box scene was somehow Worse#2) they kidnapped Five (yippee!)#3) Charlie is the most traumatized out of the three. I don’t. I don’t know why.#I think that’s mostly because I didn’t feel like writing a conversation between Three characters. so my brain was like this :#why isn’t Charlie here? sleeping. why are these two not including him in conversation? protectiveness.#why protectiveness? he is the most upset out of the three of them and the other two have basically taken up the caretaker role. great plan#great plan hit the showers. I have reached. max tags. shit oh well back to writing tumblr says so!
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youremyonlyhope · 9 months ago
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugl#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fuckin#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half o#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like…#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jf#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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mephilver · 1 year ago
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waves-against-a-cliff · 9 months ago
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Simon Riley who after coming back to his flat (courtesy of the government) from his first deployment as 'Ghost', finds a momma cat yowling and crying. She's hurt and has four kittens tucked into her side. Simon takes them to the vet only to be informed that only one kitten survived and the momma is dead.
So he raises the kitten. Bhe bottle feeds it every two hours, keeps it warm and safe inside a box with a heating pad and a hoodie of his. He's sure that it'll die but he keeps trying anyways with the heart wrenching hope that he's wrong.
The kitten pulls through.
Now six years later, he has a sassy sphynx cat who cries and meows whenever she isn't fed on time. When his usual pet sitter bails on him just days before his next deployment, he scrambles. He never knows how long he'll be gone and that's an issue with pet hotels. He has to find someone trust worthy and capable of caring for his darling pet.
Then he meets you by pure coincidence. Ruthie had slipped between his legs on his way out to grab some more of the wet cat food she liked then made a bee line right towards you. She meowed and meowed until you crouched down to pet her. Simon swears he had never heard her purr that loudly before.
You smile up at him and comment on how he has a sweet cat (he doesn't. Ruthie knocks everything over and has broken so many mugs, plates and cracked so many screens he owns plastic versions of everything plus keeps his phone on him at all times). Simon says something about trying to find a pet sitter to you and immediately realizes what he said when you smile. "I can keep an eye on her for you. She seems like a sweetie." You coo and gently scratch under her chin. Traitor, it took him weeks to get her to let him do that. But how can he say no when she's already taken a liking to you.
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phantomrose96 · 7 months ago
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So my mom's birthday was this week and I flew down with Patches to visit her for a few days. Patches, while a verified hater of the airport, really loves my mom's place because there are so many more closets to explore and birds to watch and cobwebs to dust with her stupid little face.
My mom also goes to bed earlier than anyone I know, so for the evenings it was on me to monitor Patches' activity. And she's very good. She's 99% good. She's 1% "could use improvement" good and the 1%, which I'd forgotten about, is tomatoes.
Patches will leave most things alone. (And by "alone" I mean she'll absolutely bitch slap them onto the floor, but they will leave the ordeal with just as many or few surface punctures as they had before the encounter started.) Not tomatoes. Patches has it the fuck out for tomatoes.
So when I noticed her batting something around on the ground I realized that my mom had left a sole, roma tomato in the fruit basket on the counter and it was now experiencing the life cycle of a pingpong ball between Patches' paws.
I take it away from her, like a fucking evil woman, and now I'm like "okay actually, where do I hide this." See at home I have an anti-Patches cabinet, which is for things that have no business living in a cabinet but which WILL have business dying at Patches' hands if left accessible. And this is WEIRD to have such a cabinet but it's my own home.
I'm scanning my mother's cabinets going "is this weird here? can the tomato go in my mother's dish cabinet?" And I briefly consider sticking it in the fridge, as a normal location, but the audacity of altering this tomato's ripening process is an audacity I do not possess. So I go with cabinet. I go with the first eye-level cabinet, which is the coffee mug cabinet, which is perfect because the tomato will not be lost to cabinet purgatory there, since my mom opens it every morning for her coffee. I will simply tell her in the morning that the tomato is there.
Next morning. Seeing as my mother goes to bed at the butt-crack of dusk she ALSO gets up at the ass-crack of dawn. This means I trail down like 2 hours after her with my work laptop and Patches. This is also now her birthday. I'm sharing the sofa with her for a good 15 minutes when I think to myself I'd like some coffee, and I remember I put a tomato in the cabinet. I tell my mom as much. I put the tomato in her coffee mug cabinet.
And the look I get is one I can't really figure out on spot. But she says "Chrissy this is the best birthday present you could have given me" which is a very weird response to the already weird statement "Oh you probably saw, but I hid the tomato in the coffee mug cabinet because Patches has it out for tomatoes."
So I do not at all know how this makes for a good birthday gift. My mom tells me how a week or two ago, she came home unloading groceries. At the end of putting everything away she could not for the life of her find her phone. Absolutely nowhere. She pinged it from her iPad and it started singing. From the fridge. She opened her fridge. Her phone was in the fridge.
A couple days later she lost Ash's collar. Spent three days looking for it. Couldn't remember where she'd taken it off or what she did with it. Showed up in the grass when she remembered she took it off to let him play fetch in the lake.
And then this morning, her birthday morning, she came into the kitchen, made her pot of coffee, opened the cabinet to fetch her coffee mug, and found... tomato. Singular. Tomato in the cabinet. Tomato she had no memory of placing in a cabinet. Tomato she could not possibly fathom having a reason for being in the cabinet.
She was like Chrissy I cried. She was like this is it, time to send her to pasture. She's a harebrained old lady now and there is no coming back from this. She's the lady who accidentally puts tomatoes in the cabinet. Awake before God, standing in the kitchen, signing her life away over this tiny roma tomato. (Roma tomato with little cat vampire teeth marks in it).
I was like oh. No. I put it there. Because Patches was going to commit war crimes against it. I put it there because I did not stop to consider "Will finding a single tomato in the coffee mug cabinet somehow be the very specific thing that undoes my mother this morning?" I put it there out of careful consideration for the life of this tomato, and with no consideration for the extremely esoteric way that a tomato in the cabinet could be received like a horse head in the bed, Godfather style.
We made a salad with the tomato. Happy birthday Mom.
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kateschi · 2 months ago
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the katsuki bakugou effect
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synopsis: where your husband, katsuki, has a way of calming your daughter like no one else can.
pairing: timeskip!bakugou katsuki x f!reader
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katsuki’s ability to calm your daughter is nothing short of magical.
it doesn’t matter how fussy or inconsolable she gets; the moment he holds her, everything changes.
her tiny fists are no longer clenched in frustration, her loud cries slowly taper off, and her little body relaxes in his arms. his presence soothes her in a way no one else’s can.
you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve been at the end of your rope, trying everything you can think of to calm her.
you’ve rocked her gently, hummed her favorite lullaby, even tried a little soft talking, but nothing works.
when your baby’s tears start to escalate, and her little body trembles in distress, you find yourself on the edge of exhaustion.
but then katsuki walks in.
he steps over to you, and with a quick kiss to the top of your head, scoops her from your arms, then instantly, the tension in the room lifts.
his rough hands gently cradle her, and he murmurs something too quiet for you to catch.
you can’t help but watch in awe as she goes from wailing to calm in just a few seconds, her little face nuzzling against his chest. it’s like a switch flips, and you swear you can see her sigh in relief.
it’s always the same. as soon as katsuki’s around, she settles. she looks at him with a calmness that’s impossible to ignore, her tiny lips pouting slightly as she stares up at him.
her little hands grasp weakly at his shirt, her body relaxing into his hold as if everything is suddenly right with the world. and katsuki just holds her, always.
“you’re a softie,” you tease one day as you watch him rock her back and forth.
katsuki shoots you a glare, but it’s softened by the sight of your daughter curled peacefully in his arms. “shut up,” he mutters, but there’s no real heat behind it. and you can’t help but smile.
you cross the room, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek. he stiffens for a moment, but the warmth in his eyes tells you everything you need to know.
“I’m serious,” you say. “you’re the softest guy I know.”
he lets out a gruff chuckle, his scowl deepening, though it's clear he's enjoying your attention as he places a gentle kiss on your forehead.
a few weeks later, you’re all at a class 1-a reunion, gathered at the old dorms. the atmosphere is lively, with the familiar banter of your old classmates filling the air.
midoriya’s sitting on the couch, holding your daughter carefully in his arms, cooing softly at her as the rest of the group laughs and talks around them.
but suddenly, the peaceful mood shifts. your girl begins to fidget in midoriya’s arms, her little face scrunching up in that all-too-familiar way before the whimpers start.
a soft cry escapes her lips, and then it builds, escalating into the full-blown wail you know so well. midoriya looks startled, glancing around as if searching for some way to calm her.
“uh, uh, it’s okay,” midoriya says, trying to gently rock her in his arms. “it’s okay, sweetheart."
but your baby’s cries only seem to grow louder, her face turning red as her hands flail helplessly. you glance at katsuki, already knowing what’s coming next.
without a word, katsuki stands up from his seat, the others giving him a bit of space as he walks over.
his eyes lock on your daughter, and there’s something about his gaze that makes everything else fade into the background. he’s not rushing, not frantic.
he just calmly steps in, his arms outstretched.
midoriya silently hands the little girl over. as soon as katsuki has her, everything shifts. he holds her against his chest, and his rough hand gently pats her back.
his thumb brushes against her little arm, his voice soft. “it’s me,” he murmurs, his tone low and steady. “it’s okay.”
your little girl hiccups, her cries fading almost immediately, and then she stops. her lips jut out in a pout, still a little upset, but no longer in distress.
she stares up at him, her wide eyes searching his face as if recognizing him. and then, she settles into the crook of his arm, her tiny hands grasping weakly at the fabric of his shirt.
the room is silent for a moment, everyone watching in awe as your girl rests peacefully in katsuki’s arms. he doesn’t even seem to notice the attention.
his focus is entirely on her, his expression softening as she calms.
you smile to yourself, watching him from the sidelines. even after all this time, katsuki never ceases to surprise you with how much he’s grown, how much he’s learned.
you remember when he first found out he was going to be a father, and how nervous he’d been (though he would never admit that).
but now, here he is, effortlessly calming your daughter.
“man, you’re a real softie now, huh?” kirishima teases from across the room, a wide grin plastered on his face.
katsuki’s eyes narrow immediately, and he glares at his friend. “shut the hell up, red.”
but the teasing doesn’t stop there.
kaminari, who’s been silently watching the entire scene, leans forward with a smirk. “I can’t believe it…the ‘explosion hero’ is actually the baby whisperer now?”
katsuki frowns, and his glare remains trained on the two of them. but there’s a slight restraint in his movements—one that’s only noticeable to you.
he’s trying to stay calm, and it’s all because he doesn’t want to wake your little girl up. you can practically feel the tension in the air as his patience wears thin.
sero, naturally, chimes in with a smirk of his own. “I’ve gotta hand it to you, man. I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be ‘aww’ing over a baby like some mushy ball of fluff.”
katsuki’s mouth opens, ready to fire back, but then he glances down at your sleeping daughter, her little chest rising and falling peacefully, and he shuts it again.
for a split second, his fierce expression softens. he takes a deep breath, holding the baby a little tighter.
“you’re lucky she’s asleep, or I would've blasted your asses to oblivion,” he grumbles, but the threat is half-hearted.
kaminari lets out a nervous laugh. “jeez, man, alright, we get it.”
you can’t help but chuckle softly, leaning against the doorframe as you watch them. 
katsuki’s eyes narrow in warning, but despite his frown, there’s a warmth to his expression that doesn’t go unnoticed when he looks back at d/n.
it’s moments like these when the rest of the world seems to disappear, and it's just him, her, and the quiet calm they share.
sighing in resignation, he shifts slightly, walking over to you. you watch as he makes his way across the room, still cradling your daughter in his arms, her tiny hands gripping his shirt as she drifts into a deeper sleep.
you don’t say anything at first, but as he gets closer, you meet his gaze with a soft smile.
there’s no denying the softening effect he has when it’s just the two of you—well, the three of you, if you count the tiny bundle in his arms.
he leans into you as he steps to your side, his broad shoulders brushing against yours, and without a word, he tilts his head slightly toward you, seeking the quiet comfort of being beside you.
“I told them to shut up,” katsuki mutters, his voice lower now, quieter. his usual fiery energy is subdued, and he seems content to just be in your presence.
he exhales slowly, letting the weight of the situation fade away. you reach up and gently touch his arm, a soft laugh escaping you.
"she's lucky you’re her dad," you murmur, your eyes flickering down to where your daughter is curled against his chest. "you’re so patient with her."
katsuki scoffs lightly, rolling his eyes, but the smile tugging at his lips betrays his true feelings.
“I’m not some damn pushover,” he mutters, but there’s a softness in his tone that makes you want to kiss him.
and you do.
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kofi — navigation — masterlist
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do not copy, translate, or plagarize
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pseudowho · 5 months ago
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Motherhood had altered your 'turn-ons'; not that you lusted after mankind as a whole-- Kento was enough.
His cologne, split with the smooth tang of sweat on work-ripened skin. His hands, alternately gentle and rough, peach-handling or blade-wielding. The authority only the world saw; the authority only you felt.
Dressed-up, dressed-down, undressed, dressing you down, undressing you. Breaking you only to reform you with gold, tied with red thread, whispering you to completion in the dark sacred night.
So (you corrected yourself, as you watched Kento jog after your daughter at the indoor play centre) motherhood had not altered your turn-ons; it had added to them. Stacking high now, you considered the tower of your adoration was just as likely to be stable, as unstable; its endurance or toppling entirely at Kento's mercy.
The arrival at soft-play was a sensory nightmare-- one of many you could tolerate as a mother when you wouldn't have, before.
Obnoxious children's music blared, cut by screams and shouts and cries and calls and whirls and swirls of kids darting and weaving, watched and unwatched, by helicopters or the disinterested. The cocktail was potent, spiked. Your headache started behind your left eye.
Kento saw you. He was unfairly loaded at his own insistence, with change-bag and snack-bag and car keys and your daughter, planking and chattering, a possessed surfboard beneath his arm.
"Sit down-- have a coffee." Kento rumbled, low and slow, unclipping his watch into your cupped hands as you began to argue. "You've had her all week. You need a break."
"You've been at work all week, Kento, you need a break--"
"Don't argue. You know it's not the same. Sit down. Have a coffee."
He lied to you for your benefit; you could feel the bone-deep weariness of him, surely needing a day of sofa-bound naps over a day of childrearing. Alas; parenthood. And he would continue to take bullets for you, even to his own detriment. You knew this. You had planned ahead for this.
As you peered down at your phone, smiling at an eagerly awaited reply, your daughter piped up, bouncing on little toes, her pigtails bouncing too.
"'lide, daddy. Let's go fast. Faster. Race you."
Kento hummed, smiling. "Slide, you mean?"
"I said it. 'lide." Your daughter moved to dart to the towering play area, a flash of lightning into a maelstrom, and you caught her. Kento was distracted, looking into the swarm of other peoples' children, oddly, as he looked at a swarm of Curses. You whispered into your daughters' ear as Kento slipped his boots off.
"Hey, missus, listen."
Your baby girl perked up, sweet and conspiratorial, goofy-teethed and dimple-cheeked, whispering back.
"What is it, mummy?"
"I've got a surprise for daddy. So don't tell him...come here, mummy needs to whisper."
Lips at an ear; tiny hands clasping over a mouth, fizzlepopping with excitement. A long finger against lips; a little finger against lips. A secret pact.
"Are you ready, young lady? I'll get you in three...two..."
Kento reached down for your daughter, his hands clawed, a wolfish grin on his lips. Your daughter knew what it meant; she shrieked with panicked laughter, bolting. The monster formerly known as 'Daddy' dashed after her.
The coffee was shit; you didn't mind, instead hyperfocused on how Kento and your daughter would dip out of sight into the rainbow maze, only to reappear minutes later, with Kento looking more ravaged each time.
On the first loop round, Kento looked unfazed, unruffled, still clipped in his t-shirt and jeans. You simply admired the sultry half-smile he offered you, and the cling of fabric to his thick biceps, before he swept after your daughter again.
On the fifth loop round, flicks of hair escaped over Kento's forehead, the veins on his arms prominent from throwing and tumbling and monstering. He panted, his muscle so much heavier to carry than your birdlike daughter's personal load. Kento's playful growl, running after your giggling daughter, was deeper; huskier. You squirmed, sipping your shit latte.
On the eleventh loop round, a fine sheen of sweat misted Kento's forehead, a flush dashed on high cheekbones. His broad chest heaved, and he stretched his arms back, cracking his neck from side-to-side, with a groan usually heard only when he exerted himself above you, for less wholesome pleasures.
With furrowed brows, Kento prowled the bottom of the slide, and your daughter shrieked, scrabbling to get away from him as he lunged. Your daughter was bicep-curled up to Kento's face, laughing uproariously at his ferocious tummy-raspberries, before being set free, once more, for the hunt. You could not cope, aching, desperately hoping you had the energy left to sweat for him at the end of the day.
By the twenty-first? twenty-third? twenty-fifth? loop round, Kento jogged to a heavy halt, his shoulder blades taut as he bent double, hands braced against his own knees. You heard him panting, cursing under his breath, one long rusty groan. It was all too much-- Kento needed a break. You were unhinged and unsupervised. Surely there had to be some relief--
"Yo, Mrs.Nanamin! Am I late?"
A vision in peach, Yuuji flopped into the chair opposite you, with hands in his pockets and man-spread with a square-jawed, boyish grin. He stood taller than Kento, now, a full-grown man...but still shrunk beneath Kento's chastisement and lectures.
"Right on time, Yuuji. Are you sure you don't mind? It's all a bit..." You looked into the raucous soft-play, searching for words, "...feral."
Yuuji beamed, ruffling his own hair and kicking his shoes off. "Nah. I was gonna go to the gym anyway, but this seems more fun as workouts go."
You called out to your daughter as she reached the bottom of the slide, and Kento looked up, sweating and exhausted. "Baby! Your big brother's here!"
A gasp of thrill from your daughter, and Kento was all but forgotten by her as she pelted towards Yuuji instead, leaping into his arms. She slapped his scrunched cheeks, aggressively overjoyed.
"Big brother-- big brother-- big brother--"
"Yeah yeah, little sister, little sister-- c'mon squirt, I'm gonna getcha! Hey-- Dad--- uh, Nanamin! Gotta go!"
Kento watched his children run away with dewy eyes, his body still thickened by exercise and heavy breaths. You bit your lip as Kento approached, eyes half-lidded as you drank him in. You watched his Adam's apple bob as he gulped back water and gasped, husky with relief.
"God, I love that boy." Kento rumbled.
You melted to see Yuuji reach the bottom of the slide with your daughter on his lap. "Yeah...me too."
"He's saved my life...three times, now."
You laughed, your eyes dipped, tugging Kento to you by the hem of his t-shirt and beckoning him down with one curled finger.
"Think you'll still have some energy later?" You whispered, your breaths mingling with promise.
Kento's eyes narrowed, glimmering, his nose kissing yours. "For that? Always."
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bighitfics · 6 months ago
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jungkook fics i can read all night all day seven days a week.
(a recommendation you didn’t know you needed) ₊⊹ ๋࣭ ⭑⚝
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Vows Of Betrayal ౨ৎ by @tljunglebook
— contract marriage au, enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst.
(I will never not scream about this! this is my current favourite read! the enemies to lovers really hits in this one! AND THE SMUT SCENES ARE SO GOOD THEY MADE ME PREGNANT SO I RECOMMEND!) 😩💳
Inevitable ౨ৎ by @ahundredtimesover
— exes to lovers, second chance, parents au, angst.
(this happens to be the cutest story I’ve ever read, the longing and angst is so good!) 🥺🫶🏼
Dextrocardia ౨ৎ by @jeonstudios
— enemies to lovers, fake marriage, cop au, angst.
(this story should be arrested for being so damn good! i love how intense the enemies phase is before they start softening towards each other, the way the author managed to portray the patriarchal issues through this story is incredible, i never thought i’d say this but im an anti of jungkook in this story 😤😡 he better apologise with crocodile tears otherwise he can say goodbye to y/n.
You’re Still Mine ౨ৎ by @wattpadauthour
— workaholic husband jungkook, marriage in trouble trope, second chance.
(THIS STORY IS GONNA BE MY FOREVER FAVOURITE FOR A LONG LONG TIME! NO MATTER HOW MANY STORIES I READ I WILL ALWAYS GO BACK TO RE-READ! LIKE READ IT RIGHTAWAY IF YOU HAVENT! 😤)
Four-Seven-Eight ౨ৎ by @jiminrings
— marriage in crisis, angst, more angst, fluff.
(the heartache you’re gonna feel while reading this is no joke, i really felt sad for the y/n here (and cried a river) AND I LOVE IT WHEN BOOKS MAKE ME CRY LIKE THE WORLD IS ENDING TOMMOROW 😻💋 you know its gonna be worth it)
Time After Time ౨ৎ by @hiseyestell
— doctor au, she fell first but he fell harder (but much later), fluff.
(by far the most realistic fanfic I’ve read, jungkook is so cold that you wanna smack him in his stupid head, the female oc is so smitten with him its adorable but sad at the same time) ☹️
His Clumsy Secretary ౨ৎ by @hwangguemfictions
— grumpy x sunshine, he fell first and harder, office romance, major angst.
(this fanfic is criminally good! especially the bgm, the dialogues, the way he’s just so endeared with her, this is a big smash!) 🤰🏻🫦
The Deepest Marks Of Essence ౨ৎ by @lleldey
— tribe leader jungkook, yandere au, smut, angst.
(my favourite writer for a reason! 🫴🏼 i can never stop obsessing over yer unique storylines and writing, she’s my new favourite tbh and this story will convince you as well) 🤭💕
Marrying The Vicount ౨ৎ by @taevjim
— rich man x poor girl, regency era au, smut, filthy fluff.
(my two worlds colliding fr! this author wrote it so beautifully 😍🤌🏻 jungkook as a vicount tho (im already crying between my legs) this is like a fever dream come true, this is so effing good that i think no words are fair enough, maybe you should take a look yourself! (i swear this is worth the read!!!!)
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honeyednights · 1 year ago
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#death cw#cancer cw#dying grandmother cw#so from the tags you probably already know what this little rant/diary entry is about#so my nans cancer returned this summer after many years and it quickly got worse#so when i came back from my summer holiday i travelled up to her and spent a week with my grandparents and that was so nice (and sad ofc)#but it was like already thought that she probably wouldn’t have like a year left but rather months#and she’s gotten worse but not like she’s dying right now worse but a gradual thing since july right#and i was supposed to travel up last week but i got ill with a corona/cold/the flu kinda thing and that’s obvi an absolute no to be around#and this week she was hospitalised but i didn’t stress too much about it bc she’s been so a few times with infections etc#and then this morning my mum called and said i should get up as quickly as possible#so three hours later i was on the flight to them and like almost crying with regualr intervals and i managed to hold it together and not#break down on the train nor on the flight#and i got to the hospital and just… seeing how badly she’s doing and that she’s going to die within the next few days is just….#like we’re superclose we’ve always been superclose she’s my closest grandparent#and like these months of knowing she’s going to die soon and grieving her while she’s alive and okay has just been so weird#and i’ve been sad but also a little bit pushing away the thought that she’s dying while preparing myself#so it’s felt like unreal but a little real you know?#anyways the whole family is here and so when i got to the hospital we all sat in the room and a i cried a few tears here and there#after a while i got some alone time with her ans i just broke down#like i tried to talk but i just kept crying and not being able to control my voice and i hate that feeling so much#my nan can talk and she’s there but she doesn’t have the energy to lead the conversation#but we said we love eachother so much and she was very comforting while i had my breakdown#which btw i have a raging headache from crying so much<3 it really helps the situation i think to have a headache as well#anyways i feel bad that i didn’t say more or had anything in particular to say#but she said that’s fine and that she didn’t have a lot to say either but she loves me so much and it’s just#like i know this is grieving and being sad about death and it’s heartbreaking to see her this bad and i’ll be fine life will keep going but#her not being around is just Not Right at all#i’m just sad and i want to be comforted but i don’t want to at the same time and just i don’t know#i’m just sad and a mess idk sorry to anyone if they read all this
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timmydraker · 4 months ago
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Everyone in the Bat Clan has been noticing something over the years, specially about Tim.
Every so often he will go to do something with his hands or even his entire body, such as swaying or shaking his hands, but always stops himself.
There’s almost this look of annoyance on his face that just barely hides discomfort, but he brushes it off quickly.
Bruce noticed and, thinking about Robin more than anything, offered some kind of fidgeting device to help him stay on task, only for Tim to snap at him for the first time. It was his usual snark or commenting on Bruce’s well being, but a real moment of lashing out.
He decided then not to bother Tim about his clear want to move around it play with something even if it’s just his hands, mainly because he was doing his job well.
Yet, as he starts to really try and be a good parent to his kids and realises that Tim is one of the places he messed up most by basically using him to cope with grief, he decides to ask the rest of the family what they think.
Dick says it could be ADHD and he needs movements, with Barbara backing it up with a few websites in agreement.
Damian says he should mediate and Cass so what agrees but says it probably won’t help someone like Tim that much.
Duke and Steph make up a somewhat chaotic plan of coercing him into telling them what he needs, out of love and somewhat aggressive care.
It’s Jason who just scoffs and says, “It’s stimming, you idiots. He has like, super messed up standards cause of his parents, right? They probably didn’t allow it but he’s got that like, autastic thing.”
Only Jason Todd could say something so smart followed by completely idiocy.
But he is right, very much so. It might also explain why sometimes he seemingly couldn’t handle touch but when he panicked he need to be squeezed as tightly as possible.
Naturally, with a family of emotionally repressed vigilantes, they decide to subtly let him know it’s okay.
Dick is the worst with it, speaking far too loudly about how Autism is okay and how he wants to learn to support autistic kids, while Bruce thinks nodding along to this helps.
Damian just stares at Tim for five minutes before bailing and running away.
When a month passes and Tim seem more like he’s even more ashamed than anything my, Cass smashes her hand on the table at dinner and drags him out of the room to talk to him.
Tim is forced to sit and listen to his sister, who may or may not be his favourite sibling, talk about how he’s not damaged or wrong for needing to stim and move his body. She calls him out on how he is being a hypocrite, for accepting people like Bart and Barbara and and her for their disabilities whether ADHD or something physical but not himself.
Tim wouldn’t have been moved by this if it was anyone else, but never in all the time he’s known her has he heard Cass say so many words in one go nor can see her cry so much. She’s loud when she cries, making up for her silence, but it’s only something any of them have seen twice and that was Bruce and Steph.
He doesn’t just magically accept that he’s neurodivergent, nor does he ever want a title as to what is different about him, but the difference is still noticeable.
A week later him and Dick are watching an episode of their show and something Tim adores, a comic series, is referenced. Instead of what he usually does, that being sitting there as still as he can, he bats his hands around a for a few seconds before pausing and waiting for Dicks reaction.
When Dick beams at him brighter than a sun he continues, smacking the couch and even Dicks arm in his excitement.
A few days later he makes a high pitched noice just to get to an itch in his throat and doesn’t realise that Jason is there, yet when the other responds with the same noice, given a bit deeper, Tim smile. Bruce walks in on them making strange noises at each other in a sort of echo.
It’s months later when it’s his birthday and his family has come together to buy him a new, stupidly expensive camera only to reveal they also added a red light room in the manner for him to print them that they really see how much safer he feels.
He flaps his hands aggressively and jumps in place, rumbling out words that don’t all much and thanking them over and over.
He squeals happily but only has a moment where he looks shamed before Bruce holds out a flat palm for him to smack excitedly.
Later, when he gets overwhelmed and crashes a little, Duke lies on top of him to give him pressure only for Steph to sit on him.
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youremyonlyhope · 2 years ago
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Stupidly I decided to watch this video just now.
Today would have been my Grandma's birthday, but we lost her last fall and then my Nanna in the winter.
I did not think that a commentary video on Rugrats would make me uncontrollably sob. But I blocked out how sad the Mother's Day episode was. And combining it with Grandma's birthday...
I've spent the last 10 minutes or so doubled over crying.
#i kind of knew some sort of emotional outbreak was incoming soon but i didn't know when#that time ended up being now#because the start of this week was emotional since a show i was working on ended#and for some reason that show ending just felt way more emotional than other shows i've done ending#so many people were crying. but i didn't cry.#we had had a performance on mother's day and our director had lost her mother recently#so she was upset that whole day and so was so much of the cast and crew. i still didn't cry.#while holding a crying friend at the closing party i told another friend that the emotions will hit me later.#i didn't know when but i knew it was going to. at some time.#both my grandmothers had passed while i was working on different productions with this group#and both times i came to the theater hours later and it had been emotionally healing to be there.#this was the first production i worked on after losing both of them so it felt a little weird.#(plus the color purple trailer came out and that book and musical makes me SOB and i refuse to watch the trailer)#(also add in Tina Turner's passing and her birth name being the same as my grandma's)#and basically all of those feelings and having these other theatre experiences mixed up with my losses#combining with it being my grandma's birthday AND i happened to be crocheting when i watched this video#which is a defining skill that Grandma taught me... i was SUCH a mess. i just could not stop crying.#i had mentioned backstage that i can't rewatch moana because i can't handle the storyline anymore.#and just now while in the middle of this emotional explosion i thought of moana and cried HARDER.#this is a good commentary but GOD i did not expect it to trigger all of this.#when i say doubled over i mean literally doubled over and shaking.#anyway. i think i feel better now. i think i needed this crying session.#in sims your sim can have an 'emotional bomb' quirk. they freak out uncontrollably for 30 seconds then they're fine.#i've never really hated that quirk because that is literally me.
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