#I accidentally. deleted a tag so whatever I was going to say is fucking gone now. oh I think I memerbr

[louisjude]

I feel like atp even if there were plans to make bvddie canon theyre gone now. if tim minear is even half as petty as I am he would see that reaction and go u know what fuck you u actually don't get what you want now cause ur acting so goddamn entitled. like when tarlos fans got mad about the deleted scenes instead of appreciating them being released and his reaction was to say "okay fine then I just won't release deleted scenes anymore" (like I'm sure it was mostly a marketing decision but part of me thinks they intentionally released a scene about bucktommy just to prove a point.) idk man it's just really upsetting as a bi man to see the absolutely vile shit bvddie stans are saying and even tho I love the ship I now never want it to go canon cause they've fuckin ruined it

hey anon, at first let me agree with the fact that i do in fact also love bvddie a lot and i still love reading fics for them, the edits of them are fantastic and the fanart is S tier. it’s a great pairing with a lot of potential there IF the writers decided to ever go there but…

huge answer below

yeah, i agree. i honestly think before tommy was introduced again in 7x03 and the kiss in 7x04 that in my brain, bvddie was the most logical endgame for buck until it wasn’t.

i came into the show shipping bvddie much like a lot of new fans to the show but instead of hopping onto the tommy anti express hate train i found myself falling in love with buck and tommy together. at first i was still on board with bvddie still being endgame but as each episode aired after 7x04 i became faced with the reality of the situation (at least the way i see it) that bvddie might always be fanon and that’s ok because fandom keeps ships alive whether they’re canon or not. some of the biggest ships EVER are non-canon (i mean, cmon spirk? one of the OG MM ships?) so it didn’t really deter me from enjoying bvddie to this day. what HAS deterred me from interacting with bvddie content is toxic bvddies. i don’t like using the lil nicknames, idc if other ppl do, whatever, but i prefer just referring to certain kinds as just toxic plain and simple.

toxic shippers have made it difficult for anyone who multiships to interact with bvddie content. while there are incredibly nice & welcoming bvddie endgamers out there, it doesn’t overshadow the hateful ones in my online experience at least. i’ve blocked so many ppl over this ship discourse, which ive never had to do with any other fandom before the extent i have with 911. everyday i still find new ppl to block, you go under almost any comment section on the 911 insta and its filled with nasty comments abt tommy and only caring abt whether bvddie will be canon in s8. people projecting their hatred of tommy/lou onto the cast/crew of the show when it’s be said and proven time and time again that it’s quite the opposite. now im certain there’s bad apples in the bucktommy side as well, but from what ive seen online so far it is not nearly to the caliber of the bvddie side. ive blocked maybe a handful of bucktommy’s for being hateful towards eddie or being toxic overall, but ive probably blocked over 100+ toxic bvddies. i can only imagine it’d be worse if i was active on 911 twt which i’m not (thank god) but i have ventured into the tags before on there and let me tell you, it’s fucking horrifying how gross ppl are over there. twt is a cesspool for fandom anyways tho, the fucking asshole of fandom, it’s a septic tank really.

now im my own opinion which could be completely untrue of course, but just basing my thoughts on what i’ve seen online and interviews and such, tim seems to be really happy about bucktommy and idk how ppl believe otherwise. tim has expressed he loves LFJ and wanted him back on the show. tim showed up on set for the kiss scene. tim posting an entire youtube vibe abt bucktommy being soulmates that touches on the invisible string theory and explains how they accidentally found buck’s perfect match. tim sharing the deleted tommy scene is also huge but im waiting to see if he releases more (because i remember seen somewhere that he said there’d be more?) and if he does then great but it’s also still pretty telling to me after the whole karaoke fiasco.

oliver has said nothing but praises towards buck’s queer storyline. he quite literally said if you dont like it then watch something else. despite ppl saying he’s never interacted with bucktommy content online, that’s a lie because he has liked fanart of them.

aisha, kenneth & tracie have all expressed how they like tommy/lou and love working with him.

jlh said she loved bvddie before but is excited to see where buck and tommy go and then on an insta live said she doesn’t think bvddie is happening and was bombarded by toxic fans to the point of ending the live early.

ppl think it’s all some ruse to make it seem like bvddie is never happening so when it does happen it’s a “surprise” ……..

the nasty hate comments are doing nothing but exposing these types of ppl for who they are and that honestly to them, 911 is just the bvddie show to them. the people who run these social media accs for 911 are looking at these comments and cringing, they aren’t running to tim and abc being like “we must give these crazies what they want!” they’re mostly likely being ignored or honestly, as you said, being looked at and just reinforcing their decision to most likely make tommy buck’s endgame so as long as his schedule is open for filming.

what gets me the most about the hate these types of shippers spew online is how they aren’t embarrassed because they are so sooo convinced they will be right one day and therefore their insane, nasty behavior online will be justified. oliver stark literally left twt because of fans like this, people act like he was joking around, that he was shooting the shit probably because “he’s british and british people just have that kind of humor” which yes to a certain extent but let me just add these posts to set an example to why if oliver were still on twt he absolutely would not be happy with the way toxic bvddies are acting right now.

oliver (and ryan&other cast too) being positive abt bvddie never meant it was going to be canon of become canon one day. they do not decide these things, whether they believe it should or not. a lot of bvddie shippers come from previous fandoms where queerbaiting was there, where they were made fun of by actors of their ships, by the creators of the show! so i understand the frustration but oliver is not queerbaiting and buck is not a queerbait character when he quite literally is now confirmed bisexual and in a relationship with a man.

he’s just not the “correct” queer to these people. despite headcanons (hell even i hc eddie as queer!!) eddie so far, in canon, is not queer. by the end s7 he is still shown to not be over shannon and ruins his relationship with his son over this. ryan has stated in interviews he sees eddie as heterosexual, possibly pushing this because of the influx of ship discourse, and he’s glad to see a vulnerable and deep friendship that buck and eddie can have as a straight man and a queer man and how important he thinks it is.

every single thing that points to bvddie never going canon is like they’re being shot point blank in the chest. i get it, your ship not becoming canon sucks, but again, that is what fandom is for! shipping has never been about how canon smth is, there is 20k fics out there for bvddie and they aren’t canon. they can turn that into 40k, 100k, 1M if they really wanted to! instead they use their time and energy posting death threats, wishing death upon a gay character, bullying ppl online for enjoying a ship.

meanwhile from what ive seen bucktommys are rolling with goofy ass spy tommy theories created by antis and making jokes for our own fun.

so yes, i agree overall. they truly don’t deserve what they think they do. we didn’t whine and scream for a deleted scene. they did. we got ours without even expecting it and are having fun.

maybe if they behaved better i wouldn’t be so petty abt it. it’s a shame because of how much potential it has, unfortunately it is just not going that way atm. and even if it does one day, it is not because they paraded online with hate, it is because that’s the story tim and the others wanted to write and abc approved it.

🫳🎤

[starry-eyedblog]

ahh i’m so sorry @angelofacidx!! i accidentally posted this ask before it was ready and had to delete it so your ask is gone :(( i hope i did a good job and y'know i had to make simon a tad pathetic, just for you <3

warnings/tags: simon x fem goth reader, awkward simon, flirting, teasing, kissing

when simon caught a glimpse of you one night at the pub he frequented with his mates, he was instantly captured by your beauty. usually, his type wasn't goth girls but there was something just so intriguing about you and your style that he found himself unable to look away.

when his friend johnny saw he was staring off, uninterested in the conversation, he followed his friends eyes and saw what had his full attention. "got a wee crush have you, si?" he chuckles, playfully nudging at his arm.

"oh fuck off," simon grumbled back, thankful for his black face mask covering his flushed cheeks. then, another friend was peeping up. "not your usual type mate. gonna go talk to her? or just oogle all night like a dickhead?" gaz had laughed with a raised eyebrow, taking a sip of his pint.

simon shrugged off his friends and left his booth, walking over to the bar where you were sat on a stool, talking away to a friend. he slipped in behind you, akwardly coughing to catch your attention which worked.

you spun around in your stool, tilting your head back to take in the absolute mammoth of a man stood in front of you. "can i help you?" you had asked, tilting your head slightly with an almost annoyed expression and simon felt his face flush warm.

"i uh- i was wonderin' if i could buy you a drink?" he asked, trying to avoid staring at you too much incase it come off as rude. in reality he was soaking up your outfit and makeup, enjoying all the details his eyes could find.

you laugh softly and with a smile, you accept the offer. "course you can, i'll have whatever you're having." you say, leaning in a bit closer to him so he can hear you over the general chit chat filling the busy bar.

simon nods, watching the way you lean towards him. his hands grow sweaty and his eyes frantically try to avoid yours. he quickly orders two rum and cokes, paying for them with a tenner. he takes his change, watching the bartender pour the drinks and place the glasses down in front of him.

he says a quick thanks before handing you a glass, "thanks." you say simply, bringing the glass up to your lips to take a long sip. as you place the drink down onto the bar, you look up at him with a questioning look.

"gonna ask me any questions or?" you tease with a smile and simon feels his heart hammering against his ribcage. "oh yeah, sorry uhm. so what's your name? that's a good place to start yeah?" he chuckles, hooking his mask under his chin and taking a big sip of his drink to try settle his nerves.

simon was someone who was confident in his looks, knew how intimidating he was with his height and old scars. you'd think he was a womanizer, but in all honestly he got shy around pretty girls and always managed to make an arse out of himself.

you laugh and nod, "yeah that's a good place to start. maybe next you can ask what my job is?" you tease with a cheeky smile before taking pity on him and telling him your name before asking for his.

simon answers back with his name, complimenting how pretty yours is before trying to move on and ask more questions that aren't very surface level.

more drinks are bought throughout the night and you seem to stay by his side, enjoying how flustered he gets around you. the more tipsy simon gets, the more he's unable to hide his fascination about your style.

"so, goth huh? i may have uh been a bit of an emo when i was younger in all honestly," he admits and you bark out a laugh, body tipping back and simon hopes to engrave that sound into his mind to remember for the rest of his life.

you raise a brow, "that so? just trying to imagine you with piercings and eyeliner. paints a pretty image honestly." you say before leaning forward, taking one hand and slowly dragging it up his arm while staring into his eyes.

once simon realises what you are doing, his face flushes pink and he feels his heart race. "had to take those out for military." he murmurs, unable to hold eye contact for long.

"military? makes sense now with all that muscles." you hum, giving a gentle squeeze to his bicep. "i've been like 'this' since i was a teenager, first got into the music through my parents and then discovered how much i enjoyed the style and makeup. haven't looked back since, brings in a lot of unwanted attention though. guys asking me to be their goth mommy on nights out or even dates, like what the fuck?" you shake your head, laughing with him with your hand still resting on his bicep.

"guys actually ask you that? fuckin' hell and i thought i was bad at flirting." simon bites, throwing back the rest of his drink before placing the empty glass onto the bar.

you laugh loudly at his words, shaking your head before finishing your own drink. "trust me, you're one of the best so far. little shy though eh?" you tease, giving another squeeze to his arm before standing up.

once you are standing up straight, you turn to your friend and explain your plan to her. she laughs and smiles, gently smacking you in a playful way before agreeing.

you turn back around and go up onto your tiptoes, pressing your lips to his ear, "i'm going out for a smoke, if you'd like to join me." you whisper, pulling back to stare up at him.

silently simon nods and follows you outside, glaring at any men who even glance in your direction while you make it out the bar. he is under the impression it will just be a friendly smoke together but oh boy was he wrong.

as soon as the both of you are outside, you are dragging him down a dark alleyway around the corner. your arms wrap around his neck and pull him down until your lips are just brushing. "can i kiss you?" you ask while looking into his eyes, hoping he’ll say yes.

simon is caught off guard, his eyes widening as you easily pull him down closer to you. “su-sure.” he mutters before he feels your lips pressing to his in a slow kiss. his arms gently wrap around your waist, bringing his body flush to yours as he deepens the kiss.

after a minute or so, the two of you pull away panting quietly. you giggle softly as you look at him and simon pulls a confused expression. “what you laughing at?” he grumbles, pink flushing his cheeks.

“a bit of my black lipstick is smudged on your lips big guy.” you smile cheekily, bringing your thumb to your mouth to lick before gently swiping at simon’s face to get rid of the evidence. he smiles down at you as he feel you wiping at the lipstick left behind.

he then works up the courage to ask the big question. “so, will i be able to get your number?” he utters, holding your waist a little tighter as he stares down at you. the question makes you chuckle, your head nodding. “yes you definitely can have my number.” you answer, smiling happily up at him.

[rhythmic-idealist]

Wow, that reblog on that trans woman's post was really obnoxious. No one is fucking responsible for someone else's trauma. If you can't refrain from making people WHO HAVE PERSONALLY DONE NOTHING TO YOU uncomfortable, afraid or ashamed then that's on you, no one else.

Also, knock the condescension down a notch or three.

Well, I typed a response here and it's been just thrown into the void by Tumblr, so I'll do my best. It's wordier now, because I'm sleepy, but I felt you deserved a thoughtful response (which you don't need to read, but deserve the option to read). Deleting the tags.

The tags, for posterity (I think that reading a post about something that's been deleted can be both stressful and useless without context):

If it's worth anything to you, here are the other points? In the end this bit does not matter but I know some people will generally prefer to know what was going through my head here (and others will not! I personally am reassured by knowing Why someone said some weird shit):

Basically on first read I thought that last sentence was doing a sort of weird and needless "ummm if you look at your trigger you're not traumatized??" at people doing the normal good faith act of Being Traumatized About Penises and seeking good faith advice on how to be normal. This is not because I assume transphobes speak in good faith: it's because I somehow didn't realize the last paragraph was addressed to people who say they should't have to see trans women's bulges in public. This felt very strange to me, and was not me assuming OP Would Say A Thing Like That. It in fact startled me so much that I was like what I'm confused by this. I failed to read grammar.

Back when I thought it said that I still had no problem with it being said. Raises the question of if a tag saying I disagree with it is a reasonable thing to do but also not a question we need to answer since, well, the decision has long been "I'm more comfortable deleting the tags regardless"

I want to be extremely fucking clear to any potential transphobes in the audience. Being triggered by specifically trans women's penises/bulges isn't a thing. Reasons for this do include but are not limited to the fact that you literally do not know the gender of a person when you are looking at them. But that is also, like, perhaps the smallest fucking reason and maybe even a distracting one to bring up here. --- IF there is one person in the world for whom it is a thing, then sure, literally anything is possible, surely someone somewhere is triggered by guys who do tapdances in funny little hats or whatever. No discourse is required about that and no one is doing anything wrong by existing. --- Being specifically uncomfortable with trans women is a thing. White women feeling uncomfortable around black men is also a thing. This is called bias, and, even (especially!) when it manifests internally as fear, absolutely fucking must be worked on and overcome.

Anyway, thanks for the message.

This is a REAL long post about something that I don't want to accidentally present as more... struggling for adjectives here.... than it is because of the length of the post? This is also hard to articulate. What I mean is that my tags were never about a very strong opinion and that my opinions of OP were never negative. What I do NOT mean is that the OTHER side of this interaction is something that must be downplayed. Reasonable response, ty.

Final addition that for the record I don't think I was ever saying anyone is responsible for anyone else's trauma, I was very much saying the opposite? I was saying that so many other ways in which penis related trauma is triggered can just be other completely innocent parts of day to day life, so the existence of trans women is not some kind of exception. Especially if you're not going to indict the sheer existence of cis men, but also, even if you are going to (it's a bad take).

I still think they were bad tags though so they're gone now.

[mortifyingideal]

i was tagged in this by the wonderful @fremulon (thanks cherry!) and accidentally deleted the whole thing twice so now i'm mostly just posting it out of spite and without a read more due to said spite. SUCK IT TUMBLR.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 10 published out loud and 1 published anonymously

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

226419

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay so this is really only my most recent life. i have been around a lot. a lot. i was there, gandalf, during the superwholock years (and an active participant) so over the course of my life it's like

Harry Potter, Teen Titans, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Inception, Daredevil, The Avengers, The Musketeers, Wells & Wong Mysteries, Twin Peaks, Homestuck, Red vs Blue

but in this lifetime i'm just writing for Good Omens (and have written for DuckTales and Cruella)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1 — Loosely Ballroom (surprising absolutely nobody)

2 — Look Not Too Deep

3 — ergo propter hoc (okay this one is kind of a surprise actually but i'm very happy about it i love this fic)

4 — café au vin

5 — an institute you can't disparage

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do! i try to respond to every comment i get on the day of/the day after i get it. i've met a lot of good friends this way, and i also just like taking the time to respond to people who've taken the time to respond to something i made. makes me feel good (plus i want everyone to like me)

the only downside is it can get a bit overwhelming at times? particularly with LB, which gets a shitload of comments per chapter and can take me up to two full days to read through them all and answer, and if i'm having a bad brain time i just cannot face doing it. so if you've ever left a comment and i've not responded, i promise It's not because i don't appreciate it. my brain machine just was going brmmmmmmmmm.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i was going to say NONE BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ANGST but i guess if i had to decide it would be the RVB fic that's on my ao3 right now, which has an angstily hopeful ending.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

hahahaha

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not as far as i'm aware! i have had several uhhhhhhh overly familiar meant-to-be-jovial comments on/about the above crossover from people i don't really know very well that have told me i'm a terrible person or i've committed crimes while i'm out here like, cool this is art i made and put in the world for fun and believe in and i don't really... know you? but those comments were meant in good faith imo so i don't really think it counts as hate

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

the last time i tried to write smut, crowley got stabbed, so the kind that sends people to the hospital i guess?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. good luck formatting all the images and italics, anyone who might try.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

infamously. it's the only reason anyone might have read this far. also attempting to collaborate on an as-of-yet-unfinished-project with @indieninja92 who is a creative genius with their finger in many, many pies. speaking of, have you visited hauntedswords.com recently?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

errrrrr i mean probably aziraphale/crowley, not to seem obvious. they've been with me since i was like 10 years old, they haven't gone anywhere, they will probably be bothering me until the day i die.

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL FINISH ALL OF MY WIPs. okay no that's not true, i have the start of an inception fic that is a GO AU that i honestly think would have been fucking slammin' but the time for that has passed now.

15. What are your writing strengths?

a very definite sense of character voice, attention to detail in terms of enriching the world i'm writing in, dialogue dialogue dialogue, smash cuts (are they even called smash cuts in writing? WHATEVER THEY ARE I CAN DO THEM)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

you are my collaborator. you send me back part of a chapter and tell me i have a sentence that is a bit too lengthy and doesn't work, and i need to edit it. i send it back to you. the sentence is now an entire paragraph and a half, with three jokes, a metaphor and a new line of dialogue embedded in it, changing the overall tone of the chapter. this is known as The Mort Special.

i also get very in my own head about not really being a good writer, or not being as good as the people (or person specifically i suppose) that i'm working with. i'm working on this! i'm not working on The Mort Special, though, that's always writing gold.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this is a really weird and specific question, who hurt you OP? errrr i guess much like any quirk of writing, it's fine when used sparingly and with a deft hand.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fuck me, probably Harry Potter? neopets roleplaying boards were a gateway drug.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is the part where i pretend i'm going to say something other than Loosely Ballroom. i don't think i'll ever make something else in my life that's made me feel the way making that has. it's been—to delve into reality TV speak (and paraphrase crowley from a future chapter)—a real emotional rollercoaster.

plus it's just fuckin' funny isn't it.

tagging @phoenix-soar, @thyra279, @heycaricari, @stillseekwill and @katnoggin (and anyone else who might want to!)

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

[moonlightsolo]

bête noire

summary: While training, Kylo comes to visit you and figures out the secret you’ve been hiding. Leia tells the Resistance that she feels something dark affecting the Force. Poe accidentally tells you something that makes you want to leave even sooner then planned. 

pairing: kylo ren x female reader 

warnings: nsfw themes!! violence!! cursing!! angst!! fluff!! yes!!

wc: 6.7k (which means it’s gonna be real good) 

note: if you got tagged twice, i’m sorry tumblr deleted the first version when i went in to edit the title. some of my edits in the first one will not be here. im very fucking upset. 

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

A terrible longing for Kylo has taken over your mind. You miss the feeling of holding onto his body, his large hands, his thick hair, and his lips. Oh, his lips... Definitely his lips. 

It seems as if all you can think about is when you’re going to see him next. 

He has tried his best to stay in touch with you through the Force as much as possible; his Supreme Leader schedule is quite packed. 

He still doesn’t know when everything will be ready for you to be with him again, but now with two little ones.

Both of you have figured out a way to control your connection, so it doesn’t happen randomly and only when it’s needed. 

He prefers to come to you in the middle of the night when he knows no one is around or when you’re training by yourself in the jungle. You don’t exactly have a specific time you prefer to talk to him, you just do it.

He really enjoys watching your body move in ways he’s never seen you do before. How you jump and twirl your body in the air to hit the flying spherical droid with your staff.

He doesn’t know you have a saber yet and you want to keep it a secret until you’re ready. 

Sweat drips from your brow as you land on the ground, the broken metal of the robot falls down right next to you. 

“Bravo.” His large hands clap together with a smile as he stands up from leaning against a tree. He has a proud smirk on his face as he goes to walk towards you, knowing he’s going to kiss you. 

Something cracks some twigs behind you in a pattern that sounds like footsteps. You whip your head around to see Rey walking up to you with BB-8, then you turn to look at Kylo and he’s gone. 

You let out a sigh and a quiet groan that she wouldn’t hear. “Hey. You should train with this today.” She holds out your saber, her face looks a bit disappointed when you don’t take it instantly. “What? We went through all that trouble and you’re not going to use it now?” She sighs. 

Your hand grips the metal hilt so you can take it from her hand, “I was going to use it. I’m just- nervous...” You shrug and give her a small smile. 

“It’s like your staff just half the size and a little more dangerous. You’ve used Luke’s before, why can’t you use your own?” You nod at her words as you click it on. The dark orange blade hums, your eyes stare at it and so does Rey’s. 

It’s so alluring.

She shakes her head to focus again, “Just be more careful with it than how you are with your staff. Focus, breathe, you got this.” She sends you a big smile before she turns on her heel and walks back. BB-8 beeps a little ‘good luck’ before rolling after her. 

You begin to swing the saber in slow figure-eight movements. The vibration changes with each swing as you twirl your body in a full circle. “I can definitely get used to this.” You giggle happily like a little kid that just got candy. 

Your body moves expertly as you carry out the same moves you do with your staff, not the ones where you’re airborne just yet. 

The orange light moves as you slice it through the air, you take a chance and do a front flip into the air. Thankfully, you land on both of your feet with no missing pieces. You practice with the tree trunk, spinning your body around to pretend like it was an enemy. 

You‘ve never hit the bark until now. Your brain becomes a bit foggy, it’s Ren. The blade of the saber singes the bark, smoke puffs out from the burnt wood. Fortunately, it didn’t cut all the way through so it doesn’t fall on top of you. You click the button to extinguish the saber and you hide the hilt behind your back in your waistband as you turn around.

You pick your head up to meet his dark eyes, “What happened?” His eyes stare at you. He can’t see your surroundings but he knows something is wrong from the look in your eyes. “Oh, nothing. I just made a little mistake.” You nervously laugh. 

“There’s something more than that...” He sighs, “There’s no reason to lie. Just tell me the truth.” He moves closer to you, now arms length away. 

“Well, I guess it’s time to tell him everything now.” You silently think inside of your head. 

“Remember when I was with Rey on Tatooine right?” You ask him and he nods in agreement. “Yeah, why? Did one of my men hurt you?” He grows concerned but you shake your head no to stop his worrying.

You sigh then continue, “No, no. I just never explained to you why we were there... It was because we were looking for a crystal. A kyber crystal.” You mumble. 

“Rey is building her own saber now to become a Jedi? Like Luke?” He almost hisses our last words which make you swallow nervously.  

“No... Well- I actually... Um, I made my own lightsaber.” Your eyes go down to look at your feet. 

He’s silent but he’s still there, you can see his black boots.

“Your own?” He asks a bit sternly, “So you’re becoming a Jedi alongside her now. I knew I shouldn’t have let her train you. I should’ve told you to stop.” He huffs loudly as his gloved hand rubs over his face. 

“No, that’s not it at all.” You pick your head up to look at him in the eyes, “I am not becoming a Jedi. I promise you.” Your hands go up to his face to cup his cheeks. 

You continue to hold eye contact with him for a moment before you pull him down to kiss you. He’s holding back a bit, his mind is flooding with thoughts. 

“I don’t want you to think of me differently.” You whisper against his lips as your hands go into his thick hair. His angular nose presses against your skin, you gently scratch at his scalp since you know it soothes him.

“I felt like I was ready to move forward. The Force is leading me to something and I think it’s you. I know it’s you.” His hands grip your waist when those words leave your lips. 

“I can’t wait to see you again.” He growls, “I’m gonna have your back up against one of these trees.” His voice makes your knees want to give out and butterflies travel through your abdomen. 

“Tonight. You should come back tonight.” You whisper into the little bit of space between your lips. 

“I’ll let you know.” He grips your ass one last time before he disappears into thin air. You almost fall forward from his sturdiness leaving so suddenly. “What a tease.” You laugh as you fix your hair with your hands. You begin to make your way back to Rey but she’s not at her usual spot. 

You follow the path back to the base and there’s barely any people outside so you start to jog towards the command center. Almost the whole crew is standing around in a large circle listening to Leia and her colleagues speak. 

You find Poe and Chewy first, then you spot Rey close to Leia’s side. Poe whispers a small, “Hi,” in your ear and his hand rests on your lower back. He feels the hard surface of your lightsaber and raises one of his eyebrows suspiciously. 

“It’s just my saber. Didn’t put on the right belt today.” You laugh softly.

His touch makes you feel a bit uneasy, which is confusing. Usually, you wouldn’t mind his hand on your back, but maybe something switched. You shake it off and focus on Leia’s speech, then Poe leaves your side to join her in the middle. 

“So, you all know that this mission is going to be very dangerous. Only a few of us are going. Myself, Finn, Rey, and Chewbacca. If anyone else would like to lend an extra hand with filling the ship with the proper supplies, by all means, come talk to me after this is finished.” He claps his hands together with his smile. 

You haven’t heard one bit about this mission from anyone. Why didn’t Rey bring you back with her from training?  

“Just like Leia was explaining, she has felt a change in the Force. I know all of you felt something too. We’ve learned that there is another dark presence rising but we don’t know who or what it is yet. We have Kylo Ren, the leader of the First Order and everyone on those ships. There’s something greater than him out there, we’ll find it and put an end to it.” He gives the crowd a curt nod. 

“Alright, if anyone has questions, come see any of us that can speak your language.” Poe chuckles as he makes a jab at Chewy who roars in annoyance. 

Your eyes dart around at the people around you that start to talk to each other.  They all slowly start to leave to continue whatever they were doing before. Except for some groups who are talking to Poe and Finn. 

Before anybody could steal Rey, you walk speedily over to her. “What’s going on? Why didn’t you tell me Leia had this planned for today? For a matter of fact, why didn’t anybody else?” You whisper-yell at her. 

“Leia wanted to keep you out of this meeting because of the contents being said. She didn’t mean any harm, it’s just that...” She trails off.

“It’s just that Kylo is in my head.” You scoff, your arms cross over your chest. For some reason, you can’t wait to leave now. 

“I understand if you’re upset...” You cut Rey’s sentence off. 

“Upset, Rey? Yes, I am. If none of you trust me, then why don’t I just go back to the First Order?” You say with pure intent. 

“Leia already gave you the okay to leave with one of our ships. So why haven’t you done it already?” Rey delivers the attitude right back to you. 

Poe notices you bickering with her and excuses himself from his conversation. He jogs over to you both, his eyebrows furrowed. “Hey, hey. What’s going on?” 

You groan and put your hands into the air like you’re surrendering to the conversation, “I’m done. I’m going to see my kids. See you both later.” You spat at them angrily. Poe goes to follow you but Rey stops him and they mumble behind your back. You stomp towards your quarters. 

-

Ellie babbles happily as she holds her feet with her tiny hands. The wind blows her perfect little curls into her face which makes her giggle. Ani is lying calmly next to his sister on the blanket, giving her an annoyed side-eye look. He’s probably wondering why she’s so energetic. He must be tired. 

You hand Ellie a makeshift toy that rattles as you pick up Ani to put a pacifier into his mouth. You cradle him as he stares into your eyes with adoration, you smile and let your fingers dance across his smooth skin to trace random patterns. 

His dark eyelashes flutter as he fights to stay awake, but you gently close his eyelids with two of your fingers. “Shh... Go to sleep, my Lil boy.” The suckling on his pacifier slows as he falls into his daily nap.

Your free hand goes to pay attention to Ellie, you play with her rattle and gently tickle her little belly. You lay Ani down on the blanket next to you, one hand stays patting his back while the other is still playing with El. 

You look up when you hear footsteps, Poe is walking towards you. The sunset is beautiful behind him. 

“Hey, I was watching you. Are you doing okay?” He asks. You just chuckle and focus your eyes on Ellie who is more focused on Poe. 

“Stalker.” You mumble, “I’m doing perfectly fine. Tell Leia that I don’t need a babysitter.” You grumble and your shoulders rise and drop from a sigh.

“Do you mind?” He bends down to scoop Ellie up but pauses his movements until you give him the clear. “Yeah, go ahead.” You subtly smile at how happy she gets when he picks her up. He rocks her and plays with her, gently tossing her small body in the air. Thankfully not too high though. 

“She really likes you.” You give him a small smile. “You think?” He asks as he bounces her on his hip.

“I really hope you don’t leave.” He blurts out, “We will really miss you. Right, El?” He grabs Ellie’s hand and dances playfully with her.

Your heart stops, your heart rate instantly accelerates and your breathing quickens. “What?” You snap and rise to your feet. Poe’s eyes go wide when he realized what he said, “Hey, look- I didn’t mean it. Leia just told me that if you would leave, you’d be leaving the children here so they could be raised in a more... positive environment.” He words it differently so you wouldn’t get more upset, “She didn’t tell you that, did she?”

Hot painful tears sting your eyes, “Give me back my daughter.” Your voice dropped deeper and more stern. Poe’s eyes widen, even more, he seems scared of you. “Now. Give me her right now, Poe.” He gently holds her out for you to take. You snatch the baby from his arms then you start to put everything back into your pack. Ellie starts to whine from being taken away from Poe.

You sling the bag onto one shoulder then grab Ani and the blanket in one arm which wakes him up. He starts to cry as you’re trying to get away from Poe, “Let me help you.” He mumbles as he sees you struggling to hold everything at once. “Poe, I swear to the stars if you touch anything, I will fucking sucker-punch you.” Your hands speedily put everything back in its place as you hold onto your children securely. You turn your back to him and start walking back to your room.

Tears freely run down your cheeks, you sniffle to try to keep the snot from escaping your nose but it doesn’t really help. Some people walking by stare but you don’t pay any mind to it. 

The Resistance is going to take your children away from you if you go with Kylo. That means you need to escape without them knowing. 

As soon as you make it into your room safely, you lock the door behind you and lay the babies in their cribs. You sit yourself down on your cot, crossing your legs with your hands resting on your knees. Before you close your eyes, you take a deep breath. 

Through the Force, you reach out to Kylo. It’s like you’re traveling through space, the stars twinkle dully around you. Suddenly you hit an invisible forcefield and you’re shot back to reality. You suck in a deep breath and look around for him in your room but he isn’t there. 

What happened? Did he dismiss your attempt to reach out to him?

You grow angrier since you don’t want to use too much of your abilities to reach out more than once. “Let me in.” You say in your mind as you try your hardest to push your way through to talk to him. 

Once again, you’re brought back without him. Your eyes focus on your children as hot angry tears well up in your eyes.

“What do you need?” His voice booms inside of your head. It almost shakes your skull. 

You hiss from the oncoming headache, “Excuse me? Don’t be so rude. I just found out that Leia is trying to keep our children here with her if I would leave-.” He cuts you off. You can feel his anger overpowering your own. The heat grows in your chest and your hands clench into tight fists. You resist the urge to scream into your pillow.

“What?!” He screams out, your fists go to your head to press against your temples. 

“How long until everything is ready for us to come with you?” You ask through your teeth. 

“Soon. Maybe a few days. Next week. I’m coming there tonight to see you so we can create a plan. I can’t stand to talk to you through the Force and not in person.” He growls. 

You know that he’s pacing whatever room he’s in on that ship, you begin to control your anger which helps him blow off steam. “I’ll be there after the sunsets. Be ready for me... I love you.” 

After those three words he mutters out quietly, he’s gone. You didn’t have to force it out of him to say that and it makes you so happy. 

You give your babies a little peck on their tiny heads, you grab the pager for the droid and click it so she comes to your quarters. 

After a few minutes, she arrives. “You’re going to have to watch them tonight. I have important business to attend to with... Poe.” The droid gives you a look, “Not that kind of business. Now excuse me, I’m going to get changed.” You laugh and grab some clothes that’ll keep you safe from the elements of the jungle. 

You slip on your favorite black skin-tight leather pants, a long-sleeved black shirt, and your hooded parka jacket. You slip your scuffed black boots on your feet and pull your hair back into a half-up bun with some of your hair flowing down your back.

“You look very nice.” Mary, the nurse droid, compliments you as she rocks Ani back to sleep. 

“Thank you.” You say with a big smile, you let your thumbs caress both of their plump cheeks. “I’ll be back my darlings.” You mumble quietly as they fall asleep. 

“Thank you for taking care of them on such short notice.” You say to her once you stand back up, “Not at all a problem. I was surprised when I saw your name pop up.” Her robotic voice speaks out. “Now go! Hurry along.” She reminds you of a female C-3PO. You giggle and nod, “See ya.” You grab your saber and hook it to your belt.

You leave your room and make your way out of the ship with a bounce in your step. 

You spot Poe but refuse to make eye contact with him when he looks at you, hopefully, he doesn’t follow along like a stalker. You laugh at your thoughts, knowing that he’s just a curious person but also kind of a stalker at the same time. 

You see that the sun is barely above the horizon anymore, the sky has turned a dark purple and the stars are twinkling above. 

Your boots crunch the mulch and dirt under you as you walk outside of the cave, the cool breeze blows your hair behind you. 

There are not many people around thankfully, only a few people who are working on ships. 

With a quick glance, you make sure nobody is watching as you sneak past the tree line. 

Nature around you squeaks, snaps and whistles from the strong wind. There must be a storm on the way. You pull your hood onto your head to protect your face from the elements. 

You can sense that Kylo is close which makes your heart rate pick up. Your feet begin to move faster down the memorized path. You see him standing there again but he’s pacing. His boots leave footprints in the dirt, the wind howls gently around him causing his black hair to swirl in his face. 

You almost giggle at how upset he gets and how he pushes it back so aggressively. He notices you leaning against a tree, halfway out of the foliage. “That’s why I pull mine back.” You smile. 

He reaches out his hand, motioning for you to come to him. You take a step out, you watch how he admires your body. You start to jog towards him and once you get close enough his arms reach down to scoop you up off the ground. 

You squeal in surprise, your arms wrap around his neck so you wouldn’t fall backward. By the way, he’s holding you up, you’re above him. The world seems so much different at this height, you look down to see that his chin is resting on your chest and he’s looking up at you with pure love. 

You smile and lean down as much as you can to press a kiss against his forehead. He hums in response and smiles. He brings you down so you’re face to face. 

The wind blows roughly once again which makes him dive into a kiss before both of your hair could try to ruin the moment. 

Your hands rest on his cheeks, feeling his skin and stubbly facial hair growing in. His arms hold you tightly and securely, you feel so safe in his arms. 

His hands move from your waist down to hold you by your ass, his tongue deepens the kiss. You tighten your thighs around his hips, he moves you around blindly until your back presses up against something hard and cold. Your eyes flutter open for a moment to see the large wing of the tie fighter next to you. 

You let out a small needy whimper into the kiss which makes him smirk. He lets go of your legs so they fall back down to the ground. He starts to fumble around with the waistband of your pants. He tugs on them roughly which makes your knees buckle, “Fuck. Why are they so fucking tight.” He growls as he lifts up each of your legs to yank off your boots then he goes back to your pants. 

You just giggle at him having trouble pulling them off of your ankles. “Fuck it.” He leans forward to capture your lips with his again, his teeth bit down on your bottom lip to tug on it as he pulls away. 

Everything he does to you makes you want to do anything for him. 

Kylo smirks at your thoughts as his hands find their way under your shirt to pull your bra down so your breasts pop over the fabric. He grips one as he slowly sinks to his knees, he leaves kisses down your belly. 

His lips ghost over your navel, traveling farther down to your hips. He takes his time teasing you as he peppers kisses against both of your hipbones. His dark eyes look up at you through his eyelashes. This man is going to be the death of you. 

His fingers play with your nipple as his teeth grip the edge of your panties to pull them down. “You’re so fucking hot.” His hot breath against your core makes you shiver. The wind kicks up again as it howls through the trees. Your head lolls back against the metal exterior of the ship, your hands grab fistfuls of his soft hair. Just as he is about to dive tongue first into you, he pulls completely off of you and stands up.

Kylo’s large frame completely shields your body as he turns his back toward you. “Get dressed. Now.” His voice is serious. 

Your eyes watch his hand gently rest on his saber which makes you hurry up and pull your pants up from your ankles. You quickly snatch your boots that were tossed to the side so you could put them back on. “Kylo, what’s going on?” You go to move from behind him but he stops you with his arm. 

Rain begins to gently trickle from the sky. Through the mist of rain, you see movement across the field. There are a few people emerging from the tree-line. 

Your eyes go wide when a blue saber ignites, the hue lights up all their faces. 

Rey, Poe, and Finn. 

You audibly gasp, your hand goes over your mouth. “Get behind me.” He hisses out to you. He quickly grabs his saber, getting into a stance as he lights it. 

“You’re not welcome here!” Rey screams out in her accented voice. You grip the fabric of Kylo’s shirt so tight that your knuckles are turning white. The storm continues loudly above. 

You cannot let them fight. You refuse to have anybody get hurt because of your stupid idea to bring him here.

“Why not? My children are here.” He quickly retorts you watch how his fists grip the hilt of his saber. He’s ready to pounce at any second. 

“You don’t deserve to see your children. You’ll corrupt them.” Poe enters the conversation which makes you groan internally. 

“What’s this pilot doing here anyway? Didn’t he almost get all three of them killed?” Kylo bites back as he recalls that day on Hoth. 

Lightning flashes above as the thunder booms and makes you flinch. The gentle drizzle of rain turns into a downpour, soaking everybody. 

You blink back the water from your lashes, peeking from his side to see them still standing in the same spot. Poe and Finn have blasters ready to shoot. 

“You’re outnumbered, Ren. There’s no way you can escape.” Rey yells over the loud storm. 

Kylo’s muscles in his back are quivering with fury, his jaw is clenched. He wants to attack so badly but he knows if he takes a step they’ll shoot continuously at him. 

“Where is she?” Poe’s voice shouts at Kylo. 

“Let me...” You whisper gently and start to creep out but he pushes you back again. “Enough, let me handle this.” 

Rey begins to walk forward but stops in her tracks when Finn grabs her shoulder. He shakes his head no.

Kylo becomes completely still, even his breathing stops. Rey turns around to face the trees with Finn and Poe following after her too. 

“Leia...” You breathe out. 

This time Kylo doesn’t stop you when you emerge from behind him. Your hand absentmindedly rests on his back while she walks out to you both. 

She’s holding an umbrella and she has on rain boots, which is quite adorable. The storm rumbles above, lightning zig-zags across the sky as she stops in front of Kylo and you. 

You can vividly see the pain in her face from the red glow of his saber washing over her features, “Ben, you need to stay here with your children and Y/N.” She chokes out. 

“That’s not my name. Ben is dead.” He grits his teeth. His voice is shaky too. You watch his hands grip the hilt of his saber. You almost want to take it away from him. 

His own eyes are getting teary too. Rey rushes close behind Leia along with Finn and Poe. Leia stops them from getting any closer. Your eyes dart to watch Kylo who growls under his breath and lunges forward slightly. “Kylo.” You grip his shirt to stop him. 

Leia’s eyes move to you, “I gave you the okay to go to him. Why would you bring him here and put us all in jeopardy?” She snaps at you. 

Kylo moves his body in front of you again, almost to protect you from her words. “It’s okay.” Your hand goes up to rest on his bicep. 

“Are you going to send your troops to raid us?” She turns her attention to him again.

Kylo doesn’t answer which makes Rey take a step forward and Poe cocks his blaster. 

You step out in the middle of them before they could attempt to kill each other. Your hand unclips your saber hilt from your belt, but you don’t ignite it yet.

Poe pushes Leia behind him to protect her from you, even though you would never hurt her. You blink away the rain from your eyes, squinting as you try to see through the downpour. 

“Stop protecting him. He’s a monster, Y/N. I don’t understand what you see in him.” Rey shakes her head, her bottom lip quivers. 

You can feel yourself getting emotional along with her, you don’t want to cause anybody pain. You look back at Kylo who stares down at you, his jaw shudders along with his bottom lip. His dark hair is sticking to his face and you want to push it out of the way. 

The thunder crashes loudly above and the sky flashes. 

Behind you, Rey is taking the opportunity of him being distracted by you to swing the saber at him from overhead. 

Your eyes go wide when you hear her running towards you. Kylo breaks eye contact as he goes to pull you out of her line of rage but you hold your ground. 

You click the button on your saber as you twirl your body around to face her. The orange blade appears as you block both of their strikes at the same time. 

Just before Poe and Finn shoot their blaster at you and Kylo, you use your free hand to swipe the guns out of their hand with the Force. The weapons go flying somewhere into the muddy field. 

You grit your teeth together as you hold off both of their power from ripping each other to shreds. Leia is yelling at Rey to stop from behind her as you struggle. You can feel your boots slipping in the mud. 

Kylo’s eyes travel from the color of your blade to your eyes, he sees how much pain he’s putting you through. He looks up at Rey with a stone-cold look as he extinguishes his saber and steps back. 

Rey seems surprised at how you’re holding her back still. “Why are you doing this?!” You scream over the thunder, “Let me get to him!” She yells right back. 

Rey pushes you to the ground with the Force, causing you to fall into a big mud puddle. Kylo goes to lunge forward to protect you but you stop him with an invisible blockade. “Stop!” You screech. 

Before she could reach Kylo, you turn your saber off and you wrap your ankles around one of Rey’s so she would fall to the ground with you.

Now you’re both covered in mud. She yelps and goes to roll over onto her back.  Before she could get up again you stand up and point your blade in her face. You have the high ground. “Enough.” Your voice is stern. 

Lightning crackles behind your head. You can feel the mud on your face sliding down onto your soaked clothes. 

You notice Rey’s expression and how shocked she is that you took her down. You extinguish your saber and clip it back onto your hilt to replace it with your hand. 

Rey looks at your hand then back at you. Her hand reaches up slowly, she’s hesitant. You make the decision for her and grab her hand so you can get her onto her feet again. Kylo is staring down at you with adoration in his eyes, you take a few steps back toward him and smile. 

Rey walks back over to Finn who is sucking up to her as always. “Are you okay?” He asks as he checks her for wounds.

Kylo’s eyes drift from yours to stare at Poe, who is glaring right back at him. Kylo moves close behind you, putting his hand on your hip as a form of possessing you as his own. 

You gulp nervously as you lift your head to look at Poe, he’s staring at you now in pity. He almost looks disgusted with you. 

Leia walks forward again, “There will be no more fighting here. You need to go with him. I can’t have you putting the Resistance in danger anymore.” Her hand goes to rest on your bicep in a comforting way.

Thankfully the rain is slowing down so you can see her. She’s upset and so are you. 

“I’m not- I mean we’re not leaving without our children.” You muster up the courage to say that to her. 

Poe lifts his head from his conversation when he heard those words leave your mouth.

Kylo looks down at Leia, you can feel his emotions. It’s hard for him to be so close to his mother and not hug her like old times. He’s torn and sad, just like you are. 

“Ben... You need to come home.” Leia grabs his hand tentatively, he flinches from the contact. 

“I can’t. It’s too late.” His voice shakes as he speaks. All three of them turn around to look at them speaking. You can feel how wracked Kylo is by his overpowering emotions. He is trying his hardest to not show it on the outside. 

Leia sighs and gives her son a sad smile, “You’ve done a lot of bad things, kiddo.” She shakes her head, her thumb rubs the skin on his hand. 

“I know.” His voice is quiet, his eyes drop to their hands. “I can’t join the Resistance. That’s not the path I need to follow.” 

Leia takes a chance and gives her son one last hug. Kylo is completely still almost like a statue. You can feel the lump growing in your throat as Leia reaches an arm out for you too. 

You gladly join the hug, holding onto both of them so tightly. Kylo slowly lifts his arms to rest a hand on Leia’s back and one on yours just for a moment. 

His arms drop back to his side and look at Leia as she moves back to her place. “I think it’s time for you two to go.” She nods her head. The soft pattern of rain on her umbrella makes you zone out for a moment.

Panic bubbles in your chest, you can’t leave your children. They are your whole world. You start to breathe heavier and shaky, almost like you’re hyperventilating. 

Kylo takes notice of your anxiety, his arm pulls you closer into his side. “We’re not leaving without our children.” You blurt out in a moment of fear. 

His hand squeezes your side tightly, he looks down at you then back to Leia. “She’s right.” Kylo backs you up. 

She sighs and stays silent as she looks at the two of you.

Poe walks up to Leia, his hand rests on his shoulder. “You can’t really be thinking about letting them take the kids, are you?” Him putting his two cents worth in is a bad idea. 

Kylo clenches his jaw as he stares at Poe like he wants to hurt him. 

“Leia, please.” You beg a small sob leaves your mouth. “Children can’t grow up without their parents. Please, I’m begging you.” Your voice is desperate for an answer, especially the answer that you want. 

“Poe. It’s not your choice.” Leia dismisses him then Rey comes up to her side. 

“I think we should give the kids to them.” Rey refuses to make eye contact with you nor Kylo. 

Leia seems surprised, “We should because I know if I had a choice, I would want to be with my parents. No matter what they were apart of. I know Y/N is a great mother, they’ll be taken care of.” Rey glances at you and smiles. 

You let the tears fall from your eyes and make tracks on your dirty skin. 

Leia turns her attention back to you, “Go get them, Rey. I’ll come back with you. Poe comes with us, Finn you’ll stay here.” She nods, her voice sounds almost pained to say that. 

You suck in a breath as relief washes over your body, your face buries into Kylo’s damp armor as you cry. His other arm comes around to comfort you against his chest, he kisses the top of your head. 

“I wish you both happiness. May the Force be with you.” Leia directs the message to you. 

Before she could walk away, you almost tackle her with a hug. “Thank you.” Your voice is quiet and shaky. She gives you a terse nod before letting go of you to follow Rey and Poe out of the jungle. 

Finn stands there awkwardly, turning his back to you guys when you go to kiss. 

Kylo’s large hands almost cover your whole face when he kisses you. Your arms stay wrapped snuggly around his torso, “We’re going to be together again.” He laughs happily against your lips. 

You open your eyes to see his big smile and dimples. You bring one of your hands up to gently caress his face, “I love you.” You breathe out, rubbing your noses together as a cute gesture. 

He pecks your lips once more than bringing your head back down to lay on his chest. His heart thumps against your ear— He’s the love of your life and there’s no doubt about that. 

You close your eyes and take in this moment. The rain gently falls onto both of you, the wind picks up which makes you shiver and his arms tighten around your body. He gently presses kisses against your head here and there then rests his chin on top of your head.  

“They’re here.” Kylo mumbles which make you perk up. You see Poe and Rey walking across the field with a baby in each of their hands. Thankfully, they have blankets wrapped around them so they wouldn’t get soaked.

Rey is carrying your bag on her back, probably full of the baby's belongings. When they finally make it to you both, you can’t help but reach for one of them. Rey gently hands over Ani to you while Poe struggles to hand over Ellie to Kylo. 

“Let him grab her, Poe.” Rey scolds him. Poe looks between her and Kylo’s outreached hands. He gives El a soft kiss on her forehead before letting Kylo cradle her tiny body. 

Poe scoffs and looks at Rey angrily, “Alright, I think that’s it then. Let’s go.” 

Rey gives you a sad look before she lunges forward to gives you and Ani a hug. “If you need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.” She whispers in your ear, you look at Kylo through the corner of your eye. He glances back at you since he knows exactly what she said, but he stays busy bouncing Ellie. 

“Thank you.” You mumble then squeeze her back. “I’ll miss you. See ya later?” She jokes around but you have a feeling you won’t be seeing her anytime soon. Rey pulls back to give you the bag off of her back. 

You give her a half-smile and nod your head to ease her conscience. “Bye...” You breathe out shakily. 

Finn gives you a little half-wave then turns to follow Rey and Poe back to the base. Your heart sinks but also flutters at the same time. 

You’re leaving your life here. Just picking up and deserting everyone, But you’re going to restart your family, and that makes you smile. 

Kylo leads you to his ship and clicks a button so you could climb on first. There are two chairs thankfully but their backs are pressed against each other. Kylo motions for you to hand over Ani to him while you get situated. 

You plop down in the seat then set the bag on the floor near your feet. You buckle yourself in then take both of the kiddos into your arms. 

Before Kylo goes in the pilot's seat, he leans down to give you a small kiss on the lips. “Let’s go.” He smiles then clicks a button to close the door. 

Kylo powers on the engine and begins to lift the ship into the sky. 

You watch the rain roll down the tinted window and the expanse of trees over the moon. 

This is a start to your new life, a new life with your little family. You know it’s going to be great. 

- 

tags: @officiallpeterparker @funnysadshit @ymariejp @attorneyl @fangirl570 @trinityrud20 @kylos-sassy-cousin @delicatelyherdreams @fizzywoohoo @savvy7392 @angelias134 @that-girl-named-alex @cas-backwards-tie​ @glimmering-darling-dolly​ @glitterypinkkitty​ @blxkstar​ @his-snow-white-queen​ @elsasshole​ @smiithys​ @nanocoool​ @deathbyarabbit​ @alex-skr​ @theholycakehole​  @averillian​  @crazynocturnalkiki​ @arcanebabe​ @tinydancer40​ @superduckypower​  @thomasscresswell​ @butterfly-writes​ @thatintrovertedbisexual​ @fangirlanotherjust​ @somekindofroger​  @nicci442​ @little-girl-who-dream-too-much​ @wildest-dream-​ @silverlambcaptain​ @cliffordmess​ @xkylorxn​ @lowkeyofsassguard @nickangel13​ @carol-twinklefists-danvers​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @fandomshit6000 @baba-eina @cosmichellfire​ @ravngers​ @lipstickstateofmind​

[aquaticalay]

Centurion .Chapter Six.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD

Warning/s for the chapter: cursing, graphic-ish violence, blood, death, description of a panic attack

Word count: 2.5k

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :)))  I'll post a new chapter every two days.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist!

(Taglist will be reblogged)

THIS IS A SEQUEL TO 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER.' IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

That evening, when Bucky and Sam embarked on their small mission to New Jersey, you went through the files on the USB in the privacy of Bucky’s room. You locked the door and deactivated Friday in his quarters just to make sure no one finds out. At this point, you couldn’t risk being exposed, not a crime of this level. Not even to the Avengers, no matter how close they were to you.

You took a deep breath, hands shaking as you plugged the USB in. You managed to open the files you took from Fury’s computer. You skimmed the overall files, then went straight to his personal background.

His photo was blurry, a brown scan of an old worn out photo. It was recognizable, but it wouldn’t work for facial recognition. What you realized was then he had big eyes, and it was weirdly familiar. Where have you seen that before?

You read his short biodata, and one thing caught your eye. He was born in 1926, but the papers say he is alive as of 2017. 

How is that possible? Did Hydra give him an anti-aging serum? 

Michail Petrov’s files show that he didn’t seem like he was anything out of the ordinary, or at least not that different from other Hydra scientists. He went to renowned college and came out on top of his class, graduating with flying colors. A brilliant student, but something, or someone, lead him astray.

One of the few things intriguing about his profile is that he seemed morally grey, at least by your standards. According to the papers, his genetic engineering research had good intentions, a good heart with ruthless determination. Unforgiving pride. He wouldn’t let anyone stop his mission, whatever it maybe. To a degree, you saw yourself in him. 

If it was true, if he was still alive and you had to face him yourself, you knew you could fight pride with pride.

Like fighting fire with fire. An anger that rages within you knows that your deadliest sin is pride, and you cannot change it. It may be dormant now, but when the time comes, nothing can hold you back.

You were dangerous that way.

Your eyes glued to the screen, you read his goals.  He wanted to make a perfect world where people aged slower and lived longer, as well as leading countless research to make the human immune system better than it already is, making the human species ultimately resistant to diseases and delaying natural decay. It was almost unfathomable, impossible and ethically ambiguous science, but he found something that could theoretically work. It was brilliant, and to an extent, it had an equally noble purpose.

The way he did it, however, was bloody and murderous. He had, at the very least, a hundred people killed to try to achieve his goal, and in his papers, he had described them as ‘sacrifices for the greater good of mankind.’ 

He had most of his victims killed to study them, turn them inside out and reverse engineer them as if they were lifeless machines turning with cold gears instead of living cells. He did this in order to study everything that is unknown about humans, and from what your read, he did not care how he did it as long as he succeeded.

His ultimate goal was to create a new breed of supersoldiers that could integrate with the existing society, but he had failed. You did not blame him. It was too high a goal. However, from the same experiment, he managed to make fully-functional human beings using synthetic cells, grown in womb-like tubes. That remained his greatest achievement. 

And that was called Project Mercy.

As you delved further into the details of Project Mercy, you learned more. 

There were 21 living human beings that was the outcome of Project Mercy, which meant the floating, marble-white skinned girl that you found lifeless in Ukraine was the last of them.

Bucky was right. According to the files, almost all of them were dead. Most of them were euthanised when they developed some type of terminal illness, like cancer. Most of them were caused by their uncontrollably rapid mutation on a cellular level. Others were forcibly killed when they weren’t mentally sound, and you quote, 'impossible to control.'

Curiosity came over you, and before you knew it, you unknowingly came across a black and white security camera footage you wished you hadn’t clicked on.

It was a video of a young child strapped to a bed, a boy not much older that fourteen, in a cement-plastered room. If you were in there, you would have been claustrophobic. 

The boy was thrashing around, trying to escape his constricting leather confines. You noticed a scientist tinkering with surgical items in a stainless steel table. He had syringe in his hand. It was small, but the boy seemed to be was terrified of it. 

“Stay still, Mercy,” said the scientist calmly, only a slight russian accent on his otherwise american sounding voice. Stoic and emotionless. The boy did not answer. He let out a growl, primal and terrified. 

“Stay still, Mercy,” he repeated once again, this time in a sing-song voice, perhaps to comfort the boy, to lull him. The scientist smiled, and to your surprise, it seemed sincere.

The boy did not calm down. If anything, he only became more desperate to escape.

The scientist sighed sadly, “Just know that I did not want to do it the hard way.”

He hesitantly grabbed a surgical hammer, swinging it two times, three times, four times, to the boy’s skull until you swore you heard a deep crack in his skull, a drop of blood rolling down his forehead.The screams were fucking unbearable. You could hear the fear in his voice, laced with helplessness and horrific screeching. 

You wanted to look away, your body flinching and your eyes closing in instinct, but you can’t. If you wanted more information you had to see every waking second of it. You had to endure this to fully understand what Project Mercy was, or is.

So you forced your eyes open. 

Suddenly, his screaming stopped, and the boy limped.

He was unconscious, but still alive. His life support was still running. His heartbeat on the monitor was slowing, but not gone. 

The scientist dipped the needle of the syringe in his neck, pushing the white fluid in. “Goodbye, Mercy Three,” he said, a deep taint of regret in his voice, "You have served well, and I will make sure the world is thankful of your sacrifice," he stopped talking for a while, then leaned closer to the limp body. He whispered,  "I love you, my child."

 The boy flatlined, the pitch of the monitor ringing in your ears.

You gasped, hands in front of your mouth in shock. You let out a string of curses, hands buried in both your hands.

A wet tear streamed down your face. You could feel the boy's silence haunting you. You let out a sob, the cries you were unable to let outripping your heart apart, piece by piece.

What did you just watch?

In a twisted sense, you felt like you were watching a childhood story ruined. Like Geppeto putting an end to Pinochio's life because he had done too much damage.

The damage, however, was disturbingly unclear.

You whole body started shaking, and your esophagus felt like it was starting a gag reflex.

Focus, you thought to your time, breathing to calm yourself down. 

With quivering hands, you managed to paused the video, zooming into the scientist’s coat, at his name tag.

Michail Petrov.

You studied his facial features, which was clearer here than it was in the profile photo. He had fair skin, and a long, sharp nose. He had a symmetrical eyes, thin lips pressed into a line and a buzz trimmed hair. 

You didn’t know what you expected, but he looked normal. 

If you passed him in the streets of New York, you wouldn’t have looked twice or even bat an eyelash. 

That terrified you.

Your observation was disturbed by a sudden knock on the door. 

Surprised, you quickly changed the screen into a new tab. 

“(Y/n), I’m making soup. Would you like some?” Wanda called to you from the other side of the door.

“Sure,” you replied hastily, heart thumping. Your fingers were tense and trembling, still in shock.

“Okay,” Wanda replied, and from the sound of it, she did not suspect a thing. Thank god.

“I’ll let Friday know when I’m done,” she informed.

“Thank you,” You breathed, relief dripping out of your voice when you hear her walk away.

You reopened the tabs and braced yourself for more unexpected information. You started reading more.

Like Bucky said, you read that Mercy 1 and 2 were alive and last seen in 2014, but their profiles has been deleted. No photo or files or anything. You were in the dark, not a clue, at least for now. Knowing what you do now, you know the chances are Mercy 1 and 2 are alive and well are pretty good.

You looked into his lab in Kaunas, Lithuania, tracking down the exact location of his private laboratory. If there was any physical clue to where or who Mercy 1 and 2 two might be, it would be here, which means you had to go there.

You saved the coordinates, writing it down on a piece of paper just in case, so you won't lose it.

This was it. Your last chance at tracking down every last drop of Hydra.

You would let nothing get in your way. 

And you would make sure Petrov doesn't make it out alive.

From the other side of the room, your phone rang. You yelped in your seat just a little, before quickly grabbing the ringing device.

It was Diego Miller.

Shit, you thought to yourself. He had called you in Fury's apartment, why didn't you call him back? You could only hope he did not suspect a thing.

"Hello," you said through nervously gritted teeth.

"Commander," he said, "You're okay! I was worried when I saw the news— I, you did not answer your phone this morning."

"Yeah I… had things to do," you explained yourself, "what's going on? What happened this morning?"

"I was just checking if you got to New York safe," he told you, "you usually tell the team where you are. And you did not, so we were worried. Especially with what's on the breaking news"

"Oh," you let out a breath that you did not realize you were holding. Your breath hitched again when you processed what else he was saying. "Wait. What's in the news?"

"You haven't heard? It's breaking on all channels right now. It has been for the past one or two minutes." He sounded disturbingly surprised you didn't know.

Sensing the worry in his voice, you turned the TV on.

The screen greeted you with big bold letters on the foreground of an eerily familiar apartment block that was completely engulfed in flames— Nick Fury's.

"SAM WILSON REPORTED MISSING IN CIVILIAN MISSILE STRIKE, 24 REPORTED DEAD." The headline read.

"Shit," you cursed, "I— I gotta go."

Miller did not say anything, understanding how you must've felt.

Hands shaking  you hung up and tried to call Bucky. 

A million of negative scenarios ran through your head. Sam was missing, but Bucky's name was nowhere in the headline.

Suddenly, a series of loud knocks were heard on your door. "(Y/n)!" you recognized Clint's distressed voice, "You need to see this!"

You wanted to shout to Clint that you know what was going on, but the words were held back by an invisible force in your throat.

When you didn't respond, Clint started banging the door, "Are you in there?" He asked urgently, "Are you okay?"

You wanted to answer, you really did. But you can't.

Your focus was on your phone, trying to get hold of his number, but your hands were trembling so much that your phone fell to the ground.

You choked on your tears, trying to hold back your increasingly loud beating heart.

You kneeled down, trying to reach for your phone.

You felt the panic begin like a cluster of fireworks in your stomach. Tension began growing in your face and limbs.

The loud banging of the door and the chaotic bustle of the breaking news on the TV suddenly became deafening, too much for you to handle. 

Your legs failed you, and you fell to the ground, curling your body. "No," you whispered, "No, please."

You thoughts were speeding in your head, unrecognizable nightmarish memories clouding your head. Oliver Jones' and Ian Lawson's untimely deaths  the violence that you faced in King-Carver's ship. The hurt, the pain.

The thought of losing Bucky.

It was too much.

You breath came in gasps, feeling that you will black out. The room spun like a hurricane.

"I'm coming in, alright?" Clint asked, and you heard him at the back of your mind.

He easily bypassed the door, overriding Friday's security protocols via the emergency setting.

He came closer to you, worried when he saw you writhing on the floor, holding to a bedpost for dear life.

"It's me," Clint tried to calm you down, "It's Clint. Calm down."

Your voice slowed, but not by much. You managed to sit up.

"W-what— Sam and— and Bucky! They—" You gasped out.

"Yeah—" Clint started to say, but he was cut off by the ring of your phone.

You glanced at it, trying to read it and it was— Bucky!

Breathing an overwhelming sigh of relief, you scrambled for the phone.

"(Y/n)?" You hear him call from the other end of the line. Hearing the slight voice of the former winter soldier, Clint's shoulder released all his tension.

"Oh, god," you choked out, "You're okay!"

"A few bruises only," he reported to you, coughing microscopic degree out of his lungs. "I'm with firefighters right now."

"Sam? What about Sam?" Clint asked, and Bucky heard his voice in the background.

You set your phone on loudspeaker.

"He was taken," Bucky announced, frustration in his voice, "After the missile attack, I saw someone take him through the smoke. They were gone before I could get there."

He blamed himself for his best friend's disappearance, you could tell.

"Do you have any idea who did this? Who took Sam? Who ordered the missile attack?" Clint demanded.

After a heartbeat, Bucky answered, "no." 

He was lying. You know by his voice. Whenever he was lying, the edge of his voice drops a few notes lower. Barely noticeable, but you know. Clint, however, believed the lie. He sighed, shutting his eyes for some relief.

Bucky knows that it must be Michail Petrov, and you did too. Who else would it be?

Maybe he had a software to track where his profile was opened. 

But then why did it take so long for the missile to arrive?

A million questions swirled inside your head.

You had to find out why. You had to find Sam.

You convinced yourself that this mess was all because of you.

~

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.10

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

"You’re sure you're okay with this?”

Lucas pauses, croissant halfway shoved in his mouth as he regards Eliott with an inquisitive brow. “With what?” 

“Me announcing to… uh… all my followers who I’m dating.”

Lucas resumes eating, rolling his eyes as he brushes the crumbs off his fingers. “I already told you it’s okay,” he says, partly muffled due to the food in his mouth. “What can they do anyway?” 

Eliott chokes on a laugh, “What can they do? Lucas, have you seen the shit people do on social media?” He runs a fork over the leftover avocado on his plate. “You know what, I should probably delete that story, it’s only been half an hour anyway—”

“There’s no point, someone’s already saved that by now. It’ll just be up somewhere else.” He shrugs, feeling not an ounce of worry on this subject. “You posted about me before and if you haven’t noticed, some of your fans already found my account too.” He takes a sip of his coffee, smiling as he nibbles on the straw. “And your face is all over that one.” 

Eliott reaches over the table for Lucas’ hand, entangling their fingers together before bringing their hands up to his lips. He brushes a light kiss over the back of Lucas’ hand before pressing a smile into the same spot. “I just don’t want you feeling bad over any of this.” 

“No stranger on the internet can get to me, Eliott,” Lucas says, rolling his eyes again despite the fact that his voice might sound a tad too fond for eight in the morning. “Here.” He detaches their hands to get to his phone, pulling up that adorable photo he took of his boyfriend before leaving the apartment earlier. Tagging Eliott on the post is barely an afterthought and he cackles over the caption before placing his phone back down. “There, now if your admirers attack me it’s gonna be equally my fault.” 

Lucas hands Eliott’s phone over, laughing to himself when his boyfriend’s expression morphs into outright affront after seeing the comments. 

He goes back to eating his food, noticing that his own phone is now buzzing with a phone call. He’s been getting calls from an unknown number for the past week but no voicemails are ever left. Lucas makes a point not to answer until an actual human voice leaves a message, convinced that it’s some marketing company trying to sell him their life insurance or some shit. The buzzing stops eventually but it goes straight to into ringing again immediately after. 

Lucas wipes his hands down and turns the phone over, almost choking in his haste to swallow down the food in his mouth when he sees the caller. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m looking for Lucas Lallemant?” 

“Yeah, that’s me,” he responds in a rush. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m so sorry for calling in so early, but Mrs. Lallemant has been asking for you all morning and we’re having trouble having her cooperate--”

Lucas doesn't let the nurse finish. “I’ll be there, I’ll be there soon. Can you let her know that?”

“Of course, we will, thank you--”

He’s already digging around his wallet before he ends the call, looking up to his boyfriend’s worried eyes when Lucas leaves money on the table that is very likely much more than what they owe. 

“I need to go,” he says, stumbling out of his chair in his hurry.

“Whoa, hey, slow down, what’s going on?” Eliott follows after him, catching his arm in a strong grip before Lucas can dash out to the streets without him. 

“My mom--” Shit, he doesn’t have the time nor the brain power to give Eliott the entire tragic backstory so he settles for an agitated, “It’s complicated. I have to go see her.” 

“Can I take you there?” Eliott asks carefully, holding Lucas’ face in between his hands so that the latter’s eyes would quit darting around and just focus on him. “I won’t go in with you, I’ll just drop you off. Is that okay?”

And Lucas does focus on him, worry increasing as he thinks of what Eliott’s reaction would be. But explaining to his boyfriend why he can’t accompany Lucas to a task as menial as dropping one’s significant other off to their parent’s house sounds more taxing than simply agreeing, so he nods. If Eliott notices the reluctance in the act, he doesn’t question it. 

But the closer their bus gets to the clinic, the more Lucas is starting to regret that decision. 

He can feel Eliott’s confused glances when Lucas gets off at a stop nowhere near the residential areas. The clinic is a lengthy building that takes up the entire acre beside the road— there are no other buildings beside it and the giant sign by the gated entrance gives it away without Lucas needing to explain where they are. 

Chancing a glance up at his boyfriend, Lucas can’t tell what’s going through his mind. Eliott’s face is blank, the confusion and worry from earlier have disappeared. It makes Lucas nervous.

However, that’s something he’ll have to deal with later. 

“Hey, I’m Lucas Lallemant, I got a call earlier for…”

“Ah, yes. I’ll get the nurse for you right away.” The receptionist busies herself with the phone and Lucas turns to Eliott, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. 

“Um, you don’t… have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Eliott’s eyes are trained on something over Lucas’ shoulder. “I’ll wait for you out here.” 

“Lucas?” A frazzled looking nurse addresses him and Lucas follows after her, trying not to think too much about Eliott being present for this. “Thank you so much for coming so quickly, we had notes on her file to call you if something like this happens but with Marie gone, we weren’t quite sure how to proceed.” 

“That’s fine, thanks.” To be fair, his mother hasn’t had any terrible meltdowns since moving into this clinic. 

“She’s in her room, not acknowledging anyone, just keeps saying your name.” 

Lucas thanks her again with a small, apologetic smile. The nurse looks young— she’s probably new, judging from the many emotions flitting across her features for every word she speaks. Lucas hasn’t seen a professional in this field who feels so much. Not even Marie. 

“Mama?” No response, but he’s figured that would happen. “I’m here now,” he continues, sitting by the bed and fixing the sheets around her shoulders. She’s situated to face the window, back towards him. “Did you need me for something?”

Still nothing. He sees the untouched glass of water placed beside her pills and Lucas runs a finger over the condensation forming on the side as he thinks of what to say next. 

She’s told him once before that hearing his voice helps her a lot. Especially on days like this, when she’s unresponsive and away from the reality she doesn’t quite want to face. 

“Do you hear it?”

Or maybe not as unresponsive as he’d thought.

Lucas straightens up, leaning on the edge of the bed to hear her soft voice better. “Hear what?”

“The trumpet.” 

There’s only silence around them. “No, mama, where is it?” 

“It’s been playing since this morning.” She turns on the bed, facing towards the ceiling. Lucas can see the pooling tears in her eyes. “The rapture’s here and I’ve been left behind. It’s because I’m such a bad mother is it? A terrible wife?”

“No—” He shuffles forward to take one of her hands in both of his. 

“Ephesians 5:22; wives, submit to your husbands,” she quotes absently, hand limp inside Lucas’ hold. “Is it because of the fight?”

A frown etches its way onto Lucas’ features. “What fight?” 

Tears escape from their fragile perch in her eyes. “He’s right.” She turns her head, looking at him this time. “Your life would be so much better if I just go.” 

Lucas doesn’t know where all of this is coming from but there’s dread forming in his chest, his mind picking up on everything that goes unsaid. “Where are you going, mama?” He shakes his head, the sight of her delicate tears triggering his own. “That’s not true, I don’t want you to go.” 

“So much better without me,” she whispers, head shifting back to resume gazing out the window. Her hand remains small and slack in his grip. It’s evident that she’s not listening to a word he says. 

Lucas gets up, scrubbing at his face as he closes the door to her room. He needs to tell Eliott to leave without him as he’s probably going to take a while— he doesn’t feel right, leaving his mama right away when she’s in this terrible of a state. 

Eliott’s standing by the walls only a few steps from the room and he gently takes Lucas’ face in his hands, wiping at the tears that stubbornly make their way down his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop fucking crying already. 

“Sorry, sorry I’m— this is so sudden I—” He tries to speak through the hitches in his breath. 

“Shh, don’t apologize,” Eliott says, pulling Lucas closer to place a sweet kiss on his forehead. 

This only serves to make him cry harder for whatever reason and Lucas has to take a deep breath, fists balled at his sides as he tries to reign over his emotions. “I’m gonna stay here for a bit, you should go.” His hands raise to hold onto Eliott’s forearms, thumbs tracing soft lines from back of the palm to wrist. “I don’t know how long I’ll be.” 

Eliott nods but doesn’t make a move to pull away. 

They only do so when a pair of footsteps echo in the hallway and Lucas does a double take when he sees the man walking beside his mama’s temporary nurse. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Both his father and the nurse pause and Lucas is starting to really feel bad for the poor nurse, getting caught up in their family drama all in less than a day’s worth. 

���Please excuse us,” his dad says to her and she takes the golden opportunity to scramble the hell away from them. Eliott doesn’t take the same cue, moving back to give them space but staying within Lucas’ reach. “Hello, Lucas.”

“Why are you here?” Lucas brushes off the niceties. If there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s his father pretending to be a decent human being in front of others. “Have you been talking to her?”

“Yes.”

“Who says you can do that?”

“She’s my wife, I can talk to her.”

“She’s not!” Lucas steps closer, raising his voice as if he’d done the opposite. This man has lost the right to call them his family. “You don’t get to talk to her whenever it’s convenient for you! Did you see what you’ve done? She was doing so fucking well without you!” 

“Mind your language, Lucas,” his father grits out. The sound of crumpling papers makes Lucas look down to where the man’s hands are clenched around a file folder. “I’m still your father and I won’t tolerate—”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Lucas scoffs, shaking his head at the audacity. “You’re so full of it.” 

Lucas sees the man’s fisted hand move— he sees it, but he does nothing to stop it. Maybe if the hospital cameras catch the bastard acting with violence then Lucas would have a real reason to want to throw him into jail. Or at least to have him stop stirring shit in their lives. Legally. 

But no pain reaches him even as he braces for it and when he tunes back in, it’s to Eliott’s back in front of him, one hand gripping Lucas’ father’s wrist in a firm hold. 

“That’s enough, sir,” Eliott says, mock polite. 

All hands drop back down to their respective sides but the tension remains high up in the air. 

His father’s eyes switch from Eliott to Lucas, face impassive. The thick silence only lasts a for few moments, however, because Lucas’ father is as shameless as one can get. He thrusts the file folder under Lucas’ nose, sidestepping the entire wall that is Eliott standing in between the two of them.

“Sign these and mail them back to me, pronto,” the man says, pocketing his hands once Lucas has taken the papers. “Don’t give me a hard time about this, it’s for your own good.” 

Lucas spares him the coldest glance he can manage as he reads through the file. Insurance claims? Transfer permission? To Marseille? Taking a sharp breath through his nose, Lucas simmers in silent rage. So this sad excuse of a man finds a new job that provides extra allowance to employees caring for disabled family members and suddenly he’s husband of the year? Fuck that, fuck him. 

Fuck everything and his fucked up life. 

“Fuck you,” he says, throwing the papers back at his father. He doesn’t give a shit that they land scattered on the ground— maybe the man would pick up some of his dignity along with those papers that way. 

Lucas turns around before his father gets over the shock of his reaction, gazes at his mama’s door but he can’t. He can’t deal right now, not after this. There’s a chance that he’d actually lose whatever’s left of his sanity if he goes in and is faced with the hopeless look in her eyes. His mother, who’s supposed to take care of him, hasn’t been able to care for herself for years and years. His father, who’s supposed to provide for him, has abandoned him for longer. Now, he’s stuck dealing with their escalating issues again, an unwilling tether to a breakable thread. He doesn’t know why his mother’s holding on so tight to the delusion of a complete family, he doesn’t know why his father’s holding on so tight to the farce of being a good man. 

And Lucas is so tired of this bullshit. 

His phone rings with the same unknown number and Lucas wants to throw it to the fucking floor.

He runs for the back exit, not wanting to run into his father when the man leaves the clinic as well. There’s a dire need inside him to breathe in some air, one that doesn’t linger with antiseptic, that clean, fabricated hospital smell that drives him up the wall. 

Eliott’s there to hold him when his knees threaten to buckle under him. Lucas turns into his arms immediately, clinging onto the hood of his sweater as he takes in unsteady breaths.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that,” he says into Eliott’s shoulder, tears making their unwelcome comeback in his tired eyes. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Eliott assures him, hands running back and forth over Lucas’ back. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Lucas retorts. “It’s not.”

“Hey.” Eliott tilts his chin up with a thumb and smiles fondly when Lucas sniffs miserably up at him. Eliott brushes a hand through his hair and kisses him on the forehead again. Lucas’ heart melts, settling calmer with the knowledge that even if his world feels like it’s going for another ride in hell, at least Eliott’s here with him this time, the angel that brings light to his life. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

More tears spill over the corners of his eyes. Eliott deserves happiness all the time, not Saturdays with strange clinics and witnessing shouting matches with horrid fathers. 

“I’m so tired,” Lucas whispers, closing his eyes when Eliott’s thumbs come up to brush away his tears. He doesn’t know what he’ll do without them now-- doesn’t ever want to go back to a time without Eliott’s warm, gentle touches. “I just wish that everything’s normal for once.” 

“Normal how?” 

Lucas gestures to the clinic where he and his father held that unpleasant confrontation. The clinic has started to become his mama’s safe space but now that man’s just gone and ruined it. “I’m tired of that bullshit. Why can’t I just have a normal family?” He shakes his head, feels his phone ringing in his pocket for the thousandth fucking time and he doesn’t even want to think about what’s brewing on that front. Telemarketers aren’t that persistent. “Why can’t I just have normal people around me? A normal life? Fuck, I hate this. I don’t wanna deal with any more of this.” 

Eliott’s quiet above him but he holds Lucas tight in his arms, very tight. Lucas buries his face in Eliott’s neck and locks his own arms around Eliott’s torso, deflating after finally getting those thoughts out in the open. 

“You don’t have to.” Eliott whispers into Lucas’ temple, cheek nuzzling into his hair. 

“Hm?”

“You won’t have to deal with it.” 

“How?” 

“Let’s get you home, okay?” 

Yann is still there when Eliott drops him off at the apartment. Lucas must look as shitty as he feels because Yann doesn’t tease when he opens the door for them, Lucas being too out of it to bring out his keys. He can feel his best friend and his boyfriend exchange glances above his head and in a better state, he’d probably coo at how they’re able to hold silent conversations already. 

But as it is, Lucas just wants to take a goddamn nap.

Lucas turns to ask if Eliott would like to stay with them but his boyfriend brings him in for a rather abrupt embrace, so quick and inexplicably strong that Lucas loses his breath for a moment. His hands fly up to Eliott’s shoulders, fingers digging into the fabric of his hoodie as he presses his nose to Eliott’s chest. Eliott has his face buried in his neck and Lucas feels him take a deep, lingering inhale before pulling away with a soft touch to Lucas’ hair. 

“Take care of yourself, hm?” 

Lucas nods dumbly, watching Eliott walk away. 

lucallemant thank you for coming with me earlier do you have any plans tomorrow?

srodulv me and idris actually have to start another project so I'm gonna be busy for a while

lucallemant oh ok airplane mode type of busy?

srodulv yeah

lucallemant okay, take care of yourself this time lol don’t forget to eat and sleep  good night eliott ♥️

[starker-stories]

An Accord (WIS), Chapter 2

I’m sorry I missed a day re-posting Accord. I really want to get it all back out there so I can continue on with chapter 10-13 when I hit that point. Unfortunately, I’m still sleeping off whatever hit me Monday-Wednesday while I was in the hospital. I’m pretty sure I’m back up to normal now. So let’s start this daily posting thing again.

As a bit of annoyance, I’m going to remind you that @starker-stories is formerly starkerstories, which got accidentally deleted. So if you followed me at the non-hyphenated blog, I hope you’ll make the move with me to the hyphenated one. I miss all’y’all. 

I’ll be re-creating my individual chapter posts for An Accord over here on the blog that replaces starkerstories. Until I hit the current chapter, I’ll be posting daily. They’ll have links to both tumblr and AO3 chapter links. I’m sorry if that bothers people who’ve seen this all before in the tag. I’m content to leave all my other fic as AO3 only, but this is my current favorite child, so I’m spoiling it rotten.

This fic is on a weekly update schedule. Hopefully every Friday. More chapters may appear sooner if the writing is going well. Because I have 0 self-control.

Tumblr Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13 AO3 Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Cheating, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Domestic Nightmare Tony Stark, Reconciliation, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterIronSpider, Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Domesticity, Peter Parker is legal age in the state of New York, College Student Peter Parker, Takes place about 2 years after Civil War. Closeted Character

Summary: “Oh. My. God. Old man stereo.” Peter disentangled himself from Tony’s hold. “Feed me.” Bucky started to rise. “Sit down, Bucky. I didn’t say cook. I told him to feed me. Feed US.” ——————————————————————————————

Chapter 2:  The pass-code to the penthouse

A movie and a half later, Tony sat on the other end of the sofa from Bucky. “Taken care of. Tomorrow you’ll meet Fury up at HQ.”

“It’ll take more than one day,” Bucky said quietly. “There were a lot of missions.”

Tony nodded.

“I remember all of them, Tony. I’m sorry.”

It was still hard for Tony to reconcile the raw emotion of what happened with the knowledge that the man sitting next to him was not the man in that videotape. “I know, Bucky. I’m getting there, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’ll head upstate for a few hours a day until it’s finished. Either Fury or Maria Hill will handle the debrief personally. Whatever Ross finds out will be filtered through them, cross-checked by FRIDAY, gone over by me, and then given back to Fury to release.”

“They agreed to that?”

Tony laughed. “Of course not. It’s all going directly from Fury to Ross, with not a single stop in between.”

Bucky was quiet for a long time and they both pretended to watch the movie. “Steve underestimated you.”

“You think?”

They watched the movie until its end. “Didn’t peg you for a rom-com man, Bucky,” Tony said smiling.

“War movies kinda lost their charm.”

“Overly realistic sci-fi ones lost theirs for me,” Tony countered.

“Drama… I live enough of that lately.”

“Ditto action.”

“Romance never gets old,” Bucky said finally.

“God, are you two getting weepy over Tom Hanks movies?” Peter said, laughing and landing in Tony’s lap once he dropped his backpack by the elevator.

“You told me you liked that I’m a romantic,” Tony said, kissing Peter lightly on the lips.

“Yes, but…” Peter picked up the remote, clicked, and brought up the title. “Sleepless in Seattle?”

“Shut up, kid.”

“Shut up, kid.”

“Oh. My. God. Old man stereo.” Peter disentangled himself from Tony’s hold. “Feed me.” Bucky started to rise. “Sit down, Bucky. I didn’t say cook. I told him to feed me. Feed US.”

“Take out?”

“Take me… us… out.”

“Your house is full of food, Tony,” Bucky said. “Take your boyfriend out to dinner, I’ll be fine.”

“I said, feed US,” Peter hollered back from the bedroom.

“Thai?” Tony suggested.

“Thai.” Peter agreed, coming back, tugging on a fresh shirt.

“Chinese?” Bucky countered.

“Thai wasn’t a thing in your day?” Peter asked.

“In Thailand it was. Not in Manhattan.”

Tony laughed. “How long has it been since you were here… that you remember?”

“Uh… Forty-three? I’ve been here since, and I remember, but it wasn’t to sample the cuisine. Back in forty-three, pretty much everyone still called it Siam, even though it had changed already. But by any name, there weren’t any restaurants serving that kind of food. Chinese was the closest.”

“I doubt spending the last year, since Wakanda, on the run with Rogers broadened your horizons.”

“Not really.”

“Thai then,” Peter insisted.

“Yes, but proper Thai. We’re not dragging our new guest to that place you and May like.”

“Fine. Rich people Thai.”

“Yes, Thai. Not Thai by way of American Cantonese and whichever Korean guy they have working the kitchen today.”

Bucky smiled at the couple, arguing as they wandered back and forth from the bedroom to the living room, various bits of clothes flying while they changed.

“There.” Peter said, finally dressed in much the same as he’d started out in.

“Ready?” Tony asked Bucky.

“We can just… go out?” He’d spent all of his time, since he escaped from HYDRA, on the run. The idea of just being able to walk outside the door and go to a restaurant was unbelievable.

“Well, yeah,” Peter said.

“It can be a bit of a zoo once I’m recognized,” Tony admitted. “But that’s why I get driven even though it’s only a few blocks away, and I’ll have security there.”

“Iron Man needs security?” Bucky asked, arching an eyebrow.

“No, Iron Man does not need security,” Tony said sharply. “However Tony Stark, the fifth richest man in the world and New York celebrity needs security. Unless you fancy being mobbed by everyone with a cellphone.”

“Not fun,” Peter said sagely.

Happy was waiting with the Rolls outside Tony’s private elevator in the garage when the three of them arrived.

“Bucky, this is Happy Hogan. Head of Security for Stark Industries, but I also make him be my driver and pilot still. He tolerates it because I’m so loveable. Happy, Bucky Barnes. He’s staying with Peter and I for awhile.”

“Mr. Hogan.”

“Sergeant Barnes.”

“Can we not? It wasn’t him. It was someone else. I’m… getting over it. I appreciate my defense squad, Happy, but save the death glare for Rogers if he ever shows up.”

“Tony’s taking us out to dinner,” Peter said brightly.

“Thai?” Happy asked.

“He’s nothing if not predictable,” Tony said, helping Peter in. “There’s going to be grooves carved into the road from the tower to the Thai restaurant.”

“To match the grooves from the tower to the Italian one you insist on going to every time it’s your choice,” Peter countered.

“Italian?” Bucky asked. “You been to Gargiulo’s?”

“Fuck yes. I haven’t been in years. But it was as close as you get to Napoletano outside of Naples. Sorry kid, you’re overruled. Happy! Change of plan. Coney Island.”

“What‽” Peter screeched. “I will be as old as you two before I eat.”

“Yeah, true. Never mind the car. Make the arrangements, Hap. We’ll meet you on the helipad.”

“What the fuck?” Peter said.

“What the fuck?” Bucky said, just a little bit behind him.

“Oh, pretty and beautiful chime in,” Tony said, teasingly. “You think you’re going to dangle the possibility of me eating like my m… Oh.” Tony gasped and sat heavily down onto the backseat of the car. His eyes closed tightly shut and he began hyperventilating.

“Shit,” Bucky whispered. He backed away until he was up against the wall of the garage, as far away from Tony as he could get. He watched as Peter climbed next to Tony. Once the kid had Tony in his arms, Bucky ran up the garage ramp and kept running.

“Stop him,” Tony gasped out. “Lock the garage down before he gets out.” He flailed for Happy’s arm. “It’s not his fault,” he told Happy. Which was as far as Tony’s bravery would take him. He buried his face against Peter’s chest. “It’s not his fault,” he said quieter.

“I know, Tony. It’s okay. He’s… his twin brother.”

“Yeah.” Tony drew a shaky breath and another and another. Slow and deep. In the safety of Peter’s arms, it was easy to convince himself of that. Twin brother. That made sense. It was a gut level reaction to seeing the same face associated with…

Tony was sitting on the edge of the carseat when Bucky came back down, followed by Happy. “I’m not going to kill you.”

“You couldn’t.”

“Debatable. But I don’t want to kill you. Your dead twin brother on the other hand,” Tony said, trying at a wan smile.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sat cross-legged on the garage floor in front of the car door’s opening.

“I forgot who you aren’t. It’s… I got caught up in the moment. My… her cousin used to work at the place. She and I ate there a lot the summer between high school and MIT. Howard was setting things up in L.A. that summer. It…” Tony closed his eyes again. “I don’t want to blame you,” he said quietly. “I know it wasn’t you.”

“She was Italian? That wasn’t in the file. Nothing was. A time. A date. A location. A mission. I didn’t know who. Not until after. Until just before Pierce had me wiped again and sent me back to Siberia for storage.” Bucky tried to hide his reaction to his memory of the procedure.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said.

Peter reached out for each of their hands. “Takeout, obviously.” He helped both men to their feet and led them to the elevator. “Chinese or pizza?”

“Chinese,” they both said.

“Fantastic.” Peter leaned his head on Tony’s shoulder and wrapped their arms together. But he kept his hand reached out to hold Bucky’s.

~~~~~

They let Peter pick the movie.

“I thought you didn’t like sci-fi?” Bucky asked.

“To be honest, the whole ‘sitting still pretending to be mentally engaged by a movie’ is new to me,” Tony offered in his defense.

“You told me you loved Star Wars.”

“Yeah. Star Wars.”

“And Star Trek.”

“That’s okay too.”

“That’s sci-fi!” Peter said emphatically.

“Technically, that’s space opera,” Tony countered.

“You don’t have to sit and watch movies with me,” Peter said, sounding actually hurt.

“I like sitting and watching movies with you. I never said I didn’t. I said it was new to me.”

“Watching movies can’t be new to you. He’s older than you and it’s not new to him,” Peter said, nodding towards Bucky.

“Baby, the last movie I sat and watched all the way through, in one sitting, was Star Wars. The summer right before I was sent to boarding school in the fall.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay. It’s just… new. Sitting still for this long. Not… doing anything.”

“You’re watching a movie.”

“No, baby. You’re watching a movie. I’m watching you.” Tony leaned over and gave Peter a kiss. He was about to deepen it when he remembered they weren’t alone. He chuckled. “Sorry.”

Peter laughed. “I foresee us bumbling around each other saying ‘sorry’ a lot.”

“You haven’t said ‘sorry’ yet, kid,” Bucky grinned.

“Call me kid again and I’ll web your cool metal arm to the floor again.” Peter grinned back. “Then I’ll say sorry for it after.”

~~~~~

“Bucky. Hey, Bucky. It’s all right. You’re safe. You’re in New York. You’re in Stark Tower. Bucky. It’s Peter. Parker. Peter Parker. You’re okay.”

Bucky punched in the direction of the voice. His punch was… caught. His arm made an electromechanical whir. He opened his eyes.

“Hi Bucky,” Peter smiled at him, holding his metal fist in his hand. “You were having a nightmare. No, no. Don’t move yet.” Peter put Bucky’s hand down onto the bed.

“Peter?” Bucky said hoarsely.

“Yeah,” he smiled again.

“You shouldn’t wake me up from a nightmare. I could hurt you.”

“Hi, I’m Spider-Man. You can’t hurt me. You already tried to hurt me and didn’t. But I didn’t wake you up. I know better.”

“You know better?” Bucky asked, stretching his legs out, one at a time, then his right arm, moving his fingers.

“Nightmares. Kinda the pass-code to the penthouse.”

“Tony?” Peter nodded. “You?” Bucky asked, less credulously. Peter nodded again.

“Welcome to the fabulous superhero life.”

“Some of mine were from before the superhero life,” Bucky said quietly.

“Some of Tony’s. Some of mine, too. It doesn’t matter who has them worse, when they’re happening, they’re all worse.”

“You can go back to bed now, kid. Thanks. But Tony’ll be missing you.”

Peter sucked in his lips, but stayed.

“He’s not in bed?”

“When he’s avoiding nightmares, he doesn’t sleep.”

“Wish I could learn that trick,” Bucky said bitterly. He saw Peter’s expression. “No, I guess I don’t.”

“It could be three days or more before he sleeps. However long it takes his body to pass out this time around. I’ll be there when he needs me.”

“Who’s there for you, kid?”

“Tony is. When I wake up crushed by tons of concrete or seeing my uncle get murdered or clinging onto the skin of an airplane as it falls from the sky or…”

“Price of admission to the Stark Tower penthouse suite,” Bucky said, “one lifetime of nightmares.”

“Basically,” Peter said, nodding. “You okay? Tony doesn’t like being alone after. You used to have Steve…”

Bucky sighed. “Not exactly. Our relationship was…”

“Complicated?”

He chuckled. “That’s one way to put it. The thing you and Tony have? We grew up in a different time.”

“I thought you two were together?”

“We were. But not like you and Tony. It was more… casual.”

Peter furrowed his brow. “You don’t sound casual.”

“It was all it could be. We were looking for different things. The thing I wanted… it wasn’t possible back then. Then other things became a habit… then it was hard to fall out of those habits…”

“Tony had those habits. He told me what it was like. I can’t imagine it. Not really. To know you want one thing, but lie and hide and pretend to want something else. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Fear’s where you begin, Peter,” Bucky said. He rolled onto his side and balled up the pillow under his head. “I’m glad you don’t know where to begin.”

“Tony learned to get over it.”

“He had you to make him want to get over it. A cute boyfriend’s a pretty strong motivator.”

Peter giggled and blushed. “You’re a cute boyfriend, why didn’t Steve get over it?”

“I wasn’t even sure what we were. What we could be. What I even wanted us to be anymore. I had him before the war, I lost him after I shipped out. Then I had him again for awhile during the war and lost him again. Then I had him after HYDRA. But this third time? I think ‘lost’ has finally won. Whatever we might’ve had…” Bucky shook his head. “The Steve I knew, either before or during the war, wouldn’t have made the decision he has. Whoever he’s become, he isn’t my Steve anymore.”

They fell into silence. “Go to bed, Peter. You have class and I have the first of my debriefs with Fury. Trade ya,” he said, smiling.

“Not for all the money in Tony Stark’s bank account.” Peter leaned over and gave Bucky a quick kiss on his temple. “Good night.”

~~~~~

“He had a nightmare,” Peter said, sleepily settling on a stool next to Tony’s workstation.

“Hmm.”

“He and Rogers weren’t… together together.”

“That’s good.”

“The Chitauri are attacking again.”

“Uh huh.”

“TONY!”

“What?” Tony spun on his chair to face Peter.

“Good night, FRIDAY.”

“Good night, Peter. Good night, boss.” FRIDAY powered down the holotables and the screens.

“I thought I told you not to fuck with FRIDAY’s protocols anymore.”

Peter laughed and took Tony’s hands. “Build tighter access to prevent a hardware intercept.”

“No one else but you has access to FRIDAY’s hardware.”

“Then don’t complain about me adding a ‘good night’ protocol to her.” He pulled on Tony’s hands until he was standing and following him.

“I don’t have to follow you upstairs, you know.”

“Yeah you kinda do if you want to keep your hands attached to the rest of you.”

“God, I hate you, Peter Parker.”

“Ya love me and ya know it.”

“He had a nightmare?” Tony asked, having heard the whole thing.

“Uh huh. A bad one. Don’t worry. I was there when he woke up.”

“I do love you, you know.” Tony let Peter finish leading him to their bedroom door. “I’m glad you were able to help him,” he said. “I know it’s not his fault. It doesn’t… make it hurt any less.” he added, quieter.

“It hurts him too.”

“I know. That’s why I’m glad you helped him.” Tony kissed Peter lightly before closing the door behind them and letting him finish taking him to bed.

[bae-roman]

Part II

Masterlist

Part I

*Fucked up and accidentally deleted the original post- sorry for tagging everyone again! 

While waiting for Roman to return from the bathroom, Y/N ordered then downed 2 more shots and paid their tab. Once he got back to where she was sitting, he reached for his wallet but Y/N stopped him and told him she already took care of it. Roman scowled at her and rolled his eyes before grabbing her arm and walking the pair of them to his car.

“Your place?” he asked as he opened the car door for her then got into the vehicle as well. She nodded and smiled.

Y/N continued to tease Roman the entire ride home. From leaving soft kisses along his neck to leaning over and massaging his dick through his pants. As she applied more pressure to her actions Roman stifled a moan.

“Y/N, If you don’t cut this shit out right now I will pull this car over and fuck you on the hood” He growled out through clenched teeth.

She let out a small whine, remembering how much her back hurt from the last time he did that. “Fine” she pouted and crossed her arms. Roman, well aware of how much of a brat his companion could be when she was drunk, laughed at her childish reaction and ran a hand through her hair. “Don’t worry, you’ll have me soon enough” he winked.  

Once they made it to Y/N’s apartment and into her bedroom, with his help, of course, Roman went into her closet to change out of his suit as Y/N stumbled towards her bed kicking off her heels and pulling off her dress in the process, throwing it on the ground next to Roman’s discarded shirt.

When he returned, wearing nothing but the pair of black silk boxers he kept at Y/N’s apartment for nights like this, he was greeted by Y/N sitting on the corner of her bed struggling to remove her bra. Roman chuckled at the sight.

“Stop laughing and help meeeee” she pouted. He walked over and undid the clasp with ease. He then went to the other side of the room, picking up their abandoned garments and placed them on top of her dresser,before grabbing her sleep shirt and throwing it at her it at her.

When it landed on her head she let out a loud “hmph”. “Shit. My bad” Roman snickered.

It seemed like he had forgotten about the promise he made earlier.

“What happened to fucking me into the mattress huh? Or are you not up for it?“ Y/N asked, raising her brow at the word “up” and giggling.

He decided to not acknowledge her reference to the one and only time he got whiskey dick, shooting back with “Only if you promise not to barf on me”.

She smiled, outstretched her arm towards him and stuck out her little finger. “Pinky promise”. He smirked as he intertwined his finger with hers before pushing her down roughly on the bed.

Roman hovered over the girl and stared at her with a hungry look in his eyes. Before she could reach for him, he smashed his lips onto hers, scaling one hand up her body to squeeze her breast and play with her nipple.

As soon as she felt his soft, plump lips against hers, she grabbed both sides of his face, holding him as close to her as possible. When Roman used his tongue to lick at her lips she eagerly parted them, her tongue battling for dominance against his before she inevitably lost.

Y/N moaned into their kiss and pushed her body up against his every time Roman squeezed her breast or gave it a slap; the sensation against him causing his member to harden. When the two eventually ran out of air and broke apart from each other, panting, he stripped himself of the little clothing he had on to free his erection.

Roman got up onto the bed, his back leaning against the headboard. She crawled up to him from her spot, first placing a kiss at the bottom of his neck, making her way up to his jawline before brushing her lips right behind his ear.

Suddenly, he grabbed a fistful of her hair, and pulled her face away from his “You want me to fuck that tight little pussy of yours until you can’t even walk, don’t you?” he growled at her. The tone of his voice alone making her wetter than anyone else ever had. She nodded as much as she could with his hand tangled into her hair. “Then prove it” he commanded, letting her go.

Y/N repositioned herself in-between his legs, laying on her stomach with her legs in the air, crossed at her ankles. She proceeded to run her tongue along his shaft. Kissing the base of his cock then teasingly licked his balls. When she ran her tongue over his most sensitive spot he let out a moan “Right there baby”

Baby

The word replayed itself over and over in her head.

Fuck

She groaned inwardly and immediately halted her actions.

Roman, frustrated with the fact that his cock was so close to her face but not in her mouth took hold of the base so he could tap the head across her lips.

“Wait, Roman … I need to tell you something” she said, moving her face away from his erection and sitting up on her knees.

“Can’t it wait until after you blow me?” he responded slightly irritated.

“No. I just…it’s just that… we…” she trailed off, not knowing what she actually wanted to say.

He raised a brow at her “Well?” he pushed.

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush on me or some shit” he teased after she was unable to find her words.

“Fuck you” Y/N retorted a little too quickly, looking down.

When she didn’t say anything after that Roman sighed loudly.

“You do, don’t you?” he questioned seriously.

Y/N began to panic. This was not how she planned to tell him. Hell! She never planned on telling him at all. She tried to think of something snarky to say. Something to make Roman think his claim was ridiculous but she failed miserably, blurting out “No! I don’t I… It’s…your penis is in my heart” - her attempt to save face ruined by the copious amount of alcohol in her system.

“… What?” He asked; a confused expression etched along his annoyingly pretty face.

Y/N was astounded over the words that had just come out of her mouth and was too horrified to say anything else.  

“Whatever doesn’t matter just take your panties off,” Roman said after she remained quiet for a while.

He scooted up to sit straight against the headboard of her bed and stretched his arms out towards her so that he could set her on his lap.

“Hold on” Y/n finally spoke up and scooted back to get out of his reach.

“What?  You’re not going to hold out on that pussy just because I don’t return your little crush, are you? He teased.

“Shouldn’t we like… I don’t know? Talk about this or something maybe?” Y/N sputtered out.    

“There’s nothing to talk about Y/N. This was always just fun. You catching feelings isn’t really my problem”. He said coldly, refusing to look directly at her.

Y/N was well aware that Roman wasn’t the emotional type, under normal circumstances neither was she, and maybe it was just how much she’d had to drink but his complete indifference to her confession made her feel as though all she ever was to him was just a warm body to cum in. She never expected Roman to return her feelings and sweep her away to live happily ever after -  she wasn’t an idiot, but having his lack of feelings for her confirmed out loud hurt and against her will, her eyes began to well up.

Once roman realized that she was on the verge of crying he quickly got off the bed and grabbed his clothes.  

“I need to go.. uh here- for tonight. Bye” He mumbled, throwing a money clip full of bills at her before practically sprinting out of her apartment.

Y/N, distressed over her present situation, called out for Roman to wait. She stood up, having every intention of chasing after him, but as soon as she did the alcohol went to her head and she had no other option than to rush to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach.

When she was finally done, Roman was gone and wouldn’t pick up her calls. Y/N’s complete astoundment over the mess this fun night out had become, coupled with how physically drained she was led her go to bed. They had been friends for years, she told herself that he just needed time to process the weirdness of it all and then he would be fine. He’d probably tease her about it the next time they hung out and then that would be it. It would all be fine she rationalized.

She was wrong.

*****

Here it finally is! I’m SO sorry it took forever to update, I promise I’ll be better with part 3! For anyone who actually waited for it or sent me a message or reads it thank you so much!😊Hopefully this part was worth the wait! As always, feedback is appreciated, and I do take requests/head cannons/drabbles, etc.

*****

@blake-bellamyblake  @alter-egos-world @nutinanutshell @bill-istvan@ohtheangst @ill-skillsgard @amelia-in-w0nderland @bill-switch

If you want to be tagged just let me know!

[rhianbwatts]

Endgame Spoilers

Sorry, had to delete the original version of this because I tried to make an edit on my phone and it messed up my formatting. So this post is full of massive spoilers for Endgame. Seriously. Don’t open it if you’ve not seen the movie yet - it’s not going to make sense to you anyway. If you have seen it and you’re confused by some of the sci-fi mechanics of the movie, this might help...

Alright I’m seeing a lot of confusion around what is happening with the time travel in Endgame, so I’m going to do my best to explain my understanding of how it works. This is based on one viewing that took place at midnight, so there are almost certainly mistakes. I hope you’ll forgive me for them.

Time travel in stories works in many different ways, here are some of the main ones:

A. Back to the Future style – changing events in the past changes the future, BUT doesn’t change you. So when you go forwards in time again you might find you no longer exist or your Mum has married an asshole, and you’re aware these things have changed. B. Almost Back to the Future style (sorry can’t think of a good example for this) – changing events in the past changes the future and does affect you. This could mean the future version of you just vanishes or you become a different person. Basically that future is wiped out but the actions relating to time travel that you took in that future still must have happened. It’s a paradox but we roll with it. The possible negative consequences of this for the time-travelling version of you are pretty limitless, but on a positive you’ll never know about them.

C. The Azkaban Approach – this is how time travel exists in the Harry Potter universe (we do not speak of Cursed Child). Basically you cannot change the past/present/future by time travel. Whatever happens has already happened. You may, however, have to make sure those things happen.

D. The Discworld Dilemma (sorry, I can’t resist alliteration) – basically history wants to happen how it’s supposed to happen, although you might try to change things it will basically begin to heal itself one way or another – unless wizards, Death, gods or mystical monks living in the mountains get involved. This is more or less how Doctor Who works too.

E. Multi-verse Mechanics – basically every possible action every person in the universe is taking is creating infinite other alternate versions of that universe ALL THE TIME. When you change something by time travel you end up in a different alternate. I guess this is really similar to A/B depending on what happens to the you skipping between the universes – it’s just a different way of thinking about it.

In the movie they specifically say that A and B won’t work – because this movie-verse won’t allow time-paradoxes. Version D also clearly doesn’t work. And we can rule out E based on the Ancient One’s comments to Bruce about parallel realities being BAD and damaging your current universe (although that in itself raises issues with a lot of other comic-verse stuff). I’m going to come back to C later. Which leaves us with what Endgame is doing:

F. Personal timelines must be linear – i.e. your personal timeline may take place in lots of different timeframes, going backwards and forwards in time, without issue UNLESS you affect a past version of yourself. In that case the A and B paradox issues kicks in and, as you may end up not being the version of you that went time travelling in the first place, you (and the universe) is probably fucked.    - This is why they can’t bring the dusted back until after they complete the actions to reverse Thanos’ actions – i.e. you couldn’t have them dusted and un-dusted instantaneously. Because if you did that none of the things that happened in the intervening five years would happen and you wouldn’t become the people with the capability to undo the dusting and then you have a massive paradox.    - Obviously it’s more complicated than just your personal actions, because any person who’s actions you change could end up altering the course of the future. Even moving an object a few feet could have massive unseen consequences.    - This means that during the time travel heist the least interaction with the past they can manage the better. For example, if Steve had gone into the lift and killed or seriously hurt any of the hydra agents – that could easily change the future, because that person could have done something in the future that contributed to the circumstances in the present etc...    - Because of this there is absolutely no way for people, primarily Steve, to go back and alter historical issues in his own timeline - i.e. he can’t stop the rise of Hyrda or save Bucky any earlier without fucking up the entire universe.

The team’s inability to not alter anything in the past and (possibly) their active decisions to change things obviously presents us with some issues, here are some of the ones I’ve seen discussed/was confused by myself and how/if they’re resolved in the story: 

- Thanos and his chums – Thanos going forward to the future before he ever used the infinity stones and then being destroyed obviously creates a massive paradox. Luckily Tony is more than smart enough to realise this, so we can assume that what he actually did was send Thanos and his army back to before they intercepted Nebula’s consciousness. This puts all of Infinity Wars/Endgame into a fixed time-loop that will always play out the same. Although I can understand the symbolic significance of making what happened look like the dusting, I sort of wish they’d given it a green glow or mentioned the time loop or something to make this clearer. [RESOLVED – though not firmly stated in the movie]**

- The stones/Mjolnir not being where they need to be. Presumably we just need to accept Steve’s mission has put all this right, although I don’t remember him having anything big enough to be carrying the sceptre (it was 3am though, so maybe there was) – so we’re going to just have to imagine how he restored all the stones to their former states. [RESOLVED]

- Present-Steve telling Past-Steve about Bucky – luckily this was an easy fix as he was holding the mind stone at the time and we see him use it to wipe Steve’s memory of the encounter. [RESOLVED]

- Loki vanishing with the tesseract – both versions of the tesseract we see in this movie need to be put back and whilst the Shield base version is *relatively* simple (let’s not ask how many Steve Roger’s are running about New York at a time), Loki’s is not - this one we don’t see resolved in this story. We could assume that Steve fixes it during his mission, using the tesseract he has to track down Loki before returning it to the Shield base. However, I think it’s more likely we will see the solution to this either in the Loki tv show or Guardian’s 3. [UNRESOLVED]

- Impact of knocking out Quill/Tony’s heart attack/the lift people thinking Steve is Hydra etc. – basically I could see ways that all the “small” changes we see in the movie could have fundamentally important impacts. Tony thinking his heart is failing? Wouldn’t that impact his behaviour afterwards? Quill waking up and realising he was randomly unconscious for an unknown length of time? None of this is really resolved in the story, but we’re just going to have to assume it didn’t really as the universe didn’t explode. [RESOLVED???]

- Steve marrying Peggy – I think this is the one I’ve seen most people frustrated by, because it seems the hugest change, and this is where I’m coming back to C. I think the Azkaban Approach is in play here, with a side order of Doctor/River weirdness. Steve ALWAYS married Peggy. I went back and watched their meeting in the hospice again last night and if you look at her pictures on the bedside table, there are pictures of her with her kids but not her husband, BECAUSE her husband is Steve and they knew they couldn’t risk having photos of him on display/anyone finding out. The Peggy we see in that hospital bed knows she can’t tell that version of Steve they were married, because he hasn’t defeated Thanos yet. And she knows she has to allow him to suffer and lose everyone and defeat Thanos because the future-Steve that came back in time to marry her, told her about it. There’s the River and Doctor weirdness for you, their timelines are not in sync, they meet each other out of order (for Peggy at any rate) but with secrecy and carefulness they can make it work. And they know they can make it work because they already did. I love it but I can understand it’s a bit of a head-fuck. And, of course, there are cruelties to it. Steve can’t tackle Hydra taking over Shield or Bucky being tortured because if he does it causes a paradox and the universe is destroyed. That must be terrible but at least that version of Steve knows how it all works out, knows he left Bucky healthy and happy and as much at peace as it is possible to be. [RESOLVED – at least for me]

OK – what did I miss? What still doesn’t make any sense? Any other thoughts? – Although please be careful to tag things properly if commenting, so people don’t get accidentally spoilt.

** Extra note – I have seen a lot of discussion about where Endgame leaves Gamora and basically we don’t know. Which is cool. It all comes down to how Tony worded/understood his use of the infinity stones. If he wished everyone who was out of time back to their correct times, she’s gone and probably trapped in the time loop (although now time travel is an active super hero skill, who knows). If it was more along the lines of him sending the people they were fighting against back to their correct times, the fact that she had already switched times might have saved her. She’ll still be past-Gamora but she’s out there in the present somewhere.

[raendown]

I finally got around to taking part in @dahtwitchi‘s Dick Pic Project! And in time to be allowed my repost of her delicious artwork! The image I am posting is ever so slightly doctored, just cropped a little, but with permission from Twitchi. 

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 4121 Rated: M Summary: Madara isn't sure what he thinks about being given a third chance at life. He's glad that he has his brother and Hashirama with him, although he's pretty sure he could live without Tobirama being there as well. What really makes things things interesting is all this new technology. He particularly enjoys his new 'cellphone'.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

Rapture On The Lonely Shore

As much as Madara appreciated being given another chance at life, there were still moments when he wondered if this was all just a little too much trouble. He had lived his life – two of them in fact! In that time he had committed his crimes, died for them twice, and seen about as much of the world as he’d thought he would ever want to. Getting dragged back in to the land of the living for a third go around wasn’t really in his plans.

Having both of the Senju brothers tag along for the ride could be nothing but karma trying to kick him in the ass and have a good laugh at him while doing it. Some days not even the fact that Izuna had also clawed his way back to life was worth the aggravation of it all.

Certainly on the surface everything was fine and dandy. The citizens of Konoha had at last reached a point where they were content to ignore him so long as he remained docile and afforded them the same discourtesy. Hashirama had fallen so easily in to the patterns of friendship they enjoyed during the few shorts months he had been able to peacefully exist within the village they built together. Spending his days with Izuna as he had always wanted to was a joy he’d long stopped believing could ever be possible.

The problem, as always, was Tobirama. To an outsider’s point of view it would appear that Tobirama had given up all animosity towards the Uchiha brothers he once carried so much hate for. And that would almost be considered correct, Madara had to admit. After finding themselves alive in a time period far passed their own, all of them had found it much easier to lay down their anger and simply enjoy the time they had been gifted, allowing the sins of the past to stay there and looking forward to the future with lighter hearts. Tobirama spent most of his time these days devoting his mind to the science he’d always loved.

He spent the rest of his time bothering Madara.

It wasn’t the same sort of hatred which had existed between them before when Izuna lay buried beneath six feet of earth and neither Tobirama nor Madara could look at each other without seeing the blood of their lost kin. Back then they had both done everything in their power to get in each other’s way, to antagonize and impede and irritate in every way they could just for the pleasure of knowing they had ruined even just a moment of the other’s day.

Now Madara wasn’t sure what he would call it. Without the weight of the world on his shoulders Tobirama seemed to have discovered a new side of himself that very much enjoyed poking fun at other people. He found a great deal of amusement in pulling small pranks and Madara, unfortunately, was his new favorite victim. Even more confusing was that none of it seemed to truly be mean-spirited. Tobirama switched out his reading glasses and put dye in his shampoo bottle, he laughed at the results until he was rubbing his sides with glee and then – amazingly – he would return Madara his things or provide him with the cure for whatever chaos he had caused. Then he returned to his lab until the urge for this new brand of fun rose again.

Several years had already gone by since the Fourth Shinobi War and all of them were fairly well entrenched in their patterns. Izuna in particular still struggled to remember the availability of new technologies like electric stoves and lightbulbs. On his part, Madara had been enamored with the concept of a cellphone since he was first handed one and the concept explained to him. That changed when Tobirama got a cellphone of his own.

Now here he was eyeing the small bar across the lock screen which indicated that he had a new message from “That White Bastard”. Madara sighed, drumming the nails of his other hands against his thigh as he wondered if it was worth his time to open the message. Last time he gave in to curiosity he’d gotten a series of eight picture messages of the same stupid leaf from different angles. Just a dumb waste of his time, something harmless that did nothing more than irritate him yet caused no real offense, that was the basis of all their interactions now. Madara had stopped checking Tobirama’s messages since then and started deleting them on sight but today a pattern had been broken.

Today he had received one picture message followed by no less than fifteen text messages in rapid succession. The constant ding of his phone was both annoying and slightly alarming, holding his attention if only for the way the messages just kept coming all at once. That wasn’t like Tobirama. It was more like Tobirama to wait and send each message in short intervals for maximum irritation value.

With a roll of his eyes and a heavy sigh, Madara unlocked his phone and fumbled around for the messages app. He wouldn’t be able to think about anything else until he solved this mini mystery so he might as well get it over with sooner rather than later. As soon as he opened it, however, he narrowed his eyes in confusion, anxious worry rising up in his throat as he read through the immediately visible messages.

No Seriously Do not I mean it, don’t scroll up If I send you enough messages it won’t be visible Just don’t scroll up I mean it Uchiha Don’t fucking do it If you want to keep your sanity DO NOT SCROLL UP

Madara caught his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled viciously with indecision. He’d never seen Tobirama come even close to panic before but these messages, the speed with which they had all dropped in one after the other, it felt a lot like panic to him. The last message in particular caught his attention. He wasn’t sure if the wording was meant as a genuine warning or as a some kind of threat but all it had really accomplished was to make him incredibly curious. What could that idiot Senju have possibly sent him that would be followed all of this?

It took exactly half a minute for Madara to cave to his own curiosity. Whatever had been sent to him, it was obvious the Senju didn’t want him to see it. He might be holding amazing blackmail material in the palm of his hand; he would be stupid not to investigate that. Scrolling upwards only increased his confusion at first as it became more and more clear that Tobirama seemed to have sent him something by accident, something he truly did not wish for Madara to see, true panic clear in the messages where he seemed to realize he’d made some sort of mistake.

DON’T LOOK AT IT I DID NOT MEAN TO SEND THIS IMAGE Believe me when I say I meant to send something else This was an accident Do not scroll up Do not look at that image No Seriously

And then Madara found the image itself.

If he had an ounce less self-control he would have thrown his cellphone across the room on mere reflex, an instinctive reaction to the immediate influx of conflicting emotions. Of all the possible things Tobirama might have sent him, even accidentally, an image of the other man in the nude had not even crossed Madara’s mind.

Alright, so Tobirama wasn’t completely nude in the photo, although he might as well have been. His torso was bare and the pants he was wearing were opened to allow his impressive erection to rise out and stand perfectly centered in the frame. Madara couldn’t decide if he wanted to stare at the most delicious cock he’d ever set his poor shamed eyes upon or if he wanted to trace the shape of the tattoo he’d never known about. Tobirama’s pale white skin made a perfect backdrop for the red ink of a tiger to claw its way up and around his shoulder, the stripes of the beast’s arm running down Tobirama’s. The man’s other arm was pulled up behind his head to draw Madara’s eye to the third surprise: apparently Tobirama had seen fit to pierce one of his nipples.

Madara swallowed thickly, both hands clutching his phone so hard the metal casing gave a protesting creak. The part of his brain that had been raised in a war with the Senju was a little disgusted with himself for even entertaining the ideas this image was clearly meant to inspire. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to inspire those ideas in him but the other part of himself, the one that had put the war behind him and was slowly learning to trust again, was already rerouting blood to some very interested parts of his body. A few years ago he might have scowled at this same image with nothing but revulsion. Now he sank deeper in to his couch cushions and palmed the front of his trousers.

Two could play at this game, he thought with a grin. It had taken hours to teach him how to use the camera function on this overly complicated device but it was time he appreciated as well-spent now, reluctantly backing away from the messaging app so he could open up the camera and fiddle until he remembered how to turn it around to face himself. Then he unfastened his pants and pushed them down.

He wasn’t nearly as naked as Tobirama, he noticed. Staring back at the image of himself made him wonder if he should set the scene a little. Maybe take off his shirt? Pose? What expression should he make? Madara shifted and watched his cock bob from side to side, leering at the reflection his own hardness when an idea occurred to him.

It took several tries to get a picture he liked that actually stayed in focus, then several more tries to figure out how to send it back to Tobirama. If he said so himself it was quite an attractive image with him hunkered down in a similar lounging pose as the other man with one of his hands stroking himself and his eyes closed in bliss.

When his phone began to ring he nearly jumped out of his skin. The screen told him that Tobirama was calling him and Madara stared at it for a few seconds, terrified enough that his erection wilted a little. He didn’t think Tobirama would call him. He’d just…actually he had no idea what he’d meant with this stupid idea. Tit for tat? Payback? Mutual teasing with naked bodies? But if he didn’t answer then he ran the risk of Tobirama just popping in with that infernal jutsu of his so Madara accepted the call with one shaking thumb, his other hand still wrapped protectively around his own cock.

“Hello…” he mumbled, unsure of what the protocol was for talking to someone he’d just sent a racy picture of himself to.

“I thought I told you not to look at it.” Tobirama’s voice sounded oddly breathless in his ear. Madara swallowed thickly as his mind supplied him with several possible reasons why. His thumb absently rubbed small circles around the smooth head of his cock, making him shiver.

“You made me curious,” he admitted.

A few beats of silence followed before Tobirama spoke in a husky rasp, “I think I made you hard.”

“Perhaps. And you?” This was all stupid, so stupid, a bad idea shaped from adrenaline and the shock of sudden arousal. The percentage chance of this all blowing up in his face was astronomically high and yet he couldn’t stop his thumb from continuing to trace light circles, closing his eyes and dropping his head back to strain his ears for the sound of Tobirama’s voice. Had the man always had such an attractive voice or had Madara just not been listening properly?

“Madara…what are you doing right now?”

There were a hundred possible answers he could have given, a million different lies he could have told to stop this situation before it got too far out of hand, but the only animosity left between them was harmless pranks because they made Tobirama laugh and Madara had just enough courage to make a leap of faith. He took a chance in a way he never would have done in the world they lived in before.

“Right now? I’m touching myself while I think about that picture you sent me.”

“Oh.” Tobirama cleared his throat but it didn’t erase the fact that they both heard his voice crack. “R-right now. You’re–? Okay.”

“Do you know what would help?” Madara grinned listening to Tobirama’s breathing speed up.

“What?”

“If I could listen to you touching yourself at the same time.”

He never would have guessed how satisfying it would be to hear the hitch in Tobirama’s breath and the stuttering inhale that followed his statement. Madara shifted his grasp on the phone and squirmed as his thumb moved a little faster. Every fiber of his being wanted to move the entire hand, his blood boiling with anticipation at just the thought of it, but he held off for now. How much more satisfying would it be to have Tobirama join him? To listen to each other fall to pieces even though they were half a village apart.

Very likely he would have trouble looking Tobirama in the eye the next time they saw each other but that was a problem to be considered later. He could worry about his own recklessness and the possible fallouts of this after what promised to be a very satisfying orgasm.

“So, what, you would just…if I…?”

“You’re already touching yourself aren’t you?” Madara cut in smugly.

“Are you?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Tell me how you’re touching yourself Tobirama.”

The voice in his ear stumbled through a few syllables, clearly having difficulty doing both tasks at once, but finally he managed to say, “Slowly. I like to do it slowly. With light touches at first.”

Madara kept his eyes closed and groaned freely as his hand began to move at last, root to tip, consciously mimicking the things that were being described to him and trying to imagine it was Tobirama’s pale hand working him. Unsurprisingly, it was pretty easy to imagine. He’d never been more thankful for the perfect recall his eyes granted him.

“Never knew you had any other tattoos. If you were here I’d be tracing it with my tongue.” Madara bucked helplessly in to his fist when Tobirama groaned in his ear. He waited to hear something back, silence stretching until he realized the other man either had no idea what to say or was still too embarrassed to say it. Feeling reckless, he continued to speak his mind without thought for the consequences. “And that piercing. You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? I’d love to get my teeth around that.”

“It was a dare,” Tobirama murmured finally, making him chuckle.

“Dare you to stroke yourself a little faster,” he said darkly. The other man let out a keening sound that sparked down the length of his spine like a jolt of electricity.

When the breathing in his ear started coming in fits and starts Madara swallowed thickly and moved his own hand faster as well, thrilled in a way he couldn’t describe to know that Tobirama had done so at his behest. His other hand absently pressed the phone so hard to the side of his head he feared the screen might crack, unwilling to miss even the slightest sound.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” he asked, grinding the words out between his clenched teeth.

“Fuck – yes – fuck…” Tobirama paused and then he whispered, “I want…to hear youcome.”

Madara groaned again instead of answering. If he had a second hand free he would have reached down between his legs to tease his entrance, maybe spit on his fingers and pressed in with just the tip of one, but to do that he would have to drop the phone. The last thing he was willing to do at that moment was give up the sound of Tobirama right at the edge, so close to glory. So instead he squeezed his eyes closed tighter and constructed the image of the other man on his knees taking Madara in to his mouth, the heat and the suction and the way his red eyes would be narrow and unfocused.

It was just enough. With a violent shudder he came, back arching and teeth grinding, a wordless growl ripping up his throat and immediately echoed from the other end of the call. Madara felt his jaw drop open in a gasp when he realized that Tobirama was coming too, reaching his completion from listening to Madara’s own.  

When the pleasure bordered on pain he let his hand come to rest and slumped backwards against the couch cushions to listen to Tobirama’s panting. His mind was blissfully empty of any thoughts other than how incredibly satisfying that had been, more satisfying than taking care of things himself usually felt. It took several minutes for him to realize that he and Tobirama were sitting in silence and listening to the each other recover in the aftermath. This was a man who, until a half hour ago, he would never thought himself to have any attachment to, had never even considered him as an option. Their shared past had blinded him to any possible attraction before now.

Now he wasn’t sure he would be able to look the man in the eye without wondering what he would taste like in the throes of ecstasy. Madara snapped both eyes open and stared at the ceiling with muted horror as he slowly realized what he’d just done and who he had done it with.

It seemed Tobirama’s mind was following the same paths.

“May I point out,” he heard the man rumble, “that it truly was an accident, me sending you that image.”  

“Hmm. You say that and yet I cannot think of any other reason for you to possess something…like…that…” Madara’s voice trailed off as a sudden thought washed over him like ice water. Why indeed would Tobirama have taken a photograph like that? Had he meant to send it to someone else? Had he taken it for a another person? His panic was cut short when Tobirama snapped at him, slipping easily in to defensive mode.

“You’ve called me narcissistic many times yourself. If you can’t tell what that image is for then I don’t know how to break the news to you.”

“Well I just thought, you know, if it was meant for…”

“Someone else?”

Madara pulled the phone away from his ear so that he could scowl at it briefly, hoping Tobirama would feel his irritation through their connection. Then he brought it back to say, “Clearly. I seem to remember that Inuzuka boy blathering on about something called ‘dick pics’ while he was trying to explain the camera function to me.”

“It was meant to pander to my preference for exhibitionism when at the time I lacked a partner to exhibit myself for.” He paused, a moment in which Madara strained his ears for more. “I am, in fact, still without a partner. A life partner, I mean. Or, well, that’s a bit presumptuous, clearly not every relationship is meant to last for life but what I mean is–”

“Are you asking me to be your partner?”

“Well I was going to but not if you’re going to interrupt me in that tone.”

“Because you don’t actually hate me or because I got you off over the phone?” Madara huffed, using his sticky hand to wrench his clothing back in to place with something like offense settling in his stomach.

Tobirama echoed his huff. “Impossible man. Just hold on a moment.”

Before Madara had time to question what the man wanted him to hold on for there was a surge of chakra across the room and then he was very glad he’d taken the time to stuff himself back inside his pants. Tobirama’s head swung from side to side as he took in the room he had just appeared in, clearly looking for Madara, and he narrowed his eyes when he spotted his prey.

“Are you deliberately this obtuse or do you somehow go through life with your eyes closed without noticing?” the man demanded, crossing the room with long strides to lean over and brace himself against the back of the couch with one hand, shoving his face right up in to Madara’s.

“I am not obtuse!”

“You can’t even tell when someone is flirting with you!”

“That’s – you’ve been flirting with me!?” Madara shoved the idiot away from himself so that he could rise to his feet with indignation. “What are you, five? A little girl pulling pigtails? You annoy me every chance you get and call it flirting? Not even your stupid lump of a brother is that poorly socialized to think that any sane human being would see your actions as some form of courtship ritual!”

“Would you shut up?”

Tobirama sneered in irritation and then hauled Madara up on to his toes for a searing kiss that cut off all further comments. As much as Madara wanted to cling to his argument that absolutely no flirting had happened, he gave in to Tobirama’s very convincing rebuttal rather quickly. It was hands down the best argument he’d ever lost and he did have to admit that the benefits of going along with this far outweighed the downsides. Actually, he couldn’t think of any downsides at all.

He very deliberately avoided thinking about what Hashirama’s reaction would be to this little development.

Groaning in protest when the delicious lips assaulting his own pulled away, Madara gathered what little cantankerous irritation was left in him and glared up at the man towering over him, a little insulted as he always was whenever he noticed again how much taller Tobirama was than him.

“You did send me that ‘dick pic’ on purpose, didn’t you? I know you did.”

“I maintain that it was an accident.”

“Bullshit.”

Tobirama shrugged. “Believe what you will. Although I should probably mention that I believe it was your brother which started the betting pool on when precisely you would clue in to my attentions. I’m not certain who has the spot for this month but we may wish to be discreet for now.” Madara pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I changed my mind. You’re too much trouble, get out of my house.”

“Hmm, so that’s a no on taking a few more personal photographs? These cellular phones are incredibly useful, wouldn’t you say?”

Madara paused to close his eyes and draw in a deep breath, letting it back out slowly before cracking his eyes open again for a very hard glare. He was sort of hoping his new partner might cower under the force of such a sharp expression but instead the only response he got was a single raised eyebrow.

“I hate you,” he grumbled.

“You’ll love what I can do with my tongue, though.”

“Can I take pictures of that?”

Tobirama didn’t answer him but Madara did notice the other man made sure to grab his cellphone as they stumbled down the hall towards his bedroom.  

He still didn’t understand for what purpose he had been given yet another unearned chance at life. Madara had no idea why he and Izuna and the Senju brothers had all been pulled away from what should have been their final rest. But that mattered less and less with every kiss the two of them shared on their stumbling journey down the hall. There didn’t need to be a reason for any of this; what mattered was the fact that he hardly remembered what it felt like to truly hate someone, that he had the life now he had dreamed of for so many years before.

What mattered was Tobirama and the oddly peaceful feeling of leaning in to his embrace. This new future with its strange technologies was no faultless paradise but it certainly had quite a few perks he very much intended to take advantage of like cellphones, dick pics, and the dimmer switch on the electric lightbulbs in his bedroom. Madara had no idea why he had been granted the life he’d always wanted – but he was happy to finally be happy.

[toomanysurveys9]

Do you have any friends who are on and off with bfs / gfs all the time? no one i’m actually friends with.

When was the last time you almost cried out of exhaustion? earlier today.

What`s a TV show you hate missing? the masked singer. lol.

Do you think it`s funny how people always say their pet is the best ever? no. because it’s probably true to them.

When did you last brush your teeth? this morning.

What was the last website [besides this one] that you visited? does facebook app count?

Do you have a friend who you think you`ll be best friends with forever? nope.

Does it annoy you when you accidentally delete things? i mean. sure.

What`s a movie / book / TV show / band / whatever you highly recommend? movie: hacksaw ridge. book: city of bones. tv show: supernatural. band: panic! at the disco.

When did you last use a dictionary / thesaurus? i don’t remember, to be honest.

Are you anticipating or dreading anything? i’m anticipating and dreading starting work. i have so many mixed emotions. dreading because i’m terrified about leaving my babies, especially ellie since she’s only three months and i’m breastfeeding. i’m afraid my supply is going to drop. but i’m also so excited because it’s what i went to school for.

If someone could randomly give you something right now what would you like? money. we need a new car so bad.

What`s the most annoying thing in the world? abusive people.

When did you last use one of those water slides you put on hills? we made one for jacob and mine’s combined bachelor/bachelorette party. we will be married three years in june.

What are you sitting on right now? the living room floor.

What skills would you like to learn / develop? i would like to develop my skills as far as psychology goes, which i will get to do soon.

What is something other people say you`re good at but you think you`re not? singing. being a mom.

What does your bedside lamp look like? we don’t have a lamp in our room.

What did you last take a photograph of? wyatt i think. if not, then eliana.

When was the last time you got really frustrated with technology? i don’t remember, to be honest.

What was the last funny thing someone said to you? i don’t remember.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? i think it was a combined effort from both of my parents.

What was the last thing you bought? the last thing i bought was food i think.

Do you want to move to somewhere else? If so, where? we are fine here for now. i would love to eventually get out of indiana though.

What time is it where you are? 10:01 pm. What`s your favourite picture of yourself as a child? probably the one of me in a car seat, with the car seat upside down. i’m smiling and obviously enjoying myself. lol.

Do you like your neighbours? i don’t really know them, but they seem nice enough.

Does your room need cleaned? YES. so badly. i HAVE to do that this weekend.

Do you have a good relationship with your family? for the most part, yes.

What is something people are surprised to hear about you? that i have two kids.

Do you make judgments about people straight after meeting them? i mean, i don’t intentionally but it happens sometimes. i try not to let those judgements keep me from getting to know people though.

What time counts as a lie-in for you? i don’t know.

Do you hate any particular groups of people? not that i can think of.

Do you fall up or down stairs usually? down these days.

Do you constantly break things? [By mistake or otherwise] no.

What was the last bug you saw? i don’t remember. probably a spider.

Are there any smells which make you feel nauseous? vomit.

What is the scariest thing you`ve ever gone through? sexual abuse.

Do you have anything unusual in your bag? i don’t think so. but maybe.

Can you never think of anything to put for survey tags? i put the same things for survey tags all the time.

Are there any people you know in real life that you only talk to online? not really.

Do you think people who don`t care about education are dumb? i mean. i think it’s important. but i don’t know that i would call someone dumb for thinking differently than me about it. there are other things that could be just as important.

What`s your favourite key on a keyboard? i don’t have a favorite key.

Do you always finish what you start? not always, no.

Who`s your favourite character from The Simpsons? Or do you hate that show? i don’t really have a favorite. i haven’t seen it enough for that.

Have you ever had any friends who always tried to steal your things? it’s not that she tried to always steal my things, but she took all of the little house on the prairie books that i had gotten from my grandma from me.

When was the last time you had a complete live revamp? i don’t know what you’re talking about.

What is something you will never understand? why people abuse other humans and animals.

When did you last laugh hysterically? earlier today. this is horrible but jon was frustrating wyatt after we ate lunch, and we’re pretty sure wyatt told jon to “fuck off” although it might have been an attempt at “knock it off”. either way, he used it correctly.

[jokersangellove]

Close Call

**joker gif is not mine, all rights go to their respected owners**

I was planning on posting this story a while ago, but I accidentally deleted the draft -.- The original was way better in my opinion, but it was hard to recreate it so I apologize if this is a hot mess but nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it! xx

Requested: Yes

Pairings: Joker x reader

Word Count: 1709 words

Warnings: strong language, bit angsty, fluff

“J, can I please go with you?” You whined from the bed you shared with your husband, the Joker. You see, he was heading out tonight to complete a deal, yet you haven’t been on any business type trips since you and J found out you were pregnant.

“Absolutely not,” Was all he exclaimed from the bathroom while touching up his hair. You let out a huff of annoyance before climbing out of bed carefully and waddling over to the bathroom door, wide open for you to walk in. He has been fiddling with his luscious electric green hair for about 10 minutes now, trying to make it perfect. Time for Plan B. Shifting your weight off the doorway, you sauntered over to J who was wearing nothing but sweats that were hanging low on his hips and wrapped your petite arms around his naked muscular lower torso. “You look handsome as always, darling” You cooed while placing a loving kiss on his right shoulder blade then nuzzling your head against his strong sculpted back.

“Complimenting me won’t make me change my mind, Kitten.” He chuckled, producing a pout to form on your lips. Once he saw your reaction through the mirror, he turned around to finally see your disheartened face. That look broke his heart.

“I just want my beautiful girl to be safe. Both my girls.” He gingerly placed a sweet kiss on your lips then kneeled down to your swollen belly and repeated the same action. The sentiment warmed your heart, but you weren’t giving up. Once he rose up to his natural height, you ran your hand over his smooth pale face and gently leaned your forehead against his.

“I want to go to one last deal before our little girl is born, please? Besides, you are less of a hothead when I’m there.” You negotiated in between showering his face with tiny kisses. You knew it was game over when a hint of a smile made its way onto J’s face. He knew he couldn’t say no to you.

You have been present at many of J’s deals, so you know the drill. But this one was different. Usually, once you get seated in the van with J and his henchmen, he gives a brief rundown on the rules and what to expect there. This was not a usual case. Your husband was giving you a full lecture on the guidelines, in detail. You knew he was worried because of your pregnant state even though he didn't want to admit his nervousness to anyone, including himself. So, you squeezed his knee gently while he was running on and on about the precautions, which made him physically and mentally relax.

The moment you entered the warehouse, J’s demeanor took a 180. He switched to business mode. The Clown Prince of Crime has emerged. The other party was already present for the exchange which pleased J. The one who stood out the most was the man in the middle of the group. His head was bare with the exception of tattoos. And his face consisted of a single thick, silver piercing between his septum along with a few other black inks with a crimson goatee. Monster T.

“Glad you made it on time, boys.” J grinned wickedly. Only a few of the other party members didn’t seem fazed by the Clown Prince of Crime’s antics.

“Oh, we wouldn’t miss this for the world, J. You seem like a busy man who doesn’t like to wait.” Monster T spoke with a smirk etched on his face while directing his gaze towards your swollen stomach.

J growled and lost all sense of mercy the second the asshole set eyes on his precious unborn baby girl and wife. He believed he could get through this deal without any complications but he was gravely mistaken. He quickly pulled his violet purple gun with gold accents out of his shoulder holster and shot at Monster T. Fortunately for Mr. J, the man got hit in the shoulder until war broke out. Guns were out the second the shot was heard and everyone went to hide behind crates or whatever they could use to shield their body from the mass of bullets. Once J took cover, he realized that his child-bearing wife was no longer at his side.

Before full fledge panic consumed him, his right-hand man, Jonny Frost, shouted into his walkie that he had you and was taking you home away from the bloodbath. A bit of weight was lifted off J’s shoulder and he was able to be more focused on the fight at hand.

-

The deal went slightly off the rails, but in the end, J was able to capture Monster T for torture sessions after what he insinuated towards his girls. The rest of the enemies were killed which didn’t bother J in the slightest. After he told his henchmen to strap Monster T down for some ‘fun’, he headed over to the living room with a grin on his face where Frost was currently situated.

“Frosty, where’s (Y/N)?” The moment Jonny looked up at J with guilt-ridden eyes, J’s smile fell off his face. All Jonny was able to do was whisper apologies with his head in his hands. Suddenly, vivid red clouded J’s vision.

“Where is she?!” J screamed loudly to the point where the veins in his neck were bulging and his neck was bright red. But Frost didn’t answer, more apologies just spilled out of his mouth till his voice cracked. Knowing that the blubbering idiot on his couch was no use, J raced around the house screaming his beloved wife’s name till he got a response back. This was all his fault. He knew he shouldn’t have allowed you to come with him. He was a fucking idiot for even saying yes in the first place. Now he was going to pay the price for his stupidity. All he could think about was your lifeless body with your dull brown hair, pale pink lips, still chest, and...baby bump.

The moment he recalled your pregnant state his legs almost gave out from underneath him until he rested his back on the wall to support his stature. The baby. His baby. Your baby. His sweet and stubborn wife was nowhere to be found with his unborn child perhaps still growing inside of her. The very thought made J break into hysterical laughter. Nothing felt real. His body went numb entirely. All he could do was lean back against the wall and laugh into oblivion whilst gripping his hair forcefully in order to feel something. Anything.

Suddenly, a pair of black combat boots were in J’s view. And before he could plant a bullet between the man’s eyes for disrupting him, he told J he knew where you were. His laughter died down and hope filled J’s body. He pushed himself off the wall and commanded his henchman to guide him to you. After a trek down the corridors, the henchman stopped in front of a large white wooden door and allowed J his privacy with what was behind the door. J knew whose door this was, which increased his nerves.

Anxious as hell, Mr. J pushed open the door only to be greeted by his wife who was sitting in the only private hospital beds in the house (the other hospital rooms have multiple beds, but this room specifically is in case someone important like Mr. J or you get injured). A nervous expression was on your face as Mr. J’s doctor was wrapping gauze around your shoulder.

“What the hell is going on? Why are you in here?!” Mr. J gritted his teeth, angry that no one had told till now where his wife was located. He immediately went to your side to inspect you up close.

“Mrs. J was shot in the shoulder once the deal went wrong. Frost brought her to me the second he got here. She is very lucky she hadn’t lost a lot of blood.” The doctor spoke calmly while finishing wrapping your shoulder.

“Shot?! Is the baby okay?” J asked with worry laced in his voice. He gripped your hand in a tight but soothing hold. You planted your hand on top of his in order to calm your anxious husband.

“The baby is fine for now, but I would like to schedule her for a few extra appointments until the baby arrives in 5 weeks just to be safe. For now, she needs to be extremely cautious. No more activities that could cause her any stress so I suggest bed rest till then.” The doctor stated before clearing off all the medical supplies beside you and exiting the room, giving your husband and you some privacy.

A heavy sigh left J’s lips before he rested his forehead against yours. “I’m okay, darling. Don’t worry about us,” You cooed while rubbing one hand soothingly over your swollen stomach and the other cupping his pale cheek.

“You have no idea worried I was about you. The thought of losing you...” A low growl from his throat interrupted him before he continued, “ugh if I had lost you I think I would’ve gone insane.”

You let out a sweet giggle at his confession before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. This man would do absolutely anything for you. Anything. Hearing your light laugh made his heart do things it would have never done prior to meeting you.

“Even more insane than you already are?” You teased, moving your hand that rested on your stomach to the nape of your husband’s neck to bring him closer than he already was.

“Way more insane, Kitten” He closed off with a deep, passionate kiss on your lips.

Yes, he was glad you were safe and sound.

----

message me if you want to be tagged for future posts!

[dekiiru]

okay sorry it took so long for me to write and post this, but im home now and in the silence to be able to gather my thoughts and the peace to be able to write them down. a lot of this is me working through my own thoughts as i write it so im sorry its so long, but im still a little bit confused on how to feel about this, largely, i think, due to shock.

i had no clue about almost any of the stuff julie did or said to people. i knew of the miles thing to some extent (i didnt know why miles was uncomfortable with him, i only knew about the aftereffects) and i knew about the vague story surrounding why maddy, jay and marina didnt like him, although i had never actually spoken to them before.

my initial reaction to the callout was to get defensive, because that was someone i considered my friend and although somewhere i think i knew or had some inkling that he was like this, i chalked it up to mistakes and people jealous of his popularity because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. but the more i read the callout (i never finished it, partially because i had to take screencaps of the posts and painstakingly slowly read through them because the nature of my work makes it very difficult to focus on things for more than a few seconds at a time and partially because by the time i stopped, i had already made my decision regarding him) the more i realized that defending his actions isnt something i can, should, or would do.

and regarding the “sc/hool sho/oter” post, i live in america. in fact, i lived about 5-15 minutes away from where one of these sc/hool sho/otings happened (i lived for several years in roseburg, oregon, and the sh/ooting at u.c.c. happened a year or two after i moved to where i live now). i knew people who went there. i knew one person who died. the day it happened i broke down in the middle of marching band because i had no idea whether or not the friends i knew for three years were alive or dead and that fucking terrified me. and when it happened, i told julie over discord (because i was working when i heard about it) that i did not condone his actions or words and that it was wrong of him to say, but (and i still stand by this), it is not the place of anyone who was not even indirectly affected by a shooting to decide whether or not someone is worthy of redemption. no, julie should not have reblogged that post and while it is totally fine for you to be uncomfortable to interact with him because of it, i think only people who have been directly affected by sc/hool shoo/tings have the right to decide if he is worthy of forgiveness - for that. the rest of it is a different matter.

a few months ago i actually went through this with someone else. i wrote a callout post for daisy, a mercy blog in the overwatch fandom who deleted shortly after i wrote it. (if any of you want to see that callout, let me know and ill send it to you. i will admit here and now that there was something i shouldnt have added in there, but it was added with good intentions, but regardless, daisy’s callout really has nothing to do with the situation with julie and nothing to do with what is happening now. shes gone. im just making a connection to this situation.) it was a very similar situation; manipulation, hypocrisy, turning people against others, saving face and caring more about reputation than anything else. and while i was absolutely terrified of daisy’s situation happening again, where i get really really close with someone and then find out they manipulated the fuck out of me, i was also scared to lose friends, and i think thats a big part of why i wanted so badly to match or whatever, because i really really really wanted a place to belong, where i felt special and unique and yet part of a group and in the end that really fucked me over and made me blind to what was happening. i defended him (albeit not for long, ive only spoken to him for a few months now) for things i shouldnt have defended him for because i was terrified of losing people and im so sorry about that.

as for the callout itself: i will say that i do think there are two sides to every story. im not saying julie is a victim in this or that he is to be sympathized with, because at the end of the day, he hurt a lot of people and its good that the word was spread before more people got hurt. i dont agree that it is “a cis persons responsibility to make sure people know they are cis” because that kind of mindset will only lead to a witch hunt, but im not going to make a fuss about this because i know some other genderqueer people are more uncomfortable about cis people than i am and at the end of the day that is a personal opinion. i think some of the callout was worded with bias which probably, in some situations, did slightly twist the truth, ONLY because it is a callout and it is really difficult not to twist the truth in them even when they are written as formally as possible, HOWEVER while most of the time i disregard callouts (because a lot of them are written entirely based on personal bias because someone doesnt like someone else rather than on an actual need for people to be warned), this one was written very eloquently and very well. as someone who has been on that side of things, im really really proud of the people who contributed to it, especially those that werent afraid of giving their names out, because that is a really really hard thing to do, especially when its for someone really popular. i remember when i wrote one for daisy, i was almost sick to my stomach with the anxiety, and really pleasantly surprised when it was received much better than i expected. i am really proud of you guys, and thank you for letting me and everyone else know the truth of what happened.

however, that callout was not an attack, nor was it intended to be, and by people sending julie hate, youre just making the situation worse. i believe, in my personal opinion, that the best thing to do is to block and move on. we can come together as a community, and while julies actions wont go away, hopefully we can heal and understand from them. and i really want to thank manny for that post, because similarly to daisy, it is the people closest to the person in question who are left most in the dark. as julies friend, i had no idea about almost anything that was there and honestly, im glad now that i do. thank you for understanding that the people who associated with him are not always aware of what he did.

anyway this is really disorganized and im sorry, thats just my thoughts on the matter (as much as i can think anyway), and i hope it makes some sort of sense. i will be hardblocking julie on all of my blogs and changing the urls to both my izuku blog and my ouma blog and my icon for this blog. if you choose to continue to interact with julie, thats on you and i wont reprimand you, block you or unfollow you for it. please do not associate me with him anymore, though, add me to any groups anywhere with him, or tag me and him in the same posts.

and, as i said before, because i really want to get this point across, if you are uncomfortable with me because i interacted with him so much and so intimately and wish to hard or softblock or unfollow me, that is perfectly fine and i understand completely. i only ask if you softblock me that you let me know so that i dont accidentally follow you again, because i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable with my presence.

[yoonminist]

yoonmin au where jimin gets the neighbourhood bad boy min yoongi to fake date him to help him get back at his uptight parents. yoongi’s in it for the free food and occasional payment in the form of gifts, but doesn’t expect to actually fall for him

it’s summer! jimin’s friends are all going on a tour around europe but for whatever reason, his parents won’t let him go

they wouldn’t even listen to taehyung, and they LOVE taehyung

so jimin is going to be all alone for the summer without any friends, and he doesn’t want to make tae stay just for him so he sadly sees all of his friends off

he has nothing to do so a few days later he tags along with his parents to lunch

and on the way home when they’re passing this music store his mother bumps into this teen who has a cigarette in his mouth; isn’t watching where he’s going because he’s laughing at something with his friends

he bows in apology but she only curses at him and continues on her way home

but jimin's intrigued

he spends the next few days hanging around the music shop, looking for cds for his friends, getting friendly with the older kids who work there

and then he sees that first kid

he finds out his name is yoongi and he works in the store, but one of the first things he asks is “yoongi hyung, do you wanna go out with me?”

“fuck you ?? no i don’t even know you?”

he explains the situation to yoongi--his mother’s fine with him being gay but a boyfriend like yoongi hyung would really make her regret not letting jimin go on that trip--but he still refuses (even though jimin’s logic makes him laugh) so he decides to just keep persisting because the other kids aren’t as tough as yoongi and would probably chicken out after meeting his mother

plus yoongi’s the cutest

yoongi EVENTUALLY agrees but just because jimin mentions payment

“yes!! you can eat whatever you want from my house and i’ll even buy you gifts. you know, just to make everything look convincing.”

so their first ~date~ is a fancy dinner date at a restaurant, paid for by jimin, and afterwards they go to jimin’s house to hang out

they’re in his room just talking. jimin found out that yoongi makes his own music, and when he asked about it, yoongi just wouldn’t stop

it’s endearing; jimin almost forgets that it isn’t a real date until he hears his little brother coming up the stairs to offer them drinks

“quick, make it look like we were in the middle of something”

jihyun walks in on the both of them lying on jimin’s bed facing each other, bright red and pretending as if they were in the middle of whispering sweet nothings to each other

“hah,” jimin sighs when jihyun squeaks out an apology and shuts the door behind him, “so far so good, eh hyung?”

for the next date yoongi picks jimin up in his truck. which his mother hates. but yoongi had plans and jimin wanted to leave the house to he takes him along to meet his friends namjoon and seokjin and hoseok who immediately fall in love with him

“how did you know yoongi again?”

“he’s my boyfriend!” jimin tells them, linking his arm with yoongi’s

“literally. fuck you.”

after their little day spent hanging in namjoon’s house making music and watching movies, jimin asks yoongi to drop him off and maybe stay for dinner

but yoongi can’t, so instead jimin sends him off with money for dinner

“do i look like a charity case to you?” “you agreed to be paid, didn’t you hyung?”

the next week when jimin goes to visit yoongi at the music store he finds out that yoongi’s off work so he calls him and asks if they can ‘go on a date’

and yoongi doesn’t see why not so he takes jimin out shopping, and then the arcade (where he wins him a toy) and then the studio (because he heard jimin singing under his breath earlier and knew right then and there that he wanted to make a song with those vocals)

they end up having a lot of fun, yoongi even pays for the whole thing since jimin’s the one who’s been funding the dates so far

“i’ll see you later. this was fun, jiminnie.”

they’re doing homework in jimin’s room a few days later when someone starts coming up the stairs

“i think that’s my mom”

“and?”

“kiss me”

“what”

it’s clumsy but jimin’s mother walks in on jimin in yoongi’s lap, yoongi’s hands up his shirt, jimin’s hands cupping yoongi’s cheeks because yoongi was frozen a moment too long and he had to make the first move

she gets all flustered and leaves

“you have to stay with me longer hyung, she’s going to kill me”

so yoongi stays for an awkward family dinner where jimin’s holding his hand under the table almost the whole time just to Really Sell It

(yoongi’s pretty sure it’s because he’s worried about his mother) (it’s almost funny)

even when they say goodbye it’s in front of his mother

yoongi pretends he’s kissing him on the cheek but instead he asks, “want me to kiss you for real?”

jimin nods yes so yoongi does, tilts his chin up with his finger and kisses him soft and sweet

“good night, jimin,” yoongi murmurs right before sending him a wink and leaving

“bye”

his mother saw and she really has a grudge against yoongi because of his first impression and cocky demeanor so she yells at jimin about how she doesn’t like him

but jimin’s on cloud 9 and can’t find it in him to care

until the next morning when his stricter-than-mom dad comes back home after a business trip and hears about jimin’s new boyfriend

jimin runs out before his dad can confront him about it and ends up wandering around in the park since all of his friends are gone and he can’t go to tae’s as usual

but yoongi happens to be there with his friends and as soon as he sees jimin looking somewhat distressed he abandons them to go and comfort jimin

they just hang out there, jimin leans on him and yoong’s playing with his hand and fingers in an attempt to comfort him until jimin decides he should go home

“should i walk you home?” jimin refuses so yoongi sadly watches him go

except later that night jimin accidentally sends yoongi a vent-text about his parents intended for tae

and doesn’t pick up yoongi’s subsequent calls so he gets a text instead: “jimin. i’m coming over.”

it’s almost three in the morning but sure enough, a little while later yoongi’s knocking at his window

“everybody’s asleep hyung, couldn’t you have used the door?” “NOW you tell me?”

jimin vents to yoongi and yoongi comforts him and then they end up talking again, about everything. yoongi lets him listen to the final version of the song he recorded with jimin’s vocals, then he insists on seeing jimin’s drawing because he never once failed to notice the art plastered all over his walls

they’re in the middle of laughing over something when jimin suddenly turns quiet. “hyung. we’re fake-dating, right?”

“oh... yeah.”

“can i kiss you?”

“yeah”

they wake up the next morning lying on each other, jimin shirtless, yoongi pant-less because that’s just how they sleep

yoongi didn’t expect to stay and he has a morning shift so after kissing his forehead as a 'good morning' he runs out of jimin’s house (through the front door this time) whilst pulling his shirt on

except jimin’s parents see and assume the worst of jimin and his boyfriend and immediately start yelling at him--they could tolerate his boyfriend if they HAD to, but unsafe sex is way too far 

jimin doesn’t even get the chance to explain because they’re going off on one but it escalates so much so that they decide to send him to his grandmother in busan for the rest of the summer 

and they delete yoongi’s number too, so that he can’t try to keep in touch

jimin doens’t see the point of fighting with them anymore

he’s actually in busan when yoongi texts him like a week later asking how he is and if everything’s okay because his phone broke and for some reason his parents wouldn’t let him in

so jimin tells him he’s in busan

“text me your address”

jimin thought yoongi was going to send him a letter but yoongi’s there on his doorstep that evening

“i missed you.”

“so.. you came all the way here just to--”

“park jimin you idiot, i like you.”

jimin’s grandmother invites him in and is absolutely Charmed by him, so after hearing everything she lets yoongi take him back to seoul the next morning

and yoongi does, he takes jimin with him and marches over to his house with jimin’s tiny warm hand in his, and he tells them off

and they’re furious but yoongi can be worse when provoked so he sits them down and explains everything and tells them about what a gross misunderstanding it was until they see sense and decide to apologise to both jimin and yoongi

they let them ~carry on~ dating and promise not to get involved with their relationship anymore

so yoongi decides to stay the night just to rub it in a little also because he missed jimin “bothering him” in the music store that whole week

(secretly, that’s yoongi and jimin’s first day)