#and im the least motivated person ever i have no will or determination to do anything no hobbies no passions like im just here not living
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cloudystevie · 4 months ago
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Are u okay?!?!?!?
tbh no but its okay because one day i will be 🩷🩷
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silverflqmes · 9 months ago
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agszc with self care/slice of life comfort?
i've been feeling really down with myself for a bit now & i could use that extra push of feeling a bit better :,) perhaps some ideas could include like: maybe distracting the reader from a failed exam by going shopping together, grocery shopping and cooking a meal together at home, perhaps that one rp with noya where he was kissing insecurities away (hi yes its sky), maybe a pep talk to help with motivation, hmm what else ALSO U DONT HAVE TO DO THESE EXACT THINGS IM JUST GIVING IDEAS... i just want the boys there for me soBS (esp zack and cloud since yk favs.)
໒⦂ 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐇𝐂𝐒.
notes. hey queen i did headcanons for this because it seemed better suited, i hope the post helps you feel better at least, you can do it<3
genre. comfort + crack
for @melukonova <3
ft. sephiroth, cloud strife, zack fair, genesis rhapsodos, angeal hewley
gender neutral! reader.
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➫ 𝓢𝗘𝗣𝗛𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗧𝗛 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗
⌗ for whatever reason that your day and mood has been sullied, sephiroth is already on it and is doing everything in his power to try and make you feel better.
⌗ he’s not the best with handling emotions, as he has difficulty with understanding his own, but wants to help — it hurts him to see you ache like this and to know he couldn’t prevent your suffering🙁
⌗ offers to masamune whoever brought your pain, even if it’s an inanimate object incapable of fighting back.. it’s sweet of him ( and it becomes difficult to suppress your smile )
⌗ just kidding ( not really. ), he comes to the conclusion that a self care day is likely the best approach to make you feel better — genesis had brought the idea up once before
⌗ sephiroth wasn’t exactly one for worrying for his well being, he didn’t have much time to sit down and do so anyway.. but he figured he might try that out with you
⌗ and so, after getting off work, he made a point to grab some supplies from the store, which included these super cute kitty headbands to push your hair back!!
⌗ self care portion of the day ensues and ends with takeout and some cuddling on the couch to some silly sitcoms. laughter cures the blues right? so that’s just what he’s going for to see you smile again<3
➫ 𝓒𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗗 𝓢𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗙𝗘 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗
⌗ having a bad day? cloud’s been there and is ready to lend an ear to listen. he isn’t the most optimistic person and doesn’t have the best way with words, but he is willing to help!
⌗ he’s a bit awkward with the advice ( he might interest you in a sarcastic comment- kidding, maybe.. ) and words of consolation, but he’s doing his best and is determined to get his words across to you.
⌗ he offers to take you on a delivery with him, a drive can help sometimes with getting out of the house and just getting fresh air — or well.. as fresh as the air can be in midgar / edge..
⌗ part of him thought you would be reluctant and would argue on why and how you should continue to rot in your bed — but you were oddly willing ( maybe because you always have to ask to join.. )
⌗ either way, made his job a hundred times easier and he was glad to see you cooperating with him because he thought he would have needed to drag you by the ankles..
⌗ the drive goes nicely, you can feel yourself begin to calm down as you hold onto him and watch the scenery pass you by; it’s such a simple thing but it’s quelling your nerves and intrusive thoughts, thankfully
⌗ once the package is delivered, cloud spares a little of his time before your scheduled drive back home and takes you out for lunch along with a little stroll around the town🫶
➫ 𝓩𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝓕𝗔𝗜𝗥 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗
⌗ zack is the definition and embodiment of an emotional support animal. whatever, or even whoever, decided to ruin the flow of your day, he’s there to provide comfort!
⌗ has a pretty good grasp on emotions, even if there are some things he might not fully get, but he wants to help in any way he can! seeing you sad is the worst thing ever, how dare, whatever hurt you, steal away that smile of yours??
⌗ his best course of action is to take you out and doodle up a list of activities for you to do to uplift your mood. distraction is temporary, of course, but it works its course and he was going to make it succeed!
⌗ said list includes visiting the arcade, a walk through the mall, buying you flowers, feeding and petting any strays with your leftovers from where you guys ate and maybe even karaoke while the night is still young..
⌗ should the karaoke go as planned, it would be a mission to get zack out of there LMAO he wants to do cheesy romantic duets with you and boyband songs..
⌗ despite your whines and protests, they do not fail to make you grin and wash away whatever ickiness you had felt earlier.
⌗ it’s a full day that ends up getting you tired by the final activity, but it was all part of the plan!!! distraction and getting a good nights sleep! perfect, right?
➫ 𝓖𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗦 𝓡𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗢𝗦 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗
⌗ how dare someone or something sour your mood and evening! genesis is completely distraught and is prepared to do whatever means necessary to exact his revenge..
⌗ fires will be set ( not really but it sounds like a really good idea at the moment ESPECIALLY BECAUSE TUMBLR DIDNT SAVE MY SHIT AND I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS — im sorry.. um moving on.. )
⌗ in the end, fires were not set.. he opts for taking you out to dinner and bringing you to loveless avenue because it just works, and he wants to spoil you with gifts<3
⌗ dinner was lovely and like a fairytale — i mean being with genesis in general was like a fairytale, but he somehow always seemed to exceed your expectations..
⌗ you’re feeling slightly better as you exit the vicinity, taking an idle walk down sector eight since he insisted on a stroll — not because he wanted to check the loveless merch, definitely not. of course not.
⌗ he ends up buying you something your gaze lingered on a little longer than you had planned for, which you protested on at first.. but then you gave in, because it was genesis — aaand he also bought it regardless of what you said..
⌗ he walks with you hand in hand on your way home and proposes his idea of setting fires if you were still upset. you of course, say no.. i mean, psh a fire??? yeah, right..
➫ 𝓐𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗔𝗟 𝓗𝗘𝗪𝗟𝗘𝗬 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗
⌗ bad mood? rough day in general? angeal is prepared to do whatever is necessary to help you through your mood — anything to return your happiness to you rather than this funk you’re in.
⌗ his best course of action was to take you to the market to buy the necessary ingredients to prepare your favorite meal! they say food cures any blues, perhaps that applies here as well?
⌗ unwilling as you were to leave the comfort of your bedroom, he managed to get you out with the promise of pushing you in the cart..
⌗ yes you wanted to be pushed in the shopping cart, who wouldn’t want to be pushed in a shopping cart after a shit day?
⌗ the small joyride seems to lift your mood a little and he even bought you some of your favorite snacks to have after the meal he’s preparing<3 what a guy🥰
⌗ arriving home, he immediately gets to work on dinner, and after a few back hugs from you along with a brief sway while he waited on the food to finish, it was finally time to set the table!
⌗ nothing too fancy but you appreciated it nonetheless, as you could taste the love and care in each bite you took. truly angeal was the gift of the goddess!!!
notes. okay uh this is not the best quality because stupid tumblr did not save ( GET AN AUTOSAVE FEATURE PLS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ) — but i hope you liked it and that you feel better mami<3
↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask
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oliviamillss · 4 years ago
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reading dreams chart
im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao
**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**
sun:
sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners. 
sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.
sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn’t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.
sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.
sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.
moon:
moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao
moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg
moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.
moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective. 
mercury:
mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say. 
mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.
mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.
mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*
mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator
mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)
venus:
venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser. 
venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic. 
venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’
venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others. 
venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign. 
mars:
mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.
mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.
mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss
mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.
mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist. 
mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.
jupiter
jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.
jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.
jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.
saturn:
saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?
saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo
saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn
saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms. 
uranus: 
uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same. 
uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.
uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future. 
neptune:
neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.
neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.
neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise. 
pluto:
pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.
north node:
north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.
chiron:
chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)
lilith:
lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf. 
lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.
lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming
moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up. 
 i ought to mention!!
there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.
summary!!!
basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.
im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol
hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3
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princess-of-inarizaki · 4 years ago
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Hi love, pretty sure you're requests are open (if not just ignore this) n e ways what about Inarizaki with manager who's like intimidating (i've been told i am intimidating lol) and very sarcastic, much Tsukishima Kei vibez cuz that's basically me😃
Just like how would our boys react, very curious and take your time btw don't have to rush it, do it whenever you feel like :D
Oh my gosh Nat, it's literally my honour to write this for you. You can request anything, anytime, and you'll be a top priority (ily<3)
Inarizaki with a tsukkishima-ish manager.
Specially dedicated to @sunasthing <3
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So first of all, if you think that's gonna stop the boys from simping over you, you've got it wrong 😖🖐️
The boys would literally take it as a challenge to get your softer nature out, especially Atsumu.
I GENUINELY think he'd find it really hot whenever you snap back at him, or tell him off. (maybe he's like Nishinoya and Tanaka in that sense 🙄)
Constantly pesters you, and although you don't give him a reply often (because he's annoying as fuck), if you ever acknowledge him slightly, he WILL flirt with you.
Beware tho, even if he comes off as flirty and charismatic, he's literally just a dorky small baby and genuinely wants your attention because he thinks you're the coolest person ever.
And if you're ever nice to him, you can best bet he'll replay that moment in his mind before sleeping EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
Y/n, earlier that day: don't get hurt. I don't want to have to deal with anyone on this team being injured
Atsumu at 3 a.m: s-she cares about me 🥺🥺
I think Osamu would vibe really well with you. He's not annoying, he's really really chill, and he has a pretty sharp tongue himself.
Judges people as an attempt to make you laugh, and he sees it as a personal victory if he can get you to crack a smile or smirk. He just doesn't make a big deal about it, unlike his twin xD
Osamu: y/n look at that guy. he's totally crushing on his brother's best friend, could he not be more obvious about it??
Y/n: *cracks a smirk* yeah, it does seem so.
Osamu, internally: ✨v i c t o r y i s s w e e t✨
He also cooks for you pretty often, and even if you protest against accepting it, you'll usually find a bento hidden in your locker or bag.
He knows you might not accept it straight, so he finds other ways to get it to you. Osamu actually thinks of you as a cooler sister that he says "he'd trade Atsumu for"
In general, the twins are the life of Inarizaki and although they're sometimes annoying, they mean well and it's plain to see that they love you.
Kita loves how smart and analytical you are. I've said this before, I'll say it again— Kita thinks brains are sexy 😤
Especially when you call the team to give your insights about their opponents, or give them ideas on how to improve their play, Kita is literally there like “I'm so glad she's ours”
Because you would be a dangerous asset to other teams, and Kita is the most thankful that you're with them.
He's also a really good leader and although the two of you don't have heart-to-hearts or conversations like the twins, you know he'll ALWAYS be there for you.
Like once, it was raining and practice was cancelled, so you decided to wait in school until the rain subsided (because you didn't want to get wet), and our sweet Kita searched for you in every single classroom until the finally found you and walked you home. That's just the dynamic you had with him
He also often checks up on you, even when it's unrelated to volleyball. Have you done your homework? have you ate breakfast this morning? although you're usually sarcastic with the twins and most of the other members of the team, you can't bring yourself to do so with Kita.
The respect you guys have for each other is unmatched and that's probably why you're such a golden duo in Inarizaki. The leader and the analytical manager.
And now Suna. I think Suna would be the member you have the deepest bond with. you truly allow him to see who you are inside, and he does the same. You guys really just click.
It started with him complaining about Atsumu, and slowly progressed into you letting Suna be the only member to have physical contact with you, but only when the others aren't looking.
Sometimes, if you guys are the only two people in the gym, he'll nap on your lap or lean on your shoulder.
If you didn't already know, like everyone else in Inarizaki, he has a crush on you 😖🖐️ like damn you thought Atsumu had it bad? nah, Suna has it the worst.
He literally asks his little sister to let him practice braiding her hair, just so he'll be perfect when he someday asks to do yours.
But he always chickens out because he's scared you'll say no 😭😭 he's internally very shy, okay? 🥺🥺
He's literally your best friend. You guys have study sessions together, anime nights, literally anything, he's right there with you. The rest of the team are literally not aware of how close the two of you are.
Until one day, Atsumu tries daring you to kiss Suna on the forehead, and instead of flat-out refusing (like you've done before when he's dared you to kiss him, or Akagi) you shrug and gently kiss Suna on the forehead, causing Suna to smile and ruffle your hair.
The rest of the team is just shocked.
Atsumu: what is this FUCKERY?? is y/n literally WILLINGLY touching someone ??¿¿
Y/n and Suna: *smirks*
Atsumu, close to tears: okay
But the rest of the team soon accept you and Suna have a pretty special bond, and that you're genuinely softer when it comes to him.
You don't snap at him much, and as they've noticed, Suna has started being more brave about leaning on your shoulder or sleeping on your lap.
Of course, the rest of the team (with the exception of Kita) is jealous. But hey, they just don't have Suna's charm, okay? xD
You make Suna want to try harder, and he's way more motivated to give it his all in every single game. Mostly because he wants you to be proud of him.
He definitely has a nickname for you, but he will only use it when he's sure you guys are alone. And in return, you call him "Rin" which makes his heart flutter 🥺🥺
KAHDKSS I TOOK SO LONG WITH THE SUNA ONE PLEASE IM TURNING BOTH OF US INTO EVEN BIGGER SUNA SIMPS (as if we weren't already xD)
Now onto Aran !! Aran is a softie who (like Kita) respects you a great deal. He'll fend Atsumu and Osamu off if he senses you aren't having a great day.
He's also pretty good at giving you your space but he checks up on you every once in a while if anyone is bothering you.
Although he's shy about it, Aran actually comes to you when he doesn't understand a homework question. You're super smart and he knows you won't make him feel bad about not knowing.
And it makes you feel happy to know he trusts you, so you help him as best as you can. It's a little secret of yours that the other members don't know about.
It especially lights your day up when he gets a good grade and whispers a silent "thank you" to you in class.
In return, will help you with anything you ask for. No questions asked.
And now, last but not least, sunshine Akagi!! I think he's a total Hinata Shoyo, so he might annoy you a bit at first because of his bright personality.
But deep down inside, you love how easily he gets people to smile and slowly find yourself warming up to him.
And Akagi is really determined to get you to smile (at least once a day) so he cracks the corniest jokes or makes puns.
It has become a thing between the two of you, where Akagi tells you a joke a day, and you rate it out of ten.
Gone are the days when you found him annoying. And now, even if you won't tell him outright— you really do think he's one of the brightest people in your life.
Additional headcanons
CHEERING YOU UP— whenever you feel quieter than usual, or a bit more sarcastic, the boys immediately know something is wrong and rush over to make you feel okay. Literally, it's almost like they've abandoned practice. And eventhough you tell them to get back to it, they refuse to leave until you're feeling better. Suna usually gives you a hug and kisses your forehead, whilst Akagi cracks jokes. Then, (and eventhough you protest) Atsumu lists off all the things you should love about yourself, whilst Osamu buys you ice cream (food is, after all, the best cure for anything). Aran is literally ready to HUNT the person who affected your mood down, and kill them, whilst Kita is literally just holding him back and making sure things don't go overboard. Even if you aren't fully cheered up by then, you'd have laughed a whole lot and know how much they care for you, so honestly... how could you stay sad?
REACTING TO YOU TELLING THEM OFF— Suna is literally just meh about it. He can't take you seriously because he's a dork who thinks he's not included in the list of "idiots" (but no Suna, u mf, you ARE included -_-). Atsumu thinks it's hot 👀 (as I mentioned above), Akagi is genuinely upset/ready to sob and vows to do better. Kita is proud of you for telling them off before he could do it (Kita is not included in the "idiots". How could he? he's PERFECT 🖐️). Osamu and Aran have similar reactions, because they end up apologizing and try to change tactics and do better.
HOW THEY'D ACT WHEN YOU START DATING SUNA— (because this is honestly inevitable, wbk 😭❤️). Atsumu would be jealous. Petty and would call Suna "pretty boy" every chance he gets. Leave him, im sure he'll get over it 🥺🥺 Osamu is pretty jealous too, but he'll never show it and focuses instead on your happiness. Kita approves, and honestly thinks you're a good influence on Suna. Aran is protective of you, and would literally gun Suna down if he ever hurt you (but he won't. Suna loves you, he'd literally jump down a cliff before ever hurting you 😤🖐️) and Akagi is cheerful as before, but extra glad because you seem to smile a bit more often (and Akagi loves your smile).
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I took a lot of effort on this <3 hope you like it, bae !! Taglist— @dai-tsukki-desu @sunasthing @k-sakusa-old @tilli-san
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galaticrow546 · 3 years ago
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Ok so i started to write this before chapter 9 even came out sooo yeh :'), idk i just wanted to write something about a "what If Blue and Ink finally got little Dream back but Dream is acting in a way they didnt expect" and yeh i tried-
Anyways, OSD belongs to @calcium-cat ( seriously go check them out the story is good and her art is neat af )
Ah yes, a new day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, everything is peaceful, Blue sighs relieved and sips his coffee while sitting on the fluffy blue couch, reading a book about a hero perhaps? Blue noticed how little he was paying attention, but its fine right? He feels like today is going to be a good day-
*Thump*
Well, today WAS a good day, It seems that the tiny guardian just woke up, and unfortunately, Dream hasnt been in the best mood or behavior ever since they got him out of Night’s castle, he has no Idea why Dream is so angry at them, Neither Blue nor Ink know why, but Dream sure wasnt taking It well.
As the small angry child approached the couch, Blue quickly stood up and faced him:
-“Good morning dear, how are yo-“
-“No”
Blue paused and blinked, its not a new thing that Dream wasnt up for talking, but for one month straight? Blue wouldnt say It out loud, but he was getting sad at the situation:
-“....right” Blue said sadly
As the angry looking child stared at Blue, Ink got down the stairs in a white blue-striped pajamas:
-“Hey yall, good morni-“
Dream quickly hissed and got ready to jump at Ink, in which Ink hissed playfully in return, but this got the toddler even more angry, after a minute, the toddler started to hit ink’s legs with his tiny hands, but they hardly hurt Ink, as Ink playfully mocks Dream, he gets more motivated to hit Ink like there is no tommorrow, Blue silently watches them from afar, he wished the toddler didnt hit or hiss at Ink so much.
Blue silently left the living room and went to the kitchen to grab something for Ink to eat, today was his turn to patrol the multiverse while Blue stays and takes care of Dream, as he explored the kitchen, he quickly made a sandwich and took a banana, then placing It in the bag and wrapping it up nicely, as he finished, he quickly left the kitchen and went back into the living room:
-“Ink, take this bag with you in the patrol, remember to drink water and to take a little break If you want to- oh c’mon“
Blue glared at the scene in front of him, Ink was holding Dream wrapped in a blanket, the toddler was screaming and wriggling in the blanket furiously, Ink just giggled and sometimes told him to calm down, only to be answered with a death stare from the child in return.
Ink quickly stared at Blue with a grin:
-“Uh, oh? Were you saying something Blue?”
Blue quietly glared at Ink with a tired gaze and then pointed at the bag, the bag had a text written in It saying “for patrol”, Ink silently looked at It:
-“...what?...oh-“
Ink quickly left the angry toddler at the sofa as It squirmed himself free from the blanket, hurried towards Blue and took the bag, as he was heading towards the door, Blue quickly grabbed a fistfull of his clothes, as Ink looked back at him with a confused glare:
-“Your clothes, you are still in pajamas Ink“ Blue slightly grinned
Ink paused and glared at himself, and then a look of realization made its way on his face, he thanked Blue for reminding him and hurriedly ran back to his bedroom to change.
The toddler in the sofa eventually made his way out of the blanket and slowly walked towards Blue with the blanket in hands, eventually he silently gave It to Blue and then walked away to the kitchen.
Blue stood confused and with the blanket in hands, eventually folding It and heading to Dream’s bedroom, eventually placing It on his yellow fluffy bed, Blue looked at the bed for a while, its hard to not remember the times when Dream was with them and when he wasnt a angry child, he wished Dream could open up to them just like he did in the past.
He hasnt realized that Ink was staring at him from the bedroom door, silently waiting for Blue to turn around, but eventually, Ink went in and hugged Blue from the side of his body, Blue jumped a little and looked at Ink, he just stared back with a serious expression, eventually smiling at Blue, this made Blue giggle a little as they both made their way outside Dream’s bedroom.
As they were getting down the stairs, Dream silently stared at them with a bored face, Ink playfully greets him as Dream ignores the greeting, eventually, Ink and Blue made their ways to the front door, Ink hurriedly says goodbye to both of them as he left, Blue quickly screamed behind:
-“HAVE A GOOD DAY PATROLLING, AND BE CAREFUL”
Ink looked back and waved at Blue, and then, he was gone, Blue sighed as he returned back home, he was about to sit down before hearing a strange sound in the kitchen, he blinked and sighed yet again, heading to the kitchen
Blue arrived at the kitchen only to see Dream sitting in the counter drinking a cup of water while looking bored, he paused and stared at Blue, he then looked back at his water and kept drinking It:
-“Dream, get down from there please” Blue started
-“Hmmmmmm no” replied Dream while looking at his now empty cup
Blue stared at Dream with a serious expression, as he approached the tiny guardian, Dream was busy refilling his cup:
-“Dream im serious-“
-“Nah“
Blue paused in front of Dream, the guardian stared back with a bored but relaxed look as he sipped from his now refilled cup, but quickly screamed a little when Blue suddenly grabbed him and brought him to his eye level, Blue looked at him silently before he spoke up:
-“Get off the counter, you might fall and get hurt“
Dream stayed silently and looked nervously at Blue, only to gulp and slowly wrap his hands around Blue, as Blue brought him down gently
Dream nervously looked up at Blue with cup on hands, the other stared back with a sigh and a frown, Dream quickly drank his water and gave the empty wet cup to the skeleton in front of him, only to run away right after, Blue blinks silently, and then immediatly follows him after putting the cup on the counter
As Blue got in the living room, Dream was sitting on the sofa with a bored expression, that quickly changed to a angry stare once he spotted Blue:
-“...what?“
Dream stayed silent, but after a while, spoke up:
-“...why?“
-“Why what?“
-“Why did you guys take me away from my brother?”
-“Your brother is evi-“
Dream gasped in offense, eyes wide and with a expression of disgust:
-“MY brother is the sweetest and nicest person i know! Stop saying nonsense!“
Blue paused terrified at the sudden reply, did Night brainwash him somehow? If he did, how could he fix that now? He needed to act quick:
-“But the people he is with are also evi-“
-“Stop“
Blue stared at the angry child, he felt himself getting more determined to tell Dream the truth about his “family” as Dream likes to call them, but apparently, the kid didnt want to listen, as Blue opened his mouth to say something else, Dream interrupted:
-“Do you even know what you’re talking about? I dont want to talk with someone who associates himself with the mean Ink guy who hurt my brother and who also hurt Cross, dont think i forgot the day you both took me away“
Blue stood silent, the kid had a point, but he didnt think Dream would actually hold a grudge against Ink or him, coming to think about It, the grudge with Ink should be stronger now, after all, Cross was alone with Dream when they invaded Night’s castle, It was weird, but a opportunity to get their friend back, and Dream tried to protect Cross so much, but It was all in vain as Ink injured Cross severely, he will never forget the horrified look on Dream’s face when he saw Cross hurt and almost passing out, and the expression of anger that came right after was dreadful.
Ink grabbed Dream with no problem, but then constantly tried to keep Dream from squirming and hitting them, begging to be let go, Blue just followed right after, but It seems that their relationship became even more strained when Ink began taking almost everything he said as a joke, Dream didnt even talk with them that day, and hissed angrily whenever they tried to approach him, its weird to think that this happened a month ago.
Blue didnt notice how long he has been silent and lost in thought, by the time he noticed that, he also noticed that the child was still staring at him angrily, as If he was expecting a response, but It quickly turned into an annoyed expression as Dream spoke up annoyed:
-“Ugh, nevermind, I’ll just go to my room“
Blue tried to tell Dream to wait up, but the toddler could care less to hear him, as Dream’s bedroom door closed up with a loud thud.
Blue looked up to the closed door sadly, but he knew that Dream needed some time, everytime those fights happened, It would always end with Dream getting in his room angrily, Blue cant help but feel bad whenever he heard sniffles coming from inside the room when he walked in front of It.
Blue heads to the kitchen to perhaps make something to eat for himself, that will distract him right? right.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
He forgot how long Dream usually stayed there, sometimes It would last hours upon hours, but sometimes only minutes, but no matter how long It lasted, It still hurts Blue to the core, he hated seeing Dream all sad, he could manage to deal with na angry Dream, but with a sad Dream who is not willing to talk? He just couldnt.
Blue was sitting on the sofa yet again while he was thinking about It, as he looked outside the nearby window, It was already sunset, he decided to at least see how Dream was doing since the sniffling and the muffled cries have stopped, as he got up from the sofa and walked towards the bedroom door, he paused and looked at the door sadly, carefully paying attention to the sounds, but nothing was heard from inside, with a worried feeling, Blue slowly turned the handle to the side, opening the door carefully and taking a peep inside, only to see Dream silently looking at a piece of paper with tears on his eyes, he seemed so tired, yet so sad, Blue felt a heartbreak start to become clearer on his soul, he slowly and careful got in, carefully approaching the sad child, hoping that he could at least comfort It, but as he approached further, Dream quickly looked scared at his direction while hiding the paper from Blue’s view:
-“...its ok, you dont have to show It to me“
Dream stayed silent, tears still on his eyes, he began to curl up protectively and shake, Blue looked nervously and stopped approaching, just looking at the child with an sad look, they both stayed in silence staring at each other until Blue asked softly:
-“Are you ok with me approaching you a little?“
Dream stared silently, some minutes have passed before he nodded slowly, Blue began slowly approaching the crying child, being careful to not make any moves that might scare Dream further, Dream began to slowly uncurl himself up and looked up at Blue, with his arms protecting the paper, Blue stopped and began assuring the kid:
-“Its ok, I wont take It or destroy It in any way, you can stay with It“
The tiny child seemed relieved but doubtful when Blue assured that, Blue began to once again approach the small child, then bending to his level once he got close enough, Blue stared at Dream with a soft look, Dream stared back with a blank stare, heavy breaths could be heard from the tiny kid, Blue carefully approached his hand towards Dream, the little one staring at It with a worried look, but then, as Blue’s hand touched his skull gently, Dream stopped breathing for a moment, confused as to why Blue was doing this and why was his gloves so soft, Dream didnt move at all for a moment, but then slowly rubbed his head on Blue’s hand, Blue moved along and asked the child If he was ok with It, Dream nodded gently as Blue took his hand away.
Dream blinked confused, but as Blue’s hands began drying his tears, he started speaking:
-“...I want to suggest something, but I will only do so If you are willing to hear me“
Dream stared at Blue, and then nodded curiously, Blue wont admit It, but he feels incredibly happy that Dream is starting to somewhat trust him:
-“A-alrighty, so, I suggest that we try to start listening to each other carefully-“
Dream opened his mouth with a little angry expression, but quickly backed down when Blue started to speak again:
-“It doesnt have to be a fight, It can be a calm conversation where we listen to each other and maybe even understand each other“
The little child softly stared at Blue, then looking to the side as If he was thinking about the suggestion, and then asked softly:
-“...will you be willing to listen to me?“
Blue smiled softly:
-“Of course Dream“
Dream sighed in relief, and gently approached Blue, his hand gently wrapping around the tiny guardian, Dream slowly analizes Blue, staring at his clothes and his face as Blue just let him, and before Blue knew It, he was shaking with joy, his little friend was now trusting him and looked somewhat calm, but for Blue, It was everything, Dream worriedly looked up at him when he noticed the sudden shaking and the overly happy look on the skeleton’s face:
-“Uhhhh, are you ok mister?“
-“Y-yeah“ Blue answered happily
Dream’s face approached further and started to analize the monster’s excited face, and It seemed to get even more excited the more Dream approached, but Blue couldnt handle It when a tiny hand started poking his face, Blue fell on his back and Dream squeaked in surprise, falling over to his back as well, but then getting up and rushing to Blue:
-“Um, uh, are you sure you’re ok?“
Blue stayed silent, little Dream approached further and poked his cheek various times, he was getting worried about the tall skeleton, but then noticed the big smile on Its face, Dream paused and looked at the smile, poking It at the process, Blue got spooked and looked up at the child poking him:
-“Huh? Uhhh...oh! Yeah im fine, dont worry Dreamy“
The child gave a small relieved sigh, and then smiled softly while lightly hitting Blue’s arm:
-“You scared me for a moment“
-“Heh, sorry“
Blue stared at Dream with a wide grin, as Dream suddenly turned around and laid down on his back above Blue like he was a matress, Blue squeaked with surprise and was about to ask what he was doing before noticing his eyes closed, Dream looked quite relaxed, and Blue didnt want to ruin that, so he watched as the child slowly fell asleep on his body, petting him gently as he did so, he doesnt know exactly what will happen from now on, but he is excited to see what the future holds.
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Why Elias And Laia Mean So Much To Me
Okay so I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but knew it would be long and that I’d need some time to get my thoughts in order. So without a further ado here is my attempt:
Why is Elaia so important to me. Well to start off, Laia Of Serra in particular is very important and inspirational to me. She is not only a brown girl who is a hero but she is the most realistic hero I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. I’m so used to white female main characters that are badass warriors who are smart, beautiful, strong, special, that everyone is attracted to, and who fight for their people. I grew up on books like that. In which don’t get me wrong I still greatly enjoyed those stories and some of them are still my favorite to this day.
However I could never relate to those characters and it really solidified the belief that I most likely could never be a hero cause I could never fit that mold. And for the longest time I thought I was okay with that and I never really understood how much physical and emotional representation could mean to me until, Laia Of Serra.
Laia is a brown girl that is afraid, insecure, oppressed, sheltered, poor, weak, with no fighting experience, kind, emotional, girly, and self deprecating. She’s scared and second guesses herself all the time. It’s hard for her to phantom that she’s good enough to make the right choices or save anyone or anything. Which is exactly what I struggle with on the daily let alone in the middle of a war. I first read aeita when I was 17, the same age as Laia. So meeting a heroine that made mistakes, berated herself, cracked under pressure, had no clue what she was doing, let herself cry, understood that in a place filled with skilled deathly warriors she was weak, and let people trample over her. It was so relatable and heart wrenching. Especially when I’ve been wired to think girls like her are useless and typically the first to die or used as a stepping stool for the real hero.
Seeing her continue to fight with what she can and however she can made my heart soar. There were so many times she wanted to give up and feared death. However in time she grew and instead of fearing death she embraced the possibility of it in order to fight for what is right and for the people she loved. She stayed true to herself and became a badass without the need of having to kill people. Laia detested killing people especially after having to see how her people got killed all the time. She’s filled with understanding, love, forgiveness, sensitivity, kindness, and determination. No matter how many times she got knocked down she kept getting back up.
She gave and still gives me hope. Hope for who I am today and who I can grow into the future. She’s a symbol that you can be strong in other ways. That physical strength isn’t the only way to be a hero. Her bravery to face things head on, her compassion towards everyone, her determination to reach her goal, and her heart always willing to accept others is what makes her a hero. Even when it came to the final battle. It wasn’t her powers or weapons that got her to win the war. It was her kindness and understanding and love.
I understand people are disappointed that she wasn’t as “brutal” or stabby as other heroines. I love stabby women as well! But I think her depiction of strength and heroism is so important. It really shines a light on the meek and shy and scared and shows that it’s okay to feel like that. How that doesn’t automatically make you weak and how you can be just as important in the world.
I also love that Laia isn’t reduced or or shown as “not like other girls”. Laia loves to dress up, she likes to look pretty, she does think about boys, she is bossy, she is emotional, often has break downs, and she’s just so human. I find that a lot of the most badass heroines are always the ones that don’t like dressing up and finds it a waste of time, doesn’t fit in with other women, is stoic, cold, good with swords but not with words, and violent. Im not saying that these characters shouldn’t be allowed, but I feel like it reinforces the idea that the normal things a woman feels or behaves is considered weak. Not saying that all women are emotional, but we do feel. We do stress and some of us do love to put on make up and dresses. That shouldn’t be demonized or looked down upon.
That’s why I adore Laia. She’s a normal teenage girl that IS like most girls. And she gets praise and stronger because of it. Also people need to realize that at the start of the series Laia is a 17 year old girl with zero survival training skills. Elias and Helene have been training since they were literal children. Their whole lives revolves around fighting. Laia’s didn’t. So it makes sense and is realistic why she isn’t as “strong” or “skilled” as them.
To expect her to be at their level within the three year timeline between these books is impossible. I feel like people are so used to heroines that know how to fight or learn to become the most badass fighter through mere chapter montages that seeing a realistic depiction of a teenage girl that’s never fought in her life is displeasing. But I love that about her. She always becomes stronger in spirit, braver at heart, but at her core she is still Laia. A teenage girl trying her best.
Her needing help or needing a team to fulfill her goals shouldn’t be looked down on. It’s shown through even real history some of the best fighters or leaders needed a team. Needed support, right hand man, etc. Which is why I feel so connected to her and wish she wasn’t so underrated or looked down upon. Cause I feel like she’s a voice for girls like us that so desperately needed a way to be heard. She’s someone I can look up to and remember and find comfort in when times get stressful or dark.
Now as for why Elias and Laia’s relationship mean a lot to me. It’s simple. They’re a healthy brown couple and I love finally seeing a girl that looks and acts like me get praise and love. I love that Elias sees her strength and admires her for who she is. And how he actually finds comfort in a person like her. How he views her at times even stronger than him and everyone else.
Girls/characters like Laia are always reduced to a side character, the best friend, the second choice for the love interest, the death that motivates the main character, and or the character that pops in and out to give moral support. However under Elias’s eyes she IS the main character. She IS the only girl for him. He loves everything about her and was the first to believe she’s strong. He chooses her above all. Above anything and anyone else.
As a brown girl as shallow or dumb as it may sound it really does feel touching to see us described as not only just strong and desirable but loved and wanted by the warrior. The main love interest. That in his eyes this brown girl that others deem as weak, useless, boring, and a waste of time. To him she is everything. She is brave, smart, powerful, beautiful, admirable, and perfect. It means the world to me. Especially with how characters like her especially in fantasy is seen as never good enough or tossed aside.
I also love that Elias shows the struggles on what it means to be “strong”. How a lot of learning to be the best fighter happened through a lot of trauma, shame, and guilt. He does show how physical strength isn’t the only way to be strong. Which is why Laia is his balance. She is the peace and freedom he yearns for while Elias is the strength, power, and love she’s always yearned for. Where she falls in believing herself he is always the first to count his vote on her. They compliment each other perfectly. Countermelodies. True loves.
They show me a healthy version of love. One of the purest and sweetest kinds of love. Elias is always soft, kind, and patient with her. He’s proud of her even if she feels like it’s undeserved. She sees the good in him even if he feels like he’s a monster. They see each other for who they are and love that about each other. They love each other so much and I’d never seen two characters be as in love as these two are. They are utterly devoted to each other and constantly fought for their way back to each other. It’s been five years and rereading their scenes still makes me smile and feel butterflies, like it’s the first time all over again.
Even now seeing any content of them is like a shot of straight up serotonin. They are my comfort ship. Despite the stress these past five years of being with them and shipping them has brought me. They also bring me great happiness and excitement and I wish I never had to say goodbye.
Though here’s to hoping that maybe we can have an Elaia novella, at the least, in the future 👀🤞
♥️♥️♥️ Elaia Forever ♥️♥️♥️
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purrincess-chat · 4 years ago
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Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s Spite Playlist: Remix CH19
People weren’t happy with how things went down with Alya in the original MDCSP, so I hope this version suffices. ;)
Previous     First      Next     AO3
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Chapter 19: Miss Missing You
Alya chewed her nails, pivoting back and forth in her desk chair as Lila settled on her bed. Her thoughts raced too fast for Alya to make sense of them, and Lila’s grave expression did little to calm her nerves. When Alya told her about Adrien and Chloe, she insisted on meeting up. Maybe this way they could both talk to Ladybug, but something was off about Lila. Her jaw was a little too tense, and those green eyes swirled with an intensity Alya couldn’t place. What was going on?
“Is Ladybug on her way too? We have to let her know what they’re plotting,” Alya said, but when Lila remained quiet, she asked, “What?”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Lila said. “This is going to be hard for me, but I trust you over anyone else.”
“What’s wrong?” Alya asked, and Lila shifted her weight, tucking a strand of long hair behind her ear.
“Well, Ladybug and I…we kind of had a falling out.” Lila lowered her gaze to her lap.
“What?”
“Remember when Chloe tried to impersonate her to make everyone hate me? Well, I told Ladybug about it, and that she shouldn’t trust Chloe anymore, but then last night she gave her back her Miraculous without consulting me.” Lila recounted. “I tried to talk to her and understand why she’d trust Chloe again after what she did to me, but Ladybug freaked out on me and told me not to question her judgment.”
“For real?” Alya gasped. “That’s not like her.”
“I know,” Lila said, “and after what you told me on the phone, I definitely think something weird is going on with her.”
“You don’t think Chloe is manipulating her, do you?” she asked.
Lila pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Not Chloe. I think that…well, I’m sorry, but I think Marinette is behind all of this.”
“Marinette?” Alya shot a glance at the Ladyblog pulled up on her computer, a sinking feeling in her gut.
She hadn’t posted about Queen Bee’s return—couldn’t bring herself to. Something was definitely off with Ladybug, but was it really all Marinette’s doing? Marinette wasn’t one for petty revenge, but maybe she had changed since she left. Or maybe Alya just never knew her like she thought she did.
Alya thought back to the night she was akumatized, the distant look in her bff’s eyes. She’d seemed tired, like all the fight had been drained from her. She didn’t even argue when Alya suggested they stop being friends, a fact that had haunted Alya ever since. Why had Marinette abandoned her so easily? Surely if her stories were to be believed, she would have fought harder, right? Wasn’t the truth worth fighting for?
“You said so yourself, Chloe and Adrien said they were going to get Ladybug to talk about me for Marinette. I think she’s manipulating all of them to get back at me because she can’t let go even after she’s been gone for a month now,” Lila said.
“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would Marinette do that? When I last spoke to her, she didn’t want anything to do with you or anyone here really,” Alya said. “Well, except Adrien, I guess, but she’s always been head-over-heels for him.”
“She’s obsessed! She’s never liked me, and I never understood why. The only thing I’ve been able to figure out is that she didn’t like me talking to Adrien, so now she’s lured him over to her side and fed him all kinds of lies about me. I don’t even like him that way, but she’s just so insecure and jealous that she thought Adrien would fall in love with me because of all of my accomplishments.” Lila hugged a pillow to her chest. “Now she’s taken one of my best friends away from me too!”
Alya crossed the room to sit beside her on the bed, draping an arm over her shoulders. “I’m sorry, girl. Maybe we can talk to Ladybug and convince her not to do that interview tomorrow.”
“I don’t think we can,” Lila whimpered. “She hasn’t responded to any of my calls ever since the Queen Bee thing. She’s on their side now.”
“Are you sure? I’ve met Ladybug a bunch of times, and she would totally pick up on it if something fishy was going on,” Alya said.
“Watch the interview tomorrow. If Ladybug says anything about me that sounds like them, then you’ll know I’m telling the truth,” Lila said.
Alya pursed her lips but didn’t argue. Lila’s story was just as probable as theirs at this point, and she was right. All they could do was watch the interview and see what happened. For their sake, she hoped that Chloe and Adrien’s plan failed, and Ladybug never mentioned Lila. But a heavy pit was already forming in Alya’s stomach, filling her with dread for the coming day. How had she gotten herself into the middle of all this drama? And how long would it be before the truth was finally revealed?
♪♫♪ Don’t Blame Me ♪♫♪
“How long before we give up?” Adrien asked the next afternoon. He leaned against the railing while Chloe manned the spotlight beside him.
“It’s hasn’t even been 20 minutes, Adrikins. I’ve sat up here for entire akuma battles before.” Chloe chided.
“Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous,” he said, letting a breath pass his lips.
Chloe spun on him with a scowl, jabbing her finger into his chest. “Oh no, you are not backing out this time. We’re doing this, so just think about Dupain-Cheng’s awful split-ends or whatever it is you need to keep you motivated.”
Adrien pursed his lips as Chloe turned back to her bee signal. She was right. No backing out this time. Lila was going down once and for all, then Marinette could finally be free. Marinette…
His heart fluttered, warming his cheeks. It would be obvious after today that he was helping Chloe take down Lila. Being intentionally cruel wasn’t in his nature, but he’d do anything to protect the people he loved. To protect the girl he loved.
It had taken him longer than it should have to realize his feelings for her, but now they burned so brightly, he had to wonder how he’d ever missed them. Marinette was a wonderful girl and a dear friend. If ever there was a person to fight for, it was her. She’d understand why he did all of this. It was all for her—always for her.
His heart ached with longing. Now that Marinette went to a different school, he couldn’t see her as often as he used to. Sometimes they went several days without seeing each other, and his heart grew heavier the longer they stayed apart. At least when he loved Ladybug, he got to see her every day when they fought akumas or patrolled the city, but even that wasn’t enough.
Adrien had spent too much of his life alone. Couldn’t the universe give him just one person to cure his loneliness? Missing Marinette was torture. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking about him?
He pulled out his phone and typed a simple message: what’s up?
Ugh, no, that was lame.
Hey cutie ;) what are you up to?
No, too forward.
I was just thinking about you
Too clingy. He backspaced over his message again, eyebrows knitting together in concentration. Why was flirting so much harder as Adrien? If he were Chat Noir, he’d just drop a few cat puns and tell her how pretty she was, but that might be a little abrasive coming from Adrien. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off. After all, she almost kissed him in the garden too. That meant she loved him back, right?
Pressing his lips into a determined line, he typed another message and hit send without overthinking it.
Hey, how’s your day been?
A minute passed before his phone buzzed with a reply: busy. I’m finalizing my designs for Clara. I present to her next week and im super nervous!
Aww don’t be clara is gonna love them.
I hope so! she replied. So what are you up to today?
Uhh im working on a school project with chloe. He lied. We have to interview someone we look up to, and shes demanding we interview ladybug so weve been standing on the roof with her bee signal for like 30 minutes.
Wow ladybug huh? I hope she shows up for you guys. Anyway these designs aren’t going to finish themselves so ill talk to you later! Bye!
good luck!
He smiled down at her messages. Marinette was always running a million miles an hour working on some project or another. She was so driven and passionate—something Adrien deeply admired. Clara would love her designs, and he and Chloe would definitely take down Lila this time. Then he and Marinette could be together without having to worry about anything. They could move to the suburbs and buy a cozy home for their three kids, a dog, and a hamster named-
“Looking for me?” Adrien and Chloe spun around, and Ladybug cocked a hip. “What’s the emergency?”
“Uhh,” Adrien stammered.
Chloe rolled her eyes. “We have to interview one of our personal heroes for a school project, so we picked you. Isn’t that right, Adrikins?” She nudged him with her elbow.
Think about Marinette. Everything was for Marinette. The tears she’d spilled, the pain she’d suffered… Adrien was going to take it all away. Lila would never hurt her again.
“Yeah. Do you have time?” Adrien asked.
Ladybug glanced between them and smiled. “I have a few minutes. Make it quick.”
“Excellent.” Chloe clapped her hands together and paced toward the stairs. “Everything is set up in my suite.”
Adrien took a deep breath as Ladybug fell into step beside him. A month ago being so close to her would have sent his heart into overdrive, but now his heart was pounding for a different reason. Ladybug hated liars. Deceiving her was a direct betrayal of her trust. Even if his feelings for her had changed, he was still her partner, and manipulating her like this didn’t feel right.
“Wait.” He stopped abruptly and caught Ladybug’s wrist. Chloe was already through the doorway to the stairs, and he sent her a silent apology just in case his next words ruined everything. “Chloe and I lied to you. This isn’t for a school project.”
“Then what’s all this about?” Ladybug asked.
“It’s…” Adrien took a deep breath and continued. “You remember Lila, right? She lied about you saving her and how you two are bffs?”
Ladybug sobered. “Yeah?”
“Well, her lies have gotten out of hand, and she hurt someone important to me. Chloe and I planned to trick you into admitting you two were never friends, so that everyone can finally see the truth about her. The interview was just a coverup,” Adrien explained, hanging his head low. “We shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m sorry.”
Ladybug eyed him with pursed lips, those blue eyes working out a solution like he were one of her lucky charms. She seemed to come to a conclusion, her face softening. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“If you don’t want to help us, I won’t blame you. I know it’s wrong to seek revenge,” Adrien said.
A knowing smile spread across her lips. “That friend of yours must be really special to you.”
“What?”
“For you to resort to something like this, you must care about your friend—the one Lila hurt—a lot,” she said, then with a sigh added, “I don’t normally condone revenge, but I know how dangerous Lila can be. I’ve almost lost my Miraculous because of her several times, so I think you’re right. It’s time everyone learned the truth about Lila Rossi.”
Adrien blinked. “So, wait… You’re going to help us?”
“I made a promise to keep Paris safe, and if we continue to let Lila go unchecked, she’s only going to put more people in danger,” Ladybug said. “It’s time someone put her in her place.”
“Hurry up, you two! I have a hair appointment this evening, and I do not want to be late!” Chloe shouted from the doorway.
Adrien held Ladybug’s gaze, and she gave him an encouraging nod. “Uh, coming!” he called.
He gestured Ladybug ahead, following close behind her, cheeks hot. This was really happening. Ladybug was going to help them stop Lila. After today, everyone would know the truth, and Marinette would be free. They all would.
“Ladybug, you sit on this side.” Chloe directed. “Adrikins and I will sit on this side.”
“Okay,” Ladybug said, sliding onto the couch smoothly.
Adrien took the seat across from her, wiping his palms on his jeans while Chloe barked orders at her butler. Satisfied with the camera angle, Chloe sat beside him and fixed her hair in her compact before calling “action.”
Chloe’s butler—Adrien couldn’t remember his name—started the Instagram live, broadcasting to all of Chloe’s followers. There was no turning back now.
“Hello out there, my little worker bees. Your queen is here with some very special guests today,” Chloe cooed in her token attention-seeking voice. “My favorite people in the whole world besides myself, obviously—Adrien and Ladybug!”
“Hi.”
“Hey.” Adrien waved.
“As you all know, I helped Ladybug defeat another akuma last weekend. Being Queen Bee again was such an honor, and I admit, even I have people I look up to,” she said, flipping her ponytail. “So, Ladybug, thank you for allowing me to become a superheroine. Queen Bee is truly an inspiration.”
“Uh, sure.” Ladybug rolled her eyes. “Chat Noir and I always appreciate help from our allies.”
“You heard it here, everyone! Ladybug values my help,” Chloe said, and Adrien cleared his throat. “Now, onto the topic of today’s livestream. People everywhere are inspired by superheroes like me and Ladybug, so today we are going to give you all the inside scoop on what it takes to be a hero.”
“That’s right, Chloe,” Adrien piped up. “I don’t have superpowers, so I have to ask: what’s it like being a superhero, Ladybug?”
“Well, everyone thinks that having superpowers is all fun and games, but in reality, Chat Noir and I have a huge responsibility. Defending Paris every day requires sacrifice, and we know the whole city is counting on us to succeed. It’s a lot of pressure,” Ladybug said.
“Of course, I know what it’s like being a superhero myself, but can you tell everyone how overwhelming it is to save the day all the time?” Chloe prompted.
“Yeah, totally. It’s a lot of work fighting akumas. Sometimes Hawkmoth makes supervillains at the worst times, and I have to drop everything to go save the city. Leading a double life is challenging, and sometimes it even impacts my day-to-day life. School, friends, family—I’m always rushing all over the place juggling two lives.” Ladybug admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “But I’m happy to do it. Paris is my home, and it’s an honor to defend it. Besides, when the going gets tough, I know I can count on my partners to have my back.”
“So, when you pick a new partner, what qualities do you look for in a person that makes them a good fit to work with you?” Adrien asked.
“I look for people with courage and good intentions. Often times, the people I pick are ones who have stepped up to do the right thing, even if it’s hard. They’re people I know I can trust,” Ladybug said.
“Would you say you consider your allies close personal friends?” Chloe beamed, flashing the camera a wink.
“Well, I don’t know all of them in real life like you, Chloe,” Ladybug said with a cautious glance at the camera. “Sometimes they are people I meet during a battle that impress me, and who prove themselves to be trustworthy.”
“And how do you know if you can trust someone?” Adrien asked. “Do you consult anyone for recommendations, or do you operate on the fly?”
“Most of the time when I give someone a Miraculous, it’s because they’ve demonstrated their character to me. Every person I give a Miraculous to has earned their right to wear it either by helping me or showing that they’re willing to sacrifice to save others. The decision about who gets to wear one and who doesn’t is deeply personal to me,” Ladybug answered. “Not even Chat Noir knows the identities of our allies. It’s something I don’t share with anyone.” She shot Chloe a stern look. “Under normal circumstances.”
“So, you pick the allies by yourself?” Adrien followed up.
“Yes. In the middle of a battle, I wouldn’t even have time to consult anyone if I wanted to.”
“In other words, if anyone were to—I don’t know—claim that they help you choose your partners, they’d be a liar, right?” Chloe added.
“Yeah, I don’t talk to anyone about who I pick.” Ladybug shook her head.
“Ya know, Ladybug, there are some people out there that claim to be your best friend. How do you feel about people lying about knowing you to make themselves more popular?” Chloe asked.
Ladybug locked eyes with Adrien, the weight of their mission heavy on both of their shoulders. She clasped her hands together in her lap and said, “As I’m sure both of you are aware, there will always be people who use your name for their own selfish gain, but I want everyone out there to know that I take my job very seriously. Protecting all of you is my number one priority.”
She took a deep breath. “Being a superhero is dangerous, and that’s why, with the exception of Chat Noir and my trusted allies, Ladybug doesn’t have friends.”
“So, anyone who says they’re your friend is a liar, right?” Adrien asked.
“Yes, and they’re putting themselves in danger. Hawkmoth will stop at nothing to get my Miraculous, so please, if you’re out there… Do the right thing, and tell the truth.” Ladybug pleaded to the camera.
“It’s utterly pathetic when people lie about who they know just to get attention,” Chloe sighed in disgust. “You heard it here, my little bees! Chat Noir and I are Ladybug’s only friends.”
“Well, I’d consider you more of an ally than a frie-”
“And as one of Ladybug’s bffs, I want all of the losers out there to buzz off! Ladybug has much more important things to do, like spending time with me,” Chloe said.
“Right.” Ladybug’s yoyo beeped, and she glanced down at it briefly. “I should really get going. A hero’s work is never done.”
“Of course. Thank you for your time, Ladybug,” Adrien said, shaking her hand.
“No problem. It’s important to me that everyone in Paris knows I’m doing everything I can to keep you all safe, and the people I choose to fight beside me are people I truly trust. We’ll all keep fighting hard to protect this city,” she said, waving two fingers. “Bug out!”
“Well, that does it for this livestream, little bees. Your queen will see you all again next time. Bye-bye!”
♪♫♪ Impossible Year ♪♫♪
“So, anyone who says they’re your friend is a liar, right?”
“Yes.”
Lila was right. They really had gotten to Ladybug. Alya had done her best not to think about Marinette since their falling out. Remembering her old bff was too painful and confusing. Everything Alya thought she knew changed the moment Lila came to their school. The person she trusted became a stranger overnight. Alya wanted to believe that Marinette would never align herself with Chloe or orchestrate a hostile takedown just because she was jealous, but Alya had seen her do crazier things to win Adrien.
“I’m doing everything I can to keep you all safe, and the people I choose to fight beside me are people I truly trust.”
How was Chloe more trustworthy than Alya? All that was necessary for the triumph of evil was that good people do nothing. She’d known from day one that Chloe was evil, so why couldn’t Ladybug see it?  Why would Ladybug align herself with the queen of all evil over someone who dedicated herself to doing the right thing? Was this really all Marinette’s doing? And why?
Was Marinette really that desperate to win Adrien? Did she hate Lila so much that she’d willingly team up with her worst enemy to get back at her for stealing attention away from the boy she liked? From where Alya was sitting, it looked like Marinette already had him, and Lila had always been clear that she wasn’t interested in him that way. Why go through all that trouble to get Ladybug to denounce Lila just to win a boy? But if Marinette was involved with Ladybug…
It all made sense now. The reason Ladybug had picked someone else to wield her Miraculous. How long had they been plotting all of this? And how could Ladybug trust Marinette’s word over Alya’s without even trying to hear her side of the story? Or Lila’s? How could Ladybug not see that she was being manipulated? She was a hero, and one of the best Alya had ever seen. So why was she fighting for the wrong side?
Her head spun, and she gripped the side of her desk for support. Someone needed to tell Ladybug the truth.
“You want to save Ladybug from those you deem evil. Let me help you, Ladyblogger.”
Alya jumped at the sinister voice in her head. She smoothed her thumb over her phone screen, now glowing with dark energy. A cold feeling washed over her, all of her pain and confusion bubbling to the surface. In the center of it all stood her determined resolve, driving her to give in.
Someone needed to tell Ladybug the truth. Someone like her.
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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 4 years ago
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The Helping Hand
This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.
Word count: 1660 approx
Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.
Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)
Introduction Ch.1
Ch.2
Back Story 
(AU Howard and Maria Stark were not killed by the Winter Soldier.)
Your name is Y/N Krast First Born Daughter of Tony Stark. Sent away by Howard and Maria Stark. You being the result of an unwanted teen pregnancy. You don't know who your mother or father are. Howard Stark secretly kept in contact with you, until he passed.
Howard gave you a comfortable life and a bountiful trust fund that you gained access to on your 18th Birthday also the year he died. You are a Genius having finished college and high school at the same time with a master’s in Computer Engineering with a minor in Biology. 
After Howards’ death, you were lost… you decided to help others. Thinking that maybe that would help you feel a semblance of happiness. You went to the one place you knew people needed help Sokovia. 
You weren't there for long when you realized that you loved being there. The people and the culture were so welcoming and loving… at least towards you. The people definitely had their reservations, but you didn't mind.
You did as much as you could… you lived a simple life. Gave up the luxury in which you were raised and traded it for a small two-bedroom apartment that you shared with a friend who needed help with the rent. You opened a medical facility it was by no means the best but it could do the job. 
You taught people basic medical procedures, not surgery… but everyday accidents and the occasional riot scene. Stitches and patch-up jobs.
"Hey, y/n what do you want me to do with these boxes here?" You look at him confused when you realize what he is holding. 
"Umm… just leave them there I want to go through them before I leave." David gives you a fond look as he moves to sit next to you. "It's crazy to hear you say that… It seems like just yesterday you were that fresh-faced kid trying to help people."
You clear your throat as you see where the conversation is heading. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me… not now David." You give David a reassuring smile, but to your luck, he doesn't buy it. Now looking at you more seriously he says "Y/N it’s ok. We all understand why you're leaving, no one is mad or angry, just sad you will be missed around here."
You feel your eyes start to water and you quickly turn away from David trying to hide your tears to no avail. "It's just that I’m going to miss this too." He holds your shoulders and turns you to face him. He holds your face, the tears building in his own eyes, and pulls you into a hug. 
"You will always be welcome back, you hear me. Now we are both going to stop crying on the count of 3… and were going to pretend that didn't just happen alright." You nod your head slowly agreeing to the terms you collect yourself. What David and you had is the closest thing either of you had to family. He pulled away slowly but determined. 
"Okay, no more sad stuff alright… the town wants to throw you a going-away party. And you can't say no they just want to say goodbye." You sigh a smile slowly forming on your face and agree. After all, it had been two wonderful years in which you found yourself.
You are interrupted when you hear a knock at the door. It was rather startling but you've grown used to it by now. Shortly after the loud bangs, you called knocks you hear the door open and close. "How are my two favorite people in the world doing?"
Vivian or Viv for short. "Just peachy" you reply, hearing her laugh at your snarky reply. "I'm in my room and David went out to get things situated for the party." 
"Oh well, I just came here to… well you know say goodbye. You are my best friend and I will not forget what you did for me and for my family."
You walk out of your room wearing black jeans and a leather jacket. "You know I would do it again in a heartbeat." Viv hums disapprovingly trying to play it off buy fails. "You see that's exactly what I'm afraid of. You jumped into that building because you didn't care if you did. As heroic as it might seem it was suicidal and we both know it."
You stumble looking for the words " I umm… I was there's no point in lying, but it's not like that anymore." She nods subtlely but you see it in her eyes she's relieved. You take the "out" and change the subject. 
"Come on Viv lighten up it's my last night here and we're missing out on my own party." You nudge her and within seconds you get out of your apartment and into the streets that have seen you grow into the person you now are. 
The party was more than you deserved… There were home-cooked meals and homemade desserts. People that you have grown to be acquainted with saying goodbye and wishing you luck. You can't help but thank them all sincerely. Once the party is over you head back home with David taking in the last of your stay here. 
Once in your apartment you hesitate but end up calling David to your room. "I don't know if you noticed but I never unpacked this box. It was Howard's stuff." David's eyes open showing his surprise. "The Howard… why didn't you open it." 
You sigh not knowing exactly why you didn't "Well we're opening it tonight." You make your way to the box and as if you were a wild animal you ravage the package open not realizing how much you actually wanted to open the box. 
As you analyze the things in the box your eyes begin to water. There are pictures and mementos of your greatest moments stored in a single place. There's a picture of when you first met Howard you were 11. You chuckle lightly causing David to Burst out laughing. "I umm… I'm sorry but you were one ugly kid." You playfully slap his arm. 
"I was, wasn't I. Howard saved me you know in this picture I had just gotten out of the worst foster home I'd ever been in." You'd never said much about your time in the system so David let you talk. "They would hit us, starve us, and some were even sexually assaulted." 
David processes what you had just confessed to him realizing that it's probably not even half of what you've been through. "Howard was my saving grace… I was quite the ugly kid inside and out. I was a kid that had no hope in the world, but Howard changed that."
David collects his thoughts and says "I'd say he did a damn good job you brought hope to everyone here… you know kids here aspire to be like you… you are a great role model." You give him a sincere smile and give him a hug. 
"David, I'm going to miss you, but it's time for me to go. Never doubt calling me for anything no matter how big or small. And I hope that you and Viv continue the work in the practice. Also, you know that Viv likes you, give her a chance. I don't want either of you to be alone… be alone together. Also she could help you with the rent of the place." Your say laughing. "Now go to bed and we'll leave early tomorrow."
David chuckles while leaving your room. When you hear his door close you continue looking through the things in the box.
Flashback 
"Krast come downstairs there's someone here to see you." You jump up startled and cautiously make your way downstairs. You hear part of a conversation but don't invest yourself. You're too frightened when you get to where you heard voices there is a man standing there.
"Ah, you must be the young Y/N Krast. How are you, I'm Howard." You don't reply but rather look at Mr. Evans who nods ever so slightly giving you your cue. "I’m doing well." He's silent for a moment then continues "I hear you're quite the genius." You simply nod. When Mr. Evans decides to cut in rather tactlessly. 
"Well, Mr. Howard is here to take you to a new home." You look at him incredulously then turning to Howard and asking him quite bluntly "Are you adopting me?"
Howard simply says "Not exactly, but you will have a family to care for you." The look in his eyes gives you some reassurance. That same afternoon he took you to "your new home." 
You quickly find out what he meant by "Not exactly" while you were living in a better home, you were being raised by employees. Howard would come around every week a couple of times. You both enjoyed each other's company and quickly you grew fond of him.  
"Y/N hurry up we're going to be late" Howard yelled "Yup im coming, you know if you'd given more than a couple hours heads up id be ready." Howard only chuckles and let that comment slide. You both knew that was a lie.
End Flashback 
The morning went by rather quickly. Now you're on the tarmac waiting for your plane to arrive. David was holding your hand while neither of you mentioned it you could not have been more grateful.
"You go and kill em all. Alright I want to see you in a magazine or something. And don't forget to mention me as the greatest inspiration, your daily motivation, and the drive behind you."
You can only chuckle "Those aren't the words I would use to describe you but you are the best." You jug him and wave him off as you board your plane. You cant help but feel guilty as you're currently lying to everyone you care about, but there's no going back now. 
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quarantineddreamer · 3 years ago
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i’ve been absent, and i can’t be sorry (it’s been necessary), but i do miss this community and having the energy/time to participate.
in truth, it’s been a challenging past few months for me...
don’t want to bore anyone, so details below (tw: depression, anxiety, parental troubles, covid)
i was really fortunate to be really close to my family growing up. i had a great relationship with my parents. which is why it has been that much more painful for me this past year to have them slowly driven from me by the absurdity of current politics. i didn’t see it coming, i didn’t think my parents could become science deniers. and yet here i am...
i tried with everything i had to teach/reach them, but ultimately the stress of it all was causing my anxiety to reach extremely unhealthy levels. for my own health and sanity, i wrote them a long, heartfelt letter explaining why i would not be talking to them for the time being (as they refused to get vaccinated and began to behave dangerously, no masks, frequent outings, seeing lots of people). that was july. 
august my parents visited my hometown. i did not see them or speak to them. my birthday passed, i did not see them or speak to them... 
i spoke with my mother once, in september...and it’s all still just as bad. there was shouting, cursing, crying (mostly me tbh). she’s stubbornly clinging to her beliefs drilled into her by right-wing media. i wont get into them, but it’s conspiracy level bad... she got covid, she kept it from me and my brother until afterwards. miraculously she was okay despite taking “medicine” that has been proven to be ineffective against covid and potentially dangerous while sick to boot... it’s made her even more determined to cling to her insane theories about the vaccine, covid treatments, the government all of it... 
i told her my life would continue without her and dad: i might get engaged (probably would have on my anniversary except my partner felt bad i wasnt talking to them at the time), married, who knows... covid isn’t going away anytime soon, and i cant agree to disagree with her on this. it matters too much to me that they be safe. if i let it go and something were to happen to her and my dad...i’d never forgive myself for it. 
i’m not saying mine is the correct approach. i have been plagued with doubt and guilt off and on. my mom has used language that makes me feel like this is all my fault, for being anxious, for being depressed, for not just letting her have her dangerous opinions... but at the end of the day despite the pain and grief i feel for not having my parents right now, i am still better off than i was before. fewer panic attacks, able to focus at work, able to at least sleep some now. 
i started anti-depressants when my mental health hit an all-time low during all of this, and they’ve been helping too. i really didn’t want to get back on them, but i believe they’ve saved my life. 
sadly, between all this (and busy times at work) i’ve had very little time, focus, or motivation to write. i’ve barely been on here. to be completely honest, naps after work are common. the extra rest has become important. i’ve developed a sudden interest in true crime documentaries and sad movies?? i was very confused by this at first, since i’ve never ever had an interest before, but my therapist says its how im processing my trauma and grief lol 
but why write all this out on tumblr, B? well... i like to scream into the abyss here, and i also want to be completely open about my struggles and mental health, because i was at my worst when i felt utterly alone, and if this post helps even one person who might be experiencing similar feel less alone than it’s worth it.
and i also wanted to let this community know why i’ve suddenly dropped off because it is a place that has brought my joy even during the chaos of the past year or so. i am going to be participating in the upcoming zkmbb and still have my other projects ready and waiting for me to return, but for now, the queue is going to be up and running and i’ll be a bit quieter as i fight my way through this and have to dedicate extra time to self-care.
i hope no one relates to this post, i really do, because it all hurts a lot and i dont want anyone to feel this pain, but if you do? you are a warrior, i admire your strength and courage --and i am sending you so much love.
best wishes all,
B
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freebooter4ever · 3 years ago
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Your desk area looks so colorful and interesting! Can we get a lil tour?? I see glimpses of your creations and others (?). Also I'm a wanna be artist but I struggle to keep up a routine (coz of my a.d.d) and your relentless output of aMaZinG work astounds me! Do you have any tips or routines that you follow? (Yes this the same anon as previous lol)
ahahahaha being the super successful artist that i am i literally live in a closet. i've shown photos on here before but i've added to the walls recently so:
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you can see the slope of the stairs above my bed \o/ i live with friends in a wealthy area of los angeles and i have my new little air conditioner to keep my drawing computer from overheating tho so can't complain ^_^ (my new pink flamingo/clothes-pins wall section is my 'to finish and send' personal letters collection, sorry guys if you recognize any letters i havent sent yet, as you can see i have a backlog)
ADD and art is hard! i draw every day for an hour at least, i try for more. during quarantine weekends i would literally wake up, draw all day, and then go to sleep, and then repeat on sunday. when i didn't have a job it was the same - wake up, draw till exhaustion, and then sleep lol. for me the biggest struggle was getting over that feeling of needing my art to be a certain caliber quality to share. i started forcing myself to post things no matter what, and with the incentive of 'im going to POST this' that got me motivated to keep drawing, instead of hitting the downward self hate spiral where i despise everything i make and want to flush it all down the toilet so stop drawing altogether. THOSE are the worst days, and i still have them, i dont know if they will ever go away? i just try to power through, which doing that is getting easier and easier but some days are still
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i was going through a bad spiral for a few weeks and then i went to see luca and that helped a lot ^_^
when i was younger i was always so afraid of doing things wrong or bad that i didnt draw nearly as much as i wish i would have let myself - its why i stuck with things like computer science or math which had a much more obvious and concrete right/wrong that i could keep working at until it was correct. it wasn't until i lost my job unexpectedly and FINALLY had time to spend all day drawing every day for months on end that i realized i could apply the same dogged determination i use for solving a math problem to /drawing/. i was raised by an engineer who was very passionate about hating art/creative people in general, so my mindset is fucked up lol.
ANYWAY i live in a closet, why are you listening to me? :P my biggest advice is to just keep going no matter what - try to look forward at whats next if its too hard to think about the past stuff you've made, and always remind yourself that the next one is going to be EVEN BETTER so better get started on it now instead of hung up on the old. and dont fight the ADD obsessive fixations - if you want to draw 210 sketches of steve aoki do it.
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spilledkauffie · 4 years ago
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Hey, first of all, I want to say that your HCs are great! They are such a wonderful inspiration to keep working on my fanfics. That's what I wanted to ask you about. I've read a few of your fics (and again they're awesome), so Im seeking for advise. How do you end your stories? I always stop my stories about like three chapters before the end, I've a bunch of almost finished stories lying around. Ik the ending in theory, but then theres a blockage. Thanks if u anwser, i hope asking was okay <3
Hey there! Thank you so much for reading!  My answer is a bit long, sorry, so it’s under the cut. It’s totally okay that you asked, no worries!! I hope this was helpful and best of luck on your future writings!
✧ Chaptered fic series: For starters, let me say that I, myself, have unfinished works that I wanted to finish, but haven’t and that’s just how it goes for me sometimes.
With series, it’s a good call to in some way plan out where you’re going with it, so you don’t get 7 chapters in and then ask yourself “where was I going with this?” (that is literally me to myself with every series) Small chapter outlines are great, by small I mean a note that says “character does this / goes here-” or “smut chapter” just so you can quickly jog your memory— this really helps with the end chapter, because it forces you to know how you intend to end it in advance, before diving into the opening.
 IF THAT ISN’T YOUR THING, that’s fine, there are other ways. I’ve found a lot of help from re-reading the prior chapters, seems simple, but sometimes it inspires me to keep going with it and think of new things. Making HCs (specifically about the character within the series plot) sometimes helps me, it keeps me thinking about the character and how they’d behave in different situations which can then become the inspiration for the ending. 
Thinking about the genre surrounding your ending is also helpful. Do you want it to be an angsty / sad / fluffy / smutty / complex ending? When you determine the genre you can begin to ask yourself questions about the genre that will help build structure.
↳ Angst: do my character leave each other?Are they taken apart or does one decide to leave? Does one of them die? Does one get with someone else, leaving the other with a broken heart? 
↳ Fluff: Do they get married? Do they have kids? Do they live together? Are they finally safe and can enjoy domestic life? etc. Asking these questions can really help spark a great ending.
YES, LET’S TALK ABOUT BLOCKAGE! First, give yourself credit for having written the majority of a chaptered series, that takes a lot, so round of applause for you first! Okay, now, I find that I get a little worn out on writing the same series, sometimes, this can be as simple as taking a break from it and coming back to it. Other times, I’m just not there for it. Try and remember what inspired you to start the series, maybe a song, a movie, a scene, fanart? Re-listening/watching things that remind you of said character can spark the motivate you’ve lost. 
If I may, let me add on that taking a break can be for more than a few days, don’t feel pressured to always be writing, or continuing the same thing, it’s okay to distance yourself from the series or writing in general to give your mind some recovery time— you got this!
✧ Writing the ending IN GENERAL:
 For me personally, I typically write the beginning and the end first. So I can know where it’s starting and see where it’s ending, this also allows things such as foreshadowing to be easier to include, because you (the author) know what’s coming and can drop little hints that won’t be known by the reader until the end and hint to the end. 
Endings are typically where things all come together, so thinking about open ended things that have been throughout is good, because you can bring it all together nicely. 
↳ say a character once said they always wanted to go somewhere, having them finally go there in the end is a satisfying ending because a “wish fulfillment” has happened, even if it was mentioned once and a long time ago, it brings it nicely together.
Short and sweet dialogue can be an ending. Say you don’t want it to be a secure ending, that’s cool! Maybe your characters have just come out of something (an event / fight / escaped etc.), sayings like: “we’ve got a long way to go,” / “but at least we’ve got each other,” totally counts as an ending, even thought it’s fairly open still. OR if you want a totally closed ending: “This is everything I ever wanted,” / “I couldn’t be happier than right here,” are all affirmative endings, anything that sounds similar to “it doesn’t get better than this” implies that it won’t so this is where the story ends.
Happily ever after *record scratch,* okay maybe don’t word it like that, BUT description can also be a good ending. Describing the scene can be a conclusion, (e.g. Star Wars- we pan to the binary sunset). I love description, so I think it’s a fantastic way to end things.
Double check it, always. I’ve been guilty of just adding the ending to a story I’m stuck on and posting it, but found it’s a really good idea to give it one more read, you might like what you’ve written, but upon a reread found there’s more to add, a different way to phrase things, etc.
✧ Oneshots: 
I find that these are my favourites (aside from HCs) because there’s no pressure to keep it open ended or closed! With series writers can become very used to leaving / creating an open ending for the next chapter and the next to constantly fit into that the idea of a true finale ending is often absent from the creative thought process, so it just feels a bit unfamiliar when you come to the final ending. 
Oneshots, however, are great because you can kind of leave it however you want! It can be an open ending if you want or a closed ending, either way it’s a sweet story with an ending (obviously) that can be expounded upon or left alone.
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iacon-stargazer · 3 years ago
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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE
fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.
tagged by: stolen from @oneshallfall like.... months ago. im a slow gremlin hjksd. it's been in my drafts and i finally decided to finish the last few sections while working on clearing them out
tagging: steal it
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MY MUSE IS.   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless
is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.
is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  Well.../ NO / IDK. (i know optimus is but i don’t really... know about orion? i have seen a handful of fanartists who turn him into a very sexualized moe baby but i’m not sure about the fandom at large)
is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.
are they underrated?  YES / NO. (lmao there’s like no fan content with him unless it’s with megatronus) 
were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO.
were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.
are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO. (not yet.... lol)
how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.
HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?
This... this is a trick question in this goddamn mess of a continuity. That said, I try my absolute best to make my portrayal coherent with the TFP show... even if said show contradicts itself at times. I take inspiration from the earlier parts (the thirteen primes section) of the Covenant of Primus for his origin backstory, but ignore the rest of the Covenant since it makes absolutely no sense with his characterization in... literally anything else. I’ve peeked at Exodus and it utterly sucks, but I’ve picked up bits and pieces of concepts that originated there just from spending time in the fandom. Aside from that... I spend a ton of time thinking about how to weave everything together in a way that both makes sense and makes for a character development arc.
SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.)
Orion is genuinely kind, thoughtful, and introspective, very loving of the world around him.
He’s also a more complex character than is initially obvious - despite mostly being good sweet pure baby nerd he’s still flawed, with many of those flaws being his strengths put into the wrong situation. His strong morals can lead to dogmatism, and he’s only slightly less likely to deliver lectures than Optimus. His determination to be kind and help everyone can come off as unintentionally patronizing at times; he has a very “well-intentioned semi-privileged middle class” perspective that he’s not always self-aware of. However, he’s also willing to look at himself critically and learn/adapt. 
Essentially, he has many of the same traits as Optimus... just more or less apparent and/or developed. He's less confident than he eventually becomes through his future experience with leadership, wanting to change the world for the better but sometimes struggling to ground his plans in reality—something that continues to apply, but with reduced intensity and frequency over time. Idealistic cinnamon roll will eventually develop some realism, though never really quite enough. His selflessness remains a strength for now, but we know that eventually it will dip into martyristic tendencies.
NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)
He could be potentially ‘boring’ in some senses. he’s the polite, considerate ‘next door’ type, who has for most of his life has just lived as a very average middle caste nobody. He’s more laid-back than he eventually becomes as optimus, but where others might get into trouble and shenanigans he’s most likely to just express concern. And since I try to keep him at least mostly ic, even with non-serious posts, this can derail ‘fun’ stuff and I fear dissuade some interaction.
While I try my best to give him realistic flaws that work with his character, he could still be seen as a little too good. very kind, understanding, forgiving, patient, considerate... almost endlessly so. A lot of my “he’s so good and pure” interpretation comes from using his having been the thirteenth prime as backstory, where he was pretty much the epitome of that, but some might not like the “he was a literal deity in a past life” idea for its “super special chosen one protagonist” elements.
His responsiveness to his environment can also be a downside. He’s not the type to start things; he just reacts and responds, standing his ground and finding himself when things get crazy around him. without megatronus, he may have eventually attempted political campaigning, but it wouldn’t have gotten very far. He needs to have more intense characters or events around him for major plots to really go places. Without those nothing would ever happen besides slice of life fluff, because he’s content with that kind of life.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?  
Honestly I just wanted to write op/ratch fhsjkdjsdh. But I also wanted to be able to interact with a variety of muses and so I chose Orion over Optimus because he’s not so emotionally closed off, which I figured would give more flexibility beyond the handful of characters op would reasonably have close personal and/or plot-important relationships with. Also, I can relate to him on a thought-process level which lets me get into his head easily, which additionally made him an appealing choice for my first real rp muse.
WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?  
I just love him so much, especially with the layers of his character I've built up around him. I don't always have inspiration to write or rp, but I think about him a lot. When I do find motivation to write, it's generally out of wanting to continue to work on developing him and just having a chance to express his characterization.
SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.
do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.
do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.
do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.  (i should do it more...)
do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.
are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. (at least most days fhsdhfskj)
are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. (it waxes and wanes. I know I'm a good writer but I could still be better...)
are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.
DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?
I’ll be honest; I’ve never gotten criticism. I haven’t been here very long in comparison to some and I’ve never been that popular, so I figure I’m pretty easy to just ignore. I guess how I would feel about it would depend on what it was and how it was delivered, though I like to think I would be reasonable regardless
DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  
yes? yes absolutely?
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  
I would be curious to hear their reasoning, but I think enough about how everything fits together that chances are I would agree to disagree
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
Depends on if their disagreement makes sense. Maybe I’ll give back my own reasoning for why I characterize the way I do. Maybe I’ll just agree to disagree, if their view is just totally different from mine. If they have valid points I’ll probably overthink it and spiral into self doubt. In all cases I’ll spill my thoughts to friends on discord.
IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?
......Orion in general or? ... fhsjkdhf...... Well if it was mine specifically that might hurt lol. But at the same time.... I doubt i’d agree with their takes either so... fair enough.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  
Sure. I’m good at grammar so if something glaring is there it’s probably a typo I missed and I’ll be grateful for the chance to edit it out before more people see it lol
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  
Yeah. I’m pretty quiet most of the time because I just don’t have energy to talk to a lot of people, and I never want to get caught in drama. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do in a situation like that. I tend to avoid conflict, I’m quick to apologize, and polite with anyone I don’t know very well.
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txdoroki · 4 years ago
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heyo ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙ omg i love ur account, ur literally my favourite person on this app sfngnbodmv ur posts make me so happy. basically i want to start writing drabbles and fics and stuff so i was just wondering where 2 start & how u got started :)
hi! aww tysm :,) that means a lot!
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well, i started by making a post asking people for requests (as i started as a request writing page, not really that way anymore because it’s easier to not get burnt out for me if i do the stuff i genuinely want to write!) and i used all of the tags i could.
(if youre planning on doing mha writing, bakugou and todoroki content generally does the best. the first 3 tags you use, your content will show up under tagged when you search the tag in specific, so i suggest doing bakugou x reader, todoroki x reader, and whatever else as your first three for your starting request post!)
if you aren’t planning on doing requests, i suggest maybe an intro post. like “hi! i’m (name) and im a writer! here are the fandoms i’ll be writing for, and a few things about me!”
try and have your first writings be consistent, it doesn’t matter that much but it’s good to have content for ppl to read rather than literally one post and it’s an intro. if people see the intro, they will prolly click on your account to see your writing and such. so, imo it’s important to have some writing to begin with
i’ve noticed, that using more tags doesn’t necessarily = more notes! the first few matter the most, and after that, it can help to do the category and such
let’s say i wrote a bakugou fluff. i’d use these tags: bakugou x reader, bakugou imagine, bakugou fluff, bakugou katsuki, mha bakugou- give or take a few! you can find examples under my MOST RECENT writing posts, as i did different experiments with it and the more useful your tags are the better. my “if you came into their room in the middle of the night” post was the experiment, and it turned out that i was right, more tags ≠ more interaction
on that note, INTERACT WITH PEOPLE. this isn’t against anyone who doesnt like interacting, but it can help build relationships with followers! if you’re comfortable with this, you can open your asks box so people can say stuff (you don’t have to have anons on but it can be nice for ppl who are shy/dont want their acc out yk)! if you get anon hate, just block the anon if you want. or dont respond.
also, it’s rlly cool to get a few mutuals! i’d love to be your mutual if you want to, just lmk your account whenever you start posting! sometimes i make mutual posts asking for mutuals, you can do something like that if you would like
my first ever oneshot thing i wrote, was one i rlly remember writing! that might not be the same for my viewers, but i usually remember someone by the first thing i’ve seen by them. first impressions matter, so try and figure out how you wanna be seen! ofc don’t fake being someone you’re not, but it might be confusing to ppl if your first impression doesn’t match with how you act the rest of the time!
your first post usually sets the tone for your blog, or at least the first one that gets you your audience. if you, in your first post that gains you followers, say that you’ll be writing for danganronpa, and then instead write for mha, everyone would kinda be like. what? i thought you were a danganronpa writer??? ya know
BE SURE TO INCLUDE GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS ON POSTS THAT NEED THEM. ADD THE TOPIC ITS WARNING ABOUT TOO. EVERYONE WILL APPRECIATE IT BECAUSE IT IS JUST A NICE THING TO DO PLEASE DO THAT!!
i suggest making a navigation page (like my pinned post) and a masterlist (you can do all your writing in one or even seperate masterlists for each character, whatever you’d like)! it can really help to have a spot to go and be able to find all of the writing you’ve done without endless scrolling! if you need a tut on how to add links to posts, im sure theres a tut on youtube!
A REALLY HELPFUL THING TO DO IS WHENEVER YOURE MOTIVATED WRITE LIKE FIVE THINGS SO WHEN YOU DONT FEEL LIKE WRITING, YOU HAVE POSTS! fr tho, ppl usually wont mind if you arent super active. if they do, theyre being dumb!
posting consistently CAN help your posts reach more ppl, but if you can only post every now and then, it isnt really a problem! don’t stress it if you’re too busy/dont have a schedule, it wont kill your account
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tl:dr;
-add trigger warnings on things when needed
-make a navi page (not needed)
-if you’re motivated, write stuff to post later
-first impressions matter
-mutuals!
-less tags can work more, but i’ve also seen a lot of tags work good as well
-INTERACT WITH PEOPLE
-don’t say you’ll do things just for followers. they aren’t just a number, they’re actual people
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how i started in five steps:
1. i made a post that was like “hey! im mack and i want to start doing writing requests! do you guys have any?”
2. i did a few posts then was like ah fuck i need a masterlist, so i made that and then made an about me with random facts i thought of and such. (also make sure tou put your pronouns in your bio so ppl arent confused!)
3. i did more posts and started gaining, but didn’t really mind it. i kind of just vibed, cause the numbers dont determine how good of a writer you are, so i focused on working on my writing style and such! i kinda ghosted the whole blog for a week straifht beside from queued reblogs, but came back later when i had inspo! it’s good not to run your brain dry
4. i redid my whole blog, made it pretty! its rlly motivating to me to have a nice blog, but it isnt required! i made an organized navigation page, and started focusing on getting my reach back. (btw, prime posting time is at like midnight!) be sure to put rules and boundaries on your page as well, so people do not end up crossing one that you didn’t state.
5. i reminded myself that i can do things other than my blog when i’d get a little too obsessive over it, and that it wasn’t going anywhere! don’t feel pressured to post a LOT. only post when you want to and can. don’t put responsibilities like health aside just for your blog.
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hope this was helpful <3
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something-tofightfor · 5 years ago
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He’s Not Here - Part 24
Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader
Word Count: 8034
Rating: M (language and violence)
Parts 1-23 + the interludes and NSFW alphabet can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)
Summary: What’s in the box that Billy left for you? Why was it so important that you have it? Does it even matter? 
Author’s Note: I’m about to ruin your Saturday.
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(Banner made by @the-blind-assassin-12)
It had taken you three days to go through all of the files on Billy’s laptop, starting with the videos in the folder he’d labeled with your name. There were plenty of them, and each one was like a punch in the gut, simply because with every word he said, you heard him in it, the way he’d been when he was with you, even though you weren’t together at the time. They followed a linear timeline - some of them were simply Billy talking to you through his webcam, staring at the laptop with wide brown eyes, features contorted in sadness as he reminded himself - and by extension, you - of what he was doing and why. You couldn’t watch them all that first night; you were crying too hard, and after calling your boss and letting her know that you needed a few days off, you pulled one of Billy’s t shirts on and crawled into bed, bringing his iPod with you and holding it with one hand until you fell asleep, the songs that had comforted him in the desert filling your ears. 
 You’d cried yourself to sleep, but had woken up early the next morning, determined to make more progress with the videos and the files. You made notes as you went through them, lists of what was in each file, and as you did so, the story unfolded, little by little. Billy had been involved with heroin smuggling, starting with the contact that he’d had with Schoonover when he’d been shot. The man had offered him an opportunity to work directly for him as soon as he’d gotten back overseas, and though Billy had been hesitant because he knew what hard drugs could do to people, he’d agreed. “I didn’t want to do it, you know? But it was good money, and if I hadn’t agreed, he woulda gone to someone else, and who knows what he woulda done to me for sayin’ no. I wanted Anvil, wanted to… just wanted to get started, and figured that once I was back here and could find a new way to… he’d go somewhere else after I’d done my part. He’d find someone else, and I could just…” Billy’s hand had been working the back of his neck as he spoke, still not looking at the camera. “I was wrong. I was so wrong, but by the time I realized it, we were already… it was about more than the drugs, it was … we were - me an’ Frankie were…” 
 Agreeing to help with the drug smuggling had been just the beginning, and while Billy had assumed that he’d be on the hook for that when he came home - using Anvil as a front until Schoonover could find another avenue for importing and distributing the heroin - things had quickly changed when he and Frank had been tasked with leading two squds of men in Afghanistan, turning from dedicated Marines into something more deadly, more focused - more wrong. “Cerberus, at first was just them tellin’ us to go in and do what was necessary. We’d all been asked to do a buncha shit before, shit that we didn’t agree with but didn’t question, and so it wasn’t anything different. It got bad, Orange… Rawlins had his own agenda, and we just did what we were told, and… and it got out of control. It wasn’t just Schoonover keepin’ an eye on me anymore, it was both of ‘em, and I couldn’t...” 
 The folders contained information about each of the men - dates and amounts, contacts, phone call logs, requests, meeting notes. “I couldn’t keep track of shit over there, but once I got here? I knew… I knew there was a chance they were gonna get caught, and I’d go down with ‘em, but I wanted to… I know I can only count on myself, yeah? But after Schoonover died … after Frankie killed ‘im, things got… things changed. Rawlins is so paranoid now, but he thinks that… it’s never gonna be on him, never gonna… but he… if he knew I was keepin’ track of things, makin’ these videos? It’s gonna cover my ass, but he’d kill me for it right after he made me watch him kill you.” 
 Billy outlined everything for you - the way that the operation had changed after Schoonover died and the heroin stopped coming in in the same way, the way that Rawlins stayed as far out of the spotlight as possible and still tried to control the narrative, sending Billy and his men out on missions that needed to be handled quickly and quietly. “An’ I know you won’t want it, but I can only use so much of this money, and if I’m… I’m doin’ all of this shit? I want it to mean somethin’.” There were things that Billy did that were legitimate - he talked about situations where the men and women of Anvil were doing real jobs, where the company was exactly what Billy had dreamed, getting recognition in the papers and in military and political circles. “It’s only been a year, only been… and we’re doin’ it. I’m doin’ it, and I want… I wish I could tell you about it, because I think you’d be proud of me, at least for some of this shit.” 
 The money that he’d been putting into your account - that he’d opened by using the signature on the contract that you’d both signed for the Anvil party - was, according to him, from Billy’s portion of the legitimate deals he’d been doing, the training and the protection, the missions. “I’m usin’ the blood money, and that’s more than enough. Everything that goes to you? That’s… that’s what I woulda been doin’ for you if we were still together.” But there’s no way to verify that, I don’t… all I have are these records, but… But you realized that there’d be no reason for anyone to look into the account; it had been opened in your name, and the signature was as close to your own as you’d ever seen. You went back and forth about how you felt, knowing that the money you had access to could have come from illegal activity, but at the end of the day, you decided it didn’t matter. 
 I can… I can use this to help him, I can get him a lawyer, I… You’d actually laughed when he explained what was going on with your rent amount being deposited into the account in one of the earliest videos. “I told you we’d be livin’ together as soon as I came back, that I wanted to… well, since I’m savin’ money by living in the apartment next to my office, instead of paying my rent, I’m paying yours… kind of, even though you don’t know it yet.” 
 Billy had moved out of his apartment and into the building that he was leasing only a few months after Anvil opened. You weren’t surprised by it - that meant he could be close to his recruits, close to the company, always available, and even though you knew that him doing that would have consumed him, you also knew that it was what would have kept him sane - and too busy to really sit back and think about how far his life had spiraled. 
 The videos continued, Billy talking about the things that Rawlins and Wolf had him do, the meetings he had with Bennett and the other men, the promises they made him. “I know I can’t trust ‘em, and at this point, it’s more about me bein’ able to somehow cover my own ass when this all goes bad. Not if.  I’m guilty, I’ve done a lot of bad shit and I know that, but it didn’t start out that way, and now… now they’ve got me in so deep that… I don’t know what else to do, except make these videos and talk to you like you’re really here because it might matter someday, even if it’s only to you.” 
 You’d seen the progression in Billy as the time passed. His first video to you, he’d been distraught and angry, trying to explain everything to you in a way that made sense while coming to terms with the fact that his life was exploding. The video after the Castles had been killed had been difficult to listen to, to say the least, but he’d been a combination of heartbroken and pissed, and you’d seen the fire in his eyes, heard the edge to his voice. The one from after Anvil’s opening had been short, but Billy was simply resigned in that one - he’d  talked about your kiss, talked about saying goodbye. “I shoulda done it like that in March. I shoulda just been more honest, been more… but if you’ve made it this far, you know why I couldn’t, you know the risk. You know how dangero… You’re right. I have to let you go, I can’t keep pullin’ you back in. I already did, and it’s too dangerous, even though I tried not to, I … The next few, he’d been more calm, matter of fact - you could hear in his voice that he’d accepted his new reality - a life without you, without the Castles and without anything meaningful in it, aside from Anvil - something that had been his dream but that he’d allowed to be corrupted. 
 Billy had laid out everything for you - the reasoning behind your breakup, the reasons that he’d acted the way he had, the motivations for how hard he was working with the company, the need for him to try and help Frank in any way that he could… and even the ways that he was trying to make it seem as if everything was normal in his personal life. You’d assumed that Billy hadn’t been celibate after ending things with you, but hearing him talk about it? Seeing him looking at the camera and then away from it while he talked about the fact that he had to keep up appearances by being seen with other women, that he’d had to sell it by drawing them in and then cutting them lose? It hurt, and no number of apologies would ever make the feeling that you’d had in the pit of your stomach while you heard him apologize for sleeping with other women - and then remind you that he was doing it because he loved you disappear. He’s not wrong, though, it makes sense, it just… 
 You believed him, believed every word of what he said, because the things he said in the videos lined up with the other files on the computer - the pictures, the spreadsheets, the documents. They even lined up with the phone calls and the text messages, and you knew without a doubt that they’d line up with Anvil’s records, too. Billy had had to do a lot off the books, but it seemed like before he’d turned over the invoices to whoever it was that had paid him for the ‘special’ missions, he’d made copies of documents, made notes of the transactions. Though Anvil’s headquarters was nothing but a smoking pile of ash, there was a separate portion of the hard drive dedicated to it - and to the records. I have everything. Everything he worked for. Everything he was. “I know that my discharge papers say somethin’ different on record, but I have the real ones, I asked for ‘em when I came home. It was before Rawlins got to… he’s gonna use the ones he did, the ones… but I know. These are real, and you’ll have em, they’ll… they’ve gotta be good for something, right?” 
 As time passed, you could see that for Billy, things were falling apart and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Frank’s supposed reappearance - and the fact that Madani was also looking for the man weighed heavily on him - you watched the look on his face change, the fear in his eyes grow. “If Frankie’s really back, he’s gonna know, he’s… I’m not gonna be able to explain, because how do you… how do I explain that? How do I get him to listen for long enough to...” Billy had wanted to see Frank again, had been both relieved and afraid to learn that the man was still alive, but it presented him with a lot of problems, too. “I didn’t want to turn him over to Rawlins, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t tell him no, because I’m in too deep now, he still has leverage on me, and I can’t… I won’t risk it.” Billy had been relieved that Frank hadn’t shown up at the docks, and then the bombings and  hotel attack had happened, exposing him to both Madani and Frank at the same time. “That’s not how I wanted him to find out, not how I wanted her to find out, either. I don’t… she was a means to an end, but I didn’t… it was never supposed to happen like this, I shoulda known that Frankie wouldn’t let it… fuck.” 
 There was no doubt that in the few days leading up to Billy showing up on your doorstep, he’d been trying to make sure that you had everything you could ever need on the laptop - and on the phone, which is where the call logs and text messages still were stored, along with audio recordings of meetings that he’d had with Rawlins and other men that you didn’t recognize - because while most of the information was organized, there were also things that were messily added, not labeled thoroughly, just put on the computer so that it would be there after he wasn’t. 
 But it was the last video - the one that you watched, curled up in bed, wearing his sweats and clutching the dog tag in one hand - that forced you into action, caused you to start thinking about what you could do with the information you had. In it, Billy was in a dark room, and he was wearing the outfit you’d last seen him in, hair hanging over his eyes and his skin pale, but his voice was sure, and he’d done something that he hadn’t in any of the previous videos: he stared directly into the camera for the whole thing. 
 “So this is it. I’m meetin’ Frankie tonight, and it’s… it’s gonna be one of us or neither of us. I gotta fight, I’ve always fought, and even though after what I did, just lettin’ him have me is what I deserve, it won’t… he won’t… I can’t just lay down and die.” He’d run his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I gotta say this now, because it could be my only chance, and if I say it to you when I come there in a few hours, you won’t let me leave.” Your heart was pounding as Billy leaned in, staring at you through the screen. “He thinks I’m somethin’ that I’m not, at least not completely. I did a lot of bad shit, a lot that I wish I wouldn’t have done, but it’s always been about survival. For me, for you, for him, for… fuck. You know how I get, so I can’t… I can’t promise you that I’m gonna make it through the night. Frankie and me, we always… we bring out the best in each other, but we also... “  Billy shook his head. “I told you I’d come back to you, no matter how long it took me, but I can’t… I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do that after tonight. I don’t think I deserve it, because this whole fucking thing is just… I just tried to… I’m tired. I’m tired of things bein’ like this, tired of… this isn’t me. It can’t be me anymore.”  
 He stood and walked away, coming back with the book you’d made him in his hands, holding it up for you to see that it was tattered, the pages bent and ripped at the edges. “I think you coulda forgiven me for the drugs, even though you would have been mad. And I know you woulda told me to … to warn ‘em, instead of… but I couldn’t. I tried to tell you without tellin’ you, but now I’m… You loved me, and I think you still might, but you need to know that it didn’t matter who I was with or what I was doin’, or what any of them say.” Billy tore the last page from the book and held it up, turning it so that you could see the words, even though they were backwards. “I just love you. I always have. And if you love me, you’ll use this - everything I gave you - not to clear my name, but at least to… explain why I did what I did. Maria’s parents, maybe? Frankie, if he makes it… if… fuck. Just promise me that you won’t blame yourself. I didn’t give you a choice - I made it for you.” He sighed, looking down, and you saw that the bloody fingerprint was on the card. “Make it worth it. Help him if you can.” Billy licked his lips, saying your name and holding his hand up to the screen - much like he’d done when he was overseas. “I love you, and I’m sorry.” 
 The video ended there, and you sat staring at the screen - his face frozen in a mask of sadness, his hand against the screen with his fingers splayed. He thought Frank would win. He didn’t think he would… Without thinking, you reached up to mirror the motion, tears streaming down your face. “Oh, Billy.” You took a deep breath, eyes finally moving away from the screen and down to where the rest of the items from the box  were spread out on your bed, thinking. He told me to make it worth it, but the only thing… You shook your head. Frank was still alive, that much was for sure. He deserves to know, he needs to… this can clear his name, too, give him closure, it’ll… You took a deep breath, still thinking. But Billy’s still alive, too. 
 As much as you hated Frank for what he’d done to Billy, you understood it. From where Frank stood, Billy was solely responsible for the deaths of his family, and there’d been no reason for it aside from Billy’s own selfishness and his desire to become wealthy and respected. That has to change. He needs to… Your breath leaving you in a shudder, you closed your eyes. Billy was in the hospital, clinging to life, and when he woke, he’d have Homeland and the rest of the government pinning crimes on him that he hadn’t been responsible for while overlooking the part that their own men - and women -  had played. You knew that they’d likely frozen Billy’s bank accounts; despite the fact that he’d included his own credit and debit cards in a separate envelope, as well as information for two offshore accounts, you were wary of counting on any of that money to be there when and if Billy needed it. But my account, he’s... I can use that, I can... You climbed out of the bed, crossing your arms over your chest as you paced your room, thinking. 
 Billy would have a public defender, a lawyer that was likely going to be able to be intimidated, one that wouldn’t work hard to save the life of his client - someone that he didn’t care at all about. And he’ll lose. And he’ll go to jail, or worse. He’d said it himself - he was guilty of a lot of things, but in all of the coverage you’d seen over the past week and a half, there had been no mention of anyone government or military being involved, aside from Billy and Lewis. He’s going to get blamed for everything, even the things he didn’t… Even Frank’s name had been scrubbed from the narrative; he’d saved the lives of two teenagers as well as Madani’s on the carousel, but after that, nothing. He can’t just… he’ll have to… “He said to help him.” You spoke out loud to your empty apartment, blinking away more tears. Billy had meant Frank, you knew that he had, but you didn’t know how to get in touch with him - and if you were being honest with yourself, didn’t know if you could face him, knowing what you did. I had no idea, I didn’t… You stopped in your doorway, looking back at the bed, and then looked down, realizing that you still had Billy’s dog tag in your hand, uncurling your fingers and finding that you’d been holding it so tightly that there were indentations left in the skin of your palm. I guess you had a preference, Billy. You just didn’t… you didn’t realize it until it was too late. 
 Taking a deep breath, you slipped the dog tag into your pocket, squaring your shoulders. Figure it out. He did. He … Your eyes landed on your phone, which was sitting on the nightstand, and you hurried back to it, picking it up. Who can I trust? You didn’t know where to begin; you’d never needed a lawyer, never been in trouble with the law, never had to think about what you’d do if you ever needed to defend yourself in public. There has to be someone, but… Leaving Billy’s laptop and everything else, you walked back into the living room, eyes moving over to the TV stand, where the pictue of you and Billy had been, though you’d moved it. That picture started it, it was… Shaking your head to clear it, you moved to the couch, perching on the arm and holding your phone. Focus. You didn’t even know what time of day it was; you’d been in a haze since you’d opened the box, but as your eyes wandered again to the TV stand, you pressed your lips together. It’s only noon, it’s the middle of the day, it’s what, a Friday? You unlocked your phone, opening the browser and took a deep breath before typing ‘criminal defense attorney New York City’ into the window and hitting search. 
 There were hundreds of results, and as you scrolled through them, you frowned. I can’t trust them, I don’t know if… they won’t take it seriously, they… You set the phone down, closing your eyes and rubbing your fingers over them. You were exhausted, and even though you’d been sleeping, your dreams were once again filled with Billy’s face, with his voice - and even though you had no clue what Frank had truly done to him, the dreams often featured Billy with injuries - scars and raised skin, bandages covering wide swaths of his face. You felt guilty - more guilty than you’d ever felt in your life, and you knew that you wouldn’t be over that feeling for a long time, especially not when you knew that Frank was still - “Frank.” You dropped your hands, picking your phone back up and typing again. This time, the search was more pointed - ‘Frank Castle defense attorney’ - and your eyes widened as you scrolled through those results. Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson’s law office was known for taking on difficult clients, and the two men were also known for getting results. “Can they help me? Help...Billy?” You swallowed, eyes scanning the page and you gasped when you saw a name that jumped out at you - Karen. 
 Frank had mentioned someone named Karen when he was talking about Billy, and the fact that she was associated with the lawyers couldn’t have been coincidence. You remembered Curtis mentioning her, too, both men saying her name with reverance. She helped Frank, she… You closed your fingers around your phone, squeezing your eyes shut. If she helped Frank when he was accused of… she might… You knew it was a long shot - if she was invested in Frank’s wellbeing, she’d likely be hesitant to listen to Billy’s side of things without rushing to judgement. But she doesn’t know, none of them do. Your heart pounding, you backed out of the news article and typed the woman’s name into your browser. She’s a reporter. You took a deep breath, scrolling, and saw that along with her email address and the newspaper’s phone number, she had her extension specifically listed on her profile. That has to be… You swallowed, memorizing the four numbers and biting your lip. It’s a long shot. But it’s the only… it’s the only one I’ve got. 
 You started the call before you could question yourself again, taking a deep breath and repeating the extension number when a man answered. As you were transferred, you felt your heart in your throat, foot tapping against the floor rapidly. “Karen Page, New York Bulletin.” Freezing, you didn’t respond right away. “Hello?” You made a split second decision, closing your eyes briefly and then opening them, your eyes landing on the decorated tree in the corner. I have to do this. “Hello? Is there -”
 “Miss Page?” Your voice shook, and you paused, swallowing before you introduced yourself. “I… I think you can help me.” 
 “You’re…” She paused. “I know your name, you’re Billy Russo’s…” She stopped herself and you heard yourself laughing quietly. “I’m sorry, that was… how can I help you?” 
 “Miss Page… Karen…” Your eyes went back to your hallway, the corner of the laptop just visible. “I didn’t know who else to…” You fought to keep your voice even, trying to figure out the best way to continue. Just say it. “Billy Russo isn’t the person that you think he is.” You heard her exhale, but continued before she could say anything. “I have… I have some things I need to show … someone, anyone that can help, I…”
 “Why do you think I can help you?” Her voice was slightly colder than it had been previously, but you heard the interest in it too. “I don’t -”
 “You believed in Frank Castle.” She sucked in a breath loudly. “You knew there was more to it than what they…” Now or never. “There’s more to this, too.” There was a long pause. 
 “I’m listening.” You let out your own breath, which was more like a sigh of relief before you closed your eyes, nodding. That’s all I needed. 
--- 
 The next day, there was a knock on your door, and when you opened it, you forced a smile at the blonde woman, inviting her in. You hadn’t slept well the previous night and were nervous - not because you feared what Karen would say in response to what you showed her, but because sharing what Billy had left you was opening up the remnants of your relationship - of his life - to someone on the outside, someone with an allegiance to Frank. But she’s … I have to. “Hello, Miss P-”
 “Call me Karen, please.” She stepped into your apartment, shaking her had. “So many people out today, you’d think they would have gotten it all out of their….” She trailed off, noticing the confused expression on your face. “Yesterday… was Black Friday?” Karen cocked her head to the side, frowning slightly. “Day after Thanksgi…” You shook your head, brow furrowed. I didn’t even realize. I missed…  You watched her as she watched you, her eyes raking over your body. You’d showered, changed into clean clothes and made an attempt to improve your appearance, but knew that you still looked rough. “You love him.” She swallowed. “Still, even after -”
 “I do. And I owe him.” There was no shame in your voice, nothing but the truth in it. “And you’ll understand better once…” You gestured to your kitchen table, where the laptop was sitting, open and unlocked. “Before I show you what he left me, I need to tell you… do you want something to drink?” 
 Over the course of an hour, you filled Karen in on your history with Billy, starting with how you’d met and ending with the moment he’d left you for the last time the night of the fight with Frank. She’d listened, her eyes growing wide at certain parts of the story, but hadn’t interrupted, a pen held tightly between her fingers as she took notes. You were honest with her, telling her details that you wouldn’t have told anyone else, because you wanted her to know the Billy that you knew, the man that you’d fallen in love with. “And he left me a box, telling me it was the truth… but I didn’t open it, I couldn’t, because it felt like…”
 “Like moving on. Like… ending that part of your life, the part that was with him.” She spoke quietly and you nodded, watching as she set the pad and pen down on the coffee table, next to her empty beer bottle. “You opened it, though.” You nodded, recounting Frank’s visit to you a few days after the fight, followed by your trip to the hospital and the encounter with Madani. “I’ve met her. She’s… she saved Frank’s life, her and Lieberman, after…” You watched her eyes flash. “After he killed Rawlins, and again after he fought with…” Karen bit her lip and used her fingers to wipe beneath her eyes. She loves him. You felt a chill run through your body at the realization, but you knew that you were too far in to stop things. “He’s gone, he’s not in the city anymore, you know that?” I didn’t. “He left Madani to look after Billy, told her to call him if anything changed, said he’d come back if he needed to, but even… even after what Billy did to Frank, to his family, he didn’t… he couldn’t kill him.” Karen shook her head. “I don’t know how he… Frank’s a good person, but, Billy, he took -”
 “He didn’t do it because he wanted to.” You spoke quietly. “He never wanted to hurt them, never would have…” You met her eyes, feeling yours flooding with tears that you didn’t even try to hold back. “Rawlins gave Billy a choice, Karen. And I didn’t know it until I watched…” You gestured to the laptop, shaking your head back and forth. “Rawlins wanted Frank dead, not Maria and the kids. Billy thought…” You looked down and then back up at Karen, who was watching you silently, hands clasped together on her lap. “Rawlins told Billy that if he warned Frank, if he tipped him off in any way, that he’d…” Your jaw worked silently, but you only paused for a moment before continuing, saying the words out loud for the first time. “He said he’d kill me.” 
 --- 
 Karen had been on the phone moments after watching the first video that Billy had recorded for you, the woman pacing back and forth in your living room as she talked with somone on the other end of the line. “I need you to pack up everything - not the clothes, but the laptop, the other stuff, the papers… and you need to come with me.” Shocked, you’d nodded, slipping Billy’s laptop and phone into your own bag, adding in the paperwork and few envelopes along with it. By the time you’d finished, Karen was sitting on your couch again, head in her hands and her long hair hanging through her fingers. “We’ll figure this out.” She looked up at you, and you saw that her eyes were shining. “I trust Frank. He’d never… he’s never…” She shook her head. “But that didn’t seem like…” No, it didn’t. She stood, pressing her lips together and  then she crossed the room to you, putting her arms around your shoulders and pulling you close. Though you were surprised, you hugged her back, feeling a sense of comfort for the first time since Billy had walked out the previous week. “Matt and Foggy will know what to do, they’ll… Matt will be able to…” 
 So the two of you had taken a cab to Hell’s Kitchen, entering a large and open apartment. You recognized the man that opened the door as Matt Murdock, and though blind, he’d reached out for your hand before you could say a word, introducing himself. “Karen tells me you have a case...or what you think is a case?” He smiled at you, and out of habit you nodded, opening your mouth to speak. 
 “I do, Mr. Murdock, I -”
 “Matt. Call me Matt. If we’re going to be working on this, you should…” He led you deeper into the apartment, asking you to set up the laptop and play the video you’d played for Karen. You watched him with interest as he listened to Billy’s words, his face giving nothing away. It was one of the longer videos, but as Karen pressed the pause button at the end of it, you felt like it wasn’t long enough. “And he recorded that when, Karen?” 
 “The date of the file is from about a week before the Castles were killed, Matt.” She sighed. “I mean, we’d need to check it out, and make sure, but… the other videos, they all have dates that line up with things Frank told me, things that we looked into for his case and with The Blacksmith. I mean, it… there seems like there could be a lot of truth to it, and if…” She trailed off. “If there is, then this could get interesting, Matt.” She believes. 
 “Russo’s voice… he believed what he was saying.” Matt frowned, shaking his head. “He was genuinely upset.” You leaned in, reaching past Matt to open up the file from the day that the Castles had been killed, pressing play. Just keep going, that’s all you can do now. When that video ended, you glanced over at Karen, whose eyes were read, tears streaking down her cheeks. You were crying too, but you were spent, your body almost too tired to produce any real tears. “He really didn’t know.” Matt’s voice was filled with surprise. “That changes things. If there was proof that -”
 “There is. It’s short, but there’s a recording on Billy’s phone, I don’t know how he got it, but it’s…” You swallowed. “It’s Rawlins and Billy the day of the…” You pulled the phone out, going through it. “Rawlins tells Billy that there are men outside of where I work, and if anything goes wrong, if Frank isn’t there, or if he seems like he was tipped off, they’ll grab me when I go to lunch.” You pressed play, letting Matt and Karen listen. Some of the audio was garbled, since you assumed that Billy had had the phone in his pocket, but most of the words were clear.
 “Does R… Billy have a lawyer?” You told him you didn’t know, and Matt nodded. “We’ll look into it. They can’t try him, or even charge him with anything formally until he wakes up and they assess… his brain function.” You gasped and Matt continued. “It’s been all over the news, I’ve… kept up with it.” Of course you have. “We have time, but we can’t… we can’t let anyone know that this information exists, not until we go through it, and…” Matt sighed. “Karen, can I talk to you for a minute?” The blonde nodded, and Matt pointed at the refrigerator. “Help yourself, we’ll be right back.” They  walked slowly away and down the hall, and you turned the laptop to face you, staring again at Billy’s face, paused on the screen. I’m going to help you, Russo. Even if they won’t, I … A few minutes passed and then you heard your name, Matt stepping back down the hallway in front of Karen, who looked determined. “We’ll need to keep the laptop and the phone, it’s evidence. Once we can verify that things were created on the days that … that he says they were, we can move forward.” You agreed and Matt took a deep breath. “I still have to talk to Foggy, but… I think that we can help Billy, and maybe Frank, too.” 
 You felt yourself deflate, your knees growing weak. “You...you believe him?” That time, your voice shook, and as you gripped the edge of the counter, you felt Karen’s hand on your back, heard her murmur your name. “I know you guys believe Frank, and you trust him, and…”
 “Frank’s entire… everything he ever did was to… was for the people he loved.” Karen shook her head, and for the first time, you noticed the faint scabbing on her face, the scar next to her lip. “If Billy really did that for you - and there’s proof? Proof that he…” She shook her head. “They’re going to try to bury him, and no one will ever know the truth if they have it their way. Sweeping what Rawlins and Bennett and Schoonover and Madani …what all of them did under the rug to save face?” Karen shook her head. “That’s not right, that’s not what .... Not what people like Frank and Billy fought for.” Karen nodded, her eyes clear. “I believe Frank. I believe that Frank did what he thought was right because of what they did to his family, but … but that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe Billy, too.” 
 “There’s a lot of work to do.” Matt spoke again, drawing your attention. “If Billy wakes up, we’ll need to be there almost as soon as Madani’s guy is, so we need to get to work on this.” You nodded, forgetting again that Matt couldn’t see it, but he grinned, continuing. “We need to go through all of these files, and start working on a strategy, figure out what we can…” 
 “Matt?” You swallowed, eyes moving back to the laptop. “If… if he doesn’t wake up, that laptop… the phone… it’s all… it’s all I have left of him, and it’s the only proof that he…”
 “We can make you copies of the videos.” Karen’s hand rubbed against your back, her voice quiet. “I’ll do that right away and get them back to you, just in case.” 
 “Yeah.” Matt cleared his throat, nodding his head. “It’s probably good to have backups anyway.” 
--- 
 Things moved quickly, and over the course of the next few weeks, Matt, Karen and Foggy worked tirelessly on the case, categorizing all of the information and printing things out, connecting dots. Karen’s position on the paper allowed her to dig into files and reports, getting them more information on the men that Frank - and Billy - had killed. It had only taken a few days for them to come to the conclusion that nothing on the phone or laptop had been fabricated, meaning that while the truth behind Billy’s words couldn’t be validated unless he woke up and remembered, he’d recorded and saved things as he went - not all at once, and not after the fact. It made you appreciate what he’d done for you even more, and it made you hate Madani and the government more, too. 
 Though you weren’t allowed in the room with Billy again, you visited him multiple times a week, sitting quietly in the hallway in a chair that faced his room, waiting for any sign of change. 
 Nothing happened - aside from the bandages on his face getting thinner, the bulk disappearing as the wounds beneath them healed. Madani was in the room with him most of the times that you were there, and while you couldn’t hear what she was saying, you watched as she spoke to him, the anger on her face and in her posture palpable. She’s going to try everything to … to ruin him. You kept it together, taking everything in, and reported back to Matt and Karen, letting them know if you overheard anything from Madani or the doctors, but it wasn’t until the beginning of the third week of December that they had to take action. 
 Billy’s court appointed lawyer had visited with Madani, and though you didn’t catch all of their conversation, you watched the man shake hands with her and heard him say that when Billy woke up, things wouldn’t take long to wrap up. I knew it. You texted Karen as soon as you left the hospital, and not less than 24 hours later, you received a message from Foggy, telling you that he and Matt had officially taken on Billy as a client, letting Madani’s team know that the court appointed lawyer would be replaced, pending Billy’s return to consciousness. You felt relief, but it was short lived, as the next time you showed up at the hospital Madani refused to speak to you, instead glaring at you as she walked by, going back into Billy’s room and blocking your view of the man by closing the blinds. 
 You weren’t allowed into the room - aside from a short visit on New Year’s Eve, something Karen had advocated for once she’d found out it was Billy’s birthday, but nothing changed with him. He was still out, still unresponsive, and even though you could see that he was healing - bruises and cuts fading from his arms, the doctors (and his own heightened senses) telling Matt that the other injuries on his body were getting better, too, you were beginning to worry that Billy wouldn’t ever wake up. 
 Even after the bandages came off, exposing the thick and jagged scarring on Billy’s face to the open air, he didn’t stir. You watched his chest rise and fall through the window, watched the monitors, eyes on the numbers, listened as much as you could to the doctors and nurses … and hoped. By the end of January, even Matt had said that things were changing, and he could almost hear Billy’s body as it healed, but he still didn’t respond - not to Madani, not to Detective Mahoney, not even to the medical staff, when they poked and prodded at him, examining him or manipulating his body so that he didn’t remain in one position. His arms and legs were thinner than you ever imagined that they could be, but they were nowhere near as thin as his face; Billy’s eyes sunken in, the raised and angry pink skin stretched tight over his skull. He looked nothing like the man that you knew, but that didn’t change the way you felt. This is because of me. Frank fighting him is because of me.
 While at work on a Tuesday in February, your phone rang, showing Karen’s number on the screen. You answered, unsure of why she was calling - but you didn’t have to wait long for the answer. Karen said your name, and at the sound, your grip on your phone tightened, chest growing tight. “He’s awake.” 
 You made it to the hospital in record time, and even though Karen met you at the front doors, you barely stopped until you were in the elevator, foot tapping on the floor. “Is he -”
 “I called you as soon as they called Matt.” She swallowed. “Madani’s been trying to get in there, I guess, but the doctors won’t let her, since Matt and Foggy are his legal council, and she’s not even technically supposed to be in the room.” I didn’t know that. “The cops will usually let her in, but if Mahoney’s here, she stays away, and now that he’s awake…” Karen shook her head. “You can’t go in, not yet, but maybe if he… if he sees you? Sees someone familiar that isn’t… her?” You nodded, nearly sprinting out of the elevator when the doors opened, but stopped in your tracks when you saw that Billy’s blinds were closed. That’s new. Madani was pacing in the hallway, her arms crossed and she swore when she saw you, rolling her eyes. “Agent Madani.” 
 Karen’s voice was frosty, and you and the blonde woman stopped in front of Billy’s door, waiting. “The lawyers are in there now, along with one of the -” Madani rolled her eyes. “You’re not going in there.” 
 “I know.” You eyed her, not saying anything else. It didn’t feel any different in the hallway, even though you knew that Billy was awake, but you could feel the anger rolling off of her, saw the way she was looking at you and Karen. “I -” Billy’s door opened and the officer stepped out, talking to Madani. 
 “He’s lawyered up. We can’t speak to him again unless they’re present, but the doctors also said that he needs some time to recover. He can’t -”
 “I don’t care. I want to see him now.” Madani pointed at the door, whch was still open a few inches. “I want to go in -” 
 “No. Agent Madani, we’ve allowed you to go in up until now, but there’s nothing we can do, both doctors as well as I heard him agree to let Murdock and Nelson -”
 “And Page.” Karen spoke up from next to you. “I’m a junior partner, we’re just waiting for my cards to come in.” She shrugged. “I’m on the team too, so I’ll have access to Mr. Russo.” Madani’s face turned thunderous, but the officer nodded. 
 “Murdock and Nelson and Page represent him, so unless one of them is present, you won’t be able to be in the room with him, and neither will we, except to guard the medical staff.” Swearing under her breath, Madani spun on her heel and stormed off, leaving the three of you - and the single guard outside the door - standing in the hallway. “Ms. Page, if you’d like you can join them in the room.” Karen nodded and squeezed your arm before she stepped away, slipping into the room and closing the door behind her. I just want to see him, I want to see him awake, I… “Take a seat, it might be a while.” The officer - one of the guards that you’d become familiar with sighed as you shook your head. “Suit yourself.” Minutes passed and then the door opened again, a doctor and a nurse leaving and shutting it behind them, walking down the hallway and  talking quietly between themselves. What is happening? What… You stared at the window, eyes unfocused, and then, after what felt like a long time had passed, you watched as the blinds rose, Karen’s worried face inches away from yours. She was blocking your view of Billy, and waited until you’d met her anxious eyes and nodded once to step to the right, letting you see him. 
 His head was turned to the side, looking away from you as he talked to Matt and Foggy, but after a few seconds, Billy’s head moved, even though it didn’t lift from the pillow. Oh, God. Things seemed to be happening in slow motion, your heart thudding behind your ribs as you watched him move for the first time in months. Billy’s head stopped, his cheek resting on the pillow, and you stepped closer to the window, staring at him, even though his eyes were closed. He finally opened them and you felt your eyes widen as you saw them through the glass - the same brown eyes that you’d gotten so used to staring into looking at you as if they didn’t see you at first. Billy it’s me. It… You watched as his eyes widened, eyebrows rising, and for the briefest moment, a flash of recognition went through them, his jaw twitching. Hi. But then it was gone, Billy’s brow furrowing as he kept staring at you. No… what… he doesn’t… Unwilling to give up, you raised your hand to the glass, pressing your palm against it and tilting your head to the side. Come on, Billy. It’s me. 
 For the span of a few seconds, you thought he was going to respond, but then Billy closed his eyes again, turning his head back toward Matt and Foggy. Feeling crushed but trying not to show it, you stepped away from the glass, dropping into the chair you typically sat in and putting your face into your hands. It doesn’t matter. He’s awake. He’s alive. Nothing else matters.
 ---
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villlainarc · 4 years ago
Text
Falling Victim to Your Fantasy
Summary: 
One step. Another. Then another. The creak of a floorboard and a pause, the silence giving way to the rapid beating of a heart. The silence returns, so there’s another step. Another. Then—
Then.
He trips on something and tumbles down the stairs, undoubtedly breaking his nose on the way down.
He reaches the bottom with a loud thud and a groan.
Whispers. Why are there whispers?
A sharp pain through his abdomen. A whimper.
A flash of gold and black, a sickening crack against his skull that echos within it too. Another whimper, somehow even quieter this time.
Footsteps up the stairs, the body abandoned.
A pair of eyes slip shut and the world falls away.
(The time was 2:30 AM.)
Pairings: (primarily) platonic creativitwins, logince, moxiety, prinxiety, and logicality
Warnings: major character death/murder, blood and injury, unsympathetic side(s), unhappy ending
(if you have Strong Feelings about specific u!side(s), you can find that in the tags a little ways down)
Word Count: 2623
Taglist (ask to be added!): @max-is-tired @raaindropps @sssounds-gay-im-in @main-chive @emo-disaster @heavenly-roman
Notes: the fic i wrote with the incomparable lex/heavenly-roman (who contributed, by her own estimate, 1.5 Whole Scenes and the Entire Title /t) for the fandom games—the backstory for which can be found here and here
ao3
_________________________
“Why didn’t you get involved in the fight?”
“I didn’t feel it was necessary. You, Patton, and Virgil already said all that I felt needed to be said.”
“We still could’ve used the back up though, Lo.”
“Maybe so, but I believe you did just fine on your own.”
“Right.”
A sigh. “If it helps, I would have been on your side.”
A scoff. “I should certainly hope so.” A pause. “You didn’t come here just to make small talk though, did you?”
“No. I came to ask if I could borrow your katana.”
“You can, but may I ask why you’d want to?” A frown.
“Research. I want to determine if it’s historically accurate when compared to actual katanas that were once used.”
“That sounds awfully dull.”
“Not to me, it isn’t.”
A laugh. “Of course it’s not. Just bring it back when you’re done, alright?”
A nod. “Naturally.”
(The time was 8:12 PM.)
_________________________
 “What did you do with my jacket?” The tone is accusatory, the words filled with venom.
“I haven’t been in your room in years, not since—” A glare is sent his way, followed by a pause. “What makes you think I would have it, anyway?”
“Who else would take it?”
A scoff. “It beats me why even you want it, how am I supposed to know?”
“You’re avoiding the question!”
“And you’re wasting my time. I don’t have your jacket. Goodnight, Virgil.”
“Bitch.” The word is muttered, but all hear it. 
Not one person acknowledges it.
(The time was 9:32 PM.)
_________________________
A note, written in swirling script.
Remus,
Meet me in the common room at 2:25 am. We have things to discuss. 
       Yours, Roman
A creaking door. A glance. Remus exits his room. Normally, secrecy isn’t his forte—mending his relationship with his brother, however, seems important enough that he has to at least try.
One step. Another. Then another. The creak of a floorboard and a pause, the silence giving way to the rapid beating of a heart. The silence returns, so there’s another step. Another. Then— 
Then. 
Remus trips on something and tumbles down the stairs, undoubtedly breaking his nose on the way down. 
He reaches the bottom with a loud thud and a groan. 
Whispers. Why are there whispers?
A sharp pain through his abdomen. A whimper. 
A flash of gold and black, a sickening crack against his skull that echos within it too. Another whimper, somehow even quieter this time.
Footsteps up the stairs, Remus abandoned. He should have screamed. Maybe if he’d screamed, someone would have cared. 
But no. He hadn’t.
He hadn’t, and so Remus’s eyes slip shut and the world falls away.
(The time was 2:30 AM.)
_________________________
A knock. “Virgil? Why are you still up?”
“Insomnia? Anxiety? I’m not sure, take your pick.”
“Are you alright?”
A quiet laugh. “Never. If you’re referring to the fight—”
“I am.”
“Then yeah, I guess. It’s nothing we didn’t know before, right? We don’t like the dark sides, they don’t like us.” A shrug. “Nothing groundbreaking. I just don’t like all the yelling. Makes me feel… less than good afterward.”
A noncommittal hum, and a pair of eyes linger on a cardigan.
A sharp breath. It’s wrong.
And suddenly, “You know what, I’m kind of tired now, actually. D’you mind—”
“Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! Sleep well, Virgil.”
“Night, Pat.”
(The time was 3:03 AM.)
_________________________
This can’t be happening.
This can’t be happening.
Roman can’t think anything else at all as he stands at the foot of the stairs, staring at the body, cold and dead in the middle of the living room. 
(He recognizes the outfit on it—how could he not, this is his brother after all—but putting a name to the body makes it feel real. Roman doesn’t want it to be real, so the body in the middle of the living is just that. A body. He refuses to think of it as anything else.)
Taking a tentative step closer, Roman does his best to avoid the bloodstains that litter the carpet, not wanting any to get on his shoes and make the others suspect that he might have ki— 
No. There’s no guarantee that he’s actually dead, and while some of the other sides may not like him, there was no way they’d have killed him, right?
…Right?
Right.
“Remus?” Roman asks, crouching by his brother’s face, still wishing, praying, hoping that this is some sort of prank, that Remus will sit up, summon his mace from god knows where and hit him over the head with it.
Remus does none of those things, and Roman does his very best not to think about that for too long.
He has to get one of the others. Or all of them, actually. There is no way he’s going to deal with this alone. 
Roman stands up, wishing he could tear his eyes away from Remus’s face, so horrifyingly empty, and his eyes, so cold and blank, and his chest, stabbed through with— 
That’s his katana, isn’t it? How did it get— But no, Roman hadn’t killed him, so— 
Wait. 
No, Logan had been the last one to have it. That fact will alleviate any suspicion directed towards him.
So had Logan…?
No. Roman doesn’t want to believe that Logan killed Remus. He refuses to.
Roman takes a calming breath, tearing his eyes away from Re— the body. He tears his eyes away from the body.
He’d been about to step away from it too when his eyes are abruptly drawn to the left hand, clenched into a fist with a piece of paper crumpled in it. Roman kneels again, carefully prying open the fingers and extracting the paper before smoothing it out over his knee.
It’s a note.
It’s a note that requests to see Remus in the living room at 2:25 AM, presumably last night.
It’s a note that requests to see Remus in the living room at 2:25 AM written in Roman’s handwriting.
But Roman didn’t request to see Remus in the living room at 2:25 AM last night. He didn’t kill Remus. He knows he didn’t, so someone else must have written it.
Roman knows that.
…But what will the other sides think when they see the note?
Panicked, Roman shoves the note deep into the pocket of his pants as he stands up again. No one else can ever know about it.
(The time was 8:33 AM.)
_________________________
Virgil rubs his eyes, yawning as he trudges down the stairs behind the rest of the sides. “What’s important enough that you had to wake us all up, Pri—”
And suddenly, Virgil goes silent. The room goes silent, everyone staring in shock at Remus’s body, at the blood pooling around him, at the limbs bent at horribly strange angles—horribly, horribly strange angles, even for him.
“We need to figure out what happened,” Patton says finally, wringing his hands nervously, eyes darting everywhere but the spot on the ground where Remus lies.
“What we need,” Janus drawls, “is to figure out who killed my friend.”
Virgil scoffs. “Like it wasn’t you.”
“It wasn’t.”
“Do you have proof?”
“We don’t have proof of anything, Virgil dear.”
“Boys!” Patton exclaims, a smile suddenly plastered over his face, “Now isn’t the time for arguing.”
Virgil crosses his arms with a huff, but he does go silent.
Janus, on the other hand, speaks up again. “Someone needs to investigate. Find fingerprints, weapons, create a timeline, all that. Without a legitimate detective, it has to be one of us, too.”
“Logan,” Virgil announces firmly. “I trust him to figure this out, more than I trust any of you,” he says with a glare at the rest of the room, which—while perhaps unnecessary—anyone present would also admit is entirely valid.
Logan nods in agreement. “I will do my best to get to the bottom of this.”
(The time was 8:53 AM.)
_________________________
It had been a long, long day. Logan had indeed done his best to figure out what had happened, but… well, Roman doesn’t want to sound critical, but it doesn’t seem like they’d gotten all that far. The only new thing that had been discovered after Logan asked each of them for their alibis was— 
“Hey, Roman?”
“Hm?”
“You know how Janus’s cane was found under my bed?”
—the cane. 
“Yeah? What about it?”
“Well, this is going to sound weird, but I think he put it there.” 
“How— how do you figure?”
“Okay, so you know that when Janus originally impersonated Patton, he wore the wrong cardigan?”
“Are you saying—”
“Patton was wearing the wrong cardigan when he talked to me last night.”
“But if Patton wasn’t Patton, then are you implying that Logan—”
“Well, he wasn’t wearing the right tie, was he?”
Shit.
“Shit,” Roman says, this time out loud. Out of all the people to have killed Remus, Roman had thought Janus was the one with the least convincing motive. They may have been nearly opposites when it came to personality, but they’d been friends at least, right? 
Sighing, Roman stands up. “I’m going to go talk to Janus. There’s got to be more to this.”
“I mean, okay, but be careful. He might—” Virgil pauses. “Actually, you know what? I’m coming with you.”
(The time was 1:17 AM.)
_________________________
“Janus—”
“I didn’t kill your brother, Roman. I swear.”
“Exactly what the murderer would say,” Virgil says pointedly, stepping past Roman to sit on Janus’s bed, regardless of his potential murderer status.
“And for the record,” Janus continues, spinning to Virgil, “I didn’t put the cane under your bed either. If I’d wanted to frame you, I wouldn’t have used my own cane. There are countless other blunt objects to knock someone out with, I wouldn’t have risked drawing suspicion to myself by doing something so foolish and—”
“Oookay, you’ve clearly put too much thought into that,” Virgil interrupts, holding out a hand. “We were going to ask about Logan and, uh, Patton. They both talked to the two of us last night, but they were wearing their old clothes.”
“So you think that was me?”
“Neither of them mentioned the conversations in their alibis,” Roman points out.
“Look, if I truly wanted to murder someone, I wouldn’t have been so careless as to wear the wrong article of clothing again. Surely you remember that I took notes last time, Roman.”
“Well yeah, but—”
“No, I’m done here. Wait in the living room, I’ll be there in a bit with proof that it wasn’t me.”
“Where are you going?” Roman asked, jumping to the side as Janus whirled out of the room, his cape fluttering behind him.
“To talk to Patton.” 
(The time was 1:28 AM.)
_________________________
“Enough.” 
An innocent tilt of the head. “Enough of what?”
“Enough small talk. That’s not what I’m here for, and I’m sure you know it.”
A smile fades, slowly but surely. “Do I?”
“Yes.” A pause, quite likely for dramatic effect. “You’re the one who killed Remus.”
“I—”
“Don’t try to deny it. I can tell when you’re lying.” (He can’t—not really, anyway—but Patton doesn’t need to know that.)
“I—” A shuddering breath. “I did.”
A soft voice, coaxing out an explanation. “What happened?” 
“I— I did it alone. I took—”
“Lie.”
“No! I’m not, I—”
“You worked with Logan, didn’t you?”
Silence.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Please, do go on.”
“Fine. Logan borrowed the katana from Roman, I took the jacket from Virgil’s room. We wore the wrong clothes—”
“To frame me.”
“—to frame you, yes. I— It was my idea to write Remus a note and mimic Roman’s handwriting.”
A hum, followed quickly by a smirk. “He’s not going to appreciate that very much, is he?”
“He— he’ll understand, he has to! I did this for him, for Virgil—”
“I don’t need your excuses, Patton.”
A soft sigh. “Right. We—well. I, technically—slipped the note under Remus’s door, telling him to meet in the living room at two twenty-five AM. I used Virgil’s jacket to trip him, Logan used Roman’s katana to kill him, and I used your cane to knock him out. We— we used something from each of you, so you wouldn’t think you were able to trust each other.”
“And yet, you used nothing of your own and nothing of Logan’s. How careless.”
“I— well, we—”
“What did I say about excuses?” A pause, and then silence as the stammering stops. “Is that all?”
Another voice, this time from behind him. “It’s all you’ll hear.”
The flash of a knife. 
A scream.
(The time was 2:21 AM.)
_________________________
“It was Patton,” Janus says, standing at the top of the stairs, panting and gasping. “Patton and Logan. They killed Remus.”
Roman blinks. “How do you—”
“Well for starters,” Janus says, straightening up and strolling down the stairs in a rather calm manner for someone who just accused two people of murder, “Patton just confessed everything to me. I’ll spare you the details, but he and Logan did indeed kill Remus.
“Second,” Janus continues, pausing at the foot of the stairs, “Logan just tried to kill me and Patton when he heard him confessing,” he says, gesturing with a flourish at Patton and Logan, both of whom had just appeared at the top of the stairs looking unusually disheveled.
“I’d watch out for the knife,” Janus finishes, draping himself across the couch as though it were a chaise lounge.
Logan moves to push past Patton, to do… something, but he’s stopped. 
“There’s nothing more we can do,” Patton says, tears in his eyes as he looks down at the betrayal in Virgil and Roman’s faces.
“So Janus wasn’t lying,” Virgil finally breathes. 
“He wasn’t, but Virgil, kiddo, let me explain. I did—”
“Nothing you say is going to fix this! You— what have you done?”
“I helped Thomas! We didn’t need Remus, we never did!”
“Why would he be here if he wasn’t needed?” Roman asks quietly, hand reaching into his pocket for something Patton has a sinking feeling he won’t want to see. “I don’t care what you thought of him, he was still my brother. And I still—” Roman stops, shaking his head as he removes his hand from the pocket, a piece of paper held in it.
Patton can tell by the glare on Roman’s face that he definitely doesn’t want to know what it is, and he can tell by the pained look in his eyes that he already does.
“You wrote this, didn’t you? You used me, you used my handwriting, you used the fact that Remus actually cares about me to— to kill him.” Roman covers his mouth as he chokes back a sob. “You can’t— you have to know how much that hurts, how awful it feels to know that in some twisted way, this is my fault.
“And surely,” Roman continues, “surely you know by now how much I hate— no. No, that’s too kind. Surely you know how much I completely, utterly, and totally despise you.”
Patton’s voice is small as he tries one final time, “I did this for us. I did this to protect us. Logan and I, we— we did this for you. If you just try to see what we did for you, then maybe one day—not now, I don’t expect you to now, but maybe one day—you’ll be able to forgive us.”
“I will never forgive you.”
With that, the mindscape dissolved into voices and screaming and tears and pain.
(The time is 2:30 AM. Twenty four hours have passed since Remus Sanders was murdered and everything fell apart.)
_________________________
aaanyway if u want a happy ending just pretend remus sits up in the next five seconds and logan berates thomas for not figuring out his littol mental puzzle sooner :) 
(and if you want to find other stuff i’ve written, it’s under #writings from the stars or my masterpost)
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onlysmagic · 4 years ago
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🌌  ———  MEET CORDELIA .
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hey hey hey! it's me, honey, back again. i've miss everyone so very much. how have you all been? good, i hope. for the time being, i'll be playing sweet cordy again ( nothing new  . . . nothing's changed . . . still the same old cordy! ) but noah could be coming back soon ~* and maybe some new muses *~ ooOOoOOh. as always, hit the heart for a new old friend and i'll im you to get the party started!
cordy’s stats 🌌 cordy’s wanted connections 🌌 cordy’s pinboard
thanks again for an incredibly warm welcome back! i've missed you all terribly!
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🌌 —  THE STATS .
FULL   NAME *    . CORDELIA AMI WANTANABE . NICKNAMES *    CODY   ,   DELIA   ,   CORDY . AGE *    TWENTY-FOUR . DATE   OF   BIRTH *    APRIL   3RD   1996 . STAR   SIGN *    ARIES . HOME   TOWN *    NARA   ,   KANSAI   ,   JAPAN . GENDER *    CIS FEMALE . SEXUALITY *    (   CLOSETED   )   BISEXUAL . NATIONALITY *    JAPANESE . ETHNICITY *    ASIAN . FAMILY *    WANTANABE   TSUYOSHI   (   FATHER   ,   MAINTENANCE   WORKER   -   JAPANESE   )   &   WANTANABE   AMI   -   FORMERLY   ITO   (   MOTHER   ,   FLORIST   -   JAPANESE-CANADIAN   ) . OCCUPATION *   UNEMPLOYED . PLAYLIST *   COMING   SOON .  QUIRK *    STELLARKINESIS   ,   OR   THE   ABILITY   TO   CREATE   AND / OR   MANIPULATE   STARS   AND   USE   THEIR   STELLAR   ENERGY  . 
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🌌 —  THE STORY.
           ONCE UPON A TIME , IN A FAR-AWAY LAND known as nara , an ordinary girl is born to two parents who love her ( but cannot seem to love themselves. ) they name her cordelia and, from a young age, there was always something a little . . . off about their sweet girl. now, many parents would claim that their child glows & a light seems to follow them wherever they wander, but the wantanabes would be right.
           it isn’t until the young girl turns 10 that she realizes that no, not everyone can bend space and time to their own whim. not everyone sees the universe as a malleable thing, able to be crafted in one’s own image should they wish. in fact, she is the only one she knows who can do anything of the sort. okay, her dad has superhuman-like strength ( in that he can help her open bottles and things of that sort ) and her mother is incredibly quick-witted, but neither of them can conjure hot balls of gas and light whenever they wish. cordelia can. it’s her mother’s idea to keep it a secret, out of fear that someone could find the young girl and exile her for being so . . . different. delia doesn’t see the harm in it. what’s the worst that can happen? at that age, all she tended to do was bring a bit of starlight to the light-polluted nara and its surrounding areas. it wasn’t like she was dangerous in her mind, it’s all fun and games . . . until someone gets hurt.
           and who should get hurt? why, her beloved parents, of course. a freak accident ( a rush, a blur, not knowing where her powers could take her. ) cordelia was swallowed whole by the guilt of seeing both of her parents in the hospital, doctors whizzing around them while not knowing what in the world had gotten to either of them. they couldn’t for the life of them guess; most thought lightning had something to do with it. if they only knew it was the little girl sitting at each of their bedsides, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
           they both eventually got to go home -- becoming known around nara as the lightning couple, due to the belief that they both were struck by lightning, despite the outlandish odds -- but cordy knew that she wouldn’t be able to go home with them. she would never forgive herself if something worse ( and there wasn’t much worse that could happen to either of them ) so she found hosu and ran, ran, ran. of course, when she arrived safe and sound, she wrote to her parents, but she’s broken inside knowing that, well, it has to be this way. it’s breaking them all, but it has to be this way.
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🌌 —  WELCOME TO THE ISLE.
          THE BROWN-EYED girl shows up on the island shaking. she'd never done anything so brash before, yet, here she was, so many miles away from everything she'd ever known and with nothing to her name . . . nothing other than that stupid quirk she'd been all but cursed with.
          stupid stars. stupid light. stupid gas. stupid universe.
          . . . so what if she's not exactly eloquent, she's too angry to care. what a wicked way to go, but cordelia figures it's better her than her parents. they do forgive her, eventually, but it takes quite a few conversations that last hours upon hours and some good, old fashion groveling. afraid of growing so close to someone that she can hurt them again, cordelia becomes a master of being seen and not heard; it's easier to not be missed if no one really knows you, after all.
          but it's incredibly lonely. living by a rule that an eleven-year-old version of herself created is becoming harder and harder with each passing day, especially when she starts having to lie to mom and dad when they ask about her friends ( cordelia never did like that sad sounding sigh that would always come across the line. ) so she creates these fanciful friends and their fantastic adventures across the isle. they all have their own quirks but they learn to live with them, learn to love them and, by extension, themselves. yeah, it sounds something out of a coming-of-age film that cordelia would probably love . . . but what her parents don't know won't hurt them.
          but it'll end up hurting cordelia. karma's been chasing not too far behind with its sight set on her and, one day, it finally gets her. a horrible accident, her mother exclaimed, so much blood and just -- what, what is going on? cordelia's heart was in her throat and she wanted to scream until she broke the sound barrier. she nearly went supernova ( quite literally, too. it took everything in her not to explode right then and there. ) her father was hit by some punk drunk driver and was announced dead on arrival . . . what? why would the universe do such a thing? why would those stupid stars that everyone swore by decide to take such an inherently good person away?
          it wasn't fair. cordelia fell into a deep deep depression. the stars didn't shine nearly as brightly as they once did ( there was no one to create new galaxies for anymore. ) every night, she'd watch the stars she'd created for her father, her mother, the old friends she knew in nara, die slow deaths. soon, there would be nothing left in the world with her namesake on it and cordelia, all at once, found that to be a crying shame. call it her father's optimism finally rubbing off on her, or just simply finding it hard to keep lying to her now-widowed mother.
          she was going to find some friends . . . anyhow, anyway. if karma, the stars, the government, anything or everything was keeping an eye on her, she’d at least give them a worthwhile show.
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🌌 —  PERSONALITY TRAITS.
POSITIVE : appropriate, brave, balanced, sugary, polite, organized, practical.
NEGATIVE : co-dependent, stuffy, standoffish, aloof, lethal, anti-social, incapable, dishonest.
LABEL : the doll . . . beautiful but fragile / untouchable.
EASTERN ZODIAC SIGN : THE RAT . . . a clever, quick thinker; successful, but content with living a quiet and peaceful life.
WESTERN ZODIAC SIGN : ARIES / THE RAM . . . a fire sign.  a passionate, motivated, and confident leader who builds community with their cheerful disposition and relentless determination. uncomplicated and direct in their approach, they often get frustrated by exhaustive details and unnecessary nuances.
PERSONALITY TYPE : INTJ / THE ARCHITECT . . . highly analytical, creative and logical.
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🌌 —  THE CONNECTION IDEAS .
AURIGA / THE CHARIOTEER  . . . you and cordelia live in the same building. you have the ( un ) fortune of living above her, and in the middle of the night, you awaken to so many odd noises. when you look outside your window, you see her in the middle of the field painting the night sky with thousands of sparkling lights. stars . . . and so many of them! maybe you like them, maybe you ask her to spell out a swear word in the sky, or maybe you just want to sleep.
CASSIOPEIA - THE QUEEN  . . . cordelia rubs you the wrong way. that emotionless void of a girl has gotten on your last nerve and you are going to show her. how? you're not sure yet, but she will rue the day she ever crossed you. wait, what do you mean she's not that bad? that's not fair! you're supposed to hate her . . . wait, did you ever?
CYGNUS - THE SWAN . . . you fell for a vision. no, literally, a vision. they say you only dream up faces you've seen in real life, and for some reason, cordelia is that face. maybe she visits you in dreams and messes with your head, or maybe she's that serial killer who runs after you down the never-ending hallway with a knife in her hand and a smile on her face. how do you deal with seeing her . . . all the time?
GEMINI - THE TWINS . . . something happened and you were both in a tough situation, with cordelia being in the tougher of the two. you two strike a deal to help one another, but you tell her that she owes you. whatever she owes you, that's the deal ( please don't be weird about it tho ) and, for as long as you'd like, she can run around and do your errands for you, tell everyone your blunt opinion of them ( she's pretty good at that ) or just have to listen to you sing the entire aladdin soundtrack over and over again at 3 am. your call.
LYRA - THE LYRE . . . cordelia's never been the type to truly understand people. she always thought that it was because she was so sheltered growing up, really choosing to spend her time with her parents and a select friends from school. however, as she's grown up, she's come to learn that she does want to understand people . . . she just can't. not for trying, but she's too blunt, too sardonic, too -- cordelia. which is why she enlists your help. you're the golden child and she'd like a little bit of that sparkle to shine on her, thank you very much.
ORION - THE HUNTER . . . call it fate, destiny, whatever you will -- something brought you and cordelia together for a fun summer romance. however, now that summer’s melted into fall and everything is getting colder, so did your romance. you broke it off in a way that you thought was amicable but cordelia would be quick to disagree with. she doesn’t want you back, per say, but she does wish that she could have had better closure than a single text message . . . then again, she wasn’t exactly an angel in the relationship either. after she drops off one of your hoodies, you find a crumpled up note stuck in the pocket of someone confessing their love for cordelia . . . during your relationship. seriously, it includes your name and everything! do you confront her, or do you try and get the pair together?
URSA MAJOR - THE BIG BEAR . . . she didn’t mean to, honestly !! you just so happened to be hit by that star and, oh god, it’s like the entire ordeal with her parents all over again. only except she doesn’t really know you. every day during your stint in the hospital, you receive a bouquet of beautiful flowers -- maybe they’re your favorites or maybe they’re the type you cannot stand -- with the same note. i’m sorry. you figure it isn’t from anyone you know; it can’t be, can it? on your second-to-last day, the apologetic message is accompanied by an address and a little, scratchy handwritten note asking to meet someone there. against your better judgement you do, but no one is there . . . until you look up in the sky to see an incredible array of different-colored gasses ,you’ve never seen a nebula up close, save for photographs. a tall, black-haired girl walks beside you and begins to explain that she did not mean to hit you with a shooting star. she was simply practicing but her aim isn’t where it needs to be. do you believe this girl, or run as far as you can away from her?
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