#and idk it just feels very isolating

[crybaby-bkg]

we’re almost three months into the year and I haven’t uploaded a full fic yet ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

[freewayshark]

It really does make me wonder what else has been shot down by Fox. Because buddie is obviously the thing that we’re more able to clearly connect dots on even before Oliver started saying anything about any of it, but you know it’s not the only thing, we just don’t have the threads to pull on for anything else

[kithj]

trying to trick myself into writing tnp again by editing and rewriting chunks of the first few chapters

[trans-leek-cookie]

listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy

[gayvampyr]

forgot for a second that oscillopsia is in my brain and not external and i almost tried to record what it looks like to me to show people what i mean

[castleofravens]

it’s so fucked up actually for your friends to be essentially shit talking you behind your back while also invalidating/not trying to understand your feelings and where they’re coming from

[teknikolor-walters]

Does anyone else feel a debilitating fear of getting better? Is this normal? Does it secretly prove I'm just faking everything for attention? Probably tbh

[yuripira4e]

I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)

[itspileofgoodthings]

Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024?  😀

And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.) 

Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one teach a book in 2024?

It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.

My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.

Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.

Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

thinking about fallout 4 against my will

[lightnersdream]

Fuckkk im having a genuine emotion about something i had the capacity to change in the past and didn't *runs away forever*

[bacchuschucklefuck]

What about sorcerer Adaine? It'd keep the way her parents treated her consistent because of in that case they'd see her having the easy way of casting instead of studying to be a "proper" caster

this is a great idea!! the only reason why I'm not gonna pick it up is bc I've already locked down sorcerer for kristen haha

[you-will-return]

--

(I keep telling myself that I won't post it and then I don't and then I feel annoyed with myself but I tell myself that I shouldn't post it and then I don't and-)

[transbee]

Connections.

(ID and closeups under the cut)

Image description: a messy comic made up of overlapping panels. the first panel is a black and white figure with messy hair exhaling stylized swirly smoke from their mouth. the second panel is disconnected from the first, in the foreground there is a coffee mug with the same stylized swirls rising out of it. behind the same figure rests their head and hand on the table. their hair is colored in red and green. the third panel is of a purple flower. it is missing a petal. the fourth overlaps this and shows the same figure exercising, they are doing a plank with shaky lines coming off their figure. they are outlined in red. the fifth panel shows a cropped image of a brick wall messily colored orange with graffiti on it; only the letters "RE" are visible in red ink. the sixth panel is underneath and shows cracks through the whole frame, reminiscent of a broken mirror or cracked foundation. the seventh panel shows the figure sitting curled in on themselves, they are holding a knife in their outstretched arm. blood drips off the knife and their arm. the edges of the panel are dark and the figures hair is inked in red, as well as the blood drips . the next panel is disconnected and shows a closeup of a mouth being pulled to a smile at the corners, revealing a mouth full of sharp teeth. the teeth and hands are outlined in red. the next panel is beneath and shows a figure hunched over in front of a trifold mirror. three blurry forms are reflected back. they are colored light green, dark green, and red. to the right of this panel is a small drawing of a razor blade. the tenth panel is disconnected underneath, it shows a view from above of a dark, empty room. in the middle is an unmade messy bed, and a dark from sitting on the floor beside it. the boarder of the panel swirls inward towards the figure. to the right of the panel is a small drawing of an eye, looking upward, tired. the brow and iris are colored red. the next panel contains the same figure with another persons arm over their shoulders, they are colored yellow and smiling. the figure is staring ahead, blankly. their hair is colored red and green. a third person is partially in the frame and facing away from the viewer, they are colored in orange and yellow. the right side of the panel bursts out into color, destroying the edges of it. the final panel shows two hands interlocking, one colored orange and yellow and the other red. beneath the comic there is handwriting reading "i'm sorry, i don't really think any of this is connected." the word "i'm" and "connected" are colored red. End ID.

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

[mistyycowoa]

Vent? //

I feel like my mother rejects the idea that I'm anything but "normal", and that even though I'm far from "normal", she refuses to see it.

In the past, she's brushed off my concerns about how I could possibly have depression and or anxiety. She told me that I'm just in a rabbit hole on the internet and said that I'll be fine if I stopped watching it. It didn't help.

She eventually accepted that I could be mentally unwell, and brought me to counselling. It was a good first step, but it still doesn't help much. I stopped going because I "felt better" and also because the environment was uncomfortable..

Now, when I brought up the idea that I could be autistic/ADHD, I felt like she was a bit hostile about the idea.

From the times during counselling, my councilor actually talked to my mom and I both, alone and together. I was told that my mother was very stressed about me. I feel she's probably in denial because she wants me to be having it easy in life, but when I tell her I'm not, she sits in denial rather than trying to help me and it accomplishes the exact opposite of what she wanted in the first place.

I don't know I'm just venting because I'm confused and I feel unsupported by my family regarding mental health specifically and I'm not sure how to process it or what to do now