#im fucked up like deeply i think
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Does anyone else feel a debilitating fear of getting better? Is this normal? Does it secretly prove I'm just faking everything for attention? Probably tbh
#cicadas vent tag#likr#i was looking at my knee would and realised it was getting kinda better#and felt almost . disappointed and afraid#and with mental illness the feeling is rven worse#like of course i want to get better!!! obviously!!!#but i feel almost sad when i realized i havent had a suicidal thought in a while#but tbh#the fear of never getting better is also terrifying#it must be so annoying to watch me hate myself and hurt myself over and over again and not get any better#but the idea of getting better is scary too#yknow?#its all terrifying#maybe the only non scary reality is one where i isolate myself from all of my friends forever#but that just makes me sad#ok this feels kind of all over the place but . idk its a very all over the place kind of feeling#delete later#ok this one is getting taken out of the drafts early cuz i just refused my parents offer to wash my knee#and one od my thoughts was 'what if it stops hurting'#im fucked up like deeply i think#btw im doing fine now im so cozy just . yeah
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The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~
Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍
#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#considering the speed and the amount of fanart#….yeah I can see why tumblr thought I was a bot lmao#also#I mostly read during night and then drawing from memory during day so uhhhhh the accuracy is questionable haha#mainly I feel like half of the time I don’t know how tf Jazz looks. The guy switching between his looks so often jdjfjfj#IM. SO GLAD THEY RESOLVED THEIR DRAMA EHEHBJGJ#The scene in medbay was so damn cute#oh my goddddd#the scene of the tac net crash#muah#loved it~#you know the thing is - I'm a biiiig fan of mutual feelings and actions#the scene of the kiss was absolutely great but it was a bit one sided#Jazz cared about Prowl but Prowl was far more concerned about information safety and strategy and stuff#but this?? mmmm~ Them caring for each other#Prowl using his last moments of consciousness to ask Jazz if he is mad at him#Prowl actually deeply caring of what Jazz thinks about him now when he knows Prowl killed his friends#i don't know how to explain#kisses are great but this (points) this is my favorite five star meal right here#also there is something so funny about Prowl slowly discovering fow fucked up Jazz is and just accepting it#but being so scared when Jazz discover how fucked up he is. Only for Jazz to be like “boo I knew about your fuckedupness from the start”
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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like idk it just seems actually nefarious to take one of the very few widely known instances of queerness in older history being a symbol to show queer people that we've always existed and aren't alone for CENTURIES and taking away the queerness from it. like. i know some people say that ''the queerness isnt important in the book" which i mean in my opinion i could go off for 10k words in an essay as to how basil's love for dorian is integral to the story BUT EVEN APART from that its really just. having a real explicitly queer character in such an old and widely regarded classic novel is HUGE for queer history and this is just. literally like. its 2024. why are you doing queer erasure to DORIAN GRAY
#MAKE YOUR OWN SHIT OR LIKE GET OUTTT#WHAT????#also not the cishets going ''omggg queer people are predatory enough so it shouldnt change it to ship incest now" WHAT??????#girl do you see. what you are doing. girl. @ the creator#why do they let these people make adaptations. what the actual hell#amory rambles#SORRY IM LITERALLY LIKE ACTUALLY SO LIKE. DEEPLY OFFENDED RN WHICH IS LIKE SUCH A WORD TO USE I KNOW BUT LIKE#ITS ALL I CAN THINK OF TO SAY BECAUSE WHAT. THE HELL.#as an anthropology/creative writing major the importance of having these types of evidences of queer culture in history so far back#is something insurmountable in validating queerness#and to take that and like. oh my goddd#like i could go off for ages about even queer authors that arent so widely known as queer/didnt write explicitly queer things like gogol#who are erased to a point where you have to dig to learn about his history because its been so covered up by people trying to erase us#and like#in the year 2024 dear fucking lord!!#what are we doing???#sorry my dfjlksdfjsdf dfih8sojidfk s. sidhfojl kmsdf . im so actually mad right now LMAOOO#the picture of dorian gray#dorian gray#oscar wilde#tpodg#and like tpodg isnt even one of my favorite novels like i like it a lot but i see it as so fucking important#anywho#so glad we are all being loud as hell about this bc thats the way to make this mfer take notice
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-
Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.
To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)
And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more… villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.
Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.
The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.
They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri
#rain world#rw shipping#tagging that just cause this is explicitly about that even though I usually dont do shipping stuff#with that said i dont even think this particular interpretation of a possible dynamic needs to be romantic its just kinda#about companionship in general. companionship thats going to absolutely shred an already unstable slug emotionally but thats#the point. friendship and love in spite of the unavoidable ending#just noticed this is like 80% theme analysis and 20% 'these go together just trust me'#but also theyre both girls because i want them to and also because im channeling hornet from hollow knight#who made me so deeply ill that my rain world tags still havent outcompeted my Hk tags because i drew her so much. so so much.#hunter is hornet coded to me and artificer is like if angela and gebura from lc combined into a deeply fucked up ferret#also i did tag the poll because they kinda inspired this but also. i wasnt gonna put all this out here WITHOUT a readmore thats embarassing#but i guess this is propaganda for a ship already seen as popular but like... idk i think theres something to it even as someone#who did literally slap them together originally because they were both red slugcats i considered girls. predownpour so we didnt have anythi#anyway hi tag readers i have so much work to do im being bad by writing about gay slugs. i need to get myself together#its so late this might just be nonsense bwaaaaaaa
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the thing about labru vs kabumisu is that both of them have the same core appeal to me, specifically from kabru's side of things: kabru being someone who is constantly agonizing about social rules and putting on the right mask, and meeting this Weird Fucking Guy who does not (cannot) care about all those things, and so kabru slowly allows himself to be more genuine. they're both such good relationships (whether you view them romantically or platonically), why must there be so much hostility between enjoyers of these ships?
#they are ALSO both ''just when you think you've hit rock bottom you want to fuck a blonde guy''#(yes ik mithrun's hair is technically silver but it's blonde enough)#eliot posts#dunme#ships#dungeon meshi#dm spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#labru#kabumisu#i love both so i feel like i'm winning either way. multi track drifting!#i think i like kabumisu slightly more bc i am an acts of service enjoyer at heart#but both are good#the only ship that i'm that gung ho about is farcllle (but also i'd never get into a shipping war over it bc im not fucking 12 years old)#why is there so much shipping war in this fandom??? it's so fucking bonkers. is it fucking 2014???#what makes it more annoying is that this series is so light on romance and focuses on platonic relationships#how did this series attract so many rabid shippers???#this post has been up for 2 hours and someone was already posting bad take reductive ship hate in the replies#get blocked <3 you are a deeply obnoxious human being god bless your heart
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here with me
#sketch#comic#ocs#oc:romsir#oc:penny#oc:end#this was intially going to be a dtl comic would you believe that#anyways this is about the character development romsir goes through at the beginning of deep breath#they go from being listless and kinda unreliable to having something to live for and work towards#they and penny bond extremely closely after the collapse. each was under the impression that no other humans survived#they experience a similar bond w jia but thats more paternal/fraternal in nature#penny and romsir have something borderline unhealthy going on#but theyre deeply in love and by the end of the narrative theyre in much better places#also im so glad i could draw romsirs fucked up skeleton arm finally. they only have it for a little bit before it has to be amputated#but i think its so funny#BTW THEY ARE NOT JUMPING OFF A BUILDING. THATS NOT WHATS HAPPENING#the 4th panel out of those 6 is the collapse closing in on them and their hand being fucking vaporized#3 seconds later daemos pulls them out of the collapse but theyre like chewed tf up by then#and 5th panel is them ~8 days after dying catching their first shard of the end#this being a dtl comic would have been so funny actually maybe i should revisit it#ANYWAYS GOODNIGHT MWAH
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i did start reading orv and i did Immediately on the First Page go "lmao this could be a scum villain au if airplane wrote pidw for himself and not for money" and had to beat the psyche back with a broom
#ramblings#sorry im trying to enjoy the work for itself but i love my wife & i am subconsiously always trying to find ways to make things about my wif#in my defence 100% of what i knew about orv before starting was that the mc traumatizes people by dying (perhaps repeatedly?)#and if that isnt sycore i dont know what the fuck is!!#love kim dokja already i think he is deeply unwell#but also at the same time im like reading and going heehee yippee wow so fun and then i remember all the fucked up fanart ive seen#without understanding for orv on this fucking webbed site and i feel Fear#the nice thing about me!! is that because i didnt understand any of it! i dont remember any of it! all i remember is the Dread#so aside from the dying thing (lol) ive yet be spoiled for anything!!
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i literally read the book of bill days ago but its only now kinda hitting me how fucked ford and bills whole thing was though cause ford literally talks about being so unable to sleep (to try to keep bill away), and when sleep inevitably caught up to him, he would wake up to his body abused and things messed with and he just couldnt seem to find an escape (and he literally didnt get to truly escape until 30 years later)
(also keeping people awake for unhealthily long periods of time is another tactic used to mess with and control people because of how it impairs brain function)
listing off the things we see in those few pages in the book of bill:
i mean, punching and scratching at a steel door for hours would be so damaging to your hands and probably hurt like hell for at least 2 days after. then bill says he was hitting fords head against a wall, though its said in a post-it as if its a joke, but he also isnt exactly above doing that, and honestly he says most things like its a joke.
i also dont need to say 'bill really doesnt know how to take no for an answer' because he makes that very clear in literally any interaction we see with him.
bill literally puts a venomous snake near ford while fords asleep, which could have killed him if he wasnt lucky+skilled enough to deal with it.
he nearly gives ford hypothermia, and in the same action actively threatens ford with the idea of making him jump off of a high spot, and like ford says, doesnt do it just so he can send a message to ford about how hes the one in control.
he gets ford in trouble with not only the law, but also with other people that are probably not very happy with him after. he mutilates fords body in several ways, and i dont think i need to go into detail on them because theyre... so ew. and he even exposes part of fords body to the world. like, its just taking his shirt off, but thats still showing off his body in a way that he didnt agree to or want
and then he attempts to (or purposefully fails to) call stan, using fords voice to threaten suicide and tell stan that ford never loved him.
and he punctuates it with a final power move, in a hallucination that he creates, hes messing with stans memories and making him feel like his body was basically about to implode
and like. okay, we all joke about toxic old man yaoi, and its a good joke and toxic old man yaoi is great and its an interesting ship, but holy fuck.
like. to say the absolute least, that had to be so, so deeply violating. its no wonder that when we see ford in the past, when he finally contacts stan, he looks like hes on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. he just went through, and still wasnt yet out of, some deeply abusive shit.
like... everything coming out lately both in this book and what ive heard is on the website, mixed with what we already knew from the show itself... the stans are both so, so fucking tragic dude. their whole lives were thrown away over things that really didnt even need to be the way they were, and then they both get into situations that are pretty damn screwed, and those situations follow them for the rest of their lives. its basically a miracle that things worked out in the end for them.
i dont really have a point, i just had to talk about all that. i read almost all of the book of bill in one sitting, and while i was really enjoying it, i was also getting kind of tired of sitting in one spot only doing this one thing for several hours straight. i still felt a lot of the emotional bits of it of course, but man this part specifically just really didnt hit me until now.
i mean, to say the absolute least, i know what its like to feel violated in a similar way, though not anywhere near to the extent of what he went through at all. someone get that man some therapy got damn
#my post#gravity falls#billford#// abuse ment#abuse tw#<- i dont really know the tags to use so if anyone sees this and feels that i didnt do enough. i can add more#long post#BY THE WAY THIS IS NOT A BILL HATE POST IF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE#like fuck that dude for being so fucked up but also hes still such a fascinating and honestly fun character.#hes not a real person so its not like im being like 'oh but hes so charming so idc that he did all that'#like i very much care that he did all that but hes also. still just a fictional character#and yet again i repeat the sentiment: holy fuck i cant believe disney approved this book#they really said. 'this is one of our most beloved non-movie franchises#the creator wants to write another book in the series but this time its for mature audiences#and hes going to write out how the beloved villain of the show and one of the most important and beloved characters are in a deeply abusive#relationship. this is now an approved part of the disney brand!'#again i dont disapprove. i think this is a great addition.#but im so shocked that this was approved by 'the owl house doesnt fit our brand' disney.#i still refuse to stop believing that disney was just being homophobic about the owl house btw idc what anyone says#also no i wont go into detail on how i relate. but the connections are there and its.. wow.
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Ok so. I just saw a Reddit comment (idk why I get on reddit fandom cause it always ends up making me mad) saying that the Alastor and Husk scene was probably the first time Alastor was that violent towards Husk because of him talking back to Al in the first place.
Aka, Alastor isn't abusive to Husk, except for that one time. And ISTG that comment made me want to crawl into the darkest pit of hell (ha, get it?).
SO, let's explain why Alastor's treatment of Husk isn't a one time thing.
Husk and abuse: a character analysis.
First of all, let's explain Husk's personality and why he acts the way he does.
Husk's character is presented to us as a grumpy old alcoholic who only wants people to leave him the fuck alone. He doesn't care about the hotel, about any of its members, or about Alastor's plans. He doesn't want to collaborate, he doesn't want to be there, and he doesn't care enough to act as though he does.
But, reality is:
Husk cares. Way more than he wishes he did.
He doesn't show it often, but he cares. He shows it when he calls Sir Pentious, Charlie, Vaggie and Angel out at the beginning of Masquerade, and ofc, he shows it with Angel throughout this whole chapter.
(I find the heart motif on Husk's demon form to be very interesting, actually. I like to think that one of the things Husk hates the most about himself is that, as much as he wants to fake otherwise, as much as he sees it as a weakness, as much as it just complicates everything, he cares. And death taunts him with that, displaying for everyone to see the heart he so desperately wants to hide.)
Also, Husk is very good at reading people. He hates fakeness, he hates lies, he hates people being dense because they're trying to ignore a reality about themselves.
All of these things get on his nerves enough to show that he, in fact, cares.
And he sure as fuck loves (maybe a bit too much) winning an argument against someone who's pissing him off.
So, let's go to Alastor.
A while ago I saw an amazing post (that now i cant find aaaa if someone finds it pls let me know) that talked about how this isn't the expression of someone who's just been beaten at poker, but it's an expression of sadness and betrayal.
This post implied, therefore, that Husk and Alastor had built a previous relationship of trust before the betrayal, either platonic or romantic (which had been just manipulation from Alastor's side, just like he's now doing with Charlie)
If we take this into account, it makes more sense why Husk would care about Mimzy being trouble. Not only for the safety of the rest at the hotel, but also just a tiny little bit, for Alastor's own safety.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very sure that Husk hates Alastor, but there's this tiny, annoying part of him that can't help but care.
So, let's cut to the infamous scene.
Husk didn't confront Alastor because he had never been violent towards him before. Husk confronted Alastor because he cares, and because people being stupid gets on his nerves, and because he finds it hard to hold back when he knows he's right.
Also, it had been 7 years since he had seen Alastor. It's normal that he's gained more confidence to confront him.
AND, despite all of this, he was reluctant in the beggining.
In the first screenshot, Husk gets visibly angry at Alastor because of his dismissive attitude while his back is turned at him. But when Husk speaks again, you can see him visibly holding back, choosing his words carefully with that "I mean".
(Go rewatch the scene if you wanna, it's way more clear that way than via screenshots ksdldf)
Compare this to the much more accusatory way Husk was calling out Chaggie, Sir Pentious and Angel in back chapter 4. Husk is being careful with Alastor.
Despite all we know about Husk's personality that leads him to warn Alastor about Mimzy in the first place, Husk still holds all of that back.
Why? Cause he knows better than to say something that might anger him.
It's only when Alastor touches Husk and calls him his pet that Husk loses his temper.
As we know, Husk has VERY strong personal boundaries (probably some of them come from Alastor's touch itself)
Alastor trespassing his boundaries is what makes Husk stop thinking logically. He's pissed, and he hates Alastor, and he hates how he makes him feel so powerless, so insignificant, like less of a human.
And he bites back.
The comment I saw implied that Husk said the "big talk for someone who's also on a leash" because he thought it wouldn't have any major effect on Alastor, and he unknowingly touched a touchy subject.
But this is even slightly out of character for Husk. He didn't say it because he didn't think it would make Alastor mad, he said it because he knew it would make him mad.
Husk is fucking amazing at reading people. He knew it was a touchy subject. He wasn't thinking about consequences, he was thinking about pissing Alastor off, about regaining control.
(He's a gambler, cmon. Searching for control and power without minding the consequences is his thing.)
This is NOT a "what the fuck is he doing?" face. It's an "oh no, not again" face.
And immediately, he tries to take it back. The rush of making Alastor mad passes away the moment he pulls out the chain, and Husk knows what's coming.
Alastor has done that before. Judging by Husk's body language, there's NO way on earth he hasn't.
One VERY important thing to take into account is: victims have personalities.
Of course, victims tend to have unifying factors in their trauma responses due to similar experiences, but overall: a victim isn't an archetype, it's a person.
There are different types of abuse. Everyone reacts differently towards abuse.
Saying that Husk isn't being abused by Alastor just because he talks back is. Well. Kinda weird, isn't it?
(Maybe I'm exaggerating but doesn't it sound like victim blaming a bit??)
The important thing is that this is how Valentino and Alastor treat Angel and Husk:
Yes, they are different types of abuse. Yes, Angel and Husk's reactions to it are different.
But this doesn't make one kind less valid than the other. And just because Alastor isn't sexually abusive to Husk, that doesn't mean Husk's abuse is "less important" (this isn't a competition, ffs)
Husk's personality, Husk's hatred of stupidity, Husk's reactive nature, Husk's strong boundaries, don't automatically disappear when he's talking with his abuser. He's still Husk.
And yet, we can still see the signs of abuse, such as Husk holding back at the beginning because he knows what Alastor may do if he's mad, or him flinching away slightly when Alastor turns suddenly to look at him, or him trying to take back what he just said immediately because he's scared of the consequences.
And, let's be serious. Alastor is a serial killer. He enjoys watching people suffer. He enjoys knowing that people fear him.
And, since he's on a "leash", as Husk said, I'm very sure this hurts his ego a whole lot. So, it makes sense that he loves feeling that he has control over the souls he owns, that they fear him, to forget he's not completely free himself.
It's not so far fetched to assume that Alastor gets a quick and an ego boost out of seeing Husk like that, terrified and shivering on the ground. So I don't believe he hasn't done it before.
(And I mean, even if this only happened the one time we see it in the show, it would still be abusive?? It would be Alastor using his power to physically and psychologically torment Husk, which is abuse, even if it's only once ((which i highly doubt)))
In conclusion: Alastor is an abuser. There's no way around it. And Husk is a victim of abuse.
Sorry this got long SLKDS
Tbh I think everything I said here is pretty obvious?? Like to me that scene always read as a way of the show telling us Alastor's true colors once no one's watching, and the way he treats Husk. Like, it didn't even cross my mind that it might have been an isolated occurrence.
But the comment had around 50 upvotes so?? Idk I just wanted to rant about this lmao
#its hard being a husk girly in a world full of alastor apologist#btw this is NOT trying to beef at all with alastor fans#i think he's an amazing character and he's hilarious#but GUYS. he is NOT a good person ffs#theres a very big different between characters like husk angel cherry sir pentious (who make mistakes and arent saints but who care deeply)#and characters like valentino and alastor (straight up abusive psycopaths)#and im not saying that y'all cant like any of the characters#they're AMAZING characters and vilians#but ignoring the fact that they're horrible and irredimable people is very yikes#(also im aware that husk was an overlord and he probably did some fucked up shit)#(and maybe im biased but i REALLY doubt that a guy who gets on a fight with a group of dudes bc they spiked the drink of a guy who's been-#-nothing to him but a nuisance could ever be as bad as alastor or val)#(he was probably like carmilla ig)#(not moral at all but not irredimable either)#ANYWAYSSS im ranting again#tw abuse#abuse tw#tw sa#sa tw#tw sa mention#sa mention tw#husk hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel husk#husker#hazbin husk#husk#alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#alastor hazbin
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my truest most honest conspiracy theory that I fully 100% believe is that they put Scott and Courtney together in tdas 1. because they needed a romance between two characters from different seasons and those were literally the only two they could’ve picked because every single other woman was in a relationship and out of lightning Scott and Cameron it’s unfortunately predictable they’d pick Scott and 2. they wanted to downplay the extremely lesbian activities Courtney and Gwen were getting into by going But Look She Likes Scott (even though she really only thought about him passively AND EVEN ADMITTED SCOTT WAS SO GROSS GWEN WOULD NEVER STEAL HIM FROM HER)
#Scott and Courtney are two high ranking members of my top 5 best td characters of all time#but my god. their relationship was just so bad#Scott liking her is.. fine I don’t have anything against it#I’m just saying if he likes women in charge there were certainly plenty of those in tdas#they should’ve straight up been like. he thinks she’s pretty THAT WOULDVE BEEN MORE THAN ENOUGH#but Courtney liking him feels so#1. relapsing into liking a ‘bad boy’ except Scott isn’t even a charming bad boy she had chemistry with he is litersllu#and I cannot emphasize this enough#just some fucking guy#some guy who she thinks is kind of annoying and gross and smells bad#but if he is so gross that no one will take him from her she will happily accept that#like she is traumatized and going for men she believes pees outside AND ON THEIR SHOES#AND IM SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE. THIS IS WHO SHE WANTS#four white claws deep on a Sunday at 1am will have you thinking deeply and critically about total drama island
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thinking about when guts sent a bunch of his men directly into zodd's meat grinder without even knowing demons like him existed. and that moment after the fight where casca runs to griffith unconscious on the floor and tells guts it's all his fault. and the time gambino tells him he's bad luck and should have died instead. and about how he tells griffith he cares about his men, and how casca doesn't seem to see it. and the time guts is thinking about casca telling him it's all his fault (after he got griffith hurt) and then griffith comes to him and says (like it's nothing) do i need to give a reason every time i come to save you? or whatever. like he's worth it. like he's worth dying for, and like it can be a choice people make because they value you. like he's a good luck charm, like griffith needs him to reach his goals, his full potential. like griffith is not enough to make it without him. like griffith finds out when guts leaves. fuckin.g gnawing someone else's legs off because i still need mine to run into traffic
#so guess who's rewatching berserk 1997 lol#berserk#i hate griffith i hate him i hate him he's bad i hate him (<- deeply tragically attached to him. im so not normal about him it's fucked)#aghhh can't wait until break so i can read more. i've ended up just consuming the golden age arc over and over for various reasons#and it's so good it fucking rules i just need to keep reading past that too bc that's Also good#and i have! i just have more to read oh hey it's midnight my paper's due haha#(it's fine it doesn't matter genuinely i will be fine)#anyway my older sibling's been buying those bigass tomes they sell and he got a bunch more a while back so like. more to read more to read#also side note but they smell so fucking good it's actually unfair#but anyway i keep on being like nooo i gotta go start over so i can get the momentum and then i get brainstuck/distracted and don't actuall#get very far past the lost children subarc (which i've read i think 1.5 times now)#ANYWYA. berserk good. no i don't ever make content for it but every like 4 months or so it infects me quietly
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tumblr kww fandom was formed seperately from most other social media corners of the fandom. and that leads to silly things like the commonly used name "kww collab" and kenfies vs kenifies. and probably more. cedar if theres any more im forgetting that u know of say them pls
(in response to this confession)
#confessions#series: kww collab#very true! i have not interacted w ANY other part of the fandom myself#but. it fascinates me deeply#i think that like. the kww collab fandom on tumblr is innately based off the original theorisers? maybe???#like. i was the one who came up w calling it kww collab bcs we needed a tag to group all our theories! thats the origin of the name!#ship name kenfies MIGHTT have come from this blog? i have a discord message of me coming up w it on jul 1 bcs there was a confession abtthe#and kenfies is what i went with. thats the best explanation i have (the funniest part is me not even shipping them)#(an alternative was wifen (as proposed by nia))#this fandom was just innately started differently and in isolation#and its really fucking interesting#tumblr users often not using any other social media plays into it too i think ?#but. yeah i cant think of any other examples that would showcase this difference bcs as mentioned i am just not on other places LMAO#ao3 ofen being heavily associated w tumblr as WELL AS saiint havng posted a Lot of kww fanfic is also the reson why kww collab is usedon ao#anyway yep you are right. i am deeply fascinated#yet another long ramble in the tags#(yk i just realised that this sounds like im tooting my own horn and trust me chat im not sorry if it came off that way sadfhslgk.#i just SOMEHOW was vaguely important in this fandom i guess)
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I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#barcode fucking killed those scenes!!! the desperation and discomfort and resignation!?!!#the fact that Non was textually terrified of dying at the hands of Tee's uncles gang unless he found that money#and once he accepted it and Keng held that power over him did he lean in to kiss him.#theres a reason that even universoty professors are fired for having relationships with their ADULT students.#because holding a position of institutional power over someone like that in a relationship is deeply deeply disfunctional and bad#do you think that if you were a child that felt they had literally nowhere else to turn. not to parents. or friends. or partner.#and a teacher said they would fix all your problems in a room with a closed door and kissed you.#you wouldnt feel obligated to kiss back and offer yourself up in exchange???#because what?? you're too moral??? you'd rather die???#THIS IS HOW GROOMING HAPPENS. ITS ADULTS SEEKING OUT THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN THEIR CLASSES AND HOLDING SOMETHING OVER THEM.#IF I SEE ANYONE CALLING NON A CHEATER AGAIN I AM GOING TO KILL.#ITS STATUTORY RAPE. YOU THICK FUCKS.#KENG MADE HIM KEEP HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM ON. HE'S A FUCKING PEDOPHILE.#IM GOING TO KILL.#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOME OF YALL ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS AROUND. YOURE STUPID. YOURE SO FUCKING DUMB. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD
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Blank here and art here
i played years ago and dont remember shit, so i will improvise in da4 probs lmao. Anyways the hawke schrodinger cat situation and who i left in the fade: i didnt managed to properly export the Keep, so i didnt get the alistair or hawke situation i should, but in my mind canon i should have. When i managed to properly export it I couldnt choose and stopped playing tho, so I guess I will be forced to choose in da4
#the thing is that i cant kill alistair my beloved#but also even when i dont like my hawke i cant do that to varric and i cant do that to anders like#this man is fucked up enough#that would be too sad#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age origins#dragon age: origins#dragon age 2#da2#dao#da:o#dragon age inquisition#dragon age: inquisition#dai#da:i#dragon age world state meme#also i havent think about anders deeply for years but now im like. oh fuck oh shit. the fucking anders romance experience#wtihout fucking spoilers. like GOD. that was a thing that happened#i wonder if they will let me be another casteless dwarf in da4.... idk cause u are in another zone mmm
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