#but theyre deeply in love and by the end of the narrative theyre in much better places
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here with me
#sketch#comic#ocs#oc:romsir#oc:penny#oc:end#this was intially going to be a dtl comic would you believe that#anyways this is about the character development romsir goes through at the beginning of deep breath#they go from being listless and kinda unreliable to having something to live for and work towards#they and penny bond extremely closely after the collapse. each was under the impression that no other humans survived#they experience a similar bond w jia but thats more paternal/fraternal in nature#penny and romsir have something borderline unhealthy going on#but theyre deeply in love and by the end of the narrative theyre in much better places#also im so glad i could draw romsirs fucked up skeleton arm finally. they only have it for a little bit before it has to be amputated#but i think its so funny#BTW THEY ARE NOT JUMPING OFF A BUILDING. THATS NOT WHATS HAPPENING#the 4th panel out of those 6 is the collapse closing in on them and their hand being fucking vaporized#3 seconds later daemos pulls them out of the collapse but theyre like chewed tf up by then#and 5th panel is them ~8 days after dying catching their first shard of the end#this being a dtl comic would have been so funny actually maybe i should revisit it#ANYWAYS GOODNIGHT MWAH
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btw--i mention this in the replies to the post but im gonna say it on my actual blog bc it feels worth mb saying--my sexual abuse meta doesn't address the ending/climax for bin.gq.iu or most of the extras bc i dont want to get into all of that emotionally. suffice it to say that despite finding it very compelling ive got a lot of issues and mixed feelings towards both canon & fandom
#love SA in fiction. wrote a bunch about it yesterday. but when there's rape in the postcanon soft epilogue happy ending#& no one seems to realize that what was written was in fact rape? & dismiss and laugh at the idea?#thats......a little more emotionally complicated for me.#not talking abt the climax of the book in the tags btw im talking abt a bit in the extras#where they laugh at the idea of l.bh as rapist bc He Would Never but then when theyre having sex s.qq is like 'wait stop too much'#and l.bh Does Not Stop. and it's not framed by the narrative as rape or SA or discussed as such! but....that's rape.#climax is also emotionally complicated but differently. its not rape but Wow it sure is the situation of all time#which i LIKED even! but i feel deeply deeply complicated abt it & sometimes getting too into it can trigger me#[going to georgia by the mountain goats plays in the background but so does john darnielle's commentary minus the parts abt sexism]#therapists dni
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he would never ban zam because he is here for him, not only as an ally but as an enemy too because protagonist needs more than just a friend and story sometimes need heroes, but sometimes it needs villains and hes ready to execute both roles in some way thinking his actions even horrible ones are not making him a villain outside of the just current narrative since hes doing it not (only) for himself. protagonist, blessed one, needs a scene to perform, and he cant do it if all scenery is broken and scattered, the actors are talking complete nonsense and ignoring each other, and there is a hole in the middle of the stage. until he can but he dont want him to. he always need to have a duo, a partner, and he had enough of them, and he loves all of them and they never actually stops being deeply interconnected with him but zam gets kinda special treatment. mapicc never actually stops wanting to be his closest teammate. even when kills him, even when tortures him, even when betrays (not really) him because nothing of it reject his deepest devotion flowing in his blood and fused into his bones along with bloodlust because even the worst of the sins is not enough to let him go. theyre just too different in the unstable and horrific world noone actually fully understands despite matching on so many levels and its never actually truly fine. this is a bowl into which rainwater flows slowly but surely every day, until the surface tension ceases to be enough and it begins to flow down. and blows up somewhere in the process. they both have their own lives but their lifesteal would be so much duller in the end because despire having really cool friends and allies they would be alone in the end. both of their stories requires both of them to work. the only question is, is it a cycle or a spiral?
#its 6am chat wtf#lifesteal spoilers#lifesteal spoilers lifesteal spoilers lifesteal spoilers lifesteal spoilers
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mind and soul for the duo bingo :3
id: duo bingo. marked squares are ‘i love them <3’, ‘romantically’, ‘platonically’, ‘*clenches fist* it’s about the narratives’, ‘it’s… [gritted teeth emoji] complicated’, ‘they can fix each other [heart emoji]’, ‘they can make each other worse [heart emoji]’, ‘fandom absolutely sleeps on this one. underrated’, ‘aesthetically they’re immaculate’, ‘[in all caps] angst angst angst angst [end caps]’, ‘wasted potential tbh’, ‘not my thing/no big feelings’. end id
well the last square is kind of a lie. i mean. usually i don’t think much about them but….
i already made a post about them. or multiple. but the main thing that has me thinking about mindsoul is the parallels. [for how i characterize them] there r literally so many if you just. look. with your eyes. even some people draw mind with the half-half soul has. i’ve already listed them before but. it feels like, at the core, they think the same way, they split the world in the same halves - just twisted - of pure vs dirty. they see themselves as tools and heed their purposes above all else. they both treat emotions as more dangerous than weapons, just in different ways. even their relationship with heart - heart drags them into things and they let themselves be dragged. that’s what it is at the core, even if their feelings surrounding heart and interacting with him are. Extremely different. (mind has this nostalgia with him. mind knows him inside and out. interacting with heart is easy, it’s stopping himself from being friends with heart that’s the problem. vs soul who was never really friends with either, who has a constant hangup with treating them as human and interacting with them, for who interacting with the ids is kind of a struggle. and he knows not interacting with them is the better way but deep down, he /wants/.) basically theyre the same at the core, in a lot of ways. and both of them are deeply unaware of this. and both of them would absolutely /hate/ it. especially in apostasy even though they’re /more/ similar in apostasy.
let’s see… besides that, they don’t interact much because of things. soul’s hangups have been described above. mind of course loathes showing his emotions so plainly, loathes being close to others in a way that can’t be rationalized, that are obviously emotional. so it’s very rare. the only way they can really interact is by finding ways to sidestep both of those things. i see mind going out of his way to take care of soul, only because that’s the rational thing to do of course, and if he lingers and watches soul sleep that’s no one’s business but his
(waiting at soul’s bedside as if- they’re closer than they are. it’s better than soul hurting himself when mind leaves, right? soul’s chest rises and falls in a mockery of a human body. his shadow has cleared away without soul awake to keep it up. his lips are finally clean of their lipstick because mind scrubbed it off him - keeping your lipstick on while you sleep is just. irrational. it’s odd. mind has the strange urge to press his arm against soul’s skin to make sure it’s all real. he doesn’t, leaning back in soul’s - not his, soul’s, of course - chair. he can’t stop looking at him. it’s. it is. mind can’t describe what he’s feeling, something like when the lights of his keyboard flood his room, some sort of awe at this sight, even when it’s so /normal/- no, not in spite of. because. because like this, soul isn’t beyond him. he’s just real, in the same way he and heart are. and it’s not as if mind didn’t know that, of course he did, he isn’t stupid. but. ..soul looks pretty like this. soul looks pretty in general, but this is less about the way he looks and - soul is actually sleeping, finally. mind can’t describe how he feels. it shouldn’t be much, anyway. soul is soul. he spins the chair around and leans his head on soul’s desk. and tries not to think about how it feels, the reverence of the shadowed room, of squinting his eye in soul’s direction past it to pick out his features, of soul - sleeping. it’s just sleeping. mind tries not to think more about it than he should, memorizing the feeling of the wood against his cheek instead. [it doesn’t work very well.])
i got carried away. Anyway. mind helping soul shower but instead of the mutual ‘we both know depression sucks might as well help each other since i would like my hair to stop being so oily (and i want the best for you, too) (and this is a good excuse to touch you, without the pain, without the violence - to feel you against my skin, but softly. before we have no pretenses to hide it in. before we both go to our rooms and try to act like it’s a better alternative.)’ - unlike heart and soul, mind and soul is imbalanced. there’s none of the mutual trust and awareness of why they need each other to shower. mind doesn’t get, fundamentally, why soul can’t pull himself through basic tasks without him. mind will help him, because that’s his job, but he doesn’t get it. so it’s. different. heart and soul care for each other in a lacking mutual way. mind cares for soul. because whatever mind needs he will handle himself. it’s still close. for soul it feels rawer. for mind- it’s just a duty to him, taking care of soul. his feelings about it are there, in the back of his head, but he tries to focus on just taking care of soul. tries not to make it close or intimate or anything more than his function. (he fails. not in a noticeable way, not to anyone but himself, but. he fails. he doesn’t admit it in words but he knows, he likes this. probably- definitely more than he should.)
i’d say besides that it’s, like, soul punishing mind, or mind (rarely) scratching gashes down soul’s shoulder in wordless revenge for all soul has done to him and heart. because soul /has/ done things to him and heart, and none of them are ones to forgive a grudge. because above all soul is still dangerous. soul is like a volatile chemical to him (and maybe heart)- he could explode at any moment. maybe sometimes he acts like he isn’t built to hurt, but he is, mind knows he is, heart knows he is. mind pretends like kindness is a thing soul can handle, but. He knows.
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HLVRAI 2, and Super Paper Mario 11?
YOU GOT IT
2. …my three favorite characters and why I love them so much.
GORDON: i love the way wayne plays such a frantic protagonist. he's simultaneously the straight man to a lot of the science team's bits but that's not the whole story because every bit of character this man is given makes him feel deeply DEEPLY abnormal. hes convinced hes the only one here but his dream is to stream on justin.tv. love it when men Yell.
COOMER: not only is holly hilarious but coomer has the strongest narrative arc in the series. she found a concept and STUCK with it. coomer perfectly interlaces "most comedic old man ever" and "deep existential dread" and neither parts of him feel like they clash with each other its just so. banger. hes so funny but i care him so much. when hl2vrai drops i just know whatever happens w him is gonna be INSANE
BENREY: yeah i mean. yeah. benrey is easy to overhype i get it especially cos theres so many ways to dilute how literally funny his character is. i love how weirdly polite he can be when hes not antagonizing gordon. hes such a little brat and yet hes so niceys. he also just works really well in the idea that like yeah he is the antithesis to improv but also narratively speaking he allows gordon to funnel a lot of negative energy into him, and having a character who is primed to NEVER agree with gordon makes the group dynamic twist up in hilarious ways. i just also think the way scorpy does bits is funny as fuck
11. …what I think of the central character(s).
THAT WOULD BE THE FOUR HEROES YEAG... i think a very common and very true critique levelled against SPM specifically is that sometimes it feels like youre happening to play a game that has mario In It. like yeah sure mario is the hero of prophecy but thats only because the game is directly telling you that. what doesnt help is that although i think the four heroes each have pretty cool and distinct flavours of being written, i think it gets lost in the waysides a little as you have them available as playable options 90% of the time, which means that the only standout moments are when control of them is wrenched from you (ie the character statement of peach being the only one who ends up in the overthere, the world 8 boss fights against the bleck minions, Luigi) so its like. i wish i could get into em more but i think its just a flaw thatd always be there. i dont know. i dont know.
luigi counts as one of the four heroes though and super paper mario luigi is one of my FAVOURITE luigis for this exact reason. because you only have him playable for a world or two, that means he makes a lot of decisions and has a lot of screentime that Only Luigi Could Have so hes BURSTING with personality. honestly spm luigi is one of the most interesting portrayals of luigi i could go on and on and on
i guess tldr theyre pretty good i wish they were connected to the story more
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i extended on something i wrote months ago in the subject of shinene codependency (and shinaya breakup) but its hidden in a Much longer post under a read more so i wanted to make it into its own post for my kagenalysis tag❤️:
to rant a bit abt the "personal narrative" of shintaro. i think it's interesting that shintaro is essentially a very self centered character and kagepro is very meta in the way it treats him as a main character. because inside of kagepro, he really gets as much focus as any other character, they're all "main" character to us. its rather inside the story he plays a very important role therefore he is the protagonist and as the protagonist he puts an end to the story itself too. i think this is all interesting together and fun to dissect shintaro's character as inherently self centered because that's what the story is. the initial premise is that he's a depressed guy living in regret he used to be "such a bad person" to someone he cared deeply about.
his self centeredness shows not only in the way he acts even without retaining activated, but he is really in the center of it. shintaro IS the protagonist and deep down even if he hasn't remembered yet, he knows that. so does everyone else. they all know they depend on him, sooner or later.
and i like to think of all this in a post str context thinking that the way he handles all that in everyday life once this story is over and theyre free from a narrative in the first place, is self destructive because its not compatible to being a normal person. he's a protagonist but there's nothing to be a protagonist OF anymore
so it IS taking him a bit to really LOOK at his friends and stop looking only for himself. technically he's lived a hundred doomed lives and now he's here trying out this one and again it is scary and new and... ene, who's been the most dedicated to centering her life around shintaro, is a clear safe place while navigating this.
he takes takane totally for granted because of this. in the narrative she has always been his sidekick. she has been the second main character to him. she has always lived and served him in all timelines, in all the time theyve known each other that she can't remember and he can, takane has been more ene than she's been takane to him, and ene has always been his annoying lap dog he hates as much as he needs in order for the story to move forward. takane of course reciprocrates the dynamic because it's also all she's known for a year. but... it's a year, vs. shintaro's God Knows How Many resets.
so eventually... as she is free from the narrative and very much her own person outside of him, capable of finding love and priorities somewhere else away from him and OUT LOUD tackling issues like hey we have a codependent dynamic going on we should work on, bc she does normal people stuff like going to therapy, takane moves on. which is mind blowing for shintaro AND HE DOESNT LIKE IT
he shuns it completely whenever takane brings it up, which she does a lot as time goes on. because time keeps going on. it keeps passing by. and everyone around him seems to be growing up and that's so infuriating and so terrifying and then stuff like ayano dating him and dumping him is as much of a reality check as ayano being alive in the first place, and he doesn't know what to do with it other than cry and thrive off the attention takane gives him again upon seeing him broken again.
he's in PAIN but it's familiar. it's comfortable. it's classic. it works. because the story he was a protagonist of was a tragedy, so he doesn't know how to behave when there is hope in the future. ❤️
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Can I ask something from Code Geass? What do you think are Lelouch and Suzaku’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....
i haven't actually! thank you so much for sending this. thoughts in the read more below!
the thing abt suzaku and lelouch that really called to me was that they are two sides of the same coin. theyre both altruistic to a fault (different but the same), they love far too deeply (not talking abt this in a ship way either. both lelouch and suzaku do things out of love for others that is...questionable at best), they don't really understand the situation as a whole, and they don't really face major consequences to the end. lelouch is cruel, selfish, manipulative. suzaku is uncritical, righteously full of self loathing, half-hearted. theyre both major fucking hypocrites. they hate each other for the same reason they work so well together. (they love each other for those same reasons, too.) they're kind and optimistic to a fault. they're children playing war.
easily my favorite scene in all of code geass is one of the final scenes during the damocles battle, when the core argument between what lelouch stood for and what suzaku stood for is contended between the entire cast of characters, jumping from statement to statement, viewpoint from viewpoint. not only do suzaku and lelouch have their own quips but the other characters are what really make it for me because those are all people who are just as alive and have just as many feelings as they do--but at the end of the day none of that matters to them, such symbolized by the finale and zero requiem. their world was always so small, suzaku, lelouch, and nunnally. the final punishment was to destroy that in such a way that it could never be restored, that nothing could ever be the same. it's a much crueler punishment for suzaku, but i think lelouch knows suzaku well enough to know that suzaku would not be able to truly live (if you can even call it that, haha) without being molded into being something he is not (he was regarded as a knight and hero when all he saw himself as was a murdered.) but in the same breath, lelouch knowing that, accepting that part of suzaku, it being his final parting gift, his form of an eternity together... its powerful!
its kind of funny because code geass has its moments where the writing is so very much Not Good but then it also has these amazingly complex interwoven moments sprinkled in. personally, i actually grew up always asking myself whether its better to change the system without any casualty whatsoever vs dismantling it no matter the price, so i see myself in the both of them, though i agree with lelouch far more. truthfully, i didnt even like suzaku until after he detonates the fleija in r2 and he tells schneizel that as long as he makes him knight of one, he will slay the emperor. it took him a while, but he finally showed his own truth, understanding his fate as a weapon above all else.
its an anime with characters that are more complex than they look, parallels that run deeper than i believe many give credit for (dont get me started on shirley), and the truth of war, though maybe a bit sanitized. that being said, code geass would be Nothing without suzaku and lelouch at its helm, the true driving forces of the narrative and even the world of code geass itself.
those two are truly one of a kind.
#answered#code geass#suzalulu#i hope this answered ur ask! i feel like i kinda went off topic but it is what it is. playing the hand i was dealt#just like lelouch and suzaku do
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Pls give me part 2 propaganda, I can't convince myself to keep playing the story 😭
(spoilers are totally fine btw)
HI APOLOGIES THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG. im gonna be honest im not very good at convincing people to check stuff out But. whatever. also i know you said youre ok with spoilers but im probably not gonna say too much because, as with any honkai storyline in my experience, the Mystery is a large part of the charm.
what you gotta know going into part 2 is that it isnt original honkai, but its also not Not original honkai. sure, the cast is new [for the most part, at least, several part 1 characters make their way through the narrative from time to time], but at the end of the day it follows the same... vibe? format? i dont know how to name it. as in, for me personally i played it and was like Yeah, this is still honkai. so if youre worried its gonna be completely different from part 1 and 1.5, then dont, because its Not. the weird intrigue and overly complicated yet still fun lore and sudden comedic [and Genuinely Funny, i should say] moments thrown in the middle of serious action are all still here.
second of all. THE CAST IS VERY FUN!!! genuinely i love love love allllll of them [although, songque has definitely taken my heart I FUCKING LOVE SONGQUE!!!!!]. actually all of the seven shus are very good characters!! its very clear that this is mainly Their story, that this is their doing and their world, and none of them are dispensable, so to say. BUT THE ENTIRE CAST IS JUST AMAZING I PROMMY. theyre genuinely fun to experience!!! i love them so much!!! arrghgh. i also deeply love how the main group meets some random girl and decides Not only are we gonna undoom your entire world but were gonna undoom YOU too. none of that self sacrifice shit if they can help it [spoiler: they couldnt help it but sa knows they tried.]
WHICH LEADS ME INTO THE NEXT POINT. if you Really Really need something to convince you, and you liked part 1.5 [which i hope you did, salt snow arc ON TOP!], then. sa is literally there. im DESPERATELY trying to avoid spoilers Myself but i can tell you that She definitely has something to do with this i mean. omniscient power trying to destroy a bubble universe with a group of semi-random people of multiple world fighting against it? doesnt that sound familiar. also perception can change the defeat screen text just like sa could. also the perception fight uses a background from vita's. also after lantern's fight, theres a section of the ost from vita's. also VITA IS LITERALLY THERE. as i said idk what Exactly is going on but IM SO EXCITEDDD ARHRRRHGHGH
I COULD GO ON FOREVER BUT ILL JUST SAY THIS. PLEAAAASE PLEASE PLAY IT. if you play the current chapter [a crime foretold] and decide its not your thing then i completely understand but for me personally it was the exact thing that Really got me into p2 so pleaase please give it a chance. we need more p2 warriors. we need more songque warriors
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Hey friend, I am absolutely rotating the HECK out of Hunger AU rn. I just binged all of the tagged posts and I'm going FERAL! Watchers being like parasitic wasps? Listeners being like fungi? Absolutely based takes.
I'm very much a fan of the emotional realism going on and I'm so terrified of Angry!Mumbo. Like. Bro doesn't get all that angry that often those folks are the scariest properly pissed.
And I relate far too much to the Search Party tbh. Something about the themes of mental and physical illness, wanting to help but not knowing how, the one you want to help not wanting help at this point, the resentment that causes on both sides of that stalemate... yeah I've been there.
Also, I am insanely curious about the ecological niche that Watchers and Listeners fulfill. Like. There has to be a reason they are the way they are. I'm insanely curious about what the environment they evolved in looked like, and even more curious as to what they provide back to the universe in return.
Like. Irl most wasps are predatory insects, controlling the population of pests and invasive species, but the tidbits you've given us about how they feed on emotions and the groups they feed on put me more in mind of, like, herding dogs. Yknow? Does that make sense? Gathering players together and moving them away from half abandoned worlds to let them dissolve back into the greater code. Maybe interviening in virus-infected worlds or virus-vulrable worlds, encouraging those players to move or perish.
And Listeners, well, fungi occupy so many diverse niches they could do just about anything, really. It's very fun to think about and I am rotating them vigorously, thank you for feeding us so well <3
(May I be 🐸 anon?)
This is such a sweet ask i am so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 abt it, im really pleased that you're enjoying the emotional realism ive committed to for this fic, because thats just such an important aspect for me-- my goal here is to depict a deeply emotional, moving, and messy situation about illness and recovery where no one's feelings are punished or demonized by the narrative. Its just so, so important to me that the Search Party (and later on, the other hermits) get their emotions properly respected and explored. Its not just about Grian, even if he is the ultimate focus-- everyone else deserves varied, emotional responses to an ugly and terrifying situation where theres hurt on all sides. This is the kind of realism i love putting in all of my writing, and the kind of justice i want to do for all characters in stories like these!!
Its a little funny how this au originally started with me brainrotting absently about Watcher biology because i wanted to explore the idea of Grian pretending to be an avian and finding certain aspects of it deeply uncomfortable. And then it just. Snowballed into this!! And now i am chewing on worldbuilding for breakfast DKXNSJDJ im really glad you enjoy the Watchers and Listeners lore!!! I need to make a proper post on Devs (or dev crystals, as theyre actually called), as well as general code structure, bc they are both so fucking cool as well
I absolutely love your herding dog analogy, and its giving me some great ideas because for the longest time i couldnt quite figure out what exactly a Watcher's ecological niche was beyond predator to Players and prey for something else that's extinct. But now im really looking at the connection between Watchers feeding habits and Players' biological need for play (or dreams, if you want to get into the minecraft end poem of it all), and theres something there that i really wanna take some time to tease out before i give a concrete answer. I need to update my hunger au masterlist LOL i am saur behind 😭
Anyway this was such a lovely ask to sink my teeth into!!!! Thank you so much for sending it, and ofc you can be frog anon!!! This was a really stimulating conversation for me so thank you again for getting my brain whirring :D i hope to see you in the inbox again!!
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#OUGHHH THIS WAS SO FUN TO ANSWER..... ME WHEN THE IN-DEPTH QUESTIONS HIT#long post#compliments#txt
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WAIT I GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!! top 5 story themes that you love to see!
this is so funny bc i almost sent u this before i decided on sending characters instead. i might be taking this a little outside of what u meant idk but
self sacrifice/destruction of the self. when a character either sees themselves as unimportant or sees their goal as more important than their own self and before they realize it theyve not only hurt themselves but the consequences are ingrained in the whole narrative to an extent it cant be ignored. it hurts me deeply but i love it
unconditional support. i would say power of friendship but the execution is important to me. im thinking like the end of okami here the whole even in the face of ur darkest hour there are still people who think of u and believe u can still do ur best. makes me cry. someone should invent that in real life
isolation as horror. i dont just mean in a strange place with no one around. i mean someone experiencing something no one else will believe & having to live with it. being around infinite other people but unable to connect with them. whatever theyre dealing with they have do it alone and not for a lack of calling for help.
morality in dealing with the unreal. isekais where the person is aware they're in a story or game whereas they themselves are very real. whats the right way to deal with the world theyre now in. if it comes to a decision of hurting themselves or the world theyre now in, which do they choose. which is the 'right' choice. fascinating to me. (thinking like oneshot here or kamitsubaki city with the vwp girls feels similar to this to me)
obsession. letting a curiosity consume them as they dive in too deep trying to figure it out. focusing too hard on something it distracts from what's immediately important. needing a specific other person in their life so much they dont function right at the mere uncertainty of the other continuing to be there.
#asks#kuki#theres things to unpack here but i think we can leave it in boxes to save space#idk if this is the right order bc i love all of them a lot#the first one is absolutely why im so drawn to the girlies tho. its not bc of them but it is partially why i like them#im so tired im not sure if this is what u meant or if im under or over thinking sorry#im not one for the most wholesome stories out there. like they can be cute & refreshing but they dont make me think#they dont make me need to stare at a wall contemplating everything for hours#a story should unsettle me and drive itself into my mind permanently
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hot take, but i guess becoming so obsessed with scream and all that it entails, including but not limited to: very crazy relationship arrangments, stabbing is sexy, blood is even sexier, killing someone? that's foreplay, and much much more; its made me more receptive towards a ship i always found sus: that being wincest.
i mean, if fictional murder psychopats that stab each other and are deeply disturbed is MY cup of tea, who really am i to jugde people who like shipping two tender fictional brothers?
they are, at the end of the day, fucking fictional.
back when i watched spn, i really liked their dynamic (it being the main driving force for me to keep watching the show). at the time, i never had the lens to see them any other way, and i still dont think i really would, but i can see where the ones that do are coming from.
and yes, i do no condone incest. not in real life. but this is fanfic, yk? the rules are different.
its different from things like collen hoover books because they reinforce an aggresive and abusive pattern on man that is, as of today, still very much passable in our society. not only that, but she takes those man and puts them in a narrative that tells the reader theyre supposed to fall in love with those behaviors, because her main character does.
wincest i think plays by a very different set of rules, in which not only does it not reinforce societal patterns (because incest is already frowned up), but also it doesn't utilize a power inbalance inside the relationship (as we'd see with most incest content online – as in porn – where it's usually older uncle/brother/father x underage/incredibly innocent familiar, usually a girl).
i guess main takeaway for me is: let the wincest thruters knock themselves out, and, if we really have to critize any fandom or fanfic, lets criticize racist, homophobic, sexist and trans exclusive content, pls :)
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being very liberal w kind of pushed here:
obv kiamei makes me sick in the head it’s literally abt loneliness and finding life altering companionship within each other and sticking by each other no matter what bc you love each other…. this story is about love it will end with love…………. mei being the one to give kiana her final goodbye………. them constantly reassuring each other of their own humanity….. ough.
bronseele OUGH. angel demonisms will make me sick for the rest of my life bc of them i love them so much girls who claw their way back to each other despite the universes will.. they mean so much to me seele being the care bronya always needed/wanted and bronya being the first person who both believed in seele and got seele to believe in herself..
sakukallen.. they’re homes to each other i’m so fucking serious they’re literally new homes to each other and i love tht sm. they both feel like sinners but they saved each other. they’re everything the other wanted. a fresh start, a promise of protection, a future dedicated to being a knight….. ough.
elyeden. OUGHHHH. what if i chose to die alongside this era because your words about my art representing this era moved me so much that living in any other era would feel intrinsically wrong!? what if i spent the last moments of my life singing your favorite song as an ode to our era? what if i spent every moment of my life after your death thinking about you and what you would do in that moment? what if you were my best friend and the only one who seemed to deeply understand my art? what if we were both named after paradises? FUCKKKKKKK.
durarita. perfection is love… sm abt bianka being so fixated on her health and rita overly perfecting her cooking as a result to show her love for bianka.. rita preferring dogs and like literally not liking cats but still letting bianka bring home stan even when she and stan literally fuckibg fought fkdhjdfjdbjdjd all bc she loves bianka.. rita being perhaps the only person in the world who truly knows bianka ataegina aside from the monikers she’s gained..
susu. SORRY IM COUNTIBG THEM BITCH I MISS THEM SO BAD. literally silliest ppl ever but also sooooo sooo tender. two girls struggling w homesickness and feeling like they don’t belong and finding companionship w each other. susannah being the furthest in situation from sushang but still being the one who ultimately makes sushang feel at home…….. ough. Ough….. fuck.
owlana. DUHHHHHHHH. DEAR GOD THEYRE SO DOOMED I LOVE THEM. intentional kiamei parallels wrapped in tragedy. narrative wise written to both show mei’s feelings for kiana, the impact of mei’s betrayal, and mei’s guilt. AND deeply interesting on their own. ana lying to tianwu.. tianwu not thinking he’s good enough to actually see ana again…. ana killing tianwu….. tianwu still giving his core to ana anyways bc he still loves her even though he feels so deeply betrayed by her. some part of him hates her and some part of him just wants to hold her. they have a shared grave :( they can only be together in death.. even in their stigma forms…..
siegcelia.ohhhhh parents of all time. siegfried got his ass kicked for two whole years just to see cecilia again. mind you he came back to the very place he ran away from just to see her.. OUGH. cecilia holding siegfrieds smile so close to her heart it would be the only thing that made her smile when she was in a deeep depressive episode. both showing each other this new freedom that they’ve never really had. cecilia’s dream world showing her having short hair like how she had it back then i feel sick oh my god SIEGFRIED CLINGING ON TO THE INFINITY CORRIDOR BC CECILIA WAS IN IT AND KEVIN REALIZING HE WAS ��CLINGING ON TO HIS LAST BITS OF HUMANITY” WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKM I HTE THEMMMM.
it’s genuinely impressive to me that i actually like every single canon pairing and pairing they’ve kind of pushed in hi3
#if i don’t like it it’s bc i see the dynamic as platonic#← fuki to me i like their relationship a lot but i can’t see them romantically#i like kevMEI but in a kevsuMEI fuck up kevins life kinda way instead of. romantic if that makes sense
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HERE IS THE POST!! I AM NOT A COWARD!!
kakashi has Bad Dog Disorder and a dissociation problem, and here is why
first, we need to establish what makes a ‘bad dog’ bad. and the answer to that, in a cruel home, is everything
what is a bad dog?
a bad dog is a dog that barks too loud, that whines too much, that wants too loudly, that needs too humanly. a bad dog is a dog that is seen, or a dog that is heard, or a dog that isn’t seen, or isn’t heard.
a bad dog is a dog that can never win, because no matter what they do, no matter how they behave, they are always bad. once you’re awarded that title, there is no giving it away.
which brings us to “friend killer” kakashi.
bad dog disorder
there is literally no other way to describe what kakashi has going on mentally than just calling him a bad dog. every action, every reaction, it all comes from a place of wanting to be Good. he wants to be good DESPERATELY, he wants to be good for his father, he wants to be good for his sensei, he wants to be a good leader, a good teammate, he wants to be a good shinobi, he wants to be good. but at every step of the way, every turn, every leg of the journey of his youth, he is shown repeatedly, and unequivocally, that he is Bad.
he tries to follow the rules, tries to do the opposite of what killed his dad. obito tells him that hes wrong, kakashi learns that he’s bad when he fails. if he was good, he would have succeeded.
(he and his father are bad, theres no way around it. the village hated them for good reason)
he tries to take care of his team, tries to protect rin. Rin takes away Kakashi’s choice and uses him as a weapon.
that is a very important shift in kakashi’s mental state, rin jumps in front of kakashi’s hand. rin uses kakashi as the weapon to end her own life. she USES HIM as a WEAPON, for the very first time, and she loves him for it.
kakashi is used as a weapon, and he is loved for it. there is no coming back from that.
everyone kakashi has lost in his young life, has died for or because of him.
(he is bad because he failed, because he killed the one person he was supposed to protect, he can’t be good no matter how hard he tries, so why try?)
(but kakashi still tries.)
anbu
minato puts kakashi in anbu to keep him close, to get him to guard kushina, to TRY and give him a break, a moment, and then he dies, and no one ever pulls kakashi out.
it is my personal belief, that kakashi is a pacifist. i don’t think he likes fighting, i think fighting alongside allies terrifies him, just look at his reaction to gai opening the 8 gates. that is not the expression of a jonin shinobi prepared to do what it takes, that is the face of a terrified man about to lose another person for and because of him.
hound never looks like this.
kakashi in anbu is noticeable becuase he does not emote, not even when the mask is off, at most he will glare, very frequently he is completely blank.
kakashi removes himself from situations that scare him, as noted by his refusal to get close to people and his desire to flee. he dips out the second the option becomes available, because he is scared.
being in anbu? doing horrific missions now because minato isnt there to keep him close, to keep him from seeing the great depths of depravity humanity is capable of? kakashi is a child, and he is a weapon, and anbu will use him like one.
if he stayed present, if he was there for every mission, every massacre. if he was in the moment, in every second spent with his hand through another person’s chest, he would die. kakashi would die. gai was right, that’s NOT who kakashi is.
but someone has to be.
which brings us to:
kakashi’s shitty brain
this man has mental disorders previously only contractible by shrimp.
he is contrasted to obito frequently, which is correct, theyre good narrative pieces, but they are polar opposites.
obito feels deeply and obsessively, the emotion he feels in the moment is the strongest he’s ever felt in his life, there is no memory of any other feeling while he’s feeling it.
and kakashi can’t convince himself to feel anything, not really.
obito is angry, a righteous furious kind of rage that demands payment for the suffering that led to it. but kakashi doesn’t have that rage, he can’t. there are times when he has anger, sometimes even intensely, but he can’t keep it. kakashi doesn’t have the fuel required to keep any strong emotion alive long enough for him to feel it.
obito and kakashi both have a very small, scared child in them.
they always come back to that moment, that mission, back to when they were a team.
there is a terrified child in them both, and then there is something else, some kind of hurting thing, something that keeps them safe.
kakashi lives as the child, and obito lives as the other one.
if obito and kakashi were stuck in a hole, you could throw them both a rope. obito would climb out, indignant and angry at the circumstances that put him in that hole, and kakashi would hang himself.
to their core, they are different. because obito wants to be a savior, and kakashi wants to be saved.
but with his team gone, with his father dead, his sensei dead, with his friends kept at an arms length to keep them safe, there is no one to keep him safe.
there is no one to save him.
so kakashi has to save himself
hound
hound is a mask, one would argue that it is The Mask. the mask to hide all things, the mask that is worn whenever something kakashi can’t handle approaches him. whenever kakashi is afraid, whenever he is that small child, there is hound.
hound came to him when kakashi was young. hound was bloody to kakashi’s broken, and kakashi needed him to survive.
hound settles over kakashi like a second skin, awkward and ill fitting, hound was made of kakashi, but kakashi was not hound.
hound is the knife, kakashi is somehow, still, not the wielder.
hound moves when prompted, kills when asked, attacks when threatened, and anbu uses him like the weapon kakashi couldnt survive being.
kakashi has a Very complicated relationship with hound, because even out of anbu, hound doesn’t leave. hound has been there for over half kakashi’s life, he is a prominent part of his existence now.
kakashi knows that it was his body, his hands in another’s chest, his feet used to kick, to break, but it is hound that was standing in front of him, hound that was pulling the strings.
hound has ALWAYS hurt kakashi, because that is what hound is, a weapon against that which kakashi cannot stand, what kakashi fears, hates. hound has always bit kakashi first, the target second. kakashi is used to it.
kakashi hides behind hound, needs hound to survive, because hound pulls the wool over his eyes, hound numbs the pain, hound lessens the blow, because. its a lot easier to justify your actions when you take away your control of the events.
is a bad dog bad?
in any situation, kakashi can be himself, or he can be the dog, but he can't be both. so he has to choose who is what when he walks into any interaction, when he has to make any decision.
is he kakashi, or is he the dog? does the dog take priority or does kakashi? and when the dog takes priority, it gets easier and easier to let it take charge.
is a bad dog bad? no it does what its supposed to do. but what about you?
kakashi can’t afford to be ‘him’ in anbu, he has to be the dog, he has to be hound, he has to survive. his morals contradict with his mission and what he needs to do, his wants oppose what is demanded of him. hound is a shield to handle everything kakashi can’t handle.
when it comes to anbu, the choices he has to make, there is no clear ‘correct’ choice. and kakashi can’t make that connection because kakashi does not exist in a grey area. kakashi is either good, or he is bad, he can’t be both.
to a mentally stable person, it’s clear that these situations are not black and white, there is an overlap, a grey area, color. but dogs are colorblind.
so where does that leave kakashi
kakashi’s life is defined by an overwhelming lack of choice. lack of control.
he couldn’t control his village’s reaction to his father. couldn’t control his father’s suicide.
couldn’t control the cave in, had no choice about taking the eye.
he couldn’t control rin, had no choice about being used kill her
couldn’t even choose to help minato and kushina during the kyuubi attack.
couldn’t control, had no choice, had no way out, could only ever be dragged further in.
at the very least, he can choose to have hound, he can control that. chose when to wear that mask, but the funniest part about it, is that he can’t.
he’s removed from anbu against his will, stripped from his addiction with no transitional period, and then forced back into civilian life with a “thanks for your service” and no therapy or any reason to keep going.
and hound doesn’t leave.
hound is still full of teeth, sharp with his claws, he is still howling and haunted, hound still craves violence, still bites, snaps at whatever is closest.
when he was in anbu and JUST anbu, and all his allies were nameless, replaceable faces -- (they were never replaceable to kakashi, but hound doesnt care) -- hound could snap and bite, hound could do what it was created for, hound could gnaw on kakashi’s limbs, could rip into his enemies, could handle all the bloodshed that always led kakashi into a panic attack.
WITHOUT anbu, all kakashi has are s rank missions, and his friends who are trying to save him, and it’s not the same. kakashi has no choice but to continue courting what he has known his entire life, violence, and whatever hurts him the most. hound never goes away.
kakashi lives his life off of table scraps, never taking more than he is given, never asking for more. he does not deserve more, somewhere along the way kakashi confused ‘living’ with surviving, and hound
hound never goes away.
psa guys i promise i know thats not how dog colorblindness works it was just a metaphor <3
#lev howls#THESE. ARE MY MANY THOUGHTS#i literally can't look at this wall of fucking text anymore thank you <3#kakashi#hound#trying to reread this makes me feel like it is so incomprehensible ill have to look at it again later but YEAH#had to edit the post sorry for any new notifs <3#my meta
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Oooh shanoa, Alucard, and Charlotte for the ask game
shanoa
1. albus. forsaking everything and dooming himself, just for her. it makes me insane. all the little snippets we actually learn about their childhood are really cute too
2. laura. theres a reason the game implies theyre soul mates im just saying. laura is someone who is tenacious enough to try and break through her walls while shanoa broke through hers. theyve faced similar (metaphorical) demons. its like poetry it rhymes
3. daniela!!!! shanoas cool grandma!!! this girl whos faced so much hardship having someone whos so warm and caring to come back to!!! the promise that theyll go on a picnic together!!! aaaaaaaaaa
4. anna and serge (two for one special). shanoa helping out and entertaining the children is Extremely Cute and i think once she has her emotions its really Nice, to her, that there are kids who admire and look up to her. also not to go into something that probably deserves its own post but i think anna and serge are supposed to parallel the ecclesia siblings a bit, theres the line about albus telling serge to be strong enough to protect his sister, but theres also that thing about serge thinking of anna as a bit of a crybaby even though he really cares about her, which we also know is true of shanoa when she was of a similar age. so like i think its interesting bc its like. shanoa and the childhood she never really got to have. but the main point of this is that i think shanoa as a babysitter is fun
5. man i wish nikolai had more dialogue bc i think his being a foil to barlowe is really really interesting conceptually and i would LOVE to see how that interacts with shanoa and her whole healing process post-ooe (and after he says shanoa helped the villagers to heal too, see this is All Connected). but um yeah i think he cares for the people in his community like a family and shanoa too is becoming part of that family, which hilariously makes her an honorary belmont. idk i think theres a lot of potential here
alucard
1. maria, theyre besties. i always like dynamics that are like, a very stoic, guardrd person + someone whos more of a people person who is kind of an expert at cutting through the bullshit and getting to actually know them. i think she gets him
2. graaaant the angst potential is through the roof. a conflict of ones own humanity and the monstrous when you can only see the monstrous in yourself and the human in your counterpart 😂😂😂 "like" if you relate!!!
3. richter theyre narrative foils. something something breaking of the cycle
4. soma... dadson and sondad... "youre not a god or a demon youre only human". "hes looking out for you because you have the same dark powers". screams forever.
5. yoko theyre literally besties
charlotte
1. jonathan of courseeee theyre castlevanias ultimate duo. best friends for LIFE and they have such a fun dynamic. i lovethe differences in how they handle their emotions and how that sometimes ends up clashing (admittedly i read into this more after learning that in the original japanese script she knew john before he died, which blew my mind)- charlotte wants to Talk About It whereas jonathan deeply wants to avoid having to think too hard about those complex feelings. they have so much to work with and their interactions are always interesting and/or entertaining.
2. eric, i wish they got more interactions but i think theres something to the idea of charlotte being the "successor" to the role eric played to his morris sidekick. and whether or not theyll succeed where they failed while hes trapped in the place where he lost everything. charlotte being the one to save his daughters also plays into this. rotating this in my mind
3. john. i think charlotte having known john really does add a whole dimension to the narrative. portrait is, above all else, about putting old ghosts to rest, and sometimes those ghosts are grief, and god damn does john haunt the narrative. im just sayig words at this point but you know what i mean.
4. i think her and the twins should be besties, stella especially. i think maybe she would see a bit of herself in stellas formality and insistence on being the "older sister" tbh, like this desire to be seen as capable and mature while underneath the surface everything is Bad and Confusing and Scary. i think they write letters to each other frequently after the events of por
5. (grimoire of souls-verse, headcanon) LET!!! CHARLOTTE!!! AND!!! ALBUS!!! GEEK OUT TOGETHER!!!! OVER COMPLICATED MAGICAL SCIENCES!!!! i wish i couldve seen more interactions between them
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What are your favourite and least favourite kny character designs ?
*puts on my character design analysis hat* as much as i like dissing gotouge's writing, theyre excellent at character design (pretty much all of them are bangers) but lets see, ill do top 3 and bottom 3
top 3
#1 - Shinobu
I love how her whole design basically screams elegance, from the butterfly pin in her hair to even her kyahan replicating the haori pattern, of pale insect wings that would glimmer in the moonlight, the use of purple in her design so she gives off an air of royalty, even kyojuro doesnt quite have that innate royalty-look that she does
#2 - Yoriichi
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there's Yoriichi who for all intents and purposes, has one of the plainest designs of the entire cast. Really the only visual aspects that are purely his own is the color crimson, his hanafuda earrings, and his Marking, his clothes are common, his hairstyle was common, his eyes are surprisingly plain considering that gotouge loves designing strange-looking eyes for characters (ahem, douma), but the plain look really sells the idea that hes Just Some Guy and not a battle-worn savior for the people like the entire narrative had suggested
#3 - Akaza
All the demon designs are really good but i particularly love akaza's bc of how every element references parts of his backstory and the core of his character. The blue tattoos emulating his branded tattoos from his crimes during his human days (now hes got a lot bc hes killed a lot more people yknow?) and the primarily blue and white color scheme hes got going on in general to suggest the coldness of his compass snowflake ability, but the bright pink accents help break it up and references his beloved's kimono, that despite letting go of his humanity, she has touched him with a kindness that has affected him so deeply in his core that his subconscious will never ever forget it, that he was loved and he loved back
bottom 3
#1 - Inosuke
This is more nitpicky than anything but his design doesnt really show the chaotic wildness of his character as much as it should. There really should have been random scars and burns and tans and tangled hair, and etc etc etc, also his swords dont have a practical sheath for him to hold them in, and in the anime character design sheets, they just stuck the blades on his hips with no explanation for how it doesnt just fall off since hes not wearing a belt. I do like what we have right now, just think figuring out the practical applications as well as showing his history as a kid who grew up in a forest would improve it
#2 - Tanjirou (specifically anime)
They cut his hair, need I say more? I'm joking but, it's more along the lines of how underwhelming his color scheme is. I love the deep and intense red gotouge always colored him in as in the manga, but in the anime, his hair is so dull and his eyes are a more pinkish-red, it doesn't quite sell his connection to the sun as much as it should, the green is fine, im just annoyed about the red lol (also his hair, my boy should have kept his long hair)
#3 - Muichirou
There just isn't enough going on, and its very plain when it really shouldn't be. I love the idea of them using more flowy garments as both a way to improve the effectiveness of their techniques and to maybe hint at more of the worldbuilding for Mist Breathing users, but that's basically it, there's nothing to grab your attention with. I think adding a mist-patterned yukata to also hint at his background wearing the same kind of clothes wouldve vastly improved and also pushed the idea that "hey, this is the mist pillar, dont ever forget it"
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anyways thinking again how a ‘not like other girls’ character is a lot less annoying when she is surrounded by other fully fleshed out women and gets to realize that no one and everyone is ‘like other girls’ because we are all individuals.
like I think the biggest gripe to have with eloise is when she trends a little too modern in her ideals (though perhaps thats not a huge issue in a show that is built on anachronisms) but her character clearly has many instances of learning about other women and growing and understanding them and being confronted by her own privilege or pretentiousness.
I think its perfectly fine to have a character who believes and acts like they are ‘not like other girls’ because that is a way actual people act. What makes it annoying is when there is no pushback in the narrative against her ideas and I think bridgerton does actually make her confront herself and the interiority of other women who think differently than her pretty often. Like the first season shows us how her and Daphne come to agree to disagree, and Daphne deeply wanting a marriage and children is never seen as a negative through the narrative, but instead just something Eloise specifically does not want for herself at that point.
tho it was like. silly of her to reject the book colin got for her. like sure ur reading something else but the guy bought it for you with you in mind its not his fault ur interests have moved on while he was. literally not in contact with you for 4 month because no one writes him back lmfao. u have time for emma and early feminist theory girl (at least someone said it was mary wollstonecraft?). But maybe this is just an arc for her to reconcile femininity and her ideals; she went too far in the other direction perhaps?
also this is a quote from Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication, from 1792. So Eloise being a bit brusque sometimes has a foundation. Sometimes you do have to call out other women for upholding the patriarchy.
I would say perhaps where it fails this season is making the random girls she talks to beyond Cressida fairly two dimensional. (but in her defense as much as I think embroidery is beautiful and an art that takes a lot of skill and time, I think I would also get bored of a conversation where people just listed their favorite stitch instead of like…… talking about when its most useful or what kind of embroidery project theyre working on idk. I dont go around being like ‘oh yes i love the french seam. end of sentence.’ however that is again the fault of them being written two-dimensionally).
anyways some of us are contrarian feminist bitches who also enjoy textile arts (me)
i dont hate when eloise isnt interested in embroidery like yea sometimes she gets a little too modern (though in her period they were definitely beginning to talk and write about the ideas that became feminism). also like i get living in an era and class where being good at it might be expected and resenting that expectation especially when she is surrounded by a bunch of other women who are 3 dimensional and also embroider .
its annoying when ur protag hates it and sees women as lesser for it and the narrative treats them that way, but the narrative of bridgerton doesnt totally. it does juxtapose cressida and penelope and daphne having more traditional interests and pursuits against eloise’s desire for non traditional pursuits and those people often confront her about it when she gets pretentious. Plus her interactions with theo kind of make her confront her own privileges re: class. she doesnt just get a free pass idk.
yes the random ladies at the balls are more 2 dimensional and while im a historical fashion girlie and who loves to defend women of the past and historically feminine pursuits i also know what its like to feel horribly disconnected from what femininity is supposed to be according to the people around you idk. I have experienced the exact feeling of hearing people talk about having planned their weddings in advance and having absolutely nothing to offer to the conversation and no desire to participate in it.
like while i typically hate a not-like-other girls period character who gets a little too modern, Eloise doesnt get on my nerves when she exists around a plethora of other well developed female characters who might disagree with her. yknow
#to me she is IN THE PROCESS OF LEARNING.#I think the narrative makes that pretty clear .#jordan talks#the show gives us MULTIPLE different fully fleshed out female characters#a french seam has been useful to me with finishing the seams of fabric that frays easily without a serger. btw#Ive used it on the skirt pieces of my 1860s ballgown that is still not finished.#no one talk to me about my 50 different sewing wips.#im currently distracted by an early 17th century project.#sorry i keep running into this instagram reel thats like ugh eloise hates emboridery 🙄#like ok but we see many other women doing and enjoying it?#also like imagine being an upper class woman in that time and being expected to do it#and just being total fucking shit at it. that would suck#shes still young . i get that feeling i was like that !
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