#and idk how to fix it bc thats just how my brain works

[itsalwaysdark]

anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[gaystardykeco]

not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again

[exculis]

people will be so nice to me they will be so cool and will be like omgg we should be friends :) and I am like haha okayyy :) and then I don't know how to do that and we just drift apart because I don't know how/when to start conversations so I just go about my daily business and every now and then they will message me and I'll go oh! Exciting! And respond to them but eventually they stop messaging first and by the time I really realize it its been years and I have to wonder if they even want to hear from me anymore at that point. And even if they did what do I say. I don't magically have an idea of stuff to talk about just because its been a while.

[almostvermin]

yeah no im fine dwbi

sorry 4 everything btw

What

What are you sorry for wwhat

You better be okay ehat the hell

[rae-unbeloved]

HAIIIIII

so i heard Nico is officially Matteo's little brother now

can you tell me more about him pls :3

since Frances (my oc) kinda adopted Matteo (she's a year older), so she is forced to would be friends with him, maybe they could become close?? idk

HIHIHI

SORRY THAT TOOK A BIT IM AT A FRIENDS RN AND KEPT GETTING DISTRACTED <33

Maybe they could get close? Im not 100% because brain is not working and im tyoing this after yapping everything below this- Nico is usually quite quiet n reserved so idk how that would play into stuff ?

uhhhm i'll give a totally amazing summary mhm yup an amazing one :3

So im gonna over basic stuff you might already know + his actual lore stuff and js fucking yap :3 His full name is Nicholas Odasies Dimitriou he's 13 in 1776, his birthday is the 17th of july 1763 :3 he's half scottish half greek <3 His dad's the Scottish one and is related to Freddie :D

Uhh, his father is rarely present, either working or probably like, cheating on his wife idk. His mother dies when Nico is 10 of some kind of illness, leaving him with basically only his older sister and younger brother since yk, his father leaves for the milk a lot<3

They eventually move to America with Nico's maternal aunt when he'ss 12 almost 13. He basically just clings to his sister a bunch then bcs she's really the only person who properly takes care of his, since his aunt isss, ermmm, not the best to him ;-;

On the day after his 13th birthday his sister dies <3 she had a long history of being sick before that, and basically got sick as soon as they moved to America (I haven't decided what state yet bcs i'm a dumbass :3) uhh, Nico would usually stay w her when she was sick, neglecting his own needs to focus on her's, but she still fucking dies in the end so womp womp 🥰🥰 also his sister basically caught the illness from their younger brother so Nico has some hatred towards him.

He kinda falls down a spiral from grief and makes shitty decisions and ends up joining the continental army via running away and bullshitting abt his age :3 he was a a loner for awhile, and a fucking loser ❤️ literally mans just talks to birds because the birds like him 👍👍

at some point Matteo comes in and is just "wtf why is there a child here" and they become friends/adoptive brothers :3 Nico likes drawing cats for matteo and rambling to him about birds and plants whilehe carves stuff :D

Uhh similar happens with Freddie but he mainly just kinda teaches him things, plays stuff and tells him off for not tying his cravat correctly and helping him fix it 👍👍 (thats a kinda vague description but i have yapped too much :3)

UHHH SO YEAH THATS ABT IT, AT LEAST LIKE FOR TILL THE WAR AND SOMEWHAT IN IT :D

Uhh, @lil-gae-disaster @paradox-complex for Freddie & Matteo mentions? :3

[aita-blorbos]

(tma oc ask content warning for canon typical levels of buried fuckery)

am i the asshole for driving away my friend?

hey reddit . im posting from a throwaway bc i dont want people connecting this to my work (though i doubt youve heard of me anyways) but i think i messed up terribly and i want to know if this is something i can still fix

also sidenote sorry if my grammar or punctuation or word choice or anything of that sort are poor. i have not been sleeping well for some time

i (19m) am a video game developer. its been my passion for years now and i am currently in uni studying computer games development and programming and level design . although i have considered dropping out but thats a point for later . i post on itch io and such and sometimes i make flash games but idk if anyone reading this has played a single one

its been a bit of a hard time for me, if im being honest. i really like games and i really liked making them but i dont think im very good at programming or art or level design or any of the other things that go into the process of making a game . at least a profitable and fun one .

so i ended up coming to this computer science study group in the hopes maybe someone could teach me to be better at programming. and i met this girl. i dont know exactly how old she is, but i want to say she was maybe two or three years ahead of me in her schooling, so probably about 22. anyways lets call her E

E was studying pure computer science and wanted to do it at a high level . so of course she was pretty good at helping me with my really rudimentary programming stuff . and she was friendly and funny and we liked hanging out so we ended up being good friends . she actually complimented my games, once i got them to function, and said my pixel art was cute . my point is we were close . maybe we wouldn’t have been so close if we had anyone else, but i was still new and she was pretty lonely .

really shortly after i met her though i started having fucked up dreams. ok that’s not entirely accurate because i had been having fucked up dreams on occasion for a while . but they got worse and she showed up in them. it was all me locking her in stairwells hitting her over the head and piling earth over her body filling her mouth with mud and cement. terrible things

so i stopped sleeping. i tried not to at least. im pretty sure most uni kids pull all nighters. i know i did even when i was younger. but i wasnt studying for exams or whatever. i was just trying and trying to force myself awake and i started to lose it a bit. my grip on things. it felt like i was sleepwalking through classes and even like i was dreaming when i was awake. id nod off for a moment in a lecture and id feel dirt caked on my hands under my fingernails. and no matter how much i scrubbed and how much i knew with my eyes it wasnt there it just. refused to come off . and it felt like her blood

i don’t remember how we got on the topic but i remember she told me how she always worried a little bit about being trapped . like claustrophobia of a flavor that shows itself in locked doors and thick walls and collapsing underground stations. that made me feel even more odd about the whole thing . of course i felt awful about hurting her but that part of it was like a joke i didn’t get

and then weirdly enough i got really into nineties 3D games. they have these skyboxes that make it really obvious they’re not actually infinite . and i thought that was kind of interesting in context. like the whole world is a box you’re in so why worry so much about if the stairwell door will lock behind you

i kind of started thinking that was something i would like to replicate with my art . like if i put all my issues into one game they would be out of my brain and gone . maybe it could even be pleasant without the whole preying on my friends terror thing

so now we get to the part of the story where i fear i really really messed up . i made this game . and honestly i dont remember the development very well . sleep deprivation is a dreadful thing . i remember again and again while i was making it kind of coming to my senses not knowing where i was and finding massive parts of the game that i didnt remember making at all.

it was set in a stairwell but i dont remember buying or making the models for the door . there was a really weird kind of way the game functioned with an infinite path going up but how that functioned i couldnt tell you . and i dont remember composing the audio or where i might have downloaded it from except that i never liked to listen to it for very long . i dont know why i kept it in the game

i always showed my games to E but i really wanted her to see this one in particular. so she came by my flat and played it and then i remember she just glared at me . there was something to the look she gave me . it was like she was completely horrified and was trying to pretend she was just angry instead

she hasnt spoken to me since . and i think i fucked up . i knew it was playing at her issues and i think maybe i even made it at least subconsciously to pry at them. like the same part of me with dirt under my fingernails was also sitting there typing away on that keyboard .

but at the same time its just a game . and im better at programming now too . like something just clicked there

honestly though development lately has been weird. its been hard trying to go back to the old sort of pixel art platformers and shoot em ups and that kind of thing i used to make. every time i open any program its like im just staring at it and imagining skyboxes. putting it all in a box imprisoning every world i make that kind of thing. like i said earlier ive been considering dropping out. but i dont know. i think id need to sleep on it

i still have weird fucked up dreams but E isnt in them anymore . i dont know where shes gone . i think maybe my idea worked somehow and i did transfer all that shit to my art . and then that just all went right to her . but i dont know if i like that idea or hate it

anyways reddit am i the asshole?

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

[taintedcigs]

EMMY’S TTPD REVIEW!!!!

i might do another review when i get some sleep and listen again but fuck do i have thoughts under the cut

i never doubted her and im being so serious. like what a wild fucking ride im in SHAMBLES. fortnight is such a good start to the album and sets the tone for the remaining songs.

florida!!! is AMAZING. taylor + florence’s voices mesh SO well together and the sounds just exploded in my ear in the best way possible. title track is cheeky which I LOVE. down bad is just so catchy and the way she says “fuck it if i can’t have him” is engraved in my brain forever.

so long, london. my god. what a fuxking intro. perfectly describing to carry on a relationship you know is dead weight???? the wedding reference ??? “how much sad did you think i have in me” ??? im literally dead?

but daddy i love him is unhinged. self-aware. again VERY cheeky. and imo a slight attempt to cut the parasocial ties a bit w swifties LMAO!

fresh out the slammer, guilty as sin, the alchemy and clara bow (the stevie nicks NAME DROP??? i gasped) are ALL SO EXCELLENT. i need a second listen to have more opinions tho!!!

who’s afraid of little old me is fuckiiiinnnnggg genius. same with i can do it with a broken heart. this album employs a tone that is so very self-critical (that she previously tapped into in midnights) and we can see how most of the lyrics are more in on the joke. its so genius and like i never doubted her ever i have noooo words. also the way she explores the “toxic positivity” in icdiwabh is just SOOO genius. she does so much twists and turns with this album and im eating up all of it. (also the overall way she describes mental health complexities in both of these songs is so important to me)

the smallest man whoever lived. THE ANGER. oh god im living for her unhinged lyrics its so fucking good.

loml: look i hate this title. im sorry. but ou my god. this fucking song. love of my life turning into loss of my life…. like she’s killing me overrrr here😭😭😭

i can fix him (no really i can). the sound. i just. i have no words. i will try to express my feelings better later but the “whoa maybe i can’t” at the end. GOD. thats how the entire album is. self-referential, critical, and in on the joke. im in awe of how good it all sounds together.

like ill just probably be rambling but holy fuck. it exceeded my expectations in the best way possible. idk how this woman does it. but shes a powerhouse. in every way possible. the album is very unhinged, depressing, cheeky, and entirely raw. this is seriously one of her best works and its MUCH different than anything else she has put out. 10/10. im gagged.

i will now be going to sleep, but if any fellow tortured poets want to discuss this album (lyrically, sonically, parallels, influences, ANYTHING) send me an ask bc i can’t be normal about this masterpiece

[aropride]

ive been reading a lot about ptsd for like. academic reasons as well as for the normal reasons (for fun/to try and speedrun fixing my brain (it isnt working)) and something a lot of places emphasize is others’ reactions being a super important part of how someone copes with trauma and if they develop ptsd. and thats something i definitely kind of knew already from experience and it just makes sense but like. idk. i just think about how the first person i told (aside from my therapist who doesnt count and my best friend whos just an extension of my own brain and therefore also doesnt count) abt one trauma just flat out ignored it and kept being friends with the person who hurt me and eventually stopped talking to me entirely in favor of them. and how all i could really do was completely isolate myself from everyone bc i was scared and i couldnt even imagine like. talking to anyone else about it. especially when a professional i talked to was really dismissive and.. not rude exactly but i got the sense that she really didnt like me. but those experiences like back to back ended with me like. shutting down completely and hiding in my room all the time and not talking to anyone and also being actively psychotic and realizing i had a dissociative disorder and its like. 😭 i mean it kinda spiraled wildly out of control. but if that first friend i told hadnt completely brushed it off and ignored it i think things wouldve ended up a lot different. i dont think it had to be that fucking awful. bc now with This situation all my friends have been supportive and accommodating and loving, and my school has been helpful and for the most part making reporting as smooth as possible (still sucks though!), and even though it has definitely been very traumatic like. im also seeing how it Should have been. none of that should have happened. when i told my friend what happened he shouldnt have just REACTED WITH A HEART EMOJI AND THEN NEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN.. he shouldnt have texted that person in front of me every time we hung out. i shouldnt have felt nauseated going to the cafeteria bc id see them together and it felt like being beat to death. i shouldnt have been spiraling into psychosis in my room alone bc i should have had a friend who would be there for me. i shouldnt have gone days without talking to anyone because my friend should have been there for me and wanted to spend time with me. i got through it alone but i shouldnt have had to. and now i dont have to and its just. so fucking wild to. be able to see how important a support system is in my own life and how wildly different its been this year. idk

[mauricemylittlemeowmeow]

*coughs blood* thinking of convoluted regency romantic literature-esque a/b/o burda

thoughts too long so ill just keep it under a read more instead of the tags

initial thought was dankovsky fixing artemy's posture which led to daniil teaching him manners which led to "oh my god governess daniil"

but i have no idea in what world hed give up being a bachelor of medicine so ofc my first thought was structuralised sexism which my brain helpfully interpreted as hell yeah omegaverse babyy

so now i have daniil with a sexist military father who lowkey loathes that his son who was supposed to work his way to also become a general can't bc hes an omega and omegas cant be enlisted. daniil still wants to pursue his own goals but bc of structuralised sexism, all hes seen as is a homemaker and someone to give birth to children.

he gets a basic education ofc complimentary to his rather well off upbringing but instead of finding an alpha and settling down, he decides to strike his own path and a la jane eyre and ends up as a governess. for years hes used the salary hes earned to fund his own higher ed self-study. hes not a bachelor bc hes not allowed to be, but he works his way to have practically the same knowledge+skillset as one in his own time.

at present hes using his money to fund his own private research into thanatology. it's all done in secret ofc but he publishes some of his writing under a pen name (it's caused quite a stir in the medical field bc it's not published as a scholarly work--danko can't bc if he submits it for peer review, hed have to expose himself--but as very technical "fictional" work which upon testing, proves true results)

his current job eventually ends and he finds new employment under a well known doctor and minor rural noble: isidor burakh. he writes to danko asking for him to educate his son and heir. daniil accepts, hoping that hed be immersed in an environment that would allow him to stealthily learn more medical stuff to aid in his own pursuits. he also accepts expecting a young child to look after as usual.

imagine daniil's surprise when said son is a whole ass 25 year old man.

anyways turns out burakh (the younger) is a bit of a wild child who prefers being in the steppe+town rather than acting as a noble. isidor called daniil in as a last ditch effort bc he feels like hes abt to die soon and artemy rlly needs to learn how to commingle properly w noble society once he officially takes over the family title.

anyways thats the premise!!!! idk abt plot i just want silly etiquette lessons and bullheaded artemy+frustrated governess!daniil bonding. daniil trying to tame artemy but then getting dragged into having fun himself. artemy finding out abt daniil's real dreams and ambitious, passionate personality. him trying to help but daniil being stubbornly independent (he doesnt want to be another omega being saved by an alpha or whatever)

just good old jane austen/brontë sisters romance shit!!!! no plague :)

[quodekash]

i went to bed instead of watching abaab and i woke up and im ✨sick✨

its not the plague but i have a sore throat and im really congested and i feel like a dump truck ran over me and poured all the bin juices in my brain, but its fine cos im here, im queer, and threezo are near

CONTENT WARNING: if youve seen this episode, youll be aware that there will be discussions of rape, sexual assault, and pedophilia. if any of these topics are triggering for you, please take the measures you require to stay safe, and please call emergency services if you require help, and talk to someone you trust. remember: you are not alone, and there will always be people who love and care for you, but you havent yet met some of them. stay safe everyone, i love you

i cannot for the life of me remember how the last episode ended so its lucky that they have little summaries at the starts of episodes cos otherwise id have no clue whats going on

OH YEAH THOOP WAS ARRESTED

hang on, dont they still need to go to work?

i cant remember what day it is and what they were doing before cher got that phone call but still

dang it ive already had a cup of tea today but i think i need another one

THREEZO HELLO (ft jack's luscious hair on the side there)

THREEZO ARE SO SWEET WHY ARE YOUR FACES LIKE THAT JACK AND TUB

okay, yeah, fair

HE IS HAPPY

HIS HAIR IS FLUFFY AND HE IS HAPPY

GREHJKDFGKJRB

aww

AWWWHHHH

awhh thoop is cryinggg

bro is in desperate need of a hug

IM GONNA CRYYYY

i love deep platonic bonds

especially when its found family

fnjgbhfbvhfb

**gasp** despicable!

HELLO THREEZOOOOO

hes so prettyyyy

and hes also so prettyyyyyy

GJKRTBNFDHKJRG I LOVE THEM

am i crying? yes.

im crying a lot

i love threezo so much

the grip these two have on my mental health and sanity--

have i rewatched this scene four times? yeah. do i now kinda just wanna curl into a ball and sob for a day or two? yeah. unfortunately i have to keep watching the episode

okay so its literally like six hours later now, ive tried having two naps, ive had three cups of tea today, as much medicine as i can have, and the sickness has done nothing but get worse which is just so fun but the only reason i wasnt watching abaab is bc i was trying to sleep and that's just not happening so im continuing the episode now

the commentary is gonna be very little tho btw bc im having trouble making coherent thoughts through all the conjestion clogging my brain

the way they smile at each other is so 🥺🥹

im TRYING--

sorry, last week i couldnt stop talking about the freaking pomegranate i was eating, today i cant stop talking about how sick i am, ill try and shut up about it and just watch the episode lol

SCREW THAT GUY

VAFFANCULO

I HATE HIM

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

idk much about the mother

BUT THE STEPFATHER CAN GO SHOVE A PIGNA UP HIS CULO

look, i hate cops and law enforcement

but i even more hate thoop's stepfather

and law enforcement, unfortunately, have a lot of power, but thats fortunate in this situation bc they can force him to shut up which is nice

oh, wouldya look at that. i was right.

im not happy about it. its freaking horrible. and its even worse that it happens every day in every single country and state and city and suburb and yet nothing is being done about it.

um. yeah. thats all i can think of to say.

SHE HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT FOR THREE YEARS???

holy hell thats freaking disgusting

i hate this so much. not that they included this in the show, im really glad they included it because it's freaking disgusting and not talked about enough, especially in mainstream media and stuff. i just freaking hate that rape exists and people have to put up with it every single freaking day of their freaking lives, and NOTHING is happening to fix this freaking disgusting issue

this episode is a lot heavier than i was expecting and idk if anything im saying makes any sense because im too sick for this and the things that happened are making me even more sick

HUZZAH, I WAS RIGHT

AND THIS TIME ITS A GOOD FEELING THAT IM RIGHT

HES NOT HOMOPHOBIC

HUZZAH, HUZZAH, PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JACK'S ALMIGHTY FLUFFY BEAUTIFUL HAIR

sobbing, i cant do this, theyre too sweet

AH SHOOT, I JUST REALISED IVE BARELY DRANK ANY WATER TODAY

as per usual, your hair is on fleek today, my friend

he's angry at laem, but his hair is perfection

the perfect way to get someone to shut up: shove food in their mouth as fast as possible (im using this at some point) (also how the hell is his hair so pretty i love his hair too much. i think i always spend more time talking about jack's hair than i do talking about the actual episode)

gun's mother has such a sweet sounding voice but her words sting like poison, jeez

OH HELL YES ITS THIS PART

IVE SEEN SCREENSHOTS

side note: look at three and zo's knees pressed together gjfngjbhfgbh

HEYYY GUYS

ITS SO FUNNY

WHAT ARE THEY DOING WATCHING SIMM

wait so. bad buddy exists as a series inside the msp universe. simm exists as a series inside the abaab universe. what's next??

the frame changed suddenly, kluen was looking down slightly earlier and now he's looking right in nuea's eyes (yes i had to include jack's hair in the screenshot, so what?)

side note: i love all of jack's ear piercings (and his hair) so much

(ive now used all my 30 photos for this post so you just have to deal with that. on the bright side, the final photo was of jack's beautiful face and beautiful earrings and beautiful HAIR)

i love this friend group so much, theyre all just sitting in a circle in their gaming chairs supporting cher as much as possible in their own little ways and its so sweet and so happy and gfbhbrhgb

ignore your bfs phone calls only to show up at his house with food

AWWW, THE WAY HE JUST PULLS HIM INTO A WORRIED HUG AS SOON AS HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY- I LOVE THEMMMM

"promise me no matter what happens, we will fight it together" RGHBKRDFHGKRBDFHB

AWWWW TEHY KISSSSS

"(talking to himself) if your mum knows about this, she will hit you to death, cher" "know about what?" "she gave me only one heart and i gave it all to you" "youre as cheesy as i am" IM DYING WHAT THE HELL THEYRE SO SWEET

BRO CHILL

CALM DOWN

I DONT NEED TO SEE THIS

I MEAN LIKE GOOD FOR THEM

BUT WHY DO WE NEED SUCH A LONG SHOT OF GUN'S BARE ABS

theyre so soft with each other what the hell

"i just want to hear it from your mouth-" AND CHER CUTS HIM OFF WITH THE SOFTEST KISS EVER??? (well, not ever. no one can ever kiss as softly or lovingly as freaking akk, but that's neither here nor there) THAT ONE TINY MOMENT IS GONNA PLAY IN MY HEAD FOR AGES NOW OMG

keep the pants on please guys

oh thank goodness they finished the episode before it got to that, i appreciate that

anyway THAT WAS SO SWEET GBFHGBFHBHG

im desperately hoping that next episode will be mostly fluffy happiness bc i cant take much more of this seriousness, especially not if my sickness persists (which i really hope it doesnt, id love to be functioning this week)

um yeah. that was that. i hope you enjoyed that? sorry for all my ramblings about being sick, i just really hate being sick.

once again, i hope youre all safe and healthy, if you're not, i hope you can find a safe space and people you trust, please contact someone who can help you if you need it. i love you all, have a great week :]

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[smoosnoom]

can’t believe that i finally decided to comment all ur works that i read before daily compliments.

“let me steal this moment from you” became my first victim. tbh i haven’t read it since november i think?? and part of my brain which is responsible for memory is too occupied by remembering facts about u so i don’t remember plot sorry. this one is gonna be like the first time 🙏🏻

“If anything, it’s a miracle any of them are still awake and functioning.” no fr. they spent like a week in that uncomfortable van and the first thing they did after returning to hawkins is cleaned the cabin?? not even shower.

“At least it would save the catastrophe of seeing Argyle and Ted Wheeler interact.” ohh, i’d like to see that

“It’s blue. He imagines painting a yellow sun on it.” 🥺🥺 bc he’s yellow and sunshine and lights up every room he walks in. sorry i love him so much

“He wonders if he's more of a monster than a mistake.” ok i had 10 minutes tears break after that 🧍🏻‍♀️ maybe i Am crybaby idk

“He’s pretty sure it’s the first time they’ve laughed together since they’ve arrived back in Hawkins.” poor boys haven’t laughed in Weeks :( i wish i could fix everything for them

will wants to make “smalltown boy” with mike so bad and i can’t blame him. my boy deserves be as far away from hawkins as possible.

“He doesn’t have any time for self-doubt when Mike turns his hand over in Will’s grasp, until their hands are properly entwined” it’s all them. best friends, each other reassurance and safe space, soulmates if u want. i just love them ughhh. that’s why they hits so hard.

“we aren’t kids anymore” omg how do u exactly know where to put references?

“And we got to bury Jonathan in a bunch of sand, which was pretty fun.” oh wait!! i remember ur Fantastic fan art! writer And artist how talented u are!!

“Night Seven” ofc its night seven. love that it could have been 5+1 but it’s byler so it’s seven instead.

“and it seems to be the right move when Mike lets out an appreciative hum” my “naturally good kisser will” agenda never dies. he just knows what to do he didn’t need practice 🙏🏻

“He probably looks like a kissed-dumb idiot.” he is. good for him!

god, ilysm. ur so talented u have no idea. and u make me feel things.

i love that fic so bad and if u like it too u should thank moon for it!!

if it helps i dont even Remember most of "let me steal this moment", every time i click post it's like every associated memory just vanishes from my brain

im glad u get to experience it all over again i wish i could do the same with other fics </3

"the first thing they did after returning to hawkins is cleaned the cabin?? not even shower." U ARE SO RIGHT i thought abt that the first time i watched vol 2 like what do u mean u arent even going to change !!!! u have been in those close for Days !!!!

i almost did write a ted wheeler and argyle interaction . Almost

that is so real . will byers my sunshine sweetpie

HEOEOKPJY IM SO SOSRRY

so real and true ! i need these two far far away from hawkins and HAPPYYY

u get me !!!!!! theyve alwyas been best friends first and thats why they hit so different

oh god not the drawing 😭😭😭 can we pretend that Didn't happen . maybe . my artistry isnt grea t

IM SO HAPYPPYY U NOTICED !!!! night seven !!!! it was a seven !!!!!!!

will is just naturally good at it idk what to tell u . yes he has never kissed anyone Yes he is a loser yes hes also great as kissing . sorry

so honored to have made u feel things <3 alya my beloved it is Always the best day of my life whenever u decide to read something of mine :D

[goffangelsinna]

i am truly at rock bottom in terms of my mental health. i’ve never hated myself and my life more than this. i want to believe it will or can get better but i feel like im too weak and don’t even want it enough.

“don’t fall back into old patterns because they’re familiar, let yourself walk a new path” is very relatable for me as i feel like my life is a repeating pattern of this. i am scared for my life to change. i know that if i don’t things will only get harder and life will feel worse but i don’t have the strength i believe and idk how many times i have to hit rock bottom before i wanna get up and try fix it. and in a way i DO want to but im not consistent enough for any changes i make to matter in the scheme of things.

i am becoming someone i don’t even like. lazy, boring, bummy, insecure, jealous and most of all miserable and bitter at the world.

it’s affecting everyone around me. my parents and family, my boyfriend and my friends. i just let my emotions get the best of me all the time and my pride and ego. and my problems often become the people im arounds problems bc i cant control my emotions.

my depression is very bad, i barely leave the house which i live in independently with my boyfriend and it effects our relationship greatly. neither of us are perfect of course and we both do things that aren’t necessarily good but i can only speak for me. i love him but there’s so many issues and honestly things that have happened that i fear it just CANNOT work or be healthy for either of us while i am struggling. i feel i’ve tried many times to make an effort to fix things but every time my emotions still get the better of me and we argue. i think the fact that we have lived together in a tiny flat since before we even got together is a major thing we shouldn’t have done in hindsight as we’re constantly on each others toes and he is dealing with his own mental health and life as well as mine, also that we are very different in ways and we’ve had a totally different life experience and lifestyle, and we have different goals. but i also think he is good for me and he is the angel on my shoulder sometimes to stop me doing the impulsive shit my brain wants me to do. but is that fair on him? am i good for him? i dont think so. i think we SHOULD break up for the sake of both of us but i dont WANT to. i have become attached to the dog too i love her so much she is possibly the cutest thing ive ever seen. i spend all my days with her in my depression and she’s become a part of my routine and life and thats another thing im not ready to let go of.

but what do i do? on the one hand i could try to fix things properly and make a real effort to make it work but there’s that thought in my head that it just CANT. that could be my brain telling me bad things but it makes sense too. i try to talk to him about it but he has so much other stuff going on like his job and college and living in between two houses that i doubt he has the time nor the energy to think about it. i just want to get better but i dont know if i can do it while in a serious relationship and living with him.

there’s also my friends who i love because i love them but also dont like them and a lot of their actions and morals etc. i worry they are also not good for me in terms of actually getting better mentally and lifestyle wise. my two best friends are the girl i bonded with over our mutual addiction to xanax and living with her and her daughter who i also became attached to and a guy who used to be with my ex-friend and who i did end up liking and sleeping with for a while until i got with my current boyfriend (i no longer feel that way about him and he doesn’t feel that way about me but its still kinda weird) but while i know both of these people may not be the best influence on me i do love them truly and i don’t want to cut them out. but again it’s that fear that i cannot get better if they’re still the main people in my life.

and my family i’ve had a strange and rocky relationship with for as long as i can remember. i LOVE my parents dearly and they have done so much for me but there’s always this lingering resentment and almost sad feeling between the three of us because of some unforgivable things i’ve done in the past and my resentment for the way they have dealt with my mental health and cry for helps in the past. i know things will be okay eventually and they do love me but it still doesn’t help in terms of me getting better which is another reason i don’t like living at home because i don’t like being TOO close to them. it’s strange but that’s why i feel like ive got basically no ‘good’ options and like nowhere to turn to as in my head all the people in my life don’t exactly have the best effect on me or i don’t have the best effects on them.

i also do not work and have not been able to hold down a job for the best part of 2 years now due to my poor mental health and lack of discipline which has caused me to lie about having a job in the past which is horrible in itself because im also struggling every day with depression and anxiety and it just adds stress to the situation. i did not finish school so i have limited qualifications and limited work experience to really do anything other than housekeeping which is soul destroying in itself.

so ultimately i need to make some decisions and changes in my life affective immediately or else im going to keep spiralling and my mental health is going to worsen.

any advice would be greatly appreciated, if you read this far thank you x

[criminal-sen]

I finally saw Nope (Jordan Peele's new-ish horror movie) and uhhh it's been stuck in my head ever since, so I'm gonna talk about it. It's not *quite* on my All Time Favorite Horror List (a thing that barely even exists in my head, let alone in printed form) but it's up there for sure. And do you want to know what really did it for me? It was the fucking RESTRAINT they used - not only in showing the Threat, but in picking apart its exact workings. I would say they slipped up a little bit here in the finale, as the protagonists do actually figure out a lot, but im giving it a pass. Because this movie is a horror, for sure, but it's also a story about black people overcoming that horror and standing victorious at the end, and the meta sense of catharsis that comes from that. I actually.. don't remember exactly how Us ended - a lot of that film kinda flew over my head bc im bad at media analysis stuff uhhh what is it, film theory? Yah i didnt.. take that. And my brain is like 'fun movie scary monster weeeee' for the most part. But i did manage to gather that between Get Out and Nope, Jordan Peele is sick of black characters dying, so hes 'fixing' the endings to be happy. And i think thats really fucking cool and also really fucking important. So yeah tldr it's okay they did the thing I usually don't like, and they still used more restraint than other movies, who don't even have a reason for it other than.. idk. Pissing me off

Oh right the other restraint they used, which I've seen talked about before, is in showing too much onscreen. Yknow like.. the horror movies that are scary as shit until the monster is revealed to be some cgi.. stupid fucking whatever... and a switch flips in your brain taking you from scared to annoyed. Yah they managed to not show parts they knew wouldn't work, then REALLY show parts they knew they could get right. Like the ending???? That was so fucking cool looking, like I cannot with that design, I fuck with it heavily and kinda want to draw it but. It also looks hard to draw lol

Okay well there was one specific scene especially, but it's a big plot spoil so I'm not gonna say it. But my favorite scene in the whole movie is one that's apparently quite divisive- some ppl hate it and say it looks like a fuckin car wash lmfao (and I'm being as spoiler-free as possible but that should give away the scene to ppl who've seen it) - but it's demonstrating that perfect balance of showing JUST enough to let your imagination fill in the rest. And I thought they did a damn good job with what was shown- between the fuckin hair raising screams and cries of the ppl in there, to the chaotic camerawork, like you're in there too and you're only getting glimpses, to the revelation itself, the massive OH SHIT of a plot reveal that's hitting so much harder than a detached 'we've figured it out' scene bc it's putting you IN it* and showing you the sheer, uncaring violence of it, and now you're finally understanding why the thing with the chimp (also???? Fucking horrifying???? But ngl it was also weirdly satisfying to see it fictionally portrayed??? bc yes, a chimp will fuck you up, just leave them be and shit like this won't happen ffs) exists in a movie about horse ranchers trying to film a UFO

*😏if you've watched it, do u.. do u see what I did there😏😏😏 also I might need to make another post with spoilers bc im a bit obsessed with it rn, I'm pretty sure they even snuck in an Akira reference (especially cuz they did the very obvious motorcycle slide later)