#and i'm FURIOUS at myself about it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Why do I always remember that I never do anything right the first time after I do the thing? I'm too impatient and too impulsive to follow directions if they're only given as suggestions. Instead of taking a foundations class, I jumped right into what turned out to be an advanced class and I ended up wrenching my shoulder. If I don't find a way to get this impulsiveness under control, I am going to ruin myself, I just know it.
#i tried to join the circus#did a somersault wrong because i'm out of practice#and landed my full weight on my shoulder#and i'm FURIOUS at myself about it#all i had to do was sign up for the foundation course LIKE THE WEBSITE SAID#but NO#i had to try acrobatics on my first night#and since they don't force you to start in foundatoins#i thought 'meh it'll be fine'#it was not fine#i was really excited too#and now i'm just discouraged#the whole crowd was very much#'i took gymnastics when i was 6 and now i want to get back into it at 25'#and do i want to keep learning?#i don't know#i'm tempted to keep going just so i can take their strengthening classes#and yeah maybe learning handstands would be fun#but maybe i want to get back into martial arts#even though that's how i ruined my knee#and i don't like getting thrown or doing grappling#so i don't know why i want to try akido#which is lots of throwing#in summary i hate the limitations my body forces onto my activities#did all those motivational slogans lie to me?#“You can do anything if you put your mind to it!”#well then why can't I?
0 notes
Text
today in art class we had to place newspaper under our artwork to keep the tables clean, and by great ol' chance the paper I got had a story about Aaron Bushnell. Right in clean view for me. I was using the class as some time to chill out amongst some other stresses I have going on today so I didn't stop to read much but I did take some peeks.
There was an opinion piece next to it. Criticizing Bushnell. Saying there's nothing glorious about suicide. I could've laughed. Because obviously there isn't. That's the point.
This isn't glory, this is horrific. It's ugly. It's screaming for the freedom of those who are experiencing worse than what Bushnell did. He says it himself, that his fate was not extreme compared to that of many Palestinians.
Why do you need it to be glorious?
If your sense of who's the good side is the side in better spirits, better health, better mood, better status, your setting yourself to side with the oppressors.
Fuck your comfort. Fuck you.
#vent#Palestine#free palestine#free gaza#aaron bushnell#self immolation#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#Yea I said I wouldn't talk much about it myself and this is really similar to my last post about it but I'm just fucking. Furious.#As a result my wording in here might be muddy. I'm sorry.
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
It always rubs me the wrong way when people characterize atsushi as too much of a sweetheart. Like he IS a sweetheart but he's also snarky and sarcastic and most importantly he's very very angry. Do not forget this.
#I think its a product of like. People thinking that being kind and being angry are mutually exclusive#Which they very much are not#Atsushi is an extremely compassionate character who also happens to be angry!! These things do not cancel each other out#Like. He bites and screams and fights when someone hurts him or someone he cares about#He's been hurt so much and he's furious and bitter about it.#He's still a compassionate character. He's so so good. Being angry at people that hurt you is not bad.#He's not someone who just rolls over and takes whats thrown at him. He establishes this very early on#Idk. I just think taking away that part of him that's bitter and angry about the way he was treated#Is a major disservice to his character#Jesus this turned into a tangeant. I love atsushi a lot.#I'm a very angry person myself. I actually like that about myself!! I relate to atsushi a lot just as#Someone whos affected by mental illness in ways that often end up making me someone thats hard to be around#Atsushi is a tiger. He bites. This is important.#Sorry sorry. The atsushi brainrot is strong this morning#ruby speaks#Bsd#Bsd atsushi#Atsushiposting
52 notes
·
View notes
Note
if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of my housemates is so fucking sensitive it turns me into a person I do not like
#like i always thought /i/ was 'overly' sensitive but my god. you cannot say ANYTHING around her#every little thing is too much for her everything is a trigger everything makes her tell you it wasn't okay for you to say around her or not#warning her about first like my sister in christ how the fuck should i have known this was a problem for you#maybe print out a trigger list and send it to all of us or something#but breathing is probably on there so#truly i hate how i sound i don't want to be like this but she's just playing the victim so severely it makes me aggressive it's like. primal#and I don't care when she flees from the room all the time when we're just having normal conversations because honestly I'm glad when she's#gone but she projects her issues onto everyone and everything around her like she cannot comprehend that maybe she has a fucking problem and#should maybe learn to deal with the fucking world#people aren't horrible for simply existing around you being themselves like. ny god it just makes me so furious#like i am AWARE that i have deficits; things that are easy for other people or come natural to them that i have issues with and that's fine#I'm learning to live in my way#and i can still love myself and not blame myself for having these problems without turning everyone around me and the whole fucking world#into the problem instead#i don't know if I'm even conveying what i mean#it's just this fucking victim complex that's driving me up the walls#she sees herself as so innocent and actually she's treating people like shit#man do i wish i could smoke about this
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
My boss: contact this guy about changing this thing in our system so you can finish your important paperwork that allows you to work here. And even though it's not finished, I think you can start working
HR guy: tee hee, out of office!
#jaksnsbdhfjskalaksndhfud#i am furious#i didn't put my legal name where i needed to#and now I can't fill out the forms that let them pay me#and i can't change it myself because gods forbid#so i'm stuck#and have been for about a week
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gonna use this image any time someone says something low key sexist about Sable (ie "she's showing too much skin" regarding a fucking bathing suit 😭🤦)
I don't hear you complaining about Spirit 😭
#I swear to god some people in this community#just say ‘cover them up whore’ like a normal sexist does#also people who targeted the sables because of their bathing suit outfit and then others saying it’s fine to do that#because of what she’s wearing… do you not hear yourselves?!#purity culture will be the death of us all#and then when you play sable because you look and dress like her and then people say whoever plays her is a ‘gooner’#get off the fucking internet and talk to an actual alt woman#(this is low key a vague post about someone streaming with their friends and making fun of the sable that joined the three of them because#she had the bathing suit skin on and they were saying shit like ‘what a normal amount of clothing you have’ and the whole chat joined in.#it was the first game and I literally couldn’t watch them after that because it just made me so mad. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO’S BEHIND THE SCREEN#for all you know it’s just an alt woman who likes the outfit and your making fun of her because you think skin = sex = gooner which says a#hella lot about YOU more than the person playing her. if you know who I'm vauging about don't be a dick and harass them or send this to the#I was so mad that I just closed the stream and reblogged sable pictures because this hate against her so fucking insane.#I'm not trying to start drama. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I don't think they knew how insensitive stuff like what they were saying is#(even though they really should have; they're an adult and their words having meaning and they clearly have a young fanbase that looks up#them so they should be more careful about the shit they say) but I'm not here to try to fight anyone. I'm just furious about#constantly having to point out how fucking stupid this is and how it's rooted in sexism and purity culture.#when you say this shit you're not just 'making fun of a character'. you're indirectly making fun of alt women who dress less conservatively#you are indirectly shaming a group of people who already have to deal with prejudice outside of your 'jokes')#I love how misogyny and sexism is such a funny joke to these guys (no I don't)#I’m so fucking sick of how this community treats alt women#(speaking as an alt fashion afab person myself)#anyway. I'm just going to eat my dinner in silence.#nah who am I kidding I'm pulling up [popular 90s anime magical girl show staring 'rabbit' whose tag I don't want this to go to]#dead by daylight#dbd#rant#mint mumbles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
she was bald :(
but she had the power of god and anime on her side :)
then government happened.
and then she died :(
#ocs#idfk man#i too tired for this lol#she's like toretto#or something ifk#I've never watched fast and furious#but it was something about family#I'm being delusional#delulu#hehehehe#say pizza to drugs say no to yes#mom help#i'm scared#of myself
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
so hot out. fainted twice already today! chugged a gatorade. trying to do things but i think the rest of the day will be for lying on the floor. trying not to get lost in my brain but this place is full of ghosts and i am haunted. just going to hold. until i leave tomorrow night.
#personal#vent#don't know what to tag this as tbh#abuse tw#have been more psychotic this week then in a long time#almost every day i have been hallucinating angels. talking to some of them#anyway. apparently this is the city i go to if i want to talk to angels.#have been mostly holding it together but i can tell that the edges#are leaking. i can't read long paragraphs right now because the angels have so much commentary#i drove past the place where i first started doing survival sw and one of the angels told me that she is furious with god for trapping her#and i cannot write or think until the angels are quieter. i cannot remember things about myself right now. it's hot and i'm melting and#the angels talking is new. usually they just spend time in electrical lines and pigeons. and such. and i know they're there#i don't mind them too much but i would like to be able to read without them critiquing the analysis LMFAO
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
you'd think that the biggest silmhead* among my muses would be the middle-aged librarian, but you'd be wrong. It's the dubiously 20-something sideshow crust punk.
*silmhead, (n.) - an enjoyer of Tolkien's Silmarillion, esp. one whose enthusiasm verges on the rabid and/or encyclopedic
#//don't get me wrong I'm not saying that Jim ISN'T a silmhead#//I'm just saying Janet has her beat#//but actually secretly it isn't a competition and the two of them would both really enjoy talking to each other about silm shit#//though i regret to inform you Janet would become the ''can yuo put that out on me'' meme two sentences in and Jim would not notice at all#//but still. it'd be nice#//anyways. i am trying to lure myself back into writing by letting the soft animal of my body love what it loves or something#//which means making posts like this. at least for now.#three determinate states the cat could be in: dead. alive. bloody furious. | abt: janet#920.2 | abt: jim
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not going to actually tag this with his name, this is mostly for y'all following me and for my own piece of mind, but:
I cannot express how horrified I was when I watched Harris's video. How I felt like somebody had doused me in cold water, how reality slapped me in the face. I had, in my relief of finally submitting my thesis, forgotten plagiarists existed. Specifically, people who hunt down Bachelor papers to use because they're made by students, because we're oftentimes not actively looking up the topic of our thesis anymore. I spent a ridiculous amount of time googling my own topic to check if something may have happened, paranoid it might have happened. And, in hindsight, I know why I did it, even if back then it may have felt irrational; because I fought tooth and nail to finish that paper, to write it and submit it and pass it. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into it, and the possibility of somebody just stealing that felt infuriating. They just took the easy road whilst I laboured to get it done despite everything trying to stop me. That idea infuriated me, and it still does. I still feel that rage at the mere thought.
I just. I cannot understand anyone who thinks plagiarism "isn't a big deal". I don't understand the people defending this asshole for doing what he did, for telling us all that our feelings don't matter, that our work doesn't matter. I just. I feel so angry about all of this.
I also find it both ridiculously funny and blood-boiling infuriating that Norway is still having its own plagiarism scandals. Some of our elected officials are still being called out for it (one of them in our fucking education department!!), and still denying it! I cannot escape this shit, of being told that our concerns don't matter! Plagiarism is theft! What's so hard to understand about that?!
#text_loke#RAGE! I FEEL RAGE!!#can you tell i read ANOTHER article about the fucker that still insists she did nothing wrong? even when the University of Trondheim-#-calls her out on it? can you tell i'm furious that i hear this bullshit at all sides as of late??#i have many thoughts but i can feel myself close to passing out. i need to sleep. not be enraged#and yes i did feel fear that my work was stolen! because the topic falls RIGHT into what somerton would've stolen!#my topic was fully queer and about a piece of media! and because of the niche topic i kinda know very fast if anybody has stolen my shit :)#which is also why i'm not saying what it is. due to that being very likely to doxx myself#so yeah. when i saw certain parts of Harris's video i did feel fear. because what i wrote falls under that category of 'genre stolen from'#aka. my niche subject about queer themes written by a student (in English) from a small country (5 mil)#like. i hate even saying this! because it feels like making myself oh so important! no! i don't think i am!#which is what makes this so frustrating! because i feel irrational! i feel like i'm being too self-centered in my fear!#i don't know how to process this! i just! i'm frustrated and angry and this is why i haven't spoken on this before!#because i DON'T think my work is good enough for anybody to really notice#but the slim chance that ONE PERSON might sparked my paranoia. and now it won't shut up#however. i now will because i am becoming nonsensical. i am exhausted
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
discovering that my favourite part of writing a novel is editing it like what the hell is my problem
#absolutely furious but i finished the first draft today#and just like the last one editing it is the only thing i can think about#i want to dig back in#like the pressure of figuring out the storyline is gone figuring out the characters is done the ideas are out of my head#you're telling me the hard part is done and all i have to do is make it good??#rubbing my grubby little hands together don't mind if i do#like i never get this kind of motivation when i'm writing the first draft i have to convince myself to do other things rn
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
. Sorry im ranting its been a weird day gonna go clean now
#i try not to betray too much of myself (selective overdisclosure)#BUT#it makes me FURIOUS on that post about rap haters being racist (chill and good) that people are getting accolades for shitting on country#because like#there is some weird stuff#as there is in any genre! remember kanye and marilyn manson?#but by and large as a genre? there's so much variety in it#and so much feeling and heart and relatability#poetry that makes you cry etc#i am never able to listen to it in the presence of others#because some fucker has to be like 'uhuhuhuhuh white supremacy' 'uhuhuhu bad music what even is a truck'#im like go fuck yourself#im not saying this belongs next to the conversation about rap;#both are a problem of classism and one has intersecting racism that makes it a far more serious cultural phenomenon#but it makes me fucking furious people cant see their own hypocrisy#and im just leftover bitter because i have to self censor because of that in the culture i relocated to#i can laugh at the ridiculous shit#but you know#arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#it also a little bit feels less when i'm displaced#which then makes me even sadder and feel more and MORE pissed off#idk#im sad im so far away from my home and it hurts to see people pissed off about something they don't know#emotionally anyway#im not trying to make everything about me also. like. others have it worse and i know this#i just came here on a dream of money and joy and im here and i have friends which is lovely but im broke and starving etc#and sad and randomly yelled at all the time by upset homeless people#didnt know what i had smh
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
🔥
#ABSOLUTELY furious at ppl misusing spiritual terms and taking advantage of vulnerable ppl#as a vulnerable person i had to learn some ugly lessons before starting my spiritual journey so i could defend myself#just learned about tiktok “tarot readers”???? and ppl going through a spiritual psychosis. godspousing Herobrine is a deity????#what the fuck is this shit???#i hate that real spiritual circles have been invaded by captialistic parasitic behavior.#NO HUMAN BEING is ever gonna have the perfect packaged answer. that's delusional. pls get some help#that's the whole point of spirituality. it's not gonna come from earthly things that includes another person.#watching the twin flames documentary. listen. spiritual or no. its a wierd game of match maker and they're obviously not even spiritual.#they act like those tv evangelists that push ppl's faces to make them fall. my mom would call it out IN PERSON and i was like wtf yeah#just saying as someone who tries my best to be practically and spiritually balanced i get angry at the thought of being dismissed bc of.#ppl like this insulting logic AND spirituality#in fact that's precisely why I'm always ridiculed. i can't even be mad at them bc they're just going by logic
1 note
·
View note
Note
random question but were you in any fandom(s) before obikin/star wars? and are you the kind of person that sets goals for new years? if so, do you have any goals for 2023? fic related or not!
I've been in other fandoms but never as involved as I am now. I wrote fic as a teenager and then never finished it (as opposed to now, of course) but never really spoke to other writers or joined communities or anything. This is way more fun!
I'm normally not a goal kind of person but for 2020 I had a goal for a sport I do that was going to be easily achievable. Instead there was a global pandemic and I couldn't go the gym for 18 months so I failed because of circumstances outside my control. I'm not saying my resolution caused the pandemic but I'm still not risking it this year. If I set writing goals there's a decent chance my hands fall off just to spite me.
I can say I want to finish one WIP though, that's not so bad 🤔 And at least one of them is short (I say, dooming myself to fifty more chapters) so I think it's achievable! Maybe I'll finish more! Maybe I'll start thirty new ones and not finish them! I am a naturally high-stress person so as long as I am not making myself miserable by accident I consider it a win.
Thank you 🥰 I hope if you have goals you reach them or at least have fun trying!
#asks#anon#oh also i want to get more art for my apartment#it's kind of bleak in here#i didn't notice until i put up art in one room and was suddenly in a better mood#i hate when people are right about these things#eat vegetables#get exercise#look at nice things#it works and it makes me furious#i'm going to buy myself a cute pink chair and i'm going to be mad about it the whole time
16 notes
·
View notes