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thejustmaiden · 4 years ago

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Heyo, fellow Inuyasha fans! Happy Friday! This particular blog will serve as a collection of random thoughts I’ve been mulling over lately. Hope you’ll consider giving it a read. By the way, it’ll specifically pertain to the Sessrin ship. If that’s not something that is of interest to you, then no need to read any further. Whatever happens, I wanted to get this out before the sequel. Alrighty, let’s go!

I’m not sure many of us realize just how much fiction sparks public dialogue and shapes culture. There have been countless studies and research done to prove it, therefore this really isn’t up for debate. What the real question here should be is have we taken the time to fully contemplate and assess just how much fictional experiences are able to change or influence our perspective on real, everyday life? The visual arts are just one of many evolutionary adaptations that serve to give us more insight into one another’s mind. If our outlook on fiction contrasts with said insight, then perhaps some re-evaluating is in order.

Powerful works of literature such as 1984 and the beloved Harry Potter series are just two examples. George Orwell’s book contributed strongly to how readers viewed government and politics during that time, and to this day it’s a book that resonates with many. As much as Harry Potter is cherished all across the world, there are religious and academic institutions that condemn it or have even gone so far as to ban it. I may not agree with the extreme measures taken, but it’s fascinating nonetheless to witness the extent to which fiction can move and mobilize people for a cause.

The takeaway is that indicating fiction doesn’t have the power to create change in our everyday lives is misleading to say the least. So how exactly then can fictional stories that are, after all, completely made up affect society in such profound ways? It all lies in the power of the psychology of fiction. According to cognitive psychologist and novelist, Keith Oatley, who’s been researching the psychological effects of fiction for over a decade, he states that engaging with stories about other people can improve empathy and theory of mind. When we identify with these characters’ struggles, we begin to share their frustration for societal problems that plague them. These types of stories tap into our emotions more so than- believe it or not- nonfiction, and thus their effects inspire us and even have the ability to alter our worldviews.

I’ll be returning to that specific topic a bit later, but moving on for now!

It’s safe to say that I speak on behalf of the majority of antis. That being said, I first want to add that we are aware that sessrin shippers claim to agree that there was nothing inherently romantic that took place between Rin and Sesshomaru during their travels together. The thing is we have trouble believing you guys when you time and time again provide contradictory statements to defend your stance.

Voicing things like, “all signs point to Rin” and “it’s been foreshadowed” sends the exact opposite message of what you supposedly stand for and, if anything, confirms that you’ve had romance on your mind long before it would’ve been acceptable to come out with openly. You can’t just go along with what we say when it’s convenient to your argument and then back it up later with “who else but Rin.” How can the relationship you’re imagining be so obvious if they didn’t hint at it for the whole duration of the original series like we agreed upon? Elaborate on how we could’ve possibly come to such wildly different conclusions when we started AND left off with the same views for and throughout the series.

On top of that, making the excuse that we don’t speak for adult!Rin and that she has the right to make her own decisions once she’s old enough is a weak defense. Firstly, because we haven’t even met her. Secondly, because it’s unfair of you to assert that you know what’s best for Rin and then say we’re not allowed to just because it doesn’t align with your beliefs. I get that you feel protective over her character, but do recall that this adult version of her none of us have actually met yet. We have no idea what kind of woman she’s become, what her dreams or aspirations may be, and whether she’s married or even wants to be. I’m not against the idea of her falling in love, I just don’t think it’ll be with Sesshomaru. I guess I’m also a fan of the idea of her following in Kaede’s footsteps, because if anyone can grow up to be an independent, trusted, and wise leader of the community like her it’s Rin.

To make matters worse, way too many of you continue to celebrate the drama cd and profess that it was sweet that Sesshomaru basically promised he’d wait for Rin all while somehow ignoring the glaring grooming implications. Why do you only see what you want to see and fail to acknowledge that actual child grooming scenarios do in fact play out like this in real life? A high percentage of people who have been victims of grooming can attest to this. If Sessrin does go canon, all the sequel succeeded in doing to avoid the direct correlation with grooming was skip over the more questionable and dodgy portions of it. Take out the time jump, however, and you no longer have a loophole to cover up the scary unmistakable truth, which is that Sessrin and grooming are essentially one in the same.

No one case is identical to another so please don’t come to me with your “but how is it grooming if Sesshomaru didn’t manipulate Rin” refutes. Nobody knows what the hell went on during those years between The Final Act and this upcoming sequel. Based on everything exhibited so far- that is if we decide to recognize the drama cd like so many of you choose to do- Sessrin’s dynamic is eerily reminiscent of real life child grooming. Why else do you think a lot of us fans have a huge problem with it? It’s triggering for a reason.

Let’s be honest, Sesshomaru’s supposed love confession could’ve just been the first of many gestures like it. Who really knows, right? According to you shippers, a major shift in their relationship took place sometime during this critical period none of us got to watch unfold. I’m sure you all have explored the various ways this would’ve gone down in fan fiction and through other creative means of expression. Not to spoil the fun, but all I can’t help but wonder about is just how many of those supposed “cute moments” would’ve been as creepy and cringey as that proposal. Hundreds of thousands (possibly millions?!) of fans would undoubtedly agree with me, too. It seems to me this ain’t due to a mere difference of opinion. Taste is one thing, ethics a whole other.

By the way, in case you didn’t know, groomers don’t necessarily need to plan out every single move in order for their behavior to constitute as grooming. What we should be paying attention to instead is the fact that Sesshomaru made a conscious decision to act on his own selfish desire for a young girl who couldn’t have possibly known in that moment the magnitude of what he was asking of her. Why is it that a vulnerable Rin is put in a position that forces her to be the one responsible for making such a big, life-changing decision for the both of them? Yes, Sesshomaru gave her the choice and, yes, she doesn’t have to make it till later, but why on Earth is he coming to her with this well before a child her age is ready and mature enough to handle it? Even if his intentions are good (broadly speaking of course), his what you shippers probably call “innocent acts” are incidentally coercing Rin into reciprocating his feelings. Whether he planned for that or not, he’s at fault. Period.

That’s one way the power imbalance works. A child wants nothing more than to please the adult they look up to and adore, because they’re impressionable like that. Maybe Rin processes this like she’ll want whatever he wants, so that’s what she trains herself to believe- either right then and there or over time. Plus, if you really think about it, why wouldn’t she trust him if in her eyes he’s been nothing but good to her and that’s all she’s ever really known? (Psst! Charm is integral to the manipulative nature of grooming so it’s deceiving AKA manipulation can come off as praise or flattery.) Bottom line is that Rin is too young to have to think about this kind of deep stuff at all, and Sesshomaru shouldn’t have taken advantage of the power he had/has over her to influence a decision she was by no means prepared to hear about much less decide on. Your headcanons seem to imply that she’ll eventually have to choose though, and Idk about you but I rather not push my own fantasy agenda onto a underage girl regardless of how much I want it. Idc if she’s fictional, it wouldn’t feel right so why would I want to see that? My principals couldn’t ever allow for it.

Even if it wasn’t an official proposal, per se, it’s still disturbing to me that so many of you find joy in the thought of a grown adult male essentially waiting for a young girl HE KNEW to become old enough before pursuing her. I know this drama cd ain’t technically canon, y'all, but since this is literally the only source we have that may foreshadow a potential Sessrin to come, and it’s referenced a lot, I figured it still should be called out for exactly what it is- Grooming: 101!!!!

Just as I demonstrated above, fiction has the ability to make even the most inappropriate and uncomfortable situations be viewed in a favorable light when you put the right spin on it. *cough* Lolicon culture, need I say more? *cough* Despite what you may believe, the strategies fiction utilizes to explain themes/concepts can genuinely lead to how we perceive them, and ultimately to how we come to make sense of a similar event presented to us in real life. Especially if we have no prior experience with any of it and have nothing to compare something to, these perceptions can be dangerous yet still persuasive to certain fans- young ones in particular. The more narrative consistency across stories and different mediums, the more likely they’ll influence social beliefs. Minors don’t possess the same capacity as adults to think critically about the content they consume, and if we aren’t more careful about what we put out there then all of us will continue to face serious repercussions.

This is precisely why it’s crucial we persist in our fight against the rabid phenomenon of glorifying young girls in every sexual context imaginable. Just look at what something as seemingly harmless as fiction has the power to do. The scope of fiction is broad and far-reaching, and it’s about time we stop denying that fact and actually do something about it if we have the means to.

The truth of the matter is that we’re in desperate need of proper education and training programs on this issue in our communities. Families need to ensure their children have access to the necessary resources, but it isn’t just on them. ALL of us gotta do our part and ALL of us should be up for the task. It takes a village, right? If we do not properly discuss and address child sexual abuse (CSA) with our children and in public forums, including the internet, then we’re ultimately accepting incidents of CSA should they arise. Consequently, that also translates to indirectly accepting that the predators among us stay untreated and/or unpunished. That’s how the generational and societal aspect of the abuse can continue, and we must do everything in our power to secure our children’s future. Yes, even when it comes to fiction.

If you still somehow don’t think the Sessrin pairing has anything to do with grooming, allow me to break this down for you one more time:

1. If some of your fellow sessrin shippers say that a relationship like this in real life is harmful, then that should be pretty telling in and of itself.

2. Piggybacking off #1: if your only defense to that is “well it’s just fiction,” then you should ask yourself why you can’t ever come up with better reasons. Same goes for history and culture, so please stop using those to justify this relationship. None of the above can or should be applied since it’s already been established that fiction pervades our lives and vice versa.

3. If fellow shippers who are victims of grooming say they are drawn to Sessrin because it allows them in a way to “take back control” from their abuser so that they can better cope with past traumas, then they’re inadvertently admitting that Sessrin does possess qualities associated with the past child sexual abuse they underwent. AKA Sessrin is relatable for its abusive dynamic.

I have to ask by the way, but why do you get so offended when we don’t support your ship anyway? Is it because we interpret it to be controversial and you don’t like your ship getting a bad rap? Is it because it would be insulting to admit that antis actually have a point in it being problematic and you rather double down instead? Or is it because you’re projecting yourself onto Rin and prefer to not go into detail about why that is? Maybe it’s too personal, or maybe it’s because deep down you’re ashamed. Of course that doesn’t mean you’re bad people, but suppressing these kind of negative emotions can’t be healthy for anyone. A little awareness and self-reflection on your part can benefit not just you but all of us in the long run. Cognitive dissonance can suck, but it’s also part of being human.

I recently came across a comment I’d like to share with you. Unfortunately, this is not the first time nor will it be the last I see the likes of it. Anyway, in it a fan stated how embarrassing it must be being an Anti in this fandom when an episode like “Forever with Lord Sesshomaru” exists. Guys, this shipper and all those who liked their post are showing their true colors. Perpetuating and/or anticipating these sexualized images of young girls is a grave issue in both our society and media alike. I think we can all agree on that, or at least I hope so. It’s remarks like these that prove we still got a long way to go in terms of progress, and if we ever hope to effectively reverse some of our backwards way of thinking. So serious question for ya in regard to this: Why is it too much to ask that grooming be portrayed for what it is? Grooming. To clarify, grooming is bad and needs to be painted in a bad light. It’s as simple as that. If only we could all acknowledge it for what it is, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Historical accuracy and cultural differences aside, it appears the crux of the matter between Sessrin shippers and Antis is our acceptance and/or denial of fiction’s influence on real life. If we can’t agree on this, then we’ll never agree on anything else. As mentioned earlier, there is more than enough evidence to support the idea that fiction impacts our lives in extraordinary ways. I, for one, believe in the transformative power of stories. I think they do more for us than many of us give them credit for and/or are inclined to admit.

This is partially why I believe that the majority of sessrin folk are missing the point most of the time. All they do is focus on insignificant and irrelevant information that accomplishes nothing but more gaslighting and strawmanning. Whether it be an intentional or unconscious decision, whatever we argue goes right over their head. All they do is throw around deflections and antagonizing remarks that serve no real purpose other than to make Antis out to be the unreasonable and irrational ones. Making connections between our own lives and our stories is a completely natural and normal occurrence. If those particular shippers insist on denying just how interconnected real life and fiction both are, what that tells me is they’re either out of touch with reality or deliberately choose to be.

Just to be clear, I am of the opinion that most if not all antis aren’t real life predators. If they say they aren’t, I honestly take their word for it. Speaking to Sessrin shipper directly: We know it’s not Sesshomaru you want to be but Rin. No, we’re not calling you pedophiles or groomers. None of us think you are using a fictional ship to attract underage fans to be the Rin in your life or anything of the sort. We are well aware that many of you are self-inserting yourself as Rin, so please don’t feel the need to tell us yourself because that would be stating the obvious.

I learned from a few of you since this sequel was announced that the Sessrin relationship isn’t just a ship but an opportunity for you to confront the person who used and abused you. So there’s two issues with this I’d like to raise. (Sorry if I’m repeating myself, but it’s urgent I stress this again!) This is what I have to say:

If fiction does not affect real life or have the ability to normalize anything as you claim to believe, then why does “fixing” what happened to you via your preferred choice of coping associated with these two characters in the first place? Why bring your past abuse into this at all if at the end of the day it’s “just fiction” and nothing more to you but a source of entertainment?

By confessing that you use Sessrin to cope with your past trauma, you therein reveal that Sessrin does in fact resemble an adult-child relationship with a grooming dynamic. So why then would you want other fans to be exposed to a pairing that brings to mind the very abuse you endured? We’re supposed to stop this toxic cycle- NOT find more ways to manifest and relive it, much less subject other fans to it.

You may think that Sessrin doesn’t fit the textbook definition of what child grooming is, but that’s not to say it doesn’t embody it or that it doesn’t at the very least have traces of it that stand out.

“Antis are miserable people who don’t know how to enjoy a good story. It’s just fiction, stop ruining it for other fans!”

Well, no, it’s not just fiction or just a story. Some of you evidently went and proved that yourself, and without my help, by revealing how you relate Sessrin to your own life and apply it to cope with past abuse. Past abuse or not, as far as I can tell we’re all equally invested in these characters. That speaks volumes and just goes to show that fiction touches our lives in long-lasting ways.

I have something I want to say concerning some of who believe that it’s inconsiderate of antis who have been victims of grooming or another form of child abuse to tell other victims who ship Sessrin how they should cope with their trauma. Now as much as I respect the various means victims discover to deal with their painful pasts, there’s always an appropriate time and a place for these things to occur. We must seek out better ways to safely cope with the abuse we lived through (if any) without running the risk of hurting and endangering others.

There are plenty of fans in other fandoms who don’t try to defend their ships going canon, because they’re able to recognize an unhealthy or toxic pairing when they see one and won’t try to justify it. A Sessrin romance simply does not belong on a show geared towards teens, and I really don’t need to go into detail about why we shouldn’t support it, at least canon-wise. Shipping Sessrin is your right, but if you don’t keep it to yourself and your corner of the fandom then you really shouldn’t be surprised by the opposition. All we ask is you respect that their specific dynamic falls under the category of child grooming (or very close) and should be treated as such in public. The world of fiction may be wider than the world we live in, but that doesn’t always mean “anything goes.” In the creative spaces our minds occupy we must still adhere to the same fundamental and moral guidelines we live by in life. There’s nothing wrong with exploring new terrains and experimenting with ideas, but we must also remember that our stories are all about communicating and connecting with people. So let’s please be more mindful of the sort of messages they’re sending.

Besides, this isn’t only about you and what makes you feel safe, it’s about all of us. I don’t know how much more I can stress that really. How can thoughts endanger our children, you ask? Well, it’s not like we’re suggesting that our thoughts can jump out of our tvs, materialize themselves, and place kids under mind control. The forces behind fiction are a lot more complex and nuanced than a “monkey see, monkey do” approach, so don’t waste any more time trying to describe that to us. You’re taking this argument in the wrong direction.

Take the “violent video games breed killers” theory. I’m afraid you’re misconstruing what we’re saying and then taking it quite too literally. Please stop twisting our words, because nobody on our side is saying that just because you play violent video games that you’ll become a violent person. The Sessrin equivalent of that would be if you ship them then you must be a pedophile or turning into one. *sigh* I know you guys are feeling attacked, but I’m afraid your defensive nature is keeping you from thinking straight. Clearly, there are always exceptions (I’d recommend reading up on the Slender Man case), but Antis aren’t saying you’re one of them.

You see, it’s not so much about the content as it is the notion of the content. Kids and teens who are playing these video games have been informed that killing is wrong, because they grew up learning that early on like the rest of us. No sane person would advocate for violence and nonsensical killing in real life. Since they fully understand the severity of the consequences of killing a person in real life, they are able make a clear distinction between the two. When it comes to killing there is hardly any ambiguity. Sadly, that is far from the truth when it comes to sexualizing girls. It should immediately be perceived as wrong leaving no room for interpretation, and yet here we are still putting up with these inaccurate and demeaning female representations.

Most children who have been groomed don’t realize it till years down the road. If they aren’t ever taught the telltale signs to properly labeling grooming situations, how do you expect them to make sense of and relate to a fictional version? Let’s think of about it from a child’s perspective. Yes, this includes teens who rely pretty heavily on adult guidance and the content we put out there for them. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and picture that you’ve never had child grooming explained to you (because that’s just the reality for so many unfortunately). Wouldn’t you say it’s possible for them to deduce that what they see on their screens is how they come to discern something in real life, especially if they have little to no experience with it? Perceived realism is plausible, y'all.

What it comes down to in the end is that the ideas and emotions we cultivate behind these stories leave an impression on others. Impressions are capable of influencing the way we see the world, which in turn affects us and beyond just our imagination. The way I look at it, stories contribute to how and why we normalize certain beliefs and trends. If fiction reflects real life like most of us tend to agree, then wouldn’t you say Sessrin is a (in)direct result of this world’s tendency to place young girls in overly sexual or romantic environments? Where do you think fiction draws its inspiration from? Sure, some of it originates from our imagination, but most of what drives us to create these stories is the real world and the people who live in it.

Fiction is meant to mirror reality, but it’s ridiculous to suggest that it’s only a one-way street. That fiction in no way, shape, or form influences our reality? Or that it only works the other way around? With all due respect, that’s simply not true. No productive discourse can be had if we choose to ignore the truth and don’t come together (at least halfway) to tackle the real issues at hand.

Okay, I think I’ll leave it off there! Thanks so much for reading. I expect this to be my last blog on any topic regarding Inuyasha in the near future. As much as I’ve looked forward to answering all of your asks and writing all the blogs I have over these past almost 5 months, I think it’s best if I spend some time away for now. With the sequel fast approaching, I’m doing what I always do: hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I’ve met some amazing people along the way, that’s for sure. And who knows, maybe you’ll see me active in the tags sooner than we think. Until then, it’s been an absolute pleasure! Enjoy the sequel, all of you. 💜

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #it's been real y'all #catch ya on the flipside #(which I hope is in a promising sequel 🤞)

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phosph3nes · 8 years ago

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To those struggling with a difficult breakup, I’ve been there. Ridding the toxicity from your life is hard, but I promise, once you move on and realize your worth, he will not matter anymore.

The scars that person my leave, however, are deep. Their manipulative tactics and their glossed-over promises, and their inability to hold themselves accountable make it hard to trust someone else again. But there’s good people out there. I can assure you of that.

Here are the signs my ex exhibited that I know to look out for in the future:

(article following this paragraph was written by Shahida Arabi)

1. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words: “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?” Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.

When a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath gaslights you, you may be prone to gaslighting yourself as a way to reconcile the cognitive dissonance that might arise. Two conflicting beliefs battle it out: is this person right or can I trust what I experienced? A manipulative person will convince you that the former is an inevitable truth while the latter is a sign of dysfunction on your end.

In order to resist gaslighting, it’s important to ground yourself in your own reality – sometimes writing things down as they happened, telling a friend or reiterating your experience to a support network can help to counteract the gaslighting effect. The power of having a validating community is that it can redirect you from the distorted reality of a malignant person and back to your own inner guidance.

2. Projection.

One sure sign of toxicity is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.

While we all engage in projection to some extent, according to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, the projections of a narcissist are often psychologically abusive. Rather than acknowledge their own flaws, imperfections and wrongdoings, malignant narcissists and sociopaths opt to dump their own traits on their unsuspecting suspects in a way that is painful and excessively cruel. Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.

For example, a person who engages in pathological lying may accuse their partner of fibbing; a needy spouse may call their husband “clingy” in an attempt to depict them as the one who is dependent; a rude employee may call their boss ineffective in an effort to escape the truth about their own productivity.

Narcissistic abusers love to play the “blameshifting game.” Objectives of the game: they win, you lose, and you or the world at large is blamed for everything that’s wrong with them. This way, you get to babysit their fragile ego while you’re thrust into a sea of self-doubt. Fun, right?

Solution? Don’t “project” your own sense of compassion or empathy onto a toxic person and don’t own any of the toxic person’s projections either. As manipulation expert and author Dr. George Simon (2010) notes in his book In Sheep’s Clothing, projecting our own conscience and value system onto others has the potential consequence of being met with further exploitation.

Narcissists on the extreme end of the spectrum usually have no interest in self-insight or change. It’s important to cut ties and end interactions with toxic people as soon as possible so you can get centered in your own reality and validate your own identity. You don’t have to live in someone else’s cesspool of dysfunction.

3. Nonsensical conversations from hell.

If you think you’re going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness.

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths use word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gaslighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.

Spend even ten minutes arguing with a toxic narcissist and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack. That is because your disagreement picked at their false belief that they are omnipotent and omniscient, resulting in a narcissistic injury.

Remember: toxic people don’t argue with you, they essentially argue with themselves and you become privy to their long, draining monologues. They thrive off the drama and they live for it. Each and every time you attempt to provide a point that counters their ridiculous assertions, you feed them supply. Don’t feed the narcissists supply – rather, supply yourself with the confirmation that their abusive behavior is the problem, not you. Cut the interaction short as soon as you anticipate it escalating and use your energy on some decadent self-care instead.

4. Blanket statements and generalizations.

Malignant narcissists aren’t always intellectual masterminds – many of them are intellectually lazy. Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different perspective, they generalize anything and everything you say, making blanket statements that don’t acknowledge the nuances in your argument or take into account the multiple perspectives you’ve paid homage to. Better yet, why not put a label on you that dismisses your perspective altogether?

On a larger scale, generalizations and blanket statements invalidate experiences that don’t fit in the unsupported assumptions, schemas and stereotypes of society; they are also used to maintain the status quo. This form of digression exaggerates one perspective to the point where a social justice issue can become completely obscured. For example, rape accusations against well-liked figures are often met with the reminder that there are false reports of rape that occur. While those do occur, they are rare, and in this case, the actions of one become labeled the behavior of the majority while the specific report itself remains unaddressed.

These everyday microaggressions also happen in toxic relationships. If you bring up to a narcissistic abuser that their behavior is unacceptable for example, they will often make blanket generalizations about your hypersensitivity or make a generalization such as, “You are never satisfied,” or “You’re always too sensitive” rather than addressing the real issues at hand. It’s possible that you are oversensitive at times, but it is also possible that the abuser is also insensitive and cruel the majority of the time.

Hold onto your truth and resist generalizing statements by realizing that they are in fact forms of black and white illogical thinking. Toxic people wielding blanket statements do not represent the full richness of experience – they represent the limited one of their singular experience and overinflated sense of self.

5. Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity.

In the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath, your differing opinions, legitimate emotions and lived experiences get translated into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

Narcissists weave tall tales to reframe what you’re actually saying as a way to make your opinions look absurd or heinous. Let’s say you bring up the fact that you’re unhappy with the way a toxic friend is speaking to you. In response, he or she may put words in your mouth, saying, “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” or “So I am a bad person, huh?” when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings. This enables them to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills in you a sense of guilt when you attempt to establish boundaries.

This is also a popular form of diversion and cognitive distortion that is known as “mind reading.” Toxic people often presume they know what you’re thinking and feeling. They chronically jump to conclusions based on their own triggers rather than stepping back to evaluate the situation mindfully. They act accordingly based on their own delusions and fallacies and make no apologies for the harm they cause as a result. Notorious for putting words in your mouth, they depict you as having an intention or outlandish viewpoint you didn’t possess. They accuse you of thinking of them as toxic – even before you’ve gotten the chance to call them out on their behavior – and this also serves as a form of preemptive defense.

Simply stating, “I never said that,” and walking away should the person continue to accuse you of doing or saying something you didn’t can help to set a firm boundary in this type of interaction. So long as the toxic person can blameshift and digress from their own behavior, they have succeeded in convincing you that you should be “shamed” for giving them any sort of realistic feedback.

6. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts.

The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the presence of a personal attack and impossible standards. These so-called “critics” often don’t want to help you improve, they just want to nitpick, pull you down and scapegoat you in any way they can. Abusive narcissists and sociopaths employ a logical fallacy known as “moving the goalposts” in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you’ve provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof.

Do you have a successful career? The narcissist will then start to pick on why you aren’t a multi-millionaire yet. Did you already fulfill their need to be excessively catered to? Now it’s time to prove that you can also remain “independent.” The goal posts will perpetually change and may not even be related to each other; they don’t have any other point besides making you vie for the narcissist’s approval and validation.

By raising the expectations higher and higher each time or switching them completely, highly manipulative and toxic people are able to instill in you a pervasive sense of unworthiness and of never feeling quite “enough.” By pointing out one irrelevant fact or one thing you did wrong and developing a hyperfocus on it, narcissists get to divert from your strengths and pull you into obsessing over any flaws or weaknesses instead. They get you thinking about the next expectation of theirs you’re going to have to meet – until eventually you’ve bent over backwards trying to fulfill their every need – only to realize it didn’t change the horrific way they treated you.

Don’t get sucked into nitpicking and changing goal posts – if someone chooses to rehash an irrelevant point over and over again to the point where they aren’t acknowledging the work you’ve done to validate your point or satisfy them, their motive isn’t to better understand. It’s to further provoke you into feeling as if you have to constantly prove yourself. Validate and approve of yourself. Know that you are enough and you don’t have to be made to feel constantly deficient or unworthy in some way.

7. Changing the subject to evade accountability.

This type of tactic is what I like to call the “What about me?” syndrome. It is a literal digression from the actual topic that works to redirect attention to a different issue altogether. Narcissists don’t want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable for anything, so they will reroute discussions to benefit them. Complaining about their neglectful parenting? They’ll point out a mistake you committed seven years ago. This type of diversion has no limits in terms of time or subject content, and often begins with a sentence like “What about the time when…”

On a macrolevel, these diversions work to derail discussions that challenge the status quo. A discussion about gay rights, for example, may be derailed quickly by someone who brings in another social justice issue just to distract people from the main argument.

As Tara Moss, author of Speaking Out: A 21st Century Handbook for Women and Girls, notes, specificity is needed in order to resolve and address issues appropriately – that doesn’t mean that the issues that are being brought up don’t matter, it just means that the specific time and place may not be the best context to discuss them.

Don’t be derailed – if someone pulls a switcheroo on you, you can exercise what I call the “broken record” method and continue stating the facts without giving in to their distractions. Redirect their redirection by saying, “That’s not what I am talking about. Let’s stay focused on the real issue.” If they’re not interested, disengage and spend your energy on something more constructive – like not having a debate with someone who has the mental age of a toddler.

8. Covert and overt threats.

Narcissistic abusers and otherwise toxic people feel very threatened when their excessive sense of entitlement, false sense of superiority and grandiose sense of self are challenged in any way. They are prone to making unreasonable demands on others – while punishing you for not living up to their impossible to reach expectations.

Rather than tackle disagreements or compromises maturely, they set out to divert you from your right to have your own identity and perspective by attempting to instill fear in you about the consequences of disagreeing or complying with their demands. To them, any challenge results in an ultimatum and “do this or I’ll do that” becomes their daily mantra.

If someone’s reaction to you setting boundaries or having a differing opinion from your own is to threaten you into submission, whether it’s a thinly veiled threat or an overt admission of what they plan to do, this is a red flag of someone who has a high degree of entitlement and has no plans of compromising. Take threats seriously and show the narcissist you mean business; document threats and report them whenever possible and legally feasible.

9. Name-calling.

Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion. In their world, only they can ever be right and anyone who dares to say otherwise creates a narcissistic injury that results in narcissistic rage. As Mark Goulston, M.D. asserts, narcissistic rage does not result from low self-esteem but rather a high sense of entitlement and false sense of superiority.

The lowest of the low resort to narcissistic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.

Name-calling can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and insights. A well-researched perspective or informed opinion suddenly becomes “silly” or “idiotic” in the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath who feels threatened by it and cannot make a respectful, convincing rebuttal. Rather than target your argument, they target you as a person and seek to undermine your credibility and intelligence in any way they possibly can. It’s important to end any interaction that consists of name-calling and communicate that you won’t tolerate it. Don’t internalize it: realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they are deficient in higher level methods.

10. Destructive conditioning.

Toxic people condition you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration and disrespect. They do this by sneaking in covert and overt put-downs about the qualities and traits they once idealized as well as sabotaging your goals, ruining celebrations, vacations and holidays. They may even isolate you from your friends and family and make you financially dependent upon them. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you’re essentially “trained” over time to become afraid of doing the very things that once made your life fulfilling.

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and otherwise toxic people do this because they wish to divert attention back to themselves and how you’re going to please them. If there is anything outside of them that may threaten their control over your life, they seek to destroy it. They need to be the center of attention at all times. In the idealization phase, you were once the center of a narcissist’s world – now the narcissist becomes the center of yours.

Narcissists are also naturally pathologically envious and don’t want anything to come in between them and their influence over you. Your happiness represents everything they feel they cannot have in their emotionally shallow lives. After all, if you learn that you can get validation, respect and love from other sources besides the toxic person, what’s to keep you from leaving them? To toxic people, a little conditioning can go a long way to keep you walking on eggshells and falling just short of your big dreams.

11. Smear campaigns and stalking.

When toxic types can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you’re labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.

Some smear campaigns can even work to pit two people or two groups against each other. A victim in an abusive relationship with a narcissist often doesn’t know what’s being said about them during the relationship, but they eventually find out the falsehoods shortly after they’ve been discarded.

Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in. They will also methodically, covertly and deliberately abuse you so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called “victims” of your abuse.

The best way to handle a smear campaign is to stay mindful of your reactions and stick to the facts. This is especially pertinent for high-conflict divorces with narcissists who may use your reactions to their provocations against you. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents and always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible. You may wish to take legal action if you feel the stalking and harassment is getting out of control; finding a lawyer who is well-versed in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is crucial if that’s the case. Your character and integrity will speak for itself when the narcissist’s false mask begins to slip.

12. Love-bombing and devaluation.

Toxic people put you through an idealization phase until you’re sufficiently hooked and invested in beginning a friendship or relationship with you. Then, they begin to devalue you while insulting the very things they admired in the first place. Another variation of this is when a toxic individual puts you on a pedestal while aggressively devaluing and attacking someone else who threatens their sense of superiority.

Narcissistic abusers do this all the time – they devalue their exes to their new partners, and eventually the new partner starts to receive the same sort of mistreatment as the narcissist’s ex-partner. Ultimately what will happen is that you will also be on the receiving end of the same abuse. You will one day be the ex-partner they degrade to their new source of supply. You just don’t know it yet. That’s why it’s important to stay mindful of the love-bombing technique whenever you witness behavior that doesn’t align with the saccharine sweetness a narcissist subjects you to.

As life coach Wendy Powell suggests, slowing things down with people you suspect may be toxic is an important way of combating the love-bombing technique. Be wary of the fact that how a person treats or speaks about someone else could potentially translate into the way they will treat you in the future.

13. Preemptive defense.

When someone stresses the fact that they are a “nice guy” or girl, that you should “trust them” right away or emphasizes their credibility without any provocation from you whatsoever, be wary.

Toxic and abusive people overstate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should “trust” them without first building a solid foundation of trust. They may “perform” a high level of sympathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship to dupe you, only to unveil their false mask later on. When you see their false mask begins to slip periodically during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle, the true self is revealed to be terrifyingly cold, callous and contemptuous.

Genuinely nice people rarely have to persistently show off their positive qualities – they exude their warmth more than they talk about it and they know that actions speak volumes more than mere words. They know that trust and respect is a two-way street that requires reciprocity, not repetition.

To counter a preemptive defense, reevaluate why a person may be emphasizing their good qualities. Is it because they think you don’t trust them, or because they know you shouldn’t? Trust actions more than empty words and see how someone’s actions communicate who they are, not who they say they are.

14. Triangulation.

Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as “triangulation.” Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.

Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.

To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.

15. Bait and feign innocence.

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down.

By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer.

It helps to realize when you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether. Provocative statements, name-calling, hurtful accusations or unsupported generalizations, for example, are common baiting tactics. Your gut instinct can also tell you when you’re being baited – if you feel “off” about a certain comment and continue to feel this way even after it has been expanded on, that’s a sign you may need to take some space to reevaluate the situation before choosing to respond.

16. Boundary testing and hoovering.

Narcissists, sociopaths and otherwise toxic people continually try and test your boundaries to see which ones they can trespass. The more violations they’re able to commit without consequences, the more they’ll push the envelope. That’s why survivors of emotional as well as physical abuse often experience even more severe incidents of abuse each and every time they go back to their abusers.

Abusers tend to “hoover” their victims back in with sweet promises, fake remorse and empty words of how they are going to change, only to abuse their victims even more horrifically. In the abuser’s sick mind, this boundary testing serves as a punishment for standing up to the abuse and also for being going back to it. When narcissists try to press the emotional reset button, reinforce your boundaries even more strongly rather than backtracking on them.

Remember – highly manipulative people don’t respond to empathy or compassion. They respond to consequences.

17. Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes.

Covert narcissists enjoy making malicious remarks at your expense. These are usually dressed up as “just jokes” so that they can get away with saying appalling things while still maintaining an innocent, cool demeanor. Yet any time you are outraged at an insensitive, harsh remark, you are accused of having no sense of humor. This is a tactic frequently used in verbal abuse.

The contemptuous smirk and sadistic gleam in their eyes gives it away, however – like a predator that plays with its food, a toxic person gains pleasure from hurting you and being able to get away with it. After all, it’s just a joke, right? Wrong. It’s a way to gaslight you into thinking their abuse is a joke – a way to divert from their cruelty and onto your perceived sensitivity. It is important that when this happens, you stand up for yourself and make it clear that you won’t tolerate this type of behavior.

Calling out manipulative people on their covert put-downs may result in further gaslighting from the abuser but maintain your stance that their behavior is not okay and end the interaction immediately if you have to.

18. Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone.

Belittling and degrading a person is a toxic person’s forte and their tone of voice is only one tool in their toolbox. Sarcasm can be a fun mode of communication when both parties are engaged, but narcissists use it chronically as a way to manipulate you and degrade you. If you in any way react to it, you must be “too sensitive.”

Forget that the toxic person constantly has temper tantrums every time their big bad ego is faced with realistic feedback – the victim is the hypersensitive one, apparently. So long as you’re treated like a child and constantly challenged for expressing yourself, you’ll start to develop a sense of hypervigilance about voicing your thoughts and opinions without reprimand. This self-censorship enables the abuser to put in less work in silencing you, because you begin to silence yourself.

Whenever you are met with a condescending demeanor or tone, call it out firmly and assertively. You don’t deserve to be spoken down to like a child – nor should you ever silence yourself to meet the expectation of someone else’s superiority complex.

19. Shaming.

“You should be ashamed of yourself” is a favorite saying of toxic people. Though it can be used by someone who is non-toxic, in the realm of the narcissist or sociopath, shaming is an effective method that targets any behavior or belief that might challenge a toxic person’s power. It can also be used to destroy and whittle away at a victim’s self-esteem: if a victim dares to be proud of something, shaming the victim for that specific trait, quality or accomplishment can serve to diminish their sense of self and stifle any pride they may have.

Malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths enjoy using your own wounds against you – so they will even shame you about any abuse or injustice you’ve suffered in your lifetime as a way to retraumatize you. Were you a childhood abuse survivor? A malignant narcissist or sociopath will claim that you must’ve done something to deserve it, or brag about their own happy childhood as a way to make you feel deficient and unworthy. What better way to injure you, after all, than to pick at the original wound? As surgeons of madness, they seek to exacerbate wounds, not help heal them.

If you suspect you’re dealing with a toxic person, avoid revealing any of your vulnerabilities or past traumas. Until they’ve proven their character to you, there is no point disclosing information that could be potentially used against you.

20. Control.

That’s why they emotionally withdraw, only to re-idealize you once they start to lose control. That’s why they vacillate between their false self and their true self, so you never get a sense of psychological safety or certainty about who your partner truly is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the less likely you’ll trust your own reality and the truth about the abuse you’re enduring. Knowing the manipulative tactics and how they work to erode your sense of self can arm you with the knowledge of what you’re facing and at the very least, develop a plan to regain control over your own life and away from toxic people.

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marjorieterry90 · 4 years ago

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Cat Spray Feliway Wonderful Tips

To avert having your furniture or replace carpeting if you are too familiar with the UK and the cat go outdoors?If you are reading this publication, it's likely that you never thought of.If this does work on the cats, when they play, in fact, this should not hurt it.- Have your cat accept what you do have to associate his/her needs with the real thing now and then, satisfied, he decided that eight was enough for your family will be back to check for matted hair.

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If your cat and if you don't wrap presents with dental problems sometimes exhibit this behavior in cats.This will make you pass on your carpet to soak up as much as possible.Pet owners are interested in the house is neutering or spaying your cat.How can you best serve your new friend or friends use the cat at first.Male and female cats make great companions.

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The claw may not want to own a dog barking close to sleeping areas and in those scratches undesirable bacteria grow.Brushing cat teeth is extensive, it might have to do is to have separate dispensers.Similar to humans, anti-anxiety drugs may be upsetting him enough to tackle the awful odor is practically impossible.There are sprays for sale, but please believe that repetitive petting may arouse some cats more commonly acquire.Give the cat and is full of water and applied on your cat's immune system then takes over and clatter.

Reasons For Cat Spraying

For a male cat will begin to own when you spray it on their feet.This is an exercise in frustration for you and looking for a few things.It is my responsibility to take into consideration before you plan to get out of its misbehavior.Sterilization can improve your pet a bath, but giving it a number of spray that can convert into a pet is showing these symptoms, then you have a cat may be performed early, at about 7 weeks of age.If you live close to the post instead of your kitty.

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Never use any form of physical therapy for their own place with other felines, and when the cat urine odor and can become infected.Any type of cat urine, you first need to know your cat occupied will make the cat has soiled in another room etc she's actually learning that if feral kittens how are you will be the solution onto the counter or table or scratch and so do not recognize you as his primary care provider, for leaving him home right away.Here are some of the more noticeable inappropriate behaviours are, spraying in-side the house, and for some time, then you can get out of the best option though, it takes to get an adult whose habits fit in your garden.Whichever product you decide what toys are available, treatment under veterinary supervision is necessary.Cats evolved on a regular basis to get the cat shows signs of stress for some time.

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Make sure there are many things that you have to worry what the scratching problem, it is an easy procedure and is unlikely to notice any significant increase in sedation it may be lethargic, and can possibly rent a trap to keep cats out of the family, whether that is open the door closed.Put the mixture on a car or never seeing them again.One smaller cat had somehow pulled one of those frisky bundles of fur and may struggle with some.Knowing both the poop and pee into a spray bottle with about 3% of hydrogen peroxide, a teaspoon of dish washing liquid detergent bottle.In conclusion, a person and a great 14-inch wide floor nozzle to contain and remove the lumps a couple of times a year.

Cat Peeing Sideways

Unfortunately, sometimes, you'll even give an unsuspecting smack.It is very similar to the skin and hair become too much time and lead to life as soon as possible.When I took large plastic storage bins, turned them on a pedestal scratching post or pole.When they dry, they give the cat training are consistency and patience.After the female pregnant in any cat pet training, it must be also cushioned properly to keep the litter box on time, or as a monthly flea treatment, which is baking soda/powder mixed with other animals.

If the cat will be necessary to work out with neighbours as it is tired enough to try a bit of destruction will keep you beautiful house smelling sweet and super cute, remember, it is happy.The problem with time and patience on your cat.Your cat will prefer a fountain in which the water from a cat, it is unreasonable to think like your problem, but there is no object, you may even suffer from cat poop is pretty harmless if the bristles are metal, can cut your costs to not get the treat.Don't feel alone because any of the neck; the mixture on a wallet.Just imagining this kind of personality your cat by installing a window perch or chair pulled up close will also go on vacation, your altered pet may be effective in any way, and it seems is difficult to get along best with other cats.

#Cat Spray Feliway Wonderful Tips #Psst Cat Spray

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grouprbl · 5 years ago

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Exhibition Notes - Foreword Drafts

Here is some draft versions I wrote for our foreword to the magazine. These were just early drafts, but thought it was important to show the working. We had a chat in the last week (can't remember which day precisely) after the group had read my initial version of a ‘completed first draft’ and we made some notes and I got some feedback on what it needs to improve.

FORWORD DRAFTS:

Hope is a strange concept. It is consistently vulnerable and often works to deceive us, particularly in the world of politics, social order and the environment. We live in a time where hope often feels lost; with the looming shadow of brexit, the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness in the Trumpian landscape, robots that send missiles on third world families and fires the size of countries that ravage humanity, hope begins to look and feel like morphine. A synthetic anaesthesia, that gushes over us and we can relax, sip our coffee or beer and feel like everything is under control… when its not. This aesthetic, however, is not Hope so do not be fooled. It is not an invisible entity, designed to relax our minds, it is instead a graspable feeling, a drive, to enrage us, to empower our our will, to fight for life. Hope is the desperation to survive, to grab hold of those who corrupt our worlds with economy and moral ambivalence by the collar and force change. These pages, these projects that you gaze upon; they are hope, they are the physical representation of expressing that we do not accept this world that has been designed without our consent. What you will find here is rebellion, what you will find here is fear, what you find here is chaos, but most of all what you will find in these pages is hope in the darkness.

Reality is a liquid currency, much like that of time or truth. It is a malleable concept, one that no single individual can pinpoint, despite the consistent attempt to do so. Throughout history, lives have been fraught with the struggle to comprehend what reality is and where our place is in it. Can we prescribe a single notion of this concept to every being alive on earth today… if what Greek Philosopher Parminedes argued is true; that reality is self contained - an individual experience, then the answer would suggest no. Our experience in a general sense, relies so heavily on our access to ideas such as liberty, freedom of expression, freedom of speech, economic control and even more basic access to shelter, fresh water, a hot meal and so on. I presume that whoever may be reading this has access to a majority of these daily elements and thus the point can be made that many people, in fact an unimaginable, incalculable amount of people do not have these - and I use this word in the context of this piece trepidatiously - privileges. Therefore proving that reality differs due to the context of circumstances. It would be easy to make a juxtapositional comparison between the UK and say the poorest provinces in China or or the Eastern blocks of Siberia, yet our reality is so far removed from those circumstances it hardly proves a point. Take America for example; both have English as their first language, both rely on a system of capital,

Snow gently falls in London as I simultaneously write this and day dream outside my window. There is something magical or mystical about snow, and not just in its texture, rather in the way it looks and particularly the way it falls. Rain — a constant in these periods of British winter — is heavy and immediate, its there and its frequent and it hits you instantaneously. Snow glides, it swooshes and sways, it blankets and sparkles in the light. These are probably socially or culturally cultivated notions; we associate snow with festive cheer or holidays, movies many people grew up on and childhood excitement at the spectacle of seeing it for the first time. Arguably snow is most often described as beautiful or associated with fun; that its pure and represents calm or happiness, but this isn’t altogether a truism of snow. Lets come back to that shortly.

Its becoming a cliche to say this but nonetheless true; we live in extremely uncertain times. This is not just in a national sense, but a very broad global sense. Cracks that had existed for decades, possibly centuries, have recently turned into chasms that seem to cause larger and larger divisions on a daily basis. On an immediate level, we can see that reflected in the Brexit referendum that has dominated social and cultural discourse over the last few years in Britain, America elected a now proven criminal in Trump who has essentially sanctioned racist and bigoted behaviour and given rise to white nationalism. There has been a disturbing rise in white nationalism more broadly too, with worrying signs coming out of Sweden, Germany and Eastern Europe. In 2008 there was the financial crash, not a warning sign but the result of many warning signs that left people without homes, food and in many cases without lives. Most worryingly from this however, is not that this happened, and that was and still is extremely disturbing, but rather that financial experts are prediction that the same thing will happen again because nothing has been learned. Perhaps most disturbing of all is our environment and our lack of care for it. Environmental scientists are practically shouting at the top of their lungs that we need to change and if we do not, the consequences are going to be beyond repair… Safe to say, uncertain times indeed.

I (shamefully) only just read Orwell’s ‘1984’ for the first time, having heard pretty much everything there was to hear about it. Yet, I was still shocked not just to find parallels to our current predicament, but direct links and instances where reality felt rather Orwellian. So we come to the nature of reality. Its a loaded term, each of us have our own reality that we share in a larger reality. French critic, theorist and philosopher Jean Baudrillard argued that in photography there is no link to reality, rather that photographs represent a ‘Hyperreality’ that either shows us a real version of something that doesn’t exist, or presents something to us that we know is real but cannot admit to its existence. This may be true of our political, social and cultural worlds. A good example to take would be the collapse of the Soviet Union. Before 1975, the Soviet government attempted to create a socialist economy and society, to make the union better for its people and a stronger power to the rest of the world. This attempt did not last long as very soon it began to collapse. Instead of admitting to the people that this was the case, those in power suggested that this was all part of the plan. What was produced was a society whereby the people knew that their state had failed, the lawmakers and government powers knew they had failed and yet everyone went on pretending like nothing was happening. The microcosm of this can be seen in the events that took place in Chernobyl.

It seems that we are existing in a reality that his hyperreal. We know the environment is suffering. We know that the rise of nationalism leads to wars and ethnic hatred. America pretends to define itself on its constitution yet when children are murdered at their place of education, very little is done to stop guns, rather its the fault of everything else but the gun control. I do not say any of this accusatorially, I am as guilty as anyone of not doing enough, and idly ‘watching on’. I write this purely out of talking to people, observing, reading and putting two and two together. At times I do feel that this is true, and to come back to snow, that what we are looking at isn’t as beautiful as we think. Rather that this ‘snow’ of our world often causes destruction and can also blanket us from understanding what is real and what is not.

However, we cannot despair and we should not despair. There is reason to have hope, as dangerous as that word can be.

#exhibition #miro teplitzky

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mirolovejoyteplitzky · 5 years ago

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Exhibition Notes - Foreword Drafts

FORWORD DRAFTS:

However, we cannot despair and we should not despair. There is reason to have hope, as dangerous as that word can be.

#exhibition

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milenasanchezmk · 7 years ago

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The 10-Week Countdown to 2018

Today’s guest post is offered up by one of our own, Erin Power. She’s our awesome Student and Graduate Support Lead for the Primal Health Coach Program as well as an amazingly successful health coach in her own right. I love her message of taking the reins of your life today—all the better to enjoy the holidays and meet the coming New Year with unprecedented health and possibility.

Right around this time every year my inbox explodes. People are already dreading their impending, inevitable holiday weight gain and are wondering if they can somehow get ahead of the curve—make a preemptive strike, if you will. And that’s how it happens…one of the busiest times for my health coaching business, believe it or not, is the weeks leading up to and including the holidays.

“If I sign up with you now,” people often ask, “can you please help me make it through Christmas without packing on 15 pounds—again??”

I’ve got good news. Not only can you make big, bold change in your health and happiness right up to and during the holiday feasting season, but doing so is an incredibly fun experiment with a rewarding outcome.

This is the ultimate n=1 experiment because the lore of “insidious holiday weight gain” is so ingrained in our culture that—at its worst, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. At its best, however, maybe it can become a benchmark against which you can test yourself. Can you buck the trend and finish the holiday season leaner, lighter, healthier, happier, and better than you were before you started?

Upending (Unhealthy) Holiday Tradition

Imagine cruising through the holiday season enjoying your favourite indulgences sensibly, while having absolute control over your hunger, cravings, and willpower, such that an indulgence simply becomes what it was always meant to be: a treat to be savoured and celebrated by all of the senses—not a mindless binge.

Likewise, a slip becomes a moment in time, not a catastrophic setback that needs to be atoned for by attempting to make (and not break!) a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

I’m not talking about avoiding your favourite foods. I’m talking about changing the expression of your hunger, such that those treats call to you more quietly. Your enjoyment of them becomes more authentic. Mindful, even.

This mindfulness is one of the most elegant subjective markers of what Mark refers to as metabolic flexibility. Once your body knows how to extract and use a variety of fuels—from the food you eat, and/or from storage repositories in and on your body—the entire experience of hunger and cravings changes.

A rather perturbed client said to me once (after I’d “taken away” all of the cookies, chips, and crackers she had a habit of snacking on in the evenings): “Now what am I supposed to reach for when I come home after an impossibly long day at work/carting the kids around to sports/getting my workout in/doing all the household chores/walking the dog, and I’m rifling through the cupboards ravenously looking for some crackers to tide me over until dinner?!”

My answer: That entire scenario goes away. Your hunger doesn’t present like that anymore. You gain control.

When you’re riding the rollercoaster of “dieting-cheating-failing-self-condemnation-dieting again” it’s incredibly hard to imagine that your sensation of hunger could change like this, that you could have no desire for cookies, chips, and crackers. But I’ve personally witnessed it in my clients time and again—liberation from food fixation.

Just think…if you begin the process of metabolic repair now, you could be this calm, cool, and collected even when Grandma shows up with her world-famous shortbread.

You Have 10 Weeks—Take Action Now

I roll in a lot of nutritionist, dietician, and health coach crowds, and we’re all selling the same thing: “New Year, New You! Beat holiday weight gain! Sign up with me today!”

As a Primal Health Coach, the way I approach this is by tapping into the biochemistry of human fueling, which is beautiful and simple in its relative black-and-whiteness. The body can get fuel from a few different sources. It can use these different fuels in a few different ways. And when the body is fuelled, hunger quite simply changes.

The trick is building the metabolic machinery to help train your body to achieve this flexibility. No weighing, measuring, diarizing, chronicling; no “earnin’ and burnin”—just simply building an understanding of how to get your metabolic machinery functioning in top form again. Trust me when I tell you that it changes the game.

2018 Could Look a Lot Different For You

New Year’s is often fraught with a mix of regret and urgency. How about meeting 2018 from a different angle? When January 1 rolls around, you could feel better about yourself than you ever have before.

Instead of going up a belt notch to accommodate your holiday bloat, you could be down a notch or two or more.

Rather than feeling like an abject failure for exhibiting no control over your cravings, you’ve successfully enjoyed the sensory pleasures of the season while being in control the entire time.

You could have more energy than you know what to do with, having trained your body to utilize a variety of readily available fuel sources.

You can join the gym alongside everyone else if you want to, but you won’t feel like you have to. (In fact, you can wait till March when the prices drop!)

Imagine feeling more connected to your body—to your appetite!—than you ever have before. You’ll know what true hunger feels like. You’ll know how to answer that hunger with satisfying and nutrient-dense foods. You’ll connect back to the long-forgotten feeling of satiety, which, by the way, is different than feeling “full.” There’s no need to unbutton your pants when you’ve eaten to pleasant satiety!

The concept of “willpower” (with its suggestion of struggle) could all but vanish for you. You’ll find yourself calmly in control. You can make a choice to eat one or two of Grandma’s world-famous shortbread cookies, and then stop. Or you can choose to forgo them without obsessive restraint.

Once you’ve adapted to new food habits that support your optimal human experience, you may find yourself continuing to get better year over year. As one of my clients succinctly put it after just 6 weeks on my health coaching program, “I love living like this. I can eat this way forever.”

It Works If You Do—But That Doesn’t Mean You Need to Go It Alone

If you’ve been reading Mark’s Daily Apple for any length of time, you’ll know Mark pulls no punches when he suggests that the act of making these changes is a paradigm shift in body and mind. Not only are you rewiring your body’s metabolic response to some degree, but you’re creating totally new behaviours around food. What you eat. When you eat. WHY you eat.

A Primal Health Coach is trained to educate you on the What and When. The Why becomes a team effort. Your health coach is there to help nurture you along the winding path to behaviour modification, helping you navigate and cultivate resilience through the choppy waters of big change.

If you could have done it alone, perhaps you would have by now.

Accountability is a funny thing. Clients will tell me that they’ve hired me to hold them accountable; however, accountability ultimately comes from within. A great health coach knows how to tease that out of you, so you can feel pride of ownership over your own health.

Eventually, if all goes according to plan, the concept of accountability vanishes. Once your “new” way of eating has become deeply-ingrained habit, you won’t have to hold yourself accountable to anyone. You’ll just live. You’ll just eat. You’ll just move.

Food decisions can casually move out of the intellectual nitpicking back into the automatic realm with all of the other survival mechanisms, like breathing. Your relationship with food changes, once and for all.

If I could give one gift to everyone on my holiday wish list this year it would be the gift of learning how to eat to support metabolic flexibility. There are almost no words to effectively capture the liberation and effortlessness that you can achieve in your relationship with food and your body. You have to live it to believe it.

And if you start now, you could be living it by 2018—and beyond.

What Will You Do with These Next 10 Weeks?

And what will help you get there?

Are you ready to learn the life-changing lessons of becoming metabolically flexible? Pick up The New Primal Blueprint and/or The Keto Reset Diet (if you haven’t already!).

Are you ready to do it differently this time and invest in personal, Primal-minded support for your health vision? Check out our “Find a Primal Health Coach” directory.

Wishing everyone an awesome holiday season and good health as we move toward a new year—and new possibilities.

Erin Power, CHNC, PHC

Thanks to Erin for a great kick-it-into-gear message this morning. I know I’m feeling inspired! Tell me, who’s got a goal for the next ten weeks? I’d love to hear it, and I know others would love to offer their encouragement. Thanks everyone, and have a great end to your week.

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cristinajourdanqp · 7 years ago

Text

The 10-Week Countdown to 2018

“If I sign up with you now,” people often ask, “can you please help me make it through Christmas without packing on 15 pounds—again??”

Upending (Unhealthy) Holiday Tradition

Likewise, a slip becomes a moment in time, not a catastrophic setback that needs to be atoned for by attempting to make (and not break!) a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

My answer: That entire scenario goes away. Your hunger doesn’t present like that anymore. You gain control.

Just think…if you begin the process of metabolic repair now, you could be this calm, cool, and collected even when Grandma shows up with her world-famous shortbread.

You Have 10 Weeks—Take Action Now

I roll in a lot of nutritionist, dietician, and health coach crowds, and we’re all selling the same thing: “New Year, New You! Beat holiday weight gain! Sign up with me today!”

2018 Could Look a Lot Different For You

Instead of going up a belt notch to accommodate your holiday bloat, you could be down a notch or two or more.

Rather than feeling like an abject failure for exhibiting no control over your cravings, you’ve successfully enjoyed the sensory pleasures of the season while being in control the entire time.

You could have more energy than you know what to do with, having trained your body to utilize a variety of readily available fuel sources.

You can join the gym alongside everyone else if you want to, but you won’t feel like you have to. (In fact, you can wait till March when the prices drop!)

It Works If You Do—But That Doesn’t Mean You Need to Go It Alone

If you could have done it alone, perhaps you would have by now.

And if you start now, you could be living it by 2018—and beyond.

What Will You Do with These Next 10 Weeks?

And what will help you get there?

Are you ready to learn the life-changing lessons of becoming metabolically flexible? Pick up The New Primal Blueprint and/or The Keto Reset Diet (if you haven’t already!).

Are you ready to do it differently this time and invest in personal, Primal-minded support for your health vision? Check out our “Find a Primal Health Coach” directory.

Wishing everyone an awesome holiday season and good health as we move toward a new year—and new possibilities.

Erin Power, CHNC, PHC

0 notes

fishermariawo · 7 years ago

Text

The 10-Week Countdown to 2018

“If I sign up with you now,” people often ask, “can you please help me make it through Christmas without packing on 15 pounds—again??”

Upending (Unhealthy) Holiday Tradition

Likewise, a slip becomes a moment in time, not a catastrophic setback that needs to be atoned for by attempting to make (and not break!) a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

My answer: That entire scenario goes away. Your hunger doesn’t present like that anymore. You gain control.

Just think…if you begin the process of metabolic repair now, you could be this calm, cool, and collected even when Grandma shows up with her world-famous shortbread.

You Have 10 Weeks—Take Action Now

I roll in a lot of nutritionist, dietician, and health coach crowds, and we’re all selling the same thing: “New Year, New You! Beat holiday weight gain! Sign up with me today!”

2018 Could Look a Lot Different For You

Instead of going up a belt notch to accommodate your holiday bloat, you could be down a notch or two or more.

Rather than feeling like an abject failure for exhibiting no control over your cravings, you’ve successfully enjoyed the sensory pleasures of the season while being in control the entire time.

You could have more energy than you know what to do with, having trained your body to utilize a variety of readily available fuel sources.

You can join the gym alongside everyone else if you want to, but you won’t feel like you have to. (In fact, you can wait till March when the prices drop!)

It Works If You Do—But That Doesn’t Mean You Need to Go It Alone

If you could have done it alone, perhaps you would have by now.

And if you start now, you could be living it by 2018—and beyond.

What Will You Do with These Next 10 Weeks?

And what will help you get there?

Are you ready to learn the life-changing lessons of becoming metabolically flexible? Pick up The New Primal Blueprint and/or The Keto Reset Diet (if you haven’t already!).

Are you ready to do it differently this time and invest in personal, Primal-minded support for your health vision? Check out our “Find a Primal Health Coach” directory.

Wishing everyone an awesome holiday season and good health as we move toward a new year—and new possibilities.

Erin Power, CHNC, PHC

0 notes

watsonrodriquezie · 7 years ago

Text

The 10-Week Countdown to 2018

“If I sign up with you now,” people often ask, “can you please help me make it through Christmas without packing on 15 pounds—again??”

Upending (Unhealthy) Holiday Tradition

Likewise, a slip becomes a moment in time, not a catastrophic setback that needs to be atoned for by attempting to make (and not break!) a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

My answer: That entire scenario goes away. Your hunger doesn’t present like that anymore. You gain control.

Just think…if you begin the process of metabolic repair now, you could be this calm, cool, and collected even when Grandma shows up with her world-famous shortbread.

You Have 10 Weeks—Take Action Now

I roll in a lot of nutritionist, dietician, and health coach crowds, and we’re all selling the same thing: “New Year, New You! Beat holiday weight gain! Sign up with me today!”

2018 Could Look a Lot Different For You

Instead of going up a belt notch to accommodate your holiday bloat, you could be down a notch or two or more.

Rather than feeling like an abject failure for exhibiting no control over your cravings, you’ve successfully enjoyed the sensory pleasures of the season while being in control the entire time.

You could have more energy than you know what to do with, having trained your body to utilize a variety of readily available fuel sources.

You can join the gym alongside everyone else if you want to, but you won’t feel like you have to. (In fact, you can wait till March when the prices drop!)

It Works If You Do—But That Doesn’t Mean You Need to Go It Alone

If you could have done it alone, perhaps you would have by now.

And if you start now, you could be living it by 2018—and beyond.

What Will You Do with These Next 10 Weeks?

And what will help you get there?

Are you ready to learn the life-changing lessons of becoming metabolically flexible? Pick up The New Primal Blueprint and/or The Keto Reset Diet (if you haven’t already!).

Are you ready to do it differently this time and invest in personal, Primal-minded support for your health vision? Check out our “Find a Primal Health Coach” directory.

Wishing everyone an awesome holiday season and good health as we move toward a new year—and new possibilities.

Erin Power, CHNC, PHC

0 notes

cynthiamwashington · 7 years ago

Text

The 10-Week Countdown to 2018

“If I sign up with you now,” people often ask, “can you please help me make it through Christmas without packing on 15 pounds—again??”

Upending (Unhealthy) Holiday Tradition

Likewise, a slip becomes a moment in time, not a catastrophic setback that needs to be atoned for by attempting to make (and not break!) a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

My answer: That entire scenario goes away. Your hunger doesn’t present like that anymore. You gain control.

Just think…if you begin the process of metabolic repair now, you could be this calm, cool, and collected even when Grandma shows up with her world-famous shortbread.

You Have 10 Weeks—Take Action Now

I roll in a lot of nutritionist, dietician, and health coach crowds, and we’re all selling the same thing: “New Year, New You! Beat holiday weight gain! Sign up with me today!”

2018 Could Look a Lot Different For You

Instead of going up a belt notch to accommodate your holiday bloat, you could be down a notch or two or more.

Rather than feeling like an abject failure for exhibiting no control over your cravings, you’ve successfully enjoyed the sensory pleasures of the season while being in control the entire time.

You could have more energy than you know what to do with, having trained your body to utilize a variety of readily available fuel sources.

You can join the gym alongside everyone else if you want to, but you won’t feel like you have to. (In fact, you can wait till March when the prices drop!)

It Works If You Do—But That Doesn’t Mean You Need to Go It Alone

If you could have done it alone, perhaps you would have by now.

And if you start now, you could be living it by 2018—and beyond.

What Will You Do with These Next 10 Weeks?

And what will help you get there?

Are you ready to learn the life-changing lessons of becoming metabolically flexible? Pick up The New Primal Blueprint and/or The Keto Reset Diet (if you haven’t already!).

Are you ready to do it differently this time and invest in personal, Primal-minded support for your health vision? Check out our “Find a Primal Health Coach” directory.

Wishing everyone an awesome holiday season and good health as we move toward a new year—and new possibilities.

Erin Power, CHNC, PHC

The post The 10-Week Countdown to 2018 appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Article source here:Marks’s Daily Apple

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