#and i was like tell me what ur symptoms r like. and like if i have adhd it would b the plot twist of my life

[lacunazai]

the disorder faking in this generation is genuinely wild. like.

[whumpshaped]

cant stop thinking abt that reply to bram's post abt the abusive cluster b parents so just know if u were abused like that, first of all, samesies and it gave me cluster b pds as a result, second of all, i promise no one whos calling for understanding of cluster b ppl is invalidating ur experiences. if u feel like they ARE, i sincerely hope u realise u dont have to have a medical explanation for why others suck. if ur parents sucked, u can just say that, and its freeing, and focusing on behavioural patterns instead of diagnoses (which u most likely dont have access to when it comes to strangers) will allow u to weed out actual bad ppl and keep urself safe(er)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[z0mbie-bab3zzz]

Telling doctors ur symptoms is sooooo embarrassing fuck I feel dumb as hell

[honeytonedhottie]

ways to look after ur mental well being⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧋

mental health is definitely the most important thing that u should work on and prioritize in everyday life so here r some ways that u can look after urself ✨🗒️💕

PEN AND PAPER ;

pen and paper is ur best friend, being able to articulate ur thoughts and get them down on paper is a great way to practice self awareness and is a good skill to have in general.

its best not to keep things harbored or bottled up in ur mind and if ur looking to get into therapy a great place to start getting comfy with ur emotions and thoughts is journalling.

this includes things like keeping a diary, doing shadow work, or prompted journalling. just being able to get comfortable and aware of whats going on in ur head is rly good for you.

CHECK-UPS ;

make a habit of checking up on yourself to make sure that ur doing everything that u need to be doing to function at ur best, to make sure that ur feeling okay and making adequate time for you.

some rly good ways to have little check-ups is just preparing some questions to ask urself sometimes (how do i feel?) is the most basic one but asking urself that does help put ur feelings into perspective.

METICULOUS ;

oftentimes, when we neglect our physical care, we can start to feel the effects of that in our mental health and our mood which is why i think that self care is such a major aspect in mental health.

sometimes when we hit rock bottom in our mental health/healing journey, doing self care can seem tedious and like a daunting task. its important to prepare an alternate routine for times like this when u absolutely MUST do a little something.

to find a good place to start i recommend my posts : the feel better formula. 🍰💗

KEEP A BOOKLET OF REMEDIES ;

sometimes it makes me feel better if i have a little booklet that tells me how to treat symptoms that i might feel, whether thats physical or mental. doing so makes me feel like i have a plan. some notes from my little booklet of remedies include

cuz sometimes, all your missing in ur mental health equation is one thing and its important to know urself and what u need, bcuz you are your own best doctor sometimes.

ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS ;

sometimes we need to be uncomfortable to be comfortable. some questions or some things that i wanna come to terms with/when i need to call myself out on something. THATS LOWKEY UNCOMFORTABLE.

when im doing shadow work and digging deep, THATS UNCOMFORTABLE. but its what needs to be done in order for me to move forward on my journey as a person.

with all this being said its important to never lose sight of urself and to be ur biggest protector, look out for yourself, do what u need to do to heal, HAPPY HEALING JOURNEY GIRLIES ✨

[thatdeadaquarius]

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

..

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[visible-schizo-spectrum]

i don’t vague. i am not ab that. @phoenixonwheels . let’s break down some of ur points. i assume u r open to genuine discussion since u post in the public sphere.

first thing first. “MERD” is not an analog to “TERF.” trans exclusionary radical feminism says that transgender women can never be women, and transgender men are lost women. “mental exclusion” would theoretically mean that cripplepunk is solely for the mentally abled physdis community. but this is not what happens, and the vast majority of cripples are also mentally ill/disabled.

second. calling out the use of insane/idiot/etc does not work for that exact reason. you do exactly what you seem to be upset at other ppl for doing. they assume you are able bodied and you laugh at them for telling a wheelchair user that cpunk isn’t for them. we laugh bcs you act like the average cripple is mentally well and casually using slurs as if the most popular mean cripple exclusionist isn’t bipolar and you’re not arguing with neurodivergent and mentally ill ppl every day.

third. “mental disability” in those exact words is terminology that the b/id community has been asking others not to use, but ofc nobody ever listens to intellectually disabled ppl bcs changing language is so awful. most mental disorders are what we prefer ppl to call psychosocial disabilities. even if you don’t give up this MERD thing (bcs you obviously won’t and will block me after this and cry ab exclusionism and i really don’t care) at least consider changing this language.

fourth. if your mental or psychosocial disability causes physical symptoms, THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS ARE THE PHYSICAL DISABILITY. if you have anxiety that causes you constant blood pressure and heart issues and chest pain then nobody in cripplepunk gives a shit where it comes from. your physical symptoms are physically disabling. your disability is your business all we are asking is “does it affect you physically.” cripplepunk communities are AWARE that these are not strict categories and the two impact each other.

you seem like you have a very poor understanding of cripplepunk spaces, likely bcs you don’t actually want to communicate in common ground terms. if you went to a community space and said smth like “i have autism which caused me pretty severe motor skill and coordination issues, i therefore identify myself as physically disabled and a cripple�� no one would care. literally no one would care.

final point. how do u feel ab the idea of mentally abled cripples calling themselves insane and participating in madpunk/neuropunk?

[washeduprockstr]

Ur a system rnt u? Ur friends with an antiendo. R u an anti? I need 2 know so I can block u. Lol.

I'm not a professional, nor am I out to judge anyone for their experiences, especially if they differ from mine. I tried to learn more and open my mind about endogenic plurality before touching this topic.

Resources:

My Opinion & Thoughts:

TL;DR: I am an anti and endos make me uncomfortable, but I have an open mind. Plurality is insanely complex and definitely not well researched enough to say what someone is or isn't experiencing. If that is your reality, sure. If you aren't hurting anyone and are spreading the proper information about dissociative disorders, whatever man. I would prefer if endos would not personally interact with me, though. Enjoy my content, idc. Just don't go looking to talk and befriend me. That is just a boundary.

Commonly associated with plurality is trauma. Chronic childhood trauma. However, it is not in the DSM that you absolutely must have trauma to be diagnosed with DID/OSDD. It lists Distinct Personalities, Amnesia, Distress, Not Cultural or Religious, and Not Substance Related as the requirements for DID. OSDD is similar, but may miss certain requirements for DID.

In my opinion, if you go through plurality while not suffering at all from any of the symptoms or have any trauma at all, I believe you might be experiencing something different. I won't tell you that you're not a system or that you're invalid, but I do think you should seek other answers. And genuinely look into every avenue with an open mind.

If you find you have some of the symptoms and not others and you don't have trauma (that you can remember), OSDD might be more of what you are. OSDD is commonly characterized by large memory gaps in the past and less in the present. It could be possible that you have trauma or have experienced extreme stress and just don't realize it. I urge you to seek therapy and try to uncover the root of what's causing your plurality.

I believe systemality is fluid. The way you experience and express your plurality will most likely be different than mine. I don't think it's out of the question to say someone is a system without trauma. For example, you could have been experiencing extreme chronic stress in childhood. It wasn't enough to become traumatic, but it was enough that your brain needed to create different parts to cope with the stress. But that would be so extremely rare and even then I question my stance on it.

I'm seeing a lot of endo systems out there that are systems out of will. I do not think that is healthy. You are purposefully splitting yourself. I can not express to you how harmful that can be for your brain. You are purposefully tearing your consciousnessness apart and fragmenting yourself to have a disorder you did not before.

I'm also seeing a lot of endo systems out there that think being a system is simply fun and are completely non-disordered. If you think you are going through CDD (Complex Dissociative Disorder) and you do not have a daily impairment because of it, you are going through something else. If you are experiencing alters with nothing else to back it up, look into something else. Because that is just not how the disorder works, unfortunately. It might be a delusional disorder, psychosis, maladaptive daydreaming, maybe even some form of brainwashing.

I also think that if you're running around telling everyone and their momma you can be a system without any trauma and without some form of disorder or any symptoms, that is hurtful for the DID/OSDD community. Not only are you minimizing the harm that we had to face to have what we have, but you are misinforming people widely. This will lead to more people, especially young mentally ill kids thinking they have a disorder they do NOT. Which breeds more misinformation, so on and so forth. You'll get others to think it's just some fun little trend where they have their favorite characters in their head, and all they have to do to support their claims is say they're endo.

Pretending to be someone or something you are not will hurt you. I'm sure a lot of the community has autism, ADHD, depression, and/or anxiety, etc. I know you must know what it feels like to be something you are not and do things you don't want to. I won't outright fakeclaim anyone because I have not lived their experience, but a lot of endos I have seen around are blatantly pulling the experiences of DID/OSDD all while only taking the 'benefits' and the 'fun' parts. Stop. Please. Seek therapy. Seek help. You are hurting yourself and others.

If you are one of the good ones out there (endos), make sure you're also spreading the proper information about Dissociative Disorders as WELL as your lived experiences. Make sure you let others know what you are going through is very rare and relatively undocumented. That's all I ask. Advocate for you, but also advocate for your traumagenic brethen.

And God, can we stop fighting each other? If a traumagenic system is uncomfortable with you and speaks out with their own views, opinions, etc. Block and move on. Quit sending death threats and harassing people that don't see eye-to-eye with you. Same goes for the other side. Everyone is allowed to have their thoughts on this very WIDE and COMPLEX subject. If you think someone is faking and specifically if you lack proof, whatever man. If they aren't actively hurting anybody and not spreading wild misinformation, block. And move on.

I can't express to you all how many posts I went through where everyone was just attacking each other. No real talking or explaining, just harassment. Cut it out.

[totalfknloser]

hey! Could you write something about Zakk dating an autistic girl? I'm an autistic person and I have a huge crush on Zakk and I love your writing so could you do some headcanons about it? I would really be very happy!! (sorry if something is written wrong, I don't speak English and I'm using Google translate 😫)

hiii! okay so i’m not autistic and i wanted to get like.. what it’s like to be autistic so i asked my friend (who’s autistic) about it and they told me about autism so i hope this is accurate to your experience with autism!!

I think that Zakk would honestly not give a shit if someone is autistic and not care for them if they didn’t mean much to them but considering you in this scenario are his lover i think that he would really try!!

also i might’ve written Zakk a little softer because i don’t think anyone is really sure of how he would act in a romantic relationship tbh but even if he isn’t nicer/softer/whatever to people with autism and other things like that i wanted to make him like a little out of character safe space to ppl with neurodivergent disorders for u if that’s what ur looking for cause tbh if he isn’t nicer then what would i write about?? him being normal?? that’s not nice LOL

also if you need me to focus on your experience then please don’t be afraid to tell me what your symptoms and experience is like and what your reactions are so i can write a more personalized version<3

⛧ overstimulation

• harmful stimming

I think if you gave Zakk some direction, he would be a little caught off guard at first but he would get the hang of it. he would try his hardest to distract you, like taking you somewhere else or doing whatever helps you calm down.

• running away

well according to my friend, he says RUN! RUN FOR YOU! because ppl r usually like “u have to be nice to people with autism” but he also says sometimes you need to be a little assertive in like situations like this so i think that Zakk would absolutely chase after your ass lol

• crying, screaming, etc

i think that Zakk would kind of catch onto this quicker than he would with others but if you need distance, he will do it. if you need affection, he will do it. if you need to be somewhere else, he will take you somewhere else.

• distress noises

he would probably understand if the sounds you make sound i guess distressed enough? if they didn’t he would be confused but with some communication he would get it and help u out <33

⛧ communication

• signs and symbols

Zakk would prolly pick up on things like communication cards, hand signs, etc pretty fast!!

• distance/affection

Zakk is totally fine with distance honestly!! i think he would be perfectly cool with affection as well!!! i believe that Zakk would leave you alone physically unless you asked him to be there with you!!

shut downs/melt downs (yes i’m aware they are not the same i’m just bunching them together lol)

• nonverbal

Zakk would be confused but if you can communicate with cards or symbols then he would get it pretty quickly. i think that if you didn’t communicate at all he would probably just leave you alone but keep an eye on you.

• needing rest/space

as i said, Zakk is cool with distance!

• needing touch

if you touched Zakk in a more affectionate way (like a hug, etc) he would understand but not touch you like full on (not sexually i just mean on full cuddles) unless you gave him a signal that that’s what you want. if you asked him, he would still understand and tend to your needs in both scenarios <3

⛧ general autism stuff

• social battery

i think that Zakk would have a pretty good experience with things similar to a social battery so he would pick up the signs and leave you be!!

• fidgets

Zakk would get it. i just feel like he would. I think that Zakk would prolly fidget with things himself but i mean more like his jewelry, hair, skin, etc (no i’m definitely not projecting!!/sarc) i think that if you really asked him to he would go out and get u some LOL

• special interests

I think he would be confused on why you’re so fixated on something but over time with being educated how autism works then that confusion level would go down.

• happy stims/just stims in general

Zakk would be confused!! i stim myself (i’m neurodivergent but i’m not autistic) and i think that Zakk would never really understand it lol but he wouldn’t judge u bc he loves u

• headphones/something noise cancelling

if it really helped you and you couldn’t get it on your own, Zakk would get some for you tbh!!

[ghost-of-a-system]

hllo i am here to bother you (for help if ur not busy(

i used to think i had osdd, went on reddit, convinced myself i was faking, came here to tell people that sometimes u r wronf ab ur diagnosis then i listed all the "fake" symptoms i had and everyone was doggin on me n told me 2 do research. i DID but am still confused so i thought i would come to someone who looks like they kno what theyre talking about. cus i dont 'feel' like a diff person really in the moment evr i jus look back n go 'yeah that was not me'. but my opinions n sexuality never change anyways help.

hello! for starters, the only way someone is faking anything is if they are purposefully and consciously telling themselves or others that they are experiencing xyz without actually being truthful. but mistakes do happen and you are correct in saying that there is always the possibility people are wrong about their suspicions/self-diagnoses, obviously.

of course, we are no medical professionals or experts; we're just a couple of gals and pals yapping about our experiences! i will still offer the advice i can, but take it with a grain of salt compared to any actual medical professionals.

a while ago we made this response to being asked for pointers on identifying if one is a system. i think you might find it helpful if seeking advice like this from us. i will be referencing content from this post here!

OSDD1 is a little tricky due to its frequently used sub-categories, OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b. from what we know and have researched, it is not required that you fall under one or the other, and that those are just the two most commonly seen "types". on the surface of what you have described, i think that you would benefit from researching into OSDD-1a. individuals with OSDD-1a generally meet DID criteria however lack the presence of distinct alters. i find this page incredibly helpful when it comes to understanding OSDD-1a (third paragraph), although we do not have it and cannot entirely verify its accuracy. i have seen it mostly implied that individuals with OSDD-1a do experience amnesia and memory blackouts, which you did not mention experiencing in your ask. however, again, this is just a sub-category of OSDD1 and i believe it is not required to perfectly fit it. i just think that researching into OSDD-1a may find you the best results for some of the things you describe! of course, this is NOT me telling you that you for sure have it.

we say this in our original post we linked about questioning being a system, but it is very very so very important to also research into other disorders that have overlapping symptoms with OSDD1. a few of these are listed in the link i shared about OSDD-1a, in the fourth paragraph, but i suggest you also do separate research into what has overlapping symptoms, and then individually look into those results.

these are just our thoughts. if you would like to reach out further with any more context or questions, feel free to shoot us another ask or message. /nf

[transfemlogan]

16?

- 🌧️

i have already answered 16 for the positive one here . & i have been asked 2 answer it 2 more times after NSHSJDNDH so instead. i will answer 16 on the negative one & if i can think of another small detail in canon ill talk abt it. it's just hard 2 know whats a "small detail" & whats not

negative fandom ask game

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

i can't understand why everyone loves soulmate AUs.

that's a lie and exaggeration, i do get it to some extent. i understand that it's because the concept of having a "one true love" that will love you forever and ever is appealing & comforting 2 a lot of people. i respect & understand that.

but i fucking hate soulmate AUs.

for background: i am a relationship anarchist & a nonamorous romance + sex repulsed aroaceapl. i do not date, i do not have sex, i find romance & sex repulsive, i do not have queerplatonic relationships, i don't feel platonic attraction most of the time, i'm touch repulsed, i want to live alone; the idea of "dying alone" & "being alone forever" is the most appealing thought ever. & it's how i want my future to be.

SO. i find soulmate AUs to be the most horrifying & terrifying thing on the planet DNEHRKFNFJ

ignoring the fact that all soulmate aus are aphobic & actively ignore aspecs, the ones that do attempt to include aspecs tend to still exclude people.

"well you don't have to have a romantic soulmate! you can have a platonic one!" what about aplatonic folk? what about people who don't want to have friends?

& then its "well not everyone gets a soulmate!" what about aspex who DO want a soulmate? like genuinely what does that mean? how can you take in account every single unique sexuality & experience. i understa d that obvs soulmate aus r not trying 2 do thst but like. how does that work.

& you never ever see a soulmate au that takes in account aromantic allosexuals, because obviously having sex w/o feelings attached to it is evil & wrong. (HEAVY SARCASM!)

i do not want the universe/government/etc to pick who I get into a relationship with? who's the universe or the government or whoever tell ME who i can & can't date???

i think relationships need to be built and made and formed. I understand it's like "oh, but you have someone who is destined to love you forever", but it's like... i'd rather have someone who chooses to love me. not is forced to. someone who is willing to build a relationship with me & is choosing to love me.

i have wanted to write a soulmate au where a side (probably logan) actively ignores their soulmate & goes against the rules but i havent done it yet & i probably wont.

IDK I KNOW THIS IS ALL JUST SILLY BUT LIKE. HOW DO YOU GUYS FIND THAT ... APPEALING??? THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING. if there was someone out there destined for me??? That i HAD to get into a relationship with whether i liked it or not???? whether it was my choice??? like ABSOLUTELY NOT. i don't want to be forced into a relationship just cuz the universe told me i should be. & i dont want to be forced into loving someone just because someone else told me I should be. that i had to love them because they loved me back!!! like this sounds like an abusive manipulative horror story waiting 2 be told (<- which now i def want to see. someone get on that. write a soulmate au where the persons soulmate uses it as an excuse to abuse & manipulate them & guilt trip them that'd be cool)

AND THEN SOMETIMES SOULMATE AUS HAVE THE MOST TERRIFYING SYMPTOMS EVER??? i saw one where you are constantly hearing your soulmates thoughrs. thats fucking terrifying. to never have a moment alone? to never have fucking privacy?? in ur own head? i saw a fic, which like no hate 2 the author it was beautifully written just so terrifying to me, where janus shares his thoughts w/ logan constantly & tells logan 2 "shut up so he can get work done" or whatever. LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHERE AM I.

maybe its just cuz i was abused as a child & have been in an abusive relationship & im traumatisdd & its affected my way of living & entire life, but all i can hear when i see soulmate aus is how genuinely terrifying it would be if you were in an abusive relationship w/ a soulmate.

imagine have your thoughts always be read by your abuser. that no matter what happens, your abuser will always hear what you're thinking. you can't think of ways to escape or even begin to examine your relationship, because youe abuser will always be able to punch that down. & even if somehow you do escape, you will never bs free of them. thats fucking terrifying. & also a great metaphor for experiencing an abusive relationship & having ptsd after it can someone write that too. someone get on that.

if i shared my thoughts w/ my "soulmate" id probably actually kill myself i knkw thats a wild fucking thing 2 say out of no where but i am not joking. if i could never ever have a moments alone in my own head id actually be ending it right now. its almost 1 am can u tell i havent gotten sleep at all.

ANYWAY I HATE SOULMATE AUS. NUMBER ONE SOULMATE HATER !!!! ITS TERRIFYING & SO UNCOMFORTABLE 2 EVEN THINK ABOUT

negative fandom ask game

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[t4t-apexeclipse]

Hii ur fave schizo tumblr user here (revy)

1. Dont feel bad abt """stealing""" a delusion or hallucination or whatever. It's prtty normal. You're not being a "copy cat" it is just what happens when u put schizospecs in a room 2gether. We absorb each other's powers (/j)

2. Talk abt whatever u want on ur blog. & u dont have 2 answer anything abt any of ur symptoms. Delusions r inherently irrational, ur not going to be able to answer anything logically.

Stay safe & do what helps u

- @transfemlogan

thank you <3 i just have this like. chronic fear of being told im copying people because of a friend from like 2015 who made a big deal about it (i may have mentioned this on this blog at some point i don’t remember lol)

and like. part of me wonders if the thing im experiencing is part of the delusion or if im maladaptive daydreaming? like i should be able to tell but the other day i was thinking about the daydream and it was so real and i thought “what if this goes beyond simply daydreaming” lmao

it’s so hard to explain but it’s like. the situation exists in my head, but it’s also really happening? idk my brain just loves being an enigmatic little shit jahdjdjfk

and something. changed. and it feels like certain things have developed over time. and i was like “oh no that’s not supposed to be like that” kajddkdk

i know im being pretty vague i just idk. maybe ill make a separate post explaining the details?

i just feel like. grrrr. about it rn. and a little like. aaaaaa. cos when i have an episode it’s so hard to talk about

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

I'm unable to go anywhere or do anything because of my stomach/bowel problems, and I feel so alone. doctors and hospitals don't help or know what's wrong, and i don't know what to do. I feel like I'll never get to go anywhere or do anything. (I get symptoms like stomach ache, nausea, acid reflux, diarrhoea, or constipation after I eat anything), so I'm unable to go anywhere where I'd have to eat. (so anywhere longer than a few hours.)

do you or anyone else have any experience in this or any advice?

i have been exactly where u r

i developed gerd in the spring of 2023

i made changes to my diet only to find out i have ibs n food allergies - i cant eat a lot of raw vegetables n fruits n nuts bc im allergic to them but i cant eat processed foods bc of my gerd either

so i have a limited diet n take magnesium capsules everyday bc i cant eat leafy green vegetables

but i definitely lived in fear for months n had a lot of anxiety abt eating n also my proximity to a bathroom. i was taking zofran around the clock n would keep a handful of tums in my pocket in case i started to have reflux

i felt like i wouldnt ever be able to enjoy food or the act of eating again. n so much of hanging out w ppl involves eating. i dont think ppl realize how much culture n socialization revolves around food until ur suddenly hyper vigilant abt what ur eating. also how hard life is when each n every meal brings w it the fear n anxiety of experiencing symptoms.

anyways my doc prescribed me anti anxiety meds n a ppi to get the reflux symptoms under control. n she told me to go to therapy. At first that rlly upset me being told my stomach problems were anxiety related n basically feeling like my doc was telling me its “all in my head” bc i knew it was psychosomatic i knew what i was going thru was real

but i started therapy n my therapist suggested i read a book called the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk n it changed my perspective on the whole thing.

things like pills diets n exercise can definitely help get things under control- n idk what all u have tried n what all the docs n hospital have given u in terms of tools to work w ur undiagnosed conditions -but understanding the mind-body connection n how ur body holds n manages stress can rlly rlly help when it comes to actually managing chronic illness. bc chronic illness is tied to chronic childhood trauma which is often a pattern thats repeated in adulthood too. doctors can only do so much when it comes to treating the body but they have have no idea how to treat the mind. while i hated my doc telling me take anti anxiety meds n go to therapy initially now im very very thankful she knew that was smth that was behind her scope n so she sent to someone who knew how to give me the help i needed. bc if i hadnt gone to therapy id still be stuck at home locked in a prison of fear.

i go out to eat now. i had movie theater popcorn for the first time in 2 yrs last month. i can eat a greasy fast food cheeseburger. these things i only indulge in once a month bc i dont want my gerd symptoms to come back again but they r things i can do.

n bc ik n understand my own stressors ik how to prepare for things like that to keep my gerd n ibs managed. ik to make sure i only eat a gerd safe diet during times of stress n to avoid the greasy processed foods bc ill be more likely to have reflux then.

recovery rlly is a long journey n the medical field rlly is incompetent when it come to chronic illness. i wish u the best of luck on ur journey n i hope u get some relief soon 🙏

[ari-the-rockstar]

"notice how not having a sense of awareness isnt on this list? yes, i experience all three of those traits. no im not a fucking shitty person to random strangers thats just weird. theres this thing called SELF CONTROL that i actually have, ever heard of it? lacking empathy is not a bad thing. "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another", according to the definition. i lack the ability to understand the feelings of other people and i lack the ability to share feelings with someone cause im not a damn spiritual empath. thats not saying im an abusive monster. excessive admiration ooh boy. man wtf do u think im gonna do with that lmao yeah i really need excessive admiration to not want to fucking kill myself but that doesnt mean im gonna go GGRGGGGGG ABRK AKR VBAKRKKK BARKJ and act like a rabid dog if i dont have it. YES i have a sense of entitlement but again wtf am i gonna do with that BARK AT SOMEONE if they dont agree lmao??"

"cause i'm not a damn spiritual empath" nobody is??? low empathy is fine but it's the combination of self-absorbedness which makes it abusive. if you need excessive admiration to not want to kys then...that is a you problem, i'm so sorry<3 it makes sense! someone saying that people with your disorder are abusive is not excessively admiring you. however just because it hurts your feelings doesn't mean it isn't true.

"a, i never said ur abuse is illegitimate lmao what r u on. and yes it SHOULD be rebranded. you wanna know why? if you look up "npd recovery" you fucking get "hOw To ReCoVeR FrOm NaRc AbUsE!!!" and a bunch of shit about porn and how we're demons whos eyes turn black. you say youve done alot of work to overcome them but youre forgetting npd can BARELY recover themselves because of ppl shouting NARC ABUSE!!! everywhere. if you have bpd i realllllyyyyyy dont think u shld be commenting on npd babes im juuussttt saying!! ur not a doctor and npd and bpd dont share the same symptoms!! and literally who tf is using "i was abused too" as an excuse baby bc its not me. u dont see me doing it."

yes you DO say that it is illegitimate. saying narc abuse is not real is LITERALLY saying that my abuse is not real. because it was VERY stereotypical narc abuse. go to r/raisedbynarcissists <3 they will tell you alll about it.

okay but you do realize that narc abuse is a VERY serious problem and maybe you should not be always angry that there are support groups for victims instead of groups to support the people who perpetuate it??? like if you want to recover that's good, but there are a LOT of people who are hurting and if something is not for you just scroll. if you aren't abusive then it shouldn't make you feel bad?

bpd and npd are two cluster b disorders hunny, pwNPD seem to usually just whine about how the world is sooo mean to them rather than ACTUALLY try and recover. i see more about "npd is so sexy and hot" than "how to get better from npd." and fyi LOTS of people use the "i was abused too excuse," i said it earlier so u couldn't pull it on me.

"oh noooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 person wi-with bpd is joking about their traits !!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 person w-w-w-w-w-w-with npd is making coping jokes!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 o-o-o-oh no scary npd borderline monster isnt having panic attacks 🥺🥺 on their blog 🥺🥺🥺 every 30 seconds 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and is actually using humor to cope!!! wahahahahhahahwaahahhhh i cant handle people who cope differently than me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you joking about your disorder means y-you cant have it!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺"

girl what. this is just embarrassing. there's a difference between coping and romanticizing. your WHOLE blog is romanticizing. at some point you gotta do some dirty work and get better.

yeah, you will feel like a shit a little bit. yeah, you will realize that you probably did or said some awful things. if you so badly want to see those "recovery" things then actually put in the work!! you just want to whine and whine forever.

"bb i dont know what ur on but ur objectively wrong and i wanted u to see lmfao. if u say something online it is public. it is PUBLIC. its not private its PUBLIC, i have the right to ss it and i hope u know that<3"

bestie idk where you're coming from but the ENTIRE idea of "npd is good and hot actually" is a very new take. like, 2-5 years old new. the idea of narcissism being ABUSIVE has been around since longer than u or i was alive. if you say something online it is public too <333 i never said anything about it? lmao i just found it funny you singled me out among everyone because you care soo much. cope harder <3

there is no fucking way 💀💀💀

okay lets just !!! ignore ALLLL of my other symptoms because im not abusive i dont have npd sorry guys npd diagnosis cancelled i dont have it anymore sorry guys because this one person on the internet said so

[jackkal]

a typical tinder interaction to me unfolds some shit like

"Ur so hot"

"I was into u in hs"

"You awoke me in hs"

"I used to jerk off to u in the bathroom"

"Wanna hookup ? its all im capable of emotionally atm 😥"

(2 months)

"Happy birthday first of all btws i was hoping we could reconnect maybe meet up?"