#and i realize. how ... not great this is on like. that level.
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I have been feeling weird these days. Frankly, just not great. Pretty bad. I have been belittling myself, trying to hide and disappear. What has helped me? Going for a walk by myself. Listening to an audiobook and realizing there are things that I enjoy doing and that make the time pass. Belasting music through my earplugs while in the bathroom, and looking in the mirror as I start to move my body and dance. Write with myself; so pure and vulnerable. So understanding and loving towards myself. I felt like myself again. I reflected on a drawing, where I added a text. I realized that I was, or am, trapped. I try to disappear, trying to hide from everyone. Hoping to protect myself from dissapointing people and being too much. From them leaving, or realizing they no longer love me. Then I went on to mention how lonely it is here, isolating me and who I am, while there is someone out there who does love me for me. It then turned into wondering why I am here. And why these leaves, in which I tried to disappear, are so heavy. I realize that I am no longer wanting to hide. Rather, I am trapped. Trapped into my own hideaway. Where the leaves are no longer lovingly embracing me, they are cutting into my skin. Reflecting helped me realize it, and realize I want to get out. And I have the power to do so.
Frankly, I want to be like in the gif every single day. I also honestly know that I could. I can find casual magic in everything. I can be so passionate about life and everything it has to offer. That feels like the true me. The one who experiences it all, and is grateful for it. Sure, the other parts of me are also me. But I feel my best when I am I that mood. The mood from the gif. My boyfriend is out right now, volleyballing until the very early hours. His roommate is also not home. It is just me, and gash. I am excited. I have already listened to music and danced, but I also ate too much and feel very full right now. Either way.. it is scary to be so me. To be so vulnerable and truly myself in front of someone. I know I can do it. I acted this way during our vacation. Why is it so hard to just be myself? To trust someone enough to be my true self? It's a safe space, babygirl. Sure, sometimes it hurts in this place. But don't you dare pull back because of it. I mean, to be fair, how could anyone ever do anything but smile when they see someone living life like that? What do I expect? The worst that could happen is that someone finds it interesting how you can enjoy and aren't ashamed in public. BUTO BE FAIR EH? WHHHHHYY IS IT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF? I fucking LOVE people who enjoy like that. I wish I could be surrounded by them. So baby, if the people around you aren't like that, okay and??? Be like that for yourself. He doesn't show his emotions the way you do? Okay and??? Let him experience his emotions the way he wants to. He can honestly count himself blessed to be with a person who can enjoy life so fully. Please, love this part of yourself. Well, you already do. But do it without shame. Do it proudly. Embrace it, truly. You have been taking everything for granted. It's time to be grateful, and be so without any doubt. Please, enjoy life the way you were meant to. Learn to be yourself, the way you are yourself when you are alone. He might not vibe on the same level, but that doesn't mean you should dim your own light. Yoyoyo, please learn to be yourself. Your silly, cute, life-enjoying self. I love the way you are , babygirl. So will he. And if he doesn't, that's big time his loss. Though, I'm pretty sure he loves this part of you, too. I know you love this part of you, so show off that you love her. She is yours. Show your love off by letting her out, the way you'd want someone to love this part of you. She deserves to come out and enjoy life with you. Whoever else is around. She feels safe with you. Please let her feel safe around him, too. He'd embrace her the way she wants to be embraced. Just like on our vacation. That you can still come out during the daily life without any judgement, you know?
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Hi there! Long time reader, first time asked 👀
I saw your requests were open, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to do a Nanami drabble? Literally ANYTHING, your writing is so good, I trust you 100000%
💖 Even if you don't, thanks for considering anyway 🙏🏻
content: established relationship with nanami, female reader [implied to be shorter than nanami], fluff and crack thank you for the request anon! hope you like it <3 i wasn't sure if you wanted an nsfw one or not, so i just decided to keep it a lil' silly. — general masterlist ☆
nanami paused mid-action, the knot of his tie still undone, as he watched you drag a footstool across the floor with great determination. his brow arched ever so slightly, curiosity piqued.
you weren’t exactly the tallest person, and that stool seemed to be your weapon of choice for the grand gesture you were planning.
"what exactly are you doing?" he asked, his tone flat, but the faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
"don’t worry about it," you replied, climbing onto the stool with the kind of focus one might reserve for scaling mount everest. you wobbled slightly, and nanami instinctively placed a hand on your waist to steady you.
"hand me your tie."
his brows rose higher. "my tie?"
"yes, your tie. give it here."
"you do realize i can tie it myself, right?"
"where’s the romance in that, kento?" you countered, managing to look smug despite balancing precariously on your makeshift podium. "besides, i watched at least fifteen youtube tutorials last night. i’ve got this."
nanami sighed, equal parts amused and intrigued, and handed you the tie. he wasn’t in any particular rush to leave — not with this level of entertainment unfolding in front of him.
you grabbed the tie with all the confidence of a seasoned expert, draping it over his neck and starting to work the knot. "okay, step one: cross over... or was it under?"
nanami’s chest shook with a quiet laugh. "you don’t sound very sure."
"shhhhhh," you replied, glaring up at him. "let me concentrate."
you fiddled with the fabric for a moment longer, but as the knot began to resemble a crumpled ball rather than a tie, your expression shifted from confident to mildly panicked. "wait. no, no, no — this isn’t right."
"are you sure you watched fifteen tutorials?" he teased, tilting his head slightly as he watched you unravel your work.
"don’t mock me, kento. i’m in charge here."
"of course you are," he replied, but the amusement in his tone was unmistakable.
you tried again.
and again.
and again.
by the fourth attempt, your frustration was palpable. "why is this so hard? i swear i practiced on a scarf last night, and it worked perfectly!"
"maybe the scarf was more cooperative," nanami offered, lips twitching as he fought back a grin. "or perhaps it had better supervision."
"you’re not helping," you huffed, tugging the tie free and starting over yet again.
"i’m sorry, darling," he said, though his voice was anything but apologetic. "please, continue. i’m thoroughly enjoying this."
on your fifth — and final — attempt, you managed to produce something that vaguely resembled a proper knot. you stepped back triumphantly, admiring your handiwork, and looked up at nanami with a beaming smile.
"there! perfect!"
he glanced down at the tie, then back at you, his expression soft and indulgent. "it’s a little crooked," he said gently, reaching up to adjust it.
you smacked his hand away. "noooooo, it’s not. it’s charming. and you’re leaving it like that because i worked hard on it."
he chuckled then, the sound deep and warm. "as you wish," he said, smoothing down the tie but leaving your imperfect knot intact.
as he grabbed his briefcase and prepared to leave — five minutes late, but not that he’d ever complain — you trailed after him. "so, how do you feel, mr. nanami? pampered? loved? dashing in your wife-tied tie?"
"all of the above," he replied, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. "though next time, perhaps we’ll start a bit earlier."
"next time, i’ll have it perfected," you promised, hands on your hips.
he smiled as he stepped out the door, his heart feeling just a bit lighter. five minutes late was nothing compared to the joy of watching his wife stand on a footstool, determined to make him feel cared for in the cutest way possible.
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#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader#jjk x female reader#jjk x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen x female reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fluff#jjk drabble#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen drabble#nanami fluff#nanami kento fluff#nanami drabble#nanami kento drabble#nanami x fem!reader#kento nanami x you#kento nanami x reader#nanami x you#nanami x y/n#nanami x reader#nanami kento x female reader#nanami kento x fem!reader#nanami kento x y/n#nanami kento x you#nanami kento x reader#kento x reader#kento x y/n#kento x you
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i recommend watching connors video its really well done i think he went into the topic in a wonderful manner. he goes into the timeline of everything, explaining vtubers, mouseys primary immune deficiency, and all that context that i think people tend to gloss over.
connor even goes into showing examples of the hate mousey has gotten on platforms like tiktok. which sorta illustrate the overall picture of what mousey has had to consistently deal with. i think one of the moments for me when i realized how bad the hate had gotten was during the subathon where everyday people would come into mouseys chat to say something hateful. everyday. to the point where mousey would have to address these comments and specifically told her community, hey i know seeing hate sparks the reaction of wanting to comment back but dont. and if you truly feel the need to then simply reply donate plasma. saying this while facing some of the most malicious hate ive ever seen. still she would rather try to spread some positivity and awareness by saying to donate plasma rather than trying to shit on other creators communities which is a level of maturity i fucking admire. and i think in this period of the internet we dont see all too often. in the video connor actually shows examples of these chat messages from a 85 PAGE LONG DOCUMENT. fucking bizarre. and yet i still remember during that subathon era seeing people say she wasn’t getting hated on at all and that her fans were exaggerating.
what i really appreciate is connor even making this video on this cause as someone who watches ironmouse consistently and watched the entire subathon and all their streams together this is a topic that mousey is very vocal on with her chat and she talks a lot about this to connor. and he’s always been very sympathetic and there to defend her so it’s cool to see him constantly have her back and vtubers as a whole since hes so intertwined with these communities despite them not being his community per say. connor bluntly stating in the video, “yes you got me. this is a video about me defending my friend 100%. i’m not even trying to hide that. but i also just want to bring a tiny bit of attention to the level of normalized hate that is for some reason acceptable.” is awesome. and a video like this hopefully can inform others and make people realize that the level of hate thats accepted on the internet nowadays is wild. and i need this to be clear mousey has spoken about this hate train she’s been enduring a numerous amount of times and it doesnt get seen as much. but she has spoken about it and what she sees and gets told privately on a daily basis. from her own words the hate just gets more intense as time goes by. and it sucks that shes such a kind creator who has to deal with it just cause shes.. a vtuber.
in short. never send hate to anyone. be kind. watch more vtubers theyre fucking talented and great content creators. fuck what anyone else says about them.
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This Week in BL - Why so much on right now?
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
NOV 2024 Week 4
Ongoing Series - Thai
Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Classic old school Thai BL. Of course I love it. Naïve sunshine freshman vs strict older protective boy (who already likes him but refuses to show it). Is he grumpy or just gay and tired of all of these women? We don’t know. We don’t care. We just want to see them fake a relationship. And that’s what we’re getting. I love it. I also love the friendship group, and that the younger brother is in it and he has some of the same magic BL-hottie superpowers as his older brother. It’s great.
Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 10 of 15 - Phun actually turns into dangerous babygirl when he is flirting, who knew? (Dangerous Babygirl is a new archetype I have just invented by the way. Yes, I am pleased with myself.) Noh, who is a nice boy, doesn’t stand a chance. Neither does Jeed, since this new babygirl superpower gives Phun a damn near perfect “back off bitch” face.
The arm drape public claiming, it gets me every time. Has done since SOTUS. Nong Mick is hero-level in this version, hands-down my favorite character this time around (and a non-entity last time). I love him so much I can’t stand it. I haven’t updated my 1:1 comparison yet this week, didn’t have time to rewatch 2014, but I will later tonight. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here.
Kidnap (Fri Gaga) ep 12 end - What an absolutely excellent final episode. Smiley kisses!
Conclusion
A cute if patently absurd little show about a stuntman who is somehow convinced to kidnap a rich kid except they fall in love. It takes itself a little more seriously than it deserves for such a silly plot and some crappy stunts and contradictory content, but it was a pleasantly romantic experience all around, and I enjoyed myself. Extra credit for Q in that perfect blue color throughout. No complaints, a solid BL. 8/10
The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 1 of 12 - Jojo directs FirstKhao & JoongDunk in an action romcom about assassin brothers (Khao & Joong) who meet a tattoo artist (First) and a cocky mechanic (Dunk). I'm highly amused that Joong plays the older brother to Khao and that we have a take on the Taming of the ShrewBL. This has all GMMTV's best chemistry in one BL and some fresh concepts that I've only seen tackled in m/m romance novels (check out Amy Lane's Racing for the Sun, thank me later). My only quibble is Jojo, I like his style but his characters can get unreliably messy so…... this gonna be interesting.
Buckle up buttercups I got thoughts:
Frankly, I haven’t decided if this is good or so bad and so camp that it’s good? The latter I suspect. Either way, I’m enjoying it very much, but I had very little doubt that I would. This falls into so many of my wheelhouses. Not just the premise but the casting and the approach and the script. They pretty much knocked it out of the park with the first episode: one night stand + safe sex + linguistic negotiation = I’m in! During the opening sequence I spent the entire time worried about how many fingerprints Bison was leaving everywhere. And then I realized this show is going to require DEMAND we turn our brains entirely off.
We are in KinnPorshce / The Sign territory people. Take emergency precautions! Do not engage brain meats!
Kiss Me Kate only gay and hitmen? Frankly, it sells itself. The music is extremely stupid though. (Brain, stop it!) I gotta say that FirstKhao are good because…… FirstKhao. But JoongDunk are absolutely perfectly cast. Like: couldn’t be a better pair in these roles. Dunk, in particular, is slaying. I did not have Dunk as Petruchio down on my “best casting choice of all time” BL bingo card, but apparently there he is. Awesome.
Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 8 of 16 - I’m warming up to the second couple a little bit. I actually don’t mind a bully romance the way some do. But this isn’t quite hitting the notes that I want from one. Still, I found this week more engaging than last week.
Secret Love (? YT?) 1-12 of 81 eps - They dropped 12 eps at once randomly on YT totaling about 20 min. So of course, I watched it. Because I have no self-control and STEPBROTHERS! Adopted into a rich family, boy falls in love with heir. But when he is made the heir instead, everything goes wrong. Now enemies the two boys reunite and sparks! I hate this format but dammit I love this utter dross. It’s very early Chinese BL feeling but from Thailand. I don’t care. It’s so stupidly great. This is my kind of BL.
Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - There is something sweetly innocent and earnest about this show. It reminds me of Takara and Amagi or even Light On Me but less stiff - this one is quintessentially quirky and casually Thai about it. It’s interesting that this has an 18+ rating, which means it’s either gonna go very violent or sexy or both. Right now I can’t imagine that, it doesn’t suit. But I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes. Junior with his Mean Girl crop top moment is the goddess of the week though. Fierce queen penguin.
Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 4 of 24 - I love the side couple so damn much. How are they so adorable? Still not wild about the mains, and not likely to get there anytime soon. That said, I did like seeing the “sleeping in your boyfriend‘s class while he gives you his jacket” trope drop. We haven’t had that one for a really long time. My Engineer maybe?
Every You Every Me (Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I did find this installment kind of boring. I just don’t like actors as main characters. Much as I’m enjoying this show and I think the actors are doing a good job, I really do wish it was more like what we had been sold on: Connected reborn characters fated to be together over and over again. Not this weird little mishmash of whatever. I’m now annoyed by a format I was initially charmed by.
Jack & Joker (Mon IQIYI) ep 10-11 of 12 - still on hold until it ends or I can cope with the pain. I just can’t go into darkness right now.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 3 of 11 - SNIFF TEST! But done by Japan so it’s that much better and more kinky. The way H looks at M pretty much defines naked lust. “I got extra beat up so you’d take pity on me and then I admitted it to you” is so damn warped I can’t even with this boy. This feral kid is gonna drive me feral. The power and the control and the execution of this show is just spectacular. I keep thinking about it after its done and telling people IRL about it. (I rarely talk BL IRL.) It’s classy. I do love it when Japan does classy BL for us.
See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 13 - so completely and utterly adorable. The learning sign language thing! I loved it so much.
Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 of 12 eps - Possibly one of the best confessions of the year I have to say. Also a wonderful character growth arc for our lawyer. Exactly as one might hope. The plot twist was slightly predictable but still adds a delicious note of tension to our final episodes.
Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun iQIYI) eps 7-8 of 12 - You don’t want me but you won’t let anybody else have me either. The song of the repressed seme. I did like the irrational jealousy moment and a few other bits, of course the crying kiss. You know I love a crying kiss. Even if it’s a somewhat censored one. But this is also leaning a little bit darker than I want at the moment. This being China, I anticipate the darkness and doom getting worse not better.
Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 9 of ? - The incredible migrating lip injury continues. Could we please get on with the BL aspect of this show? I’m getting frustrated as well as slightly bored at this juncture. Pacing darlings. Pacing.
Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Still not sure. I think I like this better than the original, but I’m confused. I did make disgusted scoff noises and say “oh dear” a couple of times. Which makes me sound like a World War II grandpa (only the housemate's cat noticed), but is also classic me when profoundly disappointed by a piece of media. That’s said, the sex scene was pretty good. In the end, I wasn’t as frustrated by this version of these characters, but they didn’t have as many highs or lows as the original. So first half probably works out about the same in my all-purpose rating system. The true proof in the pudding is going to be couple number 2 tho......
It's airing but......
Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Weds YT) ?? eps - Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, but I did not find any English subs for it. The first episode seems to be only six minutes long. It is very pulp. But it is intriguing. So I hope it gets some sort of international or something at some point. for now I’ll put it to the wayside.
Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I am weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show is making it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment.
Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YT) 10 eps - This is a little too low production value even for me + just very very odd. DNF
In Case You Missed it
Love for Loves Sake got some kind of special on 11/9. Not sure what, why, or where. Only the rumor that it...... is. I'll believe it when I see it...... literally. Let me know if you found it.
The Bangkok Podcast covered Marriage Equality in Thailand: More Complex Than it Seems. They missed some of the point and all of the queer perspective. But it's a local lawyer talking about it and how it was implemented, which is quite interesting.
Dominant Yakuza and Wimpy Corporate Slave AKA Ore-sama Yakuza to Hetare Shachiku: Kuni wo Koeta Jingi Naki Dekiai, Japan YT. A 30 min slice of ridiculousness. This mini walked out the back of one of my 1999 yaoi (you know those little shorts they always had along with the main story?) and randomly got cut together by some helpful malcontent, tumbled into my YT feed like a Taiwanese prat fall, and I couldn't be happier.
This is the Cliff's notes of a story that could have been amazing, but I adored it anyway. Basically what it says on the tin: office cutie from Taiwan working in Japan runs across hot AF mafia hit man beating up lesser thugs. Falls instantly in love, turns out so does the yakuza. They end up together for...... reasons? (one is cute and the other is cool?) That's it. It's dumb and I loved it. 7/10 because it really isn't good, but it lives on in a very warped corner of my shriveled old heart.
Next Week Looks Like This:
Still to come:
11/28 Spare Me Your Mercy (Thai Thurs iQIYI) 8 eps on OneD (no word on inter) - Increased rates of deaths in terminal patients has a police captain investigating the palliative care doctor with whom he's fallen in love. Their relationship deepens but the mystery persists, driven by mistrust. Adapted from the novel "Euthanasia" by Sammon (Triage, Manner of Death) stars some old guard BL actors: Tor Thanapob from Hormones as the doctor and (fuck me YES) Jaylerr from Great Men Academy and goddamn Grean Fictions as the captain!
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
We stan a smitten seme who's too reserved for his own good. Sunshine is gonna have this boy wrapped around his little finger in no time. (Well in 12 eps, but we know what we like!) Your Sky
King behavior.
Dangerous Babygirl behavior.
Both Love Sick 2024.
(last week)
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
#this week in BL#BL updates#Your Sky#fourever you#Perfect 10 Liners#Caged Again#Teenager Judge#Kidnap the series review#Love Sick 2024#The Heart Killers#Secret Love#caged again#Love in the Air Koi no Yokan#Love in the Air Japan#Every You Every Me#Blue Canvas of Youthful Days#Love is Like a Poison#Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru#Our Youth#Miseinen Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu#See Your Love#Ore-sama Yakuza to Hetare Shachiku: Kuni wo Koeta Jingi Naki Dekiai#upcoming BL#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip
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What The Hell. like genuinely do we realize. just their cadence of speech and the way they carry themselves now is so different to the way it was years ago, and that shows itself in everything from videos to what they post on social media to what they’ve been doing on stage for the last few months but like. god. i hold ii as a stage show and the whole era like very close to my heart it really hurts to know how much dan struggled in that time and that it was supposed to be the end of Dan and Phil (it wasn’t!!) but I’ve been thinking about just how completely different ii and tit are as stage shows and the way dnp perform them and it’s like i saw someone wondering about the acting in ii and though it was heavily dependent on audience participation a lot of the show was also acting and it’s not that they didn’t do it well! they’re great performers and maybe I don’t remember bc I wasn’t super into the phandom ar that time but it just felt like they were a lot stiffer performing it and that they didn’t really let themselves mess up or be silly a lot (outside of what was scripted I mean). someone lmk if you have different thoughts on this bc I haven’t rewatched it in a while this is just a ramble but i am so so happy about everything that tit is and that I got to experience this version of them as a longtime fan because it is so, so evident that they are really in the dgaf era, being unapologetically themselves, no one can tell us what to do and just having the most fun ever- that all comes out through the way they carry themselves on stage, improv silly little things for fun, genuinely laugh and smile through it all and dan calling phil babe. that’s the whole reason I started writing this like. cheers dear. it’s okay honey. we let ourselves phannie out over those moments as well but this feels so different?? and we haven’t even gotten audio yet but idk how to explain this I just feel like if phil had messed up a line years ago it would’ve been like a more performance level reaction y’know, like an eye roll and a this guy which dan still very much does, but just genuinely letting an “it doesn’t matter babe” slip out like????????????? they’re literally just boyfriends partners in life actual soulmates who live and work and do everything together doing this stupid silly fucking stage show together every night and dan can just call him babe and they move on and do the show talking about them sharing a bed and the ways they’ve supported each other through this whole thing and how they’ve gotten to this point of beautiful shared authentic fun with their audience and fucking press their hands together and go back to back after that song like this has no fucking clear point to it and yet im losing my mind. does anyone hear me
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Hi! Im a new anon who stumble upon your work recently. (I love it btw!) Can I request this scenario for the obey me fandom?
Imagine the MC is (or was) married in the human realm. However the brothers realized that the MC’s spouse is VERY attractive (Like if the spouse was Gojo Satoru). How do you think they would react with the news?
A Bit Of Jealousy
Tags: Lucifer x Reader, Mammon x Reader, Leviathan x Reader, Satan x Reader, Asmodeus x Reader, Beelzebub x Reader, Belphegor x Reader, Jealousy, Humor, Lighthearted Fluff, Possessiveness, Insecurity, Self-Doubt, Teasing.
Warnings: Some possessive and teasing behavior, mild jealousy, occasional insecurity (mostly comedic), discussions about past relationships, lighthearted humor.
A/N: HELLO AND WELCOME! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS – I’M GLAD YOU’VE ENJOYED MY WORK! IT REALLY MEANS A LOT!! 🤭💖🫶
Lucifer stood with his arms crossed, his sharp gaze fixed on you, as if contemplating something rather than merely listening. It had been some time since you'd mentioned your past life in the human realm, but this new detail had caught his attention.
"I had no idea your ex-husband was… that handsome." Lucifer’s tone was neutral, but the slight narrowing of his eyes betrayed a flicker of something else.
You couldn’t help but chuckle. "It’s not like I married him for his looks," you said, trying to downplay it. "He had other qualities that mattered."
The eldest brother’s expression remained composed, though you could see the tension in his jaw. He was used to being the most capable, the most desired, and the thought that someone else—someone so undeniably attractive—had captured your heart before him stirred a slight discomfort within him.
"You’re saying I wouldn’t have stood a chance?" he asked, his voice dangerously smooth, though a subtle irritation lingered.
You smiled teasingly. "Lucifer, you’re far too full of yourself. Besides, you’re the one I’m with now, aren’t you?"
Lucifer’s gaze softened, and with a possessive gesture, he pulled you closer, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, "You’re lucky I’m still allowing you to be with such an inferior man."
Mammon’s jaw dropped, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. "Wait, wait, what? Your ex-husband was that good-looking?!" His face turned a deep shade of red as he paced frantically, tugging at his hair. "How the hell did someone like him end up with ya?!"
You rolled your eyes but couldn't suppress your amusement. "Mammon, it wasn't just about looks."
Mammon, the Avatar of Greed, shrank slightly, as if trying to come to terms with the idea that he might not measure up. "Well, The Great Mammon is way better than some human, right?" he muttered, but the lack of his usual bravado made it clear that he was internally battling his insecurities.
You walked over, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You know you're amazing in your own way, Mammon. It’s not about competing with anyone."
He grumbled under his breath, still clearly unsure of himself. "Yeah, yeah. Guess I’ll just have to show ya why I’m the better pick."
Leviathan froze, his eyes going wide in disbelief. "Wait, wait—that guy?!" His voice wavered, and his face flushed a deep shade of crimson as he processed the revelation. "You were married to him? That’s like… the ultimate level-up in real life! He must’ve been like some kind of rare, super rare character from a game or something!"
You blinked, surprised by his immediate reaction. "You know who he is?"
Leviathan fidgeted nervously, his excitement quickly mixed with insecurity. "O-of course I know him! He's everywhere, with that... unbeatable vibe, and he’s always so confident. I—I don’t think I could ever be like that..." He looked down, voice cracking slightly. "I mean... why would you marry someone like him when you could’ve had a shy, awkward guy who spends all his time gaming, not that I’d have had a chance or anything..."
You raised an eyebrow. "You think he’s that good-looking?"
Leviathan’s cheeks flushed deep red, his fingers fumbling awkwardly with his game controller as if it were a lifeline. "W-Well, yeah... I mean, how can I compete with that?" He mumbled, his voice laced with a mix of frustration and self-doubt. "He’s like... a living anime character, with that whole ‘cool, untouchable’ vibe... I’m just an otaku, surrounded by figurines and my games!" He sighed, slouching in his seat as his eyes dropped to the floor. "Guess I don’t stand a chance, huh?"
You chuckled and patted his head. "Levi, you have your own charm, don't worry."
He mumbled a soft "thanks," his cheeks still tinged pink, as he returned to his game, likely pondering his own appearance in a whole new light.
Satan raised an eyebrow at the news, his usually calm demeanor remaining composed as he closed his book. "I see," he mused, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "It’s no surprise that someone of his appearance would catch your eye."
You tilted your head. "What does that mean?"
Satan leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. "It means that while his appearance may be striking, I’ve always known you to be a bit more discerning when it comes to your tastes." His smile was teasing, but there was something more beneath it.
"Jealous, Satan?" you teased.
He smirked, but his eyes flickered with an almost imperceptible hint of rivalry. "Jealousy implies that I feel threatened." His voice lowered, a bit darker. "But I do wonder if someone like him could match my charm… or my intellect."
You raised an eyebrow. "Planning to challenge him?"
Satan didn’t answer immediately, his smile growing more enigmatic. "Perhaps. It might be amusing to test whether he could truly hold a candle to someone like me."
The moment you mentioned your ex-husband, Asmodeus gasped dramatically, his hands flying to his face. "Oh my goodness, you were married to him?!" His eyes sparkled with a mix of excitement and fascination. "Tell me everything! His skincare routine, his hair—how is he so perfect?!" He practically swooned, his voice rising in pitch with every word.
You chuckled, a bit amused by his over-the-top reaction. "I think it's just natural for him." you said, trying to deflect the question.
Asmodeus’s eyes grew wider. "You’re telling me he’s that perfect without even trying?! Oh my, I’m in love with him already!" He threw his head back, letting out a dramatic sigh.
You rolled your eyes, laughing. "You can't just fall for someone based on their looks, Asmo."
He flashed you a playful grin. "Well, darling, you’ve clearly got exquisite taste. But between you and me, I’m still the real star here, aren’t I?"
You laughed again, shaking your head. "You never change."
Beel stared at you for a long moment, clearly trying to process the information. "So… he really was that good-looking?" Beel asked, his voice calm, though there was a note of genuine curiosity in it.
You nodded. "Yeah, he was."
Beel scratched his head thoughtfully. "Well, if you’re with me now, then I guess he must not have been perfect for you." He said it so simply, almost like a statement of fact.
"Exactly," you said, smiling warmly at him. "There’s more to someone than just looks."
Beel smiled back, his expression content. "I’m glad you feel that way."
Belphie barely reacted when you mentioned your ex-husband. His voice remained lazy, but his smirk hinted at his amusement. "So, your ex was that attractive, huh?" He yawned, stretching casually. "Guess he doesn’t compare to me."
You raised an eyebrow. "Are you comparing yourself to a human?"
Belphegor’s smirk deepened. "I’m not comparing. Just stating the facts. But if he was that perfect, I’ve got my work cut out for me."
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but laugh at his arrogance. "You never change, do you?"
Belphegor stretched out comfortably, flashing you a lazy grin. "Of course not. But in case you forgot, I’m the only one who matters to you now."
#x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me mammon x reader#obey me levi x reader#obey me satan x reader#obey me asmo x reader#obey me beel x reader#obey me belphie x reader#fluff#jealously#humor#lighthearted#possessiveness#insecurity#self doubt#teasing#discussions about past life#obey me lucifer x you#obey me mammon x you#obey me leviathan x reader#obey me satan x you#obey me asmodeus x reader#obey me beelzebub x reader#obey me belphegor x reader#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x y/n#obey me x you#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#obey me swd
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WAIT I JUST HAD A THOUGHT
okay so the map. the map from pvpciv. this one:
evbo is standing where the swordciv is. we know this because he refers to it at the end when talking about how new players have to reach their respective civilizations. because of that, we can reasonably assume that tabi is standing at the axeciv's location (which is wonderful foreshadowing btw).
that leaves the bowciv and tridentciv. but what about the shields? during parrot's explanation, he doesn't mention that they have a civilization. in fact, he doesn't mention them at all. so we can assume that they're not a major faction in this world.
and if they're not a major faction, and they don't have a civilization, where are they supposed to go? what are they supposed to do? at first, i assumed that the shields are in swordciv because a) they're allied with the swords or b) they're sent there as punishment like everyone else. there's also sword and shield imagery to be made there from an out of universe perspective.
but then i realized that they're probably scattered all over, regardless of whether or not the other civs are structured similarly to swordciv. swords can block most attacks in minecraft. the only trouble i could see them having are with the axes and bows, since axes can disable a shield and piercing arrows can go through them.
if they're structured like swordciv? great. keeps the players in line and enforces the system. perfect for making sure good soldiers are put out.
if they're not structured like swordciv? i can imagine there being a little trouble, but if we assume that sword are the only ones that can't have anything else in their first slot, the shields will be fine. just put that shit in your offhand and you're good.
but i'm interested in why they don't have their own civ. it's not like they can't attack other players if the shields aren't super glued to their hands, and even then items can be put in the offhand (like a flint and steel). did they just not want to? was there something keeping them from doing so?
and there's also the fact that the guards in swordciv leveled up by getting their shields hit. don't you think if hit points were a concern they wouldn't want to get hit? they have durability like everyone else, after all. i get that it might've been hard to figure out a leveling up system for an item that's purely defensive, but it's weird. it's always possible that the leveling up system is purely as swordciv invention to get guards on all the different levels. but if it isn't? if the shields do, by some freaky law of the universe, have to get hit in order to level up?
that shit's weird. the shields are weird. they don't have a civilization and they aren't mentioned as a major part in the narrative. either i'm thinking too hard and evbo_ just didn't consider them important, or there's more that's going to be revealed in season 2.
#the brain worms are hitting#pvpciv my beloved you are so fucked up and so real#pvp civilization#pvpciv#pvp civilization finale spoilers
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We were seriously cheated from a great character arc with JJ and Jarah's baby.
Imagine JJ "you don't want me around your kid" Maybank meeting little Jarah junior. This guy is convinced that having kids is not in his future because he'll just mess them up, and he doesn't want to do to any kid what Luke did to him. He never even considers being a father because he just knows on a deep, intrinsic level that he's not someone to be trusted around kids. When John B and Sarah's baby is born he tries to find every excuse to be away from the house as much as possible until John B finally forces him to spend some time with the baby.
At first he's super hesitant because he doesn't want to do something that will somehow affect that kid later on and he "doesn't know how to interact with kids," but literally everyone else can see how good he is with the baby. There's some challenges naturally and he still doesn't trust himself around the baby very much but one day he ends up being the only Pouge available to babysit. He freaks out about being left alone with little Jarah junior, but the longer he spends with the kid the more he realizes that there is no way he would ever be able to hurt them. Like, he can't even rationalize how anyone can look at a baby and think about doing any of what Luke did to him.
So after that moment he begins to trust himself more around the kid. He'd be the fun uncle who sometimes introduced questionable activities, but he'd also gain some (much needed, long awaited) responsibility. And you better believe he would be the most protective of that kid. Rivaling John B? Probably.
I can just imagine him realizing that he can choose to treat this kid the complete opposite of how Luke treated him, and taking every opportunity to do so. And eventually it hits him that despite how much Luke's abuse messed with him, it doesn't mean he has to let it control the rest of his life. Maybe he could be a dad after all and do his own kid justice, ya know?
Yup... it's safe to say that I can't get this story line out of my head and am 99% sure I will end up writing a fan fic on this exact premise at some point in the not too distant future.
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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School is going so great and also I am so exhausted and also I am having an existential crisis
#teaching tag#the kids are great and I think I’m doing a good job teaching them and also I miss the ones from last year so much 😭😭😭😭😭#even though I know I will miss these too once they’re gone like why does 😭😭😭 it gotta be 😭😭😭😭 this way#it’s just a totally different vibe every time#the school year has a new flavor!!! and I hate that!!!!!#change is so bad and disgusting 😭😭😭#but also I think it’s good and I’m doing a good job keeping them moving#one of the revelations/realizations that I’ve had. is that I’m just starting to shift my focus#from …. wanting them to be moved to just wanting them to be engaged?#and I think it’s better.#I’m not quite wholly there. but I mean learning how to actually construct a class so that they are busy and their minds are being stretched#and employed and learning on multiple levels without just saying what I want to happen at them#and it’s a good shift but also a shift that’s making me sad#for whatever reason#it feels like another sign of maturity#but sometimes I miss my own highs#mostly I’m just so unbelievably tired lol.#like the physical and mental stamina required that I just don’t have yet#is so much.#but some strong starts have been made#and also (dare I say this lol) the effects of my reputation being established are also working in my favor#they’re a little bit scared. they’re a little bit more ready to engage and they’re more on board than they used to be#like. it’s happening faster. in terms of getting the class under control#and that’s nice. cause I remember it used to take weeks and weeks. months really.#and of course it’s ongoing and unpredictable.#but it’s better this time#anyway just rambling
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People seriously be thinking Akutagawa is the brain in sskk like?????? Uh??????? Dude was born with half a brain cell and was probably tricked into donating it to Dazai when he was 16?????????????
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#Don't get me wrong Atsushi isn't much of a plotter either#Seriously remember the Fukuchi fight. seriously#Like the best strategy they manage to come up with is#“two hunters joining forces will catch a bigger pray than what both could find working individually”#which is like. primates level of reasoning#AND IT STILL TOOK THEM TWO SEPARATE BATTLES TO REALIZE THAT#They have a single brain cell combined#“But then how can they make a powerful team (even most powerful than s/kk according to you)?”#Well you see that's the power of their love. Next question ❤️#On a slightly less serious note their teamwork is all in the fight against Fukuchi.#They come up with a strategy together thinking over it together and brainstorming together‚ and honestly... That's kind of cute.#Great‚ even#sskk#shin soukoku#ryūnosuke akutagawa#atsushi nakajima#mine#q.#31/07/22#Mmmmhh I got distracted but the point I intended to make is that I truly believe Atsushi is very argute#Because I think he really is a member of the Armed //Detective// Agency now.#Because I think he would take a lot from Dazai for the best and for the worst#While Akutagawa... Is just too impulsive to be a reflective person you know?#There's nothing wrong with that. I love him. He's just not much of a tactician#I know this is a controversial matter and the brain-Akutagawa brawn-Atsushi is actually quite popular-#yet it just doesn't sit right with me ahah#Edit: Sorry more but it all eventually comes down to:#Atsushi being surrounded by positive influence that helped and supported him grow (Dazai)
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Roxas and Ventus Appreciation Week Day 1: Stars
"And sometimes, I don't really think they'd understand!" Ventus laughed as though it were some inside joke, rather than a confession. "Ha! Crazy, right? I've known Terra and Aqua my whole life, and yet . . . ." Ventus' smile began to falter, and his eyes drifted towards the night sky. Roxas only watched in silence - he didn't need to say anything to tell Ventus' happy facade was slipping. To tell that Ventus was finally realizing how lonely he actually was. ". . . the only one who really knows how empty I feel without Sora here is- is you." Ventus pressed his lips into a thin line, and stared ahead at his Master's grave, and the memorial they'd set up for Sora there. It'd been quite a few months since his disappearance and Kairi's return. . . . The aching in Roxas' heart hadn't stopped since that day. He knew very well that Ventus could feel it, too. Even if, over time, the pain had dulled, it hadn't stopped. It wouldn't stop. But Roxas could offer a bit of comfort, in the way he leaned his head against Ventus' own, and grabbed for his hand. I'm with you. Ventus' breath hitched, but he stayed staring at the stars.
#kh#roxandvenweek#roxandvenweek2023#roxas#ventus#my art#ventus and roxas#PHEW OK. I AM. NOT SUPER PROUD OF THIS BUT. I WANTED TO AT LEAST HAVE ONE ART PIECE DONE.#the downside to starting this before school started was. that now i'm in a comic design class#and i realize. how ... not great this is on like. that level.
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Anyway i don't remember if I mentioned this already, BUT I recently had my Adderall dosage doubled, and it has proven VERY effective!!!
I'm researching and visiting schools with Medical Assistant programs, and if I enroll soon, I could have my certification as early as next spring!
Also I've been cleaning!! No huge overhauls, but 10-30 minutes here and there. Started doing things I've never really done before, like handwash dishes because my dishwasher and I are not on good terms rn lol.
Anyway, one thing I already knew from my previous experience with stimulants, is that they make me talkative. I'm already naturally a rambler, but on certain meds that tendency can go WAY up.
The funny thing is, since I'm unemployed rn, I spend most of my time more or less alone. BUT, the yapping instinct is still present. So I've been texting SO much. I'm literally like, "uhhh, who can I bother right now?" It has caused me to reach out to some friends or even acquaintances who I don't normally text 1-on-1, whenever I can think of a specific question or topic they might be receptive to. (I actually do think this part is probably good for me.)
But my close family and friends get the worst of it! 😭 Paragraphs, essays, ten consecutive messages-- I am NOT exaggerating. I feel a little bad, but obviously not bad enough to stop! 😅 I don't even want to know what the word count of my commentary to my dad on my little college hunt has been for the past few days.
So, uh, to everyone who is being subjected to my recent loquaciousness, (very few of whom have access to my tumblr) thank you kindly for putting up with me. 🙏💕
#my life#my feelings#adhd#actually adhd#meds#drugs#adderall#by elise#it's also made me want to read fanfic way less#which is probably good but a little sad#i wonder if it's possible that this is my natural level of sociability?#like... with the fog of depression/dysfunction lifted#obviously i realize Adderall is not actually an antidepressant#but i do feel much less depressed so#i WILL say that my sleep has not been great (though it wasn't before either) and if i do take a nap i p much sleep off all the med#idk if that's scientifically sound but that's how it feels!
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Thinks abt my lob corp nuggets oh so hard. I may only have second hand half remembered knowledge of project moon worldbuilding but I will still forever obsess over my lil guys who suck absolute ass
#rat rambles#oc posting#I <3 women who are just straight up bad people#this is mostly abt my girl yuri but its also abt my girl juliet#yuri is well. she's certainly smth.#she's very fascinated in psychology and in particular the psychology behind abnormalities#and it is for this reason that shes in disciplinary#for most of her life one of the things that had facinated her most is the mind'd reaction to pain and suffering#so she finds suppressing abnormalities to be very fun and interesting#her girlfriend maxy certainly has an interesting perspective on this aspect of yuri to but it kindly#maxy has a lot of self loathing mostly relating to how numb shes become to everything and how unatural it is for her to care abt stuff#so she sees yuri as a far better person than she is because she still manages to care and be passionate abt things#she deeply admires and loves yuri and feels like she doesnt deserve yuri's affection#maxy is also the only person that I say yuri genuinely cares abt on a personal level#most of the time even ppl yuri rly likes arent safe from her morbid curiosity but she genuinely cares abt maxy's wellbeing#now juliet is generally a lot less extreme than yuri but shes still not great#juliet and her bestie loki both are genuinely very invested in the cause and goals of lob corp which is the first red flag#but juliet is the more noteworthy of the two actions wise because she actually interacts with fellow employees#she was among the first employees here and while she comes off as friendly and nice she takes her job incredibly seriously and doesn't fuck#around when it comes to productivity levels#she generally respects malkuth a lot more than any of the other robots and actively dislikes most of the others#most newbies tend to like her because of her being one of the few higher ranking employees thats friendly and welcoming but most that make#it longer term tend to realize quick that she doesn't care abt any of them#but whats often worse than her not caring abt you is her seeing potential in you#if she sees potential in someone she will make it very clear and do everything in her power to help them realize that potential#one of my other higher ranking guys mason very much hates juliet because of that exact situation#mason rly didnt know what she was getting into when she got hired at lob corp and mostly worked with the much softer abnos for her first#while at the job until she was thrown into the deep end to work on censored#most of the other higher level employees at the time wouldnt be able to make it through a work session with censored but she was#barely. but it was enough that juliet took notice of her and decided that maybe this guy was worth keeping around afterall
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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