#and i know its not a good strategy but i really dont know how else to keep myself going

[ganondoodle]

sorry about posting so much negative stuff, complaining, the doubt i have about the quality of all my projects and all the things i keep saying i want to do (bc i really want to) and then often never get to follow up, its gotta be annoying but when its late i have less restraint on just starting to ramble whatever i think at the moment, its not gonna make anything better

trying to talk less and do more and accept that i just cannot do all the things in the scale i want to do them in and to put less pressure on myself to deliver the best i can possibly do (which is a bar so high i reach it like twice a year on random things) in the hopes it will get me the approval of others, whatever i can manage to finish has to be good enough u-u

[reason-with-the-underdog]

you were not mine to save -> to be loved is to be changed

i keep thinking about how

if you boil down alhaitham & kaveh's akademiya-era fallout fight, it was that alhaitham wanted to change kaveh & kaveh could never agree with his proposed course of action

but now, as full grown adults, alhaitham isnt trying to change kaveh anymore

that core conflict does reoccur, as it did during Parade of Providence when alhaitham lectured kaveh after Act II & kaveh got annoyed

(even though Alhaitham was obviously just worried about kaveh's health/wellbeing...)

this is a common pattern of behavior for them: alhaitham is worried about kaveh & kaveh reacts defensively to it

which speaks to how stubborn & hyper-independent kaveh is

despite being someone who's dedicated to giving back to the community and contributing towards the larger social good, he's quite determined on his own path in life

he'll bear the consequences (ie bankruptcy) all by himself if necessary...! and he's much too stubborn to be talked out of his own decisions

i dont think there was any possible way kaveh could have walked away from the wrecks of the first build of alcazarzaray and still be at peace with himself

and kaveh even admits he was naive (in his teapot dialogue), but he doesnt regret it still even now

so i think its cool alhaitham realised that there's no point in trying to convince kaveh to change who he is

such is kaveh. kaveh will not be someone different, not even for alhaitham. his work & altruism are parts of his core identity

why fight a mountain who will not be moved?

instead, alhaitham goes for more "harm reduction" strategies:

help cover kaveh's bar tabs, which means he's also the one lambad calls to pick up kaveh & see kaveh home safely

snark at kaveh when he's ranting about clients to keep him in a righteous mood instead of getting depressed

there's a quote about how to be loved is to be changed....

and alhaitham certainly has changed so much from that smart-mouthed student who had pinpointed what he thought was the root of kaveh's overbearing altruism and figured he could fix kaveh's problems with that knowledge!

to now as an adult with a lot more life experience: alhaitham knows that kaveh isn't his to save

and the more he tries to force kaveh to changing, the more likely kaveh is to dig his heels in

alhaitham doesnt need to be kaveh's minder or overbearing best friend--

he wants to be kaveh's partner, his equal, which means respecting kaveh's choices for what they are

anyways kaveh's drowner analogy works rly nicely for this core conflict between them (changing people vs supporting them and protecting them from harm)

& i cant believe its canon

i really appreciate this aspect of their relationship too-- it feels very mature & realistic...

how easy it would be if you could just TELL someone how to fix their problems!

its very frustrating to see someone you care about run straight towards problems again & again...

but you can't change someone's mind bc you want it to be that way. they have to decide on their own, on their own volition, and to truly believe in their decision, for the changes to really stick

as much as it sucks that you can't just solve people's problems for them

the human experience is so much richer for all of our different perspectives and ideas and principles that will not be compromised bc someone else wanted it to be

you can't control people's thoughts & that's for the best (also alhaitham's SQ is literally about this lmao)

[python333]

your writing is literally the best in the cod fandom. we need more injured reader angst. it's too good

don't breathe — python333

— — — —

synopsis [reader] gets buried alive after refusing to give intel to enemy soldiers and *slips up and writes reader almost dying again* oops how did that happen haha

relationships platonic!price & gn!reader.

characters cap. john price.

word count 2.7k

warnings suffocation [reader], just generally really depressing thoughts, near death??, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note aww tysm :(( dont say its the best im gonna get a complex LMAO but i appreciate it!! and yes i agree injured reader angst ftw :3 i present to you: reader gets very injured and theres a lot of angst and its basically just you suffering for a good 3/4 of the fic while the last quarter has the actual comfort!

“Hello?” You try again, your voice cracking and your tone as desperate as it can get, “Please, God, say someone can hear me.” 

You’ve been trapped in a casket for about five minutes now—at least, you woke up five minutes ago. God knows how long you’ve been stuck in the stupid thing, but realistically, it’s probably been much longer than five minutes.

The last thing you remember from before you were buried is being in the interrogation room of some small terrorist group’s facility, one you and the others were led to believe was abandoned weeks ago. 

Unfortunately, whoever gave you the information must’ve either had incredibly outdated information or was setting you all up for failure, because the facility was very much not abandoned and was instead full of enemy soldiers.

You all had already gotten into the building before you knew that, because of course you all had to be in the same spot at the same time—practically sitting ducks for the enemy—and of course you all had to be clueless about the possibly hundreds of people in the facility until it was too late. 

As far as you know, everyone managed to escape. Everyone but you. They didn’t mean to leave you behind, of course they didn’t, they were more focused on just booking it out of the facility. However, because of that, you were now stuck—you assume—several feet underground in a casket that has a limited amount of oxygen that drops every time you take a breath. 

You let out the breath you’re currently holding and suck in another deep breath, holding it as you think. Your strategy of holding your breath until you no longer could mostly worked, but it wouldn’t for long, you knew that soon you’d suffocate in all of the carbon dioxide gathering in the enclosed casket.

You don’t know how long you’d been unconscious in the casket, breathing in oxygen carelessly in your slumber, which made the whole situation worse. You didn’t even know how much time you had left. 

You hate to waste your breath checking your comms, but the enemy soldiers had accidentally left your earpiece in your ear—the small device apparently going undetected under their radar—and you wanted to make the most of it. You move your arm from your side and press onto the PTT button on your earpiece, wincing a little at how cramped the casket was.

“Does anybody copy?” You ask again, staring up at the almost pitch black space above you, “I repeat, does anybody copy?” 

It’s a vain attempt at contacting your team, really. You don’t know if they’re thinking about you, if the signal is going through, if they even have their earpieces on—you know nothing, and that terrifies you because you really don’t want to die right now but there’s literally nothing else you can do besides helplessly talk into your earpiece, not knowing if anyone’s listening. 

Your lungs start to burn and you let out the breath you were holding, taking another deep breath and beginning to hold that one. The air feels… thick. It’s starting to get harder to breathe, and you know you shouldn’t panic but you can’t help the few worried thoughts that come to the forefront of your mind. 

What am I going to do when I run out of oxygen and the only thing left for me to breathe in are my own discarded breaths? What will I do when all there is to do is suffocate? Am I going to try, in one last desperate attempt, to break out of the casket, or am I going to just lay here and die? Will my team try to find me, or will they forget about me? Have they already forgotten about me? 

Before you can listen to any more of those depressing thoughts, a voice comes from your earpiece. 

“H—lo? [c/n]?” It’s hard to tell with the static and the cuts in between the words, but you think it’s Price talking. 

“Price?” You ask immediately, all thoughts of preserving your breath forgotten. “Holy shit, you can hear me?” 

“Je—s— whe—e—” He cuts out for a moment and your stomach drops when all you can hear is static for a moment. 

“You’re— You’re cutting out, Captain, what did you say?” 

“Wher— —re you?” It takes you a moment to realize what he’s saying, your mind working much slower than it usually does, but once you do you shake your head negatively despite him not being there to see you. 

“I don’t— I don’t know,” You respond, taking a deep breath before adding on, “I think I’m underground, I just know I’m in a casket and it’s getting harder to breathe and—” 

“Okay, o—y,” You hear Price’s voice crackle, his voice becoming more distant and sounding almost muffled to you, “Sa— —ur bre—th, I’ll try to g—t some—e to track your— —tion.” 

With the constant cutting out of his words and the distortion of his tone, you can barely register or process what he’s saying, and that only panics you more but you refuse to let your emotions get the better of you even in the state of disorientation you’re in, so you keep holding your breath. 

A minute later, Price’s voice crackles through your earpiece again. 

“Okay, we’ve got your loc—tion,” Price’s voice sounds… oddly far away, “We can—” 

His voice slowly becomes muffled, and you release the breath you were holding without realizing it, slowly blinking up at the ceiling of the casket. A sort of haze falls over your mind and you can barely even hear Price anymore before you suddenly snap back to reality and hear his now much clearer voice loud in your ear. 

“[c/n]? [c/n], are you still there?” You recognize his tone now, and you’re just a little shocked at the sheer amount of worry in it. 

“Haven’t moved an inch,” You breathe out, before lying, “You cut out for a second for me, sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay,” Price reassures you, “I said we got your loc—tion and we’re hea—g out th— —w. It’s not t— far away from where —e alre—dy are, we’re ba—ely three clicks away.” 

“… Clicks?” You ask, your eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

“Yes, clicks,” Price replies, sounding concerned, before hesitantly asking, “… You know what those are, right?” 

“I don’t—” You struggle to find words for a moment before you speak again, your own voice starting to sound distant, “I don’t think so?”

“What do y—u mean you don’t thi— —o?” Price asks, his voice sounding freakishly close, “Are you okay?” 

“No, yeah, I’m fine,” You lie through your teeth, not wanting to worry Price further, “I just… how far away are you?” 

“Just ab—t two cli—ks now,” Price says, before pausing and clarifying, “Two kilometers.” 

Two kilometers… how far is that? “And that’s… is that far, or?” 

“No, it’s not too far. It’s just a mi—te away, we didn’t ge— —o far before Laswell got your loc—tion,” Price tells you, “We’ll be there soon, ok—y? We’ll get y— —ut of there.” 

“A minute—” You cough and feel tears pricking at your eyes from how hard it is to take another breath, “A minute?” 

“Yes, a minute— [c/n], are you okay?” Price asks again, before laughing nervously, “You know what a minute is, do— —ou?” 

“...” You struggle to answer the question, thinking long and hard for a few seconds before hesitantly answering, “… Yeah, I do, sorry. It’s sixty seconds.” 

“Why’d it take you so long to answer?” 

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I—” You take a few shallow breaths, and feel a headache start to build up, “How far away are you guys?” 

“We’re alm—t there,” Price promises you, “The heli’s ab—t to l—nd, and we’ll dig you up, and—” 

Why is it so cold? Price’s voice cuts off and when he stops talking you realize that you’re shivering. You ball your fists up and can’t even feel your nails digging into your palms, your hands having gone numb from the cold, and realizing that makes you discover that your lips feel numb too. 

Your ears start to ring and you feel that uncomfortable pins and needles feeling in your hands, the sensation slowly traveling up your arms, making you both wanting to peel off your own skin and also grateful that you can at least feel something besides the cold.

In the midst of your thinking, you hear muffled thumping coming from above you—whoever buried you couldn’t have buried you anything below six feet. 

“—llo? [c/n]? Are you still there?” 

You bring your hand up, the movement slow and sluggish, and you try to search around the side of your face for your earpiece. You eventually find it and when you do you press against it until you feel the PTT button being pushed. 

“Still here,” You confirm breathlessly, coughing again as you take a few more shallow breaths, “I think I’m running out of— of… what’s the fuckin’ air that you can breath in, it starts with an o…” 

“… Oxygen?”

“Oxygen, yeah,” You slowly blink up at the ceiling of the casket, “There’s— I think— I don’t… I think… I think I’m gonna pass out, Captain.” 

“[c/n], don’t you fucking dare,” Price growls, “You stay awake, I swear to fucking god.” 

“I can’t—” You take a few more shallow breaths, before coughing, the tears escaping your eyes reaching the corners of your mouth. 

You can hear Price briefly talk with someone else, his voice the most serious you’ve ever heard it, before he talks directly to you again, “How much longer do you think you have before you run out of oxygen?” 

It takes you a moment to register the question, but when you do, you answer, “Uh… I don’t— I think… maybe a few more minutes? I can’t tell, it’s just hard to breathe, I can’t…” 

“Okay, okay,” Price softly says, gusts of wind blowing into his mic as he talks, “Give me a second, okay? We’re almost there, kid, we’ll— we’ll be there in just a minute, we just passed over you, I just need you to stay awake.” 

“In a minute,” You repeat to yourself, before taking a deep breath, hoping that you have enough oxygen to make it out of this casket because you really don’t want to die here, not when there’s help just a minute away. 

After what you assume is a minute or two, instead of thumping, you hear something cut into the dirt above you. The sound, however, is heavily muffled, so muffled to the point where you don’t know if you’re hallucinating or not.

Is that a symptom of CO2 poisoning? Hallucinations? You lay still in the casket and can’t help but release the breath you’d only just taken, the ringing in your ears starting up again and growing louder faster than they had before. 

Your entire body is numb, your chest is heavy, and you can feel a sort of fog fall over your mind. You can distantly hear Price yelling through your earpiece, but you can’t find it in yourself to respond, instead simply laying there, your blinking starting to slow down before it eventually stops, leaving your eyes closed. 

— 

For a moment, you think you died and went to heaven, which would be weird, considering all the things you’ve done in your life. Not saying you’d go to hell, just saying God would probably hesitate for a second before letting you in through the pearly gates. 

You blink awake, slowly but surely, and the first thing you realize is that you can feel things again. You tilt your head down to the bump under the white bed sheets laid on top of you, and squeeze your hand into a ball, watching the bump move and feeling your fingers dig into your oddly sore palms.

You let out a sigh of relief and pull your hand out from the sheets, bringing it up to your face and feeling the oxygen mask that’s been placed over your mouth and nose.

“Don’t mess with that,” You hear a voice say to your right. You turn your head and see a very tired Captain Price, dark eyebags hanging under his eyes and arms crossed, his hands having a white knuckle grip on either one of his elbows. 

“…” You don’t say anything, instead you simply stare at him until he sighs and gets up from his seat. You watch silently as he leans over your bed and bends down, before pausing, and then quickly snaking his hands under your back to pull you up just enough for him to properly hug you. 

You reach up with shaky hands and tentatively hug him back, not nearly as tightly—not that you don’t want to, but you physically can’t with how weak your arms are right now—but with just as much sincere affection. You can feel Price’s beard rubbing against your neck and hear his small sniffles as he embraces you tightly. 

Maybe it’s his sniffling, or the way you can finally feel warmth for the first time in what feels like forever, or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s holding you with so much care and affection that it almost makes you burst at the seams, whatever it is, it causes you to tear up as well. 

Those tears quickly become sobs that bubble up in your throat and crawl their way out of it, forcing you to tuck your head into the crook of Price’s neck and muffle your sobs in it, muttering a small ‘sorry’ after each one. 

After each ‘sorry’, Price responds with, “It’s okay, let it out, sweetheart, you’re okay,” and those reassuring words only make you cry more because God, you didn’t even think he’d find you, yet here he is, letting you cry into his neck and is reassuring you after every apology that it’s okay. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” You mumble a litany of apologies into Price’s neck, your breath stuttering and hitching as you try to hold back your sobs. Price only shushes you and rubs his hand up and down your back in a comforting gesture, bringing his head up to kiss the top of your head. 

He tucks your head under his chin, “Don’t apologize, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

And fuck, you know it’s just words, but it only makes you cry more. 

Your sobs eventually stop, leaving you hiccuping against Price’s neck, silently crying as he continues to rub your back. 

“I thought you died,” He whispers, his hand stuttering on your back, “I thought you died and I was going to dig up your dead body, when you didn’t answer me.”

You stay silent, letting him continue, “I thought you were dead when we dug you up and needed to feel your heartbeat for myself to confirm that you were still alive.” 

He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been here ever since they put you in here. I haven’t slept, I’ve just stayed here, waiting for you to wake up so I could tell you that I—”

He chokes up for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I’m sorry for not even thinking to drag you out of the facility with me when we all ran out. You were— you were right there, and I couldn’t just grab your arm and take you with me, I just had to leave you behind and I—” 

“You watched me while I was asleep?” You ask quietly, your eyebrows drawing together. 

Price pauses and pulls his chin off of your head, and pulls you away from his neck so he can properly give you the most incredulous look he can pull, before saying, “I’m pouring my heart out to you and apologizing for practically leaving you for dead, and that’s what you’re worried about?” 

“Well, I’m not worried, I’m just—” You shrug, not knowing how to explain it. Price sighs and chuckles quietly before tucking your head back under his chin. 

“You’re insufferable,” He mumbles, sniffling a bit. 

“… I forgive you, by the way,” You say after a moment of silence, “I didn’t really blame you in the first place.” 

“You had the right to.” 

“Sure I did.” 

“But you didn’t blame me.”

“Right.” “…” Price stays silent for a moment before pressing another soft kiss to the top of your head and saying quietly, “You should blame me.” 

“Maybe,” You mumble back, “But I won’t.” 

Later, maybe an hour later, if the others see you asleep in Price’s arms while he keeps your head tucked under his chin and rubs your back affectionately—no they don’t.

[numberonecodwomenfan]

every time someone makes a cod percy jackson au it annoys me because they’re WRONG (/j). so here im doing it myself

ghost’s is at the end because it’s long

price is the son of athena. he’s a captain, he needs more than just ares’s war capabilities, he needs strategy and smarts.

soap is the son of hephaestus. i think this one is pretty universally agreed upon, because the forge, fire, explosions, you know.

gaz is the son of aphrodite and BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING hear me out. first of all, he’s gorgeous. obviously. he has the type of face that tells me he could talk his way out of anything if he bats his eyes enough lmao. plus, aphrodite isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and romance (in fact, she’s mostly not sunshine and rainbows). she’s a war goddess in her own right.

farah alex laswell ghost and some kortac folks under the cut

if artemis weren’t a maiden goddess, farah would be a daughter of artemis, but that can’t happen. she’s a daughter of dike (yes, pronounced exactly how you think it is) goddess of justice.

alex is the son of tyche, the goddess of luck and good fortune, because only a man who is literally the son of luck could purposely stay in a building rigged to explode and walk away with only an amputated leg.

laswell is a daughter of athena (suck it price x laswell shippers theyre SIBLINGS NOW) cause yk. cia. central intelligence agency.

im going boring for könig and say ares because i can’t think of anything else i fear. its a war game we need at least one child of ares

horangi is the son of nike, goddess of victory, dont ask me why it just really fits the vibe

hutch is a son of hephaestus (yet another reason i think he and soap would be BEST FRIENDS) because he’s a computer scientist/engineer so i think it makes sense. also imagine if this was an actual percy jackson au where they were all teenagers at chb, he and soap wreaking HAVOC together around camp.

for ghost, i kind of struggled. i didn’t want to go cliche and say hades, because it really just doesnt seem fitting. i thought about thanatos but he seems to be more of a spirit than a god. then, i thought of the keres, for more violent death, but again they seem to be more spirits (and there are three of them, none of whom are given individual names). then, finally, i landed on hecate, goddess of magic, ghosts, necromancy, and some aspects of the dead. “but robin” you’re saying, “isn’t hecate a virgin goddess?” and… not necessarily??? it’s kind of vague. unlike with athena (who yes is still a virgin goddess in the percy jackson universe. her children come from her head. she just finds a mortal she fucks with and sprouts a child), artemis and hestia, aphrodite does have power over her. she’s usually depicted as a maiden (meaning young beautiful woman) but that doesn’t mean she follows the technical meaning of a maiden goddess. so i rest my case.

[opal-owl-flight]

in an au where someone else were the agents, what would the agents life be like instead? (for eight, Octo expansion still happens but like she quits agent work after that)

This is a very interesting ask! This is a "things go well despite someone else filling in their roles" situation. Only got 3 and 4 so far bc I know who'd replace them EJDJE

Under readmore bc long! Also bonus Alt!3 art under there

4/Rain remains in the turf leagues after highschool. Sometimes working Grizzco for the cash, but once she went pro she left. A huge bitch to everyone, teammates and opponents, yet somehow making it work. Shes proud of where she is. She made a great life for herself here in Inkopolis and shes not going to let ANYONE forget. Doesnt help that the squids in that particular community/rank are also rude as fuck. Shes imitating the common attitude to fit in. Find SOME place she feels she can belong.

Marie called to her from the sewers to be Agent 4, but she declined the offer. Because...

...of 3/Tanara.

This snooty bitch of a squid also made a good life for themself after escaping from an oppressive home. Hows Rain any special? Worst of all, theyre one of the few who can go toe to toe with her on the field, snarky comments and everything. Rain's sure that they enjoy seeing her stumble (they do).

Proud of their progress and skill, they tend to (literally) look down on anyone that doesnt impress them. Their prior training as a squidling really helps them dominate matches, in both combat and strategy... Tanara lives for the sport. Their life is sport. Its the life theyve always wanted -- a life of play and fun and fresh vibes forever! If its too easy, wheres the fun? They seek hard fights.

Rain impresses them, for sure. But they also just LOVE messing with her. Rub in her face how much better they are. Its exhilirating to see all that bluster crumble! Yes! The bitch is down!! Eat your words!! Type of shit.

As for the other two...

John would still be great as an Agent 3 — remarkably, he doesnt get sanitized bc he takes care of himself and doesnt crash headfirst into a blender. he kicks it instead. doesnt get knocked out.

Hes kind as always. very supportive of a terrified all the time Sun. Hes like…a silly agent 3. hes goofy hes a lil stupid hes John

John does get war hardened but its not as intense a time as 3 had. Hes still smiling a lot! probs the fact that he had a good home life and a good support system in his team. (Tanara is in his team!! Hes the one usually reining them back from emotionally wrecking opponents. Hes also the one who makes Tanara's soft side emerge! They have one. Its just buried under their desire to be Cool)

and Sun? he never got into Grizzco. he became Agent 4 and saved the world! barely!! he keeps running from the troops until Marie has to drag him back by the ear! John carries Sun around like luggage a lot. its comforting for the nervous wreck.

------

3 was just…theyve already been dealt a bad hand, and the universe kept expecting more from them. theyre under so much pressure, all the time!!

at least here, they dont have to worry about anything but their win streak and how 4 is annoyingly cute

Anyway. More Alt3!

[thornsawawa]

rain world fanart challenge thing :)

this is actually remade from a year ago!! ill put the old version under read more along with explaining each choice.

i dont even know where i found this template, but atleast it has credit on it so i dont have to go dig that up.

this is actually more 8 small painting studies (the watcher one isnt really a painting) than me wanting to express what my favs are. because alot of these choices i genuinely couldnt choose and just picked one that was ONE of my favourites.

thoughts and old art below

for the favourite campaign, i chose saint because i was genuinely so invested in its story while ALSO loving the gameplay! spearmaster? love the story. campaign is kind of hell though, i wouldnt really replay unless i had to. rivulet? awesome story and campaign, but its short and i didnt really click with it like i did saints. and saint has echoes and undergrowth my favs. its only natural

for the favourite slugcat, i honestly spent like 15 minutes just debating what to put here. because i love monk, but i also love saint! and spearmaster! and hunter! and all the others too! but i put monk in the end because no other slugcat makes me go 'SKSGHSKSJH AWWW MONK MONK MONK MONK' like that

for the hardest campaign, i put hunters because for everything else my strategy is throw myself into the problem until it works. keep trying (and iterating hehe), and any consquences i suffer from it can be remedied with some good ol grinding the gameplay loop (which i find quite fun). for hunter, you cant do that. the times i have the most fun in hunter is actually when im at karma 1 and sleeping and dying and knowing since im already at karma 1 the fights i get into with vultures for fun arent gonna softlock me. i love hunter as a slugcat tho <3

for the lizard i chose white lizard because i think they are cool. blue lizards and yellow lizards are close too

the watcherrrrrrrrrr in celebration of there being just over 100 days till the release of their dlc

the favourite iterator is a similar situation to the favourite slugcat. how do i choose that? i love moon, i love pebbles, i love suns, i love sos, i love nsh, i love them all!!! in the end i chose moon this time for a similar reason to monk, but more 'oh its moon!!! lovely!!! i love her'

the passage i chose is pilgrim because i LOVE echoes. so cool! so very awesome. and the art? amazing. getting the passage? tedious but quite fun!

miros vultures are just cool i giggle whenever i see one im not even mad when they kill me. same with regular miros birds but like miros vultures are so cool they can fly with wings that look like they have knife feathers and shoot explosive lazers out of their eyes now

and undergrowth because.. have you seen undergrowth? its the saints drainage system and while i think drainage system is cool undergrowth is cooler. its so good. i could and have spent hours just messing around in there. the atmosphere, sound, art, colours, and gameplay are all great. and it has one of my favourite echoes!!

thank you for reading all that, if you did xD i am prone to yapping

this was made feburary of this year. i say you can pretty clearly see the improvement :3

[mmmmalo]

Been reading all of your psychosexual analysis of homestuck + it's characters and god this stuff is fascinating. It can be real hard to find any writing on sexuality, kinks and fetishes in fandoms but it seems that hs is almost like a gold mine when it comes to this topic thanks to the coming-of-age theme. The murder = sex post hasn't left my head since I read it and now when I see any scene mention / involve either of the two I can't help but think about how the other could be relevant. Never thought suicidal ideation could be so masturbatory before this.

Glad to say your posts have helped me get a slightly better understanding of anything I read. I'd never really thought much about things like positioning of characters in frames / panels, sequences of events and choice of words since I didn't really care for literary analysis before I got into homestuck. Sort of a 'came for the cool flashes, stayed for the writing' type situation, which is a pipeline that makes me thankful for the animations Hussie made because I'd only ever inferred that the writing was bad from conversations I'd seen people having about hs.

Anyway, you talked about how Rose's fear of drowning (loss of control) correlates to her non-con kink and now I'm wondering what you think the other characters fears suggest about their sexual interests? I'd assume John's fear of heights has something to do with the fall, and from there some sort of corruption kink / a fetish for anything generally 'sinful'; which would explain his interest in 'bad' girls like Vriska (and the way he eagerly adopts her mannerisms).

The planets tend to include each kid's fears / insecurities so it's not exactly hard to figure those out, but I'm not sure whether I'm making the "right" connections, since I'm just making the best with what I have (bare minimum literary knowledge) and homestuck makes a lot of references to outside works.

Extra request: if you've got any good books / posts / articles / whatevers on psychosexuality or such please tell me. I'm curious and bored

I'm glad you're getting something out of the blog! Goofy fetish talk is kind of rare, but it is striking when you find it: I watched Good Luck Chuck at Karkat's recommendation and that turned out to be a central motif. Sex/death substitution is a bit more common... here's a write up on Pulp Fiction you might like. You might also like these posts by SMG on Prometheus, he is the one who introduced me to a lot of the storytelling strategies I discuss on this blog. More generally though, I recommend looking for articles about movies you like and adding "psychoanalysis" to the search -- if nothing else, it's an easy way to find people who take sexual symbolism seriously.

Evaluating your own accuracy is tricky, but I can only recommend that you regard your current model of the story as provisional. Even as you search for information that strengthens your current understanding of the story, you'll likely stumble upon another framework that works just as well or better. Keep an open mind, some things have multiple answers

Re: fear-becomes-fetish motifs, the last major piece I wrote in this vein was about Dave, I think? It's kind of outdated though. My focus on individual psychologies faltered as I reoriented myself towards like, similar fear>fetish material on a societal level. One example: people inclined to worry about being Replaced by other races are the impetus for miscegenation porn, which repurposes feelings of resentment and inferiority for titillation -- this gets channeled into the "black always mates white" narrative of doom in Sburb, Derse (black) launching "seeds" at Prospit (white)/Skaia, Caliborn sexualizing his predomination over Calliope, etc. You can see traces of this narrative show up in characters like Kanaya (who agrees with Eridan that race purity matters, only to be haunted by cuck jokes like Watching Oblong Meat Products Tumble Into Places They Dont Belong) but its not like she even knows what black people are -- she's an alien. So when she tearfully agrees that Dirk can take better care of her wife than she ever could, it only /refers/ to the miscegenation porn structure, casting Kanaya as the impotent observer suffering yet another Lalondian "black out". There's a degree of abstraction at play that makes it difficult to say Kanaya "has" the kink being discussed through her, at least not in its entirety.

All of which is to say that while the kink angle is occasionally useful, it's not my current approach. Like you technically can link Jade's fear of lightning to her being a furry, but despite John explicitly referring to furry as a kink thing (and Jade having a daughter named Yiffy), the earliest reference to furry stuff is better parsed in terms of misogyny and transphobia, imo. You might be able to find more stuff indicating that Egbert secretly enjoys the Fall of Man (like her professed love of apocalypse movies, or the cheeky Save Rose From Corruption roleplay), but also the entry item could indicate a fixation on the Adam's Apple in the throat, as an early hint of June motifs. Or maybe I've just been away from this methodology for too long, and Egbert's traumatic fall from the slimer pogo indicates that the fear of heights should be linked to manbro bukkake theatre??? Idk, but again, that's not really my element anymore

[thearchercore]

what's your opinion on kelly's recent post and max's comment on it? f1 twitter is calling out max's comment as definitely pr work and I wanna know what tumblr thinks of it.

pheew well. for context:

personally, i find the entire kelly "situation" really interesting to watch as someone who works with pr. if you followed kelly before, you'd notice she was very much in an "idgaf" state for a looong time -- whenever there were any rumours, she mostly didn't address them and minded her own business.

this, however, changed in the past few months. there were attempts to push p (her child) more into spotlight that i personally did not agree with (if you do more research into how a child can be negatively impacted by getting posted to millions of strangers online... it's not lovely. i know @tsarinablogs made a few posts about how a child can be exploited like that) also, she recently made a post of p in swimsuit so like, not the best stuff. i PERSONALLY do not agree with it but if she wants to post her child so publicly, it's her decision. but i think the child could face bad consequences bc of bad parental decisions on her end.

kelly also recently started a broadcast channel, a few hate accs of her were taken down on tiktok etc. etc. which is odd because she never really addressed any hate online? so idk. not sure what the motive behind this sudden change is. (because there were always rumours surrounding her, not new). for example, last year around austria gp, they were breakup rumours and she addressed nothing.

now this post.. well she finally addressed it and i dont think it was a good idea. sometimes the pr rule is just... not address certain rumours because if you do address them, you bring more attention to it.

and max's comment.. well, first of all, it is public knowledge that "he" commented on her posts during fp2 or when he was on the podium so there's clearly a 3rd party access to the acc (soc med admin or some specualte even kelly) to me, it doesn't sound exactly like what he would write himself. the style of writing is not really how "he" writes and people found out he was playing call of duty when the post went up so yeah, i can't judge. i don't know much. but in my opinion it wasn't a great take on how to address the rumours (how she met max when he was a minor, the rumour of her homewrecking someone else's marriage etc. etc. there's a lot of stuff)

also she's apparently blocking people who are questioning that max wrote it? idk, i feel like ignoring any of this would turn out better in the long run but again, i don't agree with most of her social strategy so let's see how it turns out!

i'm not that invested in it but from professional point of view, i enjoy watching it unpack and checking out people's reactions because its a fun pr study

[crazylittlejester]

That update was SO GOOD- I immediately went to your blog the minute I saw it LMAO (sorry for the like spam)

WARS WARS WARS!!!! HE IS SO PRECIOUS HERE- I love how we get to see a bit of his perspective on the dungeons vs battleground, and how respectful he is. He could’ve called it immoral to loot ruins/temples, but instead he highlights how they went “under Ganon’s snout” and were stealthy and resourceful. In comparison he was constantly in the limelight in his Hyrule, no where to hide or lie low someplace fortified like a temple. He doesn’t discredit their methods, just simply points out the battlefield also had its advantages. He’s a good mans!!!!!

I really hope we get to hear more about his experiences though, both for his character but to also see how the others take it as well. How different it must’ve been for him, what it must’ve been like to constantly be fighting day in and day out, and not just exploring like we often see in other games, how intimidating it must’ve felt for Wars to be the first anomaly in the cycle in quite some time (if he knew of any past legends).

Also!! Do u think there might be some doubts towards Wars from the chain because of this? We saw how Twi and Four (and maybe one more?) were questioning to each other how unusual it was for a warrior of Hyrule to not do a dungeon, and how he may not know certain monsters. That worries me on how that could reflect their view of Warriors. Will they start to doubt his strategies? Will they waste time arguing if they think he hasn’t fought a certain monster? While I don’t think they won’t trust him, I can definitely see some concerns sprouting about what he, and by extension the rest of the chain, truly know about other monsters.

I also like how Time didn’t react negatively at Wars’ statement, beyond just an odd look. It goes to show that it isn’t an issue for him because he’s seen Wars’ skills and trusts that even if he has different experiences, he’s still valuable and knowledgeable. Also- with Wars being right behind Time and sorta backing each other up, I think we’re starting to see more of co-leader/second in command Warriors and I LOVE THAT- PLS PLS MORE CO-LEADER WARS PLS!!!!!

Anyway- thems be my crazy thoughts on the update. I hope this means that Wars can finally get some proper recognition and love as we learn about him through the comic!!!!

ALKSJLKSJ don’t worry about the like spam i dont care at all. Also sorry it took me to long to answer this! I really wanted to make sure i could sit down and read the whole thing, i’ve been a little busy running around today

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, he’s gonna hate the dungeons so much i think… Like I think he’ll like the puzzles and such, but I don’t think he’ll appreciate how cramped everything is or how monsters can drop from the ceilings like that. But yes I also love how he doesn’t like, call their dungeons stupid or anything he’s just kinda like “Am i the weird one for not willingly walking into a death trap- apparently”

I ALSO REALLY WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES, and I want to see him compare more things about the war to what the others have been through! It’d be so interesting to see Jojo’s take on all that

Personally, I don’t think they’ll necessarily DOUBT him because of his lack of dungeon experience. They’ve seen how fully capable is, how strong and reliable he is, he knows what he’s doing and he’s a strategist and THEY know all that too. However, I can absolutely see him suggesting they do something in the dungeon and everyone else going “you NEVER do that first in a dungeon oh my god??” because he just doesn’t know how dungeons work. I think they might look out for him (?) more, in the sense that he’s out of his element. He has a leader personality, and he’s going to have to let the more experienced people in the group choose what to do in the dungeon and help figure out puzzles or look for hidden hallways and treasure and such, cos he’s not really used to doing that kinda stuff. I don’t think the others will doubt his abilities, I guess I just think they’re more in shock that he’s just never done that?? And it’s something they’ll just be consciously aware of (sorry if that didn’t make sense my brain is mush and my head hurts 🥺)

TIME WAS SO FUCKING OVER IT, I LOVED WARS LOOKIN AT HIM LIKE “Am i weird 🥺” AND TIME STARING BACK AT HIM LIKE “🤨”. I’m genuinely obsessed with that shot of them looking like the disappointed parents. Every time those two interact I do a little spin because i am gods most normal man ever (and i headcanon they’ve met before this. i know it ain’t canon but i still like the idea of them being close in actual lu canon)

the best part of this update was all the people who were like “Wars fans… I get it now.” like we won. we won guys, we won

[ashoss]

i wanna jump in on the bat x pjo au! (absolutely obsessed with it btw… the jason and cass being kids of nemesis……… galaxy brain)

(and forgive me if youve already said in a prev maybe)

but do any of the kids have additional demigod powers? like beyond the good at battle, understands greek, stronger than the average bear etc but like how percy can create hurricanes :)

i might have gone over some of their powers in separate posts but ive never really gone into depth on any of them :)

i don’t really want to give them super strong powers (like nothing on the level as the Seven lol). i think them having small sway over things would be best. (btw im going through each cabin's abilities on the pjo wiki :D)

dick as a child of hermes has a bit of increased speed, im not sure how much though lol. definitely stealthier and can sense traps and different locks and stuff. hes probably also pretty persuasive.

babs- since she isn't a demigod but instead a blessed mortal is a bit different from all of them. @pooky-chan sent me a great ask about apollo and babs and her blessing which i thought was very yummy! so babs just finds it easier to find information and find connections between things a bit easier. as they put it apollo "greases the wheels".

jason and cass's powers would be similar to eachother, since theyre both nemesis kids. they both have tychokinesis (what ethan nakamura has on his wiki - so directly controlling "the likelihood of things good and bad things happening to individuals to even out supposed good luck and bad luck") they can sense when people want revenge/vengeance on something.

(theres actually not a lot to go based on for powers for the children of nemesis so im not all sure on it)

its mostly their legacy powers that stick out- cass as a hades legacy can sense death and can actually feel or see a soul leaving a body. she could probably talk to the dead but it causes a physical strain on her. while not as potent as nico's, she could faintly see someones life aura. she can also blend into the shadows easier. (she cant shadow travel or have actual control over the dead.) shes basically Nico Lite (tm) (i also like to think she unconsciously makes the temperature colder when shes around :))

and jason as an asclepius legacy would be able to tell at a glance if there is something medically wrong with someone and has pretty good medical knowledge. (basically jason is a godsend in the medbay). he does have healing powers, but he probably doesnt figure them out until after he's revived. i think it would be interesting if he could only heal other people and not himself :)))) (he also unconsciously heals people) ((also also to foil cass he probably makes the temperature a bit warmer. like how being healed feels warm :DD)

(tim im a little unsure on atm. hes def a child of aphrodite but i do also want to incorperate athena in there too. i dont know if i want him to be like,, 25% aphrodite or 25% athena - basically his parents were demigods- but im still debating a bit between that and child of Venus, as the roman equivalent of aphrodite has more warlike associations - i.e battle strategy... soooo) he has better emotional insight and can sense peoples emotions. he has a light form of charmspeak thats mostly more about sounding Intelligent more than actually influencing people (like an authority bias. people are more likely to listen to him because he sounds intelligent and he knows what he's talking about- ex: if tim were to suggest someone clean something up, they probably would because well, why else would he be suggesting it? he knows what needs to be done.) hes also pretty crafty and has some more strategic intelligence in addition to his bat training lol.

stephanie i think im set on being a child of Cardea (minor roman goddess of hinges). if thats the case, pooky-chan sent another ask where they went over how broad hinges really were. so steph could manipulate hinges and since so many different things contain hinges it could really be a pretty powerful ability.

however i do like child of veritas (roman goddess of truth). in this case she would basically be a human lie detector, and also people would probably feel the need to NOT lie to her.

damian i legit have no clue. hes the one i have the least ideas on lmao. because for him i would also have to go into the LoA and bruce's parents, and both i dont really have anything im set on yet :p. definitely something with magic from the al ghul side tho!

[destinedhope]

expanpanding on how i have the timeline and the merging of and on warriors family line cause i did get a bit of inspo while yelling about everything else. this ignores totk since it wouldnt really fit with the timeline i have going

the way i see it the merging of the timelines happened about 200-300 years before the war of eras, enough time for everyone to acclimate to the changes and for the 3 different royal families to settle into who gets to keep ruling and who gets to step aside, everyone at the time were actually surprised at how chill the royal family was with the situation, the flood timeline family is the one that keeps the crown, the other two timeline families gladly step aside and became some of the new noble houses(theyre tired and dont want to deal with the bullshit anymore).

this merging is the reason cia/lana watch over the time stream, theyre job is to make sure that the first few centuries of this merge of timelines goes smoothly and things dont end up a jumbled mess its why they had the easiest access to warriors era.

onto warriors, his family is one of these that descended from the previous royals, so while hes not technically royal, he does still have the goddess blood, these two reasons are why his uncle doesnt outright mistreat him and instead keeps up the pretense that he cares for his nephew , while also making it clear to warriors behind closed doors that hes not wanted and the only reason he has anything is because if it was made public the other noble house from royalty and maybe even the royal family itself would intervene. hes also isolated warriors from other nobles as much as he could without suspicion for this reason.

as for the other descendant of a hero side of things i think his mother the one that comes from the time/twilight family line, this is something they are unware of, as even though the timelines have merged and everyone is aware of the hero of time and the hero of twilight, the entitial choas of the merge cause records to be lost or destroyed, so not every branch of family of every hero was accounted for. eventually warriors line does lead to wild and while his history did have extensive records on his family being decended from the hero of warriors and first hero of the calamity those were lost along with his memories of it, flora admittedly doesnt know wilds ancestors shes kinda been to busy to be able to remember that history lesson

small little blurb here but, warriors does have some insecurities regarding being decended from the goddess and having the heroes spirit, hes feel like its both to much and as if it proves hes not worthy of the heroes spirit that he has to have something extra and vice versa

as for the sheikah technology, a little bit of a repeat from my previous post, but it has been in development since before the war started mostly things like the sheikah slate and similar to it, the shrines were in the process of being built in a way to train soldiers into thinking outside of the box and to teach them strategy and later in developing team work, the guardians were created and started being developed about half way through the war in response to the numerous amount of traitors, the divine beast named for the heros that crossed time to help them, for the same reason and the shrine of resurrection for the possibility of one of the assassination attempts on warriors actually working. while all of these were sent into development during the war the only thing that was actually finished before the war ended was the shrine of resurrection, as artemis and impa felt that was the most important. i also feel that at the time of warriors era military, sheikah and the royal family are the only ones with access to the tech and its not publicly available for a good while.

production and development of the guardians and divine beast were halted for the most part for a while after the war, focus going mostly to the shrines and the training guardians within some of them to try train new and old recruits in team work and strategy, development begging again when the lu adventure happens and wild talks about the calamity(they dont realize its in warriors future but instead think its for a hero after him)

warriors really regrets leaving his slate behind, he also doesnt know how to bring up to wild and the chain that he also has a sheikah slate and that it originated as a military thing. but listen hes gonna whine about not having all of his supplies, shut up legend it doesnt matter how he wouldnt be able to carry it all you dont understand

[lizaluvsthis]

SMG4: CEO OF RIZZ

To where you needed an alternative title, "Boopkins needs some Rizz"

Person: Hey L- *gets crushed by a piano*

HGG OKAY.... SO... first off I just WOKE up. And our usual spot again is that the coffee shop keeps appearing in the episodes.

(Cough- Brewing Romance is still on the line so when you keep seeing the coffee shop getting shown by the episodes, you'll be darned to not stop thinking about Brewing Romance...)

Three and kaizo are shown, which made it very clear that some of us headcanon three as an uncle and kaizo as the nephew XD

So boopkins has a date with this famous girl and three helps boopkins get his rizz in order to achieve his restaurant getting popular.

No... NO... NOOOOOOOO PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST A COINCIDENCE... PLEASE DEAR GOD- I JUST REDREW THIS MORDETWI MEME... IS THIS A F-CKING MESSAGE?

TELL ME THIS IS A COINCIDENCEEEEE *shakes the person who put it there on purpose*

I noticed the igloo...

... LUKE- LUKEEEEEEE????????????

HOW THE HELL DID I PREDICT THIS JUST BY DRAWING THREE WEARING THE CASINO OUTFIT-

There is just no way... @shygirl4991 SHAY... SHAYYYYYYY?????? THEY KNOW.... THEY'VE SEEN...

Thus... the western hat worn by four still remains there...

I somehow found this one very interesting, I mean- I wouldnt be a shock if it's miku already. Since somehow it's boopkins, and the girl he'd been the one to date are something from fictional stuffs. I never guessed miku but I guessed that it was some anime related.

Then we get- to see this...its a side to side comparisson of how four and three act alot like this when they needed something.

Here comes the begging strategy... so if you put two and two together, they ended up giving them what they wanted with the same "fine" to make that person shut up.

This also leads to how three is never that much aware that his actions in public is drawn attention that he is less destructful and is in his soft side.

Like how he did the same in SMG4 during that time before they both got stuck on an elevator? Three gave him a chance to stop his whining ass. Like he didn't even argue or straight up complained to the blue man, he just basically gave him what he wanted.

This portrays the same thing Miku does as she goes back and returns to the date she has with boopkins.

It'd be a shock if I were to say I weren't that much very cultured on anime stuff but Umaru used to be my favorite childhood show.

Its funny that miku has interests on being a fan of other animes since again- miku is a vocaloid character who sings songs out on public.

When boopkins gave out his moral lesson about "just you being you" and "you dont have to change who you are even tho you're not that much of a gigachad" or sh-t

Because we have three- WHO IS DEFINITELY DONE WITH HIS CRAP- I wouldn't be suprised to this honestly- we already know how SMG3 reacts when boopkins is there, and even with those comments about how he has beef with him about "boopkins bein a loser, he really thinks he's part of the crew"

We pretty much understand how Three isn't a much fan on fiction anime stuff or is even a weeb. Just by looks of Boopkins, he's the one who shows as an openly hearted and a very generous, loyal, kindest creature to have.

But three thinks it's a sh-t because no one else is perfect and that this doesnt matter too much at all to him since EVERYONE is broken enough already.

Which defines him as the emo person in question:

"What the hell is the meaning of life, when you know nothing ever changes shit with where we all still suffered?"

Three is just so desparate enough to run his business and would literally want its popularity get expanded for newcomers to try and welcome themselves from the cafe, mostly enough he'd do anything and EVERYTHING with this power.

That calls out for another hyperfixation.

I never have much to say in this but I somehow found the episode a bit on the neutral side between good or bad-

The episode is... well.... i dunno- interesting, but somehow with attempts on making boopkins "uncharacterize" himself to be a rizzler is weird, but this definitely shows why boopkins doesnt have that kind of rizz SMG3 has.

... *suddenly remembers SMG4 singing that gyatt to rizzler song*

AH-AHEHE-M UHH...

A-anyway- again- my point stands out that Three definitely haz rizz, and Four definitely is lying to the fact that he says he 'doesnt' during the elevator episode.

I'd think about wanting to put Three on a rizz attempt on four still XD (people are gonna go crazy on this)

[wormeats]

hello gay autism website, advice for meltdowns and burnout?

preventing meltdowns and dealing w them if they occur, recovering from burnout after a lifetime of masking and smaller burnouts until i pushed it for too long and this time i feel broken but also learned more about myself ?

i havent intentionally self harmed in 2 years, and quit nicotine like 2 months ago so those are some long term core coping strategies i lost maybe also making stuff harder, but it was good to quit those ofc

it just gets scary bc during a meltdown it feels like i Need to Scream and/or Run and/or make myself feel pain/hit myself or hit something else (but i stopped doing that bc once as a teen i broke my wall and it was embarrassing and bad, and a few weaks ago i fucked up my hand punching a tree full force) (it always ends up being Harder and More Damage than i thought at the time, mayb adrenaline, but adds to scary) but the worst is that during the worst ones I feel a very strong urge to hit my head against shit as hard as i can, and i try to redirect to Anything Else bc that feels Dangerous so i used to punch my legs a lot and give myself hematoma bad bruising, more recent ones ive screamed into stuff to muffle, scratch my skin (another past coping mechanism of sh F), and bite myself so hard i feel my teeth about to connect and tear a chunk of meat out of me so i get scared and stop

it also is really hard or impossible to communicate and really hard to think so its more stressful if i am causing distress to others and want to calm down when i cannot calm down

it feels involuntary, like if i dont scream ill hurt myself and if i dont bash my head in i have to punch my legs or bite myself

at a certain point, i probably just have to let myself have the meltdown and know i will be okay after, but it scares people also if i cannot communicate that to them and am in lot of visible distress

advice ? any pls

im struggling a lot and have been this entire year

probably started burnout around october and thought it was a depressive episode (maybe a lot of my past depressive episodes were burnout and being too depressed to do shit let me rest, but this time i couldnt afford to be depressed bc i need to work to live and afford shit and etc etc even tho still not doing shit i need to like acquiring insurance and doctors, it feels impossible i am just trying to survive each day. how the fuck do you get doctors and appointments if u are too mentally unwell to do that. i cannot afford to be hospitalized either i need to keep working and have money to live)

any advice ? sorry for essay, ty if you read, shit is so hard rn

[echo-heo]

Hey! I saw your post abt “involve me in your projects”. I really want to learn gamedev, and I’m specifically stuck with no clue how to learn music. I don’t know everything else, but I know how to learn it. Music though, I have no clue where to start. Any advice?

oubhhh i feel like its really hard for me to give an advice on things that ive been doing for years (specifically for music i have compositions from when i was like 8) because I. forgot what I was like before I was me today. I learned a lot of things over the years and I still do, but I would not have any idea where to start if i had to start all over again.

i learned how melodies work, then harmony (learning to play guitar & basic jazz stuff rly helped cause i wasn't thinking in terms of chords before) then more practically how to use instruments so things sound more complete etc. those r all smth u can work on but im not sure if i can give u a specific advice because I don't remember the day i decided to make music for the first time

If i had to make a guess as to what might be a good advice, id say start by making songs with three elements: the melody, the chords and the bassline.

you're gonna learn how to string together chords (you dont need to learn music theory beyond how to like read chords.) prooobably by picking songs you like and analyzing chords used by it youre gonna notice patterns and youre gonna kinda start to understand that certain chords in certain situations have specific vibes to em.

you're gonna learn how to write melodies (sometimes its just. as simple as just making up a tune. humming it out loud and writing it down. when i make music what i often do is just. imagine a song, and then make it real. really effective strategy cause it comes planned out somewhat!!! more people should do this) and youre gonna learn how to put chords under it so the chords flow nicely but also so that they support the melody nicely.

the bass is something i realized wayyyy too late is kinda. essential. its the BASE of everything. makes things sound full. (its cause i used to get piano lessons so i didnt know it was that necessary) The bass should, broadly speaking, point out the root notes of the chords. (however! learn when inversions are super useful) Sometimes it's useful to start with bassline and then putting chords on top than doing the reverse.

Ofc if you want like an actual audio file. theres a whole separate collection of skills you might want to have. instrumentation and mixing are something i struggled A LOT. but its really important if you want something to sound a certain way. i know some people are REALLY perverts with the way they mix things and GOD does it show!

Also depends on the style honestly? that you wanna aim for. Like with some styles the harmony is way less important and whats more important is a sense of rhythm, which is ALSO a whole nother thing i had to learn. Theres so much to learn!! but its fun

Honestly? Start from *somewhere* and you'll find yourself *anywhere*

[onlywhitelillies]

empty canvases.

stop waiting - cigarettes after sex

“you’re an absolute nuisance.”

“am i?”

“oh, don’t even start,” i seethe, giving it my all to not give in to the temptation of perhaps raising my voice even a bit more, maybe turn around so they can get a good look of what a patient individual i truly am, perhaps a small nudge with the file that is sitting quite unsteady in my now shaky hands.

just a nudge, really. an ‘accident’, if you will.

“oh, please start, i’ve been waiting so long, after all,” their voice carries a hint of that self-pleasure after they have finally managed to push all buttons that linger in me.

i doubt that there will be any left as long as the physical embodiment of my loathing keeps poking on all (yet) available nerves that they find.

honestly, they always find new ways to unwillingly grab my attention and squeeze it so tightly in their palm, it is infuriating.

and almost impressive.

“if you continue to touch any of my materials, i will personally shove them all down your throat. it would be my pleasure.”

laughter is not really what i want.

especially not if it is theirs.

but god, why do i jump everytime that melody rings so soothingly in my ears?

why is it all i want to hear?

that final bark of laughter sounding from them finally makes me face that elated expression with a contrasting one, furrowed brows and pursed mouth, only to quickly steal the small chisel from their hands.

“you have no respect for an artist’s utensils.”

“neither do i respect your work, what does that make me?”

tension grows inside of me, but i manage to breathe out as a way of calming myself, even through completely sealed lips.

“an inconsiderate, untalented fool,” i bite back.

and that gloriously smug grin only widens.

“well, as long as i am your fool, i dont see any issue.”

curse it all.

heart, body, feeling.

all of it.

drifting my head back to my desk, the almost dried-out clump of red clay (that doesn't seem to be taking on the shape i want it to be in) stares right back at me so unknowingly, only making my blood boil to its final peak.

they’re only here to mock me.

because they know that i have no inspiration.

that my mind is full of other thoughts.

tapping my nails on the scratched up wood, my eyes close instinctively to  try another attempt at organizing the mess that is continuing to brew inside my head.

it is the seventh time today, so it has to work this time.

it just has to.

or else i will find myself nearly pulling out my hair again.

a laughter resonating the same rhythm as that of a singing sparrow, 

dancing under the sun while fluttering its wings oh so gracefully,

above fields of camellias touched by the hues of rosy skies when the sun sets,

and God, you remind me of the sun.

that nurturing warmth that envelopes me fully and yet stings my skin at the same time.

do you even understand how i yearn for you to feel that same warmth?

for you to overthink every detail of my face like i do with you?

to savor those accidental touches we both share and feel your own fingertips grow numb the moment we do?

just what do you think about?

do you ever think about me?

“didn’t know that you do calligraphy.”

pulled out of my thoughts in mere seconds (embarrassing…), i swerve my head back to them.

“... i’m surprised that you even know what it is,” i retort, eyeing their fingers intensely and how they spin the bamboo stick within them, small splats of dried ink decorating the light green stem.

“yeah, yeah, get off my back and show me.”

“show what?

“your amazing kitchen skills. you know what i mean!”

…

God.

i only stare at their anticipating face, hesitating at first.

then it all just melts to a blur, now idealizing a final strategy of trying to clear my mind.

rising from my chair after a few moments pass, the lingering touch of their hand grazing mine burns like fire before i swiftly take the bamboo pen with a light tremor.

dipping the pointed end in ink, my gaze never leaves theirs.

eyes crinkled. confusion? nervousness? protest?

even their smile has faded.

let this work, please.

and as if my hand were now working by its own, enchanted by a spell i seemingly casted myself, i paint their skin like my own personal canvas.

what i see is you.

all over my thoughts, i only see you.

spreading out my sanity with your words and calling it your own, 

words that hold so many meanings to me whilst they mean the simplest to you.

but when i paint on this empty canvas,

you may understand what they all mean to me.

what you mean to me.

[syrupspinner]

top 10 most anticipated indie games!

in no particular order, not affiliated with any of em, etc etc

of the Devil

so, funny story. i had some fanart of this game set as my phone background when i went to get a new phone. check it out here! anyway, the cleric who only really plays ff14 looked at it and went "woah, what's that? it looks like danganronpa." and i was like. yeah buddy! sure does! then, of course, i began proselytizing, about how the game's demo did an amazing job at establishing not only the game's wonderfully directed art style, with the ui and the music and everything else working together to make a perfectly opressive cyberpunk atmosphere, but how the writing of the mystery and morgans character is so intriguing and compelling and auuuugh i wanna play this fucking game dude. i love morgans smile i hope she makes me eat a bomb

2. UNBEATABLE

so imagine muse dash, but instead of high-contrast anime girls and dubious dlc practices, it's just punk as fuck. theres nothing i can say about the game other than linking the side-story/demo and telling you to just go with the flow and dig the vibes. the soundtrack rocks hard, and the visuals are so well done. everything looks like a poster collage for a garage band youve never heard of. also the trailer for the full game showed off a graffiti mechanic and thats all i need

3. Demonschool

i talked about demonschool a lot back in my nextfest post, and my thoughts havent changed at all. im a slut for strategy rpgs, and a big reason for that is i like planning my moves in advance and seeing what the best use of all my ally's abilities are. so the game's mechanic of the shared ability meter that you use for multiple moves over one turn, plus the ability to rewind moves before committing to them, AND the high level of combo potential in everything's interactivity? pumped as hell. there was recently a dev update about how you can light yourself on fire and spread that damage to the environment with every attack if that helps sell you

4. Roman Sands RE:Build

i dont need to say shit. just look at it. LOOK at it. this is so ridiculously catered to my tastes on presentation alone that i cant even come up with a hyperbolic simile. its y2k dreamcast beach artstyle, its time loop with routing optimization, its arbitrary celestial puzzle with unexplained mechanics, its stupid gomotion noodle people, its abstract nonsense that is actively and literally hostile towards the player for trying to understand it. im gonna CUM dude

5. Sorry We're Closed

how often do you see a fixed-camera shooter about a woman with three eyes? the fucking atmosphere, man. even from the demo i can tell that a la mode knows what theyre doing. i love how there isnt like, a limit or meter on your third eye, thats something i can easily see another game doing. but the downsides of only being able to hurt enemies in range AND having to aim at their weak spots is already a good balance to encourage you to switch it up. its so deliciously frictional that you have to go in first person to attack anything, and theres a delay when you do it so youve gotta be really cautious and defensive. and oh man, the cleaver enemy! that was so tense, and so much of that was from the expert audio design that made it so unclear how close he is or where exactly he is, just that hes getting closer. im gonna lose my shit about this game when the full thing drops. fun fact: this releases tomorrow, so this is literally the last day that i can post this. oops!

6. .45 PARABELLUM BLOODHOUND

how often do you see a fixed-camera shooter about a woman with three eyes? ive never played parasite eve, which this is purported to be a spiritual successor to, but the action seems really interesting. sukeban's website explains it like this: "you move and dodge in real time while you wait for an Action bar to fill at a speed determined by character and weapon stats. Once that’s done you can then stop time and plan your offensive". that sounds stupidly fun. judging by the trailers and shit, theres gonna be a big focus on combo chains and your character having multiple attacks she can switch between, but theres not much i can really say about that until theres a demo or something.

7. YIIK: A Postmodern RPG (Update I.V)

i know an update is cheating a bit, but ackk studios considers it to be a thorough enough reimagining that it almost constitutes a sequel. if you havent played the demo then you should give it a shot. my only experience with yiik before it was secondary, through discussions and lets play compilations, and i was totally blown away. the combat was totally reworked, so instead of those repetitive and drawn-out minigames its a way more engaging system where you can use "karta" as defensive shields with passive buffs or sacrifice them for spells. its one of those things that sounds weird and complicated when you explain it, but in gameplay it just kinda clicks. it also seemed to double down on he surrealism and abstract psychological themes, which is my fucking jam. i think missed potential is the worst flaw something can have, so hearing that yiik is growing into its most flawless form is exciting as hell

8. FreeJack Online

unfortunately, i found out about this game about a month after its last online playtest. the dev's discord says they wont reopen unless they find a publisher, and theyre not sure if thats gonna happen reasonably soon. but secondhand, this game looks like a killer time. you guys know im super into this hip hop skatepunk urban style, so even if the gameplay is total shit ill still be all over the ost and character design. but this gameplay doesnt look like shit! you build up trick combos and that contributes to your speed as you parkour around and try to win races. its been a while since ive sunk myself in a competitive online game and i think thisll be what gets me back into it, someday

9. Hyper Light Breaker

yknow im kinda surprised this list hasnt been more roguelikes considering how much i play em. hlb looks like its aiming for an interesting combo of roguelike and open-world, and im really interested in how that shakes out. the combat looks like a really good transition of the speedy high-stakes fighting from hld into 3d. im really hopeful for this game, especially everything heart machine is going through with gearbox and the fanbase backlash for the delays.

10. The Hundred Line -Last Defense Academy-

im saying this counts as indie because im in denial. so, i mentioned how the phone clerk guy was a danganronpa fan, right? he played all the mainline games, and even got into zero escape looking for more (he played VLR before 999? lmao) but he had no idea what too kyo games was. never heard of Death Come True, or Akudama Drive, or World's End Club, or Rain Code, or Tribe Nine. really goes to show how much publicity matters, huh? anyway, in case you couldnt tell, i am a 'fan' of danganronpa. theres a lot you could say about it, like how the writing is juvenile and contrarian and how it consistently struggles to write unpredictable mysteries despite this and also how kodaka just fundamentally fails at writing minorities and the pacing issues and flat characters and... you get it. but its never boring. and considering they officially hired the guy who wrote the spin-off novel where kirigiri gets cloned into a houseplant, i feel like its just gonna get less boring from here

look at this shit. im along for the ride at this point