#and i know im not immune either even a little bit. but its still just... exhausting to watch

[fagoutboy]

the capitalist mindset runs so deep and no matter how much you run you all seem incapable of escaping it btw. and its obvious

[ohdeerfully]

Headcanons! Alastor with a plush demon reader :3 like readers sinner form is a plush! Because I love height differences and it sounds real cute

-🃏🐱

hi 🃏🐱!! i wrote this more platonically, so it could be read either way, but i might write a more romantic flavored one too :3! sorry its rather short, i hope you enjoy it anyway!

edit: after rereading the request i realized u asked for headcanons but i wrote a whole oneshot im </3 *knocks on my head and it sounds hollow*

Alastor x Plushie!Reader

PLATONIC fluff TW: none! readers kind of a weirdo by accident

join my discord!

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It was no surprise that you became popular in hell very quickly after manifesting. You were often stopped in the streets by people wanting to squish your soft skin, and some people wanting selfies.

I mean, who wouldn’t fall in love with a living stuffed animal? You were very likely the first of the kind.

There was one demon, however, that seemed immune to the charm. No matter how many times you stood on his lap, your giant squishy paws pressed onto his chest, looking at him with your shiny button eyes… he just would not yield. And it frustrated you to no end.

So, you had made it your life—or, death—goal to get him to squish your plushy skin. Even if you had to force him to.

It started with you merely sitting next to him at every opportunity, swinging your legs against the cushion of the couch. Your legs barely reached over the edge; you were quite short. Sitting next to Alastor felt like sitting next to a skyscraper. 

You would lay down, sit up again, roll onto your back, over and over again, trying to get his attention on you. He wouldn’t ignore you, per say, as he would respond to your conversations politely, albeit a bit condescending in his typical manner; but, his hands never left the comfort of being folded neatly in his lap.

It got to the point where you were practically laying yourself on top of him, getting desperate now. But, every time, he would simply grab you under the arms and easily set you a foot or so away from him. He would give you a quick pat on the head, but you wanted more than that. Every pat on the head felt like a cruel reminder that he wanted nothing to do with you.

Your frustration has even caused you to get upset with Niffty a few times. While on one hand it was awesome to know another demon that was of similar height, on the other hand it pissed you off at how easily she seemed to grab his attention. Though, she was also just overall more insane—it’d be hard for anybody to ignore her.

You had to admit, though, that the lack of his attention only made your intrigue in him grow exponentially. In a Hell where you were stopped on every corner of the road, in every store, Alastor stood out to you. How come, of all the demons out there, even some of the cruelest in the Pride Ring, the one demon you were actually interested in… could care less about you? Sure, the only reason you were interested in him was because of this very fact, but still! Why?

You had gotten fed up. Alastor was in the midst of, again, picking you up off of himself, when he paused holding you midair at the look of fury on your face. You saw his grin widen in a sinister manner, and his eyebrows quirk quizzically. 

“What a huge expression for a face so little,” He laughed shortly. You hated the way his laughter crackled with radio static, and how it practically mocked you.

“You. Are such. A jerk!” You cried, swinging your legs in an attempt to kick his chest. You missed by a longshot, as he held you out as far as his arms could stretch. He only continued to watch you, amused.

“Just pet me!” You cried. You immediately halted after saying that, arms frozen mid-flail. You realized instantly how weird that was to say, especially to Alastor. And he knew, too, evident in the way his eyes narrowed at you and he rushed to place you down on the floor. You struggled to maintain eye contact when he stood back up, his height being the actual physical manifestation of impending doom. His hands brushed down the sides of his coat.

“I believe it makes sense for you to be a stuffed animal,” He said matter-of-factly. “Because of how utterly childish you are.”

You couldn’t help but stomp your foot at his statement; and his grin stretched at being proved right. But, like, come on! Yeah, what you said was kind of weird as fuck, but you weren’t in the wrong or anything! It’s only natural.

His gaze shifted up and ahead of himself, and your shoulders slumped in defeat. Another failed attempt.

That was, until you felt a clawed finger touch against your head and briefly scratch at your velvety skin, right behind your ear. You looked up, shocked, towards Alastor’s unreadable expression. The touch was very brief, and he stood and walked away without another word, leaving you standing there awestruck.

You shook yourself and bounced after him, trying to call his attention again but he ignored you. You opted to just follow him around for a bit, at least until he made it obvious you should leave him alone. He had his hands folded behind his back, a tune humming in his mouth as he walked down the halls. Alastor would never admit it to you, but he did find you rather cute, in a similarly chaotic way to Niffty. You weren’t quite as unhinged, but you had an entertaining amount of spunk and confidence, which he found sort of funny—so much personality squished into one tiny body. You sort of reminded him of a stuffed animal he had when he was a boy.

[spitinsideme]

dosent ragatha have some special helish duty’s as the queen. Also does she have anymore powers

this is going to be a long post because i like to explain things in detail and also im going to add little drawings to some, so get ready

she does !!! she has some duties she shoukd be taking care of as youknow the queen of hell !!! like any other royalty in thr world, she does jackshit 👍 she just kind of .. created hell and is in charge of it .. soemtimes she likes to torture them herself for a bit of fun

she does have powers !!! i domt draw them much necause she doesnt really use them, but im going to give you a big list now ...

*shes invulnerable to any human or like world weapon or death, nothing can kill or harm her on earth (except religious stuff like crosses and rosaries and holy water, etc) BUT !! when shes close to someone she cares a lpt aboit (like pomni) she can be harmed and killed and also it significaly slows down her abiloty to heal .. here is a diagram to explain that

she also is a pussy with pain becausd she is like NOT used to any earth things at all, like yeah she can be knocked around a bit by a demon but bwcause she heals quickly it has never affecred her, shes the tyoe of person to full on cry and refuse to move or do anything becwude she got a papercut

*she has heightened sense of hearing and smell ! and also eyesight !! she can see in the dark which is very nice

*she can shapeshift oarts of her body into her demonic form. this meand she can grow the fur, have a tail, have sharper and bigger fangs and claws, change her horn shaoe into her demonic form one, and just all that stuff she can do ! she can also shapeshift into different creatures ! but they all have like soke demonic features added to then becaude ragatha is, in facy, a demon. and thehre also usuually way bigger than the original animal. not very good for blending in actually but the animald do look pretty cool and pomni finds it cute (pomni somwrimes asks ragatha to shapeshift to havw like .. the fur her demonic form has because its soft and she likes to sleeo in it, especialy during winter)

*ragatha is always warm. literally immune to any other wearher or temperature. this isnr exactly a supwepower, this isjust her natural state. shes alwyas warm and whereever she goes she warms uo the place because of it. summer weather ? doesnr bother her, shes hotter than it and shes used to the heat (she likes it, makes her feel at home), winter weather ? canr even feel it because shee so warm, the cokd doesnt bother her or affect her

*shes very strong, shes less agile than the other demons because she relies more on strengtth than anything else, shes not vert fast either because, again, she relies on strength. shes faster than a human obviously, but not as fast as like some animals or a car. also she just doesnr enjly running because shes a cocky little bitch who knows dhe can kill whorver dhe want and whenever she wants

*shes the queen of hell, obviously she controls peoples souls. people still do contracyswith her youknow deals woth the devil are still a thing. she canr take a persons soul unless theyre mesnt to be in hell or theyve signed a contract for her to do so because then a whole fight woukd break our between her and heaven and she donesnt fancy all that. but yeah she can do all that !!

* because shes the queen of hell, she gets a special little power that only she has and no one else !!! she jusr knows what someone secretly desires, thats mosrly how she gets people to sign deals with her bur also shes a bit of a whore really so she mostly has used it for sex reasons, made a lot of peoppe go to hell by accodent because they didnr knkw they doing it woth the devil ! she likes that thoufh she finds it funny shes a bit of a bastard. she doesnt use it on pomni though because pomno told her not to, pomni feels weird about it and ragatha loves her and respecrs her and so doesnt do it. pomni ssys what she wnats anyways (soemtimes) so it works out

*she can control fire !thats soemthing shes able to do actually i decided now because shes like the queen of hell i mean comeon ?? flames of hell !? hell flames ?? it just works ... she cant do many fire tricks when notnin her demon form, but she can make fire appear with her fingers and also control it, she has verg good contrlm of it but soemtimes if she gets toomuch of a feeling she could just, potentially, light something on fire by accident. she needs to be very careful necause most of the times she doesnr want to loght soemrhing on fire by accident ! in her demon form, she can make larger fires appear and control them also. she can also control if they hurt someone or not, soemtimes she likes to start a bit of a fire that wont hurt someone but just scares then because it looks real and, therefore, dangerous. bit of a laugh for her really

*not exactly a power but someone once asked me if shes like hurt by cathokic or religoous imagerg things like crosses and rosaries and all that and yes ! she is !! it does burn her a bit and like a tingly .. stinging sensation ? it feels like if you fell into a pile of stingong nettles and then tried to scrape the skin off with a cactus. the pain is different for each thing !! ALSO !! VERY IMPORTANR !! the pain hurts less when theyre further away from it. for example, demon ragayha is in a chirch a lot because of pomni so shes always arouns relifious things bit as long as she doesnt touxh them or get VERY close to them they wont hurt her toomuch. if she gets really close to them or touches then they will hurt more

from lowest to highest on the pain scale, we have small obkects like rosaries or small crosses. the smaller the obkect, the less harm done. this is the lowest pain for that sort of stuff. overall 3/10 pain

then we have bigger obkects, things like statues or the bible woukd hurt more. this is like a bit more painful. overall 4/10 pain.

holy water is MUCH more painful on the scale. but holy watrr only works if it came from jesus birthplacr itself (nazareth) or if it was blessed from a priest, pope, or bishop. thats a proper 8/10 really painful for demons no matter your status (demon pomni and demon ragatha woukd both be hurt the same and feel the same amount of pain badically, doesnr matter the differences in status or strength for religious objects pain)

anything blessed by a priest or god themselves. also, if a priest, pope or bishop were to say a prayer and say it direftly TO them with intent to hurt (thats important, they have to say ir wirh intent to harm the demon) then this woukd be veryveru painful, proper 9/10 on the scale

i think thats it, tahts all i can think of now at least, if i think of more then ill add onto it !!

[ovinophobia]

Ok my biologist brain needs to be satisfied:

Does your body work like a human's ? Or something else ? Like, are your bones shaped in a different way ? Do you have a heartbeat ? Do you even need to eat ? Or are you just... Void inside ? Like no organs ?

And is it the same for Alternates ?

oh my GOD I LOVE YOU FOR THIS I'VE BEEN WANTING TO EXPLAIN THIS FOR SO LONG HSHS

wayy too long explanation under the cut

answering this ooc,,,,

gabriel has smtn fairly close to the same biology/internal systems that a normal person would have, except that its more mechanical (i'm not too sure that makes sense ,,)

it's immune to (most) disease, has an infinitely slower metabolism (hence the need to not eat too much, since it takes so long to fully break down.. that + a general disliking for how it feels to eat/drink)

his bones are the same as a persons, although, a bit more ?? flexible?? if that makes any sense ??

theyre more flexible/weaker so he can change his body shape, height, facial structure, etc,,,

(sorta following what i said about his body running a bit more mechanically ↓ )

gabriel ONLY has vital organs (excluding his stomach, but tbf, it's small enough to the point where it can barely eat a sandwich)- he didn't see the others as "fit" so, as a result, got rid of any non-vital organs (spleen, appendix, reproductive organs, etc)

he does have a heartbeat, but it's much closer to artificial in order to appear more alive than he is if that makes any sense ??

gabriel wouldn't die entirely if his heart stopped beating (as i said, it's more artificial.. it's already barely beating as is) but he WOULD have to take a day or two to get his body up nd running again

he still does need to eat/drink occasionally, but doesn't most of the time if he has the choice not to (this doesn't have a specific reason other than his preference)

i feel some of this doesn't make too much sense biology wise but i do NOT know how to elaborate further for gabriel specifically ,, im going off of the fact that hes lucifer nd wtv, so rather than him needing a fully functioning body, he made/chose this one to tinker with until it looked decent enough for him (i.e.: removing the organs because he didn't believe he would need them)

ALTERNATES RAFH

they don't have blood,, or at least, don't bleed as easily as humans do; they CAN be harmed, although it takes a lot to do so (i.e.: setting an alternate on fire would probably do a little bit of damage, but not to a fatal point)

their skin has a really rubbery consistency, making it hard to pierce !!

they have blood vessels, veins, wtv, but they walls around them are a lot thicker (like a giraffe ^_^)

they don't have any bones (no i don't know how this would make sense movement or structure wise, but they just,, don't,, if they did, then it'd only be the spine, skull, scapula, sternum, maybe pelvis??) so that they can take whatever shape/form they like, allowing them to turn into people, animals, blobs (???) whenever they wish

they don't necessarily have organs? mainly to prevent problems when changing form/because gabriel imo didn't believe it to be efficient nor necessary + they're still artificial.. they're not real people, nor entirely alive

they eat, but only for the pleasure of eating ! it doesn't serve a purpose whatsoever

alternates are virtually just mass,, something to take up space- they don't have much of a sentience, either; they were made for one purpose (inflict MAD onto people) and follow that said purpose

there are gonna ofc be some cases where they gain sentience, occasionally morality, except extremely rare (simple defect that gabriel ignored/assumed wouldn't happen)

PLEASE tell me if i left anything out. i adore explaining this typa stuff thank you so much for this ask ohmy god

[weedsollux]

i just want to write for a bit im jewish on my moms side from slavic heritage and we arent practicing mostly (you are not immune to protestant assimilation) but many of my childhood friends are so i have a lot of love for that culture and community.. going to bat mitzvah as a kid sometimes they would do a ceremony where they explain how they would plant a tree in israel and later visit it in a pilgrimage.. back then i was just a kid i didnt know it was part of something much larger and deeply sinister

and that sentiment is undoubtedly part of a motive to eject all people that natively live in those lands and expand the territory of israel to become a 'holy land' for jewish people only. even though this land is sacred for ALL abrahamic religions. it is already clear that israel is nothing more than an artificially created ethnostate born of peoples racist fear and hatred of the arabic people who are indigenous to this land and believe in the same G.d as the jewish and christian people. it is born from misplaced generational trauma and a fear that expands beyond all reason and compassion and becomes racism and outwards terror that contributes to the extermination of humanity. from a religious standpoint which is not even fully my own, it is unthinkable that the people who are descendants of the original people of jerusalem, of the west bank, who have been forcibly removed from their lives for decades, are being called terrorists, for no reason at all, for having a small, relatively noble resistance. and the coward netanyahu is still spewing the weak, empty lie that his end goal is not the absolute destructiom of gaza even though his entire party is openly declaring this and he has no words against it, and america somehow either pretends to believe or idiotically truly believes it, under the guise of "fighting terrorism" which at this point we all know is code words for killing all arabs. it is a horrible thing to say but i am literally just describing whats happening. it is so transparent how a feeble desperate grasp on one "ally" in the middle east has balooned into an unabashed, hollow support for actual, proven crimes against humanity. i feel no sorrow that america is rapidly losing its credibility in the world. having the most expensive military is already no achievement when millions of people in your own country, disproportionately native people, are living very difficult lives with very little support. and even less so when you are openly contributing weapons of mass destruction to assist other efforts of colonization in the world. manifest destiny has not ended, separation of church and state is a myth, this country has alienated arabs for a long long time and anyone of non protestant faith to an extent. this country was founded based on protestant superiority and we still feel the effects of that to this day. catholics and jews have been slowly accepted because a lot of them are white and are often complicit with the prejudices that enable america to continue bringing about its ulterior motives. i do feel lucky to live here but not because this country is great or "free" only because i am fortunate enough to be spared.. if you for some reason read this whole post thank you and sorry its incoherent. im struggling to even comprehend it at all. check out the #free palestine tag on my blog to see how you can help and make a stand against it no matter how small

[catenation]

Bido is gonna be the show stealer here isnt he. I wanna know what his relationships and general opinions are towards the other characters that end up in this main group of yours

cracks my knuckles (and also thank you so much for sending all these i feel the spirit of Story entering me once more)

in rough order from goodest to baddest:

greed: i could write entire essays about greed and bido even just in the context of what little we see of their relationship in canon but suffice it to say things are complicated in there. on the one hand theyre undeniably close. even disregarding how close i think they were before, just by process of elimination at the start of this theyre each flat out the most important person in each others life. bido has incredible depths of trust and admiration and care and Yearning for greed and greed in return also trusts bido completely, admires him, and loves him in his own "when i call you my possession it definitely definitely definitely doesnt mean my bff" way.

...the problem here is that on the other hand, he did tell bradley during the fight in the sewers that none of his henchmen are his friends. and bido heard that. and greed doesnt tell lies. Whoops.

having all his friends murdered, on its own, is pretty detrimental to greeds progress towards admitting (to himself as well as others) the One Big Thing. the good thing about this is that at least he does still have a guy left who he cares about enough to value HIS feelings on the subject, but the problem is dragging those feelings out into the open in the first place, and bido is going to have to be the one to do it. godspeed.

mei: she comes barreling into his life right as hes in the process of lighting the match to burn all his bridges. needless to say that match winds up tossed into the river. no one is immune. he hasnt gotten along with many kids in the past but mei is polite and earnest enough that he very quickly gets attached and starts thinking of her as part of the group, no matter how bad the fear gets that now he has someone else to lose.

everyone in this group has strong similarities that i think make them really good as a team, and with mei and bido, they each have baseline-quiet personalities interrupted by strong outbursts of emotion, especially getting really mad when they sense an injustice. theyre also both hopeless romantics and optimists at heart, even though bidos had decades to get jaded by his experiences and try to couch his hopes in realism, and mei sort of brings that back out in him, the realization that maybe the world Can be a better place. and in turn he teaches her that sometimes you have to hedge your expectations and work with what youve got. balance......

scar: so. scars got some Hangups, around chimeras. one of the first scenes i pictured when i was brainstorming this was bido and scar discussing nina, and bido bringing his own perspective on what he did that wouldnt really be what scar expected. everything about bido kind of throws scar off a little bit. he isnt sure what to make of him, whether to feel pity or disgust or?? ?compassion? (he is so burnt out on compassion but he cant help it either) (neither of them can help it)

in the end getting to know bido helps scar to realize that despite whats been done to him hes still just. A Guy. and in doing so helps him along the long road to accepting that he, too, is just A Guy.

yoki: bido does not like yoki. yoki is both all things that grate on him in a person (acts like hes still rich, snobby, selfish) and at the same time way too similar to himself for his own liking (weird little man, complains a lot, always scurrying about). he makes him self-conscious in a way he does not like at All. unfortunately for bido yoki (at some point along the line that im still not 100% solid on) decides inexplicably that he has to be Nice to bido and it drives him up the wall because he thinks hes patronizing him but its actually because i thought making yoki the ignored one-sided third point on a love triangle would be really funny.

marcoh: oh he likes marcoh even less than yoki. bidos experiences have created in him a serious distrust of any and all doctors, whether theyve been forced to quit the profession or not, and especially ones associated with the government. marcohs sadsack attitude does not endear him to bido at all and he spends most of his time glaring at or avoiding him. eventually he gets used to him being around, at least enough to stop registering him as a threat, and i do want them to talk at least once, but the two of them are probably the weakest bond in the group all things considered.

i hope very strongly that my bido characterization is enough to make people as excited about him as i am......maybe i can pull in some new bido fans with this. thats really like a solid 80% of the goal here

[steel-and-fire]

No mercy for the wicked.

I stare at my reflection in the water. I barely recongize my own face. Nothing has changed from my features, but my expression, i dont recongize it. Yet, it is most certainly me, kneeled down on the edge of the river, golden hair falling in the water, red eyes staring right back at me.

Red...

My hands are covered in it, my hair, my body. My armor...? The red flows with the stream, painting its clear color.

The memories return to me. Vivid, as they happened but a couple hours ago, or less. I found the broken wagon on the edge of the road. I found the corpses of the murdered men, the slaughtered animals. I saw trails of red and signs of dragging through the forest..

... I run in that direction, fueled by emotions darker than i knew i could feel. It took me a bit to find them, for their camp was deep enough into the woods. I didn't run in. I observed. I sunk into the shadows and moved around, my large form fading into the night, among the leaves and the tall grass... Just like when we hunted beasts... And now, it was monsters of a different kind i was hunting...

The raiders had set a nice little fort, with wooden fortifications, not too tall but easily dependable. They were around a dozen, drinking, eating, celebrating, laughing with their cruel voices. A couple were staying to the edges, watching out for danger, but they seemed to feel safe enough... They had numbers, a fortified camp, and good equipment. Even if ragtag, their armors and weapons were in good condition. They were much more than ordinary bandits, but i was new to the area, and hadn't learned the rumors, didnt know their names.

I didnt care either.

My eyes kept moving, and they finally saw what i was looking for. The women, the abducted, were thrown in a pile to the side. Cut apart, lifeless, clothless and disgraced. The raiders had their fun and they disposed of them... Only one was still alive, forced to... Entertain one of them to the side, who had taken a knife out and was stabbing her, laughing sadistically, immune to her screams and tears.

I didn't run in. I didnt make a heroic entrance. I didnt laugh. This wasn't a challenge, something fun to kill the time. Usually, i would save the civilians if i could, but i wouldn't exactly mourn for their loss either. Their lives isnt my business, im not that soft. Reality is cruel.. Right?

But not this time. This time, i felt immense, unapologetic, untamed, hatred. I felt it fuel me. I felt it overflow and consume me. I hated them. Even more than wanting to save the girl, i wanted to kill them all.

I saw her eyes. She was the first to notice. Even as she was bleeding, trying to defend herself from the stabs of the man on top of her, it was my shadow behind him that made her eyes widen in true terror.

Fear and terror are different. Fear is something you understand, something conscious. Terror is primal, instinctive.

The man on top of her stopped, confused, following her eyes, realizing my presence as my shadow loomed over him, dancing with the movements of the bonefires.

His eyes also widened in terror in that moment, but before he could open his jaw, his upper body was flying through the air, my axe having swang clearly through it, and landing headfirst into the campfire of the others.

It was the girl that screamed, top of her lungs. I dont blame her. Thinking back to it, it was a reasonable reaction. I ignored her stepped over her and towards the others, who were grabbing their weapons, getting reafy to defend themselves.

Thats right, not assault me. But to defend themsleves... Yessss...the terror in their eyes, i remember it so clearly. The fear... They reeked of blood... Of murder.. Of lives taken, cruelly, mercilessly...and now they were the prey, and they could feel the raw despair of being the weak ones...

I didnt laugh. I didn't say anything cocky. Not this time. I simply walked towards them, my axe already covered in gore. They spoke between themselves, they asked me something. I didn't hear it. I didnt care. The predator doesn't care about the prey's words, right?

One panicked and threw a javelin at me. A terrible throw, his hand shaking. I didnt even dodge it, it crashed against my chestplate, uselessly.

I gritted my teeth. My hatred was building by the second. The images of the poeple they killed. Of the ones they raped and murdered, playing in my head again and again.

I jumped!! In one motion i had left the ground and leaped at them! I roared in a primal cry as one readied her spear. My axe smashed it apart, and the other swing crushed the armor and the bones beneath. If she screamed, i didnt hear it. Only the sound of her broken body, as my axe cleaved through her meat, reached my ears.

The battle begun, if one could even call it that. They surrounded me. They attacked from all directions. Two of them just run away, abandoned the rest and run as fast as they could into the night, crying and shitted. Pathetic.

I had never fought so recklessly. So uncaring about my own well being. But its not like i could feel the pain. Their blades pierced my arms with great effort, yet i didnt feel it. I cleaved, and cleaved, and cleaved, and cleaved again.

They needed to die! To die! To die! Die! Die! Die! Die for your sins! Die for your cruelty!! Just die!!!

....

The camp was littered in blood and gore, pieces of once human spread all around. i stood above the last raider, my gaze cold as eyes, despite the bright red glow... and only then i could hear his voice. Trembling, his arms a shield over his face, he was begging.

"Please....please...ill never do it again... Dont kill me... Ill turn a new leaf...sob..please."

I looked upon him, and i thought of the vile acts he commited just today. In only one day, he had forfeited his soul, to gain what? Sadistic satisfaction, gold, and a sense of power. And now that it was taken away, he was trembling and begging for his life.

".... No mercy for the wicked." My words came out cold, and spiteful. Black like venom. He screamed one last time as my weapon seperated his stomach from the rest of his body. He tried to crawl away, his intestines dragging out, and two feet away, he left the last breath.

I spat at the ground.

I turned around, and walked between the blood and the fire, thw horrifying carnage, and to the girl. She was still bleeding, the cuts and stabs deep, and barely conscious. Yet what was keeping her conscious, was me. She stared at me like a monster from fairy tales. Curled up in a corner and shaking,unable to speak a word.

I reached for my belt , and threw a vial with red liquid at her feet.

"Drink it and you'll live. Try to live a decent life despite the scars.", was what i remember saying befote i left the sight, the black fire inside my heart satiated for now...

...

Yes, i remember it all clearly. And yet my expression hasnt changed. It's been like this for a few days now....

And i dont mind if at all. I no longer care. I am a weapon. A weapon to be aimed at the vile. At the monsters that prey on others, be it beast or human...

If that is the reality we live in, then i will hunt them down, ill become the nightmare they cant escape from. I will create rivers with their blood.

I sit up, and take my weapon, walking away from the water, wearing the same face i approached it with, wearing the same, red eyes. I stare at the moon in the night sky, linger for a moment, before i continue my path..

[rin-and-jade]

Heya. Just wanted to see if you have any advice for a polyfragmented system really struggling with feeling fake bc of splitting a lot of alters at once? Pur host is so super distressed because he feels Like we are subconsciously faking DID or twisting symptoms of another health issue to fit being a system.

Some encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated.

--wildwood and co

Well, im going to say that everyone don’t have the same tolerance in handling stress (usually the cause of splits and whatnot) and that makes perfect sense because everyone has their own little spectrum, which includes you. Be it a person who is at the lowest spectrum possible, the middle, or the highest,, people who have yet tried to accept the way it is tend to say things like “it’s not bad enough” or “it feels bad enough that it looks fake because I don’t think it works that way” with no end.

Trying to justify by saying it’s fake, it’s not bad, it’s something else,, might make you end up a bit worser than where you had started because this feeling you have in your gut that just doesn’t sit right with all of those doubts and people’s experiences is still in there scuffing you in and out. Convincing ourselves that we’re faking an illness also doesn’t make the illness go away because if we really ARE faking it would’ve just went away.. as we wished. And that’s what is keeping us in a spiral.

Now i know this doesn’t feel like a positive encouragement but nevertheless im trying to say what’s the truth in the best way, minimum sugar coating, straight to the point and got some good answers. Some people don’t like it covered in glitter especially me, but people do like advices unlike something that’s taken out of google, so im writing three steps for you here;

Acceptance: first off, most important, try to stop denying it (thinking its fake) and see what happens. It feels bad for a moment, but it makes you a bit free doesn’t it? Let me tell you mine: i kept convincing myself i am all fine, all good, im a good person im not bad,, those things and the next second it contradicts itself every 5 fucking seconds. Because everyone isn’t immune to problems, neither about not percieved as a bitch in someone’s eyes because there’s always those people who hates peaches even if you taste the best. And when i started telling myself i have some bad parts it feels like seeing in a new perspective of the situation.

2. Grey thinking: acceptance is the first step to eliminating most of the problems we have be it denial and whatnot. But if you still think in extremities that will push you down the hole hard, we need to comprehend the middle area, again using my anecdote before where i scale myself either “bad” and “good”,, that seem so hard to comprehend and categorize the real perspective so by having the middle, as “i am good because i care about people and im also bad because i tend to be selfish” really puts me on a sweet spot where i don’t get distressed and tunnel vision. Now we are closer to being healthier in thinking.

3. Profit!: once we got the self acceptance and grey thinking down, we got ourselves an easy way to prevent another relapse of thoughts (the “oh god am i faking?!”). This is where people can have a better time using their mental capacity for healing the damaging mindset or learning how to cope better (splitting less) and i call that a win. Last advice is that we should never give this monster the food it wants (your negative thoughts to spiral down) so sometimes we can just ignore it, what gives,, im a bad person? Probably in a temporary moment all good. And it’ll actually go away by itself, with every thoughts easier to handle.

With a decent amount of practice, this shall no longer be a problem, so go get ‘em tiger.

- j

[infernal-feminae-archived]

i-aint-tryna-fight-the-beast​:

Truth be told, the Happy Hotel had been the first place that Angel Dust had lived since he and Valentino made their deal that wasn’t owned or paid for by the pimp. Valentino loved to be ostentatious in everything he did, and that included paying for things that he didn’t necessarily need to. Charlie hadn’t promised him any kind of immunity or anything, the free room and board had been enough…

But Valentino had a tendency to taint everything, even if he never truly touched it himself.

Angel was far from the first person to fear him, far from the last person that should, but… He was a favorite. And he was a favorite that still had a rebellious streak.

As far as Angel knew, Summer and Dia sort of just went with whatever Valentino did or wanted, and that was all fine and good, but… Somewhere deep down, Angel was still too proud to lay down and give up what shreds of dignity he still had to Valentino. Keeping the peace wasn’t always in his best interest, even if it meant he’d keep his hide from being tanned.

So, yes, he’d been staying with Cherri. He’d been talking with her as much as he’d been crying about that awful man. And, yet? He wasn’t sure trying to fight Valentino was a good idea, either. Not only would they have to fight the sadistic son of a bitch in the first place, but he had powerful friends. Loyal powerful friends. Velvette was some kind of psychopath, and and Vox wasn’t a cakewalk, either.

Cherri Bomb was his best friend, and they were pretty strong in their own right, sure, but… Not fighting three Overlords strong. Between the two of them, Pentious was a pretty cut-and-dry kind of situation, but even just one of the Big Three would have had them with their hands full.

Cherri was already suffering because of them. She didn’t need more bullshit on Angel’s end. He hadn’t been there for her, and he should have, and he knew he should have… And he’d ditched because just seeing Valentino again set the panic alight in his head.

“Don’t… D-do it. He’ll offa… Getcha think-thinkin’ yer special, yer… Gonna be some-somebody. Take ya out, give ya– G-give ya stuff, expensive stuff… He– He’ll buy ya, however… However, you let-let 'im. Compliments, too. Make ya feel so… Above alla da shit in dis town. An’… An’ then, once he got-gotcha, an’ ya can’t run no mo-more?”

Absently, his upper left hand drifted to his neck. The magic on the collar could only be dispelled by Valentino, and he couldn’t even feel it most of the time. But somehow, simultaneously, it was a noose.

“…ya’d…?” He wiped at his face, hating how his voice cracked, but more tears dripped regardless, “Ya’d do dat fer me?” Part of him wanted to accept, he wanted to stay hidden, slink back to Cherri’s and hide under the bed for a few years… But his guilty conscience was already raring its ugly head.

It was one thing to take from people, it was one thing to bring about unimaginable violence on people that didn’t deserve it or who weren’t prepared for it, or even involved… And then it was another throwing someone to Valentino. That wasn’t a wolf, it was a thing made of churning teeth and sharp hands that grabbed, and pulled, and tore, that presented itself as a friend.

He supposed most Overlords were the same, but… He would have taken any of them outside of the VVV over Valen-fucking-tino.

“…Ya tink we sh-shou-should… Go ta Char-Charlie first? I don’t… You do-don’t… Don’t gotta do dis fer me. I know I ai-ain’t a…” A hiccup broke his words and he gagged suddenly, coughed a little, and ducked into his room. Blowing his nose into several tissues, he didn’t leave the room until he had a little bit of a better handle on himself, though the tears were still dampening his eyes.

When he returned to her, he’d wiped at his face some, and his fur was stuck up in all directions around his eyes and cheeks. He stood more in the doorway of the room than he had been, and he looked properly shamed. Really, she should have called him. Valentino wouldn’t like the deception, if he found out.

Vaggie, at least, had Charlie on her side… But Angel wasn’t going to delude himself thinking that Val wouldn’t try and overcome her. The man thought he was God’s greatest rival, there was no way he didn’t think Charlie and her dreams of redemption could easily be tossed aside. Lucifer and Lilith be damned.

He had the vaguest knowledge of Valentino falling into bed with both of her parents, too.

“I ain’t a real loveable guy all da time. I'mma asshole, an’… I guess tha’s whatcha get growin’ up like I did, an’ bein’ here fer so long…” He finally finished, bending down with his upper hands on his knees and lower ones on his hips, “An’ I… Fer what it’s worth, ’m sorry. 'Bout jus’ disappearin’, but… Less people dat knew, da safer it’d be… Yanno? Ain’t like there’s safehouses in Hell…”

His rambling felt more like a confession of sorts rather than a warning to her. She takes note of his body language. The way he rubs his neck...

“Of course I would. I know we don’t exactly...get along, but I’m not gonna throw you back to the wolves. I know the kind of man Valentino is.” She had seen his type before many times when she was alive and in Hell. “I’m not easily bought with pretty words and expensive gifts.” Even though she tried to assure him she would not fall victim like many others before, she wasn’t entirely sure if her words were reaching him in this state.

But more than anything, she feels a tug at her heartstrings telling her to try and comfort him in some way. 

Before she can even approach, he ducks back into his room, and her hand is left hovering in the air before it could even make contact. So, she waits until he collects himself and comes back. “Yeah, I think we should tell her. I’m sure if we put all of our heads together we can think of something. Then again, knowing Charlie, she might try to go and talk to Valentino about releasing you from your contract herself...” She doubted that would go over well. 

She releases another sigh. “Oh, I’m well aware.” A dry laugh follows. A weak attempt at lightening up the mood. Not that it has ever been her forte. “...But, I forgive you. And I can already tell you that Charlie will forgive you too. I can see where you’re coming from but, just...please let her know that you’re safe, okay? You don’t have to give her too many details but she really is worried about you, you know.”

[onestepbackwards]

Ace Anon:

(Sorry I tried to write for Ingo. if I wrote him wrong? Tell me, please. I want your input and better worded thoughts (my thoughts are so scattered) on what he is thinking everytime no matter what (go nuts) ((unless you don't want to of course))

Ingo better have an excuse ready or get really fast at pulling away because if he 'gets excited' while I'm/Ace you are cuddling him. And if you/me notices He is doomed. Absolutely fucked ( metaphorically)

You but ace /me: accidently brushing against something hard down there and suddenly remembers that Ingos is a guy.

Ingo raw fear

You: bolts

Ingo scrambling: NO WAIT! IT NOT WHAT YOU THINK! THAT WASN'T MY PENIS!! I PROMISE!

You nearly hyperventilating: THEN WHAT DID I JUST FEEL, INGO? WHAT WAS IT THEN? PLEASE TELL ME. IM FREAKING OUT.

Ingo: IT'S UMMMM [pick something!] PROTECTIVE CROTCH ARMOR SO POKEMON DON'T BITE OR SLASH MY DICK OFF [what]

You:..... REally?

Ingo [it IS WORKING?] locking himself in and willing to die on this hill: YES, I MIGHT HAVE IMMUNITY TO POISON BUT NOT TO SHARP STAB AFTER MY DICK.

You:......oh.

Ingo:.....

You:.......

Ingo: SO, IS EVERYTHING IS OKAY NOW?

You: ... maybe? I don't know?

Ingo:..... [please believe me PLEASE]

You trying to remain skeptical:...Why where you wearing it here? Where you scared that I will do something to your....?

Ingo: [OH NOPE NOT YET] NO! ACCIDENT HAPPENS??? it became a habit? Comfort??? * strings long sentences to convince you appealing to friendship and how he wouldn't do that to you*

You so relived:.... oh thank goodness... sorry for not.... trusting you right away...

Ingo: [HOLY FUCKING SHIT].... YOU CAN CHECK IF YOU WANT TO?

Ingo: [WHY DID I SAY THAT?!]

You:...? what.

You: no I trust you. Haha. We are friends. Your Ace so no need to check...

Ingo:.....

You:... I am just going to.... leave for a bit... hahaha... and try and possibly forget this ever happen...maybe sleep?... haha...So many emotions... I am exhausted.

Ingo:.... YEAH NO THAT IS FINE

You:.... thanks buddy... see you soon *leaves*

Ingo just siting down:..... pl...ea.... se...

[It takes several days for you act like you usually do around ingo] ((and weeks to cuddle again))

You who uses humor to cope:HAHA *LIGHTLY PUNCHES HIM* I'm not going eat your dick off chill.

Ingo: [becomes crimson]

You: INGO THAT NOT CHILL!

Okay so like,, I feel there are a few excuses here that could work, and some actual scenarios to consider:

Ingo is not immune to morning wood. Doesn’t matter if he was/is ace or not. Morning wood is a physical reaction to stimulus. It’s something that’s natural. In fact, it’s actually considered to be healthy. Not getting erections while sleeping can actually be a possible indicator that something is wrong with your body. Like yeah it can happen because of sexual stimuli while asleep, or sexual dreams, but that is one of many ways it can be caused. Most the other ways are actually not sexual in nature. Not to mention, just because you don’t experience sexual attraction, doesn’t mean your body won’t react to sexual stimuli. Accidentally rubbing against him could still cause it, and if he WAS ace, it would just be an annoyance. Hell, it doesn’t even have to BE stimulus either. Testosterone levels shift when you sleep/wake up, and can cause it. Like how cold air can harden nipples, its a natural body response, and depending on the person, can happen multiple times a week. Hell, it can even happen multiple times a night. It can even happen from just napping and dozing! So like,, he might not even *be* reacting to you. You would have to learn to deal with it. But it would also be a convenient excuse for if cuddling did make him hard. But yeah, fun little biology lesson! BUT ANYWAY He would probably freak out, like you wrote, but be a bit calmer about it. He is used to battles of all kinds, so he can probably think on the fly. The panic would come from possibly scaring you off. But I feel that would also be a thing if he really was Ace as well and just ended up with an accidental erection. He would be horrified to think you were scared of him. So the excuse? Normal body function. It’s something you two would probably learn early on, especially if you were to share a bed.

[iwaisuke]

confessions; but not remembering it

ft. kita shinsuke, sakusa kiyoomi x sick fem!reader

genre: fluff

masterlist

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and then i rushed bc i was getting tired 🙃 also. sakusa's is a little ooc. sorry ab that

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

» the clean yet musty smell of rain filled the gym as the boys practiced. it was a surprisingly humid and rainy spring day today here in the country side of hyogo

» "achoo" you had been sneezing and coughing all day. you also had a terrible headache but took some medicine to see if it would help. the spring allergies really getting to you

» you didnt reay have the time to be worrying about yourself. As a 2nd year manager of the inarizaki team, (recommend by suna) and the boys working so hard practicing for nationals there was no way you'd let this little cold get in the way. you had to work just as hard as everyone else!

» "hold on, im about to hang up your jerseys to dry"

» "i got you guys some fresh towels!"

» "i can run and grab that coach. im headed that way anyways"

» the coach called for a short break to rest up for a bit. everyone was sore and exhausted from practicing every day. "here. i filled your water bottles up!" handing them to all the boys. "y/n you're all wet" akagi sounded concerned.

» "hm? oh its alright. I'll dry off in a minute. i took the shortcut to the drinking fountain to refill your waterbottles instead of taking the long way" you nonchalantly said. "so you ran through the rain like an idiot?" suna threw a clean towel over your damp hair and ruffled it. "suna!! stop!! you're gonna ruin my hair"

» "like i said. its alright" you reassured the boys.

» kita, on the other hand had noticed your fatigue. although he wasnt as perceptive on peoples feeling and thoughts as well as others, he could easily pick up signs like yours. he admired you dearly for how hard you always work for the team. how you willingly did anything to make them smile. how you always put others first before yours. needless to say, he had a bit of a crush on you.

» "l/n san. i think you should take a break too. there's no need for you to be running around for us while we're resting" kita assured you. "i still have a few things left on my list to do.. but afterwards I'll take a break!" kita let out a sigh. you were stubborn sometimes and kita knew you were the kind of person to not stop until you're finished.

» "I'll be right back. i gotta grab the laundry"

» making an excuse to leave, your heart was beating fast. you knew kita's words were the kind he'd say to anyone, but it made your heart feel fuzzy when he'd look out for you.

» the stone cold captain who you thought he was, actually was so kind. he was just a little awkward like you, and a little blunt with what he said sometimes. but you learned the great qualities he carries and how much he actually cares about others well being. he was a hard worker and you couldnt help but absentmindedly fall for the captain.

» running up the stairs to the second floor of the gym, you felt a shift in your step. head becoming dizzier than it was just 5 minutes ago. legs trembling, you started falling before feeling a presence behind.

» kita's arm wrapped around your waist, supporting you in efforts to not letting you fall over. "i told you to rest l/n san" kita said sternly. "you wont benefit anyone if you keep overworking like this."

» you knew kita was right, but you really didnt want to rest knowing you'll be letting the team down by not working hard.

» "i promise I'll rest as soon as im done with this one thing" pleading with kita. he let out a sigh, knowing you really wouldnt until you did finish so he allowed you to do so.

» finishing grabbing all of the dry jerseys and bringing them downstairs to pass out to everyone, you didnt really notice atsumu and osamu spiking volleyballs at each other until aran yelled

» "y/n! watch out!" honestly, you were too tired to move out of the way so you figured, it do be like that sometimes, and allowed the ball to hit you.

» or... so you had planned the ball to hit you.

» kita stood in front, blocking the impact of the spike that you had prepared yourself for. there was agitation in kita's eyes. more than you usually noticed when then twins were miss behaving. concern washing over, he looked you straight in the eyes

» "... is there something wrong kita san?" lifting up his hand to your forehead, he let out a sigh. "why didnt you tell me earlier you had a fever", then walking over to the coach meanwhile atsumu and osamu come over to apologise for being reckless.

» "get your stuff. we're going home" kita said bluntly.

» "huh? but practice is-"

» "please l/n san. for me"

» kita would only take yes for an answer this time. no if's ands or buts. so here you were, walking home with kita. only the sound of raindrops hitting your shared umbrella being heard.

» muscles starting to ache a little more and your legs becoming more tired than they were when you left the gym, you began to walk a little slower every step

» "get on my back l/n" "its ok kita san, i can walk. its already enough that you're walking me home" "i didnt ask if you wanted to. im telling you to"

» you couldnt tell if it was the fever that made your face warmer or if it was kita's words. nonetheless, you got on kita's back. he was a lot stronger than he looked and you couldnt help but stifen at being so close to your own crush like this.

» "relax. I'll make sure you get home." he reassured. you leaned into his back, warmth seeping in, your eyes began to feel heavy.

» "kita san" "yes?" "thank you for always watching out for me"

» a comfortable silence was met as the sound of rain filled your ears.

» "kita san" "hm?" "did you know..." your voice softened "i like you a lot kita san"

» did he hear you correctly? if he wasnt paying attention he wouldve missed what you had said, being drowed out through the pitter patter of water. now his heart thumping louder than ever before.

» "l/n san-" he was about to go on but was met with the gentle rise and fall of your chest and the soft snores of you on his back, knocked out from exertion. kita let out a light chuckle, finally relieved you were resting.

» you had missed the next day of school, but when you came back the whole volleyball team bombarded you with love.

» "WE'RE A FAILURE TO NOT NOTICE YOU FEELING SICK" atsumu cried. "how could we let our one and only precious manager get ill for taking care of us" akagi, clearly dissapointed in himself. "please let us know when we can take care of you too y/n" aran said.

» "its no big deal. really!" waving your hands in defense. "it was just a small cold. but i do have a question though"

» all the boys gathered around to hear what you had to say

» "how did i get home?? i really dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu"

» it shocked the guys honestly. you genuinely didnt remember a single thing due to your fever. "wait? you don't remember kita taking you home?" suna replied, your face becoming red. "k-kita san took me home-?" "yah. he left in the middle of practice to do so" osamu added.

» immediately, you got up to find the captain that apparently took you home the other day. he was in the storage closet cleaning and grabbing the equipment for todays practice.

» "kita san" "oh. l/n. glad you're feeling better" his smile brightened the musty closet. "about that, im sorry for troubling you and having you take me home the other day. i honestly dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu. my mind was really fuzzy that day, but im truly thankful for you going out of your way for me. it really means a lot"

» kita was dumbfounded. you really dont remember? "no need to apologize l/n. it was my responsibility as a captain. and afterall, what good would i be if i couldnt even take care of the person who means the most to me"

» your heart raced. 'person who means the most to me' ? cheeks blushing a rosy pink, you were internally thanking the musty store room from being dim.

» with arms full of equipment, kita walked by you and stopped.

» "by the way l/n san. did you know?"

» ears perking up at the vague yet familiar line

» "i like you a lot too l/n san"

» now we all know sakusa HATES germs and for the past week and a half, he's been telling you to keep up with washing your hands, wearing a mask at all times even when you eat omi it doesnt work like that. pls especially since you are prone to getting sick easily no matter how hygenic you are. your immune system just hated you. PERIODT

» you remembered sakusa scolding you for running out of hand sanitizer and then the next day you were out of commission. bed ridden with laryngitis, cough, slight fever, the whole works. it was like your body was making fun of you or something

» you texted komori, asking him to take notes in class for you and relay homework information while you were at home resting up. but there was one request you had and made komori PROMISE.

» DO NOT TELL SAKUSA YOU GOT SICK

» "he's probably gonna notice your absence y/n. he'll find out about it either way"

» "well if you dont tell him then he wont know. its not like he even cares about where i am like that"

» "thats what you might think. but i know he's gonna say something i can garuntee it"

» the next day at school, sakusa did notice your presence missing. it was quieter not having a 3rd person in the group of friends. not having you around to talk to him when komori was gone.

» pulling out his phone to text you, he asked where you were that day.

» "on a family trip :D !!! forgot to tell you, but I'll tell you all about it when i come back!" you wrote, attaching an old selfie of a different trip you went on to make it more believable.

» you had hoped this silly cold would get better in a day, but soon that day turned into 2 and then 3 and then 4... you pretty much missed the whole week of school at that point

» Friday rolled around and komori was on his phone all day. sakusa noticed his cousin fidget in his chair more than usual and it irked him to see him like that

» "what's with you today?" one eye raised, sakusa finally asked. "uhhh nothing really" komori wasnt very good at keeping secrets lets just start off with that, but he was trying his best.

» "well clearly somethings wrong. you're fidgeting." "well haven't you noticed somethings been different all week?" komori hinted

» sakusa sat there in thought. nothing's been different? he ate the same breakfast he usually does every morning. all his studies have been well. there were no tests this week so there was no reason to be anxious like komori was and even if there was, he would've done well anyways.

» "just tell me what it is." sakusa was starting to get annoyed. "y/n..." komori started. "y/n?" "do you know where she's been this week?"

» did you not tell komori about your family trip? you usually told komori everything, but then again you didn't tell him either until he asked you about it.

» "she said shes on a trip?" he nonchalantly said. komori's eyes started watering. "A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL THATS WHAT IT IS" he blurted out. komori didnt mean to let it slip , he was just so worried about your well being.

» "hospital?? what are you talking about. did she get injured on her trip?" "no omi. shes been sick all week and her mom just texted me saying she went to the hospital today because shes had a fever for 3 days straight. there is no family trip"

» sakusa's heart shattered. you were sick and didnt even tell him?

» before both he and komori knew it, his legs were running faster to get to the hospital than he had ever imagined he could ever run.

» and there you were. fast asleep in a bed with an IV drip. your face flushed, forehead sweaty and shallow breaths escaping your chapped lips. you were a hot mess but sakusa didnt care. stepping to your bedside to greet your mother she explained to him that she had to go to work and asked if he could watch over you until she gets back.

» sakusa said yes without even hearing the whole thing. his heart and mind saying yes to whatever it took to get you to feel better.

» gosh how he hated hospitals, but what he hated even more was the fact that you were in the hospital and he didnt even know.

» the doctor came in for their evening round and ensured sakusa that you were indeed getting better! your fever had broken not too long ago and your body was working extra hard to heal itself up!

» "is there anything i can do to help?" sakusa asked. he felt helpless in this situation just watching your face distort in uncomfort every now and then, and coughing your lungs out.

» patting sakusa's shoulder, the doctor told him that just being here for you is enough. "you gotta be a strong boyfriend for her alright son? she'll be able to go home tomorrow first thing in the morning if her fever doesnt come back"

» sakusa slumped in his chair at your bedside, the doctors words ringing through his head. 'boyfriend huh?' he thought to himself. "if i was her boyfriend..." he whispered to himself, "i would be a failure for not even knowing my girl was sick..."

» to kiyoomi, you were beautiful. even now in this sad state you were in. deep down he locked these growing feelings he had for you inside of him because he always felt like you were a better match with someone else and after this stunt you pulled of lying to him about going on a family trip, it only made him feel worse.

» it was now night time and you finally began to stir in your sleep, the fever finally gone. sakusa reached out to move some hair that was stuck to your face, fingers tracing the outline of your jaw. your eyes slowly opened and met with his dark orbs.

» "y/n?" "saku- wait this is just a dream. omi wouldn't be here. he hates hospitals" you let out a forced laugh and then a sigh through your sore throat.

» you reached out to sakusa's hands that were resting on the side of your bed. "omi would never let me hold his hand because he'd say im passing germs to him so hopefully dream omi wont be the same" you were aimlessly talking to yourself, not even realizing that this really wasnt a dream.

» he squeezed your hand in return. hoping that you wouldnt let go any time soon. a funny smile appeared on your face just at the thought of him. "even if you're stupid for not realizing how much i like you... i cant wait to see you again omi" you whispered before falling asleep again.

» sakusa didnt know what to do. he sat there frozen in his chair. it was his first time hearing you call him omi. heck. you literally just confessed to the boy. his brain was running wild. groaning in distress he let go of your hand to step out for a breath of fresh air now that you were back asleep.

» it was 5am and your mother came back to the hospital and thanked sakusa for staying by your side. He left in a hurry to make sure you didnt see him there.

» Monday rolled around and sakusa was waiting outside of the school gates for you. he had planned on asking you about your "trip"

» "good morning sakusa!!" your bright and cheery voice rang through his ears. honestly he was trembling inside. the memory of you confessing to him still fresh in his mind.

» "how was your trip?" you stopped dead in your tracks. "haha... it was good !! sorry i forgot to get you a souvenir" you were trying to play it cool but sakusa could tell you were forcing yourself. "i wouldnt want a souvenir from where you came from so its fine" sakusa's words threw you off. "i - im not sure im understanding what you're saying sakusa?"

» you felt a tug on your hand. "dont you mean omi?" his voice husky as he whispered into your ear. cheeks flushed, your brain felt like it short circuted. you've always tried your hardest to not let it slip that you want to call him omi since he hated when people called him that.

» sakusa smirked at your cute reaction he got out of you. letting go of your hand he began to walk into the school leaving you at the gate dumbfounded. "and by the way. you're just as stupid for not realizing how long ive liked you too"

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

thank you for your order! enjoy~!

[caecilius-in-horto-ubi-sedebit]

Tim Drake is Disabled!

welcome to Pip's Projections! (fair warning im working mostly from oooold memory and vibes, im no expert)

neurodivergence!

i definitely get autism spec vibes from Timbo (maybe ADHD). His special interest– one of them, rather– being crime, and specifically high-profile, hero-adjacent crime.He seems to hyperfocus on anything crime related, and fixates automatically on such things– like where he's focused on the crime story on the TV when his dad is being awful

he also, at least from where im sitting, seems to have emotional dysregulation problems and problems recognizing his emotions in the moment and working through them– my most vivid example is when his dad dies, and he stuffs down his feelings, and either can't or refuses to communicate or emote, which is something i struggle with when i cant fully parse a feeling

hyperfocus, a deep drive for perfectionism– which isn't exactly a trait of autism or ADHD, but I've seen a lot of overlap, a need to be doing something– he rarely rests, and there's little (afaik) showing him just chilling, seeming to obsess over details (yes, he is a detective, still) and overthinking scenarios, especially possibilities

seems kinda socially awkward, but like not debilitatingly so, though his interests– that we've been shown– are fairly restricted, and often tie back in to crime and vigilante stuff

a large swathe of abilities, many of which are previously undisclosed, indicating a disinclination to share with friends/family/colleagues/whatever one's latest exploits

routines. this is less about him having to have the same day/week over and over, and more about planning. he has a plan, and he obsesses over also having a plan for every possible variation (control issues, i relate, except i ahte routines with a passion funny enough)

mental illness!

spicy spicy major depression, generalized anxiety, and the obligatory PTSD, for all vigilantes. also, i feel, maybe some depersonalization-derealization– though i dunno if id say full on disorder or if thats just symptoms, you know? love them differential diagnoses

the major depression... i mean the vibes alone? his friend dies, and he sinks into his grief to the point where he tries to clone said friend. whenever he suffers a loss, he retreats, and then he stuffs it all down, and if that doesnt scream major depression, i should get a new diagnosis

the anxiety?? i guess this ones more abstract, but the feel of the way he holds himself for one? its all shoulders up, sometimes literally poking up, even hunching slightly, generally in the shadows, covering the eyes. thats just me in public.

also the overthinking, though it does fit with the neurodivergence, in terms of how meticulous it all is, how in advance, it also works here. the fact that he needs these plans, and props, and extra everything, and a mask under a mask, that's an anxiety disorder.

i feel like the PTSD is just a given, right? like, he's definitely got some stress from all them traumas, you know?

the dissociation– depersonalization and derealization– comes from how his inner monologue sounds while he's in conflict. true, he's probably desensitised to the panic of violence, but he still sounds detached, like he's seeing the things happen, but he's not really aware, or like, present. that's just from the mood, the gutcanon if you will

physical illness!

goodbye spleen! obvi this means our boi Timmy is immunocompromised. he has to take antibiotocs whenever he's ill at all, and if his white blood cell count gets too high (afaik, i have a spleen, i just googled), and he should NOT be in direct contact with anyone showing symptoms of shit, even if it's just the common cold.

so that's a wee bit disabling. also, from personal experience, your immune system sucking means you are always sick, even when you have no reaosn to be. So have fun imagining Red Robin interrogating a goon, and having to pause to blow his runny nose. I know I shall.

immune system problems also happens to be exhausting. not just because of upkeep, but because your body is trying so hard to repair itself, but it is too weak– for Tim, because some asshole stabbed him in a not-so-vestigial organ, for me because collagen fuckery– and all that trying takes up your energy. so i think Red Robin goes out less often than the others, because he needs more rest, as a precaution and as recovery

tl;dr he could be disabled, DC. he could be ND, DC. he could be so much cooler, DC!

i need more outright disabled characters. in the meantime, tim is my comfort probably disabled character

[chiliiscereal]

maybe dad daryl where oc is really young and when they are on the road gets sick or maybe the prison sickness and is really clingy to daryl?? idk i’m trying to think of more ideas of the dad daryl trope for you to get inspiration from!🥰

This is my first official request so here we go!!

Thanks so much for requesting! I’ll be sure to do my best!

—————

A broken world is no place for a ten year old. Especially when the people of that world are more dangerous than the monsters that roam the forests.

One might say it was a miracle you were found by the group you had now. Daryl had snatched you from the road before your freshly turned parents could bite you. You thought they were just sick, but then the car they’d been driving crashed when your mother sunk her teeth into your fathers arm. She had only been taking a nap to recover from her fever and then she woke up.

——-

“Dad, please!” You backed away backwards from the wreckage on your hands and knees.

Your father continued crawling toward you with outstretched hands and gnashing teeth. Both of you were covered in gashes and blood.

You tried batting him away but he wouldn’t listen to you. What was wrong with him?

“Hey, girl!” A voice shouted from behind you. Arms grabbed you around your middle and pulled you away.

“Let me go” you screamed. “My dad needs my help!” You looked up at the man holding you with tears in your eyes, trying to get him to release you.

“Ya can’t help yer dad. He’s dead.” The man stated.

“But he’s moving!” You pointed around your fathers body, still crawling for the the two of you.

The man pulled out his crossbow and held you close with one arm, shooting your dad through the forehead. “He’s dead.” He informed you.

You couldn’t speak.

Couldn’t talk.

Couldn’t breathe.

“C’mon.” He grabbed your arm and guided you to his truck. “Got a group. It’s safe an’ there’s other kids.”

You say in his truck, still shaking. “Promise?”

He climbed into the drivers seat and turned it on. “Yeah, whatever, I promise.”

You held out your pinkie. “Pinkie promise?”

He narrowed his eyes, eventually rolling them. “Sure, fine, i pinkie promise.” He got it over with quickly. He almost felt childish doing it.

But it was just what you needed to convince yourself it was safe.

——-

It took a while to get used to your new people. They were friendly... for the most part. The man who scooped you up from the road wasn’t the nicest but he was better than his brother. Neither one of them seemed to keen on getting to know you better. The youngest one had simply placed you in his truck and shoved you off to the rest of the adults.

You didn’t mind though. There were other kids, there was food, and there was safety. That was enough for you. You settled into a tent with Lori and her son after a while. You were there when Carl found his dad again, and you were there when Daryl found he no longer had his brother.

Despite all the loss everyone still found a way to have some form of normality.

But then the Atlanta Camp was over run.

That day you thought would be your last. A walker had managed to trip you up and you landed in the forest floor, backing away. It’s pale bony fingers were on your ankles when an arrow had pierced its forehead before it could bite you.

That was the day you decided you could trust Daryl. No one else understood it, but they didn’t need to.

He’d saved your life twice. He had kept you close that night, downing any walker that came your way.

He tried giving you back to Lori but you didn’t trust Lori to keep you safe. Shane has tried to convince you to leave Daryl’s side but you refused.

So everyone rolled with it. It wasn’t harming anybody after all. You were safe and that’s all that mattered.

———-

“I ain’t gonna keep ya safe.” He rolled his eyes as he drove his truck for the CDC. He gave you a glance out of the corner of his eye. “Sure ya don’t wanna sit in the car with Lori or somethin’?”

You shook your head, kicking your legs happily. “I’m fine right here.” You watched the trees pass by with content.

Daryl gripped the steering wheel a bit harder. “I ain’t gonna entertain ya or some shit. I ain’t a babysitter and ya aren’t my responsibility.”

“I know.” You nodded. “It’s fine though. You’re still trustworthy to me.”

The hunter just grunted in response, to not exactly agreeing but not disagreeing either.

———

Daryl was dead set on proving that he wasn’t trustworthy at all. He tried ignoring you, he tried walking away while you talked to him at the farm, and he tried telling you to leave him alone.

But you followed him around anyway. You could be pretty fast when you wanted to be. You just walked after him and continued telling him about what you did that day.

Daryl finally had enough when you tried to hold his hand while walking after him.

——

You placed your hand in his casually. You hadn’t thought much of it because you did it often with your dad. Your dad protected you like Daryl did. He treated you like Daryl did. He made sure you were fed like Daryl did. Why would it be a bad thing?

Daryl tensed and shoved your hand away immediately. “Don’t do that shit.” He ordered.

“Why not?” You questioned as you took his hand again.

“I ain’t yer dad, alright?!” He snapped, ripping his hand away. “Damn it, just stop followin’ me!” He stormed off before you could even react.

—-

You hadn’t meant to crowd him. You just wanted him to know you appreciated him. So you respected his rather loud opinion and stayed away.

Even when the farm fell, you were away from him.

You made your way to the highway by yourself. You’d walked all night and managed to catch them before they left.

Daryl felt guilty but his pride was too strong for him to do anything about it. Dixon’s don’t apologize and they sure as hell don’t have to feel bad for anything they do.

Your group had wandered for what felt like eons.

Daryl, as some form of apology, took to teaching you how to survive. You went along with it but you’d lost some form of... excitement.

You weren’t allowed to need Daryl. You had to be able to survive without needing anyone. So you learned as much as you could. But there was no more bubbly chatter. No more trying to hold his hand for comfort.

The man didn’t know why but he missed it.

The days grew colder and with most cold weather, comes sickness. Of course it chose the smallest and weakest person in the group:

You.

You’d never really had a good immune system. If there was some cold going around then you were sure to catch it.

And catch it you did.

It started off small: a little cough here, a sneeze there...

Then it started to build up.

Soon your legs were aching.

Your lungs felt like they were trying to breathe in heavy smoke.

All you wanted to sleep but sleep was impossible! You kept rolling over and you absolutely could NOT get comfortable.

A headache wormed its way into your skull as well.

Your first thought was to tell Daryl. But you couldn’t. He’d tell you that you were slowing everyone down. That they couldn’t waste supplies on you. That you were too much responsibility.

This time you just had to get over this sickness on your own. Nobody ever needed to know.

You nearly caved when blood began to come out with the coughing. Seeing that crimson liquid stain the small cloth you’d been using nearly drove you to your knees.

——-

“You alright, kid?” Daryl asked as the group trudged forward through snow.

“Fine.” You muttered and stuffed the cloth in your pocket before he could see anything. “I’m just fine.”

You acted like you couldn’t see him narrowing his eyes at you. He must have seen by now how much slower you’d gotten. He must have seen that you no longer had an appetite. Right? He was choosing not to say anything so you’d get over it alone. He had to be.

“Ya look like shit kid.” He tried again.

You edged away from him a bit, wrapping your arms around yourself to preserve any heat. “Wow thanks.”

“Ya know that’s not what I meant.” He touched your small shoulder gently only for you to jerk away.

“Why the hell won’t you just leave me alone.” You growled and walked to catch up with the rest of your group.

———

You managed to keep up your charade for another week before someone seemed to catch on.

Glenn had noticed your excessive coughing and brought it up to everyone while they’d eaten in the newest house.

——-

“Are you feeling alright?” Glenn asked softly. “You’ve been coughing an awful lot.”

“I’m fine.” You told him.

“Sure you’re not getting sick?”

“I’m sure I’m not.”

You’d dismissed him quickly and moved on.

You thought you’d managed to keep it secret for another day. But your coughing became too much.

———

Everyone was walking outside the next day and you were trailing behind. Your throat was burning and you couldn’t stop yourself from coughing into the rag again. You thought you’d straighten up and keep walking.

But you didn’t.

The coughing didn’t stop.

You doubled over and blood kept coming.

“Hey, kid!” Daryl shouted, dropping his stuff and running over to you.

“I’m fine.” You tried to say. “I’m... im okay...”

You were on the ground, feeling like you were going to catch on fire.

“Let me see that rag.”

You tried to hid it again but you couldn’t stop Daryl from taking it.

“Damn it!”

You couldn’t even stand up. Black dots were taking over your vision.

The last thing you remembered was Daryl’s arms scooping you up.

————

“Why the hell didn’t she tell anyone!”

“Must not have felt comfortable.”

“But she needed help!”

“Well you did snap at her and tell her to leave you alone...”

“Shit, I know! I gotta go. Ya said we need medicine for fever and coughing?”

“Yes, and blankets if you find any.”

You blacked out again, only to wake up to a different voice.

“C’mon, ya gotta wake up.” A scratchy voice ordered softly as a hand shook you.

“Please no.” You begged and rolled over. Shivers over took your body. “I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep.”

You didn’t still didn’t want to bother him.

“Ya gotta eat, kid.” He asked, placing his hands in your back so you’d sit up. “Damn, yer cold as ice.”

You peeled open an eye and watched him reach behind him to grab a blanket, layering it over you.

“I don’t need it.” You protested. “I can get over this.”

“I ain’t gonna listen to that shit, got it?” He barked. “I know I shouldn’t ‘a pushed ya like that. I shouldn’t ‘a told ya ta leave me alone. But ya gotta keep yerself alive alright?”

Tears spilled down your face as you pulled the blanket closer. “I’m sorry! I didn’t... I didn’t want this to happen!” You broke into a coughing fit and covered your mouth with the rag. “I didn’t mean to slow us down or,” another cough, “or waste supplies!” You leaned into the man tiredly.

“It ain’t yer fault.” He hesitated in wrapping his arms around you. “M’sorry I let it go this far.” He rubbed your back comfortingly in circles. “Lets get ya warmed up, alright?”

You nodded, still feeling extremely weak. “Can I just sit here?” You asked guiltily. “I don’t want to move.”

“Fine. Just for a little bit.”

You wrapped your arms around him and curled up by his side, soaking in all the warmth.

————

“I gotta go find some medicine.” He told you as he got ready to leave the house everyone was camped out at. “Can’t ya handle bein’ here without me fer a little while?”

You sniffed and pulled the blanket closer. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Be back soon, alright?” He patted your shoulder and went out the door.

——

You slept as much as you could, waiting for him to return. Glenn has forced you to eat but everything felt like it burned your throat.

Everything hurt.

All you wanted was comfort.

For everything to feel better.

You waited for hours for Daryl to come back.

You just wanted the closest thing to a dad you had.

“She’s getting worse.” Lori commented softly. “We need that medicine or else I don’t know how much longer she’s gonna hang on.”

“She might not make it if Daryl doesn’t get back before nightfall.” Hershel said regretfully.

“He should have been back an hour ago! We’ll be lucky if he gets here before she passes out again.”

“No, we’re lucky no one else has caught this. We need this thing stamped out soon or it’s the end for all of us.”

You curled against Glenn’s side, shuddering slightly. “Is he back yet?”

He patted your back softly. “Sorry, kiddo, he’s not.”

You nodded to yourself, and waited a little bit. “If he back yet?”

“You asked that already. Sorry but he isn’t here.”

“Oh.”

—————

“We have to think about what’s best for her.” Rick told everyone in the other room. “If he ain’t back soon, we’ll have to prepare for the worst. Maybe let ‘er enjoy one last meal. Spend time with her.”

“He’s gotta be back soon.” Carol whispered. “He has to be.”

“It’s harder to find medicine now a days.” Hershel told her. “I’m sorry, but the chances of finding medicine is very unlikely.”

You could hear them discussing everything from the other room. You weren’t supposed to but you could.

“Let’s wait.” Lori begged. “Just for a little bit longer.”

“I don’t think-.”

The door opened. “I got the medicine. Where’s the kid?”

You pulled yourself up from the floor and walked into the room. “Daryl?” You called.

“Shit kid.” He dropped his crossbow and ran over. “Why the hell are ya up?”

You glanced tiredly at all the people in the group. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Damn it i thought I told you to stay put.” He began chewing you out but stopped when you sleepily wrapped your arms around him. “Fine. Whatever. Just... come on. Ya gotta take this medicine an’ get better.”

———-

It took you almost a full week to recover but you did.

Whatever it was, it must have done something to your lungs. You couldn’t run without feeling winded.

But you had Daryl at your side the whole time.

He made sure you were always one of the first ones ready to leave when a house was no longer safe.

Never again did he snap at you or leave you unattended.

You may have lost your father when the walkers took the earth, but you somehow managed to gain one anyway.

[mammonprotectionsquad]

im glad to hear that ur night went a bit better this time! :)

yeah! ive heard recently that, even when you dont actually fall asleep, laying down and just doing nothing or like closing your eyes still counts towards your rest — like, physically and mentally. personally, that was really reassuring to me hahaha

ah, yeah, i get that. it's tough finding the right medication sometimes. i had that problem with my adhd meds when i was little. but if you intend to go the medicinal route and there are other plausible options, i pray you'll find what fits you! :)

oooh~.. for the longest time, i avoided asmr, thinking it was weird and cringey, partly because the only times i had encountered it, i really disliked the sounds being made

buuuuttt then... a couple months ago — and i cant for the life of me remember what prompted me — i was slowly sucked into it. and wow... it's really calming! i really only watch eda foxx though, although there's this other lady that does really fun ones... i need to find her again so i can sub. she's really silly and has a lot of focus-related videos

unfortunately though, i have discovered that i am nearly immune to tingles 😔 lolol. i got them on the first video, and then it was a long time until i briefly got them again. and nothing since then xD. not that its important but its kind of like "aww, bummer"

oh, i think i looked up noise asmr cos i like the sound of rain and was struggling to sleep, and then i just... got pulled into eda's videos XD

anyways, i... hm. cant remember. i think i slept well! but i also had a nap from like 8pm to 9pm so i probably only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep. aaaand idk if u saw my recent post but its now 3am and i just got done cooking an entire meal by myself for the first time lmaoooo

dinner part 2 is delicious 😋

[417]

Oh really? That's actually good to know :D means my body won't hate me too too much for the lack of sleep lmao xD

And I honestly gave up on trying to find meds that help me sleep, because they either don't work or the side effects I had were just not worth it. But hey, I usually find one thing or another to do until I get tired and actually manage to fall asleep xD

I was also really hesitant at first when it was about asmr but boy am I glad I have it a shot xDD

That you're not really getting tingles is a shame tho :/ have you tried going for some of the fast and aggressive triggers? When I had a temporary immunity from listening to stuff too much it helped a lot to bring the tingles back :3

Otherwise I can recommend asmr that's anime character based as well 👀😂

Okay but tbh late night cooking is sometimes the best thing to do xD what did you make? :D

[trinrose3]

I really really want to get vaccinated, not only for COVID but also for HPV. My parents did not give consent for me to have these as they have pretty conservative views on the world and I have a HUGE fear of needles that includes muscle memory. Basically, whenever I think about vaccines, I can feel a needle slowly entering my arm and I hate it so much. I also haven't seen a doctor in 4 years :')

I also really want to tell my cousins(the youngest is 6 and the oldest 12) that JKR is a piece of shit but it makes me happy to see them happy enjoying the content they like and I don't know what to do.

I wanna say thank you for raising awareness that not everyone has the perfect body and I've come to accept my own body more bc of your designs on characters. I'm prouder of my scars and my random freckles.

Keep up the good work and God bless you!

(dw I'm not gonna yell at you in your ask box to convert to Christianity tho I think I accidentally converted one of my friends and I'm panicking bc h e l p)

I’m sorry but that is so funny if you actually did accidentally convert them 💀

Im sorry to hear that anon! Being scared of needles can be really hard, especially because they’re part of such an important process like immunization. I’m not sure if youre of age or are a minor but either way it might help if you talk to your schools guidance counselor or even the nurse! This will sound redundant but genuinely the best thing that works for when getting a shot id to just, not look or think about it. If the doctor/nurse comes into the room with the needle maybe close your eyes/look the other way, and do a mind game that takes concentration like choose something in the room and describe it as detailed as possible or if you like math see how high you can get with a multiplication of 3 or smth. Something that my moms been telling me since I was little is “it only takes five seconds of bravery” its okay to be afraid and to be in pain or scared of it but if you can get through those five seconds youre golden. I haven’t been able to see a doctor for a while either anon lol, it’s important to go to them yes, but were currently in a time where doing so can be a bad idea. If you got like a CVS Pharmacy near you they have a ”free” walk in clinic (I know it is for the Covid thing but idk about the HPV) so maybe you can go there, I don’t necessarily think you need parental approval for it but if they ask you can tell them the truth and hopefully you’ll still be able to receive it. Don’t forget to take slow deep breaths, and try not to tense!

yeah that sounds like it can be tricky with younger kids! I don’t have any siblings or really any little kids in my family so take my advice with a grain of salt. Maybe don’t outright tell them but let them know that sometimes bad people make things that we enjoy and unfortunately we don’t find out until later and kinda leave it at that for a bit? Also maybe Segway into explaining why transphobia is a bad thing if they don’t know about that already, they are most certainly not to young to understand the complexities of things like gender and race. Maybe be like “it’s a good movie but the creator did a lot of things that make me sad/upset” and explain why? Idk I’m not good with kids 😭

Thank you so much 💖 the only thing I’ve ever wanted when I was little was to be able to point at someone and go “hey they’re like me” and I’m so glad that I’m able to make people feel that way with my art, even if it’s only for a few people. :}

[sunsetsover]

I can guarantee that at least 95% of all cast and crew on EE aren't distancing in their personal lives and also aren't distancing with colleagues when they're not on the clock though. The only reason EE and other shows are keeping SD is because of liability in the workplace tbh.

I'm not defending this that or the other, but that's the reality.

and? that doesn't give anyone the right to start making demands OR complaining about social distancing. my mum's workplace is also still social distancing even though individuals aren't. some places STILL require masks and social distancing. whether it's a liability thing or not, at the end of the day it's still keeping ppl safe and NO ONE has the right to demand ppl put their and other ppl's health at risk for what? so 2 characters can hold hands for a few seconds? come on

like we aren't just talking about individual on screen cast here we're talking about the crew too and all of their families and the people they live with or come into contact with regularly.... like personal choices are personal choices but say ee get rid of sd and you have one person who's acting like a dickhead and taking all these risks and not being sensible abt covid and they're forced to break social distancing w someone who IS being sensible and not taking risks and then god forbid they catch covid bc of that.... or even worse, they pass it on to a family member who's immune system is compromised or is over 60 and they end up seriously ill in hospital or even worse..... all bc what ?? ur tired of sd u want to see on screen affection again.... like would it be worth it ??? really ??? is it worth potentially putting ppls lives at risk so u can see ben and callum hold hands?? bc for me the answer is and will always be no.

and when you think beyond your own wants for 5 seconds and be sensible about the situation that is literally still life threatening you realize how disgusting and unbelievable it is that ppl are not only kicking up such a fuss abt sd, but actually demanding that its ended or an even worse thing that i saw w my own 2 eyeballs - that ee update the audience on the casts' vaccines (which lemme not get into bc that literally pissed me off for like 4 days straight i almost lost my mind). THAT is why i'm so angry at people over this. because it's the most selfish, disgusting complaint i've ever heard and it makes these people sound like entitled, spoilt brats. and the worst part is that they either don't realize or don't care, and that ppl r agreeing w them instead of telling them that they need to shut the fuck up and get a grip.

like i'm sorry we all wish it wasn't like this but if you're genuinely mad and complaining abt social distancing still being in place you're selfish and your priorities are so completely fucked up! and yes i'm judging these people bc their behaviour is telling me everything i need to know about what type of person they are. and im not getting into it but this is honestly just the latest thing on a list of ppl showing their asses bc of this fucking show and if it wasn't so alarming it'd be comical.

i'm not having a go at you specifically anon i hope it doesn't come across that way i'm just very tired of this argument bc it's like.... literally if ppl just use their common sense and a little bit of understanding and compassion then they'd understand that this shouldn't even be a conversation and if im being really honest it scares me a little bit that it is