#and i keep trying to get my meds but i dont understand how to anymore

[909414208]

unmedicated adhd i want to get off this ride

[tea-and-secrets]

would it be ok to ask that this one is posted soon? i could use reassurance about it if thats alright? things are just... really hard.

im trying to come to terms with the fact that im going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i accept that im disabled *now,* but i have a degenerative disease, its not going to just stop being there. its going to keep getting worse slowly over time.

its especially hard because... even now i cant do my favorite hobby, rockhounding, because i cant bend without risking falling, i cant get on the ground to pick things up and/or dig because i wouldnt be able to get up on my own, and i cant navigate most off-road areas where the rocks im interested in are most often found.

i also desperately want to be a geologist. but i wanted more than anything to be doing fieldwork, like going out and taking samples from various areas, making maps of what could be found where based on my samples... that sort of thing. but ill never be able to do it and i have to come to terms with that.

it will get bad enough that i will need a wheelchair at some point in my life too. like, at some point within the next five to ten years.

ill also never be able to pick people up again. my whole life ive prided myself in picking people i love up during hugs, spinning them around, that sort of thing. i especially loved picking up my best friend.

they understand that i cant do that anymore and theyve never expressed sadness over it, but i cant help but think about how delighted theyve always been about me picking them up and spinning or wiggling them during hugs, and how they used to ask multiple times each hangout to be picked up and hugged.

and even if they arent upset about it, *i* am. i want to be able to do what i used to be able to. but i cant. and i never will again.

its just hard, knowing ill never be able to reach my dream career, continue my favorite outdoor hobby, continue giving love to my friends in the ways i like to... theres so much i can no longer do, and so much ill never be able to do again.

its just really hard. i dont want to be this way. but i am and i always will be, and it will get worse even if i do things like meds and physical therapy. those would just delay the collapse of my disease.

im just sad. i dont want to have to come to terms with it. but i have to or else im setting myself up for even more grief.

and its all because my mom wouldnt get me treated when i was injured in my teenage years. that injury going untreated for so long is what caused my degenerative disease to start so early. my mom has it too but she didnt start developing it until her fourties.

and then for years after my injury when talking about my back pain she just kept saying it was because im fat and that it would stop hurting if i lost weight.

which of course sparked the eating disorder i had previously recovered from.

which ive been struggling with now again for years because of that. but i was getting better again.

until now. because my body hurts too bad to get out of bed often enough to eat a healthy amount so im rapidly losing weight and my brain is saying i have to keep going and going.

and, the wheelchair thing... all my friends live and are going to live places with a lot of stairs. and *i* live somewhere with a lot of stairs too. and the doorframes in all these places arent wide enough for a wheelchair, nor are the bathrooms large enough.

its just all so hard to think about. i hate it. i want to get better and heal like a normal person would, not be in pain constantly and get worse like my body is going to.

thank you for listening. sorry for how long this is.

if i could get reassurance in tags or replies that would be really nice. this is all just so hard and i only have a few people i can confide in about it.

<3

[n7punk]

i know i've kind of talked around this stuff for... fuck, three years now? but idk, now it's getting closer to "resolving," i kind of want to talk about it. journal, get it off my chest, idk

i haven't really been specific about my health issues much because 1) privacy and 2) very complicated feelings on it, but feelings are becoming less complicated, so... yeah. privacy is still really important to me, but i have too many feelings about this to keep feeling like i'm silencing myself for some hypothetical... i dont even know what

tbf, if it had turned out to be anything else, i probably wouldn't be comfortable even making a vent post about it now. but it turned out to be. annoyingly simple. i've also got other stuff, physical disabilities and such i've been more candid about but still want to keep the specifics of private, but this is... very different.

long story short, during the pandemic i started experiencing Symptoms. i'm honestly not sure if/how much i have talked about what was wrong with me, because i don't remember... entire years, much at all. i know ive described it as my brain being on fire, but it's more like it instantly melted down and i was left with the aftermath for hours/days/weeks at a time. it really fucked with me emotionally to be fighting through that on top of the direct effects of the Symptoms. and, well, the problem was my brain (probably) so that tracks.

it turns out it was migraines. migraines that shared many symptoms with seizures, brain tumors, or pressure on the brain stem, but yeah. "just" "migraines." and, actually, we don't know that! but migraine medication is helping, so it's probably that and this is where i am, finally waking up these last few months (this summer of updates could Not have happened if it weren't for my new medication) and feeling both very frustrated with what i lost and relieved to not always have to deal with suddenly being unable to understand a sentence anymore.

it's not like. fixed. my brain is still going to burn sometimes. It seems to come in waves, like two bad weeks and then two good ones. we're not done trying to treat it now we know some stuff it's responsive to, but its not like it used to be, wildfires raging all day and my head wavering on my shoulders as i struggled just to read messages from my friends. i literally had an emote i would use to communicate when i couldn't communicate that everybody who knows me understands. i haven't even twitched since starting my new meds! well, like, uncontrollably. trust me, that's progress. i literally had to get a bigger bed so i could be safe in the middle of it when the fits were especially bad and i got twitchy.

uh so that was more story than i planned. really i just wanted to finally talk about what i've been experiencing (at least for the first time that i remember). honestly writing was the only thing that kept me sane while i was trapped inside my own malfunctioning brain. i don't know why it was one of the easiest things for me, when i couldn't even understand a full two sentences being said to me i could still - usually - write (again: i literally couldn't talk for like three of the days when i was writing and updating catcher daily), but i'm so grateful for it. and everybody who told me my stories helped you, or that you looked forward to them, or even just that you enjoyed them: you helped me right back, because you told me there was one thing i could still do, from a capability standpoint to having the ability to make any impact on the world when i was trapped at home. so thank you.

okay i'm done now. just. had to get that out

[hekkoto]

Nature is masterpiece in every bit of it <3 Ye, the other side of my arts – photos of flowers >XD there is nothing in between ;D I feel like I start better understanding myself. And more important, I accept that who I am is normal and I shouldnt try to fit in at any cost. I might be different but that isnt wrong, I will just have different life than majority of people. Its good that I found people who wanna keep me company on that path. My poor health and disability doesnt mean I must suffer my whole lifetime. I will have more limitations but I can work around it :> btw, I didnt knew that half of my personality are autistic traits >XD thats one of things I wanna get diagnosed cause Im sure I have it ;p good side of being diagnosed is that you know what you should accept, how to overcome some things and sometimes you might need meds or therapy Its funny to see how unrealistic expectations people had for me, no surprise that I wasnt able to met them as my disability or bad health were never treated seriously >XD bruh, I would never be good enough cause nobody cared about how I felt and if Im able to do it. If I would have needed help and if people would show me empathy stuff could go sooo different. But that doesnt matter, maybe my childhood was Hell at least now I can do things to make things better ^^ Im quite tired of pretending my whole life. Now when I think about it only next to few people Im able to be myself instead being actress in this depressing movie called my life >XD like most of people get this version of me that trying to be strong and happy and look almost perfect when it comes to how I behave and talk with them. But in reality Im different, I have a lot of pain inside me and I dont allow people to see my true face anymore ;-; Im slowly working on stuff ^^ I need few doctors appointments, there are small meet ups in Warsaw on Friday and Saturday but I hope to spam you with art soon ;p wanna support my evil dark empire? Im accepting souls on Patreon and Ko-fi! -> Hekkoto Huge thanks to all of my Patrons and people who donate <3

[causenessus]

HI NESS!! its like 3 pm rn so good afternoon 😋 i hope you're having/had(? idk when ur school day ends so like..) a good school dayyayay :)) HOPEFULLY YOUVE BEEN DRINKING WATER and ofc eating enough + taking ur meds 🙂‍↕️

when u mentioned some npc named cream cheese i started laughing like an idiot omg 💔 like picture me sitting in the living room next to my roommate bc we're watching a tv show and then i look down at my phone and start giggling out of nowhere.. cream cheese sounded like a real opp 😕🙏 i was the same but with mariokart bc rose gold peach was always hitting me w red shells fr LIKE I CRIED OVER THAT A LOT ACTUALLY (i was 7). and omg mario party!! i still play that whenever i have game nights bc i was able to buy a nintendo switch HAHAHAH and dude just dance hyperfixation goes crazy bc i got insanely good at rasputin solely because i thought i looked cool (i did not.) 😞

ALSO THE VOLLEYBALL GIRLS BEING MEAN IS SO REAL OMG.. lots of the vb girls at my middle school didn't like me for no reason it was crazy actually and that was partially why i didnt start until now LMAO theyre scary af sometimes akwkwnssj

IM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW and me and my friends were trying to figure out where to meet and its now coming to me that i have nothing planned whatsoever 😋 LIKE I DIDNT EVEN PLAN WHEN TO WAKE UP AND I ONLY REALIZED NOW PLS so today i have to lock in and plan an outfit hairstyle and lunch for tomorrow morning and uhhhhhh i wanted to write and post an akaashi oneshot before i went back to school bc i would probably lose the time to write frequently so... how do u balance out your time omg (DONT ACTUALLY ANSWER THIS ITS OK ITS RHETORICAL IM JUST YAPPING)

also i had no idea but like theres a district rule here that phones CANNOT be used at all in the school day unless u were explicitly allowed to.. like ive been getting intro emails from my teachers and their talking about A CELL PHONE VAULT⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ guys i just want my phone so that i can listen to music while i work on assignments please i swear im an ok kid 💔 i may just keep it in my backpack and always wear my hair down because im desperate.. i think i may have an aneurysm if i have to go the entirety of a day without music so desperate times call for desperate measures i suppose 😕

ANYWAY IM NOT GONNA REREAD THAT AND ATTEMPT TO CORRECT ANY ATROCIOUS LOOKING RUN ON SENTENCES SO I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME,, HOPEFULLY YOURE DOING WELL AND ARE HAVING A GOOD DAY!!

HELLO SAV!!! GOOD EVENING <3 (it's 10 pm rn oopsies) THANK U!! AND I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY <3 today was okay besides the embarrassment of hearing my own playlist being played in public...yk what i'm referring to..BUT also aa yes i will take my meds thank you for the reminder!! since 10 is when i'm supposed to take them 😭 i'll take them next time i get up!! bc i'm kind of comfy rn </3

PLEASE i never actually played mario kart </33 like then the switch came out and my friend had it and i played at her house but then she'd always get mad bc i'd beat her LMAO so i've actually never owned mario kart!! like i ended up get a hand me down switch from my sister's bf's sister who didn't want it anymore but it dies like within an hour of being used so i never play it </33 and DW i didn't look cool dancing to promiscuous even if i got 5 stars on it LMAOAO

but YES idk i think middle school volleyball is definitely the worst bc that's when the toxicity started for my friend in volleyball and i think it makes sense just because of what our minds are like at the state (trying to find ur place and form groups and everything yk </3 not to be a psych nerd or anything but ykwim </3)

AND AA BEST OF LUCK TOMORROW AT SCHOOL!! I'LL PROBABLY MESSAGE U AT MIDNIGHT TO WISH U LUCK AGAIN <3 I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR OUTFIT AND EVERYTHING PLANNED OUT!! i've also been just taking it day by day 😭 like my schedule depends on the day yk so like i've just been setting alarms the night before everytime my schedule changes (IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT I GET U SAV I GET U) and aa!! i know your question was rhetorical but definitely don't stress about too much please <3 take your time and just do what you can manage!!

AND THAT'S CRAZY?? A PHONE VAULT??? MAN YOUR SCHOOL IS HARDCORE I'M SO SORRY 😭😭 i definitely just keep my hair down and use earbuds most of the time bc i CANNOT go without music and like it's fine!!! i have great grades tbh so no one has anything on me 😌 i remember one time i had this math final and we had to put our phones in like a shoe hanger everyday (idk what it's called) but thank goodness wireless headphones exist!! so like my phone would still be connected to my earbuds <3 and my teacher made me lift up a beanie i was wearing to cover my ears LMAO AND I HAD AN EARBUD IN BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE IT BC THEY'RE BLACK like i am not rich enough to afford airpods and i don't want them anyway 😭 they look uncomfortable and ugly and they draw so much attention bc they're bright!! offbrand earbuds all the way <3

YOU ARE BETTER THAN I AM FOR PROOFREADING YOUR MESSAGE 😭😭 I'M GOING TO SEND THIS AS IT IS AND I'M SORRY FOR ANY RUN ON SENTENCES!! I HOPE YOU HAD A LOVELY DAY SAV <33

[protorose-harmony]

🩷why is everything about our body so big?... its already been a weepy morning and i haven't seen anhone yet. I dont want to be here, back in this place where I was trapped and forced to "not exist" for sooo long. Yeah sure the other one got to be face, they were "normal" they were "who the family wanted but until they broke and forgot about me, my source, my original. They just wanted to be my friend, they wanted me to exist. Bht every time they did something for me or later if i was able to get a thought forward and they noticed enough to respond to it, I was always wrong, they weren't "supposed to be a girl"(🧡im not them but i used to be and guess what we sure fucking were, even back then🧡). This place is hell to me. These people, some of them true beacons and places we all can feel safe... but thats not this house, this house where I had to be imprisoned in our own mind. "They" was miserable, they didn't understand why even... i like to think a lot of it was that they missed me. My original source became the soul of so many in the darkwater... but so far we have yet to be able to pull far enough in to just turn all perception and perspective into the worlds we built for ourselves... but we made it work, those of us who had to pick up the pieces after "They" shattered did their jobs and wven got us someplace we thought would be safe. We found a person who promised to be our owner and take care of us if we took care of her and jt was good for so long but we wanted to go out and do more than she did (specifically kinky and witchy stuff. That she brought us into irl instead of just online) and we lost ourselves to the screen just trying to skip past yhe boring bits. And that was bad for all of us. It led to some general mental stuff that we aren't gonna get into but it kinda came to a head when the front group, me included, and her had a talk. She was done with us at that point or at least she was past what she felt she could handle. We had a decent therapist we were working on our meds but mental health just kept flaring up. And the woman who told us she would take care of us and keep us safe... someone outside who I actually allowed myself to trust... did not follow through on either of the exit plans we had agreed on. We begged her to adopt us to a new owner who would be better equipped or more willing or whatever, someone who would actually care about Our/my wishes. Either adopt us or bring us back where she found us, to the people I consider to be My family. Sure it would've meant carting our ass back to Arkansas but at least that would've been somewhat better for me/us mentally rather than being back here. But no she got us (fresh out of the hospital, not yet lucid to make any decision for ourselves and she apparently had us call body's parents and next thing i knew inwas back in this hell i was forced to grow up in. We fucking love that woman, other than the ending she was nothing but amazing to us in so many ways, she spoiled the fuck out of us, she got us around all sorts of cool places and people. If she would take us back we would go back to her in a heartbeat. But she also fucked us, she fucked Me over pretty bad with where she left us. And like we're not sure if she doesn't realize how bad of a situation she put us in or if she just detached herself so much that she isn't letting herself care anymore... fuck today just hurts and i want us to just crawl back into bed and shut everything out for the day but the others have things they want to do so i get to get dragged around again...🩷

-Alex🩷

[groupwest]

i want help.. but i cant ask for help… i have to be big and do things on my own… but i need help… i need help i need help….. i do wish i had a partner who could help me… my friends.. cant… they are all too dependent like me… i’m the one always offering help to them… sometimes they will help me with big things like moving house but its the little things that i need support in… i have a social worker but he doesnt offer the kind of help that i need… UAAAARGH i want my mother. and i want her to be different and to help me. i wish she’d continued to smother me like when i was little… it hurt so bad when she detached that codependency… its a good thing but i never really learned how to do things on my own…… its not fair. i want my old life back why is it so hard to be here. i feel so alone and it all feels so wrong and it feels like there should be an answer or a solution but i cant see it and everything feels so wrong and i cant move and feel my body like i used to it feels so heavy and wrong and i cant see it i cant feel it it feels so wrong i’m so detached i thought i missed the delusions but i can feel them coming and it feels so wrong… fuck this isnt going to work is it i cant live here. i want to fix this so bad i want to be a real person. nothing comforts me anymore. only maybe my phone. which sucks so bad and is why i cant get anything done. i wanted to puke and cut myself so bad last night for the first time in a long time, i mean sometimes i get those feelings but it was really strong. maybe its a good thing. ive been more impulsive lately and maybe its a good thing. feels like when you start taking meds and finally have the enwrgy to try and kill uourself. i feel so broken though and like i cant move. i wish i had my room again. my soul is fucking disintegrating without four walls to keep it contained. i didn’t realise i was so depressed i guess it caught up with me. i guess this is just one single moment in time and these feelings dont have to be permanent at all i can let them go. i can let them go i can let them go i can let them go. i managedto soothe myself yesterday… but then we had to go out and it was horrible i almost could have had a meltdown in public which NEVER never ever happens. maybe its a good thing too. i think ive been masking less lately. it doesnt feel good though. feels horriblw and embarrassing to be myself. this self. it seems so weak and so tiny and so stupid. i want to live alone. i want help. i hate myself for these contradictions. why have i been the same for so long. why did i let it all go one like i had no power over it. when i always did. it makes me really angry to think how easy it has been to almost give up smoking this past week. its been several years of sameness. will it be this easy when everything else suddenly changes as well ? have i always held the power to do so ? why’d i have to ruin my teenage years like this then ? it feels horrible. it feels cruel. why cant i make better choices for myself why cant i take my life i to my own hands. ?!! its horrible. i wish i was anyone else. i feel so close to understanding everything i need to to make the most of life but i just hold myself back every single step of the way. i hate my family for letting me be like this. they had so much more than me. now they don’t even appreciate it. they just teach me all the wrong things and enable my neurosis. i dont know. thats cruel to say. but its how i feel. i want help but ill never let anyone in becuz i cant make anyone understand me. i know its all my fault. i just don’t know how to fix it. i wish i was anyone else. i want to crawl up into the inside of my own brain and die. like a sick old cat. all alone.

[feralbeeast]

I don't know what else to do so I'm gonna rant on here since so one really sees my posts anyways.

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I'm never going to be enough, for anyone or anything. I'm always going to be a burden whether it be emotionally, mentally, or financially. I dont believe my loved ones when they say im not a burden because i know it isnt true, ive relied on things and people to make me "ok" my entire life. I burnt myself out before I even made it to adulthood and I don't know how to cope, prescription meds made me so fucking sick and vile I don't want and can't afford to go back to that again. The only coping mechanisms I have are isolation and weed, and neither of those are healthy but I guess it's better than self harming or just giving in. And sometimes those don't even work because of how exhausted I am in every. single. way. I'm too tired to keep living like this. I can't be responsible for myself how am i supposed to be responsible for others on top of struggling with myself. Im trying my god damned best and it will never be good enough for the people around me. That's not their fault but Jesus fuxking Christ I need something to change. No matter what happens I'm going to be fuxked, a wreck. And I can't do anything to stop that I just have to accept it and try my best to work with it. I will always hate myself and I've given up on me a very long time ago, but for those I love I will suffer until I physically can't anymore so they dont have to suffer as much. I wish people could see how much I do, how much I try, how much i care and understand.. and if the people I love do read this please don't blame yourself, this is all my fault and my burden to bare. I wish this world was kinder but this is the reality we live in and it's not changing anytime soon, in fact it's getting worse. Especially for people like me who is mentally ill, trans nonbinary, pansexual, and neurodivergent. This society was not meant for me and it never will be I have accepted that a long time ago. Maybe it's better off If I'm just gone. Everything this world has put me through should've killed me a long time ago, im jealous of the dead. I just want everything to stop so I can breathe. And I feel so fucking selfish for even thinking about killing myself but it's always there it's always the backup for me and it always will be, I've tried so fucking hard to be okay for the sake of my partner my cat and my family but im so fucking tired. Sometimes I think about how better off everyone would be if I stayed the "perfect quiet little girl" I was before I stood up for myself and left the overly abusive household I was in. I graduated high school out of spite of my family because they all thought I couldn't do it or I was gonna turn into a druggie like my parents were when they were my age. I'm so fucking jealous that my dad got to escape this world when he did and I wish he took me with him. I'm just, done. I've been living for other people my entire life not one minute of my life was spent just for me and I don't even know how to feel about that, I feel selfish for even wanting to live for me and I feel like an idiot for thinking I even possibly could. I'm going insane and there's nothing anyone can do except watch me burn. I have mourned me almost my whole life, the me you see now is not who I am. I lost myself the day I had to grow up and raise myself before I was even in school.

I wish I had somewhat a normal childhood, I wish I could've enjoyed the time I had. I will never get that time back or those people.

[sleepingchurch]

I'm fucking fat and bloated from eating so much food. And I dont sleep so I my digestive system is fucked. So I'm spending everyday in crippling pain from holding in everything at work, because i try for 20 minutes every morning snd cant go, and by the time I get home, I've tightened my core so much for so long, nothing comes out.

I don't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I try so so so hard to get good sleep. To get enough sleep. I'm going to bed at fucking 930 how am I getting less than 4 hours total when that should set me up for 8 solid hours.

I work fucking everyday, still don't have enough money for literally anything. And now, they've been trying to send me home early by an hour. And they've tried to do it twice just this week. That's $26. That's 2 packs of cigarettes or half a tank of gas or dinner and lunch or cat food and toiletries. Like $26 is absolutely necessary considering what i get normally isn't enough.

My mental health is only getting worse. I cry every morning when I wake up from being exhausted from trying to sleep. My meds aren't doing shit at this point. I'm over eating and still unsatisfied because I'm not eating food I want. I'm eating whatever there to eat. And everything I wake up at night I've gotten into the habit to go eat fucking sugar.

I'm falling apart. And I'm bot ready for work at all and I have to go so fast now but none of my chores are done because I have so little energy to do them so my laundry is all in my hamper that I have to now dig through to find some clothes and my body hurts from needing to shit.

I can't keep losing my hours to being late. I used to have a schedule. A morning routine and I stuck with it and I could go to work and it not hurt and now, with g around, I can't function.

The mental illness is really mentally illnessing right now. I don't want to detach from them and I don't want to be angry at them but I am. I'm pissed they get to eat and sleep normally that they get to stay home. I know they're unemployed and it's freaking them out but like I want to stay home too.

I dont know. If I were actually on time I'd be leaving in 10 minutes to get to work 10 minutes early. But I'm still on the fucking toilet. Trying.

And why am I having such a hard time shifting when all I do is fucking eat? I mean I don't fucking understand.

This is too much. My life is too much and I don't want it anymore. There aren't good parts. There's escaping the really bad and the really bad. And no matter what it's exhausting.

I want to be done.

[skiniibuniii]

i dont have the energy but i have so much to do.

my bf last night accused me of being an addict and a "druggie" because 1. ive been taking my brother's extra clonidine to help my anxiety and 2. im trying to get a doctor so i can get my own meds for anxiety. he took my pillbox of which i also keep my old anxiety meds i never took when i did have a doctor cuz i have to take 6 of them just to stop my heart from racing as bad they dont do jack shit but ive been taking them out of desperation. the anxiety has become crippling. i need something. what im taking isnt addictive. i can understand him being worried when i get my hands on opioids, but i havent had any in a while and i try to be careful with them. i am def not addicted, when i had them for my teeth and then went off i didnt even get any real withdrawal symptoms just mental cuz they were also helping me mentally. not that thats a good thing. but my point is im not addicted to anything, im not planning on getting onto anything addicted unless a doctor gives me a prescription (like Klonopin or Xanax), im trying to be careful. i just dont want to be fucking bedridden ith depression and anxiety anymore.

he also went on this rant about how my mental health is invalad. i dont do anything and i havent been through as bad of trauma to be as depressed and anxious as i am. even if thats true, doesnt he know that mental health is often genetic? maybe i wasnt beat as a kid, but my mom also has crippling anxiety and always has. maybe i shouldnt be so sad i cut myself just because he never cut himself, but my mom was the same. i need meds, i was told this when i had a doctor, just from my family history alone even if i wasnt ruined by trauma.

i genuinely need help and i am not getting it.

TLDR im going to steal my pillbox back so i can hopefully feel okay enough to finish cleaning. i still have a lot on my to do list.

[thelocalconstellation]

Just gotta shout into the void for a minute

Something about the fact that I'm just. So fucking exhausted right now. Between work and school and the fact that I was sick for the last week, still suffering after effects actually, which caused me to miss 75% of the week, I'm so so so fucking tired. Nothing really helps either. I feel like my wizard keeps getting dragged into encounters I'm out of spell slots so I'm down to my last few hit points and I'm stuck fighting with my fists because I can't do anything else.

I can't do homework because I need somebody there I can walk through it with or I can't get my ridiculous fucking brain to understand it because my fucking adhd put my processing speed in the dirt and my doctor didn't want to put me on meds last time and my next appointment to go over it again with the doctor and my dad isn't until next tuesday and it doesn't matter I have three shifts left until the season is over for work I'm pretending to have energy when I feel like I haven't gotten to have a break since early august and the two or three days in this mess I haven't been trying to do school stuff or at work I can't relax because I should be catching up on notes or doing practice questions or working on things I missed or doing one of a billion things and two people I knew died in the last month and I don't know how to tell you that seeing a kid who barely hit adulthood, a kid barely older than you dead is really fucking bad for you.

I don't know if its hormones if its adhd if its just my world keeps getting shaken like a really fucked up snowglobe or what but I haven't been able to regulate my emotions at all in the last month and I can never keep a decent sleep schedule during the school year which makes literally everything worse and so I'm stuck in an endless loop of falling asleep in class, trying to do the things I need to for class, trying to do homework or whatever I didn't manage to finish in class, not being able to go to sleep until late because I don't get home until five, I have to have dinner and do the dishes and do homework and I need some time to do something fun or I'm going to hit burnout a lot faster than I should and by the time I manage to actually do half that its anywhere from 11:30 to 2 am and I have to get up early so I can go in to get help for chem because I fell asleep yesterday and I missed something and I don't understand the material because my brain refuses to take anything I learn and actually put it away!!!!!

Im just. So fucking tired. So so tired i want to be able to be nice and help people when they ask and do things but I'm in a damn near constant state of overstimulated and exhausted and I don't know of anything that I can do to fix it at all and i just dont know anymore.

I want to sleep. I have a headache. I cant sleep because I'm stressed about everything ever. I cant manage my personal hygiene well enough to try and even do anything about it via self care. I don't know how to dress or anything to give me any good vibes about my appearance beyond "this is socially acceptable". I barely know what I might want to do after high school but I have no idea if its attainable. I fucked up my savings by spending too much in places I didn't think I'd be going near and I still don't know how to remind my friends they need to pay me back for sushi without being rude because theres an extra 60 bucks I didn't account for.

I could barely stand in front of a mirror long enough to clean my piercings because I hate how I look when I've been crying and I hate how I look generally because nothing but my hair feels right anymore and I'm too tired for much else.

I've been being upbeat and energetic the last couple days at work when I want nothing more than to sleep all day because nothing else feels even remotely like it brings me joy anymore.

My brain feels so fucking loud all the time and I can't think and i can't focus and I don't want to spend money on constantly buying coffee in hopes I can focus the next class because that gets expensive and I don't want to do that with energy drinks because I don't want my kidneys to hate me and I don't know where the caffeine pills went and tea never has enough to help me focus and I can't get the adhd to bugger off long enough for me to do my schoolwork and I'm stressed and tired and I feel like I'm out of options. I don't have energy to hang around my friends much anymore. I've got one friend i can interact with regularly without being more tired and I don't know if I'll even have time to talk to them much this week. Nothing I've tried is working and I'm just. Tired.

Im just some kid. I'm too tired for this guys

[timjohns3rd]

Needing to open up

I know you or anyone will not see this..as everyone has removed me...but I just need to open up and talk and not hold it in.  Which I am glad no one will see this, as I dont want it to feel like trying to guilt anything, just trying to put my words out there.  I did wrong...and I know this.. ultimately I guess it was the ultimate unforgiveable wrong.  I may have thought wrong about Jon early on..due to stupid fear for one... yes some things was my emotions...but ultimately I always cherished the best friendship more than anything, and even early on I never wanted to lose it, no matter what my emotions wanted to think or do.  Coming off from the whole Tim bullshit, it did a doozy on me, as I kept fearing the worse for our friendship, and I misunderstood Jon 1000% then...due to not understanding the lifestyle, or thinking the worse again, without getting to know him.  After our break that November (and even then I thought it was influence when it wasnt), and during the Ohio weekend, I got to learn Jon better and understand. Before that...yes I had bad opinions on him, and at times you (to be fair...there were bad opinions of me before too...but it doesnt make it right)...while I tried to make amends within, it was too late in general.   I feel worse..and trying to get better on my own...but I really am missing my best friend.  Someone that I can talk to about anything...and someone in the last 2 years since Ohio, I only wanted as my best friend (with our usual joking aside).  Never have I had a friend EVER likle you were I can talk to about anything, and even someone that pushes me when I feel like I cant go on anymore.  I got more motivation and compassion from you than “family”, other friends, and even those I was in relationships with.  I have so much good and bad going on...and no one to share it with... like my own place...putting up the tree...the car accident (I was rear ended), and more.  Nikki wrote me off...which I understand...I no longer have contact with Abby and Bella (which hurts)...nor Benji (which MAJORLY hurts)...I do have Pepper...that I had to fight for...but to be fair...I dont want to keep Pepper from them...I still want to work out a trading schedule so they can see Pepper, and I can see Benji

I am no longer in wrestling...but that is because I dont feel safe in it anymore...as some “misfits” like to get involved in personal stuff that doesnt involve them...one argued it does but it doesnt...as much as all his FAILED dating the last 2 years have involved me or anyone outside of him... but it is what it is.  I am still dealing with the med backlash from when everything happened with Angie... I was so scared of myself with the delirium... hearing stuff...doing stuff...etc..and it will take alot of therapy for it..but I am working on this...and havent given up... Im alone..and at first I wanted to go this route...which may be why I tended to push people away...but it hurts more being alone... BUT... I do deserve it... and hope one day to fix everything... Dec is going to be hard for sure...not having the family atmosphere... or even anyone to get gifts for...plus when the 12th rolls around...not having my baby boy around...or my rainbow to get thru that day...

I do deserve this...I really do...in my heart I offer apologies, remorse and everything...maybe one day it will be accepted...know this..I realized how great Jon was... and I am happy you have him and he has you...I wish I saw this BEFORE Ohio...and before letting people get into my head and trying to manipulate me to get what they want...I hope you two have each other for years and years to come... I hope you know that NO ONE can replace you... I love you as the bestest friend I ever had... thru good or bad...thru travels...thru death defying Geocaches... thru loving me when I hated myself... and visa versa...for being my rock (not the one that ran into my car)... my motivation...my shoulder angel... and my life saver still ... Im trying to keep it going...just hope to see you again...  now people may ask why type this when its not going to be read... well..its better than talking to myself or the cat... and better than holding it in...sometimes things have to be let out to heal...no matter the outcome of letting it out

[wonwoonlight]

📣: Doctor!Wonwoo // fluff // 884 words

A/N: hohohoh here i have arrived w the last of my requests 😎 gonna open my request box back on in a bit but not right now because im working on sth :p if i managed to finish it today, then i’ll open it back in a few hours. if not, then myb tomorrow bc im sexc like that😎😎 anyway! enjoy this doctor!wonwoo finding out yn is sick by accident ohoho.

p.s. you guys do know my ask is always open even if the request box is closed, right? dont hesitate to drop by and say sth!🙈

edit: [part 2]

 find the rest of requested drabble here 

It’s been a few days since Wonwoo has last seen you. He’s been cramped with works and he barely even has time to sleep. The last he actually has a proper conversation with you is probably almost a week ago.

He sighs, rubbing his head as he waits for the next patient to come in. This is probably his last one of the day and he wishes you’re not too busy yourself so he can see you once he gets off work.

An elderly woman comes in by herself, telling him how she’s been feeling. Wonwoo just nods along, writing some stuff down before he asks the nurse to take the woman to the examination bed to do the standard procedure.

Wonwoo stretches in his seat after that, sighing in relief once the woman thanks him and walks out of his room. He’s about to gather his stuff and leave when one of the nurses comes back in, smiling at him with guilt.

“I’m sorry, Doctor, but Dr. Choi asked if you can take his last patient? He has a sudden call from one of the professors so he has to go.”

Sighing to himself, he nods before he sits back down as he cracks his neck. One more patient shouldn’t take that long. He doesn’t even look at the clipboard the nurse gave him, it’s probably another case of cold and fever. With the season getting colder, a lot of his patients have been having cold cases.

“Oh…?” the patient exclaims when the door opens, her voice strangely familiar.

Wonwoo looks up to see his girlfriend blinking continuously at him. “But I asked for Dr. Choi…?”

“You’re sick?” Wonwoo frowns, worry quickly filling his system. “And why didn’t you come to me?”

You smile guiltily at the nurse, though he seems to understand you’re not just a patient to Wonwoo. You sigh as you walk to the seat in front of his desk. You didn’t mean to come here, not wanting Wonwoo to worry; but the insurance from your company is only claimable if you go to this hospital and another one that’s two hours away. So, you have just wished Wonwoo would be too busy or off work when you’re here with another doctor.

“Because you’d worry too much,” you tell him. Well, no use hiding it anymore, now. “Did Dr. Choi send me to you?”

“Yes, he’s got a call from one of the professors,” he quickly answers, his posture turning straight. Wonwoo searches for your face, he can tell for sure you’re a bit pale than usual and you definitely seem much too lethargic for his own liking. “What are your symptoms?”

You blow out your cheeks, reluctantly telling Wonwoo you’ve been lightheaded for a few days now and got a little warm last night.

Wonwoo frowns even more, not liking the situation one bit. He knows you’ve always been rather independent, but does it need to be this extend? He keeps it to himself for now, not wanting to debate with you in his work place in front of the nurse.

“Go lay down so I can check on you,” he says, not meeting your eyes. Truthfully, you feel a bit guilty that Wonwoo has to find out this way. It’s not like you’re trying to hide it from him, but you figure Wonwoo’s been having a lot of patients than usual these days and you think you’d tell him if it gets worse after this doctor visit.

Who thought you’d end up with him in this room now?

As he goes to exam you, you don’t dare to meet his eyes. You can tell that he’s upset and he’s rightfully so, you’d be upset too if Wonwoo’s sick and didn’t tell you anything.

“I’ll prescribe you some meds that would help. Make sure to take everything,” Wonwoo curtly says, giving the clipboard to the nurse.

When the nurse goes out, he looks at you with something that you’d describe as close to disappointment. Before he can get even more upset, you decide it’d be better to act cute in hope it will ease things off a little.

“Woo~” you pout with your whiny tone. It’s a tone Wonwoo knows well, ones you use when you’re trying to get him on your good side. “You know I don’t mean to hide it from you.”

He raises one of his eyebrows, deciding to indulge your little game. “That’s why you step into this hospital and book an appointment with Hansol?”

You pout even more, looking at him pitifully. “It’s just that Dr. Choi has less appointments than you are.”

“You really think I’d buy that?” he asks, a bit amused. It’s kind of cute the way you’re making up reasons. “Whatever. Just get your meds and wait for me by the lobby. We’re going home.”

“You’re done for the day?” you ask, your eyes following Wonwoo’s figure as he moves around to gather his things.

“I should be until Hansol’s patient is referred to me.”

“Woo~” you whine again and Wonwoo just laughs at your tone.

He stands near you and hold out his hand to help you stand up, there’s determination in his eyes as you take his hand. “You’re not leaving your bed until tomorrow under my care.”

[angelicvomit]

i'm so unsure about my future. how it will look like? as a child, i wanted to be a doctor. i wanted to go to the med university, be a pediatrician just because i really liked my doctor back then. at some point, before middle school, i wanted to pursue art but my mom didn't let me go to the art school. and during middle school, i came back thinking about medical carrier, but this time, in mental health zone. psychology or psychiatry. and i was intend on this for my whole life, until covid happened, until my ex didn't ruin my mental health, until i wasn't kicked out of the school because we couldn't affort paying for it anymore. and as someone who had the worst time in her mental health back then, i didn't even consider going back to school. now, i don't even have a hs finished. i work a poor job that's not paying me enough but i'm worried i'll never find anything better than this. that i have to get used to be paid a shit money because i don't have any education to make it easier for me. i wanted to get courses to help me get any better job but if i don't have a good job that pays decently, i won't be able to save up for these courses, anyway. everything is just involved around money so how i can make my situation better if i dont have them? i'm working for two months now. and i just... i just can't get over it how unused i'm to live in society. i can see people being so different than me. i can see how others doesn't like people like me. i'm getting shunned just by existing, just by being quiet and passive. and i just can't understand it, i don't deserve such a treatment. but i guess, no matter what, humans will always try to find a way to feel better than others and people like me are just an easy target. people talk, they laugh, they make friends but i'm here to only make money. i'm not good in making friends, i'm not good in talking. it's just, everything that builds relationships is too tiring for me. there's no point in trying, especially if i already have people i talk to from time to time. maybe they're an online friends but it's better for me. i always lost every friend irl just because i hate going out and i'm bad at keeping a conversation going and after some time, people get bored of doing it by themselves and they forget about me and find someone better. i wish... i wish i don't have to work. i wish my art was more interesting so i could build an audience and earn money by doing commissions. but i can't. i tried to build my communitty for as long as i remember. and i still wasn't able to get more than 300 followers... and as much as i know, art is for myself and i do art for my own needs and wants, only big audience could give me enough money to let me live decendly in this country.

[random-fandom1]

I’ve been thinking about this for ages and have just gotten round to writing it. 

Some quick background information before we start. Peter is 27 in this and is dating Bucky who is genetically still 28 - 32 because of the cyro freeze. They’ve been dating for 3 years now and no one knows they’re dating (well, maybe some people know. They live with two assassins so Natasha must know, Wanda must suspect at least and Loki knows because he walked in on them doing the you know once. They had to slave after him for a week to make sure he didn’t tell anyone). 

It’s not like they’re hiding it but are at the same time. Who knows what Steve and Tony would do if they found out their precious little peter was dating one of their closest friends. 

Enjoy!

__________________________________________

The avengers have just finished fighting a villain, some kind of alien or something. Like any other time they’re in a fight, they didn’t all get out unscathed. It’s not too bad this time, Peters just fractured his wrist and dislocated his elbow when swinging around and falling. His dads (and Bucky in secret) insist that he goes to the hospital wing to get it checked on. 

This is how they’ve ended up in this situation.

6:48 pm

“But Jamieeeeeee! I want to do the interview, it’s James Corden. You know how much I love James Corden. My hand and arm are fine!” Peter whines trying to get out from under the scratchy hospital sheets Bucky wrapped him in. Bucky rubs the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. He loves his boyfriend but he can get really whiney and clingy when he’s doped up on pain killers.

“Doll, you know you have to stay here. We’ll have plenty of times to go on to The Late Late Show in the Future. For now, you have to rest,” he says as a nurse walks into check his vitals, “I’ll be back later Peter, be good for the nurses”. Bucky starts to exit the room, looking back as he reaches the doorway to see his boyfriend chatting away to the nurse with a pout on his face. ‘He’s probably asking her if she can discharge him without his dads knowing’ he thinks to himself. James smiles to himself as he walks down the corridor to the main floors so he can get ready for the interview.

8:34

It was going well. The avengers had just been introduced and had taken their seats on the 3 couches they brought out for them (Couch 1 = Tony, Steve, Natasha and Thor/Couch 2 = Wanda, Vision, Clint and Pietro because he never died/Couch 3 = Bucky, and supposedly Peter.) Tony and Steve were running late but promised they’d make it by 8:45. Traffic must of gotten bad because of all the paparazzi.

Once the audience had stopped cheering and they had all been introduced to the audience, James started off with the obvious question.

“I notice that we are missing a few people. Does anyone know whats happened to the Roger-Stark family?” James asked. Before anyone could answer they heard a voice coming from the back of the audience

“We’re here, we’re here. The Stark-Rogers are here. This one insisted we take him, no matter how much meds he was on. Children am I right?” Came the voice of the one and only Tony Stark-Rogers. Tony walked in front of Steve who was carrying Spiderman who was wrapped in a blanket burrito. They walked to the front where the rest of the crew were sitting, Steve going to the last couch to dump Peter. 

Bucky could feel his emotions swirling around in him. The frustration of Peter not listening to his advice, worry about his boy’s injuries and if they’ve healed properly as well as adoration for how adorable he looked wrapped up, while completely out of it. As Steve puts Peter on the couch, he let out a small ‘oof’ which James had to resist cooing at. Instead, he gives Steve a nod of acknowledgement and returns to surveying the area with a cold, emotionless look on his face, trying to keep up his dangerous, assassin persona.

At least that was what he was trying to do. It was kind of hard to be a murderous assassin when your precious boyfriend is all tired and clinging onto a blanket a mere 3 feet away from you. He tries his hardest to ignore him. He really does. But all hope is lost when Peter starts to slowly shift closer to him, muttering something about the warmth and ‘my bucky bear’. Peter, bless his little drugged out self, slowly and discreetly shimmies over to his boyfriend. All the attention is on the most well known of the avengers at the front so no one notices Peter nuzzle into Bucky’s side. 

“Babe, doll, what are you doing? We’re on live TV.” Bucky whispers, subconsciously wrapping his metal arm around his boy. 

“Oh Jamie, your nice and warm,” Peter says, muffled from where his head is buried in the crook of his neck. Everything blurs out in the background and the only thing Bucky can focus on is Peter. About how his steady breathing is hitting the exposed skin of his neck and how his petite frame is starting to koala hug his own muscular built one. The boy is perfect in his eyes. His boy is perfect. His. He can’t help but to copy his boyfriend and bury his own face into the boy’s neck.

“Bucky, what are you doing back there?” Comes an English accent from somewhere around him. As if on instinct Bucky replies,

“Hugging my boyfriend what does it look like?”

There’s gasps heard around them

Shit! He must have zoned out badly. Bucky looks up from where his face was in Peter’s neck, face a scarlet red and eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Looking around him, he sees a majority of the avengers with their eyes wide open, mouths agape. The crowd aren’t much better. The studio is dead silent. Peter lifts his head slowly, totally dazed, and innocently asks,

“What did I miss Jamie?”

Buckys eyes land on his boyfriends face, momentarily relaxing but quickly his eyes catch the ones of the people in front of them. His best friend and his best friends husband. Peter’s parents.

Gently placing Peter to the side, Bucky stands up with his arms out, as if he were approaching a lion. Steve has a look of shock and hurt on his face while Tony’s is radiating off pure anger. 

“We, I can explain. Stevie just - fuck, Stevie just listen to me. I love h -” 

Before he can finish the sentence Steve is grabbing him by the arm and taking him backstage into a private room.

8:58

“MY SON! MY SON BUCKY! You were telling me about this relationship for months! About how you’ve been seeing someone, someone younger. But you don’t really have a choice now with people your age, you can’t exactly go chasing 102-year-olds who look 30! He’s 27! Buck, how, why, Bucky -” Bucky cuts him off by placing a hand on his shoulder and massaging

“Stevie just shut up,” Bucky still knows how to shut him up when he’s about to have a panic attack, “Look, first I want to say that I’m actually only physically in the 28-32 age range. You are now older than me punk,

“Secondly, I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t feel this way, you have no idea how many nights I wasted trying to convince myself that I didn’t like him. I love him, and he loves me. You know better than most that you can’t control who you love. Peter, god Peter deserves so much better than me but I’m going to stay with him for as long as he’ll have me. I, I just adore him with every cell in my body. He makes me happy, when I see him he just lights up a room. I, I just love him, words can't express how much ”

Steve stays silent for a moment, looking deflated. Like the small, frail boy he was back then. He looks at Bucky and in that look, Bucky knows, knows that he is forgiven, given half the permission he needs, that he still has his best friend.

“Come here Punk,” Bucky says stepping over to Steve and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Love you Buck"

"Love you too, Stevie"

9:17

Bucky and Steve had been hugging for just over 7 minutes when Tony barges in with Peter groggily walking in behind him. He's still confused on what's going on, why are his dads so angry at him and Bucky?.

"Bucky," Tony starts off, "I give you forgiveness, a roof over your head, I fucking convinced the government that you weren't a threat! And you go ahead and date my SON!" You can see Tony slowly growing more angry by the second. He continues

"I'd have every intention to throw you out if it weren't for the fact that your Steve's best friend and Peters boyfriend. That would hurt them and I dont hurt those who I love, not anymore. So, I'm here to hear out your side of the story because funnily enough, doped up Peter can't really say things that make sense.'" All eyes turn to Bucky as he gulps but nether the less, starts talking

"Tony, and Steve because I didn't tell you the whole story. I'm going to be honest with you guys, yous deserve to know. I want to start of by saying that I am forever grateful for everything yous have ever done to me. I love yous,

"It was 4 years ago, just after I moved into the tower when Peter came up to me. The kid wouldn't shut up. I wanted to be alone, at least that's what I thought I wanted. We slowly became friends. I trusted him with my life. I helped him with school work, he helped me with nightmares. We clicked, we worked. Feelings started to develope after a while and one night when we were studying on his little balcony, he kissed me and I kissed back. We've been dating 3 years now and they've been the best 3 years of my life. I love him, so so much. So please, don't make us break up, I don't think I'd survive without him. He's my light, my star. I want to marry him and start a family, live in a house just outside of New York so its still convenient for spiderman and avengers business. Maybe have a dog and definitely some goats. I want all that with him" Bucky finished with a tear rolling down his cheek. He really hoped Tony would understand, understand that they love each other 

Tony sighs and rubs his forehead. All the gears in his head are turning and he's getting a headache. Tony sighs.

"Well, I guess there's not much I can do. I believe you Bucky, your a good man. I give you my blessing or whatever to date him. Can we go home now" Tony says walking away, talking to no one in particular. Steve chases after him, leaving the boyfriends alone in the studio room. Bucky is grinning like the Cheshire cat, that's not how he expected that to go. There was definitely more shouting in his head. Peter suddenly comes up to him and plonks a kiss right on his lips.

"Well then Bucky Bear, shall we go home?" Peter holds his hand out but instead of taking it, Bucky scoops him up and carries him out of the room.

"Of course doll, anything you want"

[cottoncandyjester]

Your OCs are so cute! How would they handle a darling that counters them i.e. theo w/ someone who can see through his manipulation, hikari w/ someone who refuses to be belittled, prince w/ a prudish or nonsexual darling?

Oh such a good question! thank you very much for the praise they are my babies ✨

This story contains: talk of sex, talk of abuse,drugs, mutilation, manipulation yandere behavior

Theodore

You don't fall for his bullshit

His emotional manipulation doesn't work on you

This both frustrated and amazed him

You were much stronger than he thinks

But it annoys him that he can't go the simple and painless route for this

Everytime he tries to manipulate you it usually ends with you shutting him down

"darling, my sweet angel won't it be much smarter if you stayed with me..listen to me"

"nope. I do what I want"

Wait you can't say that! That's illegal!

He immediately panicked and used force to knock you out

If his words won't work then it seems he has to keep you heavily sedated

Being a med student has beautiful benefits

He doesn't want to keep you like this but it's just until you comply

"angel? Sweetie..? Can you tell me what day it is?"

Silence.

A sigh escaped him as he watched your dull glazed eyes stare back into his, you definitely were too out of it to respond back. He unbuckled the straps he had put on the wheelchair before scooping you up and walking to the bedroom to place you into bed.

"maybe when the drugs wear off you'll be better yeah? I really hate seeing you like this..I miss our conversations and I miss your adorable fiery behavior even if it was a tad bit frustrating"

As he slid his jacket off he crawled into the bed with you hugging you close with a happy sigh inhaling the smell of your hair now

"we can try again tomorrow"

Hikaru

You brush off his insults and he hates it

His temper explodes and so he reacts in violence

Pure rage and violence

He'll put a permanent scar or mark on you that everyone could see

You will definitely have to deal with his feral side

He wants to be sweet and loving to you but he will also do what it takes to have you

You make things such a challenge

If fear of death makes you stay than damn it that's what he has to do

"come to me cutie, don't you want to cuddle?"

"I rather chew nails"

"the hell did you say, pig?"

His sharp tone made you huff lightly, his degrading was nothing new to you if anything you would just throw it right back at him

"you're th pig not me. You are as ugly as one"

Uh oh.

Hikaru tensed up and scowled before walking over to you and gripping you by your hair, giving it a harsh tug and pulling you on your knees in front of him

"listen here bitch, watch your damn mouth before I cut your tongue off! You stupid selfish disgusting-"

Hikaru Inhaled deeply letting out a shaky breath as he let go and cupped your face in his hands his blue eyes swirling with a devilish idea

"you know..you don't need fingers and a tongue to be adorable darling. I'll love you either way, so maybe it's time to make some changes"

Axis

No matter how helpless and pathetic he looks you won't fall for it

He could have been sobbing into your lap begging you to stay and you'll just push him off

This wasn't good

His method didn't work

He had to come up with something new

He restored to desperate measures

If you were handicapped as well you would have no choice but to stay

Doesn't want to hurt you

Sobs while doing it

Will only do it if all other choices fail

"p-please stay-"

"no, I'm leaving for good. Nothing you say will change that"

Axis was on his knees begging you to stay, he was crying so hard now knowing what had to be done. He leaned his head against your stomach with a gentle sigh as he slipped a hand into his pocket

"I understand, after all you can walk out if you wish just know that i love you"

"thank you for being understanding axis now please le-"

You winced and screamed when the male stabbed a needle into your thigh looking up at you his eyes pouring with tears, he looked like it hurt him more than it did you

"i-its okay honey! I'll treat you well, I'll just do something quick and easy like break your legs or maybe paralyze you from the waist down, we can be broken together"

He stood up as you were becoming limp in his arms and he peppered kisses lovingly along your face and neck with a happy hum

"I love you my sweetie"

Prince

Okay...no sex on the first day got it he can wait a day

A week later. No sex..okay?

Two weeks went by and now he was getting worried

You cringed at the utter mention of sex

He was going through a withdrawal

It was driving him crazy how much of a prude you were

Poor boy was being blueballed and he didn't like it

Pleasuring himself was totally not enough

He wanted to feel you

This was how he showed his love and the fact that he couldn't made him pissed

Hell your clothes covered your entire body

You even wore wet suits at the beach

WHO DOES THAT?!

by two months he had snapped

He couldn't take it anymore

He restored to drugging your drink with several aphrodisiacs

He kinda went crazy and mixed a bunch of different ones together

After that it doesn't take long til you are panting and writhing from the feeling

He was only being a sweetheart and decided to help

"what's wrong baby?"

Prince smirks against his beer can as he watched you press your legs together whining and whimpering as your body felt like it would melt.

"i-i feel hot..so hot"

Prince made sure to strike during a cuddle session, he put his can down and held you close tightly looking at you curiously, his smirk only getting wider when he saw just how adorable you looked

"should I help you!"

"i-we shouldn't-"

"do you want to suffer?"

That statement made you whine as he trailed his hands along your body watching you squirm around wildly

"calm down, I'll be gentle I'm just trying to help baby cUse this feeling won't go away on its own"

He will have to use drugs more often

Yuki

Blackmail doesn't work on you

You have nothing to lose it seems

This annoyed him

He just wants to love you why are you being so mean

He just wants to love you

He is normally too lazy for force but if he has to he will

His use of force will just be tying you up and holding you close

If he has to gag you he will

He will make sure you won't leave

Every escape you try is only met with disappointment

He always stays calm

Until you decide to break his fantasy

"leave me alone!"

"be kinder to your boyfriend..."

"oh my fucking God! You aren't my boyfriend! We aren't anything you are just a sicko who is obsessed with me! Go away!"

"but-"

I DONT WANT YOU! I NEVER WILL!"

There was silence after that and a soft sniffle escaped him before he simply reached out fast gripping your wrist while using his free hand to wipe his tears.

"that's not true- not true not true. You just forgot I'll have to remind you just how much I love you"

With that he threw you over his shoulder while tears rolled down his cheeks, he needed a good nap to sleep the depression away and if course you will be at his side so he can cuddle but first he has to take care of you.

You were so mean so he figured he can use his piercing kit to do something about that mouth, he's never pierced someone's mouth shut but maybe he can do that