#and i hate how some of the supporting cast essentially force you to care for the sister!

[heretical-final-boss]

I'm getting real fuckin' tired of jrpgs pretending I can shape my protagonist's personality over the course of the game. "Hey, here are these cool psychology tests to boost some as of yet pointless stats. Wow, you're really fucking selfish! Have fun only being nice or lukewarm "joke" interactions while you save the world!" To be fair, saving the world comes at the risk of some individuals, but they spend so much time basically telling you the silent protagonist is altruistic while hinting that you don't actually have to sacrifice anyone! But due to plot, you don't have the dialogue options to investigate into that. So you're just stupidly trundling along until someone else spells it out for you while swinging wildly between being lawful stupid and edgy stupid.

[lesbianrobin]

What do you think are the good and bad aspects of each season of ST?

ok 1. thank u for this question omg and 2. this answer may or may not be a mess, but either way it’s long (almost 7k words lmao) bc i’m insane, which is why it’s under a cut. it’s still by no means an exhaustive list but these are the things that just kinda came to mind.

also i realize you asked “good and bad” and i wrote this whole post as “strengths and weaknesses” which um. is not Exactly what you asked. but close enough <3 i also ended up including a lot of au ideas ksjdckmn bc like i personally hate when people say a certain plot or whatever was bad without suggesting anything that could have improved it yknow so whenever possible i tried to provide Some idea for fixing the issues i had with the show!!

season 1

strengths (this is probably gonna be the longest section but that’s because a lot of these strengths also apply to s2/s3 by default)

nostalgia and authenticity

this one’s pretty simple, but i think that season one did a good job of blending classic eighties media homages (such as the many many e.t./el parallels) with explicit pop culture references (such as mike’s yoda impression, mentions of the x-men, etc) to create a show that’s essentially dripping in early eighties nostalgia without it feeling too forced. before st, i think the most popular depiction of the eighties in mainstream media was that overly exaggerated neon scrunchie aesthetic from the mid to late eighties, and it was usually done in a comedic sense first and foremost. st took a different approach, instead focusing on the early eighties, a time that’s often ignored in favor of going either Full Seventies or Full Eighties, and i think that this choice likely resonated with adults who lived through the eighties and hadn’t yet seen something that felt quite so accurate to their own adolescence. a lot of young people who watched st were totally unfamiliar with this period of time, unfamiliar with books/movies like “stand by me” that st borrows from heavily, and i think st lent more seriousness to the eighties than most young people had experienced so far, and this was refreshing and interesting!

the use of dnd in the show is also quite genius in a way i’m not sure i can articulate?? it isn’t something Everyone would have played at the time, but it’s something that existed within a different context back in the eighties than it does today, and it really lent a sort of authenticity to the naming of the show’s sci-fi elements. like, of course these kids would name parallel dimensions and monsters and superpowers after these similar things in their favorite game! it just feels so real and it grounds st in our reality moreso than you might expect from the typical sci-fi or horror universe.

utilization of existing tropes

almost every single character in st clearly originates from some popular trope. the plot itself is riddled with classic eighties movie tropes. almost every single element of stranger things can be clearly traced back to some iconic eighties film or just to, like, overused horror/sci-fi/mystery/coming-of-age movie tropes in general. this might sound like a bad thing, but it really works in st’s favor! starting off with familiar tropes gives st the ability to easily create a lot of complexity and make a big impact by selectively deviating from those familiar, comfortable tropes!! while el’s whole plot, hopper’s character, etc, are all examples of this in action, i think the steve/nancy/jonathan plot is the greatest example. even from the start, the fact that good girl barb dies while nancy is off having sex with her asshole boyfriend is an incredibly thorough inversion of the most well-known horror movie trope in the book. how often do girls in horror movies have sex for the first time, walk home alone in the dark of night, and live to tell the tale? nancy and jonathan’s dynamic at first glance is a sort of classic “good girl meets boy from the wrong side of the tracks, discovers he’s actually got a heart of gold” thing, but instead of following this well-trodden path, st diverged. nancy is brash, impulsive, and at times downright insensitive. jonathan is angry, bitter, and actually a bit of a creep at first. while they have the capacity to emotionally connect and support one another, they can also bring out each other’s darker side, which is not what we’ve come to expect from that initial tropey dynamic.

in addition, steve, the popular rich asshole boyfriend, is actually... a human being! unlike the cartoonishly evil jocks that we’ve come to expect (especially from eighties movies), steve has complexity. despite his initial immaturity and selfishness, he’s also kind to barb, he backs off when nancy says no, he’s gentle and sweet when they sleep together, his first big Dick Move of the season is in defense of nancy, he realizes the error of his ways after the fight and does what he can to fix it, he’s worried about nancy when he sees that she’s hurt at jonathan’s house, and to top it all off, he ends up saving both nancy and jonathan’s lives when he could have just walked away, and the three of them all work together to fight the demogorgon. like... steve began as the most stereotypical character of all time, and by the end of the season, he had one of the most compelling and unique arcs among the whole cast!

finally, at the very end of the season, instead of dumping steve for jonathan as expected, nancy ends up getting back together with steve, and they’re both on friendly terms with jonathan. i realize that i just kinda. summarized s1. but my POINT is that i don’t think the dynamics between the monster hunting trio would be nearly as fun and interesting had the characters of nancy, steve, and jonathan not been set up to follow certain paths that we already had charted in our own heads. like, within the first couple episodes of s1, it’s pretty obvious that nancy and steve are gonna break up, nancy will get with jonathan, and steve will either die or go full evil or just never be seen again. like, duh! you’ve seen this story a million times! you know that’s how it’s gonna go! so, when the story DOESN’T go that way, the impact of each character’s arc and the relationship dynamics become stronger due to their unexpected complexity and authenticity. 

distinct plotlines separated by age group

this one’s rather obvious, but the way that the adults in s1 were essentially in a conspiracy thriller while the teens were in a horror flick and the kids were in a sci fi power-of-friendship story and all three converged at the end... wow. brilliant showstopping etc. not only was it just really well done and unique, it also gave stranger things near-universal appeal. like, there’s genuinely something for pretty much everyone in season one!

casting

obviously this applies to every season sorta by default, but when i think about what made season one So successful, i always think about the cast, and not just winona ryder. yes, she’s absolutely amazing in the show and it’s very doubtful that st would be as big as it is today without her name being attached to it from the start!! however, i think the greatest determining factor in st’s success is the casting of the kids, particularly millie bobby brown. like... el is just absolutely incredible. she’s amazing. this has all been said many times before so i won’t harp on it, but millie and the other kids are all So talented and charismatic and i think their casting has been instrumental to the show’s success.

strong visuals

the way that multicolored christmas lights which have been around for decades are now kinda like. a Stranger Things thing. jesus christ. those lights are probably the biggest stroke of stylistic genius on the show.

atmosphere and setting

this is probably like. the least important one here for me sdjncdsc because i think s2 and s3 both had like Even Better atmospheres and shit but s1 was good too and it laid the groundwork!! i know a lot of people would have preferred st be set somewhere more Spooky with lots of fog or giant forests or whatnot, and while i do enjoy thinking about alternate st settings and how they might alter the vibe, i think hawkins indiana was a good choice. as the duffers have said, placing stranger things in a fictional town allows them more flexibility than if they’d gone with their original plan of using montauk, new york. besides that, i think the plainness and like... flatness... of small-town indiana just Works. like, the fact that hawkins is never really scary on the surface is a big part of the horror in the lab’s actions and their impact. hawkins isn’t somewhere that people just disappear all the time. it isn’t somewhere known for strange occurrences (prior to s1, that is). it isn’t somewhere shrouded in mist and secrecy. hawkins on its surface seems like the sort of place with no secrets and nothing to fear, and that’s the point! the lab is out in the open! it’s right there! everything is so close to the surface, yet so far out of the public eye, and i think that really works.

the byers family’s whole deal (specifically the joyce/jonathan dynamic)

this is going here bc i miss it so bad in s2 and s3. i’m not one of those people who believe The Byers Are The Whole Point of the show, because st is and always has been an ensemble, and el, hopper, and the wheelers are just as instrumental to the plot as the byers, but ANYWAY, i do think the byers were one of the most interesting aspects of s1. joyce’s difficulties with supporting her sons as a poor and (implied mentally ill) single mother, jonathan’s stress as a result of having to earn money, care for his brother, and keep the house in order when his mother is unable to do so, and the resulting tension between them when will’s disappearance and supposed “death” brings the situation to a tipping point? holy shit! it’s so good! that argument after they see will’s “body” is just incredible and gut-wrenching. their relationship feels so real and messy and i think it’s just... good. also winona ryder REALLY acted her heart out and she carried a lot of s1 which i think people often forget to mention so i’m saying it here.

weaknesses

pacing/timing

ok so pacing is probably going to go in each season’s weaknesses, to be honest, because i think they all had a blend of some good and some bad pacing. good pacing is invisible pacing, though, so i probably won’t be putting it in any of the strengths sections and will only be focusing on it in the weaknesses. i’m also probably not going to talk about weird day/night cycle things, just because i don’t want to get nitpicky on timelines because that would require going back and rewatching things to double check timing which i don’t wanna do at the moment lmao. anyway, when i think of bad pacing in season one, i primarily think of two things: nancy’s little trip into the upside down and subsequent sleepover with jonathan, and the sort of staggered nature of the climax in the final episode. the latter is simple so i’ll explain it first: while i understand that each group’s respective climax is like part of a chain reaction and that’s why each big moment happens separately and at different times, i think that st is strongest when the whole group is together, and i think that makes the stakes feel higher too, so i’m not In Love with the way s1 separated everyone and gave each group their own climax. 

okay, now on to the nancy/upside down thing! idk if i’ve ever talked about it before, but i think the worst decision made in s1 by far is the inclusion of nancy’s brief trip into the upside down, wherein she dives headfirst into another dimension with absolutely no backup, watches the demogorgon chow down, freaks out and runs around for a minute, and then leaves. like... what the fuck? even putting aside what an idiotic decision this was (because i do think nancy’s tendency to rush into things headfirst is an intentional and consistent character trait), it just kind of destroys any remaining suspense surrounding the demogorgon and the upside down, and it accomplishes basically nothing besides scaring nancy enough to have jonathan sleep over, which is lame. i will break it down.

like, first of all, nancy just getting to waltz in and out of the upside down and get a good, long look at the demogorgon makes the entire thing far less mysterious, and by extension far less scary. like... before this scene, we the audience haven’t got a good look at the demogorgon. we’ve seen its silhouette briefly and we’ve seen a blurry picture of it, but nothing more, and i think that is far more effective at building fear than this jaunt nancy goes on which gives us a full view of the thing and makes it into less of a horrifying nightmare and into more of a humanoid animal. like, maybe this is just me, but i found the demogorgon far less intimidating after that scene than before. it also lets nancy and jonathan know For Sure that they’re right without providing any crucial information that they need to fight the demogorgon (aka it’s unnecessary to the plot), which removes a very compelling story element (the faith nancy and jonathan need to have in order to keep going against a vague and poorly understood enemy, the doubt they might have about each other and their own sanity, the possibility that they might be wrong, the trust they need to have in each other) a bit earlier in the plot than i believe is ideal. at the end of episode 5, nancy goes into the upside down and jonathan doesn’t know where she is and it’s intense!!! you’re thinking like, oh fuck, not only is nancy missing and fighting for her life now too, jonathan might be implicated in her disappearance!! some people already think he’s the one who killed will and people know that he took creepy pictures of barb and nancy before they both disappeared, maybe this is gonna cause some serious problems for him!! maybe nancy will find will in the upside down and she’ll help him survive!! fuck, maybe she’ll actually die!! this is huge!! and then episode 6 starts and they’re immediately like oh nevermind jonathan found the tree and got nancy out and she’s fine. my point with all of this is that nancy entering the upside down could have done A Lot in the grand scheme of the plot, but all it did was just... get jonathan to sleep over so he and nancy could have some awkward romance moments and steve could see them together and pick a fight. which could have honestly happened at Any point while nancy and jonathan were working together to hunt down the demogorgon, without ruining the demogorgon’s and the upside down’s mystique. so yeah <3

weird behavior and dumbass decisions that make no sense (aka the whole camera thing)

gonna go off about the teen plot again sorry but: why was nancy so unbothered and quick to forgive jonathan for taking those pictures? girl what the fuck are you doing? why wasn’t that a bigger deal? why was jonathan’s motivation for doing it so weak and why did they just kind of forget about the whole thing? why did nancy TRACK HIM DOWN AT THE FUNERAL HOME while he was PICKING OUT HIS BABY BROTHER’S CASKET to be like hey can you tell me what’s in this creepshot you took? it’s insane. it’s so insane. i mean i think the funeral home thing is hilarious and i don’t mind it being in the show necessarily but like my point here is that i think a lot of character decisions in s1 just kind of.. happened because they Needed to happen for the plot. like, they wrote this plot that required jonathan to be secretly taking pictures of the party and required him and nancy to work together after seeing something odd in the pictures, but they didn’t like... really consider what that event would mean for their characterization and relationship. the whole thing was sort of just dropped with minimal discussion and i think it did both nancy and jonathan’s characters a disservice and was really mishandled.

lighting and saturation/color grading

i am literally begging horror/sci-fi shows to let me see shit. i GET IT okay i understand that when you’re doing cgi effects it helps to keep the lights down and i’m not mad at any of the lighting in the demogorgon/upside down scenes!! i’m really not i think the demogorgon scenes in s1 all look sick!! but like... dude. the colors. where are they. why does everyone look like a vampire. i know blah blah this was probably an intentional stylistic choice intended to mimic film at the time blah blah but dude a lot of old movies are very colorful!! please just let people have color in their faces so everyone doesn’t look like a sheet of paper!!! also i’m white and not a professional lighting designer so yknow grain of salt but i think lucas was kinda poorly served by the lighting sometimes in s1. not Hugely so, not to the degree that i’ve seen poc be poorly served by lighting in other shows, but there were some times where it felt kinda like the lighting setup was just not designed with darker skin in mind. 

horror

i just personally don’t find s1 very scary like... ever. i don’t think they were really Trying to be extremely scary yknow so i’m not counting this as a big deal, but i do think that each season has improved on the horror aspects. i think s1′s horror lies more in the mystery and the unknown than in what’s seen onscreen, and as i’ve said already, i think s1 kind of fumbled that suspense ball.

season 2

strengths

the possession plot

i’ll warn u rn this whole s2 strengths section is probably gonna be really short bc idk like. how much there is to really say i feel like it’s all so self-explanatory skjncmn. anyway yeah the possession plot!! eerie as fuck, and noah OWNED. so did winona tbh and finn and sean etc but like. noah. wow! i think the possession plot helped the show maintain a good amount of tension and suspense throughout the season, and a lot of scenes with possessed!will are flatout disturbing to watch. in a good way. i think the mindflayer and will’s possession were far more genuinely frightening than s1′s demogorgon, and it provided a new layer of depth and intrigue to the antagonist besides just “bad monster want eat people.”

tone and aesthetics

halloween season... literally halloween season. halloween season. that is all.

actually i will elaborate a bit and just say that i think s2 did a good job of having the sort of foreboding vibe that s1 was often going for, but without the annoying darkness and desaturation. so points for that.

also st2 is like one of the best Autumn pieces of media ever like it just. like steve and dustin on those train tracks with the fallen leaves all around them.... god. god the vibes are unparalleled. all of the halloween stuff also really contributes to the nostalgia st runs on yknow it makes you think about childhood and trick-or-treating and you kind of get transported like damn... i remember going to the rich neighborhoods to score the good candy..... idk i just think the whole thing is incredibly effective. 

“babysitter” steve

by sending nancy and jonathan off together, the show created a problem: what to do with steve? this problem pushed them to create the unconventional and unexpected duo of steve and dustin, and the world is so much brighter for it. seriously though we all know steve and dustin are great i don’t need to argue that point. all i’ll add is that i think allowing steve to grow in this way, serving as a mentor figure and becoming genuine friends with someone so unexpected, really took the originality of his character to the next level. no longer content just to defy his archetype, in s2 steve begins branching out in ways that never would have been considered in s1, creating an incredibly complex and interesting person from the sort of character that most shows would have simply written out or killed off for convenience’s sake. and it works and steve and dustin are such a joy to watch and i love them. <3

the lucas/max plot

so first of all max mayfield is the most perfect baby girl on god’s green earth and idk what i would do without her but anyway. i think lumax is the best romantic relationship in the show and not just because they’re the only ones with like an age-appropriate approach to the whole thing. it’s also because their relationship accomplishes more than just putting the two of them in a relationship!! lucas and max spending time together motivates billy to do his evil shit, providing more conflict in the narrative, and it also helps establish max as part of the group in a relatively natural way while giving both her and lucas a great subplot. lucas (and dustin) has a crush on the new girl, they start spending some time together, and lucas ends up needing to decide whether he’ll keep the secret of the upside down and lose her, or risk both of their lives by telling her the truth. that’s a pretty big, character-defining decision that he gets to make!! max has to choose whether to trust this boy she barely knows and endanger herself, or to walk away and stay safe, yet another great character-defining choice that also contributes to the sense we get as an audience of max as somebody who’s incredibly lonely and desperate for love and connection. this post is way too long already and i have a ton more to say so i’ll stop now but yeah i think lumax really Works in the show without ever distracting or detracting from the overall plot and narrative in the way that some other ships (coughjancycough) often do.

balance between the normal and abnormal

s2 i think did a pretty solid job of melding daily life with more fantastical sci-fi horror elements. i enjoyed seeing so much of the kids at school in the first few episodes!! you really get a strong sense of where they’re at in life, what their daily lives are like, and you get a sort of gradual shift into madness that makes everything feel more grounded than i think it would if they had just leapt straight into the horror shit, yknow? 

the el and hopper dynamic

go back and rewatch s2 and tell me that’s not one of the most moving portrayals of parenthood and trauma and growing up that you’ve ever seen. you can’t. or well you can but i won’t listen. i really can’t imagine stranger things without el and hopper’s relationship, and it’s my absolute favorite part of s2. their whole dynamic is so beautiful and complex, and gives them each amazing personal arcs in addition! the black hole scene is literally one of the show’s greatest moments of all time. any given scene between the two of them in s2 is just guaranteed to be heartwarming as well as heartbreaking, and i think that makes for an incredible show.

weaknesses

flashbacks

okay this applies to Every season they All have too many flashbacks but in s2 specifically... please stop showing me shit from season one. i watched it. i know what happened. you don’t need to spoon feed everything to me!! flashbacks can be a really helpful way of delivering information to an audience, but st has a bad habit of not only being kinda demeaning in how often they flash back to shit that the audience already knows, but they also have a bad habit of using flashbacks almost as a crutch to avoid having to deliver information subtly and naturally. 

you know i gotta say it... the lost sister

this is so sad. the lost sister really is like a great concept for an st episode, and i’m not mad about the idea of st taking a break from the normal action to focus on one story for a full episode, but the execution of it was just dreadful. kali and her crew feel very over-the-top and stereotypical, and its placement in the season totally kills the tension and excitement that was built in “the spy.” 

i think the lost sister honestly could have gone over far better, even with the stereotypical fake-feeling gang kali has, if they had just swapped it with “the spy” like... ok, the end of episode five has el setting off to find kali and will collapsing on the ground seizing. right? imagine if, instead of immediately following will to the lab, we’d followed el. we don’t know what’s happening with will, but it’s a very simple cliffhanger that leaves us on edge without making us feel cheated by the show cutting away. we follow el on her little journey, everything happens much the same as canon, and then at the end, el sees hopper in scrubs. she sees mike, screaming, sees that they’re both in danger. holy shit!!! what the fuck!!! what’s happened since we left will seizing on the ground??? we feel el’s fear and confusion. she decides to go home. and then... boom. “the lost sister” is over. now, we rewind, right back to will seizing on the ground, and “the spy” commences. we learn how they got into the danger that el saw in the end of “the lost sister,” and we sit on the edge of our seats all through “the spy” and “the mind flayer,” KNOWING that el is on her way back to save them but not knowing when she’ll arrive!! idk i don’t think that would have necessarily saved lost sister but i think it may have alleviated some of the issues that i and many others have with it, timing-wise.

the nancy/jonathan sidequest

once again, the idea of nancy going off on her own little mission to find justice for barb after s1 is like. amazing. genuinely i love that plot for her and i can’t imagine anything better for her to have focused on in s2. unfortunately though i think her and jonathan’s little trip to see murray was just kind of... lame. the whole thing just felt like an excuse to get the two of them alone together, yknow? which is fine i guess people contrive all sorts of situations to get characters alone together for romance reasons but in this case i think it just really doesn’t work for me because of what it’s juxtaposed with. like, will is POSSESSED, and jonathan is just off on a mini road trip and sleeping with his bestie, and jonathan never seems to communicate to joyce/will that he left town, and joyce never like... thinks to tell him that will is like sick and fucked up and they’re looking at him in the lab??? like it’s so weird i know joyce always forgets about jonathan when shit’s happening with will but jfc you’d think at some point in that like... 72-ish-hour period where jonathan was out of town she would have thought about him. like at least once. maybe i’m forgetting something and she mentioned him sometime and i missed it but even still, i hate the juxtaposition of nancy and jonathan just like cheers-ing at murray’s place and sleeping together and whatnot while everyone else is dealing with possession or trying to hunt down dart yknow? it feels really boring in comparison and i think it could have been done far better. like it was SO insanely easy for them to get into the lab and get an admission of guilt and escape with it!! i think it might have been a lot more engaging if maybe someone from the lab tailed them to murray’s place and they had to like lose the tail and race to get the recording out to as many news outlets as possible before they got caught, or something like that. the tension in their plotline is completely resolved in episode four!! episodes five and six are just them screwing around and addressing envelopes. while there were a lot of strong ideas in this plotline (i really enjoy nancy going out of her way to get justice, and the fact that they have to water down the story to make it believable), i just think the focus on nancy and jonathan getting together hindered it a lot without adding a ton to the plot or their individual characters.

season 3

strengths

starcourt mall as a setting

while i don’t think the mall was utilized quite to its full potential (something i could make a separate post about if anyone’s interested), i do think that starcourt was a genius addition to the series. i’ve said this before, but building a new mall is a literal Perfect in-universe justification for a significant leap forward in fashion and aesthetics, and it provides a great location for characters to just... be characters. idk how else to articulate this i just think that the mall is a great setting to let people interact with each other and to bring people together who may not have been otherwise (i.e. scoops troop). not to mention how sick it was to see the mall get wrecked toward the end kdjncdkm like they were able to do so much more with the mall in terms of like The Finale than they could with just the byers house or the cabin or the school or even the lab. i love all the back tunnels they run through it’s such a fun like acknowledgement of how this glitzy eighties mall is just a real place where employees get shipments and take out the trash and shit idk it’s all about the perfect facade and what’s hidden what’s underneath what’s hiding in plain sight etc etc i’m just saying words now. anyway. 

willingness to experiment and go against expectations

gay robin. neon aesthetics. giant fucking meat monster. i know some people hate both the neon and the meat monster but i personally think they were kind of amazing and like. yknow regardless of personal tastes i think it’s impossible to deny that s3 had a lot of incredible visuals, and they’re all visuals that just wouldn’t have been possible if the show were too afraid to stray from its s1 aesthetic. robin being canonically gay (and her resulting friendship with steve) and the season’s striking visuals are two things that most everyone (besides like homophobes skjncdknm) can agree were great, right? and they were both departures from where the show began and what we all expected!! so yeah i think while some of the experimentation in s3 wasn’t ideal it was also that experimentation that allowed for some of the season’s strongest elements to come about.

the hospital sequence (and the season’s action/horror scenes in general)

this one is fairly self-explanatory. while they may have underutilized the “body snatching” element of the season, the hospital sequence with nancy and jonathan fighting off their possessed bosses did an amazing job of building tension and creating a genuine sense of really intense and personal danger.

in general i think that s3 melded action and horror rather well, particularly in the sauna test, the hospital, and when the mindflayer busts through the roof of hop’s cabin. horror can come from many things, and in this case, st elicited horror largely from the feeling of helplessness, and it was really effective for me personally. i think it worked better for me than s1′s brand of horror because it doesn’t rely so much on a lack of knowledge or a sense of suspense that inevitable disappears upon a second viewing.

the body horror we got in s3 was also really fun! that’s it i just think all the blood and guts and slime were fun and i would like more of them. once again, the impacts of body horror are less dependent upon the viewer being in the dark or unsure as to what’s happening, and as such i think it tends to be a little more effective at eliciting reaction in the long term.

timing and mechanics of the battle of starcourt/finale

i think the battle of starcourt is just fucking awesome, and beyond that personal opinion, i think it’s the most high-stakes and intense finale of all three seasons, and this is for two main reasons! 1. el is out of commission, and 2. (almost) everyone is in the same cental location. this means that (almost) everyone is in danger all at once, and they are all working together at the same time to fight the same threat. s1/s2 have their groups more fragmented for the finales, and while i understand why in each case and i wouldn’t call either season’s finale necessarily weak, i do think the centralized nature of the s3 finale just Works on another level. in s1 and s2, large segments of the cast are already perfectly safe by the time el dispatches the primary threat. in s3, however, everybody save for dustin and erica is still in danger up until the last moment, and el is seemingly (you can def debate how much power she still had in her when she peeked into billy’s mind and whether the memory broke the mindflayer’s hold on him or if she was actually controlling him to some degree) completely vulnerable. this increases the tension and raises the stakes, making the finale a real crescendo to fortissimo as opposed to a series of little mezzo forte moments. i hope everyone reading this knows music idk how else to phrase that my brain is stupid.

emphasis on friendship and adolescence (but in a different way than s1/2)

this is definitely a controversial one but i think that s3 really did like... show a side of friendship that had been more or less unexplored thus far in the show. el and max were amazing, and i think it’s really nice that we got an opportunity to see the kids have some growing pains as well as see them support each other through Normal Adolescent Stuff like boyfriends and breakups instead of just like. death and trauma. this is maybe just a personal preference, but i think it can be really enlightening and provide a lot of depth when you get to see how characters respond to normal everyday conflict and not just how they respond to giant world-ending conflict!! letting el use her powers for goofy teenage shit like spying on boys and messing with mean girls at the mall is not only fun for her and the audience, but it also really emphasizes just how much those powers are a part of el, making it that much more devastating when she loses them at the end of the season. 

weaknesses

tonal dissonance

so this is like. obvious. but it must still be said! i won’t go on and on about it since we all know this so i’ll try to like talk about it from an angle people don’t usually? anyway. it seems to me like they were maybe a little worried about s3 being too dark. while the choice to really lean into humor was definitely driven by the sorts of eighties teen films from which s3 drew inspiration (like fast times at ridgemont high), i think it was also done in an attempt to alleviate the more troubling implications of some events in the season, particularly the russian bunker plot. like, yeah, st can be incredibly dark, but if they’d played the whole “children being stuck inside of a foreign military base, tied up, tortured, and drugged” thing completely straight without the humorous elements that exist in canon, it had the potential to be like... disturbing on a new level. steve and robin don’t have powers like el yknow their kidnapping/torture doesn’t have any sci-fi elements to sorta soften the blow. they’re just innocent teenagers being brutalized and traumatized by grown men. so anyway yeah i think maybe the writers were concerned about this storyline coming off as too dark and they wanted it to be a little more whimsical but they ended up pushing way too hard in that direction and creating extreme dissonance at times. this goes for joyce/hopper/murray/alexei too, but to a lesser extent. i think the ridiculousness in that group felt a lot more like... realistic. but still. 

newspaper plot

once again i feel like i don’t even need to say this skjdncmn we all know it was insane how the show basically ended up delivering the message “while misogyny is a serious problem poverty and classism are not” and i’ve said it on this blog a million times so i don’t need to repeat myself. i’ll focus on another weak point of this plot: the fact that it completely separates nancy and jonathan from everyone else. once again, the show’s preoccupation with j/ancy held them back! like... can you imagine a version of s3 where nancy and jonathan both worked in the mall? i have a lot of ideas about this possible au and like how the plot could play out differently if they worked in the mall but first of all it’s just more realistic, second of all it further utilizes the mall as a central setting, and third of all, it would bring everyone together. as it is in canon, nancy and jonathan were unnecessarily isolated from the rest of the group, and this isolation was detrimental to both of their characters. like, they only ever get to interact with each other! if they’d gotten summer jobs in the mall, they could have had more interactions with the kids/steve/robin, and they absolutely still could have had a similar argument! maybe in this case, nancy notices the rat thing (or something else odd) herself when taking out the trash behind the mall, and she wants jonathan to ditch work with her to check it out bc she thinks it may be related to the lab. jonathan doesn’t want to ditch work because he needs his job, nancy argues that they’re working shitty mall jobs anyway and who cares if they get fired, and we get more or less the same thing as s3 without the cartoonishly over-the-top misogyny. i mean honestly i think the rat shit could have been cut entirely it didn’t rly... accomplish much of anything. in my opinion. like imagine s3 without the rat plot you literally would not be missing anything except it would be more surprising when the dudes melted into goo at the hospital. so yeah i think it would have been better if nancy and jonathan had jobs at the mall, weren’t isolated from everybody else, and were maybe absorbed into the party’s plot or the scoops troop’s plot from very early on, allowing them to interact with more characters and have a less... dumb.... plot. like god splitting up nancy and jonathan between the party/scoops troop would have been So Much better i just. sdkjcnksdmn anyway yeah.

briefness of group reunion/separation of groups

remember in s2 at the beginning of “the gate,” where mike and hopper had a confrontation and max and el met for the first time and el hugged everyone and steve and nancy had their sad little moment together outside... where’s that energy? obviously the s2 reunion wasn’t that long either, but it made space for some significant emotional moments to take place. s3′s reunion had some hopper/el/mike resolution, but besides that... there was nothing, really. i just think that the whole group getting together in s3 was SO exciting and powerful the way they did it (with both the scoops troop and the adults having their own Big Moment reconnecting with team griswold family), but the emotional potential was more or less squandered. 

i also think in s3 at times they were really stretching to keep everybody separated even though it made no sense. and like... in s1 the separation worked bc nobody else knew that (x group) was experiencing weird shit too, and beyond that, each group (as i mentioned in the s1 section) was sort of operating within their own genre and bringing something unique to the season. they’ve stopped doing that though! now, the groups aren’t separate bc each plot is tonally/structurally different, the groups are just separate bc... they need to be, because it’s a big ensemble cast and you can’t just have them all be together for a whole season or it would be way too difficult to coordinate things and keep the show dynamic. all this is to say that i’m excited for s4 because the location differences make it so there’s a Reason for each plot to be separate at the beginning, and i think that’ll work better.

general ridiculousness

i dont mean like i think it’s bad that they made jokes this is just me lumping in all the dumb shit like hopper not worrying about el and not wanting to check on the kids, him and joyce bickering long after they both know they and their children are in danger, max seemingly forgetting that billy is a racist abuser, etc etc. i think many of these are just a symptom of the show 1. trying desperately to keep the groups split up a certain way even though it may not make any sense, and 2. trying to fit into a certain genre/trope mold when their actual characters are more complex than the tropes they’re imitating. this is so fucking long already i am not gonna elaborate further rn but i trust u all know what i mean.

soooo... yeah, that’s about all! i mean it’s not all there are definitely many more things i could talk about and i know i focused sorta disproportionately on the teens which is my bad :/ but i’m done for now. thank you for asking, and apologies for the delay in responding!! i’m sure some people reading (if anyone read this far) will disagree with some of what i’ve said and that’s alright like i’m not The Authority on st or anything i’m just trying to talk about like my own thoughts yknow? so yeah luv u all i hope someone enjoyed reading this!!

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[usergreenpixel]

Frev writing prompts, Part 5! Seriously, I have no idea how I keep coming up with these. 😅

36. The protagonist was born and raised by a troupe of traveling performers. For as long as they can remember, they have been traveling from place to place, never staying anywhere for a few days at most.

The protagonist’s father is the troupe’s flutist and singer while their mother is a puppeteer so the youth has always had a passion for the performing arts and dreams of traveling all over Europe with their big happy family.

Nicknamed “L’œillet rouge” (The Red Carnation) by the troupe as an homage to their father’s favorite flower, the protagonist enjoys playing the flute and singing with their father, as well as putting on puppet shows with their mother.

With a song in their heart, a smile on their face and their father’s precious flute in their hands, the protagonist travels all over the country with their family, entertaining the people of France but never settling down and they like it that way.

But one day, while the troupe is staying in Paris and putting on a rather satirical puppet show which mocks the current regime, the protagonist’s parents are suddenly arrested by the police. Apparently, the father is a dangerous rebel while the mother is guilty of having sheltered said rebel years ago.

The protagonist is convinced that there must be a mistake and decides to rescue their parents with the help of all the other troupe members, including the protagonist’s older maternal half-brother and their maternal grandparents, all of whom are eager to help.

The time is limited and the rescue will be far from easy, but the protagonist will be damned if they don’t at least try to succeed. So, with that in mind, the young flutist and their family start to concoct the rescue plan...

37. Rumors have it that people who have been murdered tend to become vengeful ghosts and haunt their killers to exact revenge.

This is certainly true for Robespierre and his supporters. Unable to find peace, their souls are brought back to the realm of the living, seeking revenge on the Thermidorians.

This particular circumstance is quite convenient for the protagonist, a spirit medium who summons these ghosts and intends to use them as tools in their plan to torment the Thermidorians and avenge their family that got massacred in Lyon, skillfully using the revolutionaries’ restlessness and anger to achieve their goal.

However, soon certain events make the protagonist question the morality of using these spirits. Perhaps the protagonist is no better than their enemies if they are not above manipulating others. Perhaps there’s another way… Nonsense! It’s not manipulation if the other people also want revenge and are dead anyway...right?

38. The heroine of the story, like many other girls of the noble class, grew up and got her education in a convent in her hometown of Caen, France.

As a result of this upbringing, the young woman is rather used to a sheltered life, her idealism is through the roof and she is rather nostalgic about her life in the convent and her friendship with another noble girl, Charlotte Corday, who is the heroine’s closest friend and confidant.

At first the noblewoman wants to stay out of the events of the revolution, dreaming of taking her vows as a nun and living a quiet life in the convent, but those plans are abruptly thwarted by Corday, whose influence slowly gets the naïve heroine deeper and deeper into the mess that is the French Revolution.

Being idealistic, easily trusting, quiet, pacifistic and devoutly Catholic, the heroine initially follows her best friend’s lead and trusts her judgement since Corday is the closest thing to a big sister that the young woman has.

However, when Corday tries to convince her to kill Jean-Paul Marat and end the revolution, the heroine starts having mixed feelings about her friend’s decisions, despite being angry with Marat for her own personal reasons. After all, her faith teaches to forgive, not to judge and take revenge, so now the heroine must make a choice.

Will she betray her best friend and ruin the plan or will she cast aside her morals to help Corday and, presumably, the rest of the country? Is Marat really the bloodthirsty monster that Corday says he is? Is there another way to deal with the situation at hand without any casualties? And what consequences will the main character face for the choice she makes?

39. The main character is an illegitimate son of a Russian noble and a serf (yes, serfs were still a thing in Russia) who got taken in by his father as a “ward” and sent to France to get a good education, as everything French was very fashionable in the Russian Empire at the time.

There, in Paris of 1789, the young man absorbs all the knowledge he can, learning languages, reading the prominent books written in the Enlightenment era and even befriends a man by the name of Maximilien de Robespierre, a lawyer from Arras and the representative of Artois.

Considering that Robespierre was almost born illegitimate, he is the first person in a long time who doesn’t judge the protagonist for the circumstances of his birth and accepts him for him. Excited to be accepted at long last, the young man begins to look up to Robespierre as a mentor and an older brother of sorts, quickly absorbing his ideas and supporting him.

So, naturally, when the revolution begins and the young man finds himself trapped in Paris, he joins the revolutionaries to fight alongside his mentor.

Thus begin his adventures.

40. The protagonist is a child of criminals forced to survive on the streets after losing their parents until they’re eventually taken in by a seemingly sympathetic Jacobin, given a new name, a home and a fresh start in life. The protagonist essentially becomes the revolutionary’s ward and their guardian even takes them to the Convention so the youth can observe the meetings.

All seems good for the protagonist...almost too good to be true. But eventually certain events force the protagonist to wonder if their new guardian truly cares about them.

Could it be that their Jacobin guardian has some sinister motives? And will the protagonist be able to move away from their “bad” heritage and live an honest life at last?

41. Barras is in love. Again.

Head over heels over a pretty servant he recently hired and she even seems to like her employer back. Even her suspiciously strong resemblance to a certain Jacobin who got executed in 1794 isn’t a dealbreaker for Barras and the smitten man writes said resemblance off as a coincidence.

The other Thermidorians, especially Fouché, are not that blind and they fear that a relative of that particular executed man is here to seek revenge. Fouché decides to investigate this seemingly ordinary and harmless young servant, suspecting that she has quite a few skeletons in her closet.

Are these suspicions going to be confirmed or is Fouché simply being paranoid?

42. Thermidor has just taken place. The Jacobins are imprisoned and it seems like the traitors are going to win. All hope is lost for the Jacobins and their enemies rejoice.

But little do the Thermidorians know that by betraying and imprisoning all the men who stand in their way, they have just acquired new enemies - women.

Revolutionary women.

Wives, daughters, sisters, nieces, goddaughters, lovers, wards, friends and sympathizers of the captured Jacobins who are not going to sit back and give up.

Seeing how bleak things are, these women, led by a mysterious woman who conceals her face behind a mask and calls herself “Citoyenne Liberté” (Citizen Liberty), decide to rescue their imprisoned loved ones from the clutches of the Thermidorians.

They’re running out of time, they’re outnumbered and not equipped with proper weapons, but that is hardly a problem they can’t solve and they’re willing to fight against the odds regardless of the obstacles.

After all, Heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned, which is what the Thermidorians are about to learn the hard way.

43. A singer and actress who used to perform in Venice flees to France after a scandal demolishes her reputation. Having only her voice and her acting to make ends meet, for a while she tries to find work in Paris but barely makes enough money for her and her son to survive.

Her only friend and confidant in this bleak situation is a future revolutionary who happens to admire the heroine’s singing and strongly believes that she deserves better. He even bonds with the actress’s toddler son and is willing to step up and become a proper father figure for the child.

Thanks to said revolutionary, the heroine’s life begins to change for the better and she decides to settle down in Paris. Even when she learns about the approaching revolution, she chooses to stay in the only place where she feels like she can belong.

What’s more, the actress finally finds her new purpose in life. She too can fight for the cause of her new partner and his friends, in her own way.

How is a woman whose main talents are acting and singing supposed to be able fight, you may ask? Why, by becoming a spy for the Jacobins and the singing voice of the revolution of course!

And she might just be able to prove that anyone can be a revolutionary and one doesn’t need to be a fighter nor an orator to help a noble cause.

44. A female servant working for Georges Danton has to practically flee the house of her employer after the latter crosses all the possible boundaries while drunk.

Fearing for her safety and profoundly traumatized by the event, the servant is found and taken in by a seemingly sympathetic man who sees Danton as a sworn enemy for his own reasons. Considering that both have a grudge against Danton and the man is a journalist, he and the servant team up to bring Danton down.

Will they succeed? Why does the journalist hate Danton? And is his desire to aid the heroine genuine?

45. Paris, France. The revolution is in full swing.

The Committee of Public Safety has to deal with multiple issues, the ongoing war is depleting France’s resources and the situation seems dire.

What’s more, a new newspaper, “La Voix de la Justice” (The Voice of Justice), began to circulate in the city. While this particular fact isn’t that surprising by itself, the thing that sets this newspaper apart from the rest is the fact that its author is anonymous.

Nobody knows who writes this newspaper but the articles are quite good and this mysterious person has already exposed several people who were using the Reign of Terror as an excuse for their atrocities.

Naturally, all these details catch the attention of Jean-Paul Marat and Camille Desmoulins, two of the most prominent journalists of that time. Intrigued by this new newspaper and its author, the two revolutionaries team up to track that person down, if only to find out who they are and thank them for helping their cause.

46. The protagonist grew up believing that Robespierre is single handedly responsible for the execution of their beloved aunt and uncle and, as a result, believes that the man deserved to be executed for that betrayal.

However, the protagonist is soon forced to question their judgment when their older cousin, Horace Desmoulins, reaches out to them in a letter, inviting them to Paris and claiming that he found evidence proving that in actuality Robespierre attempted to save Camille and Lucile Desmoulins, Horace’s parents.

Although the protagonist is skeptical at first, since Horace has always defended his godfather, they are still intrigued by their cousin’s invitation and leaves Guise to join Horace in his investigation.

Together, the two cousins are both determined to clear the names of Horace’s parents and figure out what role Robespierre actually played in the family tragedy.

47. The five protagonists are all members of a heavy metal band whose name and songs are an homage to the French Revolution.

Previously little more than a quintet of college misfits determined to rehabilitate this particular event and tell the real story through music, the band finally starts gaining popularity after a successful concert at a music festival in Marseille.

And then things take a turn for the unexpected when the band gets into an accident on their way home, only to wake up in Revolutionary France. Naturally, they now must survive and return home but this adventure might just become the inspiration they needed so much...

48. After the protagonist’s father leaves them and their blind mother behind to move to Paris, the protagonist is naturally upset. Year after year, they wait for their father to return but he never does.

In 1789, after losing their mother to an illness, the protagonist decides that enough is enough and travels to Paris to confront their father. To their disgust, they soon find out that their father is now remarried, with a new family and quite rich while the protagonist is basically a pauper. Moreover, the father seems to have joined the revolutionaries, which is something that the protagonist cannot approve of either.

Now the protagonist wants to make sure that their father faces the music for his betrayal so they contact a journalist who is about to expose said father in an article.

A story of one of his enemies leaving behind his first family will be a nice addition to the already existing accusations of corruption, but the protagonist and the journalist soon realize that they are not immune to the consequences of their actions either and this article might cause more damage than they think it will.

49. (A reimagining of Aladdin) After their flute is broken beyond repair, the protagonist goes to a pawn shop to find a replacement for their practice.

It is there that an old ivory flute catches their attention so the protagonist purchases it, has it professionally restored and decides to keep it, ignoring the warning of the shopkeeper that it’s cursed and the suspiciously low price.

The protagonist is a skeptic and never believed in magic, curses and other occult things.

That is until they play the flute for the first time and a man poofs into existence like a genie from a lamp. Introducing himself as Louis Antoine de Saint-Just, he informs the protagonist that he used to be the owner of the flute but is now trapped in it because of black magic.

Despite their skepticism, the protagonist cannot logically explain anything that’s going on but wants to help so they strike a deal with Saint-Just - he is going to help the protagonist win over their love interest in exchange for freedom.

As for how the spell is supposed to be broken, the protagonist is completely clueless but their mysterious neighbor with a knack for alchemy and the occult might be able to help…

50. Lyon, France.

The future Thermidorians mercilessly massacre innocent people and rule with an iron fist. Just today they massacred several prominent noble families of the city for defying them.

However, what the tyrants do not know is that they didn’t massacre everyone, for the daughters of the executed nobles are currently living at a convent to get education, as was common back then.

Upon receiving the tragic news and fearing that these young girls are going to end up on the death list, two nuns, the heroines of the story, come up with a plan to escort the girls out of the city and get them to a different location where they would be safe.

The plan is daring but the risk is too high to sit there and do nothing. Will the nuns be able to keep their students safe?

Let me know in the comments or DMs if any of my prompts interest you! I can help you with certain prompts if you want! 😊

[lucky-katebishop]

What I Read in July 2021

Oh, man, this is gonna be a long post. I bookmarked 33 fics, all of them Harry Potter related, with a few cross-overs.

Forget-Me-Not by Lomonaaeron *favorite*

Plot: Harry isn’t the Boy-Who-Lived, but his parents still died, and Albus Dumbledore, concerned that Death Eaters might seek the boy’s death, cast a powerful charm on him to make wizards ignore him before Harry was left with the Dursleys. Except, with the Elder Wand in play, the charm was far too powerful, and made others essentially forget Harry existed when not directly interacting with him. Sorted into Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, Harry lives a contented life with no one either loving or hating him…until the charm breaks on his seventeenth birthday, and he’s suddenly plunged directly into the middle of a living world at war.

Characters: Harry, Theo Nott, Dumbledore, Neville, Ollivander, Lupin, Rabastan Lestrange, Ron, Hermione, Draco, original non-human characters, Peter Pettigrew, Umbridge

Relationships: Harry Potter/Theo Nott

Warnings: none apply

Tags: ancient runes, socially awkward Harry Potter, Ravenclaw Harry Potter, Harry Potter is not the boy-who-lived, angst, romance, horcruxes, muggleborn registration commission, blood magic

My Notes: I inhaled this in one sitting and then cried for like 10 minutes afterwards, it’s so beautifully written, it became an instant favorite

*complete*

He Turned Around by ChipOfftheOldSoul *favorite*

Plot: When the Goblet of Fire spit out Harry's name that Halloween night, he was told to join the other champions. Instead, he turned around and walked away.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Ron, Hermione, Victor Krum, Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe, Goyle, Daphne Greengrass, Fred & George, Marcus Flint, Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis

Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter; Harry Potter & Severus Snape; Draco Malfoy & Severus Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, mentioned homophobia

Tags: book 4, good Severus Snape, good Draco Malfoy, good Slytherins, smart Harry Potter, Dumbledore bashing, manipulative Dumbledore, past child abuse, runes, slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, Slytherin Harry Potter, Hogwarts House re-sort, no Ron bashing but he’s not great for a while

My Notes: I’ve already read this twice in less than a week period and I cannot wait until it’s updated (hopefully it’ll be updated) and I absolutely love the way it’s written and Harry’s characterization. I also very much appreciate that there won’t be Ron bashing, I’ve read too many Ron bashing fics, but I am here for all of the Dumbledore bashing!

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

Stars by LilyIsAwesomerThanYou

Plot: When Snape discovers Harry's abusive past during an Occlumency lesson, Harry panics. Snape is forced to take care of him in the aftermath. Mentor/guardian fic. As always, no slash.

Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, depression

Tags: Severitus, angst, drama, past abuse, hurt/comfort, mentor Snape, guardian Snape, occlumency

My Notes: Snape is a dick in this one, and so far he has not gotten any better, just a warning, but there’s some great Harry angst going on here (that’s why I bookmarked it). Yeah, Snape is pretty evil in this one, there’s some victim blaming and just straight up verbal abuse from him.

*incomplete* [last updated 2018]

violet hill by rejectedreality

Plot: Where Harriet Potter is Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’ soulmate.

Fandoms: Harry Potter & MCU

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Harry Potter, Steve Rogers, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Harry Potter; Steve Rogers/Harry Potter; Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers; Bucky/Steve/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, emotional/psychological abuse

Tags: fem!Harry Potter, soulmate-identifying marks, age difference, angst with a happy ending, it gets worse before it gets better

My Notes: this is so, so, so fucking beautiful! I am straight up in love with this fic, and I am so sad that it hasn’t been updated for a few years because there was so much potential. There are some hints at underage couples, as Harry’s 15 while Bucky and Steve are adults, but nothing actually happens.

*incomplete* [last updated 2017]

trapped in a blue haze by MourningElegance

Plot: “And in that moment, Draco knows. He knows that all his deep-rooted suspicions about Harry’s childhood are terribly, horribly true.” As their relationship grows, so do Draco’s misgivings about Harry’s past.

Rating: Explicit!!!

Characters: Harry, Draco

Relationships: Harry/Draco

Warnings: explicit sexual content, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: established relationship, smut, porn with plot, explicit sexual content, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, cuddling, post-war, post-Hogwarts, auror Harry Potter, POV Draco, character study, sickfic, epilogue what epilogue, injury

*complete*

From the Dungeons by huntersg1rl

Plot: One conversation goes slightly differently. How much does it change? Features a caring Snape, supportive Malfoys, strong friendships, and Slytherin Harry.

Characters: Harry, Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, Snape, Narcissa, Lucius, Sirius, Remus, Pomfrey, Dumbledore

Relationships: pre-Harry/Draco; Severus Snape & Harry Potter

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry Potter, Good Severus Snape, good Lucius Malfoy, good Narcissa Malfoy, manipulative Dumbledore, POC Harry, animagus transformation, wizengamot, politics and culture

My Notes: YA’LL! This one is so cool! It’s going under some major maintenance at the moment, so it’ll be a bit of a wait until it gets going again but I recommend reading it immediately before the changes get enacted. I don’t want to spoil anything, but Harry’s a BAMF in this series, especially when we get to book 3

*incomplete* [this is a series, first three parts are completed, last updated February 2021]

Fighting for Freedom by dreamsofmermaids

Plot: At the end of a horrific fourth year, Harry overhears something on the train back to London that sets in motion a series of events that will reveal truths, change decisions, and send Harry on a path to true freedom. But nothing comes without a fight.

Fandoms: Harry Potter & Criminal Minds

Characters: Harry, Snape, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon, Emily Prentiss, Sirius Black, Voldemort

Relationships: to be announced (I know, I’m sorry, I hate this too)

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, major character death, attempted sexual assault, implied/referenced child abuse, suicide attempt, kidnapping

Tags: Dumbledore bashing, Weasley bashing, Hermione bashing, Harry runs away, Snape bashing, not so evil Voldemort, trouble magnet!Harry

My Notes: this one is really good and it features a Harry and Dobby friendship. I’m gonna spoil it right now, Hotchner is Harry’s dad, I hate it when it doesn’t state it in the tags

*incomplete* [last updated February 2021]

From Grace by silver_fish *favorite*

Plot: From the top of the Astronomy Tower, the stars always look brighter. Funny, how Harry can’t seem to find them at all anymore.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, implied/referenced child abuse, attempted suicide

Tags: set during Ootp, insomnia, nightmares, teenage angst, emotional hurt/comfort

*complete*

A Beautiful Lie by Panis_fluvium

Plot: Harry receives his letter while the Dursley's are on vacation. Harry takes it upon himself to find out if the letters he receives are true or if someone is playing a massive joke on him. What happens when he journey's to Diagon Alley alone? What happens when he finally gets to school? Will he finally fit in? Will he finally escape the abuse?

Characters: Harry, Draco, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Blaise, Pansy, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Draco/Harry; Pansy/Blaise; Snape/?

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Severitus, Slytherin Harry, bullying, shy Harry, slight Ron bashing, fairly good Voldie, misunderstood darkside, manipulative Dumbledore

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

The heir of something or other by diregewithoutmusic

Plot: When kids in the Slytherin Common Room tossed jeers at the pudgy feet of Millicent Bulstrode, Harry rose up to do something about it. This Harry, now one of Snape’s own, got fewer House points lost but many more detentions– it had never been the colors on his hem that Severus hated. This was not wishing Harry an easy path. This was not wishing the boy a warm House. This was Harry, three weeks in, sleep deprived and considering running away and going back to Privet Drive. This was Harry in the back of Potions class, blank-faced under Snape’s disdain the way he’d perfected under the Dursleys’s torments. When Quirrell shouted “troll in the dungeons, thought you ought to know,” and Harry overheard that there was a girl in the bathroom crying, he still ran off to make sure she got out okay. He hesitated first, at the back of the little pack of Slytherin first years (at the back so that no one could get behind him)– he hesitated. And Millicent Bulstrode, who could never quite keep her tummy tucked in enough, could never brush all the cat hair off her robes, never quite keep her temper in check, hesitated, too.

Characters: Harry, Millicent, Colin Creevey, Hermione, Dennis Creevey, Luna, Ron, Draco, Astoria, Daphne, Pansy, Neville, Susan Bones

Relationships: gen

Warnings: major character death

Tags: Slytherin Harry, canon typical violence

My Notes: this made me cry. It like actually made me cry. I don’t cry when I read fanfiction, but this one actually made me cry, it’s been two weeks and I still feel like crying thinking about this fic, but that being said it’s written so beautifully.

*complete*

Conditionally by Lomonaaeren

Plot: Harry finds out that he's Snape's son. It goes as badly as possible.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Sirius, Hermione, Ron, Seamus, Umbridge, Rita, Neville, Voldemort

Relationships: minor Lily/Snape; Harry & Snape; Hermione & Ron & Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, suicidal thoughts, minor character death

Tags: Severitus, present tense, powerful Harry, Snape is Harry’s biological father, unhealthy coping mechanisms, independent Harry

My Notes: wow this one made me so mad for Harry. Sirius and Remus are not Harry’s friends, nor Dumbledore. Be warned, as good as this fic is, you will be very angry at all the adults in this fic. Snape isn’t a loving father type, and their relationship isn’t the greatest but it’s better than nothing by the end.

*complete*

Harry Potter and the Secrets Within by WhoWroteThis

Plot: Harry Potter is a very special, but very abused little boy. When a giant drags him into a world unknown, he'll need all the help he can get to understand his newfound belonging. Lucky for him, he has a snake, a dragon, and a horde of protective allies on his side.

Characters: Harry, original animal characters, Snape, Draco, Lucius and Narcissa, Portrait Salazar Slytherin, Basilisk, Blaise, Hogwarts ghosts, Quirrell, Voldemort

Relationships: Harry & Voldemort; Harry & Draco; Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia, implied/referenced alcohol abuse, suicide threats and thoughts

Tags: Harry Potter needs a hug, parseltongue, Harry Potter has a pet snake, powerful Harry, metamorphmagus Harry, good Malfoy family, Slytherin Harry, slow burn, Slytherin politics, Hagrid bashing, Hermione bashing, Ron bashing, Dumbledore bashing, rituals, centaurs, dragons, cats, snakes

My Notes: I will literally never be trustworthy of the basilisk after reading Antithesis but I have to admit the basilisk in this fic is pretty great

*incomplete* [last updated August 2021]

The Tainted Blood of the Father by StarLight_Massacre *favorite*

Fandoms: Supernatural & Harry Potter

Plot: Harry has broken away from his chains after the Dursleys go too far. A simple desire to make a withdrawal from Gringotts leads to something much larger and exposes more than he ever knew about himself. A rushed, impulsive trip to America changes his entire life as he might have just found himself a true family to call his own.

Characters: Harry, John Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse, attempted sexual assault

Tags: Awkward Winchesters trying to deal with Harry, cinnamon roll Harry

My Notes: The dynamic between Harry and the Winchesters shouldn’t work this well, but they absolutely do. Harry is a little Sam, he acts so much like him it’s so cute and everyone finds it so cute. Really great amount of angst and hurt/comfort. Doesn’t deal with the wizard side of things that much but I expect that’ll change in the upcoming chapters. Author has stated they don’t know if the Winchesters ever will find out that Harry’s a wizard, however, so keep that in mind

*incomplete* [last updated April 2021]

On a Pale Horse by Hyliian

Plot: When Dumbledore tried to summon a hero from another world to deal with their Dark Lord problem, this probably wasn't what he had in mind.

Characters: Harry, Death, Dumbledore, Hermione, Remus, Voldemort, Ron

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: none

Tags: master of death Harry, dimension travel, summoning rituals gone horribly wrong, godlike Harry, Dumbledore bashing, crack treated seriously, does major character death count as a tag when the major character is Death?

My Notes: so absolutely creepy, I love it so much, our Harry is not really all that much like Harry at all because he’s an immortal eldritch being of horror

*incomplete* [last updated 2018]

tell me whether he is dead by LullabyKnell *favorite*

Plot: Harry suffers a few side-effects of dying but not dying. “Hey, can someone help me with this? The mirror in the bedroom’s stopped working for me. “What do you mean ‘the mirror’s stopped working’?”

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Harry/Ron/Hermione

Warnings: none

Tags: post-canon, epilogue what epilogue, post-battle of Hogwarts, post-Deathly Hallows, haunting, implied/referenced character death, gen or pre-slash, fluff and angst, oblivious Harry, master of death Harry

My Notes: so fucking brilliant, this author literally never misses, the relationship between the golden trio is so fucking cute and I love them so much

*complete*

A New Place to Stay by DebsTheSlytherinSnapeFan *favorite*

Plot: Harry Potter is called up to Dumbledore's office and told he was being moved elsewhere to keep him safe. He no longer has to stay at the Dursley's, but Dumbledore tells him he has to stay with Severus Snape. For a few days it seemed like a bad idea. Until Severus Snape uncovers the truth of who Harry Potter really is and what he's been through. Watch as Severus does as nobody else has done before him. He takes care of Harry. Watch him flourish into who he was meant to be, a boy with the heart of a Gryffindor and smarts of a Slytherin. The Dursley's, Umbridge and Dumbledore had better watch out Severus is out for revenge. Spy or no spy, Severus is not allowing anyone away with hurting Harry.

Characters: Snape, Harry, Dumbledore, Neville, Luna, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Severitus

My Notes: I’ve read so many of these types of fics that even though this is more than 300k words I can’t remember a single thing about this but it must’ve been good because I labelled it as favorite, so

*complete*

Silver Lining by BloodyRed_Queen

Plot: Harry has a disastrous Summer with the Dursleys and is brought to Hogwarts early. In order to protect him, drastic measures are taken and Harry finds himself living with one Severus Snape.

Characters: Harry, Blaise, Draco, Snape

Relationships: Harry/Blaise; Harry & Snape

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: animagus, father-son relationship, severitus, Snape adopts Harry, good Slytherins, Ron bashing, Dumbledore bashing, therapy, manipulative Dumbledore

*complete*

truth’s like blood underneath your fingernails by Choices_We_Make, questionsthemselves

Plot: "Slytherin would do well, help you on the path to greatness," the hat seems to be coaxing him, but for something that can read his mind, it sure doesn't seem to know him very well. Harry doesn't want greatness. He doesn't need his name in lights and on everyone's lips. He wants meals, hot ones, whenever he wants, with people that he likes and that like him. Friends he can have adventures with, huddle under the blankets with at night and laugh with. People who might think… think he's worth something. In which Harry is sorted into Slytherin, and Snape deals with the fallout.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Theo, Blaise

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry, Severitus sort of, angst with a sort of hopeful ending, Snape discovers abuse

*complete* [part of a series, incomplete but first two parts are finished, last updated 2018]

Harry Potter and the Immortal’s Playground by May_May_o_o

Fandoms: MCU & Harry Potter

Plot: Living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be. Harry Potter learns the meaning of immortality when everyone he loves dies again and again after becoming the master of death. After millennia of love lost, Death sends him to "Elsewhere" in order to give his master something new and different. Harry emerges from ash in New Asgard. What's a man like Thor to do but offer the traveler a home?

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Death, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Clint, Natasha, Loki, Thor, Bruce, May Parker

Relationships: Harry/Ginny; Thor/Harry; Harry & Avengers

Warnings: PTSD, suicide attempts

Tags: master of death Harry, magically powerful Harry, panic attacks, hurt/comfort, post-snap

My Notes: I don’t usually like Harry paired with any of the Avengers other than Peter, but Thor and Harry are so soft and written beautifully, I love this author so much

*incomplete* [last updated June 2021]

Another Mind Game by May_May_o_o *favorite*

Plot: Harry’s occlumency reveals his disturbing home life which sets off a chain reaction that cannot be undone. Snape finds himself begrudgingly caring about the bespectacled boy, Harry discovers what it's like to have adults who care, and Hermione finds herself becoming an accidental crime lord. Draco Malfoy is very much along for the ride, in all senses of the word. A ridiculous blend of hilarity and tragedy, Another Mind Game is the multi-faceted fanfiction you didn't know you wanted but will absolutely adore. Featuring a sassy Harry Potter, good friends, and a great deal of sarcasm.

Characters: Harry, Neville, Hermione, George, Fred, Snape, Ron, Luna, McGonagall, Dumbledore, house elves

Relationships: Draco/Harry; Hermione/Ron; Snape & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; presumed suicidal (it makes sense when you read it)

Tags: mentor Snape, strong Harry, sassy Harry, slow burn, fluff and angst, Dumbledore bashing, crack treated seriously, Snape adopts Harry, protective Hogwarts, magically powerful Harry

My Notes: favorite, absolute favorite, read it three times already and it’s only been three weeks! The endnotes are so funny and add a lot of levity to the story

*complete* (unfortunately, I wish I could read more)

Not Just Pretty Words by LullabyKnell

Fandoms: Harry Potter & The Addams Family

Plot: On an unexpected holiday to America, Harry Potter meets a strange girl at a zoo, finds out that he's a witch, steals a snake, and is cordially invited to the Addams mansion for dinner.

Characters: Harry, Wednesday, Morticia, Gomez

Relationships: Gen; Addams Family & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Harry needs a hug, worldbuilding, happy ending, found family, light angst

*complete*

Bruised Words by starknjarvis

Plot: After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: traumatized Harry, miscommunications, Snape adopts Harry, sickfic

*complete* [part of series, incomplete, last updated 2020]

The Freak Who Lived by DeviantHufflepuff, Zaharya

Plot: When Harry's name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, he is kicked out of Gryffindor Tower by those he thought of as friends. It isn't until Snape finds him that the truth comes out about The Boy Who Lived.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Pomfrey, McGonagall, Viktor Krum, Fleur, Cedric, Draco, Neville, Blaise

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; Harry & Snape; Harry/Blaise

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse, PTSD, trauma induced age regression (not intense), suicidal thoughts

Tags: book 4, Severitus, Snape adopts Harry, panic attacks, seer Luna, Harry needs a hug, McGonagall is basically Harry’s mom, manipulative Dumbledore but he’s not evil, big brother Draco

My Notes: Snape is pretty cuddly in this one, he’s not shy with feelings and showing Harry that he’s loved which is nice and a nice change from other Severitus fics. Don’t be off-put by the age regression tag, it’s super low-key, there’s only a couple throw-away lines about it.

*incomplete* [last updated February 2021]

Dudley Dursley’s Most Unexpectedly Fortunate Flower by aTasteofCaramell

Plot: Dudley Dursley is leading a perfectly normal life, his contact with his odd cousin limited to Christmas cards and peculiar memories. Until his daughter sneezes and sets the curtains on fire.

Characters: Harry, Dudley, Dudley’s children, Petunia and Vernon Dursley

Relationships: Dudley & Harry; Harry/Ginny

Warnings: none

Tags: humor, Dudley has a magical child, redeemed Dudley, post-series, Petunia and Vernon still suck, Harry Potter Next Generation

*complete*

Unexpected Consequences by Siebenschlaefer

Plot: The Ministry letter after the Dementor attack has far greater consequences than everybody could have anticipated and at the start of his fifth year in Hogwarts Harry has to be sorted again. And this time there is no negotiating with the Sorting Hat.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Draco, Dumbledore, Hermione, Sirius, Lupin, Blaise, Ron

Relationships: Snape & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Slytherin Harry, resorting

*incomplete* [last updated March 2021]

Stinging Nettle and Milking Pails by Oceanbreeze7 *favorite*

Plot: Are you a witch or / Are you a fairy? / Or are you the wife / of Michael Cleary? “The fairies will do wicked things sometimes,” Harry murmured gently, “Steal the milk when they get a chance, or skim the cream off the milk crocks.” “Do they ever steal anything more?” Luna asked him rhetorically. Harry couldn’t answer.

Characters: Harry, Luna, James, Lily

Warnings: author chose not to use warnings

Tags: wrong-boy-who-lived, Harry has a twin, dark fairy tale elements, fairy tale style, druids, fae and fairies, James and Lily live

My Notes: Oceanbreeze7 should straight up be a horror writer. This is the writer who wrote Antithesis, the fic that I was literally unable to finish because I was too heartbroken, and they did not disappoint with this one! It’s so good! It’s so horrific! It’s so heartbreaking!

*complete*

Sarcasm and Slytherin by orphan_account *favorite*

Plot: After ten years of misery with the Dursleys, Harry Potter learns that he has magic. Except, in this story, it's not a surprise-the only surprise is that there are others like him. Including his twin brother, Julian Potter, the savior of the Wizarding world. This isn't the Harry you think you know.

Characters: Harry, Theo, Blaise, OMC, Hermione, Ron, Neville, James Potter, Luna, Daphne, Snape, Dumbledore

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: wrong-boy-who-lived, Slytherin Harry, Harry has a twin, Slytherin politics, no pairings before 4th year, potential Dumbledore bashing, James bashing, potential Snape bashing, Draco’s still annoying

My Notes: I’m not sure why it’s now an orphan account or if it will ever be updated, but I’ve seen a lot of people on reddit compare this with Prince of Slytherin (a series I haven’t read because I chose this one over it) so be cautious of that. I straight up want to murder James Potter, though, so that’s a nice thought. I finally finished it! I started this back in early June and I miss it a lot, I spent many hours reading this.

*incomplete* [five parts, last updated 2019]

The ones that seek and find (six years in the relationship of harry and luna) by Terapsina

Plot: By chance of fate Harry Potter meets Luna Lovegood in his second year instead of his fifth. It doesn’t really change anything for the magical world at large but it changes quite a lot for the young witch and wizard themselves. Here are six glimpses into their relationship from the moment they meet until the end of the war.

Characters: Harry, Luna, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Luna/Harry; Harry & Ron & Hermione

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, canonical character death

Tags: fluff and angst, blood quill, angst with a happy ending, no character bashing, epilogue what epilogue

*complete*

Blame it on the Nargles by Pixiestick_cc

Plot: One kiss under the mistletoe changes everything for Harry and Luna.

Characters: Harry, Luna, Hermione, Ron, Lavender Brown, Xenophilius Lovegood, Fred and George, Percy

Relationships: Luna/Harry

Warnings: none

Tags: fluff, romantic friendship, kissing, book 6

My Notes: this one is so cute, I’ve read it five times already, Harry’s able to see the creatures Luna can when he kisses her!

*complete*

Finders, Keepers by Magi_Silverwolf

Plot: “I’m here to kidnap you,” Luna said. “Will you be so kind as to get in this trunk, please?” “I’m fairly certain that kidnappers aren’t supposed to politely ask you to go with them.” “Duly noted,” Luna commented before gesturing to the trunk again. “Get in, Harry. We have a schedule to keep.”

Characters: Harry, Dumbledore, Luna

Relationships: Luna/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: book 5, fairy Luna, werewolf Remus, magically powerful Harry, manipulative Dumbledore

*complete*

Not Right For Him by JJ Rust

Plot: How will Hermione react when she learns Harry and Luna are together?

Characters: Hermione, Luna, Harry

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance, drama

*complete*

The dreamy one by Levi Snowfractal

Plot: Harry finds himself thinking about Luna Lovegood while in detention.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance

*complete*

She Made Him Feel Silly by ArtemisRoseShadow

Plot: The hero usually fell in love with the ever-so-loved princess. It still felt like that to Harry.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry/Luna

Warnings: none apply

Tags: romance, drama

*complete*

Oh thank god I finished that, that took three hours. Alright check out more of my recs, I have more! Thanks for reading, let me know if you read any of them :)

[princekirijo]

BRO, YUKARI. 👀👀

OK HERE WE GO STRAP IN FOLKS IT'S YUKARI TIME! Also a lot of this is kinda salty? I guess? So just a fair warning I just have strong opinions on Yukari 😔

Ok so Yukari. I love her so so much she's one of my favorite characters in the series and one of my trio of comfort characters (the other two being Akihiko and Mitsuru). She's such an interesting and complex character that gets heavily misinterpreted by a lot of the fandom (*cough* cishet men *cough*).

Like ok first off people say that she's mean but while she can be very rude and one of her big flaws is that she doesn't consider others' feelings she's not entirely a bitch either? I think the best example of this that not many people I've seen talk about is how she's the only character who objects to the protagonist and Fuuka joining immediately and wants to make sure they're not being forced into joining. While ultimately both of those characters join of their own accord, Yukari asks them multiple times if they're ok with joining, something the others never do (Mitsuru is guilty of being quite insistent on them joining but that's a discussion for another time). She also feels incredibly guilty for spying on the protagonist at the start, pointing out multiple times that it is a violation of their privacy. Both of these show that she genuinely cares about other people. Pictures are from you lol <3

On that subject when Ken joins Yukari is actually the nicest to him out of all of them, often making sure that he feels welcome and making an effort to talk to him. I think the only other character that does that (if my memory serves me right) is Fuuka. In her social link too she helps out that little kid that was crying in the middle of Paulownia Mall, staying with them until she found their parents or that they were safe. And even in Ultimax her relationship with Ken is just so cute she's so nice to him, she really is like his big sister. So to say that she's just mean and just a bitch is wrong because there's plenty of examples of her being a very nice person.

And actually a lot of people hate her because of how 'easy' her social link is to reverse (I've seen people on YouTube mention this a few times so I thought I'd talk about it). I think it's either rank 5 or 6 there's a scene where Yukari loses her purse and goes back to get it. You find her surrounded by a bunch of guys who are threatening her and are very close to hurting her. The protagonist steps in to stop them and then chases them off. Now I think it's only in the male route this happens (again my memory is bad so sorry about that 😞) but she gets annoyed at you for helping her and then you're given a few options. The correct one is to leave her alone (or something like that) but the one that most people go for which reverses the Social Link is the option to hug her. And people (male youtubers *AHEM*) get annoyed about this because oh yeah of course in this scenario hugging Yukari is a great option and why the hell would she get angry and reject them like that. Like jeez I don't know definitely not the fact that she's very clearly shaken up by the fact that she was almost attacked by three men (who could have done god knows what to her if we hadn't intervened). And definitely not because she's said lots of times that she doesn't like to rely on anyone (particular men) given the whole situation with her mother. The other thing is that I don't think it's outright stated but I really wouldn't be surprised if Yukari was super touch averse given the situation with her mother throwing herself at random men all the time. And (as we discovered lol) there's a very high possibility that her mother was an alcoholic because of this she says in the answer after Junpei's past where he talks about his alcoholic dad:

So like if her mother was an alcoholic there is a high chance she could have suffered some form of abuse which would lead her to being very anti touch. So it really drives me mad when people get annoyed about her Social Link being so easy to break because if you think for a second before doing anything, you'll realize it makes sense that she wouldn't want to be hugged.

But that's enough salt, I love Yukari for a lot of different reasons but the main one is (predictably given that it's me) her relationship with Mitsuru. Regardless of how you want to view it, they are so important and integral to each other's character development. From the tension between them at the start of the game to the end where they're so close, it's honestly one of the best relationships in the game in my opinion. You can really see how much they grow to care for each other. Yukari is the only character brave enough to call Mitsuru out for her bullshit and you can see how Mitsuru grows to appreciate that (because as much as I love Mitsuru, Yukari is absolutely valid to call her out for some of the stuff she does and she needs Yukari to do that). Yukari also ends up being the catalyst to Mitsuru's ultimate persona awakening. At the start of the game too, we're made to believe that both of them are very different. But as the game progresses we're shown that they're actually quite similar. Something I love that the movie does is this scene here (again thank you for pointing this out to me):

The way Yukari finishes Mitsuru's sentence so to speak shows that they actually have pretty similar reasons to awakening to their powers (Mitsuru in order to protect her father and Yukari to protect her father's memory and find out the truth about what happened to him). Yukari also helps Mitsuru open up to others (she's the only other person aside from Akihiko that Mitsuru calls by their first name) and Mitsuru helps Yukari (in a way I can't explain because my brain is failing me) to not judge people as much. They're so important to each other and their character development is so interlinked I just love it so much and it's a big reason as to why I love both of them.

And my other reason as to why I love Yukari is that she's allowed to express her anger in a way that isn't fake or cute (I honestly can't think of another female character who is allowed to do this but I'm sure there's other examples). The best example of this is of course the Answer which I've spoken about before so I'll do my best to keep it brief. I think Yukari's anger in the Answer is a very real response to grief. She's upset over the loss of the protagonist (whom she's heavily implied to have feelings for but I don't think it's outright stated) and she's jealous of Aigis because she inherited his power. She wants to save him so badly because she really cared for him so now that she has a chance and the others are stopping her (in her eyes) she feels betrayed so of course she's going to lash out. Now I fully acknowledge that what she was doing was wrong and she is acting very rude but as I said it's her way of dealing with grief. Something P3 does very well is show how different characters react to grief (eg Mitsuru closing off even more from the others, Akihiko deciding to take it in his stride, Ken having a similar reaction etc). And Yukari's way is no expectation and it's not bad because there's no bad or wrong way to deal with grief. Something people forget as well is that she acknowledges and apologies to the group after the Erebus fight for her behavior and she explains herself (another example of how she is actually a nice person and not a total bitch). I just really related to how she dealt with the whole thing and I love her for that. I also think that some of the other characters in the series (Ann mainly) should have been allowed to express their anger in a more... Real way? Ugly way? I'm not sure how to describe it but I would have liked to see them get angry in a way that wasn't cute (somebody pointed out that the negative reaction to Yukari's anger is probably what stopped future female characters from doing just this and it was an excellent point).

OK so this was super rambling and if you got to the end then wow thank you. I just really love Yukari and it makes me upset how a lot of fans treat her, either as a typical oh this is my persona waifu uwu or she's such a bitch I hate her with no thought process. I honestly understand why some people don't like her but I just ask that people think about how she reacts to certain things and why she acts the way she does before just essentially watering her down to a bitch with daddy issues. She's my emotional support bisexual and I adore how she interacts with the other cast (especially Mitsuru).

[charmspoint]

Beauty of Jujutsu Kaisen women

A very long and gay rant

We all by now know how well Jujustu Kaisen treats it’s women, especially when compared to it’s contemporaries which I won’t mention by name cuz I hate pitting shows against each other but they flashed in your head didn’t they. Jujutsu Kaisen women are some of the most well rounded female characters I’ve seen in shonen for a good while. I often end up disappointed in shonen girls because they are made with cool ideas and massive potential and usually shoved aside in support of the boys in their respective stories. How many times did you wonder ‘why wasn’t this female character included in this mission, her power would be perfect for it’ or ‘why did all the male characters get intense emotional arcs and bloody fights while the girls stood aside and didn’t even get a scrape on them’ or for me the most frequent ‘why does this woman have to have her whole chest out and barely a silver of clothes on to be confident in her body’. Not to say that women who are confident in themselves can’t dress however they want, I’m a rabid supporter of dress in what feels most like you. But I’ll always remember the recap episode of my favorite anime of all time, presented by a female character who was usually buttoned up to the throat. And the recap episode had her going ‘i decided to be confident in my body!!’ and putting on what essentially was a swimsuit. And the thing is I never once got the impression that this character was uncomfortable with her body. She simply dressed how she dressed because it suited her and suited her personality. She always appeared confident to me, highly intellectual, always the calm presence in the cast and the one who worked the hardest and had the best understanding of the situation. And this was in the show I liked and who, aside from that recap episode, had great writing for their female characters. But there are many other shows who couldn’t excuse this with ‘well its just a one time gag’ because the whole confidence of their female characters really consists of them looking as sexy as possible. And while that is one kind of confidence, it does hurt a bit to think this is presented as the only way a woman can be confident in her body, only if she bares it to the world.

And that really brings me to jjk and how goddamn beautiful every female character is while none of them are used for fanservice but all of them are very confident in who they are and what they stand for. I always felt this way about the female characters of jjk but it really struck me with the revel of Maki’s new design and how feral the internet went over it.

Not to be gay on main but god she’s gorgeous.

And it really struck me how traditionally unfeminine she looks. Her hair’s been cut short, her skirt replaced with pants, very prominent scaring on her face, which I’ll talk about in a bit. I feel like most shonen artists would never dare to hurt their female characters in such a way that it left such a big mark on them, something that can’t be hidden away and something that is openly stated won’t heal over. But the confidence she carries herself with, the core strength of Maki that survived the attack when the man who believed himself better than her didn’t, THE OUTFIT, THE BELT, THE CAPE AAA. It makes her look powerful, it makes her look confident, it makes her look as someone who survives and keeps pushing forward no matter what and that’s what makes her look so badass and so gorgeous that both my tumblr and twitter were flooded with Maki art barely an hour after the chapter dropped. It just feels so so powerful to me that Gege added to Maki’s power and badassery by putting more clothes on her instead of stripping her down. He’s just clowning on every single artists who thinks that making women hot means putting them in bikinis' like son this is what peak design looks like.

This is not even mentioning other female characters like Nobara who we just saw in the last ep and who’s nothing if not textbook definition of self assured and confident. 

I love Nobara so much she’s allowed to be both feminin and badass. Remember how important it was to her to get a cute tracksuit to train in? That’s me, like that’s literally ‘I can’t do this thing if I don’t look cute’ mentality that I have. She’s allowed to care about clothes, she’s allowed to like shopping and looking cute and pretty and she’s never once made to feel like her interests somehow make her less or that she needs to give em up to be a badass. She’s never made to be that ‘all girls care about are clothes and accessories’ stereotype. And her love for fashion and looking pretty never translates into dressing reveling. I love Nobara’s style.

These are pretty clothes!!! They are pretty while also being somewhat spunky and playful. They are loose but still flattering to her figure and her general color scheme. They are Nobara! Idk it’s just really nice to see a female character interested in fashion and with a distinct fashion sense that isn’t based on putting on as little clothes as possible. Especially one that isn’t forced to then keep that beautiful look no matter what, never getting a scratch on her face. It’s so nice!

Like even Yuki Tsukumo who’d I’d probs label as Jujutsu Kaisen’s most ‘proud to be hot’ character looks like this.

Look at the way she struts, this woman knows she’s a smoke show and she owns it. In any other series this woman’s tits would be spilling out of that v neck and her legs would be goddamn anywhere. But look at her she looks like such a fuckin lesbian I’m sorry I can’t describe it any other way. The biker jacket, the mesh v neck, I can’t remember what the top she wears in the last pic is called but it’s good, the goddamn fuckin sleeveless turtle neck, her MIND. She’s obviously very confident in the way she looks and you can read that out of her stance and that’s all that’s needed. Her clothes or lack of thereof aren’t meant to signify that she’s confident cuz her body language already does that. Instead, her clothes tell us about her tastes and therefor more about her.

I’m gonna bring this to the end cuz now it’s just turning into gay rambling and I’ve lost all point besides ‘girls pretty’ but I also wanted to say a word about scars. As I said in a lot of shonen I watch girls aren’t allowed to participate in as intense of fights as guys and they especially aren’t allowed to gain any serious scaring DOUBLE ESPECIALLY on their face. Why? Because you don’t want to disfigure some nerds precious waifu now don’t you. JJK gives no fucks here, it looks you in the face and says ‘your waifu is in a nightmare situation she will get fucked up just as everyone else.’ We see this with Maki’s burn scars being clearly stated to be unhealable but even before with Utahime who is immediately introduced with very prominent facial scaring. 

And hopefully we will see it with Nobara too cuz like...

And I absolutely refuse to believe she’s dead ;-; she’s gonna come back n have a badass facial scar guys I swear.

Anyway to sum up

JJK women: very good

Me: very gay

[fmdrorin]

& 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖓𝖊 ! so, if the formatting doesn’t already give me up, then hello !! it’s just me, 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖓𝖊 ( he & him, 19+ ) & i’m here, yet again, to introduce you to another muse of mine ! in my last post, i introduced you to cloud’s maknae, yoo rioh, but in this one, you’ll get a chance to get to know my second character: 𝖒𝖎𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊 𝖆𝖍𝖓, better known to many by her korean / stage name, rorin. she’s an idol signed to bc entertainment & current member of their latest all-girl collective, candy ! within her group, she fills the role of lead dancer, sub vocalist, & ( unofficial ) visual. below the cut, there’s a ( not so brief ) tldr rundown of her backstory & personality, & i’m still working on a few of her pages, but if you’d like to plot with us, 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖑𝖊𝖙 𝖒𝖊 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖇𝖞 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖙 & i’ll im you asap. also, i have discord if that’s easier for you !

〈  𝖍𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞  〉

*  tw /  abandonment, addiction, misogyny, & trauma.

born on 20.06.1999 in valley glen, los angeles, ca, usa.

mom & dad had her young & had lots of money struggles.

at a young age, she discovered a love for figure skating.

she trained hard & almost won some titles, but never did.

her dad’s addiction made them poor, so she retired.

spent her younger teens holding down side jobs for cash.

she had to grow up at a fast rate to help her mom with bills.

she had become known in school as a total ❝ party-girl. ❞

people were quick to slut-shame her due to her many lovers.

she spent months staying up all night being ❝ promiscuous. ❞

once her mother found out, she was sent to south korea.

lived with her conservative grandparents & was miserable.

not long after she moved, she was cast by bce via instagram.

spent nine months training before ❝ candy shop. ❞

somehow made it into the group based on her visuals alone.

now, she exists as a living doll, ornament, & visual trope.

she hates it so much & is burnt out on trying to act perfect.

so, she’s started to slip back into her chaotic behavior.

〈  𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞  〉

001.  michelle’s always been referred to as an old soul, & while that’s a compliment in her eyes, her supposed ❝ maturity ❞ is mostly thanks to her sadly unstable upbringing. her past forced her to become a grown-up before she was ever meant to be one, & while her parents weren’t the worst at first, their flaws became visible to her when she was very young. unlike most kids, she didn’t view them as righteous beings, & she later came to find that they had no idea what they were doing & would make it really obvious. they were extremely young parents, & truth is, they weren’t prepared to take that step & suffered a lot of backlash from both of their families because of it, & michelle witnessed all of their arguments, & all of the tears, & all of the nights her parents would drink themselves to sleep. because of this, she started to feel as though she had to take care of her parents herself, & it essentially crafted her into the ❝ caretaker ❞ she is today, which is good & bad.

002.  figure skating was the one thing that her parents did for her that made her feel special—like she was finally good at something & they seemed really supportive. it was hard for the two of them to afford her coaching & her supplies, but they saw how it made her happy & felt like that was good enough for them to keep it going for her. though, while she doesn’t know this, it caused them to go into pretty severe debt & the stress drove her dad to drink in excess & play around with other illicit substances in order to cope. he became a ghost in their household after awhile, & her mom was he biggest supporter. the two of them became really close during this time period, & it helped her feel more stable. she learned that, sadly, disappointments are pretty common in life, & even though they crushed her soul a lot, it made her into a strong & flexible person.

003.  when her dad left, she was devastated, but her mother was more — so, & instead of putting her emotions first & nurturing her feelings, she was forced to suppress them in order to care for her mother. this essentially taught her that, sometimes, burying sad thoughts & feelings down is an easy way to let go & move on, but somehow, they always manage to come back & bite her in the ass when she leasts expects it. she still sort of does this in present day—putting everyone else first & leaving herself for last; not letting her feelings be known easily & forever hiding behind a friendly smile or flirty comment; saying she’s ❝ fine ❞ whenever she’s not.

004.  as she’s always had to be someone to lift her parents up, & later, someone who had to literally assist her mom in paying bills & ensuring there was food on the table, she didn’t get a lot of time to herself, but she found her biggest comfort in completely giving up control & making reckless decisions. throughout her freshmen & sophomore years in high school, she had become known in the hallways of ulysses s. grant high as a party girl who slept around with tons of guys & got wasted all the time, & her reputation followed her home later & was the cause of her mom shipping her off to live in south korea with her grandparents. so, this was the second time that one of her parents had ❝ abandoned ❞ her. it totally destroyed her ability to trust people, & now, when she enters new relationships, she’s quick to run when things start getting serious because of her traumas & fear of being left again.

005.  so, let’s address the awful misogyny that she underwent. back in high school, she had a really close friend that she would always hangout with. they were extremely close & those in their grade knew that. however, at a party, michelle slept with her bff’s boyfriend because she also felt like she was in love with him, & well, that earned her a really awful title. the two of them never spoke after that, & from that point forward, not many girls would hangout with her, & she wasn’t trusted by many. guys still hung out with her ( sometimes for grossly obvious reasons ) & they were all she had for friends & for comfort, so she learned to get along better with them instead of other girls because the girls were quicker to treat her poorly due to her past actions. it’s all really complicated.

006.  on the whole, michelle’s someone who’s been through a lot & those experiences have played massive parts in what’s made her the person she is today, but aside from her flaws & the issues she’s still working on everyday, she’s a warm-hearted & nurturing person. maybe she’s someone who flirts a little too much with people she’s not supposed to. maybe she’s not the best at making decisions. maybe she should really learn to count her blessings as opposed to risk throwing them all away after an all-nighter drinking & smoking weed. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her upsides, though. she’s someone who’s so interested in you & everything that you have to say. she’s fiercely loyal & the type of friend that’ll show up if she’s ever needed, but she can be a little clingy at times as she’s scared of losing people that she’s close with. she’s a blend of flaws & radiance, & i can’t wait to see her grow into a woman that she’s proud of; into the woman that she’s always wanted to be.

〈  𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘  〉

001.  the instagram that she was scouted from was perfectly created & she spent a lot of time on the platform. she’d talk to all her friends from back in california there, & she made a lot of new friends in korea through there, too. if she hadn’t been cast by bce, she may have even gone onto become a pretty prominent figure in the ulzzang world, but her training contract didn’t permit her to keep the account, so she had to get rid of. she can’t wait until she’s allowed to have her own ig again because she misses taking pictures, editing them, & displaying an aesthetically pleasant timeline for all who are interested. that, & the selfies she has posted on all of candy’s socials have earned her the title of ❝ selfie queen ❞ by her fans, which she’s actually kind of proud of, not gonna lie.

002.  she hates, hates, hates even thinking about the candy shop days & wishes she could wipe that clean from her history, but alas, that can’t be done. she hated how she appeared on that show & hopes to work herself into a better image now that it’s long over. hopefully she can lean into a style that shows more of her true personality instead of the sugary sweet one that everyone knows her by, but her company’s not one hundred percent in favor of it.

003.  in the past, i’ve compared her singing voice to stayc’s j, but given her new position & her current lines in candy’s songs, i’d say she sounds more like twice’s sana or hello venus’ yooyoung whenever she sings. it’s a little more girlish & cute, but it’s pretty forced. she was taught to sing in a cute manner to better fit the group’s concept. additionally, as korean is her second language, her pronunciation can sometimes be a little sloppy & people make fun of her / criticize her for that a whole lot. if you ask her, she’ll say that’s one of her charming points, but some aren’t so convinced.

004.  she’s not known to like candy’s music or a lot of k-pop in general. in truth, she likes a lot of western music & artists. maybe it’s because she’s american, but most all her favorite songs are from western artists & she rarely listens to k-pop in her downtime. she records what’s asked of her & that’s as far as it goes. whenever she’s asked what her korean artists she listens to, she’ll mention a few indie artists, but that’s about it. for example, she loves eyedi a lot, & she’s a huge fan of bands, but not necessarily idol groups. that being said, she frequents hongdae & itaewon a lot for their underground music scene & loooves going to shows whenever she can. if anyone takes her out to one of them, you’ll win her heart most likely. she’d be so into that.

〈  𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘  〉

honestly, lately i’ve been preferring to brainstorm ideas with people or take a look at their plot pages if there’s one present, so i apologize for this section being pretty naked ! if i do end up making a plot page or post for him down the line, i’ll let you all know. ♡

〈  𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖔𝖎𝖗𝖘  &  𝖉𝖔𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖊𝖗  &  𝖆𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖞𝖘𝖎𝖘  〉

[floralkittygambler]

RadioDust is the Healthiest Toxic Ship for Angel so far

@honesthazbinarchives​ Briefly. I’d like to go into this more in the future BUT these are the main points I said I’d do. Heh ‘stay tuned’ for why HuskerDust is toxic [haaaa funny fuckin reference n shit like Viv herself aint overdone it]. Yer dont even wanna know the lack of enthusiasm in tryna do a playful ‘cringetopia’ joke - wasnt as fun as anticipated. Anyfuckinways, the shit. Before we begin, disclaimers n whatnot, no hate intended, dni if you’re a bit of a knobhead [either stan or extreme anti], an all that nonsense. I dont own the characters no shit.  In this I’ll discuss how RadioDust aka SpiDEER (thats right, yer stuck w my shit humour now) is both the healthiest ship for Angel we’ve seen so far but still rather toxic. Idc if you hate me for it but dont fuckin waste yer time telling me. Great. I dont care. Yer fuckin hard n whatnot for harassin strangers online. Big dick energy to you. This will be slightly messy, my apologies, it’s a quick summary of many points.

Alright. Firstly, out of the entire male cast Angel interacts with over all platforms, Al is given a fair bit of mercy in terms of sexual advances. In fact, a swift ‘no’ and Angel doesn’t do it again - unlike most of the other cast [pent’s is covert, husks is overt]. One thing I like is that Angel himself admits to their chemistry (claiming that whilst he thinks Al’s a prick, he thinks Al dislikes him which saddens him as he’d at least like to be friends as he feels they have good chemistry - according to the VA via Hunicast’s 1yr anniversary), there’s no further efforts to jump on his dick but a clear curiosity/interest in what Al can do.  Lets go to the basics, both are of similar age [allegedly in their 30s, though Ive heard Al may be up to mid 40s] as well as created near the same-ISH time (as in, Viv’s oldest characters, at least for HH). Likewise, Viv admitted to knowing fuck all on either of their eras (and to make that public wasn’t really a wise choice BUUUT if you felt the need, it’s better worded with interest “Right now I’m working towards educating myself more on their time periods to improve their portrayals” <-- crucial if yer want that ‘realism’). Because of their real-world ages, Viv confesses they’re her favourites (even if you didnt know, she makes it pretty clear). It could be a nice ‘homage’ to their impact in her life but not too relevant otherwise. It could fulfil the need for self indulgence that she’s unhealthily leaking into the canon - which will ultimately make the series shit. No sugarcoating there.  As for their ages, a relationship can work whether the gap is large or small HOWEVER there are many ethics and conflicts to each. And being an adult into kids is always fucked up. With that being said, studies have shown that closer ages often work better due to the often similarities in mindset, maturity and life goals (older folks are more likely to want to settle, younger often have more ambitions), likewise there tends to be an unbalanced power-dynamic if the ages are too far, which can lead to various types of abuse. Dont get me wrong, being with someone much older (AS LONG AS NONE OF YALL ARE KIDS) very much CAN work - but rarely. There’s much more hardwork needed as well as being in the right mindset for both, otherwise it’s bad. More on that in HD. Long story short, both are closer in age meaning both are more ‘relatable’ to one another. There’s common grounds, even in the eras there’s some higher understanding of one another. Notice how Vaggie and Charlie are similar in age? (Even though Charlie is far older, her appearance and mentality for her race is on par with Vaggie’s, making it far more likely to work out positively) One of the most prominent out of all of this however is their actual interests. So listing; Both like action/chaos/having fun (often at the expense of others), both love cooking and can be food snobs in their own right, both have sadistic AND masochistic tendencies, Al likes performance and theatre whilst Angel loves *to* perform, on that last point Angel was very intrigued and enjoyed Al’s song number/performance naturally, both really enjoy pranks and both enjoy liquor (neither show an actual addiction, but rather an interest in social drinking - no dependencies on it). Again, close eras mean both have a higher probability of understanding the other and their lifestyles better. Both are high on appearance and love themselves, implying self confident mindset (healthy BUT the narcissism isnt) yet enough consideration for how they are viewed. On the parent system, one adores his mama whilst the other hates his pops.  Now Ive gone on about how they’re similar. But similarities ALONE is not enough. If it was, then fandom’s would be a lil more harmonious~ A HEALTHY relationship needs compatibility, POSITIVE conversation flow, common grounds, trust, openness and understanding. Even then, some people click and some just dont. It’s like how you can just hate someone for no reason. It just IS. Common grounds and similarity is scientifically proven to be attractive to someone - be it good or BAD. People are drawn to those like their parents in some way usually, likewise we look for people similar to ourselves (from our interests, to humour, beliefs, goals, etc). Science itself states that ‘opposites attract’ solemnly applies in the real world successfully. Though similiarity plays a large role, there has to be some differences too - that person is STILL an individual separate to yourself. Too similar and it’s boring. Too similar and you’ll do everything together without some ‘you’ time. Both Vaggie and Charlie have similar interests/hobbies in dance and music, yet still have enough differences to be identifiable when together. Vaggie is more grounded than Charlie. Charlie gives some optimism and fun to Vaggie. Remember, a partner does NOT complete you - that’s a toxic mindset when taken too seriously, You complete YOURSELF. Whether you have someone or not, you must feel complete in yourself as to not slip into toxic dependency on a lover - to become them, a shadow of them or feel like you’ve lost your identity without them. Sounds harsh but it’s true. Chaggie compliments each other without a dependency. You stand alone yet uplift one another. You don’t always agree but in the end you always have each other’s backs. Love is often butchered in a toxic light in the media.  So taking that into consideration, how does spideer work? Well, here’s some examples of good, bad and neutral: - Angel loves animals, Al fears/dislikes dogs. Perhaps Angel could assist him in overcoming this? - Al hates being touched, Angel dislikes being squeezed. Maybe this could help them reach an understanding... Or cause a rift? - Angel was the only one to break Al’s composure, either Angel is the *key* to delving further into Al’s more raw self... Or just another obVOXious pest? (yeah, I said it-) - Neither respect other’s boundaries, meaning both may fuel the other to be overly disrespectful in this area. Not good. - Angel is a sarky/sarcastic fuck, Al loves dry humour. Both seek amusement and chaos. In relationships one needs to see how conversation flows and in the hunicasts, both keep up some good as well as toxic banter. Both could roast the fuck out of an opponent however. - Al is acro/ace, Angel is hypersexual (appears like a sex addict - now I say this as his book has a crossed out ‘fun stuff’ with ‘work shit’ written on it. He’s always fixed on sex from his job to his humour), this could either aid Angel ease up on the sex stuff OR make him overly push it onto Al causing major rifts and discomfort (aces can have sex, ref to ace posts that real asexuals put to understand more but no one wants to be forced into sex is the point here). And we’ve already discussed their lack of respect for boundaries. The positive is that maybe this will make Angel understand how Val is rubbing off on his own behaviour towards men [again, more on that in the HD post]. - Both similar yet different in a way that does suit their compatibility chances but that doesnt mean they will click, it just improves the odds. - Both have similar enemies in Val and Vox, they’re on common terms. Likewise, Al is against the ‘sexual deviance’ of hell meaning he may be oddly supportive and protective of Angel in terms of Val. I dont even think his sadism will override this either. - Al dislikes modern tech, Angel seems to use it as his job requires it. A nice little menial difference. - Only ONE is an addict. Take it from an expert, you NEVER put two addicts together. They’re very vulnerable and prone to slipping deeper into their addictions as well as depending on each other too much that they essentially become very clingy, suffocating and toxic to each other. Seen it in action, it’s ugly.  - Both could have a lot of fun and calm moments with each other. - He isn’t immediately smitten with Al but immediately shows a natural interest in Al’s powers and performance, embracing it openly. Leads for a good friendship turned lovers plot. - In Viv’s patreon, she confirmed Angel loves confident guys [sounds exactly like Al] We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea.  Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict.  Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both.  Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate. I live with an ‘Angel Dust’ like person. It used to feel like life gave her everything and most times it did. Everyone loved her and she could get away with murder if she wanted to. But now she’s had to struggle and grow, let go of some ‘wants’ because they werent good for her and she’s becoming better for it. She has a long way but she’s more humble for it now [still got self confidence but it’s less narcissism now, which is more healthy for her]. Also, they make the word anal lol

[schraubd]

Should I PlagueWatch It?: Series Finale!

In March 2020, I inaugurated on this blog what I said "may but hopefully won't(?) become an ongoing series": Should I PlagueWatch It? Basically, it took the thing Jill and I do best -- watch TV -- and offered our recommendations for what you should watch to get you through the pandemic.

Over a year later, Should I PlagueWatch It? did, indeed, become a series. In addition to the first entry -- HBO's Avenue 5 -- I also did entries on Gentleman Jack, Marvel's Runaways, Alpha House, Never Have I Ever, Jelle's Marble Runs, Making the Cut, and a "roundup" post that covered Billions, Insecure, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Ultimate Tag, Titan Games, and Holey Moley.

But now, it feels we're finally closing the chapter on the pandemic. Jill and I are vaccinated, my parents came to visit this past weekend, we're seeing friends, the CDC says we can go unmasked. It seems, alas, that all good things must come to an end. And while the pandemic itself is certainly not a good thing, some of us may be feeling a bit bittersweet at the prospect of being expected to interact with other humans rather than sit around and watch Netflix all day.

So to wrap up the series, one more omnibus "quick hits" review of all the shows we PlagueWatched that haven't yet gotten their own entry.

* * * Mild spoilers * * *

Blown Away

Reality TV can be wonderful in its formulaicness. Take a random hobby, find ten people who are pretty good at it, dangle $50,000 in front of them, and bang, you've got a competition show. This one's about glass blowing. I know nothing about glass blowing, but the competitors seem pretty talented to me?

I was impressed at how versatile a medium glass is. I worried when I started the show that the challenges would end up being pretty one note (how many vases can one make?). But the competitors actually made a lot of really cool material!

There's a lot of running and swinging and flailing given that they're handling molten-hot material.  It stressed me out. Also, apparently "glory holes" are an essential part of glass blowing, and nobody made a joke about it.

This show is definitely more in the "everyone likes and supports one another" mold of reality TV compared to the "constant cat fights and 'I'm not here to make friends'" mold. No judgment, just letting you know what to expect.

Sexify

A Netflix series about a young college student with no sexual experience who decides she needs to develop an app to optimize the female orgasm. It's not the most innovative concept, but it works well enough.

Of the core trio, my favorite character is Paulina -- the religious Catholic best-friend who is having (bad) sex with her fiancé and feels guilty about even that sin. She does a lot of great expressive work and has some superb character beats (her popcorn addiction -- just casually munching away while watching porn). 

Speaking of Paulina, at the outset I told Jill she looked like someone and Jill's first guess was "a plainer Emily Blunt" (that's not an insult -- who isn't plainer than Emily Blunt?). It wasn't who I was thinking of, and soon I realized the answer was like six women I've known over the years. So maybe "plainer Emily Blunt" is a more common face than I realized?

The show is in Polish (with subtitles), and I'm very proud that I managed to identify the language as Polish right away (I do not speak a word of Polish).

The musical motif for the show combines one of the catchiest guitar riffs I've ever heard with a sample loop of a woman's sex moans. It fits the show perfectly, but it's a bit awkward to listen to on its own.

Wandavision

You shouldn't need me to tell you about this show. It's good, but my hottest take -- and I stand by it -- is that as an exploration of grief Never Have I Ever does it better and it's not close.

Can we concede that Wanda is the unambiguous villain of the show? With only the barest shift in perspective, Wanda could be the nemesis with an admittedly sympathetic motive. To some extent, I think the show was far too forgiving of her. Motives aside, how different is she from Kilgrave on Jessica Jones?

Poor Emma Caulfield. So much build-up for her character, and it's only a head-fake.

Space Force

I liked it. It's not in the most elite of the elite comedies, and maybe that's the standard when Steve Carrell is the lead, but it was quite funny. That said, I keep on almost forgetting that I watched it, and have no substantive commentary to offer. So take from that what you will.

AOC lookalike alert (the character even gets the nickname AYC -- "Angry Young Congresswoman")!

Mythic Quest

I love that Ubisoft is actually involved in the show (which is set at a game studio producing a popular massively multiplayer online RPG).

Surprisingly, given my love affair with Community, Danny Pudi is one of the least interesting characters on the show.

The actress who plays Poppy isn't the very strongest (though she's improving), but Poppy herself may be my favorite character. Of course, everyone knows I'm a sucker for an Australian accent.

The show has some great characters in side parts who don't get enough attention, like Sue the community manager and Carol the HR director. Also, Aparna Nancherla has a small recurring role in the first season and apparently doesn't come back for season two? I don't get why she keeps getting sidelined like this -- she's funnier than the rest of the cast put together.

Ted Lasso

Good, sweet, endearing, fun. British soccer comedies with heart are a winner for me (Bend It Like Beckham, anyone?).

Ted's estranged wife is played by the same actress who plays Linda in Better Off Ted. This was very strange, though admittedly I'm probably the only person who cared enough about Better Off Ted to notice or care.

Lupin

Dashing gentleman thief who's always a step ahead of his adversaries, except maybe the one nemesis who actually can match him step for step in a constant cat-and-mouse game? Look, it's a cliché for a reason. I'm not going to say Lupin breaks the mold, but it certainly is a well-crafted entry into the mold.

If there is anything innovative, it's how Lupin particularly leverages stereotypes about race and class to maneuver more freely in certain spaces (e.g., he can smuggle himself into prison because the guards can't tell him apart from another inmate -- sad commentary, but useful for Lupin!).

It did do something I hate, which is release "half a season" and just leave the audience hanging at the end. Maybe it was the pandemic's fault, but one could really feel its incompleteness.

Kim's Convenience

Of the Canadian shows I've been watching, I'd say Working Moms (not in this post because it is pre-pandemic) is the stronger of the two. But this is fun as well.

It just got cancelled, unfortunately depriving it of the chance to wrap up its single greatest storyline (that's been ongoing since season one). That's a real, real shame.

Simu Liu as Jung is the latest iteration of the Jason Mendoza trend of "dumb male Asian hottie leads". I guess it's a blow against stereotypes?

Pastor Nina also could be an AOC lookalike. I think the show struggled a bit to draw a bead on her character.

Legomasters

I actually mentioned this show in my post about Jelle's Marble Runs, but it is such a joy to watch. I can't wait for season two, which is dropping very soon. For pure, simple, uncomplicated happiness, Legomasters beats out everything on this list.

via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/3yamzYb

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 16

Chapter Summary: An unexpected guest at Jensen’s birthday party causes an even more unexpected shift in his relationship with the reader.

Word Count: 5.5K+

Warnings: Angst, semi-public unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving)

Author’s Note: I’m so pumped, we’ve got the ball rolling again. I really hope you guys enjoy this part and as always, I appreciate the feedback. Without you guys, I would’ve never finished this. Now look at us, we are closing in on the end. Part 17 is almost done already and this girl is fighting the urge to write a sequel. More on that later though... xoxo Alex.

Ps. If you have followed me for any amount of time whatsoever, you know that I am an avid supporter of all the SPN women, especially the wives. I hate that I have to say this, but this is completely a work of fiction and should be treated as such. I mean no harm to Danneel or her beautiful family.

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly!

Jared had been planning this big birthday bash for Jensen since New Year’s. He wanted to celebrate one last time with all their friends and coworkers before they went their separate ways for the last time. There was also a viewing party being planned for the finale, but Jared was afraid that would be filled with too much emotion to be able to truly enjoy. No, he preferred one night of nothing but fun and no worries of the future. This party was as much for everyone invited as it was for Jensen. 

Y/n had been surprised when she received her invite from Jared. She didn’t exactly consider herself a part of the family that this cast and crew had created. After all she had only been there for a hand full of weeks. Jared had been insistent that that was not the case. He really wanted her there. 

So here she was, dolled up in a tight black dress with long sleeves and a plunging neckline and an updo that took her two hours to complete, her clutch tight in her hand as she followed the signs through the venue to the ballroom that had been rented for tonight. She didn’t quite understand the queasy feeling in her gut. Maybe it had to do with the fact that this was her boyfriend's birthday party, but since no one actually knew that they were dating, they wouldn’t be able to spend any real time together. It wasn’t that she would be without people to talk to, but as cheesy as it sounded, she didn’t want to spend time with anyone else. They had officially been dating for two months now, and things were going great. Personally, she didn’t see it ending anytime soon nor did she want it to. As much as running around has been fun, this moment right now had her wishing they were a typical couple. 

Music could be heard behind the doors before she pushed them open. The ballroom very much resembled a typical wedding reception inside, well, minus tacky flower centerpieces on the tables. Jared had commissioned The Impala’s to play tonight and they were currently playing some rock song she didn’t recognize from a small stage on the far wall. Her eyes scanned over the people dancing and others chatting in groups when she landed on her target. There was a bar with a beautiful display of liquor on the wall behind it. Tonight was an alcohol night for sure. She bee-lined it there, quickly gaining the attention of the bartender and ordering her usual. 

Her nails clicked against the wood as she watched the crowd move on around her. The bartender set her alcohol down and she thanked him, taking a heavy drink from the small glass. A soft vibration from where she had placed her clutch under her arm interrupted her thoughts. With a frown, she pulled her phone from the small bag. There was a missed message from Jensen. 

You look beautiful

Her head snapped up and began scanning the room for any sign of the man. It didn’t take her long to spot at all, both him and her brother towering over most of the rest of the crowd. He had a grin on his face when he caught her eye. 

You don’t look so bad yourself. A tux is a nice touch.

I had to try and keep up with you somehow. That dress is… you know you aren’t playing fair, right?

Y/n bit her lip, having received the exact reaction from him she had been hoping. 

I think you seriously underestimate how hot you look right now. Too bad I opted for panties tonight, because they are ruined.

The message barely had time to notify her that it had been sent before those three little bubbles popped up on her screen. She took another sip of her drink as her belly flipped in anticipation of his reply. 

Fuck, you’re killing me here babe. This party has just started.

I know… leaves me plenty of time.

Jensen licked his lips across the room as he read her message, his eyes immediately flicking back to hers with a look that was half desperate and half warning her to be careful. She winked at him and downed the last of her drink. The sound of her name had her halting her attempt to order another. 

“There she is!” Y/n turned back towards the crowd. Trish was headed her way, a guy Y/n didn’t recognize in tow. 

“Hi Trish!” Y/n embraced the woman as she came up to the bar. Y/n eyed the guy awkwardly standing off behind her. Trish noticed her gaze and smiled.

“Y/n, this is Chris. He works on the lighting crew, mostly night stuff and what not. Chris, this is Jared’s baby sis, Y/n.” Trish put her hand on Chris’s shoulder and urged him closer. Y/n offered her hand to him and he shook it before quickly shoving back into his pockets.

“Yeah, or course. Everybody knows Jared’s little sister. Made quite a name for yourself.” He shrugged his shoulders. His words themselves were not rude, it was the inflection in his tone when he said it. It put an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Awkward tension quickly filled the silence that followed his words. A loud clap from Trish broke through  it after what felt like years.

“Well, I have to grab those drinks, talk to you guys later.” She spun around, pretending not to hear either of them call after her. 

“I don’t know what she expects.” Chris grimaced as he turned back to Y/n. 

“Probably for you to offer to buy me a drink.” Y/n had to not laugh out loud at the idea. The fact that Trish would even think they would even get along was wild to her and the two of them had barely said two sentences to each other.

Chris scoffed. “It’s an open bar.” Y/n didn’t even hide her eye roll.

“Well don’t do me any favors.” She spit out, shooing him away like a cat that had just jumped on her counter. 

“Whatever,” Chris mumbled before disappearing back into the sea of people around them. The next time she saw Trish, she was going to kill her for this. What had she been thinking? Y/n doubted that man had ever had a civil conversation with anyone. It would certainly explain why she had never met him before. Everyone had been trying to save her from the experience she just had. Y/n signaled the bartender for another, fully committed to not leaving the spot she currently occupied. Once the bartender acknowledged her, she dropped her head in her hands with a sigh. 

“Same old Chris, it appears.” A soft voice came from her right, following her acknowledgment with a chuckle. Y/n snapped her head up, turning to see who was talking to her. Her stomach dropped almost instantly. If she hadn’t recognized the woman’s face, her fiery red hair would have been her dead give away. There, not even five feet from her was Danneel Harris. She had on a strappy gold sequin dress that fell all the way to the floor. Her hair was styled over her left shoulder, held in place by no doubt a hundred bobby pins. Danneel held a large glass of red wine in her one hand as she leaned against the bar as well. 

Y/n took a deep breath to try and steady the hammering in her chest. She forced a smile on her face. “Uh, yeah. I was wondering why I hadn’t meant him yet. Then I realized my brother had been doing me a favor.” 

Danneel laughed with a knowing nod. “I’m Danneel.” She offered her hand. 

“Right, of course. I’m Y/n… Padalecki, Y/n Padalecki.” Y/n tried to shake the fuzziness from her mind as she shook Danneel’s hand. 

“I know, you’ve done some amazing work. Congratulations on the business by the way.” Danneel had an honest smile on her face. 

“Oh, thank you. It’s kind of surreal if I’m being honest.” Y/n admitted, her guard coming down as she grew more comfortable with the woman next to her. 

“You’ve got this. Just stay clear of Trish’s hookups and you’ll do just fine.” She put her hand on Y/n’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “It was nice meeting you, take care of yourself.” 

“You too.” Y/n called after the woman as she breezed past her and into the crowd. Y/n watched her move in between the moving bodies, eventually finding her target. Danneel wormed her way into Jared and Jensen’s group, position herself right next to Jensen. 

Just when she thought maybe she would get the racing of her heart to calm down, Danneel took it upon herself to try and crush it between her fingers. It was unfair of Y/n to think that, considering there was no way Danneel could have known about her and Jensen. But it was Danneel for Christ’s sake. She was tiny, and beautiful and an actress. Essentially everything that the world expected out of a wife for Jensen. That’s why when they had announced their engagement, everyone was overjoyed for them. What came as a surprise was when that engagement had been called off. Y/n never had figured out why they called it quits either.  Honestly, she had been too afraid to ask her brother, considering it wasn’t his business to share, but still, her and the rest of the world were beyond curious. 

Y/n downed half of the second drink as it was set down in front of her. She never once took her eyes off of the small circle of people in the center of the room. They were all laughing at something, Danneel equally as transfixed on Jensen as Y/n was on the two of them. That’s why she didn’t see the woman sneak up next to her. 

“Hey, what happened with Chris?” Y/n jumped as a hand fell on her shoulder. Her eyes shifted towards Trish for only a moment before going back to where Jensen was now talking to Danneel. 

“Trish, come on.” Y/n glanced back at the woman, her gaze incredulous, before going straight back to Danneel and Jensen. “He was a total tool. I’m honestly offended that you even thought we would get along.”

“Well, you both could use a little relaxation and I thought may you could hate fuck.”

Y/n whipped her head back to Trish. “Jesus, Trish! What the fuck?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to be helpful.”

“Trish, I love you, but I don’t know how to make this any clearer for you. I’m good… happy. And I am certainly not that desperate to get some.” Y/n’s voice trailed off when she heard loud laughter coming from the group she had lost focus on. 

“Fine, I get it.” Trish followed Y/n’s gaze when she realized she was no longer paying attention to her, a look of equal confusion crossing her features as she happened upon Y/n’s distraction. 

“Did Jared invite her?” Y/n tried to keep her tone nonchalant when she noticed Trish had caught on to her fixation. 

“No, I don’t think so. The two of them still run in some of the same circles, so she probably heard about it. Jensen was pretty messed up after they called it off. I don’t think Jared would do that to him.” Trish answered honestly. “I just can’t believe she actually came. She was the one who left him, after all.”

“Really?” Y/n hadn’t known that particular piece of information. After all, her only reputable source was Jared, and she hadn’t bothered with that. 

“Yeah, said she couldn’t do the long distance thing. But with the show being over, who knows what will happen. They were really happy at one point, they could get it back.” Trish shrugged and walked off, unaware of the stab wound her words had left in Y/n’s chest.

“Who knows…” Y/n mumbled to herself. The last thing she wanted to believe was that Jensen would just go crawling back to his ex the second she looked back his way. But the two of them had been engaged, and that’s not some small thing. They had really loved each other. Y/n and Jensen hadn’t even come close to saying those three little words. The knot in her stomach clenched the more she thought about it. Her anxiety was rearing its ugly head, and as much as she knew it, she couldn’t focus enough to try and control it. 

At this point, Y/n wasn’t even trying to hide her staring. It was rude, she knew that, but she just couldn’t stop herself. Her chest felt empty as she watched the two of them laugh at something and then, God help her, Danneel put her hand on Jensen’s upper arm. 

Y/n’s gut dropped, and she shook her head to try and clear it. This was insane! Y/n was not a jealous person, nor did she ever want to be. She had worked so many years to grow out of the insecurities that had been ground into her. In this moment, after coming so far, she couldn’t, no she wouldn’t let them win again. It wasn’t fair to her. 

Jensen looked up then, stopping when he noticed her watching them. He smiled at her, the expression warm. Y/n tried to return it, but she knew her smile was tight. Jensen’s brow furrowed slightly before he recovered. He winked at her before ducking out of the group, and making his way to the stage. He got Bob Singer’s attention as the current song they were playing came to an end. Bob knelt down on the stage to hear Jensen. He nodded eagerly and Jensen followed the length of the stage to climb the stairs on the side. 

“Looks like we have a special request from the birthday boy himself. Ladies and gents, please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jensen Ackles!” Bob hollered into the microphone. The crowd erupted into a roar as Bob stepped back from the microphone and let Jensen take over. 

“Firstly, I just wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight. I thought I could maybe sing something for all of you, if you would let me.” Again, cheers erupted from the crowd. Y/n was only growing more curious as Jensen continued. “Great, well this is a song that I’m sure you all know. I recently rediscovered it, and it has become my new favorite. I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Anyway, here you go.” 

Jensen turned on the band, signaling them to start. It didn’t take more than a second for Y/n to recognize the tune they were playing, and even less time for the tears to form in her eyes. 

 I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Ooh, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

 A half laugh half sob erupted from her chest as she remembered their first date at the ice rink. Jensen was officially the cheesiest, sweetest, most amazing man she had ever had the pleasure of knowing. He took this stupid, cliched song and made it their song. They had a song. It was so high school, but so adorable at the same time. 

 Lying close to you feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes

And thank God we're together

And I just want to stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and ever

 He got the whole crowd engaged, the lot of them swaying with the music. Meanwhile, she was wiping away the tears on her cheeks, careful to not mess up her makeup. 

 And I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

Well, I just want to be with you, right here with you

Just like this

I just want to hold you close

I feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all of the rest of time

 In typical Jensen fashion, he embellished the ending of the song as it called for. The whole room was entranced. She hoped it would keep them from noticing how he kept looking back at her, how he was singing to her. It was a bold move, but honestly, at that moment, she didn’t care if everyone found out. Jensen was singing a song for her.

 Don't want to close my eyes

Don't want to fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't want to miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you, babe

And I don't want to miss a thing

 The melody faded out, and Jensen bowed out from the stage. The band thanked him for the little treat before getting back into their set. As Jensen disappeared from the stage, she broke from the small trance she was in, realizing quickly she needed to fix her face before anyone saw her. She rushed from the ballroom in search of a bathroom. The first one she came to had a small line coming from the door and she growled under her breath before continuing on. She stopped a server who pointed her towards the next closest bathroom. It was tucked in a corner near the entrance to the kitchen. Y/n was leaning into the door when a hand gripped her bicep and pushed her into the bathroom.

“Hey!” She protested, attempting to pull her arm free from the grip. Her words fell flat as she realized it was Jensen pushing her into the bathroom. He dropped her arm and twisted the lock on the bathroom door as it shut. Y/n watched in confusion as he bent down to check the stalls. “Jensen?”

Jensen turned to her once he was satisfied they were alone, his smile faltering when he noticed the tear tracks down her cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

Y/n was taken aback, her mind taking a second to catch up to what he was talking about. She walked to the large mirror by the vanity and plucked a tissue to dab at her face. “Nothing, I’m good.” She chuckled at the irony. 

“Are you sure about that?” Jensen came up behind her, one hand slipping around her to rest on her hip as he made eye contact with her in the mirror. 

“Yeah.” She spun around to him and slipped her arms around his neck. “You sang a song for me on your birthday. I’m great.” And she wanted to believe her own words, but something was still working together that knot in her belly. 

“I did? Here I thought I just liked that song.” He quirked up the corner of his mouth as he pulled her closer to his chest. Y/n grimaced, the subtle movement not going unnoticed by Jensen. Normally, she loved his teasing, it was a part of their banter that made their relationship unique to any other one she’s ever had. Right now, she couldn’t help but take his words to heart. For the life of her, she wished she wouldn’t have, but that weird feeling in her gut was too strong right now. 

“Babe, I know what’s going on in that head of yours.” Jensen’s eyes pierced into hers before he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin for a moment. God, she hated how well he read her sometimes. For once, she would like to not be such an easy read. “I didn’t know she was going to be here.” 

“I believe you.” Y/n’s shoulders dropped with her words.

“Jared didn’t know either. He’s not even sure how she found out about it, let alone why she flew all the way to Vancouver for one night.” He was trying to reassure her, but all she was hearing was that Danneel was determined to get him back, that she was here for what she had tossed away all those years ago. Y/n couldn’t blame her for that. Jensen was one of a kind. 

“She came back for you.” Y/n noted solemnly. 

“No, Danneel left me. Why would she be back now?” Jensen was honestly lost and Y/n almost felt bad for him. They really were two of a kind, neither one thinking that they were worth something. Not to mention it was obvious to everyone else in the room that she still loved him. 

“Jensen, you dedicated so much of your life to Supernatural and now that it’s over she thinks that you two can just pick up where you left off. That you can finally have that fairytale that she wanted in the first place because you’ll have more time for her.” Y/n’s tone was clipped, much to her dismay. She didn’t want to be short with him, but she also couldn’t believe that he could be that obtuse. Her hands slid down his neck and came to rest on his chest, a weak attempt to push him away from her. Jensen didn’t budge though, keeping her secure in his arms. 

“Y/n,” Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “She’s too late. I got over her a long time ago. I moved on.” He squeezed her hips to emphasize who he had moved on with. “Honey, you and I… I’m in. I’m all in.” 

The look in his eyes begged for her to not look away from him. The stinging grew in her nose as she fought back more tears. The swelling in her chest now disguising the rolling in her abdomen.

“Yeah?” Her voice was a broken whisper.

“Yes.” Jensen nodded his head, his features more serious than she had ever seen from him. He dipped into her, pressing his lips to hers gently, testing the waters. Her hands wrapped around the lapels of his tux, pulling him closer to her chest before finding their way back around his neck. With her encouragement Jensen put all his emotion into that kiss. Every unspoken word and promise. Every need and desire. He needed her to understand, to feel his truth. Jensen nipped at her lower lip, enticing her to open her mouth to him. She moaned in response to his actions, her body shivering as Jensen’s hands trailed up her sides. He ran his thumbs along the swell of her breasts, showing extra attention to her hardened nipples. 

Something had shifted, she could feel it in the electricity of the air around them. She could feel it in the way Jensen’s mouth moved against her own and how his hands gripped her tight. It wasn’t just about the hunger that had been between them since the beginning, it was something new entirely. Sure, she wanted to feel him, to feel his muscles ripple as fucked her, to feel the deep push and pull of him inside of her. But it was also about the emotion behind it. Jensen was here with her. He had chosen her, and he told her he would keep choosing her. 

“Is there a zipper on this thing?” Jensen growled in frustration as he ran his fingers across the fabric of her dress. 

“No, it’s a pullover dress.” She chuckled as Jensen dropped his head into her neck with a groan. 

“Guess we’ll make due then.” He nipped against her neck, his hands now finding their way to the hem of her dress. Jensen tugged it up around her hips as he sucked along her jaw. He let his tongue guide his movements across her collarbone and back up to just below her ear. 

“Jay,” She watched him with hooded eyes as he moved from her and dropped to his knees.

“Shh.” He urged her as tugged her thong down her legs. She stepped out of it, her belly dropping as she watched Jensen stuff the lacy material into his jacket pocket. Her pussy ached in anticipation as Jensen gripped her thighs and leaned forward to place a kiss to her lower belly. He wrapped his long fingers around her right knee and lifted her leg, urging it over his shoulder.

“Shit, shouldn’t we be doing this the other way around? It is your birthday after all.” The quiver in her voice betrayed the sincerity of her words. Right now, she couldn’t think of a better place for him to be. 

“Are you kidding me? Best birthday dessert I can think of.” He flashed her his signature smirk, before licking his lips. He placed another gentle kiss to the inside of her thigh before moving on to her sex. Jensen wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked just hard enough to send pleasure pulsing through her bones. Y/n cried out, the sound louder than she had anticipated, but at this point she didn’t care. All she cared about was Jensen and the fire building inside her. Her stomach clenched as Jensen continued his work. He was pro at reading her body at this point, and he had her higher than she thought possible in no time. 

Sweat was beading across her chest and neck as she watched the man between her legs. She braced herself against the counter with one hand, running the fingers of her other hand through the longer locks at the crown of Jensen’s head. 

“Jay,” She whined as he kept her just at the edge. Her body was so close and he knew it, a low growl emanating from the back of his throat finally pushing her over the edge. Y/n came with a deep huff of air, the heel of her shoe digging into Jensen’s back as her body rode out the high. 

“God,” He kissed her thigh again before lowering her quivering leg back to the ground. “You’re so fucking beautiful when you come.” She threw her head back and laughed as she allowed him to help her hop up onto the counter. 

“Don’t laugh at me.” He playfully chastised with a frown, his forehead scrunching together as he worked open his slacks. 

“Quit making jokes then.” She quipped, only half serious. Jensen paused his movements, his pants hanging open. Y/n could see how hard he was behind his briefs, the sight distracting her momentarily until she realized he had stopped what he was doing. Her eyes flickered back up to his, his expression now serious. 

Y/n/n,” He started with a sigh. He tugged her to the edge of the counter by her knees, fitting himself snug between her legs. “You are the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I have had the pleasure of knowing. Please believe me when I say I’m the luckiest man in the world right now.” 

“Okay.” She nodded in agreement. The hurt in his voice had her feeling guilty for what she had said. It wasn’t her intention to hurt his feelings. For some reason, her self deprecating humor had found its way back so easily that she hadn’t even noticed what she had said until it was out of her mouth. 

Jensen searched her face for some indication that she may have been just saying what he wanted to hear. When he didn’t catch on to anything, he returned to removing himself from his pants, dropping them and his briefs to his thighs. Y/n grabbed his neck and pulled his lips back to his, her kiss hungry and sloppy as Jensen stoked himself a few times. He coated himself with her arousal before sinking slowly into her. He watched her as she grimaced when he stretched her out, her eyes never leaving the spot where he entered her. 

“You good?” He had to make sure she was set before he continued. She nodded to him, her fingers scratching his neck where she held onto him. Jensen hitched her left leg around his waist and the other he lifted into the crook of his elbow before he set up his rhythm. He took his time at first, reading her reaction to every movement and trying to commit the sounds coming from her mouth to memory. He never wanted to leave this moment. He never wanted to leave her. She had wormed her way into his heart without even trying, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Both of their faces were flushed as the air became heavier in the room. Neither could be bothered with the sweat trailing down either of their bodies, both too engrossed in the other. The feel of the others body against their own, and the way they just seemed to fit so perfectly together. This is certainly not what either had expected from this night, but then again they weren’t complaining either. 

“Fuck,” Jensen growled between clenched teeth. His movements began to become erratic as his instinct took over in search of his end. 

“I know, I’m right there, Jay. Come for me.” Jensen cut off her words, his lips hungrily searching out hers. She met his eagerness, both of them lost in the moment as they neared the edge. Jensen pulled her down onto him hard as he came, his cock pulsing deep inside her. He stilled for only a moment before continuing a few quick hard thrusts as his thumb rubbed tight circles on her clit. It was her undoing then, her nose scrunching and her mouth falling open in a silent scream. 

“Ah, jesus.” Jensen leaned into her as they both fought to control their rapid breathing. He tucked his face into her neck, inhaling the smell of perfume and sex on her skin. Her fingers slowly scratched the hairs at the base of his skull as she held him to her, content to listen to his heart beating in time with hers.

“Jensen,” Y/n reluctantly broke the silence in the room. They had already been gone too long, and she had one more thing she wanted to say to him before they parted ways. Jensen stood up to his full height and dropped her leg that he had in his arm as he pulled himself from her. “Jensen, I think it’s time we tell people, you know, about us.” 

“What?” He looked up at her as he tucked his button down back into his slacks. 

“I, well… don’t you think it’s time?” She hopped down from the counter, careful not to break her heels. A blush crept up on her face as she felt his cum drip down her thigh when she stood up straight. 

“Yeah, I do.” He agreed with a soft smile. Hell, he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, right now. He was high on her and he couldn’t be bothered to give a damn about any consequences. Jensen turned to her as she shimmied down the hem of her dress. He stepped up to her, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the lips. 

“Good, then it’s settled. We find the right time and we tell our family and friends.” Jensen felt his heart soar as he took in the smile now on her face. In that moment, he realized he would spend the rest of his life making sure she was happy, if only to see that smile on her face. Nothing else mattered more to him anymore than her happiness. 

“I can’t wait.” He agreed. Y/n reached into his jacket as he kissed her again, but Jensen caught her wrist before she could snag what she was looking for. 

“What are you doing?” He dropped his voice, his eyes narrowed as he grinned at her. 

“I’m grabbing my panties.” She stated matter of fact. Jensen tsked at her, shaking his head in mock disapproval, his playfulness taking back over the moment. 

“Consider them my birthday gift, besides you said it yourself, they were already ruined.” He grinned, releasing her wrist from his grasp. Her hands fell to her hips as she tried to determine if he was serious or not. 

“Jensen, come on.” She tried, reaching towards him again, but he smacked away her hand with a shake of his head. 

“I want you to be reminded of this moment all night. Everytime you feel my cum dripping down your thighs, I want you to think of me and how no one else can fuck you as good as I can.” Y/n couldn’t help the whimper that emanated from her throat at his words. She had to hand it to him, he was good. He knew exactly what to say to her. It was as if the two of them had been sleeping together for years, not weeks. There was no learning curve, they both just knew. 

“Fine, keep ‘em.” She relented, her hands slapping down against her thighs dramatically. 

“Thanks, babe.” Jensen moved to rush out of the bathroom, knowing people would be missing him by now. 

“Wait!” She called, rushing after him. He turned, puzzled. Y/n motioned for him to lean down, running her fingers through his hair as he did so. “There all better.” 

“What would I do without you?” He smiled wide.

“Crash and burn.”

Part 17

Forevers: @spn-impala​​ @22sarah08​​ @turtlepad​​ @callmekda​​ @chaldei​​ @hobby27​​ @casualfestivaltrashpainter​ @cowboysnwinchesters​​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @pikabootoyouchu​​ @dawnie1988​​ @grease222​​ @frackinawesomeninja​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @polina-93​​ @clarinette07​​ @moonlight-babeh​​ @suckerforfanfic​​ @witandnargles​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @geeksareunique​ @akshi8278​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @kalesrebellion​ @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​

[vomara]

I saw your posts about Katara and the general treatment of female characters in the new ATLA fandom and what i wanna know is, why is it like this now? You know usually i'd say if there's misogyny in a fandom is because the show itself has big problems with it. But ATLA is like, the complete opposite of that? It's a very good show in terms of equality between female and male characters. And it was out there pushing that over a decade ago.

Like who's coming into this show full of great women and going "I only care about the boys and the girls are annoying"? Methinks these people are far too accustumed to shows and fandom where male characters and male focus are the norm, and they come into this show and start perpetuating the same, but this is to me at least almost entirily the fandom's fault. Cause the show isn't out there purposely ignoring or giving bad dialogue and arcs to the women in it. (2/2)

yeah, i agree. there's a very clear and longstanding male-centric bias in fandom in general, and atla is no exception, and yes, it really isn't well-supported by canon, which has plenty of well-developed female characters. atla fandom isn't the WORST i've been in, but the fandom focus has... shifted very male-centric nowadays in a way that wasn't always so prominent. while i'm not gonna say that it was a fantastic thing, before about 2015, there was a little bubble of more female-centric fanwork in the fandom -- mostly concerning azula, but other characters, too. (again, i don't think that it was a fantastic thing, given the fact that a lot of azula fanwork tends to ignore fundamental aspects of her, but it was there, and it existed.) now what? the fandom is predominantly z*ukka, with lingering remnants from a thriving z*utara fandom.

in general, i don't blame fandom for zuko being a fan-favorite -- he was practically designed that way. dramatic and attractive, with one of the most visible character arcs in the series. for other characters, you actually have to pay attention to see how they learn and change; for zuko, you don't have to pay much attention at all. but exempting him, the two most developed characters are aang and katara, both of whom get glossed over in fandom, particularly 2020 fandom. since katara is the main female, let's look at her.

why is she so disrespected in fandom? i think we can start by examining the largest pairings. the z*utara fandom goes all the way back to the airing of the show itself. it's a genuinely compelling dynamic and i like it, but the fandom repels me deeply... because katara is often forced into a position where she has to perform emotional labor in order to force zuko to redeem himself. her character often loses spark, and she sometimes becomes passive in way that's not canon. not to mention there's a whole subset of z*utara tropes that feels very... colonialist. and being a brown girl, fitting her into these more passive, colonized molds is... uh, not a good look on the fans. but i digress. at least she's there and present.

now flash forward to post-2015, but especially 2020, z*ukka fandom. (this fandom existed prior, but was much more lowkey.) the one thing about a lot of mlm pairings in practically every fandom, is how fans can choose to exclude the females of the narrative. this is in no way a disparagement of gay shipping -- but it is a criticism of how those same shippers behave to other characters. other characters, especially females, become accessories to their main ship, and because of that, they often become flat and unidimensional. furthermore, z*ukka had a rival ship in z*utara, so establishing a sense of superiority comes down to proving that sokka is somehow better than katara in some form or another. and how? she's homophobic, she's whiny, she's a "mom", she's "straight" (???) ... or maybe they call her badass and assign her no other traits. maybe they even pair her off with another person to get her out of the way, so they can focus on their mlm pairing, which they justify as more important because it's "progressive shipping". essentially, unlike z*utara, z*ukka stans can very conveniently throw katara out the window. she doesn't need to be present, and so often times, she isn't.

it's just all part of this continued shafting of brown girls in fandom. the fandom CONSISTENTLY loves to hate katara, specifically because she talks about her trauma so much. (which is justified as hell! she lost her mother and then became a mother to the rest of her village at a young age, and she uses this trauma to help her empathize with others!) zuko's out here monologuing about his trauma, and everyone loves him, but this same love doesn't extend to katara. it's irksome to say in the least. sokka, who's of the same race, gets a lot more attention, and that really says a lot about how gender plays into fan-following, because he isn't quite as developed as she is.

there are other girls in the fandom with notable followings, but honestly it would take forever going through each one of them step by step. azula is the most significant in fandom, and that's partially because her character development is strong and visible in the way that zuko's is. also, people have a tendency towards enjoying more unstable females, but that's its own thing. overall, though, even she has been long outstripped by the fan-following of the main mlm ship in fandom. there's no way to compete with that.

and really, that's all it is. this recent misogyny is very much a result of this almost cultish shift towards one particular ship in fandom, an mlm ship that very obviously allows for the exclusion of female characters. once you become a superfan and enwrapped in this type of cultish shipping, you no longer need canon, you no longer need the rest of the cast, and you no longer need female characters, and so you can just enter into a nice little echo chamber where you talk about the same two characters over and over again and get completely disconnected from the original material. and that sucks, because often times, it's the canon context and the complexity of other characters that provide complexity to these characters you're discussing, and now that you've disconnected, you've warped and flattened the dynamic of everyone including those favorite characters into something very generic and boring. and that's a travesty! but, well, i suppose it’s just another byproduct of misogyny.

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and Go to London chapter 11

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress, musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air, escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Triggers:  crying.

Tag list: Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank  you   so much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too  ☺️   (I   think I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to  tag   you, tell me ☺️   ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo   constip8merm8   penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming  alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira   @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog   @lunedelorient​  @michelle-1185​

-So, how did the audition go?- Henry asked you. You video-called him as soon as you woke up as you promised to do every day that you spend apart. You also agreed that he'd do the same before going to sleep. You had your audition the day before in the afternoon, but by the time it ended, he was already sleeping because he needed to be awake at 3 am to get ready to be on the set of the show, so he just left you a sweet good night text and went to bed. He was once again on Geralt's makeup but you were starting to get used to it. - Great! - you said, happy but not overexcited. He studied your expression. - Are you sure? You don't seem that excited. - Yes, I'm sure. I just don't want to get my expectations too high so it won't hurt so bad if I don't get it. - you admitted shrugging. - You'll get it. You're amazing! - he encouraged you - I know...and so are the other actresses up for the role. The casting director told me I did an amazing job, but he, the director and the producers needed to have a chat to see who of all the potentials candidates was the most fitting for the role, but he assured me that I was on that list. It's a good thing, but until they tell me "you got it", I won't celebrate anything. Ok, maybe the fact that it felt really good to be back on the acting game. It's been a while and until now I haven't realized how much I missed it. - I have not doubts you'll get it, but if you don't, you'll get other chances to work with Meryl Streep and there are thousands of movies ready for you to be on them if you want to and you know that.- he said proudly and made you smile. -You're right. Thank you.- How's Kal? - He's great. Kal! - Henry screamed at Kal to see if the puppy came to say hi to you but he showed you that the puppy was lazily resting on a couch. Both of you laughed. - Hi Kal! I missed you!- You could see him moving his tail, probably because he recognized your voice, but he continued sitting on his spot. - He's lazy today, but he's missed you too. We both do. - And I missed both of you too. - Do you by any chance know when you are coming back? - he asked - Not yet. They told me that by tomorrow the should have a decision made and then they let us know because they need to sign the contracts. So for sure, I have to wait another day and if I get it I have to stay until I signing. - I see. - he sighed- Well, it could be just a few more days hopefully. - Yes, let's hope so. - What are you going to do today? - I... I'm going to Jared's house -you said sighing in a sign of displeasing - You're going to your ex's house?- he repeated in an inquisitive tone, he clearly wasn't pleased with that. - Yes. When I moved out I didn't take everything with me, just some essentials. I have clothes, my awards, a few instruments and some other things that I still have to pick up. - Is he gonna be in there? - No, as far as I know. I haven't been talking to him. I only talk to his assistant Shayla, we're cool and she actually took the time to put most of my belongings into boxes to save me time. I just have to go and grab them and see if there's anything else mine that she might have forgotten to pack. We spoke yesterday and she told me that he agreed to leave the house for the day so I could take all my stuff and leave. He'll just give the key to her and she'll let me in and help me with everything. Are you jealous? - you questioned amused. - It's not that...It's just... you suffer a lot with him and in that house. I'm just not happy about the idea of you being in the place that caused you all that pain. - I know. It's not exactly happy for me either. I hate that house. But, I want my possessions back so I've got to go. I'll be alright, I promise. - I hope so. I'll call you tonight, ok? I have to be back on set right now. Bye baby- he said waving you. - Ok. Bye baby! - you replied blowing a kiss.

The house hadn't changed a bit since you left. The only difference is that for the first time in a long time was practically empty, except for Shayla, Beth - who went with you to help you and for moral support- and two men from a moving company waiting outside by the truck; Jared gave the day to all the employees that are always around the house so you could be alone as you picked up your stuff. You always begged him to do that, but of course, he had to wait for you to broke up to do it, but still, it was a nice gesture. Shayla's done a pretty good job boxing all your stuff. There were just a few minor things, like a pair of shoes, one of your guitars that she thought that belonged to Jared and a few books. You went to the closet to see if she missed any piece of clothing and you didn't find anything yours, but to your surprise, you found a woman's clothes where yours used to be. It didn't take you a long time to recognize some of those clothes and you knew that those belong to her; the woman he slept with right after you broke up with him, the woman he told you for a long time that "was just a friend". You looked at Shayla raising your eyebrow in a sign of annoyment. She didn't need you to say a word to know what was going on in your head. "She's been staying in here for the last couple weeks," she told you and you rolled you eyes and replied "whatever". After taking all the things that were yours, you hugged Shayla a thanked her for her help. She's always been so nice to you. She was one of the few people that you were going to miss now that things between you and her boss and friend were over. You decided to leave the unboxing part for another moment. Moving this was already exhausting. You went to take a shower and went to bed early. As soon as your head touched the pillow, all the feelings hit you hard and you started to cry, trying hard not to make a sound so your friend wouldn't hear you. True to be told, you didn't love Jared anymore, but he was important and meaningful to you and you were hoping that it'd be the same for him when it came to you. You have the feeling that he was never really in love with you, but you thought that you were important to him somehow. But now it didn't seem like it. He not only slept with that woman the same day of your break up, but he allowed her to move in with him after you moved. It doesn't hurt that he moved on. It doesn't even hurt that is with her. It hurts that he's saying "I don't care, you're replaceable". Because that's the truth, for him, neither Valery nor you are irreplaceable. You are just a woman and he could always find a new one. After a long cry, you felt better. You needed to let those negative feelings leave your body and don't let them bother you anymore. You left him in the past for a reason. And you made a promise to Henry. "Henry!" you said and gasp. He called you as promised before going to bed, but it was the afternoon in LA and you were still in your ex's house and you just had found out about the woman living there so you were a little distracted when he called you. You told him you were fine, but he saw your face and notice that something was off but you continued to avoid talking about it. You grabbed your phone, that you hadn't touched in all day and after seeing notifications from twitter, due to a paparazzo that took photos of you moving your stuff from Jared's house and ignoring it, you went directly to read the messages. You had one from Henry that said " I don't know what happened to you today, but I know you were not feeling ok. You're not forced to tell me anything, but I want you to know that I'm always there to listen when you need, no matter the time, the phone is on if you need a call. I hope you feel better. Talk to you, tomorrow baby." Once again you had tears on your eyes, but this time were tears of joy. You smiled and open your gallery and saw a few selfies that you two took together, several pictures of him cooking for you, pictures of him and Kal and pictures of Kal and you. You grabbed your phone and decided to text him the truth. You apologized to him because you failed your promise, but you assured him that you felt much better now. You left your phone on the nightstand and closed your eyes to sleep. A few minutes went by and your phone started ringing and you saw that it was Henry. -Hi- you answered is a low tone - You should be sleeping. - I was - he replied and you notice by the sound of his voice that he was telling the truth- and I will be asleep again shortly, I just wanted to say that you're irreplaceable to me. You're not just another woman, you're special. You're extraordinary and I'm sorry if he failed to let you know that. You're incredible - he assured you. As he was saying this last words you heard him yawn. -Thanks, baby. Now, go back to sleep, we'll talk better tomorrow. - Ok. Sleep well!- he told you as you were pretty sure he fell asleep as soon as he finished saying those words. - You too, baby! - you replied and hung up.

[ellastar1980]

Charmed end of season wrap up

Season Two thoughts...

WELL....

That has been some roller coaster. Not even sure I know what the **** is going on, who knows who, what happened to, well take your pick.

Saying that, I can sense a distinct difference in tone for the last few episodes and something like a return logical, organic progression of events.

I want to acknowledge that this season has been subject to some unfortunate circumstances, not least the pandemic that cut it short, but throughout it all I have not had such an uplifting experience as I’ve had on Twitter and Instagram with the amazing people that make it happen. 

From the actors to the writers, wardrobe to visual effects and make-up, it’s clear this production is filled with incredibly talented people who have made this more than another job. They’ve made it, and us watching, feel like family. I know we thank you from the bottom of our hearts and I hope we can return the favour over the coming months.

Each of the characters have had so much to contend with the past season after their lives were turned upside down. Some have been left reeling and coping with their current situations, while others have flourished and stepped up as the events needed.

MEL

In the first season things were as comfortable and everyday for Mel as they were going to get. She was however the first to embrace the idea of being a witch. Season two shows how innate that choice was.

Never one to be happy left behind, she uses her wits to excel. She laps up all the information she can get and takes chances following her gut. Never afraid to put herself out there she’s a driving force, filling the role of eldest even though she’s technically not. 

She still has a fire - it drives her - but is recognising more and more when to step back. It’s not in her nature to do so, with such a high sense of justice. More recently, when Maggie and Ray had their issues, I was impressed that her silence and feeling of powerlessness in this situation led her to stop. It’s devastating to realise there’s nothing you can do. Maggie needed to do it herself.

With her love life, I loved the sweet dynamic with Kat and the powerful connection with Ruby. I have no idea how things would have progressed had Kat still been in the picture but the reveal in 219 felt so compelling, it felt like it needed Ruby. I’m not sure how it will progress or even if Ruby can forgive being drawn back into the Witch world without resenting Mel, that’s something that will be interesting to see.

MAGGIE

I’m astounded at the progress Maggie has made this season. Much like Mel, she adjusted to each situation as needed and took on more responsibility i would have ever expected from a 20 year-old sorority student. Establishing a basis as part of Safe Space was essential and she stepped up to the plate like a champ.

It’s clear from early episodes she resents being seen as powerless and young. This is her growth story, her chance to break free. 

She’s also dealt with her family history instead of hiding. For someone so connected with how others feel, it’s difficult to turn that on yourself. It’s much easier to just make everything seem OK. The only time she could confront Ray was with Mel by her side. It must have been jarring to have to do it on her own but she did, and with that asserted her independence and voice. 

Her relationship with Jordan is truly lovely. Since it’s a deep platonic basis in a shared supernatural situation, the whole scenario doesn’t have a trope. Is he still with his girlfriend? I don’t know but I’m not sure it matters. Nothing that’s happened between them is remotely cheating, Maggie has a support as does Jordan, arguing the question - is this something that qualifies cheating? Having a caring, deep relationship with another woman is not allowed? Maybe if you’re related but... and that is truly sad. 

However it proceeds, I appreciate this time. The moments where he really does look at her in awe. Where she cares about him. Where there’s something there but it’s not what you expect. Were that all relationships as deep.

Her story has so many ways to go but right now, it’s where it needs to be. She has grown from the childish ways to being a force to be reckoned with and I look forward to it.

MACY

The chaos of episode 201 was just the kind of circumstance Macy Vaughn would hate. It’s out of control, vulnerable mayhem where her abilities are useless and where events left her the most unnerved. 

Worry for their Whitelighter, poisoned, her mind violated, her sisters in danger, almost dying, finding a new demon power and finally being under the most pressure to protect the witch world - she had it bad and that was just the first episode.

It didn’t get any better - the pressure got worse, she thought she’d found an ally in a fellow demon/witch hybrid, kidnapped by Darklighter... the list goes on! The ‘love affair’ with Julian was of no comfort since her heart was being twisted up by Abigael’s relentless and VERY predatory pursuit of Harry. Never have I witnessed a more uncomfortable storyline - from the bargaining for sex, the goading, the kneeling... Macy was diminished in every way possible and I’m still trying to figure out why or if there is some satisfying pay-off yet to come? I hope so.

The only bright spark - and seriously, it was very late in the game, - is the burgeoning relationship with Harry that was beautifully set up in season one but had to be ‘adjusted’ for season two. Macy and Harry were lovable dorks. I sincerely hope that comes back in the future - you can be both sexy and dorky.

The only other life line was her first love - science. Her face came alive at the world opened back up to her, so much so Julian received the afterglow. I hope her future effortlessly combines her magic and science just as it did before. 

HARRY

I can’t possibly do justice to the incredibly complicated intricacies of Harry, Jimmy and James. Three totally different parts of the same man has left the Whitelighter we know so well questioning his existence and character. I can’t even imagine.

It’s horrific to wake up to the idea that you are not you because you want to be, you are you because others wanted it. How do you begin to discover who you are when all you’ve ever known is what’s been programmed? Would you still be a good person? Would you hurt the ones you love? 

In this case I can more than make peace with his behaviour - it drove poor Helen to the depths of despair. My only frustration is relenting to Abigael - but I will always believe her permeating his mind and subsequent gestures were her attempt to influence him. I will hold onto that even after I’m told otherwise (la la la I can’t hear you what was that no still can’t hear you oh well).

Again his feelings toward Macy has been a saving grace. When questioned about ‘the attic apology’ I felt it would be for not being open with Macy, braving rejection and laying it all out rather than chastising her for not being sure where she stood.  I did look for more there, I have to be honest.

But this might be why he’s considering using Maggie’s power. He’s not himself, and I don’t feel he truly will be until he merges with Jimmy.

Jordan 

Should be part of the family. He’s there for them, he knows all the ins and outs and I NEED a bromance with Harry. That whitelighter needs it so much too... A++

Swan

What a delight! I love a quirky and interesting but dynamic cookie. A+

Marisol

I shall require spirit Marisol in the future. I was promised she would see Macy again and I’m holding her to that. Heartbreaking in 218. A++

Julian

Sorry man. Auntie’s lacky left a bad taste when you mentioned she’d already messed in previous relationships and you said NOTHING to her? Went downhill from there so no. D-

Abigael.

Poppy A++, Abigael F-

Ray

Who came up in my estimations significantly? Why yes it was you Ray, well done. I’m so interested in the dynamic of Marisol and Ray meeting again, I need it. Add in Dexter and I’ve got the popcorn.  B+

Lee

Why, you powerhouse, where did you come from? One episode and I need to know more...  (wishlist: Macy’s demon sister, willing to broker peace with witches to fight human threat.) A+

Kat

I do hope we get to check back in with the medium at some point - her abilities were so interesting and her dynamic with Mel so sweet B+

Ruby

I feel such a need for expansion on her distaste for witchcraft when she so clearly loves to do it. B+

Helen

No-one could fail to be devastated by Helen. Incredible. If only it didn’t have to end that way... A++

Jimmy

How complicated can a situation get... abduction is not a good way to communicate young man. D

Aunt Vivienne

Definitely the powerful, evil one... fine for now as the bad guy. C

Godric

Sidelined but formidable. I hope he sticks around. B

Parker

A nice throwback to S1 that turned so dark. Once he decides which side he is on I’m going to have to insist he commits to it. D

Celeste

The elders are no more, know your place! Adjust! Work with the Charmed Ones and BE BETTER.  D

I cannot praise the cast enough - I’ve had so many ups and downs but the portrayals of Mel, Macy, Maggie and the double time for Harry and Jimmy, are more than we could have hoped for. I am in awe of all the factors that go into each episode and the traversing of issues dealt with daily to keep it going. 

Thank you so much. Everyone.

I still see so much hope for the future and can’t wait for the final 3 episodes. 

Here’s to Season 3! 

Be safe, be well, be happy.

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

‘always and forever, lara jean’: a bungled mess of my thoughts while watching the movie

Alright, cards on the table: I never finished reading the book. I got bored a couple of pages in, so I just read up the summary on Wikipedia and called it a day.

Not gonna lie, I expected better from the movies. I loved the first movie; it was cute, it was fun, it hit all the right places. The second movie was… eh. Jordan Fisher is cute, so that’s a plus.

And then we got the third movie; the final in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy.

And it was somehow even worse.

Maybe I’m exaggerating. Despite its shortcomings in the plot and character development-related departments (the fact that Lara Jean wrote addresses for letters she never meant to send is something that will bother me on my deathbed), the movies have their merits. They’re cutesy and charming and enjoyable, overall; movie-LJ is sweet and unashamedly a girly-girl, which is a refreshing change from the #NotLikeOtherGirls, pick-me girls and bruh girls we had in loads of other YA movies growing up. Peter’s pretty cute, too; he’s not a possessive freak like so many other love interests (The Kissing Booth, After, Anna and the French Kiss), and his and Lara Jean’s dynamic is cute, too. Not to mention- we finally have an Asian lead whose Asian-ness isn’t the whole focus of the story!

Again, maybe I’m being extra with all this. The series is, at its core, solely for entertainment purposes. Not every piece of media has to have an underlying message and you shouldn’t need to read between every goddamn line to find something worthy of enjoying. They’re certainly helpful for whiling away a couple of hours; perfect for bingeing with a pint of ice cream in hand, and all of this is in good fun.

Also, it goes without saying, but: spoilers ahead.

The film beings with Lara Jean scribbling a postcard to Peter while she’s in Korea with her family. The inclusion of that little snapshot of Asian culture made me so happy- seriously, fuck everyone who says diversity in media doesn’t matter. I’m not even Korean, and I was overjoyed at seeing a couple of scenes just from the same continent I’m on. The K-pop music in the background was a fun touch, too (although all Korean music isn’t K-pop, but that’s a rant for another day).

(Also: Blackpink has so many more suitable songs than Pretty Savage that go with the theme of the movies. Kill This Love in the second movie while Lara Jean is getting ready to go to her boyfriend’s match is bad enough- they’re supposed to be in love in that scene, goddammit.)

One thing that bothered me throughout the movies is how obviously non-Korean Lara Jean and Margot look. It’s like whoever chose the cast went for any random Asian- Lana’s Vietnamese and Janel Parrish is half-Chinese, and it’s so obvious. You seriously couldn’t find two Korean-Americans who even vaguely resembled each other so they could pass for sisters? The actresses do a stunning job and I don’t want to shit on them, but I just wish they didn’t go with the ‘all Asians look the same, what’s the difference?’ mindset.

Also, a nitpicky thing I’ve noticed in movies with characters who read a lot: no one holds their books up while they’re reading. Your arms start to cramp, which is why you keep your book in your lap while you’re reading, or you rest on your belly and hold the book in front of you. My spine and shoulders didn’t suffer years of torture as a chronic reader for you to include characters who hold their books up while reading.

A major gripe I have with Always and Forever, Lara Jean is how the characters are almost jarringly out of character- not from the books, but from the two previous movies, too. Lara Jean didn’t have much of a character to begin with, so I can’t say much about her (she dissed Oasis at one point; it’s okay for me to be mean to her), but the rest of them are either caricatures of themselves or just totally different people.

Movie Peter >>> Book Peter. He’s almost too perfect (except for the fact that he unironically loves The Fast and the Furious, which… ew), almost too much of the ideal boyfriend. Not that my perpetually single arse would know. How do boyfriends even work? I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with one; how often should you feed it? Do you need to take it on walks?

(In the notes I’ve written towards the end of the film, I’ve complained about Peter being immature and making Lara Jean feel bad about following her dream to go to NYU. He confuses me.)

Not to mention how distractingly adorable Noah Centineo is from some angles and under certain lighting conditions (other times, he reminds me of the human version of Shrek and that bothered me). King of weird Tweets and Instagram captions though he may be, he’s got a really nice smile, and his gravelly voice is both parts sexy and disturbing.

But I digress.

I’ll never forgive the directors for what they did to Kitty and Chris- two of my favorite characters, from both the books and the movies. Kitty’s annoying to the point of being borderline unlikeable- gone is the occasionally snarky comic relief we all came to love; in her place is an annoying brat whose every line comes out forced. Also, making soap is fun; fuck you, Kitty.

Chris is essentially Dixie D’Amelio’s character from that TikToker Grey’s Anatomy ripoff; the main character in One Direction fanfiction from 2012 who doesn’t want to go to the concert but her best friend gets a ticket for her so she can’t bail but Harry Styles sees her in the crowd and falls in love at first sight and 50k of mutual pining and misunderstandings late, they get together. She’s cynical and snarky and hates capitalism and consumerism and prom (because of course she does), but secretly, she’s into it (because of course she is). My guess is that she’s there to appease all the arseholes (including myself) who accused the characters of being too one-dimensional, but it seems too out of place in a movie that doesn’t have much plot to begin with.

I really, really hate how Lucas was done dirty- throughout every single movie. Of course, it’s Lara Jean’s story so not every side character has to be fully fleshed out- but you’d think three. entire. movies. would be enough to give Lucas a bigger role than the GBF and the token black guy for the diversity brownie points. Every single time Lucas shows up, it’s to push Lara Jean and Peter’s story forward. I would’ve liked to see a romance for him pushed forward instead one for Chris- especially because he says, at one point in a previous movie, that it’s hard to find other gay boys, so it would’ve been sweet to see him find love- and Chris’s character arc could’ve been focused on reconciling with Genevieve. Instead, we see the OG Reggie from Riverdale be the one to show Chris the bright side of monogamy, and Lucas gets a date to prom as an afterthought (another darkskin black dude, so no one thinks the film is racist).

Genevieve’s character in this movie gives me whiplash. Look, I’m all for girls supporting girls- healthy female relationships are something way too many YA movies lack- but she goes from bitch queen extraordinaire to friendly the moment the next scene calls for it. Her character isn’t consistent. A redemption arc should be executed cleanly and believably; you can’t have a character be a total prick one moment and then suddenly be, “Hey, if you get into NYU, let me know,” the next.

And Genevieve’s still an arsehole to Chris; at one point, in NYC, while they’re at the NYU campus grounds (I knew that Lara Jean was going to go to NYU the moment she saw all the banners; I fucking called it), Genevieve tells Chris, “University is for people who actually have a future,” and I recoiled. I’m not the nicest of people and yet that was going too far. Chris doesn’t hesitate to shoot back a, “You peaked in high school,”, but still. Y i k e s. You can’t convince me someone’s turned over a new leaf when they say something like that.

Lara Jean’s dad (forgot his name; gonna call him Dr. Covey) is as unremarkable as ever, and his new wife (forgot her name, too… Trisha? Trina? Eh, something like that) is… unsettling. I mean, I get that they’re all loved up and twitterpatted, but there’s something about all the smiling they’ve got going on that chills me to the bone.

Also, Trisha/Trina kinda looks like TikTok’s ThatVeganTeacher and it bothers me.

Another huge problem with this movie even being made is that the series never had enough plot to continue onto a trilogy. Lara Jean’s letters are what the plots of the first and second movies revolve around; the third only mentions them in passing. The final love letter from Peter was a cute callback, but there’s a massive continuity issue with the first two movies and this last one- both character and plot-wise.

Maybe I’m not articulating this clearly enough, so I’ll use an example: take Harry Potter, for example. Harry’s main goal throughout the series is defeating Voldemort. And it takes all seven books for him to get there, to finally achieve this.

Lara Jean’s goal in the first movie changes midway; from keeping up the façade with Peter so she can avoid the crap with the rest of the letters getting out, to making her fake relationship real. It forms a bridge with the second movie; the letter that went out to John Ambrose, and her dithering between Peter and perfection (I’m not sorry). But what does the third movie have to do with any of this?

There were way too many music montages. You couldn’t go five minutes without a random pop song playing in the background, and it was annoying as hell. Don’t Look Back in Anger was w a s t e d on this stupid film. The artsy scenery shots were even worse- no, I don’t give a fuck about the New York skyline or a bird’s eye view of whatever vehicle Lara Jean is in. A few shots of Seoul would’ve sufficed; the rest was overkill. This movie is way too damn long already (almost 2 entire hours!!!); cut out a couple of those. No one cares.

I thought they’d pull the whole Aladdin trope with character-A-keeps-trying-to-tell-character-B-the-truth-about-a-lie-B-believes-in-about-A-but-B-keeps-interrupting, but Lara Jean (typing her name out is annoying, why couldn’t she have a single name, like both of her sisters?) comes clean earlier than I expected. Peter’s reaction about LJ not getting into Stanford is… uncharacteristically mature? No “Why did you lie to me?”, no accusations, not an ounce of betrayal. Which I did not expect from a guy who’s a little bitch for the greater part of book one (I really don’t like Book Peter, in case you couldn’t tell). I know fuck-all about book three’s Peter, so I can’t tell if he really did adopt this mature, well-adjusted persona, or the movie did it to make Peter seem like less of a dick (like they did it with the sextape-that-wasn’t-a-sextape in the first installment).

On a sidenote, how do these main characters in YA books get into really good colleges with zero to no visible effort? These arseholes fuck around for the entirety of the story and have way too much going on to actually do schoolwork, but they waltz into Ivy Leagues at the end. And apparently, I’m not the only one bothered by this.

There’s something to be said about how the movies don’t really sexualize minors (characters who are minors, to be fair. None of the MCs look anything like teenagers), though. It’s almost weird to see them not getting drunk and partying and having sex all the time. Maybe that’s why Lara Jean trying to get her hand on Peter’s dick felt so stilted and awkward (I cringed so hard when she kept trying to touch him and he kept pushing her hand away, holy shit).

And the kissing. It’s to be expected from a romance film, but there was so. Much. Kissing.

The amount of product placements (… actually, I could count only two: Apple and a pair of Beats headphones Lara Jean puts on at one point, but the movie shoved so many iPhones in my face that I’m obligated to exaggerate) would’ve made anti-capitalist Chris mad.

I’m guessing this all takes place in a parallel universe, sans the coronavirus. Still, being in quarantine this past year and being socially awkward for every other one, it was agonizing seeing everyone so close together in NYC. When Peter kissed the ball (lol) (I have the sense of humor of a straight boy in middle school, don’t judge me) when him and Lara Jean go bowling, I had a visceral reaction. And what are the odds of Peter meeting his estranged dad at the very same bowling alley?

Speaking of Peter’s daddy issues (I’ve written “Hardin but diluted” in my notes; I watched this movie at, like, 1 AM; I’m not entirely sure what was going through my head at that point)- I hated how they guilt-tripped Peter into giving his father another chance. In the wise words of Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes- but leaving your wife and two kids for another woman is pretty far from a little oopsie on Mr. Kavinsky’s part. I don’t blame Peter for hating him, and I’m not in a place to judge whether Mr. Kavinsky (does he get a first name?) should be forgiven or not, but I feel like they let him off too easy and made Peter seem like a misunderstood teenager with anger issues for not accepting Mr. Kavinsky’s (crappy) apology at once.

And it adds nothing to the story at all; Mr. Kavinsky peaces out after having one (01) coffee with his firstborn, and he’s never seen again. If you’re going to introduce a subplot, make it tie into the main storyline- the very least you could do is make it an important enough part of the story to have more than 10 minutes of the run time. It makes no sense as to why they’d bring up Peter’s dad in this last film, when he’s already gone through two perfectly fine. I guess it was a ‘tying everything up’ part… even though no one cared.

Lara Jean’s handwriting is surprisingly ugly for someone who’s written that many love letters. And her styling took a definite nosedive; her outfits in the first movie were so effing cute, but now they’re just… meh.

There are so many conversations and lines that the writers must’ve thought sounded good enough for someone to type out the quote in curly font and slap it on a screenshot from the movie to post on Instagram, but when it comes to the actual delivery, they just sounded… weird.

Peter says one time near the beginning of the film, “You know what I’m looking forward to the most in college? Never having to say goodnight,” because he expects him and Lara Jean to get into the same college.

But I guess the word they should’ve used was ‘good-bye’, because this just makes him sound stupid.

At one point, Lara Jean asks Kitty how much Kitty’s gonna miss her when she goes off to college, and Kitty says, “A four.” Later on, she confesses, “I’m gonna miss you a twelve, Lara Jean,” and all I could think was, “But we’re endgame, Archie!”

(In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t let people know I’ve watched Riverdale; it lessons my credibility.)

Still, there remains some good to be found: all the baked goods looked very delicious and made me crave chocolate chip cookies. Peter wearing the socks Lara Jean gifted him at the beginning of the movie was a cute gesture, and Lara Jean giving Peter her teal hatbox? The one she kept her love letters in? Was so? Cute? Help?

And hey, it’s a cliché that’s been done to death, but I’m always a sucker for that part in movies where the girl walks down the stairs in a pretty dress with her hand on the banister and the boy turns around and his mouth falls open and all he can say is, “Wow,”- and this film did not disappoint! Not to mention how cute both Lara Jean’s and Chris’s prom dresses were.

Dr. Covey and Trisha/Trina’s wedding was cute, too- I struggled to decide whether Kitty wearing a necklace that says ‘feminist’ and a tux is a bit too on-the-nose, but I’ve decided that it’s nothing to get my knickers all in a twist about (for clarification: it’s not the necklace or the crossdressing that made me debate this; I just wish they didn’t make a big deal out of it- I wish they didn’t have Kitty and Lara Jean get into an argument about her not wearing a dress, if that makes sense?).

And the final letter- the one from Peter to Lara Jean- I ate that shit up; it was so, so, so cute.

In conclusion (why is it so easy for me to crank out 3k about my thoughts on a Netflix movie and yet when it comes to English Lit. at school, I’d stare at a blank sheet of foolscap for ages?), did I enjoy the movie? Not really. There were parts of it that I liked, but it was overall too boring and I kept wishing I’d watched the new SKZ Code episode instead every few minutes.

But that doesn’t mean that it was bad. I kinda feel a little sad, actually, now that Lara Jean and Peter’s story has come to a close; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, the first movie, is one of my favorites, and bitch though I might about them, the kinda grew on me… like an innocent plant, at first, but then like a fungus. Not a parasitic fungus, just not mutualistic, either… kind of like a commensal.

Maybe I should stop with the biology similes.

[tact-and-impulse]

Some fic for @shepherds-of-haven and the Lovelace Day event! Upped the challenge for myself and combined 2 prompts for each...MC. Sorry I have eight. 

Under the cut or on AO3.

I. while pretending to be a couple / in a garden full of flowers

The house was quaint and picturesque, with a gravel path leading to the front door and boxes of pansies under the bay window. The servant led them around the building, under the arch that led to the expansive garden. “This way, please.”

Flat stones marked winding pathways for visitors to traverse, under the shade of tall trees and even over an artificial stream. In one grassy area, a few tables were set up with refreshments. People milled about, enjoying the scenery. All around, flowers bloomed in abundance, in swathes of color and scent.

“It’s a beautiful place.” He commented.

“It’s even more so at night. Perhaps, we’ll see you again at such a time for you and your…lover?”

“That’s right!” Briony tightened her hold on his arm, nervously laughing. “We’ll definitely think about it.”

“Yes, and seeing more will help us decide.” Well, if they succeeded on this mission, there wouldn’t be a need to return. Somewhere, underneath the natural beauty, there was a black market organization selling magical artifacts to any buyer. With a quick scan, the vast majority here were Diminished. There were a number of older Ket too. Every stoic, weathered face was reminiscent of his father, a cousin, a neighbor. The hollow ache of self-loathing awoke in his chest, the edges of his vision fading…

“Honey, do you need to sit down?” Briony’s murmur cleared the fog, and her violet eyes were brimming with concern.

“Sorry, I was a little dizzy.” He squeezed her hand, finding genuine comfort. “But I feel better now.”

“That’s good. Let me know if it happens again, okay?” The concern hadn’t subsided but her expression was warm and she tugged him down one of the paths. So, what are we looking for?

Intel said there’s a hedge maze, but we should probably save that for later. For now, let’s keep an eye on anyone fishy.

Got it! She gave a slight nod, and he couldn’t suppress a smile.

He was still learning, but he could check anything that sparked interest with his Binding magic. And if needed, Briony could cause a distraction or get them out of a pinch, without their swords. The issue was that the garden was usually filled with groups or pairs, hence the necessity to pretend to be a loving couple. Lavinet had bemoaned not being able to join the mission and took it upon herself to outfit them. He was unaccustomed to his tailored attire and hoped he wasn’t showing it, but Briony looked pretty. Her pink hair was bound with a burgundy velvet ribbon, in the same shade as her knee-length dress. She was openly enjoying the garden, ponytail swishing with every head turn.

They were soon in contact with some Mages, claiming to have a collective date. They made small talk, delivering the cover story about their relationship. The sun was directly overhead, and Briony wiped her forehead.

“Are you thirsty?” He asked, though they hadn’t finished talking to the Mages. “I can get us some drinks.”

“Yeah, that would be great. I’ll be right here.” Don’t worry about me, I can handle it!

“Alright.” Reluctantly, he located the nearest table and picked up two flutes of vytas. How’s it going?

I don’t think they’re part of the organization, but I’m not sure if I’m selling it by myself. I’m so sorry.

It’s okay, this isn’t easy. And we can still make a recovery. He didn’t spill a drop as he headed back as quickly as he could. Briony was visibly tense, biting her bottom lip.

“Here you are, love.” He said and simultaneously thought. I apologize for what I’m about to do. Try not to break the glass.

As her fingers accepted the drink and her brow furrowed, he bent his head down and brushed his mouth over hers in a lingering kiss. One-sided at first, before she began to shyly respond.

Someone coughed. He pulled back from Briony, and he was genuinely embarrassed. The group apparently thought they wanted to be alone, and with teasing remarks, they wandered away.

Briony immediately downed her vytas. The glass was intact but a hairline crack had appeared above her thumb.

As for him, he was unexpectedly warm. His previous kisses were on missions like these, and yet, this felt new. Wait. Briony had amnesia, so had that essentially been her first kiss? “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sure! I’m totally fine. I, um.” Her lips were very red…and soft. He forcefully dragged his stare back to her eyes. “Let’s keep going?”

He blinked. “With…?”

“With walking! In this garden.”

Of course. The mission. He swallowed. “Right.”

She took his arm again, but as they resumed their search, he couldn’t put her gliding touch out of his mind.

II. in the middle of battle / during an unexpected rainstorm

The sudden downpour was definitely not appreciated right now. Her brown hair was plastered to her ears, and rivulets trailed down her nose and temples. Mud squelched under her boots as she headed to the rendezvous point.

Hopefully, other people had already made it there. An unforeseen complication had forced the Shepherds to scatter, Blade ordering them to regroup at several known locations. The enemy had retreated for now, but the tension made her tighten her hold on her sword.

There! An old ruin of mossy stone provided shelter from the rain, and from what she recalled, it had to be one of the designated places. She scrubbed the water out of her eyes and hurried her pace.

As she approached, the sounds and sight of a clash met her. Two figures, fighting next to the ruin. A flash of lightning illuminated their faces, one unfamiliar and the other stoically focused. Blade. She felt relief, then dread at what appeared in her peripheral vision. A shadow, lurking in the haze.

She had improved lately, but fighting wasn’t her greatest strength and to be honest, it wasn’t her preferred option in a pinch. She only needed an instant to summon her magic, compressing a spell into her voice.

“Stop.”

The shadow froze in place, and she took the opportunity to strike. Just as the body slumped, she heard her name. The raindrops ceased as Blade lifted his cloak over her. His low voice was reassuring. “It’s good to see you.”

“Same to you.” She smiled and then laughed when she realized how soaked he was. “We can talk more if we’re both dry. Let’s go.”

They took shelter and kept watch at opposite ends. Ongoing communication revealed that about half of their party had reached another rendezvous point, and the other half were heading to theirs. Blade nodded at the information. “Understood. Did you run into anyone else?” He addressed this question to her.

“No, I haven’t. I hope they’re okay.” She rubbed her hands together, dispelling the numbness with friction.

“They know what needs to be done.” Nevertheless, the slightest crease between his eyebrows showed his worry. “But you seem to dislike the rain.”

“I always take storms seriously. I guess it’s because of years of living by the sea.” She lightly said.

“It makes sense. Would you ever go back there, if you could?”

“I don’t know. I think about it sometimes, but mostly about how I could have done more or what might have been.” The cold seeped through her wet clothing, and she hugged herself. “Anyway, it would probably be a very lonely trip.”

Blade looked conflicted, drawing one step closer. That became a pivot as a silhouette leapt out of the mist. Unsheathing her sword, she was pulled backwards by another. She switched her grip and stabbed deep, the groan of pain a good sign. Blade returned to follow through, killing her attacker. The body fell with a wet thud, and a nonverbal casting ensured it was flung faraway.

“Good work. It’s not over though; the others are having a hard time.” He readied to move. Distant voices echoed from the direction of the second rendezvous point. “We’ll have to be careful.”

She shook her head. “I’ll wait for the others.”

He was immediately concerned. “Are you injured?”

“No, but I’d only slow you down and you can be stealthier on your own.”

“That’s not true.”

“It won’t be long before everyone else comes here.” She argued. He didn’t react but she refused to budge. “I can handle myself, and we can regroup again later. But we need everyone to be alive. If it means we need to split up, that’s what we need to do, Commander.” She intended for the professionalism to ground him. Both of them. As much as she hated referencing their positions, the mission took priority.

At first, he remained unreadable. She was willing to wait; although out of practice, she was accustomed to dealing with stubborn Ket men. Then, his eyes flickered with approval. He suddenly ducked, and she thought they were being ambushed again when he kissed her. Firm but fleeting, and not cold at all. As she tried to process what had happened, he stared at her for a moment, expression affectionate.

“Everyone includes you as well. Stay safe, and thank you, Captain.” He smirked, ruffled her hair, and sprinted back into the storm.

“W-wait, uh…” She stammered belatedly. Her knees buckled, and she placed a hand against the wall for support. Her own heartbeat rivaled the intensity of the thunder overhead. She wasn’t sure how long she remained in a daze, until Trouble announced his presence.

“Hey, you made it!” A pause for scrutiny. “Why’s your face so red?”

III. surrounded by fire / shut the other one up for a minute

“You really are the strangest one. Every time I think you’re out of surprises, you manage to come up with another.” The voice was all too familiar.

She coughed, squinting past the smoke to see Croelle, looking as if he had stepped out of the ring of flames. Sparks floated around his visage.

“Oh. It’s you again.”

His lip curled in a sneer. “Is that what you have to say for yourself, when you’ve made this mess?”

“Not a mess. Just an…unfortunate side effect.”

“A side effect blazing beyond your control.” He stepped closer, looming over her, yellow gaze relentless. “You never asked me whether this little side project of yours was possible.” His tone wasn’t judgmental, just curious. “Was it because you didn’t want to know, to cling to your belief of free will? Or was it because you already knew the answer and blinded yourself to the inescapable truth?”

She did not speak. Maybe, it was a little of both. Maybe, it was neither. Ambiguity was a way of life for her. She had wandered aimlessly for years with only her pistol for protection and company; it had taken the threat of execution for her to commit to the Shepherds. But she had gained knowledge, especially with regards to her own abilities. Since her Veiled Circle days, there was a depth to magic that fascinated her, and Shifting magic provided limitless possibility. Experimenting with it occupied her free time, plucked at her thoughts during patrols and missions. Danger couldn’t dissuade her.

The temperature was becoming uncomfortable, perspiration beading at her hairline and collar. She switched to her first language in a brief lapse. “Servori. What does it matter?”

“Part of watching the Shepherds means I need to be informed. Your motive is a valuable piece of information. And my employer thinks you’re unpredictable. At the moment, there’s some investment in keeping you breathing.”

In the end, it was about work. “I see. However, I might not be alive for much longer if this keeps burning.” She directed some of her remaining magic to extinguish a portion of the fire, but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t have the necessary skill.

“Are you asking for my help?”

There was no use in denying; above all, she had to survive. She sighed. “Yes.”

“I want to hear you say please.”

She leveled him with a deadpan stare. “Why?”

“I’ve earned your gratitude more times than I care to remember.” That meant he did remember. “And not once have I been repaid.”

She lifted her chin, annoyance growing. He was asking for this now? Even after multiple odd meetings where he popped in and out, she still didn’t understand him. He wasn’t quite a Mage, he worked for a mysterious party, he knew her name without asking. And he had the power to make Inquisitors listen to him. He was puzzling, and for once, she cursed her habit of fixating on difficult problems.

“You’re too elusive to properly repay.” She evaded.

“If it weren’t for me, you’d be in the Chrysalis. One word is the very least I’m owed, for dealing with you and your reckless desire for troublesome situations. The tavern was one, and then you had to-”

He was talking way too much, and the logical course of action was to shut him up. As she reached out and cupped his face, there was a novel flash of confusion in his eyes before she kissed him.

And he was still trying to talk. “You…fu…listen…” His resistance only made her more determined, and finally, he gave in. One hand wrapped around her neck, the other maintained a bruising hold on her hip. Fine. If he wanted to lead, she’d go along with the flow.

She’d never done this before, and she left no room for fantasies in her mind. A kiss was supposed to be romantic, Shery liked to say, but in this case, it bought a solid minute of quiet. And it was her victory, she shut him up. That was enjoyable enough. Also, the curious tingle under her skin was compelling, but she was running out of air. She released him, rocking back on her heels. Interesting. Indignant shock wasn’t a bad look on him. She arched an eyebrow. “Are you finished?”

No response. He had been rendered speechless. The confusion hadn’t left, his eyes narrowed and focused on her mouth.

“By the way, that was my first kiss.” She added. “Does that count for anything?”

The fire abruptly died, and the light with it. The cold night air returned to tangle her curly tresses. She was going to be begrudgingly courteous, but any polite action was snuffed when he growled a curse and grabbed her face for another kiss.

IV. against the bookshelves in the library / while delirious at 3 am

“What are you reading?”

She immediately dove over the opened books in front of her. “Aah! Just, n-nothing, it’s smutty romance novels! All sorts of positions, don’t worry about it!”

“Uh-huh.” The Archmage bent down, grabbing one of the tomes on the edge of her workspace. Ignoring the disgruntled noise she made, he flipped through. “Hm, this seems more like formulas than fiction, and it doesn’t explain why you’re in the stacks this late.”

“Oh, fine.” She deflated. “I was trying to summon that thing you sneezed out.”

Red did a double take. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, remember when you had the flu? Trouble said some weird thing came out of a planar rip and it crawled away. I want to know what it is! Plus, some of the kids can’t sleep.”

“Does that mean you were the one who told them about it?” He was clearly teasing her.

“I thought it was a funny story, I didn’t realize it would scare them that bad! Come on, won’t you help out a fellow Conjurer?” She reached for the book and he didn’t fight her off.

“Sure, I’d like to find out what it is too.” He pulled over a chair, his gaze scanning over the various pages and papers. “What have you got so far?”

Tucking her chin-length curls behind her pointed ears, she went over the current iteration of the problem. He quickly located a certain volume, obviously intent on something specific, and soon resolved a few mistakes she had made. Meanwhile, she was making inroads on another part and they discussed how it would fit in. It was kind of nice working like this again. It reminded her of days long gone by, when she was still a student in Capra and he was helping out the younger Mages after graduation.

Midnight rolled around, but neither of them were tired yet. The equations became more complex, the balance in magic more precarious. She’d known he was smart, but he was really on another level. She was impressed. And when he complimented her creativity, she felt rather warm. It was approaching three in the morning, when they finally completed the summoning circle.

“I think it looks good.” Red was double checking, but his expression was confident. “Should we try it out tomorrow? Or would that be today?” He gave a light laugh.

“We might as well do it now. It’d be a waste if we stopped, right?” She grinned, and his expression was so heated she almost missed his response.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

They started the ritual. The salt lit into blue flame and the runes glowed. The air became denser, charged with power, until everything reverted as the spell ended. With a crack, a large, red-eyed, otherworldly bug resembling a centipede fell into the circle. Someone might have screamed, maybe both of them. A hefty warhammer slammed down on the creature, just as two of her daggers speared its carapace. It twitched, infinite legs curling, before remaining still.

An eerie silence filled the library. She tackled Red. “It worked!”

And then, things became a little…blurred. Granted, neither of them had slept in hours. But one moment, she was hugging him and the next, he had lifted her against the bookshelves and his mouth was on hers. Whoa. She’d considered it a couple times, that he had to be a great kisser, but she underestimated him…

When he pulled away, it was to press his forehead against hers and smile. A small part of her recalled the ‘Antiqua bedroom eyes’ gossiped about at school, but she didn’t know him well enough then to take the rumors seriously. If anything, people could have exaggerated more.

“Nice.” She managed to say, before blacking out.

As it turned out, one could get sick from staying up too late. She was feverish and indolent in bed for a few days, enduring plain broth and toast and the scenery from her window. After she recovered, she was on patrol again and upon turning a corner, noticed Red at the other end of a hallway. He was talking to some of the newbies, unaware of her presence. Instantly, she was reminded of what happened in the library, after they killed the centipede-thing. But then again, had it actually happened or had she already been sick at that point?

Slowly, she began to step back, plotting a detour in her route. She thought she was pretty good at being stealthy, but Caine suddenly rushed by, loudly greeting her.

“Shh!” She tried to hush him, but it was too late. Red had spotted her, and he pivoted, striding her way. A faint blush was spreading across his face; the kiss had definitely been real.

Oh, damn.

V. over a field of dead enemies / recovering after a battle

The last imp burst under pressure, viscous fluid spilling over the hilt of his dagger. Unceremoniously, he tossed it on top of its other fallen brethren. He shook off the blood and rolled his shoulders. The surrounding battlefield was littered with ice spikes and frozen corpses, and when he exhaled, his breath was visible. Despite his fatigued body, he grinned.

This was one of the best fights he’d ever been in.

He was running low, but he mustered the willpower to disinfect his hands and inspected himself for injuries. Nothing too concerning, and the worst wound at his ribs stung the most but it didn’t feel like anything internal had been damaged. He slapped on some liniment, the thick paste providing enough coverage until the Healers arrived.

Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned towards the direction of the approaching figure, tracking her fluttering braid and sleeves. Ayla lifted a hand in greeting. “Hey. You good?”

“I am, now that we’ve won.” Judging from the growing noise around them, the Shepherds had officially secured victory. Now, the tedium of taking stock of their losses and recuperating had begun.

She let out a low whistle. “You killed all of these?”

“Sure did.” The only Endarkened he tolerated was a dead one. And the more dead ones there were, the better off everyone was. He glanced at her, noticing a cut on her arm. Blood dyed the fabric a rusty brown. “Does that hurt?”

She shifted in place, failing to shield her wound from view. “It’s none of your concern, I can fix it. Later.”

“Let me see it.”

“What are you gonna do? Kiss it better?”

He rolled his eyes. “I have salve to spare…and only for Mages who admit when they’re banged up and too exhausted to summon the wind.”

“You’re such a dick, you know?” She grumbled but walked over, offering her arm. “Go ahead.”

He cleaned his hands again, certain it was the last he could do before taking a proper rest. Her injury was deeper than he initially thought. At his request, she tore the rest of her sleeve off and he tied the fabric into a makeshift tourniquet. She looked so slender, but he knew if he pointed it out, she’d prove how delicate she most certainly was not.

His line of thought came to an abrupt end when her voice was uncharacteristically hesitant. “Why do you keep doing this?”

He snorted. “What, tending wounds? Nah, I just know the basics and I don’t want to die from infection. Most of what I learned was common sense to my clan. Ask any Elf and you’ll see.”

“I meant being nice to me.”

“I thought you said I was a dick.”

“Well, that too. But you ultimately end up being kind. So, why?”

“Because I like you. Hey, watch it.” He intoned, dodging her hefty jade ornament.

“Me?! But, but you…said you like me? Like how?”

“How do you think?” And before she could throw another insult, he added. “I don’t know if I’d go to the opera with you-”

“Fat chance. That’s Riel’s thing.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “But I’d be happy doing whatever you want to, or if you can’t think of anything, I’d like to show you the places I’ve been. Just the two of us, when we can catch a break.”

“…as friends?” She cautiously asked.

“No, as a couple.” He met her amber gaze. “You’re fun to be with. Yeah, you can be prickly, but I like a woman who can stick up for herself. And deep down, you got a good heart. You remind me of this southern fruit I had one time-”

“A fruit?”

“Just hold on, will you? Anyway, this fruit is thorny on the outside, but sweet on the inside. Not too many people like it, but that’s fine, more for me and I don’t share.”

Her laugh was brisk. “Good, because I don’t either. But I’m a runner when it gets rough.” She warned.

“Then, it’s a good thing I’m stubborn enough to run after you. If you need time to think about it, I can be patient.” Over the years, he had propositioned and been propositioned many times, but this was different. Ayla was different.

“Promise not to be a dick so much?”

“I’ll try my best. And you always call me out on it, which I take seriously.”

She cracked a smile and looked down at her wound. The bleeding had stopped, and he was glad. “I decide pretty fast. So…I’m saying okay. Ack!”

Utterly happy, he had locked an arm around her waist and picked her up. His grin ached, and when he kissed her, he didn’t care who was watching.

VI. during sparring / fluster the other one into losing

The recruit slid backwards with a groan, admitting surrender. “Damn, you’re tough.”

“Just takes practice.” She said, helping xer up with one hand. “Your footwork could be better, but you can train blindfolded.”

“That works?”

“Sure it does.” The reply wasn’t her own, and she glanced aside to see Chase, leaning against the nearest wall. He pushed off with one foot, walking over with a grin. “If you know what you’re doing in the dark, that’s always useful.”

Ignoring the innuendo, she turned back to the recruit. “It makes you rely on your other senses. You might not think you’re improving at first, but give it a few weeks. Your muscles will remember.” Damn it, now he’s going to twist that too.

“Mm-hmm.” Chase hummed and she regretted looking at him. He was enjoying this way too much.

A group fresh off patrol passed by, and after a polite goodbye, the recruit hurriedly joined them. Alone in the training area with the thief, she set about restoring the equipment to their rightful places.

“I knew when I joined but you really are battle-hungry.” He remarked. “Everyone’s lining up to spar you.”

“It’s what I do best.” She shrugged. She had always been fighting, Father liked to say, from the morning he and Mother had found her furiously squalling on their doorstep. They wouldn’t be surprised over her current situation, with the Shepherds and testing her knuckles with child-snatching scum in back alleys. At least, she thought they wouldn’t. With each year, it was harder to tell and besides, there was no point in wondering. They were dead and gone, with the rest of Westwood. Bitterness sharpened her follow-up question.

“Are you asking if you want to spar with me now?”

“Little old me? Go toe to toe with a Battle-Mage?” He paused. “Yeah, I’ll bite.”

The rule was simple: first to hit the ground or surrender was the loser. No magic or weapons, but she was fine with discarding her bow. He shed a multitude of daggers from various pockets, and despite her mood, such a spectacle had always entertained her.

“No blindfolds too.” He suggested.

“Afraid you’d lose?”

“As good as they can be, it’s even better to see what’s happening.” Another insinuation, but this one wasn’t so easy to dismiss. Something about his tone, the undercurrent of intimacy.

Yeah, right. She shook it off, clearing her throat. “…I mean, sure. Let’s get this over with.”

Admittedly, Chase was probably the most agile opponent she had faced in a long time. Every time she’d think a blow would land, he’d be a breath away or a step out of reach. He couldn’t touch her either; for an excruciating period, they were at a standstill.

A chance appeared when one of his cartwheels led him close to a shadowed spot. Energy surged within her as she rushed up. Her forearm pinned him against the wall, her other fist stopping short of his temple. She was breathing heavily, stray wisps of hair escaping her bun and tickling her neck. “Caught you.”

His gaze darted back and forth between her hands, his short laugh more like a wheeze. “You did, so what’s next?”

“Really? If this was an actual fight, I could have done much worse by now.”

“But I haven’t lost, technically.” He leaned in, and there was nothing except the scent of his cologne and the warm press of lips.

What? What?!

Stunned, she snapped her head back, blood rushing to her face. His dilated green eyes watched her with amusement. Instinctively, she stepped away, but his foot was there, hooking and tripping her. Shit! She thought as she was airborne. The ground met her and judging by the points of pain across her body, her landing must have been undignified. The match was decided.

Chase ran his tongue over his lips. “Guess I win.”

“You cheated.” She darkly retorted.

“Funny. Was there a rule against distractions?” At her stubborn silence, his eyebrows lifted. “Never been kissed before?”

“Of course, I have.” Not since breaking up with her ex-girlfriend though, and certainly not in a combat scenario. Stop it, she told her erratic pulse as she stood and brushed herself off. This didn’t mean anything, he was only teasing her.

Just then, Blade called from an upper window, that they were having a meeting. Chase flashed him a thumbs-up of assent. Then, he returned to her with a strangely thoughtful expression, and she felt exposed. She tried not to shiver. The moment passed, and he gestured to let her walk ahead. “Come on, after you?”

“…Thanks.” She muttered, wiping dirt off her cheek and ignoring how warm her skin was. One of these days, she was going to get him back.

VII. sharing a cloak / patrolling the battlements

A gust of wind hit her in the face as she opened the door. “Oof, it’s cold.” The chill was one drawback to night patrol, but she liked being helpful and she usually didn’t need much sleep anyway. Heading out onto the battlement, she reflexively narrowed her eyes when the wind picked up again. She moved her tumbling hair out of the way, and the person she most wanted to see was standing a short distance away, looking out at the city. Behind him, another door closed as a figure retreated inside.

Smiling, she walked over. “Hi.”

Amidst the darkness, Trouble’s golden head was a bright beacon. Half a stick of charch was in his mouth, and he blew out smoke as he turned towards her. He waved and returned her expression. “Hey yourself. Too bad it’s freezing out here.”

“It is, I already miss the fireplace. Was that Tallys just now?”

“Yeah, she said she’s turning in, now that you’re taking over. So, you’re stuck with me for tonight.”

“I don’t mind.” She answered honestly. “I like patrolling with you. Were you watching something in particular?”

“Not really. I was thinking about stuff.” Uncharacteristically, he didn’t continue to share. He took another pull of his cigarette. “But anyway, let’s start moving. Gotta get the blood flowin’ in weather like this.”

She agreed and kept pace beside him. Occasionally, she glanced up only to find a blanket of dark clouds.

“Notice something?”

“No, it’s an old habit. My teacher navigated using the stars, and I liked trying to do the same, while I was on the road. But I haven’t seen any stars in Haven.”

“It’d be nice if we could, like when we were out on last week’s mission.” He wistfully said. “Speaking of which, how’s your gun working now?”

“Definitely improved.” She patted the pistol secured to her hip. “I never knew you could fix it like that.”

“It actually took me a few tries to get the technique right.” He began to excitedly discuss the intricacies of the inner mechanisms.

She listened attentively. To be honest, there was plenty she didn’t know about her weapon and was unable to ask until recently. Her father had been a soldier, but since he became mayor of their little town, he had never picked up a gun again. It would have been nice, to hear what he thought. He and her mother would have liked Trouble.

The wind swept through, this time from her side, and the full blast forced her to stop and brace herself. The aroma of charch and Trouble’s familiar scent of grass and leather filled her nose, while heavy warm cloth draped over her. One of his hands hung over her shoulder, tightly holding the edge of his cloak. Now that they were sharing, they were standing close, sides touching. His solid body radiated heat, and she resisted the urge to lean in.

“Wouldn’t want you getting sick.”

“Aw, but I haven’t been sick in a long time.” She joked. Nevertheless, she beamed at him. “You’re sweet. Thank you.”

He sheepishly grinned. “Heh. Feeling better?”

“Mm, much warmer.”

They continued on for a minute, before he slowed to a halt and addressed her. He spoke carefully. “I was talking to Tallys before you showed up.” He scratched the back of his neck, seemingly hesitant. “Basically, she called me a dumbass, but in her own way. She just thought I wasn’t noticing some things. Well, maybe I have all along, deep down. I wasn’t sure though, I’m not great with recognizing signs.”

“Trouble? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m rambling.” He squared his shoulders, his serious gaze trained on her. “Somehow, I’ve got it into my head that you like me.”

Ah. She never had any intention of being coy and was waiting for him to figure it out, but she still blushed. Thank the One-God her voice was steady. “You’re not wrong. I like you a lot. I was hoping we could be more than friends. But if you don’t want to, I won’t have any hard feelings.”

“No, I want to!” His immediate refusal sparked relief. “And I like you too. I’m, uh, not exactly used to it though. Being in a relationship.”

“Neither am I. But that’s okay, we can learn together.”

“Learning together sounds good.”

They stood like that for a few moments, happily taking each other in. Then, she pointed out. “You know, people typically kiss right about now.”

“Huh? Oh, true.” He visibly gulped. He tilted his head forward, stopped, slightly changed his angle, and stopped again. Steam was practically billowing from his red ears.

She laughed. “Here.” Slipping her arms around his neck, she met him exactly where they both wanted.

VIII. while one is injured / awakens some deep-buried feelings

Reaper’s down.

The message sent a chill through her, despite the blazing summer sun. She finished bandaging the wounded recruit in her care and swallowed. Can you give me the coordinates? I’m going to him.

Once the response came through, she ran out of cover and towards the group in the distance. All around, there were the sounds of gunshots, battle cries, and the screams of dying Endarkened. Fortunately, her path was clear, and without needing to draw her bow, she reached the portion of stone wall providing cover for the officers surrounding Halek. They stood, explaining the situation.

“We moved the Revenant body out of the way.”

“But he’s in bad shape.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Um…” It was difficult to reply confidently; her heart was pounding, her thoughts racing. “Keep the area clear while I heal him?” Her gaze fell upon a large hand, the matha nearly entirely obscured by blood, and she immediately knelt at his side. She barely registered the officers’ dispersal as she triaged him, focusing on what had to be done.

It wasn’t a secret among the Shepherds that they were close. Close friends, they insisted to anyone who would question their dynamic. He was engaged and had a duty to his people, while she didn’t know where she belonged. He felt confined in his role, a path that had been marked for him since he was born. He once said he envied her freedom, but she told him otherwise. She walked an uncertain line, between a culture that had loved and raised her with the awareness she’d outlive them all, and a virtually unknown bloodline she only knew through stolen books. It hurt to confess how tormented she was, but he didn’t seem to mind, asking her more thoughtful questions.

Perhaps, they found comfort in each other. It soon became typical for anyone searching for him to check her office first, and to send for her after one of his blood-rages. When Chase teased her for being too obvious, she had been scared to her core. She knew, all too well, how important Halek was to the Hunters and she wasn’t even a full-blooded one. No, she couldn’t feel anything more for him. But things would be so much easier if she could smile at him or gaze on his sleeping face without feeling a twinge of pain.

How long it took to heal him, she wasn’t sure. Fractured bones were set right, torn muscle repaired, and internal bleeding stopped. She held his face, murmuring the spell to bring someone back to consciousness.

He didn’t stir. Fear seized her, that she wasn’t capable at all, that he was gone forever. “Halek? Halek, wake up. Please, wake up!” She repeatedly called to him as she continued to cast, pushing the limits of her magic. Fatigue snuck up on her, dark spots floating in her vision. She had failed Maj, but she had to save him. With every second, it was harder to breathe.

Slowly, his gray eyes opened and he languidly blinked. She gave a strangled sob of relief. “You’re alive.”

“So are you.” His voice was hoarse, raw. A curse escaped him as he flexed his hand. He gripped her shoulder, firm but not painful. “Did I hurt you?”

“You didn’t. I’m fine.” She reassured.

He exhaled, the tension dissipating. Then, his hand slid to the back of her head and brought her mouth to his.

It was almost too much at first, and she didn’t know how to react. He kissed her with unexpected passion, a longing he must have buried deep down. All of the emotion he had contained was given to her, and she was reciprocating in full. She loved him. Hopelessly, helplessly loved him.

When the kiss ended, they were perfectly still, the world off center. Then, a distant explosion righted it again and she remembered the situation they were in. Her lips burned as she pressed them together and carefully leaned away from him. “We shouldn’t-” The rest of the sentence caught in her throat, blocked by the upwelling of guilt as well as shame in that she had wanted the kiss. And that she half wished he’d pull her in again.

But he didn’t. His touch relented, his fingertips running through the white streak at her left temple. Any desire had receded, the chieftain’s mask back in place. “I’m sorry.”

“…It’s alright.” That felt like a lie and she had never been good at lying. She let him go and dropped her gaze as they rose to their feet, the awkward silence between them suffocating.

When he said her name, she couldn’t resist looking up at him. He hesitated for a second before he promised.

“We’ll talk later.”