#and i do not have $500 to get this fixed
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my ipad won’t charge bc the port is damaged and it’s SUPER expensive to replace it……………..i can’t draw or do anything else i usually do on my ipad…….screaming crying throwing up I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!
#this is such a first world problem i’m so sorry#it’s literally fine#it’s just really frustrating bc i’ve been much more into digital art than usual lately#and it helps me de-stress#to just listen to music and draw on my ipad#and now i CANT#GAH#it’s like having an itch i can’t scratch#+ the money part of it is. very distressing#i am poor#and i do not have $500 to get this fixed#:(#maybetalkstoomuch
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Shoelaces
I'm doing an art trade with the wonderful @tokyogruel and this is my piece for them!
They wanted "haruka and mikoto interacting Brothers style" and my mind immediately went to this... T2 art makes me want to sit them both down and sort their fucking shoes out!! but for now. at least One of them will no longer trip over 💜 nature is healing guys
#milgram#haruka sakurai#mikoto kayano#listen. I may have Exaggerated how bad mikoto's shoes are but do you really think they're going to be fixed any time soon??? EXACTLY#and don't get me started on haruka's shoes... oh my god this boy Will give me a migraine. I bet no one ever helped him with laces before :(#but not anymore!! I'm here to fix that!!!#anyways I had so much fun making this!! I really love lineless art - and the art process meshes with my way of drawing well I think ^w^#I'd much prefer to think in shapes and blocks of colour than try to draw the perfect line 500 times and cry of frustration asdfghjkl#I Love these two interacting... I can't explain it in words so I hope I conveyed my feelings well!! they deserve to be happy ;w; 💜#my art#ミルグラム
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#Welp#looks like the car is most likely gonna be totaled. I only had 500 dollars left to pay on it too.#im just....really feeling done with everything#i mean i wont do anything about it#but everything since 2020 has gone wrong#i have no degree#a ridiculously low paying job for my age#i made a total fool of myself for someone who in the end was 100 ready to throw me away#and now the one adult thing i managed to do getting a car is gone#and i didnt even do anything wrong#i even went that way home to try and avoid getting in an accident#what's...the point in trying any more?#im gonna have to move back in with my mom at 30 and i dont know if I have the energy to get back out again#thats what im really terrified of#i mean its not a horrible situation but#im not at all where or who i thought id be by now#and i dont know how to get there#or if theres even a point trying#cuz there's no guarantee anything will even work out#ill probably delete this later im just really sad and have no way to fix it#i'm sorry for whining i just cant yell at the old man who hit me (i mean i could but that wouldnt actually fix anything)#so im bawling at Tumblr#edit: talked to my dad and feeling a bit better now
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This is the moment when I figure out I'm paralysed with fear trying to write something new instead of editing old drafts.
#teruyo talk#WELL THAT EXPLAINS A LOT#(besides two short zine fics and like 500 discarded words i've been doing nothing but editing since February)#(anyway I'll get over it)#(I'll edit what I can reasonably edit first and then tackle the problem with a sledgehammer)#(On a completely unrelated note I added more notes to my hell WIP today and may have fixed another broken scene)#(All thanks to procrastination [a manga i was reading had a similar scene to the fic and made me realise what i'd gotten wrong])
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me, a former homestuck cosplayer, seeing all the other alastor cosplayers at the con wearing gray facepaint:
#this is purely a joke y’all looked amazing#HOWEVER it did give me flashbacks to unsealed paint on fucking EVERY goddamn thing#also I definitely should have worn a wig but I think if something (except like two specific hats) touches my head I will explode#I looked weird with my normal hair but it’s fine it’s fine don’t worry about it#going to a con in November and tbh I may just dye my hair red rather than wear a wig#idk how I would do the black tips impermanently lol I do not actually want to have the fuckass bob in real life#maybe hair wax or something idk#I used that once and it was a sensory hell but if it’s just on the ends maybe it would be okay#the perils of playing dress up I guess man idk#I have some Plans for my next alastor cosplay though (rubbing my gay little hands together)#once I’m not in crisis mode I want to work on it so bad#bc man. I have Ideas.#v excited to do a masquerade al#time to do something overly ambitious babeyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!#got a Definitely Not Questionable deer skull mask a while ago and stripped off all the feathers and beads and stuff#found some extremely cheap restoration grill cloth on ebay that I’m gonna glue onto it#I wanna get some fake Spanish moss or something to drape over the antlers#I have a list of possible designs to make in glitter/sequins to make the mask more masqueradey too#so far it’s mostly just bayou plants that have names that are juuuust close enough to something alastor-related to be funny to me#no one else will get it or find it funny but that’s okay 👍#trying to think of a way to incorporate a kind of jazzy motif without resorting to like. notes and clefs bc that’s a bit on the nose idk#maybe I’m just thinking too hard about this#also thinking of a stylized superhet circuit diagram (or part of it lol)#yes I have 500 ideas no the mask isn’t big enough to accommodate even 5 of them probably#I also have an old burgundy cloak that would be perfecttttt#I think underneath it I will just wear the normal attire to not venture TOO far from canon lol#so like the red shirt with the cross and the black pants and his lil deerprint dress shoes#I gotta fix the bow tie from this last con bc I forgot the middle was red and ended up cutting up a christmas decoration to sew on lmao#I wanna use something satin so it matches the texture of the rest of the tie lol#idk!!!! I am just excited about this :>
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I don't know if it's rude to ask, so apologies in advance if I sound mean, but… how come you repeatedly bring up old posts of yours from three or more years ago? Do you remember each original post you make and intentionally bring them back? Like, I don't think there's anything wrong, your blog can be whatever you want, obviously, and your stuff is always funny or curious in some way, just… I'm kind of lost as of how it came to be, I guess? I don't think I remember my own posts after 6 months, much least if I have to go back to 2020!
ahaha no it's usually just because i'm going back through a tag looking for something else! i recently went back through my entire "my posts" tag (which contains...1468 posts, dear lord) and while i was doing that saw several posts that i felt like reblogging for whatever reason. so it's usually not that i remember them and go looking for them on purpose, it's that i come across them incidentally in the course of doing something else.
if you want to know why i reblog them after coming across them, 1) usually i don't! you are seeing the tip of the iceberg lol, and 2) it's mostly because it's hard to resist the "sooo true, bestie" urge, even when the bestie is just...yourself.
#sometimes...things that are written by me...are things i agree with#but oftentimes they are not once a few years have passed lol. i mean i just looked at 1468 posts by yours truly#and queued probably 1% of them#oh i also went through my asks tag which was another 500 or so posts#if you want to know why i'm putting myself through this it's for a really ridiculous reason#namely: several nights ago i had insomnia brought on by (get this) being too excited to sleep because my brain wouldn't stop#coming up with crosslinguistic french/english puns#and a couple of them in particular i was like oh god this would be a great tumblr username!#however as i've said before i had no plans to ever change my username (even though i don't like it)#because doing so would break any links that contain my current username#i had resigned myself to just living with this username forever. but once i thought of some usernames i actually like#it became harder to resist the urge to change it...#so now i have this convoluted plan to try to identify and tag as many of the links as i can#so that after i switch names i can go back and fix the links#however i'm not sure how feasible this is. there are a lot of links#and no matter what i do short of going through all 45k posts on this blog i will be bound to miss some of them anyway#(i think getting a domain would solve this problem but i don't wanna get a domain bc i'd have to give wordpress my legal name)#indecisive superhero meme w the buttons 'the need to have punny username' vs. 'the need to be able to find things on my blog'#asks#anon#actually anon probably the majority of the time i rb something i wrote 3 years ago it's bc i forgot about it#i come across it and am like oh yeah! this! and it's like a brand new discovery so i put it back on the dash lol#anyway thanks for your ask! i got a kick out of it 😂
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planted all my plants for spring ☺️
#i have had a hydrangea in a pot waiting to go in the ground for ages and some little tiny native trees#i have one thing i forgot to plant and a few things in the mail tho#but mostly everything out of the way before starting my new job so that's good#i did order a whole bunch of roses and tbh im not totally sure where i'm going to put all of them#and then i have 500 christmas trees lol#but that is a problem for tomorrow me 😌#also i cleared up an bunch of branches from the winter storms and such#so everything looks nice now :)#anyway#startung to get a bit anxious abt monday but not as much as i was for the other job#hopefully this one will be easier <3#i still have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do at home tho my space is a mess#and i will have no energy once im employed fr lol#also my plan for tonight was to be in bed by 8 to magically fix my sleep schedule which is...not realistic lol#maybe 9 tho idk
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optimization journey: glue 10000+ arrays together for each data channel -> reduce number of array glueing required by doing 32 sequences at once -> NO array glueing at all!
#tütensuppe#the previous problem i complained about happened bc you cant trick python into skipping for loop iterations#so when you do for i in range(100) and then i+=5 it wont eat it#what i got stuck on was the second flips. im calculating microseconds but the timestamps are not on the full second#so every 32 runs you have a second flip within the 500 data point run#but! you know what you can do!!#calculate the number of total datapoints. first timestamp+total*timestep gets you the final array value.#then do linspace over ALL those values. array%1000000. tada!! all the microseconds#including accurate time flips!#its not running yet though bc i mathed wrong somewhere#but once i fix that i bet its gonna be sooo fast
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500 dollars is SIX digits in my currency rn. good fucking lord
#i had to sit down its like#HWAT DO YOU MEAN??? ISNT 500 A SMALL(?) AMOUNT OF MONEY (IN DOLLARS) (FOR DOLLAR PEOPLE)#saw a reddit post about a 20k coat thats 4 MILLION...#getting a fucking us job could fix me i do genuinely think.#if my govt didnt make it IMPOSSIBLE to have a way to get paid#[eye twitches]#vent#neg#1160 minimum wage for a year would make me 3 mil....
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Went to the dentist, got a massage. Most physical contact ive had in months 🫡
#lets ignore this one too folks#im still having trouble sleeping#fixing it w/soju tnght i think#and bnd videos love those quirky little idols#except im watching them in like 10 second incriments because existing is too loud rn so i have to stare at the ceiling in silence in between#my favored local tat artist is gone#going hunting for a dif one tmrw to get 2 small ones#might fix me#do i spend $500 and get anotjer thays probably not worth that much#whats the point right?#of savings or spending responsibly or anything really
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no sims 5 . guys im gonna
#UGHHHH . like. i get theyre planning on just updating the sims 4 for fucking ever but like. i feel like its such a shit base and theres only#so much you can do#its been running for 10 years atp like.#idk man i was hoping for sims 5 bad bc i wanted to just have it be like. Well made from the start and like. i hate the current way packs r#structured and if its gonna stay sims 4 thats gonna continue to be the standard. ughhhhh.#also idk how i feel abt cc kits like. i like tht the creators will be paid for work and that console players can have cc or whatever but#idk . i already dont particularly like Kits i think like. idk.... i kinda wish the cc kits would just be free but the creators Obviously r#still played. or have something similar to like#is it like. bethesda i think has its own mod thing that works on console.. itd be nice to have something like that instead#but also ig asking ea to maintain an online gallery of any sort is sort of asking to be disappointed LOL#idk man. im just bummed.... i feel like itd be better to just. leave ts4 behind and if they rly want to Divert from linear sims games they#should like#Make a game that's BUILT for that like. a sturdy foundation that would make ppl want to keep playing so long. idk..#and also like..so many features i personally would want in a sims 5 arent like. things that could be updated in ts4#like we arent gonna ever get open neighborhoods like ts3#and i get those were laggy for a lot of ppl but i honest to goodness feel like it could be optimized and fixed#But. that would be work for ea DJFNFJFN so. wtvr#sry. i try to be like. charitable ik the actual sims team work hard and stuff but it feels like nothing is given the time it needs to be#fully thought out..#also like. 1. i dont think ea would have Paid fixes for their jank ass game which is one of the biggest benefits of mods#at least id hope they wouldnt thatd be disgusting. but like. i feel like a sizable subset of mod benefits is the fixes#like. whenever a new pack drops there are immediately 500 fixes for it in order for it to be At all functional or enjoyable 😭😭😭 idk ..#not that. idk ig it only said Creator focused kits so itll probably mostly be cas stuff anyway. but idk man... just a bit hrm to me#ig that does make sense. bc having gameplay mods or anything like that i dont think like. idk if ea would do patches for it or if theyd have#the creator do patches or what#idkidkidk. im just very .#also sims movie i dont careee im fucking sick of like. videogame franchise movies stop it. ik i dont have to see it i just think its lame.#and also im still mad abt the mc movie yeah.
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i want to have a meltdown about being overwhelmed and im tired of seeing socially awkward people blame their every action on "autism" when none of them have ever interacted with an actually autistic person who has physical outbursts and limited vocabulary and watering down what the meaning of autism is and im tired of people talking about gay sex because nobody except them is talking about gay sex when we could be talking about anything else and i can't handle physical touch anymore and my stomach has been hurting for 2 days and im TIRED
#i hate my job my credit card is maxed ive been trying to move for 2 months#i cant drink anymore and nobody is selling my vape juice and the only way i feel peace is if im stoned off my nuts#i dont know how to communicate my emotions without freaking out and my blankets are constantly tangled#my neck is killing me but like only in a specific spot that's making me feel like i have a throbbing headache#i feel too perceived and not enough no matter how much i say “please don't look over my shoulder when im using tech#because it makes me incredibly self conscious and like i have to defend my every action#but my mother yells at me every time i even start to say “in my defense” and i feel like a fucking child again#i havent cooked a proper meal in over a year and i lost 5 months of the year last year because i was trapped in the basement#by an abusive dickhead who wouldn't move out of my house#and now his truck is taking up my entire driveway and ive spent over $500 on getting my car fixed so i can register it because#im a year fucking late doing it and all canadian tire is doing is fucking me around#i cant afford a vacation and my body fucking hurts and my job wont give me any more hours and it took me#8 months to find one fucking job because nobody is hiring and my FUCKING SQUISHMALLOW ADDICTION IS TAKING OVER MY BED AND I CANT FUCKING#STOP#fuck all i want is to stop
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awwww he's so cuute... i forgive u <3
#i like his little glasses#our post comrade.#i have clear frames too!! i should get them fixed so i can wear them#I Would Be One of Your 500 Followers#do you think he had a patreon. WAIT#IT MAKES SENSE IF HE HAD 500 PATREON SUBS. ok in my mind thats how it was#i think he had an instagram and a patreon in bio#omg and he used the money to buy rats and make traps. Nods to myself
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Nothing like my tires being fucked to make poverty even more fun 🥰
#3 of 4 tires have nails#because my apartment is doing construction and doesn't fucking clean up after themselves#so now I'm torn between trying to patch my tires and replacing them in 2 months and not playing bills#i also cannot work one of my jobs now. meaning $300-500 less per week.#the apartment says they're not at fault because i should be checking for that?? as if it's my job to clean up after them?????#and these are the tires that came with my car so i don't have any warranty on them#big pissed right now#i do not have the ability to fix this#and the job i just got is 9 miles away and not accessible by bus unless i feel like getting up at 5am for a 9am shift#in which case i can probably just walk there in that time#my only real option is to open a credit line for new tires. but then I'm still paying over $100 a month for the next year#bc yeah. tires for my car are $200 a piece for no fucking reason.#it's rubber bitch. why is it so much more than all other rubber??!?!#killing oil execs is my life's dream
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awrgh. yahhoo yay
#y.txt#feeling very weird n awful lately. alienating people in my head for no reason. physically they exist but not to me#i keep comparing myself to others :( not only as in like achievements but also unfortunately in . suffering or life experience till now#i wish i was mentally normal!! or spent this energy on something more useful#im thinking about 500 things at once and none of them is positive things about me i hate everything about me rn#i know i should do something!! but it's very taxing and i also dont want to worry anyone around me :(#ive lost a lot of weight but not where i want to lose it... at the same time i hate how i look like a child and idk how to feel about#my really small chest area#hiding my hair made me lose confidence in myself and i cant dress as well as i did anymore#nor approach people like i used to anymore#i dont know what to pursue as a career and it seems like theres nothing for me anyway with that fuckass degree i have#and living under the worst economy and government#this is long!!!!!!!! and writing it out just made me want to cry uncontrollably#i dnot like when ppl suggest i have depression etc i feel that its not true and im the problem and i CAN fix it but i cant get myself to
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it is simply not my fault that i like hate music for middle aged divorced men
#and if all the lyrics are about going to hell and kind of corny and self titled is all about murdering? idc!#would have thought it was a nightmare if ever i slept!#if i had a gun and shot it at your face would you promise not to get out of the way!#i know its cold but i will keep us warm with all the hate i radiate well be walking hand in hand in hell!#my hearts not beating anymore and i dont know if i bleed test it out just to see!#im so glad its my god given right to make 500 bayside posts on my kpop blog that no one reads. this is my right.#too frightened to stand and im not afraid to fall scared to death but boy do i stand tall!#cause im all wrong and i dont see a chance to fix this head so just give up write me off pretend i dont exist <3#ohhh anthony raneri. we are really in it now huh
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