#and i do not have $500 to get this fixed
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my ipad won’t charge bc the port is damaged and it’s SUPER expensive to replace it……………..i can’t draw or do anything else i usually do on my ipad…….screaming crying throwing up I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!
#this is such a first world problem i’m so sorry#it’s literally fine#it’s just really frustrating bc i’ve been much more into digital art than usual lately#and it helps me de-stress#to just listen to music and draw on my ipad#and now i CANT#GAH#it’s like having an itch i can’t scratch#+ the money part of it is. very distressing#i am poor#and i do not have $500 to get this fixed#:(#maybetalkstoomuch
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Shoelaces
I'm doing an art trade with the wonderful @tokyogruel and this is my piece for them!
They wanted "haruka and mikoto interacting Brothers style" and my mind immediately went to this... T2 art makes me want to sit them both down and sort their fucking shoes out!! but for now. at least One of them will no longer trip over 💜 nature is healing guys
#milgram#haruka sakurai#mikoto kayano#listen. I may have Exaggerated how bad mikoto's shoes are but do you really think they're going to be fixed any time soon??? EXACTLY#and don't get me started on haruka's shoes... oh my god this boy Will give me a migraine. I bet no one ever helped him with laces before :(#but not anymore!! I'm here to fix that!!!#anyways I had so much fun making this!! I really love lineless art - and the art process meshes with my way of drawing well I think ^w^#I'd much prefer to think in shapes and blocks of colour than try to draw the perfect line 500 times and cry of frustration asdfghjkl#I Love these two interacting... I can't explain it in words so I hope I conveyed my feelings well!! they deserve to be happy ;w; 💜#my art#ミルグラム
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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SORRY BUT IM JUST TOO PRETTY TO BE UPSET
#like you genuinely think god doesn’t love me#I don’t even BELIEVE and I get to look like this AND IM OLD#I lol randomly all the time about it honestly#like if I just do a HEH to myself it’s because I remembered#im literally pretty lol and such an asshole#and like just for being honest mind you#not a making shit up asshole not a violent asshole not a malecious asshole just like a normal oh that hurt your feelings why why WHY DID IT#you fucking know why it did and that also why I said it cause IT TRUE you dumb cow#you MADE PEOPLE and you care about screens over all else like like like hfksbekfkgjevdb die the death you deserve#me? PRETTY AND LUCKY ME??? imma die in my sleep like a mf princess#actually they got some quantum chip now I think it possible you could die body wise but your brain forever could think it alive because chip#I don’t understand it lol it was scary to listen to the man explain it actually and then I was like oh maybe that why aliens arecoming more#i am rambling in the tags like a heathen#it’s fine#it’s not 11pm or anything#tomorrow won’t be a long ass day or anything#CHRISTMAS IS IN A WEEK#we better go see the mf lights#im getting my car inspected tomorrow and im nervous about it#is $500 enough monies for things they would need to fix for it to pass lmao cause#if not i gotta use a credit card and i hate doing that with them#also they usually just make it do a pass and then make me come back to fix the things later cause they know where i work lol#and also i am loyal as shit#and also the lesbians i know who not approve of my trans-woman-are-just-men stance which isn’t illegal to have lol biology isn’t illegal#yet
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incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess
#text#i miss my weed + benadryl + ibuprofen + occasionally valium days (1 year ago) thatwas so much more awesome#i used to use benadryl n valium to sleep but i ran out of the former n could barely sleep for days so i stole some from . costco .#of all places😭#but id built up an intolerance i guess cause it stopped working At All i cld take like 3 times the amount i used to and nothing wld happen#since then my sleep schedule has Kind Of fixed itself since im in school now n have to wake up before the ass crack of dawn#its just better tho not awesome#n lately its been worse again all of a sudden#ive been having nightmares n less sleep n ive been rlly out of it during the day#in a lot of pain also <3 i love not going to the doctor out of fear and self medicating with caffeine and ludicrous amnts of ibuprofen#i think i might have built up an intolerance to that too lately its barely helped#but i do mean Ludicrous i went thru one of those big bottles(500 tablets) in less than 2 months#im aware it's bad and not healthy for me but like theres nothing else i can Do#theres no cure or catchall treatment plan for cloves syndrome#and it gets worse over time and Brouther Its Been Worse#so yay i will be in horrible pain for the rest of my short little life <3 im just trying to make it as better as i can#ive said all this before probably but im upset again#ive been rly fucking suicidal lately n ive been meaning to tell one of my teachers or my counselor but i know for sure theyll tell my mom#and that wont help at all#i Dont want to kill myself i just dont want to be in pain im so so sick of the pain and no one seems to understand
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This is the moment when I figure out I'm paralysed with fear trying to write something new instead of editing old drafts.
#teruyo talk#WELL THAT EXPLAINS A LOT#(besides two short zine fics and like 500 discarded words i've been doing nothing but editing since February)#(anyway I'll get over it)#(I'll edit what I can reasonably edit first and then tackle the problem with a sledgehammer)#(On a completely unrelated note I added more notes to my hell WIP today and may have fixed another broken scene)#(All thanks to procrastination [a manga i was reading had a similar scene to the fic and made me realise what i'd gotten wrong])
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Nothing like my tires being fucked to make poverty even more fun 🥰
#3 of 4 tires have nails#because my apartment is doing construction and doesn't fucking clean up after themselves#so now I'm torn between trying to patch my tires and replacing them in 2 months and not playing bills#i also cannot work one of my jobs now. meaning $300-500 less per week.#the apartment says they're not at fault because i should be checking for that?? as if it's my job to clean up after them?????#and these are the tires that came with my car so i don't have any warranty on them#big pissed right now#i do not have the ability to fix this#and the job i just got is 9 miles away and not accessible by bus unless i feel like getting up at 5am for a 9am shift#in which case i can probably just walk there in that time#my only real option is to open a credit line for new tires. but then I'm still paying over $100 a month for the next year#bc yeah. tires for my car are $200 a piece for no fucking reason.#it's rubber bitch. why is it so much more than all other rubber??!?!#killing oil execs is my life's dream
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planted all my plants for spring ☺️
#i have had a hydrangea in a pot waiting to go in the ground for ages and some little tiny native trees#i have one thing i forgot to plant and a few things in the mail tho#but mostly everything out of the way before starting my new job so that's good#i did order a whole bunch of roses and tbh im not totally sure where i'm going to put all of them#and then i have 500 christmas trees lol#but that is a problem for tomorrow me 😌#also i cleared up an bunch of branches from the winter storms and such#so everything looks nice now :)#anyway#startung to get a bit anxious abt monday but not as much as i was for the other job#hopefully this one will be easier <3#i still have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do at home tho my space is a mess#and i will have no energy once im employed fr lol#also my plan for tonight was to be in bed by 8 to magically fix my sleep schedule which is...not realistic lol#maybe 9 tho idk
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optimization journey: glue 10000+ arrays together for each data channel -> reduce number of array glueing required by doing 32 sequences at once -> NO array glueing at all!
#tütensuppe#the previous problem i complained about happened bc you cant trick python into skipping for loop iterations#so when you do for i in range(100) and then i+=5 it wont eat it#what i got stuck on was the second flips. im calculating microseconds but the timestamps are not on the full second#so every 32 runs you have a second flip within the 500 data point run#but! you know what you can do!!#calculate the number of total datapoints. first timestamp+total*timestep gets you the final array value.#then do linspace over ALL those values. array%1000000. tada!! all the microseconds#including accurate time flips!#its not running yet though bc i mathed wrong somewhere#but once i fix that i bet its gonna be sooo fast
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Least fun parts of thrift shopping:
This thrift shop used to have jeans for like $3 and now everything is priced like it's new
Hear about a cool new thrift shop in town and you check it out and it's actually "vintage upcycling and consignment" so the shredded jorts are $250 on sale
This place used to get cool stuff but the tiktok haul resale people found it and now anything decent is snapped up and immediately resold for like $500 online
"Ooh this is cute" and then you check and it's shein
"Ooh this is cute" and then you check and it's Harry P*tter
The jacket of your dreams is in your price range but it's 3 sizes too small
Your absolute FAVOURITE thrifted item finally wears out beyond salvation and when you do research to maybe find a replacement it's been discontinued since 1983
Check the pockets and find used kleenex
STICKY THING
This was exactly what I was looking for but I can't get the weed remnants out
"This is obviously broken but I know how to fix it" (never fixes it)
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not to be an edgy fucking teen on here when i am nearly 27 years of age but my mum has been pissing me off so much recently to the point where i’m like girl.. i think we need to see a relationship therapist together bcus this is gonna blow up in a big way if we don’t get our shit together
#a big one for me is that like… if i have a problem. and i tell her about it. and i JUST want to vent and take some time to sit in it.#she CANNOT help herself from suggesting ways to fix it.#which is fine and i get that it comes from a place of love i DO.#but in that moment i’m not in the headspace for ‘fixing’ it. i need to be sad about it first. so i can’t HEAR those suggestions.#and i’ll shut them down bcus right NOW that’s not helpful to me it JUST makes me more stressed bcus here’s 500 new things i have to do#but then SHE gets mad at ME for shitting down all her suggestions after asking for help. GIRL I WAS NOT ASKING FOR HELP.#and if i try to explain this to her she juuuusstt can not understand it.#i’m like. hey sometimes i just want someone to acknowledge the bad situation and be upset with me for a minute.#and she’s like. well i DID acknowledge it i SAID it was bad what more do you want from me.#TIME babe. i want TIME. i want emotional support!!! i want a moment to breathe and sit and reset!!!#THEN we can find a solution.#because THEN i’ll be able to deal with it calmly rather than rushing in without a real plan and just making it worse!!!!!
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Went to the dentist, got a massage. Most physical contact ive had in months 🫡
#lets ignore this one too folks#im still having trouble sleeping#fixing it w/soju tnght i think#and bnd videos love those quirky little idols#except im watching them in like 10 second incriments because existing is too loud rn so i have to stare at the ceiling in silence in between#my favored local tat artist is gone#going hunting for a dif one tmrw to get 2 small ones#might fix me#do i spend $500 and get anotjer thays probably not worth that much#whats the point right?#of savings or spending responsibly or anything really
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no sims 5 . guys im gonna
#UGHHHH . like. i get theyre planning on just updating the sims 4 for fucking ever but like. i feel like its such a shit base and theres only#so much you can do#its been running for 10 years atp like.#idk man i was hoping for sims 5 bad bc i wanted to just have it be like. Well made from the start and like. i hate the current way packs r#structured and if its gonna stay sims 4 thats gonna continue to be the standard. ughhhhh.#also idk how i feel abt cc kits like. i like tht the creators will be paid for work and that console players can have cc or whatever but#idk . i already dont particularly like Kits i think like. idk.... i kinda wish the cc kits would just be free but the creators Obviously r#still played. or have something similar to like#is it like. bethesda i think has its own mod thing that works on console.. itd be nice to have something like that instead#but also ig asking ea to maintain an online gallery of any sort is sort of asking to be disappointed LOL#idk man. im just bummed.... i feel like itd be better to just. leave ts4 behind and if they rly want to Divert from linear sims games they#should like#Make a game that's BUILT for that like. a sturdy foundation that would make ppl want to keep playing so long. idk..#and also like..so many features i personally would want in a sims 5 arent like. things that could be updated in ts4#like we arent gonna ever get open neighborhoods like ts3#and i get those were laggy for a lot of ppl but i honest to goodness feel like it could be optimized and fixed#But. that would be work for ea DJFNFJFN so. wtvr#sry. i try to be like. charitable ik the actual sims team work hard and stuff but it feels like nothing is given the time it needs to be#fully thought out..#also like. 1. i dont think ea would have Paid fixes for their jank ass game which is one of the biggest benefits of mods#at least id hope they wouldnt thatd be disgusting. but like. i feel like a sizable subset of mod benefits is the fixes#like. whenever a new pack drops there are immediately 500 fixes for it in order for it to be At all functional or enjoyable 😭😭😭 idk ..#not that. idk ig it only said Creator focused kits so itll probably mostly be cas stuff anyway. but idk man... just a bit hrm to me#ig that does make sense. bc having gameplay mods or anything like that i dont think like. idk if ea would do patches for it or if theyd have#the creator do patches or what#idkidkidk. im just very .#also sims movie i dont careee im fucking sick of like. videogame franchise movies stop it. ik i dont have to see it i just think its lame.#and also im still mad abt the mc movie yeah.
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i want to have a meltdown about being overwhelmed and im tired of seeing socially awkward people blame their every action on "autism" when none of them have ever interacted with an actually autistic person who has physical outbursts and limited vocabulary and watering down what the meaning of autism is and im tired of people talking about gay sex because nobody except them is talking about gay sex when we could be talking about anything else and i can't handle physical touch anymore and my stomach has been hurting for 2 days and im TIRED
#i hate my job my credit card is maxed ive been trying to move for 2 months#i cant drink anymore and nobody is selling my vape juice and the only way i feel peace is if im stoned off my nuts#i dont know how to communicate my emotions without freaking out and my blankets are constantly tangled#my neck is killing me but like only in a specific spot that's making me feel like i have a throbbing headache#i feel too perceived and not enough no matter how much i say “please don't look over my shoulder when im using tech#because it makes me incredibly self conscious and like i have to defend my every action#but my mother yells at me every time i even start to say “in my defense” and i feel like a fucking child again#i havent cooked a proper meal in over a year and i lost 5 months of the year last year because i was trapped in the basement#by an abusive dickhead who wouldn't move out of my house#and now his truck is taking up my entire driveway and ive spent over $500 on getting my car fixed so i can register it because#im a year fucking late doing it and all canadian tire is doing is fucking me around#i cant afford a vacation and my body fucking hurts and my job wont give me any more hours and it took me#8 months to find one fucking job because nobody is hiring and my FUCKING SQUISHMALLOW ADDICTION IS TAKING OVER MY BED AND I CANT FUCKING#STOP#fuck all i want is to stop
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awwww he's so cuute... i forgive u <3
#i like his little glasses#our post comrade.#i have clear frames too!! i should get them fixed so i can wear them#I Would Be One of Your 500 Followers#do you think he had a patreon. WAIT#IT MAKES SENSE IF HE HAD 500 PATREON SUBS. ok in my mind thats how it was#i think he had an instagram and a patreon in bio#omg and he used the money to buy rats and make traps. Nods to myself
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awrgh. yahhoo yay
#y.txt#feeling very weird n awful lately. alienating people in my head for no reason. physically they exist but not to me#i keep comparing myself to others :( not only as in like achievements but also unfortunately in . suffering or life experience till now#i wish i was mentally normal!! or spent this energy on something more useful#im thinking about 500 things at once and none of them is positive things about me i hate everything about me rn#i know i should do something!! but it's very taxing and i also dont want to worry anyone around me :(#ive lost a lot of weight but not where i want to lose it... at the same time i hate how i look like a child and idk how to feel about#my really small chest area#hiding my hair made me lose confidence in myself and i cant dress as well as i did anymore#nor approach people like i used to anymore#i dont know what to pursue as a career and it seems like theres nothing for me anyway with that fuckass degree i have#and living under the worst economy and government#this is long!!!!!!!! and writing it out just made me want to cry uncontrollably#i dnot like when ppl suggest i have depression etc i feel that its not true and im the problem and i CAN fix it but i cant get myself to
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