#and i cant say any of this to my irl friends because i dont talk to them about any of this

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[thetisming]

im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

[mybreadsmybutters]

i think hands down the most embarrassing effect of my mental illness is that sometimes i straight up cannot communicate clearly and it REALLY sucks. always talking too much because i can't figure out how to word my point, straight up not talking because i KNOW i won't be able to word anything correctly, having to finish half my statements with "do you get what i'm trying to say?" it's so fucking humiliating to have to constantly try to explain yourself when you can't fit the words together properly.

[sunbedo]

Hey guys. gay rights

[foxcassius]

wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

[problemcore]

ahh so embarrassing

[deathsdaisy]

Vent about mother.

Me *looking for things to sew, a hobby I adore but don't always have time for*

Mom *barges into my house (not room, house) and asked if I want to go do something I have routinely said no to and have stated that it causes me pain*

Me: no

Mom: why do you always say no to me, you're so mean to me

Me *fed up of this*: because you always ask to walk, which hurts, then you say only a small walk, then push and push and push the fucking goal post, making me feel like shit, and then I'm in pain all day after

Mom: fine sheesh you don't have to [the rest is mumbles as she storms out]

Me *lost all motivation to do the things I wanted to and no longer want food*

[ericlovessharks]

liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again

[thefabulous-mostgroovy]

my period must be coming up soon cuz there is no Way im crying over not being able to mute the discord music bot lmaooooo

[tobysbliss]

probably sounding chronically online in the tags😭🙏

i think crying in my friends arms over a fucking content creator being a shit person was the wakeup call that it was fr an unhealthy obsession. or maybe just a huge hyperfixation or both but good fucking lord im ill

[grndz3r000]

Dating the Cursed Speech User, Inumaki♡

Boyfriend!Inumaki who definitely steals your clothes as a joke and parades around his friends in it (Maki is so tired stop this madness)

Boyfriend!Inumaki who likes it when you trace the marks on his face. Kiss them too. Hes gonna pout if you dont :D

Boyfriend!Inumaki who texts you at literally any time. It could be 3am, the witching hour, and he'd send a Skibidi Toilet meme. Hes brainrot.

Boyfriend!Inumaki who was once curious about your contact name for him so he wanted to ask you. In which you reply, "Will Byers but white version". ... he changed your contact name to "Hoe"...

Boyfriend!Inumaki who is NEVER serious. Im not even exaggerating. He fell down the stairs once and proceeds to text you, "That wasnt so sigma alpha wolf of me".

Boyfriend!Inumaki whos so corny that he pulled the "imma pretend to stretch then wrap my arms around you and not even care cuz im so nonchalant" move

Boyfriend!Inumaki who has mixed feelings about you wearing his jackets.. Yes, it looks cute on you, but it coveres your mouth! How will he give kisses now? >:^

Boyfriend!Inumaki who once saw a couple being lovey dovey in public, saying "I love you" ...out loud. He genuinely had a breakdown about how he cant say anything sweet or loving towards you, afraid that something bad might happen if he does. But you have to know that he loves you so so so very much.

Boyfriend!Inumaki who whenever you have to leave for a mission, would talk to your stuffed toys. Since his cursed speech dosent affect them, he gushes about you to the the fluffy toys.

Boyfriend!Inumaki who loves it when you make him onigiri :). He smiles ssoooo widely whenever he finds a bento you made him in his bag^^. (Maki is disgusted. ...but she supports!! Please make some for her she thinks they look delicious)

Boyfriend!Inumaki who makes you play with his hair ot massage his head while hes gaming..

Boyfriend!Inumaki who, one time, saw a random dude flirting with you and texted you, "what if i just make him start breakdancing rn. Im gonna make him breakdance." .....??

Boyfriend!Inumaki who tries his very best to make you laugh thru text cause he cant do that irl :((

Boyfriend!Inumaki who shares his music with you, no hesitation. ....he listens to Phonk, thinking hes cool.....

Boyfriend!Inumaki whos the definition of actions over words. Sure, hes not always serious, but hes serious about you. The one reason why hes not serious a lot, is because he wants to make you laugh and smile, because if he dosent, you might get bored of him and leave him :(( please reassure him that he dosent need to speak for you to love him:((

uh i started this at 1am but i fell asleep.. sorry lol :P

I FELT THE NEED TO MAKE THIS CUZ OF THIS SMAU I'VE BEEN READING AND IT LIKE IT MADE ME WANNA MAKE THIS BUT IDK IF I PORTAYED INUMAKI WELL :<

I love him smmsmsmsmm

______________________________________________

STARZU WORKS. DO NOT REPOST, COPY, OR PLAGIARIZE MY WORK.

[pjsk-headcanons]

*VERY DEEP INHALE* nIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTCORDDDDDD i am so excited im gonna be yapping so hard. prepare yourself aaaAaaAAAAAA

n25-> kanade (unit leader), tsukasa, shiho, akito (great lineup am i right)

n25 -> midnight dream|space

-cue kanade backstory as usual. sorry i think mds is not gonna have any of a better time than canon niigo. oops hehe (drops a ton of angst on them sorry they are my favourites)

-while uploading a melody to some anonymous website, she notices people talking about a different artist in her old uploads. she checks the artist out, listens to a few songs. follows the artist, named SUTA. (all of the nicknames have meaning ;) however, something seems. off.

-this happens again with an artist called nasake. kanade doesnt think much of it.

-a week or two pass when she gets a message in nightcord from SUTA. they want to pair up. kanade agrees reluctantly to call with them to discuss the partnership. during the call, kanade says she wants more people in the group (namely nasake because of the "weird feeling" and because oh my god this guy is kinda loud. its midnight and he so loud my ears)

-yknow what happens. nasake joins the partnership out of curiousity and recommends another artist that they should invite because the music sounds similar.

-kanade listens to their songs. gets the same weird feeling. agrees.

-said artist (called aimai) happily agrees to the partnership and they join a few calls, never talking. they make some demo songs.

-after everyone else logs off, kanade works for a little longer. miku heyyy oh miku wh

-enters sekai. its called house SEKAI. keyword house not home ;)

-insert "i need to save them" stuff i cant think of dialogue

-next day, kanade asks them to meet up because she "needs to get more cup noodles" (actually trying to observe their irl behaviour)

-meetup happens

-kanade resolves to save them. the rest are oblivious to what theyve gotten themselves into

kanade = K

tsukasa = SUTA

shiho = nasake

akito = aimai

all of these have meaning. also i think its funny that akitos nickname is similar to his VAs

okay i did some quick changes to make this work (and because i love bullying my favs)

-okay. remember akitos "good boy" persona? *cranks it up to max* oops so basically its his entire personality because i feel like it doesnt have enough exploration in canon. basically like more than canon mafuyus "good girl" persona.

-also. never went to rad weekend and continued soccer. still does soccer.

-shinonomes and hinomoris live in a very cough tense situation. shiho is like 10x more distrustful than in canon because of the childhood friends thing. also shizuku and ena...uh we dont talk about them

-tsUKASA TENMA. probably a little less loud than in canon and is a lot more serious. still aiming to be a star. is overbearing and worries over saki a lot (much to her dismay)

-tsukasa does the editing and occasionally the composing, shiho does the art(cause akito dont wanna you loser)and sometimes recreates the instrumental, akito does the lyrics (they all need equal amounts of saving this is not gonna be a mafuyu-akito focus)

TRUST RANKS

kanade - tsukasa -> "so loud...so serious?", "hospital encounter" (yk 💀), "prioritizing your health over mine" (please take care of yourself tsucaca and kanade)

shiho - akito -> "distant feelings", "i dont have any siblings" (lying), "dreams long extinguished" (auououuuauu)

tsukasa - shiho -> "my sisters old friend?", "not knowing you felt this way", "aiming for rekindled friendships"

akito - kanade -> "inside, outside", "heat haze rescue!" (reference to my imagined event of when kanade gets heatstroke and the rest of mds has to take care of her), "to relive past memories"

kanade - shiho -> "instrument pros", "family predicament", "burning resolve" (anon try not to bully kanade challenge impossible)

tsukasa - akito -> "orange hair 'buddies'", "troublemaking senior", "the real me?" (koughsghshhgggh)

dONE WITH THE LORE WOOHOO. SEKAIPOSTING NEXT AND PLAYLISTS AFTER...MAYBE SOME MORE CROSS-UNIT TRUST RANKS...also to anyone who reblogs in the tags i see them and you guys are literally the best

have a great day mod 👍 see you next time!!

🌐 anon

.

[obviousbaitfish]

woooow they blocked me. i dont know why i followed that person in the first place. i think theyre both assholes. oh well. anyone who Just Posts AI art is probably a dickhead anyway, disabled or no (though talking about killing yourself for a paragraph is giving emotional manipulation to me). Stay mad, stay miserable, im sure youll find comfort in each other with your shitty attitudes.

I'm not here to discuss the ethics of AI or anything I'm coming at it solely from an art discussion place (and environmental sometimes), which is that it's completely soulless and has no thought into it. Effort? To get the right prompt? Maybe. But it doesnt inspire thought or discussion as an art piece. Oh cool. It's a squid. It's a white women looking at a 3/4 angle. With the same kinda bland, flat, art style. Anyway.

Duchamps's Fountain isnt high art. It took no effort. It's a toilet he probably found in the trash. But it inspires discussion that's lasted like... decades. It's one of my favorite pieces because people STILL get mad about it. DaVinci has a similar art style, even - im not a fan of it. Realism, but kinda flat. It is much darker and more neutral though. Soft shading, soft colors. But there's a reason it intrigues people. It's studied portraits of people who existed. At least that's why it intrigues me. were they family? a friend? maybe it was a commission? why did they think that was the most flattering portrait for them if it was? If they didnt EXIST and it's solely the artists imagination, how'd they get that angle? That pose? What inspired this idea? The effort they put into the physical aspect can be a part of it. But then why is Fountain so iconic? The hardest physical part of THAT was lugging it to the gallery.

Maybe THATS why they were so mad. They realize there was no soul in it. The only thing they can bother to create is so menial and pointless. They can type little prompts into a bar and turn up with... something "physical". But theres nothing behind it. They cant explain why they painted the tree that color, or the women has that expression. The robot did that. They can say "I wanted it that way - i saw it on my way home" but I dont know... that doesnt have the same zing. It's not showing me what YOU saw. It's showing me what it's lumped together from 15,000 results for "green tree" on google. I think maybe that's it. Art in any form comes from the mind of a person - no matter how complicated or "good" it is. It's from the direct point of view. A kindergartener draws their family and it sucks but it's like a little snapshot of how they saw that particular moment. They noticed the bright sun and grass and drew it. You can get a robot to do that, but then that's from X amount of people's point of view that it's dredging from. Not yours. You typed in "bright sunny day green grass happy family" but that's not YOUR view of that snapshot in time. Even if it's not from something irl it's a little snapshot into the person's mind, how they were feeling, what colors they liked... a AI cant do that because it's a separate entity doing it.

Anyway. I dont know what moods inspired this. I think I just miss my art history classes and stuff. I'm not smart enough for like ethics or philosophy but art history I can get behind.

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[peirres-play-place]

🌸🍑Ⓐⓑⓞⓤⓣ ⓜⓔ🍑🌸

Ⓛⓘⓚⓔⓢ

🌸🍑Fav color: peach🍑🌸

🌸🍑Fav food: cereal! (Specifically peanut butter captain crunch)🍑🌸

Ⓗⓞⓑⓑⓘⓔⓢ

🌸🍑I love drawing and often do it whenever I get the chance! Either spending hours on it or just a simple doodle! I REALLY like to draw during class, it's when I'm most productive. I do it mostly in science, math, and history. And if you couldn't tell, it's what my blogs about. I would also love if you could reblog my art! I'm fine with likes, but reblogs help my art be seen by others! I'm not very.....popular online...(or irl) so likes and reblogs are VERY appreciated🍑🌸

🌸🍑I also REALLY love writing! I'll take requests too!🍑🌸

Ⓘ ⓁⓄⒶⓉⒽ

🌸🍑I HATE so many things. I'm gonna list em!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hate gender stereotypes, often happening in school where people tell me I have to like things because I'm a girl or smth. Apparently I HAVE to "LOVE" pink and dresses and gossiping about love interests. (AROACE) and Apparently I'm not allowed to be friends with guys or non binary people or I like them. (Which I DONT) and no, I'm not hating on girls who actually like these kinds of things, I'm simply just venting about my experiences.🍑🌸

🌸🍑I HATE lgbt discrimination! Everybody should be allowed to be what they want to be! It shouldn't matter about their gender or identity! All that should matter is that they are happy! This is going to lead to my next hate.🍑🌸

🌸🍑People telling me who I (ME) should like. People for some reason DO NOT respect the fact that I am aroace. I even explain to people what it means, ns yet they STILL continue to deny it. They ship me with people, say I'm dating somebody, and saying that i CANT have platonic relationships.🍑🌸

(Sorry about venting >^<)

Ⓔⓧⓣⓡⓐ ⓘⓝⓕⓞ

🌸🍑Minor🍑🌸

🌸🍑BAND KID! I play trumpet and alto saxophone!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im the ART KID🍑🌸

🌸🍑And the WRITING KID!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I go by THEY/THEM. I am nonbinary guys.🍑🌸

🌸🍑But I will accept she/him. I just prefer they/them🍑🌸

🌸🍑I am an introvert!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im 5'4! (Kinda tallish?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE music BLASTING into my ears, but I HATE loud social interactions🍑🌸

🌸🍑(Ironic right?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE any sort of baggy clothing. I wear sweaters everyday. (Even in the summer)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I have blueish grey eyes.🍑🌸

🌸🍑(They sometimes are more green some days, kr more blue, or more grey. It depends on what I'm wearing)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hope you have a great time on my blog!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Feel free to dm me on my discord🍑🌸

🌸🍑Peirre_lafayette🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are an adult please don't though.🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are having a bad day, feel free to talk to me!🍑🌸

🍑🌸Have a fantastic day🌸🍑