#online and fandom is much better for that bc i can proofread the stuff i write to see if it sounds correct
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i think hands down the most embarrassing effect of my mental illness is that sometimes i straight up cannot communicate clearly and it REALLY sucks. always talking too much because i can't figure out how to word my point, straight up not talking because i KNOW i won't be able to word anything correctly, having to finish half my statements with "do you get what i'm trying to say?" it's so fucking humiliating to have to constantly try to explain yourself when you can't fit the words together properly.
#tbh why i mostly only talk to people online and am like. semimute irl LMAO#i mean i wouldnt say mute bc i CAN speak i just dont because its like the idea i have in my brain about what i want to say can't be verbali#ed so i always end up trying to use an analogy or reference that doesn't make any sense. hence y 80% of my interactions r scripted ones#online and fandom is much better for that bc i can proofread the stuff i write to see if it sounds correct#its very sucks bc i cant talk to people consistently which means there's very few people who are willing to put up with that#and luckily i do have very kind and loving friends who put up with me#but it's hard to explain anything so it's just hard and it sucks. im not even explaining it well here but whatever#cw mental illness#rant
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