#everytime i hear someone say they weren’t surprised an immense amount of guilt washes over me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tobysbliss · 4 months ago

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probably sounding chronically online in the tags😭🙏

i think crying in my friends arms over a fucking content creator being a shit person was the wakeup call that it was fr an unhealthy obsession. or maybe just a huge hyperfixation or both but good fucking lord im ill

#i try not to talk about it #because its not about me #it never was about me #its about the ones he hurt #ive only actually talked to one person about how much it affected me before talking with 2 irl friends about it a few days ago.#but god damn finding out that he isnt the person i thought he was really did just shatter me #i found out during school #because i was looking through notifs in the bathroom and i saw one from a friends blog #since i had their notifs on #and it was about how he confirmed he was the one who did it #and i just got so sick immediately. i threw up and had to go home #his videos and his streams and his music meant so much to me #got me through so much shit #and now i cant bear to hear his voice or look at him #i still love the music. i still love the videos but i dont listen to it and i dont watch them. its not right #i will never support somebody who is so fucking shitty like he is #it felt like a huge piece of me was just torn away so aggresively #because his music was literally my life at the time #i have yet to find a music artist or band who can come close to making me feel the same way his music did #maybe it will happen some day.#or maybe i’ll just be stuck with the search for a replacement.#i really just want to forget everything but nothing can change the amount of money that was spent towards him.#the fact that i cried tears of pure joy when i found out we had tickets to that concert #the fact that i went to that concert and it was the best night of my life #nothing will ever change any of that but god i wish something could #i wish i saw the signs. it was all right infront of us.#everytime i hear someone say they weren’t surprised an immense amount of guilt washes over me #and it eats me alive for so long. its stupid. i feel stupid.#i hate him so much. i hate that the hyperfixation got so strong. i hate how happy he somehow made me. i hate him for hurting people.#i hate that he hurt people. i hate him. i hate wilbur soot.

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