#because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foxcassius · 5 months ago

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wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently #and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who #like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact #but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt #because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them #anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore #i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri #end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly #into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment #in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them #because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk #i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags #i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps #t

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