#and i cant help but yearn for that feeling
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somehow, I ache for something that was never, and can never be, mine.
#its not that deep this is about#dragons#how to train your dragon#httyd#toothless#hiccup#dragons in general#theyre so cool#sometimes i see connections and friendships made on screen#and i cant help but yearn for that feeling#sometimes movies seem so nostalgic#in a way of “that could be me”#and when faced with them#especially between working and studying and living#its hard not to wish that was me#do i want a dragon#simplicity#or do i just want a deeply loving and fulfilling relationship#platonic or romantic tbh#in all honesty#i probably just need to take a deep breath and go to sleep#i will continue watching these movies and reading these books and yearning#reminiscing over moments that arent mine#but i still have to remember to live in my own life#because i can forge those connections#in fact i already have#perhaps i just need to cherish what is already there
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
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#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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all i want is to be loved to have someone look at me and my faults and love me
i want to feel like im enough like the space i take up matters and im not too much and i dont have to prove that
is that selfish to ask is it unrealistic to hope for is love without condition just a dream or have i done something to lose that privilege
#im tired of crying over people who dont deserve my pain#tired of continually ‘learning lessons’ from relationships#i feel everything. so. much.#i cant help but fell like its punishment#only i dont remember committing the crime#neosappho#sapphic#sapphic poetry#sapphic yearning#wlw#wlw yearning#nblw#nblw yearning#t4t yearning#poems on tumblr#poetry
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batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves #2
#feeling fucking insane about this actually#bruce talking out loud to jason's memorial case—sharing the events of the night with his robin—with his son.#dicks response..... that lightheartedness before being slightly snarky at the realization....#‘havent been called that in a long time’ before realizing bruce was almost hoping for it to be jason despite how illogical it may be#‘have room for one more?’ ‘might as well throw a ghost in the mix’ AND BRUCE REACHING FOR HIM BUT STOPPING HIMSELF!!!#like yeah jason coming back is cool and all (hate most of his red hood character lmao) but!!! this!!!!#haunting the narrative and influencing bruce and being a driving force in bruces still despite his death!!!!!#HELL MORE BECAUSE OF IT EVEN#bruce experienced the greatest lost of his life twice. the first as a kid and his parents deaths and how it was a driving force to make him#dedicate his entire life to fighting crime and helping others. but then he experienced it again but now as the parent#he now knows firsthand the other side of that coin. he knows both sides of grief and mourning and lost#first as a helpless child. then as batman. he became batman to prevent this from ever happening yet he still couldn't prevent it#making him push himself more and more because he still wasnt good enough. he still failed.#he still has only himself to blame for all 3 murders.#like losing jason was the thing that tipped him over on he cant ever have that civilian life hes yearned for and wanted#because there's always going to be scared little boys with blood on their hands that needs help. just whos blood it is can and has differ#anyways. bruce talking to jason still while working and trying to help others..... man.#c: batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves | i: 2#crypt's panels#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#robin ii#bruce & dick#bruce & jason
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Being touch starved sucks, I'm sitting here contemplating it and I've never cuddled with someone, never leaned against someone sitting together, never held hands with someone, never had a hug that lasted more than 7 seconds at most, can't remember the last time I got a real actual tight hug, and I have sensory issues/potentially trauma when it comes to touch so when I tell people I'm particular about the physical affection I receive they either ignore that and end up triggering my sensory issues or they respect it too much and never touch me again. Is it so much to ask for something in the middle, where someone just respects my boundaries I have in place without going so far as to treat me like a leper? It's been like this for so many years and I haven't figured out how to balance it.
#it really doesnt help that any time anyone mentions physical affection or i try to talk about wanting affection i clam up so bad#can i just? talk about my feelings? without my throat closing up?#i even tried texting it to someone once and i almost had a panic attack#my friends know it as the issue that i cant say what it is that somehow is the single most dabilitating thing i deal with mentally#if i could just talk about it all my issues would be solved#but noooooo#i can tell people to not touch me#thats easy#but asking for physical affection is where i draw the line#physical touch#yearning#touch aversion#skin hunger#touch averse#touch starvation#touch starved
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#talkys#sorry misc rambling before i pass out im all sorts of feelings rn#im in an I Wanna Be Vocal And Annoying And ''Who Want Me'' Even Though I Know Thats Not How It Works era#as well as im so exhausted i dont want to have another person yet. era. but i do but i dont but i DO deserve it actually but im tired#also i. ive made so many realizations this past week and had questions answered and everything recontextualized. as well.#2023 has been so insane and april isnt even over#its been exhaustjng and tiring. and i already prefer it over 2022. smile#i cant wait for it to get boring again. im so tired ! but also i hope things get better soon#and also also im happy to have made 2 new buddys already. which is helping#if all of What Happened‚ happened solely as a means to get these new ppl into my life then okey ^_^ i will#take the positives and move on...!#im still processing stuff. i cant wait to get back to normal ➡️ hope and yearn and hope and yearn#im gonna go keep enjoying my special weekend out of town neow
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Read the snippet *cries*
That last writing with Tarrow is beautiful. In my mind was playing Farewell by Bernth and is was a struggle to not cry in public.
I just fell in love with Orion! I love his gentleness, how he just want to give comfort and just AHHHHHH!! That last paragraph just with the hope that Tarrow will see the family that still has is just gets me.
On the side note (and to laugh a little after that beautiful mini story), Crows still is a background character.
OOOOO hey i know that song!!! yeah i can imagine how that'd make it hard to exist in public with some dignity JGDLKJLCMKSL
hah, another Iterator found a way to worm its way into your heart JGKSLLCKMLKS stars, same- the gentleness but also in the contrast of what he's gone through, what that kindness and sweetness had to endure. and he's stern and strict and some would call him a little scary when he talks to them like to some soldiers- promising that if this time around (in the off string au) someone will be caught neglecting their responsibilities like some have done with Mission Self-preservation he will be able to deal with them Personally this time. Notos won't be the only thing they'll have to worry about now. and sometimes he's a little insensitive as a result of that trauma, too. but ultimately? oh gods, ultimately he only wants everyone to be okay and taken care of as they deserve
GSLJKMCKLS fucking Crows.... leave it to the One og character i have in Moon's group to do me a favor and stay as she is meant to be
#spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#i kno i say that all itties are sibs to me but like... i cant help but keep thinkin that the gen 1s keep tapping a lot into parental roles#heavens know boreas is kinda unapologetic about it. he doesnt say it but he Is a dad figure to euros notos n haboob. and he takes somewhat-#-some pride in that role. when it comes to sparrows he was kinda like that to her too in her og life but there was always some kind of-#-divide between them. it wasnt all that complete. orion takes a note of tarrows yearning for family and starts kind of looking for the-#-similarities of traits that an organic family is supposed to offer to a child and what the iterators can offer just by being themselves#like obviously the southern winds fill the little sisters role. sporadic p seamlessly takes on the role of a mom with her endless fussing-#-n care. fish Kind of taps into the role of a dad often but he isnt the type that can offer the certain... physical protection#n whats interesting here is that logically! orion fills that real well right? physical protection guidance in the physical n dangerous worl#yet he cant seem to see himself in such a place to her. hes a gen 1 he does have the parent feel! He was the one who guided all of the-#-groups iterators into life proper after they were turned online he was there to welcome them not zeph or boreas. Everyone has gone through#-orions hands like this except the anemoi. and *still* he cant. cant do that for tarrows#because hes so *deathly* afraid that he will approach her like a soldier rather than a person who needs to be handled a lil like a kid#he often does so already! unintentionally but he does n that cant be good for her!!!!!!!#so when tarrows n boreas finally make up n clear some things between each other when bee slides into the role of a dad subconsciously-#-n starts looking after tarrows as he Shouldve from the begining orion just goes 'oh thank gods. holy fuck. phew...'
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someone taking a nap on me would fix me I think
#cant say taking a nap with someone because alas. the Severe Insomnia#but id be willing to be used as a human pillow#my friends should do this immediately i think#dont mind me yearning for physical touch on main ok today was a huge strain on me#can't help being touchstarved alright !!!!!! i just want a hug and a headpat !!!! and cuddle !!!!#i dont want to feel like the main character of a romantical drama anymore !!!!!#i know my name is kordian but come on !!!!!!!
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ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#blaire.txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
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when emma falls in love is genuinely the funniest song ever written. This is why they bullied you for being gay in high school taylor
#barry.txt#taylor swift#shes a small town cleopatra whose a magnet bringing all eyes to her in every room. Shes the most beautiful woman ive ever met#shes so kind and funny and i just cant help noticing all these little things whenever shes around....how she talks how she walks how she#looks when shes happy or angry or about to cry...i get this pained yearning feeling in my chest whenever shes around me....#i must be.....SO jealous....of her#hope shes happy with her new boyfriend :)
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Day 1000000000000 of being romantically confused.
#like i know what label i identify with i dont care for the label#i just want a relationship but not with anyone in particular. this sucks ass. i keep wanting to have a crush but every time i think i do#i dont !!!!#maybe i just need… no strings attached. someone who is exactly the same and i wont hurt them or ruin a perfectly good friendship#which. who fucking knows if that’ll ever happen any time soon.#i thought i liked this one online friend or something. i…. dont really. he just makes me laugh and im a little emotionally……. unfulfilled#doesnt help that im yearning all the damned time. generally for fictional characters because i cant hurt them theyre not real i cant#ruin a friendship because they dont exist !! i can marry them in my head and feel zero guilt about it#there wont ever be any red flags they wont ever do anything that catches me off guard…#why am i like this ??? what do i need to u pack and why would i need to be on guard at all times anyways ??? why am i ???#i need a fucking therapist. posting in the tags of a tumblr post is not enough.#i think maybe if i found someone who… opened me up. took my off guard so much i dont even feel the need to be on it… i dont know#wheres all the ‘i could fix him’ bitches when i need them huh??#im in love with a fucking concept.#yearning for a fucking concept.
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dreaming about opening up a fish shop, as if i would ever be financially or physically able to, just a dream that i will continue to think about forever <3
#im like not even hugely experienced just super super into freshwater aquariums and specifically nano fish and shrimp#im just imagining it and being able to own a shop and treat the fish and keep the tanks the way i wish other fish store would#and literally i was thinking god wouldn't it be just so cute to make up little identification cards with information on them for fish so ppl#can read abt the fish and its requirements easily#and like plants as well#so many aquariums in my area dont even have plant names or anything next to their plants#which i hate bc if i dont already know what it is it makes it hard to google#and u would be surprised by the number of invasive plants that circulate in this hobby#and i know the way fish stores keep fish is temporary but i cant help but think of ways i could do it better#like im still thinking abt how exactly id do it but id definitely do some sort of quarantine tanks set up bc so many fish shops dont do that#and i feel like itd save so much hassle in the long term to quarantine fish from breeders#and i would have like terrestrial plants out the top of every single aquarium and in the tanks some type of easy to manoeuvre around plants#and substrates in them as well#most aquarium shops dont put substrates in their tanks but i think itd actually be beneficial for them in the long term#like gravel basically works as a filter in lots of cases as the waste filters down thru it#like my goal would be to set up a shop where i dont do any water changes like in my tanks at home#maybe the quarantine tanks would be the exception just to absolutely avoid cross contamination#and id just sell little fish like nothing above 10cm#bc they r my favourite and i find lots of bigger fish eat the little creatures like limpets and shrimp in tanks and i love those guys#lots of variety of fish in the smaller types anyway#like a specialised store has a lot more ability to care for the fish better as well#i also find that my way of keeping fish with zero water changes works bc of a combination of light stocking in a big heavily planted tank#and that gets harder to do the bigger fish u get bc the tank size has to expand exponentially#crazy long rant here#basically im just yearning#zerofunposts
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eieudururururuffggh… it’s definitely along the lines of limerence. u think its fine when ur sitting together, it’s actualized that this is someone you could never be together with, and really he’s not all that glittering attractive in terms of someone you would want to be in a relationship with anyway. but then there’s the twofold dream of living with him, then wandering around a city aimless with the thought resounding “i love you so much please text me back”
i think it’s a sign of needing to reconcile something in myself but i don’t know what. i am left with these feelings that i do not know how to deal with. i desire him so much but he is not present. he never will be. it’s just how he is. i don’t know why he’s worth it in terms of my brain/heart. as i said, there are so many things about him that are extremely unattractive in terms of a relationship. This is a consequence of coming back into his life, but really this was happening anyway, in the past two years. it was so nice to just sit with him and not want for more, except i feel bad drawing him to speak to me but that’s fine
i don’t trust him with anything in the world, i feel that i don’t really know who he is, if he’s even a real person — but also that it’s so simple and he’s much more simple than i think. except it’s just that i don’t know. i can only assume and assume and theorize because he’s never around. i don’t know why i wish to know him specifically. Maybe it’s an ego thing. Maybe it’s an issue.
I had a dream that i think was a sequel to an existing dream but i dont know. It was like. I was adopted by the queen and king of england, they looked over me and raised me for a bit. And eventually i had to go back home to my mother. This dream was the sequel where I come back to see them again and see how every influence I had on their castle and lives and everything was stripped away and muttered about as ill-fashion— “oh, that old thing.” whereas i looked up to them so much, i was devoted and dedicated so much to them. they taught me how to dance, i taught the king jokes, things like so.
upon seeing all the ways i meant nothing to them I proceeded to have a breakdown in the dream, taking it out on them, everyone around me, tearing things down, playing into the ill worth they regarded me with by giving them something to be actually disgusted by.
My ex was there— he was there because he heard it was me, on the news, in the rumors, and came to witness. he was talking to people about me, telling them who i was and who he was, *defending* me. Which was crazy. So fond. but when i really think about it I think he was there because ultimately being the child of the queen of england and then coming back to see i meant nothing felt like what it was like to be in a relationship with him.
Why i am drawn to people i mean nothing to. I dont know. why their validation in my worth means so much. i dont know. why i see my worth through others. i dont know. this is what i need to reconcile in myself but. i don’t know. How. I even feel like its fine most of the time, but then i look up to someone and it all comes back.
I just wish he cared about me enough to come by. But he doesnt and i need to find someone who does. Thats the path i’m trying to take. It’s just sorrowful. What also overtakes me sometimes is that when he’s not there, he claims to be thinking of me. Stalking my twitter. Watching what i’m doing wherever. Songs that make him think about me. Which kind of makes it worse. All of that and it’s still not enough to draw him near. He was right in saying I am someone that needs someone to be there for me and it was hardly a kindness that he let go of me when saying that, especially considering the circumstances, but at least he could admit he was not that person. it’s this wish i have that i need to reconcile. the fact that it exists at all. I wish it could go away, I’ve been trying to make it go away, forcing it to by looking at all the facts and realities, but yet its still here, I don’t know how to change, I need to be strong
#excusze moi long wahwah post#I dont think hes exactly in the wrong or should resent himself . He cant give what he doesnt have#i do wish he would stop making promises he cant keep#i showed this other guy a story i liked and he said he liked it but then said like#these little criticisms. very small and dont mean anything but the fact that they existed#really are bothering me. he cant help his thoughts but theyre just#so silly and not reflective of the work itself but his personal tastes#which is fine. But i dont know. Where is your optimism and trust in others? or something#I just give so many excuses to as why i cant coexist w someone. it’ll be fine. These things dont define the guy as a person#but djjdsjskjxnxjd#honestly the thing that gets me bc ill back away from anyone for any reason but then theres my ex who like. gives me such little effort#almost all of the time and then im like so yearning of him. like lmao what#i wish quelling these behaviors of mine was black and white#i have NO desire EVER to act on these feelings. nor any desire to have them come up in conversation. so i believe things can be fine#whatve...#one day i should ask him what he was telling that other girl about me#that made her say i was insane
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tracking my menstrual cycle through how much i listen to Mitski
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i hate missing her because i cant do much else except miss her 😭 the the thoughts of her freeze me in place and hold me down so i cant focus on anything else. god she’s gonna be the death of me
#feels so stupid bc i’m seeing her tomorrow anyways#but i cant help it#if i had to repeat last week a billion times over just to get a replay of saturday i would#and if you’re seeing this yk who you are!!#see u tmrw#sapphic yearning#sapphic longing
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https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/742232698896171008/i-miss-my-wife-would-you-be-willing-to?source=share
Oh my gosh, these snippets are actually insane??
Like?? They're stunning.
I audibly gasped when I saw them.
The imagery is beautiful.
I love the ginkgo imagery. The idea of snuggling into the soil? Comparing Suguru and Kenjaku using a ginkgo tree? And just the way you did it? I feel like I should be analysing this in an English class. Your work reminds me, somewhat, of Alice Oswald (cf 'Dart', 'Woods etc.').
You're really talented. (To me, too, your work, especially in these snippets, feels very slick.)
OHHH ANON MY LOVE this made me so happy u have no idea 😭😭 this fic is very special to me so i def wanna go very heavy on the prose … I’M SO HAPPY U LIKE THE GINKGO IMAGERY sugu just reminds me sm of those pretty golden leaves <33 and kenny too ofc !!
ngl i shamefully had to look up who alice oswald is i am Not cultured lmao BUT WOWWWW ANON???? i’m so flattered i cried HER WRITING IS SO GORGEOUSSS i’m def gonna check her stuff out for inspo ….. might buy one of her collections bc her poetry seems so stunning !! tysm for sending her my way <333
AND GOSHH CALLING IT SLICK IS THE KINDEST THING EVER ??? the thing i’m most insecure abt when it comes to my writing is without a doubt the general Flow, so that’s just. such a relief 😭😭 ILYYY i’m so happy that some ppl are hyped for the kenny fic :’33 if u decide to read it when it’s out then i hope u enjoy !! <333
#SENDING U MANY HUGS#kenny nation my beloveds <33#i really wanna implement a lot of imagery into this fic hehe#like gingko trees ofc but also birds !!! to me its like .. suguru is the roots. kenny the leaves.#and reader is a tiny bird who cant help but yearn for the higher branches … even if its safer on the ground … yeahh u Get Me#tysm for this anon it made me feel so giddy n happy 🥺🥺 im giving u a big hug 🫂#ask tag ✩
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