#and i cant help but yearn for that feeling
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nymphiearon · 2 years ago
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somehow, I ache for something that was never, and can never be, mine.
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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 26 days ago
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Batfanon would be way more fun if they treated Jason like a domesticated villain
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cloudbends · 10 days ago
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OH I AM INCONSOLABLE. DEVASTATED.
#vi rambling#skip and loafer#i honestly cant even properly articulate myself right now im just. i feel for him so terribly.#the depiction of his relationship with his mom well. it got to me. badly. terribly.#standing in front of that door as a child i literally couldnt think of anything but denji and the csm door.#and how he literally had all of this thrust on him and the fact that it was taken away from him by the very source of all this stress#without her knowledge. which just excabrated it And i just. no wonder he doesnt have any sense of self esteem or self perception#of course he feels like hes acting constantly without recognizing his inherent kindness.#hes literally been taught nothing he does is good enough unless hes acting. of course hed shield behind that.#he literally kept being criticized and berated for things beyond his control. i just.#I'm so scared for next chapter? i think we'll actually see what happened with that producer and i dont think im resdy in the slightest#just that terrible discreoancy between his thoughts but the fact he cant help but feel terribly for his mom. hes such a good kid but so#terribly conditioned into overcompensating IT HIT ME TOO FUCKING HARD.#well... stellar panels and expressions. literally heartbreaking.#love how kanechika clocked his yearning immediately and started making fun in the most kanechika way possible#the whole frankenstein allegory i literally cant even unpack in tags its just. really so masterfully done.#basically. terribly unwell . chapter of all time i fear#i think what really broke me is seeing him actually break down. fully.#he keeps himself on such a tight leash all the time and repressed his thoughts and feelings constantly#that seeing all the bottled up anguish and burdens and baggage and trauma flood out made me. very unwell.#i hope as the little prompt at the end said... unraveling the past can only take us forward... haha
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angy-grrr · 4 months ago
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
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#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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neosappho · 6 months ago
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all i want is to be loved to have someone look at me and my faults and love me
i want to feel like im enough like the space i take up matters and im not too much and i dont have to prove that
is that selfish to ask is it unrealistic to hope for is love without condition just a dream or have i done something to lose that privilege
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martyrbat · 1 year ago
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batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves #2
#feeling fucking insane about this actually#bruce talking out loud to jason's memorial case—sharing the events of the night with his robin—with his son.#dicks response..... that lightheartedness before being slightly snarky at the realization....#‘havent been called that in a long time’ before realizing bruce was almost hoping for it to be jason despite how illogical it may be#‘have room for one more?’ ‘might as well throw a ghost in the mix’ AND BRUCE REACHING FOR HIM BUT STOPPING HIMSELF!!!#like yeah jason coming back is cool and all (hate most of his red hood character lmao) but!!! this!!!!#haunting the narrative and influencing bruce and being a driving force in bruces still despite his death!!!!!#HELL MORE BECAUSE OF IT EVEN#bruce experienced the greatest lost of his life twice. the first as a kid and his parents deaths and how it was a driving force to make him#dedicate his entire life to fighting crime and helping others. but then he experienced it again but now as the parent#he now knows firsthand the other side of that coin. he knows both sides of grief and mourning and lost#first as a helpless child. then as batman. he became batman to prevent this from ever happening yet he still couldn't prevent it#making him push himself more and more because he still wasnt good enough. he still failed.#he still has only himself to blame for all 3 murders.#like losing jason was the thing that tipped him over on he cant ever have that civilian life hes yearned for and wanted#because there's always going to be scared little boys with blood on their hands that needs help. just whos blood it is can and has differ#anyways. bruce talking to jason still while working and trying to help others..... man.#c: batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves | i: 2#crypt's panels#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#robin ii#bruce & dick#bruce & jason
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ljuerlav · 12 days ago
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often susceptible to that human folly that is wanting people who are also part of a thing to at least acknowledge when you spent a bunch of hours working on something thats is for that thing
#most. of the work i do is thankless. and im ok with that cause i sink a lot of time into passion projects#but also because of that (comma) time is my most critical and valuable resource and im very giving with it when i maybe shouldnt be#and when i say mutual aid work has been the most isolating and thankless work ive engaged in ...#i just really objectively dont actually have the amt of time im putting into this.#im just stealing time away from everything else here and there and ignoring how i feel in the alone bits whenever someone else does anything#yippee. whenever i drive to pennsylvania and do 13 hour driving days w minimal breaks . its gonna be less soul rending than this#not that i probably wont have to still have to coordinate stuff while im away 🙃#guys help i thought we were supposed to be decentralized and horizontal. why am i at the center. why does everything pass through me.#why do i have to manage so much and remind people of pre-arranged stuff. i thought we didnt like middle management!!! i hate people managing#asking people to do their portion of the work feels like either aggression or asking for a major personal favor . do you understand why#this is not a role i am suited to fill...#ok. i dont feel better now cause i only got two hours of sleep last night because of this but at least i got it out#i think my recent yearnings for a partner are mostly just because this has pushed me to a crisis point. and you dont need a partner for that#just like anyone who is willing to meaningfully engage with everything. fuck#wish i knew what the last 6 mos of my life looked like from an outside pov. my regular cast of health professionals are deeply concerned#but like im always doing a ton of shit so telling me i need to scale back is nothing new. i just need. relativity. and if my friends feel#like im pulling back from our friendships because i legitimately cant balance all this#ok! enough worrying and complaining. back to grinding that nosestone
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anonovershare · 2 years ago
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Being touch starved sucks, I'm sitting here contemplating it and I've never cuddled with someone, never leaned against someone sitting together, never held hands with someone, never had a hug that lasted more than 7 seconds at most, can't remember the last time I got a real actual tight hug, and I have sensory issues/potentially trauma when it comes to touch so when I tell people I'm particular about the physical affection I receive they either ignore that and end up triggering my sensory issues or they respect it too much and never touch me again. Is it so much to ask for something in the middle, where someone just respects my boundaries I have in place without going so far as to treat me like a leper? It's been like this for so many years and I haven't figured out how to balance it.
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skunkes · 2 years ago
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spotsupstuff · 2 years ago
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Read the snippet *cries*
That last writing with Tarrow is beautiful. In my mind was playing Farewell by Bernth and is was a struggle to not cry in public.
I just fell in love with Orion! I love his gentleness, how he just want to give comfort and just AHHHHHH!! That last paragraph just with the hope that Tarrow will see the family that still has is just gets me.
On the side note (and to laugh a little after that beautiful mini story), Crows still is a background character.
OOOOO hey i know that song!!! yeah i can imagine how that'd make it hard to exist in public with some dignity JGDLKJLCMKSL
hah, another Iterator found a way to worm its way into your heart JGKSLLCKMLKS stars, same- the gentleness but also in the contrast of what he's gone through, what that kindness and sweetness had to endure. and he's stern and strict and some would call him a little scary when he talks to them like to some soldiers- promising that if this time around (in the off string au) someone will be caught neglecting their responsibilities like some have done with Mission Self-preservation he will be able to deal with them Personally this time. Notos won't be the only thing they'll have to worry about now. and sometimes he's a little insensitive as a result of that trauma, too. but ultimately? oh gods, ultimately he only wants everyone to be okay and taken care of as they deserve
GSLJKMCKLS fucking Crows.... leave it to the One og character i have in Moon's group to do me a favor and stay as she is meant to be
#spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#i kno i say that all itties are sibs to me but like... i cant help but keep thinkin that the gen 1s keep tapping a lot into parental roles#heavens know boreas is kinda unapologetic about it. he doesnt say it but he Is a dad figure to euros notos n haboob. and he takes somewhat-#-some pride in that role. when it comes to sparrows he was kinda like that to her too in her og life but there was always some kind of-#-divide between them. it wasnt all that complete. orion takes a note of tarrows yearning for family and starts kind of looking for the-#-similarities of traits that an organic family is supposed to offer to a child and what the iterators can offer just by being themselves#like obviously the southern winds fill the little sisters role. sporadic p seamlessly takes on the role of a mom with her endless fussing-#-n care. fish Kind of taps into the role of a dad often but he isnt the type that can offer the certain... physical protection#n whats interesting here is that logically! orion fills that real well right? physical protection guidance in the physical n dangerous worl#yet he cant seem to see himself in such a place to her. hes a gen 1 he does have the parent feel! He was the one who guided all of the-#-groups iterators into life proper after they were turned online he was there to welcome them not zeph or boreas. Everyone has gone through#-orions hands like this except the anemoi. and *still* he cant. cant do that for tarrows#because hes so *deathly* afraid that he will approach her like a soldier rather than a person who needs to be handled a lil like a kid#he often does so already! unintentionally but he does n that cant be good for her!!!!!!!#so when tarrows n boreas finally make up n clear some things between each other when bee slides into the role of a dad subconsciously-#-n starts looking after tarrows as he Shouldve from the begining orion just goes 'oh thank gods. holy fuck. phew...'
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kordbot · 1 year ago
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someone taking a nap on me would fix me I think
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medicasino · 2 years ago
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ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#blaire.txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
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milfygerard · 2 years ago
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when emma falls in love is genuinely the funniest song ever written. This is why they bullied you for being gay in high school taylor
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sweet-milky-tea705 · 2 years ago
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Day 1000000000000 of being romantically confused.
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gomzdrawfr · 2 months ago
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The night was quiet as the Captain stepped out into the open air, fresh out from a mission, the sharp chill of the morning bit at his skin but he hardly noticed due to the exhaustion. The sky was dark, save for the faint halo of the light from the idling helicopter in the distance, painting the floor and wall in hues of turquoise.
There he was, Nikolai.
He leaned casually against the aircraft, a cigarette dangling loosely between his fingers, one foot propped, his broad shoulders relaxed. His jacket was unzipped just enough to reveal a teasing glimpse of his chest and all the hairy goodness beneath.
Even from a distance, Price could see the way Nik’s eyes were fixed on him.
Always waiting. Always there. Always steadfast. Just like he always had been. 
The first few snowflakes drifted slowly from the sky, mixing with the faint fog of Nikolai’s breath curling in the air and the smoke from his cigarette. Nik looked hot—there was no other word for it.
Okay, maybe there were few more words to describe the love of his life, but John couldn’t give a single bollock digging through the dictionary now. Not when Nik was standing there with his arms crossed, black hair slicked back yet slightly tousled. He looked like he belonged on the cover of one of those old male model magazines he’d been caught sneaking glances at in secret.
Something giddy and nearly childish bubbled in John’s chest, like spotting a bright candy from afar, something precious you’ve waited for your entire life. Before he knew it, he began walking. Boots crunched against the concrete beneath each step as his hands moved almost automatically, shrugging his helmet off, letting it fall to the ground with no care as his walk turned into a small jog, then a run. 
His goal was clear: to kiss his hot pilot husband.
By the time he reached Nik, his breath was shallow and his chest was heaving with something that wasn’t exertion, excitement maybe, but he stopped just short, his gaze lifting to meet Nik’s. 
Price paused, just for a second. He always did, right? Even after all this time, after a hundred kisses and then some, Price always had that fleeting moment of hesitation. A combination of gratitude, love and guilt stirred inside his chest. Nik had always waited, even now, through all the years it took John to come around, to gently removing and breaking down his defenses brick by brick, until he’d finally admitted what they both knew was inevitable. 
But tonight, John thought it wasn’t the nerves holding him back.
It was the way Nik was looking at him, staring at him like he was the centre of the universe, with those dark eyes softened and the corner of his eyes crinkled with adoration. The kind of look that had John’s knees buckled, the kind of look that screamed worship, that he was enough, that he was loved for exactly who he was. 
For Nik, he was roaming his eyes around John, observing the way the snowflakes gathered around John’s hair, blending with the white strands already there, the way they aligned and caught in the faint light made it shimmer like constellations, presenting John- his husband, in an otherworldly look. It was as if every star and planet had aligned to bring the John Price here, shaped from stardust gathered from the debris of the abyss and sent John crashing into his heart like a meteor.
If Nikolai too, could see himself as one of the stars in a galaxy of thousands, colliding with John to create the brightest supernova, perhaps then, he could erase the darker thoughts that lingered behind his love.
Nikolai had always thought himself akin to the black hole, pulling everything he loved into himself, consuming it with a selfish, unrelenting hunger. It was, and still is, a daily struggle to fight the unforgiving part of himself that believed he wasn’t worthy of Price. 
Nik leaned down slightly, nudging his nose against John’s, hearing the faint hitch in John’s breath, the reaction that always pulled a smile to his lips. The way Nik moved his nose to John’s cheek was slow and intimate, pressing lightly into the softness of the skin. Even as Nikolai can feel the way John breathed him in, the faint tang of ash and smoke with a mix of engine oil, the smell that reminded John something of warmth, of home, Nikolai still couldn’t quite shake off the pang of guilt. 
Nikolai wanted John wholly, completely, all of him, and that weight of need and want felt almost cruel. To love someone so much that it physically hurt, to want someone to the point of selfishness–it was hauntingly beautiful and unbearable at the same time. 
“Kissing under the first snow of the year,” Nik murmured, the cigarette between his fingers sizzled and forgotten, his voice rough with affection and a hint of the usual tease, batting off the uneasiness of his heart with humor, “like boys in a love story…звезда моя”. John huffed, rolling his eyes as his cheeks burned, a cute shade of red dusting his skin like apples. Nik almost cooed when the snowflake landed on his cheek melted away instantly, the heat of his embarrassment clear as day.
John didn’t bother responding, wanted to kiss Nik stupid as he leaned forward. Yet, as their lips were barely brushing and their eyes closed, the moment dissolved into something softer. Their breaths mingled, warm against their cold skin, and when they finally closed the distance–the kiss was slow and tender, like they were learning how to kiss all over again, and their worries faded away like the snow melting on the ground. 
Nik kissed the same way he loved, completely, boundlessly, consuming, and John allowed himself to be swallowed whole, to be taken completely by the gravity of Nik’s affection.
Because if there was any man that John would start a war for–even a cosmic one at that, it would always be him, and only him, his Nikolai. 
When they finally pulled back, with more snowflakes gathered around their head and their foreheads pressed together. Nik breathed out a quiet chuckle, “you’re blushing, John.”
John groaned, shaking his head, voice low yet filled with fondness. “Cheeky as ever, Nik.”
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Merry Christmas Nekros!! I hope you like this lil present I wrote based on the breathtaking art :D special thanks to my friends and @karlachismylife for the help and inspiration :) ho ho ho to the nikprice community too!!
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Returning from an op and immediately running to kiss your hot pilot husband under the first snow of the year 🌨️🚁
#shaking as I schedule this#HAHA#im so sorry for the small bits of angst in there i couldn't help myself with these two....pain is wovened into their very beings#i decided to take a twist to focus the yearning and the pain that comes with loving someone whole on Nikolai this time#was this bcuz of Father's hypothermia fic yes maybe KAJSHDK and also how I saw you relate to Nik most time#forgive me for any grammar or mistakes there#can you tell I love stars? and space? I do - i love them a lot esp seeing the way your art reminds me of them#despite its about snow#my fav part of writing this was looking at your art on my other tab to solidify the vibes#you know what was my fav? the way you drew Nik's nose squishing gently into Price's cheek#which was something Ive missed on my first reblog#and I knew I had to put that in the writing somewhere and make it meaningful#bcuz every stroke every line and every painting/art you do are meaningful in their own ways - even if you struggle to like them#there was a line for the nose thing that I couldn't wedge it in so here's the sentence#Nik pressed into his skin with a heavy feeling in his chest that felt like worship - like he was allowing himself to grace upon smtg sacred#The softness of John was a privilege granted to no one else but him - and he wondered again how he could dare to claim something-#so achingly tender - precious - soft all to himself and how John became so vulnerable and unyielding under his hands despite everything#*slams fist on the table repeatedly* Nik ya dumb fUCK HE'S YOUR HUSBAND STOP DOUBTING YA PRETTY LIL HEAD#anyways#!!! love u bud !!! cant wait for this post to go live and read your reaction hehe#also isn't it crazy this whole thing could've just been a few mins thing but it felt like it was more of that?#love makes time freeze on its spot#merry christmas#nikprice#prikolai#captain john price#nikolai cod#captain price#john price#gummmythoughts
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anti-gravity-insanity · 14 days ago
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