#the depiction of his relationship with his mom well. it got to me. badly. terribly.

[cloudbends]

OH I AM INCONSOLABLE. DEVASTATED.

[literatikoo]

Lane Kim deserved better

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I would only write Lane Kim meta when I am very very angry because I need to be powered by spite and petty energy to unravel exactly how much of a disservice this show was to Lane and by extension any Asian kid with a similar life. And, well, it's happening now, so buckle up kids, this is going to be a loooong ride because I have a lot to say.

Before we start on the negative aspects, the show got a lot of things about Lane right, which is why I care so much about her character. Yes, ASP obviously didn't know how to write a POC experience and it's seen in the way some very harmful stereotypes were propagated (the tiger mom trope, Mrs Kim's religious beliefs, the depiction of the Kim extended family etc) but at the same time Lane was beautifully written as a character, unlike her plot which left much to be desired. Lane Kim was an Asian girl with rock n roll dreams who had an extremely fraught relationship with her mother and had to fight for even a semblance of independence. And I hate to say it but a lot of daughters of Asian households are forced to hide a part of themselves from their families, so Lane's story was authentic.

Not only was Lane amazing as an individual, she was also a great friend. She was the only one who was really in Rory's corner; she never judged her and supported all of Rory's relationships (my favourite example of this is when she barely tolerated Jess in S2/3 and then did a complete 180 like 5 episodes later, all because Rory decided to finally accept she liked him). Lane never pointed out what Rory was doing wrong not because she was afraid of doing so but because the two of them had been friends for years and Lane believed that Rory would figure it out one day. Lane shows this unconditional kindness not only to Rory but to everyone. She takes in her Korean cousin and teaches her to have fun even when she's afraid that Mrs Kim has replaced her, she lets Gil be in the band because she empathises with him, she takes care of the band and prevents it from breaking up multiple times. And these are only a few examples of Lane being the kindest character on GG.

One of the best things in Gilmore Girls is that the most unproblematic, amazing guy is given to Lane. Dave Rygalski is the best love interest on the show hands down (Sorry to my boy Jess but Dave was LEAGUES ahead of him at 17) and Lane definitely deserved someone like that. Their story was adorable and I would have loved for them to be endgame. However, what grates me is that when I see people talking about Lane "deserving better," it's usually about Dave vs Zach. When Lane actually deserved better as a WHOLE and not only in terms of love interests. I always thought it made more sense for her to end up alone at the end of the og series. Because Lane was a person who craved independence and she was not going to get that while tied to some guy (even if that guy is boyfriend extraordinaire, Dave Rygalski). It's even worse when we see that Lane is the only female character on the show to be treated this way. Rory rejects marriage for her career while Lane ends up with marriage as her storyline. Lorelai and Luke get back together but their relationship is still left open ended, though arguably it would've made more sense if they got married when Lane and Zach did. Paris gets into Harvard Medical school and gets a great relationship, similarly Sookie gets the family she wanted and continues to be amazing at her job. But Lane... god Lane is the only one without an open ending, without any space for speculation of where her life might lead her. Not only did they marry her off, they also gave her a terrible first time and twins, effectively locking her to Stars Hollow. The show even cut down all hope of her being a rock n roll mom as one of her S7 storylines is choosing the kids over going on tour with Zach. She doesn't get to be her own person for more than ONE season; she's stuck with being a daughter and then a wife and then a mother.

Something else that angers me about Lane's storyline is that we never really get to see how badly her relationship with her mom affects her. Don't get me wrong, I adore Mrs Kim's redemption arc and I think it was beautifully juxtaposed to Lorelai and Rory's crumbling relationship, but having a mother like that is hard. Not only did Lane have to hide 90% of her personality from Mrs Kim but she also lived with the fact that one day she might have to choose between her dreams and her mother. In the end, Mrs Kim makes that choice for her and deals with it by kicking Lane out in S4, and yet we never really see how that negatively affects Lane. Hell, Jess acts like a broody teen for two seasons, Rory wastes six months of her life away at the DAR and they both come out of it successfully. Lane gets kicked out, figures out her own living conditions, gets a job, works insanely hard for her band and... ends up having to give her dreams up completely.

Lane and Paris shared a lot of similarities too, even if they both had different friendships with Rory. They both came from terrible families and looked to Lorelai as a mother figure, they both cared deeply for Rory, and they were both incredibly passionate about their careers. Paris made calendars and flashcards and went crazy studying for both pre med and pre law. Lane was a walking, talking music encyclopaedia, she bought CDs obsessively and organised them by genre under her floorboards, she taught herself to play the drums and then found a band to play for. And yet... only Paris becomes successful in the end, whereas Lane takes over Kim's antiques. Lane was still a musician in AYITL and she can be rock n roll even with kids but this is all hypothetical and we never see it on the show.

There is a lot of terrible, lazy writing on the show and a lot of characters get ruined because of it but with Lane, her character stays the same, they just ruin everything else for her. I think she'll be an amazing mom and will probably make her best out of doing music casually. But the writers also took something so special and destroyed it just because Lane stopped being as important to the plot as she was in seasons 1-3. Lane and Rory drifting a little after Rory leaves for Yale makes perfect sense, that's just how relationships are, always changing. And yet as Lane's importance to Rory decreased so did her importance to the writers.

Lane wasn't the kind of character that needed character development or a redeeming character arc- she was never a bad person and nothing about her had to be fixed, unlike Jess or even Paris. All she really needed was for her dreams to come true because for the first 4 seasons her dreams were the biggest fixture of her personality. Like how Jess needed to overcome his trauma and Rory needed to figure out where she fit in and Paris needed to become a girlboss, Lane needed to realise her dreams because that's where her arc was leading her. But it just didn't happen. Instead, Lane becomes 2-dimensional; a large part of her screentime is taken up by Zach problems, her dreams fall flat and she becomes tied to Stars Hollow for the rest of her life. Not to mention we see less of Lane in favour of Logan and the dickhead posse.

This is not me hating on all the other characters I've mentioned in this meta, I'm just pointing out the lack of respect the writers have for Lane in comparison to all these other people who fulfilled the role they were made for. Why would you write Lane to have all these dreams and make her struggle so hard for 4 seasons just to smash them to pieces? And why is it that one of the only POC characters on this show is treated like this?

And you can't tell me the writers didn't know what they were doing, not when this is a direct quote from Lane in S7:

"It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person."

[silverylion]

Can we talk about Lance for a bit ?

There is something that really bothers me in season 8. I mean everyone is kind of still recovering but I feel like I need to say it anyway.

They chose to heavily feature Allurance from episode one cause they planned to kill Allura. It's a fact. As much as I don't ship it, they make a really cute couple with adorable scenes that made me smile and support them and I could have got over my disappointment regarding who I wanted to end up with Lance if only Lance had shown a bit of happiness by being with her.

No manner how we look at it, he isn't happy ! Why is that ? He finally got what he always wanted so why did they depicted him like that ? I really don't understand and that's what makes me so angry about all of this.

He doesn't seem like someone in love who finally got the girl! He seems hurt! Why is that ??

I'm ready to ignore the messy plotline of this season, the inconsistencies and everything that is wrong because overall, what I really care about is Lance as a character.

He means a lot to me because he is so different from the characters we normally meet in this kind of stories. He began as an annoyingly flirty boy who was desperately searching for glory to calm the insecurities he only show to few people. He was talented but needed someone else to acknowledge it to fully realize it himself. He was defined by his loudness and his love for love. He was looking for validation and a special person who would love him as profoundly as he love others. He had big dreams, big expectations, a bright future ahead of him. He wasn't overly masculine, liked being pretty and throw terrible pick up lines. He was funny, adorable I fell for him as much as I identified with (even if we are so different). He wasn't perfect, far from it, but it's also why I love him.

For many - including me - he was also representation. Not only for another kind of complex character but also by being Cuban and supposedly bisexual, something that seemed to be heavily implied so many times but I won't even talk about it.

During the series he has grown to be more self assured through the missions he accomplished with his friends, the people he met but most importantly Keith who trusted him and relied on his abilities, which definitely shown him his worth. I'm not even gonna talk about Klance as romantic. Keith is an important person for Lance's character, a friend he needed by his side along the way and that still was there for him in season 8. Which is really great, by the way.

I'm not gonna talk about the 'first choice' thing or the 'someone he needs, not someone he wants' or even the 'endgame' aspect of his romance. But yeah, that was all lies.

On this photo, Allura seems calm and happy, she seems like she can finally see a future with Lance and it's great. What is not so great, though ? When I saw this particular part in the episode, I stopped and watched Lance's face for about 5 minutes to try to understand. I don't see a happy boyfriend, here. I see a guy kind of unsure of what he is doing. I see a guy who doesn't know if what he is having is for real or even if it's what he really wants. He seems quite uncomfortable, tensed. It's maybe just a projection on my part but I genuinely cant see happiness here no matter how long I look at it. But maybe I'm really biased and don't see what actually is, you tell me.

Throughout the season, he was here to support Allura on her journey and it's great, but I would have wanted her to reciprocate it in a way or another. It's what Lance always needed and he didn't got it.

And in the end, he cried. I feel like he never really believed that this relationship would stick, that for whatever reason, they would end up parting paths. And the crew chose to kill her... In all honesty, Allura is not a character I really care about. I thought nothing about her in s1 and in s2, I started disliking her with what happened with Keith. But even thought I don't really care for her, making her die ? For seemingly no reason ? It's tough. And once again, I'm not even talking about how they killed representation or how people in the fandom can feel crushed by that, betrayed, even. I'm only remaining on Lance's side.

He never really had someone to reciprocate his love, something confirmed by his mom. He fell for Allura, casually at first, really hard when the series continued. What he feels for her is genuinely profound and I really liked that he confessed to her but even then... why did he seemed so sad ?

Just look at him !

He probably never loved anyone as much as he loved her. He sees a lot in her but he never felt like he was on equal ground with her. She is an awesome gorgeous space princess. He is just a boy from Cuba. (An awesome funny adorable space ranger but what do I know...). He never felt like he had a chance or deserved her affection. What about that ? It wasn't mentioned even once and I think that this is the reason of his constant sad face while he confesses, while he kisses her, while he conforts her...

I just don't understand and it makes me sad to see him like that. I know, he is just a character, I know this is just a cartoon, I know this just a kid show. But seeing a character you so much love becoming this sad guy that only support without reciprocation, this guy that loved love and is betrayed by it ? I just can't feel anything else but anger and disappointment for the wasted potential.

He ended up losing the woman he loved. The only person who seemed to reciprocate his feelings and because of that I think that he will always be a little more cautious about it because he has always been disappointed. He shot for the stars and fell hard. I fell hard with him. And as someone that feel that love will never go both ways, it just makes me even more bitter about this.

About the altean markings I don't know what to think. Some people think Allura turned him altean, others think she just left him something to remember her by. In both cases, this is wrong.

If the first theory is true, then what? What does that mean beside the ridiculous impossibility to change race? Did she make him altean to 'level him up' from his human status because he wasn't a match for her? Because altean are so much better? Because there was no need for that! Alteans are not all dead so why? For all I know, it wasn't to make royalty knowing that he ended up farmer so... once again, why?

If the second theory is true, well... That's even worst. She wants him to remember her ? I think he has enough around him for that, the status, the commemorations, the legend that will follow her, stories, his friends that gather to talk about her and how they miss her and what she meant for them... Giving him this will only prevent him from moving on. And it's harsh. I personally think that he should have moved on a long time ago. She never loved him, she was annoyed by his flirty attitude, by his simple presence sometimes. He should have seen that blatant rejection and accepted that yeah, he wants her but cannot have her. Romantic love wasn't something she cared about for so long. And then she fell for Lotor who betrayed her. And I think she honestly still doesn't care about Lance this way.

I think Allura didn't fell in love with Lance. She was heartbroken because of Lotor, because of the altean, because of the crown she lost, because she saw everyone with families while she lost hers. I think Allura just wanted someone that would take care of her and lift her burden with her. Just someone that would remind her that she is not alone in the universe, a distraction from the pain she was feeling. Someone that would ground her to prevent her from losing hope. He was easy, he loved her, she just accepted it not reciprocated it.

I see this like that because there was no real build up for their relationship. It wasn't a slow burn. It wasn't even reciprocal. She was sad that Lance felt so strongly about her and accepted their relationship for her own balance and because she didn't want to see her friend so sad. It didn't solve the problem for him though. Plus when the vision of Lotor, her ex boyfriend, told her to go get the creature thing she did but when Lance, her current (well past cause well, she's dead) boyfriend told her not to because it was dangerous and he cared to much for her safety, she didn't listen to him... Great. That's love folks.

I really could have fell for their story but seeing Lance so sad, so taken advantage of... He was so dull, no charisma, no joke, no stupid lines, nothing. He wasn't himself. He wasn't the Lance we saw grow during six to seven seasons. He wasn't the hero, second in command, courageous sharpshooter we all know.

And the sword ? Was it to foreshadow his future encounter with Alfor and Allura giving him blue markings ? Well, that was unnecessary. They could have done that without making people think that something more exciting would happen, that he would actually use the sword.

And the game show ? If they were to be together why the fuck didn't Lance chose her ? Why the fuck didn't she chose him ?... Well, she didn't because she didn't love him more than she loved the other Paladins. But why Lance didn't? Why make Lance and Keith chose each other? If they didn't want to involve them in any romantic kind of situation (they totally failed), they could at least have made them hug. And an emotional scene to express how much they care for each other to justify being worth choosing the other over anyone else to leave and not spend eternity in the game show. Keith was there for Lance and Lance was too obsessed with Allura to even ask about him. Great, even in a totally no homo friends kind of look it was badly handled.

Can someone explain to me the reason of the sunset setting ? Or why Lance freaked out when Veronica asked him to "put in a good word for her" with Keith ? They are friends, now, there was no allusion to their past rivalry. There was therefore no need for that kind of reaction.

He didn't save Shiro, for absolutely nothing. They never talked about it again. They never gave him the opportunity to make up for how bad he felt about that. He didn't event get a conversation with Shiro. They never gave a closure to Lance's arc.

Why do I feel like they did all that to make everyone pay for the shippers that made the toxic reputation of this fandom ? Why do I feel like the writers hate Lance ? Why do I feel like they totally baited us ?

The guy so in love with the idea of love ended up a lonely farmer. That's a great message for kids : don't even think that life will live up to your expectations no matter how hard you work for it. Don't even think that you can find any kind of fulfillment in your life, neither in love nor career.

I've never been in a fandom while a series was still going but I engaged in the Voltron fandom. I discovered it quite late but fell hard for it, it brought me so much happiness, so much hope ! I will never do it again because I'm not sure that the sadness and disappointment I feel right now are worth it. I will never be mad at the theorists and meta writers, they are good people who saw the extraordinary potential of Voltron, they probably feel worse to have spent so much time and energy picking up clues that definitely existed and only served to bait us.

In conclusion, everything Lance did this season was in a way or another related to Allura, as if he forgot he was someone of himself. As if the writers forgot who this character was. And it's painful.

At least there are still the beautiful fan art and fanfictions that really make him justice.

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

Everyone's terrible: Halt and Catch Fire 4x08.

Because it's determined to be the most maddening show of all time, of course Halt's penultimate episode is going to maybe be the best episode of the season and easily one of the best of the series. I've spent this entire season getting more and more frustrated and distracted by the show's construction, and as such feeling more and more ready for it to end its run. So naturally, the next to last one is the only episode of the season that not only didn't have a bunch of stuff in it that upset and annoyed me, but that also reminded me why I fell so hard for Halt in the first place, and why I'll miss it so badly. WHY?

"Goodwill" is a really remarkable hour of television about a necessary and draining chore that we mostly try not to think about ever having to do. It feels like it should be uncomfortable, but it's surprisingly easy to watch, and I think it's the first episode all season that I'm truly looking forward to watching again? There's a lot to talk about, and it seems like no matter how much my Halt geek friends talk about it, we still want to talk/cry about it more. So, put on some Dire Straits, grab some extra boxes and plastic bags, and lets see if we can finally sort and pack up what went on in this episode. Literally nothing but spoilers for Halt and Catch Fire 4x08 below.

For me, there were a few different key, big deal things that really stood out to me about this episode. All of them are more than worthy of their own full-length post, but I'll address them here as succinctly as I can:

The Flashback scenes. I probably literally will not be able to list all the reasons why the early scenes from Donna and Gordon's marriage worked for me, but I'll try. They bring a different, more vibrant drama to what otherwise would've been a relatively quiet, elegiac hour of tv, which is amazing considering that we knew Gordon would return to Donna and Joanie. The flashbacks force us to remember that Gordon wasn't a great husband, and that he and Donna had real problems, and their argument is such a fitting prequel to season 1. Gordon is characteristically, annoyingly, and depressingly right about why they absolutely should not move back to Texas or let Donna's parents any further into their marriage! But Donna is just as right about why they, or really she, needs more help. To me, that's the most effective and striking thing about the flashbacks: the heartbreaking contrast between Donna and Gordon in 1976, and Donna in 1994. In 1994, Donna seems so alone without Gordon, but she has help, she and her girls has some kind of support. In 1976, she had Gordon, but they didn't have anyone else, and it's presumably why they cut their losses and moved back to Dallas. Gordon's return and recommittment to Donna is so well done that it takes no effort to imagine Donna shortly thereafter making a sort of inverse of the list of demands she made in 2x10, and also the first version of her 'you partner with me in this family' speech from the pilot: we move to Dallas, we let my parents help, we let them buy us a house, that is how we stick together. In her defense, it's also very easy to imagine Donna's mother nudging her into making said demands. The whole thing is a beautiful and miserable depiction of two people who were never going to make it work, for so many reasons, but who tried so, SO fucking hard.

The grief. It isn't surprising to me that Halt got this so right, and I'm glad that they spent nearly an entire episode on going through Gordon's things, because in this garbage c*pitalist, anti-feelings society we don't get to talk about that process or how difficult it is anywhere near enough. Everyone is in a sort of fog, feeling sad and overwhelmed and numb at the same time, and just trying to get through it, because what else can you do? There's always at least one person who is angry and who copes by picking fights and being 'overly' honest about how things really were, like Joanie. And there's always at least one person who can't seem to find any chill or numbness, who is jumpy and freaked out and who struggles and makes 'too' big a deal about everything, like J*e does in this hour. But everyone is there, and they're all grappling with the same thing, this sudden hole in their life that they can't patch. The loss means something different to everyone there, but everyone knows it's a loss shared by the entire group. They spend the day working together to clean out Gordon's house, some of them retrieving their own things, some of them preparing the deceased's things for their next destination. They grapple with the brevity, loneliness, and fragility of their own lives, and they talk about Gordon, and they laugh and then they cry. And then eventually, they all sit down together, exhausted, and they eat together at Gordon's dining room table. Because again, what else can you do?

The CamDonna. So, to be real: I don't think it was necessary to make us wait all the way until the next to last episode for Donna and Cameron's reconciliation, and no, I don't think that there's anything even remotely poignant about the brorunners torturing these two women characters and then hurting them more by taking one of their few friends away from both of them, just to put them back together for the finale. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's 'too little too late', but damn if it doesn't feel, in some ways, like so little, so freaking late. AT THE SAME TIME: if this is all the CamDonna reunion we're gonna get, at least it was good. It didn't track with my experiences with grief -- a death will deepen long-term personal rifts more often than it will magically heal them -- but it was still welcome and long overdue. Cameron goes out of her way to help Donna deal with Joanie, Donna finally tells Cameron that she finished Pilgrim and it quickly gets awkward when Donna tries to apologize for telling Cameron to stay out of her life, and then again when Donna talks about how good J*e is with her kids (……), but then they finally really talk when Donna performs the timeless Mom task of letting her know that dinner is ready. They bond over both their loss and how aggravating and demoralizing it is to be asked 'how are you doing' when you're in the middle of a life-altering trauma, and then over how that trauma changes your relationships. And yeah, it might feel a little bit prestige-y, but when Cameron and Donna talk about Gordon and how much they miss him, and what he meant to them, they're also talking about each other. You feel it the most at the end of their conversation, when Donna says she spent so much time telling Gordon everything he did wrong. They're finally in the same frame for the first time since early season 3, and they cry together, but when Cameron supplies a perfect and very in-character response, "He did a ton wrong," they finally laugh together. For a moment, you almost forget that they're talking about Donna's relationship with Gordon.

But there's the other thing. Um, not to be a douche but, did anyone else find themselves wondering, are we seriously all crying over Gordon, right now? That's not a question for viewers though, because of course we're responding to this glorious and cathartic piece of filmmaking by crying about Gordon, because that was the intended impact. No, this is a question for the showrunners: why Gordon, when he's actually been an incredibly unlikeable character for the whole goddamn series? Why, in season 4, does he suddenly become this beloved family man, and the character who connects everyone? (Yes, even this season, in which he still wasn't a great partner to Donna, and in which his personal life flourished while the showrunners put hers through a friggen meat grinder.) Why do Gordon (and also J*e…) get these huge, season-long redemptive arcs? While Cameron and Donna get nothing but like, suffering? Lol jk  DON'T answer, I KNOW why. (No, literally, don't answer, I don't need any of this explained to me, I'm good, thanks!) Again, it's not necessary or inherently poignant but if we had to put up with this storyline, well. At least it was executed impeccably, and we got a brilliant episode out of it, with great scenes with Donna, Cameron, Katie and the girls.

But now, we're down to the finale. We've got two hours of show left, in which anything and everything can happen, dog help us. Gordon's story has come to an end, and that's sort of what the last scene is about, right? He went over the cliff and he went all in, and he lived his life, mostly with Donna. Prayer circle that the rest of our characters will get a generous conclusion to their stories!