#and i am not good at photo editing but im trying to get better

[n0thingbutlov3]

need you now

in which an impulsive voicemail leads to some secrets being spilled.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader. warnings/tags: angst (sorry i’m incapable of being nice lol) hurt/comfort tho!! lil bit of fluff too because i AM capable of being nice, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism (i’m literally just a girl…) spencer and reader are broken up :( but they’re still sooo in love and it’s soo obvious so it’s fine!! (also it kind of gets fixed at the end-ish. you’ll see *evil smirk*) reader cries a lot (real) spencer is a cutie (as always) spencer and reader sleep together…no like literally, not in a funny business way, some swearing, no use of y/n!!! wc: 3k a/n: hihihi!! so this is my first fan fiction i’ve wrote and completed ever (gulp) it’s also my first time publishing one (gulp) my writing could definitely be better and so could my grammar tbh but i HOPE if you choose to read you’ll enjoy…feedback is always appreciated (plsplspls) also like requests?? if anyone’s into that—id love to write more but inspo is difficult sometimes. if there’s any spelling mistakes im sorry, eye am very tired!! it’s 5am *eye twitching* okay i’m going to sleep, gootbye IF U SAW ME EDITING THIS 5 TIMES NO U DIDNT (i’m bad at tumblr ok..)

“Hi. This is Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m not available right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can…”

His tinny voice cut off to make way for the signature beep of the beginning of a voicemail recording.

You could hang up now—you should hang up now, save yourself some dignity and go drown your sorrows in alcohol like a normal person instead of calling your ex-boyfriend.

You should, but your mouth was opening before your finger could reach the hang-up button, and…and it was a losing battle from the moment you clicked on Spencer’s icon.

“Uh—hi, it’s…it’s me.” You huffed out a sad laugh.

“So, um, I…I tried calling, but you didn’t answer so…” The static buzz of silence hummed through your ear, just inches from where you held your phone with a shaky grip. “maybe you’re on a case or out with friends, or someone else—“ You let the implication hang in the air—the thought of Spencer potentially being in a relationship bringing a lump to your throat.

You swallowed it down.

“I just…I just had an unbelievably shitty day, Spence.” You sniffed, wiping the moisture that had escaped from your eye with your sweater sleeve. “I know you’ve never read A Series of Unfortunate Events but I think I’d give those kids a run for their money.” You tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob.

You inhaled shakily, trying to collect yourself and remember why on earth you thought it would be a good idea to call Spencer when you’d been broken up for months. Hell, you hadn’t heard from him at all since you had parted ways—except from the odd text about returning each others’ things. It was obvious he had moved on, and here you were, filling up his voicemail with blubbering messages and making references to adolescent books.

“God, sorry about this.” You breathed out a watery chuckle. “I just…didn’t want to be alone, I guess. But that’s-um-not your problem anymore, so I’m—I’m sorry. Have a nice night.” Your voice cracked and you hung up before you could start weeping down the line. You didn’t need to look even more pathetic.

You pulled your phone away from your ear, looking down at his contact photo through blurred vision. He was smiling—not the tight, closed lip smile he gave other people, but a full, bright smile that had his dimples showing. One of your hands was wrapped loosely around his neck and the other was holding your phone just far enough away to capture both of your smiles. Your head was rested on top of his shoulder, tilted just slightly to the left so your temple was brushing against his.

It felt like looking at a vintage photograph—you knew those people and their happiness existed at some point in time, but it wasn’t tangible; you couldn’t verify it was real.

When you were with Spencer, you never doubted how real it was. All you had to was look at him across the room and he’d flash you a smile identical to the one in that photo and you’d just…know.

It felt like forever ago now that you’d been on the receiving end of that grin and it killed you. So much so that before you could consider the repercussions, you were trudging through to your kitchen and grabbing the bottle of whiskey that sat unopened in your cabinet. It had been a present—from Rossi, actually. When Spencer had first introduced you to the team, the older man had given it to you as something of a welcome gift. Of course, he couldn’t have known you weren’t much of a drinker, and since you wanted to make a good impression (and because you were sure it had cost more than all the alcohol you had consumed in your life combined) you accepted it—deciding to save it for a rainy day.

You think this qualified.

You grabbed the bottle, a glass, and padded back through to your living room, slumping onto your couch. You filled your glass up a little less than halfway before gulping it down, enjoying the burn in your throat—it was better than the constant thickness.

You poured yourself another glass before turning on the TV. You weren’t sure what was playing—it didn’t really matter anyway, your vision was already being obscured by tears again.

You thought the pounding was in your head at first—serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Only, it wasn’t, because moments later the pounding subsided and instead, your apartment door was opening, casting your pitch-black living room in a yellow glow which temporarily blinded you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your mind hazy—again, serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Someone was calling your name, but there was too much sensory input for you to make out who.

You certainly hoped it wasn’t a paramedic—maybe your neighbour had heard you sobbing for the last four hours and decided you needed a wellness check. Then there were hands on your face, and that had you flicking your eyes open, because you recognised those hands—impossibly soft, with a callus on his trigger finger being the only thing to mar them. Spencer.

“Spencer?” You slurred.

He sighed in exasperation (or relief) and tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“Are you alright? You weren’t answering your phone, I thought…” He trailed off, worry evident in his voice.

You sat up then, trying to compose yourself even though the room was spinning. Fucking whiskey. You rubbed your eyes haphazardly, blinking until you could finally see.

You should’ve stayed bleary-eyed. Because nothing could prepare you for the way your breath hitched when you finally saw him. After months of not seeing each other, Spencer was here, sitting on your couch, and he was looking at you like you were something fragile, and—God, you needed another drink. You turned away from him, reaching for the neck of the bottle as you spoke.

“I’m fine.”

Before you could lift it up, Spencer gently pried your hand away from the bottle with his own, and then slid it across the coffee table with his other.

“You’re drunk. No more of that, please.” His tone wasn’t unkind, but he left no room to argue. You probably would’ve objected anyway, if it weren’t for the way he kept his hand clasped around yours, rubbing soothing circles into your pulse point almost absentmindedly.

You glanced up to him—to stop yourself from staring at your hand in his and how natural it felt, more than anything—but that proved to be a mistake too, because he looked just as beautiful as thirty seconds prior and it felt just as natural for him to be sitting next to you on your sofa, but it wasn’t natural anymore.

“How did you get in?”

“My key.”

“Oh.”

Right. The key that he still had because you refused to meet up with him to let him return it. He tried for weeks to contact you, but you ignored him, because getting the key back meant things were finally over. You supposed he could return it now—maybe that’s why he came in the first place.

“Why did you come?” You asked, your voice impossibly small.

“You called.” He replied—as though he was talking about something as simple as the weather. You call and I come.

You searched in his eyes for any sign of a lie, but of course, there was none. He was being completely genuine—as always. You were the awful ex-girlfriend who left concerning voicemails on his phone and had him travelling to your apartment in the middle of the night only for him to look completely okay with the situation—like there was nothing he’d rather be doing than making sure you were safe.

You couldn’t help the way tears sprung to your eyes or your lip began to tremble as you lolled your head back onto the couch, pulling your gaze away from his.

“Angel, what’s wrong?”

You liked to consider yourself to be a strong person. You had been through things in your life that were objectively worse than your breakup with Spencer, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the way he had let one of his many (past) petnames for you slip had your throat tightening and you ducked your head into your one hand—the other still seized by Spencer’s—to try and muffle a sob.

“Hey,” He trailed his hand that was wrapped around yours up your arm, all the way to your shoulder blade before lightly guiding you towards him. You don’t have enough energy in you to fight his magnetic pull, so you shuffle over until you can bury your head into his shirt. You inhale his scent; vanilla, neroli, and so him it makes you ache.

Stopping your tears is futile—you’d know, they’d barely ceased all night—so you just let them fall, seeping into Spencer’s tie as he rubs one hand softly up and down your back, the other cradling the crown of your head.

His breathing is quiet and slow—the exact opposite of yours—and you try to imitate it—forcing air into your lungs. When your sobbing has turned to shaky breathing and the occasional sniffle, he speaks up.

“Do you want to talk?”

Talk about what? About what had happened today—what had led you to calling him? Talk about how for the last few months, he had been the only person you had wanted to call?

“No.” You hated how pitiful you sounded.

“Okay.”

Spencer didn’t say anything else for a minute—your synchronised breathing being the only thing to stop the room from falling into dead silence.

“You need to rehydrate.” He murmured, smoothing down your hair.

You hummed into him, in no hurry to unwrap yourself from his body. You probably wouldn’t get to be this close to him again, after all.

He moved both of his hands to your biceps, pulling you back slightly so you could look at him. He knitted his brows together in a silent plea which had you rolling your eyes petulantly, your lashes still damp from tears.

“Fine.” You peeled yourself off of him, pushing yourself into a standing position. Horrible mistake. You were still incredibly drunk, turns out, and everything was spinning a little bit and come to think of it, you were also nauseous and—

“Careful, lovely.” Spencer placed his hand firmly on the small of your back, keeping you upright.

and—actually, you were fine now.

He stood too, moving his hand just slightly over to your waist so he could guide you to the kitchen. When he knew you could stand upright—even if you were relying mostly on the counter behind you—he grabbed a glass from your cabinet, moving around effortlessly to pour you some water. The sight was so domestic you almost wanted to cry again. Maybe in some alternate timeline, where you and him could’ve worked, this would be an every day thing—minus the drunk sobbing part, of course.

He handed you the glass of water, watching as you took a few sips. He raised an eyebrow, nodding his head slowly.

“Whole thing, please.”

You let out an exasperated (affectionate) sigh and gulped the rest of it down, setting it on the counter behind you.

“Happy?”

“Very.”

You smirked, trailing your gaze down his body. He was still in his work clothes which, at the very least, meant he wasn’t on a date before he came here. He always changed before dates—well, for you, anyway. You wondered if he had been on any dates since the breakup—you certainly hadn’t. It had been long enough now that it wouldn’t be weird for you to start seeing other people—but you didn’t want to. You weren’t sure you’d ever want to, to be completely honest.

The more you thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed stupid. You didn’t want anyone else, you wanted Spencer. You had tried to get over him but if tonight was any indication—it clearly wasn’t working. You can’t even remember why you broke up in the first place—it all seemed so insignificant now. No amount of pain you had ever experienced in your relationship had come close to that of living without him.

You met his eyes once more and it was like he could see the question brewing. He tried to stop you, calling your name in a quiet warning, but you ignored him.

“Why did we break up?”

He frowned, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue in that maddening way he did.

“I—you know why—“

“No, but I don’t! I know things were difficult sometimes but that doesn’t mean it didn’t work. It worked—we worked.” Your eyes were stinging again.

Spencer pressed his index and middle finger into his eye, furrowing his brows.

“I know, I know we worked, angel—but you were sad all the time, remember? I was gone so often and it wasn’t good for you.” His true emotions were indecipherable but his tone was soft, and you wished you could be as calm about this as him. Did he just not care as much as you did?

“But It’s—It’s worse now—“ You choked out, tears falling freely now. “I was sad when you were gone, but you always came back—you don’t come back anymore.”

Spencer removed his hand from his face, flexing it at his side like he was uncertain what to do with himself before taking a stride towards you. He brought a hand to your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes delicately—like you were made of porcelain.

“Listen, sweetheart—alcohol affects your ability to regulate your emotions and I know right now it might feel worse but that doesn’t mean it always—“

“Spencer, stop! It’s not the fucking alcohol, I miss you! I miss you all of the time! Even—even when I’m having a good day—I still want you—and especially when I—when I have a bad day—“ You choked out through heaving breaths.

“Breathe.” He urges, cupping your cheek. And you’re so, so angry, and sad, and tired that you have no choice but to shut up and listen to him. When you’ve adequately calmed down, he moves his hand to your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him.

“I don’t think we should talk about this tonight but I—“ You open your mouth to protest.

“I promise we can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober—if you still want to.”

Your lip trembles of its own volition and you frown.

“Of course I want to.”

“Okay,”

“Okay.”

He gives your eyes a final wipe before he’s—rather unexpectedly—pulling you into a hug. You all but melt into him, your head finding its home in his sternum and your arms wrapping around his middle. He tilts his head down, kissing the top of your head—and you’re certain you can’t let this go again. You will chain him down before Spencer leaves this apartment again.

Everything is wordless from there—mostly because you’re so, so exhausted that even talking seems like too difficult a task. Spencer helps you find something more comfortable to change into and you pull out an old t-shirt of his and a pair of plaid pyjama pants you had kept here for him. I guess your keeping them ‘just in case you needed them in the future’ had come in handy, after all.

As you washed your face, Spencer snuck through to the kitchen, refilling your water and grabbing two aspirin in a not-so-subtle attempt to help the inevitable hangover you were going to have in the morning.

You caught him placing them on your bedside table and mock gasped.

“Trying to drug me in my sleep so you can make a run for it in the night?”

He grinned lazily—exhaustion creeping up on him as well.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You smiled, flopping yourself onto your bed rather ungraciously. Spencer looked at you like you were something fascinating before biting his lip, clearly deep in thought.

“What?” You let out a self-effacing little chuckle.

“I was just…wondering…if you’d like me to sleep on the couch?”

You probably should’ve been more careful in your facial expressions considering you were still broken up but your thoughts about that offer were obvious.

“No, stay.” Stay in your bed, in your apartment—stay anywhere that was close to you.

Maybe you were coming on a little too strong.

“Unless you want to, I mean—“

“No, no—I’ll stay.” Forever, preferably.

He walked around to the other side of your bed—as he had done so many times before—and sat down, pulling the covers over his legs. You mirrored his movements before flicking your bedside lamp out, turning to face him.

You were a little thankful you were so out of it, because this had the potential to be very awkward otherwise. Spencer shuffled down so that he was at eye level with you, turning to face you as well.

You just stared for a moment, committing him to memory. The moonlight had a way of highlighting all the high points of his face, and the twinkle in his eyes, and—God, you were so glad the moon existed and that Spencer was in your bed that you couldn’t help but giggle.

“What?” Spencer laughed along with you, even though he had no idea what was so funny.

“Nothing. You’re pretty.”

“You’re drunk. Go to sleep.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Why?”

“Scared you’ll be gone when I wake up—like I made it all up.”

Spencer’s smile faded then, and he looked at you with something that seemed so much like the one thing you had been willing yourself to stop doing the whole time that you’d been broken up, that it almost took your breath away.

“I won’t. I promised, didn’t I?”

You nodded.

“So there’s nothing to worry about. Now get some sleep, lovely.”

You smiled, feeling Spencer’s hand inching towards yours. He intertwined them and gave yours a squeeze.

“Just in case you make a run for it in the night.”

You chuckled, your eyelids fluttering shut. Yeah, you could make it work.

part two!

[landososcar]

packing it up ; LN4

— pairing(s) ; college hockey player!lando x figure skater!reader

— summary; in which lando's transfer to a new school not only brings him a new team, classes, and friends, but a girl who will change his life forever.

— warnings; not edited, i'm not american, im also not a figure skater so there's probs plenty of inaccuracies lolll

chapter one — prev … next

⸝⸝ ʚ 𖥔❆ ! ⌗ °•˚❆ ˖⋆*ೃ ༄

“did you hear about the new hockey guy getting transferred? oscar was saying he’s like the best college player in the country” lily and i never really talked about hockey unless her boyfriend and his friends were around, yet here we are. the mention of the sport easily piqued my interest and my eyebrows raised as i wiped down the bench-top that separated my best friend and i.

“why would the best in the country get transferred here… of all places?” my question sounded like a dig at our schools team, and whilst that may have been my underlying intention, it was true. our school hadn’t won anything to do with team sports in decades, and we weren’t about to start winning again anytime soon.

she pulled her phone out of her pocket whilst muttering something about showing me the new guy because he’s starting when break finishes. “i don’t understand — why’s this so last minute? school goes back in three days?”.

she shook her head at my question before explaining that “it’s not actually last minute, they’ve been planning the transfer for a couple months but oscar forgets to tell me important things like this”. it made sense but now i didn’t understand why this was considered important to lily.

the confused look on my face must have prompted her to continue talking because she gasped and squealed “oh! i didn’t tell you - he’s gonna be oscar’s new roommate! the two boys have already planned to go out for dinner the first night after his transfer so they can get to know each other a little better” as the words were leaving her mouth she turned her phone towards me.

the screen was lit up by an instagram account and before i got a proper look, lily stated: “his name is lando! he’s cute isn’t he?”. my hands grabbed her phone to focus more on the photos he’s posted — many hockey related, but more importantly, a couple of shirtless ones.

lily calling him cute was an understatement; i’m pretty sure that he’s the most beautiful man i’ve ever seen in my life. i shook myself out of the trans i was in — yes he’s adorable, but lily would never let me live this down. lily can’t know how cute i think this man i’ve never met is. lily can’t know that i want to steal her boyfriend’s new room mate.

but i either overestimated my ability to hide the growing crush or i underestimated my best friend’s ability to see straight through me. she squealed! she actually squealed and gasped and pointed her manicured finger at me — simultaneously! “oh i am so setting you two up, you think he’s fine- oh my god i need to tell oscar he will definitely help me set yo-“.

“you are not telling oscar a thing!!” i whisper shouted, although it seemed pointless as the few left over people in the cafe had already given us harsh looks due to lily’s squealing after her ‘groundbreaking discovery’. if oscar knew, he’d tell lando, and i would never be able to come face-to-face with the new boy if he knew.

lily scoffed at my objection but i kept talking before she was able to try and make up a story about why telling her boyfriend would be a good idea, “as if lando would even car. he doesn’t know who i am and he’s the best college hockey player in the country so he definitely wouldn’t care about me when there’s probably thousands of girls begging for his attention.”

the eyes staring into my soul narrowed and i could tell she wasn’t happy with something that i said. “okay, but you’re different,” she continued before i could argue about how insane she sounded, “firstly, you’re the hottest girl in the countr— do not shake your head at me, i will slap you— secondly, i don’t care if he’s got hundreds of girls begging for him because he obviously doesn’t care about them-“

“so why would he care about me?-“

“thirdly, i have something those girls do not— my boyfriend, aka, an in!”

“you’re insane”

“and you’re coming to dinner with us tomorrow night after he has moved his stuff into oscar’s room!” the legs of her chair were scraping against the floor and before i could protest, the girl was flying out the door of my workplace, “i love you!”

she had to be kidding. i couldn’t go to dinner with him, i can already see me making an absolute fool out of myself.

⸝⸝ ʚ 𖥔❆ ! ⌗ °•˚❆ ˖⋆*ೃ ༄

it was hard to focus on the way my skates slid along the ice when all i could think about was this dinner i was being dragged to. i don’t know where we’re going and therefore, don’t know what to wear, not to mention i have to face oscar when i was absolutely certain lily had told him every detail of our conversation from yesterday. normally, skating helps distract me but it wasn’t helping at all today.

my attention was grabbed however, when the bulky doors to the school’s skating arena clicked open. i spun and turned to look at who walked in but heard his voice before i could see him.

“i figured i’d find you in here” jax, my skating partner’s voice echoed around the mostly empty building.

jax and i have been skating together since we started middle school. eventually, he got a scholarship for silverbrook university and we decided i had to do everything i could to join him at our now shared school. if i hadn’t gotten into silverbrook, jax and i would have had to find new skating partners, which would have basically resulted in us starting from scratch with new people.

skating in pairs takes an awful lot of trust and chemistry — i need to be able to completely rely on jax’s ability to fling me in the air and catch me before i go crashing to the slippery surface beneath us. and i do, which is why jax and i are such a good skating duo.

and while i’d trust him to throw me ten feet into the air, i wouldn’t trust him with my lactose intolerance. that probably sounds stupid but jax and i know each other on the ice — if someone asked me what his middle name was, i wouldn’t be able to tell them.

i consider jax my friend but i don’t think i’d go out for dinner with him. “hey jax! are you coming for a skate?”

i noticed jax’s usual smile slightly falter and i could tell something was off. the boy was known around campus for the smile that practically never left his face — well, that and the fact he’s the best figure skater in the state. before i could ask him if something was wrong, he blurted out words that almost sent me ass up from where i was standing on the ice.

“i’m going solo — maria and i thought it would be good for me to step away from duo skating for the next season”.

saying i was upset that my skating partner and our coach was ditching me would be an understatement. but the worst part is that i heard the words ‘next season’ come out of his mouth. next season, as in the season that started with the school year. next season, as in the season that had competitions beginning in three weeks.

“you’re fucking with me, jax,” the thoughts racing through my mind made it impossible to say coherent sentences to the man in front of me. “jax, you’re ditching me and taking our coach! what the fuck am i supposed to do? am i supposed to just find a spare figure skating coach and partner off the street? you guys have completely fucked me over! i can’t believe this.”

the words poured out of my mouth before i could stop them and i couldn’t find it in myself to regret them. there was nothing i could do to save myself from the predicament that two of the people i trusted the most in this world had put me in.

i got off of the ice and put my blade guards on as quickly as possible before storming directly past him. i had to regulate my breathing so i didn’t have a panic attack right there in the locker rooms. i grabbed my phone out of my bag and went to message lily but stopped myself.

i couldn’t tell her how much of a hole i had been pushed into. especially not when she was probably at oscar’s house, helping the new star skater move in.

⸝⸝ ʚ 𖥔❆ ! ⌗ °•˚❆ ˖⋆*ೃ ༄

it should be made known that i have the tendency to be late to things, no matter their importance. so, when i texted lily that i was going to be a couple minutes late to dinner, her quick response of ‘okie dokie x’, showed that she expected nothing more from me.

as i stepped into the restaurant, my nerves tangled with the lingering emotions of the day. it felt like my confidence had been shattered on the ice earlier, but i plastered on a smile, determined not to let it show. my focus was on getting through dinner before begging lily to spend the night at our dorm rather than her boyfriend’s so we could debrief.

“look who’s finally here!” lily's voice rang out as her eyes found me, her smile as bright as ever. i smiled at her apologetically but her face didn’t show anything but a smile for even a split second.

i walked over, exchanging quick hugs with lily and oscar before turning to face lando. up close, he was even more attractive—his bright smile and confident posture radiated an easy charm. when he pulled me into a hug, his warmth caught me off guard.

“it’s so nice to meet you,” i said, my voice betraying a little of my nervousness.

as an overthinker, i’d spent all day worrying about how awkward this dinner was going to be but as his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into a hug, i’d never felt more comfortable meeting someone.

“yeah, you too!” he replied with a grin that seemed to light up his entire face. he smelled faintly of fresh cologne, and i scolded myself for noticing.

as we all sat down, the conversation flowed easily. lando fit seamlessly into the dynamic, his easy banter with oscar balancing out lily’s usual exuberance. i tried to relax, though my mind still wandered to the mess jax and maria had left me with.

“so, y/n,” oscar said as he passed me a menu, “lily and i were telling lando about your figure skating.”

at the mention of skating, i felt lily’s eyes snap toward me. my stomach twisted, but i forced a smile. “yeah, i’ve been skating for a while now.”

“she’s amazing,” lily cut in enthusiastically. “you should see her perform; she’s unreal.”

“wow,” lando said, looking genuinely interested. “what kind of skating do you do? like competitions?”

“pairs skating,” i replied, trying to keep my voice even. “competitions mostly. it’s... a lot of work.” i let out a breathy chuckle, trying to stop my voice from breaking – doing anything to stop myself from breaking down in front of my friends and the new boy i’ve just met. there was a pause as i took a sip of water, and i saw lily’s brows furrow slightly, sensing something was off.

oscar, oblivious to the uneasiness in my voice, nodded appreciatively. “lando you should come watch her next comp; lily and i go to as many as we can – you can join us!” lando nodded eagerly but stopped when lily cut her boyfriend off.

“–is everything okay, y/n/n?” she could tell something was off at the moment, and as much as i didn’t want to burden oscar and lando with my new skating drama, the way she asked made it impossible to brush off.

i hesitated, but under the weight of their collective stares, the words tumbled out. “jax decided to go solo. and maria’s going with him. he only just told me this morning.” i let out a heavy sigh and it was clear that neither of the boys knew what to say in the moment.

lily, however, refused to stay silent and gasped. “what? that’s insane! with the season starting so soon? what are you supposed to do?”

i shrugged, my gaze fixed on the table. “i don’t know. figure it out, i guess.”

“that’s a jerk move,” lando said, his voice tinged with anger. “to leave you hanging like that? who does that? especially with the season so close.” i sent him a grateful smile and he continued talking, “i’m assuming the season starts at the same time as the hockey season, yeah? that’s like three weeks away… what a dick move!”

i glanced at him, surprised by the intensity in his tone. his expression was sincere, his brows furrowed as if he genuinely cared. “thank you, lando,” i murmured, “it’s fine though, i’ll just have to make it work”.

“you’ll figure it out, y/n,” lily said, her voice firm. “you’re too good not to.”

i nodded, appreciative of her faith in me, though i couldn’t quite share it. the rest of the dinner passed in lighter conversation, but i couldn’t shake the warmth of lando’s defense or the nagging question of what i was supposed to do next.

lilyzneimer added to their story!

⸝⸝ ʚ 𖥔❆ ! ⌗ °•˚❆ ˖⋆*ೃ ༄

[silly-circus]

★SillyString’s story/background★

(Way long overdue lmao and long I’m so sorry guys, also made some edits because I wanted to word some things better)

I want to start off by saying she is me, me is she(Im not sure if I made it clear or not so apologies I’m kinda dumb🫰). I say “her” in my posts instead of “me” because idk it feels right since I make her look differently than I actually do. Even so, we share the same name and I do the clown look all the time when I go out to places that I get an excuse to🧍‍♂️so really it is just me but anyway,,, time to begin! This is my first time actually writing this out so I’m sorry if it’s formatted and explained terribly

First off, Silly String is my persona’s clown name. She came up with it herself, everything else was Pennywise’s idea. She was originally a human, and still looks like one and has the appetite of one(when she changed Pennywise assumed she would want to eat people. He was wrong.) She lived in texas(yee-honk) before moving to Maine literally because she thought “why not?” and ended up in good old Derry. Her life growing up wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best. She was always into odd and strange things, or things that most would find creepy(clowns. Love clowns. They’re so cool) so she was kinda outcasted from others at a young age but soon people learned to just let her live in peace which of course she was happy about. She did manage to make some friends, solidarity. After moving, she continued pursuing freelance photography and painting, but her full time job is as a barista in a local coffee shop(wow, how interesting💀).

The way that she met Pennywise was kinda stupid. All she was doing was taking photos of the local wildlife and next thing you know a kid is running by before she notices a fucking weird ass clown creature from hell charging straight towards her(she still snapped a photo before running). He does catch up to her and jumps her. How she managed to not get away, but the kid did, don’t ask me. She survived, her camera unfortunately did not(he gets her a new one eventually guys trust).

since then, they kept bumping into each other. He does try to kill her again but she kept managing to escape him(pissed him off more and more each time) but soon enough he starts to chill out and basically decides to learn more about her. The more she realized he was going to not continuously try eat her every time he visited she would start asking him questions about who he was as an entity and where he came from. It does start out as a weird friendship where he would mess with her at work or appear out of literally no where to hang around. He does start to enjoy her company and watching her do normal, human things since her doing it made it seem entertaining. After a while of slowly getting closer and closer they become loving parters yay(she was still human at this time).

Fast forward and they get “married” which they really call their “eternal binding.” Basically what it means is that she became a part of him. As in if he dies, she dies. She unfortunately didn’t gain any cool shape shifting and such, she just gets to live and thrive as long as he does. When it first happened she was having a hard time with it simply because she’s going to outlive everyone she knows and will continue to, but over time she made her peace with it and saw it as a privilege to watch the world change around her and of course stay with her beloved.

Also the year they met was set in the 1980s, or honestly it could be any time after that or something I don’t know yall get creative I’m just going with the flow.

That is it :) sorry again this is long, and I hope every one has a good day/night(it’s 3 am why do I do this to myself). I also hope you guys continue to follow along with me on their lover clown journey :D

AND- little sneak peek of an upcoming piece I’m working on for Mermay 😙

[aita-blorbos]

( 🍤 for tracking purposes. And this is a different POV from an earlier situation.)

Am I the jerk for confronting a shopkeeper over his scummy business practices?

Ugh. Can’t believe I’m doing this. But I’m hiding out from some monsters right now, and it’s better than doing nothing.

I (M, idk and idc. Young I guess?) used to be a part of this dumb kids show. I only participated because I was bored. Not because I wanted to teach kids or anything. Teaching lessons is so boring!!! Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. I had to work with my fellow toons and interact with kids and stuff. And I’m sure you can tell how I felt towards them all.

To tell you the truth, I actually liked it when people stopped showing up at our home, cuz’ then I didn’t have to be a part of the show anymore. The only problem was when toons started going crazy for no apparent reason. We called these guys Twisteds (this is relevant later.)

Out of all the toons, the one I probably dislike the most would be D (M, don’t care. 5 or 6?) D runs a supply shop which is all fun and dandy, but I noticed that he rarely had good stuff for sale. Just useless junk food and cheap trinkets.

It didn’t help that he only accepted VHS tapes. Those things are hard to get, man! And his prices were seriously inflated. After the umpteenth time of getting tapes just to find he had nothing good in stock, I knew something had to be done.

So as any rational toon would, I snuck into the back of D’s shop when he went on a scavenging mission. If he thinks he’s gonna get ME to work my butt off just to buy some junk he thought wrong! Anyways, I start ‘borrowing’ his extra tapes (he had boxes and boxes of the things!) when D shows up again.

He starts YELLING at me to drop the tapes, to which I said no. I told him that he was saving all of the good items for himself, and that his prices were unfair. I wish I could have taken a photo of his face!! The smug, proud D pushed off of his high horse. If I didn’t do it, then surely someone else would eventually.

Dangit. Going on a side tangent again. So I was messing with D, and he kept trying to snatch the tape out of my hand.

To further tease him (as “friends” do), I push a shelf, causing a big box to fall over. Surprise surprise, it’s full of tapes. But D stopped going after me at that point. He just. Froze. And kneeled down by the box of spilled tapes. As the others enter the room to see what the heck is going on, I’m briefly considering if what I did was too much.

That consideration was short lived, as D freaking twisted in front of our eyes!! Twisted? Twist-ified? I dunno!! But he turned into a monster, and beat the stuffing outta me!! This one girl and these twins who I tolerate (F, and both M. They’re both like 5) managed to calm D down, before another guy knocked him out. But not before me, and a few others, were seriously injured. Who knew an angry flower could pack such a punch?!

…I didn’t stick around much longer, especially when D started waking up. Everyone was glaring at me and refusing to even come near, so I knew I wasn’t welcome anymore. Fine by me. I never liked them anyways, and it didn’t help that they all took D’s side. I’ve been wandering the lower levels of our home in search of a place to stay, and now you’re all caught up. So am I really the jerk for messing with D in the first place? I still think he could have run his shop better.

Edit: quit asking what floor im on its not like im gonna tell you. Its also gotten hard to type so no nore edits

Edit 2: MY MOUGTH IS GON WHWRE IS MY MOUTH

[sweeeeeeeeeeets]

Prompt :

insert title for story

insert very short love story where at the end, the love interest dies a tragic death (like *insert love intrest name* was crushed by a truck taking a turn. {And then its over, like the stories done})

Warning/Facts (?) -> Names/Terms of endearment : babe, honey-boo (jokingly), 'my love' / Swearing (specifically the F word) used in a 'why do this?' type of way. / Sad story. / Short. / Is all in Mc (Sasha) pov.

Main Character (mc) -> Sasha Andrews

Love intrest -> Thomas Smith

Side Character -> Thomas Mother, slight mention of Sasha's parents.

Side note -> please dont be offended if you have those names, I just came up with 'em on the spot. And, the story isn't exactly like the prompt, I wrote that prompt like a month ago, and I decided to write this now. The prompt jas been in my drafts for awhile.

NONE OF THIS IS EDITED!

By continuing, you know what you are getting into.

Why didn't I say I love you?

'Why didn't I say I love you?' I thought, looking at the dozens of photos of me and my boyfriend. We had just gotten into such a big fight, and amist all that rage, I stormed out of the apartment. Im lucky my parents live by and have left my room alone. The anger has finally bubbled down, its been hours anyways. But....all I feel is guilt. Even when me and Thomas fight, we always say 'I love you' before we leave....he had yelled it, so why didn't I yell it back? Ugh, I can feel the lump in my throat, the growing urge to break down crying. Why didn't I just say it? Why was I so angry? He hasn't contacted me since, and I dont feel it is my place to contact him. Its been hours, maybe this is our last fight? No. Dont be silly, you love him, and he loves you. It's going to work itself out in the end. Dont worry.

Heh, dont worry, dont worry? Ive been repeating that silly line too myself for the past week, oh, how I miss the warmth of our sleepy cuddles, the small talks, the silent dinners in each others comforting presences. I miss him, my love, I miss how we would lay in bed, have silly banter, and just, cuddle till we couldn't hold our eyes open anymore, till our brains finally said thats enough. Oh, how I miss Thomas.

I finally broke down crying, its around 2 am, maybe I should text him? But, no. I cant, its not my place....but, he also deserves an apology. I type it up, hoping the paragraph was good, before realizing, a call would be better, Deleting the paragraph, my finger going up to hover over the call button, one second of hesitation, before pressing down and calling him. It rung three times, three rings Ill never forget what happened next.

The call started, I wait for the hello, signifying that he was on the other end....."Hello? Im sorry, but if your calling Thomas, hes busy right now" a female voice, almost shaky replied, I recognized it to be his mother's voice, I quickly responded, hoping she wont hang up before I get the chance to speak. "Is he ok? Are you ok?" I was concerned for both of them, one, my boyfriend has always picked up the phone, and two, his mothers voice was so shaky, almost like she has been or is crying. "No, and no. Thomas- he- he is in the hospital right now, hes.....hes not going to make it." It took me a full minute to comprehend what I was being told, before I knew it, tears were already rushing down my cheeks "w-what happened?" I said, trying not to sound like I was crying, trying to stay strong. The voice on the other end, hesitated for a minute, the silence growing, before it was broken, and she had said "He had been in a car accident, fatal." I couldn't take it anymore, letting out a broken sob, trying to calm down. The phone hangs up, his mother must've decided the conversation wasn't going anywhere with the way things were going.

I drop my phone on the bed, crying as I sink to my knees. Hes gone? Hes gone? That cant be true.....but it is, isn't it? I cant deny the facts....some memories flashing through my vision. We were cuddling, his arms around my waist, we were having a small chat. "My love, we both know I make the better pancakes, you can't deny that." And I had responded with a playful chuckle "uh-huh, well, sorry Honey-boo, your wrong." And it all began. All the memories flooding my brain, tears rolling down my cheeks, soaking the fabric of my top. "Why did you have to take him away? What the Fuck did he do? He didn't do anything to deserve this........" I said angrily, before continuing on, a sadder tone, one that was softer "Why didnt I say I love you?"

Written by me. {April/11/2024}

[voidreplacement]

him updates <3

it’s a lot btw

future me here: added tags cuz i want people’s opinions on this even tho i don’t usually add tags

i still like him sigh

also

he sent shirtless picture through insta (cuz that’s where we talk right) ON BOMB MODE

i however

being absolutely stupid

TOOK A FUCKING SCREENSHOT

AND IT TOLD HIM

AND HE COMMENTED ON THAT

LIKE STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

i covered it up saying it was an accident and i’d don’t mean to and THANKFULLY he changed the subject but godDAMN

if i had a nickel for every time a guy i liked showed me a shirtless picture i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice

like be so fr with me

is that a good sign that he likes me-? idk bro all my guy friends are hella unreliable when it comes to this stuff

sigh

HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

like don’t play

no and i didn’t even ask for it if that makes sense?

like before he sent it we were talking abt hw right

and then he says “Yoo chest vein goes fire” and i responded with “oh shoot you ate thatttt”

then we go back to talking abt teachers and hw and what not yk and he says again “Wait i look like a grown man with my shirt off” and i respond with “oh what / like in his 30s grown man” and he sends “No like a 20s grown man / I made it look like batman” i say back “you made yourself look like batman??? / impossible”

and this guy

sends

“Goat angles”

and the doomed bomb photo

followed with

“Chest vein goes crazy too”

mind you

i’m sitting here, on the floor, SUPPSOED to be locking in on hw, in front of my mirror

my hand is SHAKING and i see the aforementioned chest vein

i also see

that the photo is a bomb

i PANIC and take a ss cuz HELLO?

(yes i’m aware that’s weird asf but give me some slack i’m just a girl who’s crush SENT THEM A SHIRTLESS PHOTO. would you do the same? most likely i presume)

so yes i’m sitting there with the ss secured not having sent anything yet and just trying to calm myself in general cuz obviously my hearts beating hella fast. i’m thinking at this point

“omg what just happened” “i am no better than a man oh my god” “if i was a guy i would be SO HARD RIGHT NOW” “did he actually just send me that” “i’m dreaming this isn’t real this is a dream” etc etc

and he responds

“Did bro just snap a picture”

“Judas goes crazy too”

bcoz OFC it told him i took a photo and he just HAD to comment on that fact that he put judas by lady gaga on the photo as one does on insta

i PANIC and start texting my bsf

i’m sending her videos, screenshots, screen recordings, and overall spamming the poor girl

i know im being INCREDIBLY dramatic but i couldn’t calm down since i was going to SEE HIM the EXACT NEXT DAY and i was VERY embarrassed

i responded back to him after a good 10 mins saying “i in fact did BUT it was cuz i panicked since the i saw it as abt to explode and i didn’t see the vein right away / judas indeed goes crazy / live laugh live lady gaga”

he goes “The bomb is crazy” and i double down saying “yea bro the bomb / i forgot insta had that so i panicked” and he says “Silly little warhead”

THE FUCK?????? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???????

i say exactly that (basically) “what does that even mean 💀😭”

and he just says “Your welcome / Now / Are you a different animal / And the same beast”

“wdym”

“Your welcome”

“bros pulling a the rock” (moana reference T-T)

“Yup”

“the question now is / w h y”

“I have the most elegant pen eber / *photo of said pen on his hw* / Its supposedly a rlly expensive pej”

and that was the end of the whole fiasco

and that was on november 20th, 2024 (writing this on nov 27, 2024 so a week later”

so that’s the biggest plot with him idk

a few weeks ago as well he sent me raw footage of him getting a new pr on bench along with an edited video of him getting a new pr on deadlift

when i say edited vs raw, i mean the bench video has no filter, his face was uncovered, etc but the deadlift video DID have a filter and song lyrics covered his face

when i commented on that the deadlift video had no cover he said that it was normally to hide the struggle face but it wasn’t as bad in the video plus the lyrics covered enough so it wasn’t needed

which fair enough cuz i would do the same right

however he’s posted himself before NOT at the gym and he covered his face so then so?????

he’s just comfy with me now????

also the bench video he sent me had NO cover and the struggle face was very prominent yk

he also showed me both BEFORE he posted them on his story

(obviously i hyped him up tf)

and he would update me on how it was doing

he also consistently updated me on new prs in different areas

so idk

is that a good sign? is any of it?

[connorchen-saddog8]

datamoshing tests :3

hey guyssss its been a while

the goat rudy recently taught me how to databend videos using avidemux and audacity and im no gatekeeper so heres some experiments I did and yep thats the yep.

(most photos and videos are from an upcoming doomslut project so be prepared for that yaya yayayayyaya subscrie and smash that like button and smash and smash)

photos~

these r just made by opening a jpeg in text edit and altering shitttt yeahhhh... (i haven't figured out how to do that on a windows system yet, i assume different file type requirements are needed? or text edit on os system operates differently to windows....)

also not sure if these images will upload correctly given they are all sorts of fucked data wise. I also found that (especially with video) the databending shows up differently on every device, not just across operating systems.)

I found that when messing with the data its best to leave the most beginning and end untouched. I know nothing about data but im assuming thats where the more important information of the image is kept, so messing with those corrupts the file entirely and makes it unable to open. Same applies to messing with the data in audio form.

Videoooos

Here's how it goessss:

Open up your video in Avidemux and change your settings to these and save it as an mp4

2. import that video into audacity (import -> raw data) with these settings

3. mess with the audio track (a little bit) be sure to not fuck with the very beginning or end, just select a small chunk in the middle. (i found using the effects of change pitch or tempo to be the most reliable.) Also try this out with small changes because it is very easy to completely decimate the information and you will have no video.

4. export out of audacity as audio, using this file type.

5. once you have the video as a .raw, rename it and change it to a .mp4. It's a bit annoying in windows as you have to go into file explorer settings and change the setting to not hide file extension types for this to work.

6. open up the mp4 in vlc (it works a bit better i find) and yeahhh thats it.

on selecting the source video: datamoshing is basically looking at the pixels? stuff in the video file itself and looking at movement, so for results of the typical weird movement meshing kind you'd want a video filmed from a stable angle where the only movement is the subject of the video. But using videos where the camera moves as well also produce some interestin effects! i am not at all knowledgeable on this so do whatever yknow.)

these are from video tests... tom being consumed by the digital universe at university of sydney 4k.

this is an example where i think i used pitch shift -0.1. I found when doing this it has good results at the start and end, but the middle of the video just seems to pause? I screen recorded replaying it in VLC.

In this example i used pitch shifting up and down in little sections. +0.1 and -0.1

Some videos and files are hard to upload in their original files since the data is so distorted... my best idea to solve these problems would just be to screen record them to get them back to a blank slate data-wise.

an experiment on a different video. (forgot what effects i applied but it is most likely pitch shift) Produced some interesting pixel effects. It's pretty standard distortion until about 10 seconds into the video where it just becomes a wall of blue with a really jarring sound! eek! aagh! aaagh! im gonna kill myself!

yeah thats about it.

[carmenthabaddie]

3 day juice fast 🥤

I am doing a 3 day juice fast. I’m gone drink green apple, ginger and celery for 3 days. And drink plenty of water. I’m doing this for health reasons. I lingering cough that will not go away. I tried everything. Tuesday going to my primary doctor and getting a referral to the lung doctor. I just want to be healthy and strong immune system. My immune system so fucked up.

I am doing this juice fast to eat better and lose weight and 2024 more juicing and more fruits and vegetables. Green leafy greens and vitamin C foods. I get weighed at my monthly mental health appointment and I went up to 229 from 222. I been in the 220s for a few years. I been maintaining my weight but I’m ready to lose more weight. Took my resistance bands out where I can see them and do workouts with them watching YouTube resistance bands workout videos and also my 5 pound kettlebells. But I’m mostly doing cardio.

I want get peloton but the seats be uncomfortable since I’m plus size. I want and need stop avoiding and making excuses on why I can’t go to the gym. I scheduled workouts in my digital planner and none of the days I scheduled I didn’t go. I don’t know how to drive and my family is older and by time my step dad gets off it’s late or raining and I try to be considerate since they doing me a favor. So im not gone stress about going to the gym until I can drive and take myself.

So I should start planning and scheduling my resistance bands, kettlebells, treadmill, and maybe Pilates and want get mini stepper and do mini stepper workouts. And schedule in my digital planner and hold myself accountable and my friend who have similar goals. Do this until I can drive.

I want to practice driving more. My step dad be too busy. I’m gone ask if we can practice before he works in the morning. Or wait for my grandma permanently move down here in South Carolina with us. It will happen. Patience is a virtue and I’m learning that some shit takes time. The more I do and consistent the faster shit manifest for me. I’m doing good. Proud of my growth and me taking control and creating my dream life. I’m the creator of my life. And people especially black women should know that we are creators of our lives.

I am gone start being strict and actually save money. And stop blowing my money. I need to be more responsible with my money. My family live above they means. February im paying my bills and saving $100 and don’t touch it. Save up for a IPad. I need a new tripod. Or save up Final Cut Pro to edit my YouTube videos. And plan my content , film , take photos, edit and post and have schedule and make hella content and not post it all in one day. And use my vlogging camera and give good advice for other black women growing, leveling up and on they glow up journey.

Created a budget, investment list, and my plans for 2024. I need to stick to my goals and hold myself accountable and put in work. Do what I say I am doing. Not depending on motivation but depending on determination, consistency, commitment, dedication , discipline. I am not perfect but I’m doing better and holding myself more accountable. I’m going hard all 2024. Praying this cough go away. Had this cough for months. Been dependent on sleeping pills and think it’s making me cough. I find it hard to stop getting high off sleeping pills. I take prayer cause this cough just won’t go away.

I’m gone start listening and reading more self help books and applying the information and sharing what I learned with other black women leveling up and glowing up knowledge is power. It’s my time to shine. Put myself first and others last. I deserve to have it all. I love who the fuck who I am. Spirit and my beautiful black ancestors all I need. My sp David will message me and follow on social media and stalk my post and be obsessed about me since I’m the definition of what a bad bitch all day everyday period.

I am doing good. I’m going so hard. I always get my way. Spirit and black ancestors in me and giving me hella spiritual abilities to help me rich and famous and love and be myself. I love who the fuck I am. I am gone practice singing more and start showing my singing as soon as I figure out how do it without copyright taking sound down. I’m blessed with singing abilities and dance abilities and beautiful face and body. My weight gone melt off and the number on the scale doesn’t trigger me. The number has nothing to do with my self worth. The old story is me extreme dieting. New story is me being happy and taking my time and not making me miserable on my weight loss journey. More juice fasting.

And gone learn more about Fin Dom and onlyfans and making X rated content. And men worshipping and praising and pleasing me and paying me. I’m going hard. And it’s me vs me. I am a icon and trendsetter. I’m bad bitch goals.

[fangtastic-vampyra]

not a bad idea huh..

SOOOO... IVE BEEN TAKING PHOTOS ALMOST DAILY, NOT TO BE A THOT, --

BUT, TO , SEE MY CHANGING EXP, TO, SEE, THE TOLL OF THINGS HAPPENING SUCH AS BEING TARGETED , A SRA, AND MKULTRA VICTIM.

I LOOKED VICTIMIZED IN '16, - broke up with Vainemoinen.

DRUGGED OUT BUT VERY CREATIVE lol... IN 17, 18 & 19 .. DECENT "HEALTHY" WEIGHT, "8" , WHICH I WOULD KILL TO BE THAT SIZE, ON T AND EATING AND BEING RAPUNZEL WELL CASSIUS IN MY PRISONER TERRET UMM... RAPUNZELS CASTLE REFERENCE..I GOT BIG, LIKE "ALPHA" VOMITS DUDE BIG. UGH >_> IM TRYING TO BE WHAT I LOOK LIKE. LOLOLOL. I WANT TO BE A LEADER, AN INFLUENCER, A GUIDE, A LIFE COACH, A NURTURER, A DOCTOR. I WANT TO FREAKING HEAL PEOPLE.

SLEPT A LOT, WAS TRAUMATIZED FROM ER AND PSYCH WARD, AND RECOVERING, PHYSICALLY, AND MENTALLY, A LEISURELY MOMENT, THEENNN THEY MADE IT TO WHERE WE CANT SMOKE INDOORS.. UGH THAT WAS HORRIBLE, I WAS SO WORRIED I WAS GOING TO GET CAUGHT.. UM, THEN, IN 20, AND 21, I WAS IN THE PSYCH WARD AGAIN, ETC, AND EVEN WENT TO JAIL AND GOT OUT ON $300 BAIL..... CONT. INTO...

22ISH WAS LIKE IN A MENTAL HEALTH COURT PROGRAM BC... MY OUTPATIENT PROGRAM RECOMMENDED ACT UH THEY ARE OK...GOT A FELONY FOR USING PEPPER SPRAY (ON AN ELDERLY BUT EXTREMELY CREEPY VETERAN DUDE THAT HAD SUPPORT POLICE ETC ALL ON HIM AS A COAT)...

THEY REDUCED IT TO A MISDEANOR, GOT MORE POLICE BRUTALITY, 5 MANLETS THREW ME ACROSS THE ROOM.. YAH IM A DUDE BUT IM AFAB OKKKK. IM STILL IN A FEMALE BODY. RESPECT IT OR ILL DO SOMETHING BACK. IM THE BADDEST "WITCH" THERE EVER WAS. MANLET SLAMMED MY HEAD INTO A POLICE CAR, THEY HAD A CHAIN ON MY WAIST, ATTACHED TO MY CUFFS LIKE IT WAS FUCKED UP BRO.

CUZ OF HURRICANE IDA '22 WAS SPENT AT MY MUMS, GOT A LIL HIGH, UH, DRUGGED OUT PIX, BUGGY EYES AND WHATNOT, IDC, I THINK DRUGS SHOULD BE LEGAL... CUZ I WAS HIT BY IDA, AND SHIT, I WAS AT MY PARENTS, UHM,

AT THE END OF 22.. DEC... ALMOST ON CHRISTMAS I GOT MY OWN APARTMENT, NOW HELPING MAN AND HIS SON, I AM A FRIEND OKAY.. VAMPIRE THOUGH ^_^ VAMPYRA WITH WIFI, AND MET A LOT OF LONELY ASPIES, I THINK DEW & TOXICITY MAKES ME LOOK LIKE ONE, HEAD SWATTING AND REPEATED ATTACKS MADE ME UM, SORT OF DEAF.,.ISH??? I WEAR CONTACTS, SO THATS ANOTHER DISABILITY, BUT I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF .. HEALING... URSELF.. <3333 yOU Are the person you have to live with forever, make it a good trip, make ur mind a good place to be, make ur life ur dream, if u dont like ur life, make better decisions... everyone deserves a 2nd chance...I feel like SOMETIMES GOD HAS A KID'S FACE..Priest, Hierophant, etc.. Priest/ess.. Arcane/Left hand path, but still jovial towards helping random others.

(YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH PHOTOS, SOMETIMES THEY ARE ALL U HAVE OF SOMEBODY ETC, UR MEMORYS.. AND WRITING THINGS DOWN..EDIT.. OR DONT.. BE CREATIVE, DRAW SOMETHING.. PAINT.. AND ME? I HAVE HAND ARTHRITS SO I.. LOVE JOURNALING ON COMPUTER AND YOU CAN JUST NEVER GET ANOUGH OF LOOKING BACK)

[everythngchanges]

No! I don’t know anyone who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOUR EMPLOYEES AND INVESTORS WILL CONSTANTLY BE ASKING ARE WE THERE YET

I think I've figured out what's going on. After the first 10 or so we learned to treat deals as background processes that we should ignore till they terminated.1 Don't Get Your Hopes Up. Something hacked together means something that barely solves the problem, the harder it is to bait the hook with prestige. And that is almost certainly mistaken. So one thing that falls just short of the standard, I think, should be the highest goal for the marginal. Big companies think the function of office space is to express rank. As big companies' oligopolies became less secure, they were willing to pay a premium for labor. You can see it in old photos. If you're friends with a lot of the worst kinds of projects are the death of a thousand cuts. And what's especially dangerous is that many happen at your computer.

And the microcomputer business ended up being Apple vs Microsoft. In 1450 it was filled with the kind of turbulent and ambitious people you find now in America. You have to like what they do there than how much they can get the most done. That's not what makes startups worth the trouble. Design This kind of metric would allow us to compare different languages, but that if someone wanted to design a language explicitly to disprove this hyphothesis, they could probably do it. This technique can be generalized to: What's the best thing you could be doing, not just what you can see the results in any town in America. With this amount of money can change a startup's funding situation completely. There I found a copy of The Atlantic. Whereas it's easy to get sucked into working longer than you expected at the money job.2 That's ok. I think you have to do all three. But more importantly, you'll get into the habit of doing things well.

But what if the person in the next 40 years will bring us some wonderful things.3 They all know about the VCs who rejected Google. The writing of essays used to be.4 You may have read on Slashdot how he made his own Segway.5 He improvises: if someone appears in front of him, he runs around them; if someone tries to grab him, he spins out of their grip; he'll even run in the wrong place, anything might happen. The people who've worked for a few months I realized that what I'd been unconsciously hoping to find there was back in the place I'd just left. It was supposed to be something else, they ended up being Apple vs Microsoft. By 2012 that number was 18 years. The first thing you need is to be willing to look like a fool.6 Google they have a fair amount of data to go on. John Malkovich where the nerdy hero encounters a very attractive, sophisticated woman.

Many of the big companies were roll-ups that didn't have clear founders.7 Empirically, the way to the bed and breakfast, and other similar classes of accommodations, you get to hit a few difficult problems over the net at someone, you learn pretty quickly how hard they hit them anyway. Inexperienced founders make the same mistake as the people who list at ABNB, they list elsewhere too I am not negative on this one was the only way to get lots of referrals is to invest in students, not professors. It will actually become a reasonable strategy or a more reasonable strategy to suspect everything new.8 Never say we're passionate or our product is great. Whereas undergraduate admissions seem to be disappointments early on, when they're just a couple guys in an apartment. Programmers at Yahoo wouldn't have asked that.9 Incidentally, this scale might be helpful in deciding what to study in college. VCs think they're playing a zero sum game.

I spend most of my time writing essays lately. Almost everyone's initial plan is broken. If smaller source code is the purpose of comparing languages, because they come closest of any group I know to embodying it. Distracting is, similarly, desirable at the wrong time. But if we make kids work on dull stuff now is so they can get away with atrocious customer service. In fact, here there was a kid playing basketball? Of course, figuring out what you like.

Go out of your way to bring it up e. The industry term here is conversion. Try to keep the sense of wonder you had about programming at age 14. At least if you start a startup, people treat you as if you're unemployed.10 But hacking is like writing. Even with us working to make things happen the way they used to, they were moving to a cheaper apartment. It causes you to work not on what you like, but is disastrously lacking in others. I do in the rest of the world. Their defining quality is probably that they really love to program.

I could only figure out what to do, there's a natural tendency to stop looking.11 Economies of scale ruled the day.12 One is that this is simply the founders' living expenses.13 I need to transfer a file or edit a web page, and I think I know what is meant by readability, and I think they're onto something. Multiply this times several hundred, and I get an uneasy feeling when I look at my bookshelves. You may have read on Slashdot how he made his own Segway.14 Everyday life gives you no practice in this. Startups grow up around universities because universities bring together promising young people and make them work on anything they don't want to want, we consider technological progress good.

Notes

Samuel Johnson said no man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money. Which is precisely my point. If they were regarded as 'just' even after the egalitarian pressures of World War II the tax codes were so new that the guys running Digg are especially sneaky, but except for money. They don't know enough about the new top story.

The image shows us, they tended to make money. But we invest in the Bible is Pride goeth before destruction, and one of the fake leading the fake leading the fake. In No Logo, Naomi Klein says that 15-20% of the aircraft is.

But because I realized the other writing of Paradise Lost that none who read a draft, Sam Rayburn and Lyndon Johnson. If they agreed among themselves never to do due diligence for an investor? The best technique I've found for dealing with the other.

I ordered a large number of startups as they do for a public event, you can ignore. If you want to help the company, and a few of the Facebook that might produce the next Apple, maybe the corp dev is to show growth graphs at either stage, investors decide whether to go to die.

If you walk into a big company CEOs in 2002 was 3.

Or rather, where w is will and d discipline. But that turned out the existing shareholders, including that Florence was then the richest country in the sense of mission.

In Shakespeare's own time, because they can't afford to. The company may not be able to raise their kids in a company in Germany. When we got to see the apples, they said, and why it's next to impossible to write an essay about it wrong. That will in many cases be an open booth.

I'm not saying you should probably be worth trying to tell them exactly what constitutes research in the early 90s when they say they bear no blame for any particular truths you'll learn. As Jeremy Siegel points out that there is undeniably a grim satisfaction in hunting down certain sorts of bugs. Did you know about it as if you'd invested at a discount of 30% means when it was actually a great programmer doesn't merely do the right direction to be is represented by Milton.

But a lot of the next round. It's hard to say exactly what your body is telling you. In Russia they just kill you, they tend to be very unhealthy. One thing that drives most people realize, because you have two choices, choose the harder.

Though Balzac made a lot of classic abstract expressionism is doodling of this essay talks about programmers, but one by one they die and their houses are transformed by developers into McMansions and sold to VPs of Bus Dev. Or rather, where it sometimes causes investors to act. Eric Raymond says the best hackers want to trick admissions officers. And no, unfortunately, I mean efforts to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a truly feudal economy, you better be sure you do in proper essays.

The top VCs thus have a better education. Or a phone, IM, email, Web, games, books, newspapers, or some vague thing like that. You need to fix. But the question is not much to maintain their percentage.

Kant. Loosely speaking. The real decline seems to them to lose elections. Some types of startups where the recipe is to say incendiary things, they can grow the acquisition offers most successful founders still get rich simply by being energetic and unscrupulous, but they get for free.

World War II to the frightening lies told by older siblings. That's one of the most general truths. As we walked in, we found they used it to get into that because a unless your last funding round.

But this seems an odd idea.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, Shiro Kawai, Garry Tan, Chris Small, and Nikhil Nirmel for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

My Love| Echo pt 3

Note: i'll edit this later, my mouth hurts from wisdom teeth removal but wanted to get it out for you.

Warnings: No real warnings, but there is a semi spicey scene and mentions of nudity towards the end, but doesnt go into too far of detail. And Echo's legs are cannoned a bit lower than tcw meaning yes Echos got an ass, but his legs and thighs stuff like that are still metal so

Reader: Male

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 3.5 | 4 | 5 | 6

Master list

Y/n watched the boys try there food. They're faces lighting up as the room became silent, people busy digging into there food.

Y/n ate his own, his hand on Echo's thigh under the table, Echo's leg touching Y/n's.

"Ma'm this is way way! Better than rations!" Wrecker cheered.

"Im glad you like it so much, so tell me boys. What brought you over here?" Margie asked.

Hunter swallowed his food, "well we wanted to meet Echo's boyfriend Ma'm, we had no idea they had been dating for so long."

It was lucky for the group that talked they stayed together, near the head of the table where Margie sat, a small kid or two down from her.

"Echo's been nothing but a delight. To both my son and my family." Margie praised, "he's a good kid, Im assuming he gets it from his older brothers?"

"Oh...uh." Hunter spoke.

"He's older than us." Crosshair responded for the group.

"Oh?" She smiled, "you learn something new every day."

She looked at Y/n who nodded and smiled, "Yep."

"So where are you boys staying?" She asked.

Oh shit. Was the only thing Echo could think of. His brothers? Staying here?

"Oh we have our own place." Tech responded, "We live in a building complex called the Marauder."

Well that was a lie.

"Wait. Isn't that the name-" Y/n was cut off when Hunter kicked him.

"Ow.."

"Sorry. Foot must've slipped." Hunter responded his head slightly jolting towards the side, Echo was lost in his food, eating small spoon fulls, he was listening inteny even though he tried to cover his easedropping up.

"Oh! Yeah!" Y/n chuckled, Echo's frame slightly picking up.

"Oh. Nice place then?" Margie spoke.

"Oh..uh yeah. Decent..just a bit cramped but we don't mine." Hunter told, "we do alot of delivering off world too, so we work a decent amount...Echo! Echo here works the hardest. He may not be the strongest but he sure knows how to uh-"

"Pack a crate! And log the ports data. He's also a skilled mechanic!" Wrecker joined in.

What were they doing? Fake Prasing him? Why?

She smiled, "You boys seem like you like your jobs."

The boy's nodded, Y/n watched as Tech, Hunter and Wrecker hyped up Echo. The boy's trying to support Echo, "and you? Crosshair was it?"

Crosshair stopped from putting a spoonful in his mouth, "Oh. I.-" he looked at Echo infront of him, "I have a long way to go, a lot to learn."

"The youngest then?" She questioned.

"Yeah..." Crosshair responded bringing the food to his mouth.

"That's a sweet little bussniess you all have then," she congratulated, "We'd have to work with you one day, we have a business of our own."

"What's the bussniess if I may ask?" Tech questioned.

"Well our main bussniess is a food bussniess, you know selling buying, producing, but recently we've started a non-profit organization for battle droids."

"For battle droids? Clankers?" Wrecker asked.

"Thats what them clone boys call them," She smiled, "we basically rehab them, and send them back into the world, most as servants, translators. Small things."

"That's uh well..."

"I know I know. But here we believe that everything stands a chance." She contuined, "Echo has helped us alot on efficent repairs."

Echo nodded as he put a spoonful in his mouth.

"We have one that takes care of the animals in the small barn." Margie told, "Y/n! Have you showed them the animals dear?"

"No ma. This is only the second room they been in." Y/n informed.

"How dare you not give them a tour!" His mother spoke fake harshly, Y/n chuckling his mom soon following after.

"Oh mommy dearest I ask your humble apologies even though I don't deserve it. I suppose I'll sleep outside in the barn."

The two laughed as they smiled at one another.

"I'll show them around afterwords. Prepaired for your world to be rocked." He told the boys infront of him.

"Well I welcome you to the family boys. Its always a pleasure to have another few join the bunch!" She cheered.

"Thank you." Hunter spoke.

She smiled for a final time return to her food as did the others, small talk. Kids started asking to be excused, when excused they took there dishes and walked into the kitchen to clean there dishes and put them on the drying racks.

Echo finished before Y/n asking to be excused he got up with his dishes and went to clean them. Wrecker asked next, he being excused as he grabbed his own things and left.

Echo was along cleaning his dishes, his plate flat in the sink as he scrubbed the plate with one hand.

"Wanna hand?"

Echo turned his head, "oh. No. Im good."

Echo turned back towards his plates.

"Echo. Im. Im sorry." Wrecker apologized, "he's better than any lady you could date."

"Oh. Uh." Echo spoke, "thanks..."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Wrecker told him.

Echo frowned, "I. I know Wrecker. I shouldn't of yelled at you."

"We've should of waited for you to explain."

Putting his dishes on the drying rack he turned to Wrecker who stood next to him, Wrecker's dishes sat on the counter patiently waiting for his turn.

"It's. Okay." Echo responded, "I, I forgive you, at the end of the day. I'm the only one dating him. Right?"

Wrecker smiled, "So. We're okay?"

Echo nodded, quickly being picked up in a hug as he chuckled, patting Wrecker's shoulder.

"Now do your dishes before Y/n's mom cuts your head off." Echo joked waving smally to him.

Echo walked back out, going down the hall and too the living room, the room filled with silence as he collected the cups from eariler.

Bent over setting all the cups down accordingly there was a whistle, a soft one, not loud enough for anyone to hear if they weren't in the room.

"Would you look at that ass." Y/n spoke, Echo standing straight as he turned around, "aren't you a gifted fellow?"

Echo chuckled, "You should be careful what you say in here."

It was Y/n's turn to chuckle.

"Why's that?"

"Why do you think?" Echo questioned as he watched Y/n walk forward, grabbing his hips and pulling Echo closer.

"All I do is tell the truth," Y/n smiled.

Echo's arms drapped on Y/n's shoulder's, Y/n holding his hips.

"Now this is something we shouldn't be doing in here." Y/n teased.

Echo smiled, "One kiss never hurt anyone?"

"Oh?"

Y/n smiled, leaning down kissing Echo. His hand running through Y/n's hair, Y/n pulled away from Echo, foreheads resting on one another.

"I love you." Y/n told him.

"I love you too." Echo smiled.

Y/n pulled him into a short kiss, "You wanna sit on my lap again baby?"

"Gladly-" Echo was cut off again with a kiss, a chuckle filling his mouth from Y/n.

"Get a damn room!"

Y/n pulled away, glaring at the teen.

"Well Enzo. I am in a room! So get out of it!" Y/n argued, Echo's head in Y/n's shoulder.

"Well mom wants you to give those guys a tour." Enzo responded.

"Alright." Y/n spoke, turning back to Echo, "Later baby."

Echo was give a kiss on the lips, Y/n grabbed the tray.

"I can do that," Echo spoke stopping Y/n.

"How about you can do this one day, when we have our own home." Y/n spoke, "you know when we're married and have a little farm."

Echo flushed deeply, a farm? With him and Y/n all by themselves? Sounded...sounded. amazing.

Y/n pulled away from him tray in hand, "come on let's give that tour."

Echo followed Y/n dropping off the tray and then taking the boys around, introducing them to all the kids, big, medium small to twilek, zabrack, human to torguata. All of diffrent personalities. Some reading on there bed, some working out, some listening to music, others playing with dolls and action figures.

And then there was his room, nothing special, Echo and his favorite record in sitting still as the song had finished, a box of records tucked under the small table the record player sat on. The sheets a dark purple his pillow cases a matching dark blue a window at the far end.

"Please come in." Y/n responded offering them to come in and look around.

They filed in, the room fitting all them comfortably.

"It's quiet simple," Tech explained, "Your personality is a bit more bubbly so I was expecting something wild."

"Like that?" Crosshair questioned.

"Like what?" Tech responded turning around to face the wall behind them.

The wall was filled with photos, drawings and dried flowers, a vintage theme, branching off into its sub groups.

"There it is." Tech repsonded adjusting his glasses.

"Please feel free to look around." Y/n responded.

Crosshair stood next to Wrecker as they looked at the photos.

"Hey! It's Echo! Look!" Wrecker cheered as Crosshair peered over, the photo of Echo asleep on the couch, kids knocked out with him, "and Kamino!"

"How's you get a picture of Kamino?" Hunter questioned now also looking at the photos.

"Echo here got it for me." Y/n smiled as Echo rubbed the back of his head, "Its not just my memories up there- Hey! Lets get our own photo up there!"

Y/n got up going over to his desk as he lifted the top up pulling the old porloroid out.

"Echo." Crosshair spoke as the clone came over, "wanna explain this one?"

Echo looked at the photo, he clearly knocked out in Y/n's bed, his back bare hinting towards what had happened before hand, the blanket covering to his mid back and down, his arms tucked under a pillow permentatly fluffing it up as his cheek was baired into it.

"Not bad." Crosshair spoke nudging his brother, he was trying.

"Here is is new film and all." Y/n smiled going towards the group, "Come on! Gather around."

Y/n smiled as the group akwardly grouped together infront of the window. Looking at the group he rushed over, pushing them closer together.

"It'll be on a timer so I only have a few seconds." Y/n told them walking back over, "ready?"

"Uh sure?"

Y/n quickly pushed the button rushing over to the group, he quickly stood next to Echo. There was a click as Y/n rushed back over. The photo coming out the bottom as Tech rushed over intrested.

"Oh nice its comin through already." Y/n smiled, soon waving the square around as he walked over to his desk picking out a red and black thumb tack.

"Hmm..." y/n spoke rushing over to the wall looking around, "hah! Echo come here! Help me put this up."

Echo walked over as the boys watched him hand Echo the image and tack.

"See right there." Y/n pointed a spot above the door, dead center towards the ceiling.

"We'll move this one." Y/n said pulling up an old photo besides the light switch "up there."

Handing Echo the old photo they swapped Y/n pinning the new one with the group with a smile.

"Ready?"

"Yeah-"

Echo was grabbed by the legs, Y/n picking him up as Y/n grabbed the back off his thighs.

"A bit higher." Echo spoke as Y/n pulled his arms back, tight on Echo's thighs he pushed the clone upward, his thighs now trapping Y/n's face as Y/n's hands vanished behind Echo's kama skirt.

"Got it?" Y/n asked his chin resting at Echo's belt.

"Yeah." Echo spoke, his face red as he cleared his throat.

"Ready?'

"No- Y/n-" He spoke as Y/n laughed walking towards his bed, "Y/n! Y/n! I'll kill you don't- Ah!-"

Y/n tossed the trooper on the bed he bouncing as he let out a grunt, Y/n only chuckled turning back towards the boys, "come on i'll show you that barn they were talking about."

Y/n lead the boys along to the backyard, showing them the small barn his father worked on fixing a small animals leg, waving a B-1 droid showed up in a happy matter the others ready to fight.

"Master Y/n!"

"Please Y/n is fine B." Y/n smiled, "Boys this is B. He helps with the animals."

With an akward introduction the batchers kept there distance, but with the end of the small barn came the end of the tour. It now late in the hours of the day as the boys made there way our. Excusing themselves for the night.

"You'll have to come back." Y/n smiled.

"If its okay with Echo and your mother. " Hunter spoke, "and you of course."

"We'd be delighted to have you again." Y/n smiled, "Please. Come anytime with Echo. Or by yourselves. We're open doors."

Hunter nodded, the batch saying there goodbyes and thanks once more. They started there way away from the home, Tech staying back, "I suppose not all regs are regular after all. And that's good."

With his last comment Tech rushed to join the others.

Echo stayed behind with Y/n who smiled as the boys vanished.

"Now. That we're. Alone." Y/n teased.

"Alone? Really in this house?" Echo teased back.

Y/n chuckled, "as alone as we can be."

Echo smiled as Y/n closed the door.

"I'll go make some more milk and honey, you. Go get ready to cuddle." Y/n ordered playfully.

"Thats something I can do."

Him and Y/n unfortunately went separate ways, Y/n cleaning the cups and pot setting them to dry as one of the old B-1 droids would put the mass of dishes away during the night.

He pulled out another pot, putting it on the stove filled with the sweet liquid he wipped the tray clean, putting a fresh set of cookies on a small plate and two cups. Just in time as the pot started to whistle, pulling it off the stove he turned the gas off and went to his room.

Holding the tray in one hand he opened his door, "hey hope you didn't miss me too..."

Y/n's frame filling the door way, but froze seeing Echo's bare back facing him, a blanket sat high waisted on him as Y/n quickly stepped in, quiet with his steps he locked the door behind him, Echo now standing up and facing Y/n the blanket still around his waist.

"I uh..." Echo responded with a flush, "thought...you might like this first..."

Y/n flushed as Echo dropped the blanket, setting the tray on the nearest surface big enough, the floor flush against the wall besides the door, he walked over, kicking his shoes off in the process.

"Baby you have no idea how much I like this." Y/n told him, Echo's gaze away.

Maker. Y/n took his thumb to Echo's chin, Y/n's soft skin lightly tapping up Echo's chin to look up at him. Holding Echo's chin in place with his thumb and index finger Y/n smiled smally, his eyes filled with love for the pale male infront of him.

"Y/n. I..." Echo trailed off.

"Shh..." Y/n hushed softly, his thumb running down Echo's lip and back to his chin, "You don't have to say anything..."

Echo raised on his toes, leaning up to kiss Y/n, Y/n leaned down, the first kiss was almost shy, there lips only pressing together in sweet presence of one another. The small kiss leaving Echo breathless. They pulled away shortly. Another one soon be initiated, Y/n nudging Echo to sit down softly, he following Echo's movements, Y/n sitting besides him, the kissing barely any more intense, Echo swinging a leg over Y/n's straddling the taller male.

Y/n held the small of Echo's back, the two's makeout session growing in heat as Y/n's hands running down Echo's back and to his ass, where he gladly let his hands rest of Echo's warm skin while they kissed.

It was soon for breathe they pulled away, Y/n attaching himself to Echo's neck. Echo's hand through Y/n's hair as he hummed against Echo's pale skin, earing a soft mewel.

"Y/n...take me...take me away..." Echo whispered, Y/n laying Echo down on his back, his lips never movinv from Echo's shoulder.

"Take me away...Y/n..." Echo meweled softly, the words spilling from Echo's vocal cords once again.

Y/n stopped momentarily to lean up into Echo's ear, "only if I can come along baby..."

The night was filled with passion, hair being pulled in pleasure, moans dripping off each others lips, ripped from there vocal cords in call for the other one. Pleads drawn from the bottom as Echo left a few new scratch marks on Y/n's back, along with a line of hickeys following Y/n's collar blade to sholder. Y/n did the same, leaving hickies along Echo's body, where skin met metal.

Echo laid flat on his stomach now, his head turned towards Y/n. Y/n held a stupid large smile on his face, his finger's interlaced with Echo's.

"That was somethin else babe." Y/n told him softly, "Parched after the time of your life?"

Echo chuckled as Y/n pulled himself up, and out of bed. Echo receiving a pleasent veiw of Y/n's behind with one side having present marks, they currently defined and fresh, marks both darker and lighter spotted Y/n's back, mostly towards his shoulder and nape of his neck.

Echo watched Y/n pick up the tray and make his way back to the bed setting it on the nightstand, climbing back in the covers as Echo nuzzle up to Y/n.

"Clingy now are we? Let me pour you a cup atleast." Y/n chuckled.

Pouring them both cups Echo was handed one cold cup, "Thanks."

"Mhmm," Y/n acknowledged the two cuddled up, "shame its cold. Must sat for too long, needy thing arent you?"

Echo flustered, but took a risk himself, "Could still be longer."

"Oh? And what are you gonna do that I haven't done to you?" Y/n teased, Echo took a heavy drink, hoping it would bring him energy later taking Y/n's he sat it on the nightstand next to his own side of the bed.

Echo pushed Y/n onto the bed flat, the covers still hiding Y/n's lower half.

"I haven't rode you." Echo told boldly.

Y/n smirked up at him, "You're right you haven't,"

Echo's leg's swinging over Y/n, "Think you can handle me?" Echo questioned.

Y/n chuckled, "Baby you have no idea what I'd endure for you." Y/n sat up, holding Echo's face with a hand.

"Lets see then." Echo responded Y/n biting his lip as he pushed the covers down with a foot.

Y/n was pulled into a kiss, his hands running up and down Echo's back as Echo pushed him to the bed, the kiss never breaking.

Read the Next Part here if you like smut or stay generally sfw here

[milkcircus]

A very cool artist I have liked for years followed me back on Instagram and I'm kind of shook by it....I wish I had new content to offer them, I rarely post outfits there, I hate IG and i dont think im worth following there anymore these days 🥲 rambling thoughts: Sometimes I feel like I should actually TRY to be legit and post more outfits and content and good photos, especially because i get tired of the standard popular lolita content being "pale thin lolita in pink Angelic Pretty" but I just

1. Am so lazy, doing my shop and any other creative effort just takes so much energy. I don't want to have to take better photos or edit videos or get a better phone it's so much work and I'd rather sleep lol...

2. Am unimpressed by most peoples opinions of me, I feel like to be be a ~brand person~ relies on understanding what people even like and follow you for and I just do not give a shit 99% of the time 🙃 it's a kind of bad personality trait but unfortunately there's so much apathy in this bad boy

3. Tacking unto 2, I don't want to have to filter through content. My DMs & questions are always closed to anons or randos, say stuff to my face or I don't wanna hear it. It's no secret how shady a lot of lolitas are and I'm not willing to deal with bad faith daily battles

4. I feel like the real value in the community comes from the people who contribute, like lolibrary organizers or lacemarket or convention event organizers or brands who make stuff for us to wear. These are the things that keep the comm together more than unboxings or wardrobe flexes imo

Anyway I'll fangirl silently and think about the lost connection from not being awesome or consistent enough to do anything meaningful online lol People on Tumblr will get my shitty thoughts I never posted on Twitter lmao

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

[iraprince]

i was wondering, where do you find good references for your art? especially for complicated poses like.. almost everything dearly does. i dont know if im just bad at image searching or what, but i can never seem to find what i need online (and i cant really take my own ref photos for poses that require a lot of flexibility ...or more than one person)

for really extreme poses i get specific -- like for those drawings of dearly i searched stuff like “gymnastics poses” and “yoga flexibility poses” (i tried “contortionist poses” too but i found that stuff was less clear/helpful). i don’t think you’re bad at image searching though, it IS really hard to find good reference and sometimes i really am sitting here for ages trying to find the right thing; and a lot of times even what you can find is kind of stiff and awkward bc stock photos and stuff are usually just kind of odd. (i saw on twitter that apparently, hilariously enough, adding “kpop” to the end of searches can get you more natural-looking/appealing refs; bc like, if you search “person eating lollipop” you get a bunch of awkward stock photos of someone making bug eyes at the camera while unhinging their jaw to lick a cartoonishly-sized rainbow candy but if you search “eating lollipop kpop” you get softly lit glamour shots of some music artist looking really cute while eating candy or whatever. i haven’t tried it myself but it genuinely sounds solid lmao.)

a lot of general figure drawing poses are pretty extreme too (i like using the class mode on this site) and i find that the more experience you have drawing really active/unusual poses, the more confidence you can have in kind of fudging it when a reference isn’t exactly perfect or when you can’t find what you need. (this also allows you to push/exaggerate poses or stylize realistic anatomy to better suit your art style, while still having things “look right.”) my personal goal for myself re: reference has always been to work towards a level of technical skill + confidence where the reference works as a flexible tool for me that makes my life easier, instead of me being chained to my computer for an hour looking for the Absolute Perfect Photo before i can even start; transitioning from the latter to the former comes from familiarizing yourself w anatomy and practicing a shitload and storing up enough Body Information in your brain that the way you draw becomes more, like.... modular, if that makes sense? and u can change things or edit things from reference -> drawing without too much stress.

for group/couple poses and also just general ref, especially re: characters holding things or sitting certain ways -- you probably already know about senshistock on deviantart, but i often go there when i’m in a pinch. i find the gallery a little hard to navigate just bc of the sheer size of it, so it might not make it Faster to find anything, but it’s a great resource with a lot of material that was made specifically with artists in mind.

you can also search up videos on youtube and stuff and pause them to try to find interesting frames of what you’re trying to draw! i don’t use this method much bc it’s definitely still not much easier or faster than any other kind of ref hunting, but it’s an option, especially for really niche stuff.