#and how that made him a non-friend
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All the times I first started watching The Walking Dead, Eugene has kind of annoyed me. Why you gotta talk like that, friend? And then when I found out about his lie and all that, it just got worse.
But this man has grown on me.
For a while, I thought he was the character that I'd be, if I were in that universe and did not have my current life-or-death reliance on modern medicine. He's not a good fighter, but he's smart, and that keeps him alive.
And now I think I'm about to finish the arc with the Alpha and I've seen him become a hell of a man? And a pretty good fighter? And I definitely would not measure up to him in the TWD universe.
And of course Daryl Dixon will always have a significant piece of my fannish heart, but there's a part of me that might be sorta fanning myself and going mushy over Eugene Hermann Porter.
#in which kat has too many thoughts about fictional characters#the way he came clean to rosita about why he was her friend#and how that made him a non-friend#and then when she called him out#and asked if he wanted to kiss her#and then smirked and told him to go get stephanie#i am not a eugene#i would die on the first or second night of the actual outbreak#but damn he is a good character
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Tim I noticed a lot of indigenous patches on your jacket, are you Native?
Idk what my dad was 'cause I never knew him, but yeah my mom is (or... Was.. I guess..) Muscogee, the tribe native to the part of Alabama I'm in.
If I remember correctly she came to Alabama from Oklahoma (where a lot of Natives were displaced to in the 1800s) to "get back to her roots."
But yknow, I was separated from her in childhood (which tbh is upsettingly common for Native families) and I was raised in a very white very Catholic asylum so I'm not as connected to the culture as I'd like to be.
-Tim
#OOC: Olea speaking#this is kind of a self-indulgent headcanon but HEAR ME OUT it adds a lot to Tim's character specifically#we're talking about a character who was separated from his mom in childhood and locked up in a psych ward#suffers from chronic physical and mental illness made significantly worse by the institution that was supposed to be helping him#forced to regulate his emotions more than other people have to so he isnt misinterpreted as a threat#struggles with addiction#had to work twice as hard as anyone else in his friend group just to be given the same opportunities#a much more common experience inside BIPOC communities#and he clearly has ties to the land (especially the park) nobody else has#you know how in season 2 Alex starts yapping to Jay about how the park is cursed?#maybe he was right#maybe that *thing* has been here for hundreds of years#and nobody was ever able to settle the land so eventually the Department of Conservation turned it into a state park#and Tim isnt some random “patient zero”#but he has ancestral ties to the land and was more receptive/at risk to Operator Sickness (but was also more resistant to it long term)#JUST SAYIN 👀#im half Katu and I desire my comfort character to be a halfie with me we need more non-white rep in mh#ask.txt#marble hornets#mh#tim wright#afterlife au#slenderverse#Native!Tim
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About Por
This episode focuses a great deal on how the boys felt about the situation ; it emphasizes Jin's guilt and anger, Fluke's fear for himself and himself only, and Tee's guilty conscience (no wonder he's the most scared of all in the current timeline if that's how Non disappeared). Not that it keeps him from enjoying their little success. We get close to nothing on Top, as usual.
But we get a few things on Por. I don't think he cares about whatever happened to Non. It's been established that only being impaled on a branch and slowly bleeding out had the power to make him feel anything about him anyway.
He looks to be proud of himself ; after all, he got what he wanted. The movie is a hit, Non's name was written out in favor of his, his parents, his father especially, are proud and finally acknowledging him. And yet...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/35bd22201d5f512a44e139689f61d642/cbd1824fad0c479c-65/s540x810/69776ebc631805c52eea51b2993c586ab07af258.jpg)
I would gif the entire scene if I could, cause damn if he doesn't go through a face journey. Victory doesn't taste as sweet as you thought it would, Por ? Is being acknowledged for something you didn't do iffy ? Does it feel bad to realize that your father would think Non more deserving to be his son than you ? Is it bitter to know that you'll always have to be a fraud to get his love ?
Now I'm not defending him. His father loathed the way Por used his money and social status to get everything done instead of putting in the work, and what did Por do to fix it ? He used his money and social status to get the movie done instead of putting in the work. And I think, I hope, that this little moment above is when he started to realize it.
It's not his moment, and he knows it.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#I literally had to pause and rewind on my first watch#because of this face Por made#it contrast with how he acted seconds before#I like to see him suffer you see#does he deserve to be impaled on a branch ? let's be real probably not#but he does deserve to be disowned by his dad and left to fend for himself#he deserves to be bullied back and work himself to exhaustion#make him take Non's place. ugh I would have loved this.#but well we'll have to make do with this face
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I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#barcode fucking killed those scenes!!! the desperation and discomfort and resignation!?!!#the fact that Non was textually terrified of dying at the hands of Tee's uncles gang unless he found that money#and once he accepted it and Keng held that power over him did he lean in to kiss him.#theres a reason that even universoty professors are fired for having relationships with their ADULT students.#because holding a position of institutional power over someone like that in a relationship is deeply deeply disfunctional and bad#do you think that if you were a child that felt they had literally nowhere else to turn. not to parents. or friends. or partner.#and a teacher said they would fix all your problems in a room with a closed door and kissed you.#you wouldnt feel obligated to kiss back and offer yourself up in exchange???#because what?? you're too moral??? you'd rather die???#THIS IS HOW GROOMING HAPPENS. ITS ADULTS SEEKING OUT THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN THEIR CLASSES AND HOLDING SOMETHING OVER THEM.#IF I SEE ANYONE CALLING NON A CHEATER AGAIN I AM GOING TO KILL.#ITS STATUTORY RAPE. YOU THICK FUCKS.#KENG MADE HIM KEEP HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM ON. HE'S A FUCKING PEDOPHILE.#IM GOING TO KILL.#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOME OF YALL ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS AROUND. YOURE STUPID. YOURE SO FUCKING DUMB. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD
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"IDW Megatron got a redemption arc and Starscream didn't it's so unfair--"
Do not slander Metalhawk, Bumblebee, and Windblade's hard work trying to fix this man they didn't work for half the continuity (and in 2/3 of their cases) literally die and come back as zombies/ghosts for y'all to be out there saying no one helped Starscream get redeemed and have friends and be a better person
#squiggposting#i'm so fucking confused why people keep saying this honestly#'M got a redemption so why can't SS' HE LITERALLY DID LIKE HE LITERALLY DID#this was the subject of most of his character development in exrid/op and wb/taao did you just not see it?#i don't get it bc like. even if you try to argue that M got to have friends and validation and shit. so did SS#SS lost his power and then died saving the world at the end#M also lost all his power and prestige and then went to his execution at the end#STRICTLY IN TERMS OF IDW1 they literally both got redeemed idk why ppl are piss fighting about this#and i would expect ppl who are SS fans to like. BE AWARE OF all the story content he got in idw1#mscott clearly liked SS based on how she made him so sympathetic (even dealing with his M related trauma!)#barber said via word of god once that SS is his favorite decepticon#you literally can't even claim that the writers were just biased against him#i dont get it. like of all ppl to know all of SS's lore i would expect SS fans to be the one to know it#is it bc their hateboner for mscott and non-reading of barber is just that strong? i dont get it
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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Okay, a few people have wished me a happy womens day today and like. I appreciate the sentiment, I do, but I'm not a woman. Yes, im afab, and the patriarchy does affect me, so i share lots of struggles with women. I am, however, not a woman. Please dont wish me a happy womens day just cause im not a man either. That being said, I hope every girl and every woman out there has a wonderful women's day. <3<3<3
#lgbtq#nb#non binary#nonbinary#trans pride#trans rights#transgender#trans nonbinary#okay but i also met a kid today and he asked me whether i was a boy or a girl#my friend (a cis guy i met recently and was not sure where stood on me being nb) told him i was a menine#now menina is girl in portuguese menino is boy and menine would be the gender meutral equivalent#i love being a menine!!!#anyways i went on to add that i was neither a girl nor a boy#the kid didnt really get it and kept asking me#im not sure how or if i should explain what nb is to a 5 year old i literally just met and whose parents were like around the corner#so i told him i was the closet monster#he didnt believe me but my friend backed me up on it#it was such a trans joy in a day made a bit more dysphoric by ppl telling me happy womens day :)
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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non paralive moots im begging yuo listen to my wife singing
#i was behind the camera nd i never blinked once lookinf at him i will jeffthge killer style burnoff my eyelids so th better i can lookathimw#i need to put My oil in his pores#i woudl fry my food w his face oil i'll let him feed me cockroaches and set me on fire like the one vid of the guy w the cockroach as long#s i get to set him on fire back i hope they project this on time square toe curlinf music tha t makes me gag if i was a vampire and he was#n his period. strawberry jam im in the background of all the shots just watching him itmust be crazy goinf from ibuki imperialism#sitch to kenta character focus all rise for the anthem of every country ever united under one stupid greenfHIS EXTRA VERSE IS PLAYOING OAOO#kenta shimeji that deletes all my shit and only plays his songs#gonna recite thi slike a mantra to myself rock myself back and forth in a corner if i get out of a parakive concert itll look like attempte#murder but i did it all myself in will be the guardian angel to everyone who worked on this everything after gokuluck is opposite of peak#poo. opposite of peak is poodoodoo. imagine having to ppost yer music after peakuluck kenta solved all my problems ever I LOVE WHEN YOU#CAN HEAR KENTAS SNARKY SMILE his little Alrights and okays and buu!If the sneezing when someones talking ab you myth was true#he would be sneezy bc of me HANDSOME HIII HANDSOME how am i gonna talk to non paralive moots what do i even say Hello! How ar e you!#i cant do that anymore im the surprise man from freak month are you sure its alright are you sure UUGUHHHH THE LITTLE wikaioaiugh at beginn#ng i love music thanks for inventing music guys thanks for inventing handsome Lockjaw Parvo Tetnis Botfly kenta tetnis eerm i thought yousa#tetris ☝️‼️‼️‼️ EVERYONE SHUT UP HES SPEAKING. LISTEN LISTENthe world will be like that one scen e in the one movie where they all stop tal#EXTRA VERSE CUTIEBEAR I LOV E YOU YOU SOUND SO PRETTYYY WE FINALLY GOT PRETTY SOUNDING KENTA AWROOO BOW WOW !!!!!! ing when he heads upstai#and just look at him when claudio went how cute how fun how SWEET and also when claudio went i spit in it my saliva is now inside all of th#se peoples bodies thats me when kenta leaves his energy drinks unattended but dw itll add extra fizz Hi ryog A the only way to describe how#i feel about kenta is like claudio gregory shawn mendes you cast a Spell on me Spell on me! STILL ALIVE okau HES SO CUUUTE kenta i will hel#you dispose of every other groups bodies okau man i gotta draw salkenta after this day 1 of scarface I already feel my beast form taking p#HIIIIE KENTA RIDE ON RIDE ON INDEED WAUAUUAA WAUUAUAUUAUA WAUAUAUAUAU kachi toru made lets be like UTV and the archiver babydoll my face is#n fire and SOOOO ARE YOUUUU KENTA COVER OF EVERYTHING FOR APRIL FOOLS CROSSING MY FINGERSS NO POINT IN ACTIN LIKE I DONT LIKE HIM I FOOOOLD#IM YOURS cozmez long forgotten they can be locked in the dome forever for all i care salkenta time im going to sweep kenta off his feet pri#cess style MY PRINCESS YOU DID SO WELL I'LL REWARD YUOUUU youre right youre a musical genius my god my savior my everything you are light y#u are like a fallen angel to me im gonna go kiss him sloppy now and listen to His Own music and draw him GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IM A GOKULU#K GIRL thank you for reading so far i really love kenta and he straight up changed my life i got rid of my ocd opened tabs so i could#watch the stream and i started drawing after 3 years and got back into music and made friends bc of him genuinely i love this guy so much#and no amount of content creation or words could ever convey it but i'll do s o either way i love this community i love my friends i lvoe m#paralive friends i love kenta. i lov ekneta i love kenta
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a truly terrible idea has latched hold of my gremlin brain which is, buck and tommy do break up so that buck can pursue eddie because either tommy thinks buck is in love with eddie or buck feels like he should be with eddie because everyone else keeps suggesting there's something more there BUT buck/eddie getting together changes their dynamic so much that neither of them are enjoying themselves (and they're worrying about losing what made their friendship so special because of all the changes to the dynamic) AND buck and tommy keep hooking up [air quotes] platonically (with tommy stumbling into inconvenient feelings and pining pathetically for buck while fucking him) while buck struggles to sort out intense feelings toward eddie (which obviously have to be romantic of course) vs. his calm, more settled feelings toward tommy (they're not as intense as his feelings about eddie so they can't possibly be romantic) blah blah long story slightly less long but buck realizes he's been in love with tommy the whole time and was having trouble separating strong but platonic feelings for eddie from his romantic feelings toward tommy and then tommy's like "newsflash asshole i've been in love with you the whole goddamn time"
i'll never write it because it's irredeemably stupid and i value my peace but it IS sitting in my hindbrain tormenting me right now
#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i'm not tagging this bc i don't want it showing up in any show or ship tags but...............................#terrible evil plotbunny free to a good home#nobody ever writes about the friends who get together bc 'why not everyone else already thinks we're dating' and then it doesn't work out#because the dynamic changes SO MUCH that you're not sure if it was such a good idea in the first place#now add a third person to the mix that you like but aren't sure how you feel about them#not sure if eddie would be aware it's casual and non exclusive or if there'd be miscommunication leading to angst#honestly this is just me venting my frustrations with those breakup fics masqueraring as b*cktommy that have tommy#graciously sacrificing himself on the altar of b*ddie's true love and stepping aside magnanimously#that's not interesting to me to read even as a b*ddie shipper#if buck and tommy have to break up let it be real and messy because real people are real and messy#let tommy fight for buck even if it doesn't end up working out#let buck and eddie feel guilty because buck did genuinely care about tommy and eddie does like him as a friend#let tommy cut both of them off because even though he likes both of them he still has feelings and it hurts seeing them together#let tommy be petty about showing off a new love interest or fwb and how much happier he is with this guy than he was with buck#let buck wonder if he made the right choice or not bc he didn't ever want to hurt tommy#he only convinced himself tommy would be completely fine with the breakup because he needed him to be fine so that he could do it guilt fre#let eddie wonder if they made the right choice or not bc while he finally has what he's wanted for years it did hurt someone he really like#maybe it'll all work out in the end for buck and eddie AND tommy but i just want it to feel real and not overly polished and sanitized#and no one is hurt or upset or petty or flawed#anyway#i like mess#don't @ me#i might have to write this now but i don't want to be chased off with pitchforks and torches#text#shut up giallos
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okay i know i said yeseo is dense but manages to make it endearing. but over 130 chapters in with him still being this like...not even dense really its more like he's refusing to learn or change his biased preconceptions about cedric, now im starting to wanna strangle him a bit.
#like. dude. how much linger are you gonna refuse to examine everything he's doing for you ans how he cares for you#sure you're friends now but this is like. insane how much you just assume mean intent from him#AND LIKE. YOU CAN ASSUME GOOD INTENT FROM HIS MOTHER JUST FINE??? AND THEYRE SUPER SIMILAR#hes just super autistic can you please be a bit more receptive towards his emotionsss#and like. its not that yeseo is Unkind to cedric but he does not at ALL realize just how unfavorably biased he is towards him#and it sucks sooooo bad#not that cedric is entirely blameless he needs to control his temper and do away w at least a bit of his pride#(cough stubbornness)#but like. come ON yeseo#i know you have a mental divide between you and these people bc youre like 'im in a book and they actuallynlive in this world'#but it is so extremely pronounced with cedric#he can treat everyone else as a person instead of a character EXCEPT cedric#even worse is that he doesnt even treat him as a Character bc good characters are non-static. they grow and change#he treats cedric like he is completely static and will always be exactly the way he is in the book and it drives me fucking insaneee#it huuurts like. its not even funny to me at this point. yeseo can you please view him as his own person for 2 secondsss#EDIT: IM STILL UPSET LIKE. YESEO. HOW DO YOU HEAR CEDRIC LEGIT GO 'as you wish' AND NOT GET IT#YOU RECOGNIZE EVERY REFERENCE THE AUTHOR MADE SO FAR BUT NOT THAT ONE??? BE SERIOUS
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fffffffffuuuuuuccccccccccck i was always meant to become a mascot character designer
#making slightly esoteric but kind of cute characters based off anything is my true calling. i can never stop.#a few weeks ago i was chatting with a friend about how in fucking. highschool science class#we had to do a presentation on medical conditions and i was assigned scoliosis. a bunch of my friends and family have it so i was prepared.#but also i was at the time like unable to make any project without making funny little cartoons and a weird narrative about it#so i. made an illustrated powerpoint. about scoliosis facts and info. but like framed through the narrative of a rockabilly singer characte#he had a pompadour of course and was named johnny or some shit. and his backup singers who were disemboded floating spines#that sing. he was a normal human. he had sunglasses i think. anyway the spine backup singers were The Spinettes and one of them#her name was like spinella or something i dont remember had scoliosis and the plot of the powerpoint. the plot of the powerpoint#was basically a comic i narrated out loud LOL but the plot was like a saturday morning cartoon very special episode. i had fun with it#no one laughed at my jokes. the disembodied talking spines was a little too esoteric for 2014 teenagers. but later acquaintances said they#liked it? grew on them i guess. anyway i spent like all of highschool doing shit like that. oh god this is what ive always been meant to do#(still thinking too much about my place as an artist because of undergrad theses dont mind me)#(i shouldnt think tooo hard about it tho. my professors are hard on me because they see a lot of potential. but they're also like)#(kind of in a bubble as professors in the fine arts dept of a non art school in ontario. so i do need to take their advice carefully)#(did i ever mention how a prof said i should look into robert crumb as a 'similar artist to me'? the fritz the cat guy????)#(what does it mean.... what does it all mean..... tbh it might just mean that thats the only cartoonist she knew the name of LOL)#(and even then she might not know much about him. like the racism etc. my profs have good advice sometimes but like i said theres a bubble)
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I feel awful. My dad and I got into a screaming match over my dad's casual transphobia on my mom's birthday 😔 She didn't deserve that... And I don't deserve my dad saying, "Well, now you're hurting MY feelings" every time I try to explain to him why something he said/did is hurtful towards trans people.
#hearing him laugh at a transgender/gender non conforming character for simply existing sucks#especially from my perspective as his nonbinary child who came out to him 7 years ago#like... is that how he sees me and my friends?#my mom and i had a good conversation about it afterwards but like#my dad's just clocked out. won't hear any of it#i've already psychoanalyzed some formative memories of mine connected to his casual transphobia#rude jokes he made about a woman with unshaven armpits out in public and how that affected my self image and sense of worth#i still haven't worn a tank top or shorts out in public since i stopped shaving almost a decade ago#i bet my dad wouldn't even remember those comments he made#something something the axe forgets but the tree remembers#i just want my dad to educate himself at this point. to do some of the work so i don't have to#there's already so much for me to stress over. why bother with this issue that should've been resolved ages ago?#bunny babbles
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I gotta be less terminally online bc every time I think about jjk’s ending I get annoyed
#jjk spoilers#I know I might not be the right audience for this#but like#none of that ending felt earned#to paraphrase Lindsey Ellis:#“Of course his actions make sense! he’s explaining them! with his words!#jjk kinda felt like a series of the characters non stop yapping and their actions saying something completely different#and I don’t think it was intentionally bc of how nauseatingly happy that finale was#like there should be MASSIVE societal upheavals based on the character’s dumb decisions#but nope! everything’s fine!#also Gojo who’s Gojo?#the guy who laid the groundwork for the happy ending?#actually everything was his fault and he died with no friends and none of his students mourn him#and we mutilated his corpse in a cheap attempt to get people to start reading again#but that ending’s totally fine! because he SAID that he’s okay with it!#in an out of place flashback that felt like it was written on a napkin in between edits#probably the same napkin that wasted *an entire chapter* undoing all the sacrifices from the Sukuna fight#and arguing against every reasonable complaint about the Sukuna fight and how bad the plan was#and introducing an *entire new villain* three fucking chapters before the ending#just to make Mei Mei look cool because everyone hates her and we need to like her now I guess#even though she was written as a *fucking groomer* and everyone was justifyably disgusted that it was treated as a *running joke*#uuuuuuuuuuuuugh I’m so mad#this was the most ‘well actually’ ass ending to a series I’ve seen in a while#if you feel the need to completely break the immersion of your series by talking directly through your characters#about how every writing decision you made was actually super smart and deep and totally worth it#then you wrote a bad ending
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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fuck akuroku as a ship btw not only because its pedophilic because thats obviously a huge issue. but also i think we should be able to have platonic relationships with the same amount of devotion as any romance. not everyone who loves each other is in love DEREK.
#not trying to downplay the issues with it being pedophilic because thats actually a huge issue#context for my non kh moots#as of kh3 lea/axel is roughly late 20s#maybe early 30s depending on how old he was in bbs#and roxas is (physically) 14-16 (hes only been alive for a bit over a year#but also what i want to say#axel and roxas have an amazingly written relationship#theyre two of the strongest characters in the series in terms of writing honestly#their dynamic in canon is two best friends who at the end of the day just want to stay together#but due to circumstances and also a bit of axel keeping secrets shit falls apart#when you get to kh2 roxas is gone and axel will do literally ANYTHINNG to bring him back#he doesnt care about his own life or soras or anyone else who stands in his way because he is going to get his friend back#axels role as an antagonist later in kh2 comes from his devotion#he wants roxas back. he says himself he wanted to see roxas again because he made him feel as though he had a heart#in the end he gives up and dies to protect sora#and i think a lot of people take 'he made me feel like i had a heart' out of context to say its romantic#at face value its easy to interpret it that way but in context he goes on to say 'its funny... you make me feel the same' to sora#the way i interpreted it at least wasnt that he was in love but that both roxas and sora's love for others radiated onto him#if we look at days (i know. sacrelige for a kh2 discussion. fuck you) axel is constantly questioning why roxas acts like he has a heart#he straight up asks him why he does that and roxas is confused. thats just how he is#<- context for that conversation is that roxas is upset on xions behalf because saïx called her a mistake#what he means by 'having a heart' is feeling things and caring about things and there is no inherent romantic connotation#he means in the most literal sense that roxas made him care about things. we dont know what exactly that was referencing in kh2#but we can take a pretty good fucking guess#but lets look at com for a second because theres a scene talking about the other half of that line#axel goes behind everyones back to do something to help sora and naminé and after he does he is SHOCKED to realize hes enjoying it#and then he says 'you really ARE something!' about sora#at least as of kh2 what they meant was feeling emotions. roxas made axel feel as though he had emotions. he made him feel like he could feel#anyways. what im saying is axels line could be taken as something romantic but i think its more interesting than that#i dont have enough tags left to continue word vomiting sorry </3
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