#and how much satisfaction and enjoyment i get learning about it

[falthiere]

What is it about genshin that makes you want to play to it's meta? More power to you if that's fun I just don't get it

Just a "I like the game so I want to play it well lol" thing?

sorry for getting to this late!

short answer: i like big number

long answer: i have a deep and intense love for genshin's combat system. it's designed to be simple to understand and play since it has to function well on mobile, but there is so much depth and complexity to the mechanics that you can spend so much time learning about!!!

the elemental reactions is a really interesting concept to build a game upon and genshin really does its best to deliver: there are so many teams you can build around those reactions with various nuances to them, and that's something i find really enjoyable! my background leading up to genshin (and what got me interested in playing it) is its resemblances to JRPGs. because of that i'm already the kind of masochist that likes grinding in video games, and i derive a lot of satisfaction from working hard to become strong and clearing content.

i think the wording "play TO the meta" isn't very accurate: that makes it seem like it's some really stringent and restrictive ruleset for how to play the game, and that's not how i regard it at all. there's a lot of meta teams that i'm not personally all that interested in playing, and others that i am. meta is pretty broad in genshin impact, and there's a LOT of different teams and playstyles you can try, especially with the release of dendro. it's not just "play hyperbloom and international," there's nilou bloom, burgeon, double hydro, vaporize, fridge, curry, soup, etc etc. so many things!

i don't consider "meta" to be a limiting thing at all, or something that i adhere to. i consider it a lot like speedrunning! speedrunning is the result of months, sometimes years of research into a game, learning what makes it tick, and utilizing all of that knowledge to stretch the game to its limit. i find it sad sometimes that people view things like fanart/fanfiction and theorycrafting as concepts that are so distant, with one not being something that comes from passion at all. theorycrafting is another way of enjoying genshin impact, and it is fueled just as much by love of the game as someting like fanart is.

sure, the units i have triple crowned are units that are pretty meta, but i didn't triple crown them because they're meta units, i did so because i think they're really fun to play or because i like them as characters. diluc isn't a meta unit by any means, but if i had him i would for sure triple crown him.

so i guess the tldr isn't really "i like the game so i want to play it well", it's "playing it well is what makes me like it" if that makes sense? like, that's how i have fun in genshin impact. i view genshin as a video game first and foremost and judge it like one: i'm not really much of a lore/story guy (but i do have my faves).

if you're interested in learning more, i would highly recommend taking a peek at zajef77's youtube channel! he's a theorycrafter and a GREAT teacher at explaining the deeper mechanics of this game, and he does it with such genuine enthusiasm too. his iceberg video or his elemental reaction guides are a pretty good place to start

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

If I read a story I really enjoy, my first thought is to leave a like or a kudos, and a comment or reblog. In some instances, if I am moved enough by a person’s writing, I will reach out via DM to tell them how much I like their work and ask about their creative process.

However, I have never liked another person’s story so much that I have thought “I will take this and post it as my own.”

It’s the wrong thing to do, but I can understand why people do it. You see, there is a high that people chase; when you first post a fic and the notes begin to roll in, that attention is addictive. It can be difficult to continue to supply to the demand you’re suddenly getting, and you don’t want to slow your roll because then people lose interest and move onto the next shiny, new thing.

This is where I have seen some users resort to plagiarism.

You should write because you love the process, write because the story you want to tell feels like it will continue to claw at the inside of your skull until you get it out, write because you are passionate about it.

I have fallen into the trap of being obsessed with engagement, and feeling like a failure if my fics don’t surpass a certain number of notes. It’s never gotten so bad that I have been tempted to copy the work of others, but I have worked hard to get myself to a place where I’m reminded why I fell in love with writing in the first place. I’ve disciplined myself not to look at notes, to feel satisfied with what I publish, and to strive to be better with each piece I write.

If it’s the recognition that drives you and not the creative process, then I urge you to reconsider your mindset, because a little known fact is that no amount of praise or kudos will ever feel like it’s enough. It’s addictive, and you will be forever chasing a feeling of satisfaction that you’ll never achieve.

You actually worsen this by stealing the work of others, because while you may receive praise for what is considered to be “your” work, that recognition is empty and meaningless, because you’re receiving compliments for something that isn’t yours. Subconsciously, your mind knows this, so the praise doesn’t scratch the same itch it usually does, so you double down and repeat. It’s a vicious cycle.

Please learn to find love and satisfaction in your writing, or step away until you can. The enjoyment of your craft should never be at the expense of taking from your fellow writers.

[myapothecarydiary]

Thoughts from reading The Apothecary Diaries Manga Ch. 2

Starting off kind of where I ended in ch. 1–with how Jinshi and Maomao overlap in their deduction/style of thinking. The first two panels with Jinshi and the pov on Maomao + the insider information on Gyokuyou work to establish that we're following his perspective, but I think their inner monologues sort of run into and resemble each other.

The similarities in the visuals between these two pages and the information they are conveying, from Jinshi and Maomao's perspectives respectively, solidifies this for me. It's interesting to see the blend of subjective and objective and who we learn certain information about the characters and the world from.

Insight into Jinshi's initial thoughts on Maomao. He views her as a useful pawn and someone he has power over. I also think it's funny how to him she has the defining characteristics of being "freckle-faced" with "poison expertise." He does note her looks as she notes his, but it seems her value comes more from her knowledge and abilities.

And though we later see Jinshi expressing annoyance at using his looks, he appears almost excited at the prospect of using them on Maomao. Maomao's knowledge + Jinshi's looks are also lumped together here as tools and we see he is self-aware about his beauty.

How much is Jinshi planning on using Maomao for work purposes vs his own amusement? It also amuses me that Maomao always comments about him having too much time on his hands but here we see him doing his job and the thought he puts into it.

Here we've got more of both Jinshi's enjoyment of using (or attempting to use) his looks on Maomao + Maomao's "Jinshi has too much free time"

Also more of Maomao as a pawn, something she and others are aware of as well. The different reactions from different characters to the idea of Maomao as a pawn is interesting as well–pity, enjoyment/excitement/satisfaction, resigned acceptance...

Something something poison as a metaphor and Maomao as a metaphor for poison?

Jinshi is smarter than he looks/knows more than he lets on? He is testing her (and her patience lol) Also just look at him/the chibi style

You know what they say about assumptions and conjecture...you can't totally blame them for coming to this conclusion. I just thought it was a cool (and funny) little moment showing others doing as Maomao does, albeit less successfully. There is something to be said for how characters perceive each other.

And though Maomao is all about the social hierarchy and knowing her place (and acting accordingly...well, debatably sometimes), she does not seem to really give a shit what others think about her. One might even call her an eccentric.

And though Maomao aims to respect the hierarchy and act accordingly, she just can't help letting her true feelings slip when dealing with Jinshi's antics (or the antics of his fake persona?). It's like she's being respectful and disrespectful at the same time or really skirting the line.

A small moment that indicates the seriousness of how Jinshi's looks impact how others treat him.

Okay, was his goal to actually have Maomao eat them? Or was it just another test of her knowledge? Both? I also just love the dynamic here with how Gyokuyou is so amused by Jinshi and Maomao's relationship (and specifically Jinshi's behavior regarding Maomao)

Maomao tries to exit stage left as soon as possible where Jinshi is involved. At least for now.

It seems potentially noteworthy that Maomao's first request from Jinshi involves an aphrodisiac (and specifically making one). And that aphrodisiacs are lumped in with medicine + how this volume ends with the discussion of love as medicine (and here we get the phrase "love potion"). There's a sort of overarching theme here. It's also an interesting place to start considering how aphrodisiacs are less grounded than topics later explored in the story.

Also of course Maomao can't imagine Jinshi needing a love potion, yet later you could say he's in need of one to gain the affections of the only girl he cares for XD

End of chapter 2!

[itsclydebitches]

Jonelias thought of the day is that Elias must come across as so stuffy and boring to those at the Institute - which, you know, very much helps hide his true nature - but as an avatar of the Eye and a man determined to avoid the End, Elias is someone whose entire being revolves around the interplay of knowledge and experiences. He's compelled to Know it all and his efforts to avoid death invite him to Experience it all too, a fascinating combination of passive observer and, by virtue of being a 200+ year-old in search of true immortality, an active participant too. This is a man whose longevity and thirst for knowledge invites an obsession with life that contradicts the 'Sits in his office doing nothing but spreadsheets all day' image he's learned to cultivate. (Though, to be clear, he does love the spreadsheets.) And I don't just mean "obsession with life" in the sense of him avoiding the finality of death, but actually loving the act of being alive.

I think a lot of what the fandom (rightly) jokes about in regards to his characterization is a reflection of that obsession. Elias has a relationship with Peter Lukas that goes far beyond the cold practicality of an alliance, hinting at a romance (if you steer towards a LonelyEyes reading), or just Elias' desire to still be able to place bets with someone while he's trying to end the world. Similarly, his powers ensure that he's never truly alone - if he dies, he takes the rest of the Archive with him - forever supplying him with a warped companionship that doesn't threaten him like he perceives he was threatened as Jonah Magnus, with his acquaintances working to complete their own rituals. In true Beholding style, he's got the heart of a fucked-up scientist who's endlessly curious about the world around him: 'Oooh what happens if I let my friend waste away in the Lonely?' He shows up at Jon's birthday party not just to secretly gloat and keep an eye on things (ha), but because he legitimately wants cake. Who wouldn't want cake? What's the point of living forever if you can't have cake?? Well, for an avatar the exquisite sweetness of fear is just as good, but my point stands. Beyond his fear of death, that enjoyment is at the heart of Elias' goal, with Jon describing his experience as the Pupil as a kind of agonized bliss and Elias confirming this by saying he was having the most wonderful dream. Morality aside, he likes interacting with the horror of the Entities, something we saw all the way back during the "[PLEASURED EXHALATION]" scene. Learning new things feels good. Experiencing news things is enjoyable. Learning and experiencing Bad Things is especially nice given his patron. Consistently, Elias' setbacks are met with interest, or a mild annoyance that then eventually settles into satisfaction because they are also new experiences for him and the Eye: going to jail, getting to psychologically torture Martin, having his own secrets exposed. There's a lot throughout the series to imply that Elias enjoys watching Jon become the Key, not just because it means he's succeeding in his goals, but because there's genuine interest and pride in seeing him "grow" by Elias' standards. The repetition of "our world," "our patron," etc. implies a connection; the intention to experience this new world with another, to enjoy it rather than simply exist in it for the mere sake of existence. Elias is a man whose entire essence boils down to, "I NEED TO KNOW ALL THE THINGS, EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING, AND LIVE FOREVER WHILE ACHIEVING THAT, TO UNDERSTAND IT ALL SO I CAN CONTROL IT ALL AND HAVE A DAMN GOOD TIME IN THE PROCESS, EVEN WHILE I SUCCUMB TO THE PRIMAL FEAR THAT DRIVES ME I WILL PARADOXICALLY EMBRACE IT, AND YEAH THAT'S LARGELY BECAUSE I SERVE THE LITERAL GOD OF JUDGY SURVEILLANCE BUT ALSO THAT'S JUST ME."

So anyway, I keep thinking about how this characterization could intersect with S1-2 Jon: prickly, awkward, semi-isolated, desperate to be recognized by someone whose authority he believes in. AKA the boss who, at an unprecedented young age, rose to the top of the Institute they both work at, perceived by those around him as far less interesting than he actually is. Parallels, anyone? Imagine Jon getting to really talk to Elias, realizing how much he has to offer after 200 years of life (though of course he doesn't know that), and just constantly being blindsided by not just the knowledge, but the enthusiasm for everything he's learned and been through - the good and the horrifyingly awful that, despite himself, Jon is equally drawn to. Elias recognizes every quote Jon drops into a conversation and has another witty line to pair it with. He doesn't just indulge his nerdy rambles, but participates in them. He's refined in all the ways that Jon expects - books, opera, music, etc. - and also casually drops in references to acid trips and fucking orgies. Imagine an early series Jon who forms a strong bond with Elias outside of the web (ha x2) he's been weaving, becoming dependent on his friendship and just a little bit completely in love. Elias is inherently fascinating, but he's also just Some Guy, and the combination of that is just perfect for a necrotic Archivist who simultaneously wants to be guided by his 'betters' and prove that he's an equal. Why Elias would be interested in turn barely needs stating: Jon is literally Elias' everything, in a horrifyingly tragic and like, Gothic Romance sense? What would that kind of relationship have changed? It would have likely made Elias' job even easier, but what about Jon?

...I'm not saying that Jon's drive to protect humanity would have been warped into something tragically dangerous if he'd first come to see his intelligent, complex, shockingly kind (from his nonexistent self-esteem POV), secretly-an-eldritch-monster boss as the epitome of humanity... but I'm also not saying it couldn't have!

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

another idea for adams character

"

Adam wiped out the blood from his eye as he crawled out of the hole.

Blood. His blood. The first mortal blood in all of existence. And… it was in his eye.

These… these children had actually cut him. Hurt him, and more than once.

Physically, at least.

Spitting out a tooth, he caught sight of his reflection in a pool of sinner blood as he pulled himself up, clear as a cracked mirror, and it was a face (so normal, the sort he knew that no one could ever pick out of a crowd) he had not deigned to really look at in millennia gazed back at him. When had he last taken off his mask?

He felt his fingers dig into the ground as he looked up, looked at all of those who had dared to stand against God's Plan, against these exterminations. Sinners, Hellborn and that fucking princess the serpent's fucking spawn.

He saw them, all… glaring at him, over the sound of angels dying.

Glaring. Angry, as if… he was in the wrong here!? AS IF HE WAS THE ONE BEING JUDGED!?

He spat out a mouthful of gold blood. "You… don't look at me like that, you… you fucking sinners! At least end this! Kill me! You! You of all creatures don't get to just play the fucking mercy card!"

The spawn shook her head. "We're not going to kill you. Because we're not like you."

The world seemd to crack in the back of Adam's mind, and red flooded his vision. "Are… are you fucking serious right now? YOU!? YOU FUCKING THINGS ARE THE ONES JUDGING ME!?"

He swept his bloody gaze over the sinners in the crowd. "NONE OF YOU WOULD EXIST WITHOUT ME! WITHOUT HER! Paradise… was lost! We lost paradise when those fucking serpents that this fucking princess of yours slithered out of… when they whispered in her ear! In my ear! And yet I still loved her, loved all of you, even after that first bite! We lived to let free will live on, when we could have (should have) just offed ourselves the moment Uriel slammed the gate in our faces! Our fault, but we did it out of love once it started rolling and… and then came THIS!"

He swept a bleeding hand out wide over the bloody sky, the Ring of Pride. "THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL CHOSE TO MAKE OF IT! YOU ALL CHOSE, and you keep choosing, over and over again! As above so below! Cannibals, rapists, liars, murderers, warmongers! And… and I'm the bad guy here!? You think I enjoy doing this!? I'm not the monster here! You think I want to keep killing my children, year after year after year!? And only because that fucking, smarmy serpent and his whore ASKED FOR THIS!?"

The spawn's eyes widened, and yet he could not take any satisfaction from even that, that her daddy had neglected to tell her about that little factoid.

Still, she rallied, that FUCKING LOOK back in her red eyes. "Then why are you the one leading this!? If you hate it… then you could just stop."

At that, Adam felt the rage slip out of him, crystalize into something cold. "Because I've gotten a lot of experience when it comes to disowning wayward children, you little freak. This… this is the bed you and all your little friends made. Don't start pointing fingers just because there are suddenly nails in the mattress."

"

Yeah, Adam learned a long, long time ago that actions have consequences, and it doesn't matter how much you regret them or wish things were different or whine and moan, you have to live with those consequences and carry on. This is a man who lost everything, not only for himself but for every single one of his descendants. Consumed by bitterness and guilt to the point where he can delude himself into thinking his actions against his wayward children are justified, enjoyable even, until confronted with his own misery and he snaps.

Ok

[inkblackorchid]

Me going absolutely insane about Aki

I wanted to make this a nice, coherent post, screenshots and everything, because I feel like it deserves the effort, but in the end, my thoughts completely ran away from me and I guess now I'll just have to inflict whatever stream-of-consciousness mess I can come up with onto people now.

So remember how I talked about the first duel between Aki and Yusei and how it does so much and drives me absolutely insane? Well, that turned into many more thoughts and now I'm basically obsessed with the way Aki and her relationship to pain and destruction are defined at the start through the first third of the show. So I wanna talk about that. Also, warning: LONG post incoming.

We're introduced to this girl who destroys things with her unusual powers and for all we know at that point, she does it on purpose. Yusei doesn't know she can't control these powers at first, we as the audience don't know she can't control these powers at first, hell, Aki herself doesn't know that there's a way for her to learn to control these powers at first. She thinks she has one, she thinks Divine is teaching her, he even goes as far as saying "Only I can stop the rage nesting inside you" (which we're meant to understand as synonymous with her powers because that's how Aki understands it). But the thing is, with hindsight, we know he's lying through his teeth—he's not trying to teach her to control anything. In fact, he wants her to be as destructive as possible. We see this in the way he grows displeased when there's a "shift" in Aki's emotions after Yusei confronts her in the Fortune Cup, causing her powers to weaken because he can't maintain the "vengeful energy" which he links to the strength of her powers.

And I think there's one important thing to take away from that: Aki doesn't want her powers to be destructive. She's trusting Divine to "stop the rage nesting inside her"—she wants the destruction to stop and hopes he can show her how to accomplish that.

However.

At the same time, in the early episodes of Aki's debut, we're also shown that she acts at best indifferent, and at worst delighted at the destruction she causes. She mocks Gil Randsbourg's knightly antics and steals his monster with glee, she beats down the duel profiler to the point of requiring the on-site paramedics, and nowhere is it more explicit than during her first duel with Yusei, where he tells her to her face that she enjoys the destruction she causes while she keeps hurting him. And the thing is, he's not wrong—but he's not entirely right, either.

Rejected by her parents, ostracised by her classmates, and feared by street duellists as the Black Rose witch, Aki feels as isolated, lonely, and wronged as she possibly can, of course. Moreover, Divine gleefully feeds right back into that, what with his whole "only I can help you, only I can accept you, society sees us psychic duellists as threats"-shtick. Because he doesn't actually want to help her, to improve her mental health, or teach her to accept herself. He wants her to stay angry and vengeful because he needs that wrath to feed her powers. That aside—it's not like Aki is wrong to feel that way, honestly. Her parents have wronged her, her classmates have pushed her away, society has failed her. Her anger is justified; the problem is that it's deeply self-destructive, in the long run, which we see precisely in that enjoyment of destruction. She's tearing up her environment, she's hurting people, and she's trying to find petty satisfaction, even joy in it because these people deserve it, they hurt her first, they're the reason she's this angry and alone and hopeless.

But this is where it gets really interesting for me. Because Aki enjoys the destruction... but she also doesn't. For one, we see her express doubts when Divine speaks to her right before the match against Kinomiya/the duel profiler/Commander Koda. They meet in one of the stadium's corridors and Aki is holding the Black Rose Witch mask (which is another thing I need to talk about), and we get this exchange:

That doesn't sound like the response of someone gleefully revelling in the pain she causes, does it? But this goes even deeper, which we see during her duel against Yusei in the Fortune Cup.

So I already said that Yusei's neither completely right nor wrong to say Aki enjoys destruction, but what I wanna look at now is Aki's reaction to him saying it. Her immediate, emotional, no-front, no-pretences reaction.

I guess you could argue that this is her trying to say the socially acceptable thing before she later changes her tune, but you know what? I think it isn't. I think this is actually the truth. Aki tells Yusei to quit the nonsense because what he's saying isn't true, and she doesn't want it to be true.

However, as I mentioned, she does change her tune, later, when Yusei keeps insisting.

She does a complete one-eighty and admits that frightening and hurting people as the Black Rose Witch is fun. And bear with me here, but—I don't think this is a lie, either. Remember, Aki feels no small amount of very justified anger towards all the people who hurt her and pushed her away. So she does enjoy the fear and pain she's causing, to an extent, but at the same time, this isn't who she wants to be (which Yusei correctly identifies when he questions whether Aki herself really takes as much pleasure in causing pain as she pretends to, because this guy is actually better at quickly getting a measure of people's character than the show sometimes gives him credit for, I feel).

So how do these two things, both wanting to cause pain because Aki herself is in pain, and being afraid of hurting others, coexist, then? The key is the Black Rose Witch—and now I get to talk about the mask.

First, we get some interesting insight about the mask by Divine. In the same conversation where Aki expresses concern about hurting people again, Divine takes the mask from her hands and tells her that "she'd part with it once she realises her pride and mission":

More on the "pride and mission" thing a little later, because first, I feel the need to point out something: Aki repeatedly looks distressed when the mask is in reach but she's not allowed to wear it. Why?

Because of this. The Black Rose Witch is not Aki herself, the Black Rose Witch is something Aki created to handle the guilt of constantly hurting others with her powers. The Black Rose Witch is essentially a maladaptive coping mechanism to seperate the part that enjoys hurting others from herself, to pretend it's someone else. And Divine wants her to get rid of this part, because of course he does. He doesn't want Aki to be separate from her impulses for destruction, he wants her to embrace them and revel in them, mask or no mask. Speaking of which, remember her "pride and mission"? With everything we learn about Divine during the show, I don't think it'd be a stretch to say that the "pride and mission" he refers to here is precisely this. He wants her to be proud of her destruction, to accept it as her mission to be an obedient little destroyer for him.

But you know what really gets me?

She can't. She can't do it. She can't let go of the Black Rose Witch, she can't become that person full of hatred and a desire to destroy everything that Divine wants her to be. Because she doesn't want to be. It's the whole reason why the Black Rose Witch exists! Because no matter her anger, no matter how much the world has rejected her, fundamentally, Aki doesn't want to be a person who hurts others and who is indifferent to their pain! And this is brought up repeatedly, during the Fortune Cup and after.

Not to speak of the way she reacts to Misty telling her that she supposedly killed Toby for the first time!

That's not the expression of someone who couldn't care less about the destruction they cause! She even goes as far as insisting there were no young boys at the duel field where Toby was found, hinting at the fact that she was paying attention to that, that she made sure that no matter what destruction she might cause otherwise, no children would be harmed!

Aki has such a deep-seated, repressed desire for kindness and human connection that it pains me to watch her. And it's yet another reason why she clings to Divine like a lifeline, because she thinks he's genuinely the only person in the entire world who's willing to offer her that.

And you know what's extremely ironic? The moment Divine is suddenly ripped away from Aki (and good riddance), he almost gets what he wants.

In that one, anguished, recently traumatised moment, faced with the two people who started her whole cycle of rejection and self-hatred, Aki is completely ready to become the monster everyone called her and that Divine wanted after all. It only took taking everything she thought she had left away from her.

And what finally snaps her out of it?

Granted, Yusei has already laid some groundwork towards changing her mind here (and we love him for it), but here, where not one, but two people are completely ready to face up to her terrifying powers, approach her, and accept her anyway, while ADMITTING that they can't help her/are afraid of her/failed her (and I am convinced that this gesture means even more precisely because Yusei and Aki's dad both aren't psychics), she reaches out and...

Upon having her pain acknowledged, upon seeing that people are willing to reach out to her and offer her that kindness and human connection she's been craving for an eternity after all, even though her powers are still there and could still hurt them, she can finally let go of the impulse to hurt the people who have hurt her for long enough to control her powers by herself and choose not to hurt one of the two people she arguably has the most reason to be angry at. And I know some people hate that she forgave her dad because he didn't deserve it—and I get it. I do. Hideo Izayoi has so much to make up for, it's unlikely he'll ever accomplish it in his lifetime. But he tries, and the much more important thing is that Aki accepts that he's willing to try. Because, and I can't stress this enough, this is about her. It's not about her father, and it's not about Yusei. It's about her. All Yusei does in both duels with her is drop some insights at her feet and extend his hand halfway—hell, he even admits he can't save her! But Aki can, and she chooses to. She chooses to accept her father's apology and try being with her family again, she chooses to accept Yusei's friendship and help save the world (because he specifically requests her help, to boot), and she chooses to let go of her anger and her hatred. Because it's what she wants, and it's who she is, beneath the facade of the Black Rose Witch. And even though I can 100% understand people who think she should have ditched her parents, I think Aki's whole progression up to this point is a beautiful representation of forgiveness—because in the end, that forgiveness is not for her father. It's for her. It's so she can start healing from all the hurt inside herself, and I think she deserves that.

I honestly don't remember whether I originally had another point I wanted to get to, but yeah. In conclusion, season one and two Aki is a fantastically written character and I love her to death.

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 171.1

The battle between the immortals is played for laughs, but the way that each of their arguments is connected to their core character traits makes me think it's indicative of more deeply ingrained conflicts. Let's break it down!

Tonari's same old same old. She feels indebted to the people she loves, Fushi especially, and believes that if she wants to be around them, she needs to be able to pull her weight. She doesn't think she has any helpful skills apart from a base level of poison resistance, so that's what she focuses on. Tonari puts a lot of emphasis on how "useful" it is when she dies, on whether or not her death helped her friends or not. She puts herself down and uses herself like a tool for the sake of the people she loves.

Gugu is similar to Tonari in that he uses his body like a tool for the benefit of his friends. As an impoverished, abandoned child—also very similar to Tonari—Gugu thought his only attribute was physical labor, especially after he had his accident and from his point of view, lost his humanity. Gugu got into his accident in the first place because he put himself in harm's way to save Rynn. It's a mark of how little he values his safety.

The main difference between Gugu and Tonari, in this case, is that Tonari sees herself the same as other people, which is to say: bad. Humanity is all a bunch of assholes, and she's no different. Her friends are the rare exception. Whereas Gugu sees all of humanity as fundamentally good. And Gugu, being a monster, is below them. So Gugu is willing to lay down his life for everyone, and Tonari is willing to do it for the people she loves (yes I know she literally says she does it "for everyone" but she's only talking about the people in the park with her).

Messar says that he's enjoying his life but he keeps dying in horrible ways. He froze to death nine fucking times and hasn't learned his lesson. Is that really enjoyable? It seems more like he's disguising a disregard for his own well-being as freedom. And as Hylo says, he has no purpose, so he's just kind of stagnant right now. It's, uh... It's giving depression.

If Messar is too hedonistic, then Hylo is too restrained. By setting goals for himself, like saving all of Renryrr or becoming a baker, he's able to get a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that makes him happy. But he has no chill. Those goals are the will to live that he thinks are so important. Without those goals, he's no different than Messar. Only Messar is able to find the worth of moments spent doing nothing.

This is also literally the same shit they said in Chapter 165.1. This argument has been going on for five hundred years.

Messar "left unhappiness back in Renryrr," referring to when Alme died. His reason for living was to protect her, he was literally unable to move after she died and got killed by a knocker. Moving on is all well and good, but if his recklessness is any indication, he hasn't moved on at all, he's just trying not to think about it. As Hylo—who has actually done the work to move forward after the loss of his foster mother—points out, you can't really call that happy. Hylo is so harsh on Messar because he used to be aimless as well. But Hylo found something to pursue in the Renryrr arc and Messar isn't even looking.

In her first life, March agreed to be sacrificed because it was the way to keep the most people safe. She didn't want her friend or her little sister and their parents to be hurt, so she went along with Hayase's plan. She also died saving Parona's life. At this point in time her idea of a good life/good death was similar to Tonari's and Gugu's—that is, to use her death to make the people she loves happy. But as a ghost, she saw firsthand how much her death affected Parona. Being dead wasn't better for the people around her like she thought it was. Now the way she doesn't make everyone sad is by staying alive. She encourages others to do the same, as seen in this chapter when she chastises Messar for not taking care of himself.

March also takes this into account during important decisions, like when Fushi consults their friends on whether they should take the Beholder's powers or not and she calmly tells them that the choice is theirs. A huge difference from the time she freaked out when they told her they would be losing consciousness indefinitely at the end of the previous era. March's way of living is at odds with Tonari and Gugu's way of dying, but they're all dedicating themselves to the people they love.

Bon doesn't get involved in arguments, ever since the Renryrr arc he's relegated himself to a mediator/advisor role. He avoids having any contrary opinions and goes with what will placate the most people. I can't say much more about him because he almost never gives away what he's really thinking (sadly he is not a perspective character anymore), but this is definitely a continuing pattern. It's a shame because he's actually pretty good at decision making, although he stepped down due to the number of poor choices he made during the Renryrr arc.

Kai, and Eko don't care very much about the best death argument, which doubles as a "whose life has the most meaning" argument. I wonder if it's because they found a reason to live by working as mechanics and transferring their good points to people within the system, so they don't feel as insecure about it.

Well, that's that! I think their squabbling was a neat way to introduce the issues that'll be explored in this arc and to show how Fushi's friends have adjusted to immortality. The doll point blank asks them why they're alive, and in a roundabout way she gets an answer: they're alive to die.

[jakeperalta]

I’m not in the “you need to know everything about Taylor’s life to understand her music” because I think that gets out of hand with all the speculation and makes me uncomfortable, but in answer to your question, I absolutely do look up other artists when I get into their music to learn more about their lives and how their experiences may have affected their music. I studied literature in college, and understanding an author’s background/beliefs/history is important to understanding their art contextually. You as the audience don’t have to agree with the author’s intent or interpret their work in the way they meant it, but knowing the things that led them to producing it can help put it in context. So I try to do that with the artists I listen to to as well, and I do think it’s important — for instance, a lot of Bleachers’ music makes much more sense with the knowledge that Jack Antonoff’s little sister died when he was a teenager. I don’t think it’s necessary for enjoyment by any means (and again, the rampant speculation about Taylor’s dating life makes me uncomfortable) but I do really enjoy analyzing the music I listen to, so it’s something I take into account.

oh this is so wild to me (in no way in a bad way to you, just one of those things where you realise your own experience is not universal lol). I actually also studied literature but funnily enough I feel like if anything that only made me place less emphasis on the artist/writer (it often wasn't something I looked into and was almost never mentioned or relevant to my arguments in essays). I guess for me I just get more like satisfaction/enjoyment from making connections and parallels between songs, drawing out themes within albums etc based only on the work itself — although I'm not like entirely opposed to learning pieces of information as additional context (Bleachers was an example I was also thinking of, where for me learning about Jack losing his sister was a case of "oh so that's what happened specifically" that was just sort of extra detail to backup the themes of grief and loss that were already evident). of course it's all just personal preference and there's no right or wrong way to enjoy music!

[megashadowdragon]

Adam wiped out the blood from his eye as he crawled out of the hole.

Blood. His blood. The first mortal blood in all of existence. And… it was in his eye.

These… these children had actually cut him. Hurt him, and more than once.

Physically, at least.

Spitting out a tooth, he caught sight of his reflection in a pool of sinner blood as he pulled himself up, clear as a cracked mirror, and it was a face (so normal, the sort he knew that no one could ever pick out of a crowd) he had not deigned to really look at in millennia gazed back at him. When had he last taken off his mask?

He felt his fingers dig into the ground as he looked up, looked at all of those who had dared to stand against God's Plan, against these exterminations. Sinners, Hellborn and that fucking princess the serpent's fucking spawn. He saw them, all… glaring at him, over the sound of angels dying.

Glaring. Angry, as if… he was in the wrong here!? AS IF HE WAS THE ONE BEING JUDGED!? He spat out a mouthful of gold blood. "You… don't look at me like that, you… you fucking sinners! At least end this! Kill me! You! You of all creatures don't get to just play the fucking mercy card!"

The spawn shook her head. "We're not going to kill you. Because we're not like you."

The world seemd to crack in the back of Adam's mind, and red flooded his vision. "Are… are you fucking serious right now? YOU!? YOU FUCKING THINGS ARE THE ONES JUDGING ME!?" He swept his bloody gaze over the sinners in the crowd. "NONE OF YOU WOULD EXIST WITHOUT ME! WITHOUT HER! Paradise… was lost! We lost paradise when those fucking serpents that this fucking princess of yours slithered out of… when they whispered in her ear! In my ear! And yet I still loved her, loved all of you, even after that first bite! We lived to let free will live on, when we could have (should have) just offed ourselves the moment Uriel slammed the gate in our faces! Our fault, but we did it out of love once it started rolling and… and then came THIS!"

He swept a bleeding hand out wide over the bloody sky, the Ring of Pride. "THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL CHOSE TO MAKE OF IT! YOU ALL CHOSE, and you keep choosing, over and over again! As above so below! Cannibals, rapists, liars, murderers, warmongers! And… and I'm the bad guy here!? You think I enjoy doing this!? I'm not the monster here! You think I want to keep killing my children, year after year after year!? And only because that fucking, smarmy serpent and his whore ASKED FOR THIS!?"

The spawn's eyes widened, and yet he could not take any satisfaction from even that, that her daddy had neglected to tell her about that little factoid.

Still, she rallied, that FUCKING LOOK back in her red eyes. "Then why are you the one leading this!? If you hate it… then you could just stop."

At that, Adam felt the rage slip out of him, crystalize into something cold. "Because I've gotten a lot of experience when it comes to disowning wayward children, you little freak. This… this is the bed you and all your little friends made. Don't start pointing fingers just because there are suddenly nails in the mattress."

comments toward it

Wr1teAn0n

Wow! Great stuff!

Yeah, Adam learned a long, long time ago that actions have consequences, and it doesn't matter how much you regret them or wish things were different or whine and moan, you have to live with those consequences and carry on. This is a man who lost everything, not only for himself but for every single one of his descendants. Consumed by bitterness and guilt to the point where he can delude himself into thinking his actions against his wayward children are justified, enjoyable even, until confronted with his own misery and he snaps.

I can see it. Obviously, she's the child of his ex and his former 'boss' who conspired to ruin his life, but also the fact that she's so achingly, genuinely wholesome and good despite her heritage, while his son became the first murder victim and his other the first murderer.

I also would think Adam deeply hates Charlie for a number of reasons.

Charlie might even remind Adam of Abel, but in a way that only makes him hate her more.

Also Charlie could have been Adams kid,which has definitely got to sting.

@bottlepiecemuses

[audoodle]

persona 5 party and how gay I think they are (also I get very distracted writing post canon ideas and write a lot about haru)

(also disclaimer I'm going to be describing anime girls as butch and femme I know that NONE of these characters are anywhere close to butch because the men who made this game don't know what that is. I'm talking pure head canons. I promise I'm not trying to convince you haru as she exists is butch)

joker - he's a he/him lesbian and if you don't see it I hope you get better.

ryuji - dude doesn't know what he is. people keep telling him he's bi and has had it explained many times but it doesn't add up in his brain.

morgana - your kitty hatred has blinded you from the fact that there's something gender in this cat. nobody knows not even him. nobody has really bothered to figure out.

ann - I could go one of two ways with ann. on one hand she's got like a real adult job and defined sense of style so I could see that just being how she carries herself for a long time but also she's like 17? I could easily see her having a breakdown and completely restyling herself into something more punk and alt because of how much of her image was built up by people not around her. oh she's a lesbian also but you knew that.

yusuke - the least gay. dude is like harry styles or that soccer mom that looks like a lesbian. he just dresses like that and is like "what??? no I don't like men how silly." maybe he'll like men later once he stops being absolutely weird to people and asking them to strip for him but right now he's the straight one to me. (am I a yusuke hater yes)

makoto - makoto is a lesbian and makoto is more femme than you think actually. like after she gives up on being a cop and decides to do literally anything else she relaxes and connects with a feminity she never got to fully explore. she can't really leave her old style behind fully and is probably ending up a he/she and just presents differently based on the day.

futaba - futaba is our most obvious contender for a trans woman lesbian as well as a character who's already trans before the events of the game but honestly imagining that I think that would mean she has the most awful 4chan brainworms about being trans and combined with her depression it she ends up with a lot of self loathing. it's a bad time and as makoto learns more about how she wants to present she realizes how insane futaba sounds (a fight breaks out when futaba calls makoto a theyfab).

or honestly? I can kind of see trans guy or cis ally lesbian futaba? like I could them being the absolute weird 4chan trans lesbian but I could also see her being the kind of girl who trans girls flock to because she's pretty and is also way too online. and then she's like mid 20s and is dating a trans girl she met off 2chan and being like "I used to say kek but if you call someone a passoid one more time I'm going to fucking destroy you."

haru - I said makoto was more femme than you think and maybe you saw this coming but haru is more butch than you think. similar to ann her entire aesthetic is built by what was expected of her and now that she's free of that she kind of accidentally falls into something more butch. I think an underrated aspect of haru's character is how much she enjoys violence.

like obviously we talk about sadist haru as a haha funny but I find something very compelling about the fact that haru has an intrinsic enjoyment of combat. other female characters like ann and makoto talk about feeling uncomfortable and scared in the metaverse while it seems to be a fantastic stress relief for haru. it's probably the most physical activity she's ever done. her satisfaction doesn't come from taking down a target (because you know. taking down her dad didn't go well and then after that she's in the endgame where it's really really do or die). it comes from the process of being in the metaverse and fighting shadows.

and she learns that working up a sweat, destroying things, and getting her heart racing are all things she learns are good for her mentally. after the events of the game when her outlet for that is gone she tries to find something more sustainable to do with her energy from fencing (a safe form of combat and competition), to weightlifting (so she build up more muscles now that she can't summon a persona), and finding something like axe throwing to do as a way to use an axe of some sort again.

I think her green thumb nature stops her form getting a lumberjack occupation so she doesn't get much excuse to use a full size axe and something more aggressive like boxing or MMA she doesn't actually have it in her to hurt someone else so intentionally like that. so she isn't fully back to where she was mentally when fighting shadows but its a routine that really works for her and allows her to relieve stress and gets her stronger so she can work on her gardening which gets more and more physically demanding as she expands her garden more and more.

I think one time the group meets up for the first time after a few months maybe a year and someone (probably ryuji) is like "damn haru you're like the most built of any of us now! right on man!" and haru is like "huh?" because she still sees herself as the way she had been set up to see herself for her teen years. she spends that night looking at old photos of herself and it finally hits her how much her freedom has changed her for the better. how when she was 17 she couldn't have imagined what she would be like now but now she can't imagine anything else.

I still think she dresses femme pretty often when she's going out to fancy parties for work or meeting up with friends. she hasn't given up anything from exporing this part of herself. she's just become a more well rounded (and far too busy) person.

oh uh where was I?

oh yeah she's bisexual. by the way.

akechi - oh this is a gay boy. he thinks joker is into him but joker thinks akechi is also a lesbian. like when akechi kills joker in the interrogation room he's like "so sad to kill the only gay guy I know my age. if things were different..." and then in third semester joker is like "I heard the recording. I'm a lesbian are you not a lesbian???"

yoshizawa - dog I don't know what her deal is. honestly I think she's straight. she doesn't seem like she thinks about romance enough to have an opinion so she's probably comphet.

sophie - she likes girls but doesn't know why. (I could probably write a lot of thoughts about sophia being an AI and how she sees love but the post fell off the rails once and I haven't played strikers since it came out so)

zenkichi - dude is too sad about being a single dad to realize he's probably bisexual.

[terribleoldwhitemen]

39 and 35 <3

these are so thoughtful :')

35. What's your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

When I was in college one of my professors offered a novel writing class. to enroll, you had to sign a contract pledging to get up at 4am, every single day, to produce pages of your novel for in-class critique. the professor believed that this was the only way to commit to finishing a novel. but I had a part-time job and didn't get home until 1030pm, and there were only so many credit hours I could afford each semester, in both money and time. my reluctance to put those aside obviously meant I didn't care enough about my writing, I thought, so I didn't take the class.

which is all to say that "write every day"/"ass in seat" is not universal. your brain has to be wired a very certain way to be capable of it, and your life also has to be wired a certain way to make it sustainable. I'm still learning how to not feel guilty when I don't hold myself to a writing schedule, but that is so much healthier for me than expecting the opposite.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

that's a really good one. I've had this ask in a draft since yesterday trying to nail down the feeling. I think there is my own stubborn pride, which comes from the leftover expectations and frustrations from years of unfinished wips and undiagnosed adhd. that's a given. but there is also...the craving to see a realized thing? writing is the closest I can get to preserving something that otherwise exists only in my brain, and given how fickle brains are, preservation is appealing. to be able to hold (figuratively) a tangible (figuratively) fulfillment of a compelling idea? to have captured something I didn't want to lose in a way that meant I never would? that satisfaction and enjoyment remains no matter how many times I reread, and wanting those things is often enough to keep me muddling through. (along with the aforementioned adhd brainworms.)

[justforbooks]

Why I am deleting Goodreads and maybe you should, too

I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed reading a book where my enjoyment wasn’t tied to the euphoric sense of achievement I got from finishing it. This is not because I don’t love reading, or would rather watch television. No, it’s because of a little app on my phone called Goodreads.

Home to about 90 million readers worldwide, Goodreads is a website that lets users track their reading and broadcast their tastes to the world – or, in my case, a few friends and vague acquaintances. At its core, it’s a harmless concept: an online community for bookworms, and an opportunity to discover new books your friends have loved.

It’s also extremely satisfying. Since joining Goodreads a few years ago, the annual roundup I receive tallying up the books I have finished that year has become the clinching point of my reading experience. I get a buzz from increasing my reading goal every 12 months, and from comparing how many pages I’ve turned or hours of audiobooks I’ve listened to with other people’s numbers. I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I update my “progress” with a book.

But that’s exactly what’s wrong with Goodreads: it turns reading into an achievement. Quantifying, dissecting and broadcasting our most-loved hobbies sucks the joy out of them. I find myself glancing towards the corner of the page to see how much I’ve read. I compare the thickness of the read pages I hold in my left hand to the unread ones in my right. Even when absorbed in the climax of a story, one eye is always on my proximity to the end, when I’ll be able to post it all to Goodreads.

It’s not just our reading habits that have been gamified. From our runs on Strava to the films we’ve watched on Letterboxd, there’s now a popular app to quantify all our hobbies. But with reading come the associations of intelligence and work that are not granted to our habitual consumption of other art forms; if I documented the amount of television I watch, I would feel more embarrassed than triumphant. This is why tracking my reading activity on Goodreads is far more performative than I have previously admitted to myself: I love reading, but I also love the feeling of people thinking I’m well read.

While some people’s qualms with Goodreads are rooted in its clunky interface, or the fact that it is owned by Amazon, mine lie in its very concept. Reading is something I do to relax, learn and enjoy. It’s not just that I don’t need a pie chart detailing my reading habits, the chart has poisoned the whole experience. Even if I were to switch to another book app without the social aspect, I know that I would remain obsessed with finishing books over enjoying them.

It’s human nature to get a sense of satisfaction from seeing something through to the end. But, without Goodreads, it won’t matter if I give up on a book I’m not bothered about halfway through, because no one will know or care – as if they did anyway. I won’t be self-conscious if I read yet another thriller bought in a supermarket deal, instead of something others would consider as smarter or better.

If Goodreads provides a sense of community, good recommendations and doesn’t make you obsess over what you’re reading or how much, then great. Maybe it’s just a few of us who aren’t compatible with it, and end up developing a toxic relationship that distracts from the magic of getting lost in a book. But right now I am reading my first book Goodreads-free since I installed the app. It feels just like it did when I was a child, with no awareness of what others think about what I’m reading, how quickly I’m reading it, or what I haven’t read. From now on, my reading habits are staying between me and my book.

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

[flockrest]

everybody's asleep! time to post kido thoughts because i have so many things brewing in my head about him that i can never seem to word to my satisfaction and i am finally taking the leap and treating him like my canon muses in that you know what? the studies focusing solely on him do not have to be neat either!!

loves his dad. hates his dad. loves his dad enough to keep the quill from his feathered spear — the last physical connection to him he's got — to bind to the braided cord he receives from nekk for his growing semiplumes as a statement of you are still something to me. hates his dad enough that he never gave his weapon its proper rites by burning it in a funerary bonfire, which wouldn't be a problem if he also did not refuse to take it up in any shape or form ( nekk's still got it in his aerie, collecting dust ). it's complicated.

has healed enough from the loss that he can think of his dad and anything to do with him without ever feeling like his stomach's being pried open to be turned inside-out by the time totk rolls around. still wounded to the point of rejecting customary warrior training and finding that extensive, emphasised talk of warriorhood in general, a literal cultural hallmark, makes him genuinely anxious and even a little angry. just a little. he can at least immerse himself in the mythic touch and triumph of Songs.

loves revail. hates revali. still has all his Songs memorised and could recite the older ones by heart, still gets dreams of being buoyed up above the skies by what he imagines would be his gale, still quietly thinks he's one of the coolest people peaks among the ripples will ever have to grace their history. also can't feel normal about him in any single conversation. also gets irrationally mad when anyone goes on and on about him, the ( mostly silent ) critic to the enjoyer. also rather unhealthily, if only subconsciously, clings onto the idea that his dad chose revali and his legacy over himself — not in the "oh, i was not enough" way ( though he did have a stint of this ), but in the "oh, of course he'd choose someone so amazing like master revali over me" way. the idea of revali is the last thing connecting him to his past with his dad, where he was still present, and kido hasn't decided whether he wants to burn that bridge or reinforce it.

but hey, here's to fluffier things! is contender for the one with the best fine motor control among his peers. though he doesn't feel a passion for it, and would much rather something else at his current age, he does hold his clothier apprenticeship with nekk near and dear to his heart for giving him an outlet he very sorely needed and the inability to ( physically and emotionally ) self-isolate as he wanted to in the worst of his grief.

cartography came a bit out of nowhere, but at the same time it's perfectly fitting. he legitimately enjoys travelling, even if his initial taste for it came in little bites of attempted-and-failed rescue missions. and maybe he wants to make sure he'll be able to find anyone he cares about in the future, huh? maybe he wants to be able to pinpoint exactly where anyone could've gone no matter what. bonus points: it's an artisan's life, not a warrior's one! score! ( < is going to be so upset when he finds out that learning to at least know how to defend himself is a compulsory step in graduating from fledgling to globetrotter )

[i-like-turkey]

I want to echo the gratitude from the last posted ask. Your extremely generous and prolific Kacy offerings (AGGN and every other fic you’ve written) have had a profound effect on my life. I’m in no way a writer and compared to my friends, not much of a reader. But the way you write has given me a new outlook on life and what healthy relationships should be, not only in practice but also what everyone should strive to achieve in writing fiction.

I think (unfortunately) most people, young people especially, get a lot of their behavior standards from media. Your depictions of what internal processing of hard feelings and honest open communication between 2 people in their 20s in AGGN and 30s in present day stories, is IMHO a great model to follow.

Can’t really understand why, but your writing has been so enjoyable to read, it’s actually made me seek out reading way more (fiction and nonfiction) and mindlessly scroll way less. It’s been a lovely surprise to discover that I can find this much satisfaction reading non-AO3 writing. Bonus I feel like I’m actually being mentally stimulated and learning a bunch of random new stuff.

It’s really disappointing to see how disrespectful and insensitive people can be. And though I don’t know you in any capacity outside of what you’ve shared in your comments and Twitter and here, my heart still hurts for you. You’ve been so generous in sharing tidbits of your life and your process and how candid you are in sharing how personal your writing is. And on top of all that, to open an anonymous inbox solely to spam the tags of a show we ALL love and want to save, those fools took advantage and crossed boundaries you’ve been repeatedly clear about.

This ended up being way way longer than I anticipated but again, thank you for your transparency. I wish you positive and productive vibes. May Pepperoni’s training continue to advance. Thank you for changing my life (and likely many others). You’re a gift to this community and I hope shit gets better soon.

I think (unfortunately) most people, young people especially, get a lot of their behavior standards from media. Your depictions of what internal processing of hard feelings and honest open communication between 2 people in their 20s in AGGN and 30s in present day stories, is IMHO a great model to follow.

I LOVE this so much! Cause I agree with you about where young folks are getting their ideas. I've seen way too much shit on sm where people are holding up troubling behavior as ok and it's concerning. So I'm very purposefully working healthy relationships and healthy communication and safe, consensual sex into my fics.

Necessary caveat, fiction is fiction. Unhealthy, toxic stuff is fine. But people need to realize it's unhealthy and toxic and not something to emulate and that doesn't always seem to be the case.

Can’t really understand why, but your writing has been so enjoyable to read, it’s actually made me seek out reading way more (fiction and nonfiction) and mindlessly scroll way less. It’s been a lovely surprise to discover that I can find this much satisfaction reading non-AO3 writing. Bonus I feel like I’m actually being mentally stimulated and learning a bunch of random new stuff.

I'm so glad that you're reading more. It's a wonderful habit. One I don't actually do as much of now that I'm writing just because I'm way too tired to read at the end of the day. But it's def one of the best ways to learn stuff. Keep doing it and you'll get better at crosswords and Jeopardy and trivia!

It’s really disappointing to see how disrespectful and insensitive people can be. And though I don’t know you in any capacity outside of what you’ve shared in your comments and Twitter and here, my heart still hurts for you. You’ve been so generous in sharing tidbits of your life and your process and how candid you are in sharing how personal your writing is. And on top of all that, to open an anonymous inbox solely to spam the tags of a show we ALL love and want to save, those fools took advantage and crossed boundaries you’ve been repeatedly clear about.

tbh I kinda knew this was gonna happen. My ask box here got really messy a while back and that's part of the reason I'm not around much anymore. And yeah, my writing is really personal. It's helping me heal from an ongoing scary situation, but also decades ago grief and trauma including the trauma from the thing that triggered me 😬

This ended up being way way longer than I anticipated but again, thank you for your transparency. I wish you positive and productive vibes. May Pepperoni’s training continue to advance. Thank you for changing my life (and likely many others). You’re a gift to this community and I hope shit gets better soon.

You're welcome and thank you for reaching out. I absolutely will be back within 30 days. I think this little break is gonna be good for me though. I'm gonna be way more productive now that I'm not devoting part of my head to twitter bs.

[pussy-free-forever]

PUSSY FREE FOREVER

PUSSY FREE FOREVER! My name is loren and I am 52 years old. I have been in a cuckold relationship for almost 10 years. I get questions all the time from girlfriends and male partners about being married to a man that is pussy free. I tell them that being pussy free is the whole point of being a cuckold. True cuckolds are submissive and only want the mistress to be sexually satisfied.

Cucks find the longing and craving for pussy without the ability to have sex, addicting. It’s the responsibility of the Mistress to make sure the cuck can’t pleasure a pussy, including hers. Most Mistresses ween their cuck off pussy early in the lifestyle. There is no reason for a cuchold to fuck. The term Pussy Free is fairly new within the cuckold community. But it describes perfectly the state of the cuckold. Cuckolds give up their right to pussy when they decide to become a cuck. A true cuck has no issue with it. He knows he could not satisfy his Mistress or any other women, so he doesn’t even try. Why is a cuck so much different than a real man? I would say it’s because cucks see themselves as useless to a woman sexually. There are many reasons for this, they may have problems with getting erections, a small penis, they may be sterile and don’t ejaculate. My husband was all of the above. He was on the small side, lost his erections often and was unable to really shoot any sperm.

As I learned more and more about cuckolding and how the pleasure of the Mistress is the focus of the relationship, I became more aware of the power of having a ruined cuck. Ruining the cuck is a process some Mistresses draw a lot of enjoyment from. The idea is to cause the cuck to be unable to stimulate the Mistress sexually or any female. The Mistress gets a great peice of mind and satisfaction that her cuck will always remain pussy free. I would make comments to my cuck all the time that he needed to have his little useless testicles removed. I wanted them removed as a trophy to me. When I am out having great sex with a well hung guy it makes me excited to know that I made my cuck a Eunuch. Plus, it helps him keep his Pussy Free commitment. I love the feeling of thinking about him not having his little clit in a pussy for years now. I know many would think I am mean or cruel, but you need to understand the cuckold lifestyle. The wife fucks real men with great cocks and heavy balls. The cuck, waits at home and rubs his clit, while thinking about how hard his wife is getting fucked, he loves that way more than having intercourse. He waits for his reward, a sperm filled pussy to eat.

It was great having my cuck neutered, he improved dramatically, more sweet, loving and supportive. His testicles were small but still making some testosterone. Once gone it’s great. He hardly looks at women when we are out. One side effect? He loves cock now. I like it, but some women might find it a little weird. He is not interested in pussy. He likes to clean me up after dates, but I know he just wants the cum.

A while back he started showing me pics of cucks having their dick heads cut off. I was freaked out at first, but once I talked to cucky about it I started to get it. He told me that the head was very sensitive and that’s where most of the pleasure comes from during sex. I had never really thought of it, but that head is what feels good during sex in my pussy, and it’s the part I like to suck when giving a blow job. What’s the difference I love his nut less crotch. So, If we cut the head of the snake he will not be capable of ever entering a pussy. He would finally be completely worthless to me and any woman as a man. That is awesome. Pussy free guaranteed. So, I agreed totally with the concept. I loved the idea of snipping the head off.

It’s been a few months now since we had the head removed. I love the look for him. He is a true Eunuch now. No balls, No nasty little dick head. Just a short little shaft. The foreskin covers the stub, so it looks natural, you wouldn’t know the head is gone. But, when the skin is pulled back you can see a flat stub end. I love it. He can still have orgasm, he can stroke the short shaft and bring an orgasm. He is completely ruined. Pussy Free Forever. 

[pasioncezane05]

What do you do when your school gives you a semestral break after exams?

I, Cezane Krishna G. Pasion, a freshman in the Regional Science High school for Region 02 and this is what i did after our 2nd Quarterly examination break. Why do students need a semestral break after exams? It provides students with a pause from academic commands.

As a RegSciHigher and a dormer, I experienced a lot during my freshman year in the Regional Science High school. Highschool is not easy! You have to go through a lot before even going to Senior High and College; high school prepare us before we go to a much harder lessons. During school days, I was not able to see my family face-to-face for five days and without my parents' support I will not be able to come this far. Without further ado, this is what I did during our semestral break.

On the first day, the day after the 2nd Quarterly Examination my parents told me and my siblings to come with them to withns and celebrate the Bambanti festival. We headed to our booth to take a photo and look at our booth which is the  Municipality of Burgos, the design of each booths we saw were mesmerizing and unique in their own way. Next, we watched the Miss Isabela 2024; the candidates were all beautiful and stunning during the pageant.

On the 2nd day, my brother and I were just left at home because my little brother was at school and my parents were at work. While i was in the house, i decided to find new hobbies for me to try. I also learned about our next lessons in our subjects. I also tried to stay up late but I couldn't because I was too sleepy at that moment but even if i try to stay up late, my parents would get mad since I would just ended up waking up late.

On the 3rd day, we returned to Bambanti festival to watch street dance, concerts and the awarding. I stared at them saying "How can they do it that good?" came up my mind especially the concert since the mixes of their voices were just beautiful to hear. Even Julie Ann San Jose came up to the stage of the sports complex she sang so pleasing and ravishingly. When it was time to announce the awardees, we got second place for the best scare crow.

On the last day of Bambanti festival, my cousin said she wanted to go with us because there would be another concert since she didn't go to the previous days and today was the last day of the Bambanti festival. We screamed because we saw THE JUANS and they were so good at singing and playing the piano, drums and electric guitar so well. After the concert, we ate popcorn and street foods and roamed around Bambanti festival.

I also had a sleepover with my elementary friends at my house for a little reunion after a long time of not seeing each other since we go to different school for the reason that they didn't pass the 1st screening test in Regional Science. I all missed spending time with them; our hangouts during elementary days were never never a forgetful memory, "them", being a part of my elementary journey is unforgettable. We made most of the time chatting, playing, sharing gossips and telling what we do in school for better and fun entertainment; we also did a movie marathon to really enjoy the little time with them.

Church is a place where we worship the God, and each Catholic people go to church on Sundays. I also go to church every Sunday to pray and listen to the lectures of the Father. I also eat the Ostya given by the church, kneel down and pray.

With the help of technology and multimedia, we can use them in order to appease boredom and give entertainment. It is also a form of activity that holds the attention and interest of an audience or gives pleasure and delight.

All happiness is a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction and meaning. That's what our lives need enjoyment and freedom. We need to enjoy our lives every time since we only live once.

There is always someone who always listens and tells heart-warming comforts. We can always learn from our downs in order to go up. Don't let someone ruin the dreams, plans and mostly your confidence on how to stand up by yourself and go up yourself. There is nothing impossible if we try, just keep on trying and trying until we reach.

Confidence is the key to succeed in life, without the full confidence we can't do anything. Feeling sure of yourself and your abilities. Being insecure about what we do isn't going to make a change in our life. Insecure is just thinking about what people think about us and that makes us lose the confidence we need to succeed.

Semestral break is good for students especially after a tough week. Everyone even teachers need a long break in order to have a peace of mind and we all have personal intentions. Going out or staying at home, having a short break from school was truly a lightweight feeling in the body.

A never ending saga of learning will soon be paid off if we do our best in our studies. Every up and down will all be worth it in the end. Trust on yourself and we can do all the things working together.

In conclusion, a good break starts with peace, learning new hobbies, and having a great time. We need to spend our rest days full of enjoyment and memories together with our loved ones. Like spending time with our families, we can share our problems and they can be our listeners and our friends who were always listening and there for me always.