#and how like if youre a person who sees the source as sort of dynamic and malleable that you wonder things like this

[monstersinthecosmos]

i feel like slightly younger than marius mael is the best just for flavor reasons lol. reeaally curious to know what you think

I think I usually land on slightly younger but not like a baby. Like early 30s maybe. BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOME THOUGHTS OF WHY I LIKE EACH OR WHY EACH COULD WORK:

Under 30: First of all because of Jesse's chapter in QOTD--Maharet was turned around age 20 I think? And for Jesse, I'm sure there's that sort of uncanny thing where your mind fills in blanks and makes excuses, like, her "aunt" has been around her whole life so like gee golly I guess she just looks young for her age! Except that there's like the vampire uncanniness too, so whatever you judge as an age doesn't super matter. So like, Mael blending in as one of her guy friends in his early 20s would make sense. Jesse DOES also clock him as not being human, so again I think the uncanniness might not make her peg either of them as a certain age.

I do worry if this clashes with the idea that he could properly be a priest? Caesar said that it takes 20 years to train a priest, but A) A lot of what Caesar said is like anti-Keltoi propaganda and might not be accurate since the Druids famously never left anything in writing, so there's very little first hand information about them. B) MAYBE IT'S OKAY BECUASE IN VC-VERSE TESKHAMEN IS REAL AND MAEL WAS REALLY COMMUNING WITH HIM SO IF THERE WAS LIKE MAGIC AFOOT IN THE COMMUNITY MAYBE HE GOT FAST TRACKED OR RESPECTED AS BEING SPECIAL IDK. I can work with it and make excuses lol.

I LOVE the idea of him being like a young man because of how much madder that would make Marius, plus the way he likes to mentor young blonde men lol. But it might like hurt him even worse if the author of all his misfortunate is like SOME KID.

In his 30s: Personally I usually land here because I DO wonder how long it takes him to gain status in his community and become a priest (in his 30s is still fast tracking it but maybe feels more plausible LOL) and I enjoy the idea of he and Marius being sort of similar to each other. Like, Marius often gets used as the example of Turning an Older Guy and what it means for his temperament and the way it translates to his immortality. I like imagining Mael as around Marius's age for that reason, like I want to remove all his excuses why Mael is a young stupid kid or even an old salty jerk--it forces Marius to confront that Mael is ALSO someone who is chill and smart and has had enough life experience. BUT WHILE THERE'S A WINDOW WHERE THEY COULD BE SIMILAR IN AGE, OR MAEL COULD BE A TAD OLDER, I ALSO STILL ENJOY MARIUS BEING LIKE "HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME I HATE THIS!" BECAUSE HIS AGE AND SELF-PERCEIVED WISDOM & EXPERIENCE ARE IMPORTANT TO HIS IDENTITY AND HE FEELS BELITTED LOL.

In his 40s: Makes sense for the above reason! But I like to skew younger personally just for the Marius ageism dynamic lol. Also there's something about him being a foil to Marius where like, if they're very similar in other ways it can kind of emphasize how their atheism/religion contrasts each other and affects them as people.

Over 50: ALSO POSSIBLE and it's hilarious bc in the audiobook the narrator reads him like such a grouchy old man lmao. I could see this causing a lot of resentment because Marius likes to be the oldest and wisest in the room. I could see him also being younger because Marius insults him every chance he gets and I just think he would've told us that Mael is like an old hag if it were true lol. Anyway wondering how this effects Marius's barbarian kink and how he submits to men.

[moirasdolly]

Helloooo! I'm not sure if this is a bad time for a small request butttt fem reader that is like a person with fox features, like the ears at the top of her head and a tail at her lower back. Dating the cold woman that is Arlecchino 👉👈 honestly, it could either be NSFW or not your choice! But it could be sort of like how people find it odd that Arlecchino would be with such a person as the reader..

˚ ⋆ﾟ୨୧ Vixen ୨୧ ˚ ⋆ﾟArlecchino x Fem!fox Reader

Synopsis: See the request!

Contains: Silly fox reader, harmless tricks, hurt and comfort, lots of cuddles and words of affirmation

Listening to ♪ ིྀ: Luv Sauce - HUS

Notes: I’ve been struggling to write but I hope this is okay!! Just a little drabble for the Arlecchino lovers ♥︎ I also had fun writing this because I always love a good hurt/comfort moment.

Your dynamic was an odd one. Arlecchino was nothing short of a stone-cold Fatui Harbinger known for her severe mannerisms and lack of any warmth. She took her profession and devotion to the Tsaritsa seriously, there wasn’t a single bone in her body that tolerated foolishness. But if all that was true, then why would she be married to you?

You were her polar opposite. A complete antithesis. Where she was cold and rigid, with piercing red eyes that could kill, you were warm and full of life. Your laughter filled any room you were in and the children of the House of Hearth enjoyed having you around. Not that they didn’t love Arlecchino, she would never tell any of them but she had a soft spot for all of her children, but they loved having such a lively woman like you around. Unfortunately for Arlecchino, one source of their enjoyment came from you playing tricks on her. With hushed giggles and quick whispers you’d fill the children in on your plans only to mask your smile in an instant when she made her presence known. This is how it always was. Arlecchino had a cold and serious facade, and you were as mischievous as a fox.

A very fitting description for you considering your bushy auburn tail, and fuzzy ears planted at the top of your head.

Initially you were worried about what the older woman would think of your… assets when you had first met, but she paid no mind. A part of you was disappointed she didn’t at least find them a little cute, that is until you picked up on how her gaze would linger everytime your tail swished to the side or if your ears twitched ever so slightly. It was little things like this that alerted you to her attraction towards you.

Of course you took advantage of that in the early days of your companionship. Your ears would perk up purposely everytime she spoke, you would twitch your ears dramatically at any slight feeling to catch her attention, and your personal favorite? Obviously it was when you would slowly swing your tail from side to side and watch her crimson irises follow it like she was being hypnotized only to snap out of it once she realized what you were doing. “Clever girl.” She would huff out, offering you a small smile.

Once you were married, she was used to your behavior and tricks even if she wasn’t expecting them. She had learned to be extremely mindful of your playful behavior, yet she was always surprised when you managed to pull off your silly antics. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t absolutely eat it up though. She acted exasperated everytime you hid her socks, moved around household items so that she couldn’t find them, or even snuck faux spiders into the house just to scare her, but she’d do anything to keep the joy on your face that came from playing tricks on her.

It wasn’t just her or the kids noticing your tricks though. You had garnered attention from the other Fatui Harbingers who were fond of seeing Arlecchino get messed with. But you had also caught the attention of the prying eyes of other Fatui recruits. Whispers of, “What does the Knave even see in her?” or, “God, how can the Knave even stand her?” were passed around quickly throughout the recruits. You caught wind of it easily, it’s not like they tried to hide it, you just hoped Arlecchino hadn’t heard any of it. You weren’t one to be insecure, but hearing the same negative thing over and over would be enough to make anyone have a heavy heart.

Your ears drooped and your tail hung limp behind you as you made your way through the doorway of your shared home and you were surprised to see your love already home, lounging on the couch. Her head perked up towards the sound of your shoes echoing on the pristine tile floor. Your ears straightened and your tail slowly swished from side to side at the sight of your beautiful wife. Her eyes were sharp though, she could tell in an instant that you were in poor spirits. She marked her place in her novel before casting it aside and patting her lap. In no time you were curled up on her, your head resting on her shoulder and your tail thumping gently on her thigh.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Was the first thing out of her mouth once you had settled in. You contemplated feigning fatigue, but decided lying would get you nowhere.

“Do you get annoyed when I trick you?” You finally mumble out. You feel a warm hand caress the back of your neck before trailing down to the small of your back, holding you snug. “Never my love. It’s the highlight of my day seeing your uncontrollable giggles and the glimmer in your eyes when I fall into your little traps.” She had seemed taken aback at your question, but she wanted you to respond at your own pace, so she let her reply linger.

You huffed before nuzzling deeper into her, “People have been asking why you’d even marry me… Why you’d ever be with me? They seem to think I annoy you.” Your ears flattened against your head briefly before your wife reached up to caress them gently. A little sigh escaped your lips at the comforting feeling, the older woman always knew what to do to make you melt like putty in her hands.

“What others seem to think of our relationship is meaningless. Do I not show you enough affection and reassurance my love?” Her voice had lowered to a whisper, she couldn't bear the thought of you feeling this way. Your head snapped up from her shoulder to face her instead, “Of course you do!” Your hands found their way to her cup her cheeks. “You make me feel like the most loved woman on the planet, I’m sorry my insecurities made you feel otherwise…”

The Knave’s eyes softened immediately, she felt at peace with how easily you shared your grievances with her. She wanted to be your safe place, your main source of love, and the one you could depend on. “My dove, you must know how much I adore you. How I love your mischievous demeanor,” she planted a kiss on the top of your head, “these cute ears of yours,” two more kisses were planted on your ears, “and especially this tail…” Her free hand stroked your soft tail before returning to your waist.

“My sweet vixen.”

[olderthannetfic]

www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/771823370694213632

You need the say the bit about the way canon treats characters way louder because I really think that the way the character is... framed, I guess? accounts for huge chunks of it.

I remember when the Disk Horse was about Finn vs. Kylo Ren from the Star Wars sequel trilogy and I got called racist for trying to point out that Finn was always framed as the comic relief/unserious by the canon. He has a character arc in the first movie, but his emotions and his trauma and his personality are mostly played for laughs (ha! ha! Black janitor guy is scared because he's a coward! - and him being a janitor is a change that came pretty late, he was originally meant to be the top of his class). OTOH Kylo Ren has the camera linger on his anguished face while sad music plays and he monologues about the moral conflicts that he's facing.

The average viewer/reader - especially in the case of visual media - doesn't really stop watching to form non-prejudiced independent opinions on every character (and really shouldn't if your narrative is well-constructed!), that'd take up too much of their mental bandwidth! They let themselves be guided by how things and people are framed, so of course they'd see Ren as Serious and Tragic and Finn as the funny guy, which is inherently less sexy to most people!

Same thing with F/F: when canon treats its women with any degree of complexity and gives them the sort of character traits that are conductive to blorbofication people are all over it!

My dash's been drowning in Rhaenycent for a year now, and that's a show that arguably sorta botched its female characters in the attempt to make them complex! But it doesn't matter, because they set up all these juicy dynamics and the fans are all over it!

Fans LOVE Claudia from IWTV even though the tragedy of her canonical role is that the guys always sideline her for each other.

I went to the Anora tag after seeing the movie and saw a bunch of Anora x reader fic in between the gifs the same way I did for Feyd Rautha from Dune or any other feral unhinged character fans love imagining themselves having sex with (and then blocked it lol).

Like, my taste in women and men is exactly the same but the large majority of characters that fit it are men, because we just don't get a lot of women who are composed, charming rogues on the outside and crippled traumatized messes on the inside, with a narrative that gives this sufficient weight, and also lets them be feral and unhinged. And I actually prefer minority characters because where I'm from I'm from a minority group myself, but again, most of them don't fit the bill personality-wise or framing-wise.

Fandom's a hobby and it's meant to be fun - I'm not gonna be constantly swimming uphill from what the canon is trying to present to me just because a character shares a demographic category with me. I think this is the case for most people, really.

--

My read on a lot of this is that people are sad about the status quo (fair) and are lying to themselves that the culprits are nearby where they can reach them.

If we confront the fact that the real source is the director or the cinematographer or the studio head, it all feels so much more insurmountable.

Of course, one can opt for niche, indie media, but a lot of people don't want to do that, so they fall back on this shitty coping mechanism of pretending that they can yell at the people around them and effect meaningful change.

[aphverse-confessions]

I think making Vylad the middle kid of the Ro'meaves actually takes away from their dynamic considerably, especially Zane and his specifically. Also any time I see someone doing that, it's usually to benefit Zane's story in some way, when really, he doesn't need more intrigue than he already has

Vylad in MYS being the one to skip a grade back in Highschool makes sense and I'm tired of people saying it should be Zane that's the overachiever. You're telling me it makes more sense for Zane, who was (let's face it) coddled by Zianna his whole life due to his sickness and eye injury as a kid, to feel like he needs to do well academically and prove himself? Zane doesn't want her doting attention on him, he actively avoids doing anything that would put the spotlight on him in a positive manner. He wants to destroy her view of him so she'll leave him ALONE. I think people genuinely forget about that, because he was such a different person in MCD

While Vylad has been consistently ignored by everyone in his family, ESPECIALLY his parents. As long as he isn't breaking rules, they don't care. Of course he'd want to excel in academics, he wants even a sliver of the attention Garroth or Zane gets on a day to day basis. As much as he may joke around or make comments about how he likes the attention not being on him 24/7, there's still going to be a deep-rooted pain and jealousy that he's considered less than his brothers just for existing.

And also the idea of Garte making Zianna have Zane last as a sort of "fix" for the affair baby that Vylad is.. also doesn't sit right with me? I wouldn't put it past Garte, but just, something about the idea doesn't make sense for everyone's characters except his?

And then in MCD it equally doesn't make sense!! I'm not kidding, it actively takes away from Vylad's character for me. Backstory wise, him being the youngest means he's /expendable/. O'khasis only knows him for his death, they wouldn't care otherwise. Garroth is the heir, Zane's in case anything happens to Garroth, and Vylad- is there, and ultimately pretty ignored

And I know we love Zane, but I've seen a few people make him the youngest in MCD so he could look up to both Garroth AND Vylad but. Not only does Zane, again, not need more intrigue than he already has- but ALSO I think Vylad being the one to look up to both his brothers is objectively more heartbreaking? Imagine looking up to your two older brothers your whole life, growing to know you're worlds apart in importance- both to the world and your parents. Knowing you're just a spare part and a mistake.

And then it takes dying to realize what a bad person one of them is. You can't tell if your resentment and pain is because you're now an unnatural being- still, not meant to exist. Never meant to exist- or because you're right to be angry.

Him being a middle kid that Zane looked up to would mostly take away from all of that, for me anyways

ANYWAYS, this got really long I'm so sorry 🙏 (also if you do make Vylad the middle kid in your rewrite I don't like- hate you or anything, their dynamic just isn't as interesting to me unless you give Vylad some new source of interest)

.

[crooked-wasteland]

I've seen the argument that the reason Stolas didn't divorce Stella was because he didn't have the self-confidence to do so until his affair with Blitzo, the fact he shouted "thats the sound of a divorce!" in The Circus being given as evidence.

Personally, I don't buy it because there is no evidence that Stolas was ever under Stella's control. In Loo Loo Land he went back to casually flirting with Blitzo after she screamed at him, and he was casually eating dinner while reading "imp in the sheets" with Stella present and screaming into the phone.

While real abusers tend to isolate their victims from friends and the outside world as a form of control, Stella never controlled Stolas' movement or who he sees, she couldn't stop him from seeing and cheating with Blitzo, and the affair went on for nearly a year before he divorced her.

This is part of the reason why the "Stella is an abuser" reveal felt kinda jarring: because beforehand her actions had been played for laughs and Stolas had never acted like it affects him.

The fact that despite being interpreted as this violent, domineering abuser who Stolas lived in terror from, Stella was never able to prevent her victim from seeing his affair partner despite how much it angers her does pose somewhat of a plot-hole.

It’s lovely to hear from you Chinesegal, and I do completely agree.

Firstly, I think the idea that leaving someone is entirely about self-confidence is misunderstanding how self-confidence plays a role in abusive dynamics. The fact that Stolas would even cheat on his spouse shows a level of ego that Stolas must be aware of since someone genuinely lacking in self confidence would reject any sort of attention being shown to them as they would both be stressed over the punishment they risk facing as well as the idea that someone genuinely finds them desirable being so unlikely that they must have ulterior motives.

(Please note this is specifically about Stolas' situation as his personality in the show would play a huge part in how he would specifically respond to abuse.)

The way that self-confidence, or rather the lack thereof, would continue to bind someone to their abuser is the psychological and emotional warfare that warps the mind into believing the victim is the source of the problems in the relationship.

An excellent song I’ve felt best encapsulated an abusive relationship (and ironically is one I associate with Stolitz more than any other relationship) is I Hate the Way You Miss Me by ATL. Specifically the way the bridge changes from the first instance being:

“Like one day/ We’ll both change/ And everything will make sense, darling”

To the second instance:

“If one day/ I might change/ And everything will make sense, darling”

The dynamic starts off with the abuser claiming some responsibility for the problems in the relationship, but over time shifts it entirely to be the burden of the victim. Self-confidence plays a role in how strongly you can hold onto reality in the face of relentless psychological abuse and emotional manipulation. This is the deeper idea of self-confidence of being able to assert your reality as being a real experience, not just a superficial idea of “value”. And of course this plays a role in whether or not a victim can escape this relationship because, once they have been consumed enough by the insanity they live in, they genuinely think that the rest of the world is just as turbulent and chaotic as their own. It’s not that they are just spineless, they are legitimately terrified and the logical, safe option would be to stick with the devil they do know rather than risk the unknown.

Additionally, the evidence given to Stella being abusive, prior to the Circus being released, didn’t hold up. In Loo Loo Land, Stella’s reaction to Stolas cheating on her is justified rage and betrayal. I personally don’t think people should ever have to be perfect, so while her response may make people say she’s an abuser I personally disagree. It’s understandable and complicated. It’s uncomfortable, but reasonable. And, as you said, the only other example of her “abuse” is her calling a bounty on her husband to his face. It’s a joke that the show even insists is non-canon by Stolas being shocked that Stella did want him assassinated.

And that also ties into your point that, for as “abusive” we are supposed to see Stella as, she doesn't actually do much at all about Stolas’ cheating. She doesn't get her brother involved sooner, doesn't spread the gossip around their peers that would humiliate him, instead just mocking him. She is actually quite accommodating for her husband and seems to have an interest in protecting him, at least publicly, until his death. Meanwhile Andrealphus is the one who moves the drama from a private affair to the courts. Neither of which can be called abusive as they really are different consequences of Stolas’ actions he made a choice to participate in.

Which yes, is the massive inconsistency associated with the justification of Stolas’ actions. You do not need to cheat to build self-confidence. This is objectification plain and simple. As a good friend of mine once said, “Why would you go shoe shopping barefoot?” But the real question is why would you look at a relationship that, ideally, will last a lifetime the same as shopping for shoes. The metaphor encapsulates the issues with objectification in its own logic.

I would argue that, while I agree the excuses of fans holds no water, even being generous and conceding that Stolas only had the self esteem to leave following his cheating and so it was a necessary thing for him is still a confirmation of Stolas’ own abusive character traits. Using another person (Blitz) as a means of self aggrandizing is still abusive.

[purpletyrant]

au chises that have been bumping around in my brain like my own personal multiverse of madness. they needed to be exorcised. i recognize and respect the adage that your au may as well be an oc at a certain point, and i think these two cross the threshold, but consider this: i like to play with chise like a paper doll and see how she reacts to situations. so there

for their faces i sorta referenced off of haruka kudo, who played chise in the stage play

attack dog chise is the "living weapon" trope. i imagine that the witch bought her just as elias did, but chise is under the impression that she was taken in out of the goodness of her heart. her master has taught her very little in the means of practical magic, instead focusing all of her training into inflicting as much damage as possible. the witch has no expectation that chise will live very long, so has no intention of raising her up to be an equal. so, this chise has only been taught the power of incredible violence. if she isnt using her fists, shes using low-level curses and other magic considered to be kind of a dick move

design wise, all the o-rings are meant to evoke arc 1 chises adder necklace. she was probably inspired by the knife-wielding punk chise with attitude from the merkmal. since this chise has no ruth, you could say that she sort of embodies both of them

i imagine the dynamic between her and her master as sort of a ~*twisted and dark*~ version of kimihiro and yuko from xxxholic... which ive never read, but still. i dont have a design in mind for the witch shes beholden to, but she isnt dissimilar to hiroe ando from the she who travels au. maybe she IS hiroe. hm

soothsayer's daughter chise is the golden child of her family and has lived a life of relative comfort since being taken from her mother. still, her bleeding heart causes her guilt when she thinks back on the mother she can barely remember. in the last couple years, this chise has tracked her down and set up the means to meet in secret with the intention of apologizing to her and gaining closure. her family does not take kindly to this, and when chise meets chika in the tiny, filthy apartment shes living in, magic is used to force chises mother to commit suicide in front of her. chise is left shaken to the core by this event, especially by chikas words that she "should have never come back." she attempts to maintain a brave and serene exterior, believing that no one else knows of chikas death

since yuuki is still considered a traitor to the family, this chise has a polite if distant relationship with him, having been mainly raised by uncles and aunts. fumiki is supremely annoyed by her. shes very protective and patronizing

her silhouette is based off of a shrine maidens, but i didnt want to dress her exactly like one, since thats... kind of on the nose, isnt it? regardless, the focus of her magic is in purification and exorcism - her soothsaying skills are not quite so refined

she who travels chise is she who travels chise, she comes with her own fic series, read it or dont. i do have thoughts about her older offshoot, though. this chise is in her 30s. she picked up smoking from master onishi - HE TRIED NOT TO INFLUENCE HER, REALLY - and took over the theater when he died. even though she owns it and its a good source of income, shes moved on and is trying to be a more respectable mage beyond the sideshow reputation of her early career. shes essentially cosplaying a put-together businesswoman, and is kind hearted but comically serious. she probably has a niece or nephew and is constantly giving them enchanted gifts. her elias received an untraceable check for five million pounds - adjusted for inflation - several years ago and has not been able to track her down. her anger has cooled, but its now been so long that she feels too awkward to contact him. she still maintains contact with angelica and simon, though - maybe one day shell show up in his yard in a shiny black car

i think it would be soooo fun to throw them all in a room together with canon chise and watch them fight. or maybe they would just cry it out? soothsayers daughter thinks shes above all of this and will condescendingly preach about how attack dog has a "wounded heart"... until attack dog roundhouse kicks her in the head

[ladyazurith]

I was wondering if you planned to do an analysis of what happened in Trey's dream? I enjoyed the one you wrote about Cater's and the analysis you did on Cater over all. The part about Trey and Cater being more like coworkers than friends, wasn't something I had thought about before, but it does seem to hold true. I know a lot of people were hoping for some emotional scene between Cater and Trey. Ace seemed to have stole the show on that one. But I did get the coworker vibe in Trey's dream. He was far more focused on Riddle and Che'nya who I would see as his 'real' friends and Cater was more of a footnote.

I wanted to hear your take on it if I could? If not I understand. You seem far more focused on Cater than the other characters.

I hadn't intended to do a thorough analysis of Trey's dream. (Honestly, i didn't think my one on Cater's was that thorough) But I do agree the 'coworker' vibes continued in Trey's dream. To tell the truth, I'm more interested in what we saw happen between Ace and Cater than I am in anything to do with Trey's dream. BUT since you asked I'll note a few things that I picked out.

First, the big thing is that Trey wasn't picked by Riddle to be his dorm leader, he got the position by vote. Honestly, I always assumed like I'm sure most of the fandom did that he was tasked with it by Riddle because of their history. And it does seem he got the role because of his connection to Riddle but only because of how much he vouched for him. Came across to me like he was basically Riddle's hype man when he took over as Dorm Leader.

Riddle and Trey's relationship is complicated, and I'm actually kind of cooking up a write up on a theory that has to do with Riddle, Trey and Cater's dynamic, and this only fed into it. A summary though is that I think Riddle favors Cater (he has gone out of his way to make accommodations for Cater, when he's overly strict with most everything else) because Cater isn't someone his mother disapproved of and furthermore since he doesn't eat sweets, he'd never have gotten in trouble with the tart incident if he'd been with Cater instead.

Trey on the other hand wants Riddle's approval, he still carries a lot of his own Trauma for what happened when they were children and the disapproval of Riddle's mother (Remember, Riddle thinks his mother is right about everything, so this has to exist in some fashion in his mind) and seems to almost be testing Trey at times (though he still views him as a close friend, and cares a lot about him).

In turn, I think Trey is resentful of this favoritism, and his poor treatment of Cater in certain situations is born out of this. With the way he dismissed Cater's objections sending him off to paint the roses during the sorting ceremony while he "dealt" with Riddle. Remember there is a LOT OF work Cater puts in around the dorm to cover for his dormmate's mistakes, which Riddle *never* knew about. With Cater not really realizing Riddle might actually favor him.

Anyway, that's a whole thing in and of itself. It would be a very long post with screenshots of interactions, backing up the theory.

Secondly, is that Trey really is just *weird*, he tries so hard to appear normal but ugh, those *things* that made up the rest of Heartslabyul were just out there. But he also has an unhealthy relationship with food. Something we already knew was true for Riddle, Cater, Vil, and Azul. He views it as a source of care and comfort, regardless of its effects on the person consuming it. This is something else that I think is a more complex issue, I can't cover too much here.

But those are my major thoughts on what we got out of Trey's dream. I hope you enjoy :)

[daisychainfiction]

1. IS BUG VIEWED AS MY DAUGHTER OR NIECE?

It's entirely up to you. In Chapter Two, you set what she calls you (mama, papa, zaza, auntie, uncie, auncie, your name, or 'insert something else'). You get to decide for yourself.

OKAY, BUT LIKE... IF I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER OR NIECE, WHAT WOULD SHE SAY?

She's only 2 and is isolateded from typical family dynamics. She considers you 'her person' in canon, and doesn't think of it much past that. Any further nuance you want is up to your headcanon.

PLS JUST GIVE ME ANSWER :(

Canon doesn't have to be your Bible, especially not in this situation - it's literally up to you. Follow your bliss.

2. DEERBOURNE IS DEFINITELY A CULT, RIGHT?

Depends on how you want to view it. Is it a literal cult? No. Does it function similarly? Definitely. Is Headmistress Deerly dangerous? If she thinks that she has to be in order to protect Deerbourne. Is she the most dangerous thing? Not even close.

3. ARE THE INITIATES FREE TO LEAVE DEERBOURNE AND LIVE NORMAL LIVES?

They all have the freedom to walk out, yes. They'll even receive a good bit of food, clothing, and money when they leave. But the freedom to walk out doesn't always mean the freedom to live.

4. ARE ANY OF THE ROMANTIC OPTIONS BAD PEOPLE?

There is no line between good and bad in any of these characters. They all have their flaws - some more significant and more dangerous than others. They all have their burdens to bear; it's up to you whether you can live with them or not.

DO ANY OF THE ROMANTIC OPTIONS WANT TO HARM BUG?

No. All of them want to protect her and keep her safe. ...But some of them have different ideas of what that means.

5. THE THING IN THE WOODS...?

That's он сам. He protects the woods and He is the woods.

OKAY, BUT WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING WITH ALL OF THESE GROTESQUE MONSTERS?

He has slivers of Himself all over the woods - they help keep Him informed.(Think of it like taking cuttings from a plant to make a new-but-identical plant.)

Those slivers have puppets. The puppets are reanimated bodies of those who died in the woods.These are the 'grotesque' ones you'll see loitering at the treeline outside your cabin from time to time.

The puppets do the menial tasks needed to keep the forest alive and healthy. Such as clearing paths so unsuspecting travelers may enter. Scaring away children too young to make deals or be useful vessels. That sort of thing. When they aren't in use, they are simply bodies on the ground. When they are in use but are currently taskless, they loiter.

SO он сам IS EVIL?

It depends on your view. Is it evil to try to protect one's home through any means necessary? To offer a chance at life, albeit limited, to those intent on dying? To take what you need in order to survive?

6. WHEN WILL YOU UPDATE TO THE PUBLIC?

One month after a chapter is completed, it will get added to the public demo. There is no set updating schedule for the public demo.

WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG?

1. Patreon gets to have a month with the demo first as a thank-you for paying us.

2. I am blind, so I take a long time to write due to eye disease-related migraines.

3. When I write, I'm working in short stints on a mobile phone 2 inches from my face. It isn't great for productivity, but it is what it is.

WAIT, WHO IS "US" AND "WE?"

We are Daisychain Fiction! It's me, Daisy, and my spouse, Chain. I do the writing, while Chain does the editing, coding, and posting.

7. DO YOU DO SCENE REQUESTS OR SITUATIONAL ANSWERS?

Sometimes! You can always send them in. If it's intriguing or hits me at the right time, I will.

Note: If you're referencing a current meme or trend in your ask, please let me know the source. I don't do social media, so I'm usually out of the loop when it comes to internet culture.

ARE NSFW QUESTIONS OKAY?

They don't bother me, so you can send them in - I may or may not answer them, though.

8. ARE THERE POLY OR OPEN RELATIONSHIP OPTIONS?

Jordan alone is the only RO who would have interest in an open relationship. The other ROs (whether due to strict monogamy, jealousy, possessiveness, or all three) are not okay with it. While Jordan won't ask you to choose between paramours, the others will.

9. I FOUND A BUG! WHAT DO I DO?

Submit it here via Ask, or on the Patreon via a comment or the Community Chat. Chain will get to it as soon as they can.

This list will be updated as needed! Thanks for reading!

[casualaruanienjoyer]

Ok this is a bit crazy BUT I was listening to "Before Lights out" which is one of my favorite AOT tracks. I really like this part:

All of my kingdom

For your return

I'd let it all burn!

I'd let it all burn!

Dear departed

I'll cry for you in a dream

Now I must rise to be queen

Be worthy!

Be worthy!

And I asume it's refering to Historia addressing Ymir (Correct me if I'm wrong).

But as I was packing orders tonight and I listened to it, I imagined a scenario in which Annie and Historia's characters are swapped, in which Historia is Marleyan and Annie is Paradisian.

This kinda also ties in with this headcanon where Annie is part of EMA with Eren and Mikasa since they were kids! And Annie befriended them when the two stopped Mr Leonhart from abusing Annie on the street one day.

Annie, just like in canon, is adopted by Mr Leonhart and trained up to become part of the military and basically enhance their family's status within the walls. She's also the main source of income in the house, which means she misses out on a lot of childhood activies until Eren and Mikasa start helping her escape the house from time to time and hang out!

Annie is an orphan, however later on we find out that she was actually the heir to the throne and she had been abandoned because she (let's say?) was kidnapped as a baby. The kidnapper would have used her for ransom, but for whatever reason (maybe remorse?) lost confidence and just abandoned the baby somewhere at the outskirts of the city. (Imagine if this would have been Kenny trying to get some sort of negotiation with the royal family).

In this universe Annie does not have the female titan, and instead maybe it would be Historia who has it. I mentioned Armin having it before, but it would also be interesting if there were 3 warriors+ Armin coming to Paradis, with Armin not having a titan, but being the brain of the operation. Expert in cartography, tactics, strategy etc. Coordinating everyone akin to a musical conductor. I know it would mess with the trio balance, but.... I like the Marleyan Armin + Paradisian Annie dynamic 🙏 so bare with me.

It would be so cool if Historia, the moment she arrived with Berthold, Armin and Reiner to Paradis, would have changed her name and personality to Krista Lenz. Maybe it's a coping mechanism due to trauma, kind of like Reiner's, but I like to think that she may have wanted to escape the life of Liberio and just start a new life somewhere else, no matter how short it would be.

Maybe her dad is just as much of an asshole/important person in Liberio. Maybe he's got lots of money for an Eldian, which gives their family a better standing. But Historia hates the way he looks down on other, less fortunate Eldians. He'd probably be friends with the Tybur family even?

Maybe there was no need for Historia to join the warrior program, other than to prove to herself that she can do things independently from her dad and her priviledged life.

Why not leave Liberio altogether instead? She probably has a fantasy of Paradis having no Eldian prosecution, the same way that Armin and Eren had a dream of peace outside the walls in canon. Maybe she thought that it was indeed, a paradise.

Also Historia, Armin, Reiner and Bertholdt could make a cool team, especially maybe with Reiner always trying to look very strong in front of her and Historia being able to hold on her own, without his help. Bertholdt would pat Reiner on the back whenever he'd fail to impress her. Historia and Armin would be very close and chatty, since she feels comfortable around Armin, which makes Reiner very jealous.

As a side note, Yumihisu still happens, but the story could be that Ymir knows that Historia is hiding her real identity. Maybe Ymir actually remembers seeing the warriors as a titan outside the walls? Or maybe it was getting close to Historia that made her realize that she is also Marleyan. (Little slip ups in their conversations)

Ahh sorry I'm not coherent, not the best at pulling multiple strings together buuuut...

Where I want to go with this is, Aruani slowly happens over time, from Cadet to even later than canon, since when the female titan was captured, it was actually Historia, not Armin. At this point, Armin, Reiner and Bertholdt have to continue even after losing Historia to the crystal.

It becomes harder and harder for Armin to hide the secret they have as he opens up to Annie about more of his life. He almost tells her, until the night he finds out that Annie is the heir to the throne. What can Armin even do in this scenario? Tell her what?

And then to return to the lyrics from "Before Lights out", they could be Annie singing about Armin, who, after being caught together with Bertholdt and Reiner, runs away, leaving Annie's feelings behind, uncertain.

I imagine Annie, if she accepts her new role as a monarch, would be a lot more of an iron fist leader, absolutely no bullshit. She holds a bit of a grudge against Armin for leaving her behind, after opening up to him about her childhood. After being closer to him than anyone else before.

She WOULD literally burn down the whole kingdom to find him, haha.

But yeah, please tell me if this is super stupid, I wanted to get this out of my head since I've been daydreaming about it for a week now. Thanks for reading and I'd love to see what you guys think too! If you have ideas, drop them below!

[genderkoolaid]

hey! if you have the spoons, would you happen to have any posts/anecdotes refuting this thread? https://www.tumblr.com/neondyke/719263498717233152/nonhoration?source=share

so. one of my big problems with how we talk about TERFs is the sort of conspiratorial energy some people have towards them- not in that TERFs don't lie about their beliefs, but the idea that all radical feminists are part of this huge conspiracy where none of them actually believe any of what they say. The idea that no TERF actually, genuinely cares about women, or gender non-conforming people- or that none of them hate men.

Just because TERFism is misogynistic, harmful to GNC people, and often allies with conservative men, does not mean every TERF hates other women, GNC people, and likes men. Its vital to be critical of what TERFs say vs what their actions say- but we do ourselves and them a disservice by shoving our fingers in our ears and essentially saying that no TERF can be genuine, and I actually know what they really believe in their hearts. This is especially important when you aren't interacting with high-level TERFs (especially those making bank off public appearances & books & shit), but like. regular smegular everyday women who got radicalized, or people who are on the verge of being radicalized and are put-off by people who seem to be incapable of seeing TERFs as having genuine beliefs.

I say that all because the idea that TERFs aren't misandrists, that they don't really hate men, is just straight-up ridiculous. It assumes that radical feminism was born exclusively as a reaction to trans women, that none of its theorists or activists were genuinely trying to apply Marxist analysis to gender/sex dynamics and create a better world for women. Which ignores other parts of radical feminism, like their anti-sex work rhetoric/whorephobia. (If you have access to JSTOR, I recommend reading "Radical Feminism and Feminist Radicalism" by Ellen Willis, a former radfem; it dives into the problems with 60s radical feminism from an inside perspective).

I absolutely think TERF hatred for trans women is not exclusively a result of their misandry. This is because all transphobia is systematic, and everyone born and raised in transphobic society has transphobia woven into their thinking. So if you are a cis woman, probably one who has had traumatic experiences with misogyny coming from cis men- probably one with some interest in leftism, who is annoyed by liberal #girlboss feminism which feels lackluster, who is envious of the subversive, direct-action, "tear the system down" feminism of the past- and you have an unexamined, ingrained bias against trans people, well. TERFism will provide explanation and affirmation for your trauma and the promise of the radical feminist action of your dreams to allow you to lash out at your oppressors with the logic of the guillotine. Your unexamined bias against trans women will mean you don't see their transmisogyny as unreasonable, and even if you never really thought about trans women before, its gonna be real easy for you to accept them as a threat to Real Women.

But to assume that every time a TERF says "men" or "male," she means "trans woman," is just ignorant. TERFs are surrounded by cis men, because they live in the same society as us. They see cis men acting misogynistic, many of them have been personally hurt by cis men, they very much mean "cis men" when they say things like "all men should be castrated" or "all male babies should be aborted"- how exactly can you talk about males as a sex and never refer to cis men? When they talk about how using dildos or any sort of penetrative sex is patriarchal and Bad, that's not because they hate trans women, its because they see anything that could be associated with maleness as bad.

Here's a quote from Sylvia Riveria's very important work "Queens in Exile, The Forgotten Ones":

"Oh, yeah, we mixed with lesbians. We always got along back then. All the division between lesbian women and queens came after 1974 when Jean O'Leary and the radical lesbians came up. The radicals did not accept us or masculine-looking women who dressed like men. And those lesbian women might not even have been trans."

TERF hatred for transmasculinity goes back far before ROGD and the idea of transmasculinity as a social disease affecting "innocent young girls." Here's a quote from Leslie Feinberg's Transgender Warriors:

"A view that the primary division of society is between women and men leads some women to fear that transsexual women are men in sheep's clothing coming across their border, or that female-to-male transsexuals are going over to the enemy, or that I look the same as the enemy."

If TERFs have no real hatred for men or masculinity, why did/do they attack butches & transmascs? Why, before ROGD was the trendy way to attack transmasculinity, did they specifically attack us for being too masculine and therefore imitating the oppressor? The idea that trans women are the only ones blamed by TERFs for ROGD is also false- adult trans men, especially those with any public influence, are frequently blamed for "preying" on young "girls." (Also, fun fact: that last quoted paragraph ends with: "Trans people of all sexes and genders are not oppressors: they, like women, rank among the oppressed.")

Lastly, I feel like we- all trans people- have an issue of trying to match our genders & the way our genders do impact how we are treated, with the way our sexual/gendered misgendering also impacts how we are treated. For example, I am often frustrated by trans men who are resistant to talking about how trans men face misogyny because "it feels like misgendering." I don't think we can really deal with transphobia unless we cope with the fact that we are trans people- we are socially placed between genders and punished for that, and that means that we will be attacked because of our relationship to our gender assigned at birth (although not exclusively). See this post for more of my thoughts on that.

Obligatory "please don't harass any of the people in the screenshot above, just block them & move on" notice

[solart13]

For an art request can you please draw one of your headcanons?

I’m not entirely sure if this would be considered a headcanon or not but I like the thought that Aizawa is more emotionally open around Mic and that he values him a lot.

[Long wall of text of my thoughts and opinions incoming]

Like, I understand the comedy aspect of Aizawa being somewhat of a dick towards Mic seeing as that is how their dynamic is often portrayed as in the show, i.e. Aizawa being annoyed/putting up with Mic’s shenanigans. Their relationship does get more expanded upon in the Hospital raid arc but even then, Aizawa being more of a fan-favourite because, among other things, he’s part of the main cast gets more fleshed out than Mic despite Oboro having been both of their friend. In the hospital after the raid, Aizawa shows a certain degree of dismissiveness of Mic’s feelings, which yes, I can understand may be because he didn’t want to talk about it and that was his way of coping, but remember that they are alone and it has been shown that he is often more open with his feelings and opinions when it’s just the two of them, not to mention that Mic is now his only surviving friend from back in their days at U.A. At least maybe show the audience Aizawa having some kind of emotional reaction to the fact that Midnight, a close friend of theirs, who has impacted his life a lot, ex. with sending in an application to U.A, has just died.

And like I said, I do understand and actually like the more teasing side of their relationship but what I don’t like is when it’s just Aizawa treating Mic poorly and Mic is depicted as the stupid comic relief when his character is a lot more nuanced.

As previously mentioned, however, Mic is just a side character which means the show and the creator won’t bother making him more complex than necessary (often to further Aizawa’s story) which means that the fanbase who don’t think too much about him as a character will just staple him as the comic relief (which I want to make clear is totally fine because we all have characters we focus on more than others, be it a comfort character or simply just caring for one character more than another).

What I don’t like is when it’s clear that someone favours Aizawa more than Mic in the Erasermic relationship and portrays Mic as “inferior” to Aizawa and bases his character off of his stereotypes (ex. being loud all the time and acting immature) and won’t look past that. Fortunately, I rarely stumble upon this sort of interpretation and I want to once again make it clear that it’s fine if you like one character more in a ship, my point is that I personally dislike when the other character in the relationship isn’t given at least some of that focus and is more like an accessory than anything.

For me with the Erasermic dynamic, I like when a clear balance is shown. I personally am a big fan of Mic and I like breaking his character down to its bare bones and giving him more depth than the source material does…so basically making my own headcanons about him lol. But I also like Aizawa a lot and I guess my guilty pleasure is portraying them in a healthy and equal companionship where Mic isn’t the only one who openly shows his appreciation.

So, uh, yeah. That was a lot lol. Apologies for the long wait, I had an exam a few days ago and finally had some free time to work on the request. I hope the drawing is sufficient and correlates to the wall of text above.

On another note, here’s an extra little headcanon of these two being two of the smartest characters in the show, yet not hesitating to egg each other on when it comes to dumb ideas (I drew this in like 5 seconds and barely put any effort into it lol)

[phosphoresccent]

toxic rtxeph has so much potential and id love to hear your thoughts if you have more. personally i think rt would get too much enjoyment pushing xeph’s buttons and seeing how much he can passive aggressively get on xephs nerves. mostly taken from their silly stream dynamic ofc but like. we can mc character this <3

i have many different ideas for toxic rtxeph!! (for context for people with less mc!rt brainrot: magistrex is rt's mc username and primarily what i call the character)

(kind of obvious but - warning for toxic relationship dynamics under the cut)

just them in general

magistrex has a uniquely fun way of pushing people's buttons - his tone of voice can make him sound so sincere while he's doing everything in his power to make you snap. i think that sort of thing drives xeph insane. everyone asking him why he's so snappy around nice, funny magistrex "xeph, you've gotta lighten up a bit, the lad means well." while magistrex just waves cheekily. there will be an explosion, it will be loud.

not sure who of the two i'd make taller, i think they are probably incredibly close in height (not short, per say, but not at all tall). i wouldn't put it past magistrex to have platform or heeled boots though, just so he can obnoxiously hook his chin over xeph's shoulder as he works.

xeph, not that he'd ever admit it, does really enjoy being able to just be a dick to someone and it not chase them off. he's very particular about the way he presents himself because he's the type of person who needs people to want/need him, so he's always very keenly aware of the way he treats people. magistrex, however, is an annoying brat he's unable to chase off to matter how hard he tries, which is almost comforting, in a very obnoxious way.

clone bros

clone bros clone bros!! this is the most toxic magixeph dynamic physically possible.

"I can't believe my own clone is such a moron, it's honestly concerning. I'd tell you to get out of my sight but I'm not cruel enough to inflict your specific brand of stupidity on others." "That's cute, really, inflict me on someone? When was the last time one of your 'friends' looked you in the eyes, Xephos."

very "i hope you die. i hope we both die." coded

they are the only one the other can trust, but they hate each other, but they have no one else. mutually assured destruction, patching up the traumas of a man wearing your face while ripping new ones into him in the same breath.

both believe the other is the better, more perfect clone. both of them will insist the other is the defective.

have probably actually killed each other multiple times - but both of them have the same admin permission at yoglabs and could have turned off the other's ability to respawn, but neither have ever seriously considered nor worried about it.

imp and storyteller

now this one is fun! for this i'd change out my usual 'god-like' storyteller xephos for the more canonical 'vengeful ghost' storyteller.

"do you want revenge? i know i killed you - but they left you to rot in the dark. i didn't even know you - they were supposed to be your friends."

midnight chats in the graveyard by torchlight as magistrex coaxes xephos to his side. xephos has to do what he says anyway but - it's easier if he wants to. magistrex wants him to want to, but he doesn't want to examine that want too closely.

xephos is mostly a ghost of fear and anger and the raw terror that comes from clinging to your life by your fingernails and still feeling it slip from your grasp no matter how tightly you hold. being around magistrex is one of the few moments he can feel anything other than scared. only the source of his terror can chase it away. how cruel.

[laithraihan]

Unrequited actually is a ship dynamic! :D

It's commonly written as mino->rei (minori as pursuer top) or rei<-mino (minori as pursuer bottom) (as opposed to minorei or reimino which are typically requited dynamics unless otherwise stated) and it's common for people to tag unrequited ships on fanfiction sites. Some smaller sites even use special made tagging systems for requited and unrequited dynamics to keep the spaces separate for people who are only into one or the other

Often people define shipping as being interested in exploring dynamics between characters, and the typical requited romantic pairing shipping is just what is most visible and popular

Someone who adheres only to a specific character dynamic (often top/bottom preference but can be about pursuer preference too!) is called a fixed shipper, so you could say that you're a fixed mino->rei (Minori as pursuer) shipper and it'd totally get the point across. I actually prefer the mino->rei dynamic over the others even though I am not fixed and do like other dynamics, so you can totally find your people out there, though, many feel pretty hurt about that "we can tell your family never loved you" (paraphrasing) drawing you made, but you must have been really stressing out while people were talking about your landmines and potentially getting harassed by antis, like getting caught inbetween spaces where nothing fit you, but maybe if you choose not to judge other people from now on you can build a community that respects each other's different tastes?

Oh and a landmine if you haven't heard of that term is like a hard squick, you absolutely don't want to see it

Basically if you'd like to learn more about proship stuff, it's about being respectful and non-judgemental of other people and about doing your own thing in peace. So we say things like squick and landmine to communicate that there's nothing inherently wrong with the thing, it's neutral, we just don't personally like it or feel really personally disgusted/hateful/upset/etc when we see it, and that's our emotion and has nothing to do with the value of the thing. Kinktomato is for "your kink is not my kink and that's okay", as a way to say "I won't touch that but you do you!"

We also generally encourage anti-harassment behaviours like deleting asks that are meant to stir up drama, answering privately, work out personal issues in private, blocking liberally, things like that, because it makes fandom more peaceful when we don't feed the trolls and curate our own experiences

Another proship thing is tagging correctly for each fandom, platform, language community etc, to be respectful and have peace, so for example in jp fandom to be respectful we don't put ship art in the main tag, and on ao3 we don't put "dni" lists in the tags

It's also good to never confront anyone about whether they're coping or what they have been through, as that is private information

Also there is an expansion of proship called profic that applies to all of fiction, regardless of whether it's ship or not, emphasizing the value of all art regardless of whether we like or agree with it

Sorry if I'm overexplaining but I thought since you haven't been publicly in proship circles you might want a run down of things so you don't have to go hunt for it and end up seeing more things you don't want to see in the process

English isn't my native language so I hope this made sense

And! I hope you get to have fun with unreq mino->rei in peace! It's a fun ship dynamic I'd love to see more of it if you continue to draw

Yeah I can understand how that art I made in response to that previous situation could be seen as annoying. It was done impulsively without much thought, but I wasnt aware that it stuck with people for this long. So I appreciate that you're letting me know about it.

Im also not sure if I actively want to seek out this sort of content from other sources, because I draw them in a way that relates to my own personal experiences, and it honestly doesnt feel the same when I see it done by somebody else. I dont know if I want to discuss such topics with other people who dont have a similar way of perceiving them. I do enjoy drawing them innocently, so it's not something I want to give up on either. I'll probably just have to think about it because it's something too personal for me to discuss openly with strangers even if theyre interacting with me in good faith. This was not content meant to be discussed with anyone other than people I trusted.

As long as others respect that I want to discuss this in a way that explores their dynamic in a manner thats not sexually gratifying, then I guess I dont mind. I may have drawn stuff like this, but I am very sex repulsed, so I dislike looking at pornographic content in general. I only look at nsfw Ive drawn myself because I feel more in control, if that makes sense, but even then I rarely draw it. This was the first time in years that Ive drawn something of this nature because Ive been going through a harder time in my life lately, so it's not something I enjoy thinking about on a daily basis. Im upset that so many people have seen it, including children, but the damage has been done already.

But anyway I dont know if entering spaces like this would be beneficial for me on the long run. Im not trying to sound "morally superior" when I say that I like to explore darker topics in a way that doesnt glorify it, but it always gets interpreted that way by other people, so I dont know what other words to use. And maybe the "anti" side isnt right for me after being threatened with rape earlier and saying I have a pedophile and rape fetish over vent art, but I dont know if proship circles align with my interests, because I do have my own beliefs when it comes to certain limits in fiction which most might not agree with. I still block and mute everything I dont like seeing, but maybe it'll be difficult for me to find someone who thinks similarly to me. I'll just have to keep looking.

But yeah. Today was rough and I had my trauma mocked and diminished by random strangers who value the feelings of pixels on a screen more than victims of CSA, and putting it on the same level as CSEM, as well as others saying Im just looking for "pity points" by bringing up my trauma. People didnt want to take into account that these drawings were a complete reflection of what I went through, which is whatever now. I cant do anything about that. The topic is just exhausting to me now. I dont care about labels, but I just want to find a space where that doesnt happen. Your English is great and I understood what you said. I hope my words have been clear. Thanks for the message. I'll just have to think about it more.

[ur-all-fucking-idiots]

Hello! I’ve been making a game and wanted to make a character with npd to mix up the character dynamics. The thing is, as you probably know, npd is so stigmatized, which means it’s literally impossible for me to research. So, if possible, I would like to hear some of your experiences with npd (how it makes you think and behave, that type of thing). If you don’t want to answer, feel free to ignore this.

For me NPD makes it very hard to process that other people actually exist and can form opinions on me and do things on their own and exist outside of when I see them and what I know of them.

To me, people are no different from characters from a series of whatever.

I see other people the same as I see fictional characters on a screen, and tend to treat real people like I would a fictional character as well.

It also makes me highly sensitive to criticism, or people doing anything short of completely agreeing with everything I say.

People disagreeing with me over even the smallest thing can lead to me hating them, crying over what they said, believing I am worth nothing, thinking that they are worth nothing, thinking that they hate me, or any combination of the five.

In short, it makes me extremely angry and there are a few of my posts that display this behaviour, although I don't typically say any of that to people for the sake of my reputation.

I do this because I lack any sort of self esteem on my own and are constantly searching for validation from an outside source, which is really the major reason behind why I may interact with people.

I also love to talk about myself because of this, as it brings attention to me, which is why I am replying to this at all.

I don't actually have any interest in helping you, I'm just using it as an excuse to feel better than you as I get to educate you on something and this makes me feel superior.

Also, there is no guarantee that I will view every person through the same lens, as there is currently one person in my life who I view as equal to me, or just better than other people but maybe not quite equal to me.

This mostly just means that I can hear them disagree with me on something without freaking out and I almost treat them like a normal person.

I still think of them as similar to a fictional character, but I also may find myself wondering what they think of me in return.

The only other time I wonder how people think of me is when I'm trying to figure out my reputation and if I am being perceived in a good manner or not, as this is highly important to me.

I've got a couple other disorders that may be impacting this, but I think all of this is exclusively because of my NPD.

Hope u enjoyed my yap session :3

[capn-twitchery]

hi this is @neathyingenue! your drawing of lt. grace and capt. twitchery was so dynamic and i would love to know more about their relationship if you'd like to share 👀

OHOHO rubs my hands together--you've activated my trap card >:3 (also thank you sm!! :D♥︎) SO-

short answer: their relationship is a complicated nightmare at best, and it changes a ton over time. they meet in weird circumstances, things stay weird for a long time, & they end up "together." what that means, i have no idea, bc i think they would die before they talked about it or said they were Actually Dating

long answer: they meet when twitch rescues a very nearly dead grace from the arctic. twitch thinks this poor guy looks very haunted, which is apparently interesting enough for them to reroute the entire ship so they have an extra couple months to hound him for secrets.

upon getting back to london, they want nothing more to do with eachother: twitch got all the secrets they could, grace wants to get far away from this weirdo, preferably as soon as possible, thanks

so they part ways, for a while. grace starts working with the constables (he thinks he can help people there. poor guy) they keep giving him the unwanted jobs: drag bodies back home, sort the paperwork, stand guard outside the cells because this new inmate is chatty and it's annoying everybody else and-oh, it's twitch. of course it is.

they get talking, since there's nothing else to do, and twitch is Very Persistent. they strike a deal: grace can use his connections to get twitch on the good side of the legal records, and in return, twitch will give him free zee trips when he needs it. twitch thinks this will be basically never, since grace has nothing going on, right? so they got the better end of this deal for sure-what do you mean he's on an unhinged revenge mission to murder a fucking master of the bazaar? oh, they have got to see this.

grace is too reluctant to zail himself, has no other contacts & doesn't know anything about the neath. twitch is his only real, consistent source, and they want to see & know everything about how it's going-- this is like the most interesting story in the world to them! so they're spending a lot of time together. a weird amount of time together, really, for two people who don't spend lots of time around any one person in particular.

and it's...kind of fun? sure, twitch is very unreliable, their weirdness is still offputting to grace, sometimes-- but less than it used to be. they're nicer than he gave them credit for, smarter, and their enthusiasm is infectious. and grace is very helpful, it turns out, and it's nice to have company in the captain's cabin, and making him smile instead of looking miserable all the time starts to feel kind of like an accomplishment, and- oh, no.

they both react to their feelings about as well as you would expect: ignore them! or in twitch's case, ask the ship's surgeon to surgically remove them (and get refused. cruel.) they both deny their feelings for a long time. it could never work anyway, right? they're far too different.

except, not really. grace later finishes nemesis, and after parting (somwhat bitterly) with twitch & a brief stint at the grand geode, he realises maybe the laws here fucking suck, actually--maybe he doesn't need to uphold them to help people. lucky for him, twitch has a hell of a rivalry with the admiralty & it's only a matter of time before they cross paths again. he deserts the admiralty in the midst of a naval battle, onto twitch's ship.

til i give either of them an ending, they stay together from that point--at least, as much as they want to. old habits die hard--twitch still likes zailing off to do weird shit, twitch is still a criminal, grace is very much not (more of a vigilante, i guess.) they still can't talk about what they are, they still clash sometimes. but they make it work! captain & (honorary) first mate.

(& twitch's crew breathe a sigh of relief. bc they've been waiting for their emotional brick wall of a captain to semi admit it for at least a year)

[eternalfarnham]

Greetings!

I really enjoyed your fanfiction "How the Questing Beast chased - and caught - her own tail", and while a lot of people praise your xenofiction writing skills, I want to start with it being an exceptional insight into late teen psychology, down to very fine details, especially for the sort of community of teenagers I myself belonged to as a teenager.

Between lowkey denying your personhood for the sake of exact same kind of "half-written EEPROM girl"© (also denying her personhood for someone else's sake) as yourself, meeting up with the local doublegirl sex pest, believing that putting your emotions in information theoretical terms helps in any way if you don't have good data samples, stringing yourself together into personhood from some value function (which you found in the dumpster and/or parents) and error backpropagation, thinking that a nice girl's apparent maker is an asshole and building contraptions with later 'it' pronoun user 'lesbian situationship', this fanfiction reflects a lot of common experiences during teenage years in the kind of people you might or might not be referencing.

I don't want to make a mistake USian secret services did about nuclear submarines when apprehending John Campbell and assume that nobody can solve conundrums of my youth during fanfiction writing simply because I could not. But I believe that you are doing societally valuable work through this and wish you best.

Regardless of that being my major impression from reading, it's also true that I cannot avoid praising your approach to xenofiction - as a student of Fridman and Retjunskikh, I am delighed to see representation of Vygotsky's description of formation of personal consciousness via internalization of speech necessary to maintain materially beneficial social role via description of a collective, who has rejected separation of labour and speech altogether to preserve what is essentially a convoluted description of psychotic grief over disappearance of its creators and how escaping this psychosis seems to them like mental illness, if you have never read Ilyenkov and Vygotsky and their students I implore you to: even if you learn nothing new, this is very likely to put a smile on your face.

A separate note is, of course, flow of action scenes, also very evocative of personal experiences and of art as a different kind of the same objective truth about the world as science and philosophy. It's absolutely satisfying to read.

Once again, I thank you for your valuable service, and give praise to your work.

With best regards,

[scroll up for clickable username]

I'll admit, I wasn't entirely sure how to answer this ask at first, but it's a series of lovely compliments and deserves some direct address. I'd like to read your theorists here, too – telepathy/speech dynamics are an interesting balancing act to write, as someone with specific emotional resonances around the concept of telepathy. I'm not sure I quite merit being classed with sources of empirical truth, but I'm glad you're getting this much out of my work, and I hope you continue to as I bring it to its conclusion.