#and having an identity that makes you excel from the rest is complicated

[kittycarly]

When i first created my TikTok account for content, my aunt suggested "Kitty" as an inicial for the name (bc i love cats), so my TikTok username at the moment was "kittyo0108" (the letter O bc it's the initial of my last name)

So after a while of posting gacha content (yeah i had a gacha phase) i was starting to get into art and wanted to have a more "unique" artistic name, so then i came with "Carly" at the end of "Kitty" because "Carly" is a nickname my family often calls me

And that's the birth of KittyCarly, anyways

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

[monkey-papermoon]

Goblin HRT day 1

Knock!

kNOCk!!

knocK!!!

Dr Erian looked up from the piles of documents on his desk, confused at the unnecessary noise "Um... Come in?" The door slammed open "Ma'am you can't jus-" <lemme through!> "It's alright, Nurse, let her in" Dr Erian mustered, pushing his glasses upwards. The nurse sighed and shrugged before leaving a short disheveled girl in her place. The girl stomped forth excitedly "Ah. you must be Maxin-" <Monkey.> "Right to it, eh? Well, monkey would be a very easy transition process. Afterall, Humans are Prim-" <No, my name, Monkey!> Dr Erian cleared his thoat "Okay... Well, Monkey, how can I help you today?" Monkey sat in the chair awkwardly and grinned as she steepled her fingers on the doctors desk <Goblin. No matter how hard, Goblin.> Dr erian pulled off his glasses and rubbed them with his coat "this is getting out of hand... Okay. But I must warn you, races from a more fictional realm make for a significantly harder transition. You must also realize there are many risks, including but not limited to - Lowering of intelligence, worse attention span, inability to blahblahblahblahblahblahblah." Monkey stared off into space, drool falling from her mouth slightly.

"Did you catch that? I - Miss Monkey?" Dr. Erian softly laughed in disbelief "Nevermind... I see you'll fit right in. Sign here! Wait - did you live as your perferred species for at least 2 y-" He trailed off, returning his sight to Monkey, who was still distracted "Nevermind, a silly question." He snapped his fingers at Monkey and she snapped back to attention "Sign here, Miss" <Oh! that easy... Really!? I'm so happy! You're a life saver Doc!> She squeeled and flapped her hands. Dr. Erian returned the glasses to his face and mouthed 'wow' before responding "Don't mention it. But we're gonna have to take bloodwork before we can prescribe these medications as to prevent complications." <Hey, I said no matter how hard, didn't I? Go for it.>

Monkey entered her home and rubbed her sore arm before quickly kicking off her boots and replacing her clothes with an oversized hoodie, her height always felt wrong, anything that made her feel shorter helped.

She let out an exhausted sigh and layed down amidst her pile of stuffed animals, she greeted every one of them and rolled to stare at the cieling. Pausing for a time before her lip started trembling <babies~ i'm... it happened. I'm... i'm gonna be me!!> She screamed ecstatically, tears flooding her eyes before she pulled a pillow over her face and squeeled into it.

This won't be easy, she knew it, and this would be a long road with difficult changes. But even still. It felt like a massive weight has been pulled from her shoulders. Like she has been running towards something unreachable for years and can finally rest.

She is to pick up her new prescriptions the day after, and she couldn't contain her excitement. With her friends all by her side, she sobbed into the night.

[Thanks for reading! I genuinely hope you enjoyed. This is part one of Goblin HRT, a concept that means a lot to me since realizing my identity. In it's essence it is a lot more comedic in tone but there will be parts that get a bit graphic or gloomy.

Bonus info! This story if it wasn't clear focuses on Monkey, a stand in for me, but I excel at Third person pov. The pov switches between Erian and Monkey to get the full picture, though i'm used to writing limited 3rd person. The arrows '<>' are a callsign Monkey uses online that are meant to look like the outwards facing ears that Goblins are usually depicted with, it became such a main stay that when she thinks or speaks in sentences she imagines the arrows around them.

Also I will likely reupload in the future with art attached and when I make another part but I wanted to get this out sooner rather than later.

If you're willing i'd appreciate if you would repost! , Follow for more, it helps me spread reach! ]

[brandwhorestarscream]

De-extinction au, reminded me of a doubt I had:

If, due to Megatron's conditions to avoid extinction, the perceptor recovers his memories/identity/personality...what happens?

Because I don't think most Cybertronians (and other living beings in general) would be able to handle what they did in the Shadowplay state if they were him (even him, actually)

And the twins, even though they understand that the situation is much more complicated, would have every right not to want him in their lives.

Nyehehehehehe >:3 excellent

Transcribed from my discord cuz I'm lazy

So, Perceptor! They said he removed his own personality and emotions during the war so he could have more room for science, but that's kinda suspicious, isn't it? It's right in line with autobot history, to take their best and brightest scientist and physically remove his ability to protest against them. Percy didn't mutilate himself: the autobot government forcefully shadowplayed him

After all, if he has no feelings... he has no moral compass. He won't protest anything they demand. They tell him to make weapons of mass destruction incapable of thinking for themselves? Done. They tell him to dissect the brain modules of captured decepticons for information? Done. They tell him to get seeker flight code from a captured decepticon, "by any means necessary"? Done. What does consent matter to someone who literally can't feel?

In the aftermath of the cybertronians being on the path to extinction, the decepticons wrest a lot of control back from the bots. There's the surrogacy contracts and sparkling training and all that, but Megatron puts other precautions in place to keep them safe. He insists point blank on a total ban on nmemosurgery and shadowplay, and to treat anyone that suffered it to the very best of their ability. Active duty autobots included.

After his extensive brain surgery, please imagine Percy sitting in his hospital bed, slumped over, face parallel with his legs from how far he's sagging. His expression is blank, his optics dim and flickering, half shut. A million miles away, not truly here. He's shattered beyond recognition, every horrible, violating thing he's ever done looping through his mind. His body feels alien to him, he remembers all those things but their recollection is numb: his present self is repulsed, horrified, sickened. They made him do all those things, but they were still performed with his hands, with his body. He feels filthy. Disgusting. Tainted. Broken. The doctors try to talk to him but he just stares right through them, mouth hanging open and blank optics wide as can be. It's like he's forgotten how to talk, so trapped in his own mind.

When he's eventually released from the hospital, he barely speaks. He has a checklist of things he needs to do, and sets out to accomplish them with the lethal efficiency he's known for. First, he goes to Ratchet. And Omega Supreme. Gives them his sincerest apologies. Tells them there's no need to accept his apology, he's well aware that it's unforgivable. But he still felt they deserved to be told that he and the rest of the autobots were wrong to treat them that way. He leaves quickly after, unwilling to inflict his presence on them any longer than necessary. Most of the ones he wronged while little more than a semi-conscious drone are dead. There's a few sprinkled sporadically throughout the elite guard, mecha he had to experiment on and who's minds he had to tweak under orders. He gives each of them a sparkfelt apology, seeped in misery, and tells them the same thing: there's no need to forgive me, but you deserve to be told that we were wrong to hurt you. I hope, from the bottom of my spark, that you're able to heal and live a good life despite all of this.

And finally... he goes to the twins and their mother. Starscream regards him with disgust and hatred, and the twins are... conflicted. They know how they were made. They know it was a mess. But Perceptor, even emotionless and cold, was kind to them in the elite guard. He was never forceful, never belittled them. He was as nice as someone with no emotions could be. He's their sire, it's... it's so complicated. He apologizes to Starscream and tells the boys that he's proud of them. They've grown up so well and he's glad they're safely with their mother. He'll be happy well into his next life, knowing the two of them are well cared for and have someone that loves them so much looking after them.

"And now... it's time for me to go. Goodbye, Jetfire, and goodbye, Jetstorm."

Percy leaves then peacefully, and they were the final thing he needed to check off his list. He heads home, and runs himself a hot bath. As hot as he can stand, and promptly takes one of his laser scalpels from his lab. He nicks each of his mainlines, one on each wrist and on the sides of his neck, and reclines back into the hot solvent to settle in for recharge. It's all done. He's apologized to everyone he hurt, now he can do away with all of this. Maybe his spark will reignite one day, born again to one of the decepticon carriers that will be saving their species, and his cursed existence will end at last.

It very nearly ends in tragedy. The twins are a little on edge after that encounter, noticing the way their carrier is now tense and pacing. A strange, cold... woozy feeling starts to bubble up in their sparks, so slowly and building so gently they almost don't notice. Neither really lock in on it until Starscream suddenly grabs Jetfire's chin and asks why he's shaking, and they realize that both of their sparks are pulsing erratically. Their servos are trembling, their vents are uneven. Something is wrong, something's up! They've never had much-if-any connection to Perceptor before, but the suddenness that this hits them immediately tips them off that something is wrong with him. He's the only other person who could possibly be connected to them, and it feels like he's fading!

They barely get there in time. They find him barely conscious in a hot bath dyed bright neon pink, and though it's plenty hot to keep his lines dilated and relaxed, he's cold to the touch. Shaking softly and slurring incoherently, mumbling at them to stop... no... go home... he wants them to just go home and leave him to sleep, forget they saw anything, but they can't really do that. They haul him out of the bath and try desperately to stop the bleeding, panicking and crying and desperately calling Ratchet. He's a good medic and they trust him, begging that he hurry and save their sire! Starscream turns up just as Percy is being taken away with ambulance sirens wailing. They need to let the medics do their job, but the twins are inconsolable watching him leave.

[owedfavors]

ON LOVING & BEING LOVED ;

to say that love is complicated for una is an understatement. for her whole life, in one way or another, she has learned to play a role defined by pragmatism, duty, excellence, and emotional detachment. this began with her parents’ expectations and the rigid way in which they ran their household. it became the mask she wore to be the “perfect” starfleet officer. she learned love from her brothers, but that love was never the effusive love of family. they were not a family that embraced, nor that spoke of their feelings. she learned to love quietly, through small acts of service, through quiet sharing of another’s enthusiasm, through silent presence and wordless support.

loving una feels like trying to hold water in cupped hands, like some part of her is always slipping away, no matter how tightly you attempt to hold her. she does not know how to be completely herself around others ( for most of her life, she never has someone she can be just herself with, without feeling the weight of other obligations, other expectations ). she shares so little, and with many people cannot share more, of what actually makes her her: from her past, to her interests, to her aspirations. and so, even with her closest friends, she always keeps her cards close to her chest, tentative to share even that which is truly harmless. it’s reflex, from secrets too big to share and the constant fear that the closer someone is to her, the more they know her, not merely the facade of a perfect starfleet officer that she wears as a mask, the more likely it is that her lies shatter, that some small crack will form that someone could ( intentionally or otherwise ) pry open until it all falls apart around her. she instinctively keeps people at arms length, and learning to truly let someone she loves in is a slow process, under any circumstances. in a situation where she cannot reveal that she is illyrian, it becomes even longer.

una also has a complicated relationship with her sense of identity: she has essentially forged her entire identity, and to her, the una evers everyone knows often feels like a lie, like a role she plays, like she’s posing as someone, as something, that isn’t her. it is her, both because over time her own personality has crept back into the pragmatic and efficient and dispassionate starfleet officer, and because she built the mask out of pieces of who she was, but it's easy for una to lose sight of this. in addition, it’s a persona she considers uninteresting, a perspective reinforced by the many who have criticized her personality over the years. she does not care, personally, but to let someone love that version of her… it never sits quite right with her, and she struggles with what identity she is supposed to present to them, and with how much of it may be a lie, and with how unfair is it to let them love a lie.

loving her feels sometimes like an impossible task, because when it comes to demonstrations of love, una does not know how to operate within the “usual” avenues. she’s extremely reserved when it comes to touch, and largely keeps her distance except when contact is necessary. she’s not touch averse, nor will she rebuff physical displays of affection, but she rarely will initiate contact. nor is the one for grand ( or sappy ) professions of love: she keeps her emotions as restrained as she does the rest of her behavior, showing happiness and sorrow and anger and fear only in the smallest ways. whether with friends or a romantic partner, the words I love you will never come easy, nor does she quite know how to respond to them. she is so inherently pragmatic that if someone says grand romantic ( but impractical ) things to her, she will recognize their intent for what it is, and appreciate it for that intent, but also struggle to accept it, to not correct the impracticality of the statement. she does not even make it easy to express affection through taking care of her, because she is so relentlessly independent that she doesn’t leave space for others, nor is she willing to display perceived weakness.

none of this, however, diminishes how deeply una can and does love. she feels everything so intensely; she merely struggles with outward expression of that emotion. her demonstrations of love are quiet. she goes out of her way to learn about things that matter to or that interest those she cares about, though she’ll very rarely give more than the most subtle indication she’s done so. she shows love in a fierce loyalty that doesn’t always mean doing what someone wants, but what they need. she goes out of her way to take things off the plate of those she cares about — but will do it such that they will never realize it was on their plate in the first place. she expresses love in glimpses of humor and of emotion, in hints and tidbits of information she offers about herself ( and about what interests her, what matters to her, how she feels about things ).

loving una, be it platonically or romantically, is truly a process of learning to recognize all she doesn’t directly express and the unique way she loves and demonstrates that love. it is also, frankly, a process of waiting on her, of giving her space to learn to let her guard down and the safety to be herself and learn new ways of being. eventually, within a given friendship or relationship, she does learn to be softer, to offer affection more directly, to be at ease, and to be herself. it’s just a process of getting there.

[kiraninfertilitycentre]

How Oocyte Donation Clinics in India Handle Donor Anonymity and Privacy

The process of oocyte donation plays a crucial role in helping countless couples achieve their dreams of parenthood. In India, the Oocyte Donation Clinics take the responsibility of handling the donor’s privacy and anonymity very seriously, ensuring that both donors and recipients feel secure. This delicate balance is achieved through a combination of ethical practices, stringent legal regulations, and state-of-the-art medical infrastructure. Let’s explore how these clinics manage anonymity while maintaining the highest standards of confidentiality.

Legal Framework Governing Donor Anonymity

In India, the Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) Act lays down clear guidelines regarding the anonymity and confidentiality of oocyte donors. The law ensures that the identity of the donor remains completely anonymous to the recipient and vice versa. Clinics are prohibited from disclosing any personal details, thus safeguarding the privacy of both parties involved.

To ensure compliance with these laws, every Oocyte Donation Clinic in India follows a strict protocol that separates identifying information from medical data. This means that while the donor’s medical history is accessible for the safety of the procedure, personal identifiers like name, contact information, or any other revealing data are kept confidential.

Medical Protocols for Ensuring Privacy

The best IVF centres in India are equipped with advanced systems to protect donor data. Oocyte donors are given unique identification codes, and their medical records are stored securely with limited access to authorized personnel only. This process not only ensures anonymity but also helps maintain an organized and efficient workflow within the clinic.

Moreover, both donors and recipients are required to sign consent forms that outline their rights and obligations, emphasizing that the identity of the donor will not be revealed at any point in the process. This builds a sense of trust between the clinic and the donor, encouraging more women to step forward and help those in need.

Why Donor Anonymity is Important

Donor anonymity is crucial for a variety of reasons:

Emotional Well-Being: Donors often prefer anonymity to protect themselves from future emotional complications. It allows them to contribute to the cause of infertility treatment without facing potential personal entanglements.

Legal Protection: Maintaining anonymity ensures that there are no legal claims or disputes over the parentage of the child. In India, the legal parent of the child born through oocyte donation is the recipient, not the donor.

Encouraging Participation: Anonymity ensures that donors feel protected and more willing to contribute. This is especially important for the low-cost IVF treatment in India, where affordable options can still maintain the same level of donor security.

Technological Safeguards

Advanced clinics utilize technology like encrypted databases, secured communication channels, and limited access control to maintain privacy. This is especially true for the best IVF centres in India, which operate under internationally recognized standards. These centres not only provide excellent medical care but also ensure that their patients’ and donors’ personal information is safe from any breach.

Conclusion

Oocyte donation is a powerful means of overcoming infertility, and the Oocyte Donation Clinics in India have developed robust systems to ensure that donor anonymity and privacy are protected at all times. These clinics, backed by legal safeguards and technological advances, create a secure environment for both donors and recipients. Whether you’re considering donating eggs or undergoing IVF, you can rest assured that the best IVF centres in India are committed to maintaining the highest ethical standards while offering low-cost IVF treatment in India to make parenthood dreams a reality.

[snookerclub]

What Makes a Snooker Club Your Go-To Place for Recreation and Relaxation?

When existence becomes busy, every person needs a move-to spot where they can unwind, have amusement, and recharge. For snooker fans, a great snooker club gives just that—an excellent combination of exercise and rest. But what precisely makes a snooker club stand out as the correct location to get away from the everyday grind? At The Cue Connection, a leading snooker club and academy in Bangalore, we've crafted surroundings that offer greater than simply a place to play—it's an experience that continues our individuals coming back. 

Here's what makes The Cue Connection your final destination for exercise and rest.

1. A Welcoming Atmosphere

One of the most crucial factors of any snooker club is its environment. Whether you're there to exercise your shots, compete with buddies, or, in reality, revel in a comfortable sport, the atmosphere needs to make your experience relaxing. At The Cue Connection, we've designed our club to be a haven for players of all degrees. From the instant you step in, you're greeted by means of a calm, inviting place that encourages consciousness and entertainment.

Our membership's format, lighting, and interior layout are thoughtfully curated to provide a calming but expert vibe. Whether you are an experienced participant or a novice, the atmosphere guarantees you are comfortable and prepared to enjoy the game.

2. State-of-the-Art Facilities

For critical snooker enthusiasts, the fine of gadgets and tables is fundamental. Nothing kills the temper faster than worn-out tables or low-pleasant cues. That's why The Cue Connection is prepared with present-day snooker tables, professional lighting, and top-notch add-ons. Our commitment to the nice manner you can count on the identical excessive standards every time you go to, making sure a top rate is playing revel in.

A good device doesn't simply enhance the game—it makes it more enjoyable. Knowing which you're playing on the great tables and using exquisite cues provides a layer of delight, making every go to greater profitability.

3. A Place to Connect and Socialize

For many, a snooker club isn't the game; it's additionally about the community. Snooker brings human beings together collectively, and at The Cue Connection, we accept as true in growing a pleasant and inclusive environment where gamers can interact, make percentage recommendations, and build friendships. Whether you're taking elements in a friendly fit or competing in one of our in-house tournaments, there's always a possibility to socialize and connect with like-minded humans.

Our Snooker club and academy in Bangalore serve as hubs for every recreation and competition, where gamers of all tiers come together. The supportive network complements the general revelry, whether you are engaging in informal conversations or getting to know experienced gamers.

4. Expert Coaching for Growth

At The Cue Connection, we don't simply provide an area to play; we assist you grow as a player. Our professional coaches are to offer guidance, whether or not you are a novice learning the fundamentals or a complicated player honing your competencies. The opportunity to teach in an expert putting makes our snooker club and academy in Bangalore a treasured resource for anyone looking to enhance their sport.

This mixture of relaxation and skill-building makes us the ideal cross-to-identifier. You can experience leisurely recreation these days and go back for focused training the next day—all within the same welcoming environment.

5. An Escape from the Everyday

Life in a bustling city like Bangalore may be irritating, and on occasion, you need a smash. The Cue Connection gives more than just an area to play snooker—it's a getaway from the pressures of each day's existence. The quiet attention of the sport, the point of interest in precision, and the satisfaction of a nicely performed shot all contribute to developing a nonviolent, meditative level.

For those seeking rest, snooker offers a way to unwind. You can immerse yourself in the game, overlook the outdoor world for some time, and depart the club feeling refreshed and recharged.

6. Recreational Fun for All Skill Levels

What makes The Cue Connection sincerely particular is its appeal to gamers of all talent stages. Whether you're a pro seeking to perfect your sport or an informal participant enjoying a weekend break, our club offers an area that caters to all of us. The sort of players you meet additionally adds to the revelry, growing a rich and diverse network.

Whether you're in it for a laugh or severe competition, you'll discover the whole thing you need below one roof, making The Cue Connection your pass-to snooker club.

7. Regular Tournaments and Events

For folks who revel in an aggressive aspect, we often host in-residence tournaments and activities, supplying you with the chance to test your abilities in a friendly but hard environment. This adds a further layer of pleasure for your time at The Cue Connection, making it more than only a recreational spot—it's a place in which you can grow as a player or even win some bragging rights alongside the manner.

8. A Complete Experience

What sets The Cue Connection apart is that it offers a whole snooker experience. From modern centers and professional coaching and a comfortable ecosystem, we've built a club that caters to all of your needs. It's not pretty much gambling the game; it's about playing the entire experience.

Whether you're here to play competitively or to loosen up after an extended day, The Cue Connection is the appropriate region for you. 

Conclusion

In the heart of Bangalore, The Cue Connection stands proud as more than just a Snooker club and academy in Bangalore —it's a destination for endeavor, relaxation, and increase. Our combination of first-rate centers, expert coaching, and a welcoming network makes it the perfect cross-to location for snooker enthusiasts of all ranges.

If you're seeking out a niche to enjoy the sport, hone your competencies, and connect to fellow players, there's no higher area than The Cue Connection. Visit us and make us your favored retreat for snooker, rest, and a laugh.

[xtrablak674]

It's a Journey

My nephew came through last night for a few hours. I love it when the children come and see me, it feels like the way its supposed to be, the young people checkin' in on their elders. He lives two blocks away, so visiting is a bit more regular for him than others who live further away. I appreciate his diligence, but I also know he gets something out of his sessions, guidance about his life, work and complicate emotions.

This is a role I very much enjoy playing, I am not the parent, and my non-traditional lifestyle, and choices have lead to an eclectic number of experiences with work and life. I feel I am in a unique position to provide relevant, competent and interesting feedback to the lives young people live today.

Air-dropping a photo of me from twenty years ago, he commented on my having a mustache, different than the bushy unkempt facial hair now and how much younger I looked. #BitchIAintOldNow I told him to check out the rest of the photo. He than begin to notice some of the pieces, and arrangements of walls and furniture. The bed wasn't in the center of the room, it was pushed against wall, with the microwave and fridge at the foot of the bed, next to the plastic set of drawers that have followed me since my time in 109 in Williamsburg, my first apartment.

The windows are in their in-between state from my attempt to strip the paint from the beautiful wood that had been covered with sedimentary levels of paint over years, this is something I would later rectify during lockdown and my rona-vations. He immediately noticed my collection of foreign currency wasn't on the wall to the left of the window but instead had contact sheets from photoshoots in the nineties pinned to the wall. The space hadn't found its identity, but was making its way there.

The lesson from me to him, was its a journey. I had accumulated certain pieces that still remain in the apartment but I hadn't come to find a harmonious way to present those items, and that I knew he too would find a similar resonance in his own home.

Even with this I proceeded to show him good and bad examples of giving hung art an appropriate amount of breath when hangin thing on the wall using my own walls as an example, and that sometimes its good to have a conversation between the things on the wall and the items on the floor. Conversely, it can also be interesting juxtaposing items that are diametrically opposed, it can shock and thrill the viewer or guest. I usually try to refrain from these kinds of instruction because I really do think trial and error can be excellent teachers, they really showed me how to experiment and figure out what works best in a particular place.

There's an analogy here to personal growth, and I was hoping my subtle misdirection was also being absorbed. I was telling him that I hadn't always know who I was and that through my own journey I had picked up piece of who I am and refined and affirmed some parts while discarding others, figuring out which things worked best for me to be the best version of myself. With two dead parents and very emotionally distant grandparents, I didn't have anyone trying to assist me in how to navigate being the kind of person I was, in the world we live in. I hope these gentle lessons would be appreciated, because its really the best thing I have to offer the next generation.

He said something that really resonated with me, he likes to allow things to take their time. This kind of insight is so rare in a twenty-seven year old, his contemporaries are usually so impatient to get somewhere they don't enjoy the journey, and the journey is the best part of any trip. Its not about how you got there, its about enjoying the ups, the downs, the side roads and missed destinations as you get to the place you're really heading towards.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[writing-in-mermish]

“You know I really hate to do this, but your boyfriend has left me no choice.” the villain said as her henchmen tied me up.

“You actually have a lot of choices, you can’t just blame the ones you don’t like on him.” I retorted. this shtick was getting old.

“He made me like this.” She says, venom in her voice.

“There were a lot of things that compounded your decent into villainy. You’ve told me about a lot of them over the many times you’ve kidnapped me.” I say.

She doesn’t take this well.

“Gag her!” She commands. Her henchmen comply.

“Come on, is that really nesi-” I’m gagged before I can finish.

She pours herself a glass of water and walks over to me. Takes a sip. Then splashes the rest of it in my face. I give her a look that says why? what was the point of that?

“you needed to look more distressed.” She explains. I roll my eyes.

the henchmen get the camera ready and the villain goes through her menacing taunt. She’s going to harm something, but she also has me, yadda, yadda. At this point I’ve tuned him out. I tried to get through to her, but she’s not having it. maybe next time. this is old hat by this point and I’m kinda bored of it.

the superhero will save the day and rescue me, we’ll let people see us, and then he’ll drop me off so I can get back to my actual job instead of standing in for his loved ones for villains to harass.

I am the superhero’s fake girlfriend.

:readmore:

I let the public think we’re together so his real loved ones don’t have to deal with this nonsense. Not that he doesn’t care for my well being, but we’re just friends and I can take care of myself if need be.

I suggested this set up to him when he confessed to me that he was struggling keeping his relationship a secret.

“It’s so complicated.” He said, burying his head in his hands. “I don’t want to hide her, but I don’t want to endanger her either.”

“that is a tough one.” I said. “All the fans would be a pain to deal with. So many broken hearts.”

“You know what I mean!” He said, giving me a dirty look. “Super villains.”

“Oh yeah, them too I guess.” I said, feigning cluelessness. “Why not get a fake girlfriend.”

“What?”

“Like a stunt double, but for real life.”

“that’s ridiculous.”

“Is it though? this way, people know you’re taken, but they don’t know who you really care about, and won’t go searching. Plus, this keeps your secret identity a secret. It’s like a beard! A super beard. wait, it that cultural appropriation?”

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter because I’m not doing it.”

“Why not?!”

“It’s a terrible idea! I’m not going to endanger somebody else’s life to protect my girlfriend from the possibility of people finding out about her. We’ll just deal.”

“But that’s the thing! You don’t just pick a rando off the street, you pick someone who can defend themselves. Someone you wouldn’t have to worry about to much.”

“But I’d be ruining their social life too. They’d become a celebrity. And they wouldn’t be allowed to date.”

“Then pick someone who doesn’t care and isn’t into that. What else you got.” It had become a game at that point, and I was winning.

“What if it makes Irene uncomfortable?”

Okay, maybe I wasn’t winning. “Alright, you got me there. She’s the whole reason you’d be doing this so if she isn’t down, it’s a no go.”

I thought that was the end of it, until Irene came by with him a week later.

“Hey Jean.” She said.

“Oh, hi Irene, you stealing Charles for a bit?” I asked.

“Actually, we had something we wanted to talk to you about.” She said.

“Of course, shoot.”

“Charles told me about the idea you had, and we decided it we should do it.”

“An excellent choice… what idea was that again?”

Irene laughed and Charles sighed at me.

“The fake girlfriend idea” She clarified.

Oh, wow, cool. Did you want me to help look for candidates?”

“Actually,” Charles said, “We wanted to ask you.”

“Really?!”

“Of course!” Irene said. “you’re the perfect choice. You work with the league and are already friends, you’re nigh indestructible, and you’re not into relationships, unless that’s changed?”

“Pft, No.”

“See, perfect! So, will you have us?” She extended her hands to me.

“I feel like I’m getting proposed to.” I laughed.

“Nevermind, this was a bad idea to begin with.” Charles said.

“Hey,” I interjected, “that’s rude.” I took Irene’s hand and shook my head, laughing a little. “I would love to impersonate you Irene”

[dimonds456]

Gem Steven’s gem is flipped upside-down. (Theory/Speculation time!)

SPOILERS FOR @spudinacup’s SU AU “Gone Wrong”!

Also WARNING: long post!

So recently, someone pointed out that Steven has a scar on his torso going across his gem’s location, which I found interesting in and of itself. Makes sense, since he wasn’t able to heal it since he DIED and his gem was shoved out of his body before it got the chance to heal him. That slash mark is there now. Wow, neat! Nice detai-

Wait.

Hold on a sec.

Is his gem... flipped upside-down? Well, it’s been like this for a while, maybe it’s just a creative choi-

...oh.

This is VERY intentional.

So I did some digging, and found much more symbolism and possible foreshadowing, and now I want to throw out my theory about Gem Steven here, including his potential arc and character development. I’ll try to keep everything brief while still blowing your minds, and I’ll try to get across what my jumbled mind has come up with.

Spud please notice me.

I will not be uploading photos to go with everything I say (go reread the comic after this and verify for yourself what all I’ve said), but I’ll show visuals when they’re necessary. I do not claim ANY of this art as mine (I wish my art was this good ;u; ), all of it belongs to Spudinacup and their SU AU, which has all kinds of hidden symbolism, foreshadowing, and visual cues we haven’t picked up on yet, as I’ve just learned while researching this theory. This ain’t your run-of-the-mill AU, everything in here is intentional. Scott Spud doesn’t do coincidences. So I’ll point out that stuff in screenshots.

Okay let’s go.

SO! To begin with, let’s talk about why his gem may have flipped, and to realize that, we have to know when. We don’t see the gem much, but we do see it constantly through Chapter 1, where it is normal. The pentagon is pointed upward. However, in Chapter 2, this is where we see it flipped upside down. When did that happen? We didn’t see it. I believe it happened in that first scene in the bathroom, right after we left. The butterflies were swarming angrily, and Steven was very lost in thought.

Notice whenever those butterflies appear. They seem to show up every time he thinks about who he is. Is he still Steven, or is he someone else now? Steven is dead. Everyone is mourning him, trying to heal him, but Gem is still here. So if Steven is dead, but Gem is still alive, that must mean he isn’t Steven then, right? But then that undoes everything we learned in “Change Your Mind.” He IS Steven. He’s always been Steven. But that’s when they were together...

...And so the butterflies swarm.

Notice how the first one shows up when he looks at himself in the mirror. When you look in a mirror, you should see yourself, right? But who IS he? In the show, butterflies represent thoughts and ideas, mostly dark ones, disturbing ones, or ones you don’t want to think about. Well, he already spent WAY too long proving who he was, so now to do it again sucks.

But he isn’t Steven anymore. He’s on the couch being mourned. But he’s already proved he IS Steven before, and it’s this uncertainty that is making his mind swirl. I believe this is why he flipped his gem. Just upside-down, so it’s a small thing no one will notice, while he tries to figure it out. In doing so, he’s separated himself from “Steven”, as they’re not one and the same anymore, and the flipped gem shows this. He’s someone else right now. Maybe. He’s not sure.

So what do we call you for right now? Steven. He already proved he was Steven, so until he’s proved otherwise, Steven it is. Now he just has to figure out what exactly that name means and wether or not he still fits that quota.

Flipped gem/Pink Diamond imagery is EVERYWHERE, mostly hidden in drastic shadows or in panels. It’s things you don’t notice at first, until they’re staring you in the face. See if you can spot them from the 3 screenshots below.

There’s probably more hidden throughout the comic, these are just the ones I’ve found that I feel confident enough to show as hard evidence.

So, what does it all mean? We’ll talk about the screenshots in order, left to right.

First, the Diamond is hidden as the panel in the center. In it, Human Steven lies upside down while the gem-panel is technically upside right. This can be interpreted in a few ways, but what that means to me is that something isn’t right here. If you flip Steven back around so he’s upside right, the gem is now upside down. Notice Gem Steven looking towards his human half on the bottom panel there, clutching his shirt over his gem. It’s a motion we’ve seen Steven do a TON throughout the show, anytime he’s thinking about Rose/Pink, who he is, or complicated gem stuff as a whole. Because early on, his identity was always shrouded in shadow. THAT is Steven, on the couch, without his gem. So for Gem Steven to call himself Steven is inaccurate, but also not at the same time. It’s all swarming in his head, and thus, the gem is flipped.

Next, he’s just broken the rejuvenator. This was probably the hardest to spot of the three, but if you look at the panel where Bismuth asks “feel better?” you will see, in the background, a white line cut through the soft pink hues. Look closer. It’s the outline of the gem, but it’s flipped correctly this time. This is because Bismuth seems to be the only person NOT saying Steven is dead, and treating his gem half one and the same. Is she unnerved? Yeah, but who WOULDN’T be? This is still Steven we’re talking about, as emotionally blocked as he is. He’s aware of why everyone is being weird around him, so to see Bismuth trying her best to treat him with familiarity instead of a completely different, new, dangerous stranger is really calming and helps to calm the storm a bit.

Notice the gem is flipped correctly. This is because he feels like Steven right now. Bismuth has been constant confirmation that he is still Steven, no matter the circumstances. Notice how his eyes dialate back to a larger size. They do that a lot in the comic, articulating his emotions without changing the rest of his face. It’s a clever detail to keep track of. His eyes grow more relaxed, dialating bigger when she pats his shoulder, asking if he feels better after destroying the weapon that killed him. It’s a huge relief for him to hear. So, the gem is correct.

Finally, we see Bismuth telling Greg that his son is dead, which is very contradictory to what Bis was saying earlier (in Steven’s eyes). Where is the gem on that frame? Look at Steven’s shadow. There it is, facets and all. To us, the gem is correct, but think about it this way: if Steven were actually replaced with the gem in that frame, what would it look like, Pink’s or White’s? That’s right. The point is coming from his feet, meaning it would look more like White’s, meaning it is back to being flipped upside down. Again, Bismuth just said Steven is dead, meaning he’s back to questioning his whole entire identity. So it’s back to being flipped upside-down.

It seems that the orientation of the symbolic gems hidden throughout panels show quite clearly where his head is at in terms of who he is. If it’s upside down, he’s separating himself from the cold meatball on the couch, whereas when it’s normal/upside right, he is associating himself WITH the cold meatball on the couch.

Notice he’s been grabbing at his gem a lot recently, too, all things he does while in turmoil over who- or WHAT- he is. He cannot heal right now. He can’t use his powers. Some powers are new and unfamiliar (see the more recent pages where Lapis struck out with water and he blocked with those hexagonal shields/walls). “Steven HEALS people.” He can’t, so who is he?

This is something he’ll need to have an answer to by the time the comic is done, and this is a mission for Gem Steven and Gem Steven alone. If his human half were alive (and content without his gem), he’d probably call himself “Steven” no questions asked, since he GOT his answer already, two years ago. But Gem can’t do that, not when everyone keeps drawing all these lines between the two. He needs to learn what being “Steven” means, and know that he is a part of a greater whole, but on his own, he is STILL Steven. Everyone else needs to realize this, too, and stop separating the two. It’s gonna be rough, since it may feel like replacing what they lost, but is it really? It’s going to be a tough road to trek, and I don’t know what anyone’s answer is gonna be (that’s the big mystery here, after all), but I’m here for it.

Remember, all of this has been speculation on what may happen based on facts and clues Spud has presented us with. I’m not claiming to know how Gem Steven’s arc will end, but I am throwing my hat into the ring on where I THINK it will go. Either way, the foreshadowing, symbolism, and unspoken characterizations here have been excellent, and I’m looking forward to seeing everything play out. Spud, your mind is incredible, and whatever you’ve got planned over there, I’m confident the answer will be satisfactory.

I’ll shut up now. Thank you for reading this huge meta post, and go read Spud’s comic. You can find it at @suaugonewrong or on Spud’s Tumblr, which was linked above. If you think I’m wrong or have a counter argument, bring it. Let’s talk, cause this is genuinely interesting and fun to dissect. I wanna talk about it OwO

Thank you. You may now continue scrolling.

[mercerislandbooks]

For the Love of the Rom-com

While I read across genres in the Young Adult section, I have a soft spot in my heart for the rom-com. Though this genre might come across as light and fluffy, in actuality the form is able to take on topics as varied as mental health, identity, immigration, racism, and grief, to name only a few. Sure there’s romance, escapism, and happy endings, but what kept me picking up one YA rom-com after another in the last month was the window into the lives of each protagonist. More than ever I’m seeing #ownvoices authors tell stories that reflect their particular experience with the characters that they hadn’t seen in novels as young people. In turn I get a glimpse into a life different than my own and subsequently widen my world view. Here’s a collection of some of my recent reads!

Counting Down With You by Tashie Bhuiyan

The debut novel from this Bangladeshi American author (and the first novel I’ve read by a Bangladeshi American) takes the fake dating trope and turns it into a thoughtful exploration of expectations across cultures. Karina Ahmed is a high school junior buckling under the weight of Bangladeshi parental expectations and coping with anxiety largely on her own. They want her to be a doctor. She secretly longs to be an English teacher. When her parents take a month-long trip back to Bangladesh, leaving Karina and her younger brother in the care of their grandmother, Karina is looking forward to a much needed break. But her quiet month is almost immediately disrupted when, through a series of circumstances, she is roped into pretending to be Ace Clyde’s girlfriend, Midland High School’s bad boy. As the two slowly get to know, appreciate, and, of course, fall for each other, they also encourage and call out each other’s strengths. Bhuiyan movingly portrays the complex experience of a Bangladeshi American female teen, trying to meet the expectations of her more traditional parents, navigate managing her anxiety, dealing with the double standard of her gender within her culture, and learning to stand in her own power.

Tokyo Ever After by Emiko Jean

Given this cover, I expected something totally different from what the pages held. The main character of this “lost princess found” novel is anything but sweet and demure, the impression I had from the cover. Japanese American Izumi (Izzy) Tanaka is living her best average life with her single mother in the small Northern California town of Mt. Shasta. When she finds out that her previously unknown father is actually the crown prince of Japan, her world turns upside down. Once this knowledge goes public, Izzy is whisked away to Japan to get to know her father and become acquainted with the rest of her family. Having always felt out of place as one of the few minorities in her town, Izzy is hopeful that she’ll finally find a place where she belongs. But life at court is more complicated than Izzy can imagine, and she finds that in Japan she’s too “American.” Izzy’s voice is suffused with humor, so even as she struggles to fit in, her inner monologue made me laugh out loud. A slow burn romance with a hot bodyguard, backstabbing cousins, and relentless paparazzi shenanigans only add to the delicious fun. There’s talk of a sequel in 2022!

Better Than The Movies by Lynn Painter

The premise of girl uses boy next door, with whom she (seemingly) shares a mutual dislike, to get to the boy she crushed on in childhood that has just moved back to town manages to squeeze in a slew of rom-com tropes with witty breeziness. Liz makes a deal with boy next door Wes that she will relinquish the parking spot they feud over daily if he will help her get a date to Prom with childhood crush Michael. Of course it ends up being more complicated than that. Liz is confident and comfortable in her own quirky skin, but is also still dealing with the grief of losing her mother, which seems to be hitting her more sharply as all the “lasts” of senior year are happening. Spending time with Wes in her efforts to get close to Michael, Liz realizes that maybe she doesn’t hate him as much as she thought she did. Movie lovers will appreciate that each chapter is headed by quotes from the rom-coms that Liz obsesses over. I appreciated the balance of snarky banter with an honest portrayal of the complicated relationship Liz has with her grief.

Love in English by Maria E. Andrew

I’d been meaning to read Love in English for months and finally picked it up. Ana and her mother have recently moved to New Jersey from Argentina to join her father, who’s been living in the United States for some time. In Argentina, Ana thought her English was pretty good, but finds that navigating high school in America is a daily struggle in understanding her classmates and teachers. Andrew uses blocks of ##### to show the parts of conversations Ana misses, drawing the reader into her confusion and frustration. Reading this novel, I was reminded of when my family hosted a Japanese exchange student in high school, and the hours she spent translating her homework from English to Japanese. Reading what it was like for Ana, I had a glimpse into what it might have been like for Miki, and it made me admire her, and all the people who come to the United States not knowing the language. I’m certainly not proficient in any other language than English. The short chapters are interspersed with Ana’s handwritten ESL journal entries, musings on the confusions of the English language and poems that play with varieties of word meanings. Ana is attracted to a cute boy in her math class, Harrison, but also bonds with fellow ESL student Neo, who is from Greece. While romance is a central thread in the story, what I found most compelling was the portrayal of what it’s like to live in a place where the ability to communicate and comprehend is limited. Ana’s perseverance and curiosity in the face of that challenge is inspiring.

The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss by Amy Noelle Parks

Last but not least I decided to continue my theme of YA rom-coms in my current audiobook and cued up The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss. Set at an elite boarding school for math and science prodigies, this is a dual POV narrative Evie and Caleb, best friends since childhood. Evie is one of the few females at their prestigious school, and excels in math and physics, but hasn’t shown any interest in the opposite sex until new guy Leo catches her eye - with his physics proof. When Evie decides romance might be worth exploring with Leo, Caleb has to figure out how to be supportive, despite the fact that he himself is also secretly in love with Evie. Alternating chapters between Caleb and Evie’s POV mean that we get to see what’s going on internally for both of them as Evie embarks on her first relationship with Leo, Evie and Caleb team up for a national physics competition, and the course of love takes twists and turns. While there is plenty of swoony romance, I also loved the way that Evie has grown to learn to live with her anxiety and how she sets the boundaries she needs to take care of herself while also pushing herself beyond her comfort zone. Parks does an excellent job of making the all the math and physics approachable for the layperson.

There are many more YA rom-coms to choose from in the Teen section, so stop by and see what catches your eye!

— Lori

[of-stars-and-moon]

Hello!

I just found out that Muslims believe that every kind of magic is Black Magic (correct me if I’m wrong). Now I’m a bit afraid of writing them into my Harry Potter rewrite, since I wanted to represent them but if it’s going to offend my Muslim readers, then I think I probably shouldn’t. Still, here’s what I had in plan for them (there was supposed to be two characters who were Muslim).

They’re best friends whose family are also very close. They’re supposed to be muggleborn witches. One of them (Zaneerah) is blind, and the other one (Saida) doesn’t have any disability. So once they get to Hogwarts and they realized just how inaccessible the school is for students with any kind of disabilities, the two muslim best friends work together to find magical ways to make life easier.

After their project is done and over with and Zaneerah begins excelling in her classes with her new spells and such, Saida finds that her passions lay in helping those with certain disabilities. She spends the rest of her school years working closely with other disabled students to find something that helps them without actually erasing their disability (if they don’t wish to).

I’m disabled, so I thought this would be a cool idea. But if it’ll offend my Muslim readers then perhaps I shouldn’t proceed? What do you think? Because I do believe that there must be magical people all over the country regardless of where they’re from or their religion, should these girls struggle with their newfound identity while at school? Maybe have some issues with their families? They would have to attend Hogwarts or some magical school because otherwise they’d become Obscurials.

Again, if it’s too complicated, or would still offend my Muslim readers, just tell me the word and I’ll remove this idea and replace it with someone else.

Hi! I think it's completely okay to write that! Since it's a fictional story and you're doing it to represent Muslims, I don't think it would offend the muslim readers and from what you've described of your characters, they don't seem to fall into the problematic and stereotypical muslim representation media often shows (as in you know portraying them as terrorists and always violent) And speaking of, muslim families being shown as not accepting their children's differences is also a somewhat repetitive and harmful trope in many media, so I'd suggest to not have that and have them be supportive even if they don't understand

But yeah I think you should go for it! It's a very good idea! I love that you're writing this to represent the muslim and disabled community

[thesoftrainbows]

HP Rewrite: Possible Muslim Character.

I just found out that Muslims believe that every kind of magic is Black Magic (correct me if I’m wrong). Now I’m a bit afraid of writing them into my Harry Potter rewrite, since I wanted to represent them but if it’s going to offend my Muslim readers, then I think I probably shouldn’t. Still, here’s what I had in plan for them (there was supposed to be two characters who were Muslim).

They’re best friends whose family are also very close. They’re supposed to be muggleborn witches. One of them (Zaneerah) is blind, and the other one (Saida) doesn’t have any disability. So once they get to Hogwarts and they realized just how inaccessible the school is for students with any kind of disabilities, the two muslim best friends work together to find magical ways to make life easier.

After their project is done and over with and Zaneerah begins excelling in her classes with her new spells and such, Saida finds that her passions lay in helping those with certain disabilities. She spends the rest of her school years working closely with other disabled students to find something that helps them without actually erasing their disability (if they don’t wish to).

I’m disabled, so I thought this would be a cool idea. But if it’ll offend my Muslim readers then perhaps I shouldn’t proceed? What do you think? Because I do believe that there must be magical people all over the country regardless of where they’re from or their religion, should these girls struggle with their newfound identity while at school? Maybe have some issues with their families? They would have to attend Hogwarts or some magical school because otherwise they’d become Obscurials.

I saw a post where someone posted that if the character is born with magic, then it might be viewed as a gift from Allah, but I want to make sure it’s right.

Again, if it’s too complicated, or would still offend my Muslim readers, just tell me the word and I’ll remove this idea and replace it with something else.

[the12thnightproject]

A Mitsunari Night's Dream Chapter Two: Miss Congeniality

In Azuchi, Katsu bumps into (literally) an absentminded young man; annoys Hideyoshi; is annoyed by Mitsuhide; and undergoes the torturous transformation into an Oda princess named 'Okatsu.'

Chapter Excerpt:

“Do you have any preferences? Color? Style?” Mai went to a writing desk where there was a stack of paper and several different sized brushes.

Androgyny… but make it fashion.

“Something not terribly restrictive. And. Not pink.” I shot another look at a turquoise kimono on display – that one was more or less to my taste.

“I must overrule that.” Mitsuhide stood in the doorway flanked by Hideyoshi. Apparently, they kissed and made up. “Soft pastels – including pink.”

“Pink is certainly appropriate,” Hideyoshi agreed.

Great. Now they agree.

Mai quickly wrapped a yukata around me. She pointed to the men in the doorway. “Out!”

Right. I wasn’t very well dressed. It’s not that I have no modesty… more that neither of them were looking at me as if I were an object of desire, but rather a tool to be sharpened and polished. Ignoring her, Mitsuhide undid my braid.

He visibly flinched at my hair.

Hideyoshi actually recoiled.

Yeah, it’s not in any particular style and there are pieces that are much shorter than the rest, causing it to stick out in chunks everywhere.

“What happened? Were you in a fire?” Kyubei had joined us and looked at my hair with fascinated revulsion.

“Fume did it.” And then I tried to fix it with my dagger.

Hideyoshi turned to Mai. “We’re going to need more maids.”

Cue Jaws theme in head.

After that, the afternoon passed in a blur of discussions, haircut, fittings, hand cream, face cream, cream cream and…

Help, I’m trapped in a makeover montage!

By the end of the ordeal, I was buffed and shined and primped and folded, spindled and mutilated until I didn’t recognize my reflection in the mirror that Mai had unearthed. I’d taken on plenty of identities over the past seven years, but this one seemed even further away from Katsuko than my old man disguise.

Also… I had zero likelihood of being able to replicate this complicated hairstyle on my own.

Mai adjusted one of the folds on the kimono – one of her own that she was loaning to me until she and her team could finish my – for want of a better word- trousseau. Then she turned me around to face the men who were judging my transformation.

Category is: Sengoku Princess Excellence.

Link to entire chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37708576/chapters/94532557

@ocfairygodmother

[aiyexayen]

The ChengXian/WangXian parallel gifsets about the sad boat rides with Wen Ning made me think, once again, about how Wei Ying was worried about being the Jiang Cheng in his relationship with Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying just had so few models of relationship, and only two real models of a serious relationship involving himself--Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. He saw himself as a caretaker in each of them.

Even Jiang Yanli, ultimately, though there was certainly more give and take there. He only accepted a very specific kind of caretaking from her, though, and we see how fraught that was in the way Yu-furen shamed Jiang Yanli for it.

But Jiang Cheng was the most complicated. He and Wei Ying were the Yunmeng Shuangjie. Twin Heroes. Both of them strong male cultivators. Their relationship was such a carefully orchestrated imbalance. Wei Ying had to take care of Jiang Cheng even to the point of making sure Jiang Cheng didn’t feel taken care of. He was stronger, but he had to make sure Jiang Cheng didn’t feel weaker.

And at the same time, he had to be able to have his best friend and brother and navigate the lines of teasing and boasting that came with those dynamics and also with his natural brash and outgoing and free-spirited personality. It’s not something that weighed particularly heavy on him until later on, of course; it’s just How Things Were.

But Lan Zhan being Wei Ying's true equal was a heady taste of something new, something he was desperate for.

Someone he didn’t have to take care of in all those tricky, sticky ways. Someone who could understand him from the outside. That equality between them--of swords and strength and wit--formed so much of their early relationship. The ways Wei Ying and Lan Zhan excelled differently weren’t seen as anything but surface-level differences, cultivation styles. They could choose to take care of each other on their own (like in the Xuanwu cave) but there were no expectations except that which they set for themselves.

The best cohesive example I can think of is the situation at Dafan Mountain. Jiang Cheng has taken off after Wei Ying, to come and find his troublemaking brother and bring him home, ostensibly being the one to wrangle and care for his brother and best friend and someday-second. But as soon as he finds them, Wei Ying is clearly the one in charge. Jiang Cheng gets locked into a shield barrier, given a verbal half-teasing pat on the head, and left behind. Wei Ying goes off with Lan Zhan to find the source of the problems and their new level of partnership is beautifully put on display through their fight (other things happen in that fight, too, but that’s another post).

Jiang Cheng was never allowed to truly take care of Wei Ying. His parents never let him. Wei Ying never let him. He tried, all the time, most of all when he gave himself up to the Wen soldiers. But even that was immediately undone, turned back around on him.

Wei Ying never figured out how to attain any semblance of true equilibrium in his relationship with Jiang Cheng, even after everything at Lotus Pier, especially after everything at Lotus Pier, either before or after the core transfer. Maybe if he had, things would have been different. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have sacrificed his core to begin with.

It’s debatable how much Wei Ying expected to keep living after his core was gone. It’s even more debatable how much he really thought about anything past his own desperation in the moment, about all the promises broken with that single act, about how that would affect his relationship with anyone else. That doesn’t seem like a very Wei Ying thing to sit and think about.

Regardless, once the core was gone, he and Lan Zhan weren't equals. It messed up his relationship with Jiang Cheng, too, of course. The resentful energy was its own kind of strength but it couldn’t make up the difference in any way that counted. It just complicated everything by a thousand times and added in all kinds of new problems.

Even though Jiang Cheng had his core and Wei Ying had nothing but the tortured screams of the lost and vengeful echoing in his head, Wei Ying was still the caretaker there.

Don’t let Jiang Cheng find out the secret. Don’t let Lan Zhan become embroiled in it or expose the secret. Make sure Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli and Lotus Pier are okay. Lift Jiang Cheng up as a leader. Win the war. Apparently still be alive welp didn’t see that coming. Protect them all. Even if it means leaving.

But as much as he scrambled for strengths and leaned on his demonic cultivation he was still weak. Able to wipe out entire outposts of Wen agents yet repeatedly brought to a point where Lan Zhan could kill him easily and we know that the only way he could hope to match him would be to use this dangerous thing that's eating his soul, so shit could really get out of hand. Which wasn't really winning in the end. Demonic cultivation for him in general wasn’t strength so much as carefully-applied weakness.

Not to mention his reputation. They got so far off-balance where reputation and social standing was concerned.

Wei Ying’s merits had been contentious throughout his life--on the one hand, they're all he had to elevate himself beyond the need for the Jiangs' charity, or anyone's charity, as his status as family was so fraught and inconsistent. Being the best made all of that a moot point as much as it could be. And it also made him able to take care of said family, fulfilling all manner of "repay debt" vibes and "I'm obsessed with justice and protection" vibes.

On the other hand, they were definitely part of what made things so difficult with Jiang Cheng. Wei Ying’s reputation outclassing Jiang Cheng’s as a prodigy, a swordsman, a hero, even as he balanced it out by getting a simultaneous reputation for goofing off and being irresponsible. He did his best to make them complementary even though they were never really allowed to be.

But Jiang Cheng said it himself when he visited Wei Ying at the Burial Mounds--as soon as he started walking a different path, all of his merits and his skills and his reputation were turned upside down and used to make him a more effective villain.

So suddenly he didn’t even have any good social standing. He was mistrusted and then hated and reviled. On a number of levels, he could handle that, because it was more important to him that everyone who wasn’t him was okay. But it put him at complete odds with the great Hanguang-Jun, which was definitely something he made a point of noting more than once so we know it really, really mattered to him.

And that knowledge crept further and further in, between the war ending, things going back to some semblance of normal when he...couldn’t, and eventually him ending up in the Burial Mounds.

It was inevitable. He was the weaker one between himself and Lan Zhan, in every possible way. He knew of only one way that could go down.

It's a fear that got tangled up along with the rest of his paranoias, insecurities, traumas, resolutions, and twisted certainties pre-timeskip. On top of that, he lost a central piece of his identity and had no idea how to replace it.

If he isn't himself, who else can he be? Who else might he turn into? Someone who needs to be taken care of? Someone who might have his agency circumvented by a stronger person who thinks he knows better?

He sure did that to Jiang Cheng, and he never really had to own up to that piece of it. He never really regretted it either but he also sure didn't want to be on the other end of it.

Aside from that, Wei Ying just didn't know how to not be the strongest person. Being equal is the closest he’d ever come. He's never been allowed to be weak and taken care of unless he's play-acting and isn't that fucking heartbreaking? Fuck.

So who is he without that?

He still fought with the strengths he had and pretended to have the rest of them. And in one last great act of being the protector and caretaker, ran off to the Burial Mounds.

We do get to see Wei Ying and Lan Zhan working in tandem to bring back Wen Ning, and even though Wei Ying stumbles at the end (for the first time ever, I think, into Lan Zhan’s arms?), he does it successfully. They’re still able to work together, in spite of everything that’s happened, especially when Wei Ying is leaning into his actual talents. Even if Wei Ying’s weakness is still looming over his shoulder, as we see later.

Being with the Wens, living a simple life, leaning into his strengths, being part of a community and family, taking time to work on his scholarly/inventor hobbies, all this served to calm a lot of those fears and also conveniently take Wei Ying out of the scenarios and away from the relationships that caused them. It offered him tentative new pieces of identity to grab.

But then, of course, he lost that, too.

Post-timeskip, Wei Ying is thrust right back into a world where he has to finally face those issues. Whether you take it as he still has no core, or he has Mo Xuanyu’s really weak core, he’s not doing so great where that’s concerned.

He still has strengths. We’re not actually shown any indications that this man is weak at any point, not truly. He has a better grasp on the situation at Mo Manor than all of those precious Lan babies put together.

But we are shown that he uses a bunch of hands-on crafty tricks, talismans and spells and such. And, interestingly, in counterpoint we’re shown Lan Zhan descending from the heavens with his qin. Wei Ying doesn’t use a dizi here yet (let alone sword), and Lan Zhan doesn’t use Bichen. I do think that’s lovely.

However, Lan Zhan is still incredibly strong, in more ways than just physically: his reputation is strong, his presence is strong, his confidence is high, his mastery of the qin is unparalleled, he’s had sixteen more years to grow up and develop his golden core.

From the framing, and Wei Ying’s reactions, and the Lan juniors’ reactions, it’s pretty clear that’s the impression Wei Ying has. There’s an imbalance between them (along with alllll the other reasons he might have to want to stay away from/keep Lan Zhan out of things). He doesn’t see them as complementary, just as not-the-same.

He meets Jiang Cheng next and, hey, Jiang Cheng is actually really strong now, too (also he always was but meh). Again, Wei Ying uses his tricks to outwit and outmaneuver the situation at hand. Again, he’s struck by the impressive image of someone entering the scene like a badass.

And what a deliciously awful carousel of conflicting feelings. Pride? Despair? Longing? Love? Annoyance? Delight? Relief? Pain? Fear?

But as far as strength goes, clearly Jiang Cheng has it in buckets, now. Which means even if they still had a relationship, Jiang Cheng surely wouldn't even be the Jiang Cheng in it anymore. What a horrible realisation.

It can’t be helped much by the fact that Wei Ying almost lets himself get run through and Lan Zhan enters the scene to fucking save him. Even if it’s from the kid we know he just bested.

And that’s the back and forth we see at first. Wei Ying proving his strength and his character but the framing and his reactions proving that he’s still caught in the idea that Lan Zhan is stronger and better than him.

Lan Zhan is beloved. Lan Zhan is strong. Lan Zhan would never accidentally murder people he loved more than life itself. (OKay I won’t get into that but tell me he didn’t think that at any point I dare you)

He accepts it and plays it off as not a big deal, but it clearly is. In his rare serious moments, we see that.

So post-timeskip, Wei Ying has to figure out who he is and then how he can be said person. A significant part of the character and relationship development post-timeskip is about that.

He once again finds himself exploring uncharted territory of building relationship dynamics he’s never experienced with Lan Zhan. It started because he realised they were equals. It can’t develop further until he acknowledges that they still are.

He figures out how to be weak with Lan Zhan first, that it's safe and allowed and okay. There’s nothing wrong with being taken care of. It doesn’t have to define him and it doesn’t have to be about agency or about all the twisty psychological junk that was all wrapped up in his familial relationships at all.

Then he figures out that he still has the capacity to take care of someone like Lan Zhan back, that he’s still able to be needed, and not just someone to follow around and protect.

Wei Ying has strengths, strengths that were always there and always part of him as well as new ways he's grown and changed. He’s an inventor, he’s a genius, he’s a prodigy, he has his talismans and his music and his people skills and his teaching ability and his empathy and his heart.

All this definitely comes to a head on the steps of Jinlintai, by which point it feels like one of the only remaining imbalances that Wei Ying feels so keenly is their status, which of course Lan Zhan snuffs out utterly romantically.

It’s even more poignant that that moment comes right after Wei Ying gets Suibian back. And he's not nearly as good with it--Lan Zhan has to protect him multiple times in that fight and then of course he gets stabbed. But the point is still made, that he was still able to fight, and even his failures with the sword just drive home that this isn't who he is now. And that's okay.

By the time they're at the Burial Mounds again, Wei Ying has accepted the way they work as a team and that they can be complementary. And they fight flawlessly.

I love that growth for him.

He absolutely ends up being the Jiang Cheng, in a number of ways. He runs after Lan Zhan when he’s drunk to keep him out of trouble. He ends up left behind to take care of defenseless people while Lan Zhan runs off and has an epic sword fight in an evil fog bank.

He has to be taken from Lotus Pier, unconscious, in a boat, and is held so preciously in Lan Zhan’s arms.

But. Turns out it’s not so bad when the person you’re being Jiang Cheng for isn’t Wei Ying.

I swear this is not throwing shade at Wei Ying.

But he figures out, slowly, how to actually have a relationship built on even ground, as equals, in spite of being unequal in all the ways he used to think mattered. And he only manages it with someone once he’s on the weaker side of it.

I just think that’s super interesting.

And I think it sets a precedent for Wei Ying to understand the flaws in his old dynamic with Jiang Cheng. Especially once there aren’t secrets between them.

Everything has to change, anyway. Everything has already changed, almost two decades ago, and it isn’t going back. It can’t ever go back. Everything they were to each other was bound up in Jiang Yanli’s presence, in promises long broken, in dreams long dead, in a future that has already proved to not be real. In the old Lotus Pier, a lot of it, since they never really moved on from that, either, even back then.

Jiang Cheng has grown up. He’s raised a kid. He’s raised and trained disciples. He’s been a sect leader for over a decade and a half. He’s been to other people what he never could be to Wei Ying.

He’s also proven that he still wants his brother to fix things, still expects him to be able to. Still wants to fight, still knows how to cry. Still acknowledges fragmented pieces of their lost dynamic. Probably more of the healthy ones than Wei Ying ever has, too.

Jiang Cheng still, even in the wake of learning about the golden core, even after everything he’s built and has become, acknowledges Wei Ying as a strong person. As someone as strong as he is, if not stronger in many ways. As having the capacity of an older brother.

But then, Jiang Cheng was always able to conceptualise a world where he and Wei Ying were equals, complementary if not evenly matched, just as much as Lan Zhan was.

It wasn’t a fantasy that Wei Ying indulged him in. It was a reality that Wei Ying himself didn’t know how to accept and kept at a distance, carefully juggling too many separate parts of a whole he couldn’t allow to come together until they all crashed down.

But he’s been on the other side of it now and maybe it’s enough. Maybe he can take what he’s learned in building/rebuilding his relationship with Lan Zhan and apply it to other people. Especially Jiang Cheng.

And maybe Jiang Cheng has been a sect leader and an uncle long enough to not let Wei Ying get away with shit.

[smallblueandloud]

some x-men fic recs

the weekly surge of fandom-related hyperactivity hit a few days late, but i’ve been reading a LOT of fic today and i actually found some xmen authors on ao3! in the wild! with really good takes! i’m so excited about it and i’m gonna post about it even though i’m not sure any of y’all care about xmen because i don’t want to lose them lmao.

GrayJay - really good scott summers takes. excellent scott summers takes. like, oh my god. also some AWESOME rachel summers fics (and scott & rachel fics and rachel/kitty fics). some notables:

SPECTACULAR masterpiece of an epistolary work set between scott finding alex and alex manifesting (scott&alex, scott/jean, charles&scott, i want to write a fic based on this where alex finds out about the xmen by seeing scott in action but that’s a Whole Other Story)

scott and alex and illyana open a pizza parlor (scott&alex, scott&illyana, VERY cool take on illyana as well as the brothers, of course)

rachel and scott-who-isn’t-her-father spend christmas together (scott&rachel, scott/jean, i LOVE this summers family content and i’m obsessed with thinking about the traditions scott and rachel build)

some books in rachel’s library (scott&rachel, rachel/kitty, absolutely fucking obsessed with the fact that rachel inherits scott’s found family)

scott is trans and not much changes (scott/jean, moira&scott, hank&scott, everyone&scott, i am so here for trans scott and i’m so glad it seems to be a popular trope because i’m OBSESSED with it, it’s so good, for a guy obsessed with control and image and-- i’m rambling)

scott and matt murdock have a tradition of pool (scott&matt, scott&logan, besides being a really good take on scott and matt as people it is also possibly the BEST scott and logan dynamic i have EVER SEEN and i’m still reeling from it)

scott and madelyne, in the beginning (scott/madelyne, scott/jean, A GOOD MADELYNE TAKE?? IN MY AO3 HISTORY??? IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK!)

scott and kitty at the very beginning of whedon’s astonishing (scott&kitty, scott/jean, scott/emma, kitty/piotr, kitty&emma [more or less], i’m a fan of everything but most notably the focus on the fact that scott knows how to deal with telepaths and the acknowledgement that kitty and scott don’t actually? know each other that well?? i love it. a good take. an excellent take.)

emma reads scott’s mind (scott/emma, scott/jean, IMAGINE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TAKE ON TELEPATHY. I’M OBSESSED WITH IT. I’M OBSESSED WITH THIS TAKE ON S/E, IMAGINE HAVING A GOOD DYNAMIC FOR THEM?? STILL SHOOK)

(i don’t know if they’re on tumblr but if they are can someone point me in their direction? i want to follow someone who has such excellent ideas and characterizations)

Dain (tumblr at @ndscottsummers) - MADELYNE PRYOR RIGHTS?? GAY RIGHTS?? AUTISTIC SCOTT RIGHTS?? IT’S ALL HERE, FOLKS! some notables:

jean comes back in x-factor #1 and nathaniel essex happens (scott&jean, scott&madelyne, the idea that jean masks her autism by using telepathy lives RENT FREE in my head. this is also the ideal scott-doesn’t-trust-it’s-jean situation right here and i am LOVING IT)

scott comes back to life in house of x #5 (scott/ororo, THIS SHIP is godtier and i don’t know why there isn’t more content for it. only reason i can think of is that this fic can’t be topped. just like... “She asks him how she knows who he is and he answers with the first truth he thinks of: that she is one of the forces that has shaped him, that he may be reborn but the marks she has left on him will never fade.” ARGH)

kitty thinking about how rachel knew her in the future (pre relationship rachel/kitty and i’m OBSESSED with it folks, imagine having SUCH a good grasp of this ship and their complicated time schenanigans)

scott is trans and his team supports him (everyone&scott, i am IN LOVE with everyone accompanying him to the store, do you hear me? in LOVE!!! it’s so good!! it’s such a good fic!! those original five being kiddos and taking care of each other and refusing to leave anyone behind!!!!!)

they also have some AMAZING star wars fics, including two twin fics (luke braids leia’s hair, luke and leia take a break from hanleia’s wedding) that are literally everything i have ever wanted. like if you’ve been around here for more than ten minutes you know that is not an exaggeration. also!! aro luke rights!! my FAVORITE headcanon about luke’s identity and these fics are so GOOD!!!

Duck_Life - i have never felt more vindicated in being extremely multifandom. i’m still working my way through their VAST archive but like. oh my god. i’m in love. some notables:

series of xmen ficlets (this is cheating, especially since i’m gonna bring some of these up later, but READ THIS. these fics are all fantastic and once you get to, like, part 26? or so? you’re following along with the dawn of x relaunch, which is EVERYTHING i have EVER WANTED, y’all have no idea how much i’ve craved fic about the newest comics. amazing stuff. the best new mutants content ever.)

trans smolverine bonding with kitty and rachel (laura&kitty, laura&rachel, i am obsessed with the idea of trans smolverine - thanks star - and i’m EXTRA OBSESSED with kitty and rachel trying to bond with her and make friends with her and teach her how to be a human being. it’s really good)

jean and scott and logan, without doors between their bedrooms (jean/scott/logan, LOOK. okay. i was gonna go in order, i was gonna do these fics in the order they were written, but i literally sent this fic to everyone that knew what xmen was because i’m SO EXCITED about it. the scott characterization!! the fact of them getting together!! the ideal dynamics!! THE FUCKING SCOTT CHARACTERIZATION!! this fic broke me i am ruined and i regret nothing. thank you op for my life)

i was gonna rec more fics from them but it’s getting late and i should probably finish working my way through the rest of their fic before i rec more but! go read it!! (they also have some EXCELLENT star trek fic. i got sidetracked. this is why i’m not done with the xmen stuff lmao.) i’ll get back to this, hopefully, although knowing me i probably won’t. anyway, go forth and enjoy!

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Thinking about which entities the Apex Legends would serve, or be associated with, in the Magnus Archives universe.

It revolves around a weird little fic in my brain i will probably never write. Technically most of them are a mixture, but I'm in between rounds and I dont have time for a full analysis.

Crypto - The Stranger. Loss of self, of identity, being something other to achieve your goal. To abdicate who you are in pursuit of a goal, smile as you lie to the faces of people who assume you are friends... and plan to fade away once you have what you came for. IS that not the Stranger?

Fuse - The Corruption. If Salvo is to be believed, then things are very apocalyptic wasteland there; imagine the things that he has seen, has done, has experienced. It eats into your soul until abhorrent is merely a practicality... what's an arm between mates, ay?

Bangalore - The End, she seems like the type who wants a definitive start and finish to things. Order over Chaos, at any cost. It might start out as good intentions, but you know how the avatars get twisted. If the world has to end so her squad can make it home together, then so damn be it.

Bloodhound - The Hunt, naturally. Only their unwavering adherence to the code keeps them from falling to the warping feral mindset of the Hunt... for now. For Boon.

Caustic - The Eye, and in the headcanon, an archivist. Because of the way the archivist needs fear to live, to observe things die, to extract every second of fear from the victims so that their every last neuron firing in exquisite agony is transferred to his patron. He watches, for the Eternal watcher. He is not quite human anymore, and it is unsettling for normal people to be close... but he is not the greatest threat out there amongst the fears.

Lifeline - The Stranger. Lifeline woke up to the world she was moving about in, as a living prop for her parents, and severed the ties that held her in place. She shed all the artifice of her former life and took on a role so different that old friends (bar Octane) would likely have trouble understanding. She uses her abilities to help, and to hurt based on her own judgements.

Gibraltar - The Buried. Gibraltar is such a loud, fun guy and yet we know he is utterly buried under the weight of his past. Certainly it is not the metaphorical burial that we would normally expect from this Fear, but it can be almost more effective than dirt. He carries the weight of the earth on his shoulders, and feels a sinking dread in his heart for every grain that slips from his grasp.

Horizon - The Lonely. Trapped in space for decades... away from family, knowing that the person who she trusted most placed her in this situation and now has full access to her son? Of course, there is comfort in the solitude. She feels out of time, out of place, searching for a way to get back and yet torn by the implications of finding a path. Will she burn down the future to see her little boy again? ...of course she will.

Loba - The Web. Loba thrives on collecting information, weaving it together into a complicated tangle of deceptions laid bare, truths hidden, and creates a narrative that she can rign over. The flies who tremble in her webbing mean little to her, only weak beings to be devoured. She can see what is coming, but will she tell the others? Perhaps only Bangalore, so that they may experience the apocalypse as one.

Pathfinder - The Flesh. Pathfinder is obsessed with his origin, with who his 'parents' were, with whom his purpose rests. With being human, like those around him, you could say. He has more sentience than other MRVNs, and wants to experience life as his friends do... does he dream os bones and blood and sinew? Of feeling another's flesh on his own when he gives them a hug? The Flesh would whisper that he could have that... and warp the morality in his code.

Octane - The Vast, endless space to run and be free from mortal tethers. Being the sole focus of the universe, with no one to expect things of you, or question you, or need more, expect MORE. He can be free, without thought or care for anyone else... except maybe Che, and he would let her into his domain, whenever he remembered.

Revenant - The Slaughter. Murder was his thing when he was human, and it never stopped. He feels delight in the conquests, in the bodies he leaves behind. The bloodlust pulses through his circuits; the tears of those he leaves alive sustain him.

Rampart - The Spiral. Rampart is a walking wall of complicated thoughts and contradictory actions, she spirals deep into thought about the most complex machinery... and then tells the friend she's half-listening to a bad joke to make them laugh. Layers upon layers of personality cover her like armour, and everyone has a different idea of who the 'real' Rampart is. They all see a fraction, they follow the path she leaves, and in the middle? Who knows. Not even Rampart. There is a delight in the confusion of others, strange but excellent, and not even deliberately malicious. After all, mates have fun, right?

Wattson - The Eye. This was a child created for Knowing, and she would love the intricacies of chasing down obscure mysteries or finding out how to reroute a potentially world-ending ritual with her scientific mind. She could easily be tempte by the Lonely... but her friends in the legends make certain she is never alone. Wattson can be cruel, but often to be kind... and really, sometimes the Truth Hurts. Does it not?

Wraith - The Buried. What is wraith but a person whose mind and memories are buried away where they cannot be reached? In a sense, she is gone but still breathing. Suffocating under the weight of not knowing who she is, was, should be.

Mirage - The Dark. Fear of being alone, of being forgotten, of being turned away from all you ever knew. The fear of being nothing and no one... is almost as terrifying and all-consuming as the fear of being surrounded by people whose attention is solely on him, watching and waiting for his every word. Baite breaths waiting for him to fall from grace so he can shatter before their cameras, so they can get notoriety. His mind wants, and rejects it. He fears the darkness of being in the shadows of others... and craves it.

Valkyrie - The Vast. She craves the emoty stretch of sky, where the world looks so small and speckled below her. Something she is aware of, but separate from. The tragedy of her father's loss made her seek solitude, and even in the midst of the other heroes, she has a sense of... other, of distance. She is queen of the air, and nothing can burn her wings.