#and hardly any work will be done
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students. girliepops. no matter what hustle culture propaganda they throw at you in school, continuously running on a severe lack of sleep is a last resort and should only be short-term. it was so normalized to sleep a few hours every night in my high school and now i can’t go a few days with less than eight hours without succumbing to exhaustion. your studies are not worth sacrificing you health for
#meemtalks#i am staying home because i know if i go to class today#i’ll feel exhausted when i get home#and hardly any work will be done#but i’ll be stuck in front of my desk till late#and the cycle will repeat again
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guys who start absolutely begging for you to let them get you pregnant...........
#rambles.#i need to stop#y'all. it's been 3 hours and i've barely done any work#i mean there's hardly anything for me to do..... but still#out here getting paid to talk to my friends and post about cock 😎#cw pregnancy#cw breeding#thirst.
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I have played Lancer only once, and have a rather erratic understanding of the rules, but I'm already creating homebrew. Which is probably very unbalanced, though I am trying (if you want to see it lmk it's coolllll)
#lancer rpg#lancer homebrew#there's the SSC Whistling Fairy which is a speed 6 artillery frame that ignores the Orndance trait#the HA Horner which I've done hardly any work on but is a semi-mobile bunker that launches a ton of drone strikes#the HORUS Obake which randomly changes size#and the HA Zhukov which is just rocket bombardment#you can easily guess that i like big guns and wrecking shit from afar#send a 280mm shell not a mech i say
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Me in denial after watching the finale.
#I guess it was left open enough#and the fanfic writers will work wonders I'm sure#but Jesus it really was a bad decision to have him not return to London#I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS#and I've hardly gotten any work done today#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers
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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?
so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!
#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander#if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30#also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH#again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG#also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later#probably#wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b
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btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)
tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!
but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).
rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.
my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’
it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.
and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!
(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)
again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).
and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!
and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.
so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.
that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.
i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.
#this is the most measured version of this post i was capable of fghjskdjhgfdgjhsfd#the least measured one is just the aromantic flag with the ‘we are going to beat u to death’ meme overlaid#look ik this is hardly impartial wrt very small + insular communities like nuclear families#but its fucking impossible to go into media analysis and not bring Anything from ur real life in there w u#so im trying to forgive myself for being a little hashtag Vulnerable + Opinionated on main#in the spirit of what this show could’ve been lol#if not here then where etc etc#Ted lasso spoilers#Ted lasso meta#Ted lasso critical#also just to be clear here im being dead serious abt that last point#im spiritually doing the jamie run to demonstrate to u all how badly i want gen shit#please. p l e a s e .#okay wait last ramble here but. this is also why the lack of information we got on trent was so crushing to me#like ur telling me this man went through the incredibly painful + harrowing process of breaking out of his (comfortable! safe) shell +#cynical journalist persona. came out to someone VERY important in his life. and has done nothing but face the music wrt acknowleding#his past mistakes + endeavouring to be better and kinder. and we never get to know if he has ANY support through all that? at all?#is he dating? what's his family situation like? does he have full custody? any friends from work? any friends period?????#like i can should must and will die on the beard + roy + higgins + colins are trents best friends hill but#its like the premise of the show stopped mattering just in time for him to be left in a legitimately depressing limbo#like 'yes everyone needs love + support bc life is rlly hard. but we're tired of making a show abt that so This Is All Ur Getting#+ screw anyone's personal life that u didn't already see in s1. You Know Enough.'#anyway i love u all this is a very silly show and im gonna go play t.o.t.k for a few hours o/ <3
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it's really a shame I have to sell 40+ of my life hours every week for poverty wages instead of spending all my time and energy on dozens of creative and technical pursuits with unlimited resources
#nerd alert#lets see if i can list all the hobbies i wish i could be doing instead of working#drawing. both traditional and digital. painting mostly acrylic but id like to get good at watercolors. drawing/writing comics#writing in general. fiction nonfiction poetry lyrics whatever. composing music. music production. singing. practicing piano and guitar#performing someday maybe!#sculpting too. i always forget bc i never do it bc i am never in a place to justify buying clay. i should just get some#i think im fairly good at it tbh. anyway.#knitting. sewing. mending and modding clothes in general. embroidery. id like to learn to crochet at some point#photography and scrapbooking sound appealing. photo editing.#web design. game design. 3d modeling. these are all things i dont really know how to do much of but id like to#animation. voice acting. regular acting. honestly a lot of stuff in the filmmaking process sounds fascinating id like to try some of it#tarot reading. is that a hobby? im gonna say yes. jewelry making.#lots of these ive only dabbled in and some i havent even done that but would like to. but i have no time and or money to get into them.#i would hardly call myself a master at any of these. jack of all trades as it were. and thats fine im fine w that#but given the time and resources i think i could make so many different diverse perfectly average to good things#that people could enjoy in passing or say 'oh how neat :)' about
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the thing about being up to ceramics stuff nearly every day for the last several months means that now that I have no ceramics to do, I can only think about the fact that I want to do ceramics.
#em's adventures in the ceramic bowl mines#I ALSO reallyreally want to do a winter doll project but I cannot start it because I don't have materials or time#I kind of regret making the heron boys + alison in the scale that I did because if I want to add to the set it takes a WHILE#whereas if I'd made them tiny jopson size it would be hardly any work#but I do want to make future Guys to be the right scale so that they can HANG OUT#by which I mean that I think next phase of the Boys House which is being built on my desk is probably going to be alan and davie#someday I will get around to bush and hornblower but I do not think it will be this particular winter#but the point is I GOTTA PUT MY HANDS IN THE CLAY LADS#also I will admit that I am not looking forward to the tailoring on this one#I have been putting off doing keith's coat for over a year because it's going to be Hard#I just realized that probably the reason why I used to get so much done so quickly on doll projects is that alizuriacrow and I basically ha#a workshop for building them... just lie on the floor all day and sew like the world depended on it...
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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the vash and wolfwood doodles in my sketchbook 🫶🏻🫶🏻
#i would make more to go with them but im so busy that i hardly have any time to draw anymore :’)#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vash#wolfwood#vashwood#(i need to draw art of them together good LORD#WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THAT SOONER#ahem.#anyways.. back to our regularly scheduled programs#trigun#trigun stampede#the wolfwood one is a combo of stampede and every other version of him !#vash is.. well vash#(jk he’s the stampede version obviously)#i have another one of him in the og trigun style in the works though#so many tags omg#I NEVER ENDED THAT ONE PARENTHESES ???#damn um ignore that please i am too lazy to redo that tag!
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youtube
they're so right about the diction of course
they're also soooo right about the breath control from william "holds that 'again' in (acoustic) loser geek whatever for fifteen damn seconds and long enough live that other jeremys just gotta be cutting it down a bit when they perform it" roland like my god the consistency in every moment of these lines. that lowest note being such a crisp & cool spritz & he's sometimes holding it too & it just never falters like my god....the mass effecties are having a great time w/this too, hope it gets around to someone official seeing it, which gets around to will. simply going tf off once again lord....
and the extra mile
#fr like i barely know a little bit Of mass effect but those who know a lot are having a fantastic time as per the comments. love it for them#which also this having been A Concept existing in part via some easter egg....the lyrics from a fanfic / working w/that fanfic author for#an additional verse here lol....anamnesises#will roland#goog says mass effect 2 released in jan 2010....hand over heart just like amnesia: the dark descent in sept 2010#going the extra mile for that over the shoulder shot as he also plays mass effect (2?) is a beautiful flourish#like fr that breath control is so good like yeah i don't know hardly anything abt the techniques of [how do ppl sing] but it's like damn#he's once again done it so well it all looks easy to the point you don't imagine there was any bonus difficulty / effort needed at all#and the rarer: doing a voice lol#not that his Delivery doesn't vary for characters but generally still using mostly his own speaking / singing voice's overall timbre#delightfully lively throughout....having a high time evidently there he is cropping up in the live premiere comments lol. been a min#i should seek to rediscover that virtual joe iconis interview of yore where he was surprised by his boys (so: will & george jumping in lol)#Youtube#editing to amend: nvm it wasn't an easter egg. idk if it was a Guaranteed Experience given the rpg options element but probably
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Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.
#/vent#personal#no but when will things stop getting worse?#in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like:#'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu'#*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my-#-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always?#like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them#'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad#anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting#sorry it just makes me angry#not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what#but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens#he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one#really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead#shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead#like videogames food travels objects books etc etc...#I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol#hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation-#-is B A D.
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i wanted to tell you something but i forgot what it was. let me go to the kitchen to refresh my memory
✍️listen✍️to✍️nsfw✍️asmr✍️while✍️studying✍️
AH but I do listen to like nail art asmr while studying LMFAO and seeing the super uber cool nail art is pleasing to the eye after staring at my comic sans google doc for like 2h...
#📜.qi chats#chats with luz!#luz you're stronger than me because if I had men whimpering in my ear while I tried to work#I wouldn't get any work done#working hard or hardly working?#hard at work.
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hate working TBH but !! Boy does it feel fantastic to be able to spend money on lil things for me like godDAMN does it feel amazing to be in the place where you can just treat yourself to lil somethings
#jerwee patreon? fuck yeah. mc realm? you bet. getting my hair done? yup#it’s so nice#for the most part I actually hardly spend any money on myself#so those little treats feel absolutely amazing#and it does make working feel worth it#rain rambles
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Have you left us forever ? :( We miss you dearly
no, not forever! i still intend to finish some fics and post them here, it'll just take a while! i'm very busy and i was on a week long work-related trip. so expect a random out of the blue update every once in a while, but as for anything else, i can't guarantee it. if you wanna message me on discord, which is where i chat with a lot of my mutuals, my discord username is yourlocaldisneyvillain! (tbf i haven't checked that one in a while either whoopsie, but i will get to it this week)
#i got an ask!#it just get Exhausting having to balance everything#and when i'm done with all the work stuff + keeping up with irl friends i hardly have any energy left to log in and chat with people#even though i do miss them#hope my moots and friends still like me askdjfhg
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have to write 6 papers this week. college is hell.
#sure most of them are only 1 page but thats still like. at least 9 pages of writing in one week#and i have other assignments and responsibilities as well#also its only like the 3rd week of school and most of my friends hardly have any work#and then I'm over here with like 200 pages of reading and 10+ pages of writing under my belt already#and focusing and actually Getting Shit Done takes me So Long i cant FOCUS#but yeah! this sucks#casey.txt
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