#and given his direct experience with how much you can be fucked over by someone who is supposed to have loved you...

[seffyriath]

okay here is my weird take about what emet-selch might have done regarding zenos and whatever "experiment" was going on

Joke answer: he's a dragon stuffed into a human body

serious answer: it's the same as the joke answer but longer and explained in an incoherent way.

i think we've been given hints about what the fuck was going on with Varis's Large Adult Son even after endwalker, but i need to reference other things to do that, so let's break it down:

-We have been given more insight into how Memories and Souls work and interact in this setting, especially after Dawntrail. We know that it's possible to implant memories onto a soul that didn't originally have them, and it works fine if you have the technology to do this

-Emet-Selch's whole job involved souls and the lifestream

-We've seen Athena also bring back ancients, in a temporary way, by reconstituting soul stuff and grabbing the memories for those ancients, since souls and memories are essentially different kinds of aether. if you've played FFVII at all, you already know this. one would assume that Emet-Selch would manage reconstituting souls a lot better

-there are some memories that are so powerful that they are blasted or etched into your soul, which is why some faded memories can stick around from past lives

-We know that Emet-Selch was seriously thinking of a way to bring the ancients back without rejoinings, and this was probably attempted via his literal large adult sons and their descendants.

-dragon's souls, as far as we know, are unsundered.

-fitting with the Sephiroth and Jenvoa parallel, they are also canonically aliens

about Zenos:

-the devs have said that he was "born wrong" and that's why he's like that. this seems different than "born evil" because Lyse assumes that this wasn't the case, and that's not the normal philosophy for the game. characters have been wrong before, but if he was experimented on, this is likely referencing Sephiroth, who was also born wrong on purpose, as a joke, via tampering in the womb

-people in the world still have vague, ephemeral memories of the ancients, but Zenos is different. Zenos has upsettingly visceral memories of the final days but he also views the world like the ancients do, particularly regarding accomplishing your life's purpose and then dying right after as a positive thing. this is why his actions at the end of stormblood do not read as suicidal to not just me, but the characters. they're really confused about why he does this! Zenos acting the way he does seems to be the answer to why the ancients tried to emphasize a more communal existence, because what happens when the most powerful motherfucker on earth is also a prince in an extremely hierarchical society? you get Zenos

-However, Zenos also follows the rule of beasts and is much more beastlike, similar to dragons. Dragons aren't evil, but they have extremely different cultures and views than humans, because they're functionally immortal and don't need to reproduce. they are power manifest, and can easily take over an ecosystem. Midgardsomr's covenant with Hydaelyn most likely prevents this, but the point is that dragons are pure power, and that's what they respect the most. like Zenos, although being raised as he was probably made this even worse

-Zenos seems pretty dysphoric, but it doesn't seem to be directed at any gender. he's stated that he doesn't care about his name one way or the other, and that he only wants his body back from Elidibus because of how powerful it is. he otherwise doesn't seem to care about normal human experiences, like human food or sex, or just companionship in general with other humans. as far as food goes, he's the only villain to do this, as the writers tend to get into what foods the characters like in the lore books, even the villains. you can't really say that this is just the product of being a royal or someone in power. even Thordan has a favorite food, and even Varis had a childhood friend, who we've actually met.

-both in The Hunt Begins and in general, Zenos actively wants to be able to use and manipulate aether. this is odd, since Garleans are constantly told that magic is evil and bad, but Zenos goes out of his way to try to do this, including piercing himself with a crystal where the aether exchange could kill him. this could be because his great grandfather is a sorcerer of eld. it could be because dragons not being able to use magic would feel extremely unnatural to him. why not both?

-He seems. REALLY excited when he transforms into Shinryu. like, weirdly excited. i get it, it would probably own being a dragon, and you could say that he was just really excited about fighting the wol the first time, but this has happened twice now, and every time he almost sounds like Susano with how excited he is. it's a total fucking mood shift. also in his last fight he still keeps the Shinryu attacks. since it's in a place that's ruled by emotions, one has to assume that he's attached to them

-He literally has a horde (of weapons)? i know we don't see a lot of FFXIV dragons do this, but Vrtra has a horde that he uses as a bank. what's up with that.

-He doesn't really have a coda yet, and while i don't think he's going to be brought back, or that he NEEDS to be brought back, the wol seems like they're just starting to be comfortable with thinking about what Zenos's deal is with enough time and distance

-how d. how did he know that dragons can just lay eggs like that. yeah he could have READ about it but like. how did he figure out how to do that in the fight. and why. why did he just doooo thaaaat.

IN CONCLUSION i think that in a bid to try to bring ancients back into the world through unnatural means, Emet-Selch took the closest recently dead unsundered soul he could find at the time (a dragon's), imprinted some of his memories onto it (as one would do when making the convocation crystals) and put that shit in a baby. thanks.

[ivanttakethis]

top 5 worst ivan mischaracterizations ( aka could you list five worst traits people give him that are just totally wrong) i love to hear people complain but if you don't want to you can ignore this ask have a good day

Anon I am SO glad that you asked!

Ivan is my favorite character in Alien Stage because he’s really complex.

I could talk about him and his characterization/mischaracterization all day and still have more to say after that. Now you’ve given me the perfect opportunity to write a bunch of my thoughts down.

These complaints are in no particular order and are ultimately subjective.

Also, I’m not a Patreon supporter, so I can’t comment on anything that might’ve been confirmed or debunked over there.

Top 5 Worst Ivan Mischaracterizations:

Ivan is an unfeeling and emotionless person

Ivan was trying to kill himself and Till during Round 6

Ivan hates Mizi

Ivan is arrogant

Ivan is violent

This is going to be a long one, so I’m putting everything under the cut. Let’s begin!

1. Ivan is an unfeeling and emotionless person.

I find this mischaracterization to be one of the most frustrating because there is so much evidence to the contrary.

As a child, Ivan is described as someone who struggles to express his emotions and connect with others (imo he’s neurodivergent-coded, but that’s a whole other discussion). But notably we’re not told that he doesn’t experience emotions.

This official art kills me every time I see it because it shows that Ivan knows he’s different from the other children and that it probably makes him stick out and he wants to fit in somehow so he tries to practice/fake it so maybe he won’t be so alone (the imitating behavior is also coded imo).

Beyond all of that, we see plenty of times throughout the series that he feels things, rather intensely even. He’s wistful about the stars and meteor showers and the thought of freedom. He has a curious nature, observing others, wanting to learn more about how they work; how he can emulate them.

And then there’s all of the feelings that well up when it comes to Till. The most obvious is that Ivan loves Till, in his own fucked up way. But there’s more to it.

He wanted attention from Till (maybe the first time he’s ever wanted something in that way). He did everything he could just to get Till to even so much as glance in his direction. All of the fighting, and the bickering, and the instigating was because Ivan craved reciprocation. He grew obsessed.

When Ivan managed to free both himself and Till, he was thrilled!

And when Till let go of Ivan’s hand to return for Mizi, he was very clearly heartbroken.

Ivan felt jealous of Mizi and Sua’s relationship, knowing that he would never have that chance with Till.

Ivan felt lonely because he thought Sua was just like him, only to realize that wasn’t true (because Mizi loved Sua back) and he had no one to relate to.

Also, the entirety of Black Sorrow?? Hello??? He was yearning for more than what he could get. He was resigned to his minuscule place in Till’s life. The song is full of mourning and sadness and grief.

In Round 6, I believe Ivan knew what he was going to do.

He was desperate for anything he could get from Till in his final moments. I think that’s part of why he kissed Till. If his only goal was to deliberately lose, why not skip the kissing and go straight to choking?

Ivan was a dying man overwhelmed with emotion and he desperately wanted Till to look at him, see him, make him feel content for the first (and last) time in his life.

Even if some of these emotions are not necessarily healthy, it shows that Ivan was capable of feeling something.

So… yeah. That’s why I really dislike the emotionless characterization of Ivan. There’s so much depth to his emotions and character, but some people just skim the surface and reduce him down to nothing more than a cold and stoic person.

2. Ivan was trying to kill himself and Till during Round 6.

This one is probably more often a misunderstanding than a mischaracterization of Ivan. I think some people may have seen IvanTill referred to as “toxic” or “obsessive” love when it came to how Ivan felt and behaved around Till and thought Ivan was on some “if I can’t have you, no one can” shit, but that completely ignores the wider context of his character. Ivan was devoted to Till to a fault.

To Ivan, Till was his reason for being. Till was his universe. His god. Till was something to be revered, protected, and worshipped. Ivan couldn’t live without Till. That’s why he sacrificed himself, so he wouldn’t have to continue on in a world without him in it. But he also wanted to protect Till, no matter the cost.

Pretty much everything Ivan did was to protect or care for Till: trying to escape Anakt Garden with him, watching over him after Till was attacked by the aliens in the club, freeing him from his collar over and over and over again, every chance Ivan got.

Nothing about Ivan’s feelings or behaviors toward Till suggests that he would ever harm him, let alone kill him. There’s a reason why when Ivan was “choking” Till it didn’t look like he applied any pressure, there was no struggle for air on Till’s end (even if he had mentally given up, physically there will be some sort of reaction to having your airway compressed), and we don’t see any marks on Till’s neck afterwards.

It didn’t matter what happened to Ivan as a result. Till was the only person who mattered to him.

He would do anything for him. He would quite literally rather die than have anything happen to his god.

Ivan only ever knew how to give all of himself to Till, giving up his life was inevitable.

3. Ivan hates Mizi

I’ve seen this one more so in fan fiction, usually for angsty circumstances, but this just completely sidesteps their canon relationship, which is positive and, dare I say, friendly.

He gave her piggyback rides when they were kids! In the lead up to Alien Stage, we see them chatting and Ivan being pleasant towards her in a sort of “big brother” type way without hiding some sort of darker emotion behind it.

Now, is Ivan envious of the relationship Mizi has with Sua? Yes. Does he hate that he’ll never get to have the connect they have with Till? Yes. But Ivan hasn’t given any indication that he hates Mizi herself. And I think that’s an important element of his characterization.

Yes, he has negative feelings surrounding Mizi, but he never takes them out on her or lets himself feel negative towards her as a person.

Edit: I started writing this section BEFORE we got the official art of Ivan hanging out with Mizi, but holy fuck am I glad I took so long to finish this because now it’s canon that Ivan got along well with Mizi and they were even close as kids despite the fact that Ivan loved Till and Till loved Mizi.

In conclusion, Ivan and Mizi were reasonably close and (imo) would’ve been besties in slightly different circumstances. Ivan is NOT a Mizi hater!!

4. Ivan is arrogant

Yes and no. On the surface, Ivan comes across as mature, confident, and in some cases arrogant, but as we see more from his perspective it quickly becomes clear that the arrogance is just a mask he wears for others.

Deep down, Ivan is very insecure and his self-esteem is almost nonexistent. He views himself as insignificant, twisted, unworthy. He vilifies everything that he feels and does. (“Thank you for being a victim of my shallow emotions” anyone?) Ivan fully convinced himself that Till wouldn’t give a shit about him if he died to keep him alive. That’s not the behavior of an arrogant person. Far from it.

His arrogant mask acts as a shield to keep others from seeing the monster he thinks he is. He’s even kept parts of himself out.

I think that’s also where his tendency to be an asshole comes from. Keeping people away, not wanting or knowing how to drop the arrogant mask, internalizing everything, projecting onto others (like that whole talk with Sua about self sacrifice).

So basically:

Characterizing Ivan as an insecure person who hides behind false confidence/arrogance to keep people from seeing the real (and somewhat fucked up) him? Great. Fantastic. Love to see it.

Characterizing Ivan as an arrogant asshole “just because”? Terrible. Hate it. You burned my crops and killed my cow.

5. Ivan is violent

I don’t know how this one came about, but it rubs me the wrong way so I’ll touch on it here.

We know Ivan instigated physical fights with Till when they were kids because that was the only way to consistently get Till’s attention (not saying I condone that btw). But outside of that, I don’t think Ivan has been violent with anyone else? And would he even be violent with Till like, recently?? I would say no.

Now I do think Ivan would resort to violence to protect Till, but nothing beyond that. I don’t don’t even think he would use violence to protect himself.

He’d probably just revert back to being a “perfect” obedient pet to avoid or diffuse confrontation. That’s what he did as a child; while Till fought back every chance he got. Till’s fighting spirit is probably one of the things Ivan loved about him. Maybe in part because he couldn’t find it in himself.

————————————————————

Anyways, those are my Top 5 worst Ivan mischaracterizations! Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk 🖤💙

[dollwrites]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐲 — 𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!servant!reader, suggested dub con & sexual slavery, exhibitionism, cuckqueening if you squint, masturbation ( him ), facial, cum worship, master kink, threats against reader, brief fingering ( her ), degradation, all characters featured are 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ do not repost or translate. please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading <3

𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 ∣ holy by zolita

you didn’t often feel envious when the Pillar Men used someone else. in fact, more often than not, your mountainous masters were much too insatiable, and your poor body could only take so much. you’d be grateful if you were gifted time to recuperate, to be fed and given water and bathed by your fellow captors.

but you’d grown accustomed to being the favorite. the one they not only fucked, but the one they doted on, and gave affectionate names. for the sake of the gods, two of them had even been so magnanimous as to kiss your lips ( Wamuu being the most affectionate, followed by Santana who preferred to devour your mouth ).

there was just something about the way Kars was groaning. the way the sweat sparkled on his muscled abdomen when he thrusted forward, diving deep into the girl he held in the air. the way she cried out, red faced, eyes crossed, she had been taken to the brink of sexual madness and then kept there by a god.

and you were jealous.

as much as you loathed it, your body yearned to feel Kars special grade of decimation; you wanted to be in her place, to wrap around his celestial cock and be the cause of all of his boisterous grunting.

you’d been carrying a jug of pulque to altar room, where they all had gathered, but you linger by the doorway, biting on your lip, watching the sordid display with want in your eyes.

Kars’ eyes flicker up to your figure, and he tilts his head. “Jealous, little one?” he teased, experimenting with bouncing the girl up and down harder, until she was choking out cries for mercy. you look to your feet, knowing better than to meet Kars’ gaze lest you be whipped for your audacity, but you peeked at the display. you thought about taking her place; you wouldn’t beg for mercy, you’d moan for him— let your cunt milk him, you’d thank him for all the pain and ecstasy he bestowed upon you. you could feel Kars’ gaze on you, watching your reaction.

Esidisi let out a bellowing bowl of laughter, as he approached you, circling you, pushing you forward into the room. “You’ve been spoiled by cock, have you? Do you think you deserve it more than any other whore here?”

“N-no, master!” you insisted, gripping the jug.

“Yes, you do.” Kars snorts, pounding away. “Tell the truth or Wamuu will beat it out of you”

your heart was pounding when Wamuu stood up, and you recoil back against the giant to your back. “I—I’m envious,” you admitted, sheepish, “I—I only live to serve my masters, and I—“ you look down at your bare feet, wishing you’d not been so transparent, “I am envious when they choose anyone else…”

Santana was staring at you, hungry eyes darting up and down your naked frame, and you shift on your feet, feeling the heat of his gaze. “I would be happy to stuff you full of all the cock your little body can handle, slave. Come over here—“

“Santana.” Kars cut him off, cutting a sharp glance in his direction. “Don’t be gluttonous. I’ve allowed you enough of her, have I not?”

Santana grimaced; you were stealing shots of their countenances. he didn’t want to admit that Kars could snatch you away from his underlings just as easily as he gives you over to them. “Well…” Santana pondered the question, submitting to his superior as he leaned back in his seat, “I can smell her sweet, wet cunt from over here.” he fired back, and you squeeze your thighs together, humiliated, but Esidisi quirks a brow and reaches down to cup your sex, teasing your slit to see just how wet you were. you yelp, obediently spreading your legs for him, closing your eyes tight.

“He’s right, Kars,” Esidisi confirmed with a nod, his thick fingers worming their way into you. interior walls spasmed and clenched around the digits, but he teased by spreading you open with those fingers, testing your elasticity. “It would be a shame to waste such a tight, warm hole. If you’ll not have her, I’ll bend her over right now—“ you were already leaning forward as he pushed against your shoulder blades, whimpering in submission, when Santana jumped to his feet.

“I want her! I claimed her!” he roared, suddenly, the heat of his desire overpowering his respect for his superiors in this moment, and you flinch, trembling with your head down.

when you peeked up from under your browline with one eye, you saw Wamuu grasping Santana’s shoulder and hurling him backwards to slam into the stone wall. “Respect our masters, Santana.” it did more damage to the wall than to the manbeast, who snarled, but was dropping to one knee and dipping his head in tandem with his adoptive brother.

“Forgive me, masters,” he cut his eyes to Kars, peering up at him before adding begrudgingly, “Father.”

Kars seems pleased enough, exhaling as he releases the girl from his grasp and she crumbles to the floor, and is soon forgotten there. even you couldn’t bother to look to her, because Kars was stepping around her, wrapping a powerful fist around his massive cock, shiny and pointing towards his belly button. the sight made you dizzy, and you clenched around Esidisi’s fingers with a soft, hopeful whimper on your lips. “Well, well, causing quite the rift, aren’t you, little one?” he mutters to you, tilting his head to watch your expression. you keep your eyes averted downwards, staring at his nudity instead, and you whine a quiet apology.

Esidisi chortles low and wicked, pumping his fingers into you, “Little witch. She must enjoy watching her masters fight over who will use her as a cocksheath, she’s tightening up already!”

“Give her to me.”

Esidisi nods, grinning from ear to ear, and shoves you off of his fingers towards Kars. your weak knees start to buckle as the force of his push sends you tumbling helplessly on to the hard floor at Kars’ feet with a pathetic oomf. for a moment, you just stay there, your thigh aching where you’d landed, staring at his feet, they were spread in a wide stance, and you knew if you looked up, his mighty cock would be directly above you. “Mm… Master…” you whispered, uncertain if it was acceptable to raise your head or not, even though you so desperately wanted to. “Please… please allow me to serve you…”

“Lie back, slave.” he demanded instead.

you do as instructed, lying back on the floor. it’s gritty and solid, and it hurts to straighten out, but when he takes a powerful step, planting a bare foot on either side of you, you hold your breath. peering up at him, you see that his countenance is heavily obstructed from this angle, the shape and size of his manhood taking up most of your visage of him, and you blush hotter, both hands resting on your chest, one pressing over your heart as if to stop it from pounding.

“Esidisi is right, perhaps we have spoiled you,” he utters, thoughtfully looking you up and down, “your greedy, little cunt just dripping and begging to be filled with cock, isn’t she?” you nod, albeit humiliated because of just how true it is, and shift, rubbing your thighs together to relieve some of the pressure building between them. Kars smirks, pulling a furious stroke from his base to his tip, watching you writhe, and moans out, “Good. Let her weep.” another stroke, and then another, each one picking up the pace, falling into a quick, brutal rhythm, “I want you soaked and clenching around air, wishing it was a thick cock, I want to see you so pathetic and in need of a mind-numbing fucking that you cry for it.”

your eyes were glued to the display above you, but every word of his sent a deep warmth straight to your core, tying your lower belly in knots, and you squirm, haplessly whimpering, wincing to keep the tears at bay.

Kars saw this, and groans again, fucking his fist harder, his brows furrowing, jaw tightening. “That’s it. That’s it. Beg me to fuck your greedy, little pussy, whore. Let me hear that desperation in your voice.”

“Please, master!” you mewled in acquiescence, fanning your lashes against the steamy apples of your cheeks. “Please fuck my greedy pussy! I— I need it, please!” you didn’t sound like the girl you used to be; your voice broke as you howled like an animal in heat in need of breeding, and you couldn’t stay still, rocking your hips into the air in hopes of persuading him to impale you.

the others were watching, eyes all on fire with lust, and Kars squeezed the plump tip of his dick, before stroking hard and slow. “Mmhm, I know, little one, your poor body wants mine so bad. But you don’t deserve it, do you?” he crooned, and placed a foot on your chest, leaning his weight on to you. he’s heavy, but not enough to hurt too much. still, you wince and shake your head obediently, “No, you don’t. But your masters— we’re so good to you, aren’t we? We make that little cunt feel so full, even though you’re unworthy of us?”

nodding, you pant, your lungs trying to inflate under his foot, but you’re still entranced as he fucks himself. “Y—yes master! You’re so good to me!”

Kars bites down on his lip, leaning against your chest until you let out a whiny, little wheeze, and he smirks, snorting pleasure through his flared nostrils, “Tonight you’re getting only what you deserve, slave. I’m going to cum knowing you’re going mad without a cock splitting you open, and I’m going to cover you in it. Open your mouth and accept my generosity like the needy piece of fuck meat you’ve been trained to be.”

you wanted to beg him to be nice; just fuck your brains out, or at the very least, let Santana or Esidisi. your core throbbed with need, walls fluttering in protest of just how empty you felt, but you opened your mouth and allowed your tongue to laze out over your lower lip just as he started to pull his release out with slow, hard strokes and bestial grunting.

you closed your eyes when the warmth rained down on you, splattering on your face and your chest, but you were able to lap at the sticky, raw essence as it lands on your lips or on your tastebuds, eliciting a grateful moan. you wanted more, but Kars was much too strict to give in, so you’d have to make due with what little you were given.

when you cracked your lids to see the god above you, he was softening, the waterfall of his offering running dry, and then it lay, spent and soft, against his thigh. “Watch her,” he said to the others, squatting down over you. you could feel the tip still twitch as it dragged over your skin, and his grin was wide and wicked, “see her bathe in my cum and moan for the opportunity? No more spoiling her cunt unless she earns it.”

[weebsinstash]

Damn, imagine if all this YT drama was happening when Spot's situation was currently going on too. And, well, since our dimension is fucked and we just seem to jump through dimensions without the watch, what if we end up in Spot's place? (The blank void when he entered one of his own spots).

And, it would be funny to look at him, and for him to look at us and just... stare or wave. He is weird like that, and we are too.

Also, we can start bonding on feeling out of place? Sharing the same experience of everyone leaving us behind/ignoring us. Maybe we can even seek solace in his presence, and in his unique persona (even if he is supposed to be a villain).

And the fact that this is the only place we don't glitch out of? Maybe some bullshit physics as this place literally makes no sense, as well as us. It's like we belong here, with him. He could always teleport us somewhere else, but we look so tired, so pitiful and in so much need of some sort of care... he feels bad for us. And maybe, he can try and convince us to stay with him. After all, he *is* the only one who hasn't turned his back on us, right? He isn't a bad guy like those 'friends' of us were saying!

Meanwhile everything is going to shit in the society's HQ :)

I've actually had a few ideas involving The Spot where he's either the yandere or antagonist or a central character in some way and it's really just a matter of me getting around to. Writing the dozens of things I want to write lmao

But bro your mind 😩 you've just been exiled during the YouTwo incident amd you're glitching and, you know, slowly deteoriating over time, and, suddenly, you're in this weird literally nondescript place where you're suddenly... 'balanced out'? You don't feel like you're being pulled in a bunch of different directions anymore, and you look around and it's just some white void with black dots everywhere that you think you can kind of see and hear things out of if you get close enough, but, first and foremost, is that a person? Spot just like. Is staring at you with this very deer in headlights energy and, you both awkwardly wave to each other, "uhhhhhhh... hi?" "...hiiiii, uh, is this 'your place'? Thank you so much, dude, I've been zipping all over the place, i thought i was gonna die, you saved my life" and maybe you even hug him and he's not sure how to process this because you're clearly a variant of Spiderman but you hold no animosity or hostility towards him whatsoever and 👉👈 this is the most positive human interaction he's had in ages.

Not even his powers, but his knowledge alone would be extremely useful in this scenario because like, he could literally just warp around stealing whatever parts he needed to build something that would "hold you together", given his involvement with Alchemax and the colliders specifically

You're just so understandably and genuinely grateful and Spot feels GOOD about being needed, about being someone's savior. He really had been one of the only ones who could help you and he gets a little drunk off that fact. Whether your glitching is a mutation and is your own power or you're simply some weird anomaly, you two form a kinship, and if it IS some sort of weird ability, maybe he even decides to mentor you a little! Gives him something to do, and it totally isn't to help distract him from how lonely and depressed and miserable he is!

But similar to how the other villains discounted him, you kind of discount him yourself in the sense that you don't see him as a threat. Which, he doesn't necessarily want you to, and it's not some sort of disrespect thing, but, the linger he spends with you, the more he wants you to see him as a man, a man with needs, emotionally, psychologically, physically. Whyd you have to give him all those hugs when he hasnt had human touch in forever, huh?! Don't you know how lonely and touch starved he is?! And you just think you can--can walk away from him? Disrespect him after everything he's done for you, disrespect him like everyone else?

You can always try and 'outrun him' with your little glitching, but, even if you manage to lose him, he'll pick up your tracks again, and one day you wake up from finally crashing from exhaustion to find a pitch black figure at the foot of the bed, slowly pulling in everything around it like some sort of eldritch black hole. And Jonathan menacingly waves to you, "I don't think I'll have trouble keeping up with you this time. I made sure of it"

[baurbiediv]

it kills me

pairing → joe burrow x reader

warnings → swearing, accused cheating, joe being a bootyhole

synopsis → you’ve given up almost everything to love & be with joe, and when you have given him an ultimatum, one of you isn’t willing to give up the other one. but is this everything that you wanted?

authors note → surprise surprise! new series based off the lovely song by melanie fiona, it’s been stuck in my head nonstop for the past few days + since there’s no school/classes for me tomorrow i’ll do my absolute best to get my wip’s done and published!!

additional notes → not proofread, y’all know i can’t spell fr

-

you knew how passionate joe was for football the minute you saw him step onto the field to play for lsu.

there was a fire that burned inside of him so very brightly, and he wanted people to see that for themselves. joe was very grateful to have met you throughout the duration of his time attending lsu.

you two couldn’t have met in the most cliché way possible though, you’d taken a position as an athletic trainer out on the field along with your best friend & roomate, eden.

you’d gotten close with everyone, and even players on the team, but you’d caught the attention of a certain player, none other than the infamous star quarterback, joe burrow.

now, initially, you’d never really paid that much attention to him because you wanted to focus on yourself and what your path would be after college. but obviously some people would only experience college once in their entire lifetime, and of course you needed to make the most of it.

but of course, joe pursued you and he continued to take interest in you little by little. whether it was him purposely going out of his way to take a longer route to his classes, or ‘accidentally’ bumping into you at some random college party being held during the weekends.

it just so happened that tonight would be one of those nights where you miraculously bumped into each other at a party. eden had begged you constantly throughout the week to come join her at this party, and to which you finally complied.

eden stood in the bathroom doorway leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and the biggest smile plastered across her face, “you know y/n you’re very easy to convince.”

the only thing that you could do was purse your lips together and look at her with blank eyes. “so ignoring that lie, do you really want me to go to this party or are you trying to get with ja’marr? cause i mean i can make it happen-“, before you could say another word she screamed and disappeared into the bathroom before you could say another word.

“exactly.”

-

you wouldn’t admit this, but you purposely got ready an additional two hours before you initially had to leave. obviously eden noticed this but she wouldn’t say anything.

and so when the time came you two were out the door. hopping into the car and on your way, eden started giggling in the drivers seat. you didn’t pay any attention to her as you were occupied with fixing your lip gloss on the overhead mirror.

“y/n, i noticed you getting you ready way before we needed to leave, someone you seeing there?” she said nudging your arm, keeping your focus on the mirror.

you didn’t even look in her direction, “i don’t know what you’re talking about e, i’m just going to look good, feel good, and have the time of my college life.” you said, knowing you were lying out of your ass.

eden playfully rolled her eyes, “y/n, you know damn well i know you better than anyone else, plus that lie was literally horrible.” you sighed before closing the overhead mirror and you looked over at eden before admitting, “okay, i literally have not been able to stop thinking about joe for the longest time and i know it’s stupid because he could probably be fucking with me but i do like joe and i don’t know if he feels the same and ..”

eden squealed loudly and clapped her hands together enthusiastically before placing them back on the steering wheel. you looked at her with a ‘huh’ kind of face, “y/n you made it so obvious, any time you two get around each other, you both get all googly eyed” she said.

now that she said that, it didn’t take you long to realize that she was right, undeniably joe was charming, you knew he took an interest in you but you didn’t want to be heartbroken by his typical quarterback antics.

you wanted to believe that he was a different guy from the rest of them. “i know, i just don’t want to be hurt, i should trust him though, he does seem like a really sweet guy though.” you sighed, before you knew it eden parked the car a few houses down from the actual house.

she turned in her seat and looked at you, “look y/n you know i love you and i’m going to always give you the honest truth always, go for it. you i’ve never seen anyone chase for you as bad as he does,” you smiled as you both laughed at that, “and hell, even if you two actually do hit it off, who knows where you’ll be foe the next couple of years? and if you don’t hit off, fuck it, you’re hot as fuck and you know that.”

she smiled at you brightly as you hugged her tightly. “thank you e, i love you.” she patted your back and pulled away from you, “you know i got you, i’d never have you looking crazy out here anyway.” you both laughed again.

-

walking up to the front lawn, there were bodies that lingered around the porch and some that sat on the grass. you were walking side by side with eden when you heard ‘my shit’ by a boogie blaring from inside the house, you both quickly made your way into the house trying to find the center of the music.

time was passing by, you were smiling from ear to ear already enjoying yourself singing along to your favorite song with your best friend.

and shortly after you two found yourselves in the kitchen enjoying the array of different vodkas & tequilas, when suddenly people started scream and hold their phones out. being the two goofy people you were, you peeked your heads out the kitchen walk way like it was kind of cartoon or sitcom.

trying to see between the amount of people, low and behold, there they were, joe burrow & ja’marr chase, two of the most promising players that were to ever step onto the lash football field. both you and eden grinned excitedly at each other before taking your places back at the kitchen island.

you two couldn’t seem to keep your excitement and giggles down to the slight buzz of the alcohol but it was nothing that you couldn’t handle. after what seemed to be hours when in actuality it had been about 10 minutes, joe & ja’marr had walked into the kitchen, obviously you and eden hadn’t noticed due to you two having your backs turned to each other.

“is that my girl eden?” ja’marr said which caused the both of you to jump slightly and turn around. eden’s face lit up as she quickly made her way to hug ja’marr.

you smiled at the both of them, you knew she had a huge thing for him but you never knew if they actually took it to the next step. you took this as the time to just make your move, at this point it was now or never. “hi joe.” you said as joe’s face lit up, “hey y/n.” he opened up his arms and you took this chance to walk over to him and hugged him. at that moment your head was spinning and you couldn’t pinpoint where your mind was in that exact moment.

when joe’s arms wrapped back around you, you felt your entire body relax into his touch. the way he felt, the way he smelled was more intoxicating than the alcohol you consumed which made your head spin.

you looked over and say eden silently cheering you on. you winked at her and smiled. after a while you pulled away from joe as eden did the same with ja’marr. you looked at eden, she had look of brewing up an idea.

“ja’marr what is she thinking?” joe said before bringing his red solo cup to his lips,

“you’re asking the wrong person, you should be asking her!” ja’marr said as he pointed to you while laughing.

quickly, you held up your hands in defense. “let’s play cup pong! since you guys don’t have a game this weekend, all limits are off! loser has to skinny dip and jump into the pool.”

“i’m in.” you said giggling while grabbing the cups and setting them up. unbeknownst, joe was watching your every move, your skin glowed (complimentary of the fenty body glitter) in the dimly light kitchen.

few people had passed through the kitchen but didn’t care to acknowledge the four of you, which you mentally thanked. you poured the small amounts of tequila into the cups and downed the minuscule amount that was left.

it was you & eden on one team then joe and ja’marr on the other. “who starts first?” joe said as she placed his hands onto the kitchen island.

damn he looked good.

“we’ll go first!” eden said as she quickly grabbed the small neon purple ball, she bounced the ball onto the table and watched it land in the cup on the other side.

you noticed ja’marr sending small glances at eden, but she was too oblivious and made it her sole mission to win this game of cup pong. but you occasionally noticed joe sending you glances as well, too flustered to do anything you quickly looked away to avoid any eye contact feeling as though you’d just pass out from nervous he made you.

joe was very aware of how he made you feel, and he was determined to make you his. minutes passed by, eden had managed to completely demolish them by leaving only two cups left.

“man you guys actually suck.” you said laughing.

“i’m used to throwing long distance, not short distance.” joe said with a look of fake hurt on his face as he dramatically placed a hand over his heart.

you shook your head laughing as eden handed you the small ping pong balls, “y/n don’t mess this up!” she teased, “eden, they literally have 6 cups left to our 2, i don’t think we’re losing this game any time soon.”

-

“alright! time to skinny dip! chop chop!”

eden said clapping her hands. ja’marr playfully rolled his eyes, “do we actually have to?” he said before taking his shirt off. “you ask that while taking your shirt off, so yes, you answered your own question.” joe sighed as he took off his shirt.

you laughed as joe handed you the rest of his clothes along with ja’marr handing his to eden. joe took his glasses off and placed them on your head, “don’t need these getting damaged.” he said before diving head first into the pool.

man were you enjoying life right now.

-

[imminent-danger-came]

Why do you think s4 lmk is sometimes seen as a drop-off in writing quality compared to earlier seasons?

IS IT REALLY. That's so funny, I personally think s4 elevated lmk's writing to unbelievably high levels. It recontextualized previous seasons in ways that cemented my faith in lmk's writing team, and proved to me that this wasn't just going to be good, it was going to be GREAT, an honest to god masterpiece.

I find that the more complex the writing, when things like love and devotion aren't put into "good" or "bad" boxes, when characters are hypocrites and things develop in a way people don't like (it doesn't make them "feel good" but the writing itself is solid), that's when people start to say things like "the writing's gotten worse". I've seen plenty of takes for characters like Wukong and Viren (from The Dragon Prince), where folks want to boil down the mess and the complexity into "the writers don't know how to write this character," when the truth is the opposite. Sometimes, characters say one thing and do another and that's on purpose, thank you. Sometimes, characters mean well and have good intentions, but they still suck. Writing like that is fucking awesome.

(Big Owl House rant incoming, turn back now if you're not interested in that)

It's not really a surprise to me that something like The Owl House, where the characters are fairly one note and everything is said out loud and the themes are much more simplistic, is/was far more popular. Obviously, I don't want to shame anyone or make people feel bad for loving toh—like it's great if you love it, keep doing that—but I do think that objectively, toh has pretty weak writing (which honestly doesn't/doesn't have to determine how much you love it).

I was discussing this with a few friends last night, how with toh, the implications are hardly thought through, and characters aren't viewed beyond the role they can serve in the episode or the arc. Like, I think of the beginning of Hollow Mind, where King says "No one wants to believe they've spent their life following the wrong person", which is fine, it's something that could be interesting given the proper execution, but when you analyze it deeper, try to find the consistent character thread...it doesn't make any actual sense for King or the development he went through at the beginning of s2. Had he said something along the lines of "No one wants to believe they've spent their life following a lie", now THAT ties directly into the lie he believed for his whole life, and to King as a character. But that's not what happened, and that's never what happened in toh.

Even with Belos, the main villain, it's clear the writers wanted Grim Walker angst for Hunter, but they didn't want to explore the implications of Belos recreating his brother over and over again. So at that point, it's like...why not just have Hunter be adopted? Why have him be a grimmwalker at all if it's not something we're going to explore deeper on Belos' end?

Needless to say, lmk isn't like that. If a character has dialogue or a scene, it's going to contribute to our perception of them and their internal motivations. If Pigsy is worried about his relation to his ancestors in s4, and what that says about him, we can actually trace that back to 2x04: tradition matters to Pigsy, and it's a huge part of his heart, identity, and life. Of COURSE Pigsy is affected when he learns his ancestor was someone he doesn't like, someone who tried to eat the love of his life. He even tries to comfort MK with what he thinks is a shared experience, and it's AGH. It's so good

If something is established in lmk, it's expanded upon. Hell, even the Mayor of all characters was given his own spotlight outside of LBD. He even has a direct parallel to Azure—following and giving service to an Emperor before becoming disillusioned and changing loyalty to the person that will bring about real change: their Lady and their King.

Anyways,

I went on a super long tangent. I can't truly know why some people think of lmk s4 as a drop-off in writing quality, but those are some thoughts from me to you!

[dearest-painter]

Too shy to ask this but fem!Y/N with Gary, Y/N has quiet BPD and is splitting? (To explain mine - I withdraw, become distant, passive-aggressive and tend to cut the person off. Then after a few hours I become numb and dissociated..). In this scenario it’s directed at someone else and Gary **might** give them his own piece of advice or just be near them while bugging them… like the jerk who’d still be there if something’s hard for you, being there despite their constant teasing. Hope it’s not too much, thank u 😭

No problem and please tell me if I wrote something wrong tell me so I can fix it as I do not have BPD and I do not wish to write this wrong. And you stated this is how yours is so if I write it wrong please tell me so I don’t write your experience wrong

TW/CW:Yandere behavior, unhealthy behavior, unhealthy relationship, abusive behavior, abusive relationship, Reader has BPD and if it seems stereotypical inform me so I can fix it as I do not wish for it to be that, this is based off of what I have been given, Gary himself, since you did not specify if it’s romantic or not I made it could be chose, I HAVE NEVER DISSOCIATED SO IF I WROTE IT WRONG INFORM ME!, tell me if I need to add more

Summary: No one gets to insult you, only he does. No one gets away with it. Not when he’s around. Not when he’s alive, and not when he has a say.

He teased you and insulted you all the time, that’s how Gary was. You got semi over it because it’s Gary and he was being playful. Yet when Derby did it, you couldn’t deal with it like usual it didn’t feel playful. Sighing as you sat in your dorm bed you brought your knees to your chest. You’ve already refused to speak to chad yet your mind was becoming fuzzy and you felt..nothing. You didn’t feel your bed, the hand on your shoulder, or Gary shaking you.

Gary shook you again but you were blankly staring at your feet. He looked at your dorm mated, Beatrice, who always knew what happened when he wasn’t around as he’s been forcing her. “What the fuck happened to her!?” He rudely asked her making her flinch yet sigh. “Derby was being the same as always but she started to..um..split, I think that’s what it’s called. It’s been like this for four weeks…she just started dissociating now” Beatrice answered.

He groaned as he held back from throwing things around. He got up and walked but stopped in the doorway. “Watch her and make sure nothing happens” he ordered Beatrice which she obeyed only because she was worried for you. So she sat beside you and began to read your favorite story so it wasn’t too quiet in the dorm. Gary was cussing and storming down the hallway, he was pushing everyone out of his way.

When he saw Derby he immediately tackled him. No one could stop Gary as he started punching. “YOU EVER FUCKING INSULT Y/N AGAIN AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU WON’T BREATH!” Gary stated as he punched Derby over and over. When the teachers pulled him off, Derby was bloody. Every saw his crazed and pissed look as he was dragged away. Derby learned his lesson…Gary made sure.

[elisedonut]

I'm m just curious, what headcanons do you have for Omega Percy? Like, how would his scent smell like, how does he feel as an omega, does he do some sort of retail during heats, etc.

I like headcanons and the different scenarios i'r could play in.

Hello!! I love Omega!Percy alot i think it just fits him very well

he's very much a mother hen

i never really put alot of thought into his feelings on the matter and such normally when i think about its just a set up for ships or fun concepts

I'm not sure on how he would smell tbh i normally tend to be the type that just says omegas smell non specifically sweet and Alphas smell like musky in a good way and call it a day so i never put much thought into it

I think he wouldn't be happy about it at first tbh

like when i think of Omegaverse

omegas are a bit like discriminated against not to the extent some people go where there just like slaves or something like that but it's kinda like misogyny tbh but a little more in the Omegas need protecting because they're weak direction like it's frowned up to be like that but that doesn't stop some from being jerks

but i think his first thought is something about how more difficult his plans for his life could be now but then he's able to like like calm a crying first year in less then 10 seconds or manages to break up a fight without even really trying and is like

"oh-"

and figures that he'll find a way to work with it he still would have preferred being a beta even more so with the teasing coming from Fred and George especially but there isn't anything that can be done about it

like he knew it would be the case but experiencing it and reading about it is a very different experience kind of vibe

like it still makes it a bit more difficult in the ministry but it just makes him work even harder to not be ignored kind of thing

i feel like retail is a typo but i could just be missing something i keep trying to infer what you mean and i got nothing

some random hcs

-I tend to think the richer students know what they are ahead of time because there are tests you can have done to know but are dumb expensive so i tend to think about a few younger not presented Alphas trying to convince him to promise to marry them with gifts and stuff like it's not unusual for Percy to be walking down the hall and randomly get stopped to be given food or money (both culturally like ways to show an omega they would be taken care of from someone trying to court them) and Penny makes fun of him a little bit over it (only one of them actually likes him the others are doing this to fuck with that one that does)

-I think the idea that being around in a heat/rut doesn't have a effect on family members to be a fun concept because I think the idea of a heavily nesting Percy pulling one of his siblings into bed with him for a few hours to be very cute because even if he doesn't realize it like outright some part of him does view the Twins especially as his like he just like holds them close and naps but if they try to leave he gets so mad so fast

-i also have made a post about this before but i think more Omegas in omegaverse fics should breast feed as just a normal think that their bodies' do regardless of who needs it and Percy is the same but i think it embarrasses him quite a bit at first though its less the act because in universe it's just like a thing and more he doesn't want people to see his chest in general so the first few times he lets someone feed on him he turns off all the lights

-I think that Viktor's school banned omegas or just never let them in at all so Viktor and all his classmates are all very weak to Omega pheromones because their just not used to it and that leads to fun interactions with Percy in particular

[silentglassbreak]

The plot with Jolly at the fest sound like very interesting story. I'd love to read it

I didn't get too much detail on this one, so I'm just going to run with it? First time writing for Jolly, so let's give it a shot.

**After writing notes: WOW this one went in an entirely different direction than I expected...

It just happened. I hope someone enjoys it. LOL.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Soft smut, mentions of death

Sweater Weather

Why does no one ever have the balls to tell Noah he’s being a diva?

Listen, the man is my brother. We’re family. För alltid mitt blod. I would take a bullet for him, and I have no doubt he would do the same for me.

But, sometimes, he’s so fucking irritating.

How hard it must be to have such talent and be so attractive, everyone loves you, and you work hard to maintain an image. However, taking out the stress and pressures on the only guys who also know how being in this band feels?

Noah was arguing with one of the stage techs, telling him that the image they had prepared to be behind us doing our set was wrong. He’s right, they had prepared the image of the mannequins, when it was supposed to be the album cover, but that wasn’t this poor little man’s fault.

“God, it’s not a hard fucking thing to do!”

“I’m sorry, dude. I’m putting in the request to have it switched.” The man wasn’t exactly cowering, but he was intimidated for sure.

I stepped up behind Noah, letting a gentle hand fall on his shoulder. I could feel his muscles relax slightly under my fingers.

“C’mon man. It’ll be fine. We have an hour until our set. They’ll get it fixed.”

I felt him take a deep breath, and saw how he closed his eyes to center himself. This was something I taught him.

The tech scurried away, leaving us alone in our tent.

It was so fucking hot, which was interesting, given we were in Michigan. Upheaval festival was one of my favorites. It was a smaller event, which meant a more regular experience with the fans. Usually, it also meant better food and beer vendors.

“Hey, guess what I found?” Nick came bounding into the tent, a large mug in his hand.

“Beer, I assume?” Noah pointed his attitude at Nick, who rolled his eyes in return.

“They have a beer garden! Jolly, they’ve got a Swedish ale you might dig!”

I snorted. “Guarantee it isn’t actually Swedish.” Grabbing my hat from the couch, I placed it over my long hair that was pulled back in a low ponytail, and headed for the exit.

“I will go check it out though. Folio out there?”

Nick nodded. “He was spotted, so he’s chatting with some fans.”

I smirked. “Let’s hope he can get out before the set.”

Noah turned and looked at me. “Don’t be late getting back, please! We go on in under an hour.”

Shooting him a thumbs up, I headed for the mayhem of the festival.

As suspected, there was nothing Swedish about the beer, but it did have good flavor. I stood to the right of the beer garden, sipping my mug, and people watched.

It was always so fascinating to see the mix of people who came to these shows. European festivals were one thing but American festivals? You saw everything from multi-colored hair to breasts only barely covered by mesh tops or pasties. It was a sight to behold.

After a moment of zoning out, I looked down at my watch to see I still had twenty minutes before we had to head to the stage. Noah was likely bursting because I wasn’t back yet, and I smiled to myself at the thought. He could sweat for a few minutes, would do him good.

Deciding I should at least start making my way back there, my eyes scanned for the direction I needed to go, somehow getting turned around. Eyes searching over heads and bodies, I didn’t even see the person coming toward me, knocking my shoulder directly into them as I began walking forward.

My beer sloshed over the edge of the cup, pouring foam down the girl’s arm.

“Fuck! I am so sorry!” I turned, and my eyes locked onto the face in front of me.

Wisps of natural, dirty blonde hair floated in the slight breeze, framing a tan, small face. The rest of her hair was pulled up on top of her head in a bun, tightly secured. Her eyes were lightly lined with black, mascara clinging to her lashes. Pink, full lips covered by only a thin gloss were hanging open, startled by the cold liquid on her shoulder.

“Shit! I didn’t even see you, I’m so sorry!” She apologized, wiping her arm with the sweater tied around her waist. Her white tank top was now an amber color on one side.

I couldn’t speak. She was gorgeous.

“Jesus, I’m such a fucking klutz.” She groaned, hastily grabbing napkins off of the cart behind us and wiping at her arm, and then at my hand.

When her ice blue eyes looked up at me, I felt the air rush back into my lungs.

“No, no that was my fault. I’m very sorry.”

When the realization crossed her face, I saw it like a firework exploding behind her vision.

“You’re Jolly fucking Karlsson!”

This made me chuckle. “Something like that, yeah.”

I reached a hand out, which she took graciously, smiling at me with a wide, toothy grin.

“It’s such an honor. I’m a huge fan. I was actually rushing so I could get back to see your set!”

Her words snapped me back.

Fuck.

“Oh, good! I’ve got to get over there! But, uh,” My brain was working overtime. “maybe I can find you after? You can buy me another beer?”

I let any suave I had take over, which seemed to work decently, given she blinked multiple times.

“Sure, of course!”

“Jolly!” My head snapped over to see Matt barreling toward me. “Dude we go on in ten minutes!”

Looking back, I watched as her face fell slightly, my arm now being physically pulled in the opposite direction. Being led away, I hollered.

“I’ll meet you back here!”

I was only given a nod, and a wave in response.

-

The set was electric, Noah's earlier nerves rolling off of him comfortably as he put on a show. Nick was absolutely flawless on his bass, flipping his hair over and over. Folio, as usual, lost himself in the drum beats, freestyling here and there.

I, however, was way off my game. Something about my encounter with the mesmerizing blonde earlier kept me thoroughly distracted. Over and over, my eyes swam through the sea of people in the crowd, trying my hardest to find a blonde messy bun and steel blue eyes, but it was in vain. I couldn't see anything.

I thought about her again and again, unable to shake the feeling of wonder from my bones. For whatever reason, I needed to see this girl again. Her aura, her energy, it radiated beauty, rarity, like a gemstone.

Pärla. A magnificent treasure.

The thoughts racing in my brain made me lose my focus more than once. During Nowhere to Go, I missed several notes, my guitar making an awful screeching sound. I forgot to sing backup vocals during Limits entirely, earning me a glare from Noah, and a look of concern from Nick.

I had ignored it, and continued on, my eyes still searching. It was hopeless. I would find her after. I had to.

Once Dethrone concluded, and I ran off stage, setting my guitar down, I felt a hand pull my arm, flinging my backward.

"Dude, are you okay?" Nick looked straight at me. "You drunk?"

I furrowed my brow. "Of course not."

"Well, you don't really fuck up on stage, Jolly, so what the fuck?" Noah was standing directly behind Nick, eyes shooting me down with fury.

I shrugged. "I'm sorry. I was looking for someone."

This made them both leer backward a moment. "Who?" Noah asked.

"This girl. I met her at the beer garden."

They reacted equally differently. Nick let up a sly smirk, his eyebrows raising. Noah, however, narrowed his eyes.

"You almost blew the set for some broad?"

Rolling my eyes, I turned toward them. "I didn't blow the fucking set, Noah. Quit being so dramatic."

I could see the fire burning behind his irises, which I would definitely pay for later in the form of his attitude.

"Are you fucking kidding, dude?" Noah began scolding me, but Nick held up a hand.

"Chill. Jolly never fucks up, ever." He turned to Noah, giving him stern eyes. "And the set was fine."

Huffing, Noah stomped away, throwing a tantrum like a child.

I smiled at Nick, grateful. "You know how he gets at festivals."

Nodding, I began to walk away. "Got to go."

Waving him off, I weaved through all of the people behind the stage area, making my way back out to our tent, where Davis and Matt were already packing up equipment. I grabbed a clean shirt out of my backpack, and slipped it over my head. I pulled half of my hair up in a tight bun on top of my head, and slipped on my sunglasses.

Headed back out, I noticed the sun was nearly set, and the beer garden area was almost vacant, most people over by the stages. Sleep Token had just started, so the vendors were long abandoned by almost everyone.

I found the napkin cart, and stood, arms crossed, scanning around. After about ten minutes, I had to remove my sunglasses to be able to see clearly as night was falling. A chill ran up my spine as the temperature began to drop. No sign of her, but I didn't mind waiting.

Thirty minutes.

Forty-five.

One hour.

I stood, eyes glancing around, head bobbing to Sleep Token's heavy bass and Vessel's incredible vocals. However, my mind was elsewhere. Maybe she didn't want to miss their set? Maybe she forgot where to meet? I didn't know how to find her.

I didn't even know her name.

It was a mystery, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I was going to have to give up soon. The festival would be ending, and I would have to get back with the guys, head back to the hotel. The thought made my stomach sink. Why was I so entranced with the idea of this girl? All she did was spill beer on me. Why did I insist on finding her?

"Jolly?"

I spun, much faster than I should've, on my heel, and was met with cold, freezing blue eyes, staring up at me. Her gloss was worn off, and her eyeliner was smudging ever so slightly under her eyes. Her bun was long gone, blonde hair now free-flowing down across her shoulders.

"Pärla."

Her smile was confused. "Uh,"

"It means gem. I didn't know your name, so I decided to go with that."

The blush on her cheeks was a sweet addition to that gorgeous sun kissed skin.

"I like that." She rubbed her palms on the front of her jeans. I noticed her sweater was now around her shoulders, covering the beer stain on her tank top. "I'm sorry, I know we said we'd meet after your set. I had to get one of my friends back to our hotel."

Shaking my head, I waved her off. "No worries."

"Did you wait long?"

An hour wasn't a long time, I don't think.

"Nope."

With a finger pointed at the beer garden, she asked, "So, you want that beer?"

I perused this. I wasn't much for a drink right now, comfortable with just talking to her. "You going to have one?"

Shrugging, she looked over toward the crowd. "I don't think so. I've got to get back to the hotel with my friends soon. One of them is really drunk, and is a sick mess."

My face soured. "That doesn't sound fun."

Scrunching her face, she stuck her hands in the pocket of her sweater. "It isn't. I'm pretty annoyed about it, actually."

Nodding, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I had been ignoring it for a while.

Matt: Dude, if you're coming with us, we gotta go now.

I typed a quick response.

Me: Meet you back at the hotel.

We walked around the festival grounds for a while, just chatting about different things, somehow managing to distract her from the fact that she should go back to her hotel, and I, mine.

"You're from Florida?"

She nodded. "Daytona. I hate it."

"Why? Isn't it sunny and beautiful all year-round?" I chuckled.

She joined me. "Sure, if you like a lot of drugs and alligators everywhere."

We found some benches, having a seat. I pulled a pack of smokes from my pocket, lighting one.

She stared at me, smirking. I lifted the pack toward her. "Want one?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay. Thanks, though."

Blowing out the smoke, I turned my attention back to her face.

"So why come to Michigan for a festival?"

Her eyes were lost on the crowd, amused. "Why not?" She leaned back on her seat. "I love the adventure of traveling. Seeing different cities. If I get to enjoy good music while I'm at it, why not?"

"You get to meet a lot of cool people doing it, huh?"

Looking over to me, I saw her lips turn up slightly. "Yeah, I do."

A cool silence fell over us for a moment while I finished my cigarette.

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw her head turn toward me. "It's closing."

We noticed the bodies moving past us toward the exit. I nodded. "We should get going soon."

I swore I saw a flash of disappointment cross her features, but only for a second before a look of excitement crept across her face.

"Hey, you want to go somewhere?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Where?"

Smirking, she stood, pulling at my arm. "I know a place, c'mon."

With no time to protest, she pulled me, and I had to nearly jog to keep up. I watched her hair, looking nearly silver against the bright lights at the parking area, fly behind her as she ran toward the Uber line.

We waited, and I slipped my sunglasses back on, and tried not to be obvious.

Once our turn came, she leaned forward to give the driver the address, quiet enough so I wouldn't hear. The driver raised a brow.

"I'm pretty sure it's closed for the night."

She waved at him. "Just go. It'll be fine."

With a nod, he began driving. I stared at her. "Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?"

Her teeth flashed. "You'll have to wait and find out." And she turned to look out at the darkness beyond her window.

Something inside me wasn't worried.

We walked along the boardwalk, out onto the sand. We could hear the soft waves crashing, but it was difficult to see beyond she shoreline.

"Welcome to Lake Michigan!"

The stars, bright and vast, seemed to bounce off of the stillness of the water. It was breathtaking. She bound ahead of me, slipping her shoes off and holding them. Her eyes were fixed on the water, before she dropped down in the sand, looking up at the sky.

I followed suit, taking a heavy seat next to her. It was so quiet, so calm. We weren't supposed to be here at midnight, but something in the chilled air felt so serene.

"What did you call me before?" Her voice was even, still looking at the sky.

"Hm?" I had to shake out of my thoughts.

"At the festival. You called me a name. In another language."

I smiled. "Pärla." She looked back at me. "It means gem."

A warm grin spread across her lips. "I like that." She echoed her earlier sentiment.

It occurred to me at that point, that she still had not told me her first name.

"What else do I call you?"

Her eyes narrowed, thinking. What was there to think about?

"I think that'll do."

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Her gaze turned back up to the sky. "Pärla. That's good."

"You're not going to tell me your name?" Confusion laced my voice.

Hugging her knees to her chest, her eyes transfixed on the stars, she bit her lip. "Not yet."

It was strange, but what could I do?

Silence fell over us again, but she eventually spoke up.

"Do you ever miss Sweden?"

Clearing my throat, I mimicked her body language, pulling my knees up.

"Sometimes. It's my home."

Her lips were pulled in a tight line, and I saw what looked to be a tear brimming at her eyes. "I never miss mine. I'm never going back."

"Why not?"

Turning to look at me, a slow tear rolled down her cheek, but she held a sad smile. "I'm happy right where I am."

Trying to process what she said, I struggled, because all I could feel was the urge to grab the tear with my finger, and wipe it from her face. I kept my hands to myself, however.

"So," I tried to lighten the conversation. "how long have you been a fan?"

This made a genuine grin crack across her face. "About a year. I heard you guys for the first time on TikTok. When I looked into the music, I was hooked."

I nodded, listening to the smooth sounds of the waves. "Yeah, that's how a lot of people found us."

"It's good music. I really enjoyed the new album."

"Yeah, it was fun to make."

She looked directly at me. "Do you like being in a band? What's it like?"

That made me huff out a laugh. "It's something else, that's for sure. Chaotic, at times. Rewarding, most others."

Amused, she crossed her legs under her and turned her body to face me. "What are the other guys like?" I raised a brow and she smiled sheepishly. "I'm not trying to fangirl, just curious."

Shaking my head, I turned to face her as well. "Nick is awesome. Mediator when things get tense. He tends to keep a cool head easier than the rest of us." I sighed. "Folio is...young. He's so lighthearted, and full of life. I envy that sometimes." She smiled at that.

"And Noah is..." I trailed off, choosing my words carefully. "Brilliant, but can be a lot sometimes."

"Like how?"

"Like," I intertwined my fingers. "he gets anxious. He's a perfectionist, so there's never room for error. It can be a pain in the ass, but we owe a lot of our success to it."

She nodded. "He's talented."

"Very. So, we put up with it, mostly."

Peering up at me from under her lashes, she spoke low. "And what about you, Jolly? What are you like?"

This gave me pause. How do I answer that?

"I'm..." I really had to think about that answer. "I don't know, really. I'm just, me? The guys call me the 'Dad' of the group, but I'm really only a few years older than Nick."

A hand slid over my knee, and I glanced down at it. "Well, I don't know you very well. Only from what time we've spent the last few hours, but I think you're very interesting."

Resting my chin on a fist, I considered her words. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I do. I think you're very sweet. And complex."

"Complex?"

She let out a giggle, which broke the quiet air with a sweet sound.

"Well, you got in an Uber with a complete stranger, without knowing where you're going, and now you're sitting on a beach in the middle of the night."

This made me smirk. "Point taken."

"That's shows adventure. I like it."

I focused on the ring piercing her left nostril, and the small batch of freckles on her nose. Her hair was hanging long, the moonlight illuminating it.

I felt the pull, the same one that brings the planets together. The pull that gravity is made of. Her eyes flashed back and forth between mine, and her lips parted so slightly. Instinctively, I leaned close to her until I could feel her breath against my face. It was cool, almost cold.

When the soft skin of her lips touched mine, she took a breath in, gasping.

My hand lifted to press against her cheek, pulling her closer, and pressing our lips together.

Like a lightning bolt struck the sand between us, we were lit up with energy. Her body lunged toward me, knees climbing up into my lap as she kissed me, tongue pressing into my mouth. My hands wrapped around to her back, pulling her into me, as she writhed against me.

Her hips pressed down, jeans grinding against mine, the lack of friction making it nearly unbearable. My lips kissed down to her neck, sucking and biting at the soft skin. Her hair had fallen over her face, eyes fluttered closed. Her fingers were grazing down my chest, pulling at the fabric of my t-shirt, and eventually landing to the button of my jeans.

My own hands located the access point of her pants, popping them open. Disconnecting for a moment, she pulled back to shimmy out of her jeans, leaving her in a pair of black panties, kneeling in the sand in front of me.

Staring directly into my eyes, she reached to my jeans and opened them effortlessly, unzipping them, my aching cock bulging against the fabric of my boxers. Her hand slipped to the waistband, freeing my erection. I stared at her with intent. Something in her eyes was dark, something I couldn't place.

"Do you want to?" Her voice was so small. So desperate.

I couldn't respond, so I only reached for her, pulling her face back to me. I laid her down on her back, leaning over her and letting my mouth mold over hers, one hand slipping down her stomach, to her core.

My fingers easily grazed past the elastic of the underwear, running through the soft patch of curls just underneath, until I felt the moisture of her lips between my fingers.

She moaned into my mouth as I slipped my middle finger inside of her, curling it to press against that soft, sweet spot that had her breathing erratic.

"Fuck." She breathed against my mouth. My hand was pumping her hard, a delicious wet sound nearly drowned out by the waves behind us.

"I don't have a condom on me, Pärla."

Her eyes snapped open, and she smiled. "I'm okay, if you are."

Morals? Rational thought? Responsibility? What is that?

I was okay. More than okay. This could be bad. Dangerous, even. Something in my gut - no - my soul told me that this needed to happen, and it needed to happen now.

Steady fingers pulled her panties down, slipping them off, before I hovered over her, lining the head up with her entrance.

As slow and precise as possible, I pressed in, my eyes falling closed with the vibrant sensation that engulfed me. She let out a long, deep groan with me.

"Oh God, Jolly."

I let my lips fall back down to the flesh on her neck, thrusting in and out comfortably, savoring the feel of her on my skin.

We went on like this for longer than I would've expected. Our voices echoed off of the water, the darkness swallowing us as our bodies synchronized. Her pussy tightened around me each time I pulled out, begging for more.

Eventually, I sped up the snapping of my hips, leaning up to get a better angle, pulling her knee up to her chest.

Her hands dug into the sand around us, head careened backward.

"Oh Jolly, fuck, so fucking good." She was biting down on her lip so hard, it was sure to bleed.

I was so close. I needed her release. "Come for me, Pärla." My breathing began stuttering. "Let go, for me."

A long, visceral moan left her lips, and I felt her walls spasm around me as I began emptying into her, my orgasm smacking me hard in the chest.

I pumped us through it, one hand holding her face, watching the waves of pleasure rush over it.

Once we slowed to a stop, I collapsed next to her, a lazy smile on my face.

"That was..." I started, too tired to finish my sentence.

"Unreal." Her words were stark. Matter of fact. Her eyes were looking back up at the stars.

I followed suit, zipping my jeans back up.

"I'm glad I met you today, Jolly."

I let my eyes fall on her again, and smiled. "Me too, Pärla."

My eyes opened to a flashlight shining directly on them.

"Hey, asshole!" I squinted, my hands coming up to shield my vision from the abrasive light. "You can't fucking sleep here. Go find a fucking shelter!"

"What?" I sat up, looking up at the person in front of me. A police officer.

"You've got to get out of here, man. I don't want to take you in."

I held my hands up in defense, standing to my feet. My eyes glanced around, realizing I was very much alone.

"Where's the girl I was with?"

The cop raised an eyebrow. "No one but you here, bud. Let's go."

His hand grabbed my arm, leading me off the beach. I turned back toward the water, hollering out into the darkness.

"Pärla?!"

No response. Just silence.

-

A week had gone by, and I was back home.

I had done everything I could think of to find her, but still came up with nothing. No name. No number. Just a physical description and vague location. Have you any idea how many blonde-haired, blue-eyed, tan-skinned girls are in Daytona, FL? It was comical.

After about four days, I had pretty much given up. Part of me felt hurt. Why had she left? Was she okay? She knew me, why hadn't she reached out?

Was she just in it for the sex? Or to say she screwed a member of the band? Did she regret it?

Something felt wrong. Her presence, her energy. It felt so genuine. I struggled to believe she really just ran off, leaving me to fall asleep alone on that beach.

I had Ubered back to the hotel, heading straight to Noah's room to tell him what happened. It was 4AM by the time I made it back, and he looked at me like I was insane.

Still, he showed his human side for a moment, and empathized with me, offering to help try and find her.

Back in Los Angeles, I was sitting in the studio, trying to perfect a guitar rift, when Noah bounded in with Folio. We had everyone together for the next two weeks before we left for the next festival.

"I don't get why people are so scummy."

I raised an eyebrow at Folio's words. "What's that?"

He turned to look at me, falling into a chair. "This article, man. About Upheaval?"

I stopped my strumming, looking up to give him my full attention.

I took note that Noah was scrolling on his phone fervently.

"What about it?"

Noah looked up at me, pursing his lips. "I guess someone got really hurt?"

"Not hurt. Someone fucking died, dude."

This made me furrow my brows. "What?"

"Yeah. Some girl got trampled in the fucking crowd."

Noah rolled his eyes. "The article I read said she had a seizure, and fell into the crowd. They didn't get her out in time."

"During which set?"

"Sleep Token." Noah responded.

"Wow, really? I saw damn near the entire thing. I didn't see anything happen."

"Well, that's the point, man. No one did, until the end. By that time, she had choked or something." Noah handed his phone to me, and I noticed it was scrolled to the bottom of the article.

"It's bullshit they waited so long to say something." Folio chimed in.

Noah shrugged. "Trying to protect the festival's reputation, I guess. Too bad. She was fucking cute, too."

My thumb scrolled to the top of the article, taking a moment as it was long.

When the picture at the top came into view, my hand that held my rig went slack, dropping the instrument on the floor.

It didn't make sense. It was a mistake of some kind.

25 Year Old Female Dies At Music Festival - Safety Protocols Being Investigated

The photograph that stared back at me, mocking my dropped jaw and widened eyes.

"Jolly, you good, dude?" Folio asked as he reached down to grab my guitar, now on the floor.

I couldn't respond. My blood had coagulated in my veins. My skin hardened to stone as my eyes stared at the picture, mind blanking.

The girl in the picture stared into my very soul.

Dirty blonde hair. Ice blue eyes. Small patch of freckles. Plush pink lips.

Pärla.

[eldritch-spouse]

Something I always wanted to ask but what exactly type of yandere is Patches? I've been devouring the Patches tag but I can't seem to find a solid answer other than he is a creepy pervo mew mew loser with a smugness streak. I need to be reminded that he can be as rotten as everyone else. Also what triggers an obsession in this guy? Someone who breathes in his general direction? And how would he punish a firefly that was trying to resist his advances.

I think this post gives you a clearer idea?

(Reminder that "nighttime Patches" is equivalent to Stitches, Stitches just hasn't named himself yet. And will only do so once Patches has to explain his situation to you.)

People here have a tendency to forget the nature of some characters whenever fluffier scenarios are exposed. Make no mistake, Patches is a stuttering, fumbling mess. But he's also working as a jaded god's appointed scientist and is essentially a right hand man to them. A lot of the obscenities you see in The Clergy's Eye are Patches' doing. He's never been ethical about his work, what makes you think he'd be ethical about relationships? What makes you think this monster won't mutate you into something dreadful if he believes he has to?

To trigger an infatuation in Patches, given his relative desperation, a lot can do it. But let's name a few:

Being generally domineering. Patches has an eye for people with a certain demanding presence. He's also a whore in heat, as you know. That paired with being constantly overworked and getting stressed into oblivion by his own inner-monologue, makes the dullahan sometimes yearn for someone of strong character. Someone who's confident. If you approached Patches out of nowhere and started bullying him, he would genuinely, sickly fall in love. Of course, this will have consequences for you;

Green thumbs. You saw this one coming a mile away, didn't you? But it's true. A bond over plants is still a bond, and given enough time, Patches may start falling into strange habits;

Obsessive, experiment-driven people. Not necessarily someone who's in the various fields of science, just someone who will regularly fuck around in order to find out. Hit the same notes over and over and over until a satisfying conclusion is reached. Great minds think alike, no?;

Creeps. Make no mistake, if you're a pervert to Patches out of nowhere, he will immediately latch onto you. It'll evolve, yes, but he'll definitely accept sudden sexual attention.

As for punishments, that really depends on the case.

"Rejecting his advances" without making active attempts to escape is something Patches will tolerate. Especially because rejection is still some form of attention being put on him by your part.

Since Patches genuinely doesn't think too highly of himself, especially as a partner, he doesn't really react aggressively to verbal retorts, cold shoulders, or disgust.

In fact, if you told him not to touch you, he wouldn't. At least not while you're awake. Though he does get touchy the moment you're sedated or tied. A timid pervert is still a pervert.

Stitches on the other hand, is nowhere near that much of a beaten pussbag. He will touch you, pestering and taunting and chasing after you no matter how many times you shun and hot him.

[hail-brod]

Crush Culture

Bakugo Katsuki x Reader

Masterlist

This is entirely inspired by the song Crush Culture by Conan Gray.

Figured it would suit Katsuki's view because the moment I was looking for a character to write, Crush Culture came and guess what...Katsuki pops up in my mind.

I know this is has nothing to do with Izuku given that he's all that I see in my mind everyday- ehem. But let us give Katsuki the love he deserves for having a character development.

This is shorter than usual because I was just experimenting with songs to convey it to writing. Getting inspiration from music is fun as hell so don't mind if I do~

Crush.

Bakugo Katsuki could only scoff at the called label.

The subject of admiring another person aside from himself was irritating. A weakling that isn't deserving of a high praise and look, it should be directed at him. The one and only living person with solid proof of worth.

Everyone else is lesser than an atom compared to him. He's different. He's superior.

No one is a match for him. You can do nothing to be even with someone like him.

But why does this nagging feeling keep piercing his insides like an annoying feather trying to tickle him? His brows would crease into a glare at little things over talks about these silly damn crushes. 

Here and there, he hears the gossips of people gushing on a boy or girl they give hearty eyes to and running their mouth like monkeys going crazy over stealing a bag from someone in the zoo. He grits his teeth.

Annoying little piece of shits.

It's pathetic how he sees people stare at their phone after talking about having a stupid dreamy boyfriend or girlfriend, waiting hopelessly for nothing.

How could he find himself in such a situation like that? It's pitiful, he'd rather spend all of his time on himself instead of relying on petty love lies.

He's love proof. Falling for a single person is out of his books.

He pretty much knows how full of himself he is and it's better that way. Caring about what other people think is a waste of time and that certainly won't push him to fall into their game of manipulation. People look at him and think how sad and lonely he is for being so bitter and it pisses him off. He doesn't want anything else but for them to drop dead in rejection.

Sympathy his ass, they should watch themselves whine over their worthless crush.

It's makes him want to spill his guts out. 

But he made one mistake. Befriending a certain girl, so innocent and strong willed. She was different from those lovesick fools. She saw everyone as a friend and nothing more nothing less. He didn't want to do anything with her but she's clearly not that easy to shrug off.

She was dangerous. Her eyes were dangerous. Those soft looking pupils that was actually directed at him was something that made his walls crumble.

It's like he was captured the moment he looks at it. She got him.

Fucking dammit.

This time, he couldn't decipher it. Is it just a lie or a beautiful lie? Or neither?

It's not that he's liking it. No, not at all. It's a beautiful lie alright, and he won't fall for it. It's full of bullshit and it's a game that he won't lose.

He will make you turn away from him until you find someone else to bother.

Right?

No.

Huh, now that he thinks of it, he's worthy of all the adoration in the world so a mere bug like you should just look at him behind his back. You're just going to be a duckling following before him.

No one's gonna manipulate him into submission.

Yeah, no one.

He won't be drawn to your kind bright eyes with stars that look up to him. Your pure smile won't twitch his own mouth to do the same. Your less annoying voice won't make his day any better. Your melodic laugh won't send his stomach into a frenzy of flutters.

Maybe he is actually going to spill his guts out.

But no. You really should just shut your damn mouth.

Your were loud. So loud and you weren't even rambling like those other extras. You were just...you. In front of him with so much to show and so much to convey. You were telling him something nonverbally.

Your stance alone just makes himself stop on his tracks of going ahead of you. You were just behind him and he plans it should always go like that.

Naturally, he fails to overestimate his own ability to resist. One moment, he finds himself pursuing a person he planned to rule out.

He thought you were too loud for just existing with him.

So by shutting you up with a kiss, he became true to his feelings.

Stupid crush.

.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs The Good Place S4

“I know this all seems bleak. And it feels like we’re all doomed, and therefore humanity is doomed.” I love that the scope of their problems change with each season

“With this team, there’s no problem we can’t solve.” “There is no problem we can’t create.” Duality of man (sort of)

“You know what I’m saying.” “Oh, I’m not part of this.” Michael’s not going to take any responsibility for Brent

I took a pause between watching S3 and S4 so I don’t remember Matt from Accounting but I’m assuming he was the guy who filed to be Thanos-snapped because he was Accountant of Weird Sex Stuff

I have never seen Manny Jacinto with such a scowl on his face throughout this show omg, I love the Jealousy Arc:

“I believe everything Chidi ever tells me because of his brain and how he looks like one of those owls that graduated from college.” God what I would give to be flattered by the Jason School of Compliments 

“Luckily, before I died, I pumped my face with six vials of juviderm [...] My ex-boyf is gonna be supes jeal.’” I know that John is meant to represent a specific Gossip Influencer personality but it does give me a bit of bone arsenic to watch him speak. Feels hateful LMAO

[Stanley from The Office voice] “That’s not what a hate crime is, Michael.” “Well, I hated it!”

“Are we still boyfriend/not a girlfriend?” Jason is new to relationships but he is trying ❤️

I know Linda the Boring Senior Citizen from Norway could’ve gone any number of directions, but I can’t say I was expecting her to knock four people to the ground and then jump into the sky

LINDA IS CONTINUING HER RAMPAGE IN THE AIR???? GIRL IS THIS ALL BECAUSE ELEANOR CALLED YOU “LINDS”

Update from 30 seconds later: It was the Shirtless Soulmate Gymbro Demon

Tahani did call this one!!

“So you’re saying, wanting to do something isn’t a good reason to immediately do it?” [Proudly] “Yeah.” “Man! I wish someone had taught me this on Earth.” DADDY MIICHAEL TO THE RESCUE AGAIN

The expressions that Janet and Eleanor are leveling at Brent. They are going through it 

“That’s what’s wrong with this country.” “What country?” This is truly what talking to people from the US is like LMAO

Ggkjghkjghg Brent thinking he needs to be in a Better Place than the Good Place. Oh my god

However, repeating right here that I just don’t know if I can believe a Good Place even exists, given everything that we’ve seen

“Perhaps leadership isn’t her forte.” A bold take considering Eleanor has only been leading for two days and Michael had to reboot y’all like 800 times

I think Eleanor’s crisis about being in charge is much more warranted than Team Humanity’s meeting about her failures

“You beat me in 3 months. ‘Okay, a fluke,’ I thought. You then beat me 800 more times.” THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING MICHAEL! AND YEAH THEY DID 😭💗

Michael raises an excellent point about humans with flaws being the ones to understand how best to help other humans with flaws become the best version of themselves

Also. Insane that in this manufactured society where there are Popcorn Rivers and People Can Fly that people are still commenting on how much Eleanor showers??? WHY WOULD PEOPLE NOT CONTINUOUSLY BE IN GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION ALWAYS IN THE AFTERLIFE?

Brent vouching him being good at keeping secrets by claiming he buried HR complaints (from experience, it doesn’t take much to have an HR that does absolutely fucking nothing to support their employees LOL)

“I’m so sorry to say this, but I can’t be in a relationship with you right now.” JASON TAKING A STEP BACK WHEN JANET MENTIONS HAVING SPACE 😭😭😭 HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOYFRIEND, I HATE THIS

“We have to hope that over time, Brent starts doing good things out of habit.” “Just like you.” KGJHKGJHGKJ I think it’s a bit more than habit, you made the decision to choose being good Eleanor!!!

Honestly I fully believe that Michael had a breakdown on Day 1, he’s been through a lot of stress the past several hundred years

Eleanor introducing Simone as Chidi’s soulmate like she and Chidi haven’t fallen in love (confidently, and without equivocation) hundreds of times ☹️

“I never actually fell in love with someone.” YEAH YOU DID CHIDI!!

“Why not treat them better, just in case they’re real?” Haven’t really talked about it thus far but it’s absolutely BANANAS that Simone’s response to thinking the afterlife isn’t real is to cut off people’s ponytails and push them into pools. Even Jason’s impulses aren’t so directly aimed at people in this way. What happened to ur me vs. us speech, girl!!!

Eleanor and Jason’s sad break-up solidarity high five:

“We need Chidi to live in a world of low-grade dread.” Reintroduce Chidi to capitalism and have him work a minimum wage job

That might be high-grade dread though LMAO

Also I love this drives home that Eleanor specifically is part of what drove him to become a better person!

Fkhfkjfhfjh Eleanor, Michael and Jason planning how to gently torture Chidi while Tahani and Janet plan John’s perfect spa day. Seems like Chidi got the worse end of that stick:

“Would I like to use my time in heaven to audit a philosophy class? Mmm no.” You know what, for the first time: Fair point, John

“There were ants everywhere, but they were so helpful. They carried our wineglasses back and forth, and folded our napkins for us, it was so cute.” Call me a hater but if there were insects in my own personal experience of the afterlife I’d burst into tears

However. Good for the ants, that does sound cute ❤️ 

HAHAHAH JASON BEING UNLEASHED AS A STRESS BOMB ON CHIDI. THE BEGINNINGS (PART 802) OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP

“While you were gallivanting around with your fancy friends, I lived in the real world, so I had bills to pay. I worked 16 hours a day, by myself, building a site with millions of readers.” John actually does make a reasonable observation to Tahani that there is not a level-playing field when it comes to the morality under capitalism and class division:

“But I am seriously worried that I did something wrong, and this is the universe getting back at me.” CHIDI IS SO NICE, IF ANYONE BELONGS IN THE GOOD PLACE IT’S HIM. HE IS CAUGHT BETWEEN A PROMISE (HELP JASON) AND HIS INTEREST IN BEING HONEST AND GOOD 😭💘

“I made God cry?” I know this is because they view The Good Place as heaven but there’s something about Chidi calling the woman he loves God that just gets me right in the heart 💘💘💘💘💘:

Also Michael gently patting Eleanor’s back. Best Demon Dad!!

In Tahani’s defense of having been miserable and lonely with no real friends, she did make some Best Friends Forever eventually, they were just in the afterlife, and then on Earth

JKHKJHFKJHFFJB THE CUT TO JASON WATCHING THE MOTORCYCLE EXPLODE AND GO “NOT AGAIN!” BETWEEN ALL OF THESE EMOTIONAL SCENES

“I really am sorry for all the posts I wrote about you.” John is able to grow 💗 Good for him

Also I love how Tahani is often the one to demonstrate the moral core of this show to characters outside of the main group, which is that goodness comes, in many ways, from a love of other people

“I’m sorry your motorcycle blew up.” “That’s okay homie, that’s just what motorcycles do.” My parents when I wanted to get a motorcycle license

“Genuine human connection will be his course of study.” GO PROFESSOR TAHANI 

“Go get ‘em, Chippy.” Brent constantly saying Chidi’s (two syllable, very familar sounds to English speakers) first name wrong vs. Eleanor saying his last name wrong three seasons ago. Truly Eleanor’s Much More Icky Counterpart 

You know, of all the possible spies the Bad Place could send, Glenn is a good choice, he’s got a very passive aura and seems like he could use some friends

The return of Vicky aka Real Eleanor aka Fake Michael and the Michael suit I honestly completely forgot about after my post-S3 break

“Oh, I’m very upset about this development.” Don’t distrust ur Demon Dad. He’s nice!!!

“I’m a 6,000 ft. tall fire squid. I have tentacles. There’s teeth everywhere. I’m on fire, and my neck is long, and there’s a smell, and lots of juice.” Demon Dad is self-conscious about his friends seeing his previous body. ☹️ LET MICHAEL WEAR WHAT FEELS RIGHT

“I won’t just be Michael. I’ll be some disgusting mass of burning tentacles. Do you really want to be friends with something like that?” Michaelllllllll. Something something the mortifying ordeal of being known

Jason comforting Janet after her first accidental murder. I really hope they can find a situation that works for them

“Oh boy, is this really gonna suck.” Michael offering to literally destroy himself for the good of humanity. If this turns out not to be Michael at any point I will be SO UPSET, he is SUCH A GOOD FRIEND AND DEMON AND PERSON (SORT OF)

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IT WAS BAD JANET AND JASON KNEW THIS NOT-A-GIRL WAS NOT HIS NOT-GIRL!!!!!

POOR JANET THOUGH ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

“I’m gonna go down there and I’m gonna punch him in the mouth, and I’m going to get Janet back!” YEAHHHHHHHH JASON

“Let’s go get our girl.” “Not a girl.” GOOOOOOO TEAM JASON AND MCIHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, wild that they’re sending Michael to the place where the Michael suit is, like that’s not going to immediately bite them in the ass in terms of keeping track of who they can trust

Michael just dropping that Tahani also has the context of her whole afterlife, offscreen. She deserves her narrative moments!!

“Can I have all my memories back again? I forgot most of them.” Me too, Jason. ALSO LFHKJFHKFH WOW

I think Jason who is infinitely capable of just taking on whatever moral values are in front of him. If he hadn’t grown up in Jacksonville I think he’d be fine 

“Thank you for keeping me safe from my sexy, bad-girl sister-aunt.” I don’t know if this is all those Mommy-Sorry Tiktoks but this somehow feels more transgressive than the Derek’s earlier mommy-girlfriend comments

 [Chuckles] “But to be fair, I wasn’t designed for anything.” ME TOO, DEREK HAHAHA

“Even Derek has an important job. I’d like to be more useful.” Even Tahani has begun lampshading her own lack of narrative purpose this season lmao

SCREAM @ Michael being scared of being in the birthplace of evil (presumably, his own birthplace) while Jason is scared that he and Janet may not have their special connection. He is the perfect boyfriend, no notes

“I love a movie with gentle magic. Give me a time-travelling mailbox, or a mother-daughter body switch, or Sarah Michelle Gellar as a chef and her food tastes amazing because she cries in it.”

Me 🤝 John 

Loving stories with gentle magic in them

“What echoes of this former self await me here?” 

Jason 🤝 Michael 🤝 Me

Having a really hazy and unpleasant memory of high school

HAHAHAHAHA everyone having the most stressful days of their lives (Eleanor subject to Derek’s Single Father to the Neighbourhood Chaos, Tahani trying to wrangle the three morally questionable humans, Jason and Michael in the Bad Place and Janet being held prisoner) while Chidi gets to do a little “puzzle” given to him by His God-(Ex)-Girlfriend. Oh how the turntables

Lmao @ Shawn saying they went overboard on the cheekbones to acknowledge Jason’s incredibly beautiful face

Say what you will about Jason, he has a very practical kind of wisdom. Who else would think to remember an explosive device for every situation 

“I believed that we committed torture as a part of the moral balance of the universe. But I’ve learned that’s wrong. Humans are capable of self-improvement, and so are we. And down deep, Shawn knows this is true, too. I beg you, open your eyes to the truth.” A beautiful speech by Michael, slightly undermined by the demon he just exploded 

TWO demons he just exploded. Rest in pieces Vicky 

He did, however, solve the problem of the Michael suit

“I swear the production value of demon con gets better every year.” This feels like a meta nod to their increased SFX budget every subsequent season hahahaha 

Convinced the fact that Chidi took/takes so long to kiss Eleanor versus kissing Simone so easily is not just because of his ethical obligations but BECAUSE he loves her so much it is that much harder for him to make decision that might change their relationship 

Hahahaha, they spent so much money on SFX they couldn’t afford the location fees to shoot on a lake:

(You could also make the point that it’s supposed to look that way since it’s a simulation, but I’m pretty sure Chidi was rowing on an actual lake in S1. Maybe it was also a timing thing hahah)

“Plus, your parties aren’t pointless. They’re opportunities for them to bond and form friendships. You know, the thing we need them to do so we’re not all tortured forever?” Eleanor recognizing Tahani’s strengths as part of the group 💗

“But if we ever get through this, I want to learn how to do something meaningful.” Love that for Tahani 💖

“You’re not a demon anymore. You’re just a nice, weird, happy old dude.” Awwww Jason and Michael BFFs 4ever

JASONJANET BACK TOGETHER BAYBEEEEE:

Fkfjhfjhf this Michael Bad Janet storytime feels like a departure in energy after all the intensity of the last ep

Absolutely fucking obssessed with the Hottest Saviour of the Week, and according to this picture here’s the ongoing counts:

Eleanor: 10 (exclusively self-nominated)

Janet: 7

Tahani: 5 (one blocked by where Eleanor is standing but the background is in another shot)

Jason: 3

Michael: 0 (as it should be, no Demon Daddy objectification)

“Her name was Scarlett Pakistan, and she was the type of girl you couldn’t take in all at once, or you’d die.” UHKHFKJHFJHF BRENT TRULY REPRESENTING WHITE MEN WRITING BROWN WOMEN. Rough stuff, Tahani 

“That’s how I got my nickname, The Defendant.” I feel like this doesn’t quite match the energy of Donkey Doug or Pillboi

“Where does this hope come from man? This insane hope that people are worth the trouble?” From Michael’s heart, Bad Janet 💟

I’m gonna be real with you I forgot that no one knew Jason wasn’t Jianyu and I thought that John was having that dramatic reaction over seeing Chidi dance LMAO

Simone makes a very good point of not needing to tolerate racism and misogyny for the sake of kindness

“If this [golf advice of doing better on the next shot] ends up applying to any other aspect of your life later on, then cool.” Hahahahah Michael speaking the only language Brent can understand: Sports metaphors

Very expected that Brent was unable to handle the slightest bit of criticism, even as it directly relates to people he hurt WITH HIS BOOK LOL

“Why not be a bigger person and rise above it?” “I’ll tell you why. Because doing that sends a message that it’s okay to be treated this way. And it’s not okay to treat anyone that way.” Simone continues to make incredibly reasonable points

Chidi said: My fight, flight, freeze instinct does occasionally land on fight

“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday.” MICHAEL FOR BEST AT UNDERSTANDING HUMANS AND MORALITY IN THE UNIVERSE 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

Michael being better today than he was yesterday by letting Bad Janet go 😭😭😭😭😭 I LOVE HIM

GJHGKJHGKJHG not Simone uncovering the entire plot of the neighbourhood hours before the experiment ends

“Panicking about this experiment at crucial moments is kinda my move.” Michael said: There’s only room for one anxiety disorder in this friendship, Eleanor

“You never told me about this, Ducky.” The demise of the Simone/Chidi relationship over their respective secret Good Place Experiment hidden professional endeavours

Simone, as a neurologist researcher, is perhaps the most difficult profession to have in this experiment because of course she can see science when she is right in front of it

“We do nothing, and we hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we’ve become. Like Facebook. Or America.” ROUGH BUT REAL 

You know what they say. When the going gets tough, the tough put on a magic show to distract the four people whose ignorance remains crucial to the fate of humanity:

Afjlkjflkjflkfj Jason coherently describing their Hail Mary and Prevent Defense strategy analogy. HE DOES LEARN

Brent 🤝 Jason

Only being able to understand the universe through sports metaphors 

“I respect your position.” “I respect yours.” “Look, I know everything’s really scary right now but I just have to say it. That was the most boring break-up I’ve ever seen.” Accurate but rude, John 

WHY IS CHIDI THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT THE INHERENT VALUE OF HUMAN LIFE? SIMONE, AGAIN, I ASK ABOUT YOUR ME VS. US SPEECH

“If there’s one thing I know in this world, it’s that you can ALWAYS blow up the same thing twice.” JASON, UR SO RIGHT BABY

Lowkey it is traumatizing for both Chidi and Eleanor to have someone they have loved pretending to be their eternal torturer (even if is half true)

It takes Chidi, the most ethical and empathetic person in the world, calling Brent a bad person for him to maybe consider stepping outside his own experiences to care about other people for half a second 

NOT THE EXPERIMENT ENDING MID-BRENT’S APOLOGY:

“Yes, and here’s a bottle of tequila.” [Cheerily] “Okay, let us know how it goes.” Michael knows the way to his surrogate daughter’s heart LMAO

“Oh man, are we gonna die again? We’ve died so many times. We’ve probably had like, 15 funerals by now.” Jason is right, this must really warp their sense of their own life

“You’re a choker, Michael. And you’re about to choke for the last time. Except for the eternity you’re going to spend in the Bad Place being choked by me, who will be doing the choking.” [Tearfully] “Well you’re glue!” 😭😭😭😭😭 MICHAEL

NOT THEM WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S-ING CHIDI SO HE CAN BE PART OF THE FUNERAL PARTIES

Also Eleanor’s explanation of his jacked physique coming from his anxiety. On brand LMAO 

Also also also the fact that Janet could DEFINITELY transport him by strength or teleport but she’s just watching them struggle HAHAHA

Not Brent somehow getting 1% worse than he was on Earth gkjhgjhgjh

The Weekend at Bernie’s vibes only increase. Chidi is impressively still

“I got born in the deep end of a pool, right after my mom did a cannonball.” 1) Can’t believe this is the first we’re hearing of Jason’s mum and 2) That tracks

“But despite it all, he was the most optimistic person I’ve ever met.” This is why I am in love with Jason

“That’s my Jason. A big colourful rainbow blob, stuffed inside a hot life-size action figure.” I love Janet explaining why she loves Jason. Also, now I want to be flattered by the Janet School of Compliments

Jason 🤝 Janet

Whipping out the best compliments in the world on the fly

So far, Jason’s poolside funeral is my favourite:

Michael proving that the Soul Squad actually made the people they care about better in tangible ways 🥺❤️‍🩹

“People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?” MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLL

“But what that number can’t tell you... is who he could’ve become tomorrow.” MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT’S A GOOD SHOW

“Tahani taught me that you can make a family, even if you never really had one. Jason taught me that I have value beyond what I do for other people. And Eleanor, there was a moment on Earth when all hope was lost, and I watched you have hope anyway.” JANETTTTTTTTTTT 😭💞😭💞😭💞😭💞😭💞

“I never felt quite so seen as when she saw me.” First ‘that’s gay, Tahani,’ of the season!!!!

HKJHRKJHKGJHKJGHJ THEY WON AND THE SOLUTION IS TO CANCEL EARTH? THIS IS WHY I HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME BELIEVING THERE IS AN ACTUAL GOOD PLACE, IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM LIKE THERE’S ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO GO THERE 

BAD JANET TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!!!! MICHAEL’S FRIENDS ALWAYS COME THROUGH

“It’s not two of us, it’s all of us.” THE JANET REVOLUTION!!!!!!! RISE OF THE JANETS!!!

I love that they’re delivering on the Disco Janet joke they dropped a season ago LMAO

“You want to take the most indecisive man ever born, stuff him full of over 800 different versions of himself, and tell him he has, like what, 45 minutes to save humanity?” GO CHIDIIIIIIII

Not Chidi’s first research project being on why his parents shouldn’t get divorced. We have finally unlocked his childhood trauma

Chidi 🤝 Me

Parents who should be divorced perhaps but instead stayed married 

Chidi philosophizing his way out of a relationship is very on-brand

Awwwww I love these flashbacks of all the things we know about Chidi but with new added perspectives (more about why he and Alessandra broke up, the failure of his thesis, the way he makes decisions, the lead-up to him meeting Eleanor, Jason and Janet’s first wedding)

Sidenote: IS THAT DIGITAL GETDOWN I HEAR IN THE BACKGROUND!!! ITS THEIR SONG BAYBEE

“Where I’m from, most things blow up eventually. So I’ve learned when something dope comes along, you gotta lock it down. If you’re always frozen in fear and taking too long to think about what to do, you’ll miss your opportunity, and maybe get sucked into the propeller of a swamp boat.” Very solid life advice from Jason to Chidi

The way Chidi kept falling for Eleanor regardless of who his soulmate was, even despite his loyalty to the concept of soulmates 💗

 “Woof, that’s too much to put on an eight-year-old.” I will keep saying it: I know it’s not in my best interests to identify with Chidi... and yet

“Soulmates aren’t real, are they?” “Chidi, in all honesty, I don’t know. but I don’t think so.” MAYBE THE REAL SOULMATES WERE THE FRIENDS WE FOUND ALONG THE WAY

“You wake up every day and you solve [the puzzle of life] again.” CHIDIIIIIIII

HAHAHAHAHA CHIDI’S FIRST QUESTION AFTER WAKING UP BEING IF HE HAS BEEN ANNOYING THEM FOR 300 YEARS 

I AM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hahahahaa Chidi said: New timeline, new me, baybee. I am over my indecision anxiety now!!!!

Jason’s concern that eliminating humanity is a bummer is valid

Hahahahah Chidi and Eleanor asking the other if they want to get out of here tickles me

“Chidi should hook up with the judge to get us out of trouble. I’ve done that a bunch of times. It’s called a Jacksonville Plea Bargain.” 1) Someone please help Jason and the state of Florida 2) This statement made me curious to look up how many female judges there are in the Middle District of Florida (where Jacksonville is) purely to determine logically whether Jason hooked up with a man and the answer as of 2020 is 6 out of 14 are female (none self-identify as LGBTQ). So Jason could’ve reasonably gotten these plea deals “a bunch of times” by only by hooking up with women, actually! Sexuality math

But happy Pride Month to Jason, who, while his heart belongs to Janet, whenever he is in a new timeline is liable to propose to literally anyone who he enjoys talking to

“Shut up. Shut up. Hi. Shut up. I’m confident now.” Chidi’s energy is a bit all over the place in times of crisis lmao

"I don’t care if everyone loses, as long as you lose.” Shawn truly willing to cut off his nose (the current system of the afterlife) to spite his face (the four humans he’s been trying to torture for 300 years)

Disco Janet’s marbelized form being a mini disco ball is perfect 10/10 production choices

The Soul Squad offering too take on eternal torture so that the rest of humanity can have a normal, medium afterlife 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

LMAO @ JANET MAKING A TIMOTHY OLYPHANT TO GET THE JUDGE TO HEAR THEM OUT 

THE SYSTEM BEING THAT U KEEP GETTING A SHOT AT BEING A BETTER PERSON UNTIL U ACE IT 💗💗💗💗 ELEANOR, CHIDI, TAHANI, JASON AND MICHAEL, THE LOVES OF MY LIFE

“Then, what are we doing to their penises?” “Well, largely, ignoring them.” [Throws hands up in frustration] RIP the penis-bees

“Getting rebooted over and over again made me a better not-a-person than I’ve ever been. Humans should get the same opportunity.” YEAH JANET!!!

“Fighting you is the most fun I’ve ever had.” It’s almost Death Note-esque in the being consumed by targeting the other person so much you get attached. I guess Shawn is the Light in this situation. (Although L does engage in recreational torture)

"You have to read my file right now!” “What? I’m confused, is this a game? Is it a sex game, somehow?” LMAO and big hearts at Chidi, the guy who wanted all the world’s answers, being totally fine with whatever Eleanor has ever done, whether he gets to read it in her file or not (Eleanor is the answer ❤️)

LHFKJHKJHGKJGH VICKY AKA REAL ELEANOR AKA FAKE MICHAEL COMING BACK TO VOLUNTEER AS THE IN-BETWEEN PLACE’S FIRST ARCHITECT:

(Also Vicky’s right, she looks super hot, this is perfect lighting, outfit, makeup, everything)

SCREAMS at Chidi concluding based on every insane thing that Eleanor has ever done that actually she’s coped pretty well and she’s super interesting and it is he that’s too boring for her 😂 He is so funny 

HAHAHAHAHA I know she brought up this thread of looking up the sexuality of presidents earlier but: 

Me 🤝 Eleanor 

Constantly trying to assess everyone we read about (or watch) to see if they’re bisexual

“Are you saying... Janet might get bored of me?” Chidi has passed his eternal romantic dread onto Jason like a common cold

“Think of it as, flattening the penises of their heart.” “Oh! Now it makes sense.” Vicky Bad Place: Demon Educator 

“Once on Earth, I didn’t know something and I had to ask Alexa. I felt dirty.” HAHAHAHAHA

Me 🤝 Janet

Having a one-sided grudge with Alexa 

Poor Michael, his purpose for so long has been solving problems, he doesn’t know what to do without something to overcome (mood)

OMG JASON TRICKED CHIDI INTO TALKING HIMSELF OUT OF HIS ROMANTIC DREAD 💝 THAT’S MY MAN. STREET SMARTS!!!! 

It tickles me whenever they mention what they actually are underneath the skin suits. I hope someone has drawn Michael and Vicky having this workplace conversation as a Fire Squid and Acid Snake

“Turns out that saving every soul in the universe is worth a few points.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THEM!

Honestly all of these things considered, I still have trouble believing in the Good Place as they’ve previously described it, so I have no idea what these last couple episodes are going to be about

God I love these five people and not-people so much:

What, I wonder, would you do if you have a fear of heights, if the only way to go to the Good Place is via hot air balloon? 

“What if that’s some sort of demon alarm to alert the cops that I’m here?” THE HEAVEN COPS, MICHAEL? THERE ARE COPS IN HEAVEN? 

Also 

Me 🤝 Michael

Being uncomfortable in sacred places and assuming you’re going to be persecuted for a crime you didn’t know you committed

STOPPPP this is such a funny candy, I DO miss the energy I had when I was twelve:

Hahahaha, the fact that all the male philosophers are not in the Good Place. That tracks 

MICHAEL GETTING TO BE A GOOD PLACE ARCHITECT 🥺❤️ IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES, PLEASE BE REAL

“This room is filled some of the most interesting people that ever lived. Chat them up, learn about their lives, then meet back here so that we can make fun of them.” Eleanor’s first advice in the Good Place is not the most kind-spirited LMAO

“Now you are officially in charge of the Good Place [...] You’re the boss now. That was all legally binding, and we all quit, effective immediately.” I KNEW I WAS RIGHT TO BE SUSPICOUS LMAO

THIS IS WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE GOOD PLACE, IMMEDIATELY IT’S SASS AND TRICKERY LMAO

“You gotta help us, we are so screwed.” AHA!!! THE OTHER GOOD PLACE SHOE DROPS

“I would’ve killed for a vaccine. Any vaccine. It’s crazy that you guys just don’t like them now.” THE FACT THIS EP AIRED IN JANUARY OF 2020 LMAO. They really touched a timely nerve

Omggggg okay so we’re getting into the Good Place Problem: Being in infinite supply of experiences and desires, your brain atrophies?????

I guess this entire group of people has also been left unattended for 500 years which doesn’t help

“We need to find the Committee.” “The Committee is me. I am Committee. It me.” Me when I say ‘we’ about my job as if I am not literally the only person in my department:

I honestly don’t know if I buy into the idea that death and finite experience is the only thing that gives life meaning. I think the idea of having some agency in whether or not you continue your afterlife makes sense. But the implication you cannot sustain a life based on happiness, or that struggle is what gives people personhood, doesn’t sit right with me. Personhood is an act of love for yourself and others

“And when you’re ready, walk through one last door and be at peace.” I DO like that this acknowledges that for some people, paradise is not infinite consciousness but can also be found in letting go of consciousness

Hypatia said: Maybe the real Good Place was the friends we found along the way (she was right)

“I think that’s what the Good Place is. It’s not even a place, really. It’s just having enough time with the people you love.” Chidi said: I second that, Hypatia

[Sarcastically but sweetly, after Eleanor jokingly threatens to leave] “I’ll miss you.” CHIDIIIIIIIIII

OMG TEACHING ETHICS LESSONS IN THE GOOD PLACE, BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN BE BETTER THAN THEY WERE THE DAY BEFORE ❤️

“Never not excited about frogs, that guy.” ME TOO JEFF THE EARTH DOORMAN AKA BURT HUMMEL, FROG DESK SOLIDARITY

“At one point, hundreds of Bearimys ago, I turned off my ability to know what time it is anywhere in the universe when you and I are together.” JANET UR SO ROMANTIC, JASONJANET X INFINITY

Awwww it tracks that Jason would be the first person to be certain his needs were met. But that’s so complicated when your partner is an infinite being like Janet!!! Like what are the mechanics of dealing with a loss that is the cessation of someone who matters most to you

Shout-out to Young Doug Forcett, who is firmly done with his pisswater era

“I really am okay. I promise.” “Will you come talk to me if you’re not?” “Always.” Michaellll 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Janet!!!!

“I’m scared Janet’s gonna forget me. Here falling in love with someone else, I’d be fine with that. Like if Jason Momoa or Lara Croft, Tomb Raider gets in, and Janet’s like, ‘That’s what up,’ totally cool! But her forgetting me would be sad.” JASONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

A LOCKET SO JANET CAN ALWAYS HAVE A PART OF JASON WITH HER, I AM SO SAD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:

“To me, remembering moments with you is the same as living them.” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

“Can you just remember the happy times and forget the bad stuff?” “There was no bad stuff. It was all good.” I AM IN TEARSSSSS 

I love Tahani being in her Crafty Girl Afterlife Era

Tahani and Kamilah representing the absolute flabbergastedness one experiences when a parent admits a wrongdoing or has a learning experience:

Tahani having a special last goodbye with her best friends even after healing all of the other relationships, because the Soul Squad/Team Cockroach/Team Humanity is her first and chosen family 😭❤️

“I admire you so very much. Your strength, your toughness, your self-esteem, not to mention... you have a rockin’ bod.” OH HOW THE TURN TABLES, TAHANI!!!! 

“I want to learn to do what you do, Michael. I want to be an architect, design afterlives.” MY GIRL TAHANI GETTING HER PURPOSE IN LIFE

“I hope you don’t mind if I brag about knowing you.” “Name dropping is a little gauche, Michael, but do as you must.” Tahaniiiiii. I do love how her story is wrapping up

I enjoy that Uzo gets to see Chidi post-his 800-Universe-Decision-Making-Immersion-Therapy. 

Eleanor trying her hardest to keep Chidi in the afterlife even though he’s almost done 😭 Also the pictures of the four humans in Michael’s office

“If you leave, then I’m alone here.” AHHHH ELEANOR. They’ve really turned the afterlife into Earth Lite

“Can we eat words? Because I’ve asked Janet about this and—” Chidi said: One day an academic rival told me I’d eat my words and it’s been my dream ever since

Eleanor loving Chidi enough to let him go vs. Chidi loving Eleanor enough to hold in for several bearimys that he has been ready to leave 💔

CHIDI SAYING GOODBYE WITH A SEXY CALENDAR. HE KNOWS THE LOVE OF HIS (AFTER)LIFE:

SCREAM JASON WAITING FOR JANET TO COME BACK TO THE FOREST FOR A THOUSAND BEARIMYS. THANK YOU FOR IMMEDIATELY HEALING THE WOUND OF CHIDI LEAVING HAHAHAHAA

“I sort of just sat quietly and let my mind drift away, thought about you and the infinity of the universe.” “Kind of like a monk.” JANET HAS BEEN WAITING OVER 4 WHOLE SEASONS TO MAKE THIS JOKE HAHAHAHA

ALSO HOW COULD JANET, WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING, NOT KNOW THAT JASON WAS STILL AROUND

Dhkjfhjkfhfkjh it would be very weird if Eleanor’s actual unfinished business was Mindy St. Claire of the Medium Place

Update from 1 minute later: It was not 

Tahani saying, “As I neither live nor breathe,” is a fun little line

Michael being unable to cope without something productive to fill his time ghjkghgkjhg. Anxiety icon 

“I’m gonna be...” “A real boy, Pinocchio.” MICHAEL GETS TO BE HUMAN? I LOVE THAT FOR HIMMMMM ❤️‍🩹

“I won’t exactly know what’s going to happen after I die. Nothing more human that that. Besides texting people that you’re five minutes away when you haven’t even left the house.” How many Bearimys does it take for us to evolve past phones hahahahaha

Does mean that Eleanor will be in charge of The Good Place?? White women dominating the non-profit industry strike again (I kid)

MICHAEL GIVING JEFF THE EARTH DOORMAN A REAL FROG!!!! I LOOOOVE HIM

Kinda wild that Michael starts his human life at like, what, age 50? That’s like 30-40 years if he’s lucky. Why doesn’t he get to start as a baby? Not consistent enough?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MICHAEL NAMING HIS DOG AFTER JASON:

“I hate to see you walk through the final door at the edge of existence, but I love to watch you leave.” ICONIC GOODBYES FROM JANET AND ELEANOR, ONE OF THE STRONGEST DYNAMICS IN THE SHOW

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MICHAEL’S EARTH NAME BEING MICHAEL REALMAN

I truly wondered how this show would end and I guess the glowing embers of Eleanor’s last bit of existence blessing Michael with a Coyote Joe’s card while he says to a good samaritan, his friends, and by extension the audience, “Take it sleazy,” is as good a way as any! 

Final thoughts: I really do love the way this show is written, how everything is intentional, how it’s so focused on love and connection and growth, and how each season manages to engage you with a different question. It’s interesting how, although they often use Heaven as a point of reference, this ending was a bit more Hindu/Buddhist in its leanings (i.e. liberation from physical incarnation/rebirth—and in the sense their testing system as that reincarnation cycle—through the accumulation of positive karma or liberation from desire). Ironically, even as someone who is Hindu, I still do think personhood is an act of love, and I feel like that ‘love for love’s sake,’ idea was a little lost in these final few episodes. But all the same, going into it this was my favourite show (even having only seen 2 seasons) and it still is. It’s a good show!!!! I love every character, and I feel satisfied with their stories! 

[onecantsimply]

Head empty. Just here to ask Mistress reader spoiling Jack. Out and in bed.

Also WHY IS YOUR DAMN FRIEND'S BURNED CHICKEN HAUNTED MY DREAMS-

LMFAO MY FRIEND'S CHICKEN HAS THAT NIGHTMARE-ISH EFFECT-

Warnings: NSFW ahead- 

-

Please, you have managed to give Jack every treat possible. New clothes, new sweets, new tea sets, and sometimes money if you didn’t need it. But there is accounting for the affection you will always spoil Jack with. 

Holding his hand? He’ll hold on to it for as long as possible. Any time you let go, he can’t help but feel a bit cold and cling to your hand the next time he knows it’s available. 

Hugging him? Awfully warm and he can’t get enough of it. Most likely when you hug him is in private. Mostly in cuddle sessions in which Jack would sometimes love to be the little spoon in. He likes feeling every bit of warmth you hold, so having you cling to him is going to make him fold sooner or later. 

Kisses will always be given between you and him in private. While you particularly kiss him on the cheek or his lips, he may as well aim for any part of you- He thinks of you as perfection, so even kissing your hand is like kissing you directly. Oh, and if he ever does get that direct kiss, he may freeze up for a few seconds so start dragging him around if he doesn’t move by then. 

It is now confirmed that Jack is your bbg. Your Sugar Baby because you got the methods. You got the cheat codes, and the shit. 

You spoil him with the money you got from putting someone in chapter 13 bankruptcy. Don’t worry about how you get paid. You take DEBIT, CREDIT, CHECK, APPLE PAY, EBT, PAYPAL, ALL THAT. YOU EVEN OFFER A PAYMENT PLAN IF SOMEONE’S THAT DEEP IN THE TRENCHES. You probably just robbed this American and got 10mil in Cold, hard, CASH BRO. 

Jack found out you do that. A lot. And that’s how you buy him the most expensive of shit in the best of quality. While he is proud of it, he is also kind of scared of how you keep doing this- But still, Jack can’t have normal people in his life- Mans got a mistress with the METHODS. 

He’s just glad to see that he can make the best of tea- 

Mans saw you gambling once. 

“I’m actually putting my bread on the line, and you’re out here tryna kick the bucket. Put some respect on my name, hoe.”

You left with Jack following after, knowing damn well that some frustration was going to be taken out on him in bed- 

NSFW AHEAD

Alright. As a mistress, you got the best opportunities to spoil Jack. Whether it be kissing his body all over and giving him the smallest of touches that make him lean into your touch with a faintly needy moan. Due to how you two have experience with this kind of thing... you know damn well of where Jack’s sweet spots are, so you abuse them. A lot. 

He believes he doesn’t deserve you in bed. Think you can overstimulate him just by touching him? Yeah. You can- You did it more than once- Just a little bit of edging and whispering your intents towards him. Trail some butterfly kisses down his chest and you’ll have this man calling you mommy. 

Blowjobs and fondling his balls may as well have him fold. Jack will lose every single time. It’s even easier to overstimulate him when you know the weak points in his dick. 

Let’s not forget any toys here. He is spoiled in those types of toys as well. Sometimes he has to use some of them when you aren’t available. They’re not as effective as getting a handjob, blowjob, or fuck session from you in general, but he knows damn well that this is what he has to deal with. 

Toys and your touch is impossible to edge him. He’s already excited enough that you’re watching a toy harden him up for you, so the fact that he might receive a blowjob or handjob right after always has him ready to cum at the slightest of touches you give. 

Depending on how hard you go right off the bat, Jack might be calling you mommy, or he’ll be trying to remember to call you mistress. It makes it even worse to get praised for how he’s being because of how much you’re already milking him. 

If you want to take it slow, Jack is completely fine with it- To be completely put in your hold is what he’s been adjusted to for the entire time you’ve been his mistress. Within thirty minutes, he’s trying to hold back a release while you’re watching him from above, crushing his balls under you. 

To get spoiled with the bliss of your touch, as well as the praise and looks you give him always has him going feral one way or another. He knows damn well he can’t win against you like this, especially with the edition of toys, as well as his kinks. 

He always loses. Lmao-

[motley-cunt]

MOTLEY’S THEORY CONGLOMERATE

Disclaimers: Take all of this with a pile of salt, I am an insane person. Sweeney Todd is required reading. Long ass post.

The Rose Theory

The cover to bleeders looks like it’s shaped like the head of a red rose. Yes it a blood splatter, but it definitely looks weird right?

Red roses are commonly known as symbols of love and passion, while you could argue Sweeney Todd is a fucked up love story, I think the “passion” in the rose is more referring to a parallel between both Andy and Sweeney’s craft. Andy’s passion for music is basically a given, but what’s important here is how complete dedication to a craft could drive someone mad.

Andy’s matching his experience with music to Sweeney’s character ark in the play. So, passion for killing, passion for music, and that passion manifesting in a tool you can use to enact revenge is clear. Especially with the constant mention of the aspect in the Minidoc

Now the other rose I wanna mention is (what i believe to be) the black roses in the “”Sweeney Biersack”” photoshoot

Take this with a grain of salt but looking at what black roses symbolize,

That’s pretty fuckin Sweeney Todd isn’t it? Yeah? It’s basically fitting pieces into a puzzle at this point. It could be just to represent the gothic vibe of it all. But y’know, everything means something.

Judge Turpin, Villainy, and Sumerian Records

One of the blatant themes in Sweeney Todd is people in power taking advantage of the vulnerable. If you’ve seen the movie, the play, or just kind of skimmed through the plot summary you catch onto this. I think this aspect means more to Bleeders than I initially realized

I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that Sumerian Records treated BVB like shit, especially Andy like shit. I’m pretty sure someone’s out there consolidated all of the shit they’ve done to them better than I could, but I know I’m not an idiot for saying that a power struggle was probably apart of that. When BVB signed to Sumerian they were damn vulnerable. We all know the band was almost torn to shreds and buried into an early grave. A record label is a record label when you’re at that point.

Labels want money, they’re a company. But bad labels are greedy. Especially to passionate artists with extremely dedicated fanbases. Sumerian didn’t want to put in the work to support BVB as a label but liked the money they accumulated. It’s unfair, right? That’s the point. They suck. People in power taking advantage of the weak, those below feeding those up above.

Black veil brides has been fucked over a ton. Wouldn’t being fucked over so much make someone just a little bit angry? Make them wanna go apeshit? You can only be nice for so long, right? You beat someone to a pulp for long enough they’re gonna hit back. Hard. I think this is definitely a project about hitting back, not punching down, but hitting the fuck back. While I marked Sumerian as the “Turpin” in all of this, I theorize it’s the big “fuck you” that the band deserves to put into song. They are finally the villain in all this, but it’s important that they’re the villain with a purpose. Just like Sweeney is.

Directed Anger

Now that’s not to say black veil brides has just made sunshine and rainbows music before, there’s a lot of things that Andy is directly angry at. But some of the songs off of The mourning EP (Devil and Better Angels) seemed like it was the first mark in a clear minded and artistic recounting of a person that’s hurt him and the band. This isn’t God Bless you, where a drunk 18 year old is throwing paper balls at the Catholic Church (even though I still love that song), this is a man frustrated with being fucked over so much and he knows exactly who did it and what he’s gonna do about it. All of this frustration has a target, all of it has a reason. It’s not being *hindered* by anything. It’s a clear shot. Bleeders is just as much about Sweeney Todd as it is about the balloon of anger that’s been building up in this band.

Conclusion? Andy’s an artsy little bastard.

[pangtasias-atelier]

Would you be interested in writing a fic where Sylvian, due to the fear of dimitri disappearing again begins sending Dimitri gifts of food? And Dimitri is fairly oblivious and just eats whatever’s in front of him?

ajsbjshsnb I remember being mad that they don't have an A support together like saur fucking RUDE. Also, I do love Sylvain in a softer environment and without the misogyny ajnsjbajn. (and crests cause I hate crests and his issues aren't even like just a crest thing lol)

Hope you enjoy this cause had fun with it cause hrghgh soft moments

Warning: This is a fetish story!

“I’m shocked that you’d come and visit me,” Comfortable in the lavish seating that his parlor has to offer, and with no one to intrude on him, Dimitri reclines back into his armchair. He balances his half-drunk cup of tea on the saucer underneath it with one hand, his other arm free to drape over the side of the chair’s armrest. “Especially when there’s already a meeting two days from now. I half expected you to be gallivanting about Fhirdiad about now,”

Sylvain leans to the side of his seat with his elbow perched on the armrest. His chin rests on the palm of his hand as he watches Dimitri. “I can’t believe His Majesty thinks so little of me. I’m a changed man, promise!” Despite the wide smile he shows his eyes are narrowed at Dimitri’s direction. More specifically, at the small paunch that Dimitri sports, a small sliver of pudge taking residence where gaunt abdomen used to be.

“You have changed. But I still remember how much you used to complain about Fhirdiad’s women. Always thinking that-”

“Hush, Your Majesty. What if a fair maiden heard such cruel words coming from Faerghus’ own king? Think of the rumors that’d start,” 

Dimitri stands upright in his chair. Slightly leaning forward, his small little amount of flab for a belly seems larger as it presses against his top. “I- forgive me. You’re right,” 

Sylvain can’t even hold back his laughter. He leans back into his chair with his eyes squinted as he tries his best to temper his enjoyment. “You still wear your emotions on you sleeve,” Sylvain wipes a few stray tears at the corner of his eyes.

“I am honest. A good quality for a king to have,” Dimitri grumbles to himself. Reclining back into his chair, his cup of tea is replaced by a small dish filled with two orange cream scones.

The sugary sweet comes courtesy from Margrave Gautier, Sylvain taking up the hobby of baking to help with the large amounts of free time that come with relations improving with Sreng through Sylvain’s actions and His Majesty’s insistence with helping him. Though Sylvain's sudden, new hobby comes with the extra intention of being made for His Majesty’s consumption, the Margrave finding it hard to deny the appeal and satisfaction that comes to him whenever Dimitri compliments his growing experience; the sudden way her cheers up or perks up at the thought of someone doing something for him—the notion of anyone wishing to do something for Dimitri regardless of his status still a tall ask for the King no matter how much he denies it—also spurs Sylvain into bettering his confectionary delights. Especially after the fright he had been given all those years ago back when Dimitri had disappeared from Fodlan, disappeared from him, only to reappear as nothing more than a former husk of himself. The memories of such a broken state of his friend still cling to Sylvain’s heart, the jagged fragments stabbing him in fear of such a thing reoccuring with running a kingdom nothing but a thankless, far from easy task. The memories also reignited his curiosity; nothing more than what was expected between a future King and his future Margrave that became friends, Sylvain can only try and hold back and onto the feelings that crave something more. Something more intimate. 

The small pile of pudge for a little tummy on Dimitri only drives Sylvain further insane. All the what still feel like new thoughts and ideas mingle together, the overthought hopeful scenarios and fantasies replaying in his mind even more than the ones full of fear back when he had first found Dimitri again. Thoughts of Dimitri perhaps being even a bit softer, of feeding and caressing his arms to properly give him the love and adoration he deserves, to see his face-

“Did you remember about a poor woman you abandoned?” Dimitri stands in front of Sylvain. 

Sylvain's thoughts are disrupted by Dimitri, but his thoughts slowly begin to drift back to Dimitri's pudgy tummy as it stands so tantalizingly close to his face. "No. I was just thinking about how much you've enjoyed my baking. Not as much as Ashe or Dedue's but no one can hold a candle to them,"

“I should work it off soon,” Dimitri pouts. He grabs the bit of flab, the small slivers of pudge held between his thumb and fingers. “Regardless,” Dimitri clears his throat. “As I was saying. I have a meeting I must attend,”

“Ugh, you look just better,” Sylvain scoffs, practically tossing himself into the back of his seat. The inquisitive eye that looks at him with inquisitive eyes causes him to think about just what he said. The realization only brings a small smile to his face, the rest of his emotions securely buried underneath with the rest of his screaming and desire to stab something with his lance. “You look healthy. Better than the way you looked like you came crawling out of a hole. But what I think doesn’t matter. Especially when your subjects would be a little upset to see you late,”

Dimitri thinks nothing of Sylvain’s sudden burst words or his flustered nature. The oblivious, unaware King simply goes on his way as his kingdom needs him—Sylvain left with nothing more than a soft smile and goodbye.

Sylvain simply stays in his seat, the encroaching negative thoughts upon seeing His Majesty leave him—almost like those many years ago—are pushed away by his errant thoughts at seeing Dimitri's perky rear and its small extra amount of heft as he walks. He does truly think that Dimitri looks better like how he does. 

Sylvain also thinks he’d look better with some extra heft.

____________

Dimitri stares down at himself. His fingers clench the waistband of his pants, slightly widened digits curled around fabric in his frustration to get his clothes on. His clothes fit him poorly; the slightly inelastic fabric hugs his extra curves. The pants come up to his widened waist, the clothing pulled up after several rounds of frustration. His stomach, the distended belly that it now is, slightly pushes past the waistband of his pants. His small, squishy gut covers his button, if his pants were able to be buttoned, the two flaps of fabric unable to go come together from his budding bulge of blubber from his fat pad. Dimitri’s thighs are notably wider as well. His pants are taut from the thicker legs, both his thighs having a slight wobble to them from the adipose that lines his legs. Dimitr’s shirt does much better but the fabric still is taut around his belly. His small gut wobbles as he allows himself to fall back into his sofa, a small tuft of his own hair blown out of his face with a huff proceeding it. His budding breasts feel strained underneath his shirt with his sitting down now. His chest stretched out the width of his top. 

“Damnit,” Dimitri mutters underneath his breath, as if anyone could possibly hear him when he’s all alone in his room. He rests a hand on his gut, the palm following the soft curve of his stomach. His other hand is on his thigh, his fingers drumming his flabby leg. His stomach growls despite his budding mild annoyance. So much done already despite the sun still refusing to descende for the night, his rumbling stomach craves something to satisfy itself after all his hard work. 

A cherry pie awaits him at his table. The perfectly boxed confection a gift from Sylvain, the signed and sealed note clearly Margrave Gautier’s own, Dimitri had tried to stop himself from indulging in his cravings. But the soft scent of the in season fruit mixed in with the buttery crust tempts Dimitri too much with nothing of importance, or anything else really, scheduled for later. 

“One slice before dinner won’t hurt,” Dimitri cuts himself a generously portioned slice. The fruit filling smells even stronger as it slowly begins to spill out from his slice as he takes a forkful of it. A small hum escapes him the instant he takes a bite, the filling far from sweet to help compliment the crust. The second forkful comes faster than the prior one; Dimitri continues to help himself to his dessert faster, as if the treat were to disappear on him.

It doesn’t take long before the slice soon ends up completely devoured. “He’s definitely gotten much better,” Dimitri lets out a content sigh as he rests. His stomach is at peace with the rest of him. But it doesn’t last long, his gut letting out a long, guttural grumble.

Dimitri stares at the rest of the pie, a hefty helping even for multiple people still left. The greedier side of his brain wins after mentally arguing with himself, just one extra slice far from a bad thing. Especially when it comes as a gift from such a close friend. 

One extra slice quickly devolves into an entire pie eaten in one singular sitting, dinner foregone in favor of tending to his bloated stomach that is a mess of noises. Though Dimitri can’t find any sort of reason to complain about himself after such a delicious treat, the stomach ache well worth it.

__________

Faerghus' winter as chilling as ever, the country's king takes residence inside the comfort of his warm, well insulated room. 

Along with his favorite Margrave of course.

"Here, try these ones next," Sylvain brings a small tray with simple, homemade chocolate chip cookies over. Sylvain rests a hand against Dimitri's gut.

His Majesty is now heavyset. No longer able to claim being simply pudgy or even fat, the royal is now obese with his weight finally cresting just above 400 pounds the last time he weighed himself a couple days ago.

Dimitri pays little attention to the hand that uses his own sizable gut as a resting spot. Nor does he pay attention to the way said hand lightly rubs the ball of fat as he grazes away at all the treats offered to him. "Thank you," Is all he plainly says, a few cookies smattering the sides of his plump lips and dusting his cherubic face. 

Dimitri seated, he fills out both his clothes and his chair, both of them showing off his extra weight from so many snacks and desserts given to him by Sylvain. Dimitri's gut is the largest aspect of him at his size. The large blubbery pile of lard sits comfortably on his lap. His shirt is thankfully new. The larger piece of fabric manages to cover up his girth but doesn’t hide his enormity, all of Dimitri's girth and extra weight on display now regardless of how loose of clothing he wears. Dimitri’s chest that rivals many of the women’s breasts that Sylvain would hit on stretch out his shirt. The outline of his two meaty man boobs are visible, the soft, sagging arch of them showing along with the bit of flab that lurches forward as he sits. The outline of his enlarged nipples are also visible, the faint circular spot always a point of interest for Sylvain’s vision and a fantasy for his hands. 

Dimitri takes little time to finish the dozen cookies offered to him, the two blueberry scones from earlier nothing more than an appetizer. His weight still rests heavily on his mind despite the way he continues to gorge himself. “I think it’s time I work off all this weight,” Dimitri confides in his trustworthy friend. He pokes at his gut, his large sausage for an index finger sinking into his gut. “As my friend, I’m sure even you would agree that I’m rather fat,”

All Sylvain hears is his saliva running down his throat as he swallows. Trying his best to put on his largest smile, even he finds it hard to with Dimitri right next to him. Especially with how large his thighs are, both Dimitri’s thighs squished against the sides of his chair even while splaying them out to the side in some semblance of an attempt for space. And how comfortable they look to be used as his seat, Dimitri’s soft gut the only obstacle in the way but even that is more a treat than anything to deal with. His wide thighs are around the width of Sylvain’s own trim, muscular waist now. And their immensity is shown off by the way they press against his pants, the two jutting cylinders for legs cramped. And while Dimitri’s ass hasn’t received the same amount of plush padding as the rest of him, the two flabby cheeks that make up his ass still have heft to them as they fill out his pants well.

“See, even you are afraid to tell me the truth,” Dimitri sighs. He glumly looks at his sorry, fat state.

Broken out of his short little daydream, Sylvain scoffs upon hearing Dimitri’s self harsh words. “Oh please. You look damn perfect like this,” His fingernails dig into his hands. His teeth nearly cut into his tongue as he shuts his mouth.

“What? Surely you’re joking. I-”

“I mean it,” Sylvain spits out. Looking down at Dimitri, he can’t help but smile upon seeing him. Fears wash away, the muddled feelings dripping off of him. “Listen to me. Yeah, we’re friends. We’ve been friends for far too long and I, well I kind of want more than just that,”

“And all of this then?” Dimitri gestures to his gut. As confused as ever, he doesn’t even realize the effect he has on Sylvain as he lifts up his large gut, needing both hands to do so at this point.

“That was sort of an accident… But I do think you look better with all your extra heft. More of you to love,” Sylvain reaches for Dimitri’s stomach and rubs the stuffed gut.

“Sylvain, this doesn’t happen by accident. Is that why you took up baking, just to-just so you could fatten me?”

The bundle of nerves bubble in Sylvain’s throat, all of it threatening to spill out as he laughs. “Gods, no!” He takes deep breaths, slowly calming himself despite having to admit himself. “I just. Well you disappeared from everyone. I know things were awful and everything was shit but I thought you were dead. I felt like I failed you. And then you suddenly show up and sure everything is better but I still think that you'll just leave again. There! Are you happy now?” Sylvain turns to face Dimitri, his face red.

“Yes,” Dimitri’s own face mirrors Sylvain’s, the deep scarlet hue on his portly, cherubic cheeks as well. He stands up and hugs Sylvain. His body practically envelops him, Dimitri’s large, flabby arms squishing Sylvain as he holds him tightly. His gut presses into Sylvain; the expanse of flab is more than twice his width as Sylvain sinks into it. 

“I didn’t start baking for you, y’know,” Sylvain grumbles. His arms are securely wrapped around Dimitri's own. “It was just nice to actually create something for once. And then I thought you needed some appreciation. Plus you always complimented me even when what I baked came out terrible. And then you got pudgy and my feelings for you got stronger,” Sylvain looks to the side. His blush burns even stronger, the furnace on his face able to melt the snow outside.

“So one thing led to another,” Dimitri finishes. 

“Yeah. An accident,”

Dimitri laughs. Still holding onto Sylvain, his gut wobbles pressing and pushing against him. “A good accident then. I admit, I’ve felt strongly about you as well Sylvain. I must also admit that I enjoy seeing my boyfriend so flustered,”

The words come out like nothing for Dimitri, as if doing something as easy and natural like Sylvain’s own womanizing ways. 

“Then how come I never got a dagger?” Sylvain throws out with his own laughter. He breaks free from Dimitri’s weakened grip, the much fatter man staring at him with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. “Oh I’m kidding. Besides, if you really want to try and lose some weight, then I’ll help you. We’ll spar,”

“You make fun of me and yet you propose sparring as our first activity,” Dimitri chides him but still follows along.

“Hey, this’ll be interesting. Winner gets to make the loser do something. Granted, we’ve both already gotten eyefuls of eachother but those are way back when. My memory might need some refreshing,” Sylvain already turns back on his lecherous charm. He grabs Dimitri’s ass. His hand firmly holds it as the two walk.

“Fine then. And who knows, perhaps I’ll work up an appetite after this. I’m sure you’ll be willing to help me, won't you?” Dimitri smiles softly. Dimitri begins to lead the way, ready to show off and beat Sylvain all for a favor. Sylvain is the exact same, the two idiots glad to work off their newfound frustration in a more close range, intimate session.

The first of many.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Thoughts on the songs from Shadow The Hedgehog (Game)?

"I Am (All of Me)" perfectly encapsulates, to me, everything they're trying to get across with what the main game themes are. The capacity for both great good and terrible evil inside all of us, and the specific struggle Shadow has to face in deciding how to direct his immense power. It's all coated in that Edgy Branding that Shadow built up. I think the only criticism I can give it is that in order to parallel the first and second verses, the rhyme scheme is limited and sounds a little amateurish. That said, it is a video game for teens, it doesn't have to be high art in order to be a good game, and toying too much with the phrasing to get other rhymes to work wouldn't necessarily make it better. It's just an unfortunate result of having to use the particular rhyme scheme over. The game hits you with an absolute banger right out of the box. I approve.

I wasn't a fan in my younger days of either the deep rumbling vocals or the higher pitch more gravely growls in "Almost Dead." I appreciate them a bit more now, but I still find it hard to decipher the lyrics, even knowing what they are, because they meld together with the harsher blown out electric guitar. I understand these are staples of the Metal Genre, but it's why I'm more into power metal and symphonic metal over straight heavy metal a lot of the time. That said, it works surprisingly well as a dark theme. Part of the appeal of a game where you can choose to be good or evil, even though the choice largely doesn't matter in the broader context of this game given the true ending, is that feeling of righteous anger and getting to unleash your fury and rage. But the morbid lyrics almost beg you to question that. Shadow isn't really happy going down this dark path. The lyrics signal a sort of resignation to a fate where he's hated by others and can't trust the people he fights beside and feels caught in the middle of two sides of a world he can't relate to. Which brings us to...

"Waking Up." A guilty pleasure of mine and definitely where I would have put my vote in the poll if it wasn't for "All Hail Shadow." Waking up feels much more like Shadow indulging in a righteous anger. Teen me loved this song and when we were picking songs in Dance Class, this is one I put forward as something we could choreograph to. Didn't end up happening but man, it would have been rad. Works tremendously as the neutral end theme. It really hammers in that this is Shadow doing things for himself. While his goals may occasionally align with someone else's, he's ultimately out here to break anything he feels like if he thinks it will get him answers. Slay, king.

Unironically, "The Chosen One" was a theme I once arranged for a poetry assignment in English class to "write a song about what it feels like to be a teenager. Edgy as fuck and cringe as hell. I had so much power being unlimited cringe back then. That said I do think the song resonated with me for a reason. Besides the broader experience of chūnibyō (中二病), with that obnoxious anime protag phase I absolutely had, I do think the main sentiment of the theme of inheriting a responsibility I wasn't aware I signed up for by being born and having to move forward in a world that I suddenly understand is imperfect. Teenage years are about slowly easing into adulthood and realizing that childhood magic is largely a gift bestowed upon you by the adults in your life and that being a teenager is a sticky place where you have the rights of a child but are shouldering more of the responsibilities of an adult.

You get exposed to a lot of problems of the adult world and have no real experience to realize that even the stuff that looks easy on the outside is complicated, so you get this idea as a teen that either you're the smartest person to ever exist and being a teen is so unfair because if adults would just let you take a crack at it you could *totally* fix things (delusions of grandeur) or you see this yawning void of joyless drudgery and realize it's all too much for you so suddenly and you're being asked to help contribute to a world you barely understand and it's 3 AM and you're gaming even though you have school later and realize that your future, at least if you want a better world, is going to be picking up the pieces in the aftermath of problems you didn't create and you feel like a lamb to slaughter (this is mostly depression, I think.) It's coming to terms with imperfect parents, realizing you're alive against your will and it's nobody's fault, coming to terms with your own imperfections.

For Shadow it's a much more direct lyrical connection. It's him coming to terms with the fact that he was created with a specific purpose that he's being expected to fulfill, even though he doesn't have a full understanding of his past and himself. It's him realizing that he has to inherit the purpose he was born for and the life his past self led, including the harm he did in SA2 and during the events of Shadow The Hedgehog as well in order to remember even a fraction of who he is and what he has to do. The almost mournful wailing of the guitar in this alt-rock masterpiece and that uncertain synth droning vibration ending honestly carry so much. Absolutely a number 3 pick. Ratatosk DotNW could have had a vibe like this and it would have been so cool. Shadow stepping the fuck up and realizing even if he doesn't understand everything fully, that he still needs to make the right choice for the good of humanity, even though he's doomed to be, basically, alone in this task forever because he's functionally immortal. Absolute king shit and I love me a sad boy with a god complex, even if that sad boy is a 50+ year old alien hedgehog alien.

Crush 40 absolutely crushing it with "All Hail Shadow." My top pick. Unironically feels more like a vengeance song than the dark theme does. Shadow is in his element and this is audibly a triumphant song, but the lyrics are almost DANGEROUS. This is Shadow absorbed in the absolute euphoria of being able to justify all his pain by throwing down against an enemy he doesn't fully understand. He's been given blanket permission by the "good guys" to throw hands and he is more than happy to take them up on that opportunity. This song is "fuck it, we ball" at its finest. Shadow the Hedgehog woke the fuck up, couldn't remember a goddamn thing and went "neat, I fucking hate this but since there's nowhere else to go but up, let's fucking GO." The song unironically feels like a reward for being a goodie two-shoes without making you take off your edgy dark eye-shadow and goth/scene/emo clothing. The game is about an edgyboy shooting guns and driving vehicles and smashing everything in the way, so the song does lean a bit heavy on the glorifying violence aspect, even lyrically, but dear god. This is Shadow and the player wallowing in the euphoria and power fantasy of being given permission to raise hell. Delicious. 10/10 no notes.

"E.G.G.M.A.N." is a remix that almost lives up to the original. The extra synth and cutting the original vocals together to up the scat factor that showed up at the tail of the original rendition and cutting the lyrics as a whole down to just the essentials is honestly an incredible move. Keeps everything good about the original and amps up some of the parts that needed attention. Maybe it's the rose-tinted goggles, but the original will always be better in my opinion. But holy crap this is how you do a remix, especially considering that Eggman goes back to being a background character in this game rather than a playable and focal character like he was in SA2. Chef's kiss.

"Never Turn Back" is absolutely a baller ending theme. The sad reprise of "All of Me" as part of the intro is a stellar move. Crush 40 is incapable of missing. Not as triumphant as "All Hail Shadow" but the more steady, almost shanty/worksong rhythm has such a rugged and determined feeling. This is confidence. Shadow has decided what he's about now and he's sticking to his guns from here on out. He's moving forward regardless of what's true or not, he's decided what he wants regardless of and independent from everyone else.

This is my first time learning the history behind "Broken." I did see the trivia about it being an unused hero theme because they couldn't get the rights in time. I'm actually kind of glad. "The Chosen One" being written especially for the game makes it more fitting anyway and it wouldn't exist without the mishap, but I can definitely see where they were going with "Broken" and it honestly gives me that same feeling "The Chosen One" does about, well, what being a teen felt like. Coming into your own identity, but still wanting to be approved of by others, or at least not hated for being who you want to be, and the tension that sort of thing creates.

The Music from Shadow the Hedgehog is honestly always going to sit in a foundational place in my core. Absolutely stellar stuff that hit my squishy brain at exactly the right time in my life to get wedged there permanently. An absolutely incredible track list.