#and from there they were able to more so bridge the gaps in their communication

[smoldering-violets]

A pilot who asks one last favor of engineering as she retires: the disks containing her mech's AI. It's not normally done, mech AIs have a harder time adjusting to civilian life than their pilots. The AIs are usually decommissioned at the same time as their pilots, the link between them written and rewritten into the AI's code to the point that it can no longer bond with a new pilot

But this pilot knew the right person to ask, the right favors to promise, and was able to preserve her closest friend. Her only friend, really. The only one who truly knew her inside and out, who knew every crevice of her mind and loved her for it.

A pilot whose first purchase upon retiring is an old sexbot chassis, the first thing she found which was compatible with her mech's AI. She didn't want to spend a moment longer than needed without it.

A mech AI who boots up again after its final shutdown. It never expected to think again, or to see its pilot again. Its combat subroutines and protocols chafe against a chassis incapable of violence. It lacks its thermal imaging, its 360° cameras capable of scanning for threats from all directions. It feels blind and deaf in this chassis, but at least it has its pilot.

A mech AI and pilot who need to learn how to communicate with words. The AI's new chassis lacks a neural interface connector, and so the two of them can no longer become one. Despite how well they know each other it's awkward at first. They're used to knowing each other's thoughts immediately and being able to relay information in turn. The sluggishness of speech and action annoys both of them at first, but at least they have each other.

A pilot who slowly starts adjusting to civilian life. She manages to buy groceries for the first time without panicking and breaking down, though she still can't bring her AI with her. It's still learning its new chassis and coming to terms with its limitations. When they first went out together, it was constantly flicking it's gaze all around, trying to make up for the lack of sensors. Its pilot brought it back home so it could feel safe again.

A mech AI who designs new mission parameters for itself. It begins learning electrical engineering and starts trying to hack together a neural interface connector for its new chassis. It feels strange learning to create when it was designed only for destruction.

A pilot who is overjoyed to learn that her companion has succeeded in wiring up a new neural interface connector to try out together. Her own post has felt so empty for so long, her mind feeling incomplete without her other half. When it inserts the connector the two of them shudder in perfect sync, two halves of one whole reunited at last.

An AI who is comforted by the feeling of its pilot's presence again. It had begun to adapt to the lack of sensory input, but seeing and feeling through its pilot's senses helped to bridge the gap between what it was and what it had become. This was different from before, where it acted as an extension of its pilot's senses and body. The two were more even now, no longer the pilot and piloted. Now they were just companions, partners having to navigate new experiences together, but at least they were together.

A pair of lovers, one of flesh and one of metal are never apart. Their minds are always linked, and their bodies are leashed to each other by their neural tether. Others may look at them funny when out and about, but they are more stable when supporting each other. Their bond is different than it once was, but it's far stronger and more intimate now.

A pair of lovers, one body in two halves, love each other more than they ever thought possible. Where once they acted as one on the battlefield, a glorious union of flesh and metal capable of untold destruction, they now act as one in the bedroom. Each feeling the other's pleasure and thoughts, knowing the best ways to satisfy their other half. Both are grateful that the one of flesh bought a sexbot chassis all those months ago

[kiwriteswords]

You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

AN: Thank you to the anon who requested this!

Other Writing | Ao3

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Rating: Everyone!

Tags/TW:  canon-typical themes, angst, fluff, insecure!hotch, mentions of a one-night-stand.

Summary: In the midst of an already stressful workweek, you notice a troubling shift in Aaron Hotchner’s behavior. Once warm and attentive, Aaron has grown distant, leaving you questioning what went wrong. As you try to navigate his sudden coldness, a casual conversation with JJ and Penelope might hold the key—one you didn’t realize Aaron overheard. The revelation sends Aaron spiraling into insecurity, causing him to pull away, leaving you in the dark. Now, with your relationship hanging in the balance, you must figure out what’s troubling Aaron before it’s too late. Can you bridge the gap between you, or will unspoken fears drive you apart?

You'd noticed it for days now—Aaron was distant. The once comforting warmth of his presence had slowly turned cold, and his usual tender glances were now filled with something you couldn't quite place. He seemed distracted, pulling away in ways that left you feeling hollow.

At first, you thought it was work. The BAU's latest case had been tough, and the pressure on Aaron as Unit Chief was undeniable. But this... this felt different. His once soft, fleeting touches in passing—gentle fingers on your arm or a quick brush against your hand—had all but disappeared. Even his tone had shifted, more professional, less personal. The space between you had grown, and you didn’t understand why.

The two of you had always been able to communicate so well, one of the many things you cherished in your relationship. But now, Aaron had built a wall you couldn't seem to break through.

It was starting to hurt.

As you sat at your desk in the bullpen, fidgeting with the pen in your hand, your mind replayed every conversation over the past week. Had you done something wrong? Maybe he was rethinking your relationship—maybe he regretted it? The thought alone caused a lump to form in your throat, but before you could spiral further, Derek Morgan sauntered over, pulling up a chair next to you.

"You okay, kid? You’ve been quiet lately," Derek asked, his voice low and concerned.

You offered him a small smile, not wanting to burden him with your worries. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... got a lot on my mind."

Morgan narrowed his eyes, clearly not convinced. "Uh-huh. You know if you need to talk, I’m here."

"I know," you replied, your smile faltering as you noticed Aaron watching from across the room. His gaze wasn’t filled with warmth like it used to be, instead, there was a hint of something darker—jealousy?

Before you could think more on it, Derek squeezed your shoulder in a friendly gesture and headed back to his desk. As your eyes followed him, something clicked. Aaron hadn’t been distant until a few days ago, and the only notable event was… Your heart sank.

It couldn’t be.

A few days ago, you’d let it slip during a casual conversation with JJ and Penelope that you’d had a one-night stand with Derek before you and Aaron had started dating. It was well before you even realized your feelings for Hotch, but… had Aaron overheard?

The breakroom was alive with the usual banter between you, JJ, and Penelope, your small group using the rare quiet moment to relax after an intense case. JJ leaned back in her chair, smiling warmly as she stirred her tea, while Penelope scrolled through her phone, probably digging up something fun or ridiculous to show you both.

"So," JJ began, her tone casual but her smile sly, "how are things going with Hotch? You two have been looking pretty... close lately."

You smiled softly, feeling that familiar warmth in your chest at the mention of Aaron, but kept your response brief. "Things are good," you said simply, glancing down at your coffee.

Penelope wasn’t going to let it go that easily. "Come on, Y/N! 'Good'?" She leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. "Spill the tea, my dear. You’re with the Aaron Hotchner. I need details!"

You chuckled, shaking your head. "You know me, Pen. I'm not giving you details. But yeah, things are really great with him."

JJ smiled knowingly but didn’t push, clearly respecting your boundaries. But Penelope, as always, wasn’t done teasing.

"Well," she said dramatically, "it's still funny to me that before Mr. Tall, Dark, and Brooding, you had your little one-time fling with our very own Derek Morgan." She waggled her eyebrows, and JJ laughed softly, shaking her head.

You groaned, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. "Seriously, Garcia? I thought we agreed not to bring that up."

JJ grinned, clearly enjoying the teasing, though her tone was kind. "You know she's never going to let it go."

Penelope giggled. "Never. It's too good. I mean, come on—Derek? One night? How did you even focus on anything afterward?"

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide your embarrassment. "It was forever ago, okay? Derek and I both knew it wasn’t serious. It was just a random thing after a case, and we agreed to keep it in the past."

"Mm-hmm," Penelope teased, leaning back with a satisfied grin. "Still, kind of hilarious when you think about how things turned out. You and Hotch? I didn’t see that coming. But honestly, you two fit."

You couldn’t help but smile softly at that. “Yeah,” you admitted, your heart warming at the thought of Aaron. “We do.”

The teasing continued, lighthearted and affectionate, but you didn’t realize that just outside the door, Aaron Hotchner had stopped in his tracks, his heart sinking as he overheard the mention of Derek.

Aaron had been on his way to grab a cup of coffee when he’d heard your voice in the breakroom. He wasn’t one to eavesdrop, but when you laughed—a sound he always gravitated toward—he paused, drawn in by the easy conversation.

But then he heard Penelope.

"...before Mr. Tall, Dark, and Brooding, you had your little one-time fling with our very own Derek Morgan."

The words stopped him cold.

Derek? You and Derek? Aaron's chest tightened painfully. He hadn’t known.

He wasn’t naïve—he knew you had a life before him, relationships and experiences that predated the two of you. But hearing about it so suddenly, and with Derek of all people… It was like a punch to the gut.

He stood frozen outside the doorway, trying to process what he’d just heard. He wasn’t angry—he didn’t have the right to be—but a sudden wave of insecurity washed over him. Derek was everything Aaron wasn’t. Younger, charming, confident in a way that came so naturally to him. And you had been with him, even if just for one night.

Aaron’s mind raced with irrational thoughts, each one tugging at his already frayed nerves. What if you compared them? What if you found him lacking? Derek had all the qualities Aaron sometimes worried he was losing—his youth, his easygoing charm. What could Aaron offer you that Derek couldn’t?

He knew it wasn’t fair to think that way, but he couldn’t stop the jealousy from creeping in. Suddenly, every interaction with you felt different, like he wasn’t enough. Like maybe you’d eventually realize that, too.

His grip tightened on the doorknob, but instead of walking in, he turned away. He couldn’t face you right now—not with these feelings gnawing at him. You deserved better than his insecurities. He’d push it down, hide it, just like he always did.

But from that moment on, the distance between you began to grow.

You suddenly felt queasy. If that was what this was about, it all made sense. Aaron wasn’t just pulling away—he was hurt. And you had no idea how to fix it.

Later that evening, after everyone had gone home, you found yourself standing outside Aaron’s office, heart hammering in your chest. You needed to talk to him, to figure out why he was treating you this way and to set things right. Gathering your courage, you knocked lightly on his door.

“Come in,” came his familiar deep voice, though it lacked the usual warmth you craved.

You stepped inside, closing the door behind you, and found him seated at his desk, his brow furrowed in concentration as he worked on some case files. He didn’t look up at you right away, and that stung more than you wanted to admit.

“Aaron,” you began, voice soft. “Can we talk?”

Finally, he lifted his gaze to meet yours, his face impassive though there was something vulnerable beneath his eyes.

“Is everything okay?” you pressed, moving closer. “I feel like you’ve been… distant.”

Hotch sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. “It’s nothing, Y/N. I’ve just been—”

“Busy?” you interrupted, frustration and sadness leaking into your tone. “I don’t believe that. This isn’t about work, Aaron. Something’s been bothering you, and I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong.”

For a moment, there was only silence. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke, his voice quieter than usual.

“I overheard you talking to JJ and Penelope the other day.” His words were measured, but you could hear the hurt laced within them. “About Derek.”

Your heart clenched painfully in your chest. “Oh,” you whispered. “That… that was years ago, Aaron. It was before us, and it meant nothing. You have to believe me.”

Hotch stood up from his chair, moving to the window, his broad shoulders tense. “I know it was before us,” he said, almost too quietly. “But it’s hard not to feel… inadequate, knowing you were with him. He’s younger, stronger, charismatic. He can give you things I can’t.”

Your heart broke hearing the insecurity in his voice—Aaron Hotchner, the man who always appeared so strong and self-assured, feeling less than. You hated that you’d unintentionally caused him to doubt himself.

“Aaron,” you murmured, crossing the room until you were standing right behind him. “None of that matters. I’m with you because I love you—because of who you are. Not Derek. Not anyone else.”

He didn’t turn around, but you could see the tension in his shoulders ease slightly.

“I’m not looking for younger or stronger or more charismatic,” you continued, your voice earnest. “I’m looking for someone who understands me, who’s patient and kind and makes me feel safe. That’s you, Aaron. Always you.”

At last, he turned to face you, his eyes softening as he gazed down at you. You reached up, gently cupping his cheek with your hand.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t enough,” you said, your voice breaking. “But you are more than enough for me. You’re everything.”

Aaron closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into your touch. When he opened them again, the vulnerability you saw there tugged at your heart.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling you into his arms. “I didn’t mean to push you away. I just… I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” you promised, resting your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady beneath your cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The two of you stood there in the quiet of his office, wrapped in each other’s embrace, and the weight of the past week slowly melted away. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be. What mattered was that you had each other—and you always would.

Tag List:

@zaddyhotch @estragos @todorokishoe24 @khxna @rousethemouse

[featherwurm]

Karlach and Tav template filled out for funsies - this one took forever I'm not very good at like... song choices and memes but I tried. Yes that short playlist vaguely implies they'll burn down the world for each other. This is correct but offset by the fact that they're both genuinely kind and thoughtful people, they just have underlying rage. They're both SO normal about each other (I mean, in all honesty they are, but they're just weirdos like the rest of us.)

Fun Facts:

Karlach's aesthetic is harder than Tav's, but Karlach is more thoughtful about how she puts herself together than Tav.

Tav's social tolerance is lower than Karlach's, but with Karlach she's better in louder/brighter/busier situations than she is on her own.

Both of them prefer dinner down at the pub than at somewhere more upscale (though do occasionally like to go a little fancy as a treat.)

Karlach has threatened to put a bell on Tav for moving around so quietly at camp sometimes (enough to startle her - thankfully Karlach's high strength is offset by Tav's high dexterity.)

Neither is the best at communication (Karlach over-explains, uses her own vocabulary, and gets distracted - Tav clams up, struggles with personal emotional awareness, and sometimes says mean things by default), but between the two of them they sort it out - bridging the gap as best they can for each other.

They talk with each other pretty constantly and while they were both instantly physically attracted to each other, this, in no small part, got them through not being able to touch. They talk about current goings-on, past deeds, and future plans, as well as fantasy scenarios (making things up and playing with each other), things about whatever they've just seen in the city or in nature, and cheerful reminiscing. Sometimes they just even sing silly little ditties together or repeat funny things that make the other laugh.

Original is linked from here if you wanna do it too!

[interact-if]

Our fifth edition of the Black History Month Author Spotlight series, features Mila (@milaswriting)!

(Mila’s game Golden is one of the games I fell in love with when I first got into Interactive Fiction, and it feels like such a dream to be able to interview her now! It’s so interesting to interview someone who’s been in the IF community for a while now, and see how stories—and their authors—change and evolve as time goes by too.)

Author: Mila

Hello! I’m Mila, a twenty-three year old woman from the UK. Something readers may not know (or probably do considering how much I complain about university), I crave academic validation. I got 90% on an essay I did this year and I was so proud of myself that I’m considering doing a PhD. We’ll see if Dr Mila ever becomes a thing, haha.

Games: Golden (Fantasy, romance, mystery, supernatural)

Short blurb: You work for The Everbrook. A multi-agency organisation in the city of Lehsa that bridges the gap between the human and supernatural world. You’ve been working there for three years now, and you’re suddenly forced to work with a group of allies to solve mysteries that have landed right in the palm of your hand.

Quote from the interview

I wish I could say I’ve had amazing encounters with vampires, magical beings and werewolves to inspire Golden—but that isn’t exactly the case. I’ll let you know if that ever happens though! I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm, more so as a young adult than when I was much younger, but usually the portrayal of poc characters in media wasn’t always shown in a positive light. Or poc characters, when it came to romance, weren’t given the lead roles where a swoon-worthy romance story was played out. To, sort of right those wrongs, and have other black readers like myself, be able to see themselves in the characters of stories—I created a diverse cast of ROs.

Read on for the full interview!

Can you tell me a bit about what you’re working on right now and your journey into interactive fiction? What inspired the game/story you’re currently writing?

I’m currently working on a fantasy supernatural interactive fiction, Golden. Officially, Golden is five years old now. I released it in December 2020 and was regularly writing and working on it for a couple of years. And then I noticed that as I grew from an eighteen/nineteen year old teenager, the ideas I had for my story were different, thus I wanted to make a few changes. A few changes turned into a lot of changes. And now I’m in the process of a whole rewrite, alongside moving to Twine. 

Covid was in 2020, and that’s ultimately the year I got into reading interactive fiction too. I first read fanfics of an interactive fiction game, then read the original story itself, and got really into the process of the reader being able to make meaningful choices that impact their reading experience. That was a supernatural story too, and that’s how I ended up creating my own. 

When it comes to the changes I’ve made to Golden, the inspiration came from a lot of things. One being my love for mystery, crime and psychology—I wanted that incorporated into the story I’m writing. I love the element of lore and world building, so that’s how I knew the fantasy/supernatural element would be in there. Additionally, my love for found family and complex characters also inspired me to write this story, but to also make the changes I have. Lastly, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I adore the stuff! So reading and writing good romance is everything to me. 

How has your identity, heritage/background, upbringing, or personal experiences influenced your storytelling or writing process? OR How does your work feature aspects of your identity / experience?

I wish I could say I’ve had amazing encounters with vampires, magical beings and werewolves to inspire Golden—but that isn’t exactly the case. I’ll let you know if that ever happens though! I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm, more so as a young adult than when I was much younger, but usually the portrayal of poc characters in media wasn’t always shown in a positive light. Or poc characters, when it came to romance, weren’t given the lead roles where a swoon-worthy romance story was played out. To, sort of right those wrongs, and have other black readers like myself, be able to see themselves in the characters of stories—I created a diverse cast of ROs.

B Holden was the first one I created. I already knew they were going to be a werewolf, and I wanted them as a character to be the complete opposite of how a werewolf is usually described and portrayed. Aggressive, animalistic, dangerous—yet, I’d like to think that B is, and comes off as, someone who is the sunshine that lights up a room, someone who’d make you feel good on a bad day, a kind of person you’ll always want around. From my own personal experiences, I’m a nursing student and I’ll be graduating this year and going into a working environment. I think the changes to Golden emulate that, instead of being a student, the MC is navigating the supernatural world themselves and they’re very immersed into it.

What does your writing process look like? Any rituals or habits? Any tips, tricks, philosophies or approaches that have worked very well for you?

Oh! So, the background is that I love The Naturals series and The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes, and I got to meet her at a book event in my hometown. And during her talk, she said that she writes with a ‘Writer’s Hit List’. On that list, the writer jots down all of their favourite things that they love about characters, or elements they want their story to have. It’s a bit like a word dump, for example, ‘loves characters that enjoys baked goods’ or ‘loves when character speaks multiple languages’. 

Then you end up with a super long list of traits you’d like to give your characters or factors you want your world to have. And you can get your inspiration from literally anything, so that’s something fun to have. You can add to it when you’re not thinking about writing, and then when you have writer’s block, or just want some inspiration, you can open your notes app and see what you wrote down.

Currently, whilst juggling uni and personal life, on my days off/working from home, when I get a burst of inspiration I usually open up my laptop and write in my bedroom or the living room. And whilst writing, I put on ROs’ playlists that I’ve made on Spotify. My new RO, Ireland Monroe, their playlist has been extremely helpful in motivating me to write.

What’re you excited to tackle/implement/work on next? Or anything you’re looking forward to in the year ahead?

I’m excited about getting this rewrite out! I’ve felt really guilty about keeping readers waiting so long for content from me, or just disappointed in myself that I haven’t been able to produce content as quickly as other authors. I know it’s a terrible thing to compare yourself to others, but sometimes it’s one of those things you can’t help. We’re into February now and I genuinely think that I’m getting better at telling myself to just work as best as I possibly can. 

But, yeah, I’m excited for people to read and see how Golden’s developed with me as an individual. It’s interesting considering the story has grown up with me, and it’s sort of taken its own shape and whispered to me, “I know you want to change me, don’t be afraid to do so”, and now my nerves about that are near enough gone. 

I just want it to be a good writing year overall! So, I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed that the story ideas that play in my head everyday are able to be transferred to screen so others can enjoy them.

If you were to say one thing to your readers, other authors, and/or the interactive fiction community: what would it be? OR If you could change one thing about the interactive fiction community, what would it be?

My advice to readers would be that as writers, we definitely write our stories as an escape and whilst it’s important to write for ourselves, we write with the hopes that you enjoy it too. If there’s a particular scene or character or story that you love, definitely tell that author. It’ll make their day, their week, even. It’s such a wonderful feeling to hear from you guys. And also, just continue to consume the content that’s put out. And just a personal thank you to the readers I have for being patient with me. 

For authors, I’d say to have fun writing. If, in your gut, there are changes you’d love to make to your story, then do so. Remember that, no matter what, there’s always going to be at least one person that loves what you write. Always. So, if it’s motivation you want to continue putting words onto paper (or a screen), then that’s it. I also think it’s fun adding a little bit of yourself into your story.

Any books, music, movies etc. you’re obsessed with at the moment, or which changed your life (or perspectives on something)?

I read The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes and it’s absolutely changed my brain chemistry for the better. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes mystery with a romantic side plot. I love YA murder mystery books, so A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder series, books by Karen McManus. I also love Taylor Jenkins Reid. And, as its black history month, Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé is my favourite black author and she writes queer mystery/thriller books. My favourite of hers is Where Sleeping Girls. 

Music: I adore Billie Eilish (Hit Me Hard and Soft should’ve won a Grammy, I will die on this hill!) Noah Kahan and Sam Barber are artists I’ve really been loving at the moment. Gigi Perez as well, Sailor Song and Fable are songs I can never skip. 

This-or-that segment: (red = Mila's pick)

Coffee or tea?

Early mornings or late nights?

City or countryside?

Angsty or Cozy romances? (Or enemies-to-lovers or best-friends-to-lovers?)  

Steady progress or frenzied binge-writing followed by periods of calm?

Summer or Winter?

First drafts or editing?

Introvert or extrovert? (Gosh, I’m SUCH an introvert)

Plotter or pantser?

Characters or plot first?

Write your own “either-or” pairing: vampires or werewolves? (don’t tell B or K I even asked… I can’t pick between my faves, so I’ll let you guys choose :D)

[evermarch]

Rando question because of your old name. What were your thoughts on bloodlines? I've never been able to get tea on it from another person because, sadly, not many people know it exists in my orbit.

omg. god knows how many years i had a vampire academy url and i got like no va asks. this is my time. this is my moment. i'm so sorry in advance that this is going to be more than you bargained for.

okay so. i enjoyed bloodlines a lot. i know many people in the fandom love bloodlines even more than va. that tends to be because of sydrian. for me personally, while bloodlines is a great read that explores some fascinating concepts and relationship dynamics, it doesn't hit for me quite as well as va does for a number of reasons.

first, the development of The Lore is excellent. in particular, i love seeing the effects of everything that changed in va play out in the background. from the moroi combat movement and the bloodborne strigoi resistance from restoration to the to the political fallout of lissa's ascension to the throne, everything that happened becomes so much more substantial and impactful. it feels like meeting the alchemists and the dhampir community in blood promise—the vampire world expanded from rose's little circle in the US to the international community in a way that made her struggle with her responsibility as a guardian feel much more real.

as an extension of the worldbuilding, i love how flawlessly sydney's internal struggle with breaking out of her conditioning to accept magic and growing to care for the moroi intertwines with the development of the universe. the witches are an excellent addition, because they bridge the gap of a potentially insurmountable power imbalance (due to compulsion, as we see with the whole dabbling thing) between moroi and humans (read: sydrian). sydney is empowered to overcome the fear component of her alchemist upbringing, which opens the door for her to have healthy relationships with moroi and dhampirs. that's especially in contrast (and comparison to) trey and the warriors of light. we also get to see the power and depth of the alchemist organization, especially within the family unit, which emphasizes just how brave sydney (and marcus) have to be to fight against it.

however, the overarching plot (particularly toward the final few books), sort of falls flat. ruby circle is definitely rushed and under-edited, and doesn't feel like a natural continuation of the series up to that point. alicia is a boring villain with no real build-up or depth. she is not remotely compelling, which is saying something in a series where every character, good and bad, faces a universal struggle against an enemy race with no redeemable or non-evil characteristics. like, the anonymous person calling the tattoo parlor was right. there. use it to set up something better! and sydrian going from barely together to married to becoming parents without any substantial intra-relationship struggle as a result of those changes over the course of like...three months (much of which sydney was in captivity) is...a choice.

on that note, the character development is a bit of a mixed bag for me. from jill and neil to ms. terwilliger and even abe, almost everyone grows in such fascinating and often unexpected ways. yet, sydney herself blows them all out of the water. the way she goes through the essential unlearning phase of "i know logically i'm wrong, but it still feels like i'm right" is a masterclass in deprogramming. how she learns to let go without dumbing herself down or losing touch with the things she values and cherishes about herself? life-changing for me, personally. also. let it be known that if jackie and malachi have no supporters, i am dead.

but i do feel let down by many of the characters in this department. namely, zoe. believe me, i was not expecting her to turn into a vampire supporting anti-alchemist hippie like her sister. her primary flaws are explained extremely well, and for those i don't fault her. but i cannot name a single time she is not, at the very LEAST, unpleasant. it makes sense why sydney loves her. it is consistent with who sydney is (see: keith's eyeball) that she is so fiercely protective over zoe. but zoe doesn't really have any good moments with sydney which might explain why sydney actually LIKES spending time with her. it's especially jarring in comparison to sydney's general disdain (which i read as jealousy and resentment) for carly, who she classifies as "useless." carly's one scene is more compelling than a whole book (and then some) of zoe.

much more importantly, though, adrian to me is a bit of a letdown. first, i do want to say that i like sydrian, and in particular sydrian through fiery heart and in the epilogue. i liked adrian's character in va and was excited to see him grow. but...he never really seems to do so. undoubtedly, rose was nothing close to perfect in how she handled the adrian situation, especially with everything in last sacrifice. but to paint rose as this evil seductress who he graciously forgives while never ONCE acknowledging the ways he treated her is astonishing. the fact that he doesn't reflect on it even when what he does to nina mirrors what rose did to him? and to never once acknowledge the way he's used his privilege as a royal to perpetuated harms against "lesser" races (which INCLUDES the way he otherized rose as a dhampir and put her life and career at risk by using her as a pawn against his parents), even when sydney discovers his past with dabbling?

yes, adrian develops tremendously with regards to his family, his mental illness, and his addiction. but we never really see him value his recovery and health as something important not just to sydney, but to himself. despite having the knowledge and the means to seek treatment, he spends half of silver shadows spiraling down a path of self-destruction while sydney is trapped. and, there's good reason for that—he has to go off the meds to try and reach her with spirit. but he acts as if he's the only one who cares about sydney (or him, for that matter) and goes at it alone. he doesn't think to call sonya to ask her to help him get off the meds responsibly? or, knowing what he knows about avery lazar, consider what the consequences will be for jill? and on top of all that, not even bother to defend his relationship with sydney to his mother?

healing is not a straight line, but adrian's actions in silver shadows just erase all the progress he made before that and then some. which would be fine, and also interesting, if only he'd made improvements to himself after that. but the most i can say about adrian by the end of ruby circle is that he knows HOW he needs to change and is extremely willing to do so. which is great! but we never actually get to see it happen. and if you're going to have dual narration and promote adrian from the love interest to a main protagonist, we've got to see him grow. that said, the glimpse we get of him in the epilogue demonstrates to me that he DOES go through that development, and it makes me much more optimistic for his and sydney's futures. i just really wish we'd gotten to see it happen.

[kaptainkassa]

cassian andor headcanons

notes: these are my personal hcs for cassian andor. just thought id share them because i never wrote them down before or anything aka;sfl;;

BACKGROUND

that man is AT LEAST 32

idgaf what a star war says he cannot be fucking 26 in rogue one

kenari was a matriarchal society

im probably incorrect but it seemed like there were more girls in the hunting troop he was in in the childhood flashback scenes

it's why he doesn't question vel being the leader of aldhani team or any female leader of a rebel mission. he's like yep that's normal.

also he was raised by maarva carassi andor like cmon

is still fluent in kenari

it's canon that he can speak other languages too so like polyglot!cassian yay

bee had the kenari language downloaded in his system before the empire wiped all public information about kenari

so he could communicate with cassian when he was first brought to ferrix

definitely helped bridge the language gap between the andors and cassian

also helped cassian learn basic

his culture is important to him for sure

i think in his spare time he tries to collect information about his home planet via old holobooks or even physical ones if he can find them

has kept his red and yellow stone necklace in a keepsake box for many years now, likes to take it out sometimes and just look at it.

his necklace connects him not only to his culture but to the few memories of his biological parents

doesn't remember his biological mother much but he remembers the sound of her bangles clinking together around her wrists and her smile

is a back sleeper. they slept in hammocks during his childhood and it's just something that always stuck with him

was definitely picked on at the sipo youth center

like fights in the recreational yard and kids trying to take whatever personal belongings he had on him at the moment

i think at first he kept to himself but over time he grew a small group of friends

safer in a group than on your own when going against the bigger gangs

youth center to military pipeline for sure

he would never see those friends again after the empire transferred him from sipo to mimban for their imperial military campaign

even though he went in as a cook, he still had to do basic training

i think he enjoyed cooking (as much as one can when the empire forces you to do it)

it's the act of providing for others that he likes

ALCOHOL

i hc ferrix as this blue collar community that works in either scrap metal plants or factories which means everyone's a hard drinker lol

like if you don't drink beer at the end of a long day wtf are you doin

there's also a sense of pride to be able to hold your own liquor

it's not a quality that cassian possesses lol

he's not a lightweight but he's def not a heavyweight either

prefers brown liquor over cheap beer tho

SAD DRUNK. MOODY. EMOTIONAL.

not talkative when drunk unless you're a close friend and it's just you two

but he def gets caught in his own depressed emotions and sulks

he's also down to fuck LMAO

SEX&RELATIONSHIPS

bisexual (we all knew this)

total slut (we all knew this too)

i don't think he particularly cares on being top or bottom. he's a true switch if you want to label him

has commitment issues

this is from bix's comment about him being with married women. the marriage forms as a barrier for him not to be too emotionally close to the other person

has definitely paid for sex from prostitutes because of this reason. it's just sex, nothing more. another barrier to prevent closeness

although he mostly did this when he was younger. i think as he got older he slept with prostitutes less, maybe once in awhile

he has also protected hookers from clients that were abusive as well. i can totally see a young cassian that is already filled with rage go apeshit at a customer that was acting violent towards a sex worker he knew

#respectsexworkers - cassian fucking andor

i could go into nsfw hcs but that should be its own post lol

since he and bix were childhood friends, at one point when they were teenagers they tried to date exclusively

they lasted 2 weeks. they took one look at each other and said this ain't for us

doesn't have a specific physical type that he's attracted to

characteristics wise i think he's into people that are confident and can pull their own weight but also someone he can be vulnerable with (he both yearns for intimacy and is afraid of it)

PHYSICAL TRAUMA

while in narkina 5 he received 2nd degree burns on his feet and hands due to the electric shock punishment he experienced

after narkina 5 those wounds healed but the electric shocks had some long term effects as well

sometimes cassian will involuntary jerk his body while he's sleeping

there are days where he'll randomly feel a painful fiery feeling on his feet and hands that will last a few moments before going away

the blaster wound he got in ep 3 left a scar on his arm that never faded away

[essayist-unexpectedly]

The Complexities of a Quartet: Mafuyu, Yuki, Hiiragi, and Shizusumi

Within Given, one of the more interesting and complex groups to look at is the childhood quartet of Mafuyu, Yuki, Hiiragi, and Shizusumi. Each of the relationships within this quartet bring forth differe complex dynamics - especially with the Yuki sized gap between Mafuyu and the rest, as well as the Hiiragi sized bridge that brought along Shizusumi. While all four of them were childhood friends, there’s no denying that some relationships were closer than others within the group. Yet, the four were close, staying together most of their lives until high school, SYH, and Yuki’s suicide - all of which completely shifted the dynamics of the group.

The first thing to discuss is the overall quartet - including the connecting duos within said quartet, though the details of those will come in later. The four of them met as children, likely forming their cute little group around the age five or six years old, with Shizusumi being the last member of the group but clearly joining in kindergarten or (at latest) grade one. Becoming a group at such a young age leads them to setting up stronger relationships, and they do this mostly successfully. As much as they differ in personalities, the whole group is just precious at the beginning. There’s a teasing relationship between Mafuyu and Hiiragi as well as Shizusumi and Yuki, there’s the absolute adoration of Yuki from both Hiiragi, there’s the kind of tag along duo that is Shizusumi and Mafuyu, as well as the early childhood loves of Shizusumi and Hiiragi and Mafuyu and Yuki. In their early childhood, up until high school, the quartet is just wholesome. While there wasn’t a full focus on childhood friendships, the flashes shown do tell the audience that it was a bright time in the group's life, they were happy together even if they had individual struggles.

Then high school comes along, and the quartet accidentally breaks into a trio, with Mafuyu drifting away. There are quite a few factors to this unintentional splitting up - the different high schools, SYH forming, and the struggles of being teenagers with mental health issues. Seperation is the biggest issue here, Yuki, Hiiragi, and Shizusumi all go to the same high school and end up forming a band because Yuki picked up guitar and Hiiragi was more than eager to join, with Shizusumi doing whatever Hiiragi does. Mafuyu ended up going to a different high school, and didn’t end up as part of SYH, meaning he didn’t spend as much time with the group. It leads to a slight alienation, he didn’t know anything about music or bands, he didn’t attend the practices even just to listen in, and he didn’t know how to communicate the loneliness he felt because of new distance. Meanwhile, none of the formed trio actually seemed to notice this distance. Yuki was enchanted by guitar and songwriting, Hiiragi was enchanted by Yuki and the band, and Shizusumi was just in love with Hiiragi. In the end, the groups of SYH were good, they were mostly happy together, and high school didn’t appear to phase them at all. The issue is how Mafuyu drifted, and the rift between him and Yuki, which led to loneliness and communication issues between them. Overall, the trio dynamic is bad for the group, it didn’t work out, and it may have led to the tragedy of Yuki’s death. Had they been able to stay a quartet throughout high school, there wouldn’t have been the same sense of loneliness on Mafuyu’s end, and the communication issues may not have come on as heavily. In a way, this era of the group shows off why a trio within a quartet is a bad idea, while duos in a quartet can work - it’s a matter of one person being completely left out versus two people and two people. 

So as groups, it works out most of the time. The quartet works perfectly for everyone, they were all happy when together. While there were two clearer duos within the group, as well as one connecting duo, it didn’t change the happiness that was felt by the quartet when together. They look back on their childhood memories fondly, they know that the times they had were amazing while they lasted, and they all wish that Yuki had stayed with them longer. It’s the trio dynamic that didn’t work for them, and while it may have been happy in the moment for the living members of SYH, to look back on the period is bittersweet - there are certain warning signs that can be seen now about the rise in tension to the fight and Yuki’s death. For Mafuyu, it’s a time of regrets and bitterness. He hates that he never spoke up, but he’s bitter that he was left behind in the first place. So the quartet was the ideal dynamic for all four of them, but it’s not just the entire group that’s interesting - there’s also the duo dynamics within the group. Each duo has their own interesting and fun dynamic to explore, with some of them having more information on them than others.

Possibly the most unknown dynamic belongs to Shizusumi and Yuki. Shizusumi is the only one of the quartet who truly acknowledges that Yuki was the center of their group. He is also the one who appears more nonchalant about Yuki’s death by the point he appears in the manga - likely being the only one to process his grief normally. Shizusumi, while close with Yuki, was likely the furthest from him. Now that doesn’t mean they weren’t still close - the two were still childhood friends, part of the same group from a young age. However, the third week bonus omake does apparently say that Shizusumi and Yuki had a similar relationship to Hiiragi and Uenoyama - one where they would bicker and call each other names. With this in mind, any panels where Shizusumi is seen as antagonistic towards Yuki, can be explained as him keeping up old habits after his death. This brings a more lighthearted view to their relationship - it feels more likely that Shizusumi is coping and grieving by acting more normal, he’s trying to stay steady. He said at one point to Uenoyama “that “suffering” of yours is alien to me” - while this was in reference to romance, it’s possible that this also extends to grief. His relationship to Yuki isn’t a focus because he worked through his grief differently from Hiiragi and Mafuyu, making him less relevant in terms of story. It leads to Shizusumi and Yuki’s relationship being the least known about, but it feels likely that the two were still good friends, even if they weren’t given the same focus as the other’s with Yuki.

Shizusumi and Mafuyu have a lot more known about them currently, which can lead to a few points being figured out within childhood. These two were, in a way, the drag along friends. Shizusumi was there because of Hiiragi and Mafuyu was there thanks to Yuki, if it hadn’t been for their connecting friends, who knows if these two would’ve actually connected. In childhood, it seems like they were a bit distant, more introverted and quiet than their extraverted counterparts. This didn’t stop a bond from existing though - as Shizusumi and Mafuyu in their teen years are definitely close, and they have a unique sort of bond. These two are honest - or rather, they're blunt in a way that’s different from others. It seems likely that these two figured out in childhood that both of them were the quiet type, therefore not being the types to mince words, especially with each other. Mafuyu is also able to come to Shizusumi when he has an issue, which makes it likely that the two may have been able to rely on each other for advice in the past and built up that no-nonsense type of relationship. It feels likely that they held both a shallow and deep bond, as they weren’t vital to each other, but they were also the ones who they could trust for straightforward advice and talks. This does develop to the point of being a firm friendship within the actual manga, as the reconnection appears to strengthen the bonds of those left from the original quartet. While Shizusumi and Mafuyu may not be the duo that go out to just hang out and have fun, they are the ones who are able to have those serious conversations, thanks to their appreciation for bluntness.

Next, the icons themselves, the childhood friends to lovers gone right, Shizusumi and Hiiragi. From the beginning Shizusumi was pretty in love with Hiiragi, like solidly having a crush since they were children. Hiiragi was definitely the closest to Shizusumi of the entire group, still is, always will be, and it’s really cute - even if he hasn’t necessarily always returned Shizusumi’s romantic feelings. These two were a duo, they were happy and cute, with Shizusumi pining over Hiiragi, while Hiiragi chased after Yuki - be that platonically or romantically. Even with the different types of feelings, this didn’t stop them from being super close - Shizusumi never actually let jealousy get the best of him when it came to his friendship with Hiiragi throughout their younger years. The two have a very classic introvert-extravert friendship, which is always a cute dynamic to see, and they keep it until Shizusumi decides to confess. While Shizusumi never necessarily made his feelings for Hiiragi known while Yuki was alive - mostly due to him thinking Hiiragi was in love with Yuki - the same restraint doesn’t hold after Yuki’s death, which causes some slight tension between them, albeit not for very long. What the confession does though, is force Hiiragi to rethink a lot. He has to go back and figure out his own feelings, because while he may not have loved Yuki romantically, he definitely idolised him - to an unhealthy degree. But Hiiragi either realises or decides to ignore that he had any inkling of romance towards Yuki, instead looking back and deciding that no, it was Shizusumi who made sense for him, who he loved. So while yes, there was slight tension while Hiiragi was forced to confront his own feelings, they undoubtedly came back stronger. These two are together no matter what type, they’ll always have each other’s backs in the hard times and the best times. This is the healthier childhood friends to lovers, they’re better prepared, knowing what they’re getting into with each other. It’s why the confession and their night together comes across so rough, they aren’t going to live in a world of perfection, and it’s clearer for them. Hiiragi may want a fairytale, but he can accept that he won’t get it, and he doesn’t care because he loves Shizusmi. Meanwhile, Shizusumi doesn’t want some fairytale life, but he gets the closest thing to it by being with Hiiragi. It makes them real, and it makes them a good couple, their development together rough and real, no longer the chase and innocence of childhood, but just as filled with love.

Now, onto Hiiragi and Mafuyu, who are somehow one of the most chaotic duos by the end of the manga. As children, there was definitely a Yuki shaped wedge between the two of them. The issue for these two came up because Yuki was their person - the one who they were close to that connected them to the group. Hiiragi and Yuki were the connecting friendship in the whole group, they were the reason it existed in the first place. Mafuyu joined the group because he and Yuki were him and Yuki, they were always together. Hiiragi had also picked up on this dynamic between Yuki and Mafuyu, which may have kept him from approaching, from wanting to intrude, especially because he idolised Yuki and that relationship he had with Mafuyu. But no matter what, this led to them being friends, but not exactly close within their childhood - in spite of the teasing dynamic that they had together. In childhood, they simply were around each other, they were friends, without actually being that close. This changed after Yuki’s death, as they had a chance to grow closer than they were before, and they do - both needing that support from each other. Hiiragi doesn’t want to fail Mafuyu, he’s reaching desperately for his forgiveness, and Mafuyu can accept that he still needs Hiiragi (and Shizusumi) in his life, that he shouldn't be alone. This is what leads Hiiragi to reaching out and Mafuyu to accepting and letting them closer than ever before. These two weren’t all that close in childhood due to their relationships to Yuki accidentally keeping them apart, but they end up growing extremely close after his death, realising that they can rely on each other, support each other through their grief and guilt over Yuki’s death, and come out stronger than before.

Onto Yuki and Hiiragi, who are the extraverted connecting friendship of the young quartet. They weren’t the closest of the group, but they were the ones who brought the entire group together, they were the bright ones, the ones who were loud and bold in personality. These two were best friends, they were a star and his admirer. Hiiragi and Yuki had a good relationship, they did, they also have the interesting dynamic of idol worship. As cute as the friendship is, and as fun it can be for one character to admire another, Hiiragi takes it to the point of idol worship, to the point where he thinks of Yuki as a star on stage while he’s a captivated audience member. It’s not the best way to view someone who should actually be an equal, and it’s slightly curious that these two have this dynamic when they were childhood friends. Hiiragi likely met Yuki at a young enough age for there to have been a reason, that reason just isn’t shown within the story, as the more important thing to remember is that Hiiragi had a slightly skewed view of Yuki due to this halo effect. It also means that Hiiragi appears to brush off any flaws - like when it came to the fight, he likely minimized how bad it actually was in his narrative to try to try to keep his perfected image of Yuki, as well as Yuki and Mafuyu’s relationship. That being said, while the idolisation isn’t necessarily great, Hiiragi and Yuki still had a good friendship. From what’s shown, Yuki never appeared to belittle or take advantage of Hiiragi’s high view of them, which makes sense given that he probably wouldn’t have had a reason to. They were undoubtedly the connecting duo, and they basically created the ultimate quartet, so thank you Hiiragi and Yuki, we really do need extraverts.

Final duo, the owners of the best codependent relationship in the series, Mafuyu and Yuki. These two started out so sweet, so innocent and precious, and so healthy. They checked off all the boxes for the sweet childhood friends to lovers, introvert-extravert, overly expressive/non-expressive ship tropes and dynamics. The issue comes with them growing too close, they blur the lines not only of friends and lovers, but also between being a duo and being one person in some ways. They were considered to be opposites in the ways that mattered, so much so that it appears to a readers view they may have molded themselves around each other, creating their dynamic based on what they thought the other needed them to be, rather than completely having their own personalities. They made themselves compliment one another, likely uncounsioucly, and in doing so took on two extreme opposites that usually need a balance. They didn’t let themselves find this balance within themselves because they found it in each other. They were two halves of one whole, in the worst possible way. It may be because of this though, that Mafuyu and Yuki could be considered for the star-crossed lovers trope. At least according to Hiiragi, Yuki and Mafuyu felt paired up by the universe. In the end though their codependent dynamic of being all the other wasn’t and all the other needed screwed them over. It created a sense of knowing what the other needed and wanted even if they didn’t actutally know, it was just that they thought they were beyond words - and no teenage couple is beyond communication, something Given makes sure to show. Overall, this is probably the most heartshattering of the relationships in Given as it doesn’t have the same type of closure as most of the other ones do, as Yuki’s dead. At least Mafuyu heals, it’s just still not a fun one to think about - childhood friends to lovers gone wrong in one of the worst ways possible.

The final trio that ends up existing is Shizusumi, Hiiragi, and Mafuyu. These three come out stronger than before, they’ve built better bonds than seen in their childhood - though that could be because not enough of their childhood was shown. From what is presented though, there’s definitely a stronger relationship between Mafuyu and the other two, while Hiiragi and Shizusumi have basically just upgraded to a romance. By the end of the story, Hiiragi and Mafuyu do claim each other as little siblings, which seriously does show an improvement between them. Hiiragi and Mafuyu used to have an almost one-sided teasing dynamic, and Hiiragi thought it was Mafuyu not liking him when it was probably just Mafuyu not knowing how to socialise the same way. To see them grow to bond more after Mafuyu’s self-imposed isolation is genuinely beautiful, it shows how death will heavily impact a group, but that doesn’t mean they can’t come stay together and even become stronger. The same thing goes for Shizusumi and Mafuyu, as they also seem to grow possibly more comfortable with each other, can’t be too sure as they weren’t really shown interacting as children - but if anything that could be evidence they’ve definitely grown. Of course, Shizusumi and Hiiragi proved that they’ll always stick together, they can support each other throughout whatever hard times they’re going through, and they’ll be able to move forward just as well. The trio went through an awful, absolutely devastating loss when Yuki committed suicide, but they were able to reconnect and improve how they are as a group of friends. Honestly, this trio is beautiful to think about, it shows great perseverance in the most difficult times and how tragedy can be overcome with support.

Overall, every single dynamic within this quartet is so interesting and important to think about. None of them - Mafuyu, Yuki, Hiiragi, nor Shizusumi - would be who they are if it weren’t for having each other throughout their childhood. They’re a great representation of how a friend group isn’t inherently toxic if they have slightly stronger duos than one perfectly equal quartet. The way that the group is shown to grow and change how they are with each other, especially after Yuki’s death, is again just a really bittersweet way of showing that tragedy happens, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world - not permanently. Everything about these four has complexity and such delicate care put into it, their characters all just flourish because of the different dynamics shown within Given.

[guided-by-the-skies]

biggest myths ♠︎ about SP types

here's some myths about sensing perceivers! the sensor - intuitive battle is often an integral part of typology communities with sensors finding intuitives obtuse and detached from reality and intuitives finding sensors shallow and unconcerned with arts, culture, or the deeper meaning behind things.

of course these are crude stereotypes but unfortunately the world is often hectic and stressful enough that many people rarely get to fully express what their type is truly capable of leading to stereotypes feeling real when we meet in other out in the wild and intuitives often having gone their lives in the minority, feeling left out and hurt

so let's shake things up! the sensing perceivers are about as different from SJ types as SJ types are from intuitives, but we're a chilled out bunch who tend to keep ourselves to ourselves in the typology community so it's not often you hear from us. here are some myths about sensing perceivers - and a brief rundown of just some of the reality

🍉 sensing perceivers are shallow | reality: SP types are amazing at noticing the hidden details and patterns behind things. They also love to explore the world, and if there's a reason to do this theough abstract theories (e.g. thinking about what's up there in space) then they will. However if there isn't, they won't. A main difference between them and intuitives is they are less likely to bond over this kind of talk.

🥑 sensing perceivers and iNtuitives can't get on | reality: SP and N types, especially NP types, can get on really well - so long as they account for the differences in values. SP types tend to be quite quick witted and they can easily keep up with an average N type, but they may not prioritise the same things in conversations. Learning where they differ can help bridge the gap

🍉 SP types don't like or get involved with typology | reality: many SP types like typology, but they tend more to tinker with it or play around with it's implications in the real worls. For example, they may enjoy typing people they know to try and figure out things about them, or they may use typology to try and figure out cold cases or so on

🥑 SPs are bitchy and/or judgemental | SP types very often feel a similar 'outsider status' to N types in a world made for SJs. However due to their preoccupation with the practical and the fact they don't immediately go deep, SPs can come off as colder. In combination it can seem like they don't like you, but in reality this is often far from the truth.

🍉 STPs are psychopaths/sociopaths | STP types can seem extremely bold and fearless sometimes. Good in a crisis, they may be your neighborhood prepper or be good at bushcraft or know first aid. This lack of fear can make them come off as psycho or sociopathic especially if they haven't figured out yet that not everyone feels the same way. However, they often have a surprisingly sweet side, and once you get close to them, you will learn how to read their feelings more easily.

🥑 SP types are dumb | SP types often don't do well at school, as lower levels tend to be geared towards SJs, and higher levels more towards NPs.

🍉 SP types can't or don't like to think abstractly | SP types often do think abstractly but this is most likely intertwined with the practicalities of their thoughts. This is why you may not always notice it. SP types have to think imaginatively due to the fact their high Se makes them drawn to new situations to give themselves enough stimulation. Yet unlike NP types they quickly follow this through with action. A good example of this would be the Wright Brothers who were able to dream up their plans for man's first flight and subsequently put it into action.

🥑 SFPs are airheaded | SFPs may come off as airheaded due to their high need for social stimulation, meaning they are often social butterflies. But this doesn't mean they don't value deeper topics - they simply won't bond over them socially immediately. Once they become relevant, SFPs will take the plunge - but the key word is relevant. For example. an ESFP dates an N type who is an archaeologist. They become interested in their SO's work. Thus, conversations begin to spiral round to this. ESFP suddenly finds their opportunity to share their adjacent interest in travel and culture. However, SPs are less likely to have topics of obsession in the same way NPs are.

🍉 SPs love mending/fixing stuff. Ok, this one is kind of true. This is because SPs love getting into flow states, which are a meditative state where the brainwaves work differently. Fixing things or tinkering about is one way to achieve this, but not all STPs or SPs are into this. They tune into the same parts of their brain by surfing, painting, or a myriad other activities that don't require linear thought.

🥑 SP types are not academic, or represented in academia | Ok, this one is statistically kinda true as well. But that doesn't mean SPs can't deal with academic topics. They just don't tend to find them interesting in their own right unless they can relate them to the real world. That's why they tend to adapt or repurpose them for their own values, making SP types great innovators, inventors, and entrepreneurs. Or, if they are in academia, they are likely to be the person out doing fieldwork as opposed to sitting back in the lab.

That's all, hope it resonates, take what you want and leave the rest. From your friendly neighborhood ISxP :P

[astercontrol]

Thinking about that ask I got about "dark and edgy" versus "light-hearted" Tron movies.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that part of the reason I like the original movie so much is that it's got SO much silliness, and yet also has extremely dark themes.

Not all of the dark themes are front-and-center in the story. Some of them only stand out after you've thought about it a while. But others are VERY clearly there. There's violence and gladiator battles-to-the-death. There's dictatorship and enslavement. Good guys are forced to murder senselessly for the bad guys' amusement. Friends are imprisoned together for ages talking about their hopes for when they get out and then one of them is killed just after they escape. There are villains grappling with how they've gone too far and are afraid to go farther but can't turn back now.

And yet there's also utterly absurd silliness! There's the way Crom blusters through his introduction as a compound interest program who's not made to fight in video games. There's a Bit that flies around going Yes and No and sassing Flynn as he does maybe the third-worst possible job of trying to drive a Recognizer. There's how Flynn acts before the whole adventure starts-- he is just an absolute clown and practically every single scene with him feels like a comedy.

The original TRON movie went SIGNIFICANTLY past the threshold of "this movie has so much silliness in it that it qualifies as a Silly Movie, regardless of what other deeply sad and serious stuff also happens in there."

That threshold isn't even "more than half." It's a small amount, proportionally. But silly is a powerful ingredient. It doesn't take very much to make the whole thing Distinctly Silly-Flavored.

But... that's a very fiction-centric trope.

If real life were held to this standard, real life would be far past that threshold. There is outright horror in this world. Lots and lots and lots of it. But mixed inextricably in with the horror and tragedy is more than enough silliness to make this, by fiction standards, a thoroughly silly world.

But we, as real people who are affected by the horror and tragedy as well as the silliness --- we don't judge the world by fiction standards.

And I think I'm realizing that I don't really judge fiction by those standards either.

You don't have to. I think some of the greatest writers don't. I think some of the greatest fiction of history isn't present-day-Hollywood easy to categorize as Deep Dark Edgy or Angsty Drama or Silly Light or Filthy Smutty or any box like that. I think the best of it has a big helping of each.

I wrote a fic about some of the "lightest" canon themes in that movie, like how Flynn keeps ending up in bizarrely homoerotic situations with Tron and Ram where he has absolutely no idea what's happening, and then suddenly at the end he kisses Tron's girlfriend for no clear reason, and then she kisses Tron and no one seems to care. My fic is Flynn's POV through all that nonsense and it's a serious story, about the painful emotional distance of socially navigating a world where people don't give the same signals you do, while you deeply care about respecting their boundaries even though you'll never understand them, and finally finding common ground because they, too, have known the feeling of facing someone you care about and not being able to articulate what you want.

I wrote a smut fic where that goofy compound interest program Crom loses his virginity to Ram and it turns out he has six tentacles that he uses for extra counting hands so he can go up to hexadecimal. And it's a sad angsty fic with, like, theology and philosophy and moral dilemmas about loyalty.

I wrote a fic about losing your purpose and questioning what you even are and splitting into multiple selves and being separated from someone you need to reach by a communication gap you'll never bridge, and being torn between loyalty to someone from a world you'll never understand and loyalty to someone who's basically you. And it's from the viewpoint of the fucking BIT.

There is no dark and light. There's fucking rainbows of color, everywhere.

And not many movies these days show it.

[dekaydk]

When It Rains It Pours ep 6

That was a tough watch and I am still having thoughts about it, but it was, for me, really good.

So, first, an admission: I was down on Ep 5 for the "they finally have sex" moment being emotionally underwhelming. I'm still not entirely satisfied, BUT after watching Ep. 6 I'm much more in my original camp of "the showrunners have a perspective and know what they're doing" for multiple reasons.

First, I think that they wanted it to feel a little emotionally lacking, because both men, Sei especially, are not quite letting themselves feel as much in the moment. It's a lot to process for both of them, and in different ways and from different perspectives. The unpacking of this crossing of the Rubicon is not something that happens all at once and immediately it's wine and roses time. We get to see this in the morning after scene where they finally really kiss. That's actually yet another Rubicon: sex is one thing, but for both men, kissing has more emotion to it.

Second, the cultural differences are something that I personally don't always account for, because it's not easy. I usually love subtlety and this show by and large delivers. Yes, Ep 5 is a Rubicon, but it's part of a longer journey and you don't break years of habit and conditioning overnight, especially when you haven't really reckoned with where your feelings are or will go until after you're on the opposite shore. Would I have preferred that there be a little more of a Western drama feel? Sure, but in post Ep 6-hindsight, the way the episode goes feels much more like a valid and understandable choice.

Spoilers for Episode 6 ahead.

Episode 6 Things I Liked

Not letting Kaori be a villain. Like everyone else she's complicated, and was letting her fears control her too much. But she talked about it. They communicated, finally. It's too late and even had it not been, she might not have been able to help bridge the gap (in the bedroom!!!) because she still hasn't accepted responsibility for her feelings about Hagiwara's genitals (this was pointed out by multiple Japanese speakers as a mistranslation: not being his "manly" behavior, but actually him having a dick). She has some (ahem) unresolved issues here and maybe this will help her along. She made him state his position, which is actually kind of fair since he's the one who has broken the matrix they were suspended in.

When Fujisawa tells Sei that he knows what's been happening, Sei is typically blunt and direct. Perhaps even too harsh, but after all he's been through with Fujisawa, resentment and anger are foremost, perhaps even regret that he wasted time with Fujisawa. For Sei, this isn't just honesty, it's something of an attack. Fujisawa is not having this, to put it mildly. What's weird is how he's homophobic about Sei having sex with a man: dude, he wants to have sex with you and you're a man. (In contrast, I get Kaori's confusion, because I think many people would. (The Tumblr community is "nobody cares about gender" but this is decidedly not true of the larger population.)) Fujisawa is so angered about the loss of control over his pet, to the point that his previous (apparent) aversion to sex is cast aside in favor of violence and (it is implied) forcing himself on Sei.

The episode ends with Sei in a weird state, even for him. Fujisawa seriously traumatized him (we didn't see the extent of it but it's clear some bad stuff happened off camera) and that's hugely difficult to handle for someone who's spent years not really reckoning with the fact that he's willingly become a bird in a cage. On top of it all, now Fujisawa wants to take even the little freedom he has away.

Hagiwara continues to be honest and direct with Sei, and equally importantly, observant and perceptive. He figured out that Sei was in a bad state and confronted that, directly but gently, without making it about himself. Once again, he recognizes that Sei is feeling much more than he's letting on and tries to help Sei confront it. But unlike Fujisawa, he will not try to control Sei.

Everyone is in pain and it's not clear where things go next, but at least everyone's self-deceptions are (mostly, except perhaps for Fujisawa) at least exposed.

[unabashegirl]

Enticing 34 || Harry Styles

Summary: Harry is a young billionaire and CEO of his own company. He mostly keeps to himself, he is stern and very meticulous when it comes to business. He also likes to keep his personal life very private for the sake of his newly born son Oliver Styles. It isn't until he meets Y/N Y/L/N that everything changes. She becomes his new nanny after his previous one quits due to personal reasons. She is young, caring, and sweet. Will they ignore their feelings? Will Harry's girlfriend accept their love and leave them? Will she be able to cope with his busy agenda? What about Oliver's mother? Where is she? Who is she?

masterlist

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Y/N found herself seated in the cozy confines of the Indian restaurant, the warm ambiance and enticing aromas tantalizing her senses. She glanced down at her watch, the minutes ticking away as her anticipation grew. She had arrived a bit early, eager to honor the plans she and Harry had made for their dinner date.

As her gaze flitted over the menu, a mixture of hunger and curiosity stirring within her, the entrance of the restaurant caught her attention. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Harry walking in, his presence commanding attention even before he reached her table.

Harry's eyes scanned the room briefly before landing on her, and a genuine smile lit up his face. The sight of her sitting there, waiting for him, was a reminder of the connection they were trying to rebuild—a connection that had been tested by time, distance, and unexpected revelations.

Y/N couldn't help but admire Harry's impeccable appearance as he approached her table. His perfectly tailored suit accentuated his form, the elegance of his attire matched by the warm sincerity in his gaze.

"Y/N," Harry greeted her, his voice a mixture of warmth and fondness.

"Harry," Y/N replied, her smile mirroring his.

As he took his seat across from her, their eyes met in a silent exchange that held a hint of vulnerability. The weight of their shared history and the newfound dynamics they were navigating was palpable, but so was the desire to bridge the gap between them.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting," Harry apologized, his expression sincere.

Y/N waved off his concern, her gaze softening. "No worries. I just got here myself."

Harry's smile deepened, a touch of relief evident in his features. "I hope you're hungry. I've heard great things about this place."

Y/N chuckled softly, her laughter a testament to their shared humor. "Starving, actually. And Indian food sounds perfect."

As they perused the menu together, an air of camaraderie settled between them—a comfortable familiarity that held the promise of eased tensions and genuine conversation. The tension that had marked their previous interactions seemed to fade in the warmth of the restaurant's ambiance.

As they engaged in light banter, the layers of complexity that had once overshadowed their connection began to peel away. Their conversations flowed with ease, and Y/N found herself laughing more freely than she had in a long time. In the space of the restaurant, they were just two individuals, connecting over shared experiences and the prospect of a future that held hope.

As the evening progressed, their connection deepened, the weight of their history giving way to a sense of rediscovery. The wounds of the past were gradually being replaced by the potential for healing and growth—a future that was as uncertain as it was promising. And as they dined together, their laughter mingled with the flavors of the food, creating a tapestry of shared memories and newfound possibilities.

Harry and Y/N's conversation continued to flow, carrying them through topics that ranged from their shared history to hopes for the future. As the evening progressed, a pivotal decision emerged—a decision that held the potential to shape the path ahead.

Harry looked down at his phone, his fingers tapping against the screen as he navigated the sensitive topic that lay between them. He took a deep breath and met Y/N's gaze, his expression earnest.

"Y/N," he began, his voice gentle yet resolute, "about the paternity test..."

Y/N's attention shifted to him, her curiosity evident. "Yes?"

Harry's gaze held hers, a mixture of seriousness and determination in his eyes. "I think we should schedule the appointment for the day after tomorrow. I want to get this over with."

Y/N nodded in understanding, the weight of his words settling between them. "I agree. It's something that needs to be addressed."

There was a pause in their conversation as Y/N a bite out of her coconut chicken green curry, her thoughts mingling with the flavors on her palate. Harry's decision to confront the issue head-on resonated with her, a testament to the complexities of their situation.

Harry's fingers danced across his phone's screen as he responded to a message from Andrew, his assistant. A sense of purpose seemed to guide his actions as he navigated the logistics of their decision.

Andrew had taken the initiative to set up the appointment with Harry's family doctor, knowing that this step was significant for both Harry and Y/N. As Harry typed out his response, his focus remained on the conversation at hand, the weight of the decision they were making still heavy in his mind.

Y/N's gaze shifted from her plate to Harry's face, her expression a mixture of understanding and curiosity. "Did you manage to set up the appointment?"

Harry nodded, a sense of accomplishment in his gaze. "Yes, Andrew's already on it. The appointment is scheduled for the day after tomorrow."

Y/N's appreciation was evident in her smile. "Thank you"

Their conversation continued, intertwining with the decision they had made.

As the evening unfolded, the air around Harry and Y/N seemed to hold a delicate balance—a balance between reconnecting, addressing their shared past, and navigating the uncharted territory that lay before them. With the paternity test scheduled, the topic of their future was bound to arise.

The aroma of their meals still hung in the air as Y/N's gaze met Harry's, curiosity evident in her eyes. "Harry, what's going to happen after the paternity test? I mean, if it confirms everything..."

Harry's expression was contemplative, his gaze steady as he met her eyes. "I've been thinking about that, Y/N. And honestly, I'd like you to move in with me—for the duration of the pregnancy."

Y/N's eyebrows shot up in surprise, a mixture of emotions flickering in her eyes. "Move in with you?"

Harry nodded, his tone sincere. "Yeah. I want to be there for every step of this journey. I want to support you through the pregnancy, and I want us to share this experience together."

There was a moment of silence, the weight of Harry's words hanging in the air between them. Y/N's mind raced as she processed his request, a complex mixture of feelings swirling within her.

"I appreciate your offer, Harry," Y/N began, her voice soft yet resolute, "but I can't accept that."

Harry's expression shifted to one of confusion, his brows furrowing slightly. "Why not? I just want to be there for you."

Y/N's gaze held a mixture of determination and vulnerability as she spoke. "I'm in the process of renting out my first apartment. And more than that, I want to continue to be independent. I know you mean well, but I can't simply move in with you. We're not together anymore."

Harry's features softened with understanding, his gaze reflecting a sense of empathy. "Y/N, I get it. I respect your need for independence. But this is about supporting each other through a crucial time."

Y/N's eyes glistened with unshed tears, her emotions on display. "Harry, how can you expect us to live together now, when we're not together as a couple anymore? It's not the same as it was". 

Harry sighed, his gaze dropping to the table momentarily before meeting hers again. "You're right, Y/N. It's complicated. But my intention is just to be there for you, to share in this experience as parents."

Y/N's gaze softened, the vulnerability in her expression matching his. "I know, Harry. And I appreciate that. But we have to find a way to navigate this in a way that works for both of us. I want to continue to be independent, even amidst the pregnancy."

Harry nodded slowly, understanding her point of view.

Their conversation lingered in the air, the weight of their decisions and the complexity of their feelings forming a bridge between them—a bridge that held the potential to guide them forward, even as their paths diverged. The future was uncertain, but in their shared dialogue, they found a glimmer of understanding—a reminder that despite the challenges, they were united by the life they were bringing into the world and the journey they were embarking upon, together in a new way.

The evening had been a delicate dance of shared moments and honest conversations, woven together by the flavors of their dinner and the warmth of their connection. As they finished their meal, Harry's insistence on indulging in dessert had elicited a smile from Y/N—a momentary reprieve from the complexities that surrounded them.

With the Indian restaurant behind them, they found themselves strolling through the streets, the cool evening air a balm against the tensions that had simmered beneath the surface of their discussions. Their steps were unhurried, their conversation light as they explored the cityscape that surrounded them.

As they walked, their path led them to a baby store, its display windows showcasing an array of items meant for the tiniest members of society. Their gazes lingered on the storefront, both hesitating just outside the entrance.

Nervousness mingled with curiosity as they exchanged a glance, the unspoken fears and uncertainties hanging in the air between them like a fragile thread.

Harry's voice broke the silence, his tone soft yet tinged with vulnerability. "I never thought I'd be standing outside a baby store like this. Not even after Oliver. I sent out someone to buy everyone for him”.

Y/N's gaze remained fixed on the store's window, her emotions visible in the furrow of her brows. "Me neither." Y/N remembered that Harry wasn't there for Oliver's pregnancy. Ashley had taken that away from him. She had almost taken that away from him. 

For a moment, they stood there, their shared history and the circumstances that brought them to this point weighing heavily on their shoulders. The future was uncertain, and the prospect of parenthood together had brought them to a crossroads—one that was filled with both hope and apprehension.

Harry's fingers brushed against Y/N's hand, his touch a gentle reminder of their connection. "It's okay to be scared, Y/N."

Y/N's gaze met his, vulnerability and uncertainty mirrored in her eyes. "I know. It's just...it's a lot to process."

Harry nodded, understanding the weight of her words. "It is. But no matter what happens, I'll  be here for you". 

As they continued to stand outside the baby store, the moments of shared silence and understanding seemed to knit their connection closer. The complexities of their situation had not faded, but the willingness to confront their fears and navigate their shared journey was a testament to their growth.

With a deep breath, Y/N turned to Harry, a mixture of emotions playing across her features. "You're right. We'll figure it out. And maybe...maybe we can step inside and take a look."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Harry's lips, his gaze holding a mixture of warmth and reassurance. "Only if you're ready, Y/N."

Together, they stepped inside the baby store—a physical manifestation of the path they were treading together. As they explored the aisles and examined the tiny garments and necessities, a sense of unity seemed to settle within them, quieting their fears and strengthening their resolve.

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[gorchards]

Time Without Consequence - Yuuta Okkotsu x Reader

Part 1.5 of Love Lines!

word count: 1,851

a/n: Just a little building block/flashback chapter to bridge the gap between Love Lines and the Next one :) Toge is a very very patient friend and I love him for that. Not much of Y/N in actuality, they're mentioned a lot by Yuta tho. ofc <3

Yuta strode his way up to his dorm with a skip in his step- which wasn’t something he normally did, but today? He had seen you. He’d seen you in person for the first time in four years.

As he climbed up the stairs, every moment of your little meet-up replayed in his head. Your laugh echoed in his ears. The look on your face when you handed him your new number burned in his mind. He almost couldn’t believe it. You actually wanted to see him again.

Everything else in his life, even you, had told him that there was no chance you could ever reunite. No chance that he could ever see you again.

Yuta had spent every day since the break-up praying for your return. He would spend so much time just thinking about you- especially when you first broke up. You were all that he could think about.

Well, He had tried to move on from you more than once. He thought that would be the right thing to do- the kind of thing that you would have wanted. But it was an impossible task for him to even attempt. Every time he worked up the nerve to download a dating app or to try and pursue someone in his classes, he just couldn’t ever go through with it. Just when he would think he was ready, something would happen and he would fall right back into the endless memories he kept of you.

Even though his heart was clinging to the string of hope that you would come back (at the very least, as his friend), he didn’t want you to come back and find him just the same as he was before. He feared that you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to stay if he didn’t take this time to improve. So he had done his best to do better for himself day by day, for both his own happiness and the potential of your return. And that had caused several suitors to become attracted to him- all of whom he would end up turning down.

The first person who expressed interest in him after you had ended surprisingly well, though. Roughly a year after you two had broken up, Toge Inumaki had approached him after a shared class, and invited him to lunch via a piece of notepaper.

Of course, Yuta had agreed! It was exciting, the prospect of a new friend. And it had gone very well, to his utter delight. And so they went out to lunch, again and again.

As the weeks passed, Yuta grew downright giddy about his new friend. Toge Inumaki was selectively mute, but they had managed to communicate over coffees and lunches with a little bit of work from the both of them. It was strange for Yuta to talk so much, but he did his best for the sake of his new friend. In the back of his mind, though, you were ever-present. He often wondered what you might have thought of Toge. He could imagine that you would have shared in his joy over this- that you would have wanted to meet his new friend. He thought they had a lot in common, so perhaps you would have liked him- but not too much, he hoped.

He knew that Toge would have loved you. After all, who wouldn’t? He imagined that if the three of you had had lunch together, it would have been even better than it currently was! You always knew what to say, and how to make just about anyone feel comfortable and included.

He wondered what new people you were meeting, what new friends you had. He wondered what you might be doing with them. It wasn’t hard to picture you surrounded by people who loved and cared about you, and he hoped that he and his new friends could one day be among them. He wanted to make sure you could feel that love.

And then the thought would come that you would never meet each other's friends again.

That you would never celebrate another thing together again.

That he would have to love you in longing for the rest of his life.

It crushed him. Heavy, the thought would weigh on his mind whenever he would meet up with Toge. The thought would linger, and cause him to space out occasionally, to Toge’s concern. Still, it didn’t weird his new friend out enough to scare him away.

One evening, Toge had walked Yuta to the bus. It was just the two of them, so they sat down for a little chat. “Thanks for hanging out with me today, Toge.” He said with a soft smile. “I always have fun with you.”

Toge nodded and began to sign. Yuta had picked up a little bit- trying to learn for his friend.

“You…too?”

Yuta looked up at Toge for approval. To his delight, he was smiling and nodding in approval.

He started smiling even wider. “Hey, I understood that!”

Toge chuckled slightly and patted his shoulder. Again, he signed. “Good job!”

Yuta’s eyes lit up in excitement. “It’s so cool how you can communicate like that. I’ll do my best to catch up with you but…well, you’ve got a pretty serious headstart on me.

Toge took out a notebook and scribbled on it. “It will come with time. But I will always be ahead of you.”

Yuta nodded. “You’re right…but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.”

Suddenly, Toge shifted his weight slightly and took a deep breath.

“Is…everything okay Toge? You look pretty serious all of the sudden.”

“Read” Toge signed. Then, he handed Yuta a letter.

In confusion, Yuta looked it over. A plain envelope with his name signed on the back.

Immediately, his mind fluttered to you. You had done something similar before, for your one-month anniversary. But the envelope was covered in hearts and stickers- a thought that made him smile even now. So much care and thought had been put into it.

So had Toge, he was sure. Whatever this was though, put a sinking feeling in his stomach. He wasn’t sure why.

Slowly, he opened it.

“Yuta Okkotsu - I have had a wonderful time with you these last few weeks. I admire your ability to try and include me in group discussions, and to converse with me over our meals. You are an amazing person, and I am happy to have become your friend.”

This made Yuta smile ear to ear. Short, but sweet in an upfront way. He appreciated the praise, but really he should be thanking Toge for helping him ease back into socializing.

Ah, but there was more.

“However, I must be upfront and honest with you. You see, the reason I was originally drawn to you is that I find you quite cute.” Oh?

“And I would like to ask how you would feel about going on a date.”

Oh.

Yuta’s smile cracked awkwardly. “Uhm…”

Toge tilted his head, eagerly waiting for a response.

“Toge, I’m sorry but…Well, I’m just…I’m not ready to date again. I’m sorry but…I have to turn you down.” With sweaty palms, he handed back the letter.

Toge was quiet for a moment, looking down at the ground.

Yuta could feel it. This would be the end. That’s how it was, in his experience. Once you had broken up with him, you couldn’t stand to even be around him anymore (at least, so he thought.), and had left him. Now that he had turned down Toge, he was sure that he would leave too.

“Again?” Toge signed.

“What?” Yuta said, snapping out of his thoughts.

Toge took the back of the envelope and wrote on it. “You said again. You’ve dated before? You don’t give off that impression.”

Yuta had to laugh a little bit. It’s not like he wasn’t right. “...I used to date this girl in high school. Her name was Y/N L/N and…well, she was my best friend.”

Yuta went on and on about you. How kind you were, how beautiful you were. Endlessly talking about the little moments he had with you that he treasured dearly, starting from the moment you first met as kids. Getting stuck in a tree together, birthday parties, your awkward middle school years. Your confession, your first date, dancing in the rain, lending you his sweaters. He couldn’t help himself. He had talked so much that they had both missed the bus without realizing it.

As cringeworthy as he initially found it, the more that Yuta talked, the more that even Toge found it oddly sweet. He got the feeling that you two would either find your way back together in some mushy gushy reunion, or you might have ruined Yuta for any other potential partner.

So three years later, when Yuta burst through the door of their apartment with the brightest smile he had ever seen on the man, Toge had a feeling that he knew what it was about.

Toge snapped twice to get his attention. “You look happy.” He said.

Yuta flushed. “I do?” Well, he shouldn’t have been so surprised. The joy of reuniting with you would of course be felt vibrating off of him like heat radiates from a fire. You were the love of his life in every way that someone could be.

“Did something good happen?” Toge asked.

“Well…” He scratched the back of his neck, unable to hide the pure joy that was pouring out of him. “Do you remember Y/N?”

“Your ex, Y/N?” He replied with a sigh, giving Yuta a look.

“Uhm…Well. We kind of ran into each other today…and she wants to see me again.”

Toge pursed his lips with a nod, and sat up in his seat. He patted the spot next to him, and Yuta complied quickly. Then, Toge grabbed his friend's shoulders. “Under absolutely NO circumstances will you text her without me reading it over first.”

Yuta laughed nervously, feeling Toge’s intense stare barrel into him.

“I’m serious. If I have to hear you talk about Y/N in the past tense for the next fifty years you WILL regret it.” Somehow, over the last few years, Yuta had never once shown even an ounce of resentment toward you. And Toge would always be the one to hear about it whenever the grief of missing you became too much. He didn’t want to make Yuta feel bad for his emotions, but… he didn’t feel he could react so empathetically for much longer.

“Okay, okay! Message received! But…well, I was going to ask for your help anyway. You always know what to say and I…I really don’t want to mess this up.” He said, slumping down in his spot on the little couch. “I…I’ve missed her so much, Toge. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

Toge cracked a little smile. “...Well, I am happy for you regardless. Tell me about it. I’m all ears.”

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[atimesfeeler]

Poster the 11th chapter. The ao3 curse hit but we prevail 🫡

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62948962/chapters/168467761

This is the chapter where things come to a head, haha. Metaphorically speaking. Unfortunately. For Wade.

Wip below if you’re interested!

(Trigger Warning: mentions of past non-con)

Logan looked at the front door. “You’ll be safe here. I can leave for-”

“No!” Wade lurched forward, gripping Logan’s arms. Instantly, Logan tensed, ready to fight off an alpha not in his right mind.

Wade ripped his hands away from Logan like they burned him, scent souring with guilt. “No, I mean-”

“I’m not sharing your rut with you,” Logan said, gentle but firm. His heart trembled in his chest, and he wished he could say it wasn't from fear.

For a split second, Wade looked at him, crushed, and Logan could smell the subtle shift of disappointment, embarrassment, and hurt singing through his senses like boiling blood. It was almost enough to make Logan cave. Almost.

And then Wade shook his head roughly, actively pushing through the haze in his mind. Fighting it.

“I wasn’t- I wouldn’t,” Wade said it so earnestly, “I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”

Logan relaxed slightly, regretful and yet relieved. His instincts were pounding on the walls of their cage, begging Logan to give in and submit to the comfort of an alpha he could trust. Logan’s rational mind knew better. Despite how fervently Wade seemed to be fighting his instincts that he had just recently gained, Logan knew it would only strain Wade for his first time.

Wade could bite him without even knowing what he was doing and bond them together without understanding the gravity of the situation. He could forget to use protection and almost ruin Logan’s life. In heat, it wasn't like Logan could accurately explain anything to a rutting alpha. It'd be like trying to convince a wall to get out of the way while drunk. It wasn't happening!

They were already dancing around each other, uncertain of how to bridge the gap and communicate. They hadn’t even kissed yet, for fuck's sake. Jumping into this could be dangerous and at too fast a pace for Logan to cave in.

If he joined Wade, his heat would be triggered as a defense mechanism to make the cycle bearable (survivable, really). It was almost impossible to keep up with if they weren’t both on their cycles.

In heat, Logan hated who he was.

He was the fucking Wolverine. Mutant X-Man. He had claws that came out of his hands... but in his heat?

He was frustratingly defenseless. His body felt like liquid. He was weaker, slower, and obviously, bogged down by the incessant need to fuck. It was harder to understand what was going on, to say no, to stop them, especially someone Logan actually wanted to be with. Logan didn’t know if he would even be able to fight Wade off of him if his heat was triggered.

Logan had done it before under extreme circumstances, with people Logan despised. Logan had killed them. The wolverine inside him took over, and when Logan came to, he was still in heat, which made it all the more painful.

He had rarely shared his heat. Only once voluntarily with a rutting alpha he was certain wouldn’t cross the boundaries Logan put in place. Even then, it happened. Even though Logan’s regeneration factor healed the bite, Logan didn’t want to bond himself to a person who loved someone else. Someone who thought the bond was a mistake after he came to.

Logan didn’t fight him off then, because in the throes of it, Logan thought he wanted it. Even when he struggled for a second, his rational mind trying to push through the haze of his heat, it was a pathetic fightback that made Logan question everything he knew about himself. Maybe Logan was weak. Maybe he did deserve what happened to him. Maybe he was everything he tried not to be.

Despite how badly he wanted to soothe Wade’s pain and act on the pull he felt, Logan couldn’t. He couldn’t do it.

“I just meant-” Wade was panting now, trying to get his words out. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I can’t. I’m. Please. Don’t leave me.”

[walking-loather]

Went on a date and they were like "I'm sorry you're disabled". My first thought was to get frustrated or feel patronised, but, that doesn't get us anywhere. So i thought about it and tempered my reaction, and what I came to was this: they're sad, but I'm not!

I understand the impulse to feel bad about my life situation. I get it. It sucks. Like objectively. It bums me out too sometimes.

But im not sorry I'm disabled, I'm happy I'm alive! Im happy with disability, not in spite of it. It's a part of my life. I can no more be miserable about my disability than I can be about getting a bad haircut. It's a part of me and I can either live with it, or I can suffer. If those are my options i choose live with it. Its really that simple and drastic.

Disability means pain, yes, but pain does not mean suffering. I am in pain every day of my life, but I do not suffer. How does that work? I live my life. I live! Isn't that wonderful? I am alive and I have a good, privileged life! I have friends. I have community. I have family. I have passions. So long as i can find the good, I am not focused on my pain, and if i am not focused on my pain it cannot consume me, and if it cannot consume me then I cannot suffer.

My disability is just another thing that is part of me. I don't look at what I can't do. I look at what I want to do, and I find a way to get there.

My life looks different from an able bodied person's life. It just does, and it always will. It's going to be different. I can either embrace it, or I can be miserable. I can either live with it or i can suffer.

I choose to embrace it. I choose to live with it.

It wasn't easy to do so, don't get me wrong. I was miserable for such a long time. I wanted to die; I wanted to die so badly. I thought there was no worth in my life and that I'd never be worth anything. But that's not true.

My life is beautiful. It's not exactly what i wanted for myself, and yeah, if i could wave a magic wand and be in a perfect body... I wouldnt even hesitate to take that option. But that's not gonna happen. So i look at what I have, and I'm so grateful to have it in the first place.

I could be so much worse off. Im fortunate. Im lucky. Im an immigrant success story. I live in a better land. Im happy here. Im well integrated. This place is my home. My country looks after me. I dont want for food. I dont want for shelter. Thats amazing. So if I can look at the little things that im grateful for and build from there...

I dont have all the abilities i want. I will never have everything I want, no matter how simple it may seem. So instead, I will be grateful for what I do have.

Im not sorry i'm im a wheelchair! Im happy! How many people in the world dont have a wheelchair who need one? Im fortunate to have one. My wheelchair is freedom. My world opened up when i got my wheelchair the same way it did when i got my licence.

My life may be sad to you, but its not sad to me. And if its not sad to me, then its not sad! You dont have to feel sad for someones disability. I think its natural to want them to be able to do the same things you can, or to achieve the same things you can. I think you should foster that desire into finding ways to help bridge the gap between what someone can do and what they cant. Access is how you bridge that gap.

Feeling sad for someone with disability is a natural empathetic response. I think its wrong to shame people for it, but it is worth it to redirect their thinking. They are sad for me, but its because they can only see limits. But disability isnt about seeing limits, its about finding out how to move past them.

My life might look sad to you, but you dont know what i can do. You dont know how far ive come. You dont know what my life looks like beyond my disability because you've never been shown that. Its not a story thats told. And i dont mind showing you that theres more to my story than what i cant do.

So, i dont mind if someone tells me theyre sorry im in a wheelchair. Im not. Lets get past that impulse of empathy, and have a real conversation. Because you'll see that i'm not sad. I have a rich life and im happy. Once you can see all that joy, the wheelchair becomes secondary. Of course i'm happy, my life is good.

The wheelchair. The disability. Its set dressing. Its the stage my life takes place on. We cant ignore it. Its there. But it is not so big that it robs goodness from my world.

Am I happy about having my disability? No. But I'm not sad about it. Not anymore.

And that is going to be true about any other disabled person you meet. We dont need pity, because our lives dont warrant it. We dont need you to feel bad for us, because there is no need to feel bad. Its just life. Thats how it goes sometimes.

Once a disabled person's hit the acceptance stage, there's really no need to offer them your sympathies anymore. Be happy with them in their life, however that looks.

[avelera]

So I’ve gone back and I’ve been reading some Old Guard fic (as I try to get motivated to write the last damn chapter of my one damn TOG WIP finished so I can finally moved on), and I must admit, one silly and very minor pet peeve I have in some Nicky/Joe fics for the Old Guard that explore their Crusader days is the trope of having them go a really long time without being able to understand each other. Because based on Nicky’s path as a Crusader even getting to the Holy Land, and the various hints we have that Joe has a pretty worldly background, I would suggest they should have had a baseline to communicate already when they met and that bridging the gap would have gone very quickly for one or both of them once they committed to learning.

There’s a few reasons I find them going a really long time without speaking each other’s language (most likely Nicky picking up Arabic) somewhat implausible:

- First, just based on my own personal experience: I went through a full language immersion experience myself and yes it was painful and yes, having textbooks and classes certainly helped, but all told it was 3-4 months from almost zero before I could start doing normal things for my age group like read simple books and do homework. However, the most effective language learning program in the country, Middlebury, does a full immersion program that gets people to baseline functionality in 6 weeks. Yes, learning a language is hard and I will be the first to say that mastery takes years and mastery without immersion is nearly impossible, but if you’re completely immersed there, without options, it goes much faster. You won’t be fluent of course but you will be conversational. Also, by all accounts, being illiterate or otherwise not bothering to learn how to read and write at the same time and ONLY going for verbal communication actually makes things go even faster.

- People who pick up by speaking (rather than reading and writing) and people who speak multiple languages already tend to pick up other languages even more quickly. Once you learn one or two, a lot of polyglots don’t stop there. There is that old joke: the word for speaking three languages is trilingual, two languages is bilingual, and speaking only one language is American. Which is to say I think native English speaking writers might be the ones underestimating how quickly a language can be learned (at least to a conversational level).

- Now throw in the fact that both Nicky and Joe have been recently in multilingual societies or organizations as a requirement of their meeting during the First Crusade, no matter how you slice it. Either as both coming from a merchant trading backgrounds traveling across international (so to speak) lands, or Nicky being part of the pan-European Christian army where multiple languages would be spoken across the camp, to him possibly having a priest background which would mean Latin as well. Not to mention Greek if Nicky picked up anything while in Constantinople (if he came over land). Nicky also would have been on the road to the Holy Land, if he went overland, for as long as 3 years and in Antioch before Jerusalem.

- Now, as an admitted caveat to all of this, I’ve lived overseas and it is absolutely common for expats to live in a country for years without bothering to pick up the local language at all. There were cultural and societal reasons that European Crusaders and the Egyptian Fatimids who lost Jerusalem wouldn’t bother to learn each other’s languages or any of the common merchants tongue or other common languages like Greek to bother to talk to each other. That’s absolutely fair to invoke for why they wouldn’t have a single word of any language in common.

- However, I will say, once both or either of them decided to try, I think some writers don’t give enough credit for how quickly one or the other would pick a language up, especially if it’s the language of the country they’re in (basically, I think once he tried, Nicky would pick up Arabic very quickly if he’s still in the Holy Land by the time he and Joe start trying to communicate). Effort plus full immersion is probably the single fastest way to learn a language, you’d be able to have rudimentary conversations within a few months at most. Really from there it’s just a question of whose country are they in once they start talking and stop trying to kill each other.

TL;DR I will be the first to say an author should go with what makes their story work best BUT there’s plenty of historically backed reasons why Nicky and Joe should have been able to carry on a basic conversation with each other from when they first met, and not be completely stymied in communicating with each other because of a language barrier.

[cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga]

As an engineer I think the problem comes from a lack of communication. If a guy sitting in his little ivory tower dictates everything without getting down and dirty with the equipment, he can't understand what is needed by the people operating the equipment. There needs to be a dialogue between the engineers and the people they're engineering for, and if there isn't the system is going to come out like shit 9 times out of 10 and there will be complaints.

Thankfully I'm in validation so it's my job to get my hands all over things and actually use them, but there's still a problem if the requirements for the system were written without user input because the validation procedure might be written strictly to the requirements and thus might miss actual usability concerns.

An engineer designing machining equipment should be familiar with actually operating machining equipment, or they should be actively consulting with one, and it sounds like your guys were neither. What a shitshow.

While communication and getting engineers both involved in and at all familiar with the actual process so they have at least SOME context as to what is reasonable vs what is technically possible, is one aspect to the solution. HOWEVER it is made moot if said engineer has zero respect for the work being done and the person doing said work.

Had an engineer recently start and then leave our site who was out on the floor actively involved in the process and that ended when a coworker genuinely had to jump in between myself and him and de-escalate the situation, I have a particularly short fuse when it comes to people talking down to me or trying in anyway to pull some gaslighting and my breaking point was when his code fucked up he started ranting about how I was the one who HAD to have messed it up I was ready to throw hands.

So while yes the Ivory tower engineers that expect the machinists to be able to jump through every hoop they ask for are bad but they are FAR from the worst.

Also I am glad you as an engineer were able to successfully remove your head from your ass and come to realize that NOTHING CAN EVER GET DONE IF WE DONT BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN SHOP WORKERS AND ENGINEERS!!!!! I hope where ever you work if you have an issue with our sides problematic arrogant asshole (who thinks his 40+ years of experience means he doesnt have to listen when you talk) I hope you can talk to the more reasonable shop guys akin to myself and have them help you rather than that asshat