#and everything else feels a little alienating now . even being with my family or friends

[reliquiaria]

can’t wait for december to come i’m way too tired for this shit . also i feel insanely guilty for neglecting this account moots please i do not love you any less i’m just constantly zoned out and unable to type out something comprehensible

[goldfades]

★ THE HARD DECISIONS LEAD TO THE GREATEST REWARDS ─── prologue

─ pairing | paige bueckers x fem!reader

─ word count | 2.4k words

─ warnings | unedited, some angst, coach misunderstandings and the feeling of being alienated, transfer-talk, nothing else? little r and p content but this is just the foundation, there will be a lot more coming!

─ ev's notes | as you guys know (OBVIOUSLY) my inbox is open for thoughts on this series and i'd love to know what you think so far, and maybe ideas for future chapters or even the plot itself since i don't have everything figured out just yet. anyways, hope you enjoy this prologue! ily all! mwah mwah

⇨ missing out on updates? check out the masterlist for my series!

May 2022

In a surprising turn of events, collegiate basketball powerhouse UConn has just secured a major coup with the addition of Y/N L/N to their roster. Y/N, once hailed as one of the brightest prospects in the 2021 recruiting class, has announced her decision to transfer from Arizona to UConn.

The news of Y/N's transfer from Arizona to UConn has sent shockwaves through the community, sparking speculation and excitement about the impact she will have on her new team. The timing of Y/N's decision, coming just weeks after the Wildcat's loss to UConn in the NCAA tournament, has led some to speculate about the impact of that defeat on her choice to transfer.

At UConn, Y/N will join a storied basketball program led by legendary coach Geno Auriemma. The Huskies, known for their tradition of excellence and strong team culture, offer Y/N the opportunity for a fresh start and a chance to rediscover her passion for the game.

"We're thrilled to welcome Y/N to the UConn family," says head coach Geno Auriemma. "She's a dynamic player with a bright future ahead of her, and we can't wait to see what she brings to the team."

──

March 2022

The buzzer echoed throughout the court and the UConn girls cheered loudly as they ran up to their teammates on the bench. You felt a lump form in your throat as you swallowed back the tears, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

Slumping onto the bench, you buried your face in your hands, the sting of tears threatening to overwhelm you. It wasn't just about the loss, though that certainly stung ─ it was the culmination of months of frustration, of feeling like you were fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight.

You had come to the U of A with high hopes and big dreams, but somewhere along the way, it had all started to unravel. Your coach, once a source of inspiration, now felt like an obstacle standing in the way of your growth. And the teammates, once friends and supposed allies, now seemed more like strangers, each focused solely on their own ambitions.

Inside the locker room, the atmosphere was heavy. Players sat in silence, their faces reflecting a mixture of disappointment and frustration. Coach Johnson's voice cut through the silence, his words measured and deliberate as he addressed the team.

"Look, we gave it our all out there," he began, his tone firm. "But sometimes, the game just doesn't go our way. That's fine, there's always next year and we'll come back strong. Practice is still on for tomorrow morning, 5am to 9am"

Coach Johnson's announcement of another early morning practice felt like a punch to the gut. It was a reminder of everything that had gone wrong, of the sacrifices you had made in pursuit of a dream that no longer felt like your own.

As your teammates exchanged weary glances, you felt a surge of frustration rising within you. Was this all there was to it? Endless hours of practice, sacrifices made in pursuit of a goal that felt increasingly out of reach?

As the team dispersed, heading back to their dorms and apartments, you lingered in the locker room, the weight of the decision you had been wrestling with growing heavier with each passing moment. It wasn't just about one tough loss or a grueling practice schedule ─ it was about reclaiming your sense of purpose, your love for the game that had once been your escape.

"Fuck," you grumbled as you felt the tears fall. You sniffled as you got up from the bench, reaching for your backpack as you began walking out of the locker-room.

You heard the court doors open and some laughter, you held your breath as you ignored the annoyance that filled your stomach. You focused on your feet as you walked, not really watching where you were heading until─you collided with someone, jolting you out of your reverie.

"Oh shit, my bad," the blonde's voice echoed as she glanced at her teammates, giving you a thin lipped smile as she recognized you from the game. She was wearing a UConn jersey as she steadied you with a hand on your shoulder. "Sorry,"

You nodded quickly, wiping your eyes and trying to compose yourself. "You're good," you muttered, avoiding her gaze.

The blonde hesitated for a moment before offering a genuine smile. "Hey, you're a good player. We were all impressed out there. Keep your head up."

You managed a small smile in return. "Thanks."

As she rejoined her teammates and they disappeared down the hallway, you felt a strange mixture of emotions ─ regret for the loss, but also a flicker of hope from her unexpected kindness.

──

"What are you suggesting?" You asked as you met Coach Lindsay's gaze, your expression confused as she sighed ─ you knew what she was suggesting. "A transfer?"

Lindsay nodded, her expression somber. "I hate to say it, Y/N, but I think it might be the best option for you," she said, her voice gentle but firm. "It's clear that things haven't been working out here at Arizona. The coach, the team dynamic and now the whole Alyssa thing... it's all been weighing you down."

You let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. The idea of transferring had been lingering in the back of your mind for weeks now, but hearing it spoken aloud made it feel all too real.

"I just don't know if I can do it," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I've put so much into this program. Leaving feels like admitting defeat."

Lindsay reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, her touch reassuring. "It's not about admitting defeat, Y/N. It's about taking control of your own happiness. You deserve to be somewhere where you can thrive, where you can be supported and valued for who you are."

Her words struck a chord deep within you. For too long, you had allowed yourself to be consumed by the expectations of others, sacrificing your own well-being in pursuit of a dream that no longer felt attainable.

Lindsay hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I'm not supposed to say anything but I've heard talk about UConn being interested in you. They've got a great program, and Coach Geno is one of the best. All you have to do is agree and just trust in the process, babe."

"UConn?" you repeated, the word feeling foreign yet oddly enticing on your tongue.

Lindsay nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Yeah. I mean, nothing's set in stone, but it could be worth exploring. Just think about it, Y/N. You will get drafted to the WNBA if you are at a powerhouse like UConn, especially with your talent."

You couldn't believe it ─ your own assistant coach was telling you to transfer. Was your situation at Arizona truly as bad as Lindsay seemed to suggest? You glanced around the locker room, the familiar sights and sounds suddenly feeling suffocating. Had it really come to this? Were things truly as toxic as they seemed, or were you just overreacting?

As you thought about her words, memories of the past few months flooded your mind ─ the grueling practices, the weird relationships (if you could even call them that) with teammates, the constant pressure to perform. Each moment felt like a weight dragging you down, sapping away your passion and drive.

And yet, amidst the uncertainty, there was a glimmer of hope. The possibility of a fresh start at UConn, of rediscovering your love for the game and reaching your full potential felt right.

Lindsay's voice broke through your thoughts, pulling you back to the present. "I know it's a lot to take in, Y/N. But sometimes, the hardest decisions lead to the greatest rewards. Just trust in yourself and follow your heart."

"Maybe you're right," you admitted, the words feeling like a weight lifted from your shoulders. "Maybe it's time for a change."

Lindsay smiled, her eyes shining with pride. "I'm proud of you, Y/N. It takes courage to admit when something isn't working and to take steps to change it. Whatever you decide, just know that I'll be here to support you every step of the way."

🚨 ESPN | BREAKING: Top Prospect Y/N L/N Commits to UConn Transfer 🚨 Y/N L/N, widely regarded as one of the most promising players in the 2021 recruiting class, joins UConn with high expectations. With UConn's storied basketball program and renowned head coach Geno Auriemma at the helm, Y/N's transfer promises to shake up the landscape of women's college basketball.

You glanced down at the notification on your phone, a nervous knot forming in the pit of your stomach. The news of your transfer had spread like wildfire, and now, seeing it plastered across the screen of your phone, it felt all too real.

You took a deep breath, reminding yourself of the reasons behind your decision to transfer. The toxic atmosphere at Arizona, the strained relationships with teammates, the relentless pressure from coaches ─ it had all taken its toll, slowly suffocating your love for the game.

But now, with the opportunity to join UConn, you felt a flicker of hope reignite within you. Here was a chance for a fresh start, a chance to rediscover your passion for basketball and thrive in an environment where your talents would be appreciated and nurtured.

──

"Okay, listen up!" Coach Geno's voice echoed throughout the room, earning the attention of the girls on the team. You stood by the shorter man and somehow, you still felt small underneath his towering presence.

"As you all know," Coach Geno continued, his eyes scanning the faces of each player, "we've got a new addition to the team. Y/N, I want you to know that you're not just joining a team here at UConn ─ you're joining a family. We look out for each other, we support each other, and we push each other to be the best we can be."

"You guys all already know who she is, I know you did your research." His lips quirked up into a small smile as the girls exchanged amused glances within the team. A ripple of laughter spread through the room at his remark, breaking the tension and easing the nerves that had been swirling in your stomach.

"As for you, Y/N," Coach Geno continued, turning his attention back to you, "I want you to know that we're thrilled to have you here. Your talent speaks for itself, but what's even more important is your commitment to the team and your willingness to work hard."

As Coach Geno's words sank in, you couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement mixed with a hint of nervousness. Being welcomed into the UConn family by none other than Coach Geno himself was an honor beyond words.

With Coach Geno's words echoing in your mind, you joined your teammates in a huddle, ready to embark on this new chapter of your life. And as the team broke apart with a chant, you couldn't help but feel a surge of anticipation for the season ahead.

──

"And uh, don't eat Azzi's protein bars. She gets angry when she doesn't get her gainz," Paige remarked as Azzi sent her a glare. Everyone at the table giggled at that as you nodded, glancing toward Azzi.

Azzi sighed. "I think that's like common courtesy, P. Y/N knows better than that,"

"Of course, Azzi. I'll make sure to steer clear of your protein bars," you replied with a playful grin, earning a relieved smile from Azzi in return.

"What else..." Paige hummed as she ate chewed on her food, glancing around the table.

"Oh wait, I got one. If Coach tells you to run suicides, just do them without complaining," Aaliyah chimed in, her tone teasing but with a hint of seriousness.

"And make sure you hydrate," Nika added with a smirk, raising her water bottle in emphasis. "Especially during those conditioning drills Coach loves to throw at us."

As laughter erupted around the table, you couldn't help but feel a sense of camaraderie and belonging among your new teammates. "Of course, of course."

"And don't come to practice hungover, Coach will notice and he'll force everyone to run laps," Paige added as she shivered, earning a laugh from Aubrey. "Better for everyone if you just skip,"

"I think you need that advice more than anyone, Paige," Aubrey added as she nudged Paige playfully, eliciting more laughter from the group.

Paige mock-glared at Aubrey before joining in the laughter herself. "Hey, I've learned my lesson the hard way. Trust me, nobody wants to run laps hungover. I'm tryna make sure she doesn't get too carried away, she's from U of A, that's like party central."

You shrugged, a smile playing on your lips. "She's not wrong, if there's one thing I'll miss it'll be the insane parties at Kappa Sigma."

"Ooh, so you're a frat girly?" Aaliyah teased, raising an eyebrow playfully as she leaned in with interest.

You laughed, shaking your head. "Not exactly. Frat boys aren't really my thing," you smiled as you looked down at your plate. "Neither are guys, really."

Paige hummed in response as she smirked, raising her cup in a mock toast as Aaliyah's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but her expression quickly softened into understanding. "Ah, got it. Well, good thing UConn has plenty of other things to offer besides frat parties."

"Yeah, like winning championships," Nika chimed in with a grin, nudging you playfully. "And having the best teammates in the world," she continued, earning a chorus of laughs and "awws".

"Look at Nika getting all sappy," Paige mocked as Nika sent her a glare, earning another round of laughter from the table.

Nika rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the smile tugging at her lips. "Okay, shut up Paige,"

"No, you first."

"I asked first, Paige."

"I don't care, shut up."

"No, you-"

"Okay, that's enough." Azzi sent you a thin-lipped smile as you laughed, enjoying the playful banter between Paige and Nika.

You felt yourself settle into the team more and more with each passing moment, the laughter and camaraderie of your teammates easing any lingering nerves or doubts. As you listened to their stories and shared your own, you couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging wash over you.

These were your teammates, your friends, your family away from home. And as you laughed and joked with them, you knew that you had found a place where you truly belonged.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Portal Children AU, Pt 3

From that moment on, Kara gets her wish-- she and Lena are fast friends. Rarely is one seen without the other, even when Lena takes to the fields to run, or climb, or shoot her arrows. Kara tags along, not just allowed but truly welcome. And when Kara begins asking questions about archery, or staffwork, or swordplay, Lena finds an unexpected love she's never had a chance to indulge in-- teaching.

She teaches Kara as much as the girl is willing to learn-- which is everything. By the end of their first year as roommates, they spar on near equal footing, with Kara diligently acquiring and adjusting to the techniques Lena gives her.

In turn, Lena helps Kara understand how best to utilize her muscles-- something Kara never had to think about when flying through the air fighting monsters and aliens. There, it had simply happened, but here-- here she has earthly physics and human anatomy to think about, and Lena helps her with understanding both. With Lena's help, Kara shifts her focus from sheer strength to true function, increasing her range of motion and flexibilty, until Kara almost, almost feels as powerful as she did in her home world.

Kara tells Lena all about her nonsense world, about the joy of flying and the satisfaction of punching an alien back to Mars. She tells Lena about the sister she'd met, the friends who had become her family. She promises Lena that she would have loved them all, if she had been there.

And little by little, Lena shares her own experiences in return. Kara is shocked, to hear just how long Lena had spent in her world-- doors rarely re-opened for children after their eighteenth birthday. That Lena had been almost thirty when she was shoved back through... Kara can hardly imagine the horror of being shoved back into a child's body after living so long as an adult.

She's appalled to hear how Lena's brother had exploited their world instead of saving it, and outraged on Lena's behalf when she learns the Lena's return had been neither accidental nor by choice, but instead a cruel punishment enacted by Lex when Lena was needed most.

Kara understands then, Lena's single minded focus on finding the door back to her world.

But try as Lena might, she makes no headway on finding her door. By the time their 17th birthdays come, and graduation looms before them both, Lena has a new plan.

"I'm going back to my family," Lena tells Kara one night, as they lay in their respective beds, a shaft of moonlight cleaving their room in two. "My father wants me to join him at his company."

Kara frowns, rolling to face Lena. "But that would mean going to college. It would mean going to the city. You *hate* the city."

Lena doesn't deny it. "Lex opened the portal back here by magic," she states bluntly. "Magic is simply science we don't understand. Which means I can open the door from here."

"Does LuthorCorp have that kind of technology?" Kara asks, amazed.

Lena glares stubbornly at the ceiling, twisting her blankets with her fists.

"They will."

Kara considers the declaration, and studies Lena's profile. They've been friends for years now, and Kara knows Lena better than anyone else in the world. And she knows that if Lena says she'll do something-- she'll do it.

"Okay," Kara accepts finally. She flops back on her back. "Then I'm coming with you."

Lena's head whips towards her. "What?"

"You don't think I'd let my best friend brave the unknown alone, do you? Besides-- it's about time I go on a proper adventure again."

---

From that moment on, Kara casts herself as Lena's lieutenant. They rent an apartment together in the city, and navigate their own ways through adult life.

Kara is initially ambivalent towards higher education for herself, but allows Lena to talk her into a kinesiology and exercise science degree. Along the way she falls in love with social media, and builds a following creating content centering on body positivity and fitness done right. When she graduates, it doesn't take long to develop enough clientele as a personal trainer to open her own studio.

Meanwhile, Lena focuses on any and all science she can get her hands on, earning double undergraduate degrees and then a masters and a doctorate. Before long, she finds herself on the Research and Development team at LuthorCorp. She continues to invest not only her swordplay and archery, but also takes on new and developing martial arts, spending her evenings in dojos learning fighting styles Lex hasn't even heard of.

The most surprising thing the city has to offer is free-running. Early every morning Lena meets up with a local group and careens around the city, turning every block, wall, and ledge as their personal jungle gym. She stays quick, stays sharp, stays fearless.

Kara occasionally joins her, adept enough to keep up at a moderate pace, but her work with busy professionals trying to squeeze their fitness in before work means that the parkour remains predominantly Lena's. In the autumn, when the air is chill and crisp with the smell of turning leaves, she can almost believe she's home in the forest, her fauns and deerish friends thundering along just behind her.

But even as they build their lives, neither Kara nor Lena forget their mission. Neither of them lose the longing for their homes, nor their intent to return. Lena spends long hours in her lab, often working solo on her pet project she describes as a transmatter portal to her supervisor (and her father), but in truth will hopefully one split the fabric of reality, and admit her back to her world.

It's years before it happens. Before one night, just as Kara enters Lena's lab with dinner in one hand a keycard in the other, Lena presses a button and a tear opens. It gapes wider and wider until it truly looks like a door, a broad, tall window into another world. She knows Lena recognizes it from the way her friend's shoulders finally relax in relief, and from the immediate step Lena takes over the threshold without so much as a glance behind her.

"Lena!"

She knows the risks. The school for wayward children warned what might happen if they enter a world that wasn't their own. But Kara doesn't hesitate. She pitches herself towards the portal, squeezing through just as it begins to close, Lena already far ahead, the distance between them warped by the shifting realities.

Kara stumbles into the wooded grass on the other side. Catching her balance, she whips around to glance behind her for the door, but sees only endless forest stretching beyond. To her horror, when she turns forward again, Lena is nowhere to be found.

"LENA!!"

[thevoidtrainstation]

An Alert

info: this takes place during the VDC, and it's first person.

Also, please tell me if I didn't tag this properly.

Warnings: angst, with a pinch of comfort

word count: 700

Watching them perform from backstage was simultaneously enjoyable yet lonely. Looking between my friends and the crowd singing a lullaby (double check that) so well known it transcends countries, cultures, and languages, no matter how reminiscent or similar it is to songs I know, I just don’t know it. How can a song transcend planets, realities, and dimensions; it can’t. I’m the only one who doesn’t know it, not including the dire beast known as Grim, the only one who’s as clueless about this world as I am, even though he’s from it. Truly, moments such as these make me realize how much of an alien I am.  I’m the sole magicless student in a magic school. I was just about to start college because I graduated early from high school, and now here I am a high school freshman again, in a completely different reality, dimension. This whole thing has been a double-edged sword: being transported to a magical reality is any fantasy reader’s dream come true, but all the unknowns about what’s happening at home and the moments of realization about the massive cultural divides between me and everyone else is unpleasant, to say the least. However, seeing the joy on their faces right now, especially after everything that happened today, makes me treasure these moments and my new friends. My new friends are doing so much to make me feel a part of this place, showing me the “most important” movies, TV shows, and music to catch up on pop culture. Though I feel hollow at times due to the differences between this world and my own, they always manage to fill in that hole a bit. As I focus my mind back on their performance, my breath catches and my body freezes. The unmistakable sound of an emergency alert rings from MY PHONE. My phone, the one that I had on me when I arrived here, the very one that nothing worked on, but what was already downloaded onto it.  With shaking hands I pull out my phone, with much trepidation. Why was it working now? Was it able to connect back to my world, or is it connecting to something here? What’s the alert? If I wasn’t already sitting, I would’ve fallen onto the floor.  “Emergency Alert: incoming atomic bomb, please go to nearest shelter….” In this world of magic, nuclear power and warfare don’t exist: I checked. Trembling, and with deep breaths, I manage to unlock my phone, my eyes darting between the red dots on my messenger, the voicemail, and the news app, all of which hadn’t had that little red dot since I came here.  I go to my family group chat and text “Im safe and healthy calling mom.” As the phone rings, I  bolt to one of the backrooms in the stadium, locking the door behind me. The next couple of minutes blur together as I Facetime my mom, who’s with the rest of my family, explaining what happened to me and asking what's happening there. Raspy broken voices and tears aren’t acknowledged as we catch up and exchange “I love you’s”. The call disconnects, I call again, and again no answer. I call my other family, but the calls aren’t going through. I call my friends, but the calls aren’t going through still. I try every messenger app on my phone.  Nothing. There’s nothing. No connection, no way to reach them, no way to reach anyone.   It was how it was when I got here. The only thing that remains on my phone is what was already downloaded onto it.  I let out a soul-shivering wail. I drop my phone and curl up onto the couch clenching my knees to my chest and burying in my head as I sob.  The nuclear apocalypse happened, and I missed it… The doorknob jiggles.  The door temples as it’s banged on, and rammed against. The nuclear apocalypse happened, There’s no home to go back to... The door flies off its hinges.  I continue to mourn the death of my planet, my home, my life, my family as I feel arms wrap around me.

[cherry-dream-star]

I watched Sonic 3 last week now Ian’s holy shit. It was truly the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen holy shit. There’s so much I want to say about it and just saying it was so good isn’t enough IT WAS PERFECT SO PERFECT I LOVED IT WAHHHNHHHH. I had to share my thoughts on it so here there are!

WARNING SPOILERS BELOW FOR SONIC 3

————————————————————————————————

Anyways I am gonna just ramble out everything I need for this because the brainrot is so real AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHSHHSEHHSSN

- i actually cried quite a lot actually so many moments just tug my heart especially the flashback moments with Maria and shadow man their story is so tragic they deserved so much better 😭 I kept jumping and giggling in my seat and just tried to keep my composure over certain moments ESPECIALLY WHEN LIVE AND LEARN PLAYED I HAD TO KEEP MYSELF FROM SINGING ALONG HWBWHDHDEHHWHJWJSJ.

- God the way the movie opened, where Shadows beginning to wake up and he’s seeing memories of Maria already like okay straight away to the pain and angst I see

- ALSO THEY COULDNT HAVE WRITTEN MARIA AND SHADOW MORE PERFECT I actually loved their relationship and dynamic in this sm they were so adorable and the memories of them spending time and being like family just tug my heart 😭

- also the first section of the movie when sonic and shadow had their first fight was amazing. Sonic asking about who did his highlights when chasing after shadow made me giggle for sm reason lol

- They’ve changed up Shadows backstory a little, not having him be man-made but instead coming from a meteorite and like a straight up alien. they’ve also written out Maria’s sickness which tbh im not entirely sure how I feel about that? Like tbh it’s not something like the worst change ever but it does make me wonder why they changed it especially since it’s a core part of her character in the main universe but tbh this is still a completely separate universe so really in the end it’s not the worst change and not something that completely ruins the experience. (It just made me curious really) but yeah everything else with Shadows backstory is absolutely amazing and I loved it!!

- ALSO SONIC CRASHING OUT AFTER SHADOW HURT TOM OH MY FUCKING GOD THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AHHHHHHHHHHHH

- and the scene when Sonic runs over to Tom to see if he is okay and calling to him in desperation as shadow just watches seeing exactly himself in Sonic atm as he had lost Maria eughhhshshshshsh

- Gerald. Just Gerald. Like holy shit his character was so interesting here because in the main canon universe he is already a very complex character but here holy shit I really didn’t expect them to go with a very huge darker twist with it. Cause in the main universe he dedicated everything about his research towards Maria and curing her of her illness that he even went into lengths of accepting some alien warlord to help him make the ultimate life form knowing the consequences that could come with that. And here he used his grandson Ivo and shadow to accomplish his plans of destroying everything even themselves. You can tell here he really had lost it with the death of Maria but here he no longer even cared about Maria’s wishes and rather what he wanted to avenge her and it’s a even darker side of his character. The fact he used his grandson to get what he wanted like- hacking into his creations to lure him in and try to play the role of grandfather to only want to use his genius brain and the fact he never had anybody as a way to help him achieve in destroying the world. Like wow. Just wow.

- Keanu absolutely did a fantastic job as shadow. I CANNOT wait to see more of what he does with the character

- Revenge guac shouldn’t have made me laugh as much as it did LMAOOO

- Knuckles and Tails were wonderful in this movie they really feel like friends/brothers and the way the three of them really cared for each other was so sweet.

- Tom and Maddie were also amazing and I loved their parts in this movie sm. the fact they were WAITING for sonic and co to come back with a world disaster to deal with because they were bored 😭 they are so used to these wacky adventures it’s become such a norm for them that’s honestly so sweet 🥹

- The way Sonic and Knuckles were gearing up to fight each other with Tails being right in the middle before Knuckles decides to let Sonic know where the master emerald is was done so perfectly, that scene had me on the fucking edge of my seat

- I was also worried that they would do a third act break up with team sonic cuz I’m not usually a fan of that trope but they executed it PERFECTLY oh my god

- and at the end Sonic’s apology to them when he knew he was in the wrong and let his anger and vengeance get to him and knuckles going for a fist bump and Sonic just hugging him??? Oh my sweet boys oh how I miss them already they were the perfect team in this movie I can’t wait to see more team sonic again 😭🥹💙💙

- also I loved Sonic’s development??? I just love how every movie he’s growing more and more as a character I just love that sm

- God I wish we had more scenes with Maria and Shadow I’m just not over their interactions they deserved sm better 😭

- also I love tails’s role in this movie!! Dude was really the MVP fr and I tried not to laugh when tails washed away stone and shadow in the giant robot crap like dude casually caused violence and I love that for him lol

- Stobotnik was perfect in this film I literally started to sob when eggman told him off because stone realized something off about Gerald. And when that heart felt goodbye to stone played it was so wonderful and heartbreaking I was sobbing atp. if this is Jim’s last film then that’s okay he went out with a BANG (literally)

- ALSO WHEN LIVE AND LEARN STARTED TO PLAY???? AND SHADOW AND SONIC DID THE DAB UP THEY DO IN SA2 I HAD TO TRY AND COMPOSE MYSELF BECAUSE I WAS JUMPING IN MY SEAT I was pointing at the screen and saying “they did the thing they did the thing!”

- Also when Gerald made that misogynistic comment about women being in the military me and my friend (who went with me to watch it) just looked at each other because WHAT 😭

- I loved how the eclipse canon lookd a lot like the space colony ARK I love the reference to it sm

- I almost screamed in my seat when metal sonic showed up at the end AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT AMY?????? OHNMY GOD IM SO HAPPY AHHSHSHHSSHJ I’m still not over it

- now I want villain stone for the fourth movie like PLEASE ITS SET UP SO WELL HERE. Stone losing robotnik definitely would play a huge reason for his villain arc plus someone had to make metal sonic.

- ALSO I LOVED THE PARALLEL TO SONIC ADVENTURE 2????? WHERE INSTEAD OF SHADOW TURNING BACK TO HIS MAIN FORM AND SONIC KEEP GOING IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND SHSHSDBEHSHWHSHSJ

- That entire scene when Sonic and Shadow were fighting in their super forms WAS LITERALLY SO INSANE MY JAW DROPPED WHEN SONIC MANAGED TO TURN BACK BUT LOOKED UP TO ALSO SEE THAT SHADOW HAD TRANSFORMED

- Also I just loved how Eggman randomly announced he’s Bi/pan it was truly beautiful

- AND ALSO SHADOW IS STILL ALIVE YEAHHHHH. I mean I did see it coming as he literally survives the end of SA2 (even though he originally actually wasn’t fun fact) but also the fact there is a confirmation on him getting a spin off it was pretty obvious lol but STILL especially since his “sacrifice” scene really hit hard. I really hope in his spin off we get to see rouge and maybe even learn more where he came from…especially from a certain alien warlord 😙

ANYWAYS honestly this movie is now the best movie out of the three. It was just an amazing experience and I loved every single moment of it, it was an amazing adaptation to SA2 for sure and I’m honestly still not over it at all, this movie was quite the experience and I definitely recommend it sm it’s an amazing movie and I can certainly say it made the inner child inside my heart very happy.

[igglemouse]

What's Going On In The Iggleverse?!

Hi! Hello there! So I know one of the concerns for my legacy is it can be a lot! I always want to emphasize for anyone that goes "Oooh this looks cool but it's too late in!" it is not! NEVAR! Just jump in and if you are ever confused I'll be happy to answer any questions!

So what is this post?! I guess this is just a weekly wrap up post to help everyone keep up with things and also just a chance to summarize things!

So let us start!

We start with Gracelyn as she was mostly featured last week and while it is only her 2nd episode there is a lot going on in her story! Right now, she seems to have a love interest that is tied to her destiny in some form or fashion? Is it love or is it something else?! Well, they certainly are digging on each other what ever it is!

It helps that Niklas, the man who seems to be her fated lover, seems to do everything right! He's happy to help her do chores even when he doesn't live with her...yet!

But Gracelyn has other worries. For instance, her dear friend, Valerie Van Vilet, AKA Triple V, AKA V, AKA Vee, AKA VVV...invites her out to witness some magical ritual or some other crazy event. Gracelyn, a spellcaster not allowed to practice magic, is eager to go see what's going on...

And once there she not only witnesses her friend chanting and practicing some form of magic and she also meets a mysterious robed figure named Alana Thayer. Alana claims to be from the Matlock Society, a ermmm...well, club, that is dedicated to practicing alternate forms of magic. It's also a club named after Gracelyn's family, she is Gracelyn Matlock, after all.

She really isn't sure what to make of the whole thing just that it is someway connected to her. It is not the last time we will hear from the Matlock Society that is for sure! She's also dealing with being watched by The Realm itself AAAND by a vampire as well. She has a lot going on and Episode 3, titled Spellbound, is not too far away!

As for Frida, who is currently expecting, she's not dealing with vampires or sorcery or anything of the sort but that doesn't mean things are all peachy!

Her friend, Irene, is hoping to start her own restaurant but the problem is she's quite broke. She's been searching for an investor, someone to foot the bill while she runs the place and hopes that Frida will help but she's been having issues with finding one that the last guy she met seemed more interested in investing INTO her and not into her business...

But as for Frida?! She's happily expecting and you know what...we might meet a future heir very very soon! I'm excited, now only if she could get Pascal excited about it too...

In other Iggleverse news here is a banner you will be seeing soon as Zer will be making her out of this world debut! Every heir has a theme and vibe and hers is basically goofiness. The banner kind of gives me a Nickelodeon vibe and maybe she's like a once little green alien that was obsessed with taking over the world...

BUT that's not all...

There will indeed be a 4th heir, an idea I've thought of for a while and one that I feel like is necessary. One, because I want to do it and two...because I want to do it! One thing is I really enjoy playing normal sims too and while Gracelyn's story and vibe will be a bit darker and more twisted...and Zer's will be silly and stuff..I'd like another normal sim like Frida to balance things out. It will also assure that when there is a heir vote I can still do the old rules of I pick one heir and the rest you all vote for! Also yes, the heir is a she. I'm biased, I like playing women!

This heir is in Early Development though and I'm sure once I start playing them I'll have a banner and posts for it all!

Any ways! This kind of weekly wrap up was fun to do so expect more of it!

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 87: A Reality Check

Their classes didn’t make it easy to schedule, but Luigi and Noemi arranged an appointment with a therapist shortly after their heart to heart.

For Luigi their first session couldn’t come soon enough. Even after the initial shock wore off, all kinds of fears around fatherhood had his heart and head all tangled up. He had no idea how to straighten them out and was afraid that trying to do it himself might cost him Noemi forever.

So, when Dr. Velasquez greeted them at her office in uptown and invited them to “jump right into it”, he didn’t need to be asked twice!

He started to explain the worries that had been troubling him, the Doctor’s calm prompts helping him put individual concerns into clear words one at a time. Some of them surprised even him, like when he confessed that the pregnancy seemed suspicious.

Asked to clarify, he explained that he’d been so good about using protection and Noemi had said she had an IUD too. Then she got pregnant right after they had been a bit too busy with school to “get busy” for a little while. The therapist said “Unplanned pregnancies bring out those fears in a lot of sims, even when they're completely unfounded. Fortunately, a simple paternity test can prove the baby you’re expecting really is the start of your legacy, and no-one else's.”

Luigi stiffened at the word “legacy”, while Noemi was taken aback by the topic in general. “Do you really think I lied about my IUD, or about being exclusive, and I blew off classes to woohoo with someone else in the few hours we haven’t been together this semester!?”

Luigi turned to her with an unusually intense expression. “I trust you, and more importantly I love you. I want to raise this baby with you, whether it’s an alien from Sixam, a slow grower from that Jairo guy you were seeing just recently, or a strong swimmer of mine who was really good at punching through rubber.”

She still looked hurt and confused as he continued, “There’s just so much I’m not sure about right now. Getting a firm answer on where this baby came from would be one less unknown in a world that feels like it’s suddenly trying to change everything all at once.”

He looked at Dr. Velasquez. “I’m in this for the long haul, but what you said earlier about my legacy… if I’m going to accept this kid as the next legacy heir of my family, I have to be sure its my biological child.”

As the others looked at him in confusion, he felt a rush of embarrassment. Taking a deep breath, he launched into the explanation of watchers, legacies, and his own “special status” as it had been explained to him by his papa.

The therapist’s professionally interested expression was stable as a rock while he rambled on, but Noemi seemed to zone out into her own thoughts until suddenly she snapped, interrupting him angrily.

“Luigi, just stop! I know you’re self-absorbed but thinking that you are literally the only sim that matters in the whole of SimNation?! You know that sounds pants on head crazy, right? That hasn’t escaped your notice??”

Dr. Velasquez cleared her throat. “It’s not crazy to consider yourself the main character of your own story, but have you ever heard of sonder?”

When Luigi shook his head, she told him “It’s a term that describes the realization that every sim is living a life as vivid and complex as your own, with their own ambitions, friends, routines, and worries. There are countless epic stories continuing seamlessly all around you, all the time. In those stories you might appear only once, if at all, as an “extra” sipping coffee in the background.”

She reached over to her desk, searching out a small card, which she handed him. “It’s wonderful that your papa thought you and your father were the most special sims in the nation, but holding that same belief about yourself puts you at risk of devaluing others and may make it hard to participate fully in healthy, loving relationships. There are some videos and readings listed here that I strongly suggest you review, maybe together with Noemi.”

Luigi looked over to find his girl had turned away towards the opposite wall, her judgment coming through as clearly as if she was still yelling at him.

The rest of the session covered much less controversial topics. Dr. Velasquez encouraged Luigi to attend Noemi’s OB appointments as a way to show support and bond with their baby to be. She also suggested they make a team project of telling all their family and friends the good news.

Luigi wasn’t worried about his clan. They all liked Noemi, and he was certainly old enough to have a baby even if the timing was terrible, but Noemi’s face paled. She’d been so overwhelmed adjusting to the idea of motherhood, she hadn’t even considered that Luigi would be meeting her parents for the very first time not just as her boyfriend but as the father of their grandchild. It was a whole new angle for her social anxiety to fret over.

The therapist provided some tips on handling the meetings before setting a follow up appointment to check in with them next trimester. Neither sim broke the awkward silence as they left her office, but both secretly felt this visit had been much more painful and less helpful than they had hoped.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[generouskittentidalwave]

Hamster and Gretel, oh boy..

Now we are gonna move past the unforgivable and horrendous act of this series being greenlit and given a second season immediately over giving us more Murphy's Law which, unless this show proves it's worth, I will not be forgiving anytime soon, but anyway let's talk about the actual show itself.

It's honestly not that bad. The more I watch it the more I find myself enjoying Gretel and Kevin's relationship and of course Kevin is the TRUE protag of the story (no one will convince me otherwise, we all know it's true), his character is PEAK. I genuinely like the songs, hamster is amazing and Fred is a MOOD. I like the concept of an alien species giving someone powers and then also creating villains for them to fight as well. It's actually a pretty cool concept and makes you wonder what is more at play here. I also LOVE the songs, as usual Dan's shows produce hella bangers. I also love the relationships and dynamics between all the characters.

HOWEVER

I like that they made Kevin the center focus but I'm gonna be frank, I DO NOT like Gretel as a character (so far, this is obviously subject to change as the series goes on). First of all Gretel's face makes me hella uncomfortable everytime I take a second to look at her. Her smile doesn't have any emotional weight behind it so it loses all meaning (with her character in general being as bland as white bread with no crusts, but I do respect the accurate ADHD they added to her character) and on top of that her smile is so unnaturally wide and her eyes are so big and she sticks out like a sore thumb amongst her friends and family to the point it feels uncomfortable. I get they wanted to make her overly cute but that's less cute and more reaching into uncanny valley.

Milo's wholesome smile and character was optimistic and cute, so was Isabella's, even their pets. But Gretel? I'm sorry but it looks like she is staring into my ever waking soul and plotting my demise as we speak. I'm a younger sister myself and I understand where they were going with her character, believe me, but OH MY GOD can she GRIND MY GEARS sometimes with her character and choices.

They made such a good realistically optimistic and calm yet still remorseful and caring character when it came to Milo, they treated it all with care and gave his gentle smile towards his shitty situation so much weight but with Gretel they made her optimism intentionally over the top with no other parts of her character aside from her having ADHD and nothing else, along with the fact she normally succeeds in nearly everything she does, and rarely ever see her need or try to fix mistakes she'd made on her own, and all this makes it to the point that she just feels- soulless to me and I don't like it. It rubs me the wrong way. I love the ADHD representation but they could've done a hella a lot better with her character as a whole, especially with her being a character meant to represent and inspire others.

I stand by what I said that people need to stop treating optimistic characters in media as a bad thing and projecting their issues onto them, but it's a different story when you have a character who is completely hollow and only has an over the top amount of optimism to the point it becomes boring and diminishing because that's all they are. I'm sorry but her character, to me, is like the embodiment of a children's song that is so repetitive you wanna replace your ears with cotton balls.

This show has so much potential and I love so SO many things about it, but they still have A LOT of work to do, especially with one of the heroines of the story. Here's to hoping season 2 will, hopefully, be better than the first one and they'll patch some things up at bit.

And no, her being a little sister doesn't justfy her character as in both pnf and mml they main characters were younger siblings and they were not like this, at all.

[wishful-seeker]

I will soon be the only person in my close family to not finish college because illness forced me to leave, and thats a strange feeling. Im not sure how i feel about it.

I feel a little alienated because of it, but even though i LOVE learning and i enjoyed college classes, i didn't enjoy college itself.

Even in high school i was the "sick kid" and missed a year there, so feeling like i don't belong isn't new.

But i really thought I'd meet people like me in college, but all i found was snobby rich kids that ignored my existence. I genuinely tried making friends but college students are not my type of people.

I don't know if this is because i wore braces on my knees, or because they could tell i was poor, not sure but college kids always gave me bad vibes.

Im sad that the things im truly passionate about isn't taught in college, and i miss the classes i did have, but i don't think a fancy college was ever my scene. Maybe i would've fit better at a community college. But im probably too disabled to ever find out.

Idk i guess it feels strange because i was heavily encouraged to go to college, and now i can't even if i wanted to. Its weird that i could probably guess the view outsiders have of my life, how they'd feel bad for me, or laugh at what I've become.

And i think of that a lot: how outsiders may view my life. "Oh so sad, look how far she's fallen." Ya know

But im happy

I LIKE my life, sure i got all As and Bs in college, sure i won a writing contest in my class, and yes i also completed a triathlon before all this. So many medals saying "look how hard i worked, look what i accomplished" but when i was accomplishing those trival things i was really lost and alone on the inside, those medals were to convince myself i was better than the years before this one, a lie that i was becoming my best self.

But now all that shit is gone, dead, useless to me. Eventually i was left alone, with NO distractions, only my mind and a body i couldn't move in. Only a bed, in a room, no where else to go. Everything i thought that mattered, everything i connected my worth with, suddenly didn't mean anything anymore, because all that was was my chronic pain, and what i did with it. All that mattered now was fighting for a better life, for freedom from a bed, for freedom within my head.

I had to rebuild myself from nothing, i had to literally rewire my brain. I studied neuroplasticity and my only goal was to train my brain to be able to live with this pain. And i had to change a LOT. I can tell you my mind and the internal dialog in my head is completely different from 2 years ago, and also much a much kinder, and safer place.

So no, i won't finish college, im gonna be poor forever, i wont work, but i am much happier.

I finally feel like the best version of myself. The challenges i face in my life are no longer overwhelming, but a cycle ive grown rather fond of. Im so secure with myself that i can say "this next hardship will be good for me." And i don't think many people have the privilege of being that optimistic when faced with stressful situations.

It would have taken me my whole life to get to this point if i was still focusing on things like grades.

Im happy, and im more proud of myself than when i beat a triathlon, or won art contests.

[fincalss]

I love my sister

but I hate always feeling like the ugly, fat, disappointing little sister. Always being outshined by her thin, pretty image and genuinely wonderful personality.

I’ve always been the weirder one, the less empathetic and sensitive one, the one who got the bad features and has different opinions than everyone else. I’m more introverted and my personality hasn’t much to offer. I’m always the more distant one and it’s even become a family joke how nobody ever has any pictures of me so on the family calendar it’s the same repeated 2 pictures of me over and over again.

But my sister was the girl in high school who everyone knew, she had a massive friend group of like 12 people and was always out doing stuff and going to parties. Even now she has that same friend group and goes out all the time. Everyone she meets seems to love her. She shines. She’s so good at talking, her humor is so seamless and she can so easily be herself. She was chubby in high school but then she got an Ed in collage and now she’s so thin and pretty, her waist is so tiny and face is perfect. She literally modeled for a bridal company.

Whenever I meet people she knows I can always see it on their face when they meet me, I’m disappointing. My shy slightly awkward first impression always leaves a similar look on all their faces, not a rude expression , just disappointed. Disappointed I’m not as pretty and out going as my sister. Even my family is like that too, my sister stays in touch often and knows everything that goes on but I don’t. I hardly know anything about my family and when I do see them they always seem disappointed by how different I am from my sister.

I love her so much and crave to be in her presence but when I am there’s a feeling like I’m an alien, I look and feel like an alien when I’m next to her. I wish I could live up to her sister and be half the person she is but I know I never will.

[rikomoriyama01]

ok hi the anon who did the long rant about riko's role in the narrative returning because your comparison with riko and homelander just hit me who riko reminds me of so much, and i'm going to go full anime nerd and talk to you about yugioh zexal and iv (pronounced four). because iv is a lot of what riko should have been in my eyes. he is only around for a handful of episodes, is rival to the heroes so is never allowed to win when it actually means something, but the writers knew exactly what they were doing with him. a masterclass in quick and effect characterisation of a charismatic, media darling champion who's actually just really pathetic and lashing out at everyone because his dad is an insane alien child (that makes sense in context) and who is also an actual threat. and a lot of this is because the writers did what nora didn't and leaned hard into both aspects of him. even in a world of ham like yugioh, iv is one of the biggest, fanservice is literally his motto, and his performances are so over the top. they let him lean fully into his media persona and charm and show us him doing that, and how well it fools everyone to the point where the heroes and their friends actually start to sway to his side over their other friend who has history with iv's worse side. and when he snaps into villain mode he is in full villain mode, digging into people's weaknesses, toying with them, having carefully laid plans in duels and out to let people think they're in control when they've been doing what he wants from the start, torturing people's 8yo little brothers in front of them. and then when he gets pathetic he gets really pathetic and loses him temper and that is his trigger to let his plans fall apart, because his dad doesn't trust him despite being the only one left standing and the most capable and having given up everything to become the best and fulfil his father's plans for him, he literally set a girl and himself on fire one time because his dad told him it was for the best, and his dad still chooses someone else in the end, iv's temper snaps and he start making obvious misplays to drag out the torture when he could have won cleanly. now admittedly iv gets a full redemption "arc" (read: three episodes where hey he's on our side now because bigger threat) in the second half of the show, but he was beloved well before that and his only moment of redemption during the first half was a single line asking the heroes to save his family before disappearing for the next fifty episodes. and this feels so much like what riko could/should have been. someone who could play the media, who was fun to watch, who could formulate reasonable plans and who was in the end done in by his own flaws, and with a clear core motive, even if it's complex in how it's shown.

Can't believe villian expert anon just suplexed me into watching yo hi yoh in year of 2024. I read this whole message on one breath and it truly sounds amazing.

Just this is also what we are missing because this is what the fanfiction could have been but instead all works of fiction in this fandom boil down to making him not only bad person but also badly written character.

[0-crow-carnival-0]

Your woy OC's are so pretty neat, got any LORE™

Yeah, I do have lore! Only 3 of them have lore so far and I've been procrastinating on giving the other ones lore.

(Just gonna put the "keep reading" thing here)

Here's the lore for Zeki, Dino, and Noir. A lot of it was rushed because I just wanted to get it all out of my head, just throw it in the pot and hope it works so I apologize if some things don't make sense. (I'm just gonna copy paste it here). Ps: I don't consider myself good at making lore so yeah...

█████████████████████████████████

—Zeki

Zeki tends to sometimes have a condescending tone in the way he speaks when around strangers depending on how they present themselves in front of him, pretending to care even though he doesn't, he only shows care to those he has known more often or to his friends. Some don't know too much about him, when people ask him about the staples on his mouth, he just comes up with an excuse and calls it a freak accident, nor do people know about his family, not even Zeki himself knows. The food Zeki eats is somewhat normal, but sometimes when he feels like it, he goes after an alien or someone of his own kind and eats them leaving nothing but bones, which his slit mouth becomes useful, you can say Zeki may be a bit of a cannibal. The reason for his slit mouth was him getting himself into some unknown business he had no part in causing him to get tormented in the process while being told that he should smile more often. Zeki did manage to escape that situation with a bunch of bruises and a sliced up mouth which did bleed a lot. Now in present time, he lives in a mansion with guards and everything on a planet filled with crime prone cities and slightly more peaceful small towns, still a cannibal that most people label as a psycho, Zeki, sitting on his throne, always wonders how he got here alive while smoking.

█████████████████████████████████

—Dimo

For some part of his life, he grew up with sweet parents until he bit his mother, it was supposed to be his way of showing love but it ended up killing her, Dimo couldn't control his venom at the time so he was always confused as to why his mother died. After she died, the father started lashing out on him, constantly picking on his body and saying how he would never be as pretty as anyone else which led to Dimo having scars on his body growing up, it's already bad enough that they all had to hide in a cave so they didn't get murdered, the cure was probably out there but they wouldn't be able to get it. After so many years of dealing with his father, Dimo finally escapes, sneaking out of the cave and avoiding any strangers that were around. Now in present time, he snacks on fruits and small creatures he can find by using his webs to capture them, the strangers were scared of him at first but then they've gotten used to his presence. It was finally about time he left the cave, no home, but it's better than living with his father, the one who secretly had an unhealthy obsession with his own wife and projected his anger onto Dimo. He's free but still struggles to do basic things sometimes, mostly communication, so maybe one day he'll get better.

█████████████████████████████████

—Noir

A known old legend who was said to have died from a monster in the vast desert, comes back to continue his adventure of rebellion against a rotting city's dystopian laws, separating other aliens into factions based on their overall character, on a planet where it is mostly sand, and a little bit of forest here and there. Living in a harsh society was difficult for Noir as a child, surviving on scraps of food that the more appreciated factions wouldn't eat, but he managed. The only thing keeping him from going insane in all of those years was his family, who loved him for his bravery and thankful for the things he has done for them while their father was gone. Years later, they were finally sent to the sorting auditorium, while his family was sent to the faction of the kind, he was sent to the faction of the fierce. After giving his family kisses and hugs goodbye, Noir left to go to his faction's area. Several decades later, he was skilled and trained into being a gun slinger, wielding a .45 Long Colt revolver on his side. As he was sneaking around, he heard some of the leaders of their factions talking about having exterminations of the factionless, especially having it as a law that if you were without a faction, you will be killed, even if you are a child. This struck a nerve in Noir, which led him later on and into the present time to cease any plans the leaders would make against anyone they didn't approve of.

█████████████████████████████████

Unnecessary info dump here:

The whole staples/piercings thing with Zeki was because of some character in a Japanese horror(idk? I looked it up on Wikipedia) manga/film adaptation called Ichi the Killer(don't watch it if you're not used to excessive violence or cruelty) and one of the characters called Kakihara had the cool staples/piercings on his mouth so I just decided to give him that.

Idk what inspired me to make Dimo but the more I look at his hair, it slowly starts to remind me of Panty Anarchy's hair(yes, the blonde bitch from PASWG).

For Noir? I just thought that the cowboy theme would be cool, I guess Rattlesnake Jake may have come into play while making him but not really. Also, the lore was inspired by the book/movie series Divergent so yeah, there's that.

[howireallyfeels]

Today,

It’s already 1:41 a.m. I should be asleep by now, especially after the kind of day I had, but here I am—wide awake. My mind won’t stop running, and my body, no matter how exhausted, won’t shut down. Work was brutal, as always. My brain is fried, to the point where I can’t even think straight anymore. My body? Sobra na. Apple Health says I took over 13,000 steps today, climbed 18 floors, and burned more than 1,000 calories. Most people would pass out from exhaustion, but not me. I’m stuck in this cruel cycle of being too tired to sleep and too awake to rest.

Last week, I bought an iPad Air 13-inch. It completes my little “fantasy” gadget lineup—iPhone 15 Pro Max, MacBook Pro, AirPods Pro, Nintendo Switch OLED. It’s ridiculous, really. I don’t even know why I keep buying these things. Maybe it’s because I used to be so envious of my pamangkin back then. Everything she had, I wanted but couldn’t have. I think part of it is rooted in something deeper.

Here’s the thing: I wasn’t even supposed to exist. My parents didn’t plan me—my mom was already menopausal when I came along. Imagine that. I was the surprise no one asked for. I remember being dragged to her friends’ reunions as a kid, and they’d all assume I was her grandchild. “Apo mo, ‘no?” they’d ask. She was 44 when I was born. She’s 73 now. Do the math.

But what really stuck with me—what cut the deepest—was overhearing, “May sumunod pa pala kay Joan?” As if I was some accident that just happened, not a person who mattered.

My mom stopped working because my eldest sibling promised to take care of me. It didn’t pan out. They believed her, stopped working, and somehow I was just… there. Everything I had growing up? It felt forced, given out of obligation. I only realized later that everything they gave came with strings attached, with resentments disguised as “help.” So now? I don’t take anything from anyone. Nothing.

You want the sad truth? My parents don’t rest even though they’re old and struggling because they made so many bad decisions, and I guess I was one of them. My siblings? I’m not close to any of them. My nieces? Same. Cousins? Don’t even ask. Nobody in my family feels like family. The only reason some of them even bother talking to me now is out of pity—because of the tumor I had, because I almost didn’t make it. But you know what? Sometimes I wish I hadn’t made it. 2023 should’ve been the end, but it wasn’t.

So now, I just buy things. I buy and buy because it’s the only thing that gives me even a glimpse of happiness. When I got that iPad last Thursday, I smiled on my way to SM. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled like that. It felt alien, like a version of me I’d forgotten existed. For a moment, none of the noise in my head mattered. Those material things? They’re the only things that make me smile anymore. I’ve stopped hoping for people to make me happy.

People tell me, “Love yourself first before anyone else can love you.” How? How do I love myself when I hate every part of me? When I feel disgusted by my own existence? From my childhood to now, everything about me feels tainted. Dirty. Unworthy.

I’m so, so tired. Of thinking. Of pretending. Of being here.

[sonicasura]

Sam’s life had been thrown into chaos ever since buying that car except it wasn’t really a car. It was an alien robot who could turn into a car and was apparently fighting in a war. Now, they (Mikaela and him) were inside this Sector Seven place within Hoover Dam—

Everything kept happening at a breakneck pace. So when the government agents turned a Nokia into a small robot, he was resigned to something happening. A power outage occurring was the least of what he was expected yet he had to smother a laugh as every non-civilian running around like headless chickens.

Simmons—who was only marginally civil—stood close by eyeing up the containment cube. “We’ve been having blackouts like this. You sure your ‘friends’ can’t affect electronics, because we don’t want that Decepticon one breaking out… This could be a sign.” Okay, the panic was a little more reasonable now that Sam was afraid Megatron would reawaken.

When the lights came back on he felt the faintest bit of relief—till everyone noticed the containment cube was empty.

——————————

‘…I suppose young Witwicky should witness my renewal. Also, thank you for saving the newspark. I have been forced to witnessed many be sent back to the Well far too soon.’

‘You’re welcome and sure? Any particular reason you want a human there?’

‘His ancestor was driven mad by having coordinates to me implanted into his neural cortex. By accident mind you. I feel as though the family in general should finally receive some answers as to the “Witwicky” madness.’

‘That complicates simply flying out of here alongside Megatron, but I should be able to free Bumblebee. He seems fond of the Witwicky and his… friend? Sister? Female associate.’

——————————

(Things got even more complicated…)

The Omnitrix sent a mind malware to the equipment used to keep Bumblebee immobile. Cryo-lasers were far too advanced to an Earth of this age. The alien watch phased through the wall as Skystinger and stealthily approached the AllSpark’s core. It was go time.

——————————

‘Follow.’

In a connecting having been rendered inert for thousands of years—Bumblebee (and Megatron) received an order. The Autobot was freed by something moving the condensed AllSpark, he had to transform to keep up grabbing Sam along the way. A few of the only good people here were roughly deposited into his back seats. (Mikaela, the conspiracy theorists who flipping out being in an alien car, and Agent Simmons who had been annoying yet barest hints civil as he detained Bee’s humans.)

He made a distressed noise when he heard Megatron break out of his icy containment and burnt rubber to get out of the general area. The sound of a jet followed him away from the Dam… then another Jet joined it.

Frag.

———————————

Optimus turned his Autobots around on the current route to follow the signal given by something far more ancient. Though, he noticed an undercurrent message from the shapeshifter too. Hopefully this was good news.

[DART: Flying with the AllSpark. Consider a temporary ceasefire between Autobots and Decepticons on Earth… Megatron and Starscream are “escorting” us.]

His Spark sank at the last part of the message until a new one was sent.

[Dart: There’s more to the beginning of the war, Optimus. We intend to end the real issue.]

‘I trust this Ally.’

—ROB’d Anon.

Nothing like the words of your deity/creator to make the war seem less bleak.

Honestly the AllSpark would be capable of getting both sides to stop their shit if it could directly talk to everyone. I imagine Will and his comrades who built NEST in the later 2 movies are gonna be so confused.

Though that organization's creation is no doubt kept separate from the actual government as it takes a more peacekeeping role. Maybe even artifact retrieval since Earth has a habit of being a dumping ground. Any Cybertronian business is handled by NEST, no one else.

Hopefully Sam won't have to deal with the Witwicky Madness like RotF.

[sleepyivoryrose]

So...Apothecary Diaries, right?

The next anime season starts next year, the 10th of January.

I think it looks really, really good! Amazing even! At least from the main trailer I saw. I already know what happens << LN reader << but I'm still excited to see everything in motion, witht voice acting and all that. I never got really ahead in an anime, so it's quite exciting like "mwahahaha, they're in for a ride!" kind of way.

I don't fully agree to use YOASOBI music again for the opening. I get it, their music is really good, but...let other musicians also take the stage, yknow? Since they blew up they've been literally everywhere, at the very least, in the mainstream animes.

To get back to the anime...I wonder how far they'll go. I've got a feeling, but I'll keep it to myself, so I don't spoil others.

To be fair, I've been trying to hype myself up for this new season by watching Apothecary Diaries reactions on youtube (more sporadic than anything, it's really hard to find ones that speak to me...aka vtubers -cough-)

---

I enjoyed Metaphor a lot. I think, if I'd had played it myself, i would be a hardcore fan. But well, I ain't got no money, so Let's Plays will have to do the trick for now. My favorite character...it's difficult, since all the characters are very well written and sympathetic. I think it's gotta be one of the Papirus boys, either Basilio or Fidelio. Basilio gets more screentime, sure, but normally I like the snarky, smart types more.

I saw Metaphor on the game shelves too in the place where I buy my game stuff. But they only had it for PS5, which I don't own. I looked even behind the other PS4 games, because sometimes the witty lil bastards hide games they want for themselves but cant buy right now behind others. But...I didn't find it. I didn't see it for Switch either, but I'm not sure if it even came out on that console, so I didn't really look to be fair.

Maybe I got to make a Metaphor swear jar or something, so I can get it...maybe if I reeeally squint and duck...but...food is also crazy expensive rn. If I'm lucky, I can barely afford new clothing. Yeah...I guess I will have to not get it for now.

I spent too much money on christmas presents too. I'd rather not gift each other stuff, specially if everything is so frikkin expensive, and my friend barely ever gets anything from her family, so I couldn't exclude her either...but hey, if it makes them happy. I don't mind not buying ice cream for myself, if it means that I can gift a little bit more.

--

Well, back to fandom matters...but I think...I think that's all!

Even though, I have to admit - I am balls deep in Alien Stage now. I can barely see the surface with so much Alien Stage. Drowning in the best possible way. Just, beam me right up there to heaven. Or to Alien Stage, I should say.

Everyone is going berserk over the blind boxes. To be fair, the figures look insanely adorable. And the sort of prints that come with them? Crazy good. But I think, because everyone will jump on them like beasts, I probably won't even try getting one. Also, again, I can't afford them. And I can't always rely on my parents for cash, they already do so much for me. If I was just a little more brave...if I was less off an absolute scaredy-cat...if I could deal with people way better than I do now...! Maybe I could work. But who would even take someone who didn't work for 10 years? Only people who are desperate or want to abuse those people. I'm not crazy about ending like my brother, who has to take every shift they press down on him, just because he didn't study anything.

---

Well, this fandom talk ended more in a self-reflecting about not being able to afford jack shit. Yeah...everything has its ups and downs, I suppose. I may have lots of time, but not a purpose, or money, or...not much else, really. Maybe I should hone my talents. I mean, I can draw a little bit. I could work on my drawing skills, maybe make it as a living. But with the competition out there? Not a chance.

Things'll be how things'll be.

[blonkk]

tw suicidal ideation // eating disorders

i’ve wanted to k*ll myself since i was 8 years old. i know i was that age because i remember how i felt, how going to school felt every day, i remember my teacher, my friends and classmates, the weirdo shit i did for attention at school because i hated my home life so much and i was so desperate for companionship and compassion. i remember this is also when i started to hate my body; i wasn’t yet pubescent but i was going through weirdo changes and suddenly my body was different and i couldn’t fit into old clothes and i felt bigger and i hated it.

in middle and high school i turned completely inwards and my self hatred really got expressed through my lack of enthusiasm about anything. i went from shy to almost completely nonverbal around people i didn’t know, and in many cases kids i’d known since i was in kindergarten. i only leaned into my quiet hobbies, reading and drawing, which i did obsessively as a way to escape reality. i did it all the time. if i wasn’t reading i was drawing and vice versa. and it hurt to be so lonely but i got used to it and guess what you can always do when you’re alone ? read or draw. i also fully hated myself and my body and so even i’ve always been into clothes and fashion i dressed in whatever i thought hid me best, made me invisible.

anyways in the 11 1/2 years since i was 17 (finished school) i’ve had multiple episodes of bulimia and (i won’t say anorexia) but starving myself. i remember when i used to still fast during ramadan and i lost 20 pounds once in 30 days. but no one said shit because i was fat so it was a good thing. i wasn’t eating anything and i was lifeguarding all day in the sun….but i was fat so it was ok. nothing sends me into a downward spiral the way weight gain does. nothing. not the sadness and hopelessness i’ve felt, not the inadequacy, not the rejection by my friends and closest family, nothing compares to how sick and miserable and dejected i feel when i gain weight.

also in these years i’ve had multiple depressive episodes. i’ve tried to kill myself (chickened out last minute). i’ve seen so many therapists and been on medication and off and on again. i’ve changed my environment and situation and everything i could think of. even now i do a good job of “managing”; i take my meds, i keep myself busy and active (i spend as much time as possible outside, even just going on 30 minute walks every day if nothing else) i pursue new hobbies and nurture old ones, i try to limit my social media time, i stay away from people whose company isn’t good for me.

nothing i do stops anything real. it didn’t stop me from losing every single friend i had, after years of hating myself, after being lonely and desperate for company my whole life — it still didn’t stop me from being rejected by others when i finally grew up, gained a sense of self, got more confident. it didn’t stop my family from routinely marginalizing me, making me feel completely alien to them, letting me know how little i fit in. it didn’t stop my brother and sister from abandoning me. it didn’t stop my parents from being uninterested in me and my own goals and who i actually am.

it didn’t stop me from losing my job and being financially unstable as well as totally discouraged. it didn’t stop me from the times over the last decade or so — where i’ve been a self sufficient /independent, self assured, confident, secure person — where i’ve completely lost all hope of getting better. i spent days in my room where i didn’t even get up because there was no point. i had no one to even notice i hadn’t even gone to the bathroom by the evening. no one to realize i hadn’t eaten. or showered. or slept in days.

it didn’t stop the reality of my life !!!!!! i can’t be content in my life because i don’t get what the point is. i’m not asking for “happiness” — as a chronically depressed person i understand that happiness is a feeling, not a state of being. as a chronic insomniac i think i might have permanent brain damage or something; i can’t concentrate on anything. i can’t remember anything. i mean seriously…i don’t think ill ever be able to get anywhere in life because im so tired all the time and so sluggish and slow and i can’t fucking retain any information and it just get worse as i get older.

i don’t see the point….i don’t want to live like this. i don’t want to be lonely and unlovable. i don’t want to be a sore thumb. i want my family. i want my siblings back. i want my friends. i want my parents. but those people don’t want me….and i can’t keep being hurt by them over and over and over. but the alternative is having no one in the world im close to, no one who knows me. i know family is not everything and blood isnt everything but this is just how i feel.

i do have friends but they’re so spread out all over the world and i’m a bad friend because im exhausted with constant messaging and trying to keep in touch with everyone especially when i know that over time these friendships will fade away…i mean ive been working in seasonal/temporary settings since i was 19, that’s the way these things are. and all my other friends from my childhood/home are gone now.

yes this is rife with self pity and whining but i’m just really tired. i’m scared too. if i already feel like this now, what’s another decade gonna feel like? like i mean i can’t continue to lie to myself and say “when you’re 23 it will be better! ok maybe 25! no 28! …uh, 30?” like the delusion is dying!!! it’s not getting better !!!! what i’ve learned, actually, is that i can emancipate myself, i can build my independence and run away from the people who hurt me, i can experience those moments of happiness and maybe sometimes contentment but it’s not indicative of an upward trajectory. i’m completely fucked, as in i don’t think my memory will come back, i don’t think my brain will recover, i don’t know if someone who wanted to kill themselves by the time they were 8 years old can actually ever be normal. i don’t think someone who’s been tossed out by their immediate family from a young age can ever really love anyone or be loved, let alone feel secure and accepted in general. i don’t think ill ever feel rested and totally alert. i do feel like myself, i do feel strong in my personality and values, but that doesn’t fucking matter if i’m an island.

i hate being this way. i hate that i failed. life is supposed to get better when you come into yourself. it’s supposed to get better when you take care of yourself. i’m supposed to look back at my teenage or child self and think that sad little girl has no idea how little this suffering is going to matter! she’ll be so empowered and free one day!!!!!! like…if i could’ve seen my future, of basically being complete wretch and a failure, i’d have packed it up then and there. and now as i get closer to 30 im laughing because all i can really see is even more pain and more suffering as i get older and life just becomes lonelier and instead of getting stronger i become weaker. because ive been alone my whole life. i’ve been independent. i’ve learned how to be immensely, impossibly strong and resilient. and while many people spend their lives trying to become these things, finding freedom in them, i’m trapped. i’m completely exhausted. i dont want to be those things anymore. i don’t want to inspire other people . i don’t want to be admired for these traits i was forced to develop and lean on my whole life. i want to be loved by the people that i love. i want to believe that i deserve to be alive and get what i want. but i dont. just deep within the fundamental structure of my being i’ve never believed these things. i never even thought i was a real person who would have a real life one day. i never felt like i had a future or any potential for any human experiences and i dont know why. i just dont know. all i ever felt was shame and guilt and so inherently undeserving, by virtue of just being who i am, of anything. and its made me completely incapable of being normal

i don’t know. i’m just scared. i’m fully depressed for the first time in a while and it’s all too much. it’s too much. 28 and a half years is too much to feel like this all the time, even if it’s numbed here and there. i don’t know. i fear turning 40 in a decade and laughing at how my 30s were no better than the preceding years. i fear more intensified loneliness brought on by more rejection, self loathing, and estrangement from my family.

i’m sorry to anyone who might see this and feel sad on their own behalf. that’s not my intention. i need to get this all of my chest. i know it’s a lot of misery and self pity. im just sad right now

i just….feel so dejected. i wanted to hurt myself as a young kid because i saw my mom being hurt. i saw my dad in handcuffs. i saw my grandma encouraging my dad to hurt my mom and me. i saw my mom and dad physically try to fight over my sister. i knew they would never fight over me that way. they told me, more than once. i saw/heard my brother being physically abused. i was being physically abused. it hurt and i was scared. i was verbally and emotionally abused and it still gets me and hurts me. i’m still messed up by it. the last time it happened was when i was home just last month….it won’t ever end. it won’t ever go away. i was verbally and emotionally abused by my sister and brother and my sisters husband. it only stopped because i ran away. i know of how my mom was abused and how my grandma was and how my dad was abandoned and how it all culminates with me; someone who didn’t even experience the worst of it but is somehow the most crippled. my brother and sister made success of their lives and found people to lean on and have each other. my parents strengthened their relationship and succeeded as individuals in their lives. i can’t do it. i can’t do it for some reason i can’t overcome it. i can’t move on. and i can’t, i can’t shoulder the burden alone anymore. i have no one to help me carry this weight that drags behind me, sits on top of me and pulls me down. i want to hurt myself because it’s the only thing that ever makes sense; it’s the only thing that alleviates the intense pressure and pain of everything. it’s the only thing that ever makes me feel slightly lighter or relieved and it’s scary. i have no one to talk to or just lean on. i have no one who even knows how much it takes out of me every single day to walk around with this heavy feeling of pain and grief and hopelessness. my close friends do know i have some strained family relationships and trauma, but there is just too much to ever explain it fully, it’s too overwhelming. plus it makes people wary to know someone with so much unchecked baggage. it’s a liability. it’s the type of tragic person no one wants to be responsible for putting up with. i don’t know how to deal with it anymore because i’ve lost all my strength and resolve. i just feel like an unfortunate wasteland. there’s nothing anyone can do about it even though it’s sad. there’s nothing that can be done