#and everything else I’m struggling
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Messy Ciri sketch because she’s badass
#my art#sketch#Ciri#Witcher 4#still practicing human anatomy#and everything else I’m struggling#the witcher 4
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twiddles my thumbs uhh umm.. started watching gravity falls ahah…
#instead of doing anything useful of course. it’s just this and the rings rotating in my head.#struggling with drawing AND struggling with everything else 😀👍#whatever man. whatever. old man time#gravity falls#stanley pines#grunkle stan#i’m on uhhhh season 2 episode 5… i haven’t watched this far before#like i watched most of season 1 yeaaarrsss ago but i don’t think i was paying any attention because now i like it a lot…#fanart#digital art#also haha floating heads again wow innovation happening here
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#i think 900 was my worst 🙈#i just put things there where i’m like oooh! something i want to say something about later#and then i never do#or things i never got the confidence to post#or which i want to be able find easily later#but which then just get lost amidst everything else and way harder to find than if i’d just reblogged it#anyway yeah#i’ve been slowly working through them and whittling the number down#but it’s got me curious as to whether anyone else has similar struggles#or just generally what people’s relationships with tumblr drafts is#(these are the thoughts my brain has at 2am when i cant sleep)#polls#tumblr drafts#tumblr#lulu posts
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this might be an unpopular opinion but i’d rather have a full agnes of westview spinoff than only get more future agatha as a mentor/sidekick to billy and tommy
#i just struggle so hard with teen centered stories and found him especially infuriating the whole time#and mostly after his reveal too#it just already feels like a chore to watch whatever is next just for a couple minutes of agatha#who probably will become fairly one note from the writers because there ‘won’t be time’ to do more with her#which is also why i wish we had gotten a little more of the backstory now because i just don’t trust that there’s room for it because agatha#was never meant to be her own thing in the greater mcu. she was used as a stepping stone and even tho she’s popular they’ll just ignore it#until it’s been ‘too long’ to bother going back to everything else#it also doesn’t help that this whole phase is being put together piecemeal instead of taking a break after endgame to breathe and regroup#i think i’ve gotten off track but i’m just having a lot of thoughts this morning#agatha#aaa
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Teller of Small Fortunes
lighthearted fantasy adventure
follows an immigrant fortune teller who travels between villages telling small fortunes for people
when she runs into a (mostly reformed) thief and an an ex-mercenary searching for his lost daughter, she ends up traveling with them in the hopes she can help, along with a baker they meet along the way,
they encounter various magical creatures and adventurous situations, and eventually she has to face her past
no romance
#The Teller of Small Fortunes#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this was okay#to be honest I didn’t get very attached to any of the characters - I found most of them a bit one dimensional.#(I kept forgetting the cat even existed - why keep mentioning the magical cat in the promo if it’s barely there!!!)#And not feeling much for the characters meant I struggled to feel much about everything else about the story honestly#The exploration of being diaspora in a foreign country & experiences of racism & her relationship with her mother was probably the most#interesting to me.#I always give cozy fantasy a chance but honestly I need it to be deeply introspective or maybe like really funny#it’s just a bit too light for me? (other than the racism and xenophobia - I’m glad to see more of that in this space)#It’s just I think not deeply enough for me - and combined with not feeling attached to the characters I just wasn’t feeling it#Also one of the reasons I picked this up was because I was seeing people say it has an asexual MC and let me just say-#it has a very vaguely AROace CODED mc#If you’re looking for it there’s a few lines of implications but it’s not super clear and also any mention is romance related - aro! not ac#There were SO many instances that would have been an opportunity to bring up aro/aceness and the choice to not do that#felt sightly strange to me?. however tdlr readers could be promoting this on it having no romance and focusing on#friendship/family instead of saying it has an ace MC which is….only there if you squint#no romance#***other than side characters being married and also:#There’s a minor subplot where a side character has a crush on another SC which is unrequited#and there’s a bit of a confrontation after which he backs off. but then it’s implied they might get together in the end :(#which was unnecessary! come on!#I always find fantasy characters inventing real life foods slightly odd but at least this one is more from the author’s culture#anyway. it's okay! just didn't really end up being for me
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once told somebody that I don’t think I could ever live on my own because of my autism and they said “don’t say that! I bet you could do it!” like. no I’m telling you I am not the kind of autistic person that can live alone. I will forget to feed myself and drink water and my space would constantly be a disaster and I wouldn’t go around people hardly ever and I’d forget basic hygiene.
I’m so lucky to have a partner who helps me with self care like this through assistance and reminders because otherwise I’d be totally fucked.
#‘you should just know you need to do these things’#I know. I know they need done.#but my disability makes it difficult for me to do these things bc I get distracted or forget or don’t want to transition activities#I wish we didn’t demonize needing help from others#for the longest time I felt guilty about needing so much assistance from my partner to succeed in day to day functions#but I’m disabled. and he helps me when it causes me difficulty. I hate this idea that we have to be fully capable of doing everything#and if we struggle with anything or rely on anyone else for help we’re bad people or manipulative partners or something#needing help isn’t a crime.#autism#actually autistic adult#actually autistic#autistic adult#ASD#autism spectrum disorder
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3 days post-op myomectomy and I’m so ready to do something other than sleep.
#I’m too impatient for recovery#I’m walking just fine#but everything else is a struggle#getting in bed specifically sucks#laparoscopic myomectomy#myomectomy
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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I actually think doing a huge fucking research paper at the end of EVERY masters program is kinda bullshit bc I went into this job because I’m BAD at numbers and statistics (as much as I fucking enjoy them) and to suddenly be like “hEY you’ve never had to work with data since high school but if you want a degree you have to do research and write 50 pages about it” is like ?????? WHAT
#hi can you tell I’m struggling w analyzing my data#like this paper is so so fucking bad yall let’s hope my 4.0 in everything else can save me#thesis is due on Saturday and oral defense is the next weekend
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when I give up on fully drawing Strive so my boy despawns for a solid 6 frames
(don’t mind the animation rant in the tags that I may continue on a later date)
#twrp#starlight brigade#almost there >:D#What I have so far is straight ahead so the hair isn’t as flowy as it should be but hey surprisingly everything else is#I’ve been eyeballing everything frame by frame but the later frames take their time so I’ll be keyframing it#And then inbetween like a normal person. Struggling on drawing 20 unfortunately T~T#Trivia nugget to my fellow animators if your out there: The frame rate varies from being on 2s 3s and the occasional 4s#Only one frame stays on 1s so this whole shot most closely resembles 8fps. The original shot#(When including the blank start and end frames) lasts 5-7 seconds but there are only 29 unique frames#WHICH BREAKS MY WESTERN (disney) ANIMATION BRAIN BECAUSE HOW TF IS IT THAT SMOOTH??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#Usually what’s expected of a smooth shot is a lot of frames but mother flipping India Swift has such an understanding of timing and spacing#That with the power of a measly 29 frames created ONE OF THE BEST 5-7 seconds of animation I have ever seen‼️‼️#Am now considering to expand on my “:0” moment but I’m to far in the tags and still haven’t finished animating#Oh one last thing. Ghosta-r if ye are reading. Give me a week of recovering from school and I’ll animate some panels from your slb comics>:#I’ve been wanting to do it for like a year now but was either tired or busy. But now the universe has given me time and I choose to abuse i
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sigh
#got news today that everything is changing with my job#all in all it’s fine and i’m beyond delighted this opens up many opportunities for me#but… it means that i have to move on from a brand i helped build#and that’s… really sad#i wanted to grow with it#but unfortunately it couldn’t work out that way#idk this on top of everything else going on i just feel isolated and lonely and just overwhelmingly sad#i’m trying really hard to be ok with all this change but i’m struggling#meg.txt
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#my stuff#dead cells#poll#I’m struggling#tumblr polls#I’ve done full clear for everything else prev difficulty but#not sure if it holds up anymore because malaise#dead cells 5bc
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Twilight sparkle and Jonathan sims would get along great I don’t make the rules
#two characters who struggled to make connections#who love organising and filing and research and knowledge#who ascended the ranks and given godly power transforming them into something else#closely watched by a mentor figure with similarly godly power#cares about their friends#biggest flaw being their ego and thinking they have to do everything on their own#they’re literally the same character different medium#the mediums being mystery horror apocalypse podcast and pony princess world but yknow#I’m incredibly correct#mlp#mlp twilight sparkle#tma#tma jon
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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I feel like I died so many years ago
#like yeah there’s been good parts to my life but overall the negative defo outweighs the positive#n I think everyone can tell I’m just miserable being here#I’ve spent most my life being depressed and suicidal than i have been happy#n it really does say a lot tbh like i just don’t think I’m a person capable of living life and being happy#everytime I talk to my mum I feel like by being here I just keep worrying her bc my life doesn’t seem to improve#she said it seems like things are just getting worse over better#n she’s right tbh like every year I’ve just deteriorated more and more#I feel so dead#like this just doesn’t feel like ‘living’ I genuinely have wondered sometimes whther this is just hell#n I’m not religious lol but it doesn’t feel like this is what it’s supposed to be like…#for years ever since I was young I didn’t think I’d live this long#when I attempted years ago I did want to go but maybe some part of me did it for attention bc I was struggling and I didn’t know what else#to do like it felt like a last resort. I hated mysel and my life and wanted out but I guess u can’t overdose on painkillers#unless it’s a hell lot#even tho I did take quite a lot#n like some part of me does want to stay I want my life to be better but it just doesn’t seem to change even when I keep trying#my mental health just ruins everything#i just ruin everything#journal
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instagram pisses me off so hard why do i ONLY get engagement from like a few of my followers on there and almost all of them are just my friends liking my shit (still appreciated ofc but damn)
is shadow banning a thing on instagram 😭😭😭 because😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i hate instagram#i love you tumblr#thank you for actually giving me engagement#i honestly only post to insta now in hopes of maybe getting a little more traction#which i guarantee will not happen#seriously it’s so annoying#i used to post exclusively on ig when i was 16 and got at least SOME decent#did something happen in the past two years to just kill engagement even MORE??#tbf ig also doesn’t let you opt out of ai so i might just stop posting there all together bc im sick of if#might just post my bigger pieces on there occasionally and leave everything else here and on bluesky#i’m also on bluesky btw!#this reminds me i should make an intro/pinned post here huh#being an artist#artist struggles
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