#It’s just I think not deeply enough for me - and combined with not feeling attached to the characters I just wasn’t feeling it

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Teller of Small Fortunes

lighthearted fantasy adventure

follows an immigrant fortune teller who travels between villages telling small fortunes for people

when she runs into a (mostly reformed) thief and an an ex-mercenary searching for his lost daughter, she ends up traveling with them in the hopes she can help, along with a baker they meet along the way,

they encounter various magical creatures and adventurous situations, and eventually she has to face her past

no romance

[bogleech]

I am thinking once again about plausible speculative mammals that would weaponize their parasites, and in my mind, one of them would live in North America alongside skunks and porcupines, completing a long overdue trifecta of funny woodland critter with a deeply unpleasant defensive strategy. CLOCKWISE: 1) A very large rodent that has its own alarmingly large fleas, like the real life fleas of mountain beavers. Most of its body is hairless with thick, wrinkled skin that discourages flea activity, so they're left with no choice but to concentrate in its big, bushy tail. A high concentration of blood vessels in the tail keep the fleas fed, and a low concentration of nerves keep them from being too irritating. When this animal gets upset it curls the tail over itself, spreading its fur so wide that the fleas feel exposed. Parting the fur of a wild animal is incidentally a surefire way to get a bunch of fleas jumping ship to you and immediately biting you. Now look at this mountain beaver flea next to a more normal size flea and imagine the pain:

2) A big ground-dwelling cousin of the silky anteater. A combination of long, course, tightly interwoven hairs and a thick underlying layer of fluff are impenetrable to most pests, but a bald patch of thick leathery skin on its back is an ideal attachment point for its specialized ticks, kind of like right whale callosities and whale lice. The anteater can sweat a thick, suffocating grease from this area that forces ticks to let go and scatter in search of another attachment point (LIKE YOU!!!! Leave wildlife alone!!!). Maybe It has pouchlike hairless underarms to serve as refuges for even more ticks, or ticks in their juvenile stage? If they co-evolved closely enough, the ticks could have developed an instinct to migrate up to the back only with their final molt. Maybe they're even as neurotoxic (to other animals) as Australia's paralysis tick? Maybe the ticks are also brightly colored, so predators can tell at a glance to stay away. 3) A desman-like animal, but maybe it's a marsupial or even a monotreme? I feel this one would have an unconventional symbiote; like how beavers have the only fur-dwelling beetles, sloths have their own moths and hairless bats have their own skin-dwelling earwigs. None of those examples, however, are parasites! As far as we know, all three of those insects just chill on those animals and possibly clean them. So what if this one had fur dwelling blister beetles? Blister beetles are a huge diverse group of beetles whose defensive secretions can severely burn skin, and accidentally ingesting a blister beetle can be deadly to even large mammals like horses. This guy's matted wool would be thick enough near the skin to shield it from its own insects, keeping them in the matted outer fluff, where they would maybe feed on whatever sustains beaver beetles (we actually aren't 100% sure! We just know it isn't blood!). If you make this thingy angry, it curls up like a pangolin, and anything that keeps messing around with the big hairball is probably going to keep pissing off, damaging or accidentally eating the worst beetles to ever do anything of those things to.

I also want to say I didn't think of names, but if one or all of these existed I wouldn't want them to get names like "tickbacked antsloth" or anything like that. They'd deserve their own original words like squirrel or fox or bear. But I think it should sound as nasty as they are to mess with. Like a vlykus or a thobb or a snentch. Probably any of these could be a snentch maybe. Nobody tell me if that's already an urbandictionary word for something worse, let me have snentch.

[leossmoonn]

hi! can I please request a fluff piece of Mike giving the reader a mixtape of songs he likes and thinks about them as a cute thoughtful gift? established relationship would be great :) thanks for writing, love reading your work!

thank you so much :D i feel like this is short but I hope you enjoy! (ps i curated a playlist for mike that i’ll list at the end of the fic! the songs are from the 70s, 80s and 90s based on his dad’s music taste but also the era he grew up in!!)

includes - switching between between memories and the present, mentions of verbal harassment. lowk kinda angsty but you’ll see why

————

“mike, just give it!” you groan. he sits next to you, fidgeting with the present in his hand. he twists the coils of the ribbon between his fingers.

“what if you don’t like it?” he asks. you give him a look. “i love it when you get me taco bell. of course i’ll love this. now give it to me, otherwise my assumption of you stalling because you forgot our anniversary will be become a fact.”

his eyes widen and he shakes his head furiously. “i would never forget an anniversary.”

you smile and pat his knee. “i know, which is also why i know this gift is going to be awesome!”

he sighs and slowly hands it to you. “happy one year.”

you smile in excitement, tearing the blue wrapping paper off. you gasp as you see a CD with a picture of you as the cover titled ‘how i feel about you.”

“oh, my god. mike.” you turn to him, pouncing on him and giving him a big hug. he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in. you can feel his heartbeat raging against his ribcage. you can feel how warm he is from anxiety.

“do you like it?” mike asks as you pull away. “i love it!” you grin from ear-to-ear. “no guy has ever done this for me. this… this must’ve taken a lot of work.”

he shrugs, “i’ve been thinking of these songs for a while. it was just a matter of burning them onto the CD.”

you sigh dreamily, attaching your lips to his in a slow and sweet kiss. “this is why you’re the guy of my dreams.”

he blushes heavily. “are you gonna see what’s on it? there’s a little list inside.”

you nod and open it, carefully taking the paper out. the first song on the list is “black star” by radiohead.

“that song is the song that was playing when i met you at the bar,” mike says.

you start to remember, your smile getting impossibly wider. you were a bartender around the time you met mike. it was a little bit past dinner time and mike had shown up with a woman, who you now know as vanessa. apparently, she was trying to get mike to flirt — or at least get himself out there. she had pointed out many women in the bar, but you caught his eye.

“can i get you two something to drink?” you asked. “i’ll have a martini,” vanessa said. she glanced at mike, awaiting his answer.

“uh, i’ll just take a beer,” mike said. honestly, you thought he had a staring problem at first. but turns out, he was just falling deeply in love with you.

“i can’t believe you remember that,” you awe. “of course i did. i love radiohead and you. it’s like the perfect combination,” he says.

“i’m not sure i like being associated with radiohead,” you giggle. you take a look at the other songs. one that sticks out to you is “baby can i hold you” by tracy chapman. you remember this song as the song you and mike danced to at your friend’s wedding, the one where he told you he loved you.

“may i have this dance?” mike stood up and held his hand out to you. you were taken aback. this was surely out of mike’s comfort zone. you’d been dating for six months then and you knew mike pretty well. you had just celebrated your six month anniversary where mike took you to this big fancy restaurant. you had insisted you didn’t need go to anyplace, but he also insisted that you deserved something special and he wanted to provide it to you. the whole time at the restaurant you knew he thought he was out of place and not good enough for it. so for him have asked you to dance was a surprise — good one, though.

“yes, you may, kind sir,” you smiled. you slipped your hand into his and he led you to the dance school. he put both hands on your waist while you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“you look beautiful tonight,” he said, gazing into your eyes. you smiled shyly. you were pretty outspoken, witty, charming, but also sometimes crude, person. but mike brought out a side of you that other people, and even you, experienced rarely. he made you feel bashful and special. you honestly loved it.

“you look handsome,” you said. “you make me look good,” he remarked. you rolled your eyes. “oh, whatever. i’ve seen two girls practically drool over you since we got here.”

he shrugged, “and every male here wants to take you home.” “well, i only want one man to take me home,” you smiled coyly.

mike smiled with you. you both swayed to the song as it ended. you were excited when the next song started to play.

“ugh, i love tracy chapman,” you gushed. “i love you,” mike said, not really thinking. you stoped dancing, jaw dropping at his words. it finally registered in his brain.

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean that. well, i did. but, i don’t have to. or, i guess you don’t have to say it back. you definitely don’t,” he rambled.

you stopped him with a kiss, smiling as you pull away. “i love you, too, mike.”

“i am so glad abby was gone that night,” you snicker. mike chuckles, “i’m sure we could’ve asked your friend if we could use her hotel room for a little bit.”

“and get it all messy before they mess it up? that would’ve been a good idea,” you say. you skim the list once more, surprised to see “songbird” by fleetwood mac.

“isn’t this the song we drove home to after we fought?” you ask. “yep,” mike nods.

that night, you and mike had your first bad fight. it wasn’t your very first one, but it was the worst by far.

mike was picking you up from work and when he walked in, he saw a guy harassing you at the bar. you were obviously handling it: ignoring the guy and having your co-workers stand up for you. but something in mike just snapped. you two were a pretty new couple. you’d only been going out for two months at that point. while you had already stayed countless nights at his place, were practically bffs with abby, and shared your deepest darkest secrets, there were other aspects of the relationship that you two were still navigating. so it didn’t help that when mike heard the guy call you a bitch, he punched the guy.

in the moment, you thought it was a justified act. in fact, you still thought so. but you were mad that mike didn’t let you handle it. you were mad that mike seemed to always lose his temper. you were mad that mike didn’t see you as independent.

you both were outside in the parking when the fight started.

“you need to go to an anger management class or something,” you muttered.

“that guy needs to go to how-to-not-be-a-creepy-asshole class,” mike said.

you sighed loudly and crossed your arms. mike scoffed and glanced at you. “do you not agree with me?”

“of course i do, mike! but you can’t just walk into my place of work and assault someone.”

“he was harassing you and probably was going to hurt you!”

“no, he wasn’t.”

“and how do you know that?”

“because niki had just called security and there were other customers in the bar helping me out.”

mike huffed, “i didn’t know she had called security.”

“if you had just minded your own business then you would have.”

mike balled his hands into a fist and then relaxed them. “you don’t need to act so tough, you know?”

you turned your head slowly at him. “excuse me?”

“i know you’re independent and you take care of yourself. i like that about you a lot. it’s one of my favorite qualities about you. but you have to learn how to accept help from other people, especially in situations like that. you have no idea how those situations can just flip within seconds.”

“that’s really rich coming from you.”

“what the hell does that mean?”

“you never accept help.”

“yes, i do.”

“no, no you don’t. you don’t accept help from the baggers at the grocery store. you don’t accept help from abby or me when cleaning or cooking. you didn’t even accept help when my friend’s husband offered to fix your sink, you said no. and he was offering it to you for free, might i add.”

“i can do all those things myself.”

“i know you can, but it’s also okay to have an extra set of hands.”

“if i’m so bad at accepting help, why can’t you accept my help?”

“you think breaking someone’s nose is helping me?” you scoffed. “you are such an idiot mike.” you grabbed the car keys out of his hand, unlocking the car and sliding into the passengers seat. mike groaned and sighed, joining you for what he thought was going to be the worst car ride of his life. the drive was expected to be pretty short, but with just your luck, traffic was terrible. while it was only 9 pm, there was an accident on the highway, making both sitting ducks.

mike sighed and glanced at you. you had a permanent glare on your face it seemed. your arms were still crossed and you looked out the window to avoid any and all eye contact with him.

guilt seeped into him. he knew what he did was wrong. well, he still didn’t think he was wrong, he just knew it wasn’t the right choice. he should have asked the guy to leave and to just take you home. he should have waited for security to grab him, to make sure the guy wouldn’t follow you home. all he wanted it to protect you. he did the same with abby. maybe not in a violent way, but he thought he was his life mission to protect the ones he loved. he wanted to do better than with you two than he did with garrett.

and you knew that. you knew all about garret and freddy’s. the animatronic business seemed crazy to you and you didn’t quite understand that part, but you tried to be as supportive, understanding, and sympathetic as you could as you’ve never experienced what he has. you just wish it didn’t get the best of him sometime.

mike turned on the radio. you scoffed, not believing that he’s turned on music. he turned on a classic hits radio. “keeping on loving you” by reo speedwagon was about to end, “songbird” trailing right after it.

“this is a good song,” mike remarked. you hummed in reply with something that sounded like a “yes”. mike stayed silent for a couple of seconds. he knew if you were to talk again, he would have to apologize first.

“i’m sorry i got out of control. i was just trying to protect you. that guy was being an asshole and you’ve hurt you. i guess i just wanted to hurt him before he could get to you,” he said. “but i know it’s not right and i know you have support at the bar. i just get scared with you working there with all those weirdos. i know you’re a grown adult adult, though, and you can handle yourself.”

you slowly turned to him, eyes softening upon seeing him. “it’s…” you sighed quietly, straightening up in your seat to face him completely. “it’s okay, mike. i know you were trying to protect me. i really appreciate it, i do. i love when you’re there for me. i just… he could’ve hurt you, too. and you could’ve gone to jail, too, if he decided to press charges. honestly, i just don’t want to be the reason that happens.”

mike shook his head. “you could never be. i would’ve happily gone to jail if it meant i helped you and made sure you were safe.”

you grinned teasingly. “you would happily go to jail?” he smiled with you. “anything for you.”

you laughed and shook your head, placing a hand on his thigh. “i forgive you. and i’m sorry about all the things i said about you not accepting help.”

“it’s true. i’m sorry about everything i said and did.”

“it’s alright,” you said. traffic began to move just then. both of you pumped your fists in the air and cheered. “god, finally!” you exclaimed.

“your place or mine?” mike asked. “what do you think?” you smiled.

“this is a great song, but why’d you choose it? it has to bring up some bad memories, right?” you ask.

“it did at first,” mike admits. “but, we made up. and we were able to settle arguments faster and better after that. also, the song lyrics are just how i feel about you. ‘to you, i’ll give the world. to you, i’ll never be cold. cause i feel that when i’m with you, it’s alright. i know it’s right’,” he cites.

you feel like your heart will explode from love. you hug him once more, holding him too you so tight he’s afraid he won’t be able to breathe. but he doesn’t mind. you pull away slightly, looking into his eyes.

“i love you so much, mike. you are hands down the best person that’s ever walked into my life.”

he smiles and leans in and kisses you softly. he pulls away to catch his breath, taking your free hand into his. “i love you more.”

mike’s mixtape for you

black star - radiohead

girl from mars - ash

sunday morning - maroon 5

your song - elton john

baby can I hold you - tracy chapman

something - the beatles

faithfully - journey

songbird - fleetwood mac

iris - goo goo dolls

everlong - foo fighters

————

taglist

@celestbarnes

[minjiarchive]

for you, for mommy | jiu x fem!reader

a/n: requested/suggested – goddd i'm so glad to be back writing for you all again, i truly missed it and i hope this is a good comeback writing lol

warning / smut, mommy kink, edging mentioned, slight spanking, (dom!jiu)

“Now where did you think that being a brat would land you?”

The vibration of her voice while her mouth was on you only added fuel to the heat in your body.

Your control over how sensitive you were was far from being in your power now, it was controlled all by Minji. You couldn't even tell if you were being teased, mocked, or maybe something far harsher than those two combined. She left you even more speechless with the amount of buildup she'd add to your orgasm, only to take it away in a split second.

Maybe it was torture you could say.

“Please.” You begged, without any thought behind your words (even though you truly meant it).

She slapped the side of your ass, enough to echo through the room. You felt like you were going to cry out right then and there. You had little time to even process anything coming out of your mouth, you were all too desperate to think.

You tried your best to connect two words together but all that spilled out from your mouth was “please”and “fuck”. It didn't make sense if someone else heard it but Minji understood you well, she took everything as a sign to give you more, pushing you to the edge.

“Please who?”

“I'm a bit surprised... you aren't acting like the good girl I know and use.”

Your orgasm was too high and close to stop now, but you would risk the chance of ruining it if you just got one glance of Minji between your legs.

Should you even feel humiliated by how much you need her?

The only way you'd be cumming tonight is if you call her,

“Mommy, please ruin me.”

Minji almost moans out loud at the name, but she leaves it with a muffled groan. You swallow hard, not only at the tension growing in the room but the tension growing in your pussy.

You feel so tight – your body tenses and your walls clench and tighten around nothing. You feel empty, you need to be filled up.

“Mommy please, fill me up and make me cum...” your voice comes out in a whine, broken and ready to be gone by the next day.

“That's my girl.” Minji praised, her ego suddenly boosted from the way you begged for her so hard, so hard that you claim to be “Mommy's girl”. The name always did something to her, especially when it came from you.

Minji almost humps the bed unconsciously, thinking too deeply about everything she'd do to ruin you but her body stops before her mind could go further. The idea that you'd be that submissive and desperate to do anything as she pleases turns her on way more than you'd ever think.

She thinks about if she's satisfied enough with your response but the more she thinks, the more attached she gets to you. Your body is pulling her in like a magnet, as much as she wants to stop herself to tease a bit more, she can't.

Her mouth drops a bit lower to lick a long strip along your slit, your body jerked up slightly, even the most sudden touch could you make cum. You couldn't care about sensitivity anymore, you needed some sort of relief no matter how you got it.

“If you want mommy to ruin you so badly then you're going to have to keep that pretty body still for me.”

[cosmicjoke]

Hi, Cosmic! I was considering this scene from a Levi story on AO3 which I had read a while ago, where it described his life in the Underground before he met Furlan (maybe it was one of yours, I'm not certain). It talked of how he would often go days without speaking at all, and ultimately delved into his loneliness and how he hadn't realized how alone he'd been until he wasn't. I had also read recently an analysis stating that Levi's attachment style would be fearful-avoidant due to how he grew up, which, I mean, makes perfect sense.

Thus the combination made me wonder: How do you think Levi felt when he and Furlan moved in together? Did it trigger his abandonment issues in any way, letting Furlan in emotionally when his last relationship (that we know of) was with Kenny? Given the concept of attachment styles, Levi was probably both distant and reliant with him, so how do you think Furlan reacted to this?

Hmm, that could have been one of my stories, haha, I've definitely written a few stories (all of which remain incomplete, lol) about Levi's life Underground. I feel like it's a period in Levi's life that's just ripe for exploration, but very few people seem particularly interested in writing about it, for whatever reason.

I know I do explore that idea in "This Life, After", of Levi being sort of functionally mute because he gets so little social interaction, and I think that's a pretty fair assumption to make about him growing up, especially after Kenny left him. As far as we know, Levi didn't have a single friend until he met Furlan, and we know, from the extra stories included in the "No Regrets" manga that Levi met Furlan when he was essentially full grown. I've talked before also, pretty extensively, about how it seems very likely that Levi had no social interaction with other children growing up, even when living with his mother. I don't know if you've read my analysis posts on this, but I'll link you to them here:

Anyway, I'm not a psychologist, so I can't really speak to what specific attachment style Levi may or may not have. In truth, nobody, even an accredited and practicing psychologist could definitively diagnose Levi with any, specific mental disorder or condition, because of course he's a fictional character, lol. But I don't think you need to be a psychologist to make accurate or educated guesses about what sort of mental health issues Levi might be suffering from. For example, I think it's fairly obvious that Levi is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, because it would seem to me nearly impossible for him not to have been deeply traumatized by the experiences, not only in his childhood, but as an adult too, and I say that because of Levi's obvious emotional sensitivity. He feels things very keenly and I think more deeply than any other character in the series. That well of emotional depth, along with his immense empathic nature I think renders Levi more susceptible to emotional pain, and more easily given to grief over the loss of his comrades/friends/family than even an average person. I just think Levi feels things more deeply than is common. I think that's also what gives Levi his exceptional emotional intelligence, his ability to accurately read people and understand who they are at their cores.

To get to your specific question, it's an interesting one.

Levi is definitely someone who I think is fearful of getting close to others out of a fear of losing them, knowing the pain it causes him when he, seemingly inevitably, does. No doubt that finds its roots in Levi's earliest childhood experiences. People often talk about Kenny's abandonment of Levi (with good reason), but I rarely see it talked about how Levi's mother, in a sense, also abandoned him. Not intentionally, the way Kenny did, but the fact remains, Levi's mother died and left him alone, which very nearly led to Levi's own death. I think that absolutely must have had an impact on Levi and caused an expectation in him from very early on of abandonment. Levi couldn't have been more than five years old when his mother died, and those are obviously very important developmental years for a child. You add to that Kenny's abandonment, and it seems pretty likely to me that, yes, Levi has a fear of abandonment by the people he loves.

What's interesting about Levi, though, is that even with this fear, and even in his efforts to keep his distance from people in order to spare himself the emotional and mental distress of losing them, I think Levi's higher level of empathy and compassion renders him incapable of escaping that emotional pain, even when he doesn't know a person well, even when he's intentionally kept away from them. I've spoken numerous times of how Levi shows the same level of care and concern, and makes just as much of an effort to save the lives of people he doesn't know or doesn't know well as the ones he does know well and is close to. He even extends that same level of care and concern toward people who have been actively hostile toward him, such as the merchants in Trost who badger and bully him over the failures of the Survey Corps, to the point of even personally insulting him, or in "No Regrets", we see Levi go out of his way to save the lives of soldiers who have both endangered his own and actively mistreated and been cruel to him. We see Levi do this with Dieter, during the Female Titan arc. Despite Dieter's cruelty toward Levi, calling him a heartless monster, Levi gives him Petra's badge and tells him it was Ivan's. He gives up his own comfort to someone who's been nothing but hostile toward him, and who would have rightly been in for a scolding and even punishment for endangering the lives of the unit. But instead of being unkind in return, Levi shows Dieter nothing but compassion.

All this to say, I think even when Levi isn't emotionally or personally close to people, he still feels the weight of their loss as if he were, and he still empathizes with and understands their emotions and thought process as if he were. There's a part in "No Regrets" in which Furlan laments that they had better hurry up and complete their mission to get the documents from Erwin before Levi and Isabel start genuinely considering "dedicating their hearts" to the Survey Corps. I've talked about how this clearly indicates that Furlan is aware of Levi's tendency to get attached to people, even when he's actively trying not to. Levi, for example, doesn't want to teach his combat techniques to any of the other SC soldiers because he knows if he does and then they end up getting killed, he'll hold himself responsible for it. Again, this is indicative of Levi's tendency to become emotionally attached and involved with people, even those he doesn't know well, to the point he would feel responsible for their lives, and responsible for protecting those lives, even when, again, he doesn't know them well, and even when he hasn't been treated particularly well by them. We have to remember, upon entering the SC, none of the other soldiers showed any particular friendliness toward Levi, outside of Hange. He was even faced with pretty blatant classism from some of them, and plain resentment. But he still knew himself well enough to know that he was already beginning to feel responsible for their lives. Even with being treated as an outsider by them, he still isn't able to keep himself detached from them. We see this play out too, in the story's climax, when Levi makes his choice to go after Erwin alone. He makes the choice with full consideration of what he thinks will be best, not just for Furlan and Isabel, but for Flagon and the rest of their squad. He's equally concerned for their well being, and determines that all of them will have a better chance of survival if Furlan and Isabel stays with them. Again, Flagon has been nothing but hostile toward Levi through the entire story, but he still cares about Flagon's life.

So basically, to get to your specific question, lol, I think Levi likely became very attached to Furlan fairly quickly. There's even a similarity to Levi's relationship with Furlan and what I laid out above, in terms of how Levi even cares about people who have been unkind to him. We know from one of the extra stories that Furlan first met Levi by attempting to entrap him and force him through physical assault to join his gang. So Furlan's first interaction with Levi was one of deception and an attempt to use him against his will. We learn later from a conversation Levi is having with another scout that Levi saved his life from his own gang, when they eventually turned on him. This is consistent with how we see Levi make just as much effort to help and show just as much concern for the lives of people who have previously been unkind to him in some way or even attempted to hurt him in some way. Levi saves Furlan's life, despite Furlan trying to deceive Levi and force him into a situation against his will.

So I imagine, once Levi became actual friends with Furlan, and moved in with him, at that point, I imagine the bond between them was incredibly deep and unbreakable. I think over time Furlan would have begun to recognize that Levi's aloof demeanor and lack of expression wasn't at all indicative of the actual depth of attachment and care he felt toward Furlan himself. I always say that I think Levi's relationship with both Furlan and Isabel was more than simple friendship. I think Levi viewed the both of them as his family, and objectively speaking, I think he was probably closer to the two of them than anyone else in his life. Part of that, I think, would come from the fact they were his first, actual friends, and also because they were the only people Levi ever knew and was close to who were from the same world he was. I think Levi likely was fearful at first when he first moved in with Furlan that he might lose him in some way, that Furlan might leave him, or be killed, etc... But I also think it's a testament to Levi's resilience and open heart that, despite having already been abandoned by the two most important people in his life up to that point, he still allowed this new person into his life and allowed himself to grow deeply close to him. I think, also, that's a product of, again, Levi's inability to close his heart off to people, due to his immense empathy. Even though Levi is afraid of losing people and wants to shield himself against the pain of that, he continually fails at remaining detached, because he just naturally cares too much about other people to ever, truly separate himself from them or freeze them out. He's never been able to not care. I think Furlan probably understood that pretty quickly about Levi, and as I already said, he probably understood that Levi's aloof demeanor and seeming distance didn't actually mean he didn't care. I think Furlan understood that Levi would protect him no matter what and would always stay by his side. Isayama even said Levi is extremely loyal. He isn't ever going to abandon anyone himself. So basically, I think Furlan understood Levi, after a time, and would have recognized that Levi's appearance of apathy in truth was just his way of dealing with the fact he actually feels and cares more deeply than anyone. He only keeps his emotions held inside so he can remain reliable to himself and others, because if he allowed himself to fully feel what he was actually feeling in any, given moment, it would be overwhelming. People that know Levi truly know this about him. And so Furlan definitely would have realized that.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question, lol. That got WAY too long. I can never seem to keep my answers short.

[slitheringghost]

Hey I was reading through some of your metas and saw you acknowledge that Voldemort had attempted to murder Bellatrix the day the cup was stolen (or at least was non-discriminatory enough with his spells that she was at genuine risk and had to shove others out of her way & sprint to safety) but you also portray his reaction to her death that same day as purely being a result of grief/personal loss rather than being strategic (or a combination of the two).

If I may, how do you reconcile the two?

I'm asking out of genuine curiosity btw, not to be an ass (in case that wasn't clear), just because I think you've been the first person I've seen to actually acknowledge he was trying to seriously harm her - or didn't care if he did - but also consider his anger over her death more about his own affection for her than anything else. It's just interesting to me.

Thank you and looking forward to reading your thoughts if you choose to respond :)

It largely comes down to Voldemort's capriciousness, but more generally, love and abuse - even abuse involving murder - can and does coexist.

There were times in the past where murder was much more normalized, including among families and friends. There are abusers that temporarily regret their abuse, and then do it again. There are serial killers that feel attachment to their victims.

A significant example is that there are societies that practice honor killings (and I think from what we see of pureblood families, the magical world is likely one of those societies). Is it because, in every case, all those family members participating never felt any affection and love for the family they’re murdering? That’s unlikely. They might even kill them while ~regretting~ that they’re doing so, and feeling sad about it, and grieve them, yet do it anyway, because this abhorrent practice is socially sanctioned, and will often lead to a family being ostracized in their community if they don’t practice it. (Of course, there are also cases that are more straightforward, where there's no affection for the family member).

With Voldemort, it’s more a case of capriciousness than the kind of premeditated murder associated with honor killings; but in any case, had Voldemort actually killed Bellatrix in a rage, I think he would deeply regret it and deeply grieve her afterward - which of course doesn't make it any better than he did so anyways.

We also see this capriciousness elsewhere - most prominently in the scene where he kills Snape. Voldemort compliments Snape, feels guilty and apologizes to him, and still kills him - and still further, in the midst of this scene, Harry also feels Voldemort’s rage at Snape. Rage, regret, guilt, affection, murder - all existing in one scene.

I recommend this fic - it captures Voldemort's capriciousness really well. In one scene, Voldemort goes from emotionally confiding in Bellatrix about his mother, to torturing her moments later when she doesn’t respond the way he wants, to then regretting that he tortured her and feeling guilty immediately after. This is another fic by the same author, where Voldemort has deeply affectionate thoughts about Bellatrix in his POV... and in the middle of those thoughts are thoughts about murdering her.

[ndjournal]

hi, i took what you said in my last ask seriously and realized “I Am That” didn’t quite resonate with me.

lemme think back to what i did a few months back in my moms cancer scare. when began to understand that everything rrally is influenced by me. it was early july, my mom had the bad news of having an aggressive cancer. i felt so bad and depressed, and i wanted her to have the biopsy diagnosed because i just wanted her to start treatment.

i wanted the biopsy on a specific date as well.

i tried to let go and just ignore the thoughts like ppl on nd tumblr say but it kept coming so i just thought on why i wanted it on a specific date. i just kept thinking on it. why. no answers just feelings. for a while until i got an intuitive answer when the date was coming. i was simply afraid that my mother would have not enough time, and that my mother was. idk i was holding onto this idea that she was incredibly sick. and then i just realize that was dumb and i let it go. i realized that it didn’t matter what happens because she will be fine and i will be fine anyways, and i gave up on the idea of having said date. and then i got the date i wanted.

i tried to do this with other shit but idk if this simply isnt for me or i wasn’t patient enough with the answer like the first time.

idk what type of investigation this. i guess i just feel like i need to follow to the T what the books say.

i guess my question is what type of investigation i should use? or what do you gather i should do?

What you practiced is pretty much what Lester taught (refer to my previous answer to you, there are references to chapters from his book). Basically investigating the attachments/fears/resistance/judgment etc. that are held about a goal/desire/situation and then letting it go and letting things be.

Some things are easier to let go of than others because the mind holds less thoughts of attachments/fears/resistance/judgment etc about it, other things aren't so easy because they're deeply entrenched, multi-layered and numerous in thoughts, most which isn't conscious and requires investigation to understand. You could also install the positive and this *can* help in dissolving the subconscious limitations/negativity but results may vary - personally I find Lester's way a lot more direct and effective for certain things, or you can try combining both but the key is to let go of attachment (instead of being attached/needing something, just know it as whatever you chose and let it be).

There are no shoulds, just keep asking yourself questions and trust in yourself. You did wonderfully already with your example, just keep following that intuition and applying it. If Lester's way resonates, you could check out his book in Ada's drive :)

[closet-is-tired]

(Uhhh, spoilers for csm156 I guess)

Everyone and their dog had been debating who it is that's gonna break denji out...

And the common consensus is that it's either Asa/Yoru or Reze.

But I bring you something better...

BOTH OF THEM!

So here's my very serious analysis on why asarezeden might actually be the future!

Arms & shaped fish

The starfish thing has been brought up time and time again. and honestly, I see this moment being an odd but interesting piece of foreshadowing.

Fujimoto loves his parallels, and as of 156, both Asa and Denji have lost a limb from their right side. This could represent their "scales" of morality tipping further in one direction and them having to physically pay the price for it.

I also see the starfish as a bit of a symbol of resilience for Asa. Because currently, she may be the only character that hasn't completely lost it. And this could be cause of her more grey sense of morality. Another animal Asa is heavily associated with is birds. They're shown to haunt her dreams, and Yoru even initially appeared to Asa as a bird. I don't think it's a stretch of the imagination to say that birds are meant to represent freedom here. They are they devices that eventually lead to Asa having a further sense of self, freeing her from the societal constraints that kept her down in the past.

Foreshadowing?

I definitely see this as a defining moment for Yoru. Purely writing wise, it makes sense that this would be an important element to Yoru's character. When introducing new characters to an audience, a character's overall goals are pretty relevant to their place in the story. Yoru's biggest goal is to kill chainsaw man. Who's to say an element of this goal wouldn't include bringing back the nuclear weapons devil? After all, even at the current point of the story, there doesn't seem to be nearly enough fear around War to make Yoru feasibly strong enough to take down Pochita. (don't quote me on that, I'm not a powerscaler) So for her goal to include bringing back a past ally that had proven to be notable enough for Yoru to mention by name, wouldn't be particularly out of left field...

I also wouldn't put it past her to not know/realize the nuclear weapons and bomb devil are the same thing...

An additional point my friend brought up; Yoru may not actually be looking for Chainsaw man here, but the nuclear weapons(Bomb) devil. The likelihood of Reze still being alive but being imprisoned or otherwise under the control of public safety is relatively high. She's a hybrid after all, I don't think a single spear through the chest from Makima would be enough to kill her. So for Yoru to try and continue with her plans of killing Chainsaw man (in this case freeing her ally to help strengthen herself) while being in wider control of Asa's body could also be a possibility.

What's owed

Reze definitely has some guilt around Denji saving her. The cool act she tried to put on afterward was very shittly crafted. You can see the cracks in it as the scene moves forward, and Reze can't exactly keep a straight face. That guilt combined with her later realization that she genuinely did like Denji could make her more inclined to want to help him this time around.

I'd like to see their very opposite personalities clash. Especially now as Asa further learns to let down her emotional walls I think they could learn a lot from each other. I just feel that their dynamic could be so soo deeply interesting.

Also, Reze is seen to yearn for normalcy. She seems to genuinely enjoy the front of a slow-paced life she's put up pre meeting denji. And even in her last panels wishes she had gone to school and had a chance to live a normal life. Although I doubt her entrance into part 2 would be particularly "normal"... I can see her becoming attached to Asa because of her proximity to normality. Despite everything, Asa always seems to be somewhat grounded in reality, and I think that is at least partially because of her being "normal". Even as part two progressed, Asa has still held onto her humanity. And I think that's because her humanity is such a fundamental part of her character. Her "normal teen girl" problems are what lead her to die and become entagled in this in the first place. they’re what continues to bring her down to earth when she needs it.

So it feels natural for Reze to be attracted to Asa...

And her potentially helping Asa could also make a lot of sense...

The meaning of dreams

Denji very very clearly craves intimacy, which usually manifests itself in... not the best ways?

Especially now that Denji has actually experienced various forms of love, he is somewhat more capable of distinguishing the type of love he years for. And with Asa, Denji finally got the semblance of a "normal" romance no matter how awkward it actually was.

Something I find so interesting is the framing of these relationships. Fujimoto is known to constantly make references to movies, and although I haven't exactly gotten to the point of scoring through the pages for any crumb of a rom-com reference, I know a vibe when I sense one. It's so achingly clear that Denji's relationships with Asa and Reze are framed like rom-coms. (Also, his relationship with Makima is partially framed like this, but that's a can of worms I'm not quite ready to open... yet) They have all the elements for it, from meet-cutes to their dates to even their first kisses. The framing of it all is so so abundantly there!

Honestly, the fact that denji wants multiple girlfriends is made reference to on multiple occasions feels like a little much to avoid... it's brought up in some very non comedic moments, which makes me question if this may actually be foreshadowing. It could just be a manifestation of Denji's yearning for romantic love and affection? Or is it the foundations being laid for a future romantic resolution? Could Chainsaw Man be the first mainstream Shonen to end with thruple???

Will this all become invalid once the new chapter comes out?

Probably...

[thesolemnhour]

A slightly modified version of inspirations for my most prolific and neurotic brainchild! Reasoning under the cut:

Alase Brinz-Widowknife from Lost Kingdoms and King of Chaos.

I've waxed poetic plenty on how much I adore Wesley's interpretation of Old Sarkoris in Lost Kingdoms, but his present-day Sarkorian characters are just as definitive to me. Alase is a young woman who practices the old art of Godcalling, where Sarkorian summoners call on the ancient protectors of their communities. One of the last Sarkorian Godcallers in the last Sarkorian village still standing. Alase feels a deep desire to do something with her abilities and dreams of taking back to city of Undarin, where Clan Widowknife used to reside. Alase also wonders whether her eidolon Tonbarse truly has a touch of the divine or is simply a loyal companion.

This meditation on what it means to be a Sarkorian one hundred years after the Worldwound opened was so foundational to Agria's character that I named her mother after Alase and decided to make her family another branch of Clan Widowknife.

Aerith Gainsborough, from Final Fantasy 7 (remake).

When I was still trying to nail down Agria's voice, my trick was to imagine all of her dialogue as though Aerith were saying them. Aerith has this delightful combination of sweetness and forcefulness. She's a very nice girl, and you're going to do what she asks! Possibly my favorite line in the game is when she and Cloud are halfway through a plan to sneak into a mobster's house, and she's telling him the last thing he needs to do. Cloud is like, "Hold on a minute," and she says, "No can-do, Cloud. This is our plan, and you'll learn to love it!" I'll take "Things Agria has said to Woljif," for $100, Alex.

Emma Woodhouse from Austen's Emma.

When Jane Austen set herself to writing Emma, she wanted to create "a heroine no one but me will much like." Emma is often selfish, unkind, and thoughtless, but she also cares deeply about the people around her and is willing to change her mind to accommodate them. Agria, likewise, can be a bit too attached to her own way of thinking to consider anyone else's, and it's Emma I look to most when I think about the ways that Woljif forces her to consider other perspectives.

Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

A little bit like Emma, it's Katara's best and worst traits that make her such an influence on Agria. Katara is equally as capable of being kind, curious, and passionate as she is of being controlling and emotional. She can carry grudges and be competitive. Agria is many of these things as well, and the combination of these traits is what always brings me back to her

Kitri, from Don Quixote.

Kitri, my love! From her very first entrance to the ballet, Kitri effortlessly commands the attention of those around her. After every movement, it's like she turns to the audience to say, "Ta-DA!" She is fiery and joyful and alive! She has enormous spirit and insists on having things her way. She's a bit of a brat (affectionate). She is who I look to when I want to represent Agria being a drama queen.

Evgenia Medvedeva, Russian figure skater and Olympic silver medalist.

There is a kind of insanity at the heart of athletes that I'm obsessed with. A sense that if you just push yourself hard enough, you will accomplish everything you want. Evgenia Medvedeva has so much of this, and I am convinced she is the most intense person who has every lived. "As soon as you take it easy," she explained in one documentary, "you get nowhere. You're the same as everyone else." Are you sure about that, two-time world champion, Evgenia Medvedeva?? But it's never enough. That's Agria!

Template:

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

NETDIR://URBANDICTIONARY.WEB, a kerry eurodyne / V ficlet (1000~ words, rated E, humor & smut)

V swipes a hand across the fogged bathroom mirror. His chrome palms squeak against the glass, squeegeeing off a section that he can see his reflection in— freshly showered, a little ruddy from the residual heat and harsh scrubbing where his brown skin peeks through his blackout geometric tattoos. Even the worst gigs could be showered away with the combination of ten-in-one soap, shampoo and motor oil.

And he wants to look good. He’s got a date— a date, honest-to-God, not burritos at Caliente’s or a marathon of reality TV at the Villa, but a dinner at some expensive ‘ganic restaurant that Kerry invited him to. V combs his fingers back through his damp hair from root to tip, that bright green mullet, peers at himself in the mirror. He turns his head, side to side, rubs his fingers across the stubble on his jaw. Maybe he should shave. He shifts, lifts up an arm, flexes a little. Maybe he should jerk off.

V turns in the mirror. He looks good, maybe even good enough for Kerry Eurodyne. And he’s not posing, because that’s stupid, even in the solitary safety of his Megabuilding bathroom, but he may be flexing a little, watching the way the muscles in his arms jump, the way the gunmetal tendons attached to his gorilla fists bulge a little and the plates of his chrome arms threaten to separate underneath.

“Hey Kerry. Hey, Ker,” his voice pitches a little, tries on a few different purrs, lets himself taste the way Kerry’s name feels in his mouth. “Kerry, baby, how’s it going?”

He’s going to crush this date. Fuckin’ kill it. He slicks his hair back a different way, tilts his hips and grins in the bright bathroom lighting. “Y’look good tonight, Ker.” Number one Solo, number one date. There’s no way he can lose. He’s got this. He leans forward, raking his eyes over himself. Mutters, “call me NetWatch the way I’m gonna go through your Blackwall—”

“Call me NetWatch,” Johnny repeats, stressing each word, “the way I’m gonna go through your Blackwall?”

“God damnit, Johnny!”

V nearly jumps out of his skin, whipping his head around to glare at the engram. Looking thoroughly unimpressed, he slouches a foot away on top of the closed toilet, his aviators having slid down his nose just enough to really let V see how deeply, truly unenthused he is.

“I’m in the bathroom. Is nowhere fucking sacred?” V complains, turning back around to give Johnny the literal cold shoulder. “I didn’t ask for comments.”

Johnny ignores him. In the mirror’s reflection, he shifts where he sits, crossing his arms over his chest. “You think that’ll work? That’s a good line to you? A real panty wetter?”

“Okay, peanut gallery, you got anything better?”

“I mean, yeah, I can think of plenty of better lines then referring to— what, what the fuck is the Blackwall supposed to be in this hackneyed metaphor? Kerry’s asshole?” V rolls his eyes, though admittedly, he hadn’t exactly thought it through that far. Snidely, Johnny adds, “you’re not even a ‘runner.”

V glares at him through the reflection of the mirror. “I’ll workshop it, alright?”

Johnny groans, “Jesus Christ.”

——

The slap of skin-on-skin bounces off the walls of Kerry Eurodyne’s bathroom in tandem with his moans. V’s got one hand under Kerry’s thigh, lifting his leg up high enough that it’s nearly atop the counter as he fucks into him hard and fast. Kerry takes him so fucking well, looks gorgeous in front of the mirror, V’s white chrome hands indenting the skin where he grips him.

Kerry groans, catches V’s hungry gaze in the mirror’s reflection and bites his lip. He can feel him purposefully clench around his cock; it’s downright pornographic. V can’t help but moan.

“God damn, Ker,” he pants, presses his mouth against the back of his neck as he mindlessly thrusts. He licks a stripe up his neck, bites at skin salty with sweat. He moans, “feel so good—“

Kerry braces himself against the marble, his other hand moving to stroke his own cock. “C’mon, V,” his single-syllable name turns into multiple with each thrust jolting him; Kerry arches his back, groans, “fuck me, fuck.“

“Fuck, you feel so good—“ V groans, feels his orgasm build in his belly, nearly delirious with it, the burn in his abs and the way his balls tighten, “fuck, Kerry, say my name—“

“V, V—“

“Fuck, call me Netwatch the way I’m goin’ go through your asshole—”

Kerry stops. V’s hips stutter to a halt.

“What?”

“What?” Responds V.

“No, seriously,” Kerry’s flushed face, now pinched with utter confusion, stares at V through the mirror’s reflection; when V avoids his gaze, he tries to crane his neck back to catch his stare face-to-face, which is more successful than it should be. Rarely, V has hated Kerry’s steadfast yoga habit, but today is one of those days. “What the hell did you just say?”

He doesn’t even sound mad, just utterly perplexed.

“I, uh…” The words in V’s mouth have melted into molasses, sticky and unpleasant. “I… say? What did I say? I didn’t?”

He did. He fucking did. He knows what he said, and yet all he can do, in lieu of speaking, is gesture fumblingly with his hands, which he no longer knows what to do with. His dick’s still in Kerry. He’s vaguely bewildered with himself and his own place in the universe, and what sort of higher entity he must have angered to have fucked up so spectacularly.

Somewhere far away, and simultaneously much too close, V can hear Johnny cackle.

“You’re gonna netwatch my asshole?” Kerry asks with a kind of mild concern that makes V want to curl up and die, even if his eyes are kind. “That somethin’ the kids are saying nowadays?”

Forehead thunking against the back of Kerry’s neck to hide his face, V groans, “let the relic fucking take me now.”

[fe-fictions]

I’m a hopless romantic with my only hope being the fire emblem boys. Do you have any Angst left over from lonqu or maybe gauis

(How about Gaius having a nightmare about when you sacrificed yourself to Grima??? ;;; A ;;; )

It was such a common thing to wake up numb. It was two years, after all, of drinking himself to sleep and waking up feeling positively miserable.

However the misery that came from a hangover was far preferable to the misery of grief and heartache.

He was never much of a believer in anything besides himself, but he had to have faith that you would be home, again.

So when you really did show up it was world shattering in the best of ways. Everything was turned upside down the instant he felt your touch for the first time in years.

He just didn’t know what to do with himself unless he was attached to you. That entire first day having you back, it was impossible to get Gaius away from you.

As far as he was concerned, you weren’t getting out of his embrace for at least a decade.

He stayed awake long after you went to sleep that night, almost afraid that if he did, he’d wake up and realize it was all a dream.

When he eventually did drift off, though, he was pleasantly surprised to find you still there, sleeping soundly beside him. You looked like you’d been through the ringer, and it was clear you needed a good long rest.

So he stayed there, awake and alert, watching over you while your chest rose and fell beneath the bed sheets. How long had it really been since he’d shared his bed with you? Had it only been two years? It felt like a lifetime and a half.

He traced a finger along the side of your face, ghosting over your nose and lips, committing every inch of you to memory.  You breathed deeply, tugging on his heartstrings as you always did. Gaius smiled to himself. How precious.

With a soft, silent movement Gaius leaned over you, kissing your forehead. 

It wasn’t too early in the morning...he would need to at least get ready for the day. His initial plan was to get ready, make the Exalt’s breakfast, then return to you.

He didn’t make it out of the blankets.

Gaius turned to move away when your hand caught his wrist, gripping him just tight enough to make him realize you were awake and very interested in him staying.

“Do you have to work today?”

He resisted the urge to grin. It didn’t work.

“If you need me here, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I do.” You were still sleepy, but determined. A deadly combination.

“Then I’m here.” 

Gaius settled in beside you, wrapping his arms around you and resting his head on your chest. Your fingers wound into his soft ginger hair, practically lulling him back to sleep in seconds. He sank into your touch, the sweet comfort of your warmth enough.

“I should probably let them know I’m not gonna be there this morning…”

“They’ll figure it out.” You mumbled into his hair, kissing the top of his head. “I don’t think they’d blame you.”

Gaius snickered, burying himself in your sweet hold. 

“Me, neither.” 

[the-gateway-to-madness]

So anyway Ducktales 2017 is super fun for me because I'm literally exactly like Louie except I have a deep-rooted fear of becoming him because I live in reality and not a mansion-

There's satisfaction for him in finding loopholes, putting together the pieces in various situations, and being the strategist, but at the same time he can't think too much about the future or he'll stress out (given the fact the creators of the show confirmed Louie is like this because he grew up poor and took on a lot of that pressure emotionally, I assume that's part of why he doesn't plan for his future, but anyway-).

For him, that means coming up with strategies and tactics in the moment, on adventures. For me, that means finding ways to carefully integrate fictional characters and OCs into established worlds, analyzing things and picking them apart. Either way, we're not planning ahead all that far, both trying to escape reality.

And he's smart. Like, REALLY smart. But he's insecure about it because he's not book-smart in a family that really values book-smart. His family never really makes him feel bad for not being their kind of smart, just for the actions that stem as a result of it (his schemes, for example). You can tell they don't understand how he thinks, except Della (i, too, have a parent who gets me and a parent who does Not), and he has a lot of emotionally vulnerable moments with her because of that.

He only lets down his guard and genuinely connects with people he really feels get him, even though he's very eloquent and perfectly capable of casual connections with almost anyone. Same. I'm deeply, almost self-damagingly empathetic- my emotional attachments are a point of great vulnerability for me. I've chosen to embrace that vulnerability and the closeness and care it can bring me, but that's not a very natural choice for Louie like it is for me.

A lot of society only really seems to value "math-smarts", like what Huey has- more rigid intelligence, strong memorization of facts and figures, and being adept with numbers if you're lucky. But Louie has "language-smarts". Flexible, adaptable to different situations, but wow you don't come off as smart most of the time when you're this kind of smart. I was reading at a 12th grade level in 3rd grade- I know for a fact I grasp the English language at an abnormal level. But that intelligence really isn't applicable in a lot of situations, and I 100% recognize the form of lacking-self-esteem that comes with it- the form Louie shows consistently in season 2. For him, his linguistic, flexible, imaginative intelligence comes out as strategizing, lying, and scheming. For me, it comes out as quick, easy storytelling/writing with friends.

We share an ability to see patterns others don't while missing the patterns others do see.

Our kind of intelligence comes with this- very basic level of practicality. I hate sports because they seem unnecessary, over-hyped. I don't want to do a lot of very societally normal things because they seem convoluted and not necessary for happiness. I engage with television and movies because I find the construction of story and characters fascinating.

It all makes me feel like I'm lazy or can't ever do enough because I just... don't have an interest in a lot of things that people think one should. It's like- there's this level of intrinsic, constant self-awareness and practicality in me, to the point where I feel incapable of engaging with anything that doesn't interest me.

Combine that mentality with the burnout and emotional strain of being under severe financial pressure your entire life and, more specifically, not being able to do anything about it or get out of it- so why try to do anything at all? -, and bam, you get Louie Duck. He's motivated by money because to him money = comfort, and comfort = safety.

I also started consciously knowing what it'd be like and feel like when my childhood ended at something like- age 15 or 16. I was desperate to cling to the freedom, the lack of responsibility, the privilege of a safety net- for years. I see some of that in Louie too.

Oh, and of course Bobby Moynihan sold it. Really just went all in on giving Louie depth and feeling, 10/10 incredible performance-

Point is, it's cool to see someone who thinks like me actually portrayed pretty accurately onscreen. Thanks @suspendersofdisbelief :)

[blasphemme]

just finished call of duty black ops. here are some (long, comma abusing, mostly tangentially related) thoughts after playing it for the first time for anyone who might read them!

altogether the campaign was fine, i guess.

as many others have in the past few years following the modern warfare remakes, my online activity has been inundated with thirst edits made of characters in call of duty — despite having never played the games myself. they’re not my thing.

my flatmate, however, has played them. he played them as a kid when they were being released, and he has had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of me watching these edits and reading fanfics (shout out early 351780!!). increasingly annoyed at my thirsting, he has forced me to play every call of duty campaign on the xbox 360.

i’ve found that i actually really enjoy playing cod. it’s enjoyable, action packed and, most importantly, quite compelling. they’re something i’d never have considered playing without him pushing me to play them. i’m more of an assassin’s creed/ace combat/nier girl and always have been. the closest i’d been to playing a shooter before this experience was playing gta, badly.

my flatmate knew my priorities. after an introduction to the premise with world at war — the first game in the black ops series, which i promise i will get to at some point — we played the original modern warfare campaigns first, because i am a wee bit in love with captain john price, and i loved them. the stories, while simple enough to follow (and already knowing about the main character deaths in advance — it’s a 10+ year old series, after all!), were emotionally evocative. i found myself becoming attached to the protagonists quickly and deeply, all the while having a whale of a time fucking around in the rest of the mission. this girl loves just walking onto grenades! between world at war and the modern warfare trilogy of campaigns, i was hooked from the start.

i realise now that i have been spoiled. those campaigns were just too good.

black ops’ campaign pales in comparison to the other four games i’ve played. i will admit that it is still fun — very fun! i enjoyed the feeling of progressing from one badass area to the next, with sam worthington’s horrific american accent and gary oldman’s alright russian accent pushing me through. i also have to admit that i still play like an absolute scrub, but the enjoyment i got from it outweighed the frustration. (mostly.)

black ops lacks the charm and depth i loved in world at war. while fun, every plot twist was spotted as soon as it was hinted to, much to my flatmate’s dismay. it took one guy telling mason to get a hold of himself for me to figure out the twist around reznov, and one recitation of the numbers on the way to the pentagon for me to figure out that mason would go on to kill kennedy. this, in particular, also felt like a bit of a cop-out — having this confirmed in a post-credits scene was disappointing, when i’d gone through the whole game and sat through an eminem song in the credits expecting a sequence where i’d be on the grassy knoll just to end up in a round of zombies. honk shoo.

modern warfare — modern warfare 2 in particular (kevin mckidd’s soap my beloved <3) — introduced new mechanics that’d be used once or twice in the whole game, most of which i enjoyed. the missions where you have to assist tf141 from an ac130 in the first game? stellar. absolutely unmatched. all ghillied up can go fuck itself on a gameplay front though, fuck you if you think i’m gonna figure out what the coriolis effect is. in black ops, the helicopter sequences felt like hate crimes against me personally. poorly designed flight controls and awful combat mechanics combined to make a literally unplayable pair of missions involving attacking other helicopters that i had to beg my flatmate to complete for me. embarrassing.

this game is utterly us army propaganda. the epic final shot in the campaign after killing dragovich — where suddenly 3 aircraft carriers are there waiting for you flying star spangled banners, and 8 fighter jets pass overhead — only resulted in making me cringe and laugh in disbelief, where in 2010 it would’ve made young men enlist. world at war at least has the balance of ‘war is cool and we’re the best’ in the pacific segments and ‘war sucks, actually,’ in the eastern front segments. modern warfare, too, falls face first into the latter, and that’s part of what i enjoyed about it.

even the little fun things weren’t as enjoyable. i didn’t have a favourite gun, or a favourite mission. the star cast choices were okay, but nothing to call home about. there wasn’t a ‘production babies’ segment in the credits, and they made me listen to eminem and pink. what the fuck?

altogether, black ops 1 has the worst campaign of the franchise i’ve played so far. next we’re onto black ops 2, which hopefully won’t come with a free personal statement like this one, and which i’ve been told is one of the best games ever made. we’ll see.

3/10

[jb-nonsense]

Family Headcanons for whoever you'd like: 👨🌟👍😞⚰️✨

Family Headcanons

We're off to the Wheel of names!

👨 = What’s your muse’s relationship with their father, what made it that way?

Kadryn Dubslayn - Kadryn's father was killed when Kadryn was 8 years old, so there's only a bit to go on about relationship. Ymres was a man of high expectations for his sons and did not appreciate failure. He was a little less severe on Kadryn, as he was the younger of the two, but still expected him to excel in his education and training. Kadryn respected and at times felt anxious about his father, wanting to not disappoint him. Despite this, the habit of his father being severe helped him through his time as enslaved, and he also keeps some of the lessons in mind as a Jedi, such as weighing pros and cons and not letting his emotions to cause him to act impulsively.

🌟 = Who is your muse’s favorite family member, why?

Shaszaa - Shaszaa has been an orphan for as long as she can remember. She was taken in by the Jedi when she was young and trained. Her master is Feraaji Manjeyt and Feraaji's master was Razesha Shalum. They and other Jedi are the closest thing to family she has. While Shaszaa appreciates her master, Razesha is just a calming and motherly presence she enjoys to be around and helps to calm her down more than her spunky master. Her master is fun but when she needs someone to just rest a shoulder on, it's Razesha.

👍 = Does your muse think they’re a good child and/or sibling?

Feraaji Manjeyt - she thinks she's an excellent padawan, despite the amount of times Razesha has scolded her for her impulsivity. She does her best to listen, but her aunt/master is more of a person to collect and consider, whereas Feraaji is a woman of action. She does do her best, so she thinks she's a good kid.

😞 = Finding an orphaned child would your muse opt to take them in, find someone more qualified, or just leave them?

Rees Dival - uh. This scenario is really funny to me because it would be such a fun combination. He would want to just leave them be but then he would think about himself growing up an orphan on Fest and concede he'll take them for now until he can find someone more qualified to care for them. And then we start in on the found family trope possibility of him not finding someone more qualified and getting attached to the little bugger. This is now going to ferment in my mind thank you wheel of names.

⚰️ = How would the loss of a family member affect them? Does it vary based on type of family member?

Elami Rimal - It would be hard. She'd take adequate time to mourn, to remember, and arrange their funeral. Elami feels very deeply, but she does her best to not allow it to consume her. She tries to keep a clear mind and think about what they would want for her, not what she wants. I don't think it would really vary, unless it's someone distantly related. Still sad but wouldn't be felt quite as deeply.

✨ = How important is family to your muse?

Razesha Shalum - This is a complicated question for a Jedi master. While family is important to her, as she did train her niece to be a Jedi, and she views the Jedi as her family, they are not important enough for her to go to a 'burn the galaxy to save them' kind of way. So they're up there, but she knows her duty as a Jedi will always come first, and family comes second.

[zehecatl]

2024 media thread PART AUGUST

6th August: Fear Street 1994

despite my love for the horror genre, i've honestly never watched much horror- in fact, i'd say this is probably my second horror movie, ever? and while i did very much primarily pick this because of the sapphics, holy shit, what a fun time

i'm not very well-versed in the genre, but i really liked the combination of slasher and supernatural. the set up is so interesting, and i'm very much looking forward to learning more over the next two entries. i love how the movie works both as a stand-alone, and as a set up for the rest of the trilogy

also, what a fun cast!! i really liked the dynamic at play here, and how grounded everyone was; outside of the very beginning, i never had a 'oh my god, why are you acting so DUMB' moment. also, a small moment i really loved was how, despite the town's differences, Sunnyside and Shadyside both refused to tell the cops anything. ACAB, and all that 👏

definitely looking forward to watching the other two :]

13th August: Jujutsu Kaisen 0

tfw a friend makes you go watch a movie, and you come out of it with another black haired boy to cry about

okay, for real- while i don't know everything about JJK, i do know enough to watch this, and it's definitely a really good movie. i think Gege's writing actually really shines in it, because it perfectly encapsulates a lot of what he does best- tragedy, human connection, that perfect note of horror that really makes his series special. it was a little rushed, like i think a two-parter would have been really good, but we did get enough to make everything make sense, and, like. this got me attached to Geto. i literally stopped watching s1 before he really got to show up (yes, i know about the thing, but you get what i mean). and i nearly cried at the end

it's! a really good movie!! it did make me really attached to Yuta and Maki and Inumaki (i feel like Panda is more of a gimmick character to round out the cast, than a real character? like, obviously that could change in the actual series, but he did fall a bit flat here) and it does showcase enough of the Geto/Gojo relationship to tease the fans, and all around, it's. a nice way to restart my watch into the series?

it does kind of make me want more time with the kiddos tho. can we get a spin-off. can we get to watch them train together and be babies. that would be nice

(also get Geto therapy. please. i know he's dead, but i think maybe if you give enough therapy to his corpse, that could fix some things)

21th August: WIND BREAKER

how the FUCK is this anime not more popular, how the fuck has the whump community not devoured it whole, how the FUCK is there not more fanart and fanfic, like hello? hello??? the most tumblr-catered thing to ever exist, and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT...

literally, genuinely, this is just. it's one of the best written shounen i've ever seen. it's so well done- every character is distinct and has an unique and compelling design, and the way the plot and character arcs are weaved together, even just from what little you're getting from the anime, it's just- it's so well done

Sakura, as a protagonist, is so so interesting too. he's completely out of his comfort zone, he's basically a feral kitten forced into an affectionate household, like he has no clue what to do with himself, or anyone- but he wants, so much, to Do Good. this is a guy who has been starved for affection, for kindness, who craves is so deeply he can't even handle other people holding hands. like the whole set up is just. chef's kiss. absolutely delicious i'm eating so good

and then there's the Shishitoren arc, which the anime covers, and which broke my head open and filled me with Love Togame, like just. the whole arc. it's so well-written and perfectly paced, and the way everything is done is just. UGH. UGH!!!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH

and just. i could gush for days. about this anime. i could gush about the characters, about the plot, about the ANIMATION. THE FUCKING ENDING AND OPENING?? ARE SO GOOD?? and the FIGHT SCENES, UGH, they're so fucking fantastic, like just. this is genuinely one of the best series i've ever seen, and it's a crime it's not more loved. if we don't get a season 2, i am throwing hands

23th August: Fear Street 1978

pretty good! i do think it suffers a bit from being the middle child, with lots of focus on set up, but i had fun anyway. honestly, i don't have a lot to say about this one?

i liked the sibling focus, i liked the characters, i liked the background we got fed, and how it kept itself tied to what it already set up (Ruby Lane's mother! neat!), but it's- yeah, it's the middle child. not much to say

i will say i fucking died when we got the self harm reveal, because that shit was so crap. also i wish Alice and Cindy had kissed. the tension was there, okay. we could have gotten 3/3 lesbians :(

27th August: Yomawari: Midnight Shadows

usually i wouldn't put this on my list, since i didn't play it, but- i have already played it once. and i did watch Shae play all of it, so. like. it can be here. primarily because i just wanna GUSH about this game for a hot second, like. aaaaaaaaaah

i love this game. like, i ADORE this game. so much. it's so up my alley, with its japanese horror (yokai!! spirits!! SHRINES AND GODS!!!) and kids-going-through-it energy, and just. OUGH. LETTING ME EXPLORE A SPOOKY LITTLE TOWN?? YES PLEASE...

and Midnight Shadows, which is the second game in the series, and also the only one i've played, is just- it's so good. the story is genuinely so well-written and crafted, and yeah, it's not super in depth- you're basically getting a RPGmaker game, here, but. man

Yui and Haru's story hits. the twists hits. there is something so elegant in its simplicity, and i adore it so very much

also, also- Chaco is the best boy. and i love him. and i would die for him. and the fact that you get to walk around with him in the post-game is everything

(also- also- i love the art. there's something about it that just hits my brain real good, and i would absolutely buy an artbook. i would buy multiples. Nippon Ichi, please)

31th August: Fear Street 1666

if 1978 stumbled a bit due to being the middle child, 1666 fucking nailed it by being the youngest- or the finale, more accurately

it absolutely hit all the beats it needed to, and tied up everything so good- even its twist was done fantastically, and makes perfect sense. i do think this whole trilogy was really improved by being filmed at the same time, though i can't imagine it was an easy time. i especially really love the little call forwards, they're cute :]

also, honestly, the 1666 section was probably my favourite- which is mostly because i really like folk horror, and the witch bits, and just. the setting 💖 give me more of that please 💖

also really like the finale bits, and just- idk! it tied everything up really well! i'm ignoring the post-credit scene, because that was so unnecessary, but outside of that, Fear Street is just a really good trilogy. it also had sapphics, which improves everything, in my humble opinion, so like. hell yeah

[mikeartblogyear3]

Week 11

The image that I have sent off for printing for the collaborative Class of '23 Zine. 

This work explores the minimalising that my practice has been focusing on recently. I tried to construct a scene with lines and dots and not weigh too heavily on detail. 

The colour used felt a bit of an attack on my graphite grey space, but it is where I eventually want to progress towards so I tried to relax into it and not feel too overpowered by it and instead tried to celebrate. 

But I felt I rushed that project. 

I didn’t give myself enough time to sink into it, to feel and understand it. When I look at it it feels a bit prosaic and devoid of much intent and is mostly a vanity project/a release of energy. 

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

So I wanted to create a new piece, one that I could allow myself to better apply myself to... 

I started as I did the last, with a spray paint background. I started applying small dots and lines, trying to slowly build a space and bring forth a landscape while also keeping it in the realms of abstraction. 

Here I was sucked down into a really confined space and I didn’t want to fight it, I felt more knowing about where to place the next piece when I removed logic and existed in a more automatic headspace. My relationship was there, and I guess even strengthened by those questions of alternative action. 

I want to keep sitting in this space and document what eventuates - and I guess the artwork is the documentation... I feel so much more able to connect to it than expressing in writing. 

______________________________

Another project I’ve been working on is combining a graphite scene with a short story that I wrote that reflects the drawing. I want to get better acquainted with writing, and hopefully understand it in similar way to how I draw/paint. 

I fall into a negative space when I express myself with words, because there are so many that can combine in so many ways and I never know how to apply desire and feeling onto the ones that are true. 

I wanted to find that same slow building warmth in writing, similar to how I apply strokes on paper/canvas. It feels so silly to say it out loud, but out inner space isn’t made of a language and I need to remember that and put confidence in these experiments that I lack the ability to convey verbally. 

I’ve been jumping back and forward between the written and the visual, trying to harmonise them in some way.

I want my writing and work to still exist in that minimal space/relaxed space, and not venture too deeply into any one topic. I even wanted the story to be about that observational, light perspective. A thing that is flung about by an unknown force and views the world in a unattached way. 

It is a melancholic state, because the thing does truly desire to connect but it doesn’t know how to go against that deep pull. 

I want to not have it typed, and hopefully handwrite the text then make a poster of it/ display it on telephone poles and such 

Class of '23 Zine: 

In class this week we all installed our works collectively in the Frank Moran Gallery. 

Briefly I talked about the work, how minimalising my practice to lines and dots allowed me to build a stronger intent on what I was doing in the moment. I don’t think I expressed the visual outcome was planned, but I tried to emphasise that it’s more a meditative practice of just going back and forth between lines and dots, the 1 and 2. 

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the piece as I don’t think I gave it enough attention. I wanted it to be a representation of where I want my practice to move towards, but in doing so I skipped over one of my fundamentals of allowing the space of attachment. 

_______________________

Artist Research: 

Winnie Sidhart’s artwork reflects a similar process of collection. Works that she felt weren’t successful or she intentionally destroyed are cut up, rearranged and unified on one canvas, bringing in multiple ideas into one space and celebrating the act rather than it being one thing. 

Winnie’s artistic practice celebrates all states and showcases through collage that we can be more than one thing. Her work begins with cutting up and bringing back smaller works and slowly applying all the pieces to a single space. Our current moment is so much more than just one thing, it’s everything at a time and trying how to be clear on where we stand in all of it is so difficult to see. Winnie shows through her art that we need to have a gentle and keen perspective to find a way to collect it all and move with it. 

Research: 

Outside of artist research I’ve continued finding practices of witchcraft. I don’t get heavily invested in any one, but I think I’m more interested at the moment in how they are all similar, what is the basic identity of their philosophies. 

In witchcraft and the gay counterculture, what is illuminated is what is unifying about the two. Both seek to leave a system that they don’t connect with and feel distant from. We both reimagine ourselves in a life that we want to live in. 

I think I research this for solidarity. An insight into another perspective and how their worlds are built.