#and everything else I like to do also hurts my neck so I'm kinda shit out of luck there lol

[kris-mage-fics]

Just a heads up, I might be sparse on-line for a while. The TV that I hook my laptop up to just died, and I don't know when we can get a new one. I can use the laptop at the table, but that hurts my neck pretty quickly. I can't say I'm surprised this happened, it's like 16 or 17 years old. I actually said to my husband earlier this year I had a feeling it would die soon. Something I'd rather have been wrong about, lol

[bookshelf-dust]

did you post literally today? yes. am I about to request again? of course. it's like a drug (I read the last fanfic 3 times today, yes it was that good)

so, other way around now! what about reader being jealous of Gareth? the setting can still be the Hideout and someone is getting too touchy with him, reader knows Gareth wouldn't cheat but their insecurities get the best of them. (I think Gareth would be cocky about it after the situation had settled, him being sooo tease-y and flattered). if it's too specific you can change it a bit of course.

(I'm just gonna add that I reread your fics for comfort when I'm sad<33)

babe magnet

gareth emerson x gn!reader

word count: 886

warnings: swearing, mentions of inebriation, reader gets insecure about looks/worth, gareth being a flirty shit, fluff

a/n: hi my sweet!!! thank you for requesting. also—i’m not letting this go—you read my stuff repeatedly? 🥺 please stop i’m going to cry!! you have no idea how much it means hearing that you enjoy my writings that much and that they bring you comfort when you’re upset. i love you so so much. also it’s kinda short but i hope it’s what you wanted and that this is okay!! <333 (also his face at the end of this gif?? gareth the grump?? yeah, i think so.)

————

“You’re so handsome, you know that?”

Gareth doesn’t even know this girl’s name. She’s a groupie, obviously, but he can’t even fathom that they have groupies, so he’s not entirely sure what to do about this.

She’s hammered, clearly, and tried to feel up Jeff before he made a break for it.

Gareth focuses on packing his things up, because she’s sat down now, so he doesn’t have to worry about her groping or anything.

“Uh, thank you?”

He just wants to go home. His shoulders hurt, and his ass is sore. He just wants to see you.

But he doesn’t want to be mean.

“I bet it gets hot up there, under those lights. Playing the drums and stuff,” the girl says, rising from the sticky leather of the couch.

Shit, he thinks.

“Yeah, it does. Listen, do you have a ride home?”

He turns around, but quickly realizes that’s a mistake, because she starts rubbing up and down his arms, across his shoulders, and locks her hands behind his neck.

Yeah, he doesn’t like this.

This, however, is the moment you make it to the back room, and to you, it looks like Gareth is spending his evening with some other woman. Someone that’s not you.

Gareth doesn’t even know you’re there. He’s focused on getting this girl somewhere safe and getting her off of him.

He gently grabs her arms and pulls them off of him, but she moves and starts rubbing his chest, so this time he grabs her hands, and a little more firmly.

“Okay, let’s get you home, yeah?”

He turns then, and sees you in the doorway. You’re frowning, but you wipe it away when he makes eye contact with you.

You can see the relief he feels at your appearance.

“Hey, holy shit. I’ll just be a second.” He lowers his voice as he gets closer to you, “she’s drunk and I’m trying to find her ride, I’ll be right back.”

And then he’s gone, off with that woman.

You take the liberty of picking up the rest of his things, zipping up his bag and throwing it over your shoulder.

You know he wouldn’t do anything. Gareth loves you. He’s made it blatantly clear that you’re it for him. That he intends on spending the rest of his life with you. That no one else can put up with his bullshit the way that you do.

But something about seeing that woman made all of those old thoughts wake up and run wild.

She was gorgeous. This beautiful young woman with curves in all the right places. She looked like she belonged on the cover of a magazine.

And you don’t look like that. So maybe, just maybe, Gareth has found someone else. Someone that looks like her. Someone better for him.

Stop. Stop, you think. You try and shut it down.

Gareth loves you. And you love him.

You’re holding the car keys when he gets back.

“Okay, I figured everything out. That girl was totally out of it,” he says, taking his bag from you, though you keep the keys, because you like to drive him after he plays—you know he’s tired.

The entire ride home, you don’t say a word, and Gareth knows something is up, so he corners you once you get inside.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He’s giving you his best puppy dog eyes, and so you do.

“I saw you with that girl, from before. She was all over you.”

You cross your arms, and he smiles. He smiles and pokes your side. “You’re jealous!”

“No, I’m—”

Gareth cuts you off with a laugh. A cackling, bend over at the waist laugh. But then he straightens.

“I’m sorry.” He kisses your cheek. “You know there’s nothing to be jealous about, right? I love you. And she was a groupie, which—wild I know—but she was drunk and feeling me up, and that was after she was all over Jeff, anyways,” he breathes, stopping his ramble.

“It was icky. And I hate that you saw it another way. But whatever it is that you’re thinking, I don’t want anyone else, okay?”

You sniff. “Okay.”

He kisses you, short and sweet.

But he pokes you in the side again. “You were jealous.”

“Stop.”

“I’m flattered, really. Apparently, I’m just a total babe magnet now. I guess it comes with all the fame. But I mean, look at me, I’m a stud.”

You try to move away from him. This has gone straight to his head.

He grabs your waist, however, picking you up and tossing you on the couch. “You don’t think I’m a stud?” He feigns offense.

“Nope.”

Gareth starts tickling you like crazy, up your sides, on your neck, your stomach, until you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe and you’re pleading with him so he’ll stop.

“Fine! Fine! You’re a stud! A total babe magnet!”

He lets up, smiling brilliantly at you. “I knew you thought so. Good thing the magnet works too, or else I wouldn’t have you. The babe to my magnet.”

You push at his chest, but he only works harder to try and hug you. “Okay, no, that was horrible. That’s the last straw. Get off me!”

He doesn’t, and you don’t want him to. Not really.

————

[streamdotpng]

Twin anon here!

I think the council of anons is incredibly funny. I’m just gonna forever imagine us all sitting at a round table or something dhdhhd

on the moderates for streamer enid note I do think my theory would die then :( definitely be more aware of what siblings Enid had. I mean I think it was said before that Endespairs fandom knew she had a bunch of brothers so the closer my twin theory is to enid the more it kinda collapses.

Also because I’m here- I never realized how sad the twin theory was till he pointed it out. Like oh my god that is devastating. Like imagine the twin you have marrying your idol that’s actually so horrifying. (It’s also a good fanfic idea for a cheating au…)

NAWH BC

Enid spent three years attached to Wednesday, going through all kinds of shit together and you're telling me-

One break, just two years of far apart so they can build their own lives and Wednesday gets married to enid's twin

Girl would be devastated. Obviously you aren't entitled to someone's feelings but Enid, who most likely has a more successful twin in terms of wolfing out and thus better connections to the birth family- holy shit, she'll be bitter. She'll wonder, what is it like, to have everything she wanted. Everything she needed. A family, better treatment and her mate.

She wonders what's it like to see them dead

Its not even an idol thing either twin anon! I like to think, Enid genuinely loves Wednesday at this point and like, it'll probably hurt to see someone get so close so easily. But she'll accept it, she's Wednesday's best friend, she needs to accept it.

And when she stands in the altar, in the wrong side of the platform, she will clasp a hand so dangerously close to her twins neck and whisper a congratulations before Wednesday walks down the aisle.

Can you blame Enid, for closing her eyes for just a moment and wishing that Wednesday was walking to her?

The toast afterwards is essentially a confession. She spills her whole feelings, of the gratitude and the greatfulness and the love she has for Wednesday. She waxes it with waving hands and trembling fingers. Wednesday is smiling at her throughout this and it hurts bc her hand is on someone else's and not hers.

Nobody reads it more than a clingy bestfriend who most likely can't spend more time with the other now. Nobody sees the shine of tears barely hidden back and theres a tremble to the glass she's holding when she finishes.

By the end of the whole thing, Enid hugs Wednesday like it was their very first time. It's tight, just like how Wednesday wanted and the sigh that she earns from that has Enid free falling back into how in love she is with Wednesday.

But, it isn't reciprocated and so she pulls back and the tears are spilling. Wednesday chuckles and wipes it away with such softness and care that was once only theirs.

She says, "I love you too, Enid." she sees the love, yes but she is blind for she doesn't see how willing Enid is to die for her. She doesn't see the regret of pushing for the necessary space between them, she doesn't see- she doesn't know that werewolves mate for life.

Enid smiles and savors the eyes of her love. She traces the skin on Wednesday's face, the dip of her dimple and gives a single kiss to Wednesday's forehead. It isn't enough, it's never enough but Enid can't be selfish so she pulls away.

She walks out of the event and Wednesday's life with such ease that it leaves her gasping down a block away.

Enid feels like a ghost since that day onward, untethered and lost in the world.

Idt streamer Enid would exist at this point if the twin thing were true 😭 she'd prob just be a movie reviewer like the og concept of sin. If she ever does become Endespair, she'll probably have a more sarcastic and melachony vibe to the streams. Not alot of Wednesday simping, just cold analytics and if you're a Lil delulu, fondness in her tone.

Didn't expect it to turn into a whole ass drabble but I'm feeling angst so I hope yall liked it.

[inkblot-inc]

Just A Few RCD HCs

Summary: These are Just some general headcanons I thought up for Jeweler!Wanda and Metalworker!Reader. Check out where it started by reading Rough Cut Diamonds

[Everything else in the RCD Universe]

Pairing: Jeweler!Wanda Maximoff x Metalworker!Reader

Warning(s): There's mention of sexy times so 18+ aka MINORS DNI, other than that none that I can think of, bud.

Note(s): Umm...I reread RCD and just thought of a few thingy things, some wholesome and not so holesome thots. I hope you enjoy :3

Word Count: somewhere close to 600 maybe bc headcanons (I just didn't check after it went past 500 m' sorry)

*squints* I give NO ONE permission to repost or translate my work. Make your own shit

Wanda makes time to come by often enough that your coworkers know just to send her back to your area

"Skitch! Your lady's here-" "Again!"

They're respectful dw

Lifting up your welding helmet just to see Wanda simply watching you work has been something you've become used to every Friday

Making Wanda your own little rings for her to wear

because obviously.

making lil dainty ones that can stack on top of each other and even a few full-finger rings

You yourself didn't wear a lot of jewelry, maybe a few rings and a chain

Despite that, Wanda definitely makes pieces specifically for you.

somethin like the waves ring with pietersite from Clocks and Colors or the starry night bracelet from Etah Love, that kinda vibe

it's giving silver>>>gold

You'd show Wanda how to do an efficient stick weld.

she'd definitely quick to catch on with her own experience, she really took to TIG welding as well

The glasses she usually wears don't protect enough for what you do, so you have to lend her your helmet.

You have to hold it in place from behind because it's too big on her head 🤭

Y'all for sure have more sex in the shop. 100%

Like I'm about to sound like ya'll are constantly fucking at your job and you're not~ 🙄

I can guarantee you both aren't doing the deed in respectable public more than you do in private

I'm just hyperfocusing for a sec, get off me-

I dunno why you guys don't try it at her workplace more, but somethin about the vibe of your shop specifically gets Wanda ready to jump your bones.

Like to Wanda, her place? Great. Your place? Also great. The maker's Damned??? UGHH 😩

Your back office is the prime spot no doubt-

Logan: 😑😮‍💨

Your Coworkers: 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

Your Workbench: 👀

jkjk you both aren't nearly that egregious about it, but they do tease you about it when they notice something happened in the back.

"Skitch, that's what your workspace at home is for-" "You are the literally the last person who needs to rag on me about workplace ettiquette, Remy..."

Also, something about the indents Wanda's rings leave around you neck and biceps from her grip are just-aghhh 😵‍💫

And it's too warm to be wearin' your shacket all the time so just proudly showing off all the marks Wanda leaves on you 😌

There were a few times where you were left to lock up the shop while Logan was out, and you and Wanda fucked at your main workstation...

Eh, the shop's got blinds and curtains to cover the windows-

Even then, it was only a few times

Wanda's already said she want's to be nowhere near the band saw, so...

Back to the wholesome bits-

You would actually weld a sandwich unironically.

AKA ruin a TIG welding torch trying to make a "welded cheese sandwich"

You may be a trained professional, but your survival instincts seem to be wayy down sometimes...

Hey, curiosity is the mother of invention and all that *shrugs*

Wanda won't actively participate in your shenanigans usually, but she will watch to make sure you don't hurt yourself.

You've made plenty of small metal sculpture pieces that Wanda has displayed around her place.

Looking at them and paying attention to the little details she remembers watching you put into them actually helps Wanda maintain the drive that she's kept throughout her career.

Wanda, as ambitious as she is, does have moments where she holds back some of her vision with designs that she's scrapped or held off perpetually in favor of making something reliable instead of something too "unexpected" for her to come out with.

She definitely gets in her own head about it a lot, but with a new set of eyes, your eyes on them, you encourage her to pursue them. You help not only broaden but brighten her horizons.

[ficoandleo]

You guys should hire me as your minion

I got like the juiciest gossip in Darkwick Academy like:

1.Jin bit soft on the Honor Student,he dance with her at one of the balls and bought her three dresses and even got her a boat for the Inspecting Jabberwock mission

2.Professor Dante was the one who Alan supposedly killed

3.I think Sho and Subaru like each other.

4.The staff kidnapped Edward Hart

"You know all that stuff is stuff I already know, right? Jin also runs up to her and holds hands with her in front of everyone. He did it in front of me like the day before she started working with Vagastrom and at that Gala announcement whatever. He's also throwing around stupid amounts of money for Honor Roll for the Gala or whatever. Calls her to his room at the asscrack of dawn? It's obvious he's got it bad."

"That is interesting to hear about Dante and Mido, though." Romeo contemplates this new information--new for him anyway, Leo is still unphased. "He only started working here this year. It's an interesting decision to leave him in charge of his supposed murderer. Not that Mido wants to hurt anyone these days if he can help it."

"Right? It's super sus. Everything about that guy--Dante, I mean--is pretty sus. I've been trying to look into him for a while, but all this other shit keeps getting in the way. . . ." He shakes his head in frustration, adjusting his headphones around his neck while Romeo reaches over and fixes his hair. "Anyways--

"I can tell how Sho feels--he's kinda like my bestie, in case that wasn't obvious?" Leo makes a heart with his fingers in emphasis, then rolls his eyes, resting his cheek on his hand. "He can be kinda weak to pretty guys who're smaller than him, but he treats girls like toys. It's no shock that he's actually catching feels for that national treasure wannabe.

"And Ed's retrieval mission file is in the classified part of the library. I've been working my way through that stuff when I can. Is it really a surprise though? Capturing anomalies is kind of everyone's job. Of course he's here against his will. Most of the anomalies probably are. And he's not in the records or photos for that year's arrivals with anyone else, so it's pretty easy to figure out that he was brought here as an anomaly."

"I'm not much for hiring in the business of gossip. That's more Kurossa's field."

"Tell you what though! You actually bring me some solid info--doesn't have to be about Darkwick, just interesting stuff I don't know--and we can figure out what I do for you in return!"

[pinkyjulien]

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT Actually I'm going to share my fresh, sleep-deprived thoughts that I wrote yesterday- or more like, this morning gfhhgf bear with me cause I was loosing it :>

⚠ Heavy spoilers under read more!

As a heads up as to why the formating is all weird, this was sent to a friendo who worked on PL :3 Did a list of things that stuck to me in those 4-5 first hours right before falling asleep! I stoped at the little hideout with Myers, didn't met Reed or Kurt or MrHands or Anybody elses yet really 👁👄👁✋ taking my sweet time with it!

The start : I LOVED the glitchy holocall with songbird, it set the tone immediately

God walking up to the gate and seeing all those cars and npcs waiting to enter- THE BIT with the cops who cant go in ?? omg loved it, again its such a tiny thing that set the tone right up

Songbird introduction oh my goddddddd…. HGJG I love HER SHE'S SO COOL… When she was like "were going to crash so I woobled into your relic" I was???? Ok so How and What and What and What UH… Also I can see why people won't like her, already just cause she mute Johnny and isnt a Samurai fan fhdjbqg BUT I PERSONALLY REALLY LIKE IT

Dogtown itself???? Holyshit. Like, I remember dev saying that Night City itself was a character, the main character even, and they nailed it hardcore with Dogtown too- all of the civilians are fucking so memorable too??? how good the random crowd npcs look as well!! Its a glowup from vanilla and it shows (special kudos to the netrunner kid vendor, and the flame thrower elbow guy and his little dance ghdjs)

I wheezed when trying the AR googles HGKHQ

The crash : God. Even tho I knew what was going to happen, the amount of chills I had during that scene!! It reminded me of one of my favorite DLC from Mass Effect 3, Citadel, there is a scene where Shepard eat shit and fall through a big aquarium / building and is truly alone, hurt and all- gave me the same vibes of "the world is too big, too Much and I'm just one Guy" ??? It got me so hookt, god. ALSO THE TITLE POPING??? UUUGGGHHH. GOD.

Rush to the crash, the sneaking to the ship and getting Myers got me Alert and excited

Escorting Myers feels nice cause she's not useless, she knows how to handle herself (DUH!) but I mean her A.I as a NPC, I like that she also sneak attack on ennemies when you do, like Jackie did

Part I had struggle with was the Driving Myers to the Garage bits, was getting frustrated- I love driving in FPP but with this car, in those streets and in this stressful situation YUOOOCK it wasnt IT FHFJJG switched to TPP and managed after a few tries UwU

OK GOD. The museum- amazing visuals and lore crumbs ofc BUT THE CHIMERA???? HELLO???????? THEY FUCKING POPPED OFF. I havent felt this stressed on a boss battle in FOREVER! Funny enough it reminded me of my first time against Nefarious from Ratchet and clank 3, and its positive HKGJ I was a wee kid back then and its my favorite game from the ratchet serie (which is my favorite console serie tbh) and it made me so nostalgic of that time??? REALLY Comf, really challenging, I shat myself.

District itself is FUCKING INSANE. Of course, it looks amazing, the sound design, the VIBES- I thought everything was already done in night city, how much different nuance of CyberPunk can you do when you already have such a big city with such different districts?? but dogtown is so different and yet fit perfectly

I LOVE. THE. NOMAD DIALOGUE OPTIONS… One of my big "fear" was being left out of the fun cause yeah Nomads really just have the badlands kinda hfjdjg but!!! I already been fed from the few choices I had, especially the one when cutting out the tracker from Myers neck, mentioning the uhh ritual thing, I was !!!!!!! AAAAAH FOOD FOR THOUGHTS AND ROTS I LOVE IT

talking about Nomads I LOVE THE DIVERSITY in the new garments!! Had a lot of corpo and barghest armor loot at the start, so I didnt expected to see some cool denim harnesses, practical jeans and worker gears OwO Excited to see more cause AZHHHGFH

[ian-galagher]

Hey Willow (: how are you ? Here are a few questions if you feel like answering about our favorite boys 😉

Headcanon challenge:

1. Besides “Mick” and “Mickey”, what’s Ian nickname for Mickey? From all the nicknames Mickey calls him , what’s Ian’s favorite?

2. What’s the story behind Mickey’s knuckle tattoos? (When / how / by who) When Ian gets a tattoo for Mickey, what is it / on what occasion?

3. Random turn-on for Mickey and a random turn-on for Ian? (Bonus: something that really shouldn’t be a turn on but is)

4. What’s their Instagram @ ? When did they start following each other?

5. If they get a pet, is it a dog (who walks it more often?) or a cat (who cuddles with it more often) ? 

HELLO! I'm fighting a cold and I'm being SO brave about it. *sniffs* And some idiot cut the wires of the internet in our street but it's up and running again and I'm so so glad. It's weird being without internet. ANYWAY thank you for sending these! 😁

1. Nicknames! Weirdly, I kinda like the idea of Ian not having nicknames for Mickey. Mickey has more than plenty for him, so maybe that's his thing. Ian brings out 'Mick' only on special occasions, or as a way for Mickey to know that he's serious. He used 'babe' once on the show but it somehow felt out of character, I can't see that being a regular thing.

2. Tattoos! I think Mickey got them done young, maybe at 13, to impress his dad and brothers. Afterwards Terry said he's 'a man now' even though he was literally just a kid. Now they're just a reminder of his old life.

I LOVE the idea of Ian surprising Mickey with an ass tattoo. Mickey doesn't get it. "Why your ass man? You're a top." But Ian justifies it by saying his ass belongs to Mickey now, and no one else. 🥺

3. Turn-ons! Mickey definitely has a uniform kink. Loves seeing Ian in his paramedic outfit, or that heavy gear that they wore for the security gig. He'll say shit like, "step on me with those boots", which puzzles Ian. "Wouldn't that hurt?!" He still wears the uniform, but he's not stepping on anyone. The boots can stay on though.

Ian. Sigh, it's gonna be something with tomatoes isn't it. No, it's coming home to Mickey cooking him dinner wearing an apron and nothing but an apron. Ian will drop everything and go straight for his neck, kissing it up and down which is another one of Mickey's turn-ons. Added bonus, Ian gets to smell Mickey 🥰

Something that REALLY shouldn't be a turn on but is is smoking. Smoking is terrible in so many ways and yet when Mickey lights up, tilting his head back to blow out a stream of smoke, Ian's a goner.

4. Instagram! Heheh I've got a pretty cool idea for a fic I'm writing and I don't wanna spoil it but I also haven't written in weeks 😭 and I don't know how to get back into it anymore. So maybe I'm giving up on that. Mickey's got something soppy like MrMilkovichGalagher while Ian's using IanGalagher because Gallagher was already taken (Mickey just used one L as a reference to his tattoo, or so he says. Ian's not entirely convinced he simply forgot how to spell again)

5. Pets! ONE OF EACH PLEASE 🥺 Mickey gets a badass dog he dotes on. He thinks it'll scare people off but he's never been stopped in the street more often. Everyone wants to pet the cute doggie.

Ian meanwhile gets a cat, a scruffy little thing, which crawls onto his lap in the evenings and is allowed to stay there, no matter how much Mickey protests that his lap is for him only.

My even deeper theory is that Mickey is most like a cat (doesn't wanna be cuddled but secretly does, doesn't do as told, scratchy) and Ian is like a dog (loyal, friendly, enjoys runs, will go through a fire for the right person) which is why they get pets representing the other 🥺

[dzpenumbra]

3/22/23

I don't really know where to start tonight. I felt like shit last night, slept like garbage too. Had dreams about my old landlords, glad to know that shit is literally still haunting me.

I decided to take it real easy today. I did some very light yoga, only neck and upper back. I played this new game I started last night, Ad Aspera - it's a Mars terraforming simulation kinda game, but with a story line, I'm really liking it so far, but it's definitely a game for a certain type of people.

I spent a good chunk of the night working on the hoodie. I got a lot done. I mean, a lot, there's really not a lot left to do on the back piece. There's an outer ring, some silver fill work, adding in more layering to the white, the black line work and then... I want to add shading to the whole thing, so... that'll be the final step. That will make it look absolutely nuts. It's already really popping out, the colors are very vibrant.

Honestly, not a lot else happened, it was a really low-key day. I spent a little time looking for local art collectives, see if I can find some other weirdos like me so I don't have to just blindly introduce myself to normies and weird them out. The first one that showed up on my google search was one through a local mental heath clinic... that was an art collective for people with mental health/substance use problems, or people with them in their lives.

My initial impression was... yep, this is pretty much where I belong, right? I mean, I went on an hour-long cruise yesterday and led to me having cascading trauma responses all throughout the rest of the evening, convinced that like... everything I do just pisses people off. Like I can't exist in a space without upsetting someone. Like... I tiptoe around my own apartment at 3AM to make sure I don't upset my downstairs neighbor, because I know how loud my upstairs one is. I often worry about how loud my keyboard clacks are. That kind of shit. I frame it in my head as common courtesy, politeness, kindness, compassion. And, to a degree, it is. But... it's also fear. Fear of punishment, fear of someone lashing out. Which is weird because... you'd think I, of all people, could take that. Right?

Like... the more I think about it... pretty much everyone I've known has lashed out on me. A very select few I managed to avoid before that happened... and I shouldn't say everyone of all time, but like... everyone of the past 7 or so years. Plus, middle child. Plus, black sheep. Plus, abuse victim. Plus, PTSD. Plus, artist. Plus, skateboarder. Plus, listens to metal. Plus, used to have a pink mohawk, more recently a 2 foot long braided mohawk (RIP). If someone was getting singled out and blamed, in my family at least, it was going to be me. I've been a patsy for a long time, including for other people that called me "friend" too. It's confusing... Why does it have so much power over me if I'm so... used to it? If I have so much experience?

I'm thinking of it in terms of snowskating, like... when I do a trick I'm barely familiar with? Like... varial heel, front shuv, inward heel, hardflip, something way off my normal path... It's scary as fuck. Like... I don't even want to get above the board, I feel like I'm just going to sack or eat shit. I have very little experience with flip tricks, with detaching from the board and reconnecting. There's a lot of faith and trust involved in that. And new rotations are just... yeah, you get what I mean, attempting to land that feels very similar to how most people feel just standing on a board for the first time. Alien, scary, like it's going to hurt you in some unknown way.

But when I try something I'm still not confident in... but I have experience in? Like... heelflip, or kickflip, or varial flip... There's still a fear element, but it's very diffuse. The fears are much more specific and narrowed to rare circumstances. Landing with your weight too far back and slipping out, landing primo, landing on your nose and digging the nose into the snow and eating shit. Point being, the experience gives you... information, detail... so after 500 kickflips, you've kinda got a good idea what to expect.

Speaking of being sick... I'll pick this up in a few. --- Ugh, I don't know if it's a stomach bug or something I ate, but my guts are not happy with me.

So... where I was going with that analogy is... if I have a lifetime of experience being blamed for shit... why am I so bothered by it? Why does it upset me?

I think it's the "nothing left to lose" thing. I've had this thought a lot over the past few months, I found it interesting. I have suffered a lot of loss recently. And I've started to get into this realm of being super self-protective and not taking chances. Of course... But the logic is framed as being part of "nothing left to lose". Like... I don't have a buffer left to lose. Losing a friend is painful, losing a family member too. Losing your last friend? I ramps up the gravity. So... when I think "I have very little left to lose", my brain doesn't go to "fuck it, let it ride" anymore. It goes to "save up, be cautious, be deliberate, be intelligent". It does the opposite. Instead of going "fuck it, I've got nothing left to lose", I go "I can't afford to lose this." It's all wired backwards, and it keeps me super insulated and "safe", but it prevents opportunities for growth.

I can protect myself from injury by never trying to kickflip the 2 set ever again. But if I never roll the dice on that... I guarantee I will never land it. And I've been struggling to not only pull the trigger on saying "fuck it" more often, but also to do it mindfully in ways that are as respectful of others in my vicinity as possible. It's a really tough balance. Like... I can just say fuck it, eat the tickets if the cops are going to be pricks about it... and just skate around the town every day. I can do that. But if I'm just pissing off my neighbors... is it even worth it? Agh.

So... needless to say... as I was getting to way back several paragraphs ago... I still have some pretty debilitating mental health shit going on. Like... I never leave my apartment. And I'm scared of people. And I have no friends. So... yeah, I'd say that's not good, mental health-wise... So... I'd definitely qualify for this art community thing. Here's the weird part...

I watched one of their videos, to get a feel for what kind of people are in the group. I try not to be judgmental, I really do... I just... have a bad history of being best friends with very destructive and unstable people. I have a history of befriending predatory people, and damaged people alike. Heroin addicts, alcoholics, severe trauma cases, literal prostitutes and strippers - give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. My history with these people has been... less than fortunate. I truly do see the good in people, the redeeming qualities, the potential. In everyone. I mean that. I see it innately. Which, I guess, is not a common quality? But it can blind me. Blind me to the wrongdoings of self-indulgent people. People who do not empathize, or consider the effects of their actions on others. Or I try to blind myself to it, as an act of politeness. It happens quite often.

So... I'm cautious about... meeting friends in a potential lion's den. I've been there before several times. That's... okay, that's not the weird part, this is the weird part. I watched that video and on the recommended video bar (embedded YT vid) was a thumbnail of my therapist... Yeah... I knew he was a crisis counselor, he let me know that, this was a video posted a year ago, and he's in it. And he works... at the place... that hosts the art community. At least, he worked... because he's currently trying to transition out and into private practice.

So... the first Google result... was an art community for people with mental health relevance in their lives... and my therapist can't recommend it because... he works there. And he can't even name where he works. And somewhere... in a hollowed out volcano in Southeast Asia... a supervillain is staring at a screen with this scenario on it and wringing his hands and cackling "yesss all is going according to plaaaan"...

So... I don't know what to do with that. I think it might be good for me to look for other groups... too. And not to just write this group off, but to maybe sit in on a meeting or something, or just do more research at least.

Another thing that was running through my head was... remember about that whole ADHD screening? Remember how I was going to get an ADHD screening done... in like... late December? It's late March. It's been almost 2 months since I saw the fucking doctor. So... I have an idea. And I feel a bit bad about this, but I really just need to get over it. I think I need to try to switch doctors to one at the health center in my neighborhood. At least... I need to try. It's much closer, it's like... walking distance. Or... semi-legal skating distance. Rather than getting the community car and taking that halfway across the city. That's point one. Two, because this doctor has not followed up at all, at any point, in like... 2 months. I feel bad because she was nice, and kinda... bohemian like me, you know? So... I felt like we clicked a bit, and I wanted to give that a shot... But... idk. So... I'll float the idea by my therapist on Thursday, since he was supposed to have open talks with that woman, if opening the doors with another doctor would be more practical at this stage, I'll give it a shot.

My top priority right now is not the ADHD shit, I've all-but given up on that, honestly. Whatever. I'll just keep chugging energy drinks and sculpting my life around freeform wandering and bouts of hyperfocus, it's nothing new. My top priority right now is getting rid of this goddamn motherfucking bacterial scalp infection that has been plaguing me since November 2021. Since the month I quit smoking. It is horrible. I took antibiotics for it - both oral and topical - and it didn't kill it. I really don't want to take antibiotics again, I've been doing antifungal regimens for my foot fungus for like... over a month now. I want to be gentle with my body... But this shit? I swear... They're like pimples, but it's itchy and extremely painful, on my scalp and under my beard, they smell like garlic or onion when they pop, some the size of pimples, some can blow up to the size of my fucking thumb. I have no idea where they came from or why they won't go away, I tried antibacterial soaps, I've had my head steadily shaved to hopefully get the sun to help out, it just will not go away. It makes me super self-conscious, it's super painful and constantly uncomfortable and my body is constantly taxed by fighting this infection. I can only dream of the peace I will have when I'm finally free from it. And I really would like to bump that up the prio list.

I'll put the doctor stuff on the whiteboard, might as well.

Last, but not least, I found a minecraft mod that actually does desire paths! And it does them really well too, which is cool. I wish they were customizable in how many passes over a certain area for them to erode, but... it's effective and it's better than doing it manually. This is cool for me because then all I have to do is... clear grass, screenshot and explore. I don't have to manually add the paths in anymore. Pretty cool. And the paths are much more subtle when they start forming, they turn to dirt first before they turn to paths, and gradually turn to dirt at that... so it will encourage much more wandering. I'm pretty excited for that. I think that could be an interesting stream. Me literally walking back and forth through the woods between two shrines for hours, for an audience. I appeal to a very... niche audience... XD But hey, it's got shaders and shit, so... pretty cool, huh?

Bed time.

[bejoomi]

kou has been in love twice too, then. somehow, that makes sense, but picturing kou in love has some cognitive dissonance. he isn't sure what he'd be like. kou is so unintentionally funny and clueless; is he as oblivious in love as he is in everything else in his life?

my love for yuwol is different, though. oh shit, yuwol? joomi knows a yuwol. there's a chance they're different people, but yuwol isn't the most common name. joomi decides the detail of him knowing or not knowing the guy kou is in love with doesn't matter, at least not when it comes to writing a good song, which is what they need to do now.

kou adjusts his laptop, and joomi smiles, raising his own notebook. "i like to write in notebooks. so you type it out and i'll handwrite it," he decides. he likes the idea of writing it in both mediums simultaneously for some reason. it feels extra poetic, or something. maybe he's just weird.

kou turns the question around on joomi, though, and his expression falls, replaced by something thoughtful – troubled, maybe. what is being in love like for him? "painful," he laughs sardonically. kou echos his sentiment, at least to some degree. burning hot. sometimes it hurts, but there are worse things in life than burning.

"that is kinda what it's like," he agrees. honestly, joomi doesn't know how else to answer the question. he has to think about it. loving his ex is like a false reality: like the late-spring, early-summer of may suddenly shifting to the bone-chilling cold of january. everything was perfect and then it wasn't. it was like whiplash, and it hurt. it hurt. loving him hurt and the bruises hurt and it still hurts to think about it, really. he always thinks he's over it, but when he really thinks about it, he's not. is it even possible to get over something like that? how can you live knowing your first love was a lie without it feeling like carrying some corpse around? joomi doesn't know. sometimes he's fine and sometimes he isn't.

it probably shows on his face, as he stares listlessly into the distance.

let's say that love doesn't matter, he decides. he's written enough about that love, or the lack of it. now there's jinyoung. jinyoung. he pictures jinyoung's sleepy face when he wakes up next to him, jinyoung's laughing because of something he said, how sad jinyoung was following next gen and how much brighter he looks now – jinyoung's hand on his thigh, jinyoung's mouth on his neck, his hand buried in jinyoung's hair. "burning hot," he agrees. "but also..." he hums, trying to think of how to describe it.

"warm. in a way that doesn't hurt. in a way that feels safe." safe. that word is still so strange to say, and even stranger to feel. he feels like he's jinxing it, saying it out loud, because the last person he felt safe with might've ended up killing him if he stayed. it's so scary to feel safe. he can feel the anxiety of it building up in his stomach. he thinks of jinyoung again, and who he really is: sensitive to everything except other people's feelings, funny, honest, stupid, but trustworthy. always himself. safe. he breathes.

should he go into more detail? maybe. "for this specific love...it's like..." he pauses again. maybe he should speak more literally? "he's an idiot. but like, in an annoying way. sort of an asshole, that kind of way. and he–" joomi pauses again, then sighs. "it's a long story. i guess the point is...sometimes it feels like i shouldn't love him, but i do. and sometimes i look at him and think he loves me too, and other times i think he never will. but somehow...i'm okay with that. as long as i can keep being with him, it's like...nothing else matters."

it really is no surprise to anyone that kou is sort of an enigma – if anything he's never been the type of guy to openly share anything about his life. not because he's particularly guarded, but because he sees no reason to – and nobody has ever really asked. not that he'd open up so readily if they did either. aside from his adoration for cats, he doubts that the dead calm boys know much about him, doubts that they know he's an engineering major even. which is fine, really, kou doesn't talk too much, again, he finds no reason to. he doesn't hate it though, and this conversation with joomi isn't something that he particularly dislikes either. it's nice actually, being able to talk about your feelings.

his eyes flicker over to joomi and he looks at the older boy's expression. he's thinking, kou can at least tell that much. "twice," he repeats. huh, it dawns on him that he doesn't know as much about joomi as he thinks. well, to be fair, kou doesn't know much about anything that isn't cats, engineering, the guitar and yuwol.

"i guess twice for me too," he shrugs. would one consider a highschool romance love? he doesn't think about his ex anymore, has no reason to, but at the same time whatever he had felt back then – maybe it was akin to love. perhaps not as intensely, but it was love nonetheless. first love, confusing, new and purely innocent as he learnt to navigate his heart. "my love for yuwol is different though," he says aloud, more so to himself than anyone else. it's a sort of realization that he's reached, that the intensity of feelings he has for yuwol, the rawness of it was something that he hadn't necessarily felt before. hm.

he pulls out his laptop, adorned in cat stickers, and places it in front of joomi. "then let's write," he says simply, already opening up the text application. "well actually, we can't really write if we don't know each other's stories," he says after a moment. "i can't just write based off of my own experiences. this is a team effort."

he turns to joomi and leans in his seat. "so what's it like being in love for you?" he asks, as though talking about the weather. he takes a moment to think about his own experience with yuwol, takes a moment to think about the times they've shared together. "burning hot," he says, "it feels like that when i'm with him. sometimes it hurts, but there are worse things in life than burning. what about you?"

[hangezoeenthusiast]

You failed me

multiple x gn!reader

word count: 2,524

warnings: cursing, yelling, arguing, death, angst, blood, explosion, the egg (it deserves its own warning)

synopis: you guys failed me(us)

(the lyrics go with each person, might not get everyone, and also xd’s part is kinda wonky)

song: rät by penelope scott

I come from scientists and atheists and white men who kill God They make technology, high quality, complex physiological Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good They taught me everything, just like a daddy should

Quackity, Karl, George, and Sapnap left you. Your mentors, your friends. The ones who taught you everything you knew. They went to build their little “Kinoko Kingdom” while you stayed in the ruins, the dust. “They’ll regret that.” you swore. You built something better, something greater.

It was called “Las Nevadas”. A place where everyone was allowed. They would remember not to fuck with you. They would soon realize that they should watch their back for the rest of their short, stupid lives.

“Watch out, you guys, I'm watching your every move.”

And you were beautiful and vulnerable and power and success God damn, I fell for you, your flamethrowers, your tunnels, and your tech I studied code because I wanted to do something great like you And the real tragеdy is half of it was true

Wilbur majorly fucked up. He was supposed to be with you to the end, your guys’ country, right? No. He left you behind. He went to find peace, find his heaven, while you stayed on earth, wallowing away until your flesh seeped off your rattling bones, rotting away by yourself, with no one to bare witness.

“Why didn’t you bring me with you Wilbur?” you asked his stupid grave on top of the once L’Manburg. “Why did you get the ecstasy, why do I get the remains?”

“I’m coming for you Wilbur, and when I do, we are going to wreck upon justice on everyone who wronged us, wronged you, they will feel our wrath.”

But we've been fuckin' mеan, we're elitist, we're as flawed as any church And this faux-rad West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I trusted you, it tastes like Thomas Malthus Your proposal is immodest and insane And I hope someday Selmers rides her fuckin' train

"Y/n!" Technoblade yelled. "I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU BETRAYED ME, FOR WHAT, TO BLOW UP A STUPID COUNTRY, A COUNTRY THAT WAS DOOMED TO FAIL FROM THE START." He started to battle you, missing every single swing, blinded by fury.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.”

"LOOK AT ME GODDAMN IT."

You looked up at him in the eyes and boldly said, "No, Techno, don’t you see, you’re in the wrong here, you’re the one who betrayed me." You were blinded by friendship, you couldn’t see that Tommy had betrayed Techno, and that what the Butcher Army did to Techno was terrible.

"What do you mean Y/n, you know what they did, they wronged me, they used me, they tortured me, they gave me hell, so I gave it back to them, I destroyed the things they loved, the people they loved, you see Y/n, those who have treated me with kindness I will repay that kindness tenfold, and those who treat me with injustice, that use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends, I shall repay that injustice a thousand times over, do you understand?"

"No I don't, Techno, you can't do this.” you begged. He pushed you out of the way, "Get out of my way Y/n." “No, I won’t, I won’t let you destroy everything we worked for.”

“Well, then I have to fight you.”

And thus the battle began, Swords clashing against each other, blood spilling from open wounds, friends digging each other into a whole both of them couldn’t get out of. Techno was letting you off easy, he knew his strength, he knew that he could’ve beaten you in one swipe, but he didn’t want to kill you.

So when you had the opportunity, you swept from under his feet, and knocked him down. You placed your blade onto his neck, pressing down until a little drop of blood appeared, “Stay down Technoblade, or I’ll do something worse than try to put you on trial.”

He watched as you walked away from him, trying to save L’Manberg from a worst fate than death itself.

“One day Y/n, you’ll see, I’m on your side.”

I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I feel so stupid, and so used I feel so used

"Why would you do that Dream? You didn't have to do that." you interrogated. Dream had stupidly blew up the community house. You both didn't plan that, he had gone behind your back. "I had to Y/n, you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I don't understand, you went against my back, we were supposed to-" you cut off yourself, "Dream, don't you understand, you did something stupid, and what did you get, you got stupid jail." "The reason I did that is because I needed to isolate myself from humanity." he said, proudness lacing his words.

"What do you mean?" you questioned. "If anyone knows I can revive people, I'm screwed, so that's why I need to be by myself, yeah it sucks major ass, but at least no one else will know, well, besides you anyways." "I have a task for you Y/n/n, I need you to find a way to bring Tommy and Ghostbur in here."

"Why Dream?"

"I'm going to revive Wilbur."

I was your baby, your firstborn, the hot girl in your comp-sci class And I was Darwin's prep school dream, bred, born and raised to kick your ass I fell for circuit boards, rocket ships, pictures of the stars If you could only be what you pretend you are

"PHILZA MINECRAFT COME BACK HERE." you were chasing Phil, through the woody forest, covered by oak trees. He had information on Technoblade's whereabouts and you needed it. You chased him with your enchanted netherite armor, netherite sword and axe, and a few op potions. Your goal was to capture Philza and interrogate him on where Techno's place was. The thing was, you were his child. His own child trying to kill his own son.

He felt betrayed, his own child turned against him and their brother, their family. "The Butcher Army must've gotten to you somehow." he thought in his head. Surely, his darling Y/n didn't do it on their own will, right?

He was incorrect, you did it because you believed that Techno needed to be brought to justice, by punishment. You believed that your own sibling needed to die, because he was a "liability" to L'Manberg's growth and future. He needed to die because as long as he would live his long life with his little enderman Edward, retired, he would still cause trouble to everything you, Quackity, Tubbo, Fundy, and Ranboo had built.

He pleaded, "Stop Y/n, you don't have to do this." You argued, "I do Philza, as long as he lives, my plans for L'Manberg will forever cease to exist."

He felt like shit, you called him Philza, not Dadza, or Dad, or anything besides his normal name. "Did I screw something up?" he asked himself quietly under his breath. "Yes you did Phil, you took the traitor's side." you had heard Phil mumble.

"HE'S NOT A TRAITOR." Phil yelled at you. "Yes he is, he deserves what he is about to get, I will say it again, where is his base?"

"I'm not saying, Y/n, why are you doing this, Techno is your own sibling." "He's not my sibling anymore, that stopped when he destroyed L'Manberg, you're lucky I forgived you." you declared.

"Y/n/n, please don't do this."

"I have to Dadza, I can't let him roam free."

When I said take me to the moon, I never meant take me alone I thought if mankind toured the sky, it meant that all of us could go But I don't want to see the stars if they're just one more piece of land For us to colonize, for us to turn to sand

Bad had tried to convice you to join the Eggpire. You had no effect while being next to the egg, and he had to take you out. People who had no effect towards the egg had to be eliminated.

He was creepily following you, waiting until you stopped to get a chance to capture you. He had hope that you did have an effect, that you would join the Egg with him. He didn't want to kill you, you were his best friend, besides Skeppy of course.

"Come back here Y/n." he said. "No chance in hell Bad, get the fuck away from me." "HEY, LANGUAGE!" he exclaimed. "No language, get away from me, you're creeping me out."

He threw his trident, spinning in the air, trying to catch up to your frantic steps. You were trying to get to Church Prime, where no one could kill anyone, hopefully Bad would abide to that rule. You were just about to step on Church Prime when you bumped into a hard, armored chest.

You looked up shyly, and saw Punz, with his red eyes reflecting anger. "Where are you going Y/n?" he questioned. "Somewhere." you blankly stated. You were desperate, you didn't want to die, or anything else that Bad was going to do to you. You tried to dodge Punz, but he placed a hand on your shoulder, "Stay right here Y/n."

"No, get away from me, I don't know what's wrong with all of you, but go away, I don't want anything to do with your stupid Eggpire." He raged, and grabbed your wrist heavily, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THE EGG LIKE THAT, IT WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THE SERVER, AND YOU ALL WILL BE ITS SERVANTS." "LET ME THE FUCK GO PUNZ." you screamed. You were wiggling in his grip, trying to escape his lunatic self.

While he was holding you, you saw two other shadows behind you. It was Antfrost and Bad. "What do you guys want from me, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You are against the Egg Y/n, people who are like you and Tommy have to die."

"Well, I'm not dying today." you murmured under your breath. "What was that you said?" Antfrost asked you.

You smirked, "I'm not dying today, I'll tell you one more time, let go of me."

Bad and Antfrost walked closer to you, Punz right behind you, all of them cornering you into a tight spot. "What you going to do about it Y/n, you're cornered."

"You'll know when they get here, but for now, you better run boys."

'Cause we're so fuckin' mean, we're so elitist, we're as fucked as any church And this bullshit West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I loved you, and why would you lie? And then I realized that you're just as naïve as I am Oh, you're so traumatized it makes me want to cry

"Tubbo, don't do this." Schlatt had unfortunately found out that you were a spy, that you were on Pogtopia's side. He had ordered Tubbo to kill you with fireworks, to light you on fire, give you blisters all over your body. "Please Tubbs, you're my friend." you pleaded.

"I can't Y/n/n, or something worse will happen." he whispered to you. "What do you mean?" you asked. "He can-" he trailed off, looking somewhere else besides your eyes. "Tubbo, you don't have to do what that stupid bastard tells you to do, you're your own person, with your own thoughts and actions."

"I'm sorry Y/n, I hope you can forgive me."

"TUBBO N-" you was cut off by firewords hitting your skin, making blisters and burn marks all over your body. You lost your second canon life, feeling betrayed by Tubbo. He killed you for what, a stupid father who never cared about him in his entire life, a father who exiled his friends that actually treated him like a person, and not like some random piece of trash.

You respawned in your bed, feeling bruises and bumps mostly on your forearms and your back.

"I'll help you Tubbo, I’ll get rid of him.”

You dumb bitch I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I'm so embarrassed, I feel abused

“Come on Y/n/n, come with me.” Punz begged of you. He wanted you to visit the Egg. You didn’t want to be controlled by a stupid omelette. "I'm not Punzo, why are you so obsessed with that stupid thing."

"DON'T SPEAK OF THE EGG LIKE THAT."

You put your hands in front of you, accidentally touching Punz's chest, "Ok calm down buddy." He didn't calm down and instead yelled at you on why you had to join the Eggpire.

"If you join, you will be forever happy."

"If you join you'll get whatever you want."

You were tired of the members of the Eggpire to convince you to join them, you didn't like eggs anyway. "Punz, for the last time, I'm not joining you, stop telling me."

“Then you have to die.”

So fuck your tunnels, fuck your cars, fuck your rockets, fuck your cars again You promised you'd be Tesla, but you're just another Edison 'Cause Tesla broke a patent, all you ever broke were hearts I can't believe you tore humanity apart

“XD!” You were pissed at him, he had destroyed your house, made your friends pissed at you, just everything you liked. All because he wanted you for himself.

He wanted you to be dependent on his every word, and he was being a manipulative psychopath. And you didn’t tolerate that, it was like he was his human counterpart, Dream.

He walked to you with confidence, waiting for to get a hug from you, well, he didn’t get that. You slapped him so hard his head swung to the left.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

“That’s what you get you stupid son of a bitch. You fucking ruined everything.” “Calm down Y/n/n, what is wrong?” He acted concerned, but you knew that he was faking. He would do anything to get someone’s approval.

“DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT’S WRONG, IT’S YOU, YOUR STUPID PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. YOU KEEP ON WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU FUCKING OWN THE PLACE.”

“Calm down darling, just take some netheri-” you interrupted him by slapping the ore out of his hands. “I don’t need jack shit from you XD, you know what, take back the necklace, I don’t want it.” You pulled the shiny, green emerald necklace off your neck, and pulled XD’s palm out.

You placed the necklace filled with memories, and put it on his hand. You closed up his palm, and walked away, leaving XD to his own accord.

“We could’ve had evertything X.”

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

[tyongxnct]

𝐹𝐼𝐺𝑈𝑅𝐸𝑆 - 𝑊𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝐻𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑦

pairing: Hendery x reader

special guest: Lucas, mention of Jaehyun

summary: Hendery tried so hard to win your heart, but you weren’t sure about giving him a chance. He was a fuckboy after all and everyone told you he’d break your heart. You gave him a chance, you thought he had changed, but little did you know. Little did you know that he was going to break your heart. 

song: figures - Jessie Reyez

genre: established-relationship!au fuckboy!au college!au , angst, smut

warnings: smut, toxic relationship, cheating, swearing, alcohol consumption, manipulation?, self-doubt

word count: 5.3k

A/N: yooo my first hendery fic I hope you enjoy!!! 💖💖💖

taglist: @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi @bitchenderyy​ @chitaphrrrr​

this is fiction!

© tyongxnct on all platforms

Figures I gave you ride or die and you gave me games Love figures I know I'm cryin' 'cause you just won't change

Love figures I gave it all and you gave me shit Love figures I wish I could do exactly what you did

The power couple on campus.

That’s how everyone called you and Hendery. You were the power couple, the couple everyone loved and everyone was jealous of.

Before you agreed to go on a date with Hendery, your friends had warned you about him.

“He’s a fuckboy, Y/n.”

“Don’t fall for him, you’ll get hurt.”

“I heard he dated three girls at once and none of them knew about the other.”

But Hendery had his eyes on you for a while now, and he did everything to get your attention. He’d buy you an iced caramel latte every morning before you had to go to class, he’d give you snacks in between classes, he’d text you good night and good morning every day. He was just the sweetest guy ever and it didn’t take long for you to give it a try.

You went on your first date and you fell hard for him. Hendery was so kind and lovely, the perfect gentleman. He was like that until you got together, but the first couple months you dated, he still acted like a perfect boyfriend.

Even your friends fell for his sweet acting.

“Guess we were wrong Y/n.”

“I’m glad you gave him a chance, look how happy he makes you.”

“You’re such a power couple, you look so good together.”

You were blinded.

You were blinded by your love for him and by everyone on campus talking about your perfect relationship, everyone was telling you how lucky you were to have him. But things changed. He changed. Hendery was cold, distant and most of the time annoyed. Whatever you did annoyed him. Simple things like asking him about his day, telling him you missed him made him snap at you.

When Hendery snapped at you, you apologized right away and cursed yourself, you felt like it was your fault that he was distant.

Stupid Y/n, he’s right. You should shut up and leave him alone.

When Hendery stopped texting you good morning and good night, you still did.

You (09:27): good morning babeeee, I saw you in my dreams and now I miss you. Can you come over today?

Babyyyy (20:20): Baby I’m out with the guys tonight.

You were worried all day. He didn’t answer your text or your calls. You stopped calling, you didn’t want to annoy him. After finally receiving a text, you got ready for bed.

You (20:21): okay baby, be safe. I love you.

When Hendery left you hanging, over and over again.

You (19:30): Hey baby, I thought we were going to meet up at 7? Are you okay? Did something happen?

You waited another half an hour and he didn’t show up. You called him about three times and you tried to call his friend, Lucas. “Hello?” he yelled into the phone, the music in the background was too loud. “Hey Lucas. This is Y/n. I’m sorry to bother you but is Hendery with you? He isn’t answering my calls and I’m a little worried.”

“Oh, hi, uhm- give me a second yeah?”

“Sure.”

You could hear many voices, female, and male.

“One night, I just want one fucking night for myself.” You heard Hendery say, “Why the fuck are you calling Lucas?! Do you want to embarrass me?”

Hendery snapped at you.

“Sorry, I was just worried. I thought tonight is date night-“

“I told you I can’t today.” He said annoyed.

“Oh, did you? I don’t remember that you-“

“Are you calling me a liar now?” he said angrily.

“No of course not. Oh yeah, here is your text. I’m sorry I forgot it.”

There was no text.

“See, I told you.”

“Sorry. Uhm, have fun and I lo-“

He hung up.

You cried yourself to sleep that night. You didn’t know what to do anymore. The boy who was head over heels for you, changed so much and was constantly hurting you. What happened to the Hendery who promised to never hurt you?

You woke up in the middle of the night to a loud bang on your door.

You looked through the spy and saw Hendery and Lucas, who was trying to hold him up. You opened the door and Hendery stumbled in, you still caught him with your hands and Lucas helped you.

“Hey Y/n. I’m sorry to wake you up at this hour- uhm, I didn’t know where else to bring him.”

“It’s okay. Thank you for taking care of him.”

Lucas smiled softly and helped you carry Hendery to your bedroom.

“Do you need any help or?”

“No thank you, you can go now.”

He nodded and left you alone with a drunk Hendery.

“Hendery? I’ll make you some coffee okay? Do you want to take a shower?”

“Hm?? Shower sounds good.” He giggled.

You let a little bit water in your bathtub and in the meantime you made his coffee. When you entered the bathroom after placing the coffee in your room, he was trying to take off his clothes.

“Babeeee, helppppp.” He whined.

You smiled softly, he was kinda cute-

Wait.

What’s that?

He was half naked in front of you for the first time actually, but the purple marks on his neck and collarbones distracted you.

You weren’t the one who gave him those hickeys.

“I know I’m hot.” He giggled and started unbuttoning his pants. You turned around as he pulled his pants and briefs down. “D-Do you need help?”

You could hear him sit down in the bathtub.

“Mhmm.” He mumbled.

Who gave you hickeys Hendery?

You softly washed his hair and his body, you tried to look anywhere but down.

Did you cheat on me Hendery?

Is she better than me?

Prettier?

Skinnier?

You were in deep thoughts and Hendery noticed, so he pulled you in and you yelped at the sudden pull and water hitting your skin.

“Shower with me baby.” He giggled again.

“Hendery I’m still in my clothes.”

You got up and your pajama sticked to your body and you weren’t wearing a bra. Hendery looked at your body with a shimmer in his eyes. You helped him get up and wrap the towel around him.

“Go and wait in my room and drink your coffee okay?”

“Yes sir!” he giggled, eyes glued to your breasts. You closed the door and took off your clothes. You looked at the mirror, did he cheat on you?

You were scared, so scared to lose him. You were in love with him after all, you loved him more than anything.

You also wrapped a towel around your body and left the bathroom to get you clothes. When you entered your room, Hendery was still wrapped in the towel. He starred at you. “Did you drink your coffee?” you asked him, he pouted and shook his head.

You sighed.

“When I’m back, I want to see you drink your coffee okay?”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to change. I’m completely wet.”

Hendery smirked, “You’re wet?”

“Did you forget what you just did?” you opened your drawer and grabbed your underwear and pajamas.

When you turned around, you bumped into Hendery’s chest. “What are you doing?” He didn’t answer, he just cupped your cheeks and kissed you.

Yeah, you made out and he touched you, over your clothes, he gave you hickeys and you gave him hickeys here and there, but you were never completely naked in front of each other. His hands were on your waist now, he grabbed you softly and pressed himself against you. You kissed him back and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

You didn’t give him those hickeys.

But maybe, you could give him new ones to remind him that you are his girlfriend.

Maybe he was sexually frustrated and needed you.

Maybe he needs you right and now as much as you need him.

You weren’t a virgin anymore, but it was different with Hendery. You wanted to take your time with him, you trusted him but you after all the rumors about him being a fuckboy, you were a little scared.

But right now, you were scared to lose him to another girl.

Hendery pressed you against your bed now, his lips leaving yours to leave kisses on your skin. His hand slowly made his way inside of your towel. He stroked your bare thighs and his lips were right above your breasts, they were still covered in the towel.

You could feel his length against your leg and it turned you on. You needed him.

“H-Hendery please.”

“You want this baby? Tell me you want this.”

“I-I want this- I need this please.” You whimpered as he kissed your breasts over the towel.

“Let’s get rid of this shall we?”

You were completely naked under him now. You tried to close your legs, but he was in between them and stopped you from doing so. You hid your boobs under your arms.

“I want to see you baby. Please let me see.” He said softly.

You slowly showed him your boobs, nipples hard from the cold and arousal.

“So perfect.” He whispered as he licked your nipple. He cupped the other one and squeezed it slightly. You heart was beating so fast, and it felt so good, you closed your eyes and let him do whatever he wanted to your body.

“H-Hendery,”

“Yes baby? Tell me what you want.”

“Mark me- p-please mark me.” You moaned.

Hendery smirked against your boobs. He left a couple kisses on your breasts and then he sucked marks on your skin. On your collarbones, your neck, your breasts. While sucking on your skin, his hand travelled between your legs. He slowly put his finger on your clit and circled it. You got even wetter and you wanted more.

“More- Please.” You moaned.

Hendery put two fingers inside of you and started pumping. You could hear how wet you are, how much he turned you on. Your body was on fire and you could feel your orgasm coming. His tongue was back on your nipple, softly licking and sucking.

“F-Fuck Hendery!” you came and you came hard. You had the best orgasm ever, and he didn’t even put his dick inside of you.

“Look how hard you made me baby.” He rubbed his dick against you and licked his fingers.

“Please fuck me, please.” You begged.

“Baby let me get a condom okay? Gonna fuck you so good.”

Hendery looked in his wallet for a condom, he was always carrying a condom with him.

He ripped the condom open and wrapped it around his hard dick. You were too shy to look at his dick, you looked at the ceiling and waited for him. When he was back on top of you, he kissed your lips.

“Give me your hand.” He said and you did.

He helped you wrap your hand around his dick. He guided you to pump him a little before he placed his cock at your entrance. Hendery slowly pushed in and when he was fully inside of you, you felt so full and good. “Fuck baby, you’re so tight.”

He started fucking you harder and deeper and you almost saw the stars.

“Feels good baby?”

“Feels so good, H-Hendery, I feel so full.” You moaned out as he grabbed your wrists to press them against the bed.

You closed your eyes, too overwhelmed with the feeling of him fucking you.

“Open your eyes and watch how I fuck you.” He said.

You did as he said and when you wanted to close your eyes again, too shy to look at him, with his one hand, he held your wrists and with the other he wrapped his hand around your neck. “I said look at me.” He almost growled as he started chocking you.

This was your first time getting chocked and it felt good, better than you imagined.

“I’m gonna cum-“ you moaned.

“Yeah? Gonna cum on my cock baby? Be a good girl and come on my cock.”

One hand was chocking you and the other one was on your clit. You clenched around his cock as you came for the second time that night. Your orgasm hit you harder this time and you wrapped your hands around his arm.

“T-Too much, Hendery”

“Baby I’m almost there. I know you can take it.”

As he kept fucking into you, you could feel your third orgasm nearing and when you came again, you clenched and that was it for him. Hendery exploded and came into the condom. He pulled out and threw the condom away. You couldn’t move, you were too exhausted.

That night, you fell asleep in his arms under your warm blankets. You hoped that this night would change him. Maybe he could see how much you cared about him and how much he hurt you in the last weeks. How you cried every night, how you waited for him, only to be ditched.

But he didn’t change.

When you woke up, he was gone.

I wish I could hurt you back Love, what would you do if you couldn't get me back? You're the one who's gonna lose Something so special, something so real Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel? If you couldn't get me back That's what I wish that I could do To you, you To you, you

You decided to go to a party tonight. When you told your friends that you wanted to hang out with them and drink, they were so happy. It’s been a couple weeks since you had spent time with them. Hendery didn’t like your friends. They had tried to stop you from dating Hendery, they told you bad things about him and even though they were right, he hated them for trying to stop you from loving him. He tried to stop you from meeting them as much as he could, he was scared that they would tell you about his secret reputation. He was still the same old fuckboy, but he didn’t want to lose you, so you had to stay at home and wait for him. But your friends sadly didn’t know about the shit he was doing. And even though you weren’t really close to Lucas, he knew and felt bad for you. He liked you, he was happy that his friend found someone as nice and kind as you, but Hendery was still his friend and it wasn’t his relationship, he promised Hendery not to tell you anything.

Now you were dressed sexily, on your way to a frat party your friend was invited to. She was seeing this frat boy, Jaehyun, and she really hoped to get closer to him tonight.

You texted Hendery that you were out with your friends, he called you an hour later but you didn’t want to answer. He never answered you calls and this time you wanted to know how it feels to ignore someone. He texted you, telling you to call him, to tell him where you were.

Maybe he was worried?

You called him back, you couldn’t ignore him any longer, you weren’t like that, you didn’t want him to worry. You couldn’t ignore him like he ignored you.

“Fucking finally.”

“Sorry it was too lo-“

“Where the fuck are you? Didn’t I tell you to stop talking to those girls!”

“Hendery we-“

“I don’t fucking care. Go home.”

You had enough, “No.” and then you hung up and turned off your phone.

“Hey everything alright?” your friend asked you.

You nodded with a small smile, “Let’s have fun!”

Not even an hour later, you were drunk. The last time you were this drunk, was before you dated Hendery. It felt good, you stopped caring, just like he always did, and enjoyed your time with your friends.

Everything seemed blurry after a while, your head was spinning and you decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up a little. You told your friends that you had to pee and then you went upstairs. You weren’t sure which door was the right one.

You opened the first door and saw a couple making out.

You opened the second door and it was empty.

You opened the third door and when you saw another couple, you almost left the room, but after realizing it was Hendery with a girl, you stopped moving. They were facing each other and it seemed like they were about to kiss.

“Bitch, we’re kinda busy here?” she said annoyed that you interrupted them. When Hendery turned around and saw you standing there, he looked at you with a shocked expression.

“B-Baby? What are you doing here?” he stepped back from her and walked to you.

“Don’t! Don’t come closer to me!” you stepped back.

“Hendery? Who’s that girl?” she asked him.

“She’s my girlfriend, I told you about her.” he hoped that the girl he was about to fuck would help him.

“Right. Hi, nice to meet you. Don’t worry, Hendery just gave me some boyfriend advice, you know, since he’s your boyfriend and he’s a little experienced. I’ll leave you two alone. Thank you again Hendery.” She smiled at you, but there was something telling you, that she lied. That they lied.

Hendery pulled you closer by your wrist and closed the door after she left.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re here?”

“Who was that girl, Hendery?” you ignored his question, “What did you do with her?”

Hendery laughed awkwardly, “I did nothing with her. We just talked.”

“Is she the girl you’re cheating on me with?” your sounded so broken. You pulled your arm out of his grip. “What? I’m not cheating on you!” he yelled, his heart was beating so fast against his chest.

“Don’t l-lie. Please don’t lie to me.” You were about to cry. The alcohol you consumed slowly left your system.

“You’re here accusing me of cheating although you’re the one dressed like this at a fucking frat party. What the fuck are you doing here huh?!” he changed the topic, he was mad and scared. He had to blame you, he needed you to forget about the whole cheating thing.

“W-What? I’m here with my friends, I told you that. I would never lie to you. I would never hurt you! I would never cheat on you but you-“

“Okay, I trust you, so why can’t you trust me huh?!”

“I saw the hickeys! I-I saw you with this girl not even five minutes ago. I-I don’t know what to think anymore!” you started crying, you were feeling so overwhelmed with the situation, you didn’t know what to believe.

Figures I'm the bad guy 'cause I can't learn to trust Love figures

“Why can’t you just fucking trust me?!” Hendery yelled at you, “I thought you loved me! You can’t even trust your own boyfriend!”

Hearing those words leave his mouth hurt you so much.

“N-No I love you! I’m sorry-“ you sobbed.

“I-I don’t know If I believe you. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” He said and looked at the floor. You hugged him tightly, too scared to lose him. “N-No! I trust you and I love you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Hendery. I love you so much, please don’t leave me.”

His plan worked.

He felt disgusting, but he couldn’t lose you.

You say sorry once and you think it's enough I got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys Beggin' for me just to give 'em a try Figures I'm willin' to stay 'Cause I'm sick for your love

You really thought you were going to lose him and you really thought that he’d change and everything would be great, but nothing changed.

Your mind was playing games with you. You still didn’t trust Hendery, but you would shut up until you see him do something he shouldn’t. Every second of your day, you were scared to go out or call him. Scared to hear a female voice. Scared to see him cheating.

You acted like the perfect girlfriend. Always doing whatever he wanted you to, always having sex with him, whenever he wanted. Always shutting up when he told you to. You were slowly and painfully breaking apart.

It was your one-year anniversary and you planned something for him. You wanted to surprise him with his favorite cake and two tickets to Tokyo. He had told you when you were still getting to know each other, that it was his dream to go to Tokyo.

It was ten in the morning when you stopped in front of his frat house. Everyone was sleeping of course, it was a Sunday after all. This week it was his frat house having a party, last week it was another frat house.

You softly knocked on the door, a guy you had never seen before opened the door and he looked like he was awake the whole night.

“And you are?”

“Oh yeah sorry. I’m here for-“

“I don’t care. Come in.”

You entered and went upstairs. You were only two times here, but that was at the beginning of your relationship.

It was still early, Hendery was probably still asleep, but you wanted to spend the whole day with him.

That guy followed you up and when he saw your hand on Hendery’s door, he tried to stop you. “Hey! What are you doing?”

“I’m going to my boyfriend?” you said unsure.

“But this is Hendery’s room?” he was confused.

“Yeah I know. I’m his girlfriend?” Now you were confused too.

“What? Wait. I just remembered that he left earlier this morning. Come back later.”

And when you turned to him, you heard Hendery’s voice.

You pushed his hand away and opened the door, you had no idea why he was lying to you until you saw the reason with your own eyes.

Hendery completely naked with a girl, also naked, in his bed.

“What the fuck dude? Can’t you knock?!” Hendery shouted, but when he saw you standing there, he couldn’t move.

“I-I tried to stop here dude. I’m sorry.”

You looked at the guy and then back at Hendery. You dropped the cake and the letter with the tickets and turned around to leave as fast as you could. On your way down, you saw Lucas who immediately understood what just happened upstairs.

“Y/n. I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t. Don’t act like you care.” You said coldly before you left.

Hendery got dressed and ran after you, ignoring that random girl in his bed.

“Y/n! Wait!” he saw you walking faster, but your vision was too blurry to see anything.

“Don’t go, just listen to me please!” He ran faster and caught you with his hand. “Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch me or I’ll scream!” you were trying to push him away. “Please calm down, baby. Listen to me, please Y/n.” he begged.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry. Please, I-I’m so sorry. I was so drunk I can’t remember anything I-“

“Shut up! Stop lying to me! You’re always lying, you’re always making me feel like it’s my fault, like I’m the one cheating and lying around! But it’s you! You’re fucking with my head so just go!”

You looked for a taxi, a bus, for anything just to get away from him, running was no option, he’d catch you.

“I love you, I’m sorry. Please just, calm down and listen-“

“I should’ve listened to them. Everyone told me that you were going to break my heart. Everyone told me you’re a fuckboy, that you don’t know what love is. I never needed you, there were so many people who wanted to go on dates with me. Nice and kind people who would never hurt me like you did, but I chose you. I decided to trust you and give you a chance. I’m so fucking stupid.” You were crying harder every passing second.

“D-Don’t say that baby. You love me, you need me as much as I need you. It was a stupid mistake. I only love you!” Hendery’s hands were trembling, he had never felt this way. The fear of losing someone was something he never wanted to feel, but he deserved it. He deserved to feel pain and you deserved someone better. But he would never let go of you. He loves you.

“Y-You accused me of c-cheating, but you were the one c-cheating! I felt like a crazy girlfriend, I was so paranoid! But I was right the whole time!”

“I’m sorry, please forgive me.” He whispered, tears rolling down his cheek.

After crying, yelling, and talking for an hour, you decided you needed to go home and be alone to clear your mind. You were still madly in love with Hendery, even though he broke your heart to thousands of pieces.

You didn’t see him for almost a week, but he was spamming you with texts and calling you every hour. He was determined to get you back, no matter what it costs. You didn’t tell anyone about what happened, you were too ashamed. How could you face your friends after they warned you every time?

You didn’t go to your classes, all you did was cry and cry.

Hendery held the tickets in his hands tightly. He was so mad that he destroyed everything. And when he read the letter in which you thanked him for loving you, thanked him for everything and told him how much you love him and the happy one-year anniversary written beautifully in your handwriting, broke his heart once again.

How could he hurt you? How could he do that to you?

What Hendery didn’t except to see is you knocking on his door two weeks after you caught him cheating. His face lit up with hope, but his heart arched as he saw how broken you looked.

“H-Hi. Do you want to come in?” he asked nervously.

You looked behind him, the memory of the girl in his bed was still haunting you.

“No, uhm, can we go outside?”

He nodded softly.

You were going to regret this decision, but you didn’t care at that moment.

After walking around for about ten minutes, you stopped and looked at him. Hendery looked back at you and you saw that he also cried.

“I’m still in love with you.” You said.

“I’m also still in l-love with you. I love you.” Hendery whispered.

“I know I shouldn’t, I know this is dumb, but-“

“B-But?” he wanted to hold you, he wanted to kiss you.

“I want to give you a second chance.”

It was the first time you saw Hendery this happy. He wasn’t even this happy when you went on your first date or when he asked you to be his girlfriend and you said yes.

“I- thank you, I won’t hurt you ever again, I promise you. I love you so so much. Thank you thank you thank you.” He pulled you in for hug, but it was still hard for you to hug him back.

Wish I could hurt you back Love, what would you do if you couldn't get me back? You're the one who's gonna lose Something so special, something so real Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel? If you couldn't get me back That's what I wish that I could do To you, you To you, you

This time, you were the cold one in the relationship. You rarely answered him back, met him just once or twice a week even though you weren’t doing anything special. You were being so distant and Hendery noticed, it hurt. It hurt him so much, he was so scared to lose you again.

He didn’t know what to do.

Hendery (17:10): Hey baby. Our frat is having a party tonight, do you want to come? Or we can go to the movies. I miss you and I love you.

You reread his text over and over again.

You weren’t going to lie, you missed him too, but you wanted to hurt him, just a little bit. You wanted to show him how you felt. How he treated you.

You (17:35): let’s go to the frat party

It was almost ten pm when you entered the party in a cute dress, you weren’t going to dress like Hendery wanted you anymore. Your body, your decision.

Hendery opened the door for you and leaned in to kiss you, but you turned your face and he kissed your cheek.

Another stab in Hendery’s heart.

“You look really pretty.” He got jealous, but he knew that acting jealous right now was wrong.

“Thanks.”

And after a couple hours, you were drunk and enjoying yourself. You danced and had so much fun, Hendery was bored and wanted to be the only one to watch you dance. He wanted to bring you upstairs and kiss you until he ran out of breath.

“I’m going to pee.” You told him.

“Do you want me to-“

“No I can go on my own.” You giggled. You were really drunk.

After doing your business in the bathroom upstairs, you bumped into Lucas. “Oh sorry- hi y/n.” he said. You looked at him. He knew, Lucas knew what Hendery did and he never told you. Lucas hurt you too and he knew it.

“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened and I know I should’ve told you but-“ before he could finish his sentence, you pressed your lips on his. It was just for two seconds. You pulled back immediately, before Lucas could realize what just happened. Yes, Hendery broke your heart, but you weren’t going to be like him, you couldn’t use Lucas, you couldn’t do the same mistake Hendery did.

“I-I’m sorry. I just…fuck.” You left him standing there and went back to Hendery. His eyes lit up when he saw you coming back to him. “Hi baby. Do you want to go? This party sucks-“

“I kissed Lucas. It was just for two seconds, I pulled away. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to hurt you b-but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t c-cheat I-“ you started sobbing. Hendery softly led you outside, “I wanted you to feel like how I felt all the time. I want you to be scared to lose me, I want you to feel the same pain I feel. How would you feel If you couldn’t get me back? How would you feel If I cheated on you?” you cried out as you looked anywhere but Hendery.

You could hear him crying though, “I don’t want to lose you ever again, Y/n. I-I can’t believe I did this to you, you never deserved that a-and I love you. I love you so much and I would do anything to stop your pain. You’re so special- you mean so much to me and I fucked up so bad, but I promise you I won’t hurt you ever again. You have to believe me.”

He softly cupped your cheeks and looked you deep in the eyes, “I promise you Y/n. I won’t hurt you ever again. I love you so much, I can’t live without you. I need you by my side. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I love you and I will never hurt you again. Please give me a chance to make everything right.”

“Okay.” You nodded softly and he pulled you in for a hug, this time you hugged him back. “I love you so much, Y/n.”

One day you could say it back.

One day you’d be happy again.

Figures

[stcveskent]

his comfort ; andy barber

warnings: fluff, some old trauma idk?

pairings: Andy Barber x Reader

requested by cevansmarvel

----------

you were working on some papers, when you heard your phone ring, you sighed and looked for your phone, and looked at the contact name, Andy💞

A huge smile on your face as you pressed the green button, and placed it on speaker.

"Hey Good Morning!!" His cheerful voice made you chuckle.

"Good Morning to you too, Andy, how are you doing?" You asked as you continued talking and doing your work at the same time.

"I'm great, now that i heard your voice." He flirted, typical Andy . You mocked him on this one and he laughed, at how funny you sounded. Andy's been your everything since you were 5. You went to same kindergarten, to same school years later, and your friendship never changed into anything. You were always with him, no matter what. Your mothers, both were great friends, and had kinda similar pasts, but other than Andy's dad, your father abandoned you and your mother because he didn't wanted both of you.

But Andy, was always there for you, and you were there for him too. He always loved seeing you, at his place, anywhere. During college, Andy met a girl, Laurie , who he eventually fell in love with and got married too. It hurt you a lot, because you were in love with him since your 6th grade, but never told him. Laurie, started being friends with you first, and then started her plan of stealing Andy from you.

When he got married, you've never felt that broken, ever in your life, and he forgot you later. You never married, never dated never did anything, because you felt that if you too, would get married, then you couldn't give him the love he deserves in your life.

Everything turned upside down, when on work you were talking to your colleagues while they randomly switched on the T.V and randomly pressed the news channel number, and the news stated something which shocked you.

Jacob, Andy and Laurie were displayed on the screen, and it showed some murder news, Jacob could ever do that? you were shocked, and you saw  Andy after millions of years....the look on his face showed how broken he looked, and you wanted to rush towards him right now. Your collegues started to call you, at how shocked you looked.

You walked out of your office, right then, and started driving towards his place, which he hasn't changed since the time he got married. You knocked on the door, feeling uneasy, but he needed you, and you too needed to see his face. Just a minute later, a sad Andy opened the door, and his eyes widened at the sight of yours.

"Y-y/n?" He stuttered, and you passed a small weak smile, and he hugged you. The warm feeling of his, hugging you, and your burying your face in his chest, just comforting for both of you.

"I-i missed you, so so much." He confessed, a smile over your face as you kept hugging you.

"I missed you too, Andy, so much." You replied and he smiles pressing a kiss on your forehead.

"Come in." He says and you walk in with him, you two got comfortable, and he started talking about how he felt, and started talking about Jacob's case, you felt bad for that man, he looked so broken, as he talked. He even told you about how him and Laurie were not the same anymore. Just then you heard Jacob and Laurie get in the house.

"Y/n? After so many years?!" Laurie asked and you smiled, and she hugged you before she excused herself to go upstairs, and there comes Jacob.

"I remember you." He said and you chuckled.

"Me too, Jay!! How are you doing?" You asked and he smiles before answering.

"good actually." He says and goes upstairs to his room, later, you and Andy talk about olden times..and then you leave the place..and try to always stay in contact with him, since then.

It was four years ago. Jacob, died in a car accident, and Laurie, its wasn't a surprise that they filed for a divorce and also, got married the next month with someone.

Since then you always visited Andy, and never left his side.

"Can you spend the night at my place? Movie nights just like the old days?" He asked and you smiled, only if he saw how happy he made you.

"Yes, i'll be there. See you tonight!" You said and he greets again before you hang up. Your smile wasn't leaving you the whole day, and everyone has noticed it. Well, you then got into shit load of work and concentrated, and got of work as soon as possible.

As soon as you stepped at your place, you knew what you were going to be looking like, natural. And so you did, and drove to his place.

You met Andy, and he gave you the biggest hugs as possible, and all your stress would just leave, and then he plays some series on the T.V. You two are focusing on how the two lovers are trying to tell how much they love each other, but don't know how to talk. A smile on your face as your head on the pillow.

"What're you smiling at?" He asked, getting closer, sipping, a glass of soft drink, because you're non alcoholic and he always backs away from alcohol near you.

"Two people, so much in love, can't express how they feel." You replied and he chuckles.

"Romantic, Y/n, i missed the girl." He confessed, and everytime he mentioned something like that would make you go red. He would do it often, lets say, Andy loves getting flirty with you.

"God that smile!" He says and you hit him playfully before pulling the blanket a little bit more closer, and he noticed it why you did that, and pulled you closer to him, that you were on top of him.

"What're you doing?" You asked as you laid on him comfortably, and he pulled the blanket on both of you.

"Giving you more warmth, you feel cold always." He says and you smile before concentrating on the scene again.

An hour later, you were asleep, soft snores made him smile, he was feeling something, he wasn't sure of and later, his head rested on yours, sleeping.

"You could've saved me, Dad, but you didn't."

"I tried my best! Jacob, i love you."

"You're a liar Dad, a big liar!" Jacob points his finger and Andy's tears falls, at the sight of his son, being so angry, that he couldn't solve it.

"I hate you Dad!"

"Jacob no—"

and just then Jacob is hit by a truck, making Andy scream in horror.

He wakes up gasping sweat on his forehead and he looks at you, sleeping peacefully. His hand on his chest, as he tries to calm himself down. He moves you gently and walks to the bathroom.

He stares in the mirror, he looked awful, he missed his son so much, he was having nightmares about him, only if Laurie didn't do that years ago.

You woke up, loss of warmth woke you up, and looked around, to see no one there, but you heard sniffles, and you knew whom it was.

You walked in the bedroom, as the bathroom door was open and he cried, burying his face in his hands, not gonna lie, that sight broke you into millions of pieces, and you stayed strong, walking in, lowering your voice, so it would be calming for him.

"Andy?" You softly called and he wiped his tears looking at you.

"You're awake? Sorry if i woke you—"

"You saw it again?" You asked and he nodded, tears forming in his eyes again, you felt worse. He hugged you, burying his face in your neck, you were his comfort, he never told anyone about.

"It's okay, its okay." You said as you rubbed his back.

"My son hates me." He says, stuttering.

"No! Andy that's not true at all, Jacob loves you, you were the best dad, Andy you and I both know what happened and what killed him. You knew his last words, he said he loves you, forever." You spoke, and every of that word was right, and he nods.

"But what if i could've save him? He would be with me—"

"You didn't know that, its not your fault, Jacob always loved his father, because his father never lost his trust in him. Jacob loved his Father, because he made him feel like he mattered in the world and no one else, Jacob loves his father very much." You said, and he nods before hugging you again.

"Thank you, you really are the best!" He spoke and kissed your cheek.

"I get that a lot, from you honestly." You said and he chuckled before you kiss his forehead. He loved these little small gestures you did. Now you brought him to bed, and he starts to talk to you, and you get involved in the conversation.

"Come on Andy, now you really need to sleep." You said and he nods, you stoof up before he questions.

"Hey where are you going?"

"Couch?"

"No we're sharing our bed, come on you'll get cold." He teased and you rolled your eyes.

"I want you to sleep comfortably, you won't be able to sleep with me."

"We've shared beds many times y/n, come on, I won't hurt you." He said making you laugh as you join him.

While talking both of you fall asleep, your head on his arm and his other arm, pulling you closer. Maybe if you and Andy were together this would be so normal for you, to feel it every day, but you felt like you lost your chance there, with the love of your life.

------

hope you like it 🥺💞

[rayslittlekitten]

You Got This - Part 2

I recommend reading Part 1 first if you haven't.

Plot: After having a heart to heart, you and Jax re-live your youth.

Pairing: Jax Teller x F! Reader

Contains: a lot of fluff and fluffy sex, also a shit ton of Jax smoking porn, and you see his butt 🙃

A/N:  Thank you Anon for this request.  I hope you and the other readers enjoy this (if not more) than the first part. This took me longer than I expected to write this, but it's finally done.  I kept going back and forth on trying to decide what to include and what not to.  Also, had I known I was going to be writing a part two for this, the beginning of this would have been at the end of part one, but hindsight is 20/20. I actually did already write out most of the beginning but decided to leave it out of part one because I thought where I left it was a good place to end it. I also thought about eliminating it completely but I really like the interaction that happens with Gemma.  To me it's like a beauty shot. Is it necessary and does it move the story along at all? Not quite, but it looks good so let's just leave it in there anyways. Also to squeeze a little bit more angst out of Jax.

Also, I had a bit of trouble writing this as well because as strange as this sounds, I couldn't find the perfect song to pair with this.  Sometimes I need music to help me get into the mindset and mood.  I was going for like a nostalgic summer love kinda thing. I had actually thought to use a song form the mid-90s because to really make it feel nostalgic and Shanice's "Saving Forever For You" was the winner for that but I decided it was not right for this. Maybe their actual first time, yes.  Then it was a toss up between "Honey Whiskey" by Satica and "Take Me Away" by Sinead Harnett/EARTHGANG and the latter won given the situation. I'd recommend giving it a listen below (or any of the songs listed) to get the mood I was going for while writing the sex scene. I really thank you for reading my ramblings if you've gotten this far. I just want to give the readers the best experience to my stories and how it was intended when I wrote it.

A loud commotion outside interrupts the moment and you both realize you need to get dressed before someone finds the both of you.  He pulls out of you and you both quickly get yourselves together. You hop into the bathroom inside the bedroom to clean yourself up. When you walk out, you see Jax sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette with all his clothes and hair in place, like he had been sitting there this whole time and didn't move from his spot when you first walked in.  He glances over to you and you're reminded of how his handsome charming face is something you miss so much.

"I should probably go before someone starts looking for either of us." You walk out of the bathroom and towards the front door.  Jax grabs your hand and pulls you back to him.

"Hey." He stands up, cups your face and looks at you. "It's really good to see you again."

Suddenly you both hear the door knob rattling and then a knock following it.

"Jax, are you in there, honey?" You both hear Gemma on the other side of the door. 

You both separate and smooth yourselves out and Jax walks over to open the door. 

"Honey, what are you doing in here? Tara--" Gemma's facial expression shifts when she spots you. She looks at the both of you suspiciously. You both thought you were so slick when you were younger but if there was anyone who knew what you both were up to, it would be Gemma. Nothing slips past her. In fact, she’s always secretly hoped you two would get together. You were born into SAMCRO, making you MC royalty. The Princess of Charming.

"Oh, I didn't know you were in here too. I'm very sorry about Opie, sweetheart." 

"Thank you, Gemma." You walk closer to the door and Gemma pulls you in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Where's your fiancé?" Gemma asks curiously.

"Fiancé?" Jax glances over at you.

"I came by myself this time," you answer. "We're kind of on a break." You wrinkle your nose.

"I'm sorry to hear that too. Must be one hell of a break." Gemma's knowing eyes are boring a hole into you. "Lyla tells me you're staying a while?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna help her out with the kids for a week or so until she can figure it out.  I know you and the club will be a big help, but with everything going on, I think her and the kids can use another familiar face."

"Family is important and I'm very happy to see you here." Gemma's eyes shift to Jax with the same knowing look she gave you. "Well, whenever you're ready, Tara's looking for you."

"Thanks, mom." Jax runs his hand over the top of his hair. Gemma glances at you both again once more before she walks away.

You start making your way out the door when Jax pulls you back in.

"You're engaged?" Jax asks with wide eyes.

"Was," you reply. 

"Was it to that pretentious English prick you brought back with you last time?" Jax snarls.

"Ray is a good guy and he treats me really well. We're just going through a bit of a rough patch right now," you tell him. "Also, the last I heard, you're married with two children, Teller."

Jax just looks at you, knowing he has no right to be upset about you being with another man.

"And I believe your wife is looking for you," you say before walking away from him as you see your nephews and niece running up to you. "Hey guys!"

Jax takes a drag of his cigarette while he continues watching you as you kneel down to greet the kids.

A few days later...

The sun is beginning to set and Jax is at the clubhouse. Most of the people have already left. He needs some quiet and alone time after spending a few days earlier in the week not just watching his best friend get killed, but also saying goodbye and laying him to rest. He climbs up the ladder onto the roof of the clubhouse, one of his favorite places to think and reflect quietly while smoking.  What he didn't expect to find is someone else had beat him to the spot.

"I didn't know you were here," Jax says as he walks over and sits next to them. "You've been avoiding me like the plague all week."

"I miss watching the sunset," you reply without looking at him.

"The sun doesn't set where you are?" Jax asks as he lights up a joint.

"It's not the same."

Jax takes a long drag and then offers it to you. 

You look at it for a moment and form a small smile before taking it from him.  The roof was also a place you both frequented in your youth to smoke pot, away from your parents and the adults. Eventually they figured out your secret spot, but it didn't stop you guys from coming back. You take a pull and hand it back to him.

"I also miss this.  There is nothing like California-grown weed."

Jax takes a hit and blows out the smoke from the corner of his mouth.

"Do you ever miss me?" Jax looks over at you and passes the joint back to you.

You look over to him and squint an eye to prevent the sun from blinding you.

"Yeah, sometimes I do."

"Does your English weed taste like fucking tea and crumpets?" Jax jokes.

"Oh, I get the best shit there is over there. Trust me." You chuckle. "But... it's not home."

"So why don't you come home?" Jax looks back at you with the same squinty face.

You look at him for a moment deciding what you want to say. "You know, that's the reason why Ray and I put the engagement on hold. With everything happening here, I wanted to be closer to family. Figure my shit out." You take another drag and return the joint back to him.

"There's more than family that would love to see you back home too." Jax reaches for your hand and squeezes it.

"Jackson, what happened the other day, we both acted out of impulse. We were both just... vulnerable.  I'm sorry if it gave the wrong impression."

Jax shakes his head, then takes another long pull of the joint. “Ope was like my moral compass, kept me grounded and always pointed me in the right direction, and now he's gone, because of me."

"Jackson, you can't--" You start shaking your head.

"You’re the closest thing I have left of Ope. I need you." Jax holds your hand.

"Jackson, in your heart, you always knew what was best. You don't need me." You push a loose chunk of his blonde hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear.  "I know you're hurting, but I can't fill the void that Opie left. Nothing ever will. Just focus on what's important to you and you'll figure it out.  You always did." You smile at him while caressing his cheek with your thumb. "You got this." He closes his eyes and leans in to your hand, soaking in your touch.

"You still have too much faith me." He turns his head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand.

"Yeah, maybe. Besides, our boat sailed a long time ago," you add, pulling your hands away from him and looking away. Jax takes the last drag of the joint and tosses it off the roof.

"Maybe that boat can make one last stop before sailing away for good?" Jax gently grabs your chin and turns your head to him to look into his slightly droopy eyes.

Even all this time, it's still hard to not get lost in his baby blues. It's even harder with the perfect setting: the firey orange sky, the slight California breeze, the clubhouse rooftop. Maybe it's the weed, but it feels perfect in the moment. It's all taking you back to the summer when you were 14, when the only care in your worlds were right in front of each other. It's also the perfect setting for cruising around. Jax use to "borrow" one of the bikes from the clubhouse and take you on joyrides, basking in the sun while the wind hits your faces.

He slowly leans into you, and you close the distance, pressing your lips against his. Jax immediately responds and kisses back, his tongue slipping between your teeth. You can taste whiskey mixed with a faint linger of cigarettes and marijuana. Jax cradles your neck and pulls you in closer to him.

The loud roar of a motorcycle driving by and backfiring breaks you up.  You both are brought back to reality that you are both still on a rooftop and a bit baked.

"Come on, let's get inside." Jax jerks his head towards the latch.  Jax helps you down the ladder first and he follows behind.  He quickly makes a sweep and doesn't see anyone except for a few guys at the bar with their back turned towards the both of you.  Jax grabs your hand and leads you back into the spare bedroom you both were in earlier in the week. This definitely feels like you both are hormone-driven teenagers again, sneaking around the clubhouse. 

Once Jax closes and locks the door, he turns his attention back to you but he stops in his tracks to really look at you. All of you. He never thought he'd ever be with you or see you like this again.  What happened the other day was different.  Like you said, it was a moment of weakness, an impulsive move on both of you because of shared pain.

This time, there is no urgency, there is no hurt, just the two of you re-living a moment the two of you wish you had the opportunity to experience over and over again. This time it's intentionally and purely for the most selfish reasons. He walks over to you and presses his lips onto yours, taking his time to actually taste and feel your soft lips on his.  He pulls you in close to his body as his hands explore yours.

As the both of you continue to deliberately and slowly make out, Jax grabs your ass and presses himself against you, feeling his erection through your clothes. Jax pushes you backward towards the bed and you fall back when you feel the edge hit the back of your knees. He falls on top of you and expertly starts disrobing you while making out with you.  In one quick swift, Jax pulls your shirt over your head, leaving you in a satin black bra.  He takes his time with you, starting with his lips on your neck, licking and kissing it, even nibbling at it.  He's always wanted to leave a hickey on you, letting all the guys know you're taken. He then makes his way down to your collar bone, the top of your chest and then pulls down your bra on one side to reveal a nipple.  He puts his mouth over it and swirls his tongue around it.  Jax looks up to see your reaction and find you looking back biting your lower lip. He smirks and pulls down the other side of your bra and gives that nipple the same attention, making you arch against his mouth. 

"Oh, Jackson," you moan.

He lets out a low growl.

"As much as I want to hear all the sexy noises coming out of your mouth while I'm pleasuring you, you gotta keep it quiet, darlin'." He kisses you while he unhooks your bra and tosses it aside. He then unbuttons your pants and backs himself off the bed. He slowly slides your pants and thong off your hips and down your legs. He licks his lips, excited to unwrap you like his present. You watch him as he lowers himself to his knees and kneels at your feet to help you with your boots and removes the rest of the clothes off your body.  Suddenly feeling a bit exposed and shy like it's your first time with Jax, you keep your legs together. Jax places his hands on each of your knees and coaxes them open. He looks at his gift and licks his lips.

He dives in between your legs while looking up at you. His soft lips and warm wet tongue are licking and sucking you on all the right places and his beard tickling your inner thighs.  That's new to you.  He barely had peach fuzz in his teens. You feel him slip a finger inside you as his lips are pulling at your clit.  Your breathing is getting shorter and more shallow.  Jax inserts another long finger in you and finds your g-spot, rubbing circles on it.

"Jax, I..." Feeling your orgasm building, you are rendered speechless. Jax continues sucking and stroking you until you come undone into his mouth and on his fingers. He watches you squirm and thrash as you scream quietly in ecstasy. He doesn't stop until you are sensitive to his touch and you push him away.  He wipes his beard and smiles at you, proud of his accomplishment. Jax surely still knows his way around your body.

You glance up to him as he gets to his feet.  You watch him strip his clothes off, first the kutte, then his shirt pulled over his head.  He kicks off his sneakers as he takes his time unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans.  You're glad he's taking his time though because it allows you to soak up and remember every second you have with this gorgeous man in front of you.  He finally pulls his jeans and boxers down.  Besides from the other day, the last time you and him were this intimate, the both of you were shorter, slimmer and clearly less experienced.  Now you’re both grown, gained curves and muscles and are far more seasoned in the bedroom.  He's also certainly grown in other places as well.

"Back up," Jax nods his head as he climbs onto the bed and  hovers above you.  You scoot back so your whole body is on the bed.  Jax lays on top of you and smashes his lips against yours again, cradling your neck and grinding against you.  You can feel the head of cock teasing your opening.

"Maybe we should use a condom this time," you tell him in between kisses.

"I'm not gonna lie.  You did feel amazing without one the other day," Jax admits.

You and Jax had always been careful and taking the right steps when you were younger, using condoms at all times so that time was the first time you both had sex without one. Thankfully you are on birth control and both are STD-free, but you know you shouldn't take any chances.  

You give him a knowing look.

"Anything for you, darlin'." Jax gives you a kiss on the cheek before getting up to put on a condom.  He climbs back on top of you and looks at you as he caresses your face, still not believing that you're beneath him.

You gently grab his face with both hands and kiss him deeply. You then feel him slip inside you. All of him.  You moan into his mouth and move with him, both of your hips slowly thrusting in unison. Jax grabs your hands and brings them above your head. He intertwines his fingers with yours and thrusts deeper into you.  He watches you while you relish in the moment, as he pulls these lost emotions from you with each deliberate push.  You wrap your legs around his waist and it encourages him to pick up the pace.  You try to do the same and meet his rhythm.

Jax releases your hands and reaches for your legs behind him and brings them in front of him to rest on his shoulders, deepening his access to you.  His hand reaches up to cradle your neck as he pounds into you. You then feel his thumb slide over the front of your throat.  You start to feel his fingers tighten slightly around your neck. This is also new for you and Jax, but you're loving it.  You can feel yourself getting closer to achieving another orgasm.

"Jackson..." you pant.

"Come for me, darlin'.  I know you're there," Jax grunts.

You close your eyes and feel bliss as you let yourself go, letting your body take over you.  After your orgasm subsides, you open your eyes and find Jax is no longer making love to you, but just smiling at you while still inside you. Now it's time for you to show him a few tricks you've learned.

"Get on your back," you tell him.

Without any protest from Jax, you both switch positions.  Jax lies on his back with this hands behind his head, waiting for you to take the wheel.  You straddle him and take your time sinking yourself onto him.  You feel a lot more confident about being on top than you did when you were younger.  You were shy and inexperienced.  Now? You're going to ride him like the sexiest Harley you've ever had the privilege of sitting on. You slowly start riding him, rocking back and forth, grinding on him and teasing him. You enjoy the feeling of him filling you up to the hilt as you push down on him.

Jax looks up at you, watching you take charge and own his dick.  He definitely notices you're a lot more comfortable in this position than he remembers.  He reaches up and runs his hands over your breasts, massaging them and caressing your nipples as you enjoy the ride. He's certainly enjoying the view.

"You are still as fucking beautiful as the day I fell in love with you," Jax says, mesmerized by the image in front of him.

You smile and then lean back, placing your hands behind you on his thighs. Jax looks at you curiously. You roll your hips and start sliding up and down on him, giving him a clear view.  He looks down and watches himself disappear in and out of you.

Jax groans and runs the palms of his hands over your thighs and settles on your hips.  One of his hands then slides over between your legs and he starts rubbing circles on your clit with this thumb. You moan and gasp. You then lean forward, placing your hands on the pillow of each side of his head and lean down closer to him.  You start bouncing your ass up and down as you look down on him, your hair forming a curtain around your faces.  Jax grabs your ass and starts thrusting up to meet your movement. The only sounds echoing in the room are your pants and your bodies slapping against each other.  Jax speeds up and watches your face as it distorts.  He knows you've got another one inside you and you're very close.

"Come on, darlin'. Let it go." Jax coos.

You let out a loud moan as your legs shake and feel like a firecracker exploded inside of you.  Jax clamps a hand over your mouth as he continues to drill inside.

"There you go, Y/N." Jax smiles watching you fall apart on top of him.  He then swiftly flips you onto your back and roughly drives into you a few more times until he finally gets his own release.

As he slows down, you both look at each other, savoring the moment and then kiss softly.

Suddenly the door knob starts to rattle and the person on the other side is banging on the door.

"Yo, hurry it up! I gotta take a shit!" an unrecognizable voice shouts.

"Hey asshole, the bathroom is further down!" You both hear Chibs shouting. You place your hands over your mouth as you start to laugh.

"Shh!" Jax puts a finger over his pursed lips as he tries to suppress his own laughter.

SMASH CUT TO BLACK

A/N: I never put notes at the end but I figured I'd let you enjoy the fic first before mentioning I currently don't have plans to expand this story. I might in the future, but not in the near future.  I originally intended the first part to be short and be a one off, but I just kept writing and writing and there were so many places and opportunities to keep expanding. Same for part two.  There were so many directions I could have gone. I had a bit of struggle with this for some reason. It's not quite exactly how I pictured it ending but it works for what it is.

If you haven’t read it yet, I wrote two short scenes titled “Carry Me Home” and “Joyride” which are like flashbacks in this universe.

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[mai-sans-senpai]

Hey! Can I request class 1-a Boys comforting their gf who's having an anxiety episode? Like I was just in the kitchen doin my thing and my anxiety spiked, then there was an ambulance outside for my neighbors and the whole ordeal was just not good for my poor brain iaojdij I'm in need of ✨comfort✨. Please and thanks if you do!

class 1-a boys comforting gn!reader

A/N : @bubblime oh my goodness i hope you’re alright.

izuku -

izuku totally knows about anxiety and he knows how to deal w it when he has an episode. but he has a teensy bit of trouble when helping someone else (but he tries his best! don’t worry you shall get comforted). he grabs your hands, brings you over to a corner and tells you to breathe for 4 hold for 4 and he rubs your back and breathes w you. after you get your breathing in check, he’ll get some nice, cold water for you also. “hey it’s ok y/n, i’m here. i won’t let anyone hurt you, puppy.” if you’re not calmed down by then, then he’ll ask you to point out things you can touch, what you can taste, and something that is red or green. by then, you’re calmed down. if you like to be touched afterwards, he’ll give you the biggest hug in existence. if you don’t really like contact after, he’ll sit with you and tell you a funny story to get your mind off of what happened. overall, he does pretty good!

todoroki - “let’s go to a quieter place, love.” he’ll probs walk with you around the dorms two times before does anything. if you can’t get up/paralyzed by the episode, he’ll carry you up to your room and sit you on the bed (don’t worry about your weight! he’ll figure a way to get you up there w/o you having to move a muscle! 😡🥰). “ok, can you count to 50 for me, sweetheart?” after you count, he’ll make you some soft ice cubes to chew (aw man, i love me some soft ice. like snowcone ice 🤤). if your teeth are sensitive, he’ll make his hand cold amd put it on the back of your neck. if you’re not calm yet, he’ll ask you, “is there anything you want or need me to do right now?” and he’ll DO IT. anything you ask for at that moment, if attainable, he’ll do it or go get it. in the end he’ll cuddle w you or hold your hand and talk to you.

bakugou - alright, alright. this man has no idea how to help you. yes, he’s had anxiety attacks (cough, cough deku vs. bakugou #2), but he doesn’t calm down in a good way. he either goes on a run or works out or just fights his way through it. so when your having an anxiety attack or something like that, he’ll try his best to tell you “ok ok um uh y/n breathe in and out of some shit. fuck ok are you breathing?!” you’ll probably wince bc he fuckin yelled that in your ear and he’ll feel so bad. he’ll start panicking a lil bit but he takes you to recovery girl and tries to make her help you. recovery girl eventually calms you down and bakugou feels awful. you try to reassure him and tell him that he did perfectly fine taking you to the nurse hero. “no no no wait i’m supposed to be the one comforting you. shut up and let me comfort you. d-do you wanna go cuddle or something?” y’all go cuddle and he promises that he’ll do better next time “for sure, stupid.”

shoji - literally his reason for his quirk is to comfort people. kidding but i know he gives good hugs oml. but yea he’ll give you a great big hug and get you some water while saying really nice things to you. “hey hey youre okay. you’ve got me right?”

sero - hugs you and let’s you cry into his chest. another dude who i know who gives bomb bc have y’all seen how wide his shoulders are?? well anyways, he’ll give you water (like even hold the cup and everything 🥴) and he’ll say things like “talk to me. what’s wrong and what can i do?”

tokoyami - now fumikage is kinda awkward when it comes to feelings that aren’t love or sadness so he’ll probably just sit there with you, holding your hand, and not talk. he’ll just rub his thumb over your hand in a soothing manner.

satou - after you calm down and stop crying/shaking, he’ll tell you a bunch of jokes while holding you to his chest and you’ll fall asleep like that all cozy 🥺

aoyama - ofc after you calm down, he’ll point out every single thing that’s beautiful about you, from the pace that you book to the way you walk. “come on y/n, nobody that beautiful should be crying.”

ojiro - (🤤 before i go on, this man is SO seggsy and underrated) anyway, he’ll probably hold you and wrap his tail around you to make you feel extra loved 🥰. awwww and he’ll whisper stuff like “it’s okay i’m here for you. i’m not leaving you here.”

iida - (what a hunk. sorry this is supposed to be fluffy and i’m over here drooling) ok so he knows EXACTLY what to do. he’s def read up on how to comfort people, he’s the class rep (insert iida pushing up his glasses while smiling smugly y’all know). first, he gets you some water and rubs your back. if you can’t get your breathing down he’ll breathe with you and instruct you on how to breathe. remember he’s still iida so he’ll be a bit awkward at it. “ok breathe y/n. w-well i mean breathe with me. but if i’m talking to you you can’t see how i breathe. whatever just in for 4 out for 6. or was it in for 8??” at the end you kinda give up on relying on him and get your breathing down on your own. then he kinda hold your hand and legs you talk to him while he listens intently.

kaminari - pure panic on his part. he’s like ‘i love them so much i can’t let them die’ like denki i’m not dying. “o-ok so um i think breathe and uh calm down.” you look at him kinda angrily bc like you can’t just calm down STUPID. eventually he gives up and takes you to someone more competent. “i’m sorry baby that i couldn’t help you,” he’s holding you on your bed as you cuddle. “aw it’s ok denki.”

kirishima - first he knows how to get your breathing down and when he does that he wants to cheer you up. “let’s go on a walk.” so y’all go around town and he gets you whatever you want. by the end of it, you feel so happy.

and sorry mineta and koda stans i can’t really think of them like in a boyfriend role.

A/N : hey sorry my creativity kinda dwindled down at the end of it. i hope y’all like it and for my next thing i have an atsumu or tsukishima x black!reader. and thank y’all so much for blowing that sweaty hands fic up. i love you guys!🍇🍓