#and even that was dysfunctional as shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has a 66 index score for customer satisfaction in the US.
Text
pro tip: do not listen to time’s blur on vinyl unless you are ready to bawl your eyes out it’s too much
#shit got me thinking about my childhood too much and how#while i might not have had much of one it’s definitely over now#i swear something in that song be unearthing memories i didn’t even know i had#it’s like i’m watching ducks at the state fair again#and my friends are moving away and they keep coming and going until they stop coming and i didn’t have a group of friends until the 7th grad#and even that was dysfunctional as shit#and how we can’t get into the computer that has some of our oldest pictures#and so many things are on that camcorder and i don’t know where it is#and how i used to be a little girl and now i’m not even a girl at all anymore#and everything is just snapshots and there’s so few of them relative to the amount of life i’ve lived#time’s blur has come for so much of me already and it won’t stop coming and i’m moving soon#i’m moving this summer#from the place and people i’ve known my whole life#and i already don’t remember what any of them looked like the first time i met them#and soon enough i won’t remember what they look like at all#time’s blur really does come for us all doesn’t it#anyway sorry for getting emotional on main#the things lord huron does to a guy
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
the level of racism wyll ravengard has to experience in the average comments section of r/baldursgate3 is giving antebellum south
"i just think he's boring!!!" he was rewritten because people originally thought he was too "edgy" and "mean"
"he has no flaws! he's written like he's flawless!!!" the man will sell his soul to save his emotionally neglectful father what are you talking about, his nonexistent self-worth is his greatest flaw and he literally can SELL HIS SOUL and become DAMNED FOR ALL ETERNITY by his desire to fulfill his healing fantasy of being able to get his dad to love him through heroic sacrifice. and you think he doesnt have a FLAW???? just because he internalizes his pain instead of externalizing it????
also people claiming he's "too nice" when they don't have the same criticism of karlach or gale, two characters who are ALSO very nice and polite lmfao
#baldurs gate 3#bg3#wyll ravengard#wyll is a character that speaks to my experience as the always neglected and demonized child of dysfunctional immature parents#anyone who thinks wyll has no flaws can come borrow my low sense of self-worth#you'll find yourself doing insane shit like baking bread for people who wouldnt even visit you in the hospital if you got sick#like me!!!!!!!!
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine
but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day
#ramble#idk if this is a me problem or not#i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now#maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening#i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me#what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work#then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway#right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening#something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together#this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem#i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
408 notes
·
View notes
Note
psst pspspsps u should totally talk about grebbymints more ... i am enabling u......
AAAAAA bro….. my dude…. the thing is i always feel crazy talking about them together bc i think like they’ve only publicly interacted like 3 times? LOL (i have watched and documented every interview minty and grebby has appeared in for the leafs/marlies. it’s so bad. me being sick has actually helped me not be as weird about it since i had less screen time in general)
but even then me and @tufzy just constructed this whole separate reality in our heads for months about how like they prob got closer after getting called up and minty is the only familiar guy for grebby there due to being on the marlies together + no russian player on the leafs to fall back on for help so grebby is just sticking to minty’s side the whole time, and minty even tho he’s a lil popular with the leaf boys he still is looking out for his linemate. even when they get sent down they’re still drawn to each other out of habit. but i’m always like second guessing like wow this is pure delusion like maybe they don’t even fuck with each other like that it’s just coworker friendliness this rpf shit is truly a disease fr fr 🙏
and then the videos started dropping. they’re goofing off and pushing each other around during sewer ball. and then i see a single frame of minty next to grebs during the one rare tiktok that he shows up in. and the delusion starts anew
#like… he was waiting for him… giggling at him…#like does minty help him parse the insane tiktok trends they make them do (jellybean challenge comes to mind)#and everytime grebs is just like eh whatever go marlies/leafs go they love that shit#and minty is laughing aa they both walk down the tunnel to the locker room being like thats not what they asked man#but yes i am enabled. thank you *bows low enough that my forehead hits the table*#see the thing is i haven’t even gotten into the crazier part. which is the family tree au#which is really the dysfunctional abo family au#and no one has like commented on the greek symbols on it despite it getting way more eyes than i thought it would#(me acting like i wasnt looking for attention when i tagged that post)#but yeah there is a section of grebby and mints there in my drafts for that whole *waves hand* thing#which is#completely separate from the grebbymints fic (also set abo bc i’m crazy) that i’ve been slowly working on#both things will come out in due time.. maybe…#but i fear it might actually be too insane for the public eye LOL#BUT THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW. THE DEMONS WHISPER TO ME EVERYDAY.#this would be really embarrassing if you didn’t mean this in a hrpf way LOL#but i can also just start yapping about them separately forever too#starting with minty reading fucking MEDITATIONS. BY MARCUS AURELIUS#LIKE OKAY … NERD…#gonna need him to sign my copy when i go to toronto#i wish i also knew some level of russian bc i wanna know what grebby was up to being a menace in the khl…#all i can do is read like sonata and minuet in cyrillic LOL#but i digress…… i wrote up a whole essay of nonsense in here….#fraser minten#nikita grebenkin#grebbymints#hrpf#asks#yapping#<- need to learn the meaning of the phrase ‘self control’
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
It still boggles my mind that Sukuna went into the final fight against Yuji and the others knowing he was Yuji's uncle.
That man went into fighting Yuji with that information and then killed the last family member Yuji had that genuinely cared about him.
#i hate (affectionate) this dysfunctional ass family for real#still can't believe it though#but i kinda do like that sukuna didn't say anything#because i feel like he didn't tell him because sukuna never really was a family man#like even with that info his opinion about yuji changed from 'he's an annoyance' to 'oh shit i gotta take him very seriously now'#otherwise he wouldn't saw yuji as a threat more once he caught onto their connection#it would be so funny though that during 265 he actually decided to indulge with yuji in bonding time just to know what it feels like#to hang out with family#of course he knew he couldn't do anything in yuji's domain at that time until yuji gave the green light#but still#just kiya's thoughts#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryomen#itadori yuji#yuji itadori#yuuji itadori#itadori yuuji
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Listen.
Look me in the metaphorical eyes and listen.
You do not need to forgive your abuser to heal.
Ypu do not need to confront your abuser to heal.
You do not need to let go of your emotions to heal.
Hell, you do not even need to have access to the direct memories of trauma in order to heal.
Healing is about YOU. It's about your feelings, your actions, your life. All of the consequences of abuse are woven into your life already; it doesn't matter what the abuser says or does, because healing from abuse is not about getting some sort of new and improved all-knowing attitude and a healthy relashionship with whoever hurt you. It's about taking those patterns which currently hurt you in their place and letting them go.
And if anyone tells you otherwise, fuck em.
#this is coming from someone who will never forgive my abusers or even have any sort of fully positive feelings towards them#i did not need to do any of the forgiveness shit in order to make my life healthier & happier#because it's not about‚ for example‚ letting your parents take your food because now you've 'changed perspectives'#it's about learning that whether or not you can share food is purely your decision and anyone opposing that is a dick#anywayssssssss#toxic family#dysfunctional family#toxic household#toxic parents#dysfunctional parents#trauma recovery
178 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
꩜ .ᐟ
#i wish i could make my mom understand that when im finally moving out and gone she will prob never have to deal w me again#she complains so much#she says so many hurtful things#sometimes when i've manage to keep myself together and not mess up ...#i get lulled into beleving it's all fine. and i forget that we have a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship#bc as soon as i make one MISTAKE. say ONE wrong thing.#or anything she doesnt like or approve of. as soon as im not a quiet perfect subdued child#who doesnt disturb or annoy her#she completely just. like idk the metaphor.. i forgot. but she just clams up kinda idk?#it's like suddenly she just slams the door in my face and shuts me out completely#and all she does is say more hurtful things and get angry with me#and tell me to just move out and go away and everything#and when i try to tell her that i will do that and never bother her again#she gets even angrier and tells me im childish for being so stupid and 'hating' her#and for like. yeah being childish and oversensitive#but????? i cant.. im just too weak. too sensitive to deal with this#to in sense be 'perfect' in the way that im not allowed to slip at all. im not allowed to slip up in the tiniest#i made a mistake bc im so fkn anxious i feel like im shutting down. and she just got mad and upset at me#and now every thing i saty she twists and interprets as me being difficult and childish and having a tantrum#i havent felt like this in a while.. so i forgot that she does this. shes done this sm times and it makes me feel so guilty for even existi#but she calls me selfish and weak for even voicing thoughts like i dont wanna exist#i feel like she actually doesnt care abt me bc ever since i was a child i've tried reaching out for her#for her to help me bc i wanna dword. and not keep going on#but she just tells me im selfish. that other ppl deal w that too. nd i just need to suck it up and deal w it. does she not care if i would.#and i have so often felt like w me she is the child. she has tantrums. she lashes out on me. she ignores me. gives me the silent treatment.#im NEVER allowed to get upset w her. im never allowed to ignore her. and now when i made a fkn mistake she immediately thinks im doing it i#a malicious way and that i want to mess with her. and she doesnt even let me explain bc she just decides that everything i say is bullshit#i just feel like absolute shit now. i rlly did forget how she makes me feel. and its so hard bc i feel even worse now bc she makes me feel#ike this. then she gets even more mad at me and guilting and shaming me for being upset. so my body is shutting down bc idk what to do#and i've always been shown and taught that im not allowed to exist or be anything or anyone. everything hurts so much rn
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
chat, i need to be honest. that was not good
#the umbrella academy#i don't get it#there's a lot of shit going on and I'm pretty sure it doesn't make sense#my main thing is if viktor claims to be able to pull the marigold out of people (which he didn't fucking with harlan in the end did he?)#how come he couldn't have pulled it out of the others#like i didn't want viktor to die but come on#and also like#idk wasn't the point of the first season that that whole dysfunctional relationship between viktor and the others caused the apocalypse#i thought that was it#nope turns out the whole point is that they never should've been born and being erased out of existence is the only option#i kinda don't like that message?#hurr hurr self sacrifice but like... what you can't try to fix things? you can't grow and change? guess not. that other shit doesn't matter#your worst crime was being born#but like... was it?#if they didn't drink the marigold they would have been fine no?#i have a lot more thoughts on this but tbh my head is still kinda spinning this shows all over the place#and tbh i kinda don't give a shit that dottie or the un-yassified handler or diego and lila's insta-family are all chilling somewhere#speaking of lila don't even get me started omg#cause for what? what was the point? what was the point of any of this?#the umbrella academy spoilers
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cursed with one of the worst migraines I’ve had all year today and feeling really pretty fucking cranky about it.
#yesterday was so good too?#I fight with a lot of depression and executive dysfunction#and shit like this that forces me to stop everything sometimes for days really fucks up everyrhibt#not to mention I had plans…#and now I can’t even tilt my head 🫠
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I live in constant fear of being annoying af
#anxiety#social anxiety#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#adhd#autism#depression#anxiety disorder#mental illness#autistic#the “are you mad at me” disorder#I don't want to live like this#but I'm so self-conscious and insecure at times that I literally don't know how to deal with this#I feel like I shouldn't be around people at all because I'm just a burden and an annoyance#and I know rationally that that's not true#I know that there are people who like me and value me#but the FEELINGS are something entirely different#it's probably because of my parents and shit#lol no surprise -- the usual shit#let's have a dysfunctional family because why not#and let them have kids#and#why am I even posting this#aaand the fear of being annoying creeps right back in through all the cracks in my self-confidence#so I'm trying to fight it by behaving against it#posting cringy shit#because it's my shit#because it's me#and maybe one day I'll learn#that it's okay to be me
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
me trying to read the dnd players handbook and learn how to fill out my character sheet: I do not know how to read (how do you read? how do you make the words go into your eyes and then into your BRAIN)
#the executives are dysfunctioning#I am reading with my eyes but not with my brain#dnd#👀 do I have any mutuals (or followers even) who would want to video chat (not tonight) and help me figure this shit out?#blog things#dnd things#idk things
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
me reminding myself that american grad school isn't built for neurodiverse people, esp online: I'm gonna break things down in to manageable pieces like they told me in orientation :) everything will work out when I do it exactly as planned :)
also me, fighting the shame of not doing things 'perfectly on time' with a baseball bat bc god forbid it takes me all week to do all the readings and lecture content before I have enough of a grasp to engage in a discussion about it AND engage with my peers who are also discussing and adding new ideas at the same time: DOING IT BAD IS BETTER THAN NOT AT ALL. DO IT BAD ITS OKAY. JUST DO IT BADLY I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES.
anyway fanfic writing has become very motivating all of the sudden :)
#gradblr#help its only the second week and Im afraid of failing and burning out#writblr#fanfic writing as procrastination#but also as catharsis for exec dysfunction#bc if im doing SOMETHING then i cant feel shame about doing NOTHING#I can though#bc talent#its guilt more than shame but yk#neurodivergent#radical acceptance#I stared at my wall for four hours today#I'm unmedicated#and a liar bc I haven't read any of that shit yet#I'm complaining about it taking all week for me to even start#sitting here staring at one of my life's passions in the eyes like 'did I make a grave mistake?'#and it's like no babe u literally are just back in a system not built for u it's okay it'll be okay or you'll break the system which is als#A Win
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
holy fuck. i have done literally genuinely nothing today
#i played dnd . but i just barely dragged myself awake for that#i like. better finish my shit tomorrow jesus fucking christ#i don’t know what fucking executive dysfunction is going on but i Cannot get work done#this sucks this sucks this sucks#i haven’t even really eaten. i’ve been snacking but i haven’t had a meal and i also didn’t eat properly yesterday and i think it’s giving me#- a headache. but also i don’t really have food here that was. protein and such#maybe i’ll order in again if something’s open :/#ted talks
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
What is a life if not a constant stream of bad days?
#the situation in my family is currently so shit I can't even write about it#i'm just#numb#numb and tired; so very‚ very tired#send help i guess#toxic father#toxic mother#toxic family#dysfunctional family#toxic household#toxic parents#dysfunctional parents#actually traumatized
16 notes
·
View notes