#and even that is probably likely to fail
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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lil rant in tags. trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and that kind of stuff. if you feel like reading it please be aware of pretty detailed descriptions so please be careful. (also don’t worry i’m fine and not actually going to do anything. just needed to get my thoughts out)
#tw: suicide#the spot im in right now is really shitty because i want to kill myself but im not actually going to kill myself#so im stuck feeling [insert emotion idk how to describe here] and thinking about how much i want to kill myself#and thinking about all these different potential methods meanwhile i have to also function and take care of myself and do hw and shit#(which im not really doing but i need to)#i wish that i could just kill myself but i can't because of my family#and i don't really have the means to do it. ive been thinking about all these different ways but none of them are practical#i would need a rock solid plan that couldn't fail#the other thing is that it would probably take several days for anyone to notice because i don't really interact with my roommate that much#and everyone else would think i was just ignoring their texts (it sometimes takes me days to respond) and it's not super uncommon for me#to just not go to class. honestly my boss would probably be the first to notice when i don't show up to work but i could also just text her#and make up some lame excuse or quit or something (but if my attempt fails im screwed)#maybe if i took every single medication i have and downed it with a bottle of vodka i could get close but i ran out of alcohol and im not 21#i suppose i could ask someone to buy it for me but i won't want to get anyone else involved and have them feel guilty#and even that is probably likely to fail#no high roofs anywhere near me and that would be really bad if i survived#i could try to sl*t my wrists but none of the blades i currently own would be able to do the trick#what do ppl even use to do that? no blade ive ever had as been able to go deep enough to even need stitches (well maybe a few probably did)#and that is again a method that would likely fail and could leave me with nerve damage#i could walk into traffic but that would be really public and again involving others and what happens to the driver?#all the other methods i can think of involve ~materials~ i don't have access to are just aren't practical#maybe if i take enough benedryl to knock me out and take a bath but i wouldnt want to do that to my roommate#and the lock on our bathroom door doesnt work#this is a really fucked up thing to say but i wish i knew how my friend who passed away last year did it#ppl often succeed so maybe i just need to care less about it potentially failing?#this is all hypothetical of course. i can't do that to my family. i tried 5 years ago and they were really upset
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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin
#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it#but then there’s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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crunch time
the deadline is fast approaching! which means the post-its will multiply at a similar speed. i'm still working on the data analysis even though i should have started writing already. but can't really write about much without the data analysis. so i need to finish that asap!
the date for my last exam was finally released and luckily it's about three weeks after the defense so i can now fully focus on finishing the report and preparing the presentation without having to worry about studying :)
#physics#studying#university#studyblr#it feels weird that the end is in sight now. this degree has taken forever!#it's probably going to feel even weirded once the project is over and i've only got the exam left#but considering that pretty much every previous exam season i'd felt like i was going to fail and wanted to give up#i actually feel fairly positive at the moment that i can finish the degree and will pass both the project and the exam#it's weird to have any positive feelings about this degree lol#but a nice change#anyway enough talking. i now need to go and actually make it happen#see you on the other side!
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did a little sketch yesterday that i really liked and tried to get it done today just so i got literally anything to post- but i fell into the trap of 'making sketches to elaborate and thus really stiff and non fun' (for me), ... soooooo .. im redoing the whole thing
but the idea was a mummy ganondorf for my (yes still existing) totk rewrite; i wanted to make him more scary looking and also emphasize just how horrid it must be to be kept in between life and death by having your heart grabbed by a cold and vengeful magical hand for thousands of years (in this case the ancient queen .. which i also tried to sketch despite not showing up aside from her dissolving hand)
the spell starting to fail and his body being more damaged in some parts (jaw being only the bones left for example) and his chest open from being slowly eaten up by the queens magic, the ribs contorting around it like its a gravitational pull- sounds cooler than it looks bc this sketch did not work out, so im saving the details for the .. hopefully, better version
#ganondoodles#art#tloz#ganondorf#posting it mainly ... to have something to post#and bc i think i remember someone telling me they like that i soemtimes post 'failed' sketches or paintings that i wont go back to#anyway ... this is one of them ...... felt rly pressured bc the weekends already over again and i dont want to work ......#was probably doomed from the start- detailed sketches rarely work out ofr me lol#anyway- also havent decided yet if i want him to have a heart still ... or if it too was dissolved by her magic#and you can still hear his heartbeat even though there is nothing in his chest#or maybe only like ... a spirit .. non physical heart ....#or its 'just' made of malice#.... or he doesnt have it at the very start and then at the mid fight he rebuild it somewhat#and for the end you find him in a tangled mess of pulsing roots like those that were in canon totk (but didnt mean shit i guess)#bc hes literally taking the life of the land to be as strong as he could possibly be#but like ... cool#i also have plans for a “demon” version and the good old boar#three phases and none is a cinematic thing#he will be a dark souls boss and you are way too low level ... i can do whatever i want in this rewrite you cant stop me!!#'kids have to play this gam-' no they dont this is in my head forever!!! no one is playing it but me!!
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got like five asks requesting aku or chuuya so i just drew them together🗿
#i don't ship them btw lol i hc them as mentor/student but you guys can do whatever ig#idk how to draw aku im so sry his hair is so hard for me fsr💀💀#since bones or asigiri didnt give them interactions i had to do it all by myself :(#its hard knowing your two favs will never get screentime together even tho they probably see each other everyday at work#also they are so father son coded after dazai left i'd like to think chuuya took responsibility for aku#since aku was the result of his partner's failed apprenticeship so chuuya felt an obligation to pick up where dazai left off#anyway they’re besties but i can’t prove it#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#ryuunosuke akutagawa#akutagawa ryuunosuke#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#bsd#lotus draws
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handyman Bill au but make it a beach pool episode! idk what happened to the quality here (probably should've used a bigger canvas but oh well)
closeups:
edit: just realised i forgot ford's body hair smh
#stan is also there with them but i didn't have time to draw him so he's off camera#he's probably sat at the bar trying to rizz up women and failing miserably#reallyyyy wanna do like a proper gf/billford illustration but i have no time#so I'm stuck with silly doodles#tbh i didn't even have time for these i have sooo much to study but i couldn't stop myself#got that gravity falls brainworm#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#stanford pines#mabel pines#bill cipher#dipper pines#billford#handyman bill au#my art#grunkle ford#devllishy
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A few interesting parallels in the SoC duology that I don’t think I’ve seen anyone talk about yet
(Analysis/discussion of these parallels/quotes may come later if anyone's interested)
“These creatures were made to be weapons” - Jarl Brum on Grisha, Six of Crows chapter 35
“He looked like what he truly was: a weapon” - Jesper Fahey on the Khergud, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36
“Welcome to the Hellshow” - Kaz to Nina, Six of Crows chapter 6
“Welcome to the Ice Court, Nina Zenik” - Matthias to Nina, Six of Crows chapter 34
“Is this a play?” - Alys Van Eck “Yes love, and you’re the star” - Jesper Fahey, Crooked Kingdom chapter 8 when Alys is taken captive
“What was this but a play Kaz had staged, with that poor sucker Kuwei as the star?” - Jesper Fahey on the auction plan, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36
“he looked like a priest come to preach to group of circus performers” - Inej on Kaz’s appearance in comparison to the rest of the Barrel, Six of Crows chapter 2
“started to preach” - Inej on Kaz leading a coup against Per Haskell, Crooked Kingdom chapter 27
“Whoever he had become, Matthias was not going to shoot someone unarmed. He'd not yet sunk so far” - Matthias Helvar, Six of Crows chapter 29
“I am unarmed” - Matthias Helvar, Crooked Kingdom chapter 38
"I didn't even know the rules of Makker's Wheel" - Jesper Fahey on his first night gambling in the Barrel, Six of Crows chapter ()
"He knew his guns better than he knew the rules of Makker's Wheel" - Jesper Fahey on the concept of aim and its relationship to his life and his zowa/Grisha abilities, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36
“a tiny voice inside him said he should offer to take the drug as well […] maybe he could have helped to draw the parem out of Nina’s system and set her free. But that was a hero’s voice and Jesper had long since stopped thinking he had the makings of a hero” - Jesper Fahey, Six of Crows chapter 44
“Matthias gave you the remaining parem, didn’t he?” “So?” “[…] I can’t let my father down again. I need the parem as a security measure” “No” “Why the hell not?” - Jesper and Kaz in discussion about the auction plan, Crooked Kingdom chapter 30
I'll probably be back to add more, feel free to add your own as well
#prepared to cry every time the unarmed quotes come up omg#and i love parallels we all know that but also#another thing from chapter 36 that we do not talk enough about#'it's not a gift it's a curse' but when it came down to it Jesper's life had been full of blessings#His father his mother Inej Nina Matthias leading them across the muddy canal#Kaz even Kaz#with all his cruelties and failings had given him a home and a family in the dregs when Ketterdam might have swallowed him whole#and wylan#wylan who had understood before Jepser ever had that the power inside him might be a blessing too#like this quote????????#it's so underrated?????????????#in fact stay tuned because now that I'm thinking about it it's probably about to get its own post#six of crows#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#jesper fahey#leigh bardugo#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#wylan van eck#nina zenik#matthias helvar#soc meta#six of crows analysis#kanej#wesper#helnik#this has been in my drafts for months and months and months literally just because i couldn't be bothered to find the chapter references lo
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what gets me about viago’s letter to de riva at the start of the game is that he tells them to consider this trip with varric a contract, in the most completely-giving-up move ever. i thought from what i saw before the game came out that since he referred to it as a contract, de riva must have been sent to help deal with solas by the crows, who do have an interest in the world not ending. but no, de riva fully joined the team of their own volition, and viago just threw his hands up and said please think of it as a contract so we can all pretend i have any control over you whatsoever. and then they didn’t even get the “contract” wrapped up.
#veilguard spoilers#cooking sol backstory and their viago dynamic. not normal!#the thing is that viago CLEARLY loves you#he lets you do all this. more than one person remarks on his entire mood improving and being easy to deal with just because you are now#occasionally around. if you die he is going to drag you back from the fade#but because you’re crows the context of that is basically insane.#like if you had done all this to a talon who did not happen to love you you would probably not be alive#even lucanis and illario in the wigmaker job talk about their lives being forfeit if they fail a contract and they MEAN that#and they work for their GRANDMOTHER
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hilarious that with each new day that passes a new bit of dirt from JD Vance's past gets discovered and plastered over the internet...it's almost as if this is why presidential campaigns have always announced their running mates well before the convention...so that if glaring issues with a candidate came to light quickly there would be time to replace them on the ticket before they were officially locked in...it's almost as if certain things in political campaigns were done for a reason, donald...because the very same critical failures had happened before...but no i'm sure you and your guys attempt to recreate a fantasy version of history while ignoring all the reasons that history was a disaster will work this time...because you are built different and the 10000th time trying fascism will work like a charm...
#us politics#politics tw#i view the MAGA movement like this:#the conservatives have been desperately trying to jam a square peg into a round hole for a very long time#and they keep trying because one of these times its GOT to work! a very long time ago they heard the hole was more squarelike#so if they just TRY hard enough it will work!#failing to understand that the hole has become weathered and changed over time and the solution they are trying#will never work (if it ever did)#and then donald trump comes along and looks at the square peg#lobs one of the corners off and proclaims 'this is a triangle! THIS will work! I am so smart!'#and everyone around him is like 'whoa! this guy gets it! he's a genius and understands the problem! he's our savior!'#ignoring the fact that the peg is not a fucking triangle. it's just a deformed square now#so its still not going to work. and even if it WAS a triangle it still wouldn't work because THE HOLE IS ROUND.#it's the same damn peg but it looks a little different so everyone thinks its a genius solution that is DEFINITELY going to work#so they're all excited! they're FINALLY going to prove those idiots trying different types of oval pegs wrong!#they were right all along and it just took donald trump to see it! thank goodness he came along!#but that's just it-- he WAS just COMING ALONG. he was just walking by and saw an opportunity. he never spent time trying to make pegs#all he did was saw a crowd and took a chance to break an already failing peg even further#but because the people were desperate and it was different enough it seemed revolutionary#and now some of the conservatives--who can still see that the 'triangle' peg isnt a triangle are starting to look around#and see that elsewhere there have been some who have forced a triangle into the center of the round hole#and these people think well what if we ACTUALLY tried a real triangle?#and it does not matter to them in the slightest that it will never be the true solution to filling the hole#they just want credit for solving the problem#and so they are going to back donald trump and when the time is right put a real triangle in his hand#while the people trying ovals are busy arguing over the right type of oval#and once the triangle has been jammed into that hole...well...#it is going to be really really hard to force out#anyway thats a long and complicated metaphor and i probably should have just put it in its own post aaaaaahgh#long story short dont be a fascist triangle alright
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the poor little meow meow-ifictation of saionji in this fandom has got to stop i can't take it any more
#he is an interesting character yes and i like him but some of you act like he is eternally and exclusively a victim which is not true#yes he is a victim of akio and of the narrative (like every other character. he is not perticularly special in this regard)#no he is not a victim of the patriarchy (he in fact benefits from it directly at the cost of the girls around him)#no he is not a victim of wakaba (??not sure where this even came from) no he is not a victim of anthy (watch the first episode again maybe)#some of you are at all times 2 steps away from becoming the next misandry in the utena fandom person#“erm the way he is punished by the narrative for failing to live up to the masculine ideal of the prince-#-is basically just as bad as the systemic abuse he participates in putting girls through“#good lord i do not want to hear your takes on any real world feminist issues#m#bad takes#(should probably remember to use that tag. even though this isn't really about anything super specific)#and it's not about any of my mutuals to be clear. you all know how to actually be critical of how much he sucks#AND write good nuanced analysis. shockingly you can do both. actually i don't think one is possible without the other
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One thing that I think most 'Tim joins the batfam early' fics miss is that Tim, a very intelligent and independent child who has been doing a dangerous hobby for years, would hate being adopted actually. All the new rules meant to keep him safe? At best annoying, at worst he feels like he is in prison.
To Tim, he just lost his freedom, privacy, and independence, no matter how good the batfam is in reality.
"I need to tell you when I am leaving the house, where I am going and how long I will be gone? The bare minimum parents typically ask from their middle school aged children? No."
Normal good responsible parenting would be torture for Tim.
#dc comics#dc#tim drake#batman#batfam#my post#this isn't even in a bad parent bruce or bad bat family AU or anything.#Wanting to know where your child is and not letting them do dangerous things is normal actually#like this is the complete opposite of child abuse. this is what good parenting looks like#but Tim would fucking hate it sooo much#and yeah bruce lets his kids do dangerous things but he does give them training and supplies#and he is usually there with them or they can call for backup#and they are there is to help people which is a purpose beyond the art of photography#so like that argument to let him go falls through pretty quick#and he only became robin because Jason died so in an au where he joins early there is no reason for him to become a hero#he probably doesn't want to be a hero. he wants to take pictures!#all of which is to say he would hate living there a lot#i want an au where he just does everything in his power to not be adopted and keeps failing#eventually they come to some kind of agreement because tim just isn't a normal kid and normal parenting won't work on him
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still not over buck's response to tommy's comment about bringing eddie to the laker's game being "really? 😄" loser boyfriend buck my LOVE in what world do you say anything other than "no ofc i'll take you. my boyfriend. to the game that you. my boyfriend. got me tickets for. for our anniversary. why would you even suggest that" but buck is insane and obsessed with eddie so ofc his first thought was oh yay! can't wait to tell him to make sure carla's available to watch chris so we can go!
#BUCK FOREVERRRRRRRRR#bro was probably already trying to figure out if it was too late to get chris a seat next to theirs so they could bring him too#not even getting into the why would tommy say that of it all. but ofc it's bc he Knows and liked to give buck little tests that he failed#miserably every time. bc he's some kind of masochist#911 abc#buddie#911 spoilers
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whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!
this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!
warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her.
So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak.
You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work
you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then
nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place.
On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after
it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him.
but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening.
its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail.
Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn
its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench.
there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency.
when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-
all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river
Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay
“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.”
he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself.
but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything
its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found.
Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there.
Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames.
“We’re gonna find her, but not there.”
So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did.
He became a smuggler because of it.
Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way.
But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course.
The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him.
But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles
“You think she would have wanted this for you?”
the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence.
“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.”
All he can do is nod.
It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit.
It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live.
Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago.
its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo”
when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them.
Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands.
He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face.
Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity.
“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?”
Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be.
But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.
“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.”
Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again.
“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.”
He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples.
“One.”
The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun.
“Two”
Wait. No, they both do.
“Three.”
Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins.
“Four.”
Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet.
Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?”
Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless.
Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.
When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same.
She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head.
“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”
He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun.
“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?”
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you#because. angst :D#people say nice things#this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much!#i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol#joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID#id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before-#-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe#but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead#meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own#which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector#he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you#he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again#this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH#because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife#anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah .#reunion tag#ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!
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Sometimes a take about a character is so bad and so widely accepted by the fandom at large... it drives you crazy sometimes...
#this is about ketheric thorm's entire plot being boiled down to “homophobic father” which is literally not the case#i don't even think homophobia happens - if it does it's so rare - in BG3 everyone seems pretty open about being gay if they are#ketheric thorm didn't hate aylin for gaying up his daughter - he hated the demigod child of a goddess who failed him sweeping up his baby -#a dangerous divine immortal with a whole different perspective to living#yes ketheric thorm did wrong and he knows it!#but it's not because he's a homophobe#it's just sad especially as a parent myself because his plot is so interesting and it's like honestly I'd probably done much the same as hi#i know it's probably mostly a meme in regards to keth being a homophobic dad and not meant to be serious but there are people -#who will take it seriously and think that's the plot because no one can think deeper than a puddle on this site sometimes#sorry he's my favorite villain in the game#personal#sorry to rant!!!!
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