studiousandrogynousfox-blog

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I actually feel decently prepared for my electromagnetism exam in a week. I’ve been studying almost every day the past three weeks, and doing practice problems, and it’s going pretty well. My cheat sheet is working out very well for me, and I’m able to solve most tasks within just a few minutes. I think I can actually do this. This is the first exam I’ll be taking after my health break and a really rough year so far, and I really need this to be a win.

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I've just received a message that I got accepted for my first choice specialization but predictably, there aren't enough other candidates for it to start, which means I will automatically be transferred to my second choice option.

And I mean, it's what I expected, some of you guys may remember I used to talk about this a couple of times before, I knew this would happen. But I still had the tiniest bit of hope that a handful of inorganic chem enthusiasts would suddenly enroll for a Master's this year. That didn't happen and I'm disappointed even though that's exactly what I expected.

My second choice - so basically my specialization-to-be as things are - was materials chemistry. It isn't a bad program, I think it'll be interesting enough and my thesis supervisor says there'll be quite a lot of spectroscopy. I'm just upset bc most of the course material (other that all the spectro stuff of course) has nothing to do with my "thesis research" - unlike inorganic chem.

So anyway, I'm kind of sad, and along with some other bad news it spoiled the rest of the day for me. But I'm seeing my friends tomorrow and we're going to get lunch together, so hopefully that'll cheer me up

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july 26, 2025

3 days until the bar exam. my stomach hurts

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It‘s been such a lovely summer lately with lots of rain and thunderstorms and cinnamon coffee.

I‘m nearly done with my master‘s degree and everything‘s starting to feel like parting and good bye.

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28.07.2025

Busy days here, very busy, but at least all that I've been doing is for my future self.

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💭 about last week

finally done with being a med student🥳

will begin residency in the fall now:)

ig @ dee.archives_

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what you learn from hobbies:

consistent practice opens up whole worlds of skill that you couldn't imagine

making mistakes in the process of learning is not only natural, it is also essential

activities that you enjoy can give you more energy back than you spent on them

wow everything is so expensive

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✨Maths✨

I decorated my note book

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monday, july 28th, 2025

well, last week I said I was ready to get back into things, and then I got sick haha. I'm feeling much better now, though, and now I'm ready to jump into working towards my goals again.

the left photo is from this weekend; my partner & I went to sit in the park and read for a bit which was very nice. the right photo is from this evening - I'm struggling to get back into reverse engineering after a while. there are so many tiny things that I've forgotten. I feel bad about it, but spending a little time to review will be helpful. I need a lot more practice with debuggers (and I also need to figure out how to make x64dbg behave on a high dpi monitor from inside a vm lmao). I'll get there... eventually.

today's accomplishments:

had a focused day at work

mailed a birthday card to a friend

did laundry

spent 1 hour studying

today's self-care:

did yoga

stayed hydrated

hung out with my partner in the evening

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Another textbook rec from me is Spin Dynamics: Basics of Nuclear Magnetic Resonance by Malcolm H. Levitt. It's great bc not only does it explain NMR in depth, it also gives a very concise overview of magnetism in general and the quantum mechanics necessary to understand NMR and I'm having a field day today reading it 🥹💖 Although keep in mind that it's a little advanced and I wouldn't recommend it to a high schooler for example (unless you like a good challenge I guess?)

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You know that post/ video where Jane Goodall talks about how she once saw this beautiful fly and she admired it instead of dismissing it as another mundane fly? I was sitting on the balcony a moment ago and a fly landed on the railing next to me. I remembered this post and overcame my automatic urge to go, "ew. Shoo," and examined the fly instead and you know, it wasn't beautiful by any means but it started rubbing its legs together and I realized I don't know why flies do that, so I googled it and apparently they do it to clean themselves bc they feel/ smell (?) with their legs and wow? Thank you Jane Goodall, I learnt something new today about this beautiful world we live in

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Just ushered a giant cockroach out of my building in front of a bunch of first year grad students, so how's that for a first impression, huh

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I've been cooking for myself for the past couple weeks and honestly? Doing a pretty okay job!

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Nembrotha cristata

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i think everyone should program at least once just so you realise just how fucking stupid computers are. because theyre so fucking stupid. a computer wants to be told what to do and exactly that and if you make one typo or forget one detail it starts crying uncontrollably

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Got myself flowers to mark the achieved milestone of the project at work.

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Other than resting from uni, I've also been mulling over some of the things my thesis supervisor told me the last time I saw him before this summer break (really, I'm grateful he's like a true mentor to me: every time I'm bothered and complain, he has something meaningful to say). I told him it wasn't just that I was exhausted - even though I definitely was - it was also that I was disappointed with uni, disappointed even with my course mates (I used to be very thankful for how great my course mates were; then, in this final year, some of them showed their true colors and it was... sobering).

My professor asked me if I'd enjoyed working on my thesis. I said, yes, very - sincerely, at some point it was the only enjoyable thing about uni, the only thing I looked forward to doing, the last thing dragging me through the final semester. And he said, great! It's all that matters! He said something that I found undeniably true but struggled to internalize: that nothing else can make me happy but my own self; also that he no longer pays any attention to how some other people may criticize his work because he finds it deeply satisfying. He told me to just do my thing and try my best.

And it's stuck with me because indeed, I can never focus on whatever brings me satisfaction: I am frantic, always worrying that I'm not doing enough, that people are outperforming me, that what I know could fill a teacup while the rest is an entire ocean, that I should be better...

But all I really have to do is try my best - and just go where it leads me. I really hope to carry this mindset with me into my Master's because the alternative is to lose my mind completely.

That being said, nothing could kill my love for chemistry. I still find it fascinating and I'm still curious about it which I think is very important! To hell with the should haves and could haves; life would be unbearably boring if I had already learnt it all.