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almost-jack · 4 years ago

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It’s official. I’m a filthy, Jack-simping fuck monster. Chapter 15 is out and it is a smut bucket.

I just posted the smuttiest chapter that I’ve ever written for public consumption. It doesn’t even really require context (other than basic Borderlands 2 knowledge) to read because it is pure FILTH. I’m pretty proud.

Please enjoy and either leave me a comment here or on AO3 (guest comments and kudos welcome) or wash your eyeballs, depending on how you feel about it.

This chapter on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921886/chapters/69799560

Or read below:

Chapter 15 : More Than He Bargained For

Summary: Axton willingly puts himself in Jack’s way and gets fucked. Hard. Oof.

Notes:

Forgive me lord, for I have sinned, but so help me god, I'll fucking do it again. And again. And again...

Thinkin' about changing the fic's title to "The Lion's Den". What do you guys think?

*Warning: Uhhhh....Axton might take a bit of a beating with some mild non-con mixed in there. He likes some it, though. *shrug*

The tower was just a short walk from the bar and the pair was entering the massive living room of the VIP suite within minutes. Rei retrieved a bottle of Jack’s fancy champagne and poured three glasses, setting one down on an end table to wait for Jack, then she sat down on an ornate couch with gold upholstery and patted the seat next to her. Axton joined her, staring around at the lavish, ostentatious suite.

“Wow, this place is uh…”

“Excessive? Yeah, I know. Jack’s aesthetic is something along the lines of, “You can’t afford this,” and, “Is there enough black leather in here?”” she said, laughing.

“Well, you can never have enough black leather, darlin’,” said Axton, reaching out and stroking her cheek.

He leaned in and caught her lips with his own, kissing her firmly, yet gently. Without breaking the kiss, he threw a knee up onto the couch and began crawling forward, crowding her back against the armrest until he was straddling her. Rei ran her hands up his chest, feeling something cold and metallic hanging from his neck. She pulled away to look at the rectangular tags in her hand. Dog tags, and for some reason, a wedding ring. Rei knew better than to ask why.

“A soldier, eh? Your battalion isn’t going to be happy about you fraternizing with Handsome Jack and friends, you know.”

“Don’t have a battalion anymore, I was discharged a while back. I’m a mercenary now, honey. A vault hunter, in fact.”

“You’re a…what?” she said, taken aback.

“He’s a vault hunter. Well, he was a vault hunter. For me,” growled a voice from across the room.

Jack was leaning in the doorway of the suite, arms crossed, brows furrowed in a thunderous scowl. He strode over behind the couch, gripping the edge of the headrest with white knuckles, looming over the pair. Then he sighed, screwing his eyes shut and rubbing his temple.

“Kitten…why? Why do you do this shit to me? It’s like you’re trying to get us both killed.”

“Jack…I don’t understand…”

“I hired this joker as a vault hunter and then tried to kill him. Did you forget that part, Axie? The part where I wanted you dead?”

“Nope, I remember. Crazy bus explosion. Lotta fun,” said Axton, sitting up. Rei slid out from under him and began backing away from the couch, feeling the weight of the grave error she had made.

“So why the hell are you here? Do you need to get fucked by Handsome Jack so badly that you’re willing to risk your life for it? I can’t blame you, but…pretty stupid move, kiddo,” snarled Jack.

“What if that’s exactly why I’m here? Is that so hard to believe?” asked Axton, pouting up at him playfully.

Jack grabbed the burly man by the hair and bent his head back at a painful angle. Axton grimaced but remained still. Jack leaned down so his face was mere inches away, staring at the man in his grasp with fire in his eyes. Rei had seen that expression before, and, although she knew this was about to take an unfortunate turn for Axton, she couldn’t help but feel excited for what was to come. When Jack was at his worst, he always fucked her the best.

Rei sauntered over to the armrest next to Jack and sat, looking quizzically down at Axton.

“I don’t think we believe him, do we, J?” she drawled lazily.

“No, I don’t believe we do. So why don’t you tell us why you’re really here, cupcake?” hissed Jack through clenched teeth.

“Fine, fine, I might have been paid to keep an eye on you two. Uh, do you mind?” he grunted, trying to jerk his head out of Jack’s grip. Jack released him, drawing his pistol and pointing it at Axton’s head instead.

“Well that’s not much better…” mumbled the soldier.

“Who are you working for? I want answers, now,” snarled Jack.

“No can do, big guy. I gave you as much of an answer as you’re gonna get. The rest is classified.”

“Maybe you should fuck it out of him, J.” said Rei, examining her shimmery, black nails disinterestedly.

“Kitten, you always have the best ideas!” crowed Jack, his scowl morphing into a wolfish grin. He tossed her his gun. “Watch him for a minute.” He turned and left the room.

“That was pretty dirty trick, soldier boy,” she said in a low, ominous voice, cocking the gun and aiming between Axton’s eyes.

“I wasn’t trying to trick anyone, just saw an opportunity for some fun on the job and I took it,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket and throwing it over the back of the couch.

“Jack is almost certainly going to kill you once he’s done. Why would you risk that?”

“Ah, darlin’, you underestimate me. I wasn’t a commando for all those years because I’m bad surviving dangerous situations. Jack doesn’t scare me. Also… I wanted to spend a little time with Jack’s girl. See what makes you tick. See if you’re a threat. See…what you have on under that dress,” he said with an impish grin, eyes twinkling up at her.

“Well, you might just get some of what you wanted…and a whole lot you didn’t,” she said, smiling sweetly back.

“Ok kiddos, time for some fun!” announced Jack gleefully, returning to the couch and slipping his gun back into its holster. He held a jumble of straps and chains. Jack separated the tangled items in his hands and flipped a black leather gag over to Rei. “You get his mouth, I’ll get his wrists,” he said, giving Axton a hard shove to the back, forcing him face down on the couch.

Jack yanked Axton’s arms behind him, clinking a pair of thick metal handcuffs around his wrists so quickly that the soldier barely had time to react. Rei snickered at them as she undid the buckle on the gag.

“Yeah, I don’t know about the gag, darli-nghhh!” protested Axton as she stuffed the leather strap in his mouth and fastened it around his head.

“You wanted to see what I have on under my dress, right? Be a good boy and I’ll show you.”

“Oh he said that, did he? Cheeky little bastard,” chuckled Jack, unbuckling his belt. “Kitten, why don’t you come over here and get this party started, hmm? You’re in for a real treat, Axie. Getting to watch my kitten blow me is a real privilege.”

Jack pulled Axton upright by the back of his shirt and plopped down next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. He hooked a finger under the chain of the soldier’s dog tags and toyed with it gently, giving him a devilish grin. Rei knelt between Jack’s legs a shoved his pants down, mouthing at the exposed skin of his upper thighs.

“Hmm, I think I have another good idea,” she said softly, pulling a small baggie of purple powder out of her bra.

“Oh you just keep that Eridium concentrate stashed on you at all times, eh, kitten?”

“This stuff is close to my heart. Literally,” she giggled.

She poured a trail of powder down Jack’s thigh and snorted it in one fluid motion. She then tapped a line onto the back of her hand, holding it out to Jack, who sniffed it up appreciatively. He threw back his head and sighed happily, then turned to Axton, positively beaming, and clapped him on the back.

“Holy hell, kiddo. Looks like I’m gonna be fucking you all night long,” he purred in Axton’s ear, pulling himself out of his pants and giving his near instant erection a few assisting strokes.

Rei licked the tip of his cock and Jack’s hand dropped to his side, letting her take over. She sank down on his member, almost to the hilt, making him groan loudly at the hot silkiness of her mouth and her tongue ring gliding over his shaft. She lazily dragged her tongue back up to his cockhead and sucked gently, stroking his slit with the tip of her tongue. Then she picked up her pace and began bobbing her head while pumping his length with a firm grip, getting faster and sloppier with every passing minute. Jack let out another low moan and dug his fingers into Axton’s shoulder with the hand that was still dangling carelessly over it.

“Oh, fuck, kitten. Take it easy, our friend is still waiting for a turn on my dick.”

“I think it’s only fair that I get first dibs, I found him after all. And since I won, shouldn’t I be calling the shots?” she said, sitting back on her heels and wiping her mouth.

Jack raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh yeah, doll? Hey, if that’s what you want…” He shrugged. “That ok with you, buddy?” he said, hooking his arm around Axton’s neck and pulling his head into his chest.

“Mmmph,” came his unintelligible reply. The look on his face was something akin to curiosity with a hint of apprehension, probably at the prospect of being subjected to whatever insane things these two cartoonish villains could think up.

Jack laughed derisively. “Like it even matters what you want at this point, kiddo.”

“Bedroom. Let’s go,” said Rei, snapping her fingers at the two of them.

“You heard that hot little piece of ass, up you get,” said Jack, dragging Axton to his feet and pushing him down the hall.

They followed Rei into the bedroom, Jack hauling Axton onto the bed with him while she waited at the foot, arms crossed. Jack threw an arm over Axton’s shoulders once again, watching her intently. Once she had their full attention, Rei slowly, almost teasingly, unzipped her dress. She let it slide off her body and pool at her feet, revealing black, lacey lingerie with yellow stitching. She bent to remove her silver pumps, but Jack cleared his throat insistently. She stopped and put her hands on her hips, cocking them to one side.

“What?” she said sharply.

“Do me a favor kitten…uhh, boss-kitten…. Leave ‘em on? Please? For daddy?” he pleaded, sticking out his lower lip.

Rei rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a crooked smile. “Fine,” she said climbing up onto the bed and crawling towards them, catlike. She knelt between Axton’s legs and reached behind his head to unfasten the gag.

“The hell are you doing that for? I don’t wanna hear this guy complain all night,” whined Jack.

“He’ll be too busy putting that mouth to work to complain, don’t you worry. Isn’t that right, soldier boy?” she purred, grabbing Axton’s chin and stroking his lower lip with her thumb.

“Mmhmm, whatever you want, darlin’, as long as I get to touch you,” he murmured, his eyes raking over her body hungrily.

Rei smacked his cheek lightly, but firmly. “You don’t get to make demands. The cuffs stay on. Trade places with me.”

Axton awkwardly shifted onto his knees and shuffled out of Rei’s way as she took his spot next to Jack.

“Sit right there, lover boy,” she snapped her fingers at him and pointed between her legs.

He quickly obeyed, keeping his head low to avoid letting the pair see his pleased grin. Rei hooked a leg over his shoulder, pressing into his back with the sharp stiletto of her shoe.

“Down.”

He bent slowly and began kissing a trail up her thigh, nipping at her thong when he reached her pubic bone. He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow questioningly. She gave him a nod and he pulled the garment down with his teeth, tenuously inching it down her legs.

“Lemme help you with that, kiddo,” said Jack lazily, shrugging out of his jacket. He fished around in his pants pocket and produced a switchblade, flipped it open, and hooked it under the waistband of Rei’s panties. Before she could protest, Jack had severed both sides with a flick of his wrist.

“Jack! I liked those!” she hissed in irritation.

“So I’ll buy you another pair,” he murmured, pocketing the knife and kissing his way up her neck before enveloping her mouth. Their lips moved against each other languidly, tongues intertwining, hands tangled in each other’s hair.

Suddenly Rei broke away, moaning wantonly with her eyes screwed shut as she felt Axton’s mouth descend upon the heat between her legs. He lapped at her folds eagerly, dragging his tongue up to swirl around her clit, then back down to dip into her now dripping entrance, kissing and sucking every part of her along the way. After short while, Rei felt the weight of the bed abruptly shift, then heard the creak of a drawer opening. The weight shifted back and Axton cried out, jerking his head up. Rei whined at the loss of contact and sat up on her elbows to see what was the matter.

“Hey, man, are you serious?! You can’t put that on me!” complained Axton, trying to shake off Jack’s grip around his neck.

In the hand that wasn’t clenched around the back of Axton’s neck, Jack held a black leather collar (a plainer version of the one he had given Rei) connected to a chain-link leash. Rei laughed. Jack definitely had an aesthetic, and that was black leather absolutely everywhere. She sat up and folded her legs under her, reaching down to grab Axton’s face and still him.

“Cooperate, or the gag goes back on,” said Rei silkily.

She clenched his jaw in her palm while simultaneously stroking his cheek with her thumb, as though making both a threat and a titillating promise. He huffed in annoyance but slumped down, dropping his head into her lap and allowing Jack to collar him.

“Good boy,” she praised, stroking his hair.

“Thanks, kitten. So can I have a go at him now, or what? Don’t leave me hanging, here,” said Jack impatiently, gesturing towards his ever present, Eridium enhanced erection, still bobbing out of his open fly.

“Aww, you feeling neglected, J? Sure, have at him,” she cooed, crawling over to where Jack knelt behind Axton and sitting up on her knees to nuzzle and nip at his neck.

Jack wound the leash around his hand, curling it into a fist, and when it was short enough, gave it an experimental yank. Axton jerked backward and sputtered, almost losing his balance and toppling back into Jack’s lap. Jack smirked maliciously, the fire still glinting in his eyes.

“Ok, pumpkin. Let’s see what you’re made of,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

“I, uh… I mean, it’s not my first time at the rodeo, but uh... Don’t go too hard on me, ok?” said Axton, nervously eyeing Jack’s impressively sized cock.

“We’ll see.”

“That means there’s no fuckin’ chance” Rei whispered in Axton’s ear, undoing his belt and pulling down his fly.

She giggled and smacked his ass, urging him up onto his knees while she pulled his pants and boxer briefs down, before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it down to his elbows. Jack was busily pulling off Axton’s shoes and kicking off his own, then yanking off his vest and shirt without undoing all the buttons. He reached over to the already open drawer beside the bed and pulled out a bottle of lube, slicking up his throbbing erection, and hungrily descending on Axton, forcing his chest down into the bed with a thud. He pressed a hand to his back and held him there while he adjusted Axton’s hips and slid his pants the rest of the way off. Jack began to teasingly press his achingly hard cock between Axton’s cheeks.

“Aw, hey, come on Jack, at least give him a few fingers first,” said Rei sympathetically, although a wicked grin remained fixed across her face.

“Kitten, I don’t think I can wait much longer. I can’t tell if I want to kill something or fuck something, but if one of those two things doesn’t happen soon, I’m definitely going with kill,” Jack said in a strained tone.

“Oh, fuck, come on man…” mumbled Axton into the sheets. He raised his head to glance over his shoulder at Jack, a pleading look in his eyes. “If I survive this night, don’t you want me to at least tell people you’re a good lay? You know they’re gonna ask what Handsome Jack is like in bed …”

Jack shot him one of his signature “if looks could kill” faces and made an exasperated growl deep in his throat in response.

It was clearly taking every ounce of willpower he had to restrain himself from plunging balls deep into the command splayed out before him, but he begrudgingly lubed up a few fingers and got to work. Axton groaned as Jack pumped one large finger into his tight hole, and after a few pumps, another, far too soon for comfort. Jack worked him open quickly, drawing mostly grunts of pain from Axton as he carelessly fucked his fingers into the cuffed man.

“Think you can fucking take me now, cupcake? Or am I still too big for you?” hissed Jack, still pumping his fingers in and out.

“Shut up and do it already, douchebag,” retorted Axton. Jack abruptly yanked his fingers out, making him shudder in pain.

“You reaaally need to remember your manners, or I’m not going to be able to help you, Ax,” Rei said, her voice soft and sickly sweet. She was hovering next to Jack, her arm draped over one of his broad shoulders, her head resting on top of it.

“Oh, sweetheart, nothing can help him now,” growled Jack, lining his cock up with Axton’s quivering hole.

“Maybe he just needs a good dicking. Go on, J, fuck the shit out of him,” urged Rei, her tone absolutely poisonous.

Jack sank into Axton far too quickly, making the commando yelp and writhe underneath him as Jack pressed the weight of his powerful chest into his back. He fell still as Jack gave him a moment to adjust, his breath coming in heavy pants.

“Thaaaaat’s it, deep breaths. Relax, pumpkin, this is nothing. Things haven’t even begun to get bad for you, yet,” crooned Jack as he started to move his hips.

Jack groaned in relief as he slowly thrust his throbbing cock into Axton, the friction easing his frustration. Axton, on the other hand, was struggling not to whimper as the older man began pounding into him, his rhythm going from gentle and controlled to full on jack-hammering in less than a minute.

“So tell me, Axie, did you really think I’d fuck you nicely? That I’d suddenly change my mind about wanting most of you annoying fuckin’ vault hunters dead? You willingly entered the lions’ den, expecting not to get torn to pieces. What the fuck is wrong with you, kiddo?” Jack laughed and punctuated his sentence with a particularly hard thrust, eliciting a satisfying yelp from the man beneath him.

“Guess I’m just a glutton for punishment,” grunted Axton, a hint of amusement in his voice. It seemed as though he was beginning to enjoy himself, and Jack, while pleased that the commando was getting off on being manhandled and tormented by him, wasn’t about to let him enjoy it without consequence.

“Hey, kitten, why don’t you show our friend that little stunt you pulled on Pandora? The one that nearly broke my face?” said Jack, roughly yanking the leash towards himself, forcing Axton to sit up and lean back into his chest. Jack hooked a few fingers under the collar and slowed his thrusts to keep him anchored in place.

Rei, who had been running her nails down Jack’s back and murmuring words of encouragement in his ear, giggled. She reached into Jack’s thigh holster, still bunched around his thighs with his pants, slid out his gun, and turned it on Axton.

“Woah, woah, hold up, at least make it a fair fight if you’re going to try and kill me,” he rasped against the pressure of Jack’s pull on the collar.

“Don’t worry, hun, safety’s on. Doesn’t make it much safer for you, though,” she said with an amused grin, drawing back her arm. She swung the gun down on him, even harder than she had on Jack, decking him across the face, and causing the commando to cry out in pain and surprise. Both Rei and Jack cackled as Axton spat blood onto the bed.

“That all you got, babe?” he said dazedly, giving her a bloodstained grin.

Jack gave the collar a sharp tug.

“We can go harder if you want, kiddo. Just keep running that mouth of yours, see what happens,” he growled. He shoved Axton back down on the mattress and returned to his punishing pace, pumping in and out of him. Axton let out a low moan, his cuffed hands balling into fists behind his back.

Rei watched Jack begin to pant, the muscles in his back tensing. She moved to his side and leaned over Axton to pull Jack into a heated kiss, burying her hands in his hair and digging her nails roughly into his scalp, drawing a soft moan out of the man. All he needed was a little more pain to push him over the edge. She let her lips glide from his mouth, to his jaw, and then down his chest. Rei dragged her tongue over the firm muscles, stopping to lave over his nipple. Suddenly she bit down hard on the tender bud, sending shudders through his body.

“Ah, fuck, kitten, you’re gonna make me cum…” he groaned desperately. “You hear that, Axie? I’m gonna fill your tight little hole and make a huge mess for ya. Let’s see how well you march after being fucked senseless and filled with cum, soldier boy,” he hissed in Axton’s ear.

“Hey, hey, not in-“

Axton tried to protest, but it was too late. Jack was already hunched over his back, one hand buried in Rei’s hair as she continued sinking her teeth into his pectoral, the other between Axton’s shoulders, crushing him into the mattress with all his weight. Jack threw back his head, eyes screwed shut, and gave a final, brutal thrust, sinking his cock all the way to the hilt and letting go. He groaned loudly as he spilled into the man beneath him, his cock twitching and spurting for what felt like ages, pain and pleasure rippling through his body. Finally, he sank forward to lean on his hands, torso still hunched over Axton’s back, head hung low in exhaustion.

“God…damn…that was good. Really fucking good,” he panted, slowly pulling himself out of the commando. A thick stream of cum trickled out of Axton’s abused hole and dribbled down his thighs.

“Fuck you. What the hell,” grumbled Axton, displeased at the wet, tacky feeling of Jack’s cum dripping between his legs.

“HAH! Nope, pretty sure you’re the one who just got fucked here, princess,” said Jack, descending into peels of laughter. “I’ll tell you what, since you got me off so good, I’m gonna let you fuck kitten and get her off that good, too. If she wants. You want that, kitten?”

“About damn time,” she purred, stroking the hair on his chest.

“Well if I’m going to be doing any actual fucking, these cuffs gotta go…”

“Hmm…I do kind of want to see what you’re capable of… Should we trust him, J?”

“Hell, why not. Kid’s earned it. But just to be safe…” Jack pulled his pants back up to his hips, tucking himself away, but leaving the fly open. He removed his gun from its holster and clicked off the safety. “No funny business, ok, kiddo? One wrong move and I’ll blow brains out. And- trust me- it won’t even ruin the mood.”

Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, then went about unlocking the cuffs. Rei slid up the bed to rest her back against the headboard, waiting in eager anticipation.

“Can I go get cleaned up, at least?” asked Axton, sitting up and rubbing his wrists.

“Here,” said Rei, leaning forward and pulling his shirt, still bunched around his elbows, the rest of the way off. She tossed it at him with a derisive laugh.

Axton grumbled but took the shirt and wiped down his legs and ass. He then turned to Rei and slid close enough to nudge her legs apart with his knee, a hand planted on either side of her hips. A devious smile began to play across his lips. He glanced over his shoulder at Jack, checking to see where the gun and leash were in proximity to himself. Jack had given him some slack on the leash to move around, but still had the gun pointed threateningly at his head. The older man moved to kneel beside Axton, also dropping down to lean on his hands, and pressing the gun into his back.

“That good dicking I just gave ya made you a little hard, huh, Axie? You fuckin’ love the abuse, don’t you?” he said, dipping his head to mutter huskily in his ear. Jack licked a hot stripe up Axton’s neck, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.

Rei reached for Axton’s semi stiff cock and began giving it slow, languid strokes, pleased when he let out a low moan as he hardened beneath her fingers. He leaned in and kissed her, more aggressively and sloppier than he had earlier, and pulled her down underneath him so their hips were flush. He began to grind his now erect length against her pubic bone, enjoying the way her breasts pressed against his chest. He ran a hand down her leg, then suddenly threw it over his shoulder, ignoring the sting as her stiletto dug into his skin. The commando reached between them and began to rub her clit in small circles, making her arch her back as she squirmed underneath him in pleasure.

“Fuck me, soldier boy,” moaned Rei, rolling her hips up to meet his.

“Go on kid, give it to her,” growled Jack, watching the pair lustfully.

Axton positioned himself at Rei’s entrance and sank into her slowly while sucking kisses onto her ankle. He drew himself out almost entirely, just his cockhead teasing her lips, then slowly slid back into her warm, wet heat and repeated the motion.

“Come on soldier, I know you want it rougher than that. We just beat the crap out of you, aren’t you gonna give it right back to us? “ Jack hissed in his ear, as if he was the devil on Axton’s shoulder.

Axton ignored him, opting instead to lean down and suck Rei’s nipple. She moaned and dragged her fingers through his short cropped hair.

“Let’s go kid, if you don’t fuck her proper then I will,” snarled Jack, hooking a finger under his collar and giving it a sharp, warning tug. He was already hard again, waiting, wanting, and aching.

Axton wheezed and glared over at him, but slightly picked up his pace. Rei responded with a pleased little mewl, bringing her hips up to meet his in synchronized rhythm. Axton groaned hotly into her ear, surprised at how close to finishing he already was. He loved danger, and apparently his cock loved it, too.

Suddenly Jack was wrenching him back, sending him toppling to the side.

“Sorry, kid. You had your chance and I’m fuckin’ tired of waiting,” Jack said, shoving his pants off the rest of the way.

Jack pounced upon Rei with a feverish hunger, pulling her legs around his waist and roughly thrusting into her, making her gasp.

“Hang on tight, kitten,” he murmured in her ear, before dropping to his elbows and begging to slam his cock into her at a brutal pace. She gripped his back, her nails digging in deep enough to cause tiny pinpricks of blood to form on the surface of his skin.

Rei was moaning desperately at full volume, unable to control the sounds that Jack was wrenching out of her as he pounded away. Jack himself wasn’t much better, groaning huskily in her ear between heavy breaths, lost in a haze of chemically enhanced arousal.

Rei alternated between moans and whines and whispering filthy things in his ear, egging him on. She dragged her teeth down his neck, biting down hard when she reached the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Jack shuddered in pain and pleasure, feeling a familiar heat pooling in his groin.

“Jack, oh fuck, I’m so close,” she whispered breathily in his ear, eliciting a low, sinful groan from the man.

“Scream my name, baby. You know how I like it. Scream my name while you cum for me, kitten,” he growled.

And in moments, Rei was writhing underneath him, her hips bucking up into his, howling his name in a breathy, high pitched whine. Jack sucked in his breath as her pussy clenched around him, milking his cock, dragging him to the edge. He gave a few more uneven, hitching thrusts and came, slamming his cock into her and spilling inside her with a roar. He continued to press himself as deeply as he could, giving little thrusts, while he rode out the throbbing, twitching spurts of his orgasm, nuzzling her neck and groaning in ecstasy.

After several minutes, Jack raised himself up on his hands, shoulders hunched and panting hard.

“Well,” he said, sounding winded, “that’s how ya do it, kiddo.”

He looked over at Axton, who was leaning against the headboard next to them, one arm behind his head and the other being used to leisurely stroke his very hard cock.

“So, uh… You gonna get out of the way or what?” asked Axton gruffly, his eyes dark with lust.

Jack raised his eyebrows skeptically at him, then sat up and gently maneuvered Rei’s legs to the side. He turned to face Axton.

“Come ‘ere, kid,” Jack ordered, curling a finger at the other man.

Axton shuffled forward obediently, thoughts only focused on getting the relief he so desperately needed.

“Yeah, I’m done sharing,” Jack breathed huskily, “but I’ll tell ya what…” He licked his palm and reached down between them to grab Axton’s cock. The commando grunted and bucked his hips at the contact.

“Ooh, are you gonna help him out, J?” giggled Rei, coming up behind Axton and draping herself over his shoulders.

“I sure am, kitten. I’m just a real nice guy, what can I say?” said Jack cheerfully, beginning to stroke Axton’s leaking cock. He reached up and curled the other hand around Axton’s jaw, holding it firmly.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

Axton kept his eyes shut, not wanting to ruin the sensations coursing through his groin by being eye to eye with the man who once tried to kill him.

“I said look at me,” Jack hissed dangerously.

Axton grudgingly opened his eyes and was met with the manic, fiery glare of one blue eye, one green. Jack’s stare chilled him to the core.

“Don’t forget who’s jerking you off right now, kid. When you’re beating it to this later in whatever shitty, filthy part of the galaxy you came from, just remember that it was Handsome Jack making you cum all over your stupid, pathetic self. Remember that I can kill you just as easily as I can get you off because you’re weak, Axton. You could try to stop me, if you wanted to. But you don’t want to. You’re like putty in my hands. Now cum for me, soldier boy,” said Jack in an unnervingly calm and measured tone, as if he wasn’t jerking off a man he’d just tortured for hours.

Axton screwed his eyes shut again, trying to ignore Jack’s order, willing himself not to give in… But it was all too much. The fast, rough friction of Jack’s hand, Rei’s tongue gliding up his neck and over his jaw, her nails scraping across his chest, and Jack’s words, combined with his dominating presence, his face mere inches from Axton’s own, were all too much. Before he could stop himself, Axton was shooting rope after rope of warm, sticky finish all over his own stomach. He jerked and moaned in Jack’s hand, finally slumping forward, his head hanging low, breath coming in pants. Jack wiped his hand on Axton’s shoulder, grinning maliciously, then went to retrieve his pants and slip them on.

“So now that we’re all squared away here, let’s get down to business. What do we do with you, hmm, Axie? Does he live, or does he die? That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” mused Jack, pulling his gun from its holster and spinning it around his finger.

“Maybe he’s ready to tell us who sent him. That might improve his odds, don’t you think?” said Rei sweetly.

“How about it, kid? You ready to talk, or would you rather take your chances?”

“I’m a gambling man. Love that adrenaline rush. So, in other words… you’re not getting shit out of me, old man,” laughed Axton, tauntingly.

Jack stopped spinning his gun, face suddenly contorted with rage.

“Oooh. Ok. Uh-oh. You just-” Rei began.

Jack drew back his fist and slugged Axton squarely in the gut with all his might, knocking the wind of him. The commando bent double, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath.

“-made things worse for yourself.” she said with a sigh.

“Good…arm..." wheezed Axton.

"Yeah. The age thing is kind of a sore spot for Jack."

"Not as sore as he's about to be," muttered Jack under his breath, quietly fuming.

“Ok, ok. Missteps aside, what are we going to do with him?”

“Well, first of all…”

Jack snatched the abandoned handcuffs from the foot of the bed, and, taking advantage of the soldier’s momentary vulnerability after getting punched by what felt like a wrecking ball, wrenched Axton’s arms behind him and slapped the cuffs back on without much of a struggle.

“And now obviously I’m going to beat the ever-loving shit out of him until he gives me useful information, or he dies. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the blah-blah-blah, too late, tough shit, you already chose, pal,” sneered Jack.

A sudden chiming came from Axton’s discarded pants on the floor. Jack cocked an eyebrow and slid off the bed to retrieve them, pulling the commando’s Echo from his pocket.

“Well I’ll be damned…” he breathed.

“Don’t answer tha-“ Axton began.

“Lilith! To what do I owe the pleasure? Have a nice nap?” said Jack cheerfully, picking up the call.

“Oh what the hell, why do you have Axton’s Echo, you prick?” said Lilith’s scowling hologram.

“I don’t know; why don’t you ask him? Axie, baby, say hello.” Jack turned the Echo’s camera towards him, still naked, collared, and cuffed on the bed.

“AXTON! NOT. AGAIN,” yelled Lilith in frustration. She pressed her finger tips between her eyes, squeezing them shut momentarily.

He hung his head sheepishly, avoiding the hologram’s fierce glare.

“Sorry, Lil.”

“You had one job. ONE. Kill them. Not fuck them. KILL THEM. You couldn’t even stop them from drugging me and Roland! Is it too much to ask that you keep it in your pants for just one night? JESUS!”

“I mean, come on Lil, we both knew this would probably wind up just being a scouting mission, unless an opportunity presented itself. And it did!”

“And you still fucked it up,” she hissed.

“Woah, woah, woah, can we go back to the part about this little shit stain trying to kill us? You hired sweet cheeks here to be your assassin?” asked Jack incredulously.

“Yeah, what of it, Jack?” grumbled Lilith.

He was silent a moment, staring at the hologram in surprise. Suddenly he burst out laughing, cackling so hard that he bent double and clutched his sides.

“Nice work, cupcake! You really know how to pick ‘em,” he said, wiping a tear of mirth away from his eye. Then his voice dropped about two octaves, the laughter abruptly disappearing from his face. “I think we’ll keep him,” he said, his voice quiet and deadly.

“What? No! You can’t-“

“Eye for an eye, sweetheart. You try to fuck us, we try to fuck you… And then we all just end up fucking poor Axton. Well, mostly just me, actually.”

“No, Jack, wait, we’re willing to negotiate.”

“You got a vault key, princess?”

“No…”

“Well then you’ve got nothing I want. And I suggest you don’t come anywhere near the VIP floor unless you want to tango with fifty Badass Loader Bots, ten turrets, and my main man, Wilhelm. He’s around here somewhere. Who knows, maybe he’s even on his way down to you already! Cia!”

“Wait! What about-“

Jack hung up the call.

“So much for that truce, huh? What a cunt,” he said, turning to Rei.

She had pulled a pack of cigarettes from the bedside table and had one dangling from her mouth, and was now sitting with her back against the headboard, arms crossed, glowering. She pulled a lighter from the pack and lit her cigarette, inhaling deeply, then exhaled a slow, steady stream of swirling smoke.

“That bitch. I made sure you didn’t kill her, or even harm her, just so she could send an assassin after us? Un-fucking-believable.”

“That’s what people do, kiddo. They’ll smile to your face while stabbing you in the back. Although… this guy wasn’t much of an assassin, now, was he?” he said, ruffling Axton’s hair.

“You two gonna kill me, or what?” grunted Axton.

“Honestly? Haven’t decided yet. Make yourself useful, and who knows, maybe there’s a job for you at the Rhysie Pole. You definitely won’t be a free man ever again, though, that’s for sure. Now, as much as I want to stay and play, we should probably put some distance between us and the fire-bitch. Get dressed, kitten.”

“Back to Helios?” she asked, flicking her cigarette.

“Yep. Looks like we’ve got some work to do,” he said, cracking the leash over Axton’s back like a whip and cackling as the commando howled in pain.

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theastrophilearchitect · 4 years ago

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February 2021 wrap-up.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I consumed in February.

The phrase ‘wrap-up’ is so boring. I want to talk about books, TV shows and movies, so I can’t even call it a ‘reading wrap-up’, however pleasingly alliterative that sounds despite the fact that ‘wrap’ actually begins with a W. One of my favourite YouTubers, polandbananasBOOKS (that capitalisation is loud) calls her wrap-ups ‘Stories I Ate This Month’ which I love, but using exactly that seems wrong. I genuinely debated calling this ‘My Media Diet’, but the word ‘diet’ has so many negative connotations to me, so I dropped that. Besides ‘wrap-up’ all in lowercase followed by a full stop is aesthetically pleasing.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (audiobook) I’ve read this series countless times. I read the series first time through six years ago, and, after finishing it, I just kept rereading it during silent reading time at school, so God only knows how many times I’ve read it at this point. This is actually the second time I’ve listened to this audiobook, and I still, of course, love it. When I first read it, this book stuck with me. It was the first teen book I ever read and, most unfortunately, put me into a dystopian phase. However, we got over that. I’m good now. I promise.

You know what this is about, but here it is anyway: in a dystopian future (of literally just North America, it never mentions what’s happening anywhere else), a country called Panem (literally the whole of North America) is divided into the luxurious, utopian Capitol, and thirteen districts, all of which gather or produce something for the Capitol. Some of the districts live in poverty, while others are afforded some luxuries but nowhere near those of the Capitol. It never really explains how this system came to be, but then there was a rebellion against the Capitol in which District Thirteen was destroyed, and every year two teenagers from each district are chosen to compete in the Hunger Games, where twenty-four tributes are put in an arena together to fight to the death, and the last person standing emerges victorious. It feels so strange to talk about the basic premise of this book without going into the rest of the trilogy, but I’ll leave it here.

I hate how the media washes this book out and plays it off as just another love triangle, which it barely even is. It has such an important message about society, and the fact that the media does that just proves how accurate it is. I can’t believe when I first read it I was actually Team Gale, but in truth I think that was just because I liked Liam Hemsworth better than Josh Hutcherson, which I still do, but not the point. Anyway, the narrator is excellent.

I’m not giving these booksa rating, both because it’s a reread and I like to base ratings off my initial opinion, and because the first time I read this book I was literally a small child, and part of my love is the nostalgia.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab

This was the first book I read with my eyes this month, and I ended up getting the ebook because it was just so much cheaper than getting a physical copy - I may have invested if I loved the UK cover as much as the US, I’m ashamed to say (above is UK). It was not what I was expecting.

This book was much more contemplation-heavy than I was expecting and actually very light on plot. In 1714, Adeline LaRue runs away from her wedding and prays to Gods, wishing to be free, and is answered by the darkness, who makes her a deal: he grants her immortality, and she promises him her soul when she doesn’t want it anymore. He, wanting her soul, twistedly grants her freedom by cursing her to be forgotten by everyone she ever meets. Three hundred years later, she meets someone who remembers her.

It’s really about life, freedom and time - there’s no direct message or moral, at least not that I picked up on, but it really makes you think. I do enjoy that in a book, but not as much as one where i just love the story. I generally prefer books where I’m rooting for the characters, and it’s full of ships - the kind of stories you would write fanfiction about, but this is the kind of book that I think will stick with me. I take issue with how cliché the ending was, though.

Anyway, I’m not actually sure how I want to rate this. As a British teenager, I’m not actually that familiar with lettered ratings, and I don’t really want to use stars, but I think I’m going to suck it up. Maybe I’ll think of something else eventually.

Rating: 4.5 stars - books that get five stars from me are generally based on the enjoyment factor, but this book deserved more than four.

Arrow Season 1

I’ve been semi-interested in the Arrowverse/DC TV universe for a while, and finally took the opportunity to delve in. This show is so insanely CW - everyone has that look, it has that tone and it takes itself way too seriously. By the 23rd time you’re hearing it, the recap becomes painful to listen to.

This was the first show in DC’s saga - the show picks up as Oliver Queen returns home from being stranded on an island for five years after a cruise ship sank. When the ship went down, his billionaire father sacrificed himself to save Oliver, and left him with a list of ‘the people poisoning [his] city’. Upon returning home, Oliver becomes the vigilante who will eventually become known as ‘Arrow’ or ‘Green Arrow’ (currently unclear; I’m not a comic book person) but is currently dubbed just ‘the Hood’ or ‘the vigilante’, with the goal of taking down the people on the list. It’s very intense.

It took me about ten episodes to actually get invested - which is nearly seven hours watch time - but, ultimately, I’m glad that I did. Aside from the excessive CW-ness of this show, I love the characters and I want to see what happens.

Still, why is everyone so obsesses with Laurel? What’s so great about Laurel? I don’t get it. Felicity is 10000% the best character - she’s relatable, cute, and I high-key ship her with Oliver.

This little rant of mine was unintelligible.

Rating: 4 stars

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’m not explaining what this movie is about. Honestly. This was just a rewatch: I’m currently rewatching every MCU movie in chronological order (as in, starting with Captain America: The First Avenger instead of Iron Man). For every TV season I finish, I watch a a movie, and I alternate between movie series, one of which is, at the moment, MCU films. It’s hard for me to briefly explain my weird watching patterns.

I love this movie so much. It was the first really upbeat MCU movie, and I love the characters.

I don’t really have much to say about this, but if you haven’t watched MCU movies, please watch them. Even if you don’t want to, this movie is absolutely worth watching and you don’t need to watch any other MCU movies for context.

I Am Not Okay With This Season 1

I’m reeling from this show. I literally can’t tell whether or not this is getting a second season; it seems like it was meant to, but then got cancelled, and now I can’t tell.

This show follows a high school student named Sydney. She’s your typical outcast, and isn’t interested in getting ‘in’ - she’s best friends with a girl named Dina; they both came to their school around the same time and ended up friends, though Dina is your typical pretty girl. Then Syd discovers she has powers that operate based on her emotions, and I really don’t want to say anything else. But it does star Sophia Lillis and Wyatt Oleff, who you likely know as two of the kids in IT (the clown movie, not like computing).

Honestly, episodes 1-6 were very chill, more focused on teenage life than her powers, then episode 7 brought it. Up until the end of episode 7, I enjoyed the show and would be happy to watch a second season, but I wasn’t particularly invested or excited by it. Then episode 7. I would love a second season of this show. I have to at least know where the writers were going with it.

This show came out last year, and I only just got to it, but I can’t believe I haven’t heard anybody talking about it. It’s intense, it’s entertaining, and the first season will only take up about two and a half hours of your time (it’s seven 19-28 minute episodes).

Rating: 4 stars

Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I listened to The Raven Cycle audiobooks in 2019, and I’m not sure why because I didn’t even enjoy them that much. I did, however, decide I wanted to read Call Down the Hawk, the first book in the spin-off series, and that meant I had to reread The Raven Cycle since I had paid so little attention to the audiobooks, which I started in January and I love this series. Not what I expected from a reread of a series I paid virtually no attention to, but here we are.

This is book 3 in The Raven Cycle series, book 1 being The Raven Boys, which is a paranormal book in which the protagonist Blue, is the only non-psychic in a family of psychics, and has been told her whole life that if she kisses her true love, she will kill him. Then, on St Somebody’s Eve (Mark’s? I want to say Mark’s but I’m not sure), when she goes with her aunt to see the spirits of the people who will die in the next year, she sees one of the spirits, a boy from Aglionby Academy, the local private school, meaning he is either her true love, or she is the one who kills him, which in her case, could very much be both. Then that boy schedules a reading with her psychic family to help him find an old Welsh king, and there is so much more than that to this glorious series, but I’ll stop here.

I think my main thing in books and general media is the characters. They have to follow some kind of sensible plot, but if I’m not invested in the characters, I can’t get invested in the story. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a cast of characters, not even in Six of Crows - this story is so character-driven, and I can’t get enough. This was an excellent continuation, and so much happened, but it did feel like its purpose was just to set up the final book, so I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as the previous two.

Rating: 4 stars

As for The Raven King - this was the last book I read this month, finishing it on the morning of the 27th because I knew I would have very little reading time from mid-afternoon until twenty-four hours later.

In complete honesty, I found the climax of this book to be a little rushed - we spend the whole series aware that Gansey’s looking for Glendower, but it never seems to be more prevalent than just their general investigations as to what the hell is happening. As a result, when it came to that in this book, it felt a little out of the blue (no pun intended).

Regardless, this series so well balances strong characters and strong plot where so many others fail, and I love it.

Rating: 5 stars

Fate: The Winx Saga Season 1

This show is a live-action rated-15 Netflix adaptation of one of my favourite childhood shows, Winx Club. And, honestly, you can tell.

I tried to watch this objectively, instead of complaining about how they cut some of my favourite characters and changed so many (Tecna, Riven, Beatrix, Stella, Brandon etc.). While I was upset about some of the cuts, I can agree that they were best for the story. Where in the original, every fairy had their own unique powers, this adaptation splits it into five elements: fire (Bloom), water (Aisha - on another note, screw Aisha, honestly), air (Beatrix), earth (Terra) and mind (Musa), though Stella still has light powers? Which is never explained?

Anyway, this follows teenage Bloom as she discovers she’s a fairy and goes through her first year at a fairy school called Alfea.

I’m not going to go too deep into this because I have so much to say about this show that i think I’m going to make a whole separate review rather than bore you with it now.

Quality-wise, this show was mediocre, but enjoyment and nostalgia raise its rating for me because I’m biased.

Rating: 4 stars

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

This is both Bardugo’s first adult novel and her first novel not set in the Grishaverse. I read the Grisha trilogy for the first time years ago and didn’t like it that much, but followed that right up with the Six of Crows duology which I loved. I read King of Scars in 2019 when it came out, and started listening to the King of Scars audiobook just before I started reading this in preparation for Rule of Wolves at the end of March.

I loved this. I don’t think I have anything to criticise quality-wise - the characters had depth, there were plot twists and strong subplots, the world was incredibly well built, and the only thing that got me to put this book down was taking a week to start working on my own writing project (post coming soon). Because I took that week completely off reading, this book took me about two weeks total from start to finish, but it was so worth it.

This novel follows Alex Stern, a twenty-year-old whose friends have all been murdered. She was found beside one of them who died of a overdose, with the same drug in her system. But Alex can see ghosts, and, soon after her friends’ deaths, is consequently offered a scholarship to Yale University, on the condition that she works for the ninth House of the Veil to monitor the activities of Yale’s secret societies.

In complete candour, I found this book somewhat convoluted, though most of that was probably mainly my own poor reading comprehension. Regardless, I loved the plot, and am very highly anticipating the eventual release of its as-of-yet unnamed sequel.

Rating: 4.5 stars

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

So I actually finished this audiobook briefly after finishing Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I’m tacking it on here because I forgot to add it to the list and already explained my Grishaverse experience in my Ninth House comments.

So, yes, I love this duology, and it really opened a new compartment in my writing brain, even though I haven’t really taken advantage of that writing brain until now (again, post coming soon).

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

I am realising I’ve read eight books this month, and nearly half of them were by Leigh Bardugo. Which makes sense, considering how much I enjoy her books.

This book is slower-paced than most of hers, but it does follow two (one of which splits again) completely separate storylines, and is still excellent and entertaining.

I listened to this for a recap before Rule of Wolves is released on March 30th.

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popculturespiritwow · 6 years ago

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THE WICKED + THE DIVINE #30: DIONYSUS IN DARKNESS WAITS

The thing I find interesting about this cover in conjunction with last issue’s is how once again the “power” of the god is bursting forth from the box it’s in. Each issue in this arc takes that idea further, signaling perhaps the deepening chaos that can’t be withheld. Just the glimpse within the box here, the number of crows, has a kind of insanity to it.

#CRAFTSERVICE

Kieron’s notes are always well worth reading, but the notes for this issue are particularly fantastic. There’s this great reflection on the history and strengths of the second versus first page reveals:

“I’m always interested in the history of the second page reveal. Old school comic writer guides normally suggest opening with the big image, to throw people in the world. That – and, I feel, especially in the 00s – got changed into the delayed reveal. Enter the world in a quieter way, and then do the big reveal. That means you can create some context quickly, and use that big impact for something a little more complicated.

(It also means if you go to a 2-3 page splash, you can make the image bigger. If I remember correctly, almost all the New 52 books hand that rhythm, which I have to presume was an editorial guideline. I may be misremembering though.)

It’s worth noting I say “a little more complicated.” I don’t say “sophisticated” or even talk about effectiveness – complicated says nothing about a piece of work’s quality. I just mean there’s more moving parts involved before the reveal. Look at someone like BKV and his love of the opening splash to see how effective the HELLO, HERE I AM, LOOK AT THIS THING! Can be.”

There’s also a great reflection on the fairy tale-like structure of Dionysus in the underworld, the three beats in which a situation is established (”I’m hungry, I guess I should break into someone’s house and eat the already-prepared oatmeal on the table and not wonder how that’s here or whether I missed the Rapture”); the problem of the situation is repeated a second time (“And this oatmeal has too much lemon zest!”) and then finally in a third beat the set up we now expect is subverted, creating resolution (Bears enter, Goldiocks smiles; Cut to: Goldilocks eating three steaks. “Now these taste just right!” Annnd...scene.)

Dionysus faces three challenges – Sympathy: You mean well but you don’t understand; Threat: Imma kill you if you stay; and Truth: You’re going to die soon.)

(Actually it’s very much Christ’s temptations in the Desert, isn’t it, complete with all three temptations actually coming from the same person and the context being darkness and oh God how am I just realizing this now someone please take away my Catholic card stat.)

I love that the third challenge, the hardest comes in the form of the sweet truths of Annie. You think you can save everyone, you can’t and you’re going to die.

That three beat pattern, Kieron notes, is also the pattern used in comedy, which also seems fitting given that we’re dealing with Baphomet, the Pantheon’s Dad Jokester.

THE NEVERENDING STORY

Post-455AD the use of a fairy tale structure makes me think once again of how these characters are trapped within stories. The Morrigan also says as much:

Having said that, even if Dio is in a sense just playing the role of Messiah (hey, don’t those guys usually get betrayed?), I love that the form that takes here is just him sitting here taking whatever suffering The Morrigan dishes out and waiting for his friend. A beautiful encapsulation of the blessing that is Dio.

WODEN GRAMS

Unlike 29, 30 has lots and lots of Woden in it. And now some clear indications of how he’s been playing them.

The little prankster. But played for laughs, the moment doesn’t really alert us to just how much trouble we’re all in. This is basically just what you’d expect from Woden. Garbage gotta garbage.

The one real warning sign is hidden amongst the Instagram images.

Look at that post. “Gig of the Saeculum prep. Dio vs Woden vs Norns, live now, dead soon.” Of course he can post the truth on Instagram: Cassandra would never see Instagram as a forum worth being on (catch her on Twitter), and Dio is too busy to pay any attention.

God he’s awful.

WAIT NOW

The two pages of people checking feeds also includes one panel that is not like the others.

Who is suddenly talking here? It’s the same font and design used when Laura spoke to us at the start of 29, so it’s got to be her, right?

But Laura hasn’t even appeared in the issue -- and won’t until the end, when she rescues Morrigan from Sakhmet. So what does it mean? And why is it here?

DOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED

The Baphomet/Dio exchange once again has three beats – first Baph trying to be all whaddup bro and talk down what Morrigan’s done; then a glimpse of what he went through which absolutely changes (and explains) our entire experience of Baphomet -- and particularly his behavior in the first couple arcs.

(Random aside of total admiration: Think about Baph’s arc. When we first really meet him in issue 3, his interaction with the Morrigan is so in medias res it’s hard to know what is going on.

In retrospect that experience perfectly captures the hot mess that is their relationship; Baph and Morrigan are that couple so lost in each other it’s impossible for anyone else to really follow what they’re on about.

But in the moment Baph definitely seems also like White Male Pig, an intrepretation Kieron will make a meal of for issues to come. In issue #30 we finally get the explanation of what that was really all about, and it’s so much more. Baph is being so awful here because Marian has just before this utterly betrayed him, literally doomed him.

Actually, him responding to that by acting the male pig almost seems like he’s cutting her a break, presenting himself as the real bad guy, when it’s so totally her.)

Then in the last beat we get Dio trying to talk Baphomet into facing what happened, trying to free him really, and Baph deflecting by pointing out Dio’s own imprisonment, in love with someone who can’t love him. (The Dio/Cass/Woden love triangle really is such a great thread of this arc.)

But it’s interesting how that also creates for Baph a sense of connection and community.

Much like how Laura will describe her relationship with Sakhmet later in this arc, and how Baph’s relationship with Morrigan clearly works, doom offers the Pantheon the strange flipside of comfort. I am not alone in this impending destruction. You are here with me.

Yeah, but we’re doomed. That is bad.

Yes, but we’re doomed together.

Yeah, I get that. But we are doomed.

Exactly. We.

Dude, you are such a hot mess.

And of course because this is Baph the issue ends with him having to jinx everything.

DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS WICDIV. IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE!

yeah but not really tho because we’re together

Okay, I am so out.

#wicdiv #kieron gillen #jamie mckelvie #Baph: the Potsie Weber of the Pantheon #Whatever Happened to Anson Williams?#WHTAW

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chrisoncinema · 7 years ago

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Lessons from the Edit: Man of Steel

[UPDATE 8/27/2017: New, working video link below! Please note: to watch videos in their entirety, download the video to your computer. Streaming from Dropbox will only allow you to watch the first 60 minutes.] A Zack Snyder film is like that college freshman who got a little too into Ayn Rand his senior year of high school, has taken one Intro to Philosophy course, one Intro to Political Science course, and is now writing a manifesto. You know all of this because when he walked into your English class you said “Cool trench coat” and he mistook your derision for interest and now he won’t stop talking at you.

Zack Snyder’s films won’t stop talking at us and so, apparently, they’re here to stay. When I was a senior in high school, I defended Watchmen as a bold but fitting adaptation of a ground-breaking graphic novel. I thought it was very cool.

Now I’m just tired.

In this installment of Lessons from the Edit, we’ll take a look at Snyder’s first entry in the troubled and tone-deaf DCEU: Man of Steel.

I remember being very perplexed by the news that Christopher Nolan would produce (and, implicitly, oversee) a film directed by Zack Snyder. Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy felt like a fresh take on the superhero genre by treating it like a grounded, crime film. The Dark Knight clearly wants to be a Michael Mann film and blatantly steals from Heat. Zack Snyder has spent his career doing the exact opposite.

300 and Watchmen, whether or not you consider them successful or good, found interesting ways to translate the visual media of comic book graphics into audio-visual media of film without feeling derivative (see Ang Lee’s Hulk for that). A meeting of Nolan and Snyder’s worlds seemed incomprehensible. And it sort of was.

Man of Steel is like Michael Bay on downers. It’s still all American flags and muscle but the 2013 film feels like something Bay would make while on Xanax as opposed to (and I’m just speculating here) his usual cocaine. This is undoubtedly due in part to Snyder’s cinematographer, Amir Mokri, who book-ended his work on Man of Steel with two Transformers movies and was the DP for Bad Boys 2back in 2003.

Snyder trades in Bay’s kinetic maximalism for handheld wobbling in dialogue scenes and extraneous snap-zooms in CGI-heavy action scenes. If a Michael Bay film is a haywire roller-coaster, Man of Steel is like being in a small boat on choppy water. It’s a sea-sickness simulator. If the camera movement alone isn’t enough for you, Snyder kindly included plenty of teal/grey color grading so that everyone in the movie looks as sick as you feel.

The film’s look can probably be chalked up to Zack Snyder knowing he needed to depart from his previous, and now rather clichéd, style of inky blacks and time-ramping. So, credit where it’s due: at least Snyder was trying something – even if it was just extreme close-ups on farmhouse paraphernalia. That’s more than can be said for the aggressively bland visuals in the Marvel movies. Still, the direction in Man of Steel can be broken down into two basic parts: the boring first half and the migraine-inducing second half.

The one scene that I was pleasantly surprised by in preparing for my re-edit involved Russell Crowe’s Jor-El explaining to Clark where he came from and what happened to Krypton. It’s a simulated long-take wherein the camera glides from Crowe to Cavill to the graphite-colored bas-relief sculptures that are interesting enough to look at, if a bit cartoony. This brief moment has fluidity and rhythm and feels purposeful even though it’s all exposition that, in the theatrical cut, the audience already knows because they saw it in the beginning of the movie.

In an earlier scene, Clark is talking to his Earthly father, Jonathan Kent, at an old pickup truck in another relatively long take but here it is understandable why the first half of the film just seems to drag: nothing is happening. We linger on scenes of Pa Kent doggedly trying to convince his son not to become the superhero we all know he will be. These scenes could have been used to build up an actual relationship between young Clark and his dad so that Jonathan’s eventual death might mean something to us. Because here it doesn’t. These characters don’t feel like they have inner lives – they're clunky conduits for haughty monologues.

Despite the fact that none of the characters are compelling or three-dimensional, the cast is full of highly talented actors who all seem to be trying their best. And also Henry Cavill. Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Laurence Fishburne, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe – they’re all perfect for their roles, in theory, but they’re reduced to doling out lame speeches and hacky expositional dialogue. Whenever Amy Adams does a damsel-in-distress style scream I feel embarrassed. I’m embarrassed for Adams, who is wasting her time filming this trash, and for all the people who inexplicably think this is a quality film.

Henry Cavill is not good in this movie. Let me rephrase: of all the terrible lines by all the uninteresting characters in this movie, Henry Cavill’s are the least convincingly acted and he is the least interesting performer to watch. Let me rephrase: why was Henry Cavill cast in this movie? Is it because he’s buff? Because basically anyone could be buff if they trained (I’ve always felt that Superman doesn’t really need to have a bodybuilder’s physique anyway, but I don’t want to get into that right now).

If it were up to me, Superman would be played by James Wolk. In his role as Bob Benson on Mad Men, Wolk is the kind-hearted, loyal boy-scout that a superman should be. He has a combination of warmth and strength that doesn’t have to be cheesy or campy if you write it well enough. But there are plenty of people who could play Superman. There are plenty of people who can act. Henry Cavill is not one of them.

Also, whoever did his wardrobe should be fired. Granted, Henry Cavill looks good in the Superman suit but in the scene where Lois meets Clark in the cemetery it looks like Clark has never worn clothes before. Like, his pants and shirt are super baggy and he’s wearing a baseball cap really awkwardly. I guess it’s a “disguise?” Or they were trying to hide how muscular he is? Whatever, I’m getting off topic.

The craziest thing about Man of Steel is that it’s better than Batman V Superman. In Man of Steel, it’s at least clear why characters are doing what they’re doing. The story is pretty simple and character motivations are relatively logical within the context of the film. That’s much more than can be said for BVS. Because, in short, no: a movie is not good just because “Batman had a scene where he was cool in it.” You’re a child. That’s a bad argument.

More importantly, watch BVSand then watch Man of Steel again and try to tell me it isn’t the most blatant invocation of retroactive continuity you’ve ever seen. The last shot of Man of Steel is Clark Kent smiling.

Let me repeat: the last shot of Man of Steel is Clark Kent smiling.

At the time, it felt incredibly tone-deaf that the last scene was so chipper after we just witnessed an hour of cataclysmic destruction but now it just feels strangely quaint and innocent. It seems pretty clear that “Superman Goes to Court” was not the original plan for a Man of Steel sequel and was only a result of the outcry against the gratuitous destruction.

The main impetus for my edit of Man of Steel was the removal of all of that mind-numbing “action” where the characters turn into rubber and Zack Snyder gives up on composing interesting, or even discernible, shots. Furthermore, nothing is learned from these scenes other than plot points to be checked off. Superman doesn’t grow or change throughout the course of the fight and Zod is as hell-bent on his dastardly plan in the end as he was in the beginning. In reading the comments on my Rogue One edit I learned that some people just don’t care about character development. That’s insane to me but it also completely explains the current state of big-budget cinema and why people like something so insultingly dumb.

My other goal, and the most time consuming element, for this edit was fixing the color. Snyder shot Man of Steel on film. There’s a richness and a texture buried underneath all the bland, sickly desaturation that the Marvel movies will never achieve with their cheap, digital shooting. Lots of people have re-saturated the “Superman Flight” scene on YouTube – I tried to carry that through the whole movie and, honestly, I may have overdone it in a few places.

So here it is, Superman: a Chris on Cinema edit: https://www.dropbox.com/s/al3u8hynubs6jdy/SupermanMOS.mp4?dl=0 (NOTE: You need to have one of Dropbox's paid accounts to stream more than the first hour of the video but you should be able to download the video in its entirety. I'm currently trying to find a better streaming platform.)

Let me know what you think! Not really about Man of Steel (I’m sick of even looking at the film at this point) but about my edit in relation to it. So sound off: is it better? Is it worse? Would you like to hear a commentary track where I go into more detail about everything I cut? What’s another flawed or good-but-frustratingly-not-great movie that you’d like to see an edit of?

Next time on Lessons from the Edit: a movie that didn’t really need my help in the first place.

Before you download “Superman” please pay for a copy of the original film. “Man of Steel” is a Syncopy Production presented by Warner Bros. Pictures in association with Legendary Pictures. Directed by Zack Snyder with music by Hans Zimmer. Based upon “Superman” characters created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster published by DC Entertainment.

@chrison_

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