#and dont EVEN get me started on dean

[trykzt3r]

im so normal about destiel. really, i am. its just that i cant stop thinking about how castiel, an angel of the lord, something that couldnt-shouldnt-be able to feel love, pain, or sorrow was able to feel all of it because of dean. cant stop thinking about how he threw literal millennias of being a primordial being of light for a human. i cant stop thinking about how, out of every version in every universe that chuck created, he was the only one to rebel. because of dean. and i definitely cannot stop thinking about how his happiest moment, his doom, was to just. tell dean he loved him. not even getting an i love you back, he was just happy with telling him. really, i am so normal. i think about this a normal amount, actually.

[s0fter-sin]

i’d love to know how much of early day's spn subtext was deliberate or just a happy accident bc the subplot of 1x08 bugs is sam and dean butting heads about how they were raised and sam hating it while dean tells him he should accept it as they protect a family; predominantly a father and son

the father and son argue bc the son is different and not who the father wants him to be while the son feels ignored and shunned (aka sam). sam spends the episode empathising with him and telling him he can look forward to going to college to get away from him just like he did while dean cuts in to say he should stick with his family

the entire episode, dean defends john and the way he raised them ("maybe he needed to raise his voice but sometimes you were out of line"), it even starts with him and sam arguing over their illegal ways of making money and how they were brought up in the life; dean adapting to and enjoying it and sam wanting to be honest and straight

they talk about sam being sure john is and always has been disappointed in him just for dean to say john used to go to stanford whenever he could to check on him and something about his expression is so bitter; like he knows john would never express that care for him

but at the climax when they're trying to get matt to convince his dad to leave, sam is the one telling him to tell the truth and make his dad listen whereas dean tells him to lie; implying he wouldn't trust his son enough to believe him

he outright scoffs at sam and asks him what he was thinking for trying to get matt to tell the truth

the entire episode, dean is advocating for the kid to work it out (almost to just take it) and stay with his family but when push comes to shove, he tells him to lie

sam who spent years resenting john and his family for how they were raised, fell back on "making him listen"; echoing all the arguments he had with john, trying to force him to understand who he is while john's too blinded by vengeance to even begin to try. the same way sam refuses to see how they were raised and why they were raised that way from john’s point of view, hinting at how similar people they are (which still isn’t an excuse but also not the point rn)

dean winchester, the king of repression and masking (and fawning), dean who at this point is still staunchly defending john, tells a shunned kid with a harsh father to pretend in order for his father to care enough to listen to him and believe him

dean knows reasoning won't work bc he's watched it happen over and over again with sam and john

even the way matt tries to say, “but he’s my… (father)” feels like he’s coming over to dean’s point of view; that matt as a son respects his father to enough to tell the truth and no matter how much they’ve fought, that should trump everything. but dean still insists he lies. and matt tells the truth. and his father doesn’t listen

there's no way they intentionally made dean subconsciously know that a man raising his son in a mimicry of how john raised them wouldn't respect or trust his son enough to believe him about something potentially life threatening after half a season of john ignoring them about something potentially life threatening

right?

[boywonderloverr]

dean winchester thinks he breaks everything he touches. thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved, thinks he's worthless. he can never live up to his own expectations. even crowley knows that nobody hates dean more than dean hates himself. dean loves his baby brother more than anything and he needs him; it's the most selfish part of him and he knows it, but he needs sam. so much that he'll do almost anything to keep sam alive, to keep sam with him. because dean can't stand the thought of living without him. he doesn't deserve to live anyway, in his mind.

[jackandclairearesiblings]

SPN season 16 except Sam goes back to school and get shell shocked by the change in atmosphere and vibes

[honeyryewhiskey]

what i can't stop thinking about is sam feeling like something was wrong with him since he was little. like he was a freak of nature. he sensed the wrong done to him. felt it in his core. grew up and convinced himself he was unclean. a dirty old demon came in and violated his autonomy as a newborn. so its like—the evil can't be scrubbed away because that bad was put there before the brain could form a sense of self therefore he cannot distinguish where the predator's abuse ends and he begins. and i'm just supposed to watch and not see the allegory here for other children who grew up and realized something bad happened to them? something that lingers in the shadows of the mind. it haunts, it stains, makes you feel unclean. or the insane catholic guilt and doubt that comes with said realization? which sam ALSO felt OVER and OVER and OVER again. mmm yeah anyways writing this into an essay before i crash out.

[rickallensbarefeet]

Japan/Steve Jansen appreciation post because I love him. Everybody go listen to their album Adolescent Sex RIGHT NOW

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)

but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!

so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"

....

my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!

SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!

[sammygender]

im new here- is dean abusive?

imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.

he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues

[take-it-on-the-run]

Why are 2000-2009 shows infinitely better than most shows?? Gilmore Girls? 2000. NCIS? 2003. Bones, Supernatural? 2005.

[roxy-bat-wolf-pack]

Was anybody else completely freaked by this episode???

Why was season one actually so scary??? On top of that, they did such a good job of making the "bad guys" just as sad as they were terrifying.

Sometimes, I re-watch season one just to try and feel that same level of awe I felt on my first watch through.

[mypeople-skillsarerusty]

Look, I don't know about you guys but when people start talking about their comfort shows and its something really sweet and it's a sit-in-with-a-coffee-lazy-day kind of show and they ask about mine I just kind of freak...like

Them: wbu?

Me: (nervous laughter knowing my comfort show is supernatural and it's the most chaotic, weird ass show ever) ummm... it's this cool show, you probably haven't heard of it...haha

My social skills are non existent, someone help.

[driftwooddestiel]

comment so bad i read it in the jacksfilms your grammar sucks voice

[loveinourowngrave]

the thing is. i’m a proponent of samdean starting precanon. not always but in a lot of contexts i like it. it just makes so much SENSE. the reason they act Like That in the first episode. deans constant nostalgiaing about wanting things to go back to the Way They Were Before. two teenagers kept continually isolated from the world (in terms of being unable to build lasting connections) sharing a room in a motel their whole life their only model a guy who’s excellent at blurring lines. but their age gap is 4 years that’s a lot for teenagers. immediate insane power imbalance. icl in any form of weecest sam is a victim on some level no matter how you spin it

[widevibratobitch]

im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

[bisaster-energy]

okay what you have to understand is that while against the kitchen floor is a dean song...willard! has cas written all over it

[boldlyvoid]

just said this in the comments of a friends post but i need to post it here too.

dean winchester is a fearless/speak now girlie because his life is a battle and he wishes it was a fairytale instead