#and diagnosing others! cut that shit out!

[shoeboxgoblin]

Guysss adjusting your personality or your mental state for different situations and social groups isn't the same thing as having DID. Please I'm begging you to get info on mental disorders from somewhere other than social media

[fembutchboygirl]

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

[6mayhem]

anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

[neverendingford]

Therapists have two genders:

Professional Asshole and

Well-meaning Incompetent

[saudadeko]

ADHD tips from a girlie who was diagnosed in her late twenties and has had little to no support since and is being so brave about it:

1) Make it easy, make it accessible, and make it appealing. If anything this is the most important thing, all tips going forward are based around this concept.

2) That thing you think would help you but you haven’t bought/done it yet because you’re technically surviving without it? Buy it, you need it. It doesn’t matter if people around you might think it’s wasteful or that you’re lazy, you’re not, just do it, trust me.

3) Expanding on tip #2, if you’re like me and eggs are your main source of protein because they’re quick and easy and feeding yourself is a near insurmountable task- buy yourself an electric egg cooker, make a bunch of hard boiled eggs and keep them in your fridge for quick and easy protein to add to any meal (handful of crackers, a hard boiled egg and a banana? 5 star meal right there. Or mash them up with some mayo for egg salad sandwiches). Other easy proteins include: potstickers (put them in instant ramen), edamame (they have microwaveable snack packs), chickpeas (put in salads!), beans (can of beans microwaved with shredded cheese and some tortilla chips), peanut butter (with crackers, apple and cheese, adult lunchable style), and tofu (cut into cubes, throw them into a ziplock with some seasoning and potato starch, shake that shit up and bake it until crispy).

4) Spend a little extra (if you are able) on daily use items that excite you, it will make you more likely to remember/want to do said daily task. For example: the only reason I remember to use sunscreen is because I bought some fancy japanese sunscreen that smells like roses so I get excited to use it, same for laundry detergent and body wash! there’s a gajillion different body wash scents out there, switch it up!

5) If there’s a task you continuously struggle with take a moment to think about which part of the task is making it difficult, it could be something even as small as “I don’t put my dirty clothes in the hamper because my hamper has a lid on it and lifting the lid is one step too many-”, sounds a little stupid huh? But trust your gut, it’s not stupid if it works. See tip #2 and BUY A HAMPER WITHOUT A LID.

6) If you are having trouble starting a task, break the task down further, sometimes the way I start a task is just by going “Ok step 1) stand up-“ and so forth. Don’t worry about the task as a whole just take it one step at a time.

7) If you’re halfway through a task and have to stop, leave it out. All this, “Put things away when you’re done with them.” is bullshit. you will be much more likely to finish the task if restarting it is easier because you left it out plus it’s a visual reminder. You can also create faux deadlines like “I gotta finish this project before my friend comes over on tuesday because after I finish it I can clean off the dinner table.” etc.

8) It’s okay to outsource tasks and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, humans are designed to ask for, and to require help (what do babies do when they’re first born?? cry for help!!) ask for help and receive help without shame, if it makes your life better, you are WINNING.

9) If you have one big overwhelming task that you think you need to get done before anything else, but you feel motivated to do other tasks, do those other tasks first, it’s okay. Otherwise in all likelihood (at least in my case) you’ll put everything off until the last minute and then have to do said overwhelming task and those other tasks won’t get done at all. Doing those smaller tasks also lowers the mental load and you can use them as a motivation launch pad to tackle bigger things.

10) If you notice you tend to not put something away/forget to do something, perhaps consider moving and storing the item closer to where it ultimately ends up or where you are more likely to see it. For example, my makeup, pills, and mail are all stored on my desk because that’s where I tend to do my makeup, take my pills and deal with my mail. I used to store my pills in my bathroom medicine cabinet but all too often I would forget because they weren’t in my line of sight. Now that they’re on my desk, I have multiple chances per day to pass by them, go “oh I gotta take those.” and take them.

11) Open storage, open storage, OPEN STORAGE.

12) Motivation can look like all kinds of things. sometimes the only reason I get out of bed is because I remember I have a fun snack and I get to go eat it if I get up. It’s okay to lean into those simple “animal-brain” type motivators, you’ll eat because then you can use that fun new kitchen gadget you got a daiso? Neat. you’ll shower because then you can paint your nails that fun new color you got? Fantastic. You’ll go to the dmv and do that annoying thing because you’ll take yourself out for boba after? Superb. Lean-IN to those small motivators, they aren’t stupid or childish, they are VITAL.

13) Don’t buy into the cult of “if it’s worth doing, do it properly” it’s guaranteed to set you up for failure. If it’s worth doing, do it in whatever capacity you are able to. I put sunscreen on once a day because that’s fucking better than not doing it at all and I sure as all hell will fail at reapplying it multiple times a day. If it’s worth doing, do it half-assed babieeee.

Go forth and prosper!!! xoxo ✌️🩵

[trans-axolotl]

last year i started trying to write an article where i documented every reported instance of psych abuse that happened in 2023 that i could find and had to stop halfway through because it was so fucking horrific. and that was only the shit that had been reported, that i could find in databases and in local news articles. the numbers and stories of psych abuse were staggering and what was worse is that i knew it was only a fraction of the actual abuse that happened that year, and that the actual number was so much worse. And even in just that fraction of news articles, in the half the states I searched for: there were dozens of deaths. Over a hundred different reported instances of rape. Over 300 different reported instances of illegal use of restraint and seclusion.

And i just keep thinking, over and over again, about how that is just a fraction of the reality. It is almost impossible to report psych abuse as it's happening when you're locked up in a psych facility where you don't have independent access to a phone, you can get cut off from your friends and family, and your access to a "grievance and reporting process" depends entirely on the same people who are abusing you. Even after you get out, there are so many barriers. It is very, very difficult to get anyone to believe you as a credible witness once you get certain things written in your chart. Psych staff can point to your diagnoses, their documentation, and say a million fucking things to get away with abuse.

and sometimes it feels like no one gives a shit besides other psych survivors, other mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent/disabled people. this is the same shit that happened in asylums, that happened in the "reformed" institutions of the 50s, that happened in group homes, that happens in psych wards, that happens in residential treatment. it hasn't fucked changed--it's just gotten new names, hiding behind the labels of "evidence based care" and "least restrictive alternative." when i really start to think about it, i get so fucking angry and full of grief for everyone i love who is still fucking locked up in these places. it just cements my determination to never shut up about this because we need to look out for each other and take care of each other, and i do not take my freedom to even be out here and advocating for granted.

[jambalaya-enthusiast]

MOUTHWASHING CHARACTERS HEADCANONS!

under the cut!

Captain, Grant Curly.

Nationality : His mother is Half Australian/Canadian. And his father is Half British/American.

Age: 36

Height: 193 cm ( 6'4 )

Sexuality: he is questioning,but he definitely ain't straight.

Comes from a very big and happy family,is the 3rd oldest brother to 2 sisters and 1 brother. And has 2 older brothers.

His parents are very happily married.

His family is the type to host dinner parties every now and then and invite the entire neighborhood over for barbeques.

has a reputation of being 'the picture perfect family'.

He is the tallest out of his siblings.

Got his driver's license first.

Is very protective of all of his siblings,even the older ones.

Valedictorian.

Was the sports team's captain for 3 years running.

Extremely well liked at the gym,lots of newcomers look up to him.

Can play the violin, effortlessly.

Can also play the guitar very well.

His family had a Rottweiler for 17 years.

All of his siblings have moved out.

Was a very popular jock in high school,but so kind that students and teachers alike loved him.

Met Jimmy in middle school,and for some reason became joint at the hip with him. His fellow peers didn't understand why he liked jimmy so much.

Has had a fuckton of girlfriends all throughout highschool and college.

Only drinks beer,does not smoke.

Is kind of a country bumpkin.

Co-Pilot, Jimmy "Jim" Zare.

Nationality: American. ( Mom is from Louisiana,Dad is from Florida ) Born and brought up in Texas.

Age: 34

Height: 180 cm ( 5'11 )

Sexuality: Closeted gay with internalised homophobia.

Comes from a nuclear family consisting of him and his parents.

Did not have a happy home life growing up.

His parents did not have a happy marriage and were constantly fighting.

M O M M Y I S S U E S

his mother didn't like him from the get go,he was very close with his father up until his death.

His mysogynistic behaviour comes from the pent up hatred towards his mother.

Used to be a kleptomaniac.

Contrary to popular belief,he takes good care of his hygiene.

tw. ( used to self harm,but hated his scars,hence he always wears full sleeved clothes )

When he met curly,he wanted so badly to be friends with him because he thought he was so cool.

Had no friends other then curly growing up.

Picked up a smoking habit at the age of 14.

Heavy drinker.

Although he is quite lanky,his agility is shit.

Might be ooc for him,but he's an incredibly talented chef. But hates talking about it.

His grades were average at best growing up.

Was a great swimmer.

After his mother's death,his grandparents took him in.

Has a huge ass crush on curly but feels so disgusted with himself that he passes homophobic comments in front of curly to erase any suspicions.

This pent up crush slowly started building up into hatred.

The school counselor did try to look out for him,but he just never cared.

Never been in a relationship.

Nurse,Anya Marinova

Nationality: American/Russian.

Age: 29

Height: 175 cm ( 5'9 )

Sexuality: Closeted Lesbian.

Her parents divorced shortly after she was born,she never really saw her father because her mother moved to America soon after the divorce.

Her father did help out with her education.

She has a half-sister. ( Same mother different father )

Is very close to her half-sister.

Her sister was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer at the age of 7,it's where she got her dream to be a nurse from.

Loves listening to music when she goes out for walks.

Is a skilled scuba diver.

The only makeup she wears is mascara.

Isn't really all that close with her mother.

Her grades were very very impressive up until college,where she slipped due to feeling burnt out.

Jollibee > Kfc

She has visited russia once when she was 8

Used to have a pet snake.

Has lots and lots and lots of friends from high school and college that she still hangs out with.

Doesn't drink but occasionally smokes due to stress. ( She has never told a single soul this )

Prior to boarding the tulpar she had heard about curly. ( Due to his popularity )

Loves sweet things.

Wanted to be a vet originally.

Mechanic,Swansea Harold.

Nationality: American. with Welsh/Irish Ancestry.

Age: 58

Height: 172 cm ( 5'8 )

Sexuality: Straight.

Used to slack off in college.

His father passed away without having seen his son's sobriety.

His mother was heavily disappointed in him,up until he decided to get sober.

Is the middle child of 7 siblings.

His older brothers helped him out financially throught out his struggling years.

He met his wife when he was in his mid to late thirties,his wife had already been divorced with a son.

After his marriage he had a daughter with her.

Drinks root beer a lot.

His sneaker collection is no joke,he has a closet dedicated to them.

Curly was an intern of his,and he is incredibly proud of him.

He actually had given his paella recipe to jimmy.

Snores very loud.

Dislikes sweet and heavily spicy things.

'who the fuck messed with the thermostat?' kind of a dad.

Has showed up to every single one of his kid's school events.

Is quite scared of his father in law.

Whenever Daisuke would fall asleep,he would sometimes sneakily play on his game boy kid.

Mechanic Intern,Daisuke Juanez

Nationality: Half Japanese/ Half Mexican.

Age: 20

Height: 177 cm ( 5'10 )

Sexuality: Questioning.

has 3 older sisters.

His parents relationship was quite tumultuous but they always managed to work it out.

Comes from wealth.

His three sisters are already well settled in different countries.

Was very popular back in high school and college.

Although his grades weren't the brightest,his charismatic personality is what drew people to him.

Runs very fast.

Although he was popular, he's only been in a relationship twice.

The arcade which he frequents has kids waiting for him to show up,to teach them how to win.

Loves to eat different cuisines. ( Indian and Mexican are his top ones! )

Loves eating spicy food.

Had a weeb phase.

Used to be in the theatre club in school.

His family loves animals.

Has 7 cats.

He got his left ear pierced at 16. His mom whooped the shit out of him.

Very clumsy,has random ass bruises all over his body.

[deluluonmyback]

impulsivity in bpd can be cutting and dyeing your hair, but it’s also frying and destroying your hair to a point where it’s completely ruined and you’re self conscious of it everyday.

impulsivity in bpd can be having an attitude and saying some petty things to people, but it’s also ruining every good friendship and relationship you’ve ever had and you can’t stop yourself from sabotaging everything, so you end up alone in a deep pit.

impulsivity in bpd can be having some drinks, doing dr*gs, or having a lot of meaningless sex. but it’s also relying on drinking and dr*gs so much that you’re completely off your face all time and it ruins your image and every aspect of your life. and it’s also no one wanting a relationship with you because you “sleep around” or “probably have an std”.

impulsivity in bpd can be browsing an fps facebook. but it’s also stalking their every move online and their every step in the real world constantly because you need them so bad. you can’t live without knowing if they’re okay, knowing what they’re doing, knowing if they’re leaving you for someone else, etc.

the list goes on. us borderlines post a lot of shit about bpd, and in my personal case, laughing it off and sharing it to others makes me feel a bit better and i know that it makes others feel less alone knowing that other people are doing the same horrendous shit. but stop romanticising being obsessive, quirky, impulsive, and having an attitude. it’s fucking painful. the emotional aspect is PHYSICALLY painful. watching the world crumble around us because most of us can’t fucking stop ourselves is painful. the withdrawals from substances, s/h, etc because we are so prone to addiction is PAINFUL. i’m all for supporting our fellow borderlines and cluster b peoples, but STOP self diagnosing to be “trendy”. i’m not on about self diagnosing, etc if you’re certain and it means you’re getting the support that you absolutely need. everyone is deserving of help, whether healthcare wants to agree or not, EVERYONE deserves the help they need. but stop trying to make bpd sound fun. being euphoric is fun, the rest of it IS NOT. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. thank u bye 💕

(ps. i hate making rant posts about this, but seeing people act like bpd is a “fun choice” in life pisses me the fuck off, every day is just pure fucking suffering. the people romanticising and hyping this shit up are the same people who will talk shit about any cluster b who is showing symptoms or having one hell of an episode. but this NEEDS to be out there x)

(edit: the amount of support i’ve had on this is unreal 😭❤️ i tried to word this the best i can but when i have a lot to say it often comes out making no fucking sense at all or something comes off the wrong way. i saw someone reply about the yanderes shit. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. i don’t know why the fuck people fetishise it, it makes me feel disgusting to have an fp even if i’m keeping as far away from them as possible. and also the “euphoric is fun”, i still do a lot of embarrassing and over the top shit when i’m euphoric that i regret. but in the moment, the happiness i feel i just embrace now because it’s not been often that i ever get to feel like that. thank you so much for the likes and reblogs, i really hope this post has helped y’all. I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️)

[catatombi]

beware of fang

Hey, im gonna say it outright and state that this is a call out. people get called out for being dangerous. fangs nearly pushed 3 people to commit suicide(including myself) and i had to be hospitalized because of him, so this feels justified. Im sorry if you disagree, ill keep it short and to the point If you’ve been a long time follower of his im sure you’ve seen his vague posts about his ex friends, the cotl tumblr community and “fandom drama” with little to no context behind it, other than various people appearing on his DNI. his vague nature in the posts is intentional, he doesn't want to let on that he was abusing his friends. Ive tried time and time again to write something but it never seemed right, like what he’s done to me and my friends wasn’t severe enough to warrant something like this, but it is and i don't want to let this go any longer, esp not when he has my friends, their names, usernames and literal contact information in his DNI list Over the last year ive been friends with fang hes been horrible. Hes never changed and refuses to acknowledge what hes done to his friends and how horribly he has hurt them, to keep this short im keeping this bullet pointy Here is his carrd, he has everything neatly outlined for yall to block on every platform Dont harass, dont contact. all of this is public information so https://web.archive.org/web/20240713073710/https://fanged-info.carrd.co/#boundaries

https://fanged-info.carrd.co/ Twit: FFANGEDD / narilamb_ / mewhenimsilly Insta: ffangedd / narilamb Tumblr: ffangedd / fanged-cotl / fanged-xeno Cara: narilamb Blusky: fanged / narilamb Itaku: fanged Artfight: FANGED Toyhouse: FFANGEDD Sheezy: fanged Discord & telegram: narilamb All the people mentioned have given consent Cw !!! abuse, suicide, self harm https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG

The drive is a bit out of date, as I logged it all before april. Hes posted more awful shit and vented to me again since then Feel free to request the letter i wrote to him, i might share it anyway because it sums up my thoughts on the matter If you want any additional context feel free to ask

Fang uses suicide and self harm threats to control and manipulate his friends, hes begged me for assisted suicide and when i refused to help him commit he begged in groupchats. He begged on instagram stories as well as twitter, so much so that his twitter for suspended for 12 hours. He has admitted to wanting someone to commit suicide with him and has previously formed suicide pacts and nearly followed through on one with a friend. fang backed out first. he continues to redirect blame. refusing to take accountability for his actions. He still blames his previous medications, his ex psychiatrist, his self diagnosed BPD & OCD, psychosis, and states of beings from disorders he doesn't have (claiming to be manic or sociopathic whilst not having bipolar1 or ASPD) fang blames his (ex)friends, claiming they were projecting their mental illness onto him when they were just reacting to his abuse, that they the ones in the wrong and that how they treated him/cut him off was vile and unfair, and believes that he never got real closure when he did. it just wasn't what he wanted to hear and now feels entitled to an apology from these people when all he’s ever done is traumatize and terrorize them. He describes the amount in which he has cut over pavi, wart and kat because what they put him through and how they traumatized him. The traumatizing actions were: Kat asking for a content warning, pavi didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore and blocked him without an explanation & wart blocked him after being emotionally abused for months Hes described how he would carve their names into his thigh and told me that he will carve my name into his skin when i leave too. He demanded wart and surf choose their “real friends” and cut off their community for him because fang hated that they were being “two-faced” and hanging out with “people who hate him” He would spend hours venting relentlessly and graphically in his friends DMs, demanding their time and attention and expecting immediate replies. His friends are not professionals and shouldnt be expected to be an on-call DIY therapist for him, for hours, without consent. Fang has said he is completely unwilling to self censor for other peoples safety fang has vented to a 13 year old (they were not hiding their age) He referred to me (and our friends) as a phone person, a voice, icons. Concepts he can talk. Completely dehumanizing everyone that cared about him even to their faces. He blames his ex friends for his poor mental health and has said he wishes they watched him commit suicide, he wanted his friends to be traumatized from this (as if they werent already.) When a friend posted a screenshot of a gamenight to tumblr he had a breakdown so severe and so dangerous for so long that several of his friends has to mute the DM to keep themselves safe from his verbal abuse and suicide/SH threats He doesn't care about how triggering any of this can be for someone and will subject anyone (including people in danger) to his “venting” He didnt care about triggering me and contacted me at the worst of my suicidality in january and exasperated the danger i was in so severely I had to be hospitalized against my will before I could commit suicide. 

Im honestly not entirely sure what to even think. he knew the severity of my suicidality. he knew I had been hospitalized for an attempt in 2022, and still he chose me, probably the most vulnerable of his friends at the time to vent that heavily too back in janurary Hes a dangerous selfish person whos proven over and over that hes not getting better and isnt willing to change, i honestly had hope when he slowed down his graphic vent posts and victim blaming on twitter and insta but he decided to say fuck all and get right back into his shit train of shame and misery. Heres a link to all of the screenshot, damning ones are in important bitz if you’re not interested in going through them all https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG in these screens alone he: admits to sending his cuts to his friends, threatens to cut if i leave, admits that he was going to go through with a duel suicide and begged me for assisted suicide

warts screenshots v

full screenshots & complete context in the drive as for him claims that i was stalking him: i was scared, i was his friend. i tried so hard to be good enough and never was. the screens were a by product of confiding in my friends about what was happening and the drive was made to share w/ them i admit i prolly shouldve combed out some of it but, ykno also big phat apology for tagging cotl!!!!! only did bc fang has, please stay safe everyone, and thank you so much if you have read everything (the doc encase anyone was wanting it ! figured i;d just use tumblr regular posting method) https://docs.google.com/document/d/17QjXUEdQVd8c4GZS--vPo-xR3kgmoLl4ZmN3ROMutg0/edit?usp=sharing

edit as of 8:30pm 7/17/24 here is a link to pavi's response warts response and kats response

[featherwurm]

I'm going to get a lot more personal on here than I usually do:

Baulder's Gate 3, and especially Karlach, make me feel seen in a way no price of media I've ever engaged with before has. It's a big reason why I love it and why it's sticking with me like it is. I too am a big, loud, enthusiastic woman who says out of pocket shit. I have a heavy internal dialogue with myself. I have a temper, I'm bisexual, I love cute shit. I endured years of being utterly touch starved. I love sex and food and being alive...

I also have cancer; it's Follicular B-Cell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in 2020 when it had reached stage 3A. It's currently under control after chemo* and I'm living my life normally. But while it's a very treatable kind of cancer, it's not fully curable**. There's nothing in me they can remove (it's my whole lymphatic system that's broken) and no drug currently that can wholly knock it out. It's cause is not known (genetically or environmentally), and its unusual for this type of cancer to affect someone as young as I am (I was diagnosed at 35 - it's much more common 65+***). So every three months I go into oncology and they check my blood and symptoms and see if I'm doing ok. I get imaging and biopsies occasionally too. This will go on until I'm not ok (hopefully a long time yet). I'll have to have still manageable but more invasive treatment the next time around. It's a well researched kind of cancer, and my oncologist hopes that in the next decade there may be some more permanent cure for it.

So you can see where I'm going with this. When you hit Karlach's monologue after killing Gortash, I've never felt better understood. I have no one to blame for my condition, no revenge arc of course, but the very same fear, frustration, grief, and anger are all things my husband has heard from me. I've never seen a more beautiful and moving and real exploration of the topic that resonates with me so meaningfully out of a piece of fiction that I love. Béart's performance is amazing - capturing a whole spectrum of emotion.

Karlach's story is absolutely not incomplete as written, confirmed by both the devs and Sam Béart - a terminal condition is just that. You don't get to fix or save her, you get to go with her through tremendous trial and difficulty. If you want to continue that story in your mind that's great (I know I'm eager to do so, for my own personal encouragement if nothing else) but on it's own it's a whole story about coming to terms with something that doesn't have a quick and easy little fetch-quest resolution.

So - every time I see another whinging post/essay/bitchfest about how her story feels "unfinished" or "incomplete" or "has too much cut content" you can see why I might take it a bit personally - knowing that the life I have, the easy solutions I don't get, and the frustration and grief I live with is seen as incorrect and wrong and bad writing makes me a little pissed off. If you think the story is incomplete as told and think a 'third engine upgrade' is missing you completely missed the point.

Karlach doesn't get a simple easy ending because people like me**** don't get that either. And like my husband and the others who love me you can choose to follow that story anyway. And that's fucking beautiful.

*Yeah dealing with cancer and undergoing chemo during a pandemic was really a peach.

**XKCD hits the nail on the head here and here.

***Current treatments have good decade long prognoses... but saying 'you'll probably be fine for the next 10 years' is a lot different at 35 than it is at 65.

****And believe me I've heard from a lot of chronic/terminally ill folks who love the game for the way it represents these things and feel the same, with her Gale, and Shadowheart too.

[lastoneout]

As much as my ADHD has made my life absolute hell at times and I truly wish I had been diagnosed sooner...as I unpack my past in therapy I've realized my undiagnosed ADHD actually did do me one HUGE favor.

Bcs without getting too into it my response to the specific way I was raised and the trauma that came with it was to make myself smaller. A lot of kids in my situation would have just lashed out, but I just started cutting bigger and bigger bits of myself off because I thought if I wanted attention or affection then I needed to be perfect and normal and not even the smallest burden or inconvenience to the people around me, and I fell so hard into that mentality that part of healing has legit been trying to like get back in contact with who I was before all that made me into someone I wasn't.

Which is hard, but not impossible, because during all that trauma no matter how hard I tried to shove everything "ugly" and "imperfect" about myself into a tiny little box where no one would ever see it until I was the perfect daughter, I couldn't quite manage to get all of me in there, because my ADHD wouldn't let me.

And as I was growing up I saw this as a bad thing, obviously. Like I didn't know it was ADHD at the time ofc but I knew that my impulsiveness and loud ass laugh and distractability and habit of talking too much to fast and struggle to shut the fuck up about whatever weird thing I was into were parts of me I could never seem to fully change. No matter how hard I tried to be quiet and have normal interests and stop doing impulsive shit like talking really loud or going off about an interest I know no one around me shared, I couldn't actually do it.

So now, looking back with a healthier frame of mind, with a fiancé who became interested in me bcs we shared one of my "weird" interests, who smiles and laughs and tells me he loves me when I get loud and passionate about things I care about, who loves my loud ass laugh so much that once after I was sick and didn't laugh for like a week the first time I did went "oh good, I missed that sound", I can see at least a bit of good in the ways my ADHD stopped me from being able to destroy myself completely for the sake of others.

More often than not my ADHD was a huge rock tying me down, but it turns out deep inside that rock was a geode protecting the things about myself that I used to hate but now love more than anything, and now that the rock is smaller and easier to carry I can be thankful for that.

[brendaareiss]

CAL AND ANDRE HEADCANONS! Finally! I feel like there's some I have already said b4, but idk. Enjoy!

⚠️Triggers⚠️: SA, SH

- Andre furrowed his brows when he was concentrated, Cal poked his tongue out

- Andre was actually a great student. That's why most of the people didn't like him either, whether being because of envy or because they saw him as a nerd and annoying. But bro had +A on everything

- Cal on the other hand, was pathetic at studies. His best ever grade was a C

- They didn't actually hold hands most of the time, just intertwine pinkies unconsciously

-Cal always followed andre everywhere. It was not even a conscious act.

- They both talked shit abt their siblings

- Andre=bpd + psicopathy

- Cal= adhd + depression (duh).

- Andre paid attention on the smallest details and had rlly good memory. Like, something stupid Cal said years ago, andre remembered it like it was yesterday. Or he knew what things Cal liked or not, even if Cal hasn't told him, he knew it because he paid attention to what Cal was doing

- Cal was a chronic nail biter. Rachel tried putting nail polish on him to make it better, because Cal reached the point where his whole finger was covered in blood

-Cal has had many addictions in his life. It was all because his depression, he couldn't get happiness (dopamine) in anything in his life so he tried to get it somewhere else. That's why he started doing weed at a young age, well, until the possession charge. After that, he went straight to cutting. It wasn't as good as to get high, but at least it worked and wasn't illegal. He used to get blackout drunk too, trying to get dopamine from where he could.

- U can't tell me they didn't explore each other's bodies. Ofc they did (I like to think they would refer to that as "favors"), but they never rlly knew what the fuck they were. Were they boyfriends? Were they just friends with benefits? That's actually where the term "the army of two" appeared, trying to give what they had a tag or a "name". But they knew rlly well they weren't just friends. They knew each other too much, they were too similar and too connected to be just friends.

- Cal was sa'd from when he was 7 years old until he was 14 by his cousin, who was 8 years older than him. He never told anything to anyone, not even Andre, but he eventually figured it out. He was paranoid and very protective with his siblings (even though he didn't like them, it doesn't mean that they weren't siblings, Cal cared for them a lot), making sure his cousin NEVER approached them. And if someone older talked to them he would get rlly anxious and freaked out.

- Andre always cared too much about Cal. He knew the state of Cal's mental health and physical health (anemic ass) so he always was there for him. And I like to think not only andre, but his family too. Feeding him until Cal couldn't physically bring the fork to his mouth (I'm sure Andre's mom would be the one to say: "Cal, you have to eat more! You're so thin!")

- Andre was not always seen with the Gabriel's (because Cal's sister HATES andre with all her guts) but Calvin was ALWAYS seen with the kriegman's. Andre's dad always knew that when he mentioned "family vacation/trip", Cal was tagging along.

-Cal learned to stay calm when Andre had his bpd splits (extreme anger most of the time). There was a time when he actually felt rlly bad when Andre said what things to him or just screamed and pushed him around, but as time passed, he learned it was just another normal thing on Andre. That's why in the car scene, he at first didn't take him seriously, he then shut the fuck up and tried to get out of the situation as quickly as he could afterwards.

- Andre never really knew what the fuck was wrong with him. He wasn't like Cal, he didn't get diagnosed with shit and didn't even went to a psychologist. He thought he was just really aggressive and nothing more.

- Andre was low-key an alcoholic. He never got blackout drunk though

- The only thing Andre didn't clean, was his car. Maybe once in a month (or a week if there where a lot of empty beer cans in the back seats)

- Cal rlly liked sour candies.

- Andre slept A LOT.

- idk if I said this b4 but Andre's hand was always on Cal's thigh while he drove

- most of their hangouts were sleepovers. They seriously couldn't live without each other

- OF COURSE the reason why andre didn't like Rachel it's because he was EXTREMELY jealous of her. He felt like she was taking Cal away from him. He also felt that she talked shit about Cal when he wasn't there. The night Cal ditched Rachel for him, Andre's ego was 100% fueled

- Andre had migraines. Yeah. He didn't throw up though

- Following, andre NEVER puked. Like, he probably just threw up 1 time in his life. Cal on the other hand, every time he got sick, he vomited.

-Cal ALWAYS forgot his things EVERYWHERE. His parents didn't even make him his own keys, because they knew Cal would probably lose them too.

- As kids, Cal adored sharks and Andre lions and bears. (Cal adored sharks all his life though)

- Andre's grandparents who lived in Germany, had a bigass house with a garden. They had ALSO, a bigass dog. Of course Andre as a kid spent most of the time in the garden, playing with his brother and the dog.

- The only thing that made Andre calm down when he was angry, was changing the situation, making him forget about it, talking about another thing or doing another thing that isn't related to the reason he's mad. Distract him and make him forget why he was mad in the first place.

[lvnchh]

Burnt Edges

Ellie Williams x Fem reader (with PTSD)

I’m a minor and if you want to complain or insult me about it, just don’t interact. 🙏🏻 It’s my life, and I’m free to write whatever I want as long as I’m not bothering anyone. Also, please don’t judge any grammar mistakes, as English is not my native language. I’m sorry if the whole story isn’t that good.

TW: I have PTSD (DIAGNOSED), and what you’re about to read is based on my personal experiences. Writing about it is a form of therapy for me. If you are sensitive to topics like violence and domestic violence, please do not continue reading. Thank you 🙏🏻

Btw I need more Ellie x PTSD reader stories because I want to feel less alone and represented

story below the cut

The roof was quiet, save for the soft hum of the wind and the occasional creak of the old building beneath you. You leaned back, one hand braced against the rough shingles, the other holding a cigarette lazily between your fingers. Beside you, Ellie sat with her legs dangling off the edge, her posture loose but her expression as tightly locked as ever.

She was like that—a fortress of dry wit and cold deflection. It had taken you weeks to even crack the surface, and even now, the glimpses of vulnerability she let slip were fleeting. Still, you stayed, drawn to her in a way that felt both dangerous and grounding. She didn’t make you feel fragile. She made you feel alive.

“You shouldn’t be up here,” Ellie muttered, breaking the silence. She blew out a stream of smoke, the ember of her cigarette glowing faintly in the dim moonlight. “Roof’s unstable.”

You glanced at her, arching a brow. “What, you care now?”

She shot you a side-eye, lips twitching in the faintest hint of amusement. “Not really. Just don’t wanna scrape your ass off the ground if it collapses.”

“Touching,” you deadpanned, exhaling a thin stream of smoke. The wind carried it away almost instantly, as if even it didn’t want to linger too long.

For a while, neither of you spoke. The quiet between you wasn’t uncomfortable—it never was. Ellie had a way of making silence feel purposeful, like it was meant to be filled with thought instead of noise. You liked that about her, even if she was the most guarded person you’d ever met.

She broke the quiet again, her tone sharper this time. “You’ve been jumpy all day.”

You stiffened, the cigarette burning low between your fingers. “What makes you think that?”

“You twitched every time the generator kicked on. Thought you were about to bolt when Jesse slammed that door.” Her voice was cold, almost clinical, but you caught the undercurrent of concern buried in it. “What’s going on?”

You hesitated, staring down at the glowing tip of your cigarette. The memories clawed at the edges of your mind, threatening to drag you under. Your dad’s yelling, your mom’s pleading, the sharp crack of his fist against the wall—or worse, against her. It was all there, always there, no matter how far you ran or how many years passed.

Ellie didn’t press, but she didn’t look away, either. She had that kind of presence, the kind that made you feel seen even when you didn’t want to be.

“My dad,” you finally said, your voice quieter than you’d intended. “He was… violent. Toward my mom. Toward me, sometimes. I don’t know. Days like this, it just… sneaks up on me.”

Ellie’s jaw tightened, her eyes flicking toward the skyline. “Yeah. I get that.”

You glanced at her, surprised. She didn’t elaborate, but you could see it in the way her shoulders tensed, the way her lips pressed into a thin line. Whatever ghosts haunted her, they were just as heavy as yours. Maybe heavier.

She took a long drag of her cigarette, then said, “You ever wonder if this shit just… sticks to us? Like no matter how far we go, it’s always gonna be there. Screwing with us.”

You huffed a humorless laugh. “Every goddamn day.”

Ellie turned her head to look at you then, her green eyes catching the faint light of the moon. “You’re handling it better than most,” she said, her tone serious, almost begrudgingly respectful. “Better than me.”

You smirked, leaning back on your hands. “What can I say? My PTSD made me hotter.”

Ellie froze for a second, then snorted—actually snorted—before catching herself. She shook her head, a faint smile tugging at her lips despite her best efforts to suppress it. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“Maybe,” you said, shrugging. “But I made you laugh.”

“That wasn’t a laugh.” She exhaled sharply, flicking the ash off her cigarette. “It was a pity chuckle.”

“Sure,” you teased, grinning. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, but the smile lingered, softening her edges just enough to make you feel like you’d won something. The two of you fell back into silence, the kind that felt warm despite the cool night air.

Maybe the scars would never go away. Maybe the memories would always be there, clawing at the edges of your mind. But sitting here, with Ellie by your side, the weight felt a little lighter. For now, that was enough.

[bullet-prooflove]

Snow, hot chocolate, blankets

Tagging: @kmc1989 @kcloveswrestling

Learn more about John & Lou's affair here

See Kayce meet Joe here:

The Fifth Man - After reading through Lee’s journals Kayce realises he has another brother.

It’s snowing outside, huge white flakes drift past the glass as Jamie sits by the window, staring out across the land. He doesn’t want to be there right now, on his father’s ranch, planning his funeral. He wants to be at home with you and Opal, tucked under a blanket, sipping a hot chocolate.

In the background he can hear Beth’s voice carrying through from the lounge as she argues with someone on the phone about the service. He tilts his head up when Kayce approaches him. There’s a mug of coffee in his hand which he sets on the table alongside Jamie before he takes a seat.

“Do you believe that he died from a broken heart?” Jamie finds himself asking his brother as he wraps his hand around the mug, warming it.

Kayce takes off his hat and sets it down on the table before he runs his hand through his hair.

“Yea.” He says quietly. “From what I read in Lee’s journals… he’d been in love with Lou for a long time before she passed.”

This whole thing about Lou Reeves and his father, it’s a complete revelation to Jamie. When Kayce had turned up on his doorstep to give him the news of the death and the circumstances surrounding it, it had been a lot to unpack.

They’d found John Dutton dead in his bed, alongside Lou Reeves. Both of them had died in their sleep. According to her son Joseph, Lou had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain aneurysm a few months before, it had prompted her to make some changes. Kayce guesses she must have told his father and the two of them decided to make up for lost time.

Lou’s cause of death had been the ruptured aneurysm and John had passed away alongside her peacefully, something that both Beth and Jamie are struggling to wrap their heads because they had no idea of the decades long love affair which is why Beth is losing her shit in the other room.

“I had no idea…” Jamie says shaking his head. “I didn’t even know we had another brother.”

“Yea… He’s…” Kayce trails off recalling his last interaction with Joe back at the bar where he was playing fiddle. “I’m gonna check in on him after this. He’s just lost his mom and he’s alone...”

“Should I come with you?” Jamie asks, his gaze straying back to the lounge where Beth is wrapping up her call.

“No.” Kayce says softly because he understands how Joe must be feeling right now, he thinks the presence of both of them, especially Jamie with his clean cut demeanour and Harvard law degree would just overwhelm him. He also knows he can’t leave Jamie in this house alone. Beth would tear him apart with her bare hands. “You should go home, spend some time with Dani and Opal. I’ll give you a call when I’m finished up with Joe.”

Love Jamie? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[rei-ismyname]

Uncanny X-Men #6 From The Ashes

We're starting to see Raid on Graymalkin come together with each team having a member in custody, but first we get to know these kids a little better. Spoilers, naturally.

Yeah they're a mystery to us too.

Calico/Becca has been in pretty serious denial about being a mutant and is easily the least worldly of the four. Context clues told us she grew up wealthy, sheltered, and that her mother did a number on her. It's good to make that explicit but I think something is lost by doing it in third person flashback. This is information she doesn't know and considering what happens next it'd be more effective to have her tell her own story. The flashbacks feel jarring to me too, knocking me out of the present. Her having Ember kick Logan was pretty funny though.

And she's cured! 🙄

Calico has a breakthrough after a minute talking to Gambit, completely accepting her mutanthood. I think this would be the place to hear her speak - just a little back and forth instead of Gambit getting through instantly. She basically drops out of the story at this point, repeating that she's a mutant to anyone who'll listen. Yeah, she's been going on about goblins and her mother the entire time, and she was clearly in denial, but the sudden acceptance feels unearned.

We're not done with Harvey X, it seems. He's died at least once on page and said his powers would move on when he did. Does that mean he's not dead or was he just wrong? The thing with fakeouts is that the more you do it the less readers trust what you tell them. Logan brings up the old guy whose death bed he visited in issue #1 and shares the story behind the Tequila. He asks them to drink it with him and Rogue realises he's heartbroken. This feels unearned too, frankly. We'd never seen this army buddy before and while it's sad, there's so much trauma in all these people's very recent history. Krakoa, The School, Chuck, a genocidal war, Beast, hundreds of thousands of slaughtered mutants. The narrative doesn't really need new trauma when so much is already set up.

It sucks to lose an old friend, but the reader doesn't know the guy at all so it comes out of nowhere. A lot of page space was dedicated to the Sarah Gaunt/Chuck relationship and both aren't present in the story right now. Imagine if that space was spent on, say, Sarah/Logan instead. Very little needs to be changed and being blinded/nearly killed by his now monstrous ex would be a payoff that was setup.

I have complex PTSD myself and I would love to see it handled well in this book, but it's off to a weird start that centres Rogue more than Logan. He's in the middle of sharing his trauma and reaching out when she does this. It's really fucking odd, and I have an uncomfortable feeling it's not meant to be. I'll reserve judgement and see how this plays out.

Is the spit take because of what she said or because she's acting strange? You all have PTSD

Uhhm, what? Is this meant to be Harvey X's influence on Rogue? Her narration seems to suggest that, though she's still using her accent. I don't know, but it feels off. It's great to see the letters PTSD in an X-Men comic, because no shit Logan has PTSD. However, once you pathologise it instead of just referring to trauma, you need to pay that off. I'll believe that when I see it. Also, she just cut him off and told him. Logan says she's not qualified to diagnose that and he's right.

The kids are off to school! I think this is an interesting way to keep the education element of X-Men books separate from the mutant part, and naturally the kids run into bullies straight away. We're shown the other kids listening to Jitter though her confidence is attacked by jerks making fun of her stutter. Ransom has her back but Deathdream is really committed to the bit. This scene shows us what class dynamics are at play too. Showing and not telling might seem like faint praise, but I appreciate it when it's done elegantly. It's something this title has struggled with and I'm happy to see Simone lifting her game with the kids. That said, the bullies are extremely generic. Total cutouts that could be from 1950 or 2024. That's probably intentional but high school drama is a trope that's been beaten to death. If you're going to do it you want to do it well.

More bullying happens and Deathdream seems to take Ransom's words to heart, scaring the bullies with Eldritch horrors. Deathdream really doesn't seem bothered he's about to catch hands, but Ransom rolls his sleeves up and lays them out. I think the Olympics business was overegging the pudding, we can tell from his stance and form that he's trained in boxing. Or maybe this could have come up when they fought the X-Men. Everyone would notice an Olympics hopeful boxer. It could have been in Rogue's narration and wouldn't need to be vocalised as the skill is being used. Chekhov's Skill - it's narratively satisfying.

Unfortunately, while this is going down five heavily armoured dudes corner Calico and tase TF out of her. They call it in to Graymalkin and the Raid is set up. I wonder how they got into the school or knew they were here at all. Cerebro explains the latter. Why are they so obsessed with these kids anyway? Dr Ellis was concerned for their lives 2 issues ago and now she's encouraging brutality. Whatever, big ding for the Uncanny team's record of caring for children.

Kurt and Jubilee head to the store to do shopping and Kurt BAMFs away to save a little girl from being hit by a bus. For once he gets some gratitude, though while he's doing this Jubes is being cornered by Siryn, Blob and maybe Wild Child in full Hound mode. She gets snatched up too and Kurt returns to blood and mess everywhere. He calls Rogue and she tells him to get back quickly. The ending leads straight into 2 issues of Raid on Graymalkin (with 2 over in X-Men) and both teams have their motivation. I'm not looking forward to the contrived conflict but maybe we'll get some answers. We saw Siryn and Blob being tortured in earlier issues, but I'm surprised they're here unsupervised. Perhaps those collars are responsible.

Pound for pound I'd say this is the best issue of Uncanny yet. It had some super odd moments but most of them were relics of the first arc. I do wish we got more time to know all the characters, especially the Outliers, before moving into a mini crossover but this is what we have. Still skippable but seems to be getting better. I'm interested to see how the PTSD thing plays out though my expectations are low. I know that sounds quite negative for what was an improvement, but the first arc left a bad taste in my mouth and trust is earned. Also there's NINE main characters which is really not especially sustainable in a book like this. There's just not enough space, and you end up in situations like heading into an event without a solid grasp of where most of the cast is at.

Don't stand behind a horse, Logan. Lucky you have a healing factor.

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Corin Wickes Headcanons

Yeah I’m doing Corin too, sue me

How’s that undiagnosed anxiety disorder treating you queen?

But in all seriousness she really should get that shit diagnosed

Unfortunately she can’t for one major reason: her parents

Corin is not only homeschooled, but currently lives with her parents who aren’t exactly the best people

I mean the girl literally apologizes for existing, her parents aren’t treating her right

Her parents applied to Victoria Housekeeping for her under the assumption it would teach her discipline and manners and whatnot

Within the first week of Corin being there, Lycaon realized what was going on between Corin and her parents and vowed to be a better, more caring role model for her

He has her working the most out of everyone else

A normal person would hate having such a busy work schedule but Corin loves having so much freedom at her job

She also enjoys the opportunity to be helpful, useful, and making a difference within the organization

Like? No one yells at her? Or insults her? Or is stuffy and stringent the way her parents are? Sure, being a maid entails certain kinds of rigidity and strictness, but to Corin, the way Victoria Housekeeping Co operates is the biggest breath of fresh air she’s had in her whole life

Corin is obviously not allowed to have weapons at home, so Lycaon lets her store her sawblade within one of the many safe houses their company owns. Just like how Lycaon gifted Ellen her shears, Corin’s sawblade is also a gift from him

She originally had it outfitted with the same ice technology his boots and Ellen’s shears have, but kept slipping on the ice it created, and also had a harder time sawing through things in her path from how slippery the ice made everything. So, with Lycaon’s permission, she removed the feature altogether and made it a normal saw.

You’d think a girl so frail and timid and the epitome of cringefail girlfail sopping wet cat would also be physically weak. You’d be wrong

I mean it’s already canon her and Ellen are the strongest when it comes to pure physical damage, as evident by Corin’s introduction in Nekomata’s quest, as well as the entirety of chapter 3.

Corin says it has something to do with genetics probably, something about her dad being a former performing strong man or something

Corin also internally explodes every time Ellen compliments her on her strength. It doesn’t happen a lot, but when it does, Corin loses it

Has the BIGGEST crush on Ellen and is 100% not normal about it

Like, hello? She’s a sheltered girl with strict parents who now gets to see arguably the coolest person ever (in her eyes) on a daily basis

Corin is even more nervous around Ellen than most people for obvious reasons

She also damn near had a heart attack when Ellen passed out in front of her the first time. She grabbed so many pillows, several water bottles, four different sport and energy drinks, several protein efficient snacks, and even had a first aid kit at the ready just in case

Ellen normally hates it when people get fussy over her passing out, but considering this was the first time Corin had seen it, and the fact Corin went overboard in trying to help, Ellen let it slide

Now whenever Ellen crashes, Corin is the first one to make sure she’s okay before carrying on with her work

Ellen also knows it’s Corin who leaves candy and lollipops on the pillow next to her for when she wakes back up

Corin has since stopped worrying about Ellen every time she crashes, but insists to the point of threatening others with her sawblade that she be the one to see to it that Ellen is comfortable

There was once an incident where Corin, distracted from Ellen walking into the room, cut her hand whilst repairing her sawblade. She then bore witness to both Lycaon and Rina holding a suddenly frenzied Ellen back, who was fixated on nothing but the blood dripping from Corin’s palm. Lycaon took Corin out of the room to attend to her injury once Rina was successfully able to knock Ellen unconscious.

Ellen spent the next week apologizing to Corin and explaining how her shark thiren instincts are hard to control. Corin accepted every apology, but frankly didn’t need one, because that incident was probably the most exhilarating thing to happen to her outside of hollow missions with the company

Ellen was fixated on nothing but her in that moment, which did wonders for Corin’s fragile nonexistent ego

Every time Ellen interacts with her in any capacity, Corin gets major butterflies

Ellen insists Corin doesn’t need to refer to her as “Miss Ellen” but Corin disagrees. Corin thinks Miss Ellen absolutely needs to be treated like royalty

Corin would quite literally die for Ellen. Corin fell for her, and she fell HARD

Corin keeps a small box under her bed full of trinkets she likes. So far the only occupants of said box are buttons from her first teddy bear, and the metal piece shaped like a bear that Ellen bit into shape for Corin

Ellen is indirectly to thank for Corin’s fashion sense as well. At one point the shark girl mentioned how the Victoria Housekeeping Co uniforms were “giving Lolita menhera Jfashion” to Lycaon in passing, causing Corin to look up the style on Inter Knot (on one of the work computers, no way her parents let her have one of her own) and falling in love with it immediately

Corin already had quite a bit of sewing experience having been taught home ec by her mother, so it was no surprise she picked up outfit and plushie making very easily

She’s responsible for a lot of the accessories the company wears on their uniforms. She enjoyed making the bows and jaw head and neck piece for Ellen the most. Obviously.

Ellen often rambles to Corin about school and work related stuff. Corin soon realizes that she’s the only one Ellen does this to.

“Why?” She’d ask Ellen at one point during one of their conversations. “You’re a good listener. Plus, you give better advice than Lycaon and Rina combined.”

How Ellen didn’t notice how red her face got in that moment, Corin has no idea

Lycaon often contracts Corin longer hours than need be. Corin insists she can work the full duration, but Lycaon always makes some excuse about having enough help already, and that she should just go on a break, and that he’d clock her out, etc etc

Lycaon you ain’t slick we all know you’re doing it so this girl can actually go out and do things she enjoys

Corin has no idea that that’s the actual case, but she’s certainly grateful with how much free time Lycaon allows her

When their schedules line up, Ellen even invites Corin out for boba or lunch with her friend group

Corin is almost always quiet during these meetings, not wanting to intrude on Ellen’s quality time with her friends, but to her utter shock, Ellen is constantly making sure Corin is included in the conversation

Corin, being the sheltered kid, also hasn’t tried enough things, so of course Ellen insists on getting her fun snacks and roping her into seeing a movie or going to an arcade with her friend group

Corin gets so wrapped up in it all that by the time she gets home, she misses it immensely

Work is always “good”, when her parents ask. They never press for details thankfully due to Corin and Lycaon both making up an excuse that maid work is private, there’s NDA stuff involved, blah blah blah

Eventually Corin is able to buy her own cell phone with her salary. Her parents don’t know about it.

Her parents don’t know a lot of things about her, including the fact she’s actually been able to experience a normal teenage girl’s life for awhile now

Lycaon always insists that if Corin ever feels her parents are too much, she’ll always have a permanent home in Victoria Housekeeping Co. Corin gets closer and closer to accepting that offer every day.