#and caring people in general
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dad issues
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(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#chilchuck backstory stuff#sorta#comic#tw alchoholism#tw death#tw parent death#dont generally tag for death stuff but in this he straight up dies on screen so I thought I should#Uhh I think they all had extremely grim visions bc I think that’s sort of the nature of ghost attacks#I mean Laios’ was basically just him being like “I should’ve died no one would care if i died”#I think Marcille’s would be. Horrifying. Given all her baggage around death.#Tho iirc this would be before Falin’s backfired resurrection#But anyway the mentioning of his father got me thinking#Since at least judging by Laios’ vision#They focus on people who’s death you have baggage around#Especially since Falin wasn’t ever like. Dead dead.#And Chilchuck does mention his father multiple times#Specifically he mentions his death and how he died#Like it seems like that specifically is a notable memory for him#Like you never see him like “my dad taught me to do this”#It seems like he remembers his dad *for* his death#So I anyway I made an extremely grim comic about it#beabell
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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Average fig post on crystalbook or whatever they call it
#Adaine looks so pissed off. sorry girl.#that wasn’t intentional she’s just sleepy#it was actually supposed to just be Kristen at first but I like the idea that fig is just a friend kisser in general#so Adaine is here too#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#d20 fanart#adaine abernant#adaine o'shaughnessey#kristen applebees#kristen fantasy high#fig faeth#fig fantasy high#my god do they not have a trio name?#I have been devastated over and over to learn that other people don’t care about them as much as I do#fantasy high fanart#fh#fhjy#d20 fh#dimension 20 fantasy high#not described#my art
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One of the philosophical/theological differences between judaism and other religions is how we conceive of the consequences of doing bad things.
I just heard someone say, "well jews don't believe in hell, so why don't you-" and just never sits right with me that the only thing that could prevent you from acting in bad ways are the threat of an eternal punishment. The implication that you shouldn't care about the consequences of your actions on the worldly level are astounding as well.
I care about not doing bad because it hurts people - myself included. Even if I did believe in hell... It wouldn't factor into how I live life. I fundamentally don't agree that we should treat this life and this world as a temporary home - a rest stop - where our actions only matter insofar as it affects where you go in the afterlife.
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#i think that's also why you have apathy from people about things like climate change and social issues#because if you think of this life as a short stop to Eternal Bliss™ you don't NEED to care about the material world#in fact you'll just distract yourself from earning your spot in Eternal Bliss™#and the people who DO care about the Worldly Things are just in denial about jow much they want Eternal Bliss™#obviously that's a generalization of a mindset that i have seen before that not everyone will believe in#the only thing i feel the need to believe in is g-d and that He wants me to LIVE g-ddamnit
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i genuinely don't care how good a piece of ai generated art or writing looks on the surface. i don't care if it emulates brush strokes and metaphor in a way indistinguishable from those created by a person.
it is not the product of thoughtful creation. it offers no insights into the creator's life or viewpoint. it has no connection to a moment in time or a place or an attitude. it has no perspective. it has no value.
it's empty, it's hollow, and it exists only to generate clicks (and by extension, ad revenue.)
it's just another revolting symptom of the disease that is late stage capitalism, and it fucking sucks.
#''but i just want to use it to--'' don't care! it's shit! stop fucking feeding it!#if you need help generating ideas or jumping off points then join an artist or writer group online#talk to people#make connections#that's what art and writing is supposed to be about in the first place#i'm mad as hell etc.#so goddamn sick and tired of seeing ai shit get passed around on here#it's bad enough in general but every time i see more of it showing up#tagged as fan art or as fic#the angrier i get#heartfelt imperfection in art and writing will always ALWAYS be worth more than the most technically ''perfect'' ai generated image or text#fandom problems#ai generation algorithms die in a fire challenge 2k23#just a heads up that i'm muting this post and will no longer see responses to it#because i'm tired of seeing dogshit takes from jackasses who want to ''debate'' me#there's no debate you're in the wrong on literally every level and you can die mad about it
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the slightly unsettling realization that your ex-boss is also a person with wants and desires, and that those wants and desires are closer to your own than you might previously have imagined. aka "why does DJ Octavio get to be at the Grand Festival can you imagine how the octolings must feel about this"
Bonus doodle:
#dj octavio#craig cuttlefish#cuttletavio#<-kind of#splatoon#splatoon 3#grandfest#splatoon grand festival#I think generally octolings have a pretty fond view of their DJ and even this guy probably does. as evidenced by all the titles#but anyways you people realize that DJ Octavio also longs for the Surface. Right.#'well the inklings didnt care about the war anymore so why didnt he-' 1. HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?#You are going to blame probably one of the few remaining guys with living memory of the gtw for... not trusting the guys#who put octolings in the shithole underground in the first place?#and 2. It Seems He Is Pretty Aware Now#given that he's up there... chilling... running a stall with his ex-ex-boyfriend...#anyways.#alchohol //
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honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.
i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue
#ml fandom salt#I suppose#and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway#and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material#and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to#convince me to care about the leaks#do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general#also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER#would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude?#i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last
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i've discovered a quite large category of people who never got into The Good Place and the only way they could articulate their disinterest was, "there's no stakes cause they're already dead." i'm obsessed with the idea the only reason they could enjoy seinfeld is they imagined kramer could beef it any fucking second
#the good place#even the implications of what happens in episode one of this show have the biggest stakes of any sitcom ever but some people are like#idk my usual model for how much to care about people who have reached this point is not at all so you may as well be tortured for eternity?#i think a ton of people generally when they don't vibe with something and feel the need for an excuse just say literally the opposite thing
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Rereading the Our Worlds at War tie-in again and God I miss their friendship every day
#they're such an underrated dynamic from this series#like throughout yj98 there's a definite distance between tim and everybody else since he can't reveal his identity to them#and cassie is definitely way closer to cissie and kon and bart than she is to him bc of that distance#and you can feel that awkwardness here in the way she apologizes to him immediately -- they're not at the level#where she can just shout and be mean to him and know it'll be fine -- not like she is with cissie or kon#but for tim -- i think he is at that level? like he wouldn't shout at her either but that's cause he's generally sweet to the yj girls#he doesn't butt heads with cassie like he does with the guys - but i also think she's someone he trusts to have his back in a very real way#and i think it's really telling that when everybody was confronting him about batman's contingencies it was CASSIE'S opinion#he asked for -- like she was the last person he thought would think that of him#obligatory 'the two people who died in his granny goodness nightmare were cassie and kon'#idk there's such an undercurrent of care even if they don't get as many 'this is my best friend' moments like some of the others#aghhhh#and the way cassie so clearly respects his opinion and is so worried he'll be mad at her when she replaces him as leader#the way she's the first one to hug him when he comes back to the team after he quits#oof. OOF. they're friends they're friends they LOVE EACH OTHER#sorry everyone i'm getting all up in my feelings again that they're the only ones left after infinite crisis#tim drake#cassie sandsmark#dc robin#wonder girl#young just us#young justice#yj98#dc comics#cassie tag#tim tag#gnome talks comics
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Dear Bonnie, I’m a coward. I should be saying this to your face, not writing this letter, but I know if I do you’ll talk me out of running away from all my problems. You’re gonna make me face a future without Elena and you’re gonna help make me the best man I could possibly be, the same way she did. And I’m absolutely terrified of failing you both. So, I’m leaving. Because I’d rather let you down once, than let you down for the rest of your life. And I hope it’s the happiest life. Because you, Bonnie Bennett, are an amazing woman, a mediocre crossword puzzle player and my best friend.
With great love and respect, Damon.
#the vampire diaries#tvd#damon salvatore#bonnie bennett#bamon#otp: my best friend#gifs#thevampirediariesedit#tvdedit#damonsalvatoreedit#bonniebennettedit#bamonedit#useramys12#tuserbelovas#tusercatherine#userjustine#tumblrusercherry#userishh#usermegara#useroli#tvdversegifs#kat graham#ian somerhalder#thinking about that elena quote about them ‘i think he actually kind of loves her. you’re mean to the people you care about.’#and going crazy cause it really fits that emma theme of arguing with the people you love.#in these gifs and just in general when bonnie’s showing affection towards damon he can never really hold her gaze for too long. he looks#so full of love but also so unsure at the same time. he’s too overwhelmed by their connection that he can’t fully speak it or face it.#they're such a perfect mirror to steroline that way. like stefan says: 'maybe all love isn't true love in the messed up way that you and i#have experienced it but... i think this could turn into something even better.' damon's never felt this kind of love before and he doesn't#know what to DO with it! meanwhile bonnie's so confident in it always looking at him head on never breaking her gaze– UGH! they're perfect.
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less steve harrington "i try to be a good guy despite my past" and more steve harrington "i've always been a good person (albeit probs annoying asf), you just stereotyped me based on my interest in sports"
#steve harrington#like why is he always apologizing#i think people want to make him into smth completely docile with the added benefit of apocalyptic berserking#but like he's a bitch and also besties with a lesbian#he can both dish it and take it#and i feel like people tend to take the general fandom consensus that steve used to be an asshole and run with it#not to reiterate but guys was he even really a bully or just a popular high schooler#like yeah bullying can get really bad esp like according to those fucked up eighties movies#but also like sometimes teens are just fucking mean and clique-y#sorry is it a crime to be insular and wary of outsiders#anyway more steve harrington being misjudged but also not caring bc the people who matter know him better#pushing my perfect steve harrington agenda#bc he's not perfect actually but he's my perfect little princess who needs to be loved by everyone
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95% of math brainteasers that go viral are just bad notation and it drives me up the wall
#personal#numbers do not lie#'oh but which is the correct answer? 🤔🤭 do you divide first or multiply first??'#YOU USED THE DIVISION SIGN YOUR NOTATION IS AMBIGUOUS#YOU DIDNT USE FRACTION NOTATION AND YOU DIDNT USE PARENTHESES#oh god or that one game show question that technically had no right answer#i dont care if people dont know correct notation In General but i think if you are posting a Math Puzzle#and it doesnt actually have a mathematically correct answer. i think i should be allowed to bite you
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y’all do get that if dan and phil hard launch it will break the internet right? like people who haven’t thought about dnp since 2016 and literally everyone else with an online presence will know. suddenly there will be so many new eyes on our cute little community that we’ve managed to build from the ashes of the early phandom. it’ll be worldwide news that those guys from youtube who “weird girls” always shipped were actually together the whole time. it’ll be absolute chaos. it’s not that i don’t want them to hard launch if that’s genuinely what they want to do, i’m just afraid that it’ll send shockwaves through the entire internet that’ll shatter the nice little thing we’ve got going on here. i for one don’t want to be talking to an acquaintance in class next semester and hear them say “did you hear that dan and phil from youtube are together? that’s crazy! i never watched them ‘cause their fans were always so weird. i didn’t even know they were gay. i guess their fans bullied them out of the closet.” and then have to pretend to be normal.
#idk i feel like we’ve all gotten lost in the sauce of a hard launch and forgotten just how big of a deal it would be#it’ll be like the stir their coming outs made but even bigger#like most people still know them as the cat whisker guys from youtube and don’t even know they still post#maybe i’m totally overestimating the extent to which the rest of the internet would care but i don’t think i am#once again it’s not that i’m against a hard launch i just think that everyone who still cares about them and their content already knows#although if they wanted to generate buzz for a big project it would be a great move tbh#dan and phil#dnp#dan and phil games#dnpg#dan howell#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazing phil#amazingphil#phandom#phan#phil lester#dip and pip#phannie#that being said i do think i still want them to hard launch cuz the chaos would be funny#lee says things
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#relationships#interpersonal#family#generational trauma#religious trauma#exvangelical#ex catholic#unhealthy relationships#people pleasing#fawning#codependency#mental health#self respect#self compassion#self care#self love
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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Ngl I think I hate performative girlbossification of female characters more than I hate people not including said female characters in their fan content. Actually I don't care at all if they're indifferent to her. Who gives a fuck. Like I'd respect it more if they're like "ngl I just don't give a shit about her" with their whole chest, rather than being like "OMG I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!! She's perfect, she's best girl, she kicks ass [never talks about her ever and only includes her as a prop to examine the male characters they DO like]" just because they're scared of getting called misogynistic. Like if you know in your heart that this character means nothing to you and you know you're not gonna do her justice, might as well just leave her out. But attempts to shoehorn her in, using your 2015-feminist style characterization is so weak, man.
#i dont care much for men crazed misogynists in general#i hate them quite a bit actually#but fake people with performative opinions are really really aggravating to me
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