#and by that i mean we've learned to pretend it isn't there

[juney-blues]

not the biggest fan of how "society should be structured with basic care and regard for the germ theory of disease" is now apparently a fringe left position even to the fringe left, reserved for wokescolds and loony lefties who don't know when to let things go.

it is quite depressing to see that "maybe we shouldn't let large groups of people die to preventable illness" is, very much a lost battle at this point.

[jibunbosh]

Mesmerizer is a satire of TikTok, YouTube Shorts, and the rest of the modern short-form vertical video format

A brief thematic analysis.

I'm sure there are countless people already interpreting the imagery and details in this wonderful song & MV, like here and here, so I won't spend too much time retreading that ground. Miku and Teto are dancing. Miku gets hypnotized. Teto signals for help, but gets hypnotized at the end as well.

That part is obvious enough, but that's still pretty surface-level. What is this seemingly hyperspatial horror scenario supposed to mean to us?

While checking to see if anyone before me's already come to the same conclusions as I did and if I should bother not writing this text post at all (lol), I came across udin's great analysis video. She comes to the conclusion that the song tackles themes of disillusionment with reality and the ways we indulge in escapism to relieve ourselves of the pains of the world.

I agree with that reading! From practically the very beginning, we have Miku call to us - the viewer - to push away our true feelings. Teto comes in to peddle a solution, inviting us to surrender and empty our minds - in her words, "pretending to know nothing."

You, the viewer, are a critical character in this masquerade. For nearly the entire video, Miku and Teto's eyes are unfailingly trained on you. Or, well... perhaps they can't actually see you, but they can see a camera, or whatever other aperture the point of view is supposed to be from. And they know they're being watched. (Who else would Teto be sending distress signals to?)

Let's put a pin on that for later.

udin notes very early on that Miku and Teto are, conspicuously, kept in vertical frames - very similar to the video formats of TikTok (and Instagram Reels, and YouTube Shorts, and whatever other clones of the format exist.) You know, just like the animator Caststation's Rabbit Hole fan MV that went viral some months ago.

Hey wouldn't it be crazy if the song's producer, 32ki, released Mesmerizer shorts too haha. Wouldn't that be crazy.

Wow, wild.

These short-term vertical videos are captivating & alluring. If you're reading this, it's more likely than not that you've also found yourself caught up in them at least once, scrolling through the infinite algorithmic slurry and forgetting about the real-life issues you have at hand. Would you say, then, that you felt hypnotized? Mesmerized, even?

And so these two invite us to join their world and focus on the... uh... rectangle.

Their dances are repetitive, following the same loop. Their outfits are distinct, but their choreography isn't. They're copying the same formula, repeating it ad nauseam to the best of their ability.

They're doing a fucking TikTok dance.

Back to the pin I told you about earlier, with Miku and Teto looking at a camera.

Miku sways with the camera, eyes looking directly at it like a swinging pocket watch. She's been looking at it the entire time, after all. We've been seeing her via our screen this entire time, but, again, she doesn't necessarily see us. She's beholden to the camera, which she dances for day after day, caught up in its spell. She's hypnotized by it. Eventually, she breaks.

Teto, on the other hand, resists. For a while, anyway.

Despite her being the one jumping to us with the "solution" at the beginning of the MV, there's very quickly good reason to question how much agency she has in this. She dances for the camera as well, but she doesn't want to. She's signalling for help. She wants out.

Many content creators (as much as I personally loathe the non-specificity and soullessness of the term) have struggled with the adaptation to the short-form video format, and the preference the algorithm has had for these captivating, bite-sized videos. They're catchy, and easily drive up metrics. Practically anyone who's publishing their work via video format online needs to learn to adapt or fall behind, even if that means whittling their content down to fit the frame, the time, and people's shortening attention spans. Sometimes, that means compromising on specificity and completeness... or, in other words, the true representation of a full work.

The song's writer, 32ki, has been releasing songs on YouTube for several years. Their first YouTube Short, however, was posted only a year ago: a short, whittled-down segment of their previous song, CIRCUS PANIC!!!, hoping for it to win the ProsekaNEXT song contest. It was their first song to achieve widespread popularity and hit a million views.

The shorts, however, aren't the "true" versions of the song. The full song just won't fit.

We're being mesmerized as consumers of this endless stream of content, rather than appreciators of music and art. However, that relationship isn't completely symmetrical across the plane that is the 4th wall. Miku and Teto are trapped not by their attention spans, but by a compulsion to project their "truthful acting" and peddle that window into a colorful, problem-free world.

We, as the collective audience, need not dwell on any one thing for too long - we need only swipe, and move on to the next video. However, Miku and Teto are trapped behind the screen for eternity, day after day.

They're the only characters we get to see, of course. There's no evil 3rd voice synth character that's plotting to keep them trapped in there. We can't put a face to whatever force is hypnotizing them and trapping them behind the screen. It's faceless - like the inscrutable algorithms of YouTube recommendations or the TikTok For You page, or the impersonal corporations that develop & maintain those aforementioned apps. Miku and Teto's likenesses, on the other hand, are being exploited and extracted from for their entertainment value, being strung along by that metaphorical hypnotizing force like puppets on a string.

Many people, represented by Miku, enjoy their success on such platforms. It's freeing and liberating to throw oneself wholeheartedly into such an endeavor, of course! Others, represented by Teto, harbor their doubts of the emotional veracity of such a medium, but know they have little choice lest they face destruction... perhaps not literally as a person, but as an idea.

Wouldn't it be easier just to let oneself be swept away by it and give in?

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Hackin'

King: i can't believe elon's grok is pretending i'm friends with him King: i need to stop that AI before everyone believes it! King: i've got to hire a hacker King: franz, you've got to help me Franz Kafka: what? me? Barker: steve, no

Kafka: i'm not a hacker King: oh i thought franz was a hacker Barker: what gave you THAT impression? King: you know, with the cat ear headphones and the striped thigh socks Barker: no steve that's something ENTIRELY different Kafka: n-no it isn't, on second thought yes I'm totally a hacker

Kafka: it means i'm a hacker, nothing else Barker: sure franz Kafka: it does! it totally means i'm a hacker! Barker: franz, go play with your blahaj plush, the adults are talking here

Barker: you know who you need? you need william gibson Barker: the best hacker money can buy King: william gibson? how do i contact him? Barker: you don't Barker: he'll contact you

King: can you really hack grok, william? William Gibson: [wearing black duster and fingerless black gloves] my hacker name is shadow gigabyte King: oh sorry Gibson: can i hack grok? listen kid i was cyberbyting the megabyte mainframe when you were just rebooting your motherboard mouse data bandwidth modem email King: wow!

Gibson: my CPU is a neural net processer, a learning computer King: wow he really sounds like he knows what he's talking about! King: that definitely sounds like hacker talk to me Gibson: CD Rom Gibson: internet Joe Hill: dad can i talk to you for a second King: not now joe daddy's hiring a hacker

Gibson: [wildly slapping keyboard] i'll re-index the mega bit blaster cyber codex Gibson: [wildly slapping keyboard] now we'll cybersecurity the lock box data center King: hey what happens if you push that button? Gibson: what the-- no!! [klaxons sound] King: what's that mean? Gibson: shit Gibson: we've got company

Gibson: sentient cyber virus electronic guard cyberbots Gibson: real high tech Gibson: state of the art in bio-tech wetware neural-data scrapers Gibson: [putting on sunglasses with red laser scope] and they ain't friendly

King: what are we going to do?! Gibson: kid, you keep your hands to yourself unless you wanna become roadkill on the information super highway!!! Gibson: hold on to your CPU (central processing unit)!!!

Gibson: [wildly slapping keyboard] gotta reconfigure the darkweb logistics for ethernet wavetech Gibson: [wildly slapping keyboard] upload the memory downloader for dumpware backup Gibson: [wildly slapping keyboard] uncodify the cyberpatch modifer aaaaand Gibson: i'm in

King: wow, you hacked twitter?? how did you do it? Gibson: the greatest hackers never reveal their secrets [earlier] Gibson: [wearing fake mustache] hey elon its me catturd Gibson: could you give me your password? Elon Musk: sure it's "picklerick420"!

[adragonsfriend]

There are no trash takes on Jedi philosophy, there is contextual analysis.

As may be obvious from the title (humorous--I have gone through several common misinterpretations myself), this is about that infamous scrap of poetry,

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

And the other version,

Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.

I've seen quite a few interpretations of these along the lines of "the second version is reasonable but the first version is crazy and stupid," so here's why I think both versions are actually communicating the same idea, and the wording doesn't really change the meaning much at all.

So just like I did in my post about "do or do not there is not try," let's start by asking some questions to establish context before we look at the text itself.

Is it THE Jedi Code or just a mantra? Legends says it's the Code, canon says it's a mantra. The fact of the matter is that no matter what, it's really a scrap of poetry which couldn't encompass the entire philosophical basis of a culture even if it was trying, so we'll consider it a mantra.

Does the fact that it's a mantra rather than THE Jedi Code mean that we can't get anything deep or meaningful out of it? Of course not. Just because it's not the whole of or a full explanation of Jedi philosophy doesn't mean it's just a nice sounding string of words.

Who is saying this to who? This mantra is often used to focus a meditation, with the first phrasing used by adults in the culture, while the second phrasing is more often used by children.

What were George Lucas' inspirations for Jedi culture that relate to this mantra? (borrowing from this post) A combination of christianity, buddhism, and his interpretations. I'm not an expert in any religion, and definitely not in buddhism, but I know enough to know I'm about to make some sweeping generalizations, so take this with a grain of salt. Disclaimers aside, this mantra, and the way it is phrased, indicate it is being inspired more by buddhism. The way christian texts, specifically the Bible, are written typically goes "here is a story about people doing something, and here is how big G god and/or Jesus reacted." There are metaphors sprinkled in, but they are mainly there to clarify for readers. Buddhist texts on the other hand (and lots of other eastern belief systems as well, like daoism, hinduism, etc. It's an important note that these belief systems don't necessarily conform to the western idea of what a religion is, and often their original languages don't even have a word which is equivalent in meaning to "religion") use metaphor in often deliberately contradictory ways, to make the reader think about things which are difficult to express in words alone. The ongoing struggle to reconcile contradictory descriptions is the point. This doesn't mean those texts can be interpreted however a reader would like. There may be multiple right interpretations, but there can also be wrong interpretations.

What the mantra does NOT mean:

"There is no ___ …" =/= "The experience of ___ is fake news."

"There is no ___ …" =/= "___ is not a useful concept."

"There is no ___ …" =/= "We should totally ignore ___ and pretend we've never heard that word before."

The mantra is not realy a set of advice on how to act. It's a set of statements about Existance. And I do mean capital E, philosophical, epistemological, weird, deep, think-y, Existence.

Temperature Metaphor

You know the first time someone tells you as a kid that cold isn't real, it's just the absence of heat and you're like… "but I'm touching something right now and it feels cold???" It sounds wild the first time you hear it, but as you think about it more, maybe learn about it a second time in science class, get some more context about how molecules work, etc. it begins to make more sense. It gets easier to grasp, until eventually the knowledge feels intuitive--especially if you're a STEM person who thinks about it a lot. We still talk about cold as a concept, because it's useful to us as well--lack of heat can have damaging effects on our bodies after all, and a cold drink is great on a hot day--and it's more efficient to say "cold" than it is to say "lack of heat." But there are some situations, like developing refrigeration or air conditioning, where it is not just useful but essential to think of temperature as it really is--heat exists, cold doesn't--and thinking of it colloquially can only hold us back (if this isn't actually intuitive to you, that's fine, it's just a metaphor--you could also think about dark being the absence of light, vacuum being the absence of mass, any number of things mirror this).

Probably the easiest like to get one's head around, imo at least, is "there is no ignorance, there is knowledge."

Taken hyper-literally it would mean "why seek out knowledge ever when everyone already knows everything?" But if we say knowledge is to heat as ignorance is to cold, then we can understand the real meaning--knowledge is real, where ignorance is only the name of an experience.

The Whole Mantra

This is the way the Jedi are understanding of emotion, ignorance, passion, chaos, death, etc. They are introduced, as children, to the idea that whilst they may feel all of these things, what they are actually experiencing is the lack of the other things--peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony, the Force. That's why they start with the "___ yet ___" phrasing--it introduces them to the first steps of understanding:

They can feel emotions, yet peace is still real and out there to reach for no matter how overwhelming those emotions may be at the moment,

They can feel ignorant or unknowledgeable, yet knowledge is out there to find,

They can experience passion (meaning suffering or pain in this context), yet know that serenity will return to them,

They can find their surroundings chaotic, and yet look for the harmony in the noise,

They can understand that death happens, yet be comforted by the fact that the person dying is still as much a part of the Force as they ever were.

Eventually they move onto the full mantra:

They will always feel emotions, but if they always reckon with those emotions and pass through them they can always return to a place of peace,

If they feel ignorant, they must seek out knowledge, rather than acting rashly. Also, their own knowledge is not the limit--others may hold knowledge in places they consider clouded,

They may experience suffering and pain--it may even feel like a good thing--but there is no wisdom in pain, it is the distraction from serenity, which is where truth can be found,

No matter how chaotic the world appears, it is actually a part of an underlying harmony that makes up all the patterns and the beauty in the world,

Death is not an ending, no matter how much it may look like one. It is a natural transition back into the Force, the place all life comes from.

A Jedi youngling is someone for whom this understanding is an essential part of the culture they are being brought up in.

A Jedi Padawan is someone who is beginning to learn to apply this understanding outside the confines of the Jedi temple, in a world where not everyone shares it.

A Jedi Knight is someone who has learned to apply this understanding on their own, without supervision.

A Jedi Master is someone for whom this understanding has become intuitive and automatic, no matter their surroundings.

All this is to say,

[mazzystar24]

Breaks my heart how evil they are to them. I know they're grown men and can handle it and all but they shouldn't have to! Oliver has been so respectful and put so much care into playing buck. He's always been honest about this story being about BUCK, not tommy, and that nobody should be ringing wedding bells

The fact that even the 911 account isn't posting anything because bt fans flood things with hate... and we know oliver sees this shit, he even shut down his comments and DMs. It makes me so fucking sad. We're so close to exploring this beautiful story we've been waiting for and they ruin it over someone who was hired for 4 episodes??

No same the level of care and respect that Oliver has had has been unreal

I say this as a bisexual

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a presumably straight actor handle a queer storyline with this level of respect and understanding

And unlike their fav he hasn’t done it for fame or money or popularity

He has stood up for buck and buck’s bisexuality in cases he didn’t have to

He didn’t have to correct that reporter he didn’t have to make statements in his Instagram calling out bigots he didn’t have to show all this love understanding and excitement for bucks bi arc but he did it even when it’s put him in the firing line and he’s done it with words so well crafted you can tell he fully understands his character and also what bisexuality means to his character

Ik I make jokes but I’m not saying this in a parasocial way- truth is we never know what these actors or famous people are really like- but we still have to recognise good behaviour and the way he has handled this storyline does not elicit the hate and claims of biphobia against him in the least and it’s honestly sad that he has done everything right and is still receiving this from assholes who genuinely do not care or understand what biphobia is

Just because they can’t distinct what the story has been telling them AT EVERY FUCKING TURN and how Oliver tried over and over not to get their hopes up AT EVERY FUCKING TURN and what they built up in their head sometimes with the help of a man after their money. It’s ridiculous

Like not only did he have to turn off comments and DMs he also made a response apparently and probably second guessed himself and deleted it:

And everything he said both here and the interview I stand by, good bi rep doesn’t have to be only fucking if they’re your committed partner y’all are over correcting

Also the claims of biphobia - y’all learn nothing about not assuming sexualities or making these claims huh?

Well at least they’re consistent- when threatened they pretend anything and everything is somehow homophobia cos I (a bisexual ) have been called homophobic so many times by bt fans it’s insane

Rant over cos this is super long but they better leave Oliver stark alone cos that man genuinely doesn’t deserve this shite

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART SIX

leave us in peace and we shall leave you in kind.

cut the crap.

we just want to go home.

enough of this charade.

i'll not play pretend anymore.

you'll soon learn what it means to ally yourself with the likes of this garbage.

i'm free now, and i'm never going back.

fuck them.

felt good letting off a little steam.

if i burn any hotter, i might explode.

don't get too close until i've found a way to calm down.

it's a bit early to be getting into tragic backstories.

let's save the scar-show for later after we've worked up an appetite for tragedy.

in the grand scheme of things, i'm inconsequential [to her].

she favored me like a child favors a captive pet.

it had the makings of a good stage show, but i did not want to be one of the players.

torture, bloodsport? or perhaps just a good old-fashioned walloping?

you owe me nothing.

i could extort you, if that's what you want.

you're teasing me now.

ignorance is alive and well it seems.

don't make me get the wooden spoon.

you'd best have one hells of an apology for me.

if you think your precious little god holds any power here, you're in for a surprise.

do you treat all your guests so poorly?

i don't like busybodies.

you are as thick as they come.

are you telling me you made love to a goddess?

i shared a bed with a goddess and yet i wasn't satisfied.

shall i share the story behind it or would you rather head straight to its sordid finale?

how are you still alive?

we've come this far together and we'll continue on together.

even i am tired of the sound of my own voice.

i'll rip your spine out of your asshole.

i'll use your blood to spice my stew.

i'll keep you alive until i've sucked the marrow from your bones.

killing me is a waste of time.

you bastard, you ruined everything.

this is an interesting way of thanking me.

a slap is all you deserve.

a hag was never going to help you.

they don't help anyone but themselves.

that double-crossing, filthy, lying hag.

focus on the positive.

forgive the aroma.

perhaps that is why i have survived so long where more fearsome peers have not.

your loyalty is admirable but misplaced.

his kind have charm beyond our mortal means to resist.

who'd keep a secret like that from his friends?

you can't trust anyone these days.

even in the middle of nowhere, he can reach me.

why do you insist on exhuming the past?

people think the biggest threat to a vampire is a cleric with a stake.

they're scheming, paranoid, power-hungry beasts.

i am what i must be, says what i must be.

how does it feel to be a devil?

i can't tell if you're being silly or serious.

you have to admire the man's ambition.

i promise i will not betray your trust.

you kept me by your side despite the menace i am.

i learned quick how to stay alive.

to feel invincible again.

this isn't where i thought i'd end up.

maybe when this is all done, you can show me where you came from.

i'm not normally one to begrudge someone their secrets, but..

i'm already blessed to have you at my side.

don't you cut a fine figure.

i am not some lower city coinlad offering you a tumble.

there is nothing so depressing as learning one's true value.

i could use someone with your skills.

they're ravenous predators with fangs like daggers.

it's hardly an irrational fear to harbor.

you've been decent to me, so far.

everyone's got their own fears.

maybe that's what i like about you.

all of this was for nothing.

if you're here to help, get to the fight quickly.

gods, i thought you were one of those beasts.

i'm not chasing after it, if that's what you're thinking.

the little beast's charming once you get accustomed to the smell of rotting flesh.

[suikasweetheart]

Hind's Hall

Woah! Yeah, the people, they won't leave What is threatenin’ about divesting and wanting peace? The problem isn't the protests, it’s what they're protesting It goes against what our country is funding (Hey) Block the barricade until Palestine is free (Hey) Block the barricade until Palestine is free When I was seven, I learned a lesson from Cube and Eazy-E What was it again? Oh yeah, f**k the police (Woo)

Actors in badges protecting property And a system that was designed by white supremacy (Brrt) But the people are in the streets You can pay off Meta, you can't pay off me Politicians who serve by any means AIPAC, CUFI, and all the companies You see, we sell fear around the land of the free But this generation here is about to cut the strings You can ban TikTok, take us out the algorithm But it's too late, we've seen the truth, we bear witness Seen the rubble, the buildings, the mothers and the children And all the men that you murdered and then we see how you spin it Who gets the right to defend and who gets the right of resistance Has always been about dollars and the color of your pigment, but White supremacy is finally on blast Screaming "Free Palestine" ’til they’re home at last (Woo)

We see the lies in them, claiming it’s antisemitic to be anti-Zionist I've seen Jewish brothers and sisters out there and riding in Solidarity and screaming "Free Palestine" with them Organizin’, unlearning and finally cutting ties with A state that's gotta rely on an apartheid system to uphold an occupying violent History been repeating for the last seventy-five The Nakba never ended, the colonizer lied (Woo) If students in tents posted on the lawn Occupying the quad is really against the law And a reason to call in the police and their squad Where does genocide land in your definition, huh? (Hey; hey) Destroying every college in Gaza and every mosque Pushing everyone into Rafah and dropping bombs The blood is on your hands, Biden, we can see it all And f**k no, I'm not voting for you in the fall (Woo) Undecided, you can't twist the truth, the people out here united Never be defeated when freedom's on the horizon Yet the music industry's quiet, complicit in their platform of silence (Hey, woo)

What happened to the artist? What do you got to say? If I was on a label, you could drop me today I'd be fine with it 'cause the heart fed my page I want a ceasefire, f**k a response from Drake (Woo) What you willing to risk? What you willing to give? What if you were in Gaza? What if those were your kids? If the West was pretending that you didn't exist You'd want the world to stand up and the students finally did, let's get it (Woo)

[marshmallowprotection]

Saejoong Choi didn't have a change of heart, and he said that himself to the player when prompted to choose between saying "goodbye" or asking him a question. His back was against the wall. There was nowhere for him to run after the agency was dismantled piece by piece and frankly, he understood it was only a matter of time until the other crimes he's committed over the years came to light.

Now, there weren't many options left for him at that point.

He could've tried to run to a neighboring country before anyone had a chance to nab him, but there would've been no guarantee of safety or asylum given how fast he had to run off after he attacked Saeran in the forest. No ally would take in a Prime Minister on the run for a long list of crimes we're not even entirely privy to in the game outside of all the things he did to Mother Choi, Saeyoung, and Saeran.

Considering the way he talks and holds himself when you prod him for answers about his backstory for Saeran's sake, you can infer he's done unspeakable things and paid for worse. Any attempt at trying to skip the country would lead to him being extradited to Seoul and held accountable for what he did. It would only delay the inevitable, and as awful as this man is, he knew running wouldn't save him at the end of the day which is why instead of fleeing the country, he stayed.

When you and Saeyoung are sitting at Saeran's hospital bed where he's pretending to be asleep because he's not ready to deal with his twin brother (also because Saejoong is hiding behind a curtain and Saeran knows what Saeyoung will do once he catches him because that's what he needs for closure and peace), three days have passed since the confrontation.

Saeran says that Saejoong came to visit him in the dead of night, and they've been talking since then about everything and anything. I truly don't think there's a wrong answer when it comes to asking yourself... "What did they talk about?"

Saeran could've been talking all about his life, his experiences, trials, tribulations, and how he's landed on... forgiveness in the end despite what others think about his personal choice. In fact, that's what I am sure of. I'm sure Saeran told Saejoong Choi about what he's had to face in life because of his father.

So many people in this fandom have this gigantic misconception about Saeran's choice to forgive, filled to the brim with this idea that his forgiving his abusers means that he's absolved them of their guilt, or he's saying that he's forgiven them to give them a second chance.

It's because so many cultures across the globe have taught us that the idea of forgiveness is black and white. "Forgive and forget" isn't that what we've all heard? But, that's not the only way. Sometimes, you can forgive someone for what they did to find peace, but not to allow that person back into your life. You appreciate the apology but it won't change that this person is the last person you want to see in your life. You take the apology and send them packing after that for peace of mind.

Because an apology isn't supposed to be self-serving. Apologies aren't meant to make you feel better. It's supposed to show others that you're holding yourself accountable for what you did, and that you promise to do better, whether or not you hold contact with whoever you hurt after you give your apology. Sometimes, an apology isn't wanted, either.

If you try to force an apology on someone who has told you to "fuck off" already, then that's self-serving, isn't it?

For Saeran Choi, forgiving the people who deeply hurt him was about learning how to find the strength inside of his heart to forgive himself for what he did not only to the player but to others as well. Because... his idea of strength in Mint Eye, both Ray and Suit Saeran's idea... the very personas they adopted took facets from the people who hurt the two of them.

Especially Suit Saeran, mind you, who took parts of Rika, Mother Choi, and Saejoong to blanket himself in the idea that "If I am the largest monster, the other monsters can't eat me."

He screams a line of abuse that his mother once shouted at him when he was a little boy before he realizes who the words belonged to in the first place. He's building off of the horrible things his Mother said, later confessing that the abuse was meant for himself even if it hurt you as well, because he hated what he was doing but he knew if he didn't become "strong"—you and Ray would be killed.

He repeated line after line of a torture script Rika fed to him while he was in the basement to maintain the disgusting illusion Rika wanted so she would never think to destroy him... because he was "strong in the real way". Even though a part of him understood he would never be good enough in Rika's eyes. That's why Suit Saeran's onslaught of destruction crumbles in the end.

Because, no matter how much Rika tried to break his gentle heart, no amount of hatred could ever change what his heart truly felt. Sure, it is important to note that while understanding why Suit Saeran did what he did is how you learn the full picture, it doesn't absolve him of his actions.

You have a choice to forgive him in Ray Route, and you don't have to forgive him right away, you can even say that you don't think you can forgive him, and he accepts whatever answer you give him because... that's what forgiveness or the lack therefor looks like that. You're the only one who can decide what you want to feel, and there's no shame in whatever you choose to find peace.

You ultimately forgive Saeran in the end, broadly speaking from the way the RAE is written if you decide to move forward with him. But, there's one person who doesn't hold forgiveness in his heart.

You know who doesn't forgive himself? Suit Saeran. He didn't forgive himself and that holds true even in the RAE. His feelings of pain still exist in GE Saeran's heart, and it's not only his feelings that lead him to choose forgiveness, it's also Ray's desire to hold onto his dream of being able to see the full picture without blinders.

He did such awful things, he understands that, but if they don't see the full story for what it is, how can they move forward?

It's Ray's voice that speaks the loudest when they confront Rika on Day 10. That's when Saeran and Ray both see Rika for what she is... and how her heart is fraught with despair and pain. They see what reasoning she's been using all along, and it took Saeran doing the same thing to see things for what they were. He realized it when a world of cruelty couldn't protect him, only destroy the things he'd been trying to protect.

You can't use cruelty to justify your actions. You're just perpetuating what was done to you. Frankly, that's a huge realization for someone to have. That's the kind of damning realization you have somewhere in your healing process when you either do something wrong yourself or you see it perpetuated against someone you love instead of you... and you can't deny it for what it is.

"You're scared to step outside, aren't you? You're scared that people will leave you, Rika. Like you said, you don't want to be abandoned by someone, like how you were by your parents. That's why you're not leaving the people who came here, Rika. I see it now. You're trying to force everyone to do something," he says.

"Saeran told me this, and he said you'll always be heartless to the believers… because you'll do the exact same heartless thing they did to you. Saeran told me he did something heartless, too, because he didn't want to suffer such heartless things himself… and you're just hurting people because you're scared you'll get hurt, aren't you? And you're trying to justify your abuse, just like how your parents tried to justify their cruelty against you."

If that's what led Rika down this path, among other factors, what sort of path did his parents follow? Why? Why do people do these things? What leads them to make these choices? Does it even matter?

Does it make a difference if you know why someone tried to justify their wrongdoing? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? The answer many people have is that they don't want the backstory, they want to see the person who hurt them face the consequences.

But, it's not fair for anyone to tell someone who feels differently that they're wrong for wanting to hear someone out. Everyone has to do things their own way, and if you don't want to hear someone explain themselves, don't seek it out. But, this is something Saeran wanted, and to tell him he's wrong for wanting that isn't it.

How can Saeran forgive himself if he doesn't understand why the people who hurt him did what they did?

He understands why hate had to fill his heart to survive in Mint Eye, but why did Rika choose to embrace hatred? Why did Saejoong Choi decide to inflict pain onto the world? Why did his Mother hate him with every fiber of her being? He doesn't know why, and he knows he can't make the full picture if he doesn't hear the half of it from them.

Even if it's bullshit, even if it doesn't bring him peace, he wants to hear the words they have to say.

He wants to hear it.

For his peace, he wants to hear their side so he can better grasp why hatred filled his heart, too... not just because it was beaten into him to survive Mint Eye... because hatred was always a part of him. Hate and anger are emotions, just as much as love and kindness, and they are important to acknowledge. We can't deny them, and you should never live in fear of your "uglier" emotions, either.

But, anger nearly destroyed Saeran because he let it control him to survive under Rika's thumb, and he never wants to live that way ever again. He would rather choose understanding and kindness when... death is on the horizon. He doesn't want to live his life torn apart with agony, debating the rights and wrongs of every choice he's made to survive, he wants to embrace the answers of life and why people do what they do, knowing his kindness is his strongest ally in the face of cruelty.

His strongest power, his greatest ability, has always been his gentle heart.

I've spoken at length about Rika and Mother Choi before, but I don't think I've ever fully spoken about Saejoong here. Which is where I'm taking this particular post. It's easy to point out the trauma Saeran experienced via the maternal figures in his life, but the game doesn't go as deeply into his feelings about paternal figures. Sure, we have a lot on Jihyun, but Saejoong?

You'll find more about Saejoong within Saeyoung's heart because he hates that man with all his heart, every fiber of his soul, and anytime we're subjected to Saeyoung's perspective, we see things as they are. The valid and correct assumption is that Saejoong Choi is a monster in charge of many facets of the country, pretending to be a man of the people when he's actually a wolf in sheep's clothing.

We know what Saeyoung thinks of him because his worst nightmare is becoming a man like him.

But, Saeran? Saeran is a gentle boy, with a kind heart, and that's the definition every character who's ever interacted with him as a small child has ever said about him. He was terrified of his mother and his father, he gave some grace to his mother because she "protected us from father by not letting him have us" even though he understands she was only using them for alcohol money.

He's always tried to understand others even if those people aren't the types of people anyone would ever want to understand. Because, as the story goes, "Nice backstory, that's still murder, though!" I'm with Saeyoung on this one, but that doesn't mean I can't value what our Saeran desires most of all. He wanted to hear Saejoong's story, and that's why I purposefully don't choose the options where I lash out at this man even though he deserves it in my eyes.

I chose the options that gave Saeran what he needed to learn how to forgive himself.

But, there's a lot of language in your ultimate confrontation with Saejoong Choi that stands out to me for good reason. I think the point that stood out at first was: "You know, he's been giving me nonsense all morning. Now, I think I understand what that came from". That was Saejoong's retort to how you stated the obvious, Saeyoung and Saeran were never a threat to him, he was the one who'd decided they were a threat to him.

But, you keep laying into the Prime Minster, poking and prodding again and again, seeking out the answers you know Saeran wants. You're not sure if Saeran is alive or dead in that moment, so you're reaching out with his desire... the burning desire in Saeran's heart that wants to UNDERSTAND no matter how childish people may want to call that desire.

But, he pointed out that you sounded a lot like Saeran did when he was trying to speak to his father before you arrived. So, let's take a step back for a second and think about something important.

What does our Suit Saeran wear as he pretends to be the strongest of them all?

What does he cloak himself in to feel like a monster? He wears a suit. Not once does he possess the words his father might've spoken had they ever met when he was a little boy, rather, he wears an ill-fitting suit that's far more suited to the man who looms over him like a tree, casting a shadow around Saeran.

That's something that hasn't really been touched on by anyone over the years as far as I can tell but it's haunted me. Suit Saeran takes a piece of every person who hurt him... to become what Rika claims is "strong". His wearing a suit isn't just a fun style choice, it's by design. Shouting his mother and Rika's words wearing a suit that will never fit him, all the while crumbling in all himself because this isn't who he is and he hates every second of it.

What's scarier than the awful words of his maternal figures and the suit that terrified him?

That's why "those cruel words were meant for me" is what he says in his apology. He saw himself as a coward who couldn't do anything but obey Rika's cruel order to become the strongest believer of Mint Eye. He abandoned his kindness because he didn't have a choice in the matter, he had to do heartless things to survive, and that's what spurns him to look deeper at Rika later on. She must've felt the same thing she made him feel... so, could the same be said for his mother and father?

When do people accept cruelty into their hearts? When do they decide that they should let cruelty lead to more cruelty? Why do people attempt to justify cruelty? He doesn't know, and that's... hugely why he wants time to himself away from the front, leaving both you and Ray together to take care of one another while he sits with himself to reflect and learn.

The very notion that wearing a suit jacket could make him look like a monster comes from the phantom memory of men in suits he always feared were lurking around the corner, though.

There's actually an entry about that in baby Saeran's diary after he begins to attend the cathedral when his brother disappears. He says that men in suits have started appearing and he thinks that they're following him to and from church every day. What's scarier than the man in the jacket? Saeran's fear of his father is the fear of a man in a suit who could do horrible things—unspeakable things—to him, and it's one of the reasons why he embraced his mother.

He would rather have the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't.

At the very least, he knows what his mother will do to him if he does something wrong. But, Saejoong Choi? He doesn't know what might happen if that man gets him, and Mother Choi did nothing but fill his head with "what if"'s since he and Saeyoung were old enough to hear her speak and understand what she meant.

Suit Saeran adopts those clothes to make himself fit the "part". It's no different than how Ray tries to fit the big clothes that Rika made him wear, trying to fill the role she created for him even though that role would never be him. I'm not sure if Suit Saeran was conscious of his decision to wear a suit jacket, but I know regardless of his awareness of it, it was a choice he made and it's arguably reasonable to say the decision came from this childhood fear of his.

During his apology scene, he reflects on his actions and what led him to this point, but he has one question that can only be answered by... you.

Saeran: My darkness is melting away, but you still remain the way you are... how can you stay the same? You: I thought you were being mean to me because you were terribly wounded in the past. Saeran: You understood me. I didn't expect you to do so... I should thank you, shouldn't I? Thank you... for understanding me.

Your ability to see beyond the surface and attempt to understand Saeran validates his heart's desire to do the same. This is why the very moment you confront Saejoong, he tries to claim you're why Saeran spoke to him with understanding instead of ire, but that's assuredly not the case. You lifted Saeran and reminded his heart about his gentle desires, but his words are his alone.

He speaks for himself. No longer will people put words in his mouth. His autonomy is his.

Saejoong: I've done nothing wrong. You know nothing about me... there's no way some good-as-good-weakling is happier than me. The survivor is the victor, you see! Which is why I only win when I survive and be the best.

Suit Saeran's survival is the survival of the fittest. The idea that you have to be at the top of the food chain to survive no matter what. That's not how it works at the end of the day. It's not about being the strongest... not about being the top dog. Survival happens because the species in question ends up with the best chance to adapt to an ever-changing environment for one reason or another. Humans got lucky, that's all, and there's no magical tier of strength here to thank for it.

People misunderstand what that phrase means.

But, I'm not surprised when I see Saejoong pull it out of his ass like that because he's the kind of man who thrives with that ideology at the end of the day... and it's why this particular confrontation is for Suit Saeran's weary heart, just... as the confrontation with Rika was more for Ray than it was for Suit Saeran.

There are parallels here for a reason.

That's not to say that they didn't need both confrontations, that only Saeran needed this or Ray only needed that, but there's something they both needed out of these conversations, and one boy needed the Rika talk and the other the Saejoong talk for the full scope of their particular experience. It's how they find peace, it's how GE Saeran is able to give peace to the two sides of his heart that brought him into being.

How miserable it is for someone to claim to be the strongest. That's something Suit Saeran knew well. It's isolating, isn't it? It's dark and hopeless, isn't it? You get what you want by stepping on the backs of others, but all you're left with is cruelty. You lose yourself to anger... to heartless acts. You live in denial, too, and that's something Saeran's able to see from a mile away when he looks at Saejoong and Rika in the end.

Their goals might be different, but he sees no difference in the path people walk to subscribe to the survival of the fittest. Rika was scared of being abandoned, so she made people terrified to leave her behind in the dust, rather than embrace her fear and confess her fears to get help. She could've done things differently, but she turned away from the world, and embraced a twisted ideology instead.

Saejoong abandoned an honest living, spitting the face of those who shine shoes in favor of clawing his way to the top, because we're left to presume he started with sincere intentions, only to abandon them in the name of securing total power for himself the way he assumed everyone else was.

Sure, is it very naive and perhaps even too hopeful to assume people won't walk all over you for choosing an honest path like the one that Saeran wants to walk? Maybe, maybe it is stupid to walk down a road you know will be harder than the rest, but the question to ask is: Will you be able to live with yourself at the end of your life if you take the cruelest path instead? You won't be able to take what you get by destroying others into the next world, so why?

Why destroy anyone in the first place?

That's why when Saejoong tells you there's no turning back for him now, he realizes that there's nothing left for him if he accepts what's coming for him. He doesn't want to take accountability because he's well aware of what's on the other side. He can't change what he did to people, and he'll have to live with that forever, so why not go with the sunk-cost fallacy? It's already fucked, why not make sure it's fucked for good?

Commit to the bit until the very end no matter what since you can't live with yourself otherwise. I've seen it before... so many times. Why ever hold yourself accountable when it means you have to face what you've done and consequences that come with it? Why not keep the charade going forever instead of doing the hard work to make things right? It's because they don't want to do it. They know what they did, and they don't want to destroy themselves in the process of making things right.

That's what I call selfish. Because, if you have enough awareness to understand the consequences of your actions, you've got enough to understand what your actions did to your victim. If you're thinking of how your life will be ruined by owning up to your actions, then you're not truly thinking of atonement or making things right. You're simply serving your own satisfaction.

Saejoong saying, "I've done what I've done and there's changing it, so I may as well keep going until I can't go anymore" is his way of saying that he won't stop pushing because he knows what awaits him at the end of his wicked road. He deserves to live with that shame forever if you ask me. Given his quick response to try and blame the player for Saeran's injuries at the start, and his honesty in what he would do to his sons to serve his own needs?

Yeah, it's easy to see what kind of man he is. Blame everyone else for his problems instead of facing himself in the mirror.

Saeran and MC offer Saejoong something many of us don't think he deserves, rightfully so mind you, and that's the understanding that he won't get from anyone else. MC's understanding of Suit Saeran... and Saeran's understanding of what it felt like to stare the sunk-cost in the face (Suit Saeran's Bad Ending where he breaks the player and tries to bring them back with the only thing he knows—torment—but MC's Humpty Dumpty and can't be put back together again because of what he did).

You: You must be so lonely. Saeran: My poor father... you've never met someone who understands you, right?

With that in mind, does any of this mean that Saejoong had that change of heart? As I said earlier, no, it doesn't. He isn't going to change overnight and he's not going to have a place in Saeran's freedom. But, Saeran's kindness... the kindness he extended to a horrible man who would never give him the same grace if the roles were reversed? It made a difference. Saejoong was mystified by his son because of his kindness.

Saeran and Saeyoung spent their lives on the run... always crawling under the dirt to hide from him. They've suffered in ways Saejoong had to taste for only two days before he decided to seek out his son. That's the thing, Saejoong experienced Saeran's understanding right before he ran off, no different than how his illegitimate twins had to run away from him every day of their lives—and as that kindness sat with him, he had to live with it.

He had to live with the fact that his son would live a better life than he could've ever dreamed of for himself because his son wasn't afraid to walk an honest road, no matter how many people would call him the fool for it. If a boy he considered a nuisance, a pest, a mere bug under his feet could do that—who's to say he couldn't have done that from the very beginning himself?

Don't get me wrong, this realization isn't Saejoong changing for the better or anything. He's self-aware enough to say that he isn't going to change for the better in the end because he's already done what he's done and there's no changing it. He lived a fraction of what he made his sons live and he came out of it knowing he'd rather sit in prison than have to live how he made them live.

That says more about how spineless he is than anything. He can't believe Saeran extended understanding and empathy to him after experiencing what Saeran and Saeyoung did for only two days... but in doing so, his kindness gave Saejoong Choi something he'd never get from anyone else. Because he certainly didn't hear kindness in the time he spent with Saeyoung. He's thinking to himself, "I made those boys feel like this for twenty years, and yet, that boy still said those kind words to me."

Hell, it's plausible that one of the reasons why Saejoong was so damn mystified was because Saeyoung gave him everything he expected... all the hatred, the ire, and the venom from a child forced to crawl in a den of mud and spikes to survive.

But—Saeran didn't.

Saeran broke his expectations and left that man reeling. Saejoong Choi scoffed at true honesty, kindness, and sincerity for years only to come face to face with it at the end of his rope with nothing to say for himself in his defense but a pitiful, spineless display of self-satisfying justification.

"Now that I've lost everything, I just can't stop thinking about that nonsense you said to me. Once they get me, I won't have to pant and hide. I couldn't find a way to live a beautiful life, but maybe you two… anyway, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for telling me all that. For saying that to someone like me…. Just so you know, people don't change. It's not easy for people to change. But, you two would do anything to change someone like me."

Saeran is someone Saejoong can't get a read on because he's never encountered someone so honest and genuine with his intent. He has nothing to say for himself because there is no excuse for what he did to Saeran and Saeyoung. He simply did it because he could and there was no pause or hesitation as to what his actions would do to them... because he only cared to satisfy his own desires. Why be kind if your world will stomp on you no matter what?

Why choose naivety if it won't serve your goals? Saejoong abandoned any hope of following an honest road when he decided kindness was a weakness, similar to how Rika scoffed at the player when you say to her in no uncertain terms that she is only one who thinks kindness is weak.

Saejoong says something similar when you confront him, too.

"Love? You think I have time to even feel love? At least weaklings would have had time to do that. Meeting someone like you, falling in love, and throwing your life away for love, like some soap opera... I had no time to do that. I must break the rules one by one to step higher, and then I must all my remaining energy to hide what I've done," he said.

"And the only thing that's left for me after that is feigned relations and cruelty... as well as wealth and honor. Love? For me? In this situation? Haha... impossible. It means nothing to me now. Which is why I must show no mercy. I'll use these Saeyoung and Saeran for my own good until they're dead... otherwise, I'll be dead."

Sunk-cost fallacy.

Out of the things they talked about that night before the morning came, I like to think that Saejoong was further surprised by what Saeran would say to him about Saeyoung. Because make no mistake here, I will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that our Saeran told Saejoong that if he wanted to do the right thing and put an end to the chase, he would turn himself into Saeyoung specifically.

Saeran knows his brother will never forgive this man. Forgiveness isn't what his brother needs. Saeyoung needs to reclaim his sense of power over Saejoong and put that damn man beneath him so he's never haunted at night by the idea of that man coming to kill him or his loved ones.

Saeran may not agree with violence, but he knows his brother even if they've been apart forever, and he knows Saeyoung needs to clock that man with a good right-hook to know his brother is safe, among saying his peace.

It's the fact that Saeran is capable of great kindness, but also an even greater understanding, because he can say what he wants but also communicate what his brother wants, even if it doesn't align with his personal choice. He's selfless, not selfish, in his desire to be kind to others... but that doesn't mean he's incapable of being selfish, either. When he broke down in tears in front of V and Rika, he was honest in saying what he wanted, and later, when you hear Saeran in your head on your quest to find him before it's too late—

You hear him say that he lied because he does want to live with you for the rest of your lives, and you know that in your heart. Just as he wants to be selfless and brave, he also yearns to be selfish and with you forever. That's what makes him human. That's what makes all of us human.

Saeran wants everyone to have whatever they need to find peace, no matter what it is.

The fact that Saejoong willingly accepted that request, or decided himself to face Saeyoung, is something that often mystifies me... even to this day. Saejoong understands two things, one for each of his sons. He knows that he'll never understand how Saeran became kind despite his hardship but Saeran tried to understand him in spite of Saejoong's cruelty, and that Saeyoung is similar to him, in that he will never rest nor be satisfied until he gets what he wants out of the people against him.

Offering Saeran a final talk to clear up anything else his son might want and Saeyoung the chance to beat his father down when he needs to know the monster can't hurt him anymore? We can talk forever about why he decided to do those things, argue if there's been a change of heart or if some magical deux ex machina made things better, but...

At the end of the day, I understand that Mystic Messenger tries to paint this ending as more hopeful, with the notion that people can take accountability for their actions, and the real world isn't always like that. Someone like Saejoong isn't likely to hold up to any mirrors and reflection on what he's become and/or what he's been forever to the people around him, but... I just can't deny it's having the situation handled with some realism that brings me peace.

Sure, it's escapist fantasy, there are certain aspects here that just don't align with what it might go in the real world, but... it doesn't change the fact that there are pieces to these conversations that hold value to people in real life who needs to hear and see outcomes like this.

Because, there's sweet satisfaction in my heart knowing Saeyoung is about to get the chance to beat this man within an inch of his life for whatever thirty-second pass Vanderwood gave him before they have to take him in for the police; and with the knowledge that Saeran got what he wanted out his final conversation with his father, and he isn't afraid of the man in a suit jacket anymore because that suit holds no power over him, because he chose his peace.

The boys both got what they needed. As a victim who identifies strongly with many of the characters in this game, seeing them get that gave me peace. That's what matters to me. Not a debate about what Saejoong Choi feels here or if he truly changed his mind about what's right or wrong. His victims finally have their freedom, and he can't hurt them anymore.

It's why at the very end of the RAE, my favorite option to the toast is "Love will prevail", because that's the moral of the story. Kindness is the strongest weapon you possess, and it's that kindness you share with every member of the RFA that helps them find peace in the end. Your kindness is what prevails, and how you reach the good ending to every route.

[unclewaynemunson]

It's a little past two AM when Wayne opens his lunchbox and finds himself unable to stop the smile that's creeping onto his face.

He's met with a note, in neat handwriting:

My dear Wayne, I hope you're having a good day/night at work. I made you some extra healthy sandwiches because of that cough you were worried about – I hope you like fresh tomato and lettuce. (Please don't get mad at me for trying to make you eat vegetables on your bread.) I also hid some clementines in your bag. I'll be thinking about you when I go to bed, and I can't wait to see you again in the morning. Love, S.

'Munson!'

He startles when he hears his own name and looks up to find his colleagues looking at him with various degrees of amusement.

'Who woulda thought?' John McMillan laughs while some of the younger guys let out wolf whistles. 'Wayne Munson got himself a lady?'

'We've been working here together for almost ten years and I don't think I ever saw you smile before,' Bernie adds. 'So she wrote you a love letter to go with your sandwiches, huh?'

Wayne rubs a hand over his beard, trying to hide his inclination to hide away from all those eyes staring at him like he's something funny. He has never liked being the center of attention.

'Don't act like y'all know somethin' you don't,' he grumbles.

'Who is she?' asks Logan. 'Can't be someone from the trailer park, you never were interested in any of 'em. Found yourself a more classy one? Someone from Loch Nora who gets the hots for a working man?'

Wayne suppresses the urge to roll his eyes at him.

'You got it all wrong, boys,' he says, hoping they'll back off soon.

'Do we, now?' With a taunting smile, John McMillan plucks the note out of Wayne's hands, and starts reading it out loud to his little audience in a high-pitched, faux dramatic voice.

Wayne isn't ashamed, and he knows the teasing is mostly meant in good fun, but he feels an overwhelming relief about the fact that Scott had been smart enough to not sign the note with his full name.

'S, look at that!' McMillan exclaims triumphantly, putting the note back into Wayne's lunchbox. 'So he got a mystery lady... Guys, who do we know with names starting with an S? Any girlfriends or wives we should get worried 'bout cheating?'

There's laughter, some guesses thrown around by people thinking they're funny, but Wayne mostly lets it glide off him, the same way he'd endure their comments about Eddie back in March. Granted, this teasing is much less mean-spirited than the so-called banter back then, but he still doesn't like to get involved. The less these men know about him, the better; that's a lesson he learned a long time ago. So he eats his bread – and even a clementine – while he lets them guess and pretends to laugh with them.

When the break is over and they get up to go back to their job, Bernie matches his pace to Wayne's.

'Look, you know we've been teasing you, but we're happy for ya, man, you know that, right?' he says.

Wayne pats him on his shoulder. Bernie is a good guy. He was one of the few men around here who actually seemed concerned about Eddie when all that shit went down. As far as Wayne knows, he never chose a side back then, never came for his nephew like those guys like Logan or John McMillan, with their big mouths and narrow minds.

'All good, Bernie, thanks,' he says.

'Does she make you happy?'

The question catches him by surprise; it prompts his lips to curve into the second unexpected smile of that day.

He thinks about the way Scott looked at him before they said goodbye this evening. He thinks about the sparkle in Scott's eyes whenever he talks about his students. He thinks about the way his hands held Wayne all through the night they spent together last weekend. He thinks about his neat mustache, his soft sweater vests, his long fingers cradled around one of Wayne's mugs. He pictures the private smile that must've surely been on Scott's face, a smile nobody saw, when he filled Wayne's lunchbox with fresh veggies and a surprise note.

'Very,' he tells Bernie, before slowing down his steps to be left alone with his thoughts about the man who will be waiting for him in bed after his shift, asleep and with his hair a mess, but waking up for a second to kiss Wayne's lips like he always does.

There is nothing that makes him happier than that one hour they get to share in bed together before Scott's alarm goes off in the morning.

[frostyhelltime]

hihi!! i love your work, i was wondering if i could request hazbin hotel characters x male or GN socially awkward reader who stutters a lot? preferably the characters angel dust, husk, vox, and velvette please, thank you in advance! you don't have to do it if you don't want to ofc, take your time and stay safe :D

Aaaaaaaaa this is such a cute prompt! I would be glad to Nonnie!! Also love that Velvette is in here too. Love her but she's not quite as popular as some other characters so I was super excited to see your request!

Did I Stutter?

Ft. Angel Dust, Husk, Vox, and Velvette x male!reader

Angel Dust

Is genuinely trying his best to be kind to his boyfriend, really.

And he succeeds most of the time, but there was definitely a learning curve at the beginning of the relationship.

The awkwardness Angel didn't mind at all. Just thought you were that smitten with him that you got tongue-tied and acted a little awkward because he was just that hot.

However as the relationship progressed and you continued to stutter and are still a little awkward he brings it up.

Once he realizes that's just how you are he's a little dismayed that it wasn't him that made you do it. But doesn't mind it once he gets over that.

He's one of the more patient ones, for sure. When you have trouble getting something out he doesn't make a big deal of it or draw attention to your stutter, he just keeps his face normal and neutral as he patiently waits for you to finish, like you aren't struggling for words.

It actually helps a lot because you don't feel the pressure to get it right and get it right fast that you feel with others.

Although he does have a habit sometimes of intentionally riling you up or being extra seductive with you to worsen your stutter because he thinks it's cute when you stutter his name with wide eyes like that.

"Ya know we've been together awhile now, right? Ya don't have to be so nervous around me all the time. I mean the stutter is cute and it's adorable when ya trip over your words, and I know I'm hot, but I'm starting ta wonder if you're ever going to get used to me." Angel Dust laughs as the two of you walk through Pentagram City, Angel walking beside you. He has one of his hands holding yours, and the other wrapped protectively around your shoulders as you make your way through the streets.

A rare day off and all he wants is to spend it with you to recharge himself.

You huff a moment, trying to think of how to explain it. You hadn't realized he thought it was a nervous habit and not just...what you do.

"T-This is....h-how I normally talk." You eventually get out, speaking slowly to try and reduce the rate at which you stutter.

At that Angel Dust stops and frowns and you're worried that perhaps this quirk of yours is too much for him to deal with now that he knows it isn't temporary. But he just pouts and looks at you as he starts walking again.

"It isn't because I'm super hot? Ugh. How disappointin." He huffs, throwing his head back and looking up at the sky a moment.

"Ya lucky you're so cute. I'll pretend not to be sad that you weren't swooning over me this whole time." Angel Dust looks back down at him.

But in a rare show of courage, his boyfriend clears his throat and forces out something a little bolder than usual.

"W-Who said I w-wasn't?" A coy grin on his face just made Angel stop a moment again, eyes wide as he processed what he had said.

"Ya can't just surprise me with that kind of smooth shit when I'm not expecting it." He grumbles, but from how affectionately Angel grips his hand just a little tighter it's clear he's not actually upset.

He'll just get him back later tonight. He may not be the cause of the stutter, but he knows how to make it worse when he gets a little to close to him, hands running over his body as he whispers to him.

Husk

Another one who is also very understanding.

Literally never once brings it up.

When he figures out that's just how you talk, he shrugs it off.

But he does think it's cute when you stutter on his name when you're trying to get his attention.

But he'll keep that to himself.

When you're struggling he actually makes it really easy on you, busying himself with menial work behind the bar: Organizing bottles, messing around with a new cocktail he had an idea for, cleaning glasses. Whatever he can find so he isn't looking at you, but still waits patiently for you to speak. Him not staring at you, waiting for you to get the words out was actually really helpful.

He also doesn't mind the social awkward aspect. He's not exactly a social butterfly himself, or a people person.

Besides, he's served plenty of awkward people who relax a bit when they have some liquid courage. So those types of people never bothered him.

"A-A-And do you k-know what that, that, t-that- UGH." Husk's boyfriend shouts in frustration eventually. Husk looks over as you lay your head down on the bartop in frustration.

Husk just grabs a glass and pulls out a few bottles, busying himself with making...some sort of new concoction.

"Take your time." Is all he says, the only acknowledgement he gave that he recognized you were struggling.

He's purposefully not looking at you, letting you take a moment to calm and collect yourself without feeling the pressure.

You take a deep breath and try again, speaking slower this time so your upset doesn't make it worse.

"W-Wanna know....what that a-asshole said?" You eventually get out as he pushes the finished drink towards you to try.

"Oh I'm real curious." Husk says plainly, and to others around he might sound only as interested as a bartender normally is in their patrons sob stories. But you can hear in his undertone he does actually want to know.

"H-He said, w-with that cheap o-o-outfit, he's surpr-prised I, I, I...can even afford a drink!" You throw your hands up as you finally finish lamenting about the jerk you met last night when you decided to go clubbing with Angel Dust and Cherri.

Husk frowns a moment at the insult, not liking that he wasn't there to correct the guy. But he can at least settle for making you laugh as you take the first few sips.

He leans forward then, his elbows on the bartop as he lays his head in one hand and looks at you.

"You don't need to afford any drinks. You're fucking the bartender. You get 'em free." He smirks, holding back a laugh as he watches you almost immediately spit out that first sip, and watches you laugh for the first time since you sat down here in such a foul mood.

Vox

Surprisingly, genuinely the most empathetic about the whole thing.

When you first started dating him, he tried to help you. Lots of famous orators had stutters and they overcame them!

But he realizes eventually you don't want him to be so focused on fixing it, just help you get through it when it gets frustrating.

Once you get past that miscommunication, it's a lot smoother.

If you're struggling exceptionally bad he just pulls out his phone and hands it to you in a non-chalant manner so as not to draw attention to you, to let you type what you want to try and get across to him.

Genuinely scrubs social media down there of any shit-talking he sees people might do about 'Vox's stuttering mess of a boyfriend'. He controls pretty much all of it anyway. So it isn't the hardest thing.

He doesn't want you to see what some stranger who isn't worth anything is saying about you if it might make you feel bad.

The reason he is the most empathetic is because he does also have a tendency to stutter too, technically. When he glitches out, he can often stutter or repeat words and it's always intensely frustrating to him because it shows someone how he's feeling an intense enough emotion to glitch out like that.

Always does his best to retain as much control as he can when he glitches because of this, but when it's just the two of you he doesn't...really mind if you hear his computer equivalent of stuttering.

"S-S-Stupid FUCKING Val!" Vox yells as he throws some stupid object on his desk against the wall, narrowly missing you when you walk in to see him. His normal bright blue face is a bright and angry red and Vox is immediately simmering down, eyes wide when he realizes he almost nailed you with it. What had he even thrown? His eyes glance down and he sees it was a stapler and he winces. Yeah, with his strength and throwing that, that could have done a lot of damage if it had connected.

"S-Sh----iiit! I-I'm sorry!"

But Vox's boyfriend doesn't even seem bothered, just jogging over to him quickly and holding his hands, using his thumbs to rub circles on Vox's palms. Clearly trying to calm him down and...damnit it's working. The red begins to fade to blue once again as Vox lets out a deep sigh.

"W-What happened?" You ask him curiously, looking up at him.

"Fucking VAL happened, of course. Ripped apart one of my best news anchors because he found out they were fucking one of his favorites and he doesn't like to share. Now I gotta find someone else who is just as good or I'll be running the 6 o'clock segment until I do." Vox grumbles. He could just slap someone in there of course, but he hadn't built VoxTek into what it was today by accepting second best.

You tug him down, him eventually getting the message and leaning down to be within your reach more. You lean forward and gently place an affectionate kiss on his screen.

"H-How about....I or-or-order food to-to go? W-We'll sit here and...look at c-candidates." You suggest and Vox's face softens again, glad that although Val had ruined his nice relaxing dinner date with you, that he at least still got to spend time with you. Val couldn't ruin his night at least, it seems.

Vox smiles again, his normal exuberant and charismatic showman personality back on full display as he feels better with a plan in place.

"Hey I could always say screw it and let you have a whack at it." He teases, not even feeling bad about the cute look of panic in your eyes as you immediately shake your head no. He can't help but laugh and quickly shakes his own head.

"Kidding! Kidding! I want to still have a boyfriend by the end of tonight." He chuckles, earning him a gentle hit to his shoulder from you at his joke.

Velvette

Admittedly...the least kind about it...at first anyway.

She has little patience or time for things in general. So a stutter was actually a little aggravating to her at first. Until she realized one day she kinda thought it sounded a little cute coming from you.

It was something unique about you, and hey, fashion is all about being unique.

She almost certainly did make fun of you in the beginning before she developed feelings, and whenever Val or Vox bring it up to tease her about it, she winces.

Yeah....not something she's proud of now that she actually likes you and is dating you.

But once she gets past that hump, she's pretty accomodating...sometimes a little too much even.

But her heart is in the right place.

The easiest way she accomodates you is having a lot of conversations over text. Which isn't even an adjustment for her.

Plus it means she can re-read all your sweet words to cheer her up when Val fucks up her best model again. She thinks the world would be more peaceful is someone just fucking castrated him or something...

One of the ways she tries to be helpful and sweet to you but actually makes it worse is when you're trying to talk in a group of people, and when you start to have trouble, sometimes someone just starts to talk over you to move the conversation along.

And then she frowns, cocking her hips to the side with her hands on them.

"Uh? Excuse me. He wasn't done talking, yeah?" She shuts them up, giving you back the floor as your cheeks flush.

But now all the attention is on you and it makes it worse.

But her heart is in the right place, like I said.

She also doesn't care about the social awkwardness.

In her words "Doesn't matter how you are in real life, no one has to know if you don't post it online."

Plus, you're with her. She's plenty adept enough to navigate any social situations you have trouble with.

She's a bit tired of Vox talking over you while you all sat around and had cocktails with dinner. She knows it's in his nature, but that doesn't piss her off any less whenever she sees you sigh and give up on trying to say whatever it is you were trying to say.

"Oy, Box Brain! I know you love the sound of hearing yourself talk, but how about you let someone else get a word in edgewise, yeah?" She's not even trying to hide her annoyance and Vox just rolls his eyes.

"Don't you fucking roll your eyes at me! I'll start fucking up the signal of all your broadcasts if you don't shut the fuck up and let someone else talk!" She's getting just a bit more heated now, narrowing her eyes. You grimace and lean over, placing a hand on her arm to try and show that it's really okay. You loved that she fought so passionately for you...but not everything needed to be a battle.

Vox leans forward himself now, while Valentino just leans back, blowing out smoke and enjoying the show with an amused grin on his face. You certainly couldn't count on him to break this up.

"You wouldn't dare." Vox says with narrowed eyes himself, face closer to hers, and she snaps back at him without thinking.

"Did I fucking stutter?!"

Valentino is the first one to register the hilarity of what slipped out of Velvette's mouth, and he's almost spilling his cocktail from laughing so hard. It's only when he starts laughing that she realizes what she said and feels embaressment wash over her as she turns to you with wide eyes.

"Babes, I didn't mean-"

But you stop her before she can finish, smiling assuringly at her and rubbing her arm.

"I-It's okay....You gotta a-admit...It was pr-pretty funny." You laugh a bit yourself, and only when she sees you laugh does the tension leave her shoulders. She still feels embaressed...but at least you weren't upset.

"Hey, stop fucking laughing you two. It wasn't that funny." Velvette grumbles, hiding her face behind her cocktail as she takes a sip, feeling you press a kiss to her cheek to try and make her feel better as Vox and Valentino continue to enjoy Velvette's mistake.

[blitzobop]

Full Moon Theory

I want it to go badly. I want Blitzø to wildly misunderstand what Stolas giving him the Asmodeus Crystal really means. I want Blitzø to push him away. You want to know why? Because Blitzø isn't ready to accept Stolas' love. He first needs to unlearn his belief that he is unlovable and not good enough. If he can't do that, he cannot be with anyone, let alone Stolas. It's been proven multiple times throughout the series that his self-worth issues are what is keeping him from happy, healthy relationships.

I'm hoping there will be an instigating event that will force Blitzø to self-reflect. I think an event is important because, from what we've learned about him so far, he won't do it on his own without a VERY good reason. I think the threat of losing Stolas would be the best.

For instance, maybe Stolas gets involved with the Parrot character folks have been speculating about. This Parrot, more than likely, being a hired actor sent by Stella and Andrealphus to help them trick Stolas. The Parrot gives Stolas all of the grand romantic gestures he's been craving. At first, Stolas is completely taken by these outward expressions of affection because he's been starved of it for so long. However, these displays eventually begin to feel hollow as he realizes that he doesn't want that from anyone else but Blitzø. Suddenly, everything the Parrot does reminds him of the imp. From the outside, the relationship seems happy. Of course, as Stolas is accustomed to pretending everything is fine. In reality, though, it is empty.

But Blitzø doesn't know that. So, meanwhile, it's driving him crazy. He says he's doesn't care, but takes it really hard in secret. He comes to work, eyes red and puffy. He'll probably make a 420 joke to explain away the reason why they're red. He isn't sleeping much, so he falls asleep at his desk and can be heard mumbling "Stolas" in his sleep. His aloof facade is crumbling. There will be jokes like: he denies caring about Stolas dating someone and then is immediately proven wrong with his actions (he gives himself away). Maybe they're in the human world, on a mission, and he just starts yelling at an owl. Saying all the things he wants to say to Stolas. Eventually, it gets to the point where it's negatively affecting his life so significantly that he has no choice but to confront his feelings for Stolas. This will then lead to a confession. I'm picturing all this happening over the course of several episodes.

Anyway, that's all I got, I hope you all enjoyed!

[antiendovents]

i’m so sick of endo culture being everywhere on this website. we discovered our system only in january, and when we learned what endos were we instantly thought that idea was absurd. but recently a lot of our close mutuals are getting really loud about being pro endo, which we didn’t know at the time of becoming their friends. i feel so gross being mutuals with these people and publicly associating with them in the past, but i don’t want to cut them out of my life entirely because i’m still attached to them and i’m scared of being“problematic” on here since this is the only space where i can be myself. i don’t want to be rude to endos because they’re usually just traumagenic systems in denial, but i’m also so sick of them fetishizing and romanticizing such a serious fucking disorder. as much as i love my headmates if i could choose to be a singlet i would always do it in every life. i wish i didn’t have to pretend to be “neutral” on syscourse, whatever that means. the idea of endogenic “systems” is such chronically online shit. i wish they would just be ok with roleplaying or stop using our tags and our terms because jesus christ this is a dissociative disorder that resulted from trauma and plurality is not the only symptom of it.

-❄️

yeah. We found out about endos not long after joining Tumblr. By then though we already knew we were a system for a while; and the idea of endos was disgusting. It made us so angry we wanted to delete Tumblr as a whole for it. I get how you feel with the mutuals, we've gotten attached to people too and then had to unfriend them / block them later on due to their actions or their beliefs and it sucks but sometimes it's necessary. If you feel gross just interacting with them or having them before your mutual that isn't good, I would recommend trying to do so, but only if you think you can safely (as in you're ready mentally and you won't be harassed or anything). Your feelings of anger are valid, and while I won't condone being rude to them for no reason I will say that endos do not deserve respect; they are ableists, ableists do not deserve respect (don't go out of your way to harass them, but don't necessarily feel bad for blocking them or arguing with them if they come to you, you know?). They're disgusting and seeing them in the tags is just so horrible, it's like we're actively being mocked and everyone else is just closing their eyes and turning their backs on us. No one treats endos as what they are; ableists and it's kind of sad. It's sad because people act like it's "not that serious" or like we're "overreacting" when we complain or bring up how harmful they are.

(sorry rant)

[stari-hun]

Reverse 1999 is an Existential Horror and they’re reminding us of the genre

This is a post about Vereinsamt, book 7, but I won’t be talking about any massive story spoilers here!

Chapter 7 - The Maze of the Minotaur is horrible cause it viscerally shows how different we are as humans from then to now.

I was just talking about how 1999 was when Blair Witch came out, so every character has massed out on the massive horror resurgence that came out after it. In Reverse 1999, 1999 was when they had it all. But to us, if you asked what the best era in the past was you’d get 100 different answers, and very few would be before the 2000s.

Blair Witch was the turn of horror films because it gave the foundation for a new genre that was accessible to amateur film makers: the Found Footage genre. It made way for an entirely new type of story where all people needed was a friend and any kind of camera in order to tell their story. This stemmed into a digital version of this genre: Alternate Reality Games or ARGs. As well as a subgenre of Found Footage called Analog Horror, in today’s age, even phones have better camera quality than most cameras' film quality back then. So the genre learned to turn the quality down on videos in order to get a vintage quality to them because the inability to see would give a fear of the unknown. We both have a fear of the unknown, but the characters in Reverse 1999 have no knowledge or baseline to be afraid of things that aren’t what they appear. Arcanum can be used to change one’s appearance and it’s uncommon knowledge, but to totally change a person's stature and look is a rare ability. A few arcanists have a certain transcendental ability to tell people apart by their aura, bones, or unique arcane signature. But they haven’t experienced this horror renaissance. Horror movies actually have a pretty important role in public perception of things. If a person was walking around with a knife or a bat and we didn't have horror movies or stories of that exact situation, then unless you heard about a dangerous person on the streets, your guard wouldn't be up. Hearing and seeing stories about the possibility of harm and what could happen in a certain situation is a very important role media has in our lives. With the Mandela Catalogue came a fascination with urban myths and similar cryptids. People from Appalachia and indigenous people around the time it came out would share stories of their encounters with creatures who would pretend to be human and lure us to them. Whether or not a person chooses to believe in nonhuman entities is up to them, but it's a fact as well that a lot of animals have adapted to humans and learned how to mimic us. Birds mimic us easily as animals who specialize in it, but cats and dogs do their best to mimic our speech patterns to. Humans are animals as well so we sound like other animals. Bunnies being hunted in the woods make screaming sounds that grab the attention of anything nearby but especially humans, they even sound similar to us in the way babies' cries can make other animals think we're a similar species to them. So whether it has a mystical explanation or one in nature, we know that something that sounds like what isn't on purpose is a sign of danger. We've seen horror movies and heard stories about turning around and seeing what we think is a friend only to be betrayed by a monster tricking us in many popular media. We've seen media portrayals of that person being something pretending to be human and pretending to be your friend, so we know that that means imminent danger. In Doctor Who you have Weeping Angels who use the voices of others to communicate until they're caught, Supernatural used the stories of mimics many times, even in DnD as a tabletop game has it as an enemy that isn't strong but always poses a threat because trusting that you're safe when something is tricking you into thinking that way is one of the scariest things to humans. It's why I think Arcanists, because of the nature of arcanum, struggle the most from memory gaps or mental illness. Arcanum relies on your mind and schema as power. As humans, we naturally feel uncomfortable with the unknown and take comfort in learning and overcoming fears. We like an environment we can feel control in and safety from as well as people we can feel safe with. So along with the unknown, another thing we fear is being innately unsafe around someone we've placed absolute trust in.

The characters in R1999 lack the public zeitgeist we have. 37’s instincts aren't to distrust the people around her in any situation. Even when 210 is purposefully trying to knock down her ego, she doesn't react to it with feeling hurt because she genuinely trusts the people of Apeiron and especially her close group. She doesn't consider they would do anything bad to her, and she doesn't have the knowledge to consider that something could use that trust by pretenidng to be them.

[cringecompanionapologist]

I Found a Doctor Who RPG Sourcebook and I'm Making It Your Problem

Actually, I found several. It seems that there is a sort of Doctor Who tabletop RPG with sourcebooks for each Doctor that include ready-made character sheets for the Doctors, companions, and major players in each televised story.

I could look into all of them, if I really wanted to, but the thing is, my computer is nearly a decade old, slowly dying on me, and hates screenshots, so taking and storing a fuckton of screenshots of absolutely everything isn't something I can do. So, I'm just pulling a few interesting bits from the Second and Fifth Doctor Sourcebooks. There's no structure to this beyond me thinking "I wonder what their character sheet looks like".

So, the Second Doctor stuff is not much at all. I got the Doctor himself.

I should probably note that I don't have much experience with tabletop RPGs, and none with this one in particular, so I only half know how to read these. This screenshot isn't even very good. I'm working off a free site with a terrible zoom function and I couldn't get the whole thing. The basics are that characters have a set of six Stats, a bunch of Skills, some traits that give them special strengths and weaknesses, and some basic character information. The Second Doctor's got a lot of stuff, some of which even gets explained.

I've deduced that there's probably a separate manual for the basics of how the game works, what the Stats mean, what the Skills do, etc. So a lot of Why These Numbers Are What They Are questions go unanswered.

Any way, this screenshot sucks so much that I can't bare the sight of it any longer, so we're moving on to the next one. Here's Jamie:

Wow! You can actually see things this time.

Most of the stat numbers don't go above 5, from what I can tell. So we can assume that Jamie's strongest stats are Coordination, Presence, and Strength, without any stat being too weak.

The skills are more mixed.

Athletics most likely refers to physical skills, Convince is persuasion, Craft is making stuff, I think, Fighting needs no explanation, Knowledge is...well...knowing stuff, Marksman is shooting/throwing accuracy, Medicine is obviously medical knowledge, Science is...look a lot of these seem like special subcategories of knowledge that are self-explainatory, Subterfuge I think covers "rogue skills" like spying and lock-picking, Survival is the sort of things Boy Scouts learn probably, Technology is computers and technobabble, Transport is driving and the like.

So, when it comes to strengths, Jamie is physically fit, but can't swim. He is very good at fighting because he's a male companion in the 60s that that was like at least 75% of their job. Marksman is apparently based in knife-throwing ability. Subterfuge...well, if you've seen The Enemy of the World, Jamie is actually a pretty good spy.

As for weaknesses, Jamie knows nothing about any STEM field.

There's also a little number for Technology Level. I've seen this number go as high as 7, but the 18th and 19th century characters seem to be placed at a 4. I didn't get a screenshot but Victoria is the same, despite the whole Industrial Revolution thing.

Then we've got some personality traits and such that effect things. Jamie apparently gets points for being attractive and brave, as well as for being accepted anywhere in time and space no matter what he's wearing. There's really not a whole lot to analyze here.

Now, the entire reason I did Second Doctor stuff was because the villains get character sheets and I wanted to see Salamander's. I added the Doctor and Jamie to pretend I had any other reason to be there.

I took this screenshot without using the zoom and it looks pretty good actually.

It turns out that those skill numbers can go above 5 as Salamander scores a 6 in Ingenuity and Presence, as well as a 5 in Resolve. Almost all of his stats are pretty high. As an RPG villain, he's a boss fight.

Instead of a full chart of skills, which only Doctors and Companions get, Salamander just gets a list. His higher points here are Convince at 5, Knowledge at 4, Subterfuge at 5, and Technology at 5. Convince and Subterfuge are his more manipulative skills as a politician, while Knowledge and Technology are because he did, in fact, invent the technology he got popular for inventing. His Tech Level, at a 5, is somewhere between Jamie and Victoria, and some of the more futuristic aliens. That does make sense for the early 21st century, even a slightly more high-tech 21st century than the one that actually happened.

As for Traits, a lot of them give him bonus skills that are actually explained, such as the ability to invent gadgets, resist mind control, menace people into doing what he wants and get even bigger bonuses in Technology and Convince situations, being a tech genius for his time period and a respected authority figure.

So, cool stuff.

The Fifth Doctor stuff I got is a bit more extensive. We'll start with the Doctor himself.

The good news is that it's a full screenshot. The bad news is that it's very hard to read. We can see a very high Ingenuity stat, because he's the Doctor. There's a Tech Level 10, because I'm guessing that's Level Time Lord.

I do have enough info to compare his Skill number to the Second Doctors.

Athletics has risen from 1 to 4 because of all the cricket. Convince drops from a 5 to a 3, because nobody listens to Five while Two was fairly good at getting people to listen to him. Fighting has risen from absolute 0 to 2, which isn't much but it's literally something. You can see a lot of numbers improve slightly as the Doctor has learned more things over time, like Medicine going from 1 to 3.

I actually looked over four different companions this time. We'll go in order of introduction. Here's Adric.

His Tech Level is confusing in the blurry screenshot. But, as for other stuff, his fast healing and ability to control the TARDIS a little are noted, though the reality warping of Block Transfer Computation isn't because it's too damn complicated and has it's own system.

Adric's skills in general are pretty low, but they don't seem to be too unfair. These sourcebooks started coming out around 2013, when the fandom's aggressive Adric hatred had started to wind down, possibly as people realized that all the season 19 companions had writing problems and the confused performances you often get with confused writing, but Tegan and Nyssa stuck around longer so improvements could be made, and Big Finish started doing damage control with them earlier on, especially in Nyssa's case.

I'm actually surprised Adric's Athletics score is as high as it is. His Science score being only a 3 and Knowledge 2 confused me at first, but when I thought about it, it a makes sense. Adric knew a lot about mathematics but basically nothing anything else, even other STEM fields. Nyssa had to tell him what photosynthesis is, which I learned in elementary school science classes. Between this extreme focus on a single subject, lack of socials skills, and somewhat stilted speech and movement, I think I like Adric as much as I do because all this stuff feels like autism and I was an autistic teenager when I first saw him.

He also gets good Subterfuge skills because he can pick locks, do sleight of hand tricks, and overall has a good skill set that was rarely put to use.

And now, Nyssa:

Tech Level 7 explains where Traken is. We'll get to compare several different planets I guess.

Nyssa gets a higher science stat, with an emphasis on biochemistry. She has a more diverse STEM skill set than Adric. Other than that, I don't have much to report here. The fact that she's upper class seems to affect her ability to interact with people who aren't. As you will see, Turlough somehow isn't given this problem despite it being more obvious with him than with Nyssa.

But before that, there's Tegan.

Technology level 5 for the 1980s. These tech levels seem to cover a lot of historical ground. 1746 and 1866 are both in 4 and 1980 and 2018(futuristic version) are both in 5. I wonder what separates these levels from one another.

Tegan is considered fairly ordinary, not a fighter like Jamie nor a scientist like Nyssa, so her stats are kinda bad. Looking at her traits, her skills seem to include running and screaming, with points off for being impulsive, argumentative, and loud. I don't think the people who wrote this liked Tegan very much.

Anyway, of course there's Turlough.

Trion is apparently Tech Level 7, the same as Traken. So that turned out to not be very interesting.

His main strengths are in Convince and Technology. He can half-understand the TARDIS at times and appears to be good at lying to people. The fact that he doesn't get running and screaming in his traits and Tegan does is sexism. He also gets to be charming, though not attractive like Nyssa or Tegan. Men can get this trait, since Jamie did. I think he's commonly seen as average-looking.

Also the fact that he's seen as lucky with all the shit he went through is hilarious.

Finally, as a bit of a bonus, Captain Wrack from Enlightenment has a character sheet. How do you even make stats for an Eternal?

Many of her stats are surprisingly low for basically a low-level god. Though she's got a high Knowledge score and a Tech Level of 12, since Eternals go beyond Time Lords, though it's more power than technology with them, isn't it? Do we just not know how to factor this in?

So when it comes to these tech levels:

18th-19th century Earth = 4

20th-21st century Earth = 5

Traken and Trion = 7

Time Lords = 10

Eternals = 12

That's all I got for now. I hope you enjoyed this bit of fussing over meaningless numbers.

[theloveoffootball10]

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ- ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ ᴛ ᴡ ᴏ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ ᴛ ᴡ ᴏ

"I don't want to go to work today" I say with a pout resting my head on Lando's chest.

"Don't go. Stay here with me"

"I wish I could but we have the big bosses in at work today for a meeting. I might come home on my dinner and work from home this afternoon so I can pretend to work but stare at your pretty face the whole time" I say knowing Lando loves it when I stroke his ego "your tan is ridiculously good it disgusts me"

"Sorry to be blessed with a pretty face and skin that tans incredibly well" Lando says with a laugh "I think you should work from home after your meeting then we can go out for dinner"

"I have an appointment after work but we can go out for food after" kissing Lando I drag myself from my bed to the shower. Lando has no reason to get up at the minute but I could get used to this feeling on a morning. It feels so normal to wake up next to him and continue with my usual routine.

I walk out of the bathroom dressed for work and don't see Lando in bed, I make my way downstairs where I find him in the kitchen making coffee. My mums car isn't in the drive yet so I know we're still alone.

"Hope you don't mind me helping myself but I thought after last night we could both do with a coffee and some food" Lando says placing a steaming hot coffee in front of me with a bowl of coco pops "we worked up quite the appetite"

"Thanks babe. I think last night was my favourite time we've had sex you know" I say sitting down at the island watching Lando make himself food.

"Why last night? I mean I know we've had incredible sex every time but why was last night different?"

"I don't know I think because we were in my bed and not a hotel it felt like what we have is even more real. Like a hotel room doesn't feel like home and it kind of made me realise being at home with you, we can make this work" I say with a shrug.

"I'm not going anywhere baby" Lando says walking around the island to wrap his arms around me from behind "I'm in this with you and I'm 100% committed to making this work. I think you're an amazing woman Lucía and I don't want to lose you"

"You're not going to lose me Lando" leaning my head back on Lando's shoulder I feel him kissing along my neck "don't you dare get me worked up now when I have to leave"

"I can't help that you're attracted to me and get turned on when I touch you" Lando says with a chuckle "I'll let you off but later tonight I promise I'm going to fuck you in your pool"

"That sounds like an excellent idea to me. What are you going to do until then?" I can't get into a conversation about sex or I'll never leave for work.

"I might do a work out in the gym as long as you're okay with me using it and then I might go for a run"

"You're more than welcome to use the gym. It was added in as encouragement for me and mum but I couldn't tell you when it was last used" noticing the time I quickly drink my coffee and finish the cereal Lando put in front of me. "I really need to go but I'll see you at dinner"

"Enjoy work baby" quickly kissing Lando I grab my keys and rush out of the door. The last place I want to be when Lando is here is at work but I need to push through a few hours until I can see him again.

"You look like you're in a better mood this morning" Joanne, one of my colleagues says as I sit at my desk getting sorted for the day.

"Lando turned up last night. We've talked and everything is sorted. We're back to normal" I can't keep the smile off my face when it comes to talking about Lando. I'm completely smitten.

"I'm pleased to hear that. It's really shown the last few days but then I think that just shows how much you like him" I like to get life advice from Joanne, as a lady in her mid fifties I feel like she's rarely ever wrong and she has a lot of life experience I can learn from.

The morning drags on and it feels like I've been at work forever. The minutes feel like they're going backwards every time I look at the clock. Sitting in the meeting I barely know what is going on, my mind is elsewhere. I just want to be at home with Lando making the most of being able to spend time with him. If I had known he was going to turn up I could've booked a few days off work but now it's too short notice. Hearing the top bosses close the meeting I shoot up out of my seat closing my laptop ready to bolt. Rushing back to my desk I pick everything up that I need as I bid a quick goodbye to everyone in the office and drive home.

"Lando? I'm home!" Wandering through the house I finally find Lando in the gym working out topless. I stop in my tracks biting my lip at the sight of the sweat running down his chest. I can't take my eyes off the view in front of me.

"Enjoying the view?" Lando asks with a cheeky grin on his face. He knows I've been watching him.

"I am actually, is that okay with you?" I say with a shrug.

"More than okay, it just means I have to flex for you" I watch as Lando walks towards me and as he gets closer, I pull him into me by the waistband of his joggers "how was work?"

"Meh it was work. I don't particularly want to work now but I have to. I keep thinking about your promise from this morning" biting my lip I look up at Lando fluttering my eyelashes. I'm not about to let him forget.

"You have to work but I stand by what I said. I'm going to fuck you later tonight" as Lando walks around me I feel a crack across my bum "back to work baby"

"You're a dick!" I groan in frustration as I drag myself to my office. The amount I want that man scares me. I have never had someone treat me the way Lando does.

Once I finish work I close my laptop with no intention of opening it until 9am tomorrow morning, I have an appointment for a lip filler top up then I plan to take Lando to my favourite Indian restaurant. I know the day is going to come when I don't have Lando with me every day but I don't dare ask him what day that will be.

"Lando are you ready to leave? I need you to come with me for this appointment then I'm taking you for tea" I ask walking into the kitchen where I find my mum and Lando sitting talking. It amazes me how much they get on, I always knew they would but it's like they have known each other forever.

"Yeah I'm ready. Are you coming Steph?" Lando asks turning to my mum, he doesn't have to ask her but I like that he does.

"I'm at work again tonight, you two go and enjoy" my mum says waving us out of the house.

"Lucía can you please let me drive?" Lando asks looking over the car at me.

"Be my guest" I say handing the keys to Lando and walking around to the passenger side "is my driving that bad?" I ask with a laugh.

"No but I'm that bad of a passenger. It makes me nervous having someone drive me around" Lando says as I give him directions to where I need to be. As we're driving along I connect my phone to the car shuffling my music when we both start belting out the lyrics to 'All too well' at the top of our voices "where are we actually going here?"

"I'm going for my lip filler top up and you're coming with me" I say with a shrug.

"Why do you get lip filler?" Lando asks confused looking at me as he parks my car "you don't need it"

"I get it because I want it but you're saying I don't need it because I've had filler the whole time I've known you. Come on you can come in but Jen will kill me and you if I'm late" I say climbing out of the car "Hi Jen!"

"Well look at the boyfriend glow on you! It certainly looks good on you! Is this the man in question?" Jen asks looking Lando up and down. She's around my mums age and she became my go to for beauty treatments from the moment I met her.

"Yeah this is Lando, Lando this is Jen. She's responsible for making me look as good as I do"

"You don't need treatments for that" Lando says as he sits in the spare chair and my heart melts.

"Let's just call them enhancements. The mix of your mum and dad means you're stunning anyway but we use that to your advantage" as Jen carries out my treatment I notice Lando watching from the corner of my eye. He looks equally fascinated as he does disgusted, if I didn't have a needle in my lip I'd laugh "You know the aftercare rules and you might have a boyfriend but remember no kissing!" Jen says looking at me seriously before turning to Lando "I mean it, I don't want to see her with uneven lips next time she comes in"

"Are you serious? Like really serious?" The look on Lando's face is hilarious. He looks devastated.

"I'm completely serious Mr I drive fast cars. No kissing until this time tomorrow" I've known Jen for a few years now and I know she's not to be messed with "this is what happens when you turn up unannounced"

"I was being a good boyfriend" Lando says with a shrug.

"You were and I don't think I've ever known anyone do something like this for Lucía but next time plan your surprises around her treatments pretty boy" Jen says with a laugh as Lando and I get ready to leave.

"I have no words for what I have just witnessed. I know she used numbing cream but that was the strangest thing I think I've ever watched" I can tell by the tone of Lando's voice that he's so baffled by the last 30 minutes "however all I can think of is how good they'll look wrapped around my cock"

"Lando! You do realise they're swollen and won't stay this big right?" I can't help but laugh with Lando, he's a typical man sometimes.

"You already look amazing with your lips wrapped around my cock so with the enhancement I can only imagine, well I can find out in 24 hours time" as Lando starts driving I can't help but laugh. Everything with him is so natural, I feel like there was never a time I didn't have him in my life. As we're shown to a table in my favourite Indian restaurant that is close to home I turn when I hear my name being shouted behind me.

"Lucía!"

"Hi Noah!" Picking Noah up I give him the biggest cuddle. He might be Liv's brother but I'd consider him my brother as well "I've missed you"

"I missed you. Mummy said I couldn't come and see you"

"You can always come and see me Noah" turning to Lando I introduce him to Noah "this is Noah, Liv's little brother"

"Hi Noah. I'm Lando"

"You're Lando Norris. You're my favourite driver"

"Really? How old are you?" Lando asks with a genuine smile on his face. I've seen him with kids around the paddock but when it's a kid I know my heart explodes.

"I'm five!" Noah says holding 5 fingers up.

"Being five is the best!"

"Lucía I'm so sorry I told him not to come over here" Stacey says running over in a panic.

"Don't worry I've always got time for Noah. He was just telling me that Lando is his favourite driver" I say with a raised eyebrow.

"I thought Fernando was your favourite?" Stacey asks Noah, as long as we can all remember he's said my dad is his favourite.

"I like Nando mummy but Lando is my favourite"

"Okay you can tell Nando next time you see him. Say bye to Lucía and Lando we have to get back to our table" saying our goodbyes to Stacey I turn back to Lando.

"You're amazing with kids, I've noticed before around the paddock but seeing you with Noah who means the world to me kind of shows me how special you are" something about Lando and his personality makes me have no filter. I can't help but tell him everything that is on my mind.

"Kids are cute but if I'm his favourite driver I'm not going to be that person who ruins everything for him" Lando says as he takes his phone from his pocket when it starts ringing, I catch a glimpse of the screen and see Alesha's name. What the actual fuck. Lando cancels the call and places his phone screen down on the table when it starts ringing again almost instantly.

"Why is she ringing you?" I ask not able to hold back to the anger in my voice.

"I don't know. She has no reason to be ringing me now" now? She has no reason to be ringing him now? Call me crazy but I personally don't think Alesha has a reason to be phoning Lando at all never mind now.

"I think you should take me home right now before I cause a scene because I'm so fucking annoyed right now" I'm furious. Why does Alesha even have Lando's number and why does he have her number saved? Leaving money on the table for the drinks we've had I grab my bag leaving the restaurant. All of a sudden I have no appetite. Leaning against my car I wait for Lando to unlock it before I get in not saying a word to him.

• • •

Lando on Max’s stream tonight has got my brain running wild with the idea of a Lando X Max’s sister story. Let me know your thoughts!

This was supposed to be posted last night but me and my friend took celebrating Lando’s win too far 🙃

[solar-sunnyside-up]

Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna

Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!

Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!

Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.

The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.

Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?

How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.

Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.

We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!

That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)

Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.

Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.

And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.

The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:

Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻