#and both his mom and my mom are very Weird about disability and it’s just :/ oughe the patterns

[barbreypilled]

my mom is on the phone w my aunt and my aunt is worried about her son being developmentally delayed and my mom is reassuring her by being like ‘oh yeah Jasmine was like that as a kid’ when I am. developmentally delayed

[saturnniidae]

More dragon rider disability headcanons for disability pride month!

(Ones specifically abt Hiccup are here)

Ruffnut has hypermobile EDS (when the twins were doing some bit that was basically Guinness book of world records she said smth abt 'worlds stretchiest skin' and my mom made a joke and said 'ruff has eds!' And it stuck)

A joke Ruffnut loves to make is saying Tuff is so insufferable she should just run away to join a circus and become a contortionist. She thinks it's the funniest thing ever

Hiccup also has some weird hypermobility stuff going on, when Ruff learns this she calls him a fellow circus freak (affectionate) and offers to let him come with her when she runs away. The response she got was "I'd rather stick my hand in Fenrir's mouth."

Tuff is visually impaired in his right eye from a childhood injury (another joke taken seriously)

All the riders are neurodivergent!

Snotlout has a frequently irregular heartbeat as well as memory issues due to how many times he's been struck by lightning. His whole book he wrote in that one episode isn't the only writing he does, he keeps a notebook to help keep track of minor things he might forget.

Astrid tries to make Hiccup breakfast in bed when he's having bad pain days and is too tired to do it himself. She almost burns the house down every time, so Toothless will go and get the other riders to help out while Astrid is kicked out of the kitchen and sent back to bed

Hiccup can be really fucking mean sometimes! Usually it's intentional bc he's in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. If it's seemingly unprovoked though, the others know it as a sign he's likely in pain and needs to be left alone (he still insists on getting work done but usually Toothless annoys him into resting)

Astrid has aches in her leg from when she got shot with that arrow, it being poisoned with dragon root did something to mess up the healing process so its worse than other old injuries (Dragon root isn't poisonous to humans but still having it in your blood stream isn't a good idea). She's also very mean when she's in pain, especially because it ruins her schedule since she can't train. Eventually her and Hiccup come to an agreement when they're having bad pain days they'll meet up in one of their huts and just. Sit together enjoying the others comforting presence but rarely talking

This is because Hiccup and Astrid both hate being in pain in front of people, they both share that almost extreme fear of vulnerability and the best they can do is take comfort in each other

Hiccup and Fishlegs are hyperfixation buddies! Fishlegs is the only one who doesn't get mad (it's just fond exasperation) when Hiccup wakes him up in the middle of the night to infodump, they just bounce off each other talking about dragons until woah suddenly the sun is rising and that is when Fishlegs gets upset because he values his sleep

All the riders have burn scars of varying severity. They literally work with dragons there's no way they wouldn't. And they all deal with their pain in different ways, but are unwavering supportive of each other when they can be

I've said it before and I'll say it again, a lot of characters should be disabled.

I know, cartoon logic and all, but the things that happen to these guys are things that should affect them for the rest of their lives. And watching characters struggle with permanent change like that, the realization you can never go back to how things were, and eventually healing and learning that's okay! You can still find happiness and be happy and it doesn't make your pain any less valid! It's so important to me and that's obviously reflected in my interpretations of my favorite characters lmao

[avelera]

So Ximena got mentioned not so long ago and now I’m wondering what you think her relationship with Viktor looked like? Like, she obviously had to know he was important to Jayce which would endear him to her. But do you think they got close at all? Like, I can see her inviting him to dinner or something, but would Viktor feel comfortable accepting that?

Like, they both love Jayce, they both have disabilities, from what little we see of Ximena, I think she cares a lot. Would she try to mother him and would he hate that? Did she ever tease Jayce about making an honest man of Viktor? Did Jayce ever drop the “he saved my life” line and make her realize how close she came to losing her son? Because she would love Viktor for that alone.

Idk, I just had thoughts.

I think ultimately it would come down to what a fic writer is trying to accomplish, because I don't think there's canon for it, it would really come down to the kind of story you want to tell.

For example:

I can see a take where Viktor is quite close with Ximena. Jayce invites him over often, she either sees Viktor as a second son (either as a brother to Jayce or a son-in-law) and is constantly insisting that Jayce bring him by. And like you said, especially if Ximena learned that Viktor is basically single-handedly the reason Jayce is alive (and HER for that matter lol) then I could see her being a huge fan of his.

I can see a take where despite Ximena and Jayce's best efforts, Viktor's self-isolating tendencies prohibit a closer relationship. Jayce invites him over a lot, but Viktor holds himself back. He knows her a bit from certain events, but he's only ever made small talk with her. In such a world too, they could just be tepid because technically, Viktor is Jayce's co-worker and I personally don't really introduce my co-workers to my mom, that feels very weird.

I can even, in THEORY, see a case where Ximena doesn't like Viktor. She was trying to get Jayce to give up on Hextech entirely when Viktor swooped in and encouraged him. Now, I find this one the least realistic. Ximena is proud of Jayce for Hextech by the time we get to Progress Day, and Viktor definitely saved Jayce from jumping. But I just throw it out there cuz a lot of fics I guess had Caitlyn's dad liking Vi a lot only for S2 to show he doesn't like her AT ALL, so y'know, I'd reserve a wild card space for "Ximena is prejudiced against the undercity too, she's wary of Viktor because of how he encouraged Jayce's dangerous obsession with magic, and Viktor is just generally stand-offish and unpleasant with her so they rarely interact." It's as valid a take as the others.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

fantasy high hc ! all the bad kids know sign language (solesian sign language? their own made up sign? probably both lets be honest)

(semi/)nonverbal gorgus/riz being able to communicate easily with their friends if speech is hard or theyre overwhelmed, i also hc that adaine loses speech when she gets really anxious or stressed about something no im not projecting

also hoh fig my beloved, she started losing her hearing when her horns grew in and the whole being a rockstar thing probably doesnt help, she has hearing aids (special made and enhanced by gorgugs tinkering) but they dont fix her hearing 100% and hearing aids are not comfy to wear 24/7 so being able to take them out and still communicate is great

(sorry for the ramble lol)

⚡️

Yessss I love this

They get the idea sometime during freshman year, everyone is hanging out at Riz’s place and it’s just very very loud and Riz has not been having a good day before that and Fig kept punching his arm all bro-ey and he ended up hiding in the kitchen signing with his mom, Fig recognized it when she went to go get a snack and joined in (she had tried to learn it when her horns grew in, it’s really janky but she’s trying her best) and Riz was just so excited to have somebody else know it

Fabian has the most trouble learning it, he tends to gesture vaguely a lot with his hands while talking so having to talk with his hands very specifically is weird for him, but he puts in the effort for his friends

Adaine starts teaching herself it (her father thinks it’s unpractical, she has comprehend languages if she really needs it, so she usually goes to the school library and practices there) and then once she picks it up she helps teach the other Bad Kids

Kristen already knows some from doing outreach with the church (they were culty but they weren’t fully ableist) but it’s mainly religious words so it’s pretty much as broken as her Elvish, she does pick it up surprisingly quickly (despite her abysmal dexterity)

Gorgug knows a few specific words his parents taught him when he was little (he was not very good at thinking clearly enough to communicate when he was overwhelmed so it’s mainly just words like “mad” “sad” and “loud” that he can sign really quickly), him and Fabian have study sessions for while once they start learning and figure out they’re both abysmal at it

Fig steals her moms card and signs up for lessons before figuring out that not a single one of these people know how to sign conversationally (she’s the only actual hoh person in there including the teacher who is just so condescending like she’s aware of how to sign the word yes she’s not inept) so she quits after like day two and learns with Adaine

Riz learned how to sign when he was like 6 (his parents thought it would be a useful life skill but they also figured out it both gave his hands something nondestructive to do and a way to communicate during meltdowns so they worked extra hard to teach him) and he helps the others out with their signing (mainly Fabian and Gorgug)

If they don’t want to be overheard they have a tendency of slipping into sign language, which is very confusing when they go from the loudest corner ever to literal silence+the smacking of hands

Fig tries to very discreetly talk shit with Fabian and Adaine in front of Jawbone by signing except Jawbone decided to learn sign the first week he was counselor so she got in trouble anyways (he did not let her use the “but im disabled” card to get out of it)

Fig tries to be her own translator at concerts (“Adaine can make a simulacra it’ll be cool!”) but her label said no

Fabian tends to use sign language any time he’s at a party and doesn’t feel like ruining his voice for the night just to chat with his friends

Gorgug thinks it’s really funny to sign curse words in front of teachers and then lie about what they mean (especially Porter in Junior year he thinks it’s hilarious)

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Hira's parents and his self-defeating tendencies

I was talking to @sorry-bonebag and @wen-kexing-apologist about what role Hira's parents might have played in creating the weirdness he displays throughout both seasons of Utsukushii Kare & Eternal. I started writing a response and it got too long and, well, now it's a post.

Before I talk about Hira's parents and the tendencies in him that they helped to create, I want to note that family of origin is just one of the influences that form us as people. Parents and caregivers have a huge influence, as do other family members. But so do peers. The bullying about his disability that Hira experiences nearly constantly is one of the biggest influences on his personality.

Hira's parents appear extremely briefly at the very beginning of the series. His mom fusses a bit about him being on his own and his dad is very "he has to take care of himself sometime" about it. We know they took him to specialists for his dysphemia, bought him his camera, etc.

Their departure is a show thing, by the way, and isn't present in the novel. In the novel they continue to live with him through high school and, if I remember correctly, part of college. But they don't play a big role in his life. The main things that happen involving them are either instances of Hira hiding things from them (or attempting to) or instances of his mother briefly, sporadically, having a big burst of worry about him. It would make sense if the show version of his parents were the same way aside from the leaving-him-to-live-alone part of things, though that’s not shown.

The rest of my thoughts are largely headcanon since I’m working backwards from his personality to guess about his formative years, but they match up with the little bit that’s shown in the series and how his parents are in the novel. I see Hira as having a self-defeating personality in a lot of ways. The typical etiology of this kind of personality (the set of conditions that lead up to it) is supposed to be a rather deprived childhood that is punctuated by occasional bursts of parental attention when the child is seen as in crisis somehow (or when they attract attention in other self-defeating ways, like intentionally getting in trouble).

This reminds me of something Nancy McWilliams writes about in Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, attributing the idea to someone named Emmanuel Hammer: “a masochistic person is a depressive who still has hope.” [I should note here that “masochistic personality” is an older term for self-defeating personality that is not meaningfully correlated with masochism in a sexual sense. I think that, despite how he might appear at first glance, Hira actually isn’t sexually masochistic or submissive. I have a whole mostly-written post about this that I hope will see the light of day eventually.] In other words, whereas the background that creates a depressive personality involves deprivation that's intense enough that the person gives up on the possibility of receiving the love they need, the self-defeating personality has had enough success with occasionally getting their needs met that they keep trying. If that’s what happened with Hira, it would be consistent with what we see of his parents in the series. We know they pulled out the stops at certain points when it comes to his dysphemia. Anyone who’s a parent can tell you how hard it is to get a good specialist to see your kid, even when they have some kind of glaring issue and you have decent healthcare access overall. The fact that they managed to get him in with a specialist is notable all on it own. (I actually have some stressful phone calls I need to make today in a similar vein, seeking specialist help for one of my kids.) They also spent a lot of money on a DSLR for a young kid. And yet they’re OK with letting him live alone and after that point remain very hands-off. It also seems like despite the attention they paid to his dysphemia during that one period, by the time of the series they’ve totally stopped trying to support him about it.

Basically, I think his parents are largely neglectful (emotionally rather than materially) but that every so often, they freak out and pay a bunch of attention to him because they perceive him to be in need of rescuing. When he was young, he probably appreciated the attention when it happened, but at the time of the series he gets those needs met in other ways and/or displaces that need for attention onto Kiyoi. The idea of seeking attention in this way maps especially well onto his relationship with Kiyoi, because he seeks Kiyoi’s attention and approval through exactly the sort of strategies typically used by people with self-defeating personalities. Here’s McWilliams again:

Reik (1941) explored several dimensions of masochistic acting out, including (1) provocation [she refers to a previous anecdote about a woman who feared angry outbursts by her partner because of experiences with her father; she would act out in ways that antagonized him in order to “get it over with”], (2) appeasement (“I’m already suffering, so please withhold any further punishment”), (3) exhibitionism (“Pay attention: I’m in pain”), and (4) deflection of guilt (“See what you made me do!”).

I can think of plenty of instances of provocation (the first type). Hira often does things he knows will make Kiyoi angry, and sometimes visibly relishes the negative attention.

One good example is the scene in Eternal where he creates a totally avoidable misunderstanding by vaguely talking about how “a divorce is going to happen” because of an affair, which Kiyoi takes to be referring to their relationship and specifically, to Hira cheating. When Kiyoi rears back to punch him, Hira protests for a moment but then says being killed by Kiyoi is actually a longstanding wish of his. It turns out it’s Naho-chan who is getting divorced because her husband cheated. Hira could easily have spoken more clearly when he brought this up by using subjects in his sentences. When he first brings up divorce, Kiyoi says, “Who are you to decide on your own without me agreeing? What dissatisfaction do you have with me?”, which makes it clear he thinks Hira is referring to something involving him. Yet Hira continues to speak without subjects when he elaborates and says the reason for the divorce is an affair. He only clears up the misunderstanding after Kiyoi has lost all patience and is (legitimately!) freaking out. There's no way this isn't, on some level, intentional.

One version of appeasement (the second type of self-defeating acting out) that McWilliams talks about is criticizing oneself before others can do so. It’s no exaggeration to say that Hira talking himself down to Kiyoi is a defining characteristic of their relationship. There are lots of examples of this but a particularly classic case is his constant refrain about being a “pebble.” His invitation for Kiyoi to “Please hit me as much as you want” after their fight in season 2 is another example of appeasement. 

It’s hard to pin down specific examples of Hira employing the third type of acting out, exhibitionism. It makes sense that they wouldn’t be easy to find, though. This is a very covert type of exhibitionism that doesn’t announce itself. I think you can observe it in subtle ways, though. For example, when Shirota dumps tomato juice on Kiyoi, a bunch of it gets on Hira as well. Afterwards, Kiyoi cleans the juice off of himself as best he can, seemingly as quickly as possible, and changes his clothes. But when he talks to Hira afterward, dried drops of juice are clearly visible on Hira’s face. Acidic juice on one’s face would probably feel uncomfortable, but he intentionally doesn’t wash it off. It’s like he’s wearing these stains as a badge of honor and proof of his mistreatment.

I think deflection of guilt, the fourth type, is less characteristic of Hira than the others. He tends to absorb guilt rather than deflecting it, blaming himself in a way that often takes the form of the self-critical form of appeasement.

I think it's worth noting that he also employs appeasement as a strategy in the hostile environment of high school. His biggest rule in school is to avoid attention as much as possible, so exhibitionism and provocation aren't acceptable options. (He does disobey Shirota in a way that could be considered provocation when the rift between Kiyoi and Shirota first starts to form, but I think that's more a case of overt rebellion.) We don't see him employ deflection of guilt, though his teacher does seem a bit more forgiving of his attack on Shirota given what he knows about Hira's experiences with bullying. But appeasement? When he can't avoid attention entirely, that is his go-to strategy. It doesn't draw much, if any, additional attention this way. He can demonstrate to people who pose a danger to him that he's not a threat and is ready to comply with their orders if it will allow him to avoid mistreatment. It's only when he finds a kind of vicarious strength in Kiyoi (see my post here for more on that aspect of Hira) that he starts to deal with the bullying in other ways.

So, yeah. Hira's parents initially formed these patterns in Hira, peers deepened them, and they came out in his relationship with Kiyoi. A big part of the shift that needs to happen in order for their relationship to last is for Hira to stop using self-defeating strategies to sneakily get his needs met by Kiyoi and start seeking what he needs openly and assertively.

Maybe now would be a good time to brush off those other in-progress Utsukare posts and try to finish them off while I have a bit of momentum, huh?

By the way, if you’re interested in my previous Utsukare posts, I have a master post here with links to everything.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for lieing to my mom for 6 years about a guy I dated?

🤐🇮🇪 <- so I notice me. This sounds bad but all things considered, i think I'm justified at least.

Tw for domestic abuse, physical abuse, fighting and non-explicit mentions of many other forms of abuse.

So in 7th grade grade I (12/13f at the time) was dating a guy named Jay(13/14m at the time)(not his real name and we were in the same grade) for about three months. I had a crush on him for years before we dated so I was ecstatic when he finally asked me out. Looking back now at 22, I can see he pitied me as i was very unpopular and no one wanted to be around me due to the fact I was very nerdy and very autisitc(I have a mental disability). He used me for sexual things and it wasn't super healthy but I was just happy to be getting attention as neither my school nor home life was safe from abuse/bullying.

Towards the end of those three months, an incident occured. Me and Jay were working on a mutural computer lab project that should of only tooken a week but the day we were set to start, jay had iss (in-school suspension. I don't know why). I needed his choice for a song because the project couldn't start without choosing it and he wasn't texting me and was being petty and whiny about it. Finally he picked some pop 2010s song and I got started. He was in the suspension for half the week so I was the one who did a majority of the project.

When he finally came back, he was being demanding and a jerk and I said fine, I'll do my own project and you can do yours, I wanted to do firework by katy perry anyway. He then demanded my part of the project since I wasn't doing that song anymore and I told him no and when he demanded it again, I deleted it infornt of him. Typical preteen arguments right? Well he slapped me. In front of all of his laughing friends. He'd never done that before and even though I had previous experience with physical abuse(a few instances with my dad but my mom didn't see it till much later after this incident. This is important.), never from a partner.

I don't remember too much as I saw red and reacted before I could think but I do remember ripping him out of his chair, throwing him on the floor and punching him in the chest and face a few times while his friends cheered me on in surprise. I was an average height but underweight and he was both taller than me and almost 300 lbs but it felt so easy. Once I was done I got up, told the teacher I was doing it on my own, aced the project while he failed and none of my bullies ever tried to physically fight me again. I went from nerdy shy weird pushover girl to scary strong weird girl and I'm ok with that. He hit first.

Even though we eventually broke up, we made up and it was something we joked about together as i didn't realize how serious that was at the time. But my mom did realize how serious it was and tried to explain to me how bad that was, that I should never let a partner hit me and she never wanted to see me talking to him again. She was being responsible but I was 13 and riding off the excitement of showing a guy I liked what for that we dated again not a month after we broke up. Except this time I wasn't dating Jay Lastname, I was dating "Sean mcduffin" or at least that's what i called him around family and because my mom never saw or met jay, she didnt recognize sean.

Our second time around only lasted another three months before we broke up and we're friends all through the rest of our school years, never more, but my mom still called him Sean because we'll.. I told her that was Sean and I couldn't back out now. I'm gonna shift gears for a second so stick with me.

I had gone through two extremely abusive relationships back to back from one in sophomore year (sexual and emotional abuse) and one in senior year (sexual, physical, religious and emotional abuse) and my mom didn't learn until a year later after I graduated. After my mom learned about it and the extent of the abuse with my father, she helped me heal and eventually started asking questions about the relationships and my dad and I answered her as were the closest weve ever been. She off handedly compared the one in senior year to the incident with Jay and then said how happy i seemed with Sean right after made her relax and hope i wouldnt be in another abusive relationship and it hadn't hurt me too badly.

I then realized I had never explicitly told her Jay and Sean were the same person and I had lied to her when I said they weren't (she had suspicions but never proof and trusted me). So I told her they were the same person and she got this very defeated look on her face. I apologized as I realized that was kinda shitty of me because my mom was just trying to protect me but I can also see why a 13 yr old who grew up in parental abuse wouldn't nessesarily take domestic abuse seriously. She just signed and said she wishes I was honest and I shouldn't of lied about it because it was serious. I explained my side but we eventually just moved on to talk further into our initial topic and she's not brought it up since.

I can see where I was the little 13 yr old asshole but I can also see why I wouldn't of taken the lie as seriously as I should due to my history. He never hit or hurt me again and I never heard of him doing it again so I guess i desuaded him from a life of abuse. Idk. Was I the asshole? Me and him don't talk anymore and since getting therapy, I've realized what a shitty person he was to me before, during and after our small relationship.

(small context: we were school friends only, he never really came over to my house or met my family more than once the second time we dated and I didn't talk about him as much after the second break up due to my focus on friends shifting from school friends to my girl scout troop. We were inseparable in school but outside of it, we rarely spoke.)

What are these acronyms?

[atinystraykid]

I’m resorting to asking strangers for advice: I’m autistic and have higher support needs, in the sense that I get panic attacks and meltdowns so frequently that it leaves me unable to hold down a job. My meltdowns are highly visible: I get so agitated that I throw up, I’m crying uncontrollably and I’m unable to speak or understand verbal instructions during these moments. These meltdowns happen by overwhelm, and I’m easily overwhelmed by any social interactions (especially groups/crowds but really any human interaction). 

However, I do not struggle with basic taking care of myself (such as dressing, washing or feeding myself) and I am doing fairly well at home, where it doesn’t matter that I can not mask and I do not need to be around people outside of my family. I am an adult living with his mom and probably would struggle with living completely on my own, but with my current living arrangements I can do many everyday tasks independently, such as buying groceries or doing laundry or filling out paperwork. 

Now the issue: as my doctor has confirmed that I’ll be permanently disabled and unable to work (but I obviously still need money to survive), I applied to what’s essentially “early retirement for medical reasons”. It feels a little weird to apply for retirement at 30 years old, but both me and my doctor considered that the best option, just based on the fact that I’ll have a higher quality of life if I experience meltdowns less frequently.  

However, my therapist has been really pushing for another option: an assisted daytime living facility. You are part of a group of 15 disabled adults, there are 5 caregivers around, you are given daily tasks (they operate a little store, but it’s not comparable to a regular job as the tasks are really, really simple - my task would be breaking wax for candles into smaller pieces) and you’re being taken care of for four hours a day. I see why this would be great for some people but I do not really consider that suitable for me: I went there for a consultation and it’s really heavily geared towards people who need daily assistance with basic taking care of themselves. I’m sure it’s a lovely place for people who need assistance with bathroom visits, meals etc. but that’s not where my support needs lay. 

I told my therapist that I don’t think it’s a good fit, but he got very insistent and honestly made me feel as if my life will be ruined if I don’t do it, and also made me feel guilty towards my mom (in the sense of “these facilities exist so parents can get a break from taking care of their disabled adult children”). That got to me and I agreed to apply for a two-week trial period there. That’d start next week… but the closer it gets, the more terrified I am. 15 people (20 people in total with the caregivers!) is a large group to me, and I already know I don’t fare well in groups. 

For the last few days, I have been getting panic attacks just thinking about being there. My mom is really worried about that and thinks I should cancel the trial because it’ll just make things worse, and I’m inclined to agree. If I already feel this bad before the trial, how will I manage actually working there? - but on the other hand, there’s my therapist who will be really upset if I cancel. Plus, I worry it’s rude to cancel so late. And I do not know yet if the government will approve my application for early retirement due to medical reasons, so maybe I should keep my options open? 

I’m really torn and do not know what to do, so I’m asking strangers for neutral advice. Any opinions or thoughts?

[lastoneout]

Okay I'm finally sitting down to properly watch the PJO series so here's an episode-by-episode live blog I guess. (Fair warning, I haven't read the books since I was a teenager, I am a smidge of an apologist for the films, and my favorite adaptation so far has been the musical.)

Episode One:

All of the actors are doing a really good job, I especially like Sally.

The costume design for both the monsters and the humans is pretty killer. I want Percy's sweater.

I also love the little seaside cabin and want to live there!!!

This is such a mild gripe BUT as someone with dyslexia I wish there was a better way to visually depict it without like, doing the swapping letters thing cuz that's just not what it's actually like at all.

Gabe maybe feels a little too funny. Like I'm supposed to hate him and think it's justified that he deserves to be turned into stone at the end, this version of him is really.....toned down, and his banter with Percy and Sally was fun to watch. I should hate him, but really he just came across as unpleasant. Less abusive asshole and more "old married couple who share interests but can't communicate without shouting" you know?

Loved Grover's little "I'm 24 actually" lmao that was great.

Not a fan of Percy immediately recognizing the Minotaur within a millisecond of it appearing before the audience even got a good look at it. Like, I just sat there thinking "how can he even see it?" rather than feeling scared of a big monster barreling at them.

The action is uh....fine? Feels a little lackluster. Or kinda....divorced from the rest of the show weirdly?? Idk it makes me feel like I'm watching a movie of a movie if that makes sense?? But we'll see where they go with it. (I know banter during a fight isn't realistic and people make fun of Marvel for it, but like...it helps to have at least a little talking. We don't wanna be Man of Steel.)

I feel like there's been a few "slightly out of sync ADR" moments but they weren't too distracting.

Pacing into Sally saying goodbye felt a little long, kinda took the shock of her dying out of the scene, but the actress REALLY sold all the emotional beats so I'll forgive it.

I LOVE the credits sequence!!! Reminds me of the designs on that one box set of the books in a really cool way.

Episode Two:

Oh yes the ugly ass neon orange shirts are here bless!

FUCK YES THAT'S DIONYSUS BAYBEEE!! My ONLY note is that he def could have turned up the energy a little, but that's probably just bcs I love how loud and unpleasant he is in the musical and I also know how unhinged this actor can be.

Chiron is such a delight <3

I like the cabins too, way better than how I imagined them as a kid reading the books lol

Oh, I can see why the new fans fell for Luke so hard.

Grover assuming a human being squished would be like an old banana is very funny. Felt very book-humor in a good way.

Clarisse!!

Oh damn actual disabled half-bloods, very cool!

Minor but I can't actually tell what Percy did wrong with the bow? Weird editing I guess.

Aside from that I actually love a good "fuck up" montage, I honestly wish it were a little longer.

Probably doesn't matter but I don't get having them burn the food after they've started eating? I thought that was a before you sit down type thing.

Percy burning the blue candy to try to talk to his mom was sweet tho T_T

"real friends" hahahaha.....yeah.......about Luke.......

yay! hazing!

Oh I love Annabeth already >:D

Thalia.....is pronounced differently than I thought....?

(I'm sorry I'm too much of a fan of 'Tree on the Hill' for this exposition dump. That shit hits harder when coming from Grover.)

Percy giving Annabeth the "actually I suck and my self esteem is riding on this so like pls don't ask me to do anything hard T_T" talk is just, so good lmao

ofc he doesn't know what's going on Annabeth you didn't tell him anything

Okay the action is a lot better when it's between the actual characters and doesn't involve a 3D monster, though I still had trouble following all the hits Percy was taking.

Oooh I can see why people did so much art of Percy being claimed that was a good shot.

FUCK YEAH TELL HIM YOU'RE SALLY JACKSON'S SON

(I hope they kept the Oracle in the attic...)

Okay I have to go do some things and then I'll be back for more!

[annymation]

for the asks requests:

1: DARIO BACKSTORY NOW

2: I wanna hear abt bravo

3: Florian reaction to everything

4: SYMBOLISM. PLEASE. 🍽️

Oh I actually didn't expect for all of these to be asked all of the same time, as they're kinda long answers... Specially number 3. But I can work with that :)

I think you guys might really like what's down here:

1- What Did Dario Not Tell Them At The Campfire

So when asked if he had any bad experiences with the king, Dario just answered he'd rather not talk about it. The reason isn't because Magnifico did something to him directly, but rather indirectly. See, Dario's dad is the royal announcer and his mother is a singer, both jobs that require their voices, and they value their voices a lot, while Dario was born with a speech impediment.

One day, Dario overheard them talking in their room, and they said how they hoped when Dario turned 18 he'd wish for the king to give him a voice.

Now, to some that may seem like a good wish, "who wouldn't want to have a voice?" you may ask, thing is that most disabled people don't want to be changed, what they want is to be accepted. Obviously though I can't speak for the whole ASL community, however I did study the basics of sign language in college, and my teacher, who is deaf, taught us about deaf culture, and how you shouldn't assume someone WANTS to be like you, to be "Fixed".

Dario didn't want to change himself, but in that moment he felt like his parents saw him as someone broken and hoped the king could fix him...

So yeah I didn't have him explain all that because it's way too depressing even for me.

2- Where Did Bravo Come From

A more wholesome little story with our faaaaaaavorite evil duo! Yay!

So, Amaya often goes to the woods to get ingredients for her potions, mushrooms, herbs, animal parts, you name it. She goes alone, just wearing a hooded cloak so she's not recognized.

One day, during her foraging, she heard a sound coming from behind her:

"Miirrrau!"

It was a quiet, growly meow

And she kept hearing it over and over, like it was asking for help. Now although the queen has a heart as cold as ice, she felt moved by the tiny cries, so she followed them into the woods.

And here's what she found:

"Awwwwwwwn~" Her iced heart melted at the sight of what she thought was a little kitten "Are you lost, little one?"

"Miaurrr!" the kitten had a weirdly growly voice, but still high pitched like any kitten, he seemed to be scared and lost, looking for him mom

"Don't fret, you're safe now" she takes him and puts him in her basket full of mushrooms "I'll take you to your new home. Heh heh heh my love will have quite the surprise when he sees you"

So she goes back to the palace, Magnifico is busy changing some wishes when she arrives

"Daaaaarliiiiing~ Look what I found in the woods today!" She says showing him the kitten

Magnifico looks quite surprised, although he has seen Amaya do some REALLY messed up things, he never thought she'd use a whole kitten as a potion ingredient

"Hmmm... How nice dear, but uh- If you don't mind me asking- What kind of potion requires a kitten sacrifice?" He asks smiling, trying to be supportive of her weird hobbies

"SACRIFICE???" She holds the kitten close to her, looking very offended that her husband would imply that "I don't want to kill him! I want to keep him!"

"OOOOOH I see, I see. That makes more sense" The king says kinda relieved

(They have murdered and ruined the lives of millions, but they draw the line at killing a kitten)

"Well then, if that's your desire then he's all yours, my beldam. But don't expect me to take care of him as well" He said

And that basically went like one of those "Dad said he didn't want the dog" memes, because Magnifico really liked the cat and took care of him just as much as Amaya.

They named him "Bravo" because it's both what you say to cheer for someone after a performance, and their whole thing is that they're constantly acting to their people, and also means angry in Spanish, and the kitten often looked grumpy.

But as time went on, and Bravo grew... They noticed he just wouldn't stop growing. And soon enough they realized... That wasn't a cat, that was a lynx.

And thats how the situation went from good to GREAT!

Like, they just raised their own killing machine without even knowing it was a killing machine, they were beyond ecstatic, they were running around like "YES YES YEEEES!!!" ya feel me?

3- How Florian Reacts To Everything

Now, to answer this one, I'll tell you a story... About something that happened in the chapter "Into The Eye Of The Storm".

Something that happened from Magnifico's perspective... After he got struck by lightning.

So let me set the scene.

...

He felt excruciating pain he never imagine possible course through his body, and light was all he could see.

Until it wasn't.

Everything went black.

Magnifico shot his eyes open, and all he could see was a dark emptiness surrounding him, and feel water beneath his feet.

The king looked around completely lost, one moment he was in the storm with that star, and in the next he was here... His staff wasn't with him, he was powerless.

He hears a voice

"Huh... Took much longer than I would've liked, but oh well, looks like you finally got what you deserved."

Magnus gets startled by the voice coming from all around him, but tries to hide his fear by masking it with anger "Who's there?!" he demands to know

"Really? After just 25 years you've already forgotten my voice?" The youthful but voice says, bitterness dripping from his tone. Magnifico's eyes widen as he indeed starts to recognize the voice... The voice he celebrated he'd never would have to hear all those years ago. The figure starts to manifest itself in front of him as it says "But then again, you never were the type to listen much, were you, Mag?" Florian calls him by the nickname he used to affectionally call his older sibling.

Magnus sees his younger brother floating in front of him, but the expression on his face is one the king has never seen before. Florian was always happy, always kind and sympathetic, innocent, he was like the personification of sunshine itself. Now? Now his expression was so full of hatred, hiding behind a mocking smile, like Florian has been waiting for this a long time.

"See you grew a beard heh heh you look just like dad" The spirit jokes

Magnifico is staring at the apparition before him with wide eyes, his mind is racing, trying to make sense of any of this, how could he go from fighting with the star to thi-... Wait... He remembers something he read about wishing stars, they have the power to give people dreams... He must have been knocked out and the star is trying to play a trick on him... Yeah, that's gotta be it.

He smiles thinking he just figured this all out "Hahah guilt tripping? Really? Didn't think that was your style, Aster, I'm almost impresse-"

"You died." Florian just gives it to him straight.

Magnifico freezes.

"You flew too close to the sun brother, or rather, too close to the storm." The spirit explains, and starts to float circles around his older brother "And soon, your soul will completely leave this plane, and I will finally rest in peace knowing MY people are free from you." The spirit speaks almost spitting on Magnus face, emphasizing how the people of Rosas are his people, his kingdom that Magnus stole.

But the older brother is almost blocking out the sound of his voice, too busy processing that if what he's saying is true then... "Amaya... It can't end like this, I can't leave her no-"

"HAH! That's what you worry about? That wretched witch?!" Florian now has a mocking smile on his face, it's a smile Magnifico has never seen from his caring little brother in life... It doesn't even look like him anymore.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL HER THAT!" He yells, now starting to accept that yes, that is indeed his brother's ghost, and he's enraged to see him again.

"Pretty sure I get to call the woman who poisoned me whatever I want." Florian says nonchalantly

"Tsk not our fault you made it so easy" the older brother smirks, trying to come out on top of the situation "I mean, a random mystery woman shows up out of nowhere, and you just invites her to be the royal potion maker? What did you think was gonna happe-"

"I thought you'd finally be happy." Florian interrupts him with a serious expression, Magnus stops talking and stares at him confused, so Florian continues "When you first locked eyes with her, I saw a spark in you... A gleam of happiness you never shown in all the years we lived together... I knew you were in love with her... THATS why I let her stay." He explains with every word dripping with bitterness "I thought "Finally, my big brother won't be so lonely and angry all the time! Love will surely make him move on from the fact he wasn't meant to be king!"" Florian makes a slightly more high pitched and cheerful voice as if to mimic how he used to sound like when he was alive "Hahah It's quite the tragic comedy, ain't it? I helped in your union... Unaware I was digging my own grave."

"... And do you think I care? We would've ended up together regardless. And I would take the crown that is RIGHTFULLY MINE regardless of whatever you did!" Magnus exclaims. If he's really dead and this is just the limbo between the land of the living and the after life, then he might as well take this opportunity to let out everything he wanted to tell his little brat of a brother all those years "The throne was MY RIGHT! But he said "NoOooO son! You must learn magic! So you may grant their wishes" WELL what if I don't WANT to grant all their whiny little pleas, like I'm some kind of SERVANT?! I wanted to follow my own path! I dreamed of being a good king! But then YOU showed up!"

"Sorry for being born, I guess" Florian says sarcastically

"YEARS watching them give you everything I ever wanted... I was pushed aside like I was NOTHING." Magnus sounds more and more deranged as he begins to smile sadistically at his brother "WELL GUESS WHAT! Now I "grant" more wishes than YOU and all of those old fools EVER DID! The people ADORE ME! And no one even remembers you!" Magnus spats out like he just won this argument, Florian is raising one eyebrow, looking at him like this is quite pathetic. The older king walks closer to him with a grin "So, how does it feel huh? Knowing your legacy will forever be "Just King Magnifico's little brother that fell ill and died""

Florian looks at him serious for a moment, before smiling confident again "I never did it to be remembered, I did it because I wanted to make my people happy, and I can rest easy knowing I did just that... While you lived a meaningless life, trying soooo desperately to make everyone love you, hoping that would make it up for the years you were ignored... Did it work?" Magnus looks shocked by those words, he tries to respond but Florian doesn't let him "Of course it didn't, you'll never be satisfied. And now, as if making my people suffer all these years wasn't enough, you try to steal the magic of a star, but oh-oh that didn't work, it got you killed in the most foolish way possible!... Now it won't be long until people find out the truth, then NO ONE will "Adore you" nor "Remember you"." Florian smiles widely as he asks "So, how does it feel huh? Knowing your legacy will forever be... Nothing."

Magnus has no words... His brother had never spoken to him like that... No one has ever spoken to him like that.

Florian looks satisfied, but he already know that... Unfortunately, Magnus time hasn't come just yet

"*sigh* Karma really does work in mysterious ways... Looks like the witch comes to your rescue, Mag... Again." Florian says with his arms crossed.

Magnus doesn't understand what he's talking about "Wha-"

"When you get back, if you even remember any of this... Tell Amaya that I lied, her tea tasted terrible." He says with a cheeky grin while waving his brother goodbye.

Magnus feels him sink into the water beneath his feet. He screams and-

His eyes are shot open.

He gasps for air.

Amaya brought him back from the dead with her kiss.

...

So yeah, that's dead Florian, his personality is waaaay different when he was alive by the way, but I enjoyed writing someone that can spit some facts on Magnifico's face.

4- Symbolism

I've wrote a whole lot in this, so I'll just end on a simple note:

I like the symbolism of Asha's family always being with her, from her wearing her mother's cloak and her ability to draw being what saved her, to her singing to inspire the people like her father, and playing her grandfather's mandolin, it really feels like even though they weren't THERE they were essential characters in her journey. And I'm proud of this little detail.

There's more juicy symbolism but now I'm exhausted from writing because MY GOSH Florian was intense, I really got into the mindset of a 20 year old that got murdered by the brother he once admired and I don't feel well. OOF. Imma take a break lmao

Thank you for the ask and

Thank You For Reading!

[nfumbewalk]

Opening

A candle I had burned for my son. Its his zodiac sign color, red for Aries. The knot in the wick still has me concerned.

Well, I've been recently been thinking of my opening and attunement that's been happening for the last two years. Its apparently all been due to me accepting muertos and embracing them into my life. Mostly Rodolfo. He's been instrumental in many changes that have happened in me and my environment. He took many of my fears away and helped me realize that I need to chill out and let my intuition come to me at full force - stop trying to muffle it or deny it.

I did not know my full power. And, my dad didn't tell me much until near his death about muertos speaking to him. Plus his amazing intuition, which now I remember witnessing often. My dad was very empathic and tuned in. As a kid, I went to him when I was ill in the middle of the night - he knew before it happened because he was awake and waiting for me with medicine. Mom never awoke.

Dad was so special and had the temper of a devil. But most times, he was gentle to me. Such a Scorpio too! He was quite interested in astrology and witches, and the powers of stones and plants. He had a learning disability, so his focus was off, but he remained interested in some stuff that I did. I think his death last year has really blown off the lid. I'm so open now!

Before he died, I couldn't hear my relatives talking to me, and really, not many other muertos - just Rodolfo. Seriously! I hear both of my grandpa's, one grandma, my dad, and now - my mom! I know other muertos will come. Hopefully it won't be too overwhelming. I know I'm not making this up. The things they say are so separate from the things that I think of. Their words are nothing like mine. And I've mentioned that they sound SO weird!!

My mom, who I had not heard from since she died in 2006, sounded low and warbly. The women have. Men sound kind of high pitched and whiny like old time radio from the 1930's. Yes, I've heard very old radio. Lol! Now, Rodolfo sounds normal. I think its because he's been dead longer. He sounds kind of like Cheech from Cheech & Chong. He took no offense when I said that. But his voice register is a bit lower.

So, I don't have any idea if my attunement is still happening or not. Oh, Rodolfo just said its not over yet! Egads. What's next?!? I don't know of many other relatives to die. Phew! But, I mentioned Tom's stepdad Chuck. I do think he would communicate with me if he passed. He's already giving away belongings, like a $300 watch to Tom. And a exquisite leather coat to me. He was very wealthy, but lost money due to his son and his other stepson. I hope he will hang on for a bit, unless he is really ready to go. I swear I'm the Angel of Death. I was there when both my parents died!! Well, my dad was gone a little bit before I arrived, but I was holding my mom's hand when she died. 10 minutes to 10 AM, December 16th 2006. Dad was August 25th 2023.

You all can see Rodolfo's tombstone on the header of this blog. He was only 35 years old when he died. He told me he was shot in the guts. I believe him, but Tom is skeptical. The Free Souls are a super cool MC (motorcycle club) but they were/are still dangerous af!!! He didn't make it very far in the Army - his tombstone reads, "PFC." That's Private First Class, very low on the totem pole. He must have gotten out, but honorably discharged because his rank is allowed on his stone. If dishonorably discharged, the military won't let that tombstone happen.

Rodolfo has also said his hand got mangled - perhaps that was the military discharge?!? I've mostly just seen his face and silhouette, so I haven't seen his mangled hand yet. Interesting to just put that together. Look! Neurons firing!! 😂 I think he's proud of me! Haha! He got his tequila today and its going pretty quick. His ritual this morning should have been longer.

I'll make it up to him when I do the Siphoning of the Earth with my Baston de Muerto! Rodolfo just loves it. Dunno why but I see a big grin. Probably because I developed this ritual move for and with him. Oh, and he loves this tool of mine, he says. "Baston de Muerto," means Dead Man's Staff, or Cane. Mine is the staff that you can see in all of Rodolfo's altar photos, on the right side, next to his vessel (bottle). Its a bit over 5' so its taller than me. I'm 4'9". But I wield it very well!

Trying not to jump topics. Its all muertos, right? Lol. My post about Palo brought me another muerto today. My dead Tata. He told me a lot. He tried to comfort me. He kind of did. He said to remember that he was a Palero on the fringes of the religion and wasn't accepted either. That was there was no doubt that I can do it, but my own way. Also that I would need to search Spanish Palo books. He reiterated that these other Paleros that I knew couldn't initiate me for a reason. I wasn't meant to be a branch on their trees. Ill fitting and possibly cheats, they are. He also said that I'm not meant for all of the Regla, just some. Weird, huh? Another muerto!

My opening is still going strong! Apparently I have more work to do? I truly had a change in fortune start this September. I did some ritual work...must have really turned the wheels. Well, good!

Hope this was interesting!

M.M. 💖💀💖

[blazehedgehog]

You said that you didn't like watching Scorpy for "reasons"... are you able to elaborate on that? I get it if not.

He just went through a phase of being weirdly aggressive about wanting to make loud noises. Like yelling into the mic so loud it creates static, that kind of stuff. Which I've heard from other RTVS people "that's just how Scorpy is" and that's fine, I guess. Let him live his truth. I'm not here to control anyone.

There's a whole generation of people 10 years younger than me that are like him and think "loud noise = funny" and I've never vibed with that. Never ever.

For one, when people do that stuff, it actually causes me pain. For two, if it stops hurting, then that's permanent hearing damage. My mother had hearing damage that as she got older rapidly went from "mild" to "severe" over the course of about ten years, and being with her for that was incredibly difficult for both of us.

She'd put the TV up to 70% because it was the only way she could hear anything, and one time I asked her to turn it down and she practically burst into tears because she knew it was a burden, she worried about it constantly, and she was even afraid the neighbors were going to start complaining. But there was nothing she could do.

In her own words, "What am I supposed to do? Just sit here in silence until I keel over dead?"

That kind of hearing damage compounds on itself. That's why it got so much worse, so fast. You damage your hearing once and now you're creeping up the volume dial just to hear normally, damaging your hearing more, and more, and more, like a multiplier.

Living with her, I bought construction site grade earplugs and wore them to bed every night. And I could still hear the TV from all the way across the apartment.

For three, I've actually had people who had to buy new phones because some kid blasted them with an extremely loud sound in a "funny" Youtube video and it actually blew out their speaker and ruined the phone.

So you're costing me money, you're costing me my health, and you're costing me my well-being.

Y'all are gonna need hearing aids before you're 50. And, for four: hearing aids are not a good fix for hearing damage. My mom actually tried multiple different types of hearing aids in the hopes they would help and she did not like a single one of them. And she's not the only one; I've read posts from at least one other person (with a listening disability, not just hearing damage) who said they went through years, decades even, of trying many many many different hearing aids, and all it did was make them tired of having to deal with it. Ultimately they decided they would rather embrace deafness than having to try yet another hearing aid, because none of them were a comfortable substitute for what normal hearing is like.

So if Scorpy is going to buy another awful Rock Band microphone, and use it to get weird and indignant and "ON THIS STREAM WE JUST MAKE LOUD SOUNDS!!! THAT'S JUST WHO I AM!!!! DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE GRANDPA!!!!" then, yeah, I don't have to watch. So I haven't. I've cut back on just about all of my RTVS viewing as a similar result, too.

And I can all but guarantee that I will have better hearing at age 75 than Scorpy will have at age 45

Which is a bummer. I like Scorpy. He's a good entertainer. We're on very similar wavelengths sometimes. And I like RTVS as a whole. But there's always this worry I could be stepping on a landmine where somebody tries to eat their mic and the rest of the chat goes "yes they jingled the keys for me, do it again."

You only get five senses, folks. Don't willingly cripple any one of them, because once they're gone, they aren't coming back. Don't live to regret something you can't reverse.

Sorry to be the bummer, but I gotta look out for my own health.

[egtotaldramatakes]

somehow an influx of weird Alejandro stuff came into my head and I would like them out

Warning: no Raj involved, super sad

Actual warning: I actually don't know

- so I was looking at the AleDuncan tag for some reason..and I thought of something. What if Alejandro is literally trying to be like Duncan cause A. Duncan looks at him all weird or b. He needs some way to cope

I hope he knows that smoking is bad for your lungs and robbing banks will get you arrested

Who's gonna tell Al Duncan loves this guy for who already his and is literally trying to not be such a bad guy so makw Al happy

he'll fail at doing so either way but enjoy the thought while it lasts

- Alejandro is probably girly

If his hair was long enough he'd wear like 10 bows and hair clips and if it wouldn't come up in his bank records he'd buy a life sized dreamhouse

I bet he'd say shit like "haha yes very funny I can't believe I used to love Disney princess up until I was fifteen that was so immature and un-masculine hahahah" he's 32 he's rewatching Cinderella for the 57th time English dubbed

He'd use the excuse "oh these hairclips and bows and rings and necklaces and this? Oh no! That was what my niece second removed then readded did to me." José is sad and lonely Alejandro you have no niece

Heather caught him once

he was watching a Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse episode

She joined in after that

Now she helps in back up the niece claims

he likes Theresa. she's actually awesome.

- actually some random shit that came up in my head what if he had a stalker at one point

Like he's used to girls surrounding him and he takes it to his advantage but there was this one last that he was actually so uncomfortable with and somehow she got his address and now he's staring at the pair of blue eyes looking at him through the trees facing his window

horror story in the works anyways

that was so random right

anyways so basically there's sophomore Alejandro and he's literally trying not to shove a gun in his mouth trying to be studious so that papa loves him and then he gets enamored by like every gal and male in the school but luck him he gets seated to said stalker girl (can't use gal in this context she's not awesome) then she tryna be his friend and ale is like "okay I'll just lead her on" and then thinks he could trust her to some extent with his emotions because she's..eh she there and looks like she can stay silent hes basically god in her eyes

gets blackmailed because he couldn't keep his mouth shut and stalked and probably has plots some sort of way to, you know, end her permanently because to be quite frank in world tour he was really murderous

was that too dark for such a friendly blog

- on a lighter note he overcame anorexia

- not bulimia that's still there

- cat

End of elaboration

-

"clock isn't that Domingo from SNL"

no it's alejandro

"hey Matt my brother ,aren't you happy Direct from Domingo, WE BOTH ARE DADDIES! Domingo gonna be in your forever WE'LL RAISE OUR BABIES IN MIAMI TOGETHER!!!"

d-o-m-i-n-g-o

okay this segment actually has nothing to do with Alejandro it's about his SNL counterpart

- he is trying his best to contain the autism because he heard a conversation between his parents and talking about him and how he's lacking but it mostly his dad his mom is his biggest supporter anyways

he was diagnosed when he was like 4 so no hos father wouldn't remember not that he even cared

there's a reason why he accidentally overdosed on antipsychotics because he thought the more frequently he took it he could be a lot more normal

according to Google you go into a coma after that

worse coma ever he didn't catch a break it was more of him questioning self worth

- he was 6'0 before TDWT finale but now he's 6'3 because he has prosthesis for both legs

disabled Alejandro

- on a lighter note I think that's all the random stuff that came into my head

that's it

"clock some of this stuff sounds a lot like you"

Whatttt it's not me I'm not projecting wtf nooooo

- new segment I just remembered Izzy and Alejandro are related okay bye

.

[alpimerealmsystem]

About Us!

To start this off, we're a RAMCOA and mixed origins system, that bothers you? Feel free to leave

Now that that's over with, hi! Nice to meet ya, welcome to the chaos. The main side who runs this blog is Manik, he's an Angel Dust fictive from Hazbin Hotel and goes by any pronouns :) He's our front anchor and host, and we rely on him for a lot of stability in the system. Another host we have is Kringe, although he's mostly in co-con, he may fuck around here sometimes tho!

Our system origins are fucking weird but we're a distorpid system + esogenic + gateway + delusionbased + HC-DID + cephaloconcious system however even though we are an HC-DID system we still just call ourselves endogenic because it's easier and fits us better. We have a duplex system (sharing a system completely, our "innerworld" is the same) with our honorary sibling @oxygenatedbots

About the system - We're a system of 800+ as of last updated, but our system is forever growing and we consider it to be eternal. We also are uncomfortable with the terms alters/headmates being used for us due to our origins and prefer the terms sides/sysmates when referring to us. Of course, you can also just use our names. Most sides originate due to spirtual beliefs but we believe trauma has also majorly influenced our system, with that being said, we are primarily endogenic and have decided we have been plural for a good while, but when we did "split" we were going through extreme trauma, so really we don't know what we split from but we do believe you dont have to split from trauma. Oh, also please don't use the word "innerworld" when referring to us! Call it Alpime or the Inneruniverse, thanks!

DM me asking for a cat pic to cheer you up, I shall deliver

SEND ME ASKS FOR STUFF YOU WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT. We'll post poetry, short stories, alterhumanity, non-humanity and system related things if ya ask!

Pronouns ~ Collectively He/They/Thrive/Grow/Way/Path//Point/World/Cosmo/Void/Planet/Star/Moon/Night/Astro/Dark/Shadow/Spirit/Glow/Glimpse/Ghost/Fade/Dreary/Corrupt/Virus/Hack/Glitch/Music/Song

Kintypes ~ Voidkin and snow leopard therian. (But I will say, our voidkin identity is heavily influenced on being a plural system)

About me ~ The body is minor so please be aware of that. Anyways I'm a proud mom to three cats, love them all equally (we know that's a lie) we can't get any diagnosises due to our own situation irl however we are self diagnosed with a lot- so here's the full list. DID, anxiety, depression, OCD, NPD, BPD, schizophrenia, autism and ADHD. BPD and OCD tend to collectively be shared across the system to a more extreme extent, but specifically OCD, and we all tend to experience both of those very similarly. We consider ourselves mentally and physically disabled, even though we can't get a diagnosis for anything due to personal reasons we know at least we are limited in a lot of areas. About the physical disability we don't know exactly what it is but we experience constant lightheadedness and sometimes blurry vision and it genuinely negatively impacts our daily life

Posting schedule ~ we post poems sometimes! Depends on motivation levels and how busy we are but that's actually why we started this blog! and then depending on other shit sometimes we'll do short stories, system posts and alterhumanity related posts. Yes this blog is chaotic, yes atm it's mainly reblogs, no we don't give a fuck.

Stuffs I write ~ I write a lot of darker topics in my poetry such as us ruining the world, mental health, etc. I do put trigger warnings on some of my posts so please keep this in mind y'all. About my short stories, I wrote partially just fiction stuff or I may start with a prompt. The other half of the stuff I write is going to be werewolf/Lycanthropy/therianthropy themed!

DNI ~ Idgaf who interacts anymore, if I don't like you I'll block you but just be aware of our identities and apply your DNI to us, if we're in it get the fuck out. We're probably that freak in your DNI anyways (totally stolen from a friend, love ya!)

Misc ~ PLEASE GIVE ME RECOMMENDATIONS!!! Feel free to *flood* my inbox with requests, I will get to them! I'd seriously love to know what y'all want for short stories and poetry! If you give me a recommendation it will be a bonus post and not one of my daily things! Spam likes are fine, welcome, and appreciated! It's always great to know what y'all enjoy. Feel free to ask as many questions as you want about my writing and also criticise me! I'm totally welcome to take y'all's advice and I'd love to improve on my work! Also feel free to send me drafts for poems, I will make them my own style and give you full credit for the ideas and how it was executed ^^

About the blog-ish: Different sides may post certain things, some will leave sign offs, others won't, but be aware of this. My blog is not a place of hate or to discriminate, I want this to be a safe space. Do not come to my blog being a bitch, or saying my beliefs are not valid, or saying other's beliefs are not valid. I will block anyone who says stuff like that. This blog is centered around writing, alterhumanity and system shit. If I fuck some info up in a post TELL ME. I do research everything but I've had some angry people dming me, please politely say I messed up info and don't scream at me. I am trying my best, but my best isn't always perfectly accurate. I primarily speak from my own experiences but when I don't I'm relying on the beautiful thing we call the Internet and opinions vary on here. I want to make my content as accurate and relatable as possible so please do tell me if I mess up. This blog also mentions mental health and trauma occasionally so typically I do put TWs. Anyways, that's all! Love ya!

I need friends, feel free to reach out (especially if a system, would love more system friends. Also only minors, bc the body is sadly

I think that's it, thanks!

Last updated ~ April 4, 2024 - Manik

[rinwellisathing]

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I was tagged by @graysparrowao3! thank you!

Three Ships:

So I assume this is like favorites? Okay, I'll try to do separate fandoms as well to keep it interesting and I'll try and make it less common ships, not exactly rare ships per se because like... I am very shy and anxiety prone so truthfully iunno what's rare and not because I don't engage a lot.

Thunderweave (Gale/Rolan) : I really like this one, even more since my fiancee and I RPed it with the idea of transmasc Rolan. It's really kind of interesting and also Rolan deserves a better fellow wizard than Lorroakan and I think Gale is a great fellow wizard being both talented, secure in his abilities, but also willing to see the potential and power in another person. Also I super identify with Rolan and my fiancee does a really good really convincing Gale for RP and cosplay. Kabru/Mithrun: I initially preferred Kabru/Laios, which I still really like honestly, but I read a longer post about Mithrun's disabilities and his trauma and how Kabru treats him like a person when most people don't and like as a heavily traumatized person who became suddenly and severely disabled as a result, I really really relate and hope that my partners will show me that same level of care when they are able (distance has been the main reason why not, my mom has mainly been the one taking care of me since I became disabled so I don't really know what my partners will do in person because one lives far away and one has been called away on family issues since before this became a major issue) Thraina (Thrall/Jaina) : This is the only hetero ship I consistently come back to. I usually prefer Sylvanas/Jaina, but realistically I don't want to put that one here for only one reason. Sylvanas/Jaina has a lot of basis in what it could be (No one at Blizzard who has been there consistently through their entire development is talented enough to have made it work so it's all theoretical and based on what much better unpaid fanfiction writers decide). Thraina, meanwhile was unintentionally somehow written as one of the most equitable, healtyh, equal, and level relationships in all of WoW and it wasn't even canon...mainly because Metzen is a weird creepy misogynist (one of the main reasons I actually mainly write Aggra/Jaina as a ship actually, because both deserve better and are, in theory, better than that bag of derivative Marvel obsessed dicks allows them to be) but anyway, it's just fascinating to me how the healthiest ship in WoW was axed, shut down, and denied despite how genuinely good it was. I could write essays on this, I *HAVE* written essays on this, but I'll spare you. First ship: Domon Kasshu/Chibodee Crockett (G Gundam) but also Meg Giry and Christine Daae (Phantom of the Opera) these were simultaneous, so honestly I had to put both.

Last Song: Where You Are (Moana Soundtrack)

Last Movie: it was this obscure random horror movie I found on Peacock called 'Wait Till Helen Comes' about a child ghost. I tend to since I've been unable to work stay up late making costume pieces and writing and pick random horror movies for background. It wasn't bad, honestly.

Currently reading: Humblewood campaign setting book for an actual play I want to do Faerun 3.5 Player's Guide for flavor bits for my BG3 fanfics and location lore for my BG 3 sequel campaign Cinderwich by Cherie Priest

Currently watching:

Interview With a Vampire Crispy's Tavern Currently Eating: Opera Cake Currently craving: The nastiest, filthiest Durgetash ERP, preferably with my fiancee as Gortash. Favorite color: Purple

Current Obsession: BG 3 Prehistoric ocean animals Junji Ito Sharks in general Costuming Fatal Frame Last thing I googled: Sophia Loren Favorite Season: WInter

Skill I'd like to learn: Shoe making Metalurgy Best advice: You're never done learning until you're dead...even then, let's assume we get reincarnated and then rinse, repeat, start learning again. I'm tagging @iron-bullogna @vialae @vestigialpersonality @dm-dragonpuff

[disniq]

Season 1, Episode 2, “Hawk and Dove”.

Joy.

We are introduced to Hawk, AKA Hank Hall, who is already captured and being tortured! Listen, I don’t often side with torturers, but he probably deserved it.

Dove, AKA Dawn Granger, saves his ass and then we get a gratuitous bathroom shot because Alan Ritchson is hot, and also to show that the superhero life fucks you up, kids.

I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand what their plan is here? They’re taking out arms dealers and stealing the money for themselves until they have enough to “retire”. Dude, you’re both in your 30s, just get a normal fucking job that isn’t destroying your body and mind, maybe?

(This is a recurring theme with these two. They talk about quitting, one of them goes back on it, they fight, they make up, they talk about quitting… It’s a whole thing.)

Dawn is so pretty, fuck me.

She rescued him and plays nurse afterwards? Dawn, honey, he does not deserve you. He can't even fuck.

Flashback time, and Dickie-boy is hanging out with the Bad Kids against Batman’s orders. (I say “Kids”. All of these people are in their twenties at least. And, also. This is four years ago, but in s2 they say the og Deathstroke stuff is four years ago. Don't think to hard about the Titans timeline, good lord.)

DO LIKE; the fight choreography here! Dick is all flippy acrobat but Hawk and Dove are like pro fucking wrestling lol.

DO NOT LIKE; this weird fucking love triangle, and I use the term “love” extremely loosely. Poly supremacy man, you all have bird names and a shit ton of fucking issues, you could all be each others problems instead of inflicting yourselves on others <3

(oh my god, I’ve only just hit the titlecard. This episode is *so* long)

(Or maybe it's just that I find it incredibly boring.)

I'm sure that's not relevent

Dick is taking Rachel to Hank and Dawn, so he calls Alfred for some money to… pay them to keep her?

(on a related note, there is such a frustrating interesting dissonance between what we are told and what we are shown in this show. We are told Dick has a rep for being great with kids, but he doesn’t really know what Rachel should be eating or watching at her age, and he tries to get rid of her the second he can. Rachel says she’s not a kid, and then the very next scene is her sprawled out on the bed surrounded by snacks. Rachel says she can tell when people are lying, but her "Mom" was lying to her her whole life?)

I’m trying really hard not to get too bitter too quickly here, but god the difference between how Dick treats an upset Rachel to how he later treats an upset Jason makes my heart hurt :(((

Oh, The Family are fucking creepy okay. It’s the heteronormativity.

Dick is a terrible fucking liar, omg.

Rachel: You’re gonna leave me too, aren’t you? Dick: Dick: Dick: Dick: No.

Dick introduces Rachel to Dawn, Rachel gets a little sneak peak of their former sex life as a treat. Awkward.

Ahaaaa

“I’m outta the life,” Dick says, like he didn’t put the Robin suit back on like. A day ago. (another tell vs show)

I do love when people say Dick’s name like the insult.

(Unfortunately, it’s Hank being an insecure macho fuck over Dawn “Sure, I cheated on you with him before, but it’s not like I’d do it again how dare you not believe me” Granger. They’re so unhealthy, fuck. And the manufactured melodrama is so bleugh.)

The Family ambush and torture Amy, and she somehow tells them where Dick is despite him literally never telling her. Because plot.

Astute readers may have noticed I'm not a big fan of Hank but idk folks, I just think maybe it’s a little tasteless to make a “pants off” joke (TWICE) about a character that has long term trauma from repeated childhood sexual assault :/

Okay, fuck, Dick is already making me work for that body count list.

OKAY.

He castrates the torture guy, stabs another guy in the eye with a birdarang and drops a guy from the ceiling. I’m pretty sure they’d all live, if be permanently disabled. BUT. The last guy, he throat punches and then hits in the head so hard with his own gun that there’s a huge fucking blood splatter on the window, so I am counting that as a half-kill.

I’m OuT oF tHe LiFe - Dick Grayson (definitely not wearing the Robin suit again. Nope.)

Ah, more meledorama.

Rachel finds the money and Dick’s custody arrangement letter. She is not happy about it. She shows Hank, who isn’t ever happy about anything.

And then The Family show up to kidnap Rachel, so problem solved I guess?

[More Titans Rewatch here :D]

[atopvisenyashill]

general thoughts-

this is ep 4 & 5, which means i’m onto ep 6 and beyond and that’s usually where i start falling asleep and go “actually there’s another show i could be watching” so that’s gonna be fun aksjdj

if jory has a million fans, i am one of them. if he has one fan, i am that fan. if he has no fans it means i am DEAD.

i think john bradly is kinda awkward at first but i definitely remember him improving. he comes off a bit insincere in some spots to me but he has good chemistry with kit - when sam is like “so you DIDNT know where to put it” and jon runs over to whack him, that feels very genuine, just two boyfriends besties fucking around.

i do love alliser thorne walking in like “i know what you are” can a man not have a giggle with another man. he’s such a hater.

just the immediate, zero hesitation “you’re too fat for your armor” oh i Know ned desires that man carnally

i have completely forgotten why hugh hammer was important i had to go look him up ajsjdh

ned looking back at littlefinger like “alright we’re friends but let’s not get unserious here” when he puts his hand on sansa’s shoulder

JOFFREY STANDS UP IN ALARM (and interest) WHEN SANDOR JUMPS IN, and joffrey keeps looking at robert to see what robert is going to do, he’s like impressed, slightly concerned, excited, then you see robert kinda look joffrey’s way before he says to stop. jack, mark……………deserved award nominations dammit…….

the little fish pin bran is playing with while he’s thinking of his mom…… “from the moment i placed her in your arms to the moment she dies, she will love you” “sometimes i think you are too smart for your own good” IM GONNA SCREAM ACTUALLY.

not i moved closer to the tv to get a look at the lil fish pendant and then ros’ boobs were just right there 😭😭 i’m not saying i don’t respect sexposition but i am saying we could have gotten nedcat sexposition instead of making ros do all the heavy lifting here.

Conleth Hill is so funny as Varys. He’s got perfect comedic timing, his cadence when he’s going back and forth with someone else is always spot on, you’re always getting the feeling he’s laughing at you.

me and my sibling like to decide out loud if it’s a “good enough” reason to use that word and i’m sorry “they say the eyrie is impregnable” “i’ll impregnate the bitch” Not A Good Enough Reason To Use That Word

Ramin is a genius for this score, the way the music in the scene in the Eyrie is so unsettling but never loud, staying at the same low level until tyrion gets to the sky dungeon and THEN starting to crescendo? i love him i would die for him

this renly & loras scene is the sexiest scene in the whole series. the focus on the hair around renly’s nipple. the bitchy way they snipe at each other in between trading new pieces of hot goss. loras bullying renly into committing treason. “if you want hairless maybe you should find a little boy” “i want you” RICH coming from the man who groomed his squire.

jory’s death & this fight scene always stands out in the series and the show does a great job making it stand out too. that absolutely visceral eye horror where jory’s still aware for a few seconds & the way they REALLY let sean bean & ncw start warming up with the sword skills only to CUT THAT SHIT OFF and jaime is so upset but not enough to do anything different. really fun.

changes i noticed

i feel like they made theon much less weird. where is his inappropriate giggling. why is he not flirting with robb’s mom. i do like this convo between him and tyrion though, don’t get me wrong, i love the dynamics of it, and i love the way it’s in conversation with theon’s story as it goes on - both in that he enters another absolutely stupid ass war bc of pride, and also that he’s going to become physically disabled, but here he invokes an ableist insult towards Tyrion to soothe his own wounds over Tyrion taunting him specifically about his fondness for the Starks being so pathetic considering his status as a hostage. Tyrion says something cruel and Theon is cruel right back; this is traumatic and yet just another Tuesday for both of these men.

i remember so much discourse about this tyrion/theon scene and like which one is more ~problematic~ in this scene and it’s like bro. they’re both being huge assholes here for a very specific reason and they both deserved to get clouted what do u want from a convo between two of the most maladjusted characters in this series aksjdj

Having Petyr creepily whisper Sandor’s backstory which he shouldn’t even fucking know in Sansa’s ear instead of letting Sandor tell that story himself. Beyond that I just Don’t understand the fascination d&d seem to have for aiden’s acting and littlefucker as a character, i just don’t get the point of taking like The Foundational Sandor/Sansa scene, which is also Foundational to Sansa’s changing concept of morality and honor, as well as the overreaching concept of what a True Knight is, and giving it to a character who just Does Not Fuck With Sandor Like That. i hate this. it’s one of my favorite scenes and they just destroyed it for what. for a dude otherwise known for being the Worse, Less Sexy version of brian kinney?? rory mccann would have Killed This Scene!! I FEEL RAGE!!!!!!!

ONCE AGAIN they take the kill catelyn makes to save tyrion’s life and give it to tyrion for…..WHAT. FOR WHY. I WANT THEM DEAD FOR WHAT THEY DID TO CAT OMG.

Okay here we go, weird Theon. I think this Theon/Ros scene starts out good but it could have ended better. Like, the way he can’t even go to a brothel without being mocked for being a hostage. His fixation on Tyrion’s sex life. The way he is too close to Ros’ face when he’s talking to her. I like that last “i don’t want to pay for it” “then get yourself a wife” exchange but i think his comment about his father and her return should have been sharper. It’s missing that Pizzaz that the other added scenes have.

They changed up the Council scene by changing the wording to include the “honorable fool” nonsense, and also cut out barristan so ned doesn’t have someone on the council who he actually gets to come around to his argument, as well as cutting several points of his argument. It’s so stupid. They think Ned is so fucking stupid. ugh.

This next Robert/Cersei scene isn’t imo as good a setup as some of the other ones, because I don’t think Robert OR Cersei are emotionally in a space where she could come up there and argue that much with him and still get him genuinely explaining why he feels a certain way to her. On the other hand, the actual dialogue is VERY in character - Robert breaking down his worries about Dany is good, Cersei being both angry but also deeply curious about how to lead the realm, the way they both start drinking together and cracking up at the idea that their marriage is holding the realm together. Amazing. I love the way the redness seeps out of Robert’s face as the conversation turns serious. It’s almost like he wants to reach out to comfort Cersei, but he does it once again in the most selfish way possible by laying this horrible emotional burden on her shoulders. “does that make you feel better or worse?” “it doesn’t make me feel anything.” it’s so good. i can’t believe neither of them were nominated for this.

i also really like this scene for the later parallel they do with Aemon - the way Robert’s love for Lyanna is so meaningless, an excuse for him to disappear into his vices, she was so nonexistent as a person to him that he can’t even remember anything but the idealized stone statue of her face, and here is Aemon so much further removed from his loved ones, so far removed from even when his memory involved seeing, and he pours over every detail in his mind to remember her face