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#and basically just do what she tells me lol
scoriarose · 1 day
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The princess is sleeping in her tower tonight
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Good night sweet princess!
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yelenasdiary · 1 day
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Omg your requests are open lol
I humbly ask for something adorable and fluffy for BuckyNat x R. Like maybe just some cute domestic activities after the three of them have been super busy and they're finally able to catch up with each other and just be together 💕
Bonus points for including Alpine and Liho
Free Time
Pairing: BuckyNat x Fem! Reader
Summary: After what felt like months, you and your partners finally had a week off from work, allowing you all to enjoy some much-needed quality time. 
Fluff
Warnings: None | 1.1K
Translations: Detka (baby),
AC: I love me some BuckyNat! Thank you for sending this! I hope you enjoy it x
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You couldn't help the soft smile that tugged at your lips as you stirred the butter chicken sauce to keep it from burning. You'd been waiting for this night since Fury said that everybody is to take a little break from work to relax and recharge. This meant that you would finally be able to have some much-needed quality with your partners.
Bucky and Nat were doing some last-minute mission reports before clocking off for the week, meaning you had the perfect window to cook them dinner. Cooking was one of your favorite hobbies, you loved cooking for people but mostly you loved cooking for Nat and Bucky. 
Your shared apartment smelled like an Indian restaurant, which only made you even more hungry. Your favorite playlist played softly in the background while you danced around the kitchen, grabbing plates and glasses from the cupboard before setting the table. You couldn't wait for them to come home and be able to enjoy a home cooked meal and a movie on the sofa with Alpine & Liho head butting for pets. 
Nat & Bucky came home just as you had finished dishing up the butter chicken, rice and naan bread as if the smell lured them home to you. "Something smells good detka!" Nat smiled softly before she gently pulled you in for a kiss. Bucky following behind her, "butter chicken? my favourite!" He chipped in, placing a kiss on your cheek. 
"Well, before you even think about sitting at the table, you need a shower! You smell" you chuckled, noticing he was in his gym clothes that had a noticeable sweat stain at his collar. 
"Yes ma'am" he winked before making his way to the bathroom. 
"How was your day?" Natasha asked as she wandered into the living room to kick off her shoes. You placed the dishes on the dining table and took a seat, waiting patiently for your lovers to join you. "It was boring but Alpine, Liho and I had a pretty fun game of laser!" You replied.
“Ah, that would explain why they’re basically passed out” Nat chuckled lightly. 
After a dinner full of conversations and laughs, you and Nat allowed Bucky to pick the first movie. It was no surprise that he had picked The Godfather. You sat between Nat and Bucky, Nat rested her head on your shoulder while Bucky wrapped an arm around the two of you and soon enough, Alphine and Liho woke up, jumping up onto the sofa to be sure they wouldn’t miss out on any snuggles. 
----
The next morning, Liho woke you by jumping up onto the bed and headbutting you for a morning pet. The bed was empty, making you frown slightly at the loneliness of being in such a big bed by yourself. You gave the cat a good pat before you slipped out of bed and wrapping your night gown around your body. 
“You know, I’m never going to let it down that you burned pancakes” Bucky chuckled as he poured maple syrup over his stack of 4. Hearing his comment to your girlfriend made you smile softly knowing they were still here, “Nat, don’t tell me you actually burned pancakes” you chipped in. 
Natasha playfully rolled her eyes, “it was Alpines fault, she almost knocked the batter over” she said, defending herself. 
“Sure, sure” you teased before taking a seat next to Bucky at the dining table. “Good morning doll, did you enjoy your sleep in?” He asked. “You guys could’ve woke me” you reached for the plate of pancakes. 
“You looked so peaceful though and you did cook the best butter chicken I’ve ever had, take it as my gift to you!” Bucky smiled. 
“Besides, we don’t have any plans until late this afternoon” Nat added, taking a mouthful of pancake. “What plans?” You questioned with a cocked brow. 
“It’s a surprise” Bucky replied. 
“Oh, come on! you know I can’t handle knowing there’s a surprise coming!” 
Both Nat and Bucky chuckled, “and you should know just how much we love to tease you” Nat said. 
After breakfast, the three of you went grocery store. Natasha pushed the cart while Bucky and you ticked items off the shopping list. His hands interlocked with yours as the three of you walked up and down each aisle, “come on baby, tell me what the surprise is” you said in an almost whisper so Nat couldn’t hear. If anybody was easy to break a secret, it was Bucky.
“Sorry, doll, no can do” he smiled before placing a kiss on your temple. You sighed playfully while you racked your brain for any idea of what might be the surprise they’re holding from you. 
“I think that’s everything” Bucky spoke, looking back at Natasha before the three of you headed for the checkout. 
After that, it was a quick drive home to unload and pack away the groceries then back out again for a little late lunch before it was off to the surprise date that Bucky and Nat had in mind for you. Nat gently put a blind fold on you once the car had come to a stop, “guys, I’m nervous!” You said as Bucky took your left hand and Nat took your right, helping to guide you. 
“Just a little longer, I’ll love it!” Bucky’s voice eased your nerves but made you more excited for what was planned. You felt like you were stomping your feet as your lovers led you to a stop eventually, “ready detka?” Nat questioned. 
“Yes!” You replied with excitement. Slowly, Bucky removed your blind fold to reveal a large hot-air balloon in front of you. “Surprise!” Bucky and Nat said in sync. A date on a hot-air balloon had been on your bucket list since you could remember. Your smile grew bigger as you turned to face your lovers. 
“No way!!!” You almost jumped with happiness before hugging them both tightly. 
“Anything for you doll! We’ve had this planned for weeks” Bucky smiled. 
“Are you sure this isn’t because I made you one of your favourite meals?” You joked. Nat lent forward and whispered, “that’s exactly why” she chuckled. 
“I thought so!” 
----
The views from the hot air ballon were better than you could ever image, the wind softly blowing through your hair as while Bucky had his arms wrapped around you, Natasha snapping a phot of the two of you before turning the camera to selfie mode just to capture a photo to add to the photo albums. 
You gently pulled Natasha closer, gently kissing her deeply. “This is beautiful, thank you” you smiled softly, “Like Bucky said detka, anything for you” she smiled softly.
~~~~
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 7 months
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes#and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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ganondoodle · 1 year
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someone commented on an old post of mine that sonia wasnt fridged bc shes relevant to the plot and i have been thinking about it for an hour bc i dont think thats an actual get out of jail card for that .... also ... what does she do? be raurus way to cement himself as da king? give some half assed advice to zelda, that has no pay off unless you count zelda time reversing a bunch of weapons*, and then immediately dies just so zelda can essentially replace her and make rauru regret he didnt stab ganondorf right when he showed up in their temple i guess ?? (which is questionable on its own imo)
(*its not a good pay off for powers she was suddendly revealed to always have had(tm) and also is only ever used to .... welll, get zelda out of the way back in time, reverse a few weapons and .. idk create a ham fisted way to give the player her gimmick?)
even if she doesnt technically meet the requirements(lol?) to be called fridged like .. she is spiritually at least for how irrelevant and cheapely killed off she was
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californiaquail · 2 months
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was hanging out with someone today and she was talking about how she would shoot the hawks and eagles if they went after her indoor/outdoor cat and i had to struggle to keep a straight face. there is an EASY fucking solution to this problem that doesn't involve killing federally protected wildlife OR your poor damn cat. who got in a fight last night and left fur all over the place.
#by hanging out with i mean she is the owner of the quarter horse mare that was here and she wanted me to come down when the farrier came?#the farrier is cool but he did give her some stupid fucking fearmongering pamphlet written by this idiot racist ~whistleblower~ about how#“They” (?) are going to be rationing peoples water and the dude is like blaming the local tribe for it....get the fuck over yourself buddy#the entire state is in a drought. disrespectfully. go fuck yourself#trump ass county for fucking real this is why i wanted to move to the next county over or at least the next town over in this county#like. not to dox myself but i live in thee bellwether county for presidential elections and these cunts are not voting blue let me tell you#it's all these retired fucking republicans!!!! god damn it there are so manyyyyyyyyy i don't know if i can do it guys#also i was talking to this woman about biking/hiking on the olympic discovery trail and she was like oh i've had some bad shit happen to me#on that trail and i'm like oh like what? and shes like#oh well one time this guy was living in the woods and i called the cops on him but they didn't care or do anything about it.#and instead of saying “why the fuck did you call the cops on somebody who wasn't even bothering you” and “what the fuck is your problem”#and “can't believe i'm saying this but the cop was actually the correct one in this situation” i had to be like oh huh :/#anyway literally nothing bad happened to her on the odt and people are kind of just heartless about homeless people#ALSO she was talking about when she was very sick on her recent trip to hawaii (...) and “not caring” about people worrying about her havin#covid like well actually the way you say that does reveal that you Do actually have a little dust bunny of shame about your shitty behavior#somewhere deep under the laminate tile of your soul and you fucking Know that's a shitty fucking way to act but youre doing it anyway. lol!#and this is such a very standard example of almost everyone i've met here. i'm going insane none of you have basic compassion or decency#for people you don't already care about. We Live In A Fucking Society WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.#i have to stop bitching it's after midnight but this was my first real contact with another person for the last 12 days#(BECAUSE i fucking had covid and i was isolating like a normal person instead of being a dumb entitled fucking asshole about it)#and it was just soooo peppered with this selfish fucking libertarian nonsense the whole time it is SO frustrating holy shit#i have to be nice to this woman because she wants my help with her horse (who needs my help frankly) and she's lived here her whole life so#she has thee connections and has also offered to help me get a car which i can't tell how serious she is but we need to be on good terms#jesus christ. hey if anyone is reading this and you read the whole thing and you read my tag essays regularly we have to get legally marrie#you know too much. wedding in november#me
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sysig · 1 year
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He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)
#Doodles#Commander Peepers#I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3#*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins#I think there might be a theme here#Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired#And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol#The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3#I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol#Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye!#Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol ♪#Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs#I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat''#Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing''#And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol''#Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom#And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol#But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s#Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes!#And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it#If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol#Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation#I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol#Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol#ANYway lol ♪ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D#I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c
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gibbearish · 1 month
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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g0thsoojin · 1 month
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📓🦇
#honestlyyyu#life without him is so boring....#idk... just imagining my life without him makes me feel bored lol#i want to be with him i think ...#but it is difficult bc we live on two different continents#and relationships between nations are difficult bc you're not allowed to just move anywhere lol#idk how it could work#plus ... also he's 20+ years older than me.. to me it isnt an issue more than#1) he wont live as long as me (if we both die of old age that is lol)#2) everyone are very judgemental and even if both of us mainly want to just have us and not any social circles#it will be hard.. and how am i supposed to tell my mom....?#the thing with that is hard because of my avpd.. im not normal#i never will be. even if i like met a guy my age now in school and we started dating i wouldnt want to tell me my mom#i cant explain how i feel to normal ppl but yeah... im just someone who wants to live isolated to myself#i dont want to be like yeah hi mom heres my bf who i fuck and love and now lets go for family dinner woooop#idk ... i could never. i just cannot do that normal life.#so then its like.. it isnt purely bc im 'ashamed' of him and the age gap#im just someone who feels shame about everything.... so i wouldnt wanna tell my mom anyway#but then it feels like im 'betraying' her. if i move away to another country to be happy on my own#and she wont even ever get to meet my bf or hear abt him... i'll get married (bc of convenience) and she wont know#that feels bad.. like im hurting her. but i know in my heart that even if i met a bf my own age here#i would NEVER want a wedding. my avpd.. im not a normal functioning person.. i'd want just me and the other person there. not infront of my#family... idk i just cant do normal life things..#maybe sometimes i dream abt having a few friends and being cared for. but that is a DREAM#theres no way of knowing if i'd ever find ppl like that. im also very different and cant connect to basically anyone i meet fkn EVER!!!!!#he's the only one i've ever met that im this compatible with.. and he is real. and i know him. should i let go of him just for ppl i havent#even met? who i might never even meet? bc yeah the thing is that with him we wouldnt have a conventional life. it'd be just us#and thats not really a bad thing. its just that w my avpd i never know what i really want bc i want smth but when it gets real#and i can actually have it suddenly i dont anymore. and i want the other thing i didnt want before...#so i have sm fears.. what if i choose him but then will never get that comfortable job in a cozy school and my own apartment
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mainfaggot · 2 months
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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unnonexistence · 5 months
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idk if there's anything in stories i get more petty about than poorly-written "main character shows up to a new place and meets everyone" character introduction scenes
#personal#they make me SO ANGRY ahglkmsfkl#it isnt just the trope of showing up and meeting everyone either#like it works for me in some things!#i think pacific rim does a really good job with characterization for example#and it's got a sequence of scenes where raleigh arrives and the audience is introduced to the shatterdome & important characters basically#my working theory until i do some more analysis is that stories that do it well leave some mystery#like in pacrim you don't find out mako's whole deal immediately upon meeting her#pentecost doesnt go ''this is mako mori. one of our brightest. her whole family was killed by a kaiju and she wants to be a pilot''#he says she's in charge of the mk 3 restoration program#and she doesn't immediately offer up her backstory because why would she. real people dont do that#the russian pilots dont show up and go ''hello we are russian''. pentecost just tells raleigh briefly who they are#etc. newt & hermann's intro scene is one of my favourite bits of characterization Ever and you don't learn that much about hermann during i#all the info you get is from newt being chatty and ridiculous and mocking hermann and putting his foot in his mouth. i.e. newt being newt#and that's what makes it good!#when chuck and herc are introduced you learn absolutely nothing about chuck. hes just there in the background#he and raleigh look at each other for a second and you kinda go ''who's that guy''#AND THATS ENOUGH TO ESTABLISH HIM AS ''PROBABLY IMPORTANT LATER''#idk idk but so many books do this kind of scene so badly that it pisses me off#so many POPULAR books too. like i either am uniquely annoyed about this or other people are way more willing to overlook it lol#as far as examples go. the house in the cerulean sea and every heart a doorway were the books where i got so annoyed i immediately DNFed#i feel like the long way to a small angry planet does it a little bit but not as bad. i cant remember for sure it's been a while#i did finish that one but i had extremely mixed feelings about it#and now im reading a big ship at the edge of the universe and. once again it is happening#aaaargh
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my birthday couldn't have started better holy fuck
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pepprs · 10 months
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my mom was just mean to me for like no fucking reason lol. day ruined
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orcelito · 2 months
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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rosicheeks · 4 months
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#extremely discouraged#I was getting help with insurance navigator person#and she was super helpful#we finished the application and I asked if there’s a way to see my info before I get my card#she asked if I want to see a doctor soon and I’m like I mean yeah but I’m waiting to start my case management#she pauses#and then tells me that the medical assistance I signed up for doesn’t include case management?????????????#lol okie dokie got it#and then she tells me all these websites and organizations I can go to file a disability#and telling me about these long applications I have to fill out#girl I can barely get out of my bed do you really think I’m able to sit down and fill out a 200 page form#seriously feel like the only option I have to actually get HELP is going to the emergency room#fun fact I almost went last night - SI thoughts were hitting me hard#but what always always stops me is the money…. my parents are already struggling#and me not working is not helping them at all#dad sent me this full time position literally at the place I’m going for day treatment and I was so confused#first of all I don’t think they’d let a patient work the front desk?? also how am I going to fit full time and this program in#especially when I barely can function and do basic shit (he doesn’t know how bad my SI thoughts were or have been but still)#I’m just bitching now I’m sorry#I need to do my laundry but now I have no energy or motivation to do anything#want to lay on the couch and through on a show and just chill there the entire day#wrapping myself up in my tortilla blankie so I’ll be a sad burrito :(#shut up rosie
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tapucocoafgc · 8 months
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Had a very good talk with my gf last night that basically boiled down to: you can't care for others until you can care for yourself
And it's so obviously like, I needed to clear brain space to do that anyway, but having another person say it put it really starkly into perspective
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