#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[bunalum]

How To Not Overthink In A Relationship: Top 10 Effective Ways

Love, with its myriad of emotions and intricate dynamics, has the power to illuminate our lives and bring profound joy. And finding the right person to share those joys with is something that most look towards!

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However, when you finally find the right person, you do everything in your power to keep them. This often leads to you overthinking the simplest of “Okay” that your partner sends to you! You know thoughts like, “What if they don’t like me the way I like them?”, “what if they are just faking it?”, “what if they find someone else?” and many many more…  

But before you start searching for how not to overthink in a relationship, you first have to stop crucifying yourself! You are not the only one! Overthinking is a normal part of relationships. 

So, why do we overthink, and how to not overthink in a relationship? Read on!

Overthinking About Relationships – What Is It? 

You’re constantly asking yourself, “Did they mean that?” or “What if I did something wrong?” Your head feels like it is running around in circles of what ifs causing constant anxiety. At times you find yourself creating movies in your mind about these terrible moments for problems that may not even exist.

Honestly, most of the time it is just a case of feeling anxious – anxious about being rejected, anxious about not measuring up, or simply fearful of the unknown. 

However, here’s something to think about; all this overthinking about relationships can mess with your mental health, ramp up stress levels, and screw up communication with your boy/girlfriend.

That’s why you need to find out the triggers of your overthinking, to understand how to not overthink in a relationship as this can be the way to save your relationship!

What Causes Overthinking In Relationships

While there can be several triggers that lead to overthinking about relationships, knowing what causes overthinking in relationships will help you take control of your thoughts and emotions: 

1. Insecurity

Insecurity is the most common fear trigger in a relationship and controlling your thoughts is the first step towards how to not overthink in a relationship. We get scared when we find ourselves in a truly blissful situation and this results in the necessary undermining of our newfound happiness.

2. Paranoia

We feel threatened whenever we think our partner may become annoyed with us or find someone else better than us. We may look for “issues” which are not existent. It’s like we want to sabotage our happiness because we are fearful deep down.

3. Need For Validation

We might misinterpret when our partner fails to show love in the way we expect thinking that they don’t care at all.

4. Expectations

When our expectations don’t match our partner’s actions, we start imagining the worst. We might convince ourselves the relationship is doomed, even when it’s not 

Different people show love differently, therefore if her partner doesn’t live up to her expectations about the love she should learn how to control herself otherwise things could go wrong between them.

Misunderstandings about what they mean can make us wonder why our needs aren’t being met, leading to more overthinking and feeling unsatisfied.

The first step to stop overthinking is realizing when we’re doing it. By understanding what causes overthinking in relationships and trying to be more mindful, we can have better, happier relationships without all the unnecessary stress and self-sabotage.

How To Not Overthink In A Relationship

This obsessive behavior can escalate and harm your mental well-being even if your tendency to overthink relationships is rooted in a protective instinct. Thankfully, there are ways to help with this.

The following are some of the ways of how to not overthink in a relationship: 

1. Seeking Empathetic Listeners

Overthinking often comes from deep-seated fears, and having people around who get it and offer empathy can be validating and relieving. Let your trusted friends or family members into the obsessive thought patterns.

When you approach this emotionally, being understood and empathized with enables you to speak your feelings and fears.

2. Convince Yourself not to Overthink

Trying to make yourself stop overthinking, especially by shaming yourself, is counterproductive. As a result, overthinking is often emotional rather than logical, so a purely rational approach can intensify overthinking as well as isolate oneself.

3. Communicate Openly with Your Partner

Share with your partner about what you think even when they sound irrational. This transparent communication can reinforce your bond and build up self-esteem.

4. Find Out Why You Feel This Way

Overthinking does not just happen for nothing; there are underlying reasons behind it. Think about why you’re overthinking this relationship. Your past experiences can play a major role in your journey of how to not overthink in a relationship!

Are there any past traumas that need healing? Lastly, did one parent abandon you? Visiting a counselor or therapist can help identify the root causes and address them.

5. Be Present Now

Most times, overthinking arises from unfounded concerns that have no basis in reality at all. Whenever your mind starts spinning out of control, bring it back to the current moment instead of the past or future. Take deep breaths while focusing on things that can be touched about your relationship.

6. Make a Gratefulness List

To change your focus to the positive aspects of your relationship, put together a gratitude list every day. Acknowledge all the good things happening around you and appreciate them as it creates optimism.

7. Get Active

Exercise is an effective way of reducing anxiety and improving mental clarity scientifically. So if overthinking plagues your mind, pause everything and engage in some sort of physical activity like going for a brisk walk or attending a workout class.

8. Meditation Practice

During meditation, you will be able to find out answers to your questions from, “Can overthinking destroy a relationship?” to “Is overthinking toxic in a relationship?”. Remember the answers are within you, you just have to be more mindful!

9. Write Your Feelings Down

Journaling intrusive thoughts or writing them down can help relieve anxiety. Even when you don’t plan to send it, consider journaling or writing a letter to your partner.

10. Use Your Mind’s Power

Acknowledge that you have power over your thinking. Whenever overthinking sneaks in, move away from that direction on purpose with your mind as if changing channels on TV. You can advance with confidence and clear-headedness by conquering your thoughts,

Think about these tips as small tools to use for how to not overthink in a relationship.  Just try them out next time you start overthinking. Also, note that these are tips shared by relationship experts who understand how complex human connections are so just try it out!

Can Overthinking Destroy A Relationship

This may even end up creating a mountain out of a molehill, making ordinary happenings into huge dramas. It’s like having an enemy within your relationship.

Being insecure as well as lacking trust, and overthinking puts strain on your connection. Additionally, this can be emotionally draining for your partner to constantly account for their actions or non-actions!

So to answer your question, ‘Can overthinking destroy a relationship?’, the answer is yes, yes it can!

Is Overthinking Toxic In A Relationship

It is possible to mess up a relationship by overthinking; that is, thinking too much about it without stopping. It’s as if you are always wondering whether your partner is angry with you or if they are keeping something.

All of this unending worrying can lead to tension and rows in your relationship. However, at times, it makes your partner walk away because they feel suffocated.

So, the question “Is overthinking toxic in a relationship?” gets an answer of yes!

Breaking Free From Toxicity

here you have it – the keys to unlocking a serene and fulfilling relationship, free from the chains of overthinking. Love is supposed to create a happy place, rather than serve as an arena for doubt and fear.

Removing its cloak is how you can begin to attain relationship enlightenment by knowing what causes overthinking. 

May your relationship grow into an abode of tranquility where love will flow without barriers as you get rid of uncertainties. Here’s to peace, happiness, and a well-nurtured love ahead in life.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How to not overthink in a relationship?

To break this cycle, find people who are empathetic, avoid blaming yourself and be open to your partner. Breathe, stay in the present, and do things that make you happy.

2. What is meant by overthinking about relationships?

It keeps on analyzing things such as texts and actions, leading to unwarranted worries and fear, stretching emotions’ health and communication.

3. What causes overthinking in relationships?

There are various triggers such as insecurities, past traumas, fear of undeserved happiness, a constant need for validation, paranoia and mismatched expectations.

4. Can overthinking destroy a relationship?

Yes, it can damage relationships by causing communication breakdowns, unnecessary stress, creating non-existent problems, eroding trust, and hindering enjoyment.

5. Is overthinking toxic in a relationship? 

However, when drama is introduced by an overthinking mind that cannot trust, communicate well and it feels emotionally exhausting to have such a positive and lively association. It is important to break free for the sake of a better relationship.

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[life-rewritten]

Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I  write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series.  An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in  2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them;  both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought.  It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm 

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.  

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective.  This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance 

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly.  He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

 A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think  (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others.  So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind.  This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.  

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that.  Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others.  Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen,  refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!).  Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first.  He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree.  So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc.  Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

[mimicutie]

Pit is Autistic - A “Brief” Analysis

Kid Icarus: Uprising is my favorite game of all time, and one thing I love about it is the characterization of Pit. Specifically, I see him as autistic. Of course, this is just a headcanon of mine, but I wanted to write out a little discussion explaining why I see him as such as well as show some of the autistic traits he demonstrates in Uprising (and the occasional reference to the Guidance conversations from Smash).

(fair warning, this is not very brief)

Difficulty Understanding Words and Jokes

It’s made abundantly clear that Pit isn’t the best at picking up sarcasm or jokes. At times, he struggles with understanding words, phrases, and context. Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 11.

Pit: Good! There are survivors! Palutena: They’re a stubborn bunch hanging on like that. [...] Pit: Uh… stubborn? Palutena: Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.

Here, Pit doesn’t understand what Palutena means by “stubborn.” It’s pretty common for autistic people to struggle understanding parts of speech, such as words being used in different contexts than what they’re used to.

Medusa: Hmm… Now this is a little… bizarre. Pit: I know right? The mouth on that guy! I’d never talk like that! Medusa: That’s not what I meant. Palutena: Sorry. He can be a little… thick.

Once again, Pit is misinterpreting the situation. He doesn’t understand what Medusa is alluding to, thinking that she is talking about Dark Pit’s brash behavior. Palutena’s last comment hints that it’s very common for Pit to misunderstand people like this.

Pit: I’m Pit, servant of the goddess Palutena. I’m here to defeat Dark Lord Gaol. Magnus: So you’re here for a slice of the pie too? Pit: Huh? Pie? Where?

Chapter 2 has several examples of Pit not picking up on obvious jokes or idioms, and here’s one. Pit takes the idiom literally, not understanding what Magnus really means at first.

Viridi: Pit certainly is devoted to you, Palutena. Hades: Only because she squeezes his head wreath when he doesn’t follow orders. Palutena: You mean like… THIS?! Pit: No no no no no! You’ll squeeze my brains out! … (sigh) Why do I always fall for that?

In this example from Chapter 15, Palutena is clearly messing with Pit, but as he stated, he always falls for her jokes. Even though it’s clear she is just teasing, Pit can’t pick up on the fact that she isn’t being serious. He consistently struggles with understanding tone.

Pit: This is so annoying. Lady Palutena, help me out here! Palutena: Deploying the Palutena Super Sensor… Pit: I didn’t know you had a super sensor! Palutena: Hee hee. I don’t. You know I like to make stuff up. Pit: I can’t believe you’re messing with me at a time like this!

This dialogue from Chapter 13 is just another example of Palutena clearly joking while Pit does not pick up on it. Even though Palutena has done this time and time again, Pit still struggles to tell when someone, even a person he is incredibly close to like Palutena, is just messing with him. These are just a few examples. Pit commonly struggles with understanding language and tone throughout the game.

Using Words Differently

We can see that Pit has his own unique vocabulary with his own creative phrases like, “Calamaried!” “Re-defeated!” “Pulverazed!” and so on. Pit also makes LOTS of noises throughout the game, all of his “woohoo”s and “woah”s and whatnot. It’s just how he communicates, even if it's a bit particular or different.

Expressiveness

Pit is excitable. Like, really excitable. Sure, he’s a fun video game protagonist, but he’s always very happy-go-lucky and upbeat in a way that reads to me as autistic. Just look at how he jumps in excitement!

And when he gets the Three Sacred Treasure?! Gifs can’t really do the excitement in this scene justice. (link in case tumblr embed isn’t working)

Additionally, while Uprising doesn’t have a lot of cutscenes with Pit just standing around talking, in the ones where he does he is usually very expressive, using his hands to talk and whatnot. Added with his excitability, I feel that this shows us that Pit is so expressive and emotional because he’s autistic!

Extra Help

Pit needs more help with understanding things in comparison to others. Palutena often goes out of her way to guide Pit, whether it be giving him directions or explaining how to defeat an enemy. While Palutena’s advice does work as a guide for the player, it’s clear that Pit needs the help more than someone else his situation might. The clearest proof we have of this comes from Chapter 22.

Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier! You see, it’s— Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right? Palutena: Well… yes. Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do! 

Palutena is expecting Dark Pit to be like Pit, where she needs to explain to him what’s going on and offer her guidance. However, Dark Pit was able to figure out a strategy to defeat Pandora all on his own. Palutena is very aware that Pit needs a bit more help and prepares accordingly for him.

Accidental Rudeness

Many times throughout Uprising, Pit is shown speaking “rudely” towards gods or characters who have authority over him.

Pit: Oh, great! You’re the guy I’m looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while? Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here, flinging unreasonable requests at me? [...] Viridi: You can’t really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.

Here, Pit is talking to the Chariot Master very casually, treating him like a friend despite the fact he is breaking into the Chariot Master’s tower and asking him for a precious artifact. Pit doesn’t see it as rude but Viridi and the Chariot Master clearly do. He is breaking an unwritten social norm by talking so casually to someone of high authority. Autistic people often misinterpret social situations or don’t act appropriately, sometimes resulting in “rude” behavior. There are several examples of this throughout the game, such as in Chapter 24…

Pit: You know, the Three Sacred Treasures weren’t exactly durable. Can you please make sure that this new weapon won’t just fall apart? Dyntos: Palutena, you’d be wise to put a muzzle on your chicken.  Palutena: I apologize for him. Again. Pit: I… I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be rude.

To Pit, he is just stating a fact. However, it comes off to Dyntos as Pit being rude or even insulting his work. This is something that autistic people often do; they are blunt or honest about something, which is again mistaken as being rude.

Pit is also seen being more blunt when under emotional stress, such as in Chapter 20.

Pit: I trusted you because I knew you were on the side of justice, and… and light! But something is blocking that light now. This isn’t the real you. Viridi: Someone cue the strings… Pit: Would you mind holding the commentary for two seconds, Viridi? Phosphora: There are goddesses you’re talking to here, Pit. Watch your tone. Pit: Butt out, Phosphora! The goddess of light has turned dark. Skyworld is destroyed! Everything is wrong, and it’s up to me to make things right! Palutena: Oh, Pit. You’re just as naive as ever. Pit: I’m not naive!

Phew. This scene is pretty noteworthy to me because throughout the game, Pit is never really that angry or upset. He does show hostility, but he never really snaps at anyone, much less gods, like this. But when his home is destroyed and Lady Palutena is not herself, his emotions get the better of him. He doesn’t even seem to care that he is being “rude” to Viridi. I definitely see this moment as Pit having an outburst because of the stressful situation he is under. 

Scripts / Scripting

The most obvious example of Pit using a script is with his “rally cries” that he prepares before fighting enemies. Look at the idol description for this AR Card.

He practices his rally cries a lot in order to be prepared for battles with bosses. Pit even mentions practicing his rally cries in a later chapter.

Pit: Cells of Hades, hear my words! And, um… see my actions! Uh… something, something… I’m going to rain death on you! I can’t remember all the words, but that’s the general gist. Hades: My innards have so longed to hear your battle cry. How could you forget the words? Pit: I didn’t have time to rehearse. I’ve been busy fighting evil, okay?!

While some may see the rally cries as meaningless fun, I think it could be seen as Pit having a script that he likes to fall back to when facing enemies. 

His many references and quotes to video games could be seen as scripting, too. There are lots of instances in Uprising, and especially in Palutena’s Guidance, where Pit quotes famous video game phrases or imitates sounds. Which leads me to…

Special Interest

Pit’s special interest is video games. While Pit’s very vast knowledge of video games could just be because of Uprising’s fourth-wall breaking style of humor, I think it could also be seen as Pit having an intense interest in games. He references various video games such as Metroid, Nintendogs, and Super Smash Bros. in-game. He seems to enjoy bringing up video games or referencing video game mechanics whenever he can, which is very similar to how autistic people enjoy bringing up their special interests in conversations whenever possible. Additionally, while the Palutena’s Guidance conversations aren’t 100% accurate to canon, Pit constantly references and alludes to various video games in them, such as quoting Reyn in Shulk’s conversation or Peppy and General Pepper in Fox’s (which ties back to him scripting). It’s clear that he loves video games and talking about video games!

Pit: Those Aurum troops are doing their best Game and Watch impression! Viridi: Check out the gaming IQ on this guy! You’re a regular video game historian!

See, even Viridi is impressed with his video game knowledge! :D

Sensory Issues

Throughout the game, Pit seems to have an obsession with hot springs. It is never outright explained why he loves them so much, but I’m led to believe it is because of sensory reasons. Many autistic people use extreme temperatures to help soothe or calm themselves, such as cold showers or hot baths. It can often help with sensory overload. Hot springs, similarly to hot baths, may be a way to help soothe Pit and keep his sensory issues to a minimum. 

Pit’s habits with his tunic seem to hint towards sensory issues, too. He doesn’t like to be without his robes, stating that he keeps them on even when he’s in the hot spring. When his clothes seemingly get messed up in Chapter 21, he gets upset, exclaiming that it’s his only tunic. Wearing the same clothes or same types of clothes/fabric is pretty typical for autistic people, and Pit wearing the same tunic everyday is similar to that.

Additionally, Pit’s habits with food could be because of sensory differences. He very well could be hyposensitive to food and tastes, which is why he eats a lot and doesn’t seem to care about what he eats (as long as it isn’t vegetables, according to the Revolting Dinner short ;D ) . 

Small Social Circle

Pit doesn’t have a whole lot of people he can rely on. Before Uprising, the only person he seems to have any affinity for is Palutena. Other than that, he doesn’t seem to talk to anyone else. We don’t have a clear picture on what his relationship with the Centurions is like, but based off of the Revolting Dinner short and Chapter 17, he only really talks to them when he’s working as the Captain of the Army and not as a friend.

While yes, Pit is the only angel left in Skyworld, I still think it’s important to bring up that Pit only really has Palutena to rely on. By the end of Uprising, he has Viridi and Dark Pit as well, but his only clear and completely positive relationship is his mother-son bond with Palutena. I see this as Pit struggling to really befriend others. He’s had over two decades between the original game and Uprising to befriend the Centurions, but again, he only really has Palutena. It’s pretty typical for autistic people to have very small social circles, consisting of just one or two friends. Palutena seems to fit the role of mother and best friend for Pit, and she even remarks that he should make more friends in Chapter 4. 

Working Alone

This is a small one, but still something that I think is worth pointing out. Pit seems very adamant on accomplishing his missions on his own, telling Dark Pit on two separate occasions (Chapter 9 and Chapter 21) that he can handle the situation by himself. Similarly, it’s common for autistic people to prefer working by themselves rather than with others. Paired with the previous point about having a small social circle, this just reads to me as Pit not feeling too comfortable in situations with others.

Conclusion

There’s a few other points that I feel I could bring up but overall I think these are my main points summed up (and yes, I said summed up. this used to be over 2500 words) ! Thanks so much for reading! If you have any other traits that you think Pit has that I didn’t mention, feel free to share them, I’d be more than happy to hear! ^_^

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Reflecting (Keep Moving Forward followup)

So, uh....first off.....if you’re reading this, I hope you have a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate it)!

It’s been over a month since I made that vow to keep moving forward.....but it’s been so hard.....It’s getting easier recently, though, as I’ve been able to think clearer.....bit by bit.....

Below is gonna be me venting about stuff that happened, and about myself and the lessons I’ve learned, so if that doesn’t interest you, don’t bother reading. I just.....wanted to....spill things out somewhere, where I’m not forcing people to listen to me.....And hopefully, this’ll be the last post I’ll have about this subject, or at least, one this long....

When it happened.....I was so taken off-guard....I was devastated and worried....and in my fear, I focused on the wrong things.....

I was SO caught up on the fact that....my friends....who I care so much about.....who I liked talking to, and sharing things with, and had such fun with .....were accusing me of hurting them, which was like, one of my worst fears....I was so blindsided by how quickly things went south......from being told that I’m loved, valid, and that I’m not annoying, and I’m fun to be around....s-stuff I wanted to believe.....to suddenly being told that I WAS annoying and obnoxious the entire time, and that I was actually an awful, selfish guilt-tripper who only wanted attention.....And.....that’s.....that’s not me.....

They brought up past events that.....I’d already either apologized for, swore to never do again, or was already made aware of and was trying to dial back on.....A-and that made it worse.....It felt like none of that mattered.....that I was so terrible that I could never truly change for the better, even as I tried to....And the part that hurt the most about the whole thing was not being believed. I didn’t expect them to forgive me, especially not right away.....I just wanted them to believe me....But no one believed me when I apologized again. No one believed me when I told them I didn’t mean any harm to any of them, and said that I’m completely aware of my mistakes, trying to be better, and would try not to repeat any of the crap I did before. Nothing I said was hitting at all, it was like I was just white noise to them.....

And after it was over, I thought about it more, let it sit with me......as I sobbed my face off, of and on, for days.....I hated knowing I hurt my friends, I hated it, hated it.....Thinking about what they were going through around me....Were they really that hurt? Was I really as awful as they said? Am I really incapable of changing and being better? What should I do to make everyone happy? Is it best for them if I wasn’t there anymore? Is it best for everyone? Do I deserve this pain, for everyone’s sake? Is everyone better off if I.....went away.....forever......?

But thankfully.....the tears slowly dried.....Thanks to the friends I still have, I got back on my feet, though it took a bit......And I’ve obviously looked back on everything a LOT.....And as the pain dulled, I started to think clearer....And identify the root causes of my mistakes.

Yes....I did mess up. I’m not the victim here. Just because it hurt, doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to be called out.  Everything I said before this was how I felt in the moment, but this is how I feel about it presently:

It’s true that I never wanted to hurt anyone. EVER. I’m one of the least threatening people on the planet. I’m a socially-awkward, anxious mess of a person who struggles with the simplest of things. I’m timid, shy, but once I get comfy, I’ll ramble on, and fangirl....and I get flustered very easily. When I get flustered, I say stupid things. I do stupid things. And.....I'm constantly worrying about being annoying. I never had any hidden agendas to “make everything revolve around me” or anything like that. In fact.....I HATE the feeling of controlling other people (It was actually a running thing that I was the most submissive person in the server). I prefer being a follower to a leader, scared of disappointing people I care for. And I NEVER wanted any more attention than anyone else. I know I’m not important. I was just another fangirl in a server full of them. A server that belonged to everyone equally......Everyone got to be happy, and that’s part of what made it so great.....Every time one of my friends got attention, I’d watch, sure, but I’d never intentionally take away from them. No matter how much I reacted, no matter how flustered I’d get, no matter how many stupid noises I made...If I knew that I was stealing attention, I would’ve tried to step back, but still getting anxious over letting people I care about down.....in case they really DID want to indulge me....

I absolutely hate forcing people to do things they don’t wanna do. Whenever someone does something for me, I want it to be because they WANT to. I’d ask things like “Are you sure?” out of anxiety. This is especially true of RPing. My anxiety over RPing is so bad that I’ll never initiate one. I always want people who RP with me to actively have fun doing it, not because I’m forcing it. I always worry about the people I do it with, and if they’re having fun, or if I’m being a waste of time....And if, at any point, I had picked up on the fact that I was forcing anything, I would’ve backed off right away and apologized.

So, me being called.....m-manipulative....? That hurt....because that’s not me.....and that’s why I.....got so defensive.....

But.....like I said at the start.....I was focusing on the wrong things.

Sure, that one part was a misunderstanding. But who flipping cares? I still messed up. I messed up BADLY. It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. I still hurt people I care about, and I still deserved to be called out for it. While it’s true that nothing I did was intentional, they still brought up good points about me that I needed to hear, even if it hurt. After letting everything sit with me for a month, I’m finally able to address it, and put it in text so that I’ll never forget it. I guess.....this is my own callout post to myself.

So....the biggest cause of all of this.....is self-hatred.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I.....don’t really have a high opinion of myself, and I consider everyone who I get attached to to be more deserving of nice things than me. The biggest example is when it comes to Spinel....I’d always be so so self-conscious when thinking about how she’d view me compared to my friends, who are more entertaining, and more deserving of her attention....at least, in my eyes. I wasn’t jealous of the attention they’d get, though (I’d cheer them on), I just looked up to them. At first, this wasn’t a huge problem as a lot of my friends had the same issues. But.....it got worse. Over time, my mind attacked me more and more.....I blamed myself for nearly every uncomfortable or bad situation that would happen.....and started to fear being left out and being alone. This led to situations of me basically going into tangents over how much I hate myself over things that had nothing to do with me. I’d blame myself, over and over again.....

Every single time I would beat myself up over being boring/useless/annoying/etc, my friends were always there, comforting me and making me feel better. But here’s the thing: I started doing this IN THE WRONG PLACES, at THE WRONG TIMES. Like, I would offhandedly mention how I wish I was more like someone else and have to be assured I was fine, during someone else’s moments, because I was an idiot and it didn’t hit me that people would actually stop what they’re doing to talk to me. I can even remember a few times when a friend was having a really bad day, and I would have a mental breakdown over worrying about them, needing to be calmed down. THAT could’ve been kept to myself. Like I said before, I never EVER intended to get special treatment compared to anyone else. But, the way I’d constantly moan about how “It’s all my fault”, “I’m so sorry I’m so annoying”, and especially the constant self-consciousness over Spinel.....All of that.....how every single time, it ended with people comforting me in some way......it was EASY for them to interpret all of that as guilt-trippy. I wasn’t aware of it then, but I can see why people would think that now. I kept doing it, cuz I was so comfortable venting to them that.....I got into a habit of it. In my head, it was just a thing that we all did, not just me. But I had no idea of what I was doing, and how often, until I had to have it spelled out to me......and that’s just....yikes. Luckily, I’ve learned now that there’s a time and a place to vent, and I’ve made a real effort to dial back on my self-deprecating comments, after being called out....but it didn’t matter anymore. It was one case of “I learned my lesson, but I did it so often in the past that no one believes me when I say that.” And I have no one to blame there but myself.....

But I will still take that message to heart, and will try to pass it to others. There’s a time and place to vent your insecurities. Do it in a dedicated space if you can. Don’t do it in a way that brings down the mood, or in any way that could be an interruption.

But that wasn’t the only mistake I made. Oh no no no. It gets even worse. My self-loathing issues have done worse than annoy people and get misinterpreted. I’ve said things that I extremely regret saying.

So.....in.....either late August or early September....around that time, things got a lot more stressful and sad in the server. There was a period where it seemed like every other day, a friend would have some kind of breakdown and leave the server. When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious, and....yyyyyyeah, my mind became even meaner to me. Th-the point is, people I cared about were having a hard time, and....I spent a lot of time worrying and stressing over them. I felt helpless.....I wished I could help them and make them feel better, the way they helped me....and, I started overthinking a lot of things, wondering if I was a bad friend.

I was so sick of myself for always saying “I suck at cheering people up besides being a distraction” and using that as an excuse to not do anything....It felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again: worrying about people while being too shy to reach out, and worrying that not reaching out made it seem like I didn’t really care.....

There’s one friend of mine.....who is really good at cheering me up when I’m depressed. He’s done it multiple times. I never ask to be cheered up, but.....he seems to always know what to say. And.....I look up to him. I wanna be a person like that.....a good friend who knows what to say......and......

And so I tried. After a certain point, I decided to stop whining and try reaching out to my friends more. I DMed more often, wrote them things, tried showing them I care. And at first, I thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was outside my comfort zone. It was worth it if I made someone feel just a little bit better while in a bad place.

But....I wasn’t good at it. At all. I was way too anxious to act calmly in those situations, and as a result, most of them.....didn’t go so well. As in, I never, I dunno, thought things through before saying them. Which, when talking to someone emotionally vulnerable, you should ALWAYS DO. I should know! I AM one of those people!

A lot of the time, I.....I struggle to convey my emotions properly. When I’m emotional, I say stupid things without thinking. Sometimes, it’s something that sounded fine in my head, but once I say it or type it out, I realize how wrong it really sounded. One thing about me is that I’ll never take the cheap excuse of “It was the autism’s fault” or “It was the anxiety’s fault”, because....stuff like that sounds so wrong to me. Those things are a part of myself, so blaming them is really just another way of saying that I was wrong. But yes, it’s true that a lot of autistic people suffer from the same social issues that I do. Coming off as insensitive by talking without thinking. This also goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how I act like an idiot when I’m flustered. I get emotional, I stop thinking. That’s all there is to it. And I wish I could just......stop.

While trying to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time, there were occasions where, either out of stress or evil brain jumping to conclusions, I would bring my self-loathing issues into the situation. AGAIN, with the self-loathing in the wrong place at the wrong time! When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious. ....I’d try to say “I hope you’re doing OK! We miss you!” and after a bit, it was devolve into “Please please come back, I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I’m such an awful friend, boohoo”, and......yikes? After this distance, I realize just how badly-worded a lot of the stuff I said was.

Sometimes, I would catch on to what I said really quickly, instantly feel guilty, and delete the message, hoping no one saw it (guess what: that doesn’t change anything if they still saw it), but other times, I was so dang OBLIVIOUS to just how obnoxious I was acting, and needed it spelled out to me.

The ultimate irony is that, in trying to be there for my friends, I was such an emotional wreck that....I ended up coming across as selfish instead. The exact opposite of my intention.

I wanted to be like my friend, and failed. All cuz I let my own feelings get in the way.

Whenever I’d be called out on something, I’d apologize. And afterward, I’d do my very best to never repeat my mistakes. After being called out for sticking my nose in where I wasn’t wanted, I stopped initiating DMs with anyone who didn’t wanna talk, and made extra careful to double-check things I said. I was extra cautious about everything, scared of messing up again.

And....it seemed like my apologies were accepted, and things were fine again. But.....there came a point where it’d just been.....enough.

The damage was done. The conclusions about me were made. And my reaction - getting defensive over a misunderstanding instead of actually focusing on the fact that good points were made about me - didn’t help matters.

I poured my heart and soul apologizing to them, swearing over and over again that I learned my lesson. And.....almost no one believed me. Because I messed up THAT badly. Everything that came out of my mouth was taken as a sob story. And the feeling of not being believed and trusted anymore hurt so badly that I......shattered. I broke down.....

But now, thinking clearly, I see the full picture better. I see the truth behind the misunderstanding, and boil everything down to the core issues that I can focus on improving.

Sure, I’m not manipulative, and I’ll take those words to my grave. But I was still oblivious, annoying, invasive, and my self-loathing was a MAJOR problem that I let leak into too many conversations. It got to the point where it came off as guilt-trippy and attention-seeking. I can’t deny that anymore. That’s how people saw it. Sure, it was never intentional, but no more sugar-coating.

My biggest problems were: 1. The self-loathing problems, and 2. The obliviousness of what I was doing and how it made people feel. Those are the core issues. Everything else can be traced back here.

And.....that’s everything. All my self-reflecting, summed up here. A reminder of my mistakes.

I’m so sorry.....for everything I did. I’m working on it.....I promise. Thank you for letting me know.

This is the kind of apology I should’ve given them.....Properly self-aware, not that overdramatic mush....

.....I was never mad at them for saying those things. Even when the wounds were fresh, I was never mad at them, only myself and the situation.....I didn’t wanna hate them, I wanted to make things right.....And.....M-maybe it’s me being weak, but.....I still think the world of them now. I still think of them as my friends.....Especially now, when I can look back and try to understand why they did it. They were hurt, and they were only doing what was best for them......And I hope they’re all happy now that it’s taken care of. Cuz....they deserve to be happy.

I know that all I can really do is talk about how I feel, and give my side of the story, but I’ve still thought a lot about what they must have felt.....How hurt they were, what they thought, and if it was hard to do.....I can never truly know without communicating. And, for the sake of their privacy, and not bringing up specific details, I won’t put words in anyone’s mouth. This is mainly about my feelings, because that’s all I can share. But yes, this isn’t the whole story.

Sure, it still sucks, knowing that without some kind of magic lie detector, I can never truly prove that I never wanted to use or hurt anyone, and that I really did care about them so much.....but I have to live with it. This is the price I have to pay.

And through the experience, I learned important lessons that I’ll keep close to my heart.

Back when the wounds were fresh, I was blaming every little thing about me, trying to find justification that I was unlovable trash and didn’t deserve happiness. I blamed things that weren’t at fault at all, or that I have no control over, like preferences and squicks.....anything that could’ve been annoying people all along......But, I think I finally got it straightened out now.

My feelings for Spinel aren’t at fault here. (After all, I wasn’t the only one who had them) While my ramblings about not feeling worthy of her attention, and the stupid things I’d say when flustered over her, caused some issues, those things stem from personal faults of mine that have always been there. My self-loathing would still be just as bad if she wasn’t there. I’d just be directing it at something or someone else. So, no, I’m not forcing myself to get over her. I don’t blame her. Thinking about her brings me comfort still, after all this time....and I don’t wanna let that go. I can improve as a person, and still.....l-love her.....

No, I learned what I REALLY have to change, and have already made the steps to do so. I’ve made new rules for myself. I’ve started internalizing my self hatred and anxiety more instead of oversharing it. I only vent my issues in private places, or on here, where I’m not forcing people to read my crap. I’m DONE with forcing anyone to listen over and over again about how I hate myself, and.....how I’m now in this endless cycle of hating myself FOR hating myself.....it’s a lose-lose situation either way. Point is, no more of those self-loathing tangents unless it’s called for.

And other things, too......I’ve been extra careful about RPing, I’ve been extra careful about joining conversations, and.....about everything, really. Especially DMing. Now more than ever, I’m scared of forcing people to pay attention to me....I’m worried about coming off the wrong way. When someone pays attention to me, I don’t want it to be forced. I wanna believe I deserve it. If I ever deserve anything.....(And finally, one last minor change: I’ll no longer voice chat unless I’m muted. My voice is seriously obnoxious, especially when flustered, to the point where I’ll unintentionally insert myself into conversations just by making stupid noises in the background. I’m too loud. SCREW my voice. I hate my voice. No more.)

And, as the past month or so has gone on, and I’ve slowly recovered, and gotten past this period of self-reflection.....I’ve started talking to people again, slowly regaining the confidence to do so.....while keeping my new rules in mind. And, I’m happy to say that I haven’t messed up.....yet. Don’t wanna jinx it. But yeah.....maybe I really have improved.....

And.....for the past couple weeks.....I’ve been......happy? Well, the happiest I’ve been since that day. I’m no longer miserable, and I’m in good spirits. That’s good, cuz it means that I’m not bothering people!

So....I’m optimistic. Maybe that’s a bad thing.....but at the moment, it doesn’t feel that way.

In the near future, I.....I do wanna reach out to the friends I hurt. I wanna try apologizing one last time. Maybe that’s me not wanting to let go, but.....I really care for them, and we had so much fun together......It felt like we made each other happy, before everything got bad.....I don’t wanna feel like everything we ever did was because I was awful.....the whole time.....I don’t want the memories to be tainted.....

But.....I’m scared to go back right now......I’m scared of messing it up by getting emotional again. If they don’t forgive me, that’s fine. That’s their choice to make. But I at least want them to believe me.....and if that doesn’t happen, then it’s my fault again.

So....yeah.....I do wanna go back and give it one last try.....but later, when I’m SURE I’m ready. For now, as long as I feel like there’s a part of me that’s gonna get all dramatic and moody, I’m not ready. Cuz I wanna push that part of me away. No more pity parties. No more....no more talking over them. I’ll let them beat into me if it’ll make them feel better......and I’ll be happy to be forgiven, if that’ll make them feel better.

Either way, I don’t want it to end like this....but......is it selfish to want closure? Cuz, even if I don’t get forgiveness.....at least give me that. At least let me end this on a respectful note. Cuz....I don’t wanna be a coward. I don’t wanna just.....move on without taking the steps to fix the situation, especially with the people that were there for me so often......

Geez, this got long......sorry if you read all of this. I just.....wanted to put this all somewhere......TLDR: I’m so incredibly sorry for everything I’ve ever done, and I’m taking the steps I can to improve myself and become a better person. It’s not easy, and I’ll never forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.....but I’ll try to get there somehow.

Keep moving forward......

[jhudz30]

Top 28 Korean Drama Words & Phrases for K-Drama Fans 1. 장난해 (jangnanhae) – Are you kidding me?

This expression could be a statement or a sarcastic question. This is often used among friends of the same age or to someone younger. This means ‘are you kidding or ‘are you kidding me?’

In Korean dramas, you’ll never hear this being said to someone older or someone holding a higher position than the speaker unless the person means to be rude.

2. 혹시 (hoksi) – By any chance

This word is used at the beginning of a statement or a question where a person is having doubts about a particular thing. The word 혹시 (hoksi) means ‘by any chance’ or ‘maybe.’

3. 콜 (kol) – Call/Deal

This is an expression Koreans consider as Konglish. This means ‘call’ or ‘deal’ and is used when you are up for the challenge or when you are agreeing on something.

4. 뻥��지마 (ppeongchijima) – Don’t lie

This expression is used when the person you are talking to seems to be lying. It came from 뻥을 치다 (ppeongeul chida) which means ‘tell a lie.’ 지마 (jima) is from the polite expression 지 마세요 (ji maseyo) which usually denotes “do not.”

5. 오해 하지마 (ohae hajima) – Don’t misunderstand

We usually hear this phrase in romantic comedies or romance dramas. A person says this when he or she wants to hide his or her true feelings or intentions. But this phrase can generally be used when you don’t want others to misunderstand or misinterpret you.

The word 오해 means ‘misunderstanding.’ The word 하지마 (hajima) from the polite expression 하지 마세요 (haji maseyo) means ‘do not.’ If you want to sound polite then you may say 오해 하지 마세요 (ohae haji maseyo).

6. 이렇게 (ireoke) – Like this?

이렇게(ireoke) is a phrase that could be used to ask someone how to do something or instruct someone to perform something in a certain way depending on the context. This phrase means literally ‘like this’ although the nuance can be ‘what should I do?’

7. 아싸 (assa) – Oh yeah

This expression can be used in many different situations.  It is used when a person just got something he or she wants, won the jackpot, or when a person feels lucky.

8. 그럼 그럼 (geureom geureom) – Sure, sure

In dramas, we often hear this when the character is agreeing to another character’s ideas and opinion. It means sure or of course. And sometimes, it can also be used at the beginning of a sentence that indicates condition. It can be used to mean if so, and then.

9. 잠깐만 (jamkkanman) – Wait for awhile

This phrase is usually used when you want another person to wait for you. It literally means ‘for awhile’ or ‘wait for a while.’ You can add 요 (yo) to it to be polite then that would be 잠깐만요 (jamkkanmanyo).

Another variation of this expression is 잠시만요 (jamsimanyo).

10. 글쎄요 (geulsseyo) – Well, I don’t know

This is an expression we commonly hear in dramas when a character is being asked for an opinion, idea or an answer and he or she doesn’t know what answer to give or they want to have some time to think. This expression can mean ‘I don’t know,’ ‘well,’ or ‘let me see.’

11. 어쩔  건데 (ojjeol geonde) – What are you going to do

어쩔 건데 (ojjeol geonde) means ‘what are you going to do?’ Again, this may only be used towards a person really close to you or someone of your age and to a person younger than you. It would sound rude and impolite when used to a stranger and to an older person.

12. 뭘 봐요 (mwol bwayo) – What are you looking at

This question is usually used when a person is looking at you in a strange way.

In dramas, you would usually hear this question among characters who have the same age or is addressed to someone younger. More often than not using 뭘 봐요 (mwol bwayo), although it has 요 (yo), it could be disrespectful when used in the wrong tone. This means what ‘are you looking at’ or ‘why are you looking at me.’

13. 무슨 소리야 이게 (museun soriya ige) – What is this sound

This question can be heard in dramas when the characters hear some strange sound or they hear a sudden noise. 무슨 (museun) is another form of 뭐 (mwo) and 무엇 (mueot) that means ‘what.’ The word 소리 (sori) means ‘sound’ and 이게 (ige) means ‘this.’

So, when you hear a strange sound and you want to know what it is you may ask 무슨 소리야 이게 (museun soriya ige).

14. 어떻게 (eotteoke) – how?

This is a common expression you hear in Korean dramas which is expressed when a person doesn’t know how to do something. Sometimes, it is also used to express empathy to another person.

15. 하지마 (hajima) – Don’t do that

This phrases consists of the verb 하다 (hada | to do) + 지마 (jima | command to not do something). 하다 (hada) + 지마 (jima) = 하지마 (hajima). It is a shortened version of 하지 마세요 (haji maseyo).

This phrase is heard in dramas a lot, along with 가지마 (gajima | don’t go). It is often said in a pleading tone by whichever character is getting dumped in that particular episode.

16. 하지말라고 (hajimallago) – I said ‘don’t do that’

If the other person doesn’t respond to the speaker’s ‘하지마’ (hajima), then he or she will keep teasing the speaker. Then the next line out of the speaker’s mouth is often ‘하지말라고’ (hajimallago).

The 라고 (rago) ending is one of the many ways to use reported (indirect) speech in Korean (along with 다고 (dago), 자고 (jago), and 냐고 (nyago)). Using these endings is a little bit tricky and requires some study, so just learn this phrase for now.

17. 거짓말이야 (geojinmariya) – It’s a lie

Often part of the drama plot will involve somebody lying, and eventually being found out. The word 거짓말 (geojinmal) means lie. 이야 (iya) is the standard informal ending for nouns.

18. 거짓말 하지마 (geojinmal hajima) – Don’t lie

Combining the word ‘lie’ with the phrase ‘don’t do’ results in 거짓말 하지마 (geojinmal hajima). This expression is also very common in dramas.

19. 죽을래? (jugeullae) – Do you want to die?

Often this is said when somebody is really annoying the speaker. The ending -을래(요) (eullae(yo)) means ‘to want’ and is often used as a question ‘do you want?’

In this phrase, it is added to the end of the verb 죽다 (jukda | to die). However, you can also use this ending in other situations such as 뭐 먹을래요? (mwo meogeullaeyo | ‘What do you want to eat?’).

20. 나 먼저 갈게 (na meonjeo galge) – I will leave first

Often in dramas, somebody will have to meet at a café with somebody they dislike. Usually, this person is an evil mom trying to bribe her in an attempt to stop her from seeing her son.

If one person is leaving first, then in informal situations he or she will sometimes say 나 먼저 가 (na meonjeo ga) or 나 먼저 갈게 (na meonjeo galge), both of which mean ‘I will leave first’.

Read about how to use this phrase properly here.

21. 그래? / 진짜? / 정말? (geurae / jinjja / jeongmal) – Really?

When somebody finds out some exciting gossip, then he or she will almost certainly say one of these three words.

All of these words mean ‘really?’ in English. They are all used with about the same regularity as the next so learn them all and use them to sound more natural. You might also hear them with a 요 (yo) at the end, such as 그래요 (geuraeyo), 진짜요 (jinjjayo), and 정말요 (jeongmallyo).

22. 세상에! (sesange) – What in the world!?

This phrase is used to show disbelief. It is often used by the character playing the evil old man who is surprised that he hasn’t been shown the proper respect by the main character (despite his repeated attempts to ruin said character’s life).

23. 안돼 (andwae) – It can’t be (it isn’t allowed)

When used in normal Korean, 안 돼(요) (an dwae(yo)) means that something is not allowed.

For example, you could say 수영하면 안 돼요 (suyeonghamyeon an dwaeyo) ‘Swimming is not allowed’. However, in dramas, it is often said by the female character (speaking to herself while crying) just after being dumped. She is literally saying ‘he is not allowed to leave me’ as she can’t believe that she got dumped.

24. 사과해 / 사과하세요 (sagwahae / sagwahaseyo) – Apologize!

In dramas, people are constantly asking each other to apologize for trifling things. The other person then refuses to apologize for those things, leading to the two people ending the episode apart.

The verb ‘to apologize’ is 사과하다 (sagwahada). The ending -세요 (seyo) in this context shows that you are asking somebody to do something. The fact that the word is a homonym for the Korean word for ‘apple’ hasn’t been lost on the cheesy Korean scriptwriters who use this terrible pun on a regular basis (for example, in 꽃보다남자 (kkotbodanamja)).

25. 너 미쳤어? (neo michyeosseo) – Are you crazy?

From the verb 미치다 (michida | to be crazy), this phrase is used on a regular basis in dramas, As this is one of the more rude Korean drama phrases that you will hear, be careful in real life as people will find you very rude if you say this phrase to them.

26. 미친놈 (michinnom) – Crazy guy

Often said under someone’s breath, this word is made up of 미친 (michin | crazy) and 놈 (nom) which means ‘person’. However, it has negative connotations. It can be used with other adjectives such as ‘나쁜놈’ (nappeunnom) too.

27. 오빠 (oppa) – Older brother

Watching dramas is a really great way to get the hang of the Korean pronouns and their proper usage. Instead of the word ‘you’, Koreans use a variety of different words based on people’s position in society. The most common are:

한국어 (Korean) Romanization English Meaning

오빠 oppa a slightly older male who you are close to (used by females)

형 hyeong a slightly older male who you are close to (used by males)

누나 nuna a slightly older female who you are close to (used by males)

언니 eonni a slightly older female who you are close to (used by females)

이모 imo a middle aged women (lit. – aunt) who you are slightly close to (for example the shopkeeper in a shop that you frequently visit)

아줌마 ajumma a middle aged women (not as close to you as an 이모)

아저씨 ajeossi a middle aged man

선배 seonbae a school friend from a year that is above you

후배 hubae a school friend from a year that is below you

28. 사 줘 (sajwo) – Buy this for me

Often used by the whiny rich girl who is a love rival of the main female character. 줘 (jwo) comes from the verb 주다 (juda | to give), and is the informal way of saying 주세요 (juseyo). If you use this expression, be sure to use your most whiny voice possible.

[putschki1969]

A reply

vyselegendaire I don't know why there is bad blood between CPM and Putschki.  Each forum has its plus and minus.  CPM forums have had trolls, but since its a forum I feel people have a chance to be a bit more expressive of their opinions, and thus there is negativity, but frankly its mostly in the forum of  humor and farce.  There are almost no dedicated haters on the site who don't wish to see more great music from our favorite artists.

vyselegendaire Additionally, amidst all of the complaints of negativity and dreariness, lest we forget the scourge of censorship - which is on the rise across the internet - before we cast shade on those we disagree with as being bad.  Censorship and content removal is the tool of tyrants since time immemorial and don't think you are immune, ask

vyselegendaire Just ask Solzhenitsyn

Hi there!

I thought it best to make a proper reply post because I have a few things to say in response to your comments. These comments were made on THIS post here where I am talking about online fandoms in general....It took me a while to get back to you, sorry about that.

All right everyone, strap in for a LONG (and slightly petty) reply...

It feels like in all my previous replies I have been talking to a wall…I have said it before and I am gonna say it one more time, there is no war between myself and CPM, there is no ancient feud and I wouldn’t even say there is any “bad blood” between us. I haven’t really engaged with any particular member enough for there to be “bad blood“. My main issue with CPM is that I do not enjoy the toxic atmosphere over there. Why would I willingly subject myself to all that negativity? I might be the only one out there that feels this way but I wanna ENJOY my fandom. All the nitpicking, bickering, gossiping, bullying and bashing, it’s utterly exhausting and it sucks the life right out of me. I don’t wanna waste my time engaging in polemic discourse and childish quarrels day in day out. I mean, even responding to all those recent asks/messages has been utterly exhausting because I feel like I have been put on trial for simply wanting to be a decent human being.

CPM has had a few trolls....? No kidding....Please don’t get me started on the trolls.... I haven’t even been active on CPM but I still had to deal with them. Why you ask? Because we have had at least two people from CPM terrorise the tumblr fandom in the past….those trolls actually made the effort to come here and cause turmoil just for the fun of it…that’s how fucked up they are...As you can imagine, I wasn’t impressed…

Unlike you, I just don’t see the merits of posting on CPM. Yes, I have been in some lovely forums in the past and they certainly do offer a few advantages but when it comes to CPM, the negative aspects far outweigh the positive ones. Yes, a forum is better suited to interact with people but then again, I have plenty of ways to interact with fellow fans here as well. And if we are being honest, I am not the type of fan that actively seeks out interaction, especially not with people who suffer from a serious case of entitlement. You could call it a pet-peeve of mine but I really can’t stand it when fans act all entitled as if they were owed something. And you know what’s the worst thing about it? The most annoying entitled haters on CPM are usually people who are not invested in the fandom at all! Yes, they are very much invested when it comes to hating on and complaining about stuff but aside from that I don’t see them do anything else “productive”. They just sit back and let other people do the work. They don’t bother to seek out new information, they wait for someone else to do it.... Most also don’t bother to learn Japanese in order to get a better understanding, they wait for someone else to make all the translations or they just pretend to know everything and come to absurd conclusions which usually results in heaps of misunderstandings... Often they refuse to buy releases, they would much rather wait for downloads in order to then declare they are happy they didn’t spend a fortune on that since it’s trash anyways...They also typically don’t attend any lives but they are more than happy to complain from the distance... It baffles me how people like that have the nerve to act so entitled even though they don’t show an ounce of support.

There is another reason I do not wish to interact with a majority of the people on CPM. Many of them find pleasure in ridiculing me. I know everyone over there is making fun of me for being a “pussy”, for playing “Kalafina-police”, for apparently seeing everything through “rose-tinted glasses”. It seems like in their eyes nothing I write can be taken seriously because I am neither “honest” nor “objective”. I guess in this day and age you have to be a disrespectful asshole for people to consider you “honest/objective” and for someone to actually pay attention to you... But really, that’s just not who I am. I have zero tolerance when it comes to any sort of bashing of the people I adore and respect under the guise of so called “constructive criticism” and I do not wish to interact with anyone who thinks that’s okay. And before anyone misinterprets what I am saying, no, I am not implying that Kalafina are above criticism or that every kind of criticism is bad, that’s not the case at all...but as I have pointed out numerous times, it’s all about HOW you criticise...

As for your point about being able to be more expressive in a forum, that is completely untrue. Nothing is stopping me from being as expressive as I want to be on this site. Free expression does not equate negativity, if you think the opportunity to express yourself is somehow a free pass for being an asshole then you are wrong.

“There are almost no dedicated haters on the site who don't wish to see more great music from our favorite artists” Uhmm...and that somehow absolves them of all their wrong-doings? NO! This statement makes me really angry because it embodies the fucked-up mindset of so many haters in fandom. At one point in the past I used to like it so that gives me the right to bash on everything now and I refuse to find something else because I know for sure that one day they will create the exact thing that I want. THIS is how these people think...And it leads me right back to the point I made about entitlement. Throughout many years these fans have created an unattainable image in their mind. Everything that’s not in line with that idea is automatically written off as trash... Fact is it is very unlikely they will ever get what they want. So consumed with bitterness and hatred it’s almost impossible for these people to see greatness in anything. It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to escape is to move on to another fandom.

Your second comment is a tad over-dramatic wouldn’t you agree? It also sounds like a low-key threat and I really don’t appreciate that. I am very much aware that I am not immune to censorship but I am not sure what your point is. Are you trying to tell me that my only chance to avoid cencorship is to relocate to CPM? No thanks. I would rather find another platform or get my own website. Also, I have invested way too much into this tumblr blog, it’s not something I can simply give up and move on. I know many tumblr users have relocated to other platforms as a sort of protest but I will definitely not do that. If things become worse I will have to think of something but as of right now, I can live with the situation on tumblr. Let’s see what the future holds...

I guess instead of replying to questions about CPM you want me to write essays about censorship on tumblr which is - according to you - the very scourge of humanity? Sorry, I am not the type to use my blog for political statements. Yeah, I will admit, things have been a bit troublesome on tumblr but it’s certainly not as bad as some people make it out to be... I don’t necessarily agree with the methods they are using but they are par for the course...And I definitely wouldn’t compare the regulations that are implemented on this website (however sloppy they may be) to actual censorship that has happened and is still happening to people in the “real world”.

Okay, I think that’s it for me...

[dewdropf--ker-blog]

*Fucking kicks down your door* So bby I am here to request some Era 4 Ghoul headcanons, them with an SO who comes out as Gender non-conforming but is kinda shy about it, like how they'd help them be more comfortable with it? Love u

Hey baby! This is a very interesting ask and I hope I can do it justice for you! Please sit down, get a cuddly blanket, a hot coco and enjoy!

Aether: I headcanon Aether as being the oldest and the wisest of the group of ghouls, yet despite his knowledge of some of the gender/sexuality spectrum he isn’t overly aware of all the identities. Aether would calmly ask you to educate him on your new-found identity and respectfully listen to your tale of self-discovery. After finding a new sense of relief after sharing your story, Aether calmly motions you towards his wardrobe and allows you to piece a new piece of clothing for the concert, to share who you truly are with the world. Despite most of them being too big, Aether bashfully fastens a belt round your waist, with a final fist bump of acknowledgement, you both flounce onto the stage to start another number.

Rain: Rain would be the over-defensive type, eager to pounce on whoever dared to offend or mis-gender you in any way. He was the first person you ran to after discovering this revelation within yourself and is the person you always go to when you’re having doubts or issues. Rain was always there to offer you suggestions on how you could possibly tell the other band members or whether there was any need to tell them at all. He reassures you that you are an important member of the group and that comes before your sexuality, gender or physical identity. Despite being a ghoul and supporter of Satan, Rain understands the important of happiness and is determined to help you find your own happiness in any way possible.

Dewdrop: Dewdrop is an example of someone who wasn’t worth telling, don’t misunderstand, he is comfortable with your new-found identity and still values your friendship no matter how you identify. However, due to being a man of little and awkwardly placed words, he spends 85% of his time carefully picking and choosing his words. A common scenario is you casually sat eating your daily bowl of cereal, talking to the whole gang. Meanwhile you are all ignoring Dewdrop’s beat red cheeks as he hastily and hurriedly backtracks his words, that hadn’t even upset you, to show his undying respect for you, since he is too much of a little bitch to just out-rightly say he cares for you and is one proud ghoul. Don’t misjudge this though, he isn’t terrified of offending you really, he’s terrified of Rain.

Mountain: Mountain, a man whose social skills is as clumsy and stagnant as his height. After hastily spewing your long-held secret out of your mouth so quickly that it would even put Dewdrop to shame, Mountain faces you with a slight frown and a head tilt. He enquires as to why you thought it was worth telling him something so slight, which leaves you feeling slightly annoyed and rejected. Once seeing the dark shadow appear across your face, Mountain takes a deep breath before giving an audible sigh, he asks you politely not to misinterpret his words and that what he meant was that he disliked the idea of how much stress you were putting yourself under just to tell him. He goes on to explain that you are free to identify and express yourself in any way you like, without having to look for the confirmation and acceptance of others. Mountain starts to leave the room, while stating that next time, you should freely express yourself however you see fit and everyone will start to understand in their own way.

Swiss: Swiss, being the mysterious enigma that he is, was the last of the ghouls you wished to tell, and the anxiety of the situation had been building all day. As each ghoul you had told became more and more aware, the build up to having to tell Swiss made a lump rise in your throat. He was the quietest of all the ghouls and was the hardest to read. It took a lot of pushing and shoving from an ever-encouraging Rain to make you knock on the door of Swiss’s quarters. Suffocating from your inner anxiety, you had blurted out your identity before Swiss had even finished opening the door. Swiss only gave you a slight smile, ‘I know’ is all he said, before he starts closing the door again.

Hold the fuck up.All anxiety had now bubbled up into adrenaline as you kick back open Swiss’s door, ‘what do you mean, you already knew?’ you enquire to Swiss, who was now sat casually playing with a triangle, with a smug ass smile on his face. He proceeds to tell you that ever since you out-rightly refused to wear the Lolita gown kindly picked out by Copia himself.Silence ensued.‘Well you could of fucking told me” was all that was said, as you embarrassingly stormed down the corridor, just relieved to have been accepted from the start.

 Tol Ghoulette & Smol Ghoulette: Due to being the only girls within the group, the ghoulettes are the final people you turn to as you wished to gain a female perspective on the whole situation. The ghoulettes are the embodiment of the satanic yin and yang, the tol ghoulette, yin, holds a motherly presence among the whole group, and is generally calm and relaxed. While the smol ghoulette, yang, presents a more flamboyant and energetic personality and wouldn’t usually appear as a typical supporter of the beast. After seeing you walking around under the darkest of clouds, the two ghoulettes pull you into the kitchen and make you some hot coco and a warm slice of don’t-worry-we-all-want-to-kill-ourselves pie. One ghoulettes sitting at either side, you start to re-count the stresses of the day and how your identity has changed, while both ghoulettes sit and listen; tol ghoulettes giving a slight nod and hum of acknowledgment every so often and the smol ghoulettes staring at you with wide, glimmering eyes. After the tale, both the ghoulettes silently cradle you in their arms in a three-way hug as you calmly continue sipping at your coco until you gradually fall asleep.

And so, ends the stressful yet loving day that is your coming out story, the coming out story everyone deserves

The End.

[meanderfall]

I haven't seen many people talk about it, but Temple was right, the Reds & Blues *do* treat Caboose with kid gloves. They see him as stupid and sometimes annoying, but ultimately harmless and sweet and childlike (most of the fans do too, as did the last two writers). Alpha was really the only person who ever treated him like an adult (he still found him annoying, but tbh I think a lot of that was just bluster), who acknowledged that he was capable and *dangerous*. Maybe Tex did too, but [1/3]

[2/3] they didn't have many on screen interactions.And at first Wash did, but after Alpha died no one did. Which I think wasactually on purpose in regards to Epsilon? Because even though Epsilonacknowledges Caboose's strength at the end of Season 10, he still treatsCaboose like the others do. Whereas Alpha was *always* aware of how destructiveCaboose could and would be, to the point where he'd hide behind him in diceysituations because he didn't want to get caught in Caboose's crossfire.

[3/3] I also thinkit's a little interesting that Temple was supposed to analogous to Alpha(although how tf did the Director know that Alpha would be enough like Templeto make the stalemate work again? Also the stalemate only really worked in thefirst place because Temple and Biff were friends so?? But I digress!), and hadalso been the only one since Alpha died to acknowledge that Caboose was anadult, and even though he was cruel about it he still treated Caboose like hedid everyone else.

Hello, Anon! It was so nice to see this in my inbox omg, and I’m sorry this took so long, life has been hectic and stressful! Not to mention, I wanted to take the time to ponder about this, and lol I’m definitely going to be rambling a lot woops.

You’re absolutely right, anon. We, the fans, and the writers and even the BGC tend to baby Caboose a lot. Mostly, at least in my case, because he tends to exude innocence and naivety and you just wanna protect him as much as possible from the real world. But just because he does seem innocent and naive, it doesn’t mean he’s a kid. Alpha was probably the one who treated him the most as an equal, though that’s probably mostly because he’s an asshole to everyone. (Though maybe not?? Remember that RVB 360 video with Church doing the Dad Knee to Junior and talking to him?? Maybe he does know the difference between how to treat a kid and an adult. Won’t stop him from complaining about the kid around said kid though lol.)

I’m not going to lie, anon, these asks gave me some kind of existential crisis as I tried to figure out what exactly is the difference between a kid and an adult, besides ages, and how we’re supposed to treat them, (because it seemed like part the argument that you were implying about how Caboose is an adult and doesn’t need to be treated like a child was that he’s dangerous, and that didn’t sit well with me tbh so here I am over-analyzing a simple ask yet again lmao im sorry if i was wrong or misinterpreted).

Anyway, I’m pretty sure the difference has do with cognitive development. Kids’ thought processes are pretty simple, and this is especially clear from their idea of morality. I’ve heard my younger siblings exclaim so many times that something was unfair, and y’know sometimes they were right, but other times they weren’t taking into consideration other circumstances that made it so the situation was fair. Not to mention, that they’re selfish, through no fault of their own. So far, in their minds, they can’t really manage to consider other people’s point of view, and unless they’re taught differently and actually make the effort, that won’t change. And that’s where the difference between how adults are supposed to treat kids and other adults comes in. Adults, esp their guardians, are supposed to help them grow. They are there to encourage more complex thought processes and and help them walk through the logic if necessary. And they are there to offer advice bc adults have so much more life experience then kids do.

Caboose isn’t really like a kid at all. A lot of people might mistake the things he says as him being simple-minded but really, he just sees things differently from others and processes it differently. And that of course, seems weird and probably child-like to the others because by now they’re so used to how ‘normal’ adult minds work. And like, there are so many examples of posts on this site of adults or teenagers being surprised or caught off-guard by something a kid said or did, so I guess when the BGC encountered Caboose and had that happen to them, they kind of went Caboose = child.

Not to mention, Caboose is easily one of the most caring and empathetic characters on the show??? He loves his friends so much, esp Church, and would do anything for them. (Good examples of Caboose having complex thought processes and empathy: his speech to Tucker in s12 about how he shouldn’t be mad at Church, that episode of s14 ‘Caboose’s Guide to Making Friends’ or whatever it was called, s8 in general when he kept wanting to help Epsilon esp the end of s8. ‘But they’ll die!’ he says. He is completely aware of the possible consequences of what’s happening. He isn’t dumb.)

Anyway, back to the rest of the asks! About them treating Caboose with kid’s gloves.... I waffle between saying you’re absolutely right and going “Weeeellll....”. Because Temple says that right before he reveals that Church really is truly dead and Tucker is trying to stop him from saying it. And you’re right. Caboose shouldn’t have that hidden from him. He’s fully capable of hearing the truth and starting to process the grief. But the thing is, isn’t that what he was already doing in the beginning of s15? Before Temple sent them that corrupted message and gave him hope again? (Not to mention, in the grand scheme of things it probably isn’t that weird to thing Church could’ve honestly come back, he’s died and come back so many times.) And, as a friend, wouldn’t you want to do anything to protect your friend from getting hurt or from grief? Especially when the news is coming from your enemy? Of course Tucker wanted to stop Temple from revealing the truth like that. And it kind of happened in a tense moment. And Tucker hadn’t really been at his best emotionally all season (which believe me, I’m kind of displeased with :/    s15 Tucker is not my Tucker.) (The Blood Gulch Chronicles was probably the best in terms of Tucker treating Caboose like an equal. They definitely had sibling bond there, annoying each other and trying to get Dad’s Church’s attention XD)

I think Wash is pretty good about Caboose though. I still remember that s11 speech when he validated Caboose’s feelings of loss and asked for forgiveness for not being a better leader when he really needed him. I’d probably need to re-watch the seasons for myself in order to really confirm if they treat him like a child constantly that can’t comprehend what’s happening. It’s hard to tell for sure, because the writers kind of fuck that up from time to time, making Caboose seem dumber and the others reacting more harshly to it. Though where do we draw the line of them baby-ing him and caring for him? Like when Sarge let’s Caboose push the button in s3 and calls him a ‘litle rascal’ (i think?), is Sarge treating him like a kid there or just engaging in his enthusiasm? Or in s7 and s8 whenever they leave Caboose behind out of the fights, are they doing it to stop him from accidentally hurting others or because they genuinely think he’d be useless in the fight? Whenever they decide not to explain something to him, are they doing it because they think it’s a waste of time to explain something Caboose won’t understand anyway? (Personally, whenever Caboose misunderstands what someone explained to him, I think it has to do with a lack of concentration than just not being able to comprehend what they’re telling him. He probably has a tendency to drift. And he can concentrate when it’s important, so I think he’s okay) There are probably more examples, but I can’t think of more, I really do need to do a rewatch goddamn.

One last thing! About how Temple is analogous to Church and the stalemate. Correct me if I’m wrong (and I might seriously be, I watched s15 with friends, so I probably missed a good quarter of information), but isn’t the similarities between the two groups completely coincidental? Because Alpha wasn’t implanted and put into Blood Gulch until after Project Freelancer was destroyed, and Temple and the others were in an simulation outpost while Freelancer was still running, evidenced by Carolina and Tex showing up. And I don’t think it would be too hard for them to purposefully create a stalemate? The Counselor probably evaluated them and interviewed them, and learnt that Temple and Bif were friends, and just created the teams in such a way that they would either more or less take charge of their respective teams or be too lazy to fight, creating a stalemate between the two. Also I’m pretty sure Florida created the Blood Gulch teams on his own??? so it really is a coincidence. A freak-ish one for sure, and obviously kind of contrived because it was for plot, but it isn’t that bad.

Also, totally jumping off that one tiny thing you said about how Temple and Alpha were the ones to treat Caboose like an adult. First, I’m about 99% sure the reason why that’s the case if because they’re both huge assholes omg nothing will stop them from treating you like a dumbass. And, this is totally a more personal thought process that I’m just shoving at you, even though me and my friend spent most of our watch saying things like “Alpha would never do that!”, looking back on it, I think Alpha would. Keep in mind, Alpha was an AI created by Leonard Church. A man that when his wife died and he had been powerless to stop it, started torturing his own mind in the hope’s of one day creating an AI of his wife, and performing psychological experiments with the people under his command, who he is supposed to guide and train, and on his own daughter. If there had been a clear cause for what had happened, like in the case of Bif’s death, he probably would’ve gone absolutely insane in his quest for vengeance, like Temple did. And Alpha would’ve done the same, at least, probably before he had been tortured and fragmented. Afterwards, he didn’t really have much emotions or energy to bother with vengeance plots.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my inbox! I hope you enjoyed this read through lmao, though it’s probably filled with stuff you already know and understand! Also looking back on it, I realize I’m all over the place about whether the BGC treat Caboose like a kid woops. I might do a rewatch just for this lol.

[majormeilani]

and like i said before, i don't think **MOST** callout posts and shit's ever really necessary or tells you about a person bc they often don't consider both perspectives and can nitpick and cherry pick evidence and shit

i think it's important to seek both sides of a situation before truly making an assumption about a person. you can still hold onto your initial biases of a person and that may still shape how you comprehend information about them further obv or you can change your opinion.

i don't like callout culture esp bc it's usually brewed by a falling out with someone and unresolved feelings and those come out in a hateful, attacking manner, which the accuser/s will omit their own faults in an accusation in order to paint the person they're calling out in a negative light. also, often they don't show evidence of them clearly expressing their discomfort when it was first felt, which i can totally get like not wanting to upset someone initially but if a friendship or relationship is healthy then you should be able to tell one another about comfort levels and respect them. always set clear boundaries if you intend to maintain a relationship otherwise people will cross them, and i totally get that being hard to do!! but if you want to protect yourself, nip shit in the bud if it makes you uncomfortable. and by that i mean literally give the person one *clear* warning and if they continue then either leave or break ties. like you can say "hey, i don't like when you makes jokes about ____, it hurts my feelings/makes me uncomfortable, can you please stop?" and that's just enough for a warning!! being passive aggressive and attempting to imply things to people doesn't always work well, i promise you. don't use memes, emoticons or anything like that to tell someone how you're SERIOUSLY feeling. use words and be clear!!!! people misinterpret things like you wouldn't believe. i know it's hard, it's painful, but you'll be better off and won't risk yourself any unnecessary heartache. and obv if you intend on keeping a relationship, my god, be respectful about expressing your opinions too. some people make the mistake of being too harsh but there's ways to go about expressing your feelings without attacking someone over miscommunication.

also, i tired of seeing things that lack context that could mean anything, from jokes, to quotes of a show/movie/ect. i get that some things people say make people uncomfortable and people have every right to feel how they want to but i want people to give more context about what might have sparked the person they're accusing to say something like that. were you two joking around and then things started to hurt your feelings? were they venting their problems to you? or were they doing things to personally attack you? did they know what they were saying made you uncomfortable? did they acknowledge your discomfort prior to the exchange?

another thing about a callout post is don't put in petty shit or things without evidence that you can prove it's honestly annoying for someone to be like "also they drew something i didn't personally like" like i'm sorry but how does this pertain to you accusing them of being gross? unless the drawing is of something like what you're calling them out for then leave that shit out it's not necessary.

i'm not saying you have to hold onto gross, toxic people nor am i ever implying they're innocent or you need to forgive them but rather i want to see hard evidence that is undeniable and true. i want to know both sides of the situation before i make my opinion solid about them. bc there are too many occasions where people try to villify someone without giving them a chance to grow or change or prove themselves to be a better person. also, callout culture kinda disgusts me in how people will essentially stalk a person and look for any reason to villify someone for no reason other than to make them suffer for the accuser still being hurt.

i think a lot of callout posts are just a compilation of people having feelings that are hurt and wanting to be heard and that's valid asf. but i really think some of you guys misunderstand the impact of what you're saying sometimes and don't realize what it means.

all of this of course is different when the person accused has numerous accounts of repeated behavior or continues to deny everything or acts like they never did the things they're accused of. but there are too many instances where i see a callout post, read the evidence they have and then check the person they're accusing and they'll have like an apology where it'll say something like they didn't know they were crossing a line until the callout post was made or they will share what happened to them and ect. obv this doesn't make the person accused innocent like no absolutely not but i also think it makes the callout post lose some credibility too. like yeah i'd like to think we all are capable of understanding each other and our boundaries but sadly that's not the case. but we as human beings have the ability to communicate our problems and sometimes even work them out.

tldr

basically to sum this all up, i'm always skeptical about callout posts upon initial sighting given some of these circumstances. i understand not every case is like this but my initial thoughts on seeing one are this. context, context, context! is esp utmost importance. also communication is so v important. also, i'm not talking about people who abuse others and shit that's a whole complicated other level but i think people should consider these things esp when gathering evidence for situations like that. and to protect victims from further hurt a lot of this is good to consider, i think.

[kopiya]

Why I Love Helena

// Thanks to archiving my old blog on Wordpress, I now have one of my favorite and super personal ooc posts that I’ve wrutten. It got deleted when I deleted this blog earlier, but now I have it back. YAY!

So this gets really personal and long, so its going under a read more. Basically, its me infodumping about my love for a Ukrainian serial killer.

Thanks to some questionaires I’ve been tagged in recently, I started thinking about why I relate to Helena so much, more than other fictional characters I’ve related to in the past. The short, tl; dr answer is, to quote Sarah, I look at Helena, and I see me–the me I could’ve been, had I been in her shoes. Let me explain.

I am a very religious person, I always have been. I am also very literal, and very exacting. My parents are wonderful, and are so much more mellow than I am, so I’m not sure where this all came from, but here we are. By literal and exacting, I mean I told my mom, after I’d asked her a question during churvh, that women weren’t supposed to talk in church–I’d just remembered that (my church doesn’t have women preachers, if you’re curious I’ll explain), and I didn’t want my mom or I to do anything wrong. I was five.

I didn’t eat desert because I thought eating if you were full, and making yourself feel ick, was gluttony. I got a better understsnding of what that actually is when I finally told my dad my understsnding of it, and now I know differently.

I had a similiar issue with equating outbursts of wrath to childish temper tantrums. In fairness, both examples started out as my dad trying to explsin concepts snd answer questions in away I could understand. He didn’t intend for me to take them to the extremes I did.

There are more examples of this, but those are the main ones. I didn’t think to tell anybody about my admittedly puritanical viewpoints, and I’m not sure if I assumed everyone else thought like me, or–more probably–that it was their job to figure this stuff out, and their own fault if they didn’t.

Besides being literal to the extreme, I worried a looooooooot. About everything, but mostly accidentally doing something wrong and not knowing it was wrong before I did it. I didn’t understand humor or sarcasm for a long time, and so I tended to just laugh becsuse everyone rlse was, so I worried a lot about laughing at something without really getting it, only to figure out later that it was mean, or an inuendo or something. This never actually happened to me, but I worried about it happening.

i tended to take personal responsibility to the extreme, so I thought if you misunderstood something, or accidentally did something wrong, then it was your fault, and not knowing wasn’t an excuse. My parents never said this, so I’m not sure where I got it from, though I have a few ideas–I grew up hearing some pretty old school fire & brimstone sermons, and I think no one at the time realized how literally I was taking certain Bible passages that do teach you need to make sure you’re doing the right thing, and do teach that there’s consequences for doing wrong even if its done in ignorance. 

The problem wasn’t with the verses, but rather it was that I was applying them indiscriminately, without regwrd to context–i.e. I tended to feel that misunderstanding a social situation and doing something weird or off was wrong in the same sense committing an actual sin was wrong–I think, I know I thought it was wrong and that was bad, and I’m assuming wrong bad and sin were basically synonyms but its been too long for me to say for sure . I also tended to ignore the fact that or the fact that I was a kid who was still figuring things out.

Besides the fact that I was basically a younger genderbent Inspector Javert for most of my childhood, I was and am hugely introverted. I much preferred games of pretend to having conversations, and preferred animals to people. When I was about ten or so, I started to feel much younger than my peers, emotionally and developmentally, and that feeling’s gotten stronger over the years. I’m not interested in the things most people my age are, minus my history studies, and okay, fandoms, but the interpersonal relationships part, the desire for a spouse and children–no. Just, no. As a teenager, I’d take my stories and toys over chatting about boys and buying clothes any day. Prior to age ten, I just thought most children my age were dumb, lacking in imagination, and needlessly prejudiced–i.e. So and so has cooties so don’t play with them. Really??? I was a weird kid.

I don’t self harm, and my church doesn’t practice penance as a sacrament–though repenting is certainly necessary for forgiveness–but, the notion behind penance, the idea of msking atonement, appeals to me and I think, especially as a kid, when I had trouble understanding things like grace and forgiveness, I would have been quite attached to the idea of following a set formula, proving your repentence, and having that assurance that I was forgiven. I get thet penance doesn’t work like thwt, that if you’re not contrite all the prnances in the eorld aren’t gonna do anything, but I would’ve seen it as a formula as a kid, and that would’ve certainly been part of the appeal.

I can, to be perfectly honest, also understand a need to punish yourself to relieve feelings of guilt. I’ve never done that, but I used to struggle with a lot of guilt feelings and my solution was, luckily, to talk to my folks about it–especially when I was dealing with intrusive thoughts, which I struggled with from ages 8 to 18 or so, before they got better. There’s a verse in the book of James about confessing your faults, and so I applied that to my situation, and for once my overgeneralization actually paid off.

Imposing a punishment on myself never occured to me, but had it, or had it been suggested, I probably would have done it. I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone who has issues with self harm, snd I apologize if I said something wrong here. I’m still not great at figuring out what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t, as honesty above tact is ususlly how I operate, and while I can be very thin skinned, I can also tell people how it is without much sugar coating. If I’m saying it, I know I’m not upset. If someone else says it, I assume they are, because I have a bad habit of thinking I’ve upset people when I haven’t–probably because its hard for me to remember that I’m not the only thing influencing people.

I don’t mean thst in an arrogant way, rather, I mean it like this–if I greet someone and they sound snappy, I assume I’ve interrupted them or upset thrm, especially if I haven’t seen them that day prior to that incounter, so I don’t stop and think about other interactions with other people, or other possibilities, instead I assume I’m the cause. I don’t know why this is but it’s annoying.

As for my honesty without tact, you can blame the enormous amount of guilt I felt over a fib I told when I was three.

I want to stress that I’m not blaming my folks, or my church, and certainly not the Bible, for any of this. Once my folks knew what was going on, they helped and continue to help. My church iis great, and they emphasize grace and mercy and forgiveness. Obviously, there are plenty of Bible verses that do the same thing, and had it occurred to me to say something sooner, my misconceptions would’ve been mended sooner. My dad wasn’t really aware of the extent of it, as mentioning it didn’t occur to me.

My mom, somewhat, knew I worried and was rigid, but couldn’t figure out why–though she told me the other day it did seem like I was always worried about doing something weird or wrong–so she did what she could to reassure me when I asked, without realizing why I had my issues. We still don’t know, I’m about to get results back from an assessment that will hopefully shed light on some of that.

I used to asdume anything wtong was also somehow sinful, and by wrong I mean things like worrying my folks over how little I ate, or zoning out in the middle of a conversation, or unintentionally saying something that hurt someone. I was born very premwture and have hsd trouble eating enough my whole life, and my folks worried about it–prior to hitting puberty, my apetite was largely nonexistsnt snd sporadic at the best of times. I think I misinterpreted their wnxiety as them being upset with me, and that got translated in my head as I’ve done something wrong. I can’t, currently, recall if that meant I thought I’d sinned, but I think it did, given how badly I felt at the seriousness with which I viewed doing wrong things. While I have no idea if Helena is like this, I could see her lumping things into right snd wrong, and assuming wrongness equals sin.

This got really long and I’m sorry. Basically, I love Helena because I understand her. She reminds me of St. Joan–who I also relate to, for basically the above reasons. Apparently, I have a thing for zealots. I should also add that I am loads better, and–usually–don’t worry about things like I used to.