#and as someone who schedules appointments for people
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Whore
“Boo, you whore,” Dream groans as his beloved daughter slips out of his lap and trots towards George—actually trilling in greeting.
“Well hello to you too gorgeous girl,” George replies, adding in the occasional meow when Patches responds. “Who’s the best, sweetest, most darlingest girl? Yes, it’s you. Don’t listen to Daddy. He’s just jealous you like me better.”
“You’re a whore too, George. You both are.” Dream sighs, hands in the air like he’s giving up the fight.
George strides over, Patches tucked firmly in his arms. When he sits, it’s pressed right against Dream’s thigh. Where they touch is warm, and leaves Dream’s brain feeling a little fuzzy.
“You okay?” It’s the first time George has broached the topic—one they steadfastly ignore out loud.
Dream inhales, then exhales very slowly through his nose as he considers the shit show of the last few days. “I’m..” Dream opens and closes his mouth a few times but the words don’t come out.
Instead of saying anything, George slips his whole body into Dream’s lap. Patches is still wrapped in George’s arms, but they’re all huddled together now, with George’s head pressed to Dream’s chest. It takes a few minutes, but Dream can feel the tension and stress slowly melting away.
“I think I should call Martin.” There’s a heavy weight to these words, and he knows George can feel it too.
It’s like saying ‘I love you’ in so far as each word is innocuous on its own, but you put them together and say them to someone specific and it can change everything. And yet, saying them to George was still far easier than what he wants to do now.
“Do you want any help with that?” George replies, fully aware of the gravity of what Dream is saying. And Dream loves him even more for not making it out to be a huge deal. “I have nothing on for a bit so if you want me to go too?”
“No that’s—” Dream inhales again, exhaling a shaky breath. “It’s fine. I think we might be able to do it over video call.”
Patches hears a sound in the distance and it has her scurrying out of George’s lap—probably Milo or Naomi, or God forbid..both. When she’s gone, and only George remains in his lap, Dream still feels surprisingly calm.
“You know those whole emotional support pets?” George chews on his lip as he mulls the thought in his head.
“Yeah? What, you think Patches? Nah, she’s great for me but neither of us are particularly great at actually going places.” Dream laughs quietly.
“No, I was wondering if they did that for people? Like emotional support people?”
“Isn’t that just therapy?”
“Idiot,” George huffs like he’s trying not to laugh, and is, instead, mildly annoyed that his idea was shot down.
——
Later, when George is busy torturing Sapnap with his presence, Dream sits on his bed, his phone in hand, just staring at the call screen. It’s a stupid button, that’s all he had to press. But the weight was strong.
At the door, a little trilling noise grabs his attention.
Patches pushes her way in, hopping onto the bed at his side. Immediately she sank into a loaf and purred, filling Dream with an almost ethereal calm. His large palm sinks into her fur, grounding himself in the vibrations of her pur. He hits ‘call’.
“Hello?” Comes an older, cheerful male voice.
“Dr Martin? It’s Clay. I-” Dream inhales like he’s gearing himself up to kill the Ender Dragon. “I’d like to schedule a therapy appointment with you.”
-END-
For @alittledizzy I hope this is fluffy enough. <3
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I don’t get political on here too often, but as someone who has loved ones being immediately affected by recent events, I think I’d be remiss to not say anything.
One of the spokes in the wheel of Fascism is mass controlled media, which we see with TikTok now being a heavily censored app that won’t allow you to freely look up very real things that have already happened within the last two days. I.e Trump admitting that he rigged the election, and “Elon musk n*zi” shows no results, instead asking that you educate yourself before looking into “hateful content.”
Another spoke is disdain for human rights. Schools in Virginia have already subscribed to the idea to out trans kids to their parents, potentially putting them in harmful situations in every aspect of their life. A bill was signed to not respect and recognize pronouns or gender. Migrants who had appointments scheduled for entering the US had everything cancelled, and the app shut down forcibly. An order was rescinded to advance economic and educational equity for people of color.
And it’s only day two.
I’m mad. I’m infuriated because this affects everyone and everything I know and love.
All of this to say: keep yourself safe. Keep your trans friends safe. Keep your migrant friends safe. Keep believing and fighting for what’s right. Is it scary? Yeah, kind of. But it’s scarier to watch it happen and not say something about it.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
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I’m scared to be an adult because I’ve started to realize there are parts of early adulthood that are no different, if not harder, than being a teenager. I’m just a baby, what do you mean I’m 18 soon? I’m going to have to schedule my own doctors appointments if I need? This is too much independence for me to handle.
It can be scary. Every time them you think you've finally got a handle on everything there's something new you didn't know it. But as someone who is in early adulthood and is still figuring things out, let me tell you this--take on a few things at a time. Say you have 50 things you want to work on--well start with three. Maybe cooking on your own, scheduling appointments, allocating a budget for the week. Once that's more comfortable, you can tackle another three until eventually you get to the harder stuff: taxes, insurances etc.
My true piece of advice to you is to rewire your brain into a 'concentration mode'. Social media and endless scrolling can be damaging to your concentration function and attention span. You'll do a lot of things as an adult that requires patience and perseverance; it won't be instantly granted to you at the click of a button like on a phone. So do activities now that improve your ability to concentrate and commit to tasks. Exercise for 30 minutes. Learn a piece of music. Complete a painting. Maintain a small garden, or even just an indoor plant. These activities boost your mood more than tiktok ever will and they help you to concentrate, think critically and develop patience, because instead of instant gratification, it's long-term gratification.
And so then when you have to deal with the monotony of adulthood, difficult periods of waiting for something like medical treatment or job opportunities, even just waiting in a queue for a while, you'll have given your brain the tools to handle it.
#and as someone who schedules appointments for people#don't worry#the receptionists won't bite#hopefully
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Therapists have two genders:
Professional Asshole and
Well-meaning Incompetent
#color says shit#text post#replying to my therapist is the most frustrating thing in the world. ma'am you think you're building rapport with me?#I hate to tell you but you've been wildly unsuccessful if that's what you think you've been doing here.#stop trying to educate me about my bullshit diagnoses that I already know about from my years on the internet.#like. babygirl I'm over here trying to build up to feeling comfortable enough to talk about the six-layer trauma cake I've got going on#and you're over here showing me a diagram consisting of two concentric circles meant to convey the idea of self versus other#you're very nice and trying to be helpful but I don't want to fucking talk about the girlfriend I want to talk about the issues that matter#girlfriend is an experiment. the other shit is stuff that lives in our fucking soul. shit that made me into the weird person fragment I am#and I had to fight for an hour. therapist kept on scheduling us for half an hour. HALF A FUCKING HOUR HALF AN HOUR ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO TALK#I had to fight for it and even when she finally scheduled us for an hour she still tried to cut it short#I had to pull up the appointment confirmation to prove I had an hour allotted. like seriously what the fuck.#one of those people who had their own mental struggles and then is like “I want to become a therapist and help other people uwu”#and then is fucking useless and projects their own issues onto someone else and shoves their personal solutions onto you#like someone in r/aita projecting their own shitty relationship onto someone else. some of us are different Daryl#ugh I'm so fucking pissed and I'm not giving up the controller until I get this shit sorted out for now.#r wanted to hop back on this morning in the shower and we had a shouting match but our deal was she takes a week break so I'm keeping it#because too much shit has built up and she's been not doing so hot so I'm gonna get this mess cleaned up before I let her back on.#I bought groceries. I did laundry. I got the car repairs done. I got our bike fixed up. I showered. I did dishes. I'm going to#and I'm going to get even more done tomorrow. maybe then I'll go back to watching over her shoulder and backseat gaming but not for a while.#it feels nice though. like I get to finally stretch my arms and yawn real good.#and btw to answer the question she's always fucking asking. she's not ace in the slightest lmao. I am and the bleed over confuses her.#there. question answered so maybe she can stop asking about it.#I feel like in her push to find herself she kinda pushed me back into the corner. which... ngl that hurts a little.#oh well. you don't need to hear about our lovers' quarrel. I'm going to bed in these cozy fresh bed sheets I just put on the bed.
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So today I want to talk about puberty blockers for transgender kids, because despite being cisgender, this is a subject I’m actually well-versed in. Specifically, I want to talk about how far backwards things have gone.
This story starts almost 20 years ago, and it’s kind of long, but I think it’s important to give you the full history. At the time, I was working as an administrative assistant for a pediatric endocrinologist in a red state. Not a deep deep red state like Alabama, we had a little bit of a purple trend, but still very much red. (I don’t want to say the state at the risk of doxxing myself.) And I took a phone call from a woman who said, “My son is transgender. Does your doctor do hormone therapy?”
I said, “Good question! Let me find out.”
I went into the back and found the doctor playing Solitaire on his computer and said, “Do you do hormone therapy for transgender kids?” It had literally never come up before. He had opened his practice there in the early 2000s. This was roughly 2006, and the first time someone asked. Without looking up from his game of Solitaire, the doctor said, “I’ve never done it before, but I know how it works, so sure.”
I got back on the phone and told the mom, who was overjoyed, and scheduled an appointment for her son. He was the first transgender child we treated with puberty blockers. But not, by far, the first child we treated with puberty blockers, period. Because puberty blockers are used very commonly for children with precocious puberty (early-onset puberty). I would say about twenty percent of the kids our doctor treated were for precocious puberty and were on puberty blockers. They have been well studied and are widely used, safe, and effective.
Well. It turned out, the doctor I worked for was the only doctor in the state who was willing to do this. And word spread pretty fast in the tight-knit community of ‘parents of transgender children in a red state’. We started seeing more kids. A better drug came out. We saw some kids who were at the age where they were past puberty, and prescribed them estrogen or testosterone. Our doctor became, I’m fairly sure, a small folk hero to this community.
Insurance coverage was a struggle. I remember copying articles and pages out of the Endocrine Society Manual to submit with prior authorization requests for the medications. Insurance coverage was a struggle for a lot of what we did, though. Growth hormone for kids with severe idiopathic short stature. Insulin pumps, which weren’t as common at the time, and then continuous glucose monitoring, when that came out. Insurance struggles were just part and parcel of the job.
I remember vividly when CVS Caremark, a pharmaceutical management company, changed their criteria and included gender dysphoria as a covered diagnosis for puberty blockers. I thought they had put the option on the questionnaire to trigger an automatic denial. But no - it triggered an approval. Medicaid started to cover it. I got so good at getting approvals with my by then tidy packet of articles and documentation that I actually had people in other states calling me to see what I was submitting (the pharmaceutical rep gave them my number because they wanted more people on their drug, which, shady, but sure. He did ask me if it was okay first).
And here’s the key point of this story:
At no point, during any of this, did it ever even occur to any of us that we might have to worry about whether or not what we were doing was legal.
It just never even came up. It was the medically recommended treatment so we did it. And seeing what’s happening in the UK and certain states in America is both terrifying and genuinely shocking to me, as someone who did this for almost fifteen years, without ever even wondering about the legality of it.
The doctor retired some years ago, at which point there were two other doctors in the state who were willing to prescribe the medications for transgender kids. I truly think that he would still be working if nobody else had been willing to take those kids on as patients. He was, by the way, a white cisgender heterosexual Boomer. I remember when he was introduced to the concept of ‘genderfluid’ because one of our patients on HRT wanted to go off. He said ‘that’s so interesting!’ and immediately went to Google to learn more about it.
I watched these kids transform. I saw them come into the office the first time, sometimes anxious and uncertain, sometimes sullen and angry. I saw them come in the subsequent times, once they were on hormone therapy, how they gradually became happy and confident in themselves. I saw the smiles on their faces when I gave them a gender marker letter for the DMV. I heard them cheer when I called to tell them I’d gotten HRT approved by insurance and we were calling in a prescription. It was honestly amazing and I will always consider the work I did in that red state with those kids to be something I am incredibly proud of. I was honored to be a part of it.
When I see all this transgender backlash, it’s horrifying, because it was well on the way to become standard and accepted treatment. Insurances started to cover it. Other doctors were learning to prescribe it. And now … it’s fucking illegal? Like what the actual fuck. We have gone so far backwards that it makes me want to cry. I don’t know how to stop this slide. But I wrote this so people would understand exactly how steep the slide is.
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I’m a strong proponent of lying to get the help you need. I always try the truthful route first but if that gets me nowhere? Lying it is.
I think it’s important to respect other people’s time, wellbeing and money so I don’t do it in situations where I know I’m in the wrong, like if I want to get into a place just for fun and someone could get in trouble for letting me in wrongfully I’d rather not.
But sometimes people just don’t understand why something is important in your situation so you have to turn it into something they understand. When I lived in England I constantly lied about being pregnant so gas station employees would let me use their bathroom because for some reason they didn’t have public bathrooms.
Or when my doctor’s secretary couldn’t get it into her head that my stomach pains were very serious and concerning and insisted I couldn’t get an appointment this month so that evening I “found” a lump that I was pretty sure was nothing but it meant I had a reason to call her the next day and get a new appointment immediately and when the doctor told me the lump was harmless I could tell her what my real problem was and she immediately scheduled ALL the tests and examinations because she understood how concerning it was. I just had to get past the fucking secretary with a lie.
Fuck I even support that elderly man who lied about having four children who were stuck in a house during a flood but when the rescue team got there in a dinghy they realized it was four dogs. The guy knew he had to lie because he was too sick to help them himself (able bodied people in the area were able to save their own pets) and they wouldn’t have helped him if they knew it was “just dogs”. In the video the rescue team can be seen choking up and padding him on the back while he cries with his scared dogs in his arms. The team is clearly not mad because they can see how important the dogs are to him but I have no doubt he was right in thinking they wouldn’t have helped if he had told them the truth.
So do what ya gotta do and lie lie lie.
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Kfkdks
#messages from knave#im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations#younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it#but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments#siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it#but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them#siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica#they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because#they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it#siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault#oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say#'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer#siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional#a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not#wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly#and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own#people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna#you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible#had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me'#and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and#'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out'#people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings#with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing#and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers#youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men#< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation#only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill#food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually#weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food#meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates
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PRO TIP: If you’re going to a doctor’s appointment, or ANY appointment for that matter, please do not sit in the waiting room next to a bathroom for 15+ minutes, and only ask to go to bathroom RIGHT as you’re being brought back for your appointment. 🙃
#this is my biggest pet peeve i stg#i get it bathroom urges strike without warning#but you do REALLY have to wait until the most inconvenient time possible to announce that you need to go???#this is especially infuriating if you’re already late#like yes you’re already 10 minutes late but by all means go spend another 10 minutes in the bathroom not like we’ve got shit to do here 🙃#I’ve had doctors flat out tell patients who do this:#“’look you can either go to the bathroom now or have your appointment but you’re not getting both.’#and people will STILL choose to go to the bathroom and then get pissed when the doctor is true to their word and makes them reschedule#i get it appointments are really hard to get#but we are NOT time wizards!#if you’re 30 minutes late we can’t magically create an extra 30 minutes in a day to put you in#seeing someone late often results in the schedule getting completely fucked#and the. suddenly we’re behind for the rest of the day#it punishes us and the people who actually came on time
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↞[arcane preference] founding out you were injured in crossfire↠
Since I've created a Bluesky profile and wrote my thesis on Arcane, I'll be posting both old and new drawings there as soon as the time comes. I'm taking advantage of this little space to promote my other social account. honey-tongued.bsky.social Also, I've received both comments and requests, but Tumblr decided I couldn’t post for a week (my internet connection is terrible). I want to let you know that I appreciate them, and I'll get to everything as soon as I can. So, feel free to leave comments, feedback, or requests!
Jayce:
- This is the worst news he could receive: he's a scholar, he has no idea how to handle these situations, and, most of all, he's forced to confront his pride.
- Not only was he unable to protect you now, but what if it happens again? Even if he's there, he wouldn't know what to do.
- What if there's a next time? What if it doesn't turn out as well next time?
- His self-sabotage leads him to distance himself from you for a few days, not because he doesn't want to be near you while you're hurting, but because he's ashamed of not being able to protect the person he loves.
- On the bright side, for even just a second, he remembers the original purpose of his research: making the city safe, helping people.
- But on the negative side, with no one to blame, more than ever, the people of Zaun appear to him as beasts, second-class humans who can't be redeemed in any way.
- When he finally gathers the courage to see you again, he tries to make amends for everything: for not protecting you, for not being able to, for allowing someone to hurt you, and for not being there during your recovery.
- He'll literally do anything to be forgiven: every morning you'll find breakfast in bed, if it's cold at night he'll prepare a warmer for your feet, and despite his squeamishness, he'll personally tend to your wounds, even if it makes him feel queasy.
Viktor:
- He tries to help you in every way possible, even ignoring his own pain.
- He feels sadness, regrets that you went out alone and ended up in such a situation. He can't help but imagine the fear you must have felt, the confusion, and the loneliness when the guards intervened, and you woke up alone in the hospital.
- He may be a scholar, but first and foremost he's a man with a moral code, and secondly, he's from Zaun: if he has any work, appointments, or lectures, he'll skip them all, maybe muttering a few insults in his thick accent at the most insistent people, and make up for it at night.
- Plans, ideas, codes, anything – but he won't leave you alone unless you ask him to.
- He takes care of you meticulously, respecting schedules, bringing you meals in bed, changing your bandages until your skin heals, and you're able to stand on your own again.
- He doesn't mind helping you – as a chronically ill person who refuses others' help, he's learned to do everything on his own, and he's almost happy that his skills can be useful to someone else.
Ekko:
- Is it something totally normal in the lanes? Yes.
- Does this stop Ekko from panicking? No.
- He's the one who finds you and brings you to the others, but he doesn't want, nor can he afford, to be seen panicking. So, he swallows his despair and tries to act as normal as possible while ten other people rush to help you.
- His face remains expressionless as the most skilled remove debris, clean the wound, stitch your torn flesh, and bandage you, but his foot keeps tapping the floor with force and speed, revealing his anxiety.
- When the others insist that it's best you stay in the makeshift infirmary, he tries not to protest, but suddenly every moment of the day becomes an excuse to pass by: to bring you stolen sweets from Piltover, to tell you about some expedition, maybe even steal a kiss or fall asleep leaning against your mattress.
- It's an overwhelming fear, but the fear of losing you makes him unable to think rationally, and all he feels is how much he misses you, even while you're right there with him.
Vander:
- A crossfire from the other side of the river was already a big enough provocation to alert him and prepare to defend the city or, if absolutely necessary, to strike back.
- But you, as an accidental victim, are a huge problem.
- He doesn’t have the heart to pull away from you, and when he does, he can’t help but feel frustrated, angry at himself, knowing he hasn’t been able to keep his city under control like he promised—to you, to Piltover, to everyone.
- He’ll ask for your forgiveness by kissing the scarred skin every day, even if you insist it’s not his fault, and if you remember even one of the faces, he’ll go and handle the problem.
- Not with violence, unless necessary, but it’s not about personal justice; rather, it’s about protecting the other citizens of the alleys too.
- Even after you’ve healed, he’ll insist it’s absolutely necessary to carry you everywhere you need to go, claiming a very good doctor told him so.
- And the memory of the scar will be tiny compared to all the marks Vander has left on you.
Silco:
- Private justice is absolutely the first option, even though you were an accidental victim.
- He’ll call all his goons and associates for a meeting while you’re still bedridden, to see if they’ve heard, seen, or been involved in any armed conflict, and if he doesn’t get a face or a name from them, he’ll turn to the brothel, the house of all information,
- Until he finds who hurt you and makes sure they can’t do it again.
- Silco isn’t fazed by blood or open wounds, but despite having enough experience to handle it himself, at least on the first day, he’ll take you to Singed to make sure you’re in the best condition.
- In the following days, he’ll take care of you himself, but he has pride, a façade, and little emotional communication skills, so he won’t openly show how worried he is, relying entirely on the fact that you don’t know about the murder of your assailant and remember nothing of the visit to Singed.
- But the only reason you heal so well and so quickly is that, even if he doesn’t know how to express it, all the love he feels is poured into the care he gives you.
Jinx:
- Flashbacks. So many. Too many.
- At some point, she’ll even convince herself that she’s the one who shot you, leading to a complete breakdown.
- She punches her head, scratches herself without realizing it, her nose bleeds, and her eyes are bloodshot.
- It takes her a while to convince herself that she wasn’t the one who shot you, even though the hallucinations overlap images of you with memories of her armed, creating waking nightmares that feel increasingly real.
- As much as she’d like to ask her father for help, even just to give you a cleaner room, she feels responsible and is too scared that if she stays away from you, you’ll forget her. That’s why she sets up a little space for you and takes care of you herself, though not always painlessly.
- She’s pulled bullets out of her own body more times than not after missions; what might seem like dangerous, delicate work to someone else is almost routine for her by now.
- Once she has a suspicion of who might have done it, she’ll make sure they learn their lesson.
Vi:
- Anger.
- Why were you out alone? Why didn’t you leave as soon as you saw the crowd getting too big? Why were you in that area?
- But her anger is just panic pouring out like a flood, the fear of not being able to protect the one she loves twists her stomach, making her feel like she might throw up, like she’s dying inside.
- None of those questions mean she blames you, but she doesn’t know how to feel, what to think, or even what to do.
- She’ll do everything to help you—bandaging you, cleaning your wounds, staying silent and giving her full attention to make up for not being there when you needed her, even though that’s not true.
- And when the scar forms, she’ll kiss it every single day, every single night, like a little ritual between the two of you.
Caitlyn:
- Safety first.
- She’ll be the one to assess how bad the injury is, and if there are any foreign objects in your body, there’s a good chance she’ll try to handle it herself, even though at first it might seem a bit barbaric.
- She’ll give you the guest room and call the family doctor to make sure you’re okay, that you don’t need anything else, and she’ll take care of what’s necessary, even teasing you a bit to hide her worry.
- "A bullet in the leg from being caught in crossfire? Very vintage, I must say."
- What you won’t know is that she’ll quietly increase security, not in an oppressive way, but just enough to make both you and the other citizens feel safer.
- Her family won’t get involved directly, but they won’t stop her either. Sometimes Cassandra herself will make sure her daughter finds the tray to bring up to you, though she’ll never be too open about it.
- The perfect rehabilitation? Long walks in the villa’s garden, so you can stop for some cookies or tea when you get tired.
Mel:
- Flashbacks, but less personal than Jinx’s.
- Her mother would call her weak if she knew how it kills her to see someone barely scratched by crossfire, and that realization soon turns into frustration, which then becomes anger.
- She tries to stay calm, but her voice sounds like she’s scolding you, and then like she’s scolding the servants, or anyone else who crosses her path.
- Two hours of lecture if you’re lucky—why you shouldn’t go out without a guard, why you shouldn’t put yourself in dangerous situations, why the enforcers are utterly useless and can’t find anyone responsible, even though the fight was so intense.
- She’ll focus entirely on the bureaucratic side because little Mel was never taught how to deal with strong emotions, and she’s definitely feeling them now but can’t afford that vulnerability, even though she knows you’re safe.
- She won’t take care of you herself, but she’ll always stay in the room. Not because she doesn’t want to, to be clear, but because she wants you to have the best care possible and prefers to leave it to a top professional rather than her inexperienced hands.
- In return, she’ll triple the amount of affection and caresses—more to calm herself than you, but you won’t be the one to complain.
Sevika:
- She needs a moment.
- She knows she has to report to Silco that there was a firefight, that someone is threatening the people, but part of her just wants to grab those responsible and crush their heads with her bare hands, doing both you and her boss a favor. Yet, another part of her doesn’t want to leave you alone or take you with her.
- She knows how to handle these things; she’s lost an arm, and Silco’s goons often come back in worse shape, which is why she’ll take care of you herself, in complete silence.
- She’ll wait until you’re asleep to place a water bottle, a glass, some painkillers, and some bread on the nightstand next to your bed. And when she’s sure you’re fully asleep, she’ll leave a soft kiss on your forehead before putting on her cloak and heading out to the Last Drop.
- There, she’ll release her anger in a brawl or two, talk to her boss, and search for the reason why she feels so awful at the bottom of her third glass of whiskey.
#jayce x reader#viktor x reader#ekko x reader#silco x reader#vander x reader#jinx x reader#vi x reader#caitlyn x reader#sevika x reader#mel x reader#jayce talis#viktor arcane#ekko arcane#silco arcane#arcane vander#jinx#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#mel medarda#sevika#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#arcane 2#arcane writing
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oooops i forgot
tuesday new releases for november 14:
patrick rothfuss novella the narrow road between desires (same size as slow regard of silent things)
david baldacci has new thriller the edge
mitch albom novel about the lives of three holocaust survivors little liar
new novel from michael cunningham day
a return to the time-travel cafe: before we say goodbye by toshikazu kawaguchi author of before the coffee gets cold, english translation by geoffrey trousselot
elizabeth crook's western sequel to the which way tree, the madstone
harmony new book of poetry from whitney hanson
jacquelyn mitchard's new familial drama a very inconvenient scandal
.just once new christian fiction by karen kingsbury
letters of j.r.r. tolkien edited and selected by humphrey carpenter with assistance by christopher tolkien
rush drummer geddy lee's new memoir my effin' life
johnny cash: the life in lyrics with mark stielper
the night parade: a speculative memoir by jami nakamura lin
a woman i know: female spies, double identities, and a new story of the kennedy assasination by filmmaker mary haverstick
city on mars by kelly and zach weinersmith (good non-fiction gift for those who like the martian and laughing at elon mushk)
tomlin: the soul of a football coach by john harris
entangled life: illustrated edition by martin sheldrake - new gorgeous hardcover for the mushroom and fungi fans
core of an onion another micro-history - with recipes - from michael kurlansky, author of cod and salt
new leather gifting style black cover of 48 laws of power: special powers edition
the bill gates problem the myth of the good billionaire by tim schwab
the money kings by daniel schulman
new hardcover collector editions of madeline miller's circe and anthony doerr's all the light we cannot see
also new romance collector hardcovers of archer's voice by mia sheridan and one last stop by casey mcquiston
star wars the eye of darkness a high republic novel by george mann
the marvel multiverse role-playing game core rulebook is out now
the upcycled self by tariq 'black thought' trotter
political books 😔:
network of lies about fox news by brian stelter
biography mitt romney a reckoning by mckay coppins
mike pence's advice(?) book go home for dinner
tired of winning by jonathan karl about trump and the gop
#tuesday new releases#juggling dr appointments is getting to me - there's a reason i tell them i don't want to schedule anything during 'holiday'#it's been rainy and cool here and thus work has been bonkers bc people have nothing better to do#than shopping and hanging out with a warm beverage - plus the kids will be entertained#i swear ecery time tge weather gets 'wintery' our business goes up bc people like feeling as though they're in a movie#and bustling around wearing sweaters and jackets while carrying armfuls of shopping and packages just 'feels right'#or something#but we were not staffed to be busy like december at the current time and i am so tired (and sore)#lots of literary bio/memoirs this year for some reason mcmurtry bradbury orwell now tolkien#i wonder if i could offer gifting advice just based on new stuff?#like i cannot tell you what's a 'good' book bc tastes vary so much but if you want suggestions based on someone's interests#i'd be happy to look out for new books they won't have already read#hardcovers seem to realky be getting a push this year - idk if it's to make up for printing costs going up#or if this is just the first real wave of 'back to business post-pandemic' - publishing moves sloowly most of the time y'all#i will say that if you like fungi or birds or stuff about space or unique memoirs this is a banner year#i'm recommending the hidden language of cats to everyone who has the slightest interest lol#but like if you want military memoirs they're thinner on the ground for example#anyway feel free to ask me about new stuff - i am the last person to tell you if this vs that historical romance is better#but i'm okay at pointing out new arrivals you might never have noticed on your own
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poor memory is a huge deal and i wish people wouldn't diminish it by saying "oh yeah i can't remember what i had for breakfast lol."
i can't remember the first 10 years of my life. i can't remember entire days, weeks, months at a time. i can't remember entire people, i can't remember names or faces. i can't remember when things are scheduled for, my calendar app on my phone is booked to the max with reminders and task checklists. i can't remember when i moved into what home when, i can't remember important milestone dates like when i got or lost certain jobs, or when i started a new hobby.
that's what i mean when i say i have poor memory. poor memory is so scary for the person who has it. it's not a quirky thing, everyone forgets small details. memory problems are scary because you can go through entire events or days with no memory, or plan for things in the future that you can't recall ever even looking into or scheduling. it's not a funny haha kind of thing, it's serious, and it affects a lot of people in very unavoidable ways.
not being able to plan for appointments or work schedules, not being able to remember people's names or faces, not being able to recall whether or not you were present for something or whether or not you met someone, not being able to keep track of what's happening on what dates and losing track of items because you can't remember where you put them are all very real problems, and anyone dealing with them deserves to be taken seriously, and not diminished when they choose to speak up about it.
#neurodivergence#mental health#adhd#did#ptsd#mental illness#schizophrenia#ocd#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#depression#bipolar disorder#bpd#borderline personality disorder#neurodivergent#autism#mental health awareness#dpdr#osdd#dissociative disorders#dissociative#depersonalization derealization#other specified dissociative disorder#memory problems#poor memory#learning disorders#chronic fatigue#neurological disability#neurological disorders#traumatic brain injury
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how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:・✍🏽🎀
learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.
being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.
ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.
dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀
PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;
go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.
♡ have a spa day
♡ learn to cook a new dish
♡ read a book
♡ have a journalling session
♡ schedule appointments for urself
♡ go on a long drive
SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
♡ u can be urself without filter
♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally
♡ ur in control of ur space and time
♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference
♡ its peaceful
BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;
treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀
dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence.
COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;
everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.
not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal
brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.
know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!
overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀
#advice#it girl#becoming that girl#self care#self love#that girl#it girl energy#dream girl tips#dream life#dream girl#self improvement#self development#self reflection#self growth#self healing#honeytonedhottie⭐️#alone time#productivity#protect your peace#inner peace#inner thoughts#relaxation#dolly#girl blog#im just a girl#girlblogging#just girly things#reflection#tranquility#dream girl life
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Hu5h
#for anyone who's actually sb someone did you ever consider that if you were successful at it that you'd have no control#in the fact that pushing someone to that ledge and over doesn't mean you or really anyone else involved in/with it is safe from being#dragged down too i mean i 1) am not a monster 2) think there are v few people that don't deserve to be here and 3) don't think it's my#business to even try to dictate life and death#like the most likely price you have to pay to manifest it correctly is unfathomable at minimum and unobtainable at maximum#also it's a felony lol and i'm sure there are hundreds or thousands of court cases you can look up/watch on yt demonstrating this#so idk maybe stop projecting and take some time to reflect on the fact if you take aim at someone more like yourself you might not like the#consequences of what follows especially if they have proof of your sadistic abusive behavior?#and try to be more like a person not some silly ass mmorpg villian roflmao#anyways hope your teeth stop itching so much soon. you really ought to schedule that dentist's appointment bc you need help#hopefully this is soft enough food for thought you don't have to do too much chewing :)#and have a horrible day 🤗
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My mom is currently on a call with someone who is having an abortion. Why is she having an abortion?
Not because she wants one. In fact, she's devastated and scared because she knows that she's going to kill the baby.
But her boyfriend isn't giving her a choice. He's making her choose between him and the baby. He's promising that he loves her, but also assuring her that he'll leave her the minute the baby is born.
A while ago, she told him that she was putting her foot down.
So he pretended to comply, later called her, and then tricked her into getting on a facetime with a Planned Parenthood member. Both of them began drilling into her all the reasons that she cannot keep this baby (finances, mentally/physically draining, etc) and basically coerced her into scheduling an appointment to kill the baby. And her boyfriend is determined to make sure that she attends it.
She's talking to my mom because she doesn't know where to turn.
Everything's been finalized. She feels like it's far out of her hands.
She's not a Catholic or a Christian. She's surrounded by Abortion activists. By people who keep telling her that this is for the best. She's not in a good place to care for the baby anyway. It's not even a baby yet. No one is being harmed. She'll be fine.
She's scared and stuck in grief for something that hasn't happened yet. She doesn't want to lose her baby. She doesn't want to lose him.
My mom is trying to help her through it. She's giving her options and ideas, places to get cheap furniture and charities who will assist her. She has asked me not to be present because it's a private matter between them, so I don't know more than clips of brief discussion.
But I know my mom is doing more for her than anyone else.
Do not tell me that abortions are all about Women's Rights.
It's her right to keep this baby.
So why is my mom the only one who's respecting that?
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.🥲
#the Sunday scaries are SETTING IN#I took thurs/Friday off last week bc I can and I want to leave this job soon so I might as well take my vacay time#but I got sick on Friday and so I spent Saturday driving home for literally 7 hours#and I still felt like absolute shite today so I spent all day sleeping and watching tv#and now I’m like do I take a sick day tomorrow???#I mean logically if I still feel this shit in the morning I should#but since I took those 2 days off last week it will become kind of a nightmare with the whole#email inbox and shit#ahhhhh help meeee#also pls someone tell me why my team finds it so fucking hard to schedule appointments#it is literally the easiest part of my job and makes me lowkey mad bc I feel like a glorified receptionist most days#i swear to god if in our meeting tomoz they tell me our fucking VS model that we paid a LOT of money to didn’t show up to her appointment#AGAIN#I’m gonna loose my fuckinnnn mind lmao#like gorl#I get she’s booked and busy but like also damn#you’re getting a 2 hour appointment for FREE#I guess that’s like chump change to get tho innit#but when they don’t show up the spa comes back at me all annoyed and our client has to pay a cancellation fee#which they’ve had to do like 4 times already this year bc people who live in LA are flakey as fuckkkk
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THE CONTRACTED HEART — Rafe Cameron (09)
MASTERLIST | Basketball Player & Model!Female Reader
Summary: Rafe Cameron, a basketball star, needs a marriage to fix his image, while Model!Reader needs one for citizenship. They may be the perfect solution for each other.
Warnings: smut, descriptions of violence, jealousy, usage of drugs, talks about body image/ed, angst, and lots of bickering. Reader is confident, a people-pleaser, has a traumatic past, and is a sunshine with an attitude. Rafe is a whore, possessive, cocky, and secretive about his past.
Word Count: 4.7k
Aliyah's Notes: y'all are getting fed cause this chapter and the next one are gonna be cute asf so enjoy :)
Three days before the engagement party felt like an endless marathon, with every hour packed to the brim with decisions and errands. The morning started early—too early for your liking—as Aisha and Nina practically dragged you out of bed.
Nina, ever the “mom” of the group, had already prepared an itinerary. She stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, her phone in hand, while you slumped in a chair, still clinging to the remnants of sleep. “Alright, ladies,” Nina began, her tone brisk, “we’ve got a packed schedule. Venue first, then flowers, then caterers. We’ll fit in the designer appointment after lunch, assuming someone,” her eyes flicked pointedly toward you, “doesn’t take forever to make decisions.”
Aisha smirked, sipping her coffee as she leaned against the counter. “You know she’ll take forever. She was debating the color of napkins for twenty minutes for her birthday party.”
“Because they matter!” you protested, sitting up straighter, your natural energy kicking in. “The wrong napkin can throw off the entire table aesthetic. Imagine gold chargers with plain white napkins—horrible!”
Aisha groaned dramatically, while Nina pinched the bridge of her nose. “God give me strength,” Nina muttered in Tagalog under her breath before clapping her hands. “Alright, let’s move. The decorator is expecting us in twenty minutes, and I’m not letting us be late.”
The three of you piled into Nina’s car, and the drive to the venue was filled with your endless chatter. You couldn’t help yourself; you were excited. Ever since your night at Rafe’s, you’ve been walking around with a weight lift off your shoulders, and a smile on your face. “Okay, but seriously, do you think white and gold is too basic? Should I add a pop of color? Like blush pink? Or emerald green! Oh, that could be so chic—”
“Breathe, Miss. Yapper,” Aisha interrupted, shooting you a look from the front seat. “You’ve already settled on white and gold. Don’t backtrack now.”
“She’s just overthinking again,” Nina said from the driver’s seat, her voice calm but firm. “You always do this, sweetie. Just trust your instincts. They’re good… most of the time.”
“Most of the time?!” you repeated, feigning offense.
“Girl, you’re the one who almost ordered heart-shaped balloons for your ex’s retirement party,” your best friend deadpanned.
“He always complained about his job, alright! I thought he was happy to retire.”
The two of them burst into laughter, and you couldn’t help but join in. They always knew how to make you laugh, even when your perfectionism threatened to take over.
When you arrived at the venue, the decorator was already waiting, surrounded by samples of linens, centerpieces, and lighting options. The grand ballroom looked beautiful even in its unfinished state, with its high ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows letting in streams of sunlight. But you could already see a million tiny things that needed to be fixed or adjusted.
Nina took charge of logistics, confirming delivery times and setups with the decorator, while Aisha kept you in check. Every time you tried to change something—a table arrangement here, a floral display there—Aisha would cross her arms and give you a warning glare.
“Focus, Y/N. You’re going to drive this poor decorator insane,” Aisha muttered as you debated, for the third time, whether the table runners should have a satin or matte finish.
“It’s not insane to want things to be perfect,” you argued, though your voice was tinged with doubt.
“It’s insane when you’re deciding between two things that look exactly the same,” Aisha countered.
“Pale beige and normal beige are completely different—”
Nina swooped in to mediate, her tone soothing. “Look, kids, both options are gorgeous. Y/N, pick one and move on. We still have three more stops today.”
You sighed, finally nodding and pointing to the matte finish. The decorator gave you a grateful smile, and you moved on to the next decision.
By the time you left the venue, your head was spinning, but there was no time to slow down. The next stop was the florist, where the three of you pored over bouquets and arrangements.
“Peonies are elegant, but are they too soft for the theme?” you mused aloud, holding up a sample.
“Peonies are fine,” Nina assured you, already checking her phone for the next appointment.
“Roses are boring,” Aisha chimed in, inspecting a cluster of orchids. “But these could work. They’re dramatic. Like you.”
You stuck your tongue out at her, earning a rare laugh from Nina. “She’s not wrong,” Nina said with a small smile.
The florist walked you through the arrangements, but your perfectionism struck again. You wanted everything to complement the aesthetic without feeling overdone. Nina stepped in when she sensed you starting to spiral.
“Y/N, just pick a theme and stick with it,” she said gently but firmly. “You can’t have every flower in the world at your party. Less is more.”
Aisha nodded in agreement. “Listen to her. She’s right. For once.”
Nina rolled her eyes but didn’t dignify the comment with a response.
Eventually, you settled on a mix of peonies, orchids, and eucalyptus, feeling a little more confident as you left the florist.
Lunch was a quick stop at a café, where you barely had time to scarf down a sandwich before heading to your next appointment. The designer fitting was a whirlwind of fabrics, sequins, and pins, with you trying on dress after dress while Nina and Aisha offered their unfiltered opinions.
By the end of the day, you were utterly spent. You stumbled through the door of your apartment, exhaustion hit you like a ton of bricks. You kicked off your heels, letting them clatter onto the floor, and flopped onto the couch with a moan. Your feet ached, your head was pounding, and the thought of the work you have for tomorrow made you want to cry.
Just as you were debating whether to order takeout or crawl into bed and call it a night. Your phone buzzed—-your new phone that you bought yesterday after losing your original one and your keys at the charity event—-on the coffee table. You reached for it, squinting at the screen.
Rafe: “Longest. Day. Ever.”
A small smile tugged at your lips despite your fatigue. You propped yourself up against the armrest and typed back.
You: “Tell me about it. I’m so dead! Who knew choosing flowers could feel like a full-body workout?”
His response came almost immediately.
Rafe: “Yeah? Well, at least you didn’t have to run for AN HOUR!!! My legs feel like they’re about to give up on me.”
You: “Poor baby. Want me to send you a trophy for Most Exhausted Future Fiancé-to-Be?”
Rafe: “Ha. Ha. So funny.”
Rafe: “Are you sure we’re not married yet? You already sound like a nagging wife.”
The audacity of him made you chuckle and roll your eyes. You typed quickly, unable to help yourself.
You: “Excuse you? If I’m a nagging wife, then you’re a whiny husband.”
Rafe: “Whatever you say, nagging wife.”
You let out a quiet laugh, shaking your head as you sank further into the couch. The teasing back-and-forth was an oddly comforting way to unwind after such a chaotic day.
You: “Seriously though, did you at least eat? Or are you surviving off your ego again?”
Rafe: “Does a protein bar and water count?”
You groaned audibly, your fingers flying across the screen.
You: “No, Rafe. A protein bar and water do NOT count. A protein bar is not food; it’s a snack. Please tell me you’ve got something decent in your fridge.”
Rafe: “Define ‘decent’…”
You: “I’m going to kill you.”
Rafe: “That’s very romantic, baby, but you’re avoiding the question. What’s the verdict? Is my fridge decent enough for you, Your Honor?”
You: “No.”
You: “Knowing you, it’s probably full of water bottles, expired vegetables, and mystery leftovers. Am I wrong?”
Rafe: “I don’t like this attack on my character.”
You: “Answer the question, Cameron.”
Rafe: “Fine. Maybe you’re right. I don’t have the energy to argue. Or to cook, for that matter.”
You sighed again, a twinge of concern sneaking past your teasing. You guessed he pushed himself hard during training, but the least he could do was take care of himself after.
You: “Alright, what do you feel like eating? I’ll bring you something.”
Rafe: “What? No. You just spent all day running around. You don’t have to do that.”
You: “Too late. I offered, and I’m not taking it back. So, what’ll it be?”
Rafe: “...You’re really doing this, huh?”
You: “Absolutely.”
Rafe: “Fine. Surprise me. Just nothing too fancy. I’m starving.”
You: “Got it. Be there in an hour.”
Rafe: “Angel.”
Shaking your head, you pocketed your phone and headed to the kitchen. After a quick assessment of what you had on hand, you decided on a simple but satisfying dish: chicken biryani.
Cooking helped you relax after the chaotic day. The process of measuring spices, chopping onions, and stirring the pot grounded you, your mind focused on creating something warm and filling. By the time the dish was done, the air was fragrant with the scent of saffron, cardamom, and cloves.
You packed the biryani into a container, added a side of pudding kheer for balance, and grabbed some naan for good measure. After a quick freshen-up, you were on your way to Rafe’s penthouse.
When he opened the door, the sight of him hit you like a punch to the gut. Rafe stood there in low-hanging sweatpants that clung to his hips, no shirt in sight, leaving every inch of his toned chest and sculpted abs on full display. His damp hair was a tousled mess, drops of water clinging to his skin, catching the light as they slid down the defined lines of his torso. He leaned casually against the doorframe, his gaze raking over you with a mix of cocky amusement and exhaustion. The lazy grin tugging at his lips was enough to make your pulse stutter—and the way his voice dipped, low and teasing, when he finally spoke didn’t help.
“Well, well,” he drawled. “Look who showed up. My nagging wife bearing gifts.”
You rolled your eyes, forcing yourself to focus on the container in your hands instead of his sexy, very sexy abs. “You want dinner or not, Cameron? ‘Cause I can take it back?”
He instantly straightened up. “Come in, Your Honor,” he stepped aside to let you in, his grin widening when he saw the bag in your hand.
The penthouse was dimly lit, the warm glow of the city skyline visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows. You set the food on the kitchen island, trying to ignore the way he was watching you with that infuriating smirk.
You looked at your attire, and rolled your eyes. “Stop staring at my ass and grab plates,” you ordered, sounding stern.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, clearly amused, but he obeyed.
The two of you sat at the island, the meal between you. You put your hair in a bun, and said; “So, this is chicken biryani—” you pointed to it. “—and this is kheer and some naan.”
“This looks amazing, Y/N,” he let out a groan of appreciation.
You blushed at the compliment. “Thank you. You ever had Asian food before?”
“I had sushi and ramen with my team—”
You chuckled. “I meant South Asian food, Rafe.”
“Oh. South Asian…”
“Yeah,” you nodded. “You know, Indian, Sri Lankan, Pakistani, etc… Did you?”
He shook his head. “I don’t remember. I eat basic white man food, to be honest.”
“I realized,” you laughed. “Well, eat well.”
Rafe took his first bite, and his eyes widened. “Yo! This is delicious, what the fuck?”
You smiled, watching as he devoured the food like he hadn’t eaten in days. “Told you protein bars wouldn’t cut it—”
“You’re not going to eat?”
“I already ate,” you lied.
“Bullshit,” he said, giving you a pointed look. “Have some with me. I don’t like eating alone.”
You hesitated for a moment before giving in, grabbing a fork and joining him. The two of you ate in companionable silence, the tension of the day melting away with each bite.
For a brief moment, it didn’t feel like you were preparing for an engagement party or navigating the complicated arrangement that had brought you together. It felt easy, natural—like something that didn’t require overthinking.
You stood at the sink, sleeves rolled up, rinsing off the plates and containers. Warm water rushed over your hands as you scrubbed away the remnants of biryani and naan. The scent of spices lingered in the air, a comforting reminder of the meal you’d shared. Behind you, Rafe leaned against the counter, his tall frame relaxed but his eyes fixed on you.
“You know,” he said, his voice cutting through the quiet hum of the faucet, “you really don’t have to do this.”
“You’ve said that already,” you replied without turning around, focusing instead on rinsing the plate in your hand.
“Because I mean it. I can clean tomorrow,” he quipped, folding his arms across his bare chest.
A chuckle escaped you, and you tossed him a look over your shoulder. “Some of us were raised to clean up immediately after eating. It’s a brown girl thing—no one leaves the kitchen messy in my house.”
Rafe raised an eyebrow, his lips curving into a smirk. “Ah, so it’s cultural?”
“Hell yeah,” you replied, turning back to the sink. “If my mom ever caught me walking away from a pile of dishes, I wouldn’t live to see another day.”
“Sounds intense,” he teased, though his tone was laced with curiosity.
“You’re just white,” you shot back, and he laughed. “But also… I kind of like it,” you admitted, your voice softer now. “It feels wrong to leave things undone. Like you’re disrespecting the meal or something.”
Rafe was quiet for a moment, and you could feel his gaze lingering on you, not with judgment but something that felt closer to admiration.
“You’re kind of incredible, you know that?” he said finally.
You blinked, caught off guard. “For doing the dishes? Your standards are low, Cameron.”
He laughed, the sound deep and genuine. “No, I mean… just in general. You don’t have to cook for me or clean up after me, but you do it anyway. And you don’t even make a big deal out of it. You’re just… thoughtful.”
His words made you pause, your hands still under the running water. For a man who often masked his feelings behind sarcasm and cockiness, the sincerity in his voice hit you harder than you expected.
“Well,” you said, trying to keep your tone light, “don’t get used to it. Just because I cleaned your kitchen tonight doesn’t mean I’m signing up to do it forever.”
Rafe grinned, stepping closer. “Noted. One-time deal.”
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as you shut off the faucet and reached for the dish towel. “Besides, I wasn’t cleaning for you. I was cleaning for my own peace of mind.”
“Still,” he said, his voice dropping slightly, “thanks. For all of it.”
You glanced over at him, caught off guard again by the softness in his tone. The cocky grin he usually wore was replaced by something more subdued, more genuine. It made your chest tighten in a way you weren’t ready to think about.
“It’s not a big deal,” you said, your voice quieter now. “Just food and a few dishes.”
“To you, maybe,” he said, leaning against the counter beside you. “But it’s been a while since anyone’s done something like this for me. I don’t even know the last time I had an actual home-cooked meal.”
That admission tugged at something deep inside you, a mix of sympathy and affection you weren’t quite prepared for. You focused on folding the towel in your hands, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way your cheeks warmed.
“Well, someone has to make sure you don’t live off protein bars and bad decisions,” you said lightly, trying to steer the conversation back into familiar territory.
Rafe chuckled, the sound low and warm. “Guess I should count myself lucky it’s you.”
Your eyes flicked up to his, and for a moment, you forgot how to respond. The way he was looking at you—soft, unguarded, and almost reverent—made your heart skip a beat.
“Alright, stop,” you said, breaking the moment and brushing past him toward the counter. “You’re making it weird.”
“Making what weird?” he asked, following you with an amused grin.
“Everything,” you shot back, grabbing your bag. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you slacking off while I did all the work. Next time, you’re cleaning.”
“Deal,” he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “As long as there’s a next time.”
You hesitated at the door, looking back at him. His smirk was still there, but so was that softness in his eyes, the one that made it hard to look away. Bag slung over your shoulder and shoes slipped back on, ready to leave Rafe’s penthouse and head home for what was left of the night. The day had drained you, and though the quiet domestic moment you’d just shared with him was nice—unexpectedly so—you still needed to recharge for tomorrow’s chaos.
“You don’t have to leave yet,” he said, almost too casually, as if trying to disguise the sincerity in his tone.
You paused, glancing back at him. “Rafe, it’s late. I’m exhausted. You’re exhausted. We both need sleep.”
He shrugged, his mouth curling into that boyish grin that usually meant trouble. “So? Five more minutes won’t hurt. Sit down, relax. You’ve been running around all day.”
You narrowed your eyes at him but relented, curiosity getting the better of you. “Fine. Five minutes,” you muttered, dropping your bag onto the floor again and heading to the couch.
Rafe followed you, sitting on the other end of the couch, though he shifted closer. His arm rested along the backrest, his entire posture relaxed in a way that only made you more aware of him.
“So,” he began, his tone lighter now, “what did you actually do today? Besides fighting with tablecloths and flowers, I mean.”
You groaned, leaning back into the cushions. “It feels like that’s all I did. The decorators kept bringing me options that were either too tacky or too plain. And don’t even get me started on the florists. Nina kept trying to keep me on schedule, Aisha rolled her eyes at every single arrangement, and I was stuck in the middle.”
His laugh was low and warm. “Sounds like a nightmare.”
“It was,” you said, though there was a faint smile tugging at your lips now. “But somehow, it’s all starting to come together. Slowly. Painfully. I think we’re making progress.”
He tilted his head, watching you with that quiet intensity he always seemed to have when you weren’t paying attention. “You really care about this party, huh?”
You hesitated, the weight of his gaze making it harder to brush off the question. “Yeah, I guess I do,” you admitted softly. “I mean, if we don’t make it believable then I’d have to go back to my country, and I can’t let that happen.”
Rafe was silent for a moment, his eyes never leaving yours. The soft light in the room cast shadows across his face, making him look more vulnerable, less guarded than usual.
“You’re putting so much thought into it,” he said finally, his voice quieter now. “More than anyone else would, I think.”
You shrugged, your gaze dropping to your hands. “Just doing what needs to be done. Nothing special.”
“It is special,” he said, his tone firm but gentle.
The sincerity in his voice made your chest tighten. You glanced up at him, meeting his gaze for a moment that felt like it stretched on forever. There was something unspoken in his expression, something soft and unfamiliar that made your heart stutter.
“Okay, your turn,” you said quickly, needing to break the tension. “What did you do today, besides run yourself into the ground?”
His smirk returned, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Practice, drills, meetings. The usual.”
“You make it sound so thrilling,” you teased, crossing your arms.
“Oh, it’s a blast,” he said with mock enthusiasm. “Nothing like running suicides and lifting until your arms feel like they’re gonna fall off. And then sitting in a room listening to people tell you how to market yourself better.”
“Sounds glamorous,” you said, leaning back into the couch with a small laugh.
Rafe chuckled, his gaze softening as he watched you. “It’s not. But then again, you make flower arrangements sound like boot camp, so I guess we’re even.”
You smiled, letting the comfortable quiet settle between you for a moment. The hum of the city outside was faint but constant, a reminder of how late it had gotten.
“I should really go,” you said, breaking the silence and sitting up.
Rafe’s hand reached out, brushing against yours as he spoke. “You don’t have to.”
The softness in his voice caught you off guard, and for a moment, you stayed still, his fingers lingering near yours. The space between you suddenly felt smaller, charged with something neither of you were ready to name.
“Rafe,” you said gently, pulling your hand back, though your voice betrayed your hesitation.
“Stay a little longer,” he said, his eyes searching for yours. “This is… nice. Just sitting here. Talking.”
Your heart thudded in your chest at his words, and you looked away, pretending to straighten your bag. “I can’t. I’ve got another long day tomorrow, and so do you.”
He sighed but didn’t argue, leaning back into the couch. “Alright. But you owe me another five minutes next time.”
You laughed softly, shaking your head as you stood. “Sure, Cameron. I’ll pencil it into my busy schedule.”
He followed you to the door again, his presence warm and steady behind you. As you stepped into the hallway, you glanced back at him, your smile softer now.
As you moved toward the door, your bag slung over your shoulder, Rafe trailed behind you, his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his sweatpants. The quiet between you was comfortable, a marked contrast to the constant noise of the day. Just as you reached for the handle, his voice broke the silence.
“So… my dad called today,” he said, his tone light but deliberate.
You paused, turning slightly to glance at him, curiosity flickering in your expression. “Oh? What about?”
Rafe leaned against the frame, his posture deceptively relaxed. “He wanted to ask about you.”
The corners of your mouth lifted in a faint smirk. “Me? Why? Should I be flattered or scared?”
He chuckled, though it came with a hint of exasperation. “Because you’re about to be my wife, and you should definitely be flattered. He’s been… curious, I guess. You’re kind of a hot topic at the moment.”
Your brow furrowed as you adjusted the strap of your bag. “What do you mean?”
Rafe shrugged, though his eyes flickered to yours briefly before looking away. “He’s been asking when he and Rose can meet you. Sarah’s been on my case about it too. She wants to meet you again. It’s like they’re more excited about this whole engagement thing than I am.”
There was an edge to his words, not quite bitterness but something close to it, and you stepped back from the door slightly, your curiosity deepening. “Is that… a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not bad,” he said quickly, though his jaw tightened ever so slightly. “It’s just… predictable. My dad’s all about appearances, and this engagement makes us look good. You make me look good.”
His words were meant to sound casual, but the weight beneath them was unmistakable. You softened your tone as you leaned against the couch. “Rafe, if you’re not comfortable with all this, you can tell me. I’m not going to—”
“It’s not that,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “It’s just… complicated.”
You tilted your head, watching him carefully. “How so?”
He hesitated, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “My family has this way of… making everything feel like a performance. You know? Like, they’re not just happy about this engagement because it’s a good thing for me. They’re happy because it’s a good thing for them. My dad’s already talking about how it’ll ‘strengthen the Cameron name,’ and Rose keeps mentioning how much she ‘adores your poise.’”
You blinked at him, momentarily caught off guard. “Wait, your step-mother said that? About me?”
He laughed lightly, nodding. “Yeah. I think she’s obsessed with you already.”
You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped you. “Wow. And here I thought winning over your dad would be the hard part.”
“Oh, don’t worry. He’ll grill you like a steak the second he gets a chance,” Rafe said, his tone teasing but his smile tinged with something softer. “He doesn’t trust anyone, especially not when it comes to me.”
You frowned at that, your arms crossing instinctively. “Why not? You’re… I mean, you’re his son. Shouldn’t he trust you the most?”
Rafe’s smile faltered for a split second before he masked it with another shrug. “Let’s just say my track record isn’t exactly spotless. And my dad… he’s always been more interested in results than reasons. This marriage? It’s a result he likes. That’s all.”
The raw honesty in his words caught you off guard, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. Finally, you stepped closer, your voice quieter now. “Rafe, if this is too much—if your family’s involvement is making it harder—I can talk to them. Set boundaries or whatever.”
He shook his head, his eyes meeting yours. “You don’t have to do that. It’s not your problem to fix.”
“Maybe not,” you said, your gaze unwavering, “but it’s my problem now too.”
“Such a good wife already,” he caressed your cheeks softly, the corner of his mouth twitched, his smirk returning faintly. “You’re really taking this whole ‘teamwork’ thing seriously, huh?”
“I’m a perfectionist,” you replied, matching his tone. “Can’t help it.”
He chuckled, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. “You’re too good at this, you know. My family’s already halfway in love with you, and you haven’t even met them yet.”
“Maybe I should be worried,” you teased, though there was a softness in your voice now.
“Don’t be,” he said, his tone quieter as he let his hand down your face. “If anything, they’re the ones who should be worried. You’re gonna walk in there, charm everyone without even trying, and leave me to deal with their unrealistic expectations.”
You laughed, the sound light and genuine, and Rafe found himself leaning just a little closer, caught up in the warmth of the moment.
“Well, if they’re anything like you,” you said, your voice still tinged with amusement, “I’m sure I’ll survive.”
Rafe’s smirk faltered for a moment, replaced by something softer, something you couldn’t quite name. “They’re nothing like me,” he said quietly, almost to himself.
The words hung in the air, and for a moment, neither of you moved. His gaze lingered on yours, steady and unguarded in a way that made your breath catch.
“Rafe…” you began, your voice trailing off as his expression shifted ever so slightly, something unreadable flickering across his face.
But just as quickly as the moment had come, it passed. He straightened, his usual smirk slipping back into place like a mask. “You should probably get some rest,” he said, his tone lighter now. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
You blinked, startled by the sudden shift, but nodded. “Yeah. You too.”
He followed you to the door, his presence steady behind you as you stepped into the hallway. As you turned back to glance at him one last time, his expression softened again, his blue eyes holding yours for a beat longer than necessary.
“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said, his voice quieter now.
“Goodnight, Rafe,” you replied, your chest tightening slightly as you walked away, the weight of his gaze following you long after you’d gone.
chapter ten
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