#and also i have to force myself to cook

[aro-culture-is]

aro (allopl) culture is (from the anon who gives lots of flowers to their friends) also cooking (mostly baked goods) for your friends as a way to show them you love them! "Oh but giving someone x y z type of baked goods is romantic" "oh but putting that amount of effort on meals for someone has to be romantic (3+ hours)" WRONG!!!! 🔪🔪🔪🔪 my friends are getting nice food because they're great and no one can stop me *evil laugh*

.

[angelpuns]

Night thoughts time.

The way I genuinely was shocked and surprised today when I realized that the transition to living with my grandma did not in fact have negative impacts on my mental health. Like at all. I was doing better in December anyway ( for some reason??) And then after I moved here its like. Wow. Is this how it feels to not hate where you're living??? Like most of my mental woes lately have been work related and I wouldn't even call them woes. Last year I would get so genuinely upset all the time at what felt like nothing but GODDAMN maybe it was something and I wasn't being overdramatic??? Idk.

Maybe I just haven't lived here long enough to cause turmoil who knows. I also had a brief period of genuine happiness and good mental health back when I first got an apartment with an ex friend, but obviously I realized later that it actually was awful. So maybe I'm just in the honeymoon period. But also not having to see my parents every. Single. Day. Is such a breath of fresh air. I haven't felt this good in a while. idk what that says about me or them but who cares :) I'm doing well for now :))

I actually prepared so much for this move ( not packing stuff, I mean like preparing myself mentally and checking and double checking stuff that was important to me, stuff like that ) that maybe that's why I haven't been totally mentally destroyed by it. But I do genuinely think I'm no longer in fight or flight mode. Like I used to come home every day and not be able to do anything cause the mental strain of the job AND dealing with my parents was just too much. And I thought I was being overdramatic and lazy. But now that I don't live with them I find it pretty easy to come home and have actually nice conversations with my grandma and then I'm still able to do a significant amount of things before bed. Like my day isn't over at 5 anymore because the mental strain isn't there ( as far as home stuff anyway )

Also! I totally overdid it again today and I am in p a I n :) unrelated to the parents thing haha

[taegularities]

some men are textbook villains fr

[yansurnummu]

for some reason me and my mum always end up talking about living off the grid and she's always like "haha I couldn't live without internet now" and sure fair but it really got me thinking about it and u know what would be absolutely devastating to live without? freezer

[e77y]

Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness

[sagehaubitze]

I made kheer (rice pudding) with leftover coconut rice and a bunch of date pieces and nuts, and like... ohh boy it falls into the danger zone of feeling like I'm eating very rich oatmeal and I'm questioning if I can just eat a bowl of this and claim it's dinner

(do not just eat dessert for dinner please)

[ccaptain]

I am being forced to cook against my own exhausted ass body, but my brain is telling me to connect the dots. So I have connected them.

By this point whoever has been following my headcanon journey to shape H:SR Kaeya knows about Astrid, Mortis and what happened with the headmaster of the Monastery. A tl;dr is that this man lured Kaeya into a trap by using these two kids and then essentially brutally tortured and unalived Astrid right in front of Kaeya before fleeing after she had outlived her usefulness, and all that Kaeya has of this experience are terrors and the blood-stained epoxy-ed bread piece always with him.

This man is the only person, up until now, that draws a very human, very angered response out of Kaeya- it makes him almost feral, grasping at every trace of him he can find and pursuing him like a bloodhound chases the trail of a wounded animal, muzzle stained with blood and teeth bared. Kaeya is not proud of this side of his, but it exists and will continue existing as long as he knows the ruthless, callous man who did something unspeakable just because he could continues to live.

This leads to one question: if it's important for him, why isn't H:SR Kaeya pursuing him more strictly?

Even if busy with his goal, nothing stops him from paying an investigator to find intel of this man's whereabouts- many individuals have good sources that they can mobilitate for him, if the price meets their standards. Kaeya doesn't have a shortage of money- nor his income will ever dry up in a substantial way. He would be realistically able to pay for these services.

There's even the possibility of hiring a mercenary- someone who will make his death either quick and swift, or drawn out, long and agonizingly painful- exactly like the one he inflicted upon Astrid. This would allow Kaeya to keep his hands clean while ridding the universe or someone dangerous- even if human, a skilled assassin would be able to come out of the conflict with minor, treatable injuries and with a job well done. Even a bounty hunter would do- surely, you'd think a man this dangerous has been talked about and slapped with, at least, a mildly high cash price for his head. What he did was and still is pretty serious. Even as Kaeya tore apart the Monastery, people managed to escape and spread words of what had transpired in here.

I pondered this question in my mind for a while. And then I happened to glance a bit more attentively at Boothill's stories and saw a thing:

Let me preface this with a theory: I don't think that a normal human would be able to ''erase himself completely from historical records''. Boothill himself had to visit and cause chaos in the Garden of Remembrance in order to find out who his target was: Oswaldo Schneider. Not only hiding oneself like how this piece of story tells us would have been difficult after doing something as massive as he did- his underlings would have heard his voice dishing out the command, too. Or received a message from a source they knew. At worst, he would have had to identify himself with a nickname, which could be traced back to him.

In no way a person can simply vanish from history after having done something so massive. There must have been a smidge of a trace to work on- a person who could have recognized his voice- apparently, he is the head director of the Marketing Development Department, so of course there could have been someone tampering with files and records to hide him. But as I said: nothing can be fully erased from history- expecially from human, clumsy hands who tend to overlook things. There'll always be a little hint left here and there to work with.

Unless...

We know only of a group of people who can alter any kind of history. And those are on the faction of the Enigmata- the History Fictionologists.

Boothill had to resort into breaking in the Garden of Recollection to find Oswaldo Schneider- despite him having a role inside the IPC.

Kaeya can't find the Monastery headmaster because he hasn't hired the right sources, or because he isn't putting enough effort into it- all of these statements are false.

Kaeya cannot track this man down because the man is hiding himself while actively tampering with history.

He can confuse his own identity to avoid a bounty on his head- so hiring an hunter is useless. The intel on this man would be non-existant, since he has tampered with his own informations- and, obviously, mercenaries wouldn't know who he is and wouldn't know who to target- either the Monastery headmaster is an avatar belonging to someone from the Enigmata, just like Gallagher was, or a Fictionologist themselves, which further complicates things.

Kaeya isn't lazying around, nor avoiding the final confrontation: this is a matter of Enigmata fellow and Enigmata fellow going against eachother, using the same weapons and techniques that they are equipped with, and still both under the same Aeon. Both of them, the pursuer of justice (Kaeya) and the villain (the headmaster) aren't willing to budge from their respective positions.

Kaeya will continue to chase. The headmaster will continue to hide. This battle could take millennias to have a final winner out of it. Nobody can help Kaeya with this, and this is a battle he must face alone.

TL;DR: how reading Boothill's lore made me realize that the man he's pursuing could be from the fucking Enigmata and this has slapped me across the face and made me cook up some more H:SR Kaeya lore. Thanks Boothill!

[mortimer]

gonna have to pack lunch for the next semester and i had to go to the website of an occupational therapist for autistic children to find ideas that sounded like things i know i can prep/eat outer than instant noodle OTL

[insert-game]

does anyone want to buy me tickets to an overnight train so i can go on a little journey of autism and delight for christmas instead of going through the nightmare that is spending christmas with my girlfriend’s heavily awful mother who hyperanalyzes everything we do and will inevitably get mad at me for flat effect and lack of eye contact

[im-boned]

aaaooughhh. cook for me fictional other. fictional other. cook for me

[swagging-back-to]

honeest the loss of taste and smell is the worst. none of the others are comparable at all.

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

Also, people assume picky eaters have just never tried it. But how are you supposed to feel safe trying something you never had, as trying mean you could also hate it, if you have to fear being judge if you don't like it? I can stomach some stuffs if they are cooked differently, but if I try and don't like it, I'm shamed for being "wasteful" and a picky eater.

as someone with ARFID i really couldn't care less about the distinction between "picky eaters" and "genuine eating issues." if you are an asshole to someone you see as "just picky" i will never, ever trust you. i've lived through the trauma of being shamed and humiliated for my eating needs.

frankly i think a LOT of "picky eaters" have some kind of sensory problems– autistic or allistic– and shame is never useful. i don't fucking care how annoying you think we are. if you've never lived through the humiliation of being the only one not eating at a dinner table, or having to choke down something disgusting you already know you hate because other people insist you don't know your own body, or getting a hunger migraine in a house full of food because none of its edible to you? you don't understand how awful it is to have food issues.

whenever i see people draw this distinction between being "just a picky eater" and "having a real problem" all i think is, who does this serve? most people don't even know ARFID exists. there are so many undiagnosed autistics, or just people with a variety of issues that aren't officially diagnosed. why do we need a medical label in order to be treated with respect and compassion? why did i need to be diagnosed as autistic for my family to realize the abuse they put me through for years because of my eating habits?

it's such an easy habit for neglected groups to fall into– the idea that a medical diagnosis can save us. that by appealing to the medical/psychiatric industry, we can be protected from abuse and given basic respect and resources. but the truth is that it should never have come to this in the first place. dignity doesn't come from an abled doctor telling you that there's a medical reason for your symptoms. it comes from being a person. once you accept that you need a Good Reason to have your needs respected, you doom yourself to neglecting and abusing those who have your same struggles because they aren't lucky enough to access medical recognition.

tl;dr solidarity with all "picky eaters" stop guilting people for having varying food needs, if we make you irrationally angry that's YOUR problem not ours, and abolish "children's menus" & replace them with simple-food menus for people of all ages

[valandherweekofwonders]

i finally made pancakes after saying i would for a whole week :)

[nexus-nebulae]

cool so like. bought some "shredded rotisserie" chicken from my local giant eagle. and they 1000% just put canned chicken into this thing didn't they

[gideonnavsenormousbiceps]

anyone else like comedically bad at cooking for just themselves....like it doesn't matter what it is I'm going to make too much of it on accident. somehow in the midst of cooking I turn into a 1400s peasant woman with 10 children I need to feed after they've worked the fields