#alloplatonic aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is wanting a platonic version of tinder so fricking bad

[officeobject]

Warning: Platonic equivalent of explicit.

[officeobject]

Today, I not only somehow liked this post at the same time as someone else, but I also remembered that this isn't considered normal friendship behavior, I'm/my feelings are just fecking weird.

🌀Besties!⭐️

(Based on this promo art for the Digital Circus Cafe in Japan that I can’t get over:)

[shiutsu]

I got the idea from some of the reblogs from my previous aplatonic dedicated post.

Like as I mentioned several times on this blog, alloplatonics obsess over friendships & think everyone has the same experience.

Like as if everyone had a specific friend they just like the most out of the other friends & who would pick them over anyone else.

Like man idk where you got that,but I recommend you to open your eyes or stopped smoking something since this is the most delusional shit I've seen.

Not everyone is the fucking same!! Like if you spread nonsense how every single person is different but think that everyone acts the same or has the same opinions as you, then you're pretty hypocritical.

[gillipop-plus]

@reblogforsamplesize could you do the thing you do (also anyone else who wants to pls reblog)

edit: it is done! @platonic-culture-is now exists!

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture, specifically alloplatonic, is developing random urges to kiss your friends on the cheek and lowkey being terrified to bring it up with them because them thinking you're hitting on them is a very real possibility

.

[officeobject]

Same. Full platonic hormones, don't know what the platonic equivalent of "promiscuous" is (like, when you're trying to be the platonic equivalent of "sexy" - like, trying to be cool and all), have to deal with people either thinking it's a crush or thinking crushes are MORE, the whole deal.

I feel so crazily in love but in a platonic way, I don't know if it makes sense but I live heartbreaks and all

[officeobject]

Rags to ritches, I'm getting platonic bitches.

[orange-orchard-system]

Also not to gripe but no that post about friendship isn't automatically "aromantic culture" by nature of its subject matter you're just alloplatonic. Stop being shit to aro apls and implying they're not aro enough because they don't experience or value friendship like you

[amorous-apothipl]

i wont lie to ya, i think we're goin' too hard on the aros.

i am a culprit of this, don't get me wrong. i understand the rationale behind it. aplatonicism is heavily related and in proximity to aromanticism (and other aspec communities). it also is a great example of a culture who (most often) puts friendship above any other sort of relationship; one, too, that advocates for the normalization of friendship being an important part of anyone's life--regardless of whether they're in a romantic relationship or not.

i've noticed that we, as aplatonics, are pushing for the normalization of platonicism and friendship as optional. that, as well as pointing out how prevalent it is in our societies, sometimes causing stress or harm to an individual's wellbeing with us wanting to challenge how much it is brought upon people.

and i think we're toxic with how we approach the aromantic's ideas. we see them as doing bad unto us. i think it's because they're so concentrated and readily available, easy to point out as something aplatonics might be against or averse to.

aromantics are not our enemies. they are not trying to go against us. they are not trying to stamp us out.

they are just trying to exist in a world where romantic desire and relationships are the end-all be-all of *life*. an example: if you aren't married by the time your deathbed arrives, you're seen as pitiful, unfulfilled, wasted, among other things.

they're trying to find a place where they can explore their aromanticism and relationships and their feelings regarding that. for many, that's going to involve reevaluating how they were taught to think about friendship: as second to having a partner. that's not something we should take away from or denounce, for we are doing the same.

aplatonics are trying to find a place where we can explore our aplatonicism and relationships and our feelings regarding that. for many, that's going to involve reevaluating how we were taught to think about friendship: as something everyone wants, does have, and should have.

i think we should work to understand their ideas, how aromanticism and it's culture work within someone and their life, and how we can accept their viewpoints without tearing them down just because it doesn't explicitly disclaim that they're alloplatonic and aren't against aplatonicism.

our ideas play together. both romanticism and platonicism are major heads within the social world, both having their strangleholds over the population.

please keep this in mind going forward. be nuanced when talking about the aromantic's ideas. be nuanced when talking about the aplatonic's ideas. understand how we are both communities of which highlight the domination of the two forces and use that to your advantage.

TL;DR (Please still read though!)--------------------------------------

aros point out how romanticism works against us

apls point out how platonicism works against us

these ideas are both valid, and work together

apls rag on aros too much just because they're easy to point to as a perpetuation of platonormativity

aros's "platonormativity" is most often just a deconstruction of how they've been taught to see relationship, them getting more in tune with how they wanna do their shit (just like we are)

don't denounce aro ideas and lives on the basis of it not being congruent with your own ideals and how you may think it goes against apl ideas

critically assess aro ideas with an understanding that it might not be for you and you're allowed to interpret the work as you wish, perhaps even trying to understand it from your own apl perspective

Thanks for reading! Feel free to add you own ideas for or against any/all of my points; I feel this is important to how we go forth as a communities.

I come at this from the perspective of a romance ambivalent aromantic and platonic repulsed aplatonic.

[officeobject]

I'd kill a boyfriend for that 30 year old who I wanna meet, who works over at that window (for legal reasons this is a joke).

having a platonic crush can be so entertaining sometimes because like do you even know i would kill a man for you if you asked

[lovelessrage]

Platonic love isn't an "aro thing". Platonic love's presence doesn't make something aro. While platonic love may be a part of certain people's individual experiences [such as labels that don't distinguish between love types, or people who just care about it a lot], painting it as the one path to making "good rep", as the way to "be" aro, and as the pinnacle of aro experiences is very exclusionary. This might be how you experience being aro, but it's also part of the alloplatonic aro experience. That isn't even mentioning the fact that aros don't hold a monopoly on platonic love, and many alloromos feel just as strongly about it.

Aro culture isn't being alloplatonic. Aplatonic aros have always been here. We deserve recognition, respect, and being included in conversations surrounding how we, as aros, are represented.

[entropy-sea-system]

Because not many people are talking about it, I'm making a post on what constitutes platonormativity!

Platonormativity here refers to the idealisation of friendship and viewing friendship as essential and mandatory.

Im putting this under the cut as this is a long post

[If this personally offends you or you're an exclus or think I am not aware of how friendship is also deprioritised, etc. honestly this post is not really for you lol]

Things that can be platonormative:

-Assuming that everyone has friends, and viewing it as a red flag or a sign of mental illness if someone doesn't have friends, and/or expecting them to be actively looking for friends

-Claiming that one must be 'friends first' before a romantic or sexual or other relationship in order for it to work out

-Treating friendship as inherently more stable and long-lasting than other relationship types

-Using the term friend for people without considering whether they actually are okay with that term or whether they actually want to be your friend, or otherwise considering someone your friend when they are not explicitly okay with that

-Claiming that aros and aces must "at least have friends" or experience platonic love or platonic attraction because of their 'lack'

-Claiming that everyone should have friends

-Profiling people who don't seem to have friends as a "suicide liability"

-Being ableist towards people whose ability to make or keep friends or want friends or otherwise engage in social bonds is diminished by their (physical or mental) disability and/or neurodivergence

-Assuming that everyone is alloplatonic and friending and plato-favorable

-Assuming that no one is monogamous for friendship

-Considering it inherently "unhealthy" or "increasing risk of abuse" if someone has a partner(s) but not friends

-Forcing friendship as something mandatory even when people are toddlers or very young children

-Assuming a couple/other partners are solely "friends" due to them being polyamorous, queer, or other reasons

-Assuming that people who interact in certain ways must be friends

-Treating friendship as something inherently more "wholesome" or as something that can never be used for harm unless it was a pretence

-Blaming a lack of friendship rather than the harmful behaviour itself when it comes to 'pickup artists' and other people who act entitled to sex, romance, or other things

-Calling aplatonics with a connection to romance "amatonormative" for existing

-Treating the dismantling of amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, and aro activism as an excuse to enforce friendship as something that is mandatory

-Claiming that 'aro culture' is basically (insert alloplatonic and/or plato favorable experience)

-Assuming that ALL demiromantic and/or demisexual people must require friendship as the bond after which it is a possibility for them to experience attraction

-Assuming that every alloaro must want a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship

-Assuming that anything thats nonromantic and/or nonsexual has to be platonic(friendship)

-Reinforcing a platonic-romantic binary

-Claiming that friendship cannot involve sex or romance ever

-Assuming that queerplatonic relationships are friendship or always involve friendship

-Looking down on others for not giving priority to friendship or not engaging in friendship

-Media being saturated with friendship and not many media existing without having friendship in it

-Not understanding that people can be repulsed by friendship and/or platonicism

[askanaroace]

Carnival of Aros: Loneliness Round-Up Post

July's Carnival of Aros theme of Loneliness is a wrap!

I got a ton of really great - and diverse - responses.

I Am Charles Baker Harris shared her piece "On Singleness and Christian Culture", weaving together personal anecdotes on being single and never having a serious relationship at age 29, the influence of Christian purity culture on dating and romance, and how being single has historically been empowering and even a rebellion against patriarchy. Phoebefrog submitted "Loneliness", detailing what loneliness feels like to them and how they plan on trying to combat this feeling. Sildarmillion wrote both "Maybe someday I will meet somebody like me" and "Relationship advice be all about dating". "Maybe someday" is a personal observation on kindred spirits and connection. "Relationship advice" is the observation that society only seems to recognize romantic(+sexual) relationships on multiple levels. Tabby-shieldmaiden produced her piece "Connect" on how finding the right label for you can help you feel less alone, as it did her, including a plea to take intracommunity issues seriously so that EVERYONE can feel welcome and connected. Finally, on this askanaroace blog, I admitted "I Don't Think I Experience It" after polling four alloplatonic alloromantic allosexuals who had very strong, heartbreaking descriptions of what loneliness felt like to them.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and time!

If this has inspired you at all to participate more actively in the carnival via hosting, please reach out to Carnival of Aros to volunteer!

[aromantisk-fagforening]

I think one thing that alienates me from certain parts of the aro community here is that I'm anattractional.

I have no interest in participating in attraction-based culture. I don't wish I felt attraction so I could relate to the alloallos, I'm mad at them. I'm mad at the culture.

I don't find it useful to think of friendships as being based on platonic attraction. I have a very regular relationship to friendships and that should be fine. I feel like the alloplatonic/aplatonic framework isn't for me.

it feels like it I adopt an alloplatonic or aplatonic label I'm adding an extra layer of seperation that doesn't exist for me. I never felt alienated because of lack of interest/attraction to friends. I never saw anyone talk about friendship as attraction anywhere else so I don't feel like I'm a part of the alloplatonic. I will say I am friending (as opposed to nonfriending). but in the way that I just randomly end up as friends with people who are physically near or have the same interests.

I don't experience tertiary attraction. I'm not oriented aroace. I'm not angled aroace. That framework has only served to make me more alienated. Not to say people don't experience tertiary attraction. but to say I am atetriary. if I want to hug someone that's because I want a hug, not because I thought something special about some individual. I'm atetriary.

I consider myself anattractional (& friending). I usually go by aro or aroace. I don't relate to alloaces at all, nor do I relate to oriented/angled aroaces. I probably relate more to aroallos than oriented aroaces. (based on what blogs I enjoy following). I don't exclusively relate or not relate to aplatonics.

[aro-absol]

1, 5, 9, 13

Thanks for the ask! And thank you for making the ask game by the way, I am enjoying it very much.

1. What is your place on the aromantic spectrum? Do you use any specific labels for romantic attraction?

I just go by aromantic. I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction and none of the aro microlabels feels like home. Besides, I'm enjoying using less specific label because it makes me feel closer to other aros. No matter where exactly on the aromantic spectrum a person is, we're all aromantic and that's super cool.

5. Do you experience any attraction you choose not to label?

Well, being a non-SAM aro I don't label my sexual attraction but I'm also not sure if I even experience that attraction. When it comes to tertiary attraction, I still need to figure out what it means to me personally. I still need to find a definition of attraction that works for me.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'm alloplatonic. I desire friendship and around some friends, I feel very warm inside sometimes. Whether that is something that falls under attraction or if I feel more comfortable calling it affection or another term is something I'll start figuring out in the future. I don't get squishes to the point of strong infatuation, though. Still, I think I have a very normative experience with friendship, and therefore I am technically alloplatonic. I don't really call myself that, though (because most allos don't even know it's a thing). The only time I do say it is when I reblog something about aplatonic experiences or something that describes different views on friendship within the aromantic community, just to make sure that I can't speak for any aplatonics. So that might fall into this category? Other than that, not really.

9. What is something you think is ‘non-SAM aro culture’ or inherently non-SAM aro? Either serious or joking?

I honestly can't think of anything.

13. What is your favourite thing about being non-SAM aro?

That I can just be aro. When you use no sexuality label, people need to refer to you as aromantic when talking about your orientation (considering they want to refer to you correctly). I'm not out to anyone, so I don't know from experience, but that sounds pretty nice.

Another big thing for me is that I don't have to let people in on my sexual desires (or lack thereof). Sex life and sexual desire are things that feel very private to me, so I don't see why so many people should know whether I want someone sexually or not. Besides, most allos think of asexuality as voluntary celibacy (I know that's not true, you know that's not true, but the allos don't) and my sex life is just none of people's business. Then again, I'm not out at all, so I don't know.