#and also felt like she was picked and her character suffered because she needed to fade to the background and just....... AAAAAAAAAAAA

[aaaaaagayghost]

HOLEEEEEEEEEE SHIT 

MY ANIMATIC IS DONE YIPEEE GO WATCH

[sansaorgana]

I just need to know how buck would react to his wife Breastfeeding! I feel like he is definitely a tits kind of man

oh, darling, let's be real – he's a ✨personality ✨ kind of man 🤭😂 but yeah, I agree 👀 also, I love him being a softie so much 😌 I didn't put any warnings but I assume you know already what to expect from this fic lol 🍼

🔞 THIS FIC IS 18+ 🔞

my requests are currently closed 🙅🏻‍♀️

Usually, it was Buck who would leave the bed in the middle of the night to bring the crying baby to you but today he seemed to be so deep in his sleep that no amount of your daughter’s screaming was waking him up. You sighed and caressed his hair softly without wanting to wake him up – he deserved his rest as well, after all, and it had been a long and tiring week for him at work.

You got out of the bed and put a robe loosely upon your nightgown as you slid your feet inside a pair of slippers waiting for you on the carpet. Softly and quietly you left the bedroom and hurried to the nursery where your little girl was crying her lungs out.

“Hey, shh, shh,” you cooed to her while picking her up after turning a small lamp on. It was not very bright and perfect for the nighttime when little Dolores was getting hungry.

You sat with her on the rocking chair by the window and kept shushing her softly, trying to unbutton your nightgown clumsily with your free hand while keeping her steady with your other arm.

“Don’t cry, little one, don’t wake daddy up, he needs his rest,” you smiled at her and adjusted her in your arms so she could finally get fed as you watched her tiny features in awe. You were still quite sleepy but you would never change anything. Sleep was not as important as spending time with your baby.

Lost in thoughts and Dolly’s sweet little face, you didn’t notice Buck leaning on the doorway and watching you with the same amount of love as you were staring at your babygirl with.

When you looked up for a second, you got startled at the sight of him and then you chuckled.

“Sorry,” he mumbled out. “I woke up and you weren’t there but there was a light coming from the hall so I knew where you went,” he explained with a soft smile.

“You should have stayed in bed, love,” you whispered to him.

“And miss this? No way,” your husband approached you and crouched down next to you so he could see Dolly’s face, too. She opened her eyes and looked at him as she kicked her little feet. Buck grabbed them and caressed them gently. “Isn’t she perfect?” He looked up at you and gasped.

“Yes, she is,” you nodded but you furrowed your brow at his gasp. “What is it?”

“You’re a goddess, really,” he admitted and you felt your cheeks heating up.

“Oh, Gale, please,” you dismissed that praise shyly.

“I mean it,” Buck whispered and gently let go of Dolly’s feet to caress your cheek with his finger. “After everything I’ve been through, all that death and darkness… You’re a beacon of light, a life-giver, a mother,” he explained. “And I will forever worship you for that.”

You cracked a smile at his words and fought the tears forming in your eyes.

“I wish you haven’t gone through any of that,” you confessed, nearly inaudibly.

“But I have and maybe thanks to that I can appreciate what I have even more,” Buck nodded.

“You’ve always been a good man,” you reminded him and it was true. Your husband had always been kind and generous and a gentleman. You had never complained about anything that actually mattered. He didn’t deserve any of the suffering he had been through and he certainly hadn’t needed it to help him shape his character because he had simply always been a good man.

Even in that dim light you could see your husband’s cheeks turning slightly pink. He was adorable, like a little boy. You wished you could hold him close and make all his pain go away, all the awful memories, all the nightmares, all the triggers. You just wanted him to relax, you wanted to give him peace.

Little Dolly squealed a bit and you looked down to see her mouth curling up in a small smile as droplets of milk were dripping down her chin. You chuckled at that and lifted her up as Buck took a tissue from the changing table to wipe her face gently.

“I’ll take her,” he offered and you let him take the baby. Buck started to carry her around while patting her back delicately and you wiped the milk leaking out of your breast swiftly before buttoning the nightgown up.

You kept sitting in the rocking chair and watching your lovely husband walking around the small nursery that he had prepared by himself before Dolly’s arrival to this world. And now was humming a lullaby to his little girl and everything seemed to be so perfect and cosy. You couldn’t be happier than that, you thought.

When Dolly could be placed back in her crib, Buck made sure to watch over her until she fell asleep. He told you to go back to the bedroom and even though you felt guilty that once again he was the one to stay up in the nursery, you were grateful for him telling you to rest instead.

You were still weak after the childbirth and all the pregnancy and he was just one of those husbands who actually appreciated their wives for carrying their children for them. He was tired after this previous week, too, but he knew his exhaustion was no match compared to yours.

So, you went back to the bedroom and you sat up with the pillows behind your back because you wanted to wait for him. You weren’t that sleepy anymore but you were grateful for the possibility of going back to bed – especially your spine was very happy about it.

Buck came back not so long after you since it never took Dolly long to fall asleep in the middle of the night after being fed. You hoped it would stay this way. In general, so far she had been a quite unproblematic child of a gentle nature and you suspected it was a trait she had after her father.

Buck went under the cover and laid down next to you, looking up at you with his pretty puppy eyes as he leaned in to kiss your tummy.

“You sleepy, darling? Want me to turn the light off?” You asked him and caressed his hair.

“It’s fine. I want to stay up and keep looking at you for a while,” he admitted and you giggled.

“You’re mad,” you pointed out playfully.

“Sure I am. Mad about you,” Buck answered and you rolled your eyes as you kept caressing his hair and face – gently, with your fingertips, tracing the outlines of the thin scars scattered all over his face.

“I love you,” you whispered with all seriousness.

“I love you, too,” he whispered back with a soft smile.

There were many other things that had been told between you two with those three words but you didn’t have to actually list them all out loud. Your “I love you” was enough to thank him for his sacrifice, for surviving the war and coming back to you. It was enough to let him know you would take it all away from him if it was possible. And his “I love you, too” was enough for you to know that he knew what you meant and he thanked you for understanding and for waiting for him, for always treating him so kind and soft – for giving him a baby, too.

Buck moved closer to you and buried his face in your nightgown, breathing in your scent. You kept playing with his hair and sighed softly when he looked up with a smile.

“It smells so sweet,” he whispered and you furrowed your brow because you hadn’t used any perfume before going to bed. “The milk, I assume,” he added and unbuttoned two of the small buttons of your nightgown to bury his face deeper into your chest and take a deep breath in. “Yeah, it’s the milk,” he nodded.

“It tastes sweet, too,” you told him with a smirk and Buck tilted his head as he kept looking up at your face.

“How do you know?” He chuckled.

“Sometimes, when it leaks out on my fingers, I am too lazy to wipe it off and I just lick it off of my fingers,” you confessed. “Well, I was pretty curious about it, too,” you told him, hoping he wouldn’t judge you.

But Buck would never judge you.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and looked down between your breasts as if he was contemplating on something. Finally, he looked up again and his cheeks were crimson red.

“Can I… Can I taste it, too?” He asked.

You were taken aback by this question. Not that you found it obscene or disgusting but you definitely did not expect your husband to request such a thing.

“Yes, my love, of course,” you smiled at him with a nod and began to work on your buttons. You would never deny him anything.

“Only if… If it’s still gonna be enough for Dolly in the morning,” Buck interrupted you by placing his hand on top of yours.

“Don’t worry about that, sweetheart, she’s gonna have enough,” you assured him with a chuckle and he nodded.

Buck watched in awe when you kept unbuttoning your nightgown – a sight he had seen many times now but this time it was different. It was only for him and you were doing it slowly, which was done on purpose to give him a little show. It felt intimate on a level he had never been with you before although he had never thought it possible.

He nearly moaned at the sight of your swollen breasts jumping out of your nightgown. They had gotten so big due to your pregnancy and he was obsessed with them even more than usual now. A simple thought that they were swollen with milk for his baby was enough to make him have impure thoughts sometimes. He had always worshipped you and the ground you walked on but you becoming a mother of his child only intensified the feeling – he couldn’t believe his happiness, really. The woman he loved so much was loving him back and she wanted to give him a family even though she had to sacrifice so much and her body was a real miracle for actually being able to grow a child and give birth… For Buck you truly were a goddess and he couldn’t care less if it was a blasphemy or not.

Carefully, he touched your breasts and you hissed quietly because they were so sore and sensitive. But Buck knew that already so he was trying to be as gentle as possible when he softly massaged them and watched the milk leak out. He allowed it to flow for some time and only when your breasts were covered in white streamlets, he licked them up while peppering your skin with kisses.

“So sweet,” he said and looked up as you noticed his pupils darkening. You knew that look very well.

“Baby, it’s too early for us to…” You started.

“I know, don’t worry,” he interrupted you and moved up a little to get better access. “I won’t hurt you,” he assured you and you believed him because Buck would never do anything to harm you.

He attached his lip to your nipple and began to suck. You sighed out of relief and threw your head back while caressing his hair and feeling how his muscles relax under your touch. It was all you wanted for him – to finally rest and be at peace, to feel safe in your arms.

His soft, plump lips sucking on your sore nipples softly were making you feel warm all over your body. You were sighing and gasping with pleasure as the hardness of his cock grew, brushing your thigh under the fabric of his pyjama pants.

You felt bad for him because he wouldn’t be able to properly fuck you in two more weeks so you decided to please him in a different way. One of your hands wandered all the way down and under his pants to take his hard and swollen cock. You could already feel the leaking precum and you had to admit, you were pretty surprised that sucking your breasts could make him get so hard so fast but on the other hand you two hadn’t had sex in over a month now.

“Ooh, so heavy. Let me help you with that, baby,” you moaned at the feeling.

With your other hand you kept caressing the back of his head as you started to pump his cock. Buck moaned into your chest and attached his lips to the other nipple as his hands played with your free breast. He bucked his hips to help you jerk him off since he was so desperate to finally have his sweet release. He was nearly as desperate as he had been after coming back home from Europe but you didn’t mind that at all. In fact, you found it pretty hot that he was so needy for you and that it wasn’t taking much for him to finish because of you.

“Shh, you’re such a good boy for me,” you assured him in a whisper. “Let go, baby, don’t hold back.”

You picked up your pace and let your thumb circle around his tip to stimulate him even further and in a few chaotic thrusts of his hips, he came all over your hand while gasping and holding on to you. You kissed the top of his head with a soft smile and caressed his softening cock a few more times before reaching out to your nightstand for a tissue to clean up the mess.

“Did it feel good?” You asked, looking down at his face. His pretty baby blue eyes were hazy and his lips slightly parted. His flushed cheeks and messy hair were making him look even more adorable.

“It felt like heaven,” he breathed out.

You chuckled at that and wiped the corners of his mouth with another tissue to clean him up from your milk before cleaning up your breasts, too. Buck rolled over to lay on his back as he ran his hand through his hair and down his face.

“We can do it more often if you want to,” you told him after throwing the tissues away. “It felt nice… Such a relief,” you told him truthfully. “Sometimes she doesn’t drink enough and I am too full,” you added and rested your cheek on your elbow as you stared at his face lovingly.

Buck turned his face around to look into your eyes. He was still blushing slightly but he cracked a shy smile at you.

“Yeah, well, I’m your husband and it’s my duty to help you then, is it not?” He raised an eyebrow and you giggled before leaning in to kiss his cheek and then the top of his nose and lips.

“You’re an amazing husband, darling. Performing all of your duties so well that you should get a medal for that,” you teased him playfully.

“I don’t collect my medals,” he reminded you. He still didn’t collect the ones he had been given in Europe.

“Oh, this one you will,” you assured him with a wink. “Just give me two weeks.”

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

[cabaretbabe]

in retrospect, after rewatching and coming back to s4/5, it's very noticeable that the writers were setting up sawyer and juliet. like, maybe from her introduction??

as a kid, (thats how long ive been a fan lmfao) when lafleur premiered i found their pairing to be sudden and a little jarring. but really paying attention to their character arcs (and also just growing up), it's obvious it couldn't have been anything but them.

sawyer spent the first half of his story fighting personal growth at every turn because he believed he didnt deserved good things. and kate, as much as i adore my girl, didnt provide much of an alternative as she felt the same way. she ran from any affection and stability and as a result reinforced sawyer's belief that love was not something he was designed for. she played him like he played others and while it was definitely karmic, he took that as a further sign that pushing people away was the only way to protect himself from his feelings. and when he had the chance to reach out to kate and change things in s3 and s5 he hesistated, because he knew she was never his to begin with.

now bring in juliet, someone who spent her whole life catering to the needs of others while being deprived of her own. someone who has had her agency stripped away by the second man in her life that's exploited her kindness and brains for his own benefit. and she meets jack, and does all shes ever known. she plays the role that he (and ben) want her to even though she knows he loves kate and will always pick her over juliet, because thats who she is at heart. she gives to others what she can't have. in her mind, she also doesnt feel like its in the cards for her. her sister is the only true love she's ever known and that too was stolen from her. she's accepted that she'll keep giving, and never get it in return.

and youd think at first, these two people won't work together. cant work together. sawyer is an asshole who lashes out , who hurts people before they can hurt him, while juliet does the opposite. she's incredibly kind and strong and giving but suffering just as deeply.

and that's just it. juliet is to sawyer what he is to her: an equal. she sees him. really truly sees past his bullshit. she meets him and he's james immediately, because she doesn't buy the act. the cutting remarks, the sarcasm, that's his hurt on full display and it resonates deeply. she encourages him to express his emotions; to talk honestly about how kate has hurt him because jack hurt her too and she gets it. she sees the scared little kid in him and she nurtures that, pushing him to grow and genuinely take care of himself. she wants james, not sawyer, for the first time in his whole life.

and in return he chooses /her/, too. not for what she can provide for him, not as a savior or a doctor or an other, but as a human being who deserves safety and security, and flowers. he holds her trauma; embracing her strength and wit and how she challenges him every day. he loves that she banters with him back until he starts self-deprecating and she calls him on it, because she knows he can do better. he adores her candor. they hold each other accountable and ride for each other and build a life together that neither believed they'd ever get. and even in the end they're terrified of losing each other when the losties return, because they believed they were intrinsically not meant for happiness. that's why their relationship is fated and so beautiful.

because they will always, always have each others back.

[longing-for-rain]

Out of curiosity, what makes you feel drawn to Zutara as a lesbian. Is it still relatable to you?

It does feel relatable to me. Obviously it’s a heterosexual relationship, but given the lack of good and complete representation of lesbian relationships in the media, I still gravitate towards certain aspects of romances like this.

There are many reasons why, but before I get into it, I want to preface this by saying that the point of this is not to say that Zutara is “lesbian coded” or anything like that so please don’t construe it that way. It’s a heterosexual relationship, period. All I’m saying here is what I, personally, enjoy about it as a lesbian.

The biggest reason I like it is because it represents female desire to me. I know the BoyMom and Pick-Me brigade hates that I’ve described Zutara that way in the past—but it’s true and I stand by it. That is the reason why Zutara became so popular and why its fanon narrative is almost entirely driven by female fans. It directly reflects their desire in a romance and what Katara’s canon one was lacking.

I honestly didn’t have strong feelings about Zutara until I saw the backlash it received. The narrative and the fans both treat Katara as if getting with anyone besides Aang makes her selfish, or that she’s neglecting some kind of duty by doing so. Katara’s voice and desire is fundamentally unimportant to the writers, because they always focused on Aang’s feelings over hers, and even though fans try to pretend otherwise, the dominant narrative surrounding this relationship has always been about Aang. How he needs airbending children, how his heart would be broken if she left, how he needs her to rebuild, etc.

And from Katara’s side, even though she never shows that she shares Aang’s level of interest, fans insist on reading in signs that aren’t really there. They also focus on logical reasons why they’d work. Aang is nice, he’s fun, he’s a prodigy like Katara, both have suffered in the war, etc. At first glance, it seems like a good match…but we never actually see the writing demonstrate how they actually connect over any of these things.

Good in theory, but bland and passionless in reality.

That narrative resonated with me in a bad way, because it’s exactly how I’ve felt as a lesbian. It reflects the pressures I’ve felt to put aside my desire for love to date a man instead. I’ve been told to my face that it’s selfish for me to “choose” another woman—a person I actually desire—over a man.

“What about children?”

“This is going to make your life so much more difficult!”

“Think of your family!”

“Jakey is such a nice guy, can’t you just give him a chance?”

“You have so many interests in common with Jakey and he has a good job! Why won’t you go out with him? It makes so much sense!”

“You’re so shallow, being fixated on looks. What if your perfect match comes along, but he’s male? Would you really say no?”

“You only want that because you’re a pervert. You need to stop being so obsessed with sex and think about the person instead.”

It’s eerily familiar, that’s all I’m saying. A lot of these ideas are used to attack Zutara and its fans nearly verbatim.

Katara isn’t a lesbian, but like a lesbian, Katara in the context of Zutara commits the crime of marrying for love and desire over duty. Some people see that as an evil act of selfishness, but to me, it’s just love.

We can’t control who we love, and I like to see the narrative of a female character breaking free from the social expectations placed on her to pursue it. No; Zuko isn’t the “safe” option, their relationship would be heavily criticized, and it could even endanger them. But that relationship is one they both feel passion for, and together, they would draw power from one another and use it for good. Their love and connection is powerful, and they would have fought hard for it. Because love is worth fighting for.

That’s deeply admirable to me, and an empowering narrative when I think about how I’m inevitably going to have to fight hard for any love of mine. But it’s worth it to me—it’s always worth it.

[psalm40speakstome]

Love Next Door. Episode Eight.

I don’t fully understand why she didn’t tell him. Other then that impossible expectations has to be perfect and self reliant thing she internalized from her parents. I also think it’s possible she wanted to keep something beautiful free from the cancer narrative and that was Choi Seung Hyo .

And as someone else pointed out she hides the hard and pretends everything is okay.

But I DO understand her turning to the ex in the moment of pain and crisis.

As devastating and sad as that is for Choi Seung Hyo as chronically ill human it makes perfect sense to me.

Those moments are literally about survival. You can’t explain. You can’t function and you need the person who already knows what’s going on and how to help. There’s no other option.

Sure he could have taken her to the hospital but the explanation she would have needed to do, the things she would have revealed(because it’s a secret) and even the amount of stress Choi Seung Hyo would have felt(and very rightly to feel it too)

Would have been emotionally and mentally to exhausting.

And Bae Seok Ryu was in excruciating pain.

As much as I don’t believe for one second she’s still into her ex….He clearly knows and was there for at least some of it(and failed her fairly heavily too)

So in that moment she turned to him. It feels very significant because we know how devastating it is to Choi Seung Hyo.

And in some ways it is. Like obviously walking through fire with someone isn’t a small thing.

But it’s also just being in crisis and picking the safety of not having to do any extra work in that moment.

This show is bringing out a ton of growth and nuance for these characters and I can’t wait to see where Bae Seok Ryu goes with Choi Seung Hyo.

We KNOW he’s her safest place…I’m just so excited for her to really realize it and act accordingly.

To really truly stop hiding her pain. And not suffer alone.

I am completely and utterly brokenhearted for him though. Like seriously finding that out three years after?

I would be gutted and betrayed.

[lunarzomb]

In Defense of Callie Sadecki

(Aka I want to ramble about my thoughts on Callie) Since my recent post about Callie Sadecki, I have been thinking about her character more and more. I feel like the purpose of her character and her actions are easily misunderstood by some people. I must admit, on my first watch through of Yellowjackets I was very annoyed by Callie's presence. I felt that her dismissiveness at her mothers attempts to try and bond with her was rude. I also didn't really understand why she cared so much more about having fun with her friends than her own safety.

Although on my second rewatch, I realized that it is very easy to simply Callie down to a reckless teenager who doesn't have much respect for what her parents tell her. I think part of that reason is because when it comes to the adult timeline with Shauna and Callie, most people automatically view the story through Shauna's perspective (this makes sense, since she is basically the main character). I feel what I'm about to say shouldn't be a controversial opinion, but Shauna is NOT a good mother. While a know "not good" is a very non-descriptive and muddled word to be using, I still feel like it fits Shauna's mothering as a blanket statement.

(Going into head canon territory) I like to head canon that Shauna tried her best with being a mother during Callies younger years. When Callie was younger (I assume) that she was much more manageable for Shauna. But when Callie started to grow up and change as a person (as one does) Shauna no longer understood the best ways for how to nurture their mother daughter relationship. I think from Shauna's perspective, the best thing she thought she could do since Callie was becoming older was to try and give Callie more space. But really it came from a place of no longer having the energy/ being able to deal with Callie as she was changing. In a way, Shauna ended up neglecting Callie's emotional needs. From Callie's perspective, her mother just suddenly became distanced. Her own mother was less genuinely interested in Callie's personal interests and life. Almost like it was a punishment for growing up and becoming a teenager. This lead to Callie not feeling comfortable with being open and honest about her emotions and how she's feeling.

(Back to more canon topics) It obvious that Shauna harbors quite a bit of negative feelings against her daughter. A lot of which I'm sure is because of how much Callie reminds Shauna of Jackie (don't have enough time to get into that rn lol). Shauna is also very obviously repressed and not okay. And I am 100% that Callie is smart enough to pick up on her mother's negative feelings about her PLUS it's canon that Callie can see how much Shauna is just suffering on a day to day basis. Shauna doesn't feel like she can open up to her daughter and tell her the truth, so Callie doesn't ever feel like it's okay for her to do the same, even though Shauna is her mother (the cycle of repressing emotions continues). And because of her repression, it leads her to acting out in different ways like, dating older men, doing drugs, going to parties in the city, etc.

In conclusion, Callie Sadecki is not some evil teenager who hates her mom and acts out for no reason. Even though she never experienced the same type of trauma that her mother did, she definitely still went through things with having Shauna as her mother (generational trauma) and how she sees how her own mother doesn't like her. Plus, if I'm being honest, I would probably be very annoying and have tendencies to act rude if I was the teenage daughter of Shauna too.

[pruneunfair]

Ranking OI maids.

23: Dobiella (The villainess maker)

The 20 people in the villainess maker fanbase have already agreed this girl is literally just Dobby as a anime girl from the way she speaks to the fact that their names sound similar. Most maids in OI tend to follow 2 personality traits: either they devoted to the point of nearly being husks or they are mean bullies who pick on their boss. Dobiella though... she takes that to a whole new level, girly isn't even a person she literally needs a purpose to live, even Ayla is creeper out by it, That hairstyle she has is wack too.

22: Lina (the tyrants perfumer)

Similar to Dobiella except it's not to such a concerning degree. She's a decent character but the bar is already quite low given how the characters are simple in TTOP.

21: Ellie (50 tea recipes of the Duchess)

Her design is cute I won't lie, braids and glasses are a classic ill always be a sucker for. But again, she's really not much other than a shy follower to Chloe ready to defend her. Won't change the fact she's still my favorite character in 50 tea recipes of the Duchess.

20: Ruby's maid (how to get my husband on my side)

I honestly cannot remember her name 😞 I can't remember which chapter she debuts in so I kinda just gave up on looking. anyway when it comes to personality she's still a tad dull but she's still got more than the last 3. The design is pretty meh but I can't fault her too much, she was pretty nice for all the times I remember her on screen.

19: Emily (actually I was the real one)

on one she really annoys me for some reason, probably cause she comes across as a real suck up but on the other hand, I can understand her desires for fancy clothes and materials.

18: Mina (Actually I was the real one)

Cosettes maid she had for like.. 5 chapters. I know a lot of people hate her for talking smack about Keira and not being grateful enough but the girl was also a homeless woman with her little brother. Cosette used Mina as a tool for her goals and let her get deported when everything went wrong during the rite arc. Remember the main reason Mina did what she did was because Cosette was using her brother's comfort and safety as leverage.

17: Annie (The villainess turns the hourglass)

Again, can't blame a maid for wanting a little more in life, with that being said it feels a tad weird whenever she acts like a pet whenever Aria offers her gold. Don't really like the fact that she also covered up Annie's freckles, let the Freckles be seen! 😤

16: Urania (From maid to queen)

Her rank might go up or down in the future since I've just started reading maid to queen but I liked the idea of a protagonist who could actually be selfish instead of perfectly kind or badass. Urania gets way too much hate so far in my opinion because she's actually more realistic and the only thing I'm concerned about is that she might become too stupid in her goal to return as a concubine since it's how she died in the first timeline.

15: Rose (Actually I was the real one)

The most iconic it Keiras maids. I preferred her first appearances more but for a maid with another personality dedicated to Keira but she's not as annoying as Emily and shows up more often than Mina. I do like her but there are better ones.

14: Emma (the villainess turns the hourglass)

out of all the evil maids Emma was one of the first who at least did it in a way that wasn't just tampering with food. She was a noble who lost her wealth and suffered a miscarriage so it did explain why a maid would be classist and raise Mielle with a superiority complex. Not bad for a side villain.

13: Anna (Not your typical reincarnation story)

I didn't really care about out her at first, she had a lot of Kuu dere traits and for a while she felt like a robot, thankfully she develops little by little as time went on and I love her for it.

12: Jessie (the villainess turns the hourglass)

Homegirl was just trying to do her job and I love her for it. After what Aria put her through in the first timeline she deserves that extra compensation.

11: The head maid (How to get my husband on my side)

Does this woman even have a name? 💀 I may have said braids+glasses were one of my favorite designs for maids but it's only 2nd to the experienced and almost muscular like designs. Beyond that her personality legit makes sense. She is universally hated for not accepting Ruby and while i do think attacking her for no reason is stupid it makes sense that's she not gonna immediately trust a stranger when she has people like Ellen to take care of. Speaking of that the relationship Ellen had with the head maid for as little of it that is seen is still very wholesome. We love our older ladies.

10: Emily..again (Death is the only ending for the villainess)

Probably the most iconic of OI maids and of course I like Emily but I do wish she had a little more to do with the plot, not bad but there are better ones.

9: Granna (Handmade tales of the handmaid)

Another maid protagonist but her concept is actually unique, a old woman who passed away of natural causes unexpectedly transmigrated as a 15 year old maid and with her experience cleans the mansion she works for with ease. The story is so far amazing and Granna mentally being an old woman instead of a ordinary office worker gets her extra points.

8: Lilian (who made me a princess)

Give this woman a raise Claude! That woman did so much for Athy I still consider her the one true parent to the kid.

7: Delice (Remarried empress)

Delice may only be remembered for being mutilated by Rashta but she still holds a special place in my heart. I felt so bad for her when her brother just told her nothing was wrong when Rashta was growing unstable and next thing you know during her next shift she gets framed and tortured 😢. Rashta I love you but not cool girl! In another universe Delice got to be spared and run away to start a little flower garden or a toy store with her dream husband.

6: Sancha (Sister I will be the queen in this life)

This little cutie deserves more than what she got. Don't get me wrong the story treats her pretty well when it comes to her new life and Ariande as a friend but at the same time.. I kinda think she exists to be the token homeless girl for Ariande to bring in to look better, she doesn't do much outside of cheer her lady on and I don't really care for her love interest that much. However I have noticed that Sancha is usually at her best when she's away from Ariande meaning she does more then be a cheerleader. Her moments of refusing to forgive Malleta were her best moments for her character. Speaking of which..

5: Malleta (Sister I will be the queen in this life)

one of my most favorite problematic queens though that's not saying much considering most of my favorite characters are toxic women. First of all: the character design, Sancha looks cute and all but she has the same super cute petite and youthful look most OI maids have. I know it's just because SITQITL puts non conventionally attractive characters as villains with exception of Ceasre and Isabella but I still love that Malleta stands out with a plus sized body, freckles, and narrow eyes instead of doe eyes. Her personality while admittedly trashy is still so entertaining given how delulu she can be. Personally I wish there were scenes where she and Isabella would just be gossip girls and talk shit about all Isabellas enemies. God why did she have to die so soon 😔

4: Chuchu (isn't being a maid better than being a princess?)

Pay no attention to the fact that she shares a name with a LOZ monster. Like I said my favorite kinds of maids are the muscular types who could carry a an entire table which is why Chuchu is one the greats. She's a total gentle giant and I'm so glad the series didn't kick her out completely when the FL moved on.

3: Helena (kill the villainess)

Im gonna throw hands with Helena haters cause what did she even do!? She made mistakes and was willing to apologize and make up for them and that still wasn't enough. Istg internalized misogyny did her dirty I tell you. As the 2nd FL I'm glad the author treated her with respect and actually brought up that Helena has feelings too just like Eris. What I loved the most about her was how she realistically handled the usual evil maid when some random maid put sand in Eris's dessert. When Eris slapped her Helena stood up for what was right and told Eris there was no reason to abuse someone else when they could easily just be fired. 👏 thank you Helena, thank you for finally doing what was sensible by firing the maid instead.

2nd: Sienna (isn't being a maid better than being a princess)

It was really hard to decide between Helena and Sienna so even though Sienna is up higher they are actually tied. Just gonna say it, out of all the FL's she beats all of them in terms of character design because that braid combined with green is perfect. The manhwa she's from is pretty short but it's still really wholesome albeit with a few cliches and random sad flashbacks.

1st: Bridgette. (This isekai maid is forming a union)

Reddit can complain about isekai maid villainizing nobles too much but I won't care because Bridgette, like Helena, IS a maid and naturally would be against workplace abuse. It's funny how quick they'll be about complaining that the nobles are one note because they don't have justifiable reasons to slap a maid while they don't bat an eye at the numerous counts of villainized maids in OI beforehand. Back to the point though Bridgette is one of the most complex protagonists I've ever seen. She can be mean, she can be kind, she can rash and she can still be resilient. That's what makes her so relatable she's not a single personality teathered to a ball and chain. Not only that but it's her and the entire story that made me feel comforted knowing I wasn't the only one turned off by the iffy tropes in OI being supported.

These tropes are all shown through flashbacks of Bridgettes past lives and I have to point out how much they still feel so unique even if they are the same soul, each of them making me cry one way or another. (Fawn and Muriel, my babies! 😭)

[low-budget-korra]

Comments on Arcane s02 e1-3

-As someone who is still dealing with the loss of my father, I can guarantee that this type of pain is something else and it truly changes you. Caitlyn lost her mother in an act of violence, terrorism, so of course she will be full of anger and urging for revenge. And also, of course she also felt guilty about it, like she said to her dad, she had the shot on Jinx but didn't shoot.

I've seen people commenting as if Caitlyn had volunteered to be Ambessa second hand and now that I've seen I'm like ? Bruh did y'all didn't see the masterful power and pressure move Ambessa thrown on Caitlyn? After that speech, there was no way she could say "no", those people would eat her alive and she would possibly be treated as a traitor, especially because of her proximity with Vi

-And I KNEW Ambessa was behind it all

-"I'm the one that created that monster" no Vi, you didn't 🥺. See? That's exactly when Jinx loses me. She doesn't take accountability for her actions and blames Vi for it.

"but she is traumatized" grl tell me one one character in that show who ain't?

Okay, let me say something serious. Being traumatized, doesn't give you the right to hurt others. Assholes can be traumatized too, and I'm saying this because I've already seen people hide behind their mental illness and trauma just so they could hurt others and not be held accountable for that.

Jinx asking if Caitlyn and Vi had sex before the fight began, was brutal lmao

-We got the CaiVi kiss but at what cost??? 😭

I think what made Caitlyn snap was being compared to Jinx

-If something happens with Maddie, I will kill everybody in the show and myself. What an sweetheart. In fact, I like all of CaitVi squad

Something I can't say about that kid who follows Jinx. I'm sorry but I couldn't care less about that child.

-And the assholes attack again, and guess who will suffer the consequences?? In my comments on s1 I talked about the need to know how to pick the battles we fight. And Silco's gang just reunited the stronger enemy against them, and the people of Piltover won't care about any more ruthless or aggressive response against Zaun. Now more than ever, they think of them as vile monsters who need to be put down.

What Jinx and Silco started will just result in the death of more innocents, especially the people of Zaun.

-Gotta say, watching Sevika be all "we don't hand over our people" speech, the same of she took as a weakness when Vander spoke.... character development.

Viktor basically became Jesus. I'm sorry but that scene when he wakes up and was like "peace off bruh ✌️" to Jayce, and leaves him...it was so not funny but still made me laugh

-wtf is happening with the Hex? Also, yeah, now I get why Riot almost went broke after making this

[evelynpr]

For the character ask game can I pick toga :)

I'm gonna be very honest in these, and I might disappoint, but here it is-

My first impression - I started watching BNHA around 5 years ago? It's hard for me to remember what exactly was my first impression of Toga, but back then I really didn't care for her much. Honestly, I just found it quite problematic that the only main female villain in BNHA is an overly cute school girl who fits the "cute yandere" trop to a t when the rest of the male villains look a lot more serious and scary.

My impression now - Perfectly honest- I really only started paying attention to her because of Ochako. I was, and still am, a massive Ochako fan, and when I heard that she suddenly had a massive romantic and tragic battle and narrative with Toga after leaving the fandom for 3-4 years, I was immediately deadly curious. - Even with how much I resonate with her story and character, I generally have a big ick for blood as a whole (surprising for a very loud tgck fan I know). Right now, she's my poor desperate little baby who really really needs love and therapy (affectionate). I wish we got to see more of her regular girly side, like caring for the LOV especially Magne and Twice.

Favorite thing about that character - That her entire story is a mentally ill and queer narrative. Like I said earlier, I actually have a big ick for blood and the cutesy yandere trope. But the thing that gets me about Toga is that she is the most openly bisexual/pansexual character in the series, very clearly mentally struggling, and both thrives and suffers because of her choices and circumstances. - She's such a tragic and hopeful character that represents so many weird people like me that I can't help but be attached. She makes me want to embrace my more girly and selfish side, and screams at me that I should live my life how I want to. - I can't leave out Ochako from this part. Holy shit the themes and story about their relationship makes my heart both break and soar so bad it genuinely hurts. Save people by understanding them, helping them, listening to them. Show someone you can be selfish, that they deserve love, that she deserve a chance. It's so much it punches me to a million sobbing pieces.

Least favorite thing - For the 3rd time now...not into blood. I don't like its taste, look, and the mere thought of bleeding genuinely grosses me out. - You probably think "How in the world are you attached to her then?" well its because I understand that Toga's "blood" is also a representation of her violent tendencies and love. I see it much more as a narrative device for her character and themes.

Favorite line/scene - Shocking, but I actually have not read the manga. I can't say what my favorite scene is just yet because I want to truly witness it animated, when the time comes. - If you want an answer well, from the anime so far, it probably is when she gets her quirk awakening in MVA, or when she confesses to Izuku in the final war (mostly because that scene is so damn hilarious, tragic, and important).

Favorite interaction that character has with another - ...I mean obviously it's Ochako lmao? Every interaction is a fight of ideals and love- which suddenly morphs into a way of challenging each other- then growing into understanding and loving each other. That is. Just insane. How the fuck did BNHA's writers come up with this.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - For the sake of my Tgck Bkdk square, I really wished for her to have interacted with Bakugou at least once. Just see how one person's violence and power was praised, while the other was abandoned and shamed. How they both have a strong squishy-faced freak they're obsessed with, and also obsessed with them, even if they don't feel like they deserve it. - Oh and, definitely more LOV random shenanigans and bonding time. I wish I was able to get more into them ngl, but I never really felt that sadly. Man...

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - UHHH??? I genuinely have no idea. I am drawing at a blank I am so sorry T__T This is the firsts time I have ever been interested in this kind of character??? Really sorry-

A headcanon about that character - This is kind dark so be warned - I got this idea from a fic and now I can't stop thinking about it. Toga always wanted her love to be reciprocated or understood by someone. Anyone. I feel that she was taken advantage of and abused by horrible people in her earlier days of running away...especially since she's a young teenage girl in a cute school uniform. I am so sorry...

A song that reminds of that character - I am working on a Togachako playlist! It's about both of their characters respectively and also their story and relationship, but here's the ones about Toga specifically! - Hayloft II (THIS ANIMATIC), The Red Means I Love You (obviously lol), Butcher Vanity, Hero (Charlie Puth, mostly tgck), Pink Pony Club (Chappell Roan, early Toga)

An unpopular opinion about that character - She's not the possessive type, and she's really very open to people she loves loving other people at the same time, polymarous kind. This is probably a pretty common hc already tho since she says this repeatedly? - Her most common form of love is a very impulsive/sexual/admiration/attracted kind. You could even relate this to hypersexuality (something I struggle with) where the moment you find something you're into on someone, you body and brain genuinely go kinda out of control. I project onto her my own inability to hold and control these kinds of feelings at times, but Toga is quite the manifestation of my fears.

Favorite picture - I love it when a character's mask peels off. Toga genuinely angry, upset, and just not smiling is so fascinating and beautiful to me in a "It's okay my dear, show all of you, stop hiding" (Ochako might disagree with me on this tho, since she loves her smile lmao-)

[dragon-queen21]

Regressor Razor headcanons

+cg Lisa and regressor Bennet

Tw: vent regression, injury, general miscommunication and angst (all my favorite characters have to suffer. I'm sorry but I don't make the rules /j)

~~~

~Puppy regressor! Has a headband with puppy ears on it

~Lisa got him and his stuffed wolf matching collars made from high grade leather and a tag that says “pup”

~Bennet is his unofficial little brother, they are attached at the hip and cause Lisa such a headache between Bennet’s own bad luck and Razor’s curiosity. But they're adorable so it's all good

~ Aether sometimes joining in on play dates with the two. Not often as Lisa puts her foot down over watching three littles all by herself without roping Kaeya or Jean in on baby sitting duties as well.

~(Paimon doesn't count as a babysitter despite insisting that she watches over Aether just fine while he's little. Lisa has learned the hard way that all the fae does is just encourages the three to get into even more mischief)

~The most high energy pup, he really doesn’t like to be stuck in the library, he wants to go out and explore!

~They go out on picnics a lot and Lisa makes him homemade snacks for them to take. Cookies in the shapes of paws or dog bones.

~She has to constantly remind the little wolf pup that she’s bringing the food, no need for either of them to go hunting

~Razor’s more willing to try new foods little than he is normally. It helps that he likes Lisa's cooking as well

~Runs off into the woods, comes back with a pretty flower for his mama

~Lisa picking out picture books with wolves in them and playing with Razor’s hair/rubbing his tummy while he listens. He often falls asleep like this

~Pacifiers? Absolutely not! Razor needs to bite >:3

~Definitely a vent regressor

~The feeling of abandonment that doesn't help when he's mentally three years old and hearing the whispered rumors the spread whenever he's in the city

~Ended up hurting himself with his claws without wanting to in a meltdown and sobbed for an hour.

~Lisa has wanted to cut his nails short but as he uses them to hunt normally he never let her do that. Instead she's gotten him soft gloves with little paw pads on them that he’s content enough with wearing and they help a bit. He only accepted them after he left a huge gash in her arm when she tried to calm him down and he felt horrible about it after.

~He just wants attention from his mama and his brother, but he's also afraid of getting to close and them deciding that he's not worth it. He ends up pushing them away on bad days

~Lashes out with claws and fangs, and far too many emotions that he doesn’t know how to cope with

~In the same way that a child will lash out towards their parents or siblings because in some twisted way they feel safe enough to do so without being shunned.

~Bennet gets the worst end of this

~While big the young adventure says that he understands and accepts Razor’s apologies. Little Bennet on the other hand doesn't understand what he did wrong, only that everyone seems to always want to leave him, so it must be his fault again. He will end up sobbing for hours, demanding to go home to his dads.

[mileenaxyz]

*Spoilers ahead*

I was going to rant about how Season 3 of Industry wasn't Industrying for me. I was going to bitch about the infamous "Season 3 Slump" some shows tend to suffer from. I was going to compare it to The Bear and complain that just like I hadn't gotten enough of Sydney Adamu in S3, I wasn't getting enough of Harper Stern in S3.

I was going to ask if Harper was being phased out in favor of Yasmin and Robert, and I was going to point out that as fond as I am both of those characters, neither one is "enough" to lead this show alongside Eric the way Harper is.

I was also going to call Kit Harington's casting publicity casting and point out that anybody could've been played Henry Muck, because I don't feel like Kit did anything special acting wise.

I was going to do all of that and then...last night's episode dropped.

Y'ALL. Since the end of S2 I've been waiting for Harper to rain fire and blood on PierPoint. I wanted to see how she'd do it and how long she'd draw out the pain and agony. When she started the fund with Petra and became a client of Pierpoint's (and demanded first class service from Eric), I was like, "That's cute and all...but it's not fire and blood."

Watching her scheme with Kenny, Daria, and Jackie, my jaw fell on the floor. I started screaming, "There's my Harper! THERE'S my fucking Harper Stern." And then seeing Eric blow up....

Speaking of Eric, I had no complaints about him this season. Both Ken Leung and the writers did some excellent work; I just felt I needed to see more interactions with Harper (I've dubbed their father/daughter ship Harpsichord). But depriving us worked, because he's been avoiding her all season when she clearly wants his attention, and when he finally confronted her in her office, it was AMAZING! I was soooooo happy when he finally addressed the daddy elephant in the room and she finally pointed out her "monstrous" tendencies stem from him, and PierPoint by and large. Because when we first met Harper, she was too afraid to even pick up the phone.

Eric dragged her kicking and screaming from her shell, tutored her, molded her, and taught her the art of betrayal. He made her a monster and now he's mad...that she's a monster?

And after that, Yasmin's storyline FINALLY paid off, and it was eye-opening.

You have to understand something about me; I'm asexual, so I miss a lot of cues and when it comes to sex on TV, I typically fast forward through that shit because I don't care. I don't think it contributes to the story but this time, it actually did. I now understand why Yasmin feels the impulse to get sexually involved with damn near everybody. Since S1, I found it annoying and thought it was just some dumb thing the writers were throwing in (because so many shows do that shit), but this time, it had an actual point. Yasmin's father weaponized his wealth and status so he could fuck anything with a pulse, so is it any surprise she learned to do the same?

In fact, I think the only reason she blew up at Eric at the restaurant was that she didn't find him attractive. If she did, they would've ended up in that bathroom together. Because wealth and status (and pale skin privilege) taught Yasmin that she can behave in this manner with no consequences (Harper obviously cannot).

Which brings us to the seasonal Harper/Yasmin confrontation. A part of me wants them to be friends, another part a couple, and yet another part thinks they need to permanently split up. Such is the reality of life, and a testament to the writers. Yeah, yeah...Harper's a "monster", but I don't think Yasmin is a "talentless and useless and a fucking whore." Yasmin speaks seven languages, is a deft manipulator, and simply needs to learn that screwing your coworkers, clients, and boss is unprofessional and extremely tacky.

And Harper, honey, sweetie, boo...let that man go. Your little crush should've wrapped up in S1 the minute he chose the spicy white girl who treats him like dirt. I get that Robert's an adorable sweetheart and all, but you're not his preference and you need to get over him. Matter of fact, you've been making bank for a while now - why are you still living with these people?

This is the one part of the story that really works my nerve, but I can't really criticize it because it's real. Harper likes Robert; he's a good guy she has to see everyday at both work and home. The part of her that feels both inferior AND superior to Yasmin desperately wants to "win" him from the spicy white girl who treats him like dirt. That's real. It's as annoying as Yasmin's ill-advised sexcapades, but they're young, insecure women in a cutthroat world, and it's real.

*shrug*

[louiisaaah]

HEARTSTOPPER SEASON 3 SPOILERS 🚨🚨

also tw for all of the sensitive topics this season covered

okay i watched all of heartstopper yesterday and i have thoughts

my first thought is that it was absolutely heartbreaking and nearly made me full on sob on too many occasions

the way they handled charlie's ed and nicks support of that was really good. it was done in a way that was respectful but didn't sugarcoat it. like it was realistic and not just disrespectful to people who have gone through that

one thing i did find was that the pacing was a bit weird. i think everything moved too fast. it might just be because i binged it all in one go but i found that they needed more episodes to fit everything in. there were so many storylines that got pushed to the side that i think deserved more attention. imogen definitely deserved way more screen time and more attention to her discovery story. i know they had the conversations with sahar in the tent and at new years but i found the conversation between her and nick in the hotel room wasn't very impactful. darcy definitely needed explaining better. i felt it was kind of like if you weren't paying attention full attention you wouldn't know that they hadn't gone back to they're mum, or even that they were non binary. the storyline of her abusive household was setup so much in season 2 and not really payed much attention to in season 3.

i think tori's character was perfect this season. you as the audience can tell she's definitely not okay but the people in her life don't pick up on it, which is exactly what her life is like for most of solitare. and the fact that you can tell charlie is her BEST friend but she isn't charlie's best friend. charlie's found his people for life but apart from michael towards the end, she has no one apart from charlie.

i'm not gonna lie i was disappointed by the fight. i wanted to properly see it because as charlie said that argument made them closer but to us it's like that new connection just magically happened because we didn't really see the fight. and because they're relationship so far has been positive it needed a more realistic lens and that fight being bigger really would've done that i think.

ive literally got so many thoughts it's gonna take me years to type them all out so ill do another post at some point. i'm gonna rewatch the whole thing slower and see if i still think it progresses too fast.

overall i genuinly LOVED this season so much and found it so heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. episode four and five were my favourites i think. i'm also the same age as charlie and most of my best friends are a year above me so it hit very close to home in that aspect. my school doesn't even have a sixth form so they all left me to SUFFER on my own it's not okay. anyway that is not what this post is about i loved heartstopper guys

edit: I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT ISAAC

i really love how him and charlie's friendship has developed and his coming out moment was really beautiful. i've literally never seen aro/ace representation in anything so it was really nice to see. it felt like last season he was barely part of the group and him finally talking about how he felt so left out was really powerful

[springseasonie]

Complicated | NJM (M)

Best friend's boyfriend x fem reader

Summary: you love your best friend. you've known each other for practically your whole lives. she knew practically everything about except for one thing: your relationship with her boyfriend Jaemin. all you wanted was to be like her, but now you've taken it too far and are suffering for it.

Warnings: sexual content, kitchen sex (scandalous), vanilla sex, oral (fem receiving), mentions of arguing/yelling, lots and lots of cheating/infidelity, lots of angst grrr, Jaemin is kinda mean tbh :/, may contain errors even though I proof read :p

Word count: 3,4k

Song recs: tread carefully by sza, open the door by lolo zouaï

A/N: heyyy. this is my first official onsehot that I'm posting 😭 kinda nervous to post it ngl. I wanted to post something before my birthday at least and I wrote so many other things but they didn't really stick. I like this this one enough to post it, so I hope you all like it too. Please let me know if I'm missing any warnings. Feed back is always appreciated 🩷🩷 also just know that Maya is just a character and not at all related to Maya from XG PLEASEEEE 😭

You felt so guilty, you really did. You hated yourself everyday for giving into your selfish desires, sinful needs, intrusive thoughts. Your best friend was important to you, the most important person to you in the world, but you couldn't help it. You wanted him, you needed him, and unfortunately he gave himself up to you.

It all started on a camping trip you and your friend group went on last summer. Maya wouldn't leave his side the entire time and it pisses you off. You didn't know why it pissed you off, but something about the way she stuck to him like glue was annoying.

"Jaemin, where are you going," she whined, making a childish pouting face.

"I'll be back. I'm just going to get more beer," he replied.

"I'll come too." You stood up following behind him back into the cabin.

Jaemin loved Maya, he really did, but he couldn't help finding himself becoming more and more irritated by her as the trip went on. Her constant nagging, need to be near him, treating him like he was her personal assistant. He had enough of it but couldn't tell her, in fear it would fuck up the vibe of the group.

Jaemin opened the door, allowing you to walk in before him. "Are you getting more beer," he asked.

You were taken by surprise, expecting for the both of you to walk to the kitchen in silence. "Oh no, I just wanted to get away from the outdoors. I don't like bugs and they get rowdy at night, you know?"

Jaemin chuckled softly at your statement, opening the fridge. You smiled as you watched him. Maya didn't really get him like you did now that you thought about it. Jaemin always laughed at your jokes. There wasn't one moment where the both of you felt uncomfortable around each other. You didn't know if it was because of his friendly nature or his good looks. Maybe it was because he reminded you of the dad you never had. You always felt envious seeing him beside Maya, protecting her, holding her, even when he didn't want to.

You've always envied her since a young age. She was perfect, probably everything you wanted to be. Perfect body, likable personality, amazing fashion. You never really understood why she was friends with you, the both of you being so different from each other. Maya never had trouble when it came to dating, but when you met her new boyfriend, you couldn't help but lothe how perfect their relationship looked and how much you wanted it too.

"Well if you aren't bringing anything, do you mind taking some of these for me," he asked.

"Yeah, sure I don't mind." Jaemin placed a couple of beers in your arms. You began to walk, but tripped on your own feet in the process. You felt your feet struggling to gain balance as you tried to pick yourself up, holding the bottles at the same time.

"Woah, woah. I got you." Jaemin wrapped his arms around you, balancing you. Your back was against his chest, and you could've sworn you felt his heart jump out his chest for a second. "You okay?" Jaemins face was leaning down from behind you. His closeness startled you, but didn't scare you enough to move away.

"Yeah! I'm fine just a bit-" you turned your head slightly, lips almost touching his. Jaemin swore time stopped at that moment. He hadn't felt this way with Maya in a while, but something about you was different. He was intrigued, but he knew he couldn't go further. The both of you knew you couldn't go further.

But at that moment, he didn't care. He didn't care that he was leaning into you, lips brushing over yours, sending tingles through your spine.

"Jaemin stop. You're dating my best friend," you say, trying to reason with him. You want your words to be convincing so badly, but the way they come out in a small whisper makes Jaemin feel insane.

Before Jaemin could even speak, he heard the door open with a loud call for his name. The both of you separated at the speed of light, you clinging onto the bottles and him pretending to look in the fridge for something.

"Jaemin," Maya called in a sing-song voice,"where are you two?"

"In the kitchen," he called back.

Maya waltzed in the kitchen, immediately gravitating to Jaemin. You stood there and watched as she hooked her arms with his. She looks so in love. This was the first time you felt the guilt hit you like a truck. Seeing her so happy, and realizing how you almost ruined it a second before she came into the room was your wake up call, and you were sure you wouldn't fall asleep again.

But it's never that simple is it?

You and Jaemin kissed later that night cleaning up the outside of the cabin. It was the most romantic thing that ever happened to you in your life. Under the moon and stars, in front of a campfire, his hand holding yours. You couldn't get it out of your head. The next morning when you saw Maya, you wanted to run and hide. You wanted to tell her right away, but something in you couldn't pull it out. You couldn't break her heart and neither could Jaemin, so the both of you decided to keep it a secret and never let that happen again.

"Jaemin, please. I need you so bad."

Jaemin kissed your neck feverishly as he sits you on your kitchen counter. His hands grasped your hips tight as his tongue ran down the sides of your neck. Jaemin moved his hands from your hips to your thighs, opening your legs wider. His hands make quick work of your shirt and shorts, throwing them somewhere in your kitchen.

You quickly unncliped your bra, shaking it off your shoulders and arms. Jaemin steps back watching you with hungry eyes as he pulls his shirt over his head, taking it off swiftly.

The guilt came in waves sometimes. It was there, then it wasn't. On some days, it was like a tsunami, flooding and pouring all over your mind. The heartbreak you couldn't escape not just for your best friend, but for yourself. You try to convince yourself that it wasn't all your fault, but instead all Maya and Jaemin, no matter how much they meant to each other, they were not good for each other. There were so many times where she called you crying or where you heard him yelling and shouting at her despite how perfect they looked on the outside. Maya was never as sensitive and soft as she looked though. She had a mean streak everyone around her knew about. Always taunting him and bringing up his parents when she knew him and his mother had a bad relationship. They were truly awful for each other, but at least they had each other.

Jaemin immediately attached his lips to yours, hands gripping your legs hard enough to leave marks. He bit your lip, tugging at it softly. When Jaemin pulls away, his eyes are foggy, almost like he'd been crying. He looks so pretty to you, it doesn't matter what he does. Jaemin dropped to his knees, pulling your legs apart even further. He makes quick work of your underwear, tugging them down roughly and throwing them somewhere obscure. Your hands tangle in his brown hair, watching him kiss up your thighs.

"Don't take your eyes off me," he mumbled against your skin.

And with that, his face completely disappeared between your legs. All you could feel was his lips and tongue working at you like he was made for you. You wanted to feel guilty right now. You wanted to hate yourself and him, but how could you, especially when he made you feel this good.

Jaemin held your legs to stop them from clamping around his head. You hissed in pain feeling his nails dig into your skin. His tongue moved against you quickly, making you against his mouth roughly. Your mouth opens, soft gasps and curses leave your lips.

Jaemin watched you as you basically fell apart right above him. You looked so pretty to him every time you fucked, never a dull moment with you. He didn't feel this way with Maya. Feeling like he could do whatever he wanted to you, the feeling knowing he could ask you if whatever and you would argue. Sometimes he wished that it was you he got to hug and hold and kiss and show around to everyone, but he was grateful to you for even letting him in your apartment.

Your brows furrowed as you felt yourself getting close. You let go of his hair, immediately moving your hand to the back of his head pushing his mouth closer to your core. "God, I'm so fucking close."

Jaemin nods, pulling your body closer to his. You let go of his head, placing your hand behind you to keep your balance. You feel your whole body shiver as a tight ball from your stomach. Your moans escape louder, filling the room and Jaemin's ears. His name spills past your lips over and over while you cum on his tongue, giving him satisfaction. Jaemin stood up, kissing you without giving you a chance to breathe. He pulled you off the counter and turned you around, immediately bending you over the surface.

"I-I thought you had something to do with Maya," you asked.

"She can wait."

You weren't as discreet with your excitement as you thought, but it didn't matter that much to you. Jaemin knew you didn't care and he didn't care either. He didn't care that he was doing something he wasn't, saying things he wasn't supposed to.

Jaemin pulled his length out his sweats, taking a condom out his pocket. You watch him as he quickly slides it on. You don't feel guilty, you never have. In fact, you couldn't be happier, especially when he's pushing himself into you slowly, filling your insides like right now. Every time he fucks you, you swear he was made for you.

Jaemin rocked his hips into you slowly, holding your hips firmly. Soft grunts left his lips while you let out soft moans, head resting on the counter.

"Fuck," you mumbled.

"That feel good?"

You nodded, moans becoming whiny with every movement. Jaemin loved every sound you made. Every moan, groan, whine, even gasp felt so genuine, so real. Only you could help him in his fucked up stressful days. Just your voice, body, just you, but he would never admit that, especially while he was with Maya.

"Faster Jaemin."

Jaemin obliged, thrusting inside of you faster. Your moans became louder with each movement, some muffled by your hands. You looked back at him, immediately being met with his piercing gaze. He loves looking in your eyes when he fucked you. It was something he never really did with Maya because she hated the emotional part of sex. But the emotion was something he always had with you, even with no eye contact and that's what scared him the most.

Jaemin's hands never left your sides, especially when you reached back and clasped your hand with his. He thrust deeper into you, making his brows furrowed in pleasure.

"You feel so good," he mumbled.

"I know baby.."

"Fuck Y/N.."

Jaemin leaned down, leaving small kisses on your neck. You tilted your head giving him more access. Jaemin, who was too wrapped up in his emotions, bit your neck softly. Maya told you he did that to her a couple of times, that he only does it when he's in a heated state of mind. This was the first time he did it to you, and probably the first time you felt so close to him in a while.

"I'm so close Y/N," he moaned softly.

"Me too."

"Cum with me okay?"

He watched as you moaned his name, throwing your head back. The grip you had in his hand grew tighter as your moans grew louder. You were close, so close.

"I-I'm cumming Jaemin," you whined loudly.

He nodded as he felt you squeeze around him tight, making him groan in pleasure. Jaemin came right after you, pressing his hips into you. The both of you stood there, Jaemin slumped over your body in pure bliss that was soon taken over by the irritation of having to leave right away.

You could tell how quickly the mood shifted when he lifted himself from your body and pulled out of you carefully.

"I have to go," he said plainly.

It took everything in you not to break down and cry right there. It was embarrassing really- a girl who just fucked her best friend's boyfriend for the 100th time- is sad because he has to go back to her. You're sad because he can't just stay with you for the rest of the day, just lay with you and cuddle. It shouldn't break your heart but it does every time.

"Can't you just say for a little bit?" Your voice came out small, shaky from trying not to break down. You were pulling on your clothes, hands shaking as he stood in front of you with a blank expression.

"I have to leave," he replied sternly.

"I never ask you for anything-"

"You do this every time." Jaemin's voice began to raise a bit. He often yelled when he was angry, you've heard it and experienced it on many occasions, but it was nothing like what Maya had to go through.

"Why do you act like I'm holding you hostage to stay here? Cut the fucking attitude."

Jaemin clenched his jaw, eyes scanning your face when you lean against your counter silently. He didn't want to leave you. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of your angry text, your threats, your attitude. "Why can't you just understand that I have to go and leave it at that?"

"Because you come here and fuck me, then leave and expect me to deal with it and not be upset," you confess.

"You shouldn't be upset. We shouldn't even be doing this," he groans in his palms.

You look at him, hurt filling your eyes. You hated it when he said it out loud. It's as if he doesn't know the torment that occurs every time you see him at your front door. You shouldn't be doing this, but neither should he.

"This wouldn't be happening if you didn't kiss me," you mumbled.

Jaemin moved his hands from his face, a shocked and confused smile on his lips. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

You looked at him, rolling your eyes. "What," you asked with indifference.

"Did you just try to blame this on me," he questioned angrily.

You stood there silent just staring at him with your arms crossed. You couldn't answer. Jaemin walked up to you, looking down at you with an intimidating, dangerous gaze.

"You can't talk all of a sudden," he taunts.

"Fuck you."

Jaemin let a dry, unamused laugh leave his lips. He backed up from you and leaned on your fridge. "Cursing at me isn't going to undo anything we just did you know."

"Do you think I don't feel like shit when you walk in here? You think I feel good knowing how much I'm hurting Maya?" The tears you tried so desperately to hold back began spilling. You frantically wiped your tears when you looked at you.

"No I don't," Jaemin answered, shrugging his shoulders. "I think you don't care enough to have been fucking me all this time."

"You're one to talk. You initiated this-"

"And you agreed. If you were a good friend, you would tell her, but you're not." Jaemin spoke plainly, heartlessly. His words cut through you like glass and it hurt him a bit more than it should. You needed to hear it though. It was the truth after all. "And you might not think so, but I feel guilty too."

"Coming here fucking me doesn't show it," you spat.

"You're not a saint." Jaemin was beginning to grow tired of your victim mentality. Nothing was ever your fault in your eyes. It was always him or her or them, but nothing was ever on you.

"I don't try to be," you yelled. "I'm going through a lot and-and I'm trying to work on it okay? Jaemin what we have is complicated-"

"Complicated," he questioned. "It's not complicated. Nothing about this is complicated."

"So you're telling me you feel the same way with her," you questioned.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're telling me when you leave here and go back to her you don't think of me?"

Jaemin's mouth opened to answer you, but he had nothing to say. He did think of you, all the time in fact, even when he was with Maya. Sometimes he couldn't wait to get away from her just to see you for 10 minutes at most. The first time he realized that was the first time he felt guilty. At first, it was just you and him and a small fling, but when you began arguing, that's when he knew it was much deeper. Maya wasn't good for him, but neither were you.

"Y/N…"

You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces hearing the way he said your name. You knew what was going to happen. You thought about it a lot more often than you should, but what did you expect? The relationship you built with him was nothing more than spontaneous. It wasn't supposed to go on for this long, just some fun for the both of you.

"Jaemin, please." The tears were spilling from your eyes freely, fat drops of salty water filling on your shirt. You were shaking, emotions at an all time high.

"We can't do this anymore," he said, a pained expression on his face.

"P-please Jae. I can't handle it. We can work something out," you sobbed. You grabbed his hand, holding it tight as hot tears fell from your face.

"I'm done with this, and I'm done with Maya. I can't keep doing this to the both of you and myself. I'm sorry," he mumbled. He watched you cry, wanting to just hold you in his arms, but he couldn't. He couldn't say the things he wanted to say, do the things he wanted to do. "We're gonna have to tell her.."

You looked up quickly, fear taking over your broken heart. You couldn't tell Maya. You've seen what she did to people who crossed her. Maya might've been sweet and funny, but she was ruthless to people she hated. You didn't want to be hated by her, that's the last thing you wanted from her.

"No, no, no. We-we can't," you stuttered, shaking your head.

"I know you're scared of her, but there's nothing that she'll do to you that she won't do to me," he said, attempting to comfort you.

"You don't understand, Jaemin. She will kill me. Please don't tell her," you begged.

Jaemin frowned, letting go of your hand. "I wish you would at least be truthful to her after this time. You don't have to do it for yourself or me, just her. She deserves to know that her best friend broke her trust.'

His words stung your heart. It was like him rubbing salt in the wound over and over again, reminding you of what you did. "Whatever, just leave."

He let out a heavy sigh grabbing his phone and keys from your counter. "Please know that I didn't want any of this to happen."

And with that, Jaemin left. You couldn't watch him walk out the door, not wanting to cry again in front of him. It's unfortunate that the person you had to fall for had to be your best friend's boyfriend, but that's the way life works sometimes. In the end, you'll always be the secret or the second choice. You were used to it and this was no different.

You stood there for at least an hour, staring at the door or your phone hoping he would come back or text you, but you got nothing. The months of just you and Jaemin finished as fast as it started. Not surprising to you in the slightest, just not what you envisioned. You wanted it to end on a poetic note, much more intimate and emotional, but how could you ask him of that? After all, what the two of you were was complicated.

It didn't matter now, what was done was done, and all there was left to do was wait for everything to crash and burn.

[mikodrawnnarratives]

Okay I finished the BOOK

YAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYA

God I need fanfics of Molly living with Giovanni now like T-T

AHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH JUS

JU- AHHAHHSHHSHAHDJXBJBSKSJKZBSJS

Everything I ever WANTED

AND NOW THAT IVE FINISHED

My verdict on Lorelai:

I'm glad that whatever growth she may go through, Molly won't be suffering when she inevitably backtracks along the way. It'd be nice to see the two mend their relationship but it is definitely for the better that they've been separated.

I wanna see Lorelai struggle and grow but she shouldn't get anymore opportunities to hurt Molly, much less for the sake of her learning a lesson. So it's better this way imo

And now that Molly isn't there, Lorelai's gonna have to run the shop and learn her lesson through CUSTOMER SERVICE joining zuko and others in the redemption arc trend of becoming redeemed by dealing with bitchy people

I very much don't mind rotating Lorelai in my brain a lil more cuz I don't hate her. I want to bunt her across the room when she hurts Molly ofc, I will not retract my statements, but I hate HER FATHER more than her

Cuz her father has no excuse to be the way he is. I'll get back to Lorelai in a moment cause she is definitely NOT faultless, but HIM?? He enabled all of this. He never checked in with his daughters and was always so inconsiderate of them. AND HES A GROWN MAN! It's telling that Giovanni goes off on him more than he does Lorelai cause in the end, he did nothing.

Back to Lorelai, she feels like a very intentionally immature character. Immature and selfish in a way that contrasts with Molly when Molly is the actual kid. I mean, Lorelai is 17 and all but by that age you can fairly expect someone to grasp not leaving your 12 yr old sibling to suffer under responsibilities your supposed to share.

And Lorelai being immature I think is added to by her fear that she's the reason her mother died. And the grief in all that. I think it's a good enough reason to feel sympathetic for how she's spiraled into this unhealthy coping mechanism and separates her from her father when it comes to being a rotten person.

By the end of the book it still felt like she hadn't grasped WHY what she did was bad to me and I'm kinda hoping that was an intentional writing decision. The book shows how she doesn't grasp some things like what makes someone a genuinely horrible person and so for her to still not quite see how what she did was bad, feels fitting.

By the end of seemed to me like, she KNEW what she did wasnt okay because Giovanni told her off and she was confronted with the truth that, she wasn't the good guy. Yet knowing that didn't make her understand what her actions specifically caused. Despite. Molly telling her.

I want to look up shenanigans between Molly and Giovanni in fics but I also kinda want to see Naven and Lorelai's relationship with the steps she'll make to become a better person

So def a ways away from growing significantly but I like that Naven has stuck around offering his help should she accept it. I mean Giovanni did that too but Naven's role in her story hits HARD

[EDIT: God I'm embarrassed Naven only pointed out Giovanni's card he left behind, ONLY GIOVANNI reached out if she wanted to work on herself to be better BUT I STILL LIKE TO THINK SHE AND NAVEN KEPT IN CONTACT SHUSH he could like give her some tough love]

Speaking of relationships, idk about Giovanni x Lorelai

I mean I still think it could be cute, Lorelai's crushing scenes are hilarious as much as they are sad and envoke feelings of "I just want good things for Lorelai". I def don't think she deserves him rn but I do think that, since Giovanni hasn't shut down her becoming his minion in THE FUTUREE, when she learns to be good at being bad, she has a shot.

Though, it's still a little lost on me if Giovanni has figured out she has been crushing on him HARD. Like, he picked up on her cheating and bullying but did he pick up on any of the signs for her affection?? Makes me think she's gonna have a hard time in the friendzone if she became a minion. Not sure what Giovanni with a crush would look like either tho so.

I have a bit of a hard time seeing Giovanni crushing on her but I still think their dynamic is cute enough! Just dragged down by how awful she's been to everyone and HIS NUMBER 1 MINIONNN

but the more I think about it, I think it'd be great to see them as just friends. Like, getting on the level of best buds and Lorelai loses her crush on him. Both still maintaining the dynamic they had in that last fight with all the bantering cuz they are pretty similar

If they ever became romantic though. Like. Molly and Lorelai's relationship NEEDS to be healed and I think healed for a WHILE. I just can't see it working out otherwise. This would probably need to ring true if they were to become best friends too but EVEN MORE SO if they got mushy (as in the failed baking trials that would compromise 40% of the time they would hang out. Love language quality time)

Anyway

Ngl I already got my own angsty ideas for Lorelai because self hatred + not wanting to be the bad guy is such a delicious combination of traits that contradict each other yet still exist never the less

I wonder how Lorelai reacted the morning she realized Molly was gone and gone for good. I'm betting she at first believed she'd be hanging out with her friends and would be back. Then a day passes. Then another. And another. She asks her father if he's seen Molly and is reminded he doesn't care. I wonder if she confronted Naven about where Molly was, if she'd at first lash out when he doesn't tell her, and that reminds her why this happened.

She probably couldn't wallow in self pity for very long since she'd be working now, but still vry interesting how it'll play out

[utilitycaster]

So I've felt a little bit like I'm struggling a bit to see for myself where you and others are recognizing Imogen's self-centeredness. Like, it makes sense for it to be there once it's pointed out to me, but she has a lot of moments where she DOES consider whether or not she or the party are potentially bringing harm to other people or animals—so it wasn't difficult for me to come away from her character, at a surface level, thinking that her biggest flaw is being a cynic and not letting people in, and I think between fanon and judging her by past Laura PCs, I have some trouble getting a read on her. What are you taking into consideration as you observe her character and her choices, and how much do you think Laura's leaning into those things intentionally?

So I do think that I probably cover her selfish moments more than I cover her on the whole, both because I find those moments a particularly interesting part of her character and in reaction to the bad fanon of her as a long-suffering victim deprived of choices. I should also note that I don't think she's a black hole of self absorption, so much as she tends to perhaps not consider that multiple options all have a chance of hurting people in a way I find insensitive.

Perhaps an overarching theme is the psychic powers in that I think she is so used to picking up people's thoughts that she doesn't realize the power imbalance this grants. Like...I think she sometimes forgets that a conversation needs to be a two-way street and is not solely her reading thoughts, but an opportunity for others to get information about her and hear her feelings, and also for her to express that curiosity about others. Which is a weird take on self-centeredness! I think most people think of self-centeredness as someone who only talks about themselves, and Imogen is not that. But at the same time...a good example is when she sees her father, who is pretty clearly desperately lonely and isolated and has been abandoned by both his wife and daughter due to them having powers well beyond what he understands. I don't think she picks up on all the visual cues, and while she could read what he's thinking, I think she forgets the impact of a simple "how are you?" or the responsibilities of both people to engage with conversation. Like...yes, you can understand someone's upset by reading their mind, but what about talking it through? What about the benefits the other person gains by having to put things into words? That's often lost in Imogen's interactions.

When she's focused on getting information, all the niceties fall away, and if she doesn't want the information she doesn't have that sense of give and take that would obligate most people to still carry on a conversation. (I suspect this is also why the two arguments she's had with Laudna have both fizzled out so unsatisfyingly; you have someone who will rapidly cover up any unhappiness and someone who - in my interpretation anyway - doesn't take that into consideration.)

The conversation leading up to the solstice is also a big one; I think again that the underlying motivation isn't ill-intentioned, per se, when she talks about whether the Vanguard might be right. I think that comes from, as I've said, an idea of hypocrisy of words vs. thoughts not matching, whereas most of us would think of hypocrisy as a mismatch of word and action. I don't think she intends to hurt people here. But at the same time it's immensely hurtful to bring this up to someone like Orym, who has lost his husband and his father figure and nearly his own life, or to Laudna, who could have been permanently killed by Otohan. It's not that it's not a valid line of discussion even though ideologically I'm opposed; it's that I don't think she has that sense of tact here. Which is also understandable, in that 18-year-old Imogen was never spared people's thoughts about her, but that doesn't mean it's not selfish. And it stands out because, again, I feel that people who talk to Imogen are not granted that opportunity to talk through their thoughts and use her as a sounding board, but she (again - possibly unwittingly) expects others to be available as one for her. Sort of to your point - I think she often thinks about whether the party is going to hurt people but I don't think she thinks about whether she, Imogen, is going to say something immensely hurtful to a party member.

I also find that she's just...not terribly pragmatic, and I'll admit that this is just a strong personal preference on my part in that I find adherence to pure ideology without a clear plan to be selfish at worst, though just extremely annoying at best. It feels she shoots down or criticizes a lot of plans with no better idea in mind (this happened a bunch in Uthodurn/Molaesmyr so this might be recency bias) and that always in real life makes me go "ok so if you're the one with the good ideas, have one." The "what about people who don't follow the gods" line after Deanna and FCG had direct visions really made me go "girl this is not about you;" it's not that it's not a valid question but for real, girl this is not about you and I don't know, what about them? Figure it out yourself.

Writing it out I think that this is honestly not that different from what you might call cynicism. I think Imogen just...doesn't always get that people are in fact more than their collections of thoughts, and hasn't put in the effort to really get a sense of how non-psychics might interact with the world.

As for intentionality: I have to admit I'm not sure how much is an intentional analysis of how a psychic might behave. I think the view of hypocrisy is on purpose, but I don't know if the conflict avoidance with Laudna is motivated by that or by something else. I also wonder, but am not sure, if some of the subtle changes with Imogen after getting the circlet are her adjusting to not reading people's thoughts. Like, that puts the interaction with Deanna killing the goat in a new light, because that's an interaction where I don't fault Imogen, and I think it works well as her being like "TRULY WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND." But Laura's played it close to the vest on 4SD and I have some again kind of personal...maybe not biases, but definitely hunches and doubts regarding backstory for Imogen, and I don't know how much she's thought it out.

And finally, also through writing this out, I do think some of what I say is again a personal reaction to not just fanon but the very "this person is RIGHT and this person is WRONG" nature a lot of fanon, especially surrounding Imogen, has taken. I think if there were a fandom environment in which (for example) it was more common for people to say "Oh, it looks like Relvin is someone who tried hard but was limited by his own knowledge, and his attempt to protect Imogen by keeping her in the dark about Liliana made things worse, and Imogen in turn saw his distance and increased it, and these are two people who love each other but have hurt each other pretty badly and don't want to deal with it because for a long time they were all the other had, and frankly Imogen is still all Relvin has" instead of projecting their personal daddy issues onto it in the service of the stripped of choice innocent but all-powerful failgirl narrative, I'd have a more measured response myself. "Insensitive in a way that quite likely is unintentional but often comes off as all take and no give, particularly in her one-on-one interactions with others" is probably a better way to put it, and I think that her cynicism is part of why she's like this.

[kyouka-supremacy]

also here is your excuse to do beast sskk as well :)

Thank you so much for asking them I owe you my life,,, this is going to be long. Doing Akutagawa here and Atsushi in the next post.

Favorite thing about them: Akutagawa's real, authentic struggle to be good. His struggle to conciliate the inhuman Beast in him with his genuine striving to be good. I think it's a very beautiful way to depict a real and universal struggle of every man. He's just very sympathetic in his trying so hard to be a good person and how more often than not fail at it, which is very endearing to read about. He's just a very human character in his very beastliness. I think trying to be good despite his very own nature and even fight against his nature to be a better person is endlessly admirable. Akutagawa's character in Beast is an expanded, more elaborated on and mature, and overall better version of the same struggle Akutagawa faces in canon, and I love it.

Least favorite thing about them: Sometimes I do have the impression that when writing him the author gets lost in the very loop of not good → tries to be good → is still not good → is inherently unable to do good. I wish I could elaborate on this better, but I need to reread Beast to do that. Just... Sometimes it feels like the author themselves doesn't know which road to pick between “man is inherently unable to do good” and “you aren't evil, you just haven't had you chance to be good yet”. There's a primary example for this: the act of brutally slaughtering the men who killed his friends Akutagawa commits at the start of the story is repeatedly framed all over the novel as something deplorable, mindless, and simply unmistakenly evil; and I deeply disagree. I can't agree with the story when it tries to frame Akutagawa as evil because he killed the men who killed his friends, because I see how that action wasn't moved by evil for evil's sake, but rather by the deep, inextricable love he felt for his family. And someone argues: but the reader is supposed to pick up on this inconsistency! A critical reader is supposed to see how since the start, Akutagawa has never been an entity of pure evil. But... I don't think it's the case, or at the very least that it was something intentional onf the author's side. For a very simple reason: Dazai and Gin say otherwise. And those two are the characters we're supposed to trust. Dazai, because he literally can't speak false in bsd (sorry. But c'mon. You know how the author writes him. Everything Dazai says is true and just and irrefutable). Gin, because in the story she takes on this very role of showing how much pain and suffering Akutagawa's inextricable evil causes. When Gin says :

If you really wanted vengeance—if you really wanted to avenge your friends—you would’ve come up with a plan before attacking. You would’ve stood by until your wounds healed, researched your enemy, and patiently waited for your chance. But you didn’t do that. You left me behind when I was injured and rushed right into battle without so much as a plan. It was like you were enjoying the flames of revenge. [...] If I’m wrong, then prove it. Convince me. Prove to me that you had some sort of grand scheme that day. Prove to me that you didn’t just want to destroy the world you despised like some wild beast.

we're supposed to believe her. I wholly doubt that passage was put there for the reader to say “she's wrong” at all. But it's also true that when Kunikida later says “You’re not evil, [...] You just don’t know who you are yet”, he directly contradicts that. So you see, Beast as a story itself in my opinion struggles to conciliate its need to prove Akutagawa as intrinsically evil and its belief that everyone has its chance at good. Which... I don't really blame it for, it objectively engages with complex philosophical themes it's hard to delve into, especially when coming from a place of the nihilism the author more often than not has been bearer of in the bsd story.

(Didn't want to spend this many words on this but it's really a complex subject you can't properly explain by keeping it short. That said, I love Beast Akutagawa infinitely more than what I dislike of him lol.)

Favorite line: Everything he's ever said 😭😭😭 His monologues are all very good, the struggle to become human so real and easy to relate to. “Until that day I become human, I will continue to run, howling loudly” may be my favourite.

brOTP: Akutagawa's relationship with Kenji in Beast means so much to me......... They're one of my favourite duos in the whole franchise, I really like the two of them together. I like to think they will become work partners in the future (well, I know for sure anyone in their sane mind in the agency is going to keep Akutagawa and Tanizaki from becoming partners LMAO). Then, Oda and Akutagawa (Oda cares about Akutagawa so much and AAAHH), Akutagawa and Tanizaki's relationship is heartwarming in its own weird way, and in general really Akutagawa & the whole ada is just the best. THEY are the found family of bsd, the only of that kind. (Side note, I love Ryuunosuke's relationship with Gin, and I love how Beast emphasizes on how much they love each other, but ough, I have so many issues with how Gin is written in Beast... Please please forgive me Akutagawas. I just think you deserve better writing.)

OTP:

DUH

DUH

DUH

DUH

(They're my favourite bsd ship ever okay. I like them a lot.)

nOTP: I wouldn't say I have any notp for him, but I do quite struggle to picture him with anyone who isn't Beast Atsushi (´；ω；｀)

Random headcanon: He helps out at Kenji's farm whenever it's harvest time. In general, I like to think he carries on the lessons of humanity he learnt during his ada quests arc. I like to think he also pays visits to Oda's children (his little siblings), plays with them and tutors them and so on. They're his chance of being a good older brother where in the past he failed.

Unpopular opinion: He's the cooler version of canon Akutagawa LOL

Song i associate with them: Usseewa by syudou, cover by hyozan ft. flower. A while ago, I happened to tell my sister that the song made me think of Beast Akutagawa, and she went “Really? But isn't he stupid?”, lmao. She was right, but the reason I tend to associate the song with him isn't the honor student and successful businessman parts, as much as the unrestrainable rage the song expresses, the frustration, the hatred towards everything in the world, the finding notions such as “rightness” and “stupidity” equally meaningless. The carelessness for hurting other people. The underlying feeling of loneliness. It's more about the vibes, really.

Favorite picture of them:

Favourite panel from the manga:

Favourite illustration by Hoshikawa:

Favourite illustration by Harukawa:

Send me a character?